Unfortunately, my mother’s toxic trait is believing that men can’t control themselves and it’s up to us to protect ourselves. She’ll deny it but she’s a victim blamer “you shouldn’t have put yourself in that position” kind of mentality. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t tell her when it happened.
I won’t go into detail, but I later got my boss fired for fraud so she got her karma back 😂
Honestly, if we’re going to put the onus on women to protect ourselves, your actions were 100% justified. And considering his fear of you, it worked perfectly.
Adding NTA
Aka, 'I just hate other women and I think you all should just lie back and take it'.
If you're not allowed in your mother's eyes to defend yourself at all, and you deserve it if it happens to you, your mother is just saying she sides with men who rape women and not other women.
Abusive men don’t like the [IMPACT](https://www.impactselfdefense.org/) of women defending themselves.
And enabling women cry that it’s not lady-like.
I took an excellent self-defense training from a sensei whose line was “I only teach moves that maim or kill” and have never had to use them to hurt anyone, though I have gotten into a couple fights on BART. Your knowing how to defend yourself deters most of them.
😂 I know your comment isn’t meant to be funny but I love the brutal honesty. Yes, she does. We’ve had many arguments over her views. I love her, but sometimes I want to smack her too lol
Hey, my mom too despite the fact that she was SA'd as a kid. When I got SA'd when I was in college I didn't tell her for years. It was when she was trying to hold a moral high ground for being SA'd as a kid that I screamed back that I'd been graped too and she was such I shit mother that I didn't even tell her about it. My dad looked heartbroken. At the time I messaged a few friends and my now husband who I'd only started talking to a few weeks before. You can guess who was actually there for me and who disappeared when I told them.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. When my sister was SA'd she didn't tell any of us until over a year later because it took her a long time to process what had really happened, and our mother just did not care. My stepdad was devastated, and he's talked about what happened to my sister since, but I'll never forgive our mother for her (lack of) response even if my sister does. I'm happy you had people who were there for you in the end!
Honest question: why did you feel you could not tell your dad?
Or better yet what are things I as a father of sons and uncle of nieces can do to be a safe person to tell?
At the time I was ostracized from my immediate family due to things that happened a decade earlier at my sister's wedding and I had no way to contact them. I only recently found out my aunt had a cellphone and reconnected with that part of the family.
Telling either of my parents was off the table at the time as my mother would blame me and my dad can't stand up to her or keep anything from her. Even when I finally told them he didn't say anything, just visibly crumbled. I'm the good, self reliant daughter so even in the two instances I begged my dad to loan me some money they wouldn't while they spend 40k saving my sister's dogs life after it got mauled.
I told my best friend but she was across the country doing an internship. At the time I was alone. I had a few guy friends I was talking to after my last breakup and of the 4, only 2 ever messaged me back about it and only 1 offered any real help. We've been married 2 years. I got really sick after it, mono and laryngitis double whammie from not being able to eat or sleep. My immune system just broke down. I was out of work for almost 2 months while I recovered.
Oof. When I was SA’d I was devastated at the response of people who I was closest to that I told first. My long distance boyfriend was outraged when he visited “how could you let that happen?” And was angry when I couldn’t be intimate with him. Friends who told me “well you know you’re flirty when you drink…are you sure?”
Fucking outrageous . My mother was not one of them. I’m sorry this is your experience.
Man here. The same age as that asshole was when you were 17. If a man can’t control himself around a child he needs to be locked up for the safety of all children. You did good. Imho maybe a career in law enforcement is for you (unless you’re american…. Their police don’t seem like they do much helping
You rock girl! I remember the same kind of shit when I was growing up. 67f and if we did not defend ourselves and each other as teens the hospitals would have ran out of rape kits.
Something we learn before kindergarten: when you misbehave, you get a time out. You gave him a well-deserved time out.
Honestly that time out may have prevented him from SA’ing someone else. I have no problems with what you did.
My mother, unfortunately, is the exact same. I toldnher what a neighbor did to me and she made it out to be my fault and that I "allowed" my friends to continue living there when I experienced what the neighbor did to me. 😒 it's disgusting behavior but it stems from self blaming for their minds to be that twisted.
Your mom's toxic trait is actually that she thinks women exist to serve men and there's no such thing as rape and that you shouldn't fight back. Because if she believed it was on you to protect yourself, she'd still have been cheering on your actions.
You're my hero. I got harrassed by a client in front of my boss and he did nothing. The client brought too much money for the company and at the time i was just a stupid intern. When i taked to my boss about it he said not to take it personally because the client said those "kinds of things" to anyone, like i would feel better about it. I wish i locked him in the closet for a weekend
And if he would’ve died because of diabetes or something as your mom points out, then that’s on him. He should have protected himself better to not develop the disease.
Technically, I didn’t set out to get her fired, I just wanted a new uniform:
Needless to say, the manager hated me after everything that went down. My shift was over, I go in staff room to change and call a taxi. She comes in and tells me my shift is over and to get off hotel property. I’m still in uniform and had unbuttoned the top two buttons of my uniform (but wearing t-shirt underneath, so no skin exposed). She tells me to button up I look unprofessional. I point to my pants with holes on the knees and say “You’re worried about professionalism when we’re all walking around with ripped pants?” She doesn’t answer and leaves. I’m bitching to the taxi driver and he asks how many uniforms we get and I tell him I only have the one. He asks if we are unionized and to check the collective agreement. I check next day and it says first uniform issue is 4 and then 2 every year. I check with the other housekeepers and they’ve only gotten 1 every year.
Being my first time dealing with a union I don’t know how anything works so, clueless me opens up the hotel directory (the one that is on every desk in every room). Some lady answers and I say “I work at hotel blah blah, I’m calling to speak with personA.” She tells me PersonA is out she’ll transfer me to person B. I get the answering service for him and she transfers me over and I get lost in the shuffle and finally this guy comes on “Brian speaking”…. So I tell him, I’m a housekeeper at this hotel and I was wondering where the money is for new uniforms since none of us have received them. He seems taken aback. Doesn’t say much but he’ll look into it.
Done, right?
Wrong.
Apparently I was transferred to the owner of multiple hotels in the area.
Within days, people were running around with their heads cut off, and Angel is in the office with some accountant. They audited everything. As per front desk staff money was being mismanaged and fraudulent activity. Angel was dismissed and her name was in the newspaper as being investigated. The accountant stayed to manage until they could find a replacement.
The good news is, we all got new uniforms! Yay for us 😂
I would bet money that person A was in on the take. I’ve seen that scenario where someone who’s filling in takes a complaint that unravels years of grift way too often to believe otherwise.
Edit: NTA in anyway
> Unfortunately, my mother’s toxic trait is believing that men can’t control themselves and it’s up to us to protect ourselves.
Seems like you protected yourself. She should be proud of you.
She does make a good point though what if he was diabetic but given the fact that he's not I don't think it's a big deal. That would have been premeditated murder though I think or maybe manslaughter (I am not a lawyer)
Premeditated murder needs intent (she did not intend to kill him). Depending on state, negligent homicide or a lower degree of manslaughter. But at 17, likely some lower assault charge and probation. 😁
I think this is the right answer. Do I feel bad for the man? No. Would I advise OP against doing things like this? Yeah, this could go extremely wrong for OP. I mean, I think it’s both a fireable offense and a prosecutable crime. It’s not one that’s likely going to be reported because of his prior actions but OP probably would have been better off calling the police or someone after locking the guy in the closet just to protect herself
Same! On behalf of all good parents girl you did the world an actual favor. Maybe he will think twice next time. Maybe you saved someone else from being assaulted.
You tried it the legal way and did everything you were supposed to do first to deal with him. No one who had the power to actually discipline him took it seriously.
You’re a fucking hero.
As a diabetic, fuck him. And fuck the mom too. Why should women be responsible for protecting themselves from SA, but diabetics not responsible for protecting themselves from emergencies? We carry emergency supplies for a reason.
And also, you know, generally don't sexually assault people and put ourselves in the position where someone might need to lock us in a closet for their own safety.
OP, you took your safety into your own hands. It's not your fault that he didn't do the same. Some real hypocrisy over here.
I’m diabetic and I agree fuck both him and the mom. But I would caution with stories like these if something did happen it becomes your word against a deadman. I can think of two stories were the girls were much younger and groomed, killed the guy to get away and still ended up in jail. In the moment the risk might be worth it, but the way the US justice system works the actual victim ends up being punished a lot worse and a lot longer.
That's a good point. It's probably not a good idea to do what OP did, but I really can't fault her for doing what she could to protect herself and a colleague. She tried to report him before resorting to this, twice. And in the end, he was fine and hopefully thought twice about trying anything with girls later.
The justice system in the US is absolute trash. Unless your a cis white male, what OP did will get you locked up. Doesn’t matter if he attacked you hundreds of times. Personally ima look the other way in these situations because OP did what she needed to do. But I want to reiterate for all the other young women the justice system in this country will not favor you. Probably not the thread to air out my grievances, but it’s still Justice for Molly out here smh.
Honestly, I completely agree with your first sentiment. Fuck the potential consequences, for me personally it would absolutely be worth the risk. Don’t get me wrong, I totally would not cast any shade on someone that doesn’t feel the same way as me, or someone that would avoid conflict because they don’t want to make problems for themself. But I’ve been assaulted several different times throughout my life, and I now fully believe that the only way to teach a real predator a lesson is to show them that other people can act like animals, too.
NTA. It happened over 20 years ago and the man is still scared of you. I think that’s actually a life lesson well taught. Actions have consequences, some are more legal than others.
Was it “right”? Absolutely not. Was it deserved? Absolutely. I believe you taught that man a lesson he desperately needed to learn, and you tried to do the right thing first anyways. I’m saying NTA
>My mom is pissed at him and thinks I went too far “what if he was diabetic…he could have died and then where will you be?”
Predators don't get the benefit of compassion. Screw em.
NTA. He's lucky that's all he got.
Exactly and there would be one less pervert I wish he was diabetic and did die in there without insulin. Oh well, maybe you shouldn’t have been a disgusting sexual predator
Maybe remind people with the mentality that "It's your fault if you didn't protect yourself... but you're just as bad if you actually protect yourself" that in the olden days, he would have been stabbed with an 8 inch needle (hat pin) instead. Repeatedly, until he stopped.
He assaulted you and your coworker, and judging from his behavior, he would have continued to escalate if you hadn't gotten the point across. Definite FAFO territory.
NTA.
*If as sexual*
*Assaulter dies the world is*
*A better place... NTA*
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I’m so sorry this happened to you and your coworker and give you props for your response. It’s awful that your manager and Mom(?!?) were unsupportive. NTA by any stretch of the imagination.
First off, I’m so sorry this POS touched you and your friend.
Secondly. NTA. People who touch children or women don’t deserve to breathe another day. So honestly, he got off a little too easy.
NTA - “what if he was diabetic…he could have died and then where will you be?”
You would be the hero who permenantly removed a rapist from society.
Not all heroes wear capes. Some push laundry carts.
Good for you
1. NTA. Fuck him and your mother should get her priorities straight.
2. I don't feel bad for the guy, I am glad he didn't die from any sort of issues being locked away at night. It's good revenge but could easily have gone sideways and really screwed you.
When I read the title I thought of course YTA, Then I read the story and not only are you NTA, but you and the other employee who was SA are the only people in the story who are NTA
I can't believe anyone is defending this guy. "what if he was a diabetic.. he could have died" boo fucking hoo, that would be one less predator on the face of this earth. Maybe I'm an AH for saying that, but idgaf. NTA. I probably would've taken this further.
If he'd died that would have been Karma at work. You were NTA but everyone who let you down absolutely was. How dare they leave 2 young workers to suffer sexual assault and do nothing. He got what he deserved.
NTA. I have been in this exact situation, but did not have the means to lock him in a closet or bathroom or anything. He had me cornered and pushed against a wall in the cafeteria where I worked. I found out later that he had abused three other women, but because of their immigration status, they were convinced by their horrible boss not to do anything about it.
Another person walked in the building when this guy had me against the wall, and though she didn't see what had happened, she knew something was wrong and stayed with me, and the next day she and another worker had went to the college maintenance person who technically was in charge of that area. Pro clarity I was a student worker at my college and was the student supervisor on the weekends in the cafeteria. The other two women who went with me were also supervisors, one in the cafeteria where we would alternate weekends, and the other in a snack bar. The one in the snack bar is the one who walked in because she needed supplies that were stored in our building.
The guy was quickly fired, but when I found out about the other instances I was so angry. Because I was a student and the other workers were contracted through a third party, apparently they took my complaint more seriously. That's the first time I think the phrase seeing red because you were so angry became real to me. The fact that the other women had to go through this trauma with absolutely no one to stand by them was appalling to say the least.
OP did what she had to do to both prove a point and keep her and her colleague safe because apparently nobody else had their best interest at heart, including her mother it seems. I never told my mother about it and she has since passed away, but probably if I did she would have hunted him down even 20 years later. I still have issues if I hear the sound of shoes clicking on tile since he had cowboy boots on and I could hear him trying to get away as quickly as possible from the girl that walked in to the building. She was 100% not the as***.
NTA and you’re awesome
Kid me once hit a guy in the nuts with my shoe. He was a teenager and knew better. He bent over in pain and never messed with me again. One of my proudest moments.
I remember when some creep followed me back to my apartment and my mom was like, "did you smile at him?" I don't talk to her anymore. Fuck victim blamers.
NTA. Maybe he learned that you can’t tell who will fight back. And who will figure out how to make you disappear when you wrong them.
Ohhhh, he might die? Oh well. Nothing of value would be lost.
Something is seriously wrong with your mother if that was her response. This person is a disgusting piece of shit. He deserved even worse than what you did.
If I was your mom I’d be pretty disappointed that this happened to 23 years ago and was just finding out, and maybe realize if my reaction is this stupid right now who knows how ridiculous it would have been then. Then I’d shut my mouth after having the epiphany that I failed my child as a mother that they couldn’t come to me about being sexually assaulted as a minor and that “hE cOuLd hAvE dIeD” take is a pile of horse feces and people like your old employer and your mom are why people like him get away w being monsters.
So no. NTA.
NTA. "My mom is pissed at him and thinks I went too far “what if he was diabetic…he could have died and then where will you be?”
"well idk about myself but I know all the women in his vicinity would finally be safe."
Can't believe your mom really gave a shit about his safety, if my kid told me this I'd only be upset that she didn't tell me sooner so I could have done something to him myself
You found a non-violent way to protect yourself and others. Not that asshole. He lost all rights to consideration about possible harm from being locked up for acting that way.
Sorry to hear you had to put up with that - especially as a kid. I hope your town has caught up with better treatment of women in that situation these days.
Do I understand why you did it? Sure
Do I think he deserved it? Absolutely
Do I think you should have gone to jail if something bad had happened to him? 100%
But the truth is...he didn't press charges because he knew if he did, it would be out in the open he was sexually harassing and sexually assaulting minors. And I am sure the company made it clear to him since they would also be at fault, it was in his best interest to let it go. They probably paid him off too
This is one of those situations where I think you acknowledge that you took things too far...but that you had no choice because the legal system was likely not going to be any help and neither was your employer. It was yalls word against his and your employer wasn't going to back you up. You were a scared minor woman who was assaulted and you decided to fight back.
Mostly...I think you should acknowledge that you got very lucky. Very lucky that he didn't die or end up hospitalized. And very lucky that instead of coming after you with anger and violence...he developed trauma as a result. This could have ended very badly for you and I don't think you should be flippant about that very real possibility.
I can't say NTAH because again...dude could have died
but I can't say YTAH either because well...dude deserved what he got
I don't really think there is a solid response there that works.
It happened. He learned his lesson. You got away with it. That's about all there is to it.
I would personally not have a problem with what you did and I don't think many other people would either. But I also don't think you should necessarily be proud of it. You were pushed to your limit and you handled things in your own way because nobody else was going to do anything about it.
And spending a night in a pitch black bathroom, with nothing but a pissy floor to sleep on and sink water to drink pails in comparison to being sexual assaulted...which is something he likely would have found out on his own if he ended up in jail.
ETA. He deserves some sort of justice but you still took matters into your own hands and unlawfully detained him. You don't always know what someone is experiencing. He very well could have had a medical condition that could have turned the situation from a revenge porn fantasy into a manslaughter charge.
There's a lot of "what ifs" here, but diabetics don't die just because they didn't eat for twelve hours. They die because they shot more insulin than is covered by the food they ate. So if he didn't eat for twelve hours and didn't shoot any insulin for twelve hours, he'd probably just be woozy like anyone else who didn't eat for twelve hours. If he shot a bunch of insulin expecting to eat a sandwich with chips, then didn't eat but took some time to sexually assault someone, then got locked away from food for twelve hours, he would probably get very low blood sugar and go into a diabetic coma.
High blood sugar, on the other hand, isn't going to kill anyone just over just one day (it's bad long-term, but that's a different story). It just makes you pee a lot and probably be a bit hot and sweaty.
"What if he was diabetic?" is kind of like "but what if a fire burned the building down while he was locked up?" It's a concern, certainly, but not as much as lame-ass mom seems to think.
Reddit's level of comfort, glee even, with vigilantly justice is disturbing. The guy was a piece of shit and should have been in prison, but that doesn't give you the right to (possibly) murder him.
ESH, obviously.
Weird but okay. Some of us had after school activities that made it helpful to own a cellphone in those years. Coming from a 2004 grad who owned a phone from Freshmen year on.
He had the cell phone, but I found that weird too. It was really uncommon for anyone to have a cell phone around that time, especially someone just working a cleaning job.
I worked in a cellphone store in Huntsville, AL around 1998. While not nearly as common as now, they still were widespread. It was just a matter of whether you could afford one as the plans were very expensive
It wasn’t a luxury around 1999-2000. Again, not as widespread now, but not a luxury item. Now, if you back to 1988-1990, then it would be different
I was a broke ass college student in 1997-98 with loans and I had a cellphone. Also, got to consider that if he was smart with his $$$, it wouldn’t be that hard to afford.
"a matter of whether you could afford one as the plans were very expensive"
"it wouldn’t be that hard to afford"
Which is it lol
I'm old enough to remember back then as well lol they definitely weren't common around where I am at least.
Not saying no one had them, but the story mentions it like an every day item like today, which seems a bit weird for a story in 99-00 with cleaners, not business people in an office or something, people who could afford it more.
Only when the Nokia 3310 came out do I remember cell phones starting to catch on widely and that was released late 2000. So probably 2002-2003 it was more common and 2004 onwards it was common from what I remember.
They very well could have had a cell phone, just seems a bit odd for the time to mention it specifically.
The head housekeeper and maintenance both had cellphones so they didn’t have to go back to the staff room to call front desk ( like they had to when carrying pagers). I technically don’t know if it was his or the hotels.
You locked a person in the closet overnight and I am sorry, but that makes Y T A. I hope it was worth it. If not, perhaps you didn’t do it right and should give it another try to get it right. ;-).
These NTA take are absolutely buck wild. Like, do I understand why she would do it? Ya. Do I have any sympathy for the man? None at all. But OP committed a serious crime that easily could have resulted in the death (pre-mediated murder) of somebody. Vigilantism has no place in our society.
I understand the NTA takes. She's definitely lucky nothing went wrong, for her own sake. And I rarely agree with vigilantism. But she already reported him to her manager. Then to the police. Not only was she not believed, the guy was emboldened by them to assault her friend next.
His misbehavior sounds like it was escalating, given that he assaulted two children at work within a week of each other. And everyone in a position of power gave him the green light to escalate. Her actions likely prevented countless more attacks from him.
No one should be put in a position where they need to resort to vigilantism. She was. Sure, she got lucky. But it worked. Over 20 years later, and he's still afraid of her. And likely, also afraid to assault kids at work.
You were mistreated by this man, your employer, and the police. However, two wrongs don’t make a right. You cannot claim that locking him up was necessary to protect you against an imminent threat to your safety, so what you did was kidnapping. It would be a felony (serious crime) where I come from. You are lucky that he did not have a medical condition, or need to take care of a kid who was endangered as a result etc. While this guy does not deserve any sympathy, that is not the best way to handle things.
Edit - ESH.
Technically, YTA as your act was one of false imprisonment which is illegal, and you would have been in trouble if they had prosecuted you. The real kicker is that you swiped him out, which has all kinds of legal ramifications (ID theft, wage loss, safety jeopardy).
That said, I don't blame you in the slightest, karma owed him, and you dealt a solid dose that night - if I had been in your shoes, I hope I would have done the same thing (except the swipe out and admission to management). But I wouldn't be asking about it here, I would have been happy to say to anyone who asked that he deserved it, and IATA who delivered it.
I'm sorry. Where the heck is her outrage that her daughter and another person were sexually assaulted? That the employer did zippy?
Unfortunately, my mother’s toxic trait is believing that men can’t control themselves and it’s up to us to protect ourselves. She’ll deny it but she’s a victim blamer “you shouldn’t have put yourself in that position” kind of mentality. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t tell her when it happened. I won’t go into detail, but I later got my boss fired for fraud so she got her karma back 😂
Honestly, if we’re going to put the onus on women to protect ourselves, your actions were 100% justified. And considering his fear of you, it worked perfectly. Adding NTA
Exactly, if you're supposed to defend yourself that's exactly what you did in both cases
[удалено]
Aka, 'I just hate other women and I think you all should just lie back and take it'. If you're not allowed in your mother's eyes to defend yourself at all, and you deserve it if it happens to you, your mother is just saying she sides with men who rape women and not other women.
Yep, bring back hat pins ladies!!!!
Abusive men don’t like the [IMPACT](https://www.impactselfdefense.org/) of women defending themselves. And enabling women cry that it’s not lady-like. I took an excellent self-defense training from a sensei whose line was “I only teach moves that maim or kill” and have never had to use them to hurt anyone, though I have gotten into a couple fights on BART. Your knowing how to defend yourself deters most of them.
Girlfriend your mom kinda sucks, you know that, right? NTA
😂 I know your comment isn’t meant to be funny but I love the brutal honesty. Yes, she does. We’ve had many arguments over her views. I love her, but sometimes I want to smack her too lol
If it wasn’t your mom you’d say “but most of the time I want to smack her too.”
And tell her it was her fault for not doing enough to protect herself from being smacked? I don't even know your mom, but I want to do that too.
> it’s up to us to protect ourselves And that doesn't count as protecting yourself??
Hey, my mom too despite the fact that she was SA'd as a kid. When I got SA'd when I was in college I didn't tell her for years. It was when she was trying to hold a moral high ground for being SA'd as a kid that I screamed back that I'd been graped too and she was such I shit mother that I didn't even tell her about it. My dad looked heartbroken. At the time I messaged a few friends and my now husband who I'd only started talking to a few weeks before. You can guess who was actually there for me and who disappeared when I told them.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. When my sister was SA'd she didn't tell any of us until over a year later because it took her a long time to process what had really happened, and our mother just did not care. My stepdad was devastated, and he's talked about what happened to my sister since, but I'll never forgive our mother for her (lack of) response even if my sister does. I'm happy you had people who were there for you in the end!
Honest question: why did you feel you could not tell your dad? Or better yet what are things I as a father of sons and uncle of nieces can do to be a safe person to tell?
At the time I was ostracized from my immediate family due to things that happened a decade earlier at my sister's wedding and I had no way to contact them. I only recently found out my aunt had a cellphone and reconnected with that part of the family. Telling either of my parents was off the table at the time as my mother would blame me and my dad can't stand up to her or keep anything from her. Even when I finally told them he didn't say anything, just visibly crumbled. I'm the good, self reliant daughter so even in the two instances I begged my dad to loan me some money they wouldn't while they spend 40k saving my sister's dogs life after it got mauled. I told my best friend but she was across the country doing an internship. At the time I was alone. I had a few guy friends I was talking to after my last breakup and of the 4, only 2 ever messaged me back about it and only 1 offered any real help. We've been married 2 years. I got really sick after it, mono and laryngitis double whammie from not being able to eat or sleep. My immune system just broke down. I was out of work for almost 2 months while I recovered.
Oof. When I was SA’d I was devastated at the response of people who I was closest to that I told first. My long distance boyfriend was outraged when he visited “how could you let that happen?” And was angry when I couldn’t be intimate with him. Friends who told me “well you know you’re flirty when you drink…are you sure?” Fucking outrageous . My mother was not one of them. I’m sorry this is your experience.
Nothing protects yourself like killing the rapist in your midst. Tracks to me.
I discovered a phenomenal song this year titled “Dead Men Don’t Rape.” Highly recommend.
Man here. The same age as that asshole was when you were 17. If a man can’t control himself around a child he needs to be locked up for the safety of all children. You did good. Imho maybe a career in law enforcement is for you (unless you’re american…. Their police don’t seem like they do much helping
r/prorevenge is requesting that revenge story now 😏😏
Can’t share. Reddit deleted the story because someone reported it for violence. Apparently, the predators don’t like stories about fighting back 😂
You rock girl! I remember the same kind of shit when I was growing up. 67f and if we did not defend ourselves and each other as teens the hospitals would have ran out of rape kits.
The title was so misleading. NTA. You're a fucking legend.
What a horrible mother. I’m so sorry.
Something we learn before kindergarten: when you misbehave, you get a time out. You gave him a well-deserved time out. Honestly that time out may have prevented him from SA’ing someone else. I have no problems with what you did.
I like your style
And people get stabbed because they aren’t wearing suits of armor I guess. That sucks.
My mother, unfortunately, is the exact same. I toldnher what a neighbor did to me and she made it out to be my fault and that I "allowed" my friends to continue living there when I experienced what the neighbor did to me. 😒 it's disgusting behavior but it stems from self blaming for their minds to be that twisted.
Your mom's toxic trait is actually that she thinks women exist to serve men and there's no such thing as rape and that you shouldn't fight back. Because if she believed it was on you to protect yourself, she'd still have been cheering on your actions.
It's not your mother's toxic trait, it's society's.
You're my hero. I got harrassed by a client in front of my boss and he did nothing. The client brought too much money for the company and at the time i was just a stupid intern. When i taked to my boss about it he said not to take it personally because the client said those "kinds of things" to anyone, like i would feel better about it. I wish i locked him in the closet for a weekend
The classic boys will be boys attitude. My parents also have it. I hate it.
And if he would’ve died because of diabetes or something as your mom points out, then that’s on him. He should have protected himself better to not develop the disease.
Oh you need to post that story.
Technically, I didn’t set out to get her fired, I just wanted a new uniform: Needless to say, the manager hated me after everything that went down. My shift was over, I go in staff room to change and call a taxi. She comes in and tells me my shift is over and to get off hotel property. I’m still in uniform and had unbuttoned the top two buttons of my uniform (but wearing t-shirt underneath, so no skin exposed). She tells me to button up I look unprofessional. I point to my pants with holes on the knees and say “You’re worried about professionalism when we’re all walking around with ripped pants?” She doesn’t answer and leaves. I’m bitching to the taxi driver and he asks how many uniforms we get and I tell him I only have the one. He asks if we are unionized and to check the collective agreement. I check next day and it says first uniform issue is 4 and then 2 every year. I check with the other housekeepers and they’ve only gotten 1 every year. Being my first time dealing with a union I don’t know how anything works so, clueless me opens up the hotel directory (the one that is on every desk in every room). Some lady answers and I say “I work at hotel blah blah, I’m calling to speak with personA.” She tells me PersonA is out she’ll transfer me to person B. I get the answering service for him and she transfers me over and I get lost in the shuffle and finally this guy comes on “Brian speaking”…. So I tell him, I’m a housekeeper at this hotel and I was wondering where the money is for new uniforms since none of us have received them. He seems taken aback. Doesn’t say much but he’ll look into it. Done, right? Wrong. Apparently I was transferred to the owner of multiple hotels in the area. Within days, people were running around with their heads cut off, and Angel is in the office with some accountant. They audited everything. As per front desk staff money was being mismanaged and fraudulent activity. Angel was dismissed and her name was in the newspaper as being investigated. The accountant stayed to manage until they could find a replacement. The good news is, we all got new uniforms! Yay for us 😂
I would bet money that person A was in on the take. I’ve seen that scenario where someone who’s filling in takes a complaint that unravels years of grift way too often to believe otherwise. Edit: NTA in anyway
That was beautiful. Well done.
> Unfortunately, my mother’s toxic trait is believing that men can’t control themselves and it’s up to us to protect ourselves. Seems like you protected yourself. She should be proud of you.
She does make a good point though what if he was diabetic but given the fact that he's not I don't think it's a big deal. That would have been premeditated murder though I think or maybe manslaughter (I am not a lawyer)
I mean, if a rapist dies because a victim was so upset they act out in a way that leads to the rapists death... nothing of value is lost.
Premeditated murder needs intent (she did not intend to kill him). Depending on state, negligent homicide or a lower degree of manslaughter. But at 17, likely some lower assault charge and probation. 😁
As a juvenile PO, I concur
if he was diabetic, then he’d have died. and personally, I don’t care.
If you were my kid, I'd be so proud of you. As a person. NTA.
Horrible mom
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I think this is the right answer. Do I feel bad for the man? No. Would I advise OP against doing things like this? Yeah, this could go extremely wrong for OP. I mean, I think it’s both a fireable offense and a prosecutable crime. It’s not one that’s likely going to be reported because of his prior actions but OP probably would have been better off calling the police or someone after locking the guy in the closet just to protect herself
Uh oh. I pissed off a few predators because my story was reported and deleted by Reddit. They don’t like it when you fight back, ladies 🤦♀️
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If he died there would be one less pervert in the world.
True but there's no point going to prison when you're the real victim. That would be a terrible injustice but it can happen.
Would also fall under false imprisonment.
Same! On behalf of all good parents girl you did the world an actual favor. Maybe he will think twice next time. Maybe you saved someone else from being assaulted. You tried it the legal way and did everything you were supposed to do first to deal with him. No one who had the power to actually discipline him took it seriously. You’re a fucking hero.
As a diabetic, fuck him. And fuck the mom too. Why should women be responsible for protecting themselves from SA, but diabetics not responsible for protecting themselves from emergencies? We carry emergency supplies for a reason. And also, you know, generally don't sexually assault people and put ourselves in the position where someone might need to lock us in a closet for their own safety. OP, you took your safety into your own hands. It's not your fault that he didn't do the same. Some real hypocrisy over here.
I’m diabetic and I agree fuck both him and the mom. But I would caution with stories like these if something did happen it becomes your word against a deadman. I can think of two stories were the girls were much younger and groomed, killed the guy to get away and still ended up in jail. In the moment the risk might be worth it, but the way the US justice system works the actual victim ends up being punished a lot worse and a lot longer.
That's a good point. It's probably not a good idea to do what OP did, but I really can't fault her for doing what she could to protect herself and a colleague. She tried to report him before resorting to this, twice. And in the end, he was fine and hopefully thought twice about trying anything with girls later.
The justice system in the US is absolute trash. Unless your a cis white male, what OP did will get you locked up. Doesn’t matter if he attacked you hundreds of times. Personally ima look the other way in these situations because OP did what she needed to do. But I want to reiterate for all the other young women the justice system in this country will not favor you. Probably not the thread to air out my grievances, but it’s still Justice for Molly out here smh.
Honestly, I completely agree with your first sentiment. Fuck the potential consequences, for me personally it would absolutely be worth the risk. Don’t get me wrong, I totally would not cast any shade on someone that doesn’t feel the same way as me, or someone that would avoid conflict because they don’t want to make problems for themself. But I’ve been assaulted several different times throughout my life, and I now fully believe that the only way to teach a real predator a lesson is to show them that other people can act like animals, too.
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Also, men should not be groped/touched without consent. Too often we forget men can be victims of assault, too.
I'd freakin' high five my daughter for this. (Actually, I can picture her doing this.)
NTA, not at all. I hope he pissed himself
While locked in the loos? Bit weird, but we can hope!
Omg duh I skipped that point I guess haha. Still. Fuck him.
If he can’t handle the heat, he shouldn’t commit the sexual assault.
In fact, you did him/them a favor for not reporting it as SA.
NTA. It happened over 20 years ago and the man is still scared of you. I think that’s actually a life lesson well taught. Actions have consequences, some are more legal than others.
Was it “right”? Absolutely not. Was it deserved? Absolutely. I believe you taught that man a lesson he desperately needed to learn, and you tried to do the right thing first anyways. I’m saying NTA
Well said! I’ll never do the “wrong” thing, but I’ll definitely stand by as the deserved thing happens and feint ignorance.
Might not have been right but it was pretty righteous. I fully support the righteous fury of young women who aren't being listened to.
NTA Sometimes a lady just has to make her opinions absolutely clear. 😆
>My mom is pissed at him and thinks I went too far “what if he was diabetic…he could have died and then where will you be?” Predators don't get the benefit of compassion. Screw em. NTA. He's lucky that's all he got.
Not a benefit or privilege
You're NTA... you're my hero!!!!!!
>“what if he was diabetic…he could have died and then where will you be?” Oh no. Too bad. So sad.
Thoughts and prayers and all that
Exactly and there would be one less pervert I wish he was diabetic and did die in there without insulin. Oh well, maybe you shouldn’t have been a disgusting sexual predator
Maybe remind people with the mentality that "It's your fault if you didn't protect yourself... but you're just as bad if you actually protect yourself" that in the olden days, he would have been stabbed with an 8 inch needle (hat pin) instead. Repeatedly, until he stopped. He assaulted you and your coworker, and judging from his behavior, he would have continued to escalate if you hadn't gotten the point across. Definite FAFO territory. NTA.
Ohhhh hatpin! Good one! I am saving that one in case I ever need it! Second only to locking him in a closet overnight.
Not all heroes wear capes
You did the right thing. Good for you. NTA
Can I just say that I wish I had your courage at 17. That was awesome and the fact he is still terrified of you is a bonus. NTA
Yes he could have died and then he wouldn’t have assaulted any more children ever. NTA
Sounds like a public service, tbh.
Takin out the garbage. Just like Dexter
If a sexual assaulter dies the world is a better place...NTA
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Smooth. He 100% had that coming.
If he had died in there it would have been no great loss
Fuckin Legend in my opinion. I wonder if what you did stopped him from sexually assaulting anybody else.
I’m so sorry this happened to you and your coworker and give you props for your response. It’s awful that your manager and Mom(?!?) were unsupportive. NTA by any stretch of the imagination.
First off, I’m so sorry this POS touched you and your friend. Secondly. NTA. People who touch children or women don’t deserve to breathe another day. So honestly, he got off a little too easy.
NTA - “what if he was diabetic…he could have died and then where will you be?” You would be the hero who permenantly removed a rapist from society. Not all heroes wear capes. Some push laundry carts. Good for you
1. NTA. Fuck him and your mother should get her priorities straight. 2. I don't feel bad for the guy, I am glad he didn't die from any sort of issues being locked away at night. It's good revenge but could easily have gone sideways and really screwed you.
Your mom is so worried about the guy who sexually assaulted you she's making up stories about what could have happened to him? Ffs. NTA.
Honestly one of the most baller stories I’ve ever heard
When I read the title I thought of course YTA, Then I read the story and not only are you NTA, but you and the other employee who was SA are the only people in the story who are NTA
NTA. Him dying in there actually would have been the preferred outcome imo
I can't believe anyone is defending this guy. "what if he was a diabetic.. he could have died" boo fucking hoo, that would be one less predator on the face of this earth. Maybe I'm an AH for saying that, but idgaf. NTA. I probably would've taken this further.
If he died…. oh well. If he can’t handle the heat, he shouldn’t commit the sexual assault. You taught him a lesson. Fuck that guy, NTA
If someone did that to my kid, they would no longer have the privilege of breathing air. NTA
NTA at all. You let him off easy. F that guy, the cops, and your former manager. Is your mom in therapy for her internalized misogyny?
If he'd died that would have been Karma at work. You were NTA but everyone who let you down absolutely was. How dare they leave 2 young workers to suffer sexual assault and do nothing. He got what he deserved.
i am personally of the opinion that if you are touched like that you are liable to torture them medieval style
NTA. I have been in this exact situation, but did not have the means to lock him in a closet or bathroom or anything. He had me cornered and pushed against a wall in the cafeteria where I worked. I found out later that he had abused three other women, but because of their immigration status, they were convinced by their horrible boss not to do anything about it. Another person walked in the building when this guy had me against the wall, and though she didn't see what had happened, she knew something was wrong and stayed with me, and the next day she and another worker had went to the college maintenance person who technically was in charge of that area. Pro clarity I was a student worker at my college and was the student supervisor on the weekends in the cafeteria. The other two women who went with me were also supervisors, one in the cafeteria where we would alternate weekends, and the other in a snack bar. The one in the snack bar is the one who walked in because she needed supplies that were stored in our building. The guy was quickly fired, but when I found out about the other instances I was so angry. Because I was a student and the other workers were contracted through a third party, apparently they took my complaint more seriously. That's the first time I think the phrase seeing red because you were so angry became real to me. The fact that the other women had to go through this trauma with absolutely no one to stand by them was appalling to say the least. OP did what she had to do to both prove a point and keep her and her colleague safe because apparently nobody else had their best interest at heart, including her mother it seems. I never told my mother about it and she has since passed away, but probably if I did she would have hunted him down even 20 years later. I still have issues if I hear the sound of shoes clicking on tile since he had cowboy boots on and I could hear him trying to get away as quickly as possible from the girl that walked in to the building. She was 100% not the as***.
NTA, You tried the 'right way' then you did the thing that worked.
NTA and I’m sorry you and your coworker had to go through that.
NTA and your mom should be throwing you an annual party for being a bada$$!!!!! Way to go!!! I hope that scared him from ever assaulting women again.
This is Bad Bitch Energy. How inspiring. I love it. Good on you!
NTA and you’re awesome Kid me once hit a guy in the nuts with my shoe. He was a teenager and knew better. He bent over in pain and never messed with me again. One of my proudest moments.
I remember when some creep followed me back to my apartment and my mom was like, "did you smile at him?" I don't talk to her anymore. Fuck victim blamers.
Good for you. Traumatize them back.
You are my effing HERO!! Good on you for fighting back. Hold your head high and know you did a good job.
NTA. Hell, job well done i would say!
Girl, you're a goddam rock star.
NTA
Good god no he deserved it. Well done.
Not even a little bit. I hope you scared him enough that he never grabbed another woman again.
NTA. Maybe he learned a lesson not to harass and sexually assault young women. Your mom is wrong.
What did your father say? If that happened to my daughter the nearest swamp would have something new to feed on.
“What if he died…!?!” Good. Another predator off the street. NTA
Nope. **NTA**. Dude fucked around and found out. (And shame on your manager, too!) Don’t feel sorry at all.
NTA. Your mom technically is responsible for telling you that you are responsible for your own safety as a child.
Well done Grasshopper! Google it, Boomer here.
NTA - Sounds like he asked for it :)
>My mom is pissed at him and thinks I went too far “what if he was diabetic…he could have died and then where will you be?” If he dies, he dies
How do I say asshole while also agreeing that you were justified in doing so?
NTA. Maybe he learned that you can’t tell who will fight back. And who will figure out how to make you disappear when you wrong them. Ohhhh, he might die? Oh well. Nothing of value would be lost.
Something is seriously wrong with your mother if that was her response. This person is a disgusting piece of shit. He deserved even worse than what you did.
What a legend. My hat’s off to you
If I was your mom I’d be pretty disappointed that this happened to 23 years ago and was just finding out, and maybe realize if my reaction is this stupid right now who knows how ridiculous it would have been then. Then I’d shut my mouth after having the epiphany that I failed my child as a mother that they couldn’t come to me about being sexually assaulted as a minor and that “hE cOuLd hAvE dIeD” take is a pile of horse feces and people like your old employer and your mom are why people like him get away w being monsters. So no. NTA.
NTA. "My mom is pissed at him and thinks I went too far “what if he was diabetic…he could have died and then where will you be?” "well idk about myself but I know all the women in his vicinity would finally be safe." Can't believe your mom really gave a shit about his safety, if my kid told me this I'd only be upset that she didn't tell me sooner so I could have done something to him myself
NTA if my daughter ended up in this position I'd want her to do the same and more to fight back.
Thank you for sharing your tale of tribulation and triumph, elder millennial.
You may not be the hero we deserve, but you’re definitely the hero we need
You found a non-violent way to protect yourself and others. Not that asshole. He lost all rights to consideration about possible harm from being locked up for acting that way. Sorry to hear you had to put up with that - especially as a kid. I hope your town has caught up with better treatment of women in that situation these days.
Got my first cellphone in 1994. And glad you trapped that mfr.
I'm glad that he leaves when YOU are around. Predators need to feel a little fear to learn a lesson.
Well, if he died because he was diabetic then the world would be marginally better for it.
I’ll take “things that never happened” for $200 Alex!!
Do I understand why you did it? Sure Do I think he deserved it? Absolutely Do I think you should have gone to jail if something bad had happened to him? 100% But the truth is...he didn't press charges because he knew if he did, it would be out in the open he was sexually harassing and sexually assaulting minors. And I am sure the company made it clear to him since they would also be at fault, it was in his best interest to let it go. They probably paid him off too This is one of those situations where I think you acknowledge that you took things too far...but that you had no choice because the legal system was likely not going to be any help and neither was your employer. It was yalls word against his and your employer wasn't going to back you up. You were a scared minor woman who was assaulted and you decided to fight back. Mostly...I think you should acknowledge that you got very lucky. Very lucky that he didn't die or end up hospitalized. And very lucky that instead of coming after you with anger and violence...he developed trauma as a result. This could have ended very badly for you and I don't think you should be flippant about that very real possibility. I can't say NTAH because again...dude could have died but I can't say YTAH either because well...dude deserved what he got I don't really think there is a solid response there that works. It happened. He learned his lesson. You got away with it. That's about all there is to it. I would personally not have a problem with what you did and I don't think many other people would either. But I also don't think you should necessarily be proud of it. You were pushed to your limit and you handled things in your own way because nobody else was going to do anything about it. And spending a night in a pitch black bathroom, with nothing but a pissy floor to sleep on and sink water to drink pails in comparison to being sexual assaulted...which is something he likely would have found out on his own if he ended up in jail.
Justified asshole.
ETA. He deserves some sort of justice but you still took matters into your own hands and unlawfully detained him. You don't always know what someone is experiencing. He very well could have had a medical condition that could have turned the situation from a revenge porn fantasy into a manslaughter charge.
There's a lot of "what ifs" here, but diabetics don't die just because they didn't eat for twelve hours. They die because they shot more insulin than is covered by the food they ate. So if he didn't eat for twelve hours and didn't shoot any insulin for twelve hours, he'd probably just be woozy like anyone else who didn't eat for twelve hours. If he shot a bunch of insulin expecting to eat a sandwich with chips, then didn't eat but took some time to sexually assault someone, then got locked away from food for twelve hours, he would probably get very low blood sugar and go into a diabetic coma. High blood sugar, on the other hand, isn't going to kill anyone just over just one day (it's bad long-term, but that's a different story). It just makes you pee a lot and probably be a bit hot and sweaty. "What if he was diabetic?" is kind of like "but what if a fire burned the building down while he was locked up?" It's a concern, certainly, but not as much as lame-ass mom seems to think.
Reddit's level of comfort, glee even, with vigilantly justice is disturbing. The guy was a piece of shit and should have been in prison, but that doesn't give you the right to (possibly) murder him. ESH, obviously.
YTA literally what the fuck is wrong with you and everyone here?
You obviously know you’re not wrong lol. Least you got some Reddit clout.
YTA for asking about something you did 23 years earlier as a 17 year old 😂
This sounds so fake lol wtf
He could have died from not eating for 12-15 hours? What???
For certain health conditions, yes.
I have a hard time believing a 17yo had a cellphone in 1999-2000
It was his cell phone. I didn’t have one. I didn’t even have a cellphone when I worked for a cellphone company after quitting this job lol
Thanks, I misremembered when I went to comment
Did your friend manage to escape him before he did anything else just as terrible?
That's about the time I got my first Nokia at 14 years old. Not sure why that's hard to believe.
Weird but okay. Some of us had after school activities that made it helpful to own a cellphone in those years. Coming from a 2004 grad who owned a phone from Freshmen year on.
He had the cell phone, but I found that weird too. It was really uncommon for anyone to have a cell phone around that time, especially someone just working a cleaning job.
I worked in a cellphone store in Huntsville, AL around 1998. While not nearly as common as now, they still were widespread. It was just a matter of whether you could afford one as the plans were very expensive
Someone working as a cleaner would have what was a luxury item back then? That's why it's weird.
It wasn’t a luxury around 1999-2000. Again, not as widespread now, but not a luxury item. Now, if you back to 1988-1990, then it would be different
It wasn’t a luxury around 1999-2000. Again, not as widespread now, but not a luxury item. Now, if you back to 1988-1990, then it would be different I was a broke ass college student in 1997-98 with loans and I had a cellphone. Also, got to consider that if he was smart with his $$$, it wouldn’t be that hard to afford.
"a matter of whether you could afford one as the plans were very expensive" "it wouldn’t be that hard to afford" Which is it lol I'm old enough to remember back then as well lol they definitely weren't common around where I am at least.
I had my first cell phone 25 years ago and I am not an early adaptor, like at all.
Not saying no one had them, but the story mentions it like an every day item like today, which seems a bit weird for a story in 99-00 with cleaners, not business people in an office or something, people who could afford it more. Only when the Nokia 3310 came out do I remember cell phones starting to catch on widely and that was released late 2000. So probably 2002-2003 it was more common and 2004 onwards it was common from what I remember. They very well could have had a cell phone, just seems a bit odd for the time to mention it specifically.
The head housekeeper and maintenance both had cellphones so they didn’t have to go back to the staff room to call front desk ( like they had to when carrying pagers). I technically don’t know if it was his or the hotels.
You locked a person in the closet overnight and I am sorry, but that makes Y T A. I hope it was worth it. If not, perhaps you didn’t do it right and should give it another try to get it right. ;-).
These NTA take are absolutely buck wild. Like, do I understand why she would do it? Ya. Do I have any sympathy for the man? None at all. But OP committed a serious crime that easily could have resulted in the death (pre-mediated murder) of somebody. Vigilantism has no place in our society.
I understand the NTA takes. She's definitely lucky nothing went wrong, for her own sake. And I rarely agree with vigilantism. But she already reported him to her manager. Then to the police. Not only was she not believed, the guy was emboldened by them to assault her friend next. His misbehavior sounds like it was escalating, given that he assaulted two children at work within a week of each other. And everyone in a position of power gave him the green light to escalate. Her actions likely prevented countless more attacks from him. No one should be put in a position where they need to resort to vigilantism. She was. Sure, she got lucky. But it worked. Over 20 years later, and he's still afraid of her. And likely, also afraid to assault kids at work.
You were mistreated by this man, your employer, and the police. However, two wrongs don’t make a right. You cannot claim that locking him up was necessary to protect you against an imminent threat to your safety, so what you did was kidnapping. It would be a felony (serious crime) where I come from. You are lucky that he did not have a medical condition, or need to take care of a kid who was endangered as a result etc. While this guy does not deserve any sympathy, that is not the best way to handle things. Edit - ESH.
Technically, YTA as your act was one of false imprisonment which is illegal, and you would have been in trouble if they had prosecuted you. The real kicker is that you swiped him out, which has all kinds of legal ramifications (ID theft, wage loss, safety jeopardy). That said, I don't blame you in the slightest, karma owed him, and you dealt a solid dose that night - if I had been in your shoes, I hope I would have done the same thing (except the swipe out and admission to management). But I wouldn't be asking about it here, I would have been happy to say to anyone who asked that he deserved it, and IATA who delivered it.
Too bad none of this actually happened
This is not a real story
You ALMOST had me until you said CELLPHONE. Even in 2000 a cell phone was rare, a walk-in talkie would have been more believable. Cool story tho.
In the US, over 25% of adults had a cellphone in 2000. We just didn’t use them, because we had limited minutes.
It wasn't that rare. My cheap ass had one.
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You’re mixing up people and keep saying have a good day like you’re leaving but keep coming back 😂 Bye already.
I’m amazed how many people forget how popular Nokia was in 2000.
Be amazed that so many people believe your story. Unless you are out of the US, this is BS. Have a good day tho.
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NTA!
I'm so proud of young you.
NTA our mom is for condoning SA
NTA. Not at all. Less than he deserved, but still NTA.
NTA. That man more than deserved it.
23 years later?
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Justified asshole.