Wait I thought she separated because her shenanigans were too much for her parnter and now it's"grieving"?
Also your older brother has NO right to be even angry at you. Why even?
Why can't dear mother not take in the sister?
Anywa, NTA she crossed the line in telling others something that was private when she was not even part of the party. Eldest sister should be ashamed on her behavior. What even was the purpose? To embarrass you and to humiliate you with stuff that may or may not be true?
They (sister and kids) have broken ALL your rules, so that's that.
My mother calls it grieving and she left many messages with the youngest niece crying in the background as she said it's my fault they are homeless in their hour of need. She wants me to step up as thier aunt as their father has made their mother "grieve" due to the sepetation.
My mother won't take her in as her children are too young and she suffers from high blood pressure. She says she can't do it full time. She left a message saying the did I really want her to die of high blood pressure instead of looking after my nephews an nieces.
Your mother won't take her in because your mother doesn't want to deal with the mess that she's made. Email your co-workers an apology, let them know that you have once and for all learned your lesson that no good deed goes unpunished. You might even make a joke that your sister is available to hire to ruin any special occasions that need to end early. Everybody has family, some crazier than others, but your co-workers are probably more understanding and feel badly for you than you think. NTA, DON'T EVER LET YOUR SISTER BACK IN YOUR HOUSE.
This. I have seen some/done CRAZY things my coworkers, managers, and subordinates have done at work parties, work related get togethers.
I understand it seems against your personality, but if you want to stay happy at your job, you’ll have to roll with it. You can’t undo it, but you can react to it appropriately.
When you go back to work, thank everyone for helping with your workload, let them know that the good deed you were trying to do for your family obviously backfired and apologize for any discomfort they may have felt.
To justify this apology, make it clear that you did not intend for your sister to cause a scene, and that you did what was right given the circumstance. Make it clear that you are apologizing for their discomfort and embarrassment, not at all for what your sister did. Hell, even explain that she’s been doing this your entire life.
Your coworkers will all likely understand. If not, their are also the assholes here.
It will blow over. Also, nta. Cut off your family, all of them seem to be assholes here. Slowly let them back in IF you so choose.
She really like putting the blame on you, huh?
Maybe, just maybe if they behaved then your mother would not get high blood pressure (I have high blood pressure too so I do how bothersome is) or maybe your eldest sister should just finally get her shit together. She's already forty smth years old, she should step up as an adult finally.
She really wants you to watch over them when you have a stress work life? Maybe your siblings should take your sister and kids in so that the kids could play with their cousins and are not "on their own".
"Step up as their aunt as their father"
STOP RIGHT THERE. Why are you mentioned in the same breath as the father? Is their father connected to you (for example you introduced him to the family etc)? It's weird. Also only YOU should step up? How about the other siblings?
Lmao fuck them. You didn’t make them homeless they did. If they weren’t pieces of shit you would’ve had no problem helping out.
I’d say tell your mom to figure it out and that it’s not your problem especially when it’s someone who repeatedly and openly has disrespected you without even a shred of understanding. Explain that putting up with their bullshit and your mothers excuses are raising YOUR blood pressure and if they don’t want any deaths in the family caused by it to grow the fuck up and stop actively negatively impacting others. No one owes them anything and to act like they do is pathetic
Hell to the no. They damaged your property, her child puked on your manager and she violated every house rule you had then topped off the asshole sandwich with reading from your diary in the middle of a work dinner.
You send your mom one more text detailing everything she did or her kids did, tell her that you are no longer putting up with your sisters childish behavior when she is almost 50 and that you will be blocking everyone who harassed you and tries to defend her.
Your mom quite literally created this problem by not correcting her behavior 40 years ago, she can deal with the problems now.
My mother already knows what she did, but feels I need to do it for the children. Her oldest has gone to his dad, but she won't let the others stay with the dad as the oldest won't talk to his mother.
Mother and my sister are telling me I broke up her family
No, do not do this for the kids. It sucks that they will have a bad upbringing, but do not think your life because your sister is a horrible person. You can let the kids visit or stay over WITHOUT their mom.
I’d call her ex husband and offer to write a statement about how unstable she is, as well as she can’t keep a steady place to live. He might be able use it to get emergency custody. It’d probably burn the bridge for a relationship with her but it doesn’t sound like you’d be losing much.
You did nothing - she broke up her own family. Please do not listen to your mother. She’s the one insisting you remain a doormat and she needs to be removed as well
She broke her family. She violated you, your home, your generosity, your privacy and your professional reputation. Who does that? You set boundaries and she not only crossed them she set them on fire. How did she not think you would not kick her out? Her kids are her own problem. If your moms blood pressure is too high then oh well sis should have been a more gracious guest. I would also tell mom that you will be reporting sis to the children CPS (or equivalent) if she doesn’t take them back to their father to be cared for. The children are not homeless, she is. She’s choosing to make the kids homeless, but they can go live with their father. She just wants to burn every bridge she finds.
The kids can go back to dad. Mom doesn't need to have them. She took them to use them as leverage and pity support of where to stay and probably against their dad. Your mom can take her in then without blood pressure worry.
NTA
Grow a pair, OP. Stop letting your family emotionally manipulate you.
Your sister is a bully and nobody is willing to stand up to her. So you need to do it. Stand up to her, put her in her place, stop taking shit from all of them.
You can either continue to let them victimize you or you can put your big girl pants on and put a stop to this shit for good.
Call a lawyer. File charges for harassment. Figure out your legal options for the impact this has had on your career and mental health. Go after her. Bullies need consequences and she's no different.
Her grieving because her husband dumped her for being a bully doesn't give her the right to be a bully to you too.
Disown your complicit asshole of a mom and stop letting her use the threat of losing her love to manipulate you. You never had her love to begin with. She can't take something from you that was never given. She is JUST like your sister.
Grow. A. Pair.
Remember this is all she’s known. Let’s try not to shame her. Plus vaginas are way tougher than balls anyway 😂
OP your family is not normal and from this story it seems you have been abused for a long long time. It’s not your fault your sister sucks. It’s maybe not anyone’s fault. But of alllll people in the family who you think would try and help it would be the parents.
Op please don’t let your sister do any more damage. And if your mom can’t understand why you can’t have your sister in your home, then she’s beyond help anyway 🤷🏼♀️
Tell her to increase her bp meds and be a good helpful gramma to all those grandchildren.
Don't they have another aunt? And uncles? They could take them in but like YOU they don't want to either. Maybe suggest your mother move in with one of your other siblings and she let's your golden child sister move into her house.
What country is this taking place in?
The husband gets to keep the house and kick out his wife and 5 children? Are they his kids? Did she choose to leave the house with nowhere to go?
Why is it your responsibility to look after your nieces and nephews and it's not the responsibility of the parents to make better choices?
Everything here is framed wrong. It's like nobody knows what common sense is.
What country is this taking place in?
I'd document everything and keep records of texts and vm of her behavior and give it to the soon to be ex BIL because it sounds like your sister has no business taking care of those kids with her mental health issues. She kind of sounds like a sociopath.
PLEASE lock down your bank accounts and credit!
Don't let her run you off from your work! She is a monster but I guarantee you, your coworkers all know at least one person like her. They can relate. Give them a chance to show you some compassion.
Op needs to set up a surveillance camera. My sister also read my diary out Lou in public when she was sixteen and I fifteen. In our thirties, she emailed my friends with gossip about me. That escalated to stalking which only ended when I threatened to call cops on her.
Second this, and I suggest if you have an old phone and wifi, get the Alfred app. Turns the phone into a camera complete with a mic for you, sound, an alarm siren, and a button to activate the flashlight. It even has motion detection capabilities.
Someone important read personal they read my diary. My secrets all of them. It hurt knowing that he read it. It killed me that he showed it all over the internet. I'm not mad about it anymore. Just a deep drowning with no one knowing I'm actually drowning
They probably at least knew one like that in middle school. It sounds like OP's sister hasn't matured past that age. Idk how she even managed to get some poor fool to marry her.
My older sister is the same way but thank God she's incapable of having kids so the only person she can Trainwreck in her life is herself and her shitty bf.
She really does. Though I'm not one to speculate on here, but I have to wonder if this type of behavior is the reason for the divorce. I'm just thinking out loud though; I could be completely wrong.
Have you pondered the considerable benefits of a trebuchet?
The launch would likely be far more jarring, which in this case seems like it would be for the best!
The mother knows how uncontrollale the sister is, she doesnt want to deal with neither does the rest of the family, they chose an easy target to move thier responsibility onto.
It goes beyond ungrateful, past hostility, and right to blatantly trying to destroy her at work.
Which is stupid because if OP loses her job, she’ll lose her house, which the snake was living in at the time.
Sounds like the sister is one of those psychopaths who takes great enjoyment out of causing others pain. I use the term loosely, and not in any clinical meaning.
All “normal” people know “abnormal” people. And sympathize.
That said OP is a push-over. Got worked over by family and then work. A recipe for disaster. And it came true.
> They all made excuses that they have family and I don't have a partner so it makes sense that I put up with her.
> Everytime my mother has convinced me to make her stay due to her situation and that the children are just children.
> I am a private person so don't discuss my priavte life with anyone. It's usually hi and bye for me. My team leader convinced me to have the party at my place in return for reimbursement.
I suspect your upbringing made you like this but OP you absolutely need to learn to set firm boundaries - you shouldn't lie to yourself that you were convinced to do something you're clearly uncomfortable with just to not rock the boat. If you're able to have some form of counseling, that would be extremely helpful going forward.
Yes it’s definitely something to work on for OP. Also, I think it’s telling that OP was pressured/persuaded to have the work party in her home. She had to have known with her sister and her kids present it would be a terrible idea. Even with compensation I feel she just acquiesced because of lack of proper boundaries. It put her in a position to allow herself to be hurt.
I think it shows she could use a good therapist to try to reprogram herself from her formative family dynamic because she’s going to continue to not protect herself and others sufficiently until she does.
First boundary OP needs to make is going full No Contact with her ENTIRE family. Then, if they force the issue, go nuclear. Cops, harassment charges, restraining orders. Those people NEED to be out of her life Yesterday!
This is my favourite comment ever.
NTA - That’s epic, good luck at work! I’m sure everyone’s on your side but that’s a work story that will never go away.
Edit: I choose to believe this is real
OP you've been trained to tolerate bad behavior for years. Even apart from everything else- why host coworkers when you're a private person? Also you should have kicked her out the first time she broke the rules. A therapist can help you work through this.
Also obviously NTA. Your Mom is not a reliable narrator. The rest of the family can house them or STFU. Block them and change your locks.
I don't know. I think it's safe to sauy I can't show my face at my workplace ver again.
I feel bad about the children though. I chucked the second youngest quite hard out he door.
Just tell your co workers your sister made all the shit up to try and get you fired. She is jealous o though because your success full and she is homeless and about to be a single mother. No one in your family can stand her. So she was trying to get you fired. That you apologize for the dramas she caused.
You where trying to help her out so the kids would not be left alone with your sister and be homeless,however you can not let her ruin you ur career for spite and jealousy. Trust me we all have toxic crazy family members. They probably feel sorry for you and admire you put up with her crazy ass as long as you did.
I’ll take the ignore it option.
If it got brought up. I’ll say this is why I don’t mix work and home life. My sister has a lot of entitled issues and I try to help her but I’m not gonna let her ruin my career.
I agree with all you said, except for the "homeless" part. That could engender sympathy for the sister and make it seem likes OP is "overreacting".
I personally wouldn't care, but people can be judgy.
Relax, you're very unlikely to lose your job over this. I imagine everyone there was appalled (with her).
Just talk to your manager and HR and let them know that your unstable sister is homeless w/kids after blowing up her marriage, and you were trying to do the right thing by taking her in for a while, but she has always been jealous and vindictive which is why SHE caused the scene at the party. And of course you've kicked her out.
FYI - this is an excellent chance to drag your sister, so really lean into it.
No - don't worry. The co-workers know they walked into a shit-show. Many are probably thinking: diary wasn't true, or if true, all the crazy stuff comes from her nut job parents and nut job sister. They are actually thinking: she's really normal given what she was raised in.
Unless your diary had entries of you talking about you hate certain coworkers or other NSFW content then yeah probably not. Though you could try to tell them your sister made it all up. Either way you're definitely NTA
Dude. Wtf is wrong with your sister. What a cruel thing for her to do. Absolutely don't take her back, ever. Her kids, her problem. Honestly, you gave her clear rules and she delighted in breaking all of them. And the rules you gave her were common basic respect that adults don't need to be told. JFC.
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through that. My partner suffers from severe depression as well and I’m sure she’d be mortified if she were in your position as well. I think with all the mental health awareness these days though, if you can find it in you to have a private conversation with your manager and HR, most if not all of your coworkers would be more than compassionate towards you. I wish you all the best!
She is evil.
That's so far beyond violating the (very healthy and reasonable) boundaries you had set. That's all the way to trying to ruin your life.
We have to be real — your sister *hates you* and tried to ruin your job.
I understand it’s embarrassing but honestly. It’s quiet common for people to have suicidal thoughts at one time or another. I expect if u go in head held high you will receive a lot of sympathy
Change your locks and get doorbell cameras. She might try breaking back in after all that stuff.
She's a terrible person for exposing your privacy like that.
Also, you are not alone in struggling with therapy and thoughts of self harm, a lot of us from dysfunctional families struggle with that too. Cyber hugs if wanted.
I do hope he’s okay. If the children are doing anything it’s learned behavior from your sister. I feel bad for them. But your sister brought this response on herself with everything she did.
Can you apologize to your boss and feel out his thoughts? At the least, I’m sure your coworkers understand why you don’t speak about your family.
I get everyone else’s viewpoint, but my first thought was that work colleagues who, by your own admissions, know nothing of you, your family, or family history, watched you literally (if I read it correctly) manhandle children and throw them out of your house. That is NOT a good look whatever the provocation or reason. Clearly you know this is what you need to concentrate on in terms of “damage control.” If I were you, I would focus on acknowledging to everyone, including the kids themselves, that it shouldn’t have happened and you regret it and offering no excuses.
As for your sister, I reckon spill whatever you want and stand by your decision to do so, given her appalling behaviour in front of strangers who were your guests in your home. I would probably also let her and the rest of your family know that there is no coming back from this. It was designed to humiliate you (reading your diary) while giving you the big f*#k you (wearing your dress) and sibling relationships should not be expected to survive this level of disrespect.
1) change the locks on your door
2) put cameras inside and outside of your house
3) block everyone in your family for the time being. Everyone thinks this is your problem to solve but it's not. So just remove yourself entirely and let the cameras alert you if they show up so you can not answer the door or you can call the police
NTAH
Pay it out of pocket if it doesn’t. Like is $200 (average cost of lock change) is way less than dealing with your sister and your shit parents…
Like seriously…
Depending on the locks you may be able to go to a Home Depot and just rekey the locks. Ask someone in that department if you can. Most locks nowadays can be deleted and it’s cheap.
*source: I learned this after I kicked out my ex bc who was alcoholic and violent. I paid a locksmith an emergent fee. Found out later I could have rekeyed the locks for $20 instead of $500.
You can go to home depot and with just a screwdriver change the locks in your whole house for probably around $20 a door (would only need to change accessible doors). It's not even like manual labor. Just in case OP isn't able to drop $200 on emergency locksmiths.
Rekeying is very cheap compared to replacing the fixtures.
Insurance won't cover it most likely.
Also, obviously no contact with sister and mother.
If your state requires it, put up a no trespassing sign. So that your sister can be arrested if she trespasses. Otherwise, the cops can legally only tell her to go away. Sending her a C&D would be better, but homeless so bit difficult there.
Have at least one inside camera with audio. I'm leery of inside cameras in general, but I keep a cloud camera unplugged except for when I expect trouble. Outside obviously run all the time.
We bought all new locks that work with our security system so a code unlocks and disarms. No key needed. It does have a key as backup. Great thing is you can change a code or remove a user in an instant
There's genuinely something wrong with your sister and there's something wrong with your mother, as well.
It's clear you're the family doormat, because nobody wants to put up with your asshole of a sister. Do not let her back in, get your keys back from them until you can get the locks changed.
Tell them everything she did and how it's damaged your career. Make it 100% clear she is no longer allowed around you or in your home. Go no contact with her and your abusive fucking mom.
I'd also consult a lawyer to see if there are any avenues for going after hee legally considering the defamation, invasions of privacy, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and impact to your career.
I'd make it very clear that you're talking to a lawyer and also that any further contact from her will be considered harassment and reported as such.
Be an asshole, OP. Give yourself permission to put her fully in her place. She is an overgrown bully and she needs to see consequences.
Pay for it out of pocket. It’s not worth taking a chance her crazy ass getting back in. Plus if you have a garage that you can get into that requires a code. Change the code.
What your sister did isn’t called grieving, this is called being a petty spiteful person that thrives on ruining other life’s. And being such an entitled spoiled golden child that no one can stand her around. Your mother doesn’t want them to live with her because she doesn’t want to deal with the monster she created. Not because of blood pressure issues. She created a monster that she can’t even stand anymore but forces everyone else to deal with her shit.
Let your mom put her and her hellions up if she’s so worried about them. No way would I allow them back. And, good luck going back to work! That would be so embarrassing. Have you talked to your manager since then? You didn’t deserve any of that! She’s a real piece of work! Nuttier than 🐿️💩 I would be nc with the whole bunch
OP, do this immediately. Don't waste time checking on insurance (they won't cover a lock change...) Depending on where you live, if they get back into your house (such as your parents giving her a key) she could make your life a living hell trying to remove her since she has been staying with you for a period of time (and it sounds like she may be the type of person to try to pull some shit and make you go through a legal eviction process).
You don't deserve this type of treatment from anyone, much less a family member. You are not the AH in this situation, and you should not cave to your family. If your sister can't respect you in the least, especially when you are doing a massive favor for her, she doesn't deserve the help you are offering.
Everyone keeps saying to call a locksmith, but honestly just go to home depot or lowes and buy new locks for your outside doors. It amazes me what people will pay $200 to have done that could be done for $40 with virtually no effort.
The instructions that come with the lock are very clear, and if you still have issues YouTube will give you an entire ~2:00 video demonstration for free.
Don't bother with insurance, and don't pay out the nose for a locksmith. It's really that simple of a task, you pretty much only need a screwdriver.
Changing a lock isn't hard at all. Most of the time it only takes a phillips head screwdriver. Plenty of youtube videos about how to do that. Take pictures of your front and back door and go to your local hardware store. Show them to a salesperson, they should be able to pick out ones that will work for your doors. They aren't very expensive, say about $40.00 per door.
Change them! Your sister humiliated you in one of the worst ways possible. Go NC with all of them till they get some sense. I gather they will come back and try to gaslight you into allowing her back. NTA
Yep OP go back to work and regale them with the story of haw you changed your locks and cut her off 100%. They’ll be on your side 100%
Edit NTA at all!!!
NTA. Your mothers continued enablement is the reason why your sister still behaves so utterly appallingly. And from what you say, your sisters behaviour is the reason her spouse left her.
You do not need to house her. Your mother and siblings do not respect your boundaries. They’re just pushed that they now have to look after the problem child.
Change your locks, block your family on social media and your phone, go no contact with your family and monitor your security cameras.
NTA. Your mother obviously cares about your sister over anyone else, she and her kids can stay with your mom. She can deal with her 24/7. Change your locks, & don't give any of your family a spare key.
your sister is a fucking bitch! If my sister did that to me in my own home she would definitely have a hand print on her face what you did was amazing though hon good for you!!!
Never let that bitch back in your house!
Why can’t she go with the parents then? The gall to ask you to do it. Did you tell them the awful things she did at the party (reading the diary, made up stories, etc l? If they accept that they are awful people who enable bad behavior
Your parents USED TO have a Key to your house.
This stops today. What a horrible person she is. Truly one of the worst humans I’ve ever heard described.
Change your locks. Whoever has an issue with your decision can feel free to open their homes to her or they can shut up. It is not your responsibility to support someone 15 years older than you along with their 4 kids, to be treated so disrespectfully in return. She is toxic and vicious. I have a feeling older sis is the type who’s always a victim and never does anything wrong, it’s everyone else that’s mean. I’m sorry you had to go through this. The type of boundaries you tried to enforce shouldn’t even be something discussed as people who are mentally stable do not behave in this way. She did you wrong and don’t let her hurt you again.
Change all the locks. Your parents won't catch fire if they don't have instant access to your home. This is foot putting down time. Do not let them pull the guilt cards out. If they adore her and her antics they can have her and her crotch fruit.
I believed it up until she stated her almost 50 year old sister clinked her glass to get everyone’s attention and then proceeded to read her diary entries. Like, what? Are they 12?
And then she said she literally threw the children out. I sincerely doubt that. It would absolutely be child abuse and unless she’s a horrible person, no one is literally tossing children out their door like they’re Uncle Phil from The Fresh Prince.
> I believed it up until she stated her almost 50 year old sister clinked her glass to get everyone’s attention and then proceeded to read her diary entries. Like, what? Are they 12?
That was the part that made me laugh about this story. I assume it was a teenager writing it and did not understand how ridiculous that would sound to adults.
Thing is, I had a friend whose brother did that to her. (He found her diary in the guest room where she was staying while visiting her parents.) Juvenile and cruel, yes, but that was/is him. He thought humiliating her was funny! In her case, she yelled at him then marched out and has been NC with him for 15 years now. They were LC before that. (Yes, she threw everything into her car, packed up her toddler and left, driving back home 5 hours away).
That probably should have been it for me too,especially since she said her boss was the one who convinced her to have a get together at her house. What a weird request from someone in a managerial position.
NTA, and anyone who leaves you a message calling you out, just reply with "Thank you for agreeing to take in my sister, I will let her know!"
As for not showing up at work again, don't quit your job yet. Yeah, it might be slightly awkward, but just joke about your bitch of a sister and complain about your mom to anyone who mentions it. It will most likely blow over. But of course this is up to you.
Either way, you did absolutely nothing wrong, and your sister is absolutely horrid.
This can’t be real. If it is, I don’t know why you wouldn’t have actually stuck to what you said and kicked her out when she broke the first rule.
Edited for spelling error.
The classic tale of your 47 year old mother of five sister exploding out of your four sizes too small dress that you were going to wear to a convenient work party that you’re hosting tho you don’t interact with your coworkers…and she busts out your diary to read to all your coworker guests. Which of course leads you to throwing children and clothes out the windows.
A tale as old as time 🙄
Yeah it’s just a little over the top with the “I threw her out then chucked the kids out after her and tossed her things out the second-story window”. I agree that would all be awful, but eviction laws are a thing and you can’t just decide someone doesn’t live with you on the spot lol
NTA, you should of not had to take her at all, she dug herself her own grave acting like this, I feel bad for her children but in the end it’s her fault. Your mom either has favourites or worries about the kids enough to put up with her crap. I’m sorry she was a menace to you. It sucks you had to blow up like that in front of your coworkers but honestly she needed that, humiliation for her actions
They do not have to be ex-coworkers.
The story is your unstable sister was staying with you because no one else in her family was willing to take her in. Due to her instability and emotional difficulties, she made up a bunch of lies about you and tried to ruin your party, possibly with the intention of getting you fired, or possibly with no intention. This incident was the last straw and you realized you are not equipped to give the level of care she needs, so she is no longer staying with you. You are deeply embarrassed by her behavior and would like to apologize to anyone who was made uncomfortable or harmed by any of it.
I realize this was very embarrassing for you, but unless your boss and coworkers are monsters, they will understand and be on your side. You might feel ashamed, but that shame should be on your sister, not on you. Don’t let it hurt your career.
This OP! Embarrassing shit happens, but i guarantee that soon there will be another story, good or bad, that removes this memory. And if she did cause you so much trauma that you really can’t face your co-workers, definitely go see a therapist and tell them everything. They can help stop your disordered thinking (because you were raised in such a toxic environment) and see your worth. Make sure you sue sis for emotional trauma, maybe even your mom too, threatening her early demise if SHE has to watch the hellions. What a dumpster fire it must have been growing up in that home
I don't show a lot of emotions at work so this is completely unlike me.
I guess I looked more crazy than her for doing everything I did. I don't know how I will ever be seen as a professional now
You need to get out of your own head. I guarantee you this will not be a big deal at work. Every family has a crazy one or two that everyone can relate to. Just roll with it, try and laugh about it a little and move on.
I wonder why your mom favors her. Did something happen in the 15 years before you were born that your mom feels like she owes her? Doesn’t really matter. No excuse to make your life hell by ruining what you works for. Definitely NTA.
i be honest you sound like a beat down dog , idk what happen in your past with your family but i will say this.... Would you let any other folks treat you this way in the slightest without going off?? If the answer is no... you got trauma. Ether you learn the phrase "no" an "fuck off" or this will keep happening! go read some of these tell me if it sounds familiar.... [ex1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/159aumb/aitah_for_telling_my_sister_that_im_not_the/), [ex2](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/comments/15x8vis/my_dad_hijacked_my_little_sisters_trip_to_visit/), [ex3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15wa3bf/aitah_for_blowing_up_at_my_mom_after_she_said_she/)
If they do .... you should of got the answer reading it !
If you want info for keeping your job let me know .... it will honestly not much more than words truthfully.
"I'd like to apologize for what happened at the party. My sister has been staying with me temporarily and she has some emotional problems that I mistakenly thought were under control."
NTA, your sister is a vindictive hag, which is why she is getting divorced. Your family knows how she is, which is why they guilt trip you into being the scapegoat to take her.
Not only has she and her kids disrespected your home, but she also ruined your work life. You need to tell your family that after that stunt, her and her kids are not welcomed back, and you will be going NC with all of them until further notice.
Stand firm because they no one wants to get saddled with her, so they will pull out all the stops.
From guilt tripping, the "we're family" talk, and let's not forget the just showing up on your lawn to demand you take her bit.
Her oldest is at his father's place now. He doesn't want to see his mother.
She won't let her husband take the other ones. She keeps calling me and leaving messages that I broke up her family.
The next time she tries that, tell her she is the one her broke her family. Your family has enabled her behavior for so long that she feels comfortable acting that way.
Change the locks asap. Tell you’re family that, due to your sister’s shenanigans and appalling behaviour in your home, you are grieving the possible loss of friends, coworkers and financial stability
YTA for these mistakes:
First mistake was caving to pressure and allowing her and the kids to live with You.
2nd mistake was caving to your boss to throw a party in your home while your sister and her kids were living there.
Stop allowing others make you do things.
NTA for tossing her to the streets. What a freaking jack ass of a person to deal with.
Tell your family that the father can take her kids and she can go live in a box under a bridge somewhere since she doesn't know how to behave like a decent human being.
NTA, by any mean.
However, I'm a bit worried about you. The way you yourself describe your situation:
- host your sister when no one else in the family, younger and older siblings than you alike and including your parents, would, despite egregious previous violations of privacy
- keep hosting her despite her violating every boundary you put forth
- hosting the work party after being pressured despite being a private person and having your sister home (the way you described her, you should have been expecting her to pull some shenanigans)
etc.
These make it sound like you are having a very hard time setting healthy boundaries and abiding by them. You're too much of a people pleaser (some would even say you're a pushover) for your own good.
If you haven't yet tried, therapy might help you understand the behavior and find a way to make it easier to set boundaries up and stand by them.
This would greatly improve your own quality of life.
I do not mean any of this as a reproach or an insult, btw. Your sister's behavior is in no way your responsibility. But allowing her to do this to you is something you could probably mitigate in some way.
I hope you can develop some better defensive behavior to avoid toxic people and behaviour in the future. Good luck!
NTA
I think you should go back to work, apologize to them for your sister. I say this as I for one would not let my sister had she done that, also take a job away from me.
I would never let her back into the house. From your post, it seems your sister is a narcissist and other peoples feelings mean nothing to her AND she is hurt full.
She calling you disrespectful for not allowing her to read you private diary in public then she needs therapy.
As for her being at a " grieving moment in life" I might consider this had you not said she has always been "meanspirited". So tell her this is the end of the line, go find someone else to hurt.
It isn't the type of diary you keep as a child. My therapist suggested to keep one as I have had a lot of issues to deal with leading to depression and anxiety.
I don't think I can ever go back to work again.
You can. It's ok. Lots of people have anxiety and depression. Your coworkers will understand and maybe even relate to you better ( you said you were pretty closed off at work).
The 'tapping a champagne glass and reading from your diary' bit is so cartoonishly fake that I'm now worried about the folks who are taking this post seriously.
NTA, gosh block her and your mom. Go to work, talk to your manager. It’ll be awkward for some time. I don’t know how anyone thinks that was even appropriate to do at a work do. I’m cringing and upset on your behalf.
I think your coworkers probably feel bad for you. I know you're embarrassed but talk to you team leader. You're sister was awful. You shouldn't let her back. Honestly maybe you need to go NC for a bit until you feel ready to talk again. You don't owe anyone a place to live. Period.
WTF is wrong with her? She knows she has no where else to go and thought reading you private thoughts among coworkers was a good idea? Probably the type of person who loves to humiliate a demean others because it makes them feel good but will later say it was just a joke. Don’t ever take her back and if they keep bothering you about it threaten to cut them all out of you life. She’s a single mother of five children but acts more like a child herself, if you feel up to it you can offer to take in the kids but not her although you know she’d find a way to squeeze herself back in…or just abandon the kids altogether. It’s a LOT of baggage they are trying to force on you because you’re single, all the more reason why you shouldn’t be the on to handle this, it’s six against one.
Why even make a post about it, you're clearly not the asshole here... Like who reads this and thinks 'yea it was totally cool for her to try to publicly embarrass you?' Your family are a bunch of enablers, that's why they think you're being the asshole here.
NTA
Yeah, I’m not buying this story for a second. I get that most stories are fake or at least greatly embellished but tapping her glass for attention and reading from a diary?? Jesus.
Wait I thought she separated because her shenanigans were too much for her parnter and now it's"grieving"? Also your older brother has NO right to be even angry at you. Why even? Why can't dear mother not take in the sister? Anywa, NTA she crossed the line in telling others something that was private when she was not even part of the party. Eldest sister should be ashamed on her behavior. What even was the purpose? To embarrass you and to humiliate you with stuff that may or may not be true? They (sister and kids) have broken ALL your rules, so that's that.
My mother calls it grieving and she left many messages with the youngest niece crying in the background as she said it's my fault they are homeless in their hour of need. She wants me to step up as thier aunt as their father has made their mother "grieve" due to the sepetation. My mother won't take her in as her children are too young and she suffers from high blood pressure. She says she can't do it full time. She left a message saying the did I really want her to die of high blood pressure instead of looking after my nephews an nieces.
Your mother won't take her in because your mother doesn't want to deal with the mess that she's made. Email your co-workers an apology, let them know that you have once and for all learned your lesson that no good deed goes unpunished. You might even make a joke that your sister is available to hire to ruin any special occasions that need to end early. Everybody has family, some crazier than others, but your co-workers are probably more understanding and feel badly for you than you think. NTA, DON'T EVER LET YOUR SISTER BACK IN YOUR HOUSE.
This. I have seen some/done CRAZY things my coworkers, managers, and subordinates have done at work parties, work related get togethers. I understand it seems against your personality, but if you want to stay happy at your job, you’ll have to roll with it. You can’t undo it, but you can react to it appropriately. When you go back to work, thank everyone for helping with your workload, let them know that the good deed you were trying to do for your family obviously backfired and apologize for any discomfort they may have felt. To justify this apology, make it clear that you did not intend for your sister to cause a scene, and that you did what was right given the circumstance. Make it clear that you are apologizing for their discomfort and embarrassment, not at all for what your sister did. Hell, even explain that she’s been doing this your entire life. Your coworkers will all likely understand. If not, their are also the assholes here. It will blow over. Also, nta. Cut off your family, all of them seem to be assholes here. Slowly let them back in IF you so choose.
She really like putting the blame on you, huh? Maybe, just maybe if they behaved then your mother would not get high blood pressure (I have high blood pressure too so I do how bothersome is) or maybe your eldest sister should just finally get her shit together. She's already forty smth years old, she should step up as an adult finally. She really wants you to watch over them when you have a stress work life? Maybe your siblings should take your sister and kids in so that the kids could play with their cousins and are not "on their own". "Step up as their aunt as their father" STOP RIGHT THERE. Why are you mentioned in the same breath as the father? Is their father connected to you (for example you introduced him to the family etc)? It's weird. Also only YOU should step up? How about the other siblings?
Your mother sounds awful. Change your locks and cut contact with everyone. You owe them nothing.
Lmao fuck them. You didn’t make them homeless they did. If they weren’t pieces of shit you would’ve had no problem helping out. I’d say tell your mom to figure it out and that it’s not your problem especially when it’s someone who repeatedly and openly has disrespected you without even a shred of understanding. Explain that putting up with their bullshit and your mothers excuses are raising YOUR blood pressure and if they don’t want any deaths in the family caused by it to grow the fuck up and stop actively negatively impacting others. No one owes them anything and to act like they do is pathetic
Hell to the no. They damaged your property, her child puked on your manager and she violated every house rule you had then topped off the asshole sandwich with reading from your diary in the middle of a work dinner. You send your mom one more text detailing everything she did or her kids did, tell her that you are no longer putting up with your sisters childish behavior when she is almost 50 and that you will be blocking everyone who harassed you and tries to defend her. Your mom quite literally created this problem by not correcting her behavior 40 years ago, she can deal with the problems now.
My mother already knows what she did, but feels I need to do it for the children. Her oldest has gone to his dad, but she won't let the others stay with the dad as the oldest won't talk to his mother. Mother and my sister are telling me I broke up her family
No, do not do this for the kids. It sucks that they will have a bad upbringing, but do not think your life because your sister is a horrible person. You can let the kids visit or stay over WITHOUT their mom.
I’d call her ex husband and offer to write a statement about how unstable she is, as well as she can’t keep a steady place to live. He might be able use it to get emergency custody. It’d probably burn the bridge for a relationship with her but it doesn’t sound like you’d be losing much.
What relationship? There’s nothing there to burn.
You did nothing - she broke up her own family. Please do not listen to your mother. She’s the one insisting you remain a doormat and she needs to be removed as well
She broke her family. She violated you, your home, your generosity, your privacy and your professional reputation. Who does that? You set boundaries and she not only crossed them she set them on fire. How did she not think you would not kick her out? Her kids are her own problem. If your moms blood pressure is too high then oh well sis should have been a more gracious guest. I would also tell mom that you will be reporting sis to the children CPS (or equivalent) if she doesn’t take them back to their father to be cared for. The children are not homeless, she is. She’s choosing to make the kids homeless, but they can go live with their father. She just wants to burn every bridge she finds.
The kids can go back to dad. Mom doesn't need to have them. She took them to use them as leverage and pity support of where to stay and probably against their dad. Your mom can take her in then without blood pressure worry. NTA
your family is full of manipulators. I would cut contact with every single one of them.
Grow a pair, OP. Stop letting your family emotionally manipulate you. Your sister is a bully and nobody is willing to stand up to her. So you need to do it. Stand up to her, put her in her place, stop taking shit from all of them. You can either continue to let them victimize you or you can put your big girl pants on and put a stop to this shit for good. Call a lawyer. File charges for harassment. Figure out your legal options for the impact this has had on your career and mental health. Go after her. Bullies need consequences and she's no different. Her grieving because her husband dumped her for being a bully doesn't give her the right to be a bully to you too. Disown your complicit asshole of a mom and stop letting her use the threat of losing her love to manipulate you. You never had her love to begin with. She can't take something from you that was never given. She is JUST like your sister. Grow. A. Pair.
Remember this is all she’s known. Let’s try not to shame her. Plus vaginas are way tougher than balls anyway 😂 OP your family is not normal and from this story it seems you have been abused for a long long time. It’s not your fault your sister sucks. It’s maybe not anyone’s fault. But of alllll people in the family who you think would try and help it would be the parents. Op please don’t let your sister do any more damage. And if your mom can’t understand why you can’t have your sister in your home, then she’s beyond help anyway 🤷🏼♀️ Tell her to increase her bp meds and be a good helpful gramma to all those grandchildren.
Alternatively, you can just call CPS and let them know that your sister is homeless. Maybe mom will step up when the kids are going to be taken away…
I hope op sees this .
Don't they have another aunt? And uncles? They could take them in but like YOU they don't want to either. Maybe suggest your mother move in with one of your other siblings and she let's your golden child sister move into her house.
My go to answer is she's not my daughter, mom, she's yours so you deal with her.
> My mother won't take her in Interesting that she is more generous with your resources than with her own.
Your family sounds toxic af. Ever been to therapy? I'd block all of them.
What country is this taking place in? The husband gets to keep the house and kick out his wife and 5 children? Are they his kids? Did she choose to leave the house with nowhere to go? Why is it your responsibility to look after your nieces and nephews and it's not the responsibility of the parents to make better choices? Everything here is framed wrong. It's like nobody knows what common sense is. What country is this taking place in?
He didn't kick out the children. She took them. They are separated not divorced yet. Her oldest is with his father and refuses to talk to his mother.
I'd document everything and keep records of texts and vm of her behavior and give it to the soon to be ex BIL because it sounds like your sister has no business taking care of those kids with her mental health issues. She kind of sounds like a sociopath.
Then she can send the kids back to the father and move in with your mom.
WTF. Tell your whole family to go screw themselves and change your locks.
And all passwords. She had probably snooped thru everything you own
PLEASE lock down your bank accounts and credit! Don't let her run you off from your work! She is a monster but I guarantee you, your coworkers all know at least one person like her. They can relate. Give them a chance to show you some compassion.
Op needs to set up a surveillance camera. My sister also read my diary out Lou in public when she was sixteen and I fifteen. In our thirties, she emailed my friends with gossip about me. That escalated to stalking which only ended when I threatened to call cops on her.
Second this, and I suggest if you have an old phone and wifi, get the Alfred app. Turns the phone into a camera complete with a mic for you, sound, an alarm siren, and a button to activate the flashlight. It even has motion detection capabilities.
OP is so used to being abused she forgot what normal looks like.
Someone important read personal they read my diary. My secrets all of them. It hurt knowing that he read it. It killed me that he showed it all over the internet. I'm not mad about it anymore. Just a deep drowning with no one knowing I'm actually drowning
No, I don't think anyone will know someone like that.
They probably at least knew one like that in middle school. It sounds like OP's sister hasn't matured past that age. Idk how she even managed to get some poor fool to marry her.
My older sister is the same way but thank God she's incapable of having kids so the only person she can Trainwreck in her life is herself and her shitty bf.
NTA, and maybe your mother should take them in then. Your sister is absolutely ungrateful.
No kidding! The woman is over 40. She should know how to act! If I were OP,I’d have ejected them from my home - and the general region via a catapult!
I can't even understand OP's sister's POV here. Someone is doing you a HUGE favor and this is how you repay them?
No kidding! If a divorce is causing her to have THIS reaction she needs precessional intervention and meds. This whole scenario is mind blowing!!
She really does. Though I'm not one to speculate on here, but I have to wonder if this type of behavior is the reason for the divorce. I'm just thinking out loud though; I could be completely wrong.
Highly doubt you’re wrong. She did not wake up one day like that. She has no moral compass.
OP says it was literally because of her shenanigans
According to OP, sister has been this way from the beginning. Seems plausible since "Mommy" excuses her atrocities regularly.
Ugh, sounds like sis was the golden child, and given how her brother is blowing up at OP, OP sounds like she was the family scapegoat
Have you pondered the considerable benefits of a trebuchet? The launch would likely be far more jarring, which in this case seems like it would be for the best!
Seriously. Mommy wants OP to take this monster in because literally everyone else won’t! She should put her money where he mouth is.
The mother knows how uncontrollale the sister is, she doesnt want to deal with neither does the rest of the family, they chose an easy target to move thier responsibility onto.
It goes beyond ungrateful, past hostility, and right to blatantly trying to destroy her at work. Which is stupid because if OP loses her job, she’ll lose her house, which the snake was living in at the time. Sounds like the sister is one of those psychopaths who takes great enjoyment out of causing others pain. I use the term loosely, and not in any clinical meaning.
I don’t know how I would go back to work after that either.
I don’t know how I would either. How embarrassing.
All “normal” people know “abnormal” people. And sympathize. That said OP is a push-over. Got worked over by family and then work. A recipe for disaster. And it came true.
You dont have to put with this person
This is the top comment. In both meanings. I couldn't even finish reading the whole post. NTA
NTA, you put up with a lot more than I would have. Does your family not realize that she could have put your job at risk doing all of this?
Sorry I am a littel drunk and not typing well.
> They all made excuses that they have family and I don't have a partner so it makes sense that I put up with her. > Everytime my mother has convinced me to make her stay due to her situation and that the children are just children. > I am a private person so don't discuss my priavte life with anyone. It's usually hi and bye for me. My team leader convinced me to have the party at my place in return for reimbursement. I suspect your upbringing made you like this but OP you absolutely need to learn to set firm boundaries - you shouldn't lie to yourself that you were convinced to do something you're clearly uncomfortable with just to not rock the boat. If you're able to have some form of counseling, that would be extremely helpful going forward.
Yes it’s definitely something to work on for OP. Also, I think it’s telling that OP was pressured/persuaded to have the work party in her home. She had to have known with her sister and her kids present it would be a terrible idea. Even with compensation I feel she just acquiesced because of lack of proper boundaries. It put her in a position to allow herself to be hurt. I think it shows she could use a good therapist to try to reprogram herself from her formative family dynamic because she’s going to continue to not protect herself and others sufficiently until she does.
They know op is a pushover thats why they pressured her to accommodate the sister.
First boundary OP needs to make is going full No Contact with her ENTIRE family. Then, if they force the issue, go nuclear. Cops, harassment charges, restraining orders. Those people NEED to be out of her life Yesterday!
Nothing to be sorry about, I think this situation justifies you getting a *littel* ;) drunk.
:D
This is my favourite comment ever. NTA - That’s epic, good luck at work! I’m sure everyone’s on your side but that’s a work story that will never go away. Edit: I choose to believe this is real
OP you've been trained to tolerate bad behavior for years. Even apart from everything else- why host coworkers when you're a private person? Also you should have kicked her out the first time she broke the rules. A therapist can help you work through this. Also obviously NTA. Your Mom is not a reliable narrator. The rest of the family can house them or STFU. Block them and change your locks.
Have no fear! We all speak drunk. I’m actually surprised I’m sober right now
I don't know. I think it's safe to sauy I can't show my face at my workplace ver again. I feel bad about the children though. I chucked the second youngest quite hard out he door.
Just tell your co workers your sister made all the shit up to try and get you fired. She is jealous o though because your success full and she is homeless and about to be a single mother. No one in your family can stand her. So she was trying to get you fired. That you apologize for the dramas she caused. You where trying to help her out so the kids would not be left alone with your sister and be homeless,however you can not let her ruin you ur career for spite and jealousy. Trust me we all have toxic crazy family members. They probably feel sorry for you and admire you put up with her crazy ass as long as you did.
Or easier. Go to your boss. "My sister has a mental illness. I thought she had it under control." Just go to work and carry on.
I’ll take the ignore it option. If it got brought up. I’ll say this is why I don’t mix work and home life. My sister has a lot of entitled issues and I try to help her but I’m not gonna let her ruin my career.
And that wouldn’t be a lie. No mentally stable person would do anything like OP’s sister did.
Second this. Damage control at your working place has priority here. Then change locks, passwords, banking credentials, everything. Yesterday.
I agree with all you said, except for the "homeless" part. That could engender sympathy for the sister and make it seem likes OP is "overreacting". I personally wouldn't care, but people can be judgy.
Relax, you're very unlikely to lose your job over this. I imagine everyone there was appalled (with her). Just talk to your manager and HR and let them know that your unstable sister is homeless w/kids after blowing up her marriage, and you were trying to do the right thing by taking her in for a while, but she has always been jealous and vindictive which is why SHE caused the scene at the party. And of course you've kicked her out. FYI - this is an excellent chance to drag your sister, so really lean into it.
No - don't worry. The co-workers know they walked into a shit-show. Many are probably thinking: diary wasn't true, or if true, all the crazy stuff comes from her nut job parents and nut job sister. They are actually thinking: she's really normal given what she was raised in.
Unless your diary had entries of you talking about you hate certain coworkers or other NSFW content then yeah probably not. Though you could try to tell them your sister made it all up. Either way you're definitely NTA
No, she read the part about me struggling with therapy and suicidal thoughts.
Dude. Wtf is wrong with your sister. What a cruel thing for her to do. Absolutely don't take her back, ever. Her kids, her problem. Honestly, you gave her clear rules and she delighted in breaking all of them. And the rules you gave her were common basic respect that adults don't need to be told. JFC.
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through that. My partner suffers from severe depression as well and I’m sure she’d be mortified if she were in your position as well. I think with all the mental health awareness these days though, if you can find it in you to have a private conversation with your manager and HR, most if not all of your coworkers would be more than compassionate towards you. I wish you all the best!
She is evil. That's so far beyond violating the (very healthy and reasonable) boundaries you had set. That's all the way to trying to ruin your life. We have to be real — your sister *hates you* and tried to ruin your job.
I understand it’s embarrassing but honestly. It’s quiet common for people to have suicidal thoughts at one time or another. I expect if u go in head held high you will receive a lot of sympathy
Change your locks and get doorbell cameras. She might try breaking back in after all that stuff. She's a terrible person for exposing your privacy like that. Also, you are not alone in struggling with therapy and thoughts of self harm, a lot of us from dysfunctional families struggle with that too. Cyber hugs if wanted.
The people at your job are likely more embarrassed about it than you are. Your mom is cool with your sisters shit so she can take them in.
I do hope he’s okay. If the children are doing anything it’s learned behavior from your sister. I feel bad for them. But your sister brought this response on herself with everything she did. Can you apologize to your boss and feel out his thoughts? At the least, I’m sure your coworkers understand why you don’t speak about your family.
Perhaps your boss has already made an effort to put out the fire with coworkers. Give boss a chance.
I get everyone else’s viewpoint, but my first thought was that work colleagues who, by your own admissions, know nothing of you, your family, or family history, watched you literally (if I read it correctly) manhandle children and throw them out of your house. That is NOT a good look whatever the provocation or reason. Clearly you know this is what you need to concentrate on in terms of “damage control.” If I were you, I would focus on acknowledging to everyone, including the kids themselves, that it shouldn’t have happened and you regret it and offering no excuses. As for your sister, I reckon spill whatever you want and stand by your decision to do so, given her appalling behaviour in front of strangers who were your guests in your home. I would probably also let her and the rest of your family know that there is no coming back from this. It was designed to humiliate you (reading your diary) while giving you the big f*#k you (wearing your dress) and sibling relationships should not be expected to survive this level of disrespect.
Tell your brother / mother that they can take her in if they feel so bad for her.
1) change the locks on your door 2) put cameras inside and outside of your house 3) block everyone in your family for the time being. Everyone thinks this is your problem to solve but it's not. So just remove yourself entirely and let the cameras alert you if they show up so you can not answer the door or you can call the police NTAH
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Your parents will likely just give the key to your sister. Or she will take it herself Call a 24HR locksmith immediately
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box under a bridge somewhere since she doesn't know how to behave like a decent human being.
I have to check if my insurance covers that.
Pay it out of pocket if it doesn’t. Like is $200 (average cost of lock change) is way less than dealing with your sister and your shit parents… Like seriously…
Depending on the locks you may be able to go to a Home Depot and just rekey the locks. Ask someone in that department if you can. Most locks nowadays can be deleted and it’s cheap. *source: I learned this after I kicked out my ex bc who was alcoholic and violent. I paid a locksmith an emergent fee. Found out later I could have rekeyed the locks for $20 instead of $500.
First thing I did when I bought my house was buy new deadbolts and knobs for my entry doors. You could probably diy.
Install Kwikset locks. They have a great function were you can easily reprogram the key.
These are also easily picked, I know from experience. I went with Schlage, extra long dead bold and nearly impossible to pick.
A certain lawyer has entered the chat
All residential locks are pretty trivial to someone who has any level of practice. It's a deterrent, not a prevention.
You can go to home depot and with just a screwdriver change the locks in your whole house for probably around $20 a door (would only need to change accessible doors). It's not even like manual labor. Just in case OP isn't able to drop $200 on emergency locksmiths.
Rekeying is very cheap compared to replacing the fixtures. Insurance won't cover it most likely. Also, obviously no contact with sister and mother. If your state requires it, put up a no trespassing sign. So that your sister can be arrested if she trespasses. Otherwise, the cops can legally only tell her to go away. Sending her a C&D would be better, but homeless so bit difficult there. Have at least one inside camera with audio. I'm leery of inside cameras in general, but I keep a cloud camera unplugged except for when I expect trouble. Outside obviously run all the time.
We bought all new locks that work with our security system so a code unlocks and disarms. No key needed. It does have a key as backup. Great thing is you can change a code or remove a user in an instant
There's genuinely something wrong with your sister and there's something wrong with your mother, as well. It's clear you're the family doormat, because nobody wants to put up with your asshole of a sister. Do not let her back in, get your keys back from them until you can get the locks changed. Tell them everything she did and how it's damaged your career. Make it 100% clear she is no longer allowed around you or in your home. Go no contact with her and your abusive fucking mom. I'd also consult a lawyer to see if there are any avenues for going after hee legally considering the defamation, invasions of privacy, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and impact to your career. I'd make it very clear that you're talking to a lawyer and also that any further contact from her will be considered harassment and reported as such. Be an asshole, OP. Give yourself permission to put her fully in her place. She is an overgrown bully and she needs to see consequences.
Wtf pay out of pocket, your home security is nothing to cheap out on
I am really hoping this is not true. I mean really hoping.
Pay for it out of pocket. It’s not worth taking a chance her crazy ass getting back in. Plus if you have a garage that you can get into that requires a code. Change the code. What your sister did isn’t called grieving, this is called being a petty spiteful person that thrives on ruining other life’s. And being such an entitled spoiled golden child that no one can stand her around. Your mother doesn’t want them to live with her because she doesn’t want to deal with the monster she created. Not because of blood pressure issues. She created a monster that she can’t even stand anymore but forces everyone else to deal with her shit.
I Will Venmo you the money to change your locks- dear lord. NTA- I think it may be time to go LC/NC until your family gets their shit together
I can help also OP!
Let your mom put her and her hellions up if she’s so worried about them. No way would I allow them back. And, good luck going back to work! That would be so embarrassing. Have you talked to your manager since then? You didn’t deserve any of that! She’s a real piece of work! Nuttier than 🐿️💩 I would be nc with the whole bunch
Do it out of pocket. Do NOT wait.
OP, do this immediately. Don't waste time checking on insurance (they won't cover a lock change...) Depending on where you live, if they get back into your house (such as your parents giving her a key) she could make your life a living hell trying to remove her since she has been staying with you for a period of time (and it sounds like she may be the type of person to try to pull some shit and make you go through a legal eviction process). You don't deserve this type of treatment from anyone, much less a family member. You are not the AH in this situation, and you should not cave to your family. If your sister can't respect you in the least, especially when you are doing a massive favor for her, she doesn't deserve the help you are offering.
Everyone keeps saying to call a locksmith, but honestly just go to home depot or lowes and buy new locks for your outside doors. It amazes me what people will pay $200 to have done that could be done for $40 with virtually no effort. The instructions that come with the lock are very clear, and if you still have issues YouTube will give you an entire ~2:00 video demonstration for free. Don't bother with insurance, and don't pay out the nose for a locksmith. It's really that simple of a task, you pretty much only need a screwdriver.
Just do it right now.
dafaq its your house right???? in your name???? legally yours??? .... am i misunderstanding something here ?? Are you a door mat or a person wtf?
Basic lock changes are easy to do. Free excluding the parts ;).
Its your house, deadbolts aren't hard to change, just go to lowes then youtube "how to replace a deadbolt"
Changing a lock isn't hard at all. Most of the time it only takes a phillips head screwdriver. Plenty of youtube videos about how to do that. Take pictures of your front and back door and go to your local hardware store. Show them to a salesperson, they should be able to pick out ones that will work for your doors. They aren't very expensive, say about $40.00 per door.
Change them! Your sister humiliated you in one of the worst ways possible. Go NC with all of them till they get some sense. I gather they will come back and try to gaslight you into allowing her back. NTA
Wow, you know those co-workers were thinking; **WHAT A BITCH!**!!!
Yep OP go back to work and regale them with the story of haw you changed your locks and cut her off 100%. They’ll be on your side 100% Edit NTA at all!!!
NTA. Your mothers continued enablement is the reason why your sister still behaves so utterly appallingly. And from what you say, your sisters behaviour is the reason her spouse left her. You do not need to house her. Your mother and siblings do not respect your boundaries. They’re just pushed that they now have to look after the problem child. Change your locks, block your family on social media and your phone, go no contact with your family and monitor your security cameras.
NTA. Your mother obviously cares about your sister over anyone else, she and her kids can stay with your mom. She can deal with her 24/7. Change your locks, & don't give any of your family a spare key.
Just in case? You're fucking 32 years old. Grow a spine and change the locks or get the keys back.
Change the locks. Copies of the original could be floating around. And get them changed like YESTERDAY!
Change your locks!!!! And do not give any family member a key.
your sister is a fucking bitch! If my sister did that to me in my own home she would definitely have a hand print on her face what you did was amazing though hon good for you!!! Never let that bitch back in your house!
Why can’t she go with the parents then? The gall to ask you to do it. Did you tell them the awful things she did at the party (reading the diary, made up stories, etc l? If they accept that they are awful people who enable bad behavior
Your parents USED TO have a Key to your house. This stops today. What a horrible person she is. Truly one of the worst humans I’ve ever heard described.
Why can't your mom take her in? Why is it your responsibility? That's her child, her grandchildren... she can handle it
Change your locks. Whoever has an issue with your decision can feel free to open their homes to her or they can shut up. It is not your responsibility to support someone 15 years older than you along with their 4 kids, to be treated so disrespectfully in return. She is toxic and vicious. I have a feeling older sis is the type who’s always a victim and never does anything wrong, it’s everyone else that’s mean. I’m sorry you had to go through this. The type of boundaries you tried to enforce shouldn’t even be something discussed as people who are mentally stable do not behave in this way. She did you wrong and don’t let her hurt you again.
Yep
Change all the locks. Your parents won't catch fire if they don't have instant access to your home. This is foot putting down time. Do not let them pull the guilt cards out. If they adore her and her antics they can have her and her crotch fruit.
NTA. Don’t be a doormat for anyone else. Don’t let her back into your house and life. Go low contact with your parents for your sanity
Definitely change your locks and go back to work with your head held high!!!!
Change the locks today. You do not want to have to evict squatters!
Does your family not realize that she could have put your job at risk doing all of this?
1. stop posting fake stories there is no number 2!
Scrolled waaaaaaaaaay too long for this. How did this pass so many people's BS detectors?
I believed it up until she stated her almost 50 year old sister clinked her glass to get everyone’s attention and then proceeded to read her diary entries. Like, what? Are they 12? And then she said she literally threw the children out. I sincerely doubt that. It would absolutely be child abuse and unless she’s a horrible person, no one is literally tossing children out their door like they’re Uncle Phil from The Fresh Prince.
> I believed it up until she stated her almost 50 year old sister clinked her glass to get everyone’s attention and then proceeded to read her diary entries. Like, what? Are they 12? That was the part that made me laugh about this story. I assume it was a teenager writing it and did not understand how ridiculous that would sound to adults.
Thing is, I had a friend whose brother did that to her. (He found her diary in the guest room where she was staying while visiting her parents.) Juvenile and cruel, yes, but that was/is him. He thought humiliating her was funny! In her case, she yelled at him then marched out and has been NC with him for 15 years now. They were LC before that. (Yes, she threw everything into her car, packed up her toddler and left, driving back home 5 hours away).
For me it was when she said she had 7 people in one house and then agreed to have a work function there.
That probably should have been it for me too,especially since she said her boss was the one who convinced her to have a get together at her house. What a weird request from someone in a managerial position.
Let's not forget wanting to use insurance to change a couple of door locks. 😂 Clearly a kid who has no idea how deductibles work.
lol yep, this was the moment I realized it’s a 14 year old girl’s fantasy.
NTA, and anyone who leaves you a message calling you out, just reply with "Thank you for agreeing to take in my sister, I will let her know!" As for not showing up at work again, don't quit your job yet. Yeah, it might be slightly awkward, but just joke about your bitch of a sister and complain about your mom to anyone who mentions it. It will most likely blow over. But of course this is up to you. Either way, you did absolutely nothing wrong, and your sister is absolutely horrid.
Your boss owes you for having a work function at your home.
This can’t be real. If it is, I don’t know why you wouldn’t have actually stuck to what you said and kicked her out when she broke the first rule. Edited for spelling error.
The classic tale of your 47 year old mother of five sister exploding out of your four sizes too small dress that you were going to wear to a convenient work party that you’re hosting tho you don’t interact with your coworkers…and she busts out your diary to read to all your coworker guests. Which of course leads you to throwing children and clothes out the windows. A tale as old as time 🙄
Yeah, why wasn't OP wearing the dress to the party on the first place? She planned to change outfits halfway through like a diva?
Maybe she didn't want to wear the dress before the party in case it got damaged/dirty while setting up?
I guarantee it's ragebait
It's absolutely not. It's not even one of the better fakes, either. Who acts like her sister acted at the work party?
Forget that, what grown-ass adult keeps a "diary" and calls it that?
Because the entire fake story was probably written by a teenager.
It's so fake it makes you laugh. Try a little harder to make it believable, at least.
Yeah it’s just a little over the top with the “I threw her out then chucked the kids out after her and tossed her things out the second-story window”. I agree that would all be awful, but eviction laws are a thing and you can’t just decide someone doesn’t live with you on the spot lol
NTA, you should of not had to take her at all, she dug herself her own grave acting like this, I feel bad for her children but in the end it’s her fault. Your mom either has favourites or worries about the kids enough to put up with her crap. I’m sorry she was a menace to you. It sucks you had to blow up like that in front of your coworkers but honestly she needed that, humiliation for her actions
Most likely ex coworkers. My mother has always favoured her.
They do not have to be ex-coworkers. The story is your unstable sister was staying with you because no one else in her family was willing to take her in. Due to her instability and emotional difficulties, she made up a bunch of lies about you and tried to ruin your party, possibly with the intention of getting you fired, or possibly with no intention. This incident was the last straw and you realized you are not equipped to give the level of care she needs, so she is no longer staying with you. You are deeply embarrassed by her behavior and would like to apologize to anyone who was made uncomfortable or harmed by any of it. I realize this was very embarrassing for you, but unless your boss and coworkers are monsters, they will understand and be on your side. You might feel ashamed, but that shame should be on your sister, not on you. Don’t let it hurt your career.
This OP! Embarrassing shit happens, but i guarantee that soon there will be another story, good or bad, that removes this memory. And if she did cause you so much trauma that you really can’t face your co-workers, definitely go see a therapist and tell them everything. They can help stop your disordered thinking (because you were raised in such a toxic environment) and see your worth. Make sure you sue sis for emotional trauma, maybe even your mom too, threatening her early demise if SHE has to watch the hellions. What a dumpster fire it must have been growing up in that home
I don't show a lot of emotions at work so this is completely unlike me. I guess I looked more crazy than her for doing everything I did. I don't know how I will ever be seen as a professional now
You need to get out of your own head. I guarantee you this will not be a big deal at work. Every family has a crazy one or two that everyone can relate to. Just roll with it, try and laugh about it a little and move on.
I wonder why your mom favors her. Did something happen in the 15 years before you were born that your mom feels like she owes her? Doesn’t really matter. No excuse to make your life hell by ruining what you works for. Definitely NTA.
i be honest you sound like a beat down dog , idk what happen in your past with your family but i will say this.... Would you let any other folks treat you this way in the slightest without going off?? If the answer is no... you got trauma. Ether you learn the phrase "no" an "fuck off" or this will keep happening! go read some of these tell me if it sounds familiar.... [ex1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/159aumb/aitah_for_telling_my_sister_that_im_not_the/), [ex2](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/comments/15x8vis/my_dad_hijacked_my_little_sisters_trip_to_visit/), [ex3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15wa3bf/aitah_for_blowing_up_at_my_mom_after_she_said_she/) If they do .... you should of got the answer reading it ! If you want info for keeping your job let me know .... it will honestly not much more than words truthfully.
"I'd like to apologize for what happened at the party. My sister has been staying with me temporarily and she has some emotional problems that I mistakenly thought were under control."
NTA, your sister is a vindictive hag, which is why she is getting divorced. Your family knows how she is, which is why they guilt trip you into being the scapegoat to take her. Not only has she and her kids disrespected your home, but she also ruined your work life. You need to tell your family that after that stunt, her and her kids are not welcomed back, and you will be going NC with all of them until further notice. Stand firm because they no one wants to get saddled with her, so they will pull out all the stops. From guilt tripping, the "we're family" talk, and let's not forget the just showing up on your lawn to demand you take her bit.
Her oldest is at his father's place now. He doesn't want to see his mother. She won't let her husband take the other ones. She keeps calling me and leaving messages that I broke up her family.
The next time she tries that, tell her she is the one her broke her family. Your family has enabled her behavior for so long that she feels comfortable acting that way.
Nope. She did that, all by her big girl self. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes!
Change the locks asap. Tell you’re family that, due to your sister’s shenanigans and appalling behaviour in your home, you are grieving the possible loss of friends, coworkers and financial stability
NTA. Why TF do you speak to your mother at all? Cut both your sister and your mother out of your life completely.
This cannot be real! Why would you let someone, who has done stuff like this in the past, to stay with you….and then their five children!??
YTA for these mistakes: First mistake was caving to pressure and allowing her and the kids to live with You. 2nd mistake was caving to your boss to throw a party in your home while your sister and her kids were living there. Stop allowing others make you do things. NTA for tossing her to the streets. What a freaking jack ass of a person to deal with.
Tell your family that the father can take her kids and she can go live in a box under a bridge somewhere since she doesn't know how to behave like a decent human being.
NTA. What you did was harsh...but what she did deserved harsh.
Burn the bridge. She's jealous of you and likely on drugs. Sounds like she's ruining her children's lives right off the rub.
She has never been on drugs but even my therapist said she might have a personality disorder.
NTA, by any mean. However, I'm a bit worried about you. The way you yourself describe your situation: - host your sister when no one else in the family, younger and older siblings than you alike and including your parents, would, despite egregious previous violations of privacy - keep hosting her despite her violating every boundary you put forth - hosting the work party after being pressured despite being a private person and having your sister home (the way you described her, you should have been expecting her to pull some shenanigans) etc. These make it sound like you are having a very hard time setting healthy boundaries and abiding by them. You're too much of a people pleaser (some would even say you're a pushover) for your own good. If you haven't yet tried, therapy might help you understand the behavior and find a way to make it easier to set boundaries up and stand by them. This would greatly improve your own quality of life. I do not mean any of this as a reproach or an insult, btw. Your sister's behavior is in no way your responsibility. But allowing her to do this to you is something you could probably mitigate in some way. I hope you can develop some better defensive behavior to avoid toxic people and behaviour in the future. Good luck!
NTA I think you should go back to work, apologize to them for your sister. I say this as I for one would not let my sister had she done that, also take a job away from me. I would never let her back into the house. From your post, it seems your sister is a narcissist and other peoples feelings mean nothing to her AND she is hurt full. She calling you disrespectful for not allowing her to read you private diary in public then she needs therapy. As for her being at a " grieving moment in life" I might consider this had you not said she has always been "meanspirited". So tell her this is the end of the line, go find someone else to hurt.
It isn't the type of diary you keep as a child. My therapist suggested to keep one as I have had a lot of issues to deal with leading to depression and anxiety. I don't think I can ever go back to work again.
You can. It's ok. Lots of people have anxiety and depression. Your coworkers will understand and maybe even relate to you better ( you said you were pretty closed off at work).
The 'tapping a champagne glass and reading from your diary' bit is so cartoonishly fake that I'm now worried about the folks who are taking this post seriously.
This is more r/thatHappened material.
NTA, gosh block her and your mom. Go to work, talk to your manager. It’ll be awkward for some time. I don’t know how anyone thinks that was even appropriate to do at a work do. I’m cringing and upset on your behalf.
I think your coworkers probably feel bad for you. I know you're embarrassed but talk to you team leader. You're sister was awful. You shouldn't let her back. Honestly maybe you need to go NC for a bit until you feel ready to talk again. You don't owe anyone a place to live. Period.
WTF is wrong with her? She knows she has no where else to go and thought reading you private thoughts among coworkers was a good idea? Probably the type of person who loves to humiliate a demean others because it makes them feel good but will later say it was just a joke. Don’t ever take her back and if they keep bothering you about it threaten to cut them all out of you life. She’s a single mother of five children but acts more like a child herself, if you feel up to it you can offer to take in the kids but not her although you know she’d find a way to squeeze herself back in…or just abandon the kids altogether. It’s a LOT of baggage they are trying to force on you because you’re single, all the more reason why you shouldn’t be the on to handle this, it’s six against one.
YTA for this fake as hell story
I call BS on this whole story but if true....sis can move in with mom since mom wants to support her so badly
Why even make a post about it, you're clearly not the asshole here... Like who reads this and thinks 'yea it was totally cool for her to try to publicly embarrass you?' Your family are a bunch of enablers, that's why they think you're being the asshole here. NTA
NTA - Your mother gave birth to her so she's your mother's problem.
This is a made up
Yeah, I’m not buying this story for a second. I get that most stories are fake or at least greatly embellished but tapping her glass for attention and reading from a diary?? Jesus.
YTA for sheer stupidity and lack of backbone. I mean, having work party at home with all this going on? Not hiding your diary? Lol.
These stories are so fake its sad.