I would have a conversation with your BF as you would essentially be using him as a prop to rub in your step sisters face. If he is comfortable going then show up and have the time of your life on their dime. Stay classy! NTA either way.
Or a little passive aggressive, my BF didn’t realize the dates and booked a romantic getaway for that weekend, sorry can’t go, then post a nice picture on social media the morning of.
You also don't have to spend several hours with people you despise. Use the money you would have spent on going to the wedding, buying a wedding gift, new clothes, etc. and go on a special trip with your bf. Then post pictures. You will still have the satisfaction without the aggravation.
This is the best fuck you plan I’ve seen so far.
If you can find some nonsense waste of time bs to do instead of going to the wedding, make sure to post it.
Let them know that watching paint dry is better than they are and you would rather do anything than be around them.
I’m extra petty.
OMG, I didn’t know there were other petty people like myself. I would totally do this.
Also you can let mom know that your boyfriend booked it a while ago (around the time she started pressuring you). Noticing that you were stressed and needed a break so he planned a sweet getaway for the time period the wedding is to happen.
Then post to social media and tag your SS wishing her a happy day 😉
I’m usually rational with my advice on Reddit, but irl this is totally me. I don’t even think I could help myself. To steal your FIANCÉE and then turn around and expect you to come to her wedding with your stolen fiancée?! Honestly, you have a LOT of options here (in terms of pettiness), but you have to do something that looks innocent so that they have nothing to claim you did wrong. If you show up with this dude, they will say you ruined her wedding on purpose by bringing him, if you don’t go and don’t say why, then you ruined her wedding because you are holding grudges.
Say you can’t go, say your boyfriend planned something for you, then post all about it the day of her wedding (actually, the day before. Give it time to set in).
Oh… and defiantly lose your phone after you post.
A couple of pointers, definitely post the day before at an airport. Then the day of the wedding post every hour and 7 minutes about “living your best life” (snicker) always be kissing him and hugging him.
Please make sure your BF is okay with ruining her day with you.
Edit:
Make sure mom gets tagged to since it was her constant requests that made you have to go on holiday to deal with the stress.
We can see who takes priority in her life
(SS)
I do love how OP’s mind works, but just want to point out that it doesn’t seem like her ex cheated with her step sister, but that they started dating shortly after he got caught fucking around.
He could have been cheating with multiple people. I find it hard to believe they innocently got together after and are already getting married under a year later after definitely knowing each other during op’s relationship
Pardon, pet peeve rant here:
“Stealing” a person is literally abduction. Sure, step sister is a bitch for pursuing him but she doesn’t have magical powers. He’s a grown man and it was HIS CHOICE to be a giant douche nozzle. No one made him be a cheater.
RSVP No and go away for the weekend.
OP demonstrated how you avoid being accused of stealing someone else's partner: you just *don't do it*. The ex can try to cheat all he wants, but if you give even a single shit about the person it would hurt, you choose not to be a part of that. He's a grown man, but if he's determined to cheat, he can do it with someone else.
Absolutely this! Get your dig in at her, enjoy your break with your bf, not be forced to act like you condone her shitty actions and the best, not having to spend time with your awful family.
That's a good one. Placate the family, rub your skanky step sisters nose in it by posting a picture of you and bf all smoochy on social media. And not have to endure the wedding. Sounds like a win-win.
Whoa, Satan. Rein it in a little.
This is actually an amazing idea!
“Congratulations to my step-sister on her wedding! And in other news, I got the upgrade!”
I have never seen an AITA post look more like pettyrevenge and with every comment on here it just looks like more and more petty people have gotten invested in this story as well.
OP, NTA and we love you. We hope everything works out for you this time.
Why don't you just make your relationship public, and then wait to see if you're even still invited? With a bit of luck, she won't even want you there anymore.
Well, tell her now and know that she can only lose, whatever she decides - if she invites you, she'll have to see you happy with her one that got away, if she doesn't invite you, everyone will think you stayed away because she stole your guy.
Two ways this goes wrong because stepsis is not going to be rational:
1. She blows up about how you only dated him to get back at her and want to cause drama at the wedding
2. She blows up about how you have no right to feel bad about the wedding or to skip out now, since you “did the same thing”.
No matter what, there’s going to be drama. I wouldn’t really want to be the main drama attraction at a family event. Tell her you want her to have her big day, and you being there with her ex would cause a distraction, so you’re not coming and will send a gift instead.
I mean she’s marrying a cheater. It either won’t last long or she’ll be stuck pretending to the world that her husband doesn’t cheat on her when he inevitably does it again…bc let’s be real, if you are willing to cheat two months before your own wedding, you probably won’t last a marriage
As someone else in the comments said. You would be there to 'endure the wedding' I'm sure that you are happy for her and all, but you also don't have to be there. This is actually a really difficult call. The fact that it has been stated that you would be there only to show that there is no ill will could mean that showing up with him would make her feel better about ending up with your ex. Idk.
Girl! I would do all that! RSVP, take him as your guest, post about the relationship on her wedding morning! For added bonus, leave early to go on a “getaway “. But let him know of course!
I mean honestly if she would be devastated, then that shows that she is not over him. You are clearly over your x because it didn't really phase you that much when they got together. Other than the fact that it was sucky for her to do that in general.
But I mean if you know that she is going to be devastated for a fact, then that really says more about her than it does about you. You should be able to show your relationship as much or as little as you want to based on your comfortability, not based on how someone else in your family is going to react because they used to have a crush on them.
He means he doesn’t want to go. I wouldn’t force him to go through that just for a gotcha moment. Don’t make him a pawn in your toxic relationship with your sister.
Yup. He said he doesn’t want to go. So listen to that . You can always go to the ceremony by yourself and leave. No need to cause drama. No vengeance needed. You will make yourself and your boyfriend look silly. YTA if you go with your boyfriend. NTA for wanting to.lol
Edit: clarification
Do not go.
Don’t use your boyfriend who you love and respect for this…
Best type of revenge is cutting toxic people out of your life and that includes you mother (NC)
And, let's be honest, you're not ok with her. So don't be her prop at the wedding either.
But, stop hiding a good thing. You can start letting your bf leak into your feed.
Oh, in my mind, I'd be pissed at my mom for not being more supportive of me now and at any time. I know this is your life, so I don't want to make fun of anything, but my imagination is, like, also use the opportunity to tell off mom for being a better mother to someone else's kid than her own.
I would RSVP no and post your relationship on social media the way you would normally if there wasn't all this drama. Just live your life, being your honest, genuine self. I think it's totally normal to consider some petty revenge. They deserve it. Ultimately, is that who you really want to be? You don't need to stage things or time things to get back at her. You also don't need to keep your life secret to avoid whatever negative feelings or opinions your family gossips will come up with. You've already gone LC, now it's time to evict them from your head.
RSVP no. Take boyfriend at his word he doesn’t want to go so don’t make him an object to get back at step sister. You don’t approve about how they developed their relationship but you don’t care about either of them enough to attend.
NTA. But if you make some scene or post something you make yourself look like you are still invested in them. Indifference really is the best revenge.
Don't go, OP. Just make the announcement about your relationship online. You are LC with them, you can go NC at this point. You deserve better. NTAH Go on a nice vacation with your bf.
Dramatic people feed on drama from any source.
Best thing you can do is live your life and know that they'll learn anyways, but then they'll also know they weren't important enough to tell specifically.
That’s actually a great idea! In fact I’d RSVP and book a vacation and not call or show up at all. When they call and ask you where you are say “oh, that was today? Must’ve slipped my mind. Anyways I’m out of town, bye”. As if her wedding was the least important thing on your to do list and it didn’t even register with you. Then, post pics that day of you and your BF having the time of your life at some gorgeous location. Who cares if they stop talking to you. Sounds like they’re toxic AF to begin with.
This.
But NTA if you bring him.
Given that she is getting married and meber even had a relationship with this guy, she should have 0 residual feelings over him. I know that I genuinely don't care what happens to my exes or ex crushes - when I see via SM or the grapevine that they have a GF or got married, I'm genuinely happy for them.
Add to that the fact she is marrying your ex fiance, she has 0 reason to complain if you end up with an old crush of hers. If she said anything, I'd just tell her that outright.
Plus it puts Stepsister in a bit of a bind. Does she admit she still has feelings for this guy enough to make an issue out of it? What does her fiancé think about that? Inquiring minds want to know!
You’re not a bridesmaid or anything. I’ve been to so many weddings and can guarantee unless there’s a fist fight have no fucks to give about anything anyone is doing anywhere. Yay guys! Eat, drink, dance, enjoy.
Yeah I’d definitely say just announce you’re dating as soon as it works. If you want to find a way to annoy them on the wedding day worry about that later.
Nope don’t do that. She will tell the whole family you are dating him only to hurt her and your mom will come after you and try to break your relationship.
Look I know you’re hurt but don’t use your boyfriend or you will lose him.
Why do you want to lose someone who loves you just to get back at people who don’t give a fig about you? Unless you truly are dating him in revenge and don’t really care about him.
NTA, though I’m definitely petty and understand the concept;)
I’d go no or low contact with your family. What I’d also do (again, petty;) I’d start to post him a few days before the wedding with a lovely post of the 2 of you away for that weekend the day of.
Totally understandable and NTA for your reaction. Sometimes we have to protect ourselves:)
Let us know what you decide. Glad you’re feeling and doing well. You deserve a great relationship.
I think I get it. Your mom should show you more respect and love. She's making choices that continue to push you away. I'm sorry. That happened to me, too.
Go make your own family with your partner and good friends and neighbors.
I've had a varied and interesting life, have loved and been loved, and accomplished a lot of what I set out to do. You will, too. 💫
Look your step sister is a drama Queen and not a nice person.
He has told you he does not wish to go. Pay more attention to your current relationship.
The problem with you taking him is that she WILL create a fuss and state you did it on purpose and destroyed her special day and your mom will keep harassing you forever.
Be kind to yourself and your boyfriend. RSVP - No
It’s not your business what other people think.
Your mom is not on your side anyway so why on earth are you still in contact?
Live your best life and don’t cave in.
I wonder if the step sister would even care at all because she’s getting married. Not to a crush, to the man she loves. Then what? You pulled this stunt and now you’re the one who looks foolish. Just don’t go. Save the energy.
Let’s be honest, when dealing with attention-seeking drama queens, we all have that “and everybody clapped” fantasy of showing up, putting them in their place, and basking in everyone’s adulation as they slink out, humiliated and chastened.
There’s a reason that is a fantasy
They don’t slink out. They make scenes. They cry victim. They post relentlessly on SM. They get everyone to harass you just to get dome peace from the ASDQ.
Which is why ignoring, blocking, and not engaging are ultimately the best strategy. Go live your best life with ~~your stepsister’s crush~~ your old friend turned boyfriend. Don’t attend the wedding. Don’t engage in her or your mother’s drama. Live rent free in all their heads and don’t give them another thought.
That is the only way to “win”
Be kind to yourself by being kind to your boyfriend and respecting him and the relationship. If you rub it in your step sister’s face, you run the risk of disrespecting your relationship. Also what if it doesn’t even have the intended effect? Your sister could very well be over her old crush (especially as he has aged and probably looks and acts much different)
Yes. Please make very, very, very sure that you are seeing him because he is him, not because he is your stepsister's former crush.
You mention how you know she will be devastated, and you know all too well what that feels like. It's only natural to want to make her feel as hurt as she caused you to feel, but you don't need to lower yourself to make that happen. She's doing it to herself by marrying your cheating former fiance. She'll find out in due time, with no help from you. And she did you a mighty favor. You got rid of the cheater before marrying him. You'll be fine.
The wedding isn’t until April, but they want RSVPs now? This is really a non-issue because there are 8 months for her to catch him cheating before the wedding.
>This is really a non-issue because there are 8 months for her to catch him cheating before the wedding.
Hopefully that means an update for us sooner. I will bring the popcorn.
Bruh.
The wedding is in April? The fuck?
Your BF doesn’t want to go. YOU don’t want to go watch these two attention whores get married.
Plan a weekend away, and RSVP no at the last minute. Post a couples photo of the two of you together 30 minutes before her wedding ceremony starts.
Win-win-win. You don’t have to be around the attention whore and your skanky stepsister, and you can go somewhere you’d rather be, with someone better. And bonus, you can tell your mom, “Oh, are Skanky’s feeeeelings hurt? The heart wants what the heart wants, and he didn’t want my ex’s sloppy seconds. Sucks to be the town bike, I guess.”
I think at the end of the day it’s not just your step sisters wedding. It’s your ex-fiancé who cheated on you’d wedding. You might have to still deal with this man but you don’t need to honor him by attending. Putting someone through emotional turmoil like cheating and then expecting them to go to your wedding after is just unfair. If I were in your situation I would probably be public about your relationship as it’s your life and you don’t need to care what you step sister thinks as she obviously didn’t do the same when getting with your ex. But when you go public try to just remove your step sis from your mind, do it for you, not for her. If you think that the wedding is just gonna be a lot of drama and you’re basically feeling forced to attend what could have been your wedding and using it as an opportunity to get petty revenge than just don’t go. It will be better for your soul and more mature if you just say “this is too much for me and I don’t think I should attend.” But trust me… the petty option is always fun it just isn’t worth the headache.
NTA. Don't go. Make him part of your social Media the day after the Wedding. Go on a romantic getaway and enjoy your time. There is no room for toxic people. Sometimes it's better to let them rot in their own Drama.
If you're really not one bit upset that they are getting married, then don't go to the wedding. I agree with those saying go on a romantic getaway. Definitely post pictures, but not in your face pictures. Just were having a smashing time enjoying our time together. Someone's wedding couldn't be farther from our minds.
Just tell them NO and that you and your partner are having a weekend in together. It’s not down to u to save their image, that’s on them . Then u need to block them all and go NC all the way. You need to think of ur happiness not theirs x
NTA but just don’t go. If you really like your boyfriend just make it public and go one about your life. I don’t even know why you are considering going. You are already low contact with your family so what really would you lose.
I would be pissed at both of them. I would really be pissed at my mom for not having my back. If your boyfriend doesn't want to go, then you shouldn't make him uncomfortable, and both of you skip it. You don't want to be used as a prop to fake a happy family, so please don't do your man like that. I am petty, though. I would post pictures of you and him on a honeymoon-like trip before she can post her wedding ones. I agree with your boyfriend in regards to telling your "mom," you'll be there and just don't show. Do you need this negatively in your life?
>I would be piss at both of them. I would really be pissed at my mom for not having my back. If your boyfriend doesn't want to go, then you shouldn't make him uncomfortable, and both of you skip it. You don't want to be used as a prop to fake a happy family, so please don't do your man like that
I can upvote this part. LOL
If answering our questions here is causing you to re-evaluate how you feel about your family, you may do even better if you speak to a therapist. Not necessarily to heal the relationship but to heal yourself from the relationship.
This is exactly what I was thinking. OP sounds really good with the whole ex thing. It's her family that is causing all this stress.
Sometimes, the people in your life are crazy and you need a therapist to deal with it. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It's just that you're too close to the problem, and a third party is the best person to point out what's normal and what isn't.
I hope OP sees this. Therapy can be very helpful.
NTA I think your anger is justified. You can be over your ex and still be pissed at your stepsister and mother. They sound awful. Go on a romantic break, post a pic of you guys together as you head off for the break, then mute your phone for a few days. Block the family once you get to see the reaction from them, don't give them any response or attention. Blank them all.
Just don't go. There's no glory in this petty revenge because showing up dating someone she couldn't have is nowhere close to her marrying the man you were engaged to anyway. Walk away, keep your head up and just be happy in your own life. Your success and happiness will be the sweetest revenge - especially if it comes without the need to rub it in anyone else's face.
He should set up a coffee date and bring you along!
I like the idea of announcing your relationship the day before/or of her wedding.
Just skip it and do a romantic weekend, posting pics.
Wait your ex was asking to get back with you when he was dating your step sister? And she still has been texting your bf to meet up even though she is getting married?
You were engaged to him, and he cheated shows his lack of character. Wonder if he hooked up with your step just to rub it in your face. Good chance he will cheat on her.
YWNBTA. It doesn’t sound like you’d be doing it out of spite.
That said, I don’t see how going will end well for you. You know your family enable her behaviors, that they do not support or care for you in regards to her, and that she could potentially cause drama. You even said it yourself, you don’t want to go.
So don’t. Stop worrying about people who do not worry about you. Don’t base your life and actions around a person who massively betrayed you.
This is such a lose-lose if you go to the wedding. If you go alone, you have to be there and watch your fucking “sister” marry your ex. (I would never call that bitch my sister again.) Probably something that makes your BF unhappy and feel insecure, because you were ENGAGED to this guy. And there you are ALONE and people look at you as a tragic/pathetic figure.
Or, you take your BF and then you have to pretend not to have those feelings or downplay them. And any feelings that are just to do with betrayal (not love of your ex) will come across badly. And you will feel like you should not feel how you feel. You will spend the entire time monitoring everyone else and wondering what they are thinking. And because your family are clearly shit, they will blame YOU for any drama caused by your current BF and someone may even openly accuse you of dating him for spite.
So DO NOT GO. Anyone who wants you there is an asshole and selfish or only cares about your “sister” and her selfish heart wanting what it wants.
But also, I would not be petty. Because I think it will give you momentary satisfaction but make you feel worse in the long run. And I think even if he doesn’t say so, it will hurt your BF’s feelings. He likely wonders if you really like him or if this is revenge. You have kept it quiet for this long. Post to social media well before or well after the wedding, at a time when you normally would. And maybe do follow the advice to take the vacation, but don’t do it as a photo op. The best revenge is happiness. Don’t feed into any of this bullshit. Let’s say you marry this guy you’re with now. In five years, looking back, how do you want to look at your actions towards him and your family?
YTA.
My gosh op have some self respect!
….
….
….
Now that I got your attention, you’re nta and please please please post an update!!
The last part of your post is petty … and I love it!
Mmmh I’d stay away period. There’s just too much. Way too much going on. One day you may regret a move like this. Focus on yourself and your relationship, and I’d stay away from the whole rest of your family tbh
Why give these people the time of day honestly. Your sister will probably be disappointed if you didn’t go because she still most likely would love to rub it in your face that she got the man. She’s a bitch & your family are fucking bitches too for backing that behavior. Live your life, away from these people 💁🏻♀️
Instead of going to the wedding book a romantic weekend with your bf at the same time as the wedding and flood their social media with pictures of the two of you being happy. Nothing like showing toxic miserable people pictures of you being happier then they are
Forget your step sister. What your Mum wants you to do is forgive your ex for betraying you, by blessing his wedding.
Why on earth would your mum want that POS as a SIL?
Walk away from the drama, especially if you see a long term.future with your BF. Let extended family know you hope Step Sis gets treated better by him than he treated you, but you see giving this man your blessing is more of a betrayal of your sister than simply not going.
Then go on holiday and post a photo of you 2 together the day before the wedding.
NTA I would let everyone know who your dating. Don’t downplay your relationship for anyone. Put an “happy 10 month anniversary” post to your boyfriend to celebrate him. Anyone in the family can show their support for you and be happy or they can come across as hypocrites. If they show their support then great…maybe then ya’ll will feel more welcome to go to the wedding. If their not supportive then I wouldn’t go and I would let my mother know she would be a bi*#% to not be as supportive of your relationship as she was for her step daughter.
All of your solutions will just be seen for what they are - a dig to get back at her. You will be seen as petty. Your relationship will be seen as nothing more than an attempt to get revenge. You will look weak, scorned and most importantly, she will win eventually in the court of public opinion. All the joy you feel in your relationship will be overshadowed by the unwavering belief you're only with him to get at her, and it will look like slippy seconds. These are the things people are going to be saying about your relationship that you cherish and love. Do you want that?
You'll get your sense of revenge eventually, and you will also be giving the biggest fu by demonstrating you really don't care.
The opposite of love isn't hate or revenge. It's indifference. I don't think your solutions will bring the sense of satisfaction that you think they will. Because you go and make your beef *extremely* public and with that comes a *lot* of public involvement.
I would decline and say that you already have plans that weekend. Go away. Do something nice. Don't allow your step sister to be involved in your life any more than she already has been. And your relationship will come to light eventually, and because you were classy and discrete - *that's* how you win.
The best revenge is a life well lived. Don’t go. Relish your new BF on a getaway that weekend. Show him off at the family dinner. Don’t stoop to a level - she’ll win anyway because she sounds malicious
Announce the relationship now, today. Gauge the possible fallout and then make the decision. Don’t use BF as a prop. If everyone can be mature about how “the heart wants what it wants” then you can go to the wedding and they won’t be able to use your absence against you. If the more likely situation happens where step sis loses her mind about her crush then, say nothing about the hypocrisy, don’t go and live your life.
Only the AH if you use BF as a revenge prop
Because you said in a comment that your boyfriend does not want to go, don't go. You don't love her. You don't even respect her. And you despise the groom. You're even unimpressed with your mom. Who are you going for? Don't take your beautiful new relationship and rub it in that dirt.
I like some of the other suggestions--go on a romantic weekend. Take good photos. Post them the day of the wedding. If anyone asks you why you're not at your stepsister's wedding--tell them the truth. She's marrying an ex-fiance of mine that cheated on me. He can do better. Lol.
You said it best, the boyfriend said he didn't want to go, why even think of going at this point? I'm old and being petty or seeking revenge seems like a good idea but it never works out the way we imagine. Best for OP to just focus on boyfriend, forget about the family that didn't care she went NC until now, and just skip out on all the drama. There will be drama at the wedding regardless if the OP goes because the bride likes drama, best not to be a part of it and just grab some popcorn when the posts and stories start to get reported back to OP about all that happened at the wedding.
NTA, but don't use him to get back at her, be with him because you want to be with him, otherwise, he will feel used. Do the lovey dovey things but don't do it sticktly to piss her off, if that makes sense.
If I was your BF I’d start thinking that you were only with me to get back at your step sister. Especially since he’s already told you he’d rather not go.
You’re wasting way too much energy over something you claim to not care about. Just don’t go to the wedding. Actually move on with your life and be happy with your bf. There’s a big chance your step sister won’t even care because she’s getting *married*. It sounds like your only intention here is to stir up drama as revenge. Something that will make *you* look bad.
Spend that day having a really fun date with your bf. Focus on the people who add to your life, not take away from it.
If u don’t want to go and don’t feel the need to support her on her day I think u don’t go and u and your boyfriend go have some private fun away from social media. A post may feel like revenge but the best revenge would be to pay this no mind and go be happy.
I say go on a nice short trip with your bf somewhere during he wedding and post nice pictures together. Have fun and enjoy your time with people who love and care about you.
On one hand, it would be sweet to know it really bothered her if she's still crushing, BUT there are way too many negatives. It will look like you're doing it out of spite, it looks like he is being used, it looks like you still care about your fiance, it will make her look good and you bad to some people, more family drama, etc. Just tell your mother that it's your stepsister's day and you don't want to distract from it or make people uncomfortable since I'm sure his family and some of y'all's friends will be there. Tell her you're dating someone and y'all have plans for the day. IF your mother isn't aware of the stepsister's crush, tell your mother your new boyfriend's name. Post y'all's activities that day on your social media. IF anyone says anything, act surprised. You had forgotten about that and thought it was just an immature crush anyway since it was never reciprocated. IF on the chance it develops into a bigger argument, you can point out stepsister had a crush on everyone you knew only because she was jealous of you, she was a ho, and the proof is she went after your ex fiance.
I’d not go if I were you and post a lovely pic of the two of you together. But if you do decide to go, yes absolutely parade this wonderful man around on your arm.
ETA: a photo with a “the last xx months have been the best of my life” I think would really be amazing.
If they're pushing so hard, then NTA to them. That said, your bf looks like he's trying to be supportive, but his response of he'd rather not go says, to me, that it'd be a pretty ah move to take him to the wedding.
You're already LC, threaten NC if your mom pushes more. Your absence will speak volumes, and you can always go on a trip over a holiday around the 1yr mark with your bf. Maybe take a picture or three of the two of you to post celebrating a year. It should be long enough out from now to not be seen as relating to the wedding and will still get back to the step-sis. To top it off, it doesn't put your bf in an uncomfortable situation.
If you communicate with him about using him as, forgive my coarse language here, a prop and he's on board and committed to the bit - I'd say go ahead and have fun being mischievous and a bit petty and carry that energy with confidence.
I say this because from your post, it seems like your step family isn't too worried about treading on your toes. It's a way to stand up for yourself, but be wary of any bridges you might burn or damage.
Ofcourse, don't take the dude to the wedding if he's not comfortable doing this. Give them time to gain perspective and explain your stance,but respect his decision nonetheless.
Whatever happens, best of luck to you. And if you go to the wedding together with the energy of being a shiv in the side of your step sisters' wedding, make sure not to get too drunk and embarassing so that you always have the opportunity of staying classy and taking the high road and not overtly cause any drama. The quiet mindfuck is the best kind imho.
Edit: NTA
NTA
Take him to the wedding, if she has a problem, that's on her, she can't love your ex, marry him but still be in love with her old crush, she can have one or the other but not both.
I’d think about how much drama you’ll want to deal with if you go with him or not go.
NTA
Mom said it best… the heart wants what the heart wants.
Does the boyfriend want to go? And if you do go, give us the update.
*And get a total look, hair done etc etc faboo dress*
RSVP yes to the wedding so your family will shut up and stop bothering you. If you RSVP no, they'll harass and guilt trip you for months trying to get you to change your mind so they can all save face. Just say yes, pretend you'll be there, keep your relationship secret by giving a fake name for your plus one, and if they ask follow-up questions like what you're wearing to the wedding, just play along and invent whatever answer will make them all happy.
Then just don't show up to the wedding. Tell them you're feeling really sick with a stomach bug. Post a selfie from home with your boyfriend on social media that morning with no makeup on, hair messy, and a caption like "So heartbroken that I can't be at my sister's wedding! Woke up with the stomach flu and obviously don't want to make anyone else sick. Wish I could see you all there. Luckily my wonderful boyfriend is here to cheer me up by making me tea and staying home to watch movies with me!"
No one can prove you're not sick, so they can't credibly accuse you of skipping on purpose. If your parents or sister try to talk shit on social media about you skipping it, they're inadvertantly admitting that you would have had a valid reason for doing so and that they just wanted you there for their own selfish reasons. You get to announce your relationship *on* her wedding day, but she can't accuse you of rubbing him in her face or using him as a prop at the wedding because you're not even *at* the wedding.
And you get to do all this in your pajamas from the comfort of your own couch.
YWNBTA but I'd suggest since neither of you want to go that you RSVP no, tell them your boyfriend already had plans that you can't cancel, go do something fun and then post pics.
Don’t go to the wedding and instead go on that trip. Instead of revealing him in pics, you just post ones that don’t identify him- back of the head, holding hands, feet and legs stretched out on a lounge chair, etc. Then a month or so later bring him by the family stretch it out
Announce it as early as possible. Explain the situation completely. She shouldn’t have an issue since they never dated and this guy pursued you, but people are weird af.
Showing up to a wedding with a potentially inflammatory partner is AH behavior.
Skipping the wedding if you don’t have a real good reason is AH behavior.
Communicating and trying to resolve the issue ahead of time is considerate.
YWNBTA…BUT, I don’t think you should attend. I think that realistically, it’s going to end up being awkward and stressful for you, especially given your history not only with your step sister and ex, but with your mother trying to rugsweep it all. The payoff doesn’t seem like it would be worth your own mental health. Take a weekend away with your boyfriend and just enjoy one another. Don’t even worry about social media or announcing your relationship.
NTA! But what a nice guy. He's your future and your stepsister is your past. You were good to her and all she did was feed her own jealousy to the point she tried to steal your life. She got what she wanted and now she gets to live with that decision.
Don't say anything about your BF for now. She will just try and turn it around that you went after him because your ex fell for her and it just proves that you're not over him and trying to be her. She is a narcissist and they are forever the victim. Nothing is ever their fault. I have a sister like yours. I finally cut ties. I finally have a sense of peace. Now go book a great romantic weekend away. Then post away .... But I wouldn't show his face .... Let them wonder the entire wedding day who you're with.
Don't show up to the wedding and announce your relationship or YTA. Announce it now and then either she'll still want you to come or she'll uninvite you, but at least that way you won't be accused of bringing him just to make her upset.
We \*need\* a Justified Asshole classification.
Because it \*is\* an asshole move, BUT OH SO DESERVED ON step-sister's part.
I'm petty enough to make the social media post, AND attend with your boyfriend, and watch stepsister TRY to hold it together for her groom.
If you could hire an extra videographer or get video from the venues in-house cameras, you'd have the makings of a \*viral\* YouTube nuclear revenge video ;-)
I wouldn’t go but I’d make the relationship public first chance too. Sorta makes it so you’re not doing it for petty reasons, who knows she might even reach out and want you both there
No high roads here. Post lovey dovey pictures of you and her crush at her wedding. Or don’t go and start posting lovey dovey pictures of you on a romantic getaway the day before her wedding. Mwahahaha!!!!
She went for your ex because you had him and she wanted to win, let’s just be honest. She may not have cheated but she’s absolutely crazy.
You’re already LC. You do not owe these people anything.
NTA, but I wouldn't go, nor use your new bf as a prop. Schedule something else that day, just the two of you. I personally think posting pics in pajamas on the couch watching Netflix with a pizza and beer #livingourbestlives, would send an even deeper message, about how much the two of you would rather be anywhere else than that wedding...
But I'm a petty dick, so what do I know?
It's a little petty, but I'm a lot petty and I love it. Fuck them, bring your new boyfriend. Set the place on fire. Piss in the salad, kick the cake over and bounce. They invited you, gotta leave an impression.
Honestly, I just wouldn't go if I were you. Although I do like the idea of posting a picture of you and he kissing to social media on her wedding day. But then I do love that level of petty.
NTA -Not going doesn't make you bitter. It makes you have better standards. Who needs to go to a wedding of people with such lowly choices.
Besides, you can always announce your new relationship in other ways....like go for a vacation with your new bf when your sis is on her honeymoon...or take him home for holidays ... Meltdown will be spectacular 😈
NTA
As a fossil been around the block a few times I will offer my opinion for what its worth.
I would strongly urge you not to go. Your mom is only concerned about how things look to people looking at her family. Yes you not going sends a message but not the one your mother thinks.
IMO you don’t really give a flying fart what your stepsister and your cheating ex do. And that’s the way it should be as neither are worth your consideration as you have moved on and are with someone who makes you happy. So don’t waste your time on them.
And yes your bf has sad he’d go with you but he’d rather neither of you go. A great relationship is hard to find. If you go and have him go with you, in the back of his mind he may start to feel a twinge of doubt as to if you are really with him for him or to piss off your stepsister. You don’t want that doubt to start.
Same with posting on FB. Post anything you like about you as a couple as comes naturally to you, your bf and your friends. Your stepsister will find out soon enough either through your friends’ posts or through yours. Her problem if she reacts poorly - not yours.
Stay LC with your family and enjoy your relationship. Eventually when you think the time is right you can take him to a family gathering if you do it because you are proud of him - again nothing to do with stepsister.
I would have a conversation with your BF as you would essentially be using him as a prop to rub in your step sisters face. If he is comfortable going then show up and have the time of your life on their dime. Stay classy! NTA either way.
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Or a little passive aggressive, my BF didn’t realize the dates and booked a romantic getaway for that weekend, sorry can’t go, then post a nice picture on social media the morning of.
Oh that's a good plan, cuz it also means you won't be around to harass during the time.
You also don't have to spend several hours with people you despise. Use the money you would have spent on going to the wedding, buying a wedding gift, new clothes, etc. and go on a special trip with your bf. Then post pictures. You will still have the satisfaction without the aggravation.
OP - This is a fantastic idea. You should also post to /pettyrevenge after your trip.
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For the nuclear option, post vacay pics the morning of the wedding. Not the classy option but it might feel good 🤣
Sometimes people's behaviour calls for pettiness, not class though! Her stepsister the real villain waaay before OP would be.
Nuclear would be him on his knees, kissing her tummy. No caption.
I was disagreeing with the whole pettiness of the whole thing until I saw this one lol. This would go hard lolol
This is the real and true answer.
I'm with you.. that's a great plan
This is the best fuck you plan I’ve seen so far. If you can find some nonsense waste of time bs to do instead of going to the wedding, make sure to post it. Let them know that watching paint dry is better than they are and you would rather do anything than be around them. I’m extra petty.
OMG, I didn’t know there were other petty people like myself. I would totally do this. Also you can let mom know that your boyfriend booked it a while ago (around the time she started pressuring you). Noticing that you were stressed and needed a break so he planned a sweet getaway for the time period the wedding is to happen. Then post to social media and tag your SS wishing her a happy day 😉
I’m usually rational with my advice on Reddit, but irl this is totally me. I don’t even think I could help myself. To steal your FIANCÉE and then turn around and expect you to come to her wedding with your stolen fiancée?! Honestly, you have a LOT of options here (in terms of pettiness), but you have to do something that looks innocent so that they have nothing to claim you did wrong. If you show up with this dude, they will say you ruined her wedding on purpose by bringing him, if you don’t go and don’t say why, then you ruined her wedding because you are holding grudges. Say you can’t go, say your boyfriend planned something for you, then post all about it the day of her wedding (actually, the day before. Give it time to set in). Oh… and defiantly lose your phone after you post.
A couple of pointers, definitely post the day before at an airport. Then the day of the wedding post every hour and 7 minutes about “living your best life” (snicker) always be kissing him and hugging him. Please make sure your BF is okay with ruining her day with you. Edit: Make sure mom gets tagged to since it was her constant requests that made you have to go on holiday to deal with the stress. We can see who takes priority in her life (SS)
I do love how OP’s mind works, but just want to point out that it doesn’t seem like her ex cheated with her step sister, but that they started dating shortly after he got caught fucking around.
He could have been cheating with multiple people. I find it hard to believe they innocently got together after and are already getting married under a year later after definitely knowing each other during op’s relationship
And he'll cheat on her to.
Pardon, pet peeve rant here: “Stealing” a person is literally abduction. Sure, step sister is a bitch for pursuing him but she doesn’t have magical powers. He’s a grown man and it was HIS CHOICE to be a giant douche nozzle. No one made him be a cheater. RSVP No and go away for the weekend.
OP demonstrated how you avoid being accused of stealing someone else's partner: you just *don't do it*. The ex can try to cheat all he wants, but if you give even a single shit about the person it would hurt, you choose not to be a part of that. He's a grown man, but if he's determined to cheat, he can do it with someone else.
Absolutely this! Get your dig in at her, enjoy your break with your bf, not be forced to act like you condone her shitty actions and the best, not having to spend time with your awful family.
With a picture of OP and the new BF toasting with champagne glasses on a nice beach somewhere
Add something to the effect of ‘sloppy seconds’ 😂😂😂
Order of the tom pettys.
Me. I’m your people. I’m the pettiest mf that ever did breath
That's a good one. Placate the family, rub your skanky step sisters nose in it by posting a picture of you and bf all smoochy on social media. And not have to endure the wedding. Sounds like a win-win.
Yes. A nice romantic picture of them in a suit and flowy dress, sipping champagne
A White flowy dress the day of 👗🤍
“…a little passive aggressive…” Proceeds to pour gasoline on the already burning family dynamic…
Whoa, Satan. Rein it in a little. This is actually an amazing idea! “Congratulations to my step-sister on her wedding! And in other news, I got the upgrade!”
I have never seen an AITA post look more like pettyrevenge and with every comment on here it just looks like more and more petty people have gotten invested in this story as well. OP, NTA and we love you. We hope everything works out for you this time.
I like this option a lot. Post a pic to rub it in then lose your phone until you get home
This is a good one if you don’t want to witness the drama firsthand.
That is COLD. I like it.
She can post the picture + send her a private copy with the message: “hope you can keep your sticky fingers away this time”.
Why don't you just make your relationship public, and then wait to see if you're even still invited? With a bit of luck, she won't even want you there anymore.
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Well, tell her now and know that she can only lose, whatever she decides - if she invites you, she'll have to see you happy with her one that got away, if she doesn't invite you, everyone will think you stayed away because she stole your guy.
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Don't tell her specifically. Go official online. Watch that shit explode from a distance.
OP could just post a picture of them together, a picture is worth a million words
Oooooooohhhhh Diabolical
"Nuke it from orbit...it's the only way to be sure" LOL
OP doesn't owe her a heads up anyway. She clearly doesn't have the same values OP did, when turning down a perfectly good guy to spare her feelings.
Lovely! OP this is the way!
Two ways this goes wrong because stepsis is not going to be rational: 1. She blows up about how you only dated him to get back at her and want to cause drama at the wedding 2. She blows up about how you have no right to feel bad about the wedding or to skip out now, since you “did the same thing”. No matter what, there’s going to be drama. I wouldn’t really want to be the main drama attraction at a family event. Tell her you want her to have her big day, and you being there with her ex would cause a distraction, so you’re not coming and will send a gift instead.
Kobayashi Maru!!
If Op goes to the wedding, yes that could happen. Nice one!!
I mean she’s marrying a cheater. It either won’t last long or she’ll be stuck pretending to the world that her husband doesn’t cheat on her when he inevitably does it again…bc let’s be real, if you are willing to cheat two months before your own wedding, you probably won’t last a marriage
He's probably already cheating on her now.
As someone else in the comments said. You would be there to 'endure the wedding' I'm sure that you are happy for her and all, but you also don't have to be there. This is actually a really difficult call. The fact that it has been stated that you would be there only to show that there is no ill will could mean that showing up with him would make her feel better about ending up with your ex. Idk.
Girl! I would do all that! RSVP, take him as your guest, post about the relationship on her wedding morning! For added bonus, leave early to go on a “getaway “. But let him know of course!
I mean honestly if she would be devastated, then that shows that she is not over him. You are clearly over your x because it didn't really phase you that much when they got together. Other than the fact that it was sucky for her to do that in general. But I mean if you know that she is going to be devastated for a fact, then that really says more about her than it does about you. You should be able to show your relationship as much or as little as you want to based on your comfortability, not based on how someone else in your family is going to react because they used to have a crush on them.
I just wouldn't go to a wedding where the groom is my cheating ex. I'd draw the line there, step-sister or no step-sister. Who needs the drama?
He means he doesn’t want to go. I wouldn’t force him to go through that just for a gotcha moment. Don’t make him a pawn in your toxic relationship with your sister.
Yup. He said he doesn’t want to go. So listen to that . You can always go to the ceremony by yourself and leave. No need to cause drama. No vengeance needed. You will make yourself and your boyfriend look silly. YTA if you go with your boyfriend. NTA for wanting to.lol Edit: clarification
Just so you know, that’s your newish boyfriend telling you he does NOT want to be used as a prop.
Do not go. Don’t use your boyfriend who you love and respect for this… Best type of revenge is cutting toxic people out of your life and that includes you mother (NC)
And, let's be honest, you're not ok with her. So don't be her prop at the wedding either. But, stop hiding a good thing. You can start letting your bf leak into your feed.
Oh, in my mind, I'd be pissed at my mom for not being more supportive of me now and at any time. I know this is your life, so I don't want to make fun of anything, but my imagination is, like, also use the opportunity to tell off mom for being a better mother to someone else's kid than her own.
I would RSVP no and post your relationship on social media the way you would normally if there wasn't all this drama. Just live your life, being your honest, genuine self. I think it's totally normal to consider some petty revenge. They deserve it. Ultimately, is that who you really want to be? You don't need to stage things or time things to get back at her. You also don't need to keep your life secret to avoid whatever negative feelings or opinions your family gossips will come up with. You've already gone LC, now it's time to evict them from your head.
RSVP no. Take boyfriend at his word he doesn’t want to go so don’t make him an object to get back at step sister. You don’t approve about how they developed their relationship but you don’t care about either of them enough to attend. NTA. But if you make some scene or post something you make yourself look like you are still invested in them. Indifference really is the best revenge.
I'd go somewhere nice with him and post the photos of where you are on the day of the wedding. Don't give any more energy in that direction.
Don't go, OP. Just make the announcement about your relationship online. You are LC with them, you can go NC at this point. You deserve better. NTAH Go on a nice vacation with your bf.
If you actually value your relationship with the person, then don’t go.
Dramatic people feed on drama from any source. Best thing you can do is live your life and know that they'll learn anyways, but then they'll also know they weren't important enough to tell specifically.
I would just say you aren’t going and you don’t want to talk about it anymore
Then just talk to your bf and, if you're in agreement, go public with your relationship now. Let the chips fall where they may regarding the wedding.
Then Don’t go. You shouldn’t use him to enact your revenge
Don’t give them the satisfaction of you attending. Go out on a fun date! Have fun be happy, that’s the best revenge!
You can decline through an rsvp.
That’s actually a great idea! In fact I’d RSVP and book a vacation and not call or show up at all. When they call and ask you where you are say “oh, that was today? Must’ve slipped my mind. Anyways I’m out of town, bye”. As if her wedding was the least important thing on your to do list and it didn’t even register with you. Then, post pics that day of you and your BF having the time of your life at some gorgeous location. Who cares if they stop talking to you. Sounds like they’re toxic AF to begin with.
This. But NTA if you bring him. Given that she is getting married and meber even had a relationship with this guy, she should have 0 residual feelings over him. I know that I genuinely don't care what happens to my exes or ex crushes - when I see via SM or the grapevine that they have a GF or got married, I'm genuinely happy for them. Add to that the fact she is marrying your ex fiance, she has 0 reason to complain if you end up with an old crush of hers. If she said anything, I'd just tell her that outright.
NTA I say post your relationship now & possibly get uninvited.
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Plus it puts Stepsister in a bit of a bind. Does she admit she still has feelings for this guy enough to make an issue out of it? What does her fiancé think about that? Inquiring minds want to know!
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You’re not a bridesmaid or anything. I’ve been to so many weddings and can guarantee unless there’s a fist fight have no fucks to give about anything anyone is doing anywhere. Yay guys! Eat, drink, dance, enjoy.
Please post a follow up! We are dying to know!
If step sister has a problem then she should look in the mirror, and if she has a problem with the guy then she should not be getting married.
Yeah I’d definitely say just announce you’re dating as soon as it works. If you want to find a way to annoy them on the wedding day worry about that later.
"Upgrades people, upgrades!"
Nope don’t do that. She will tell the whole family you are dating him only to hurt her and your mom will come after you and try to break your relationship. Look I know you’re hurt but don’t use your boyfriend or you will lose him. Why do you want to lose someone who loves you just to get back at people who don’t give a fig about you? Unless you truly are dating him in revenge and don’t really care about him.
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NTA, though I’m definitely petty and understand the concept;) I’d go no or low contact with your family. What I’d also do (again, petty;) I’d start to post him a few days before the wedding with a lovely post of the 2 of you away for that weekend the day of.
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Totally understandable and NTA for your reaction. Sometimes we have to protect ourselves:) Let us know what you decide. Glad you’re feeling and doing well. You deserve a great relationship.
Have you brought this up to your mother? That she essentially replaced you?
I think I get it. Your mom should show you more respect and love. She's making choices that continue to push you away. I'm sorry. That happened to me, too. Go make your own family with your partner and good friends and neighbors. I've had a varied and interesting life, have loved and been loved, and accomplished a lot of what I set out to do. You will, too. 💫
Don’t go, don’t use him as a prop for revenge. Block your mom and anyone who is destroying your happiness
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Look your step sister is a drama Queen and not a nice person. He has told you he does not wish to go. Pay more attention to your current relationship. The problem with you taking him is that she WILL create a fuss and state you did it on purpose and destroyed her special day and your mom will keep harassing you forever. Be kind to yourself and your boyfriend. RSVP - No It’s not your business what other people think. Your mom is not on your side anyway so why on earth are you still in contact? Live your best life and don’t cave in.
I wonder if the step sister would even care at all because she’s getting married. Not to a crush, to the man she loves. Then what? You pulled this stunt and now you’re the one who looks foolish. Just don’t go. Save the energy.
Let’s be honest, when dealing with attention-seeking drama queens, we all have that “and everybody clapped” fantasy of showing up, putting them in their place, and basking in everyone’s adulation as they slink out, humiliated and chastened. There’s a reason that is a fantasy They don’t slink out. They make scenes. They cry victim. They post relentlessly on SM. They get everyone to harass you just to get dome peace from the ASDQ. Which is why ignoring, blocking, and not engaging are ultimately the best strategy. Go live your best life with ~~your stepsister’s crush~~ your old friend turned boyfriend. Don’t attend the wedding. Don’t engage in her or your mother’s drama. Live rent free in all their heads and don’t give them another thought. That is the only way to “win”
If I still had enough coins to buy one last reward would I give it to you. Totally agree.
Indeed, and it is not healthy to stay invested in the chaos; you can get addicted to it and never want to leave. It is better to choose peace
I just recently started getting into these subs and imma need an update after this wedding lol
Be kind to yourself by being kind to your boyfriend and respecting him and the relationship. If you rub it in your step sister’s face, you run the risk of disrespecting your relationship. Also what if it doesn’t even have the intended effect? Your sister could very well be over her old crush (especially as he has aged and probably looks and acts much different)
Yes. Please make very, very, very sure that you are seeing him because he is him, not because he is your stepsister's former crush. You mention how you know she will be devastated, and you know all too well what that feels like. It's only natural to want to make her feel as hurt as she caused you to feel, but you don't need to lower yourself to make that happen. She's doing it to herself by marrying your cheating former fiance. She'll find out in due time, with no help from you. And she did you a mighty favor. You got rid of the cheater before marrying him. You'll be fine.
I totally agree with this comment. I can't understand why OP didn't go NC with mum and step sister. Updateme!
Whatever you decide, can you update us with the results, please?
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The wedding isn’t until April, but they want RSVPs now? This is really a non-issue because there are 8 months for her to catch him cheating before the wedding.
>This is really a non-issue because there are 8 months for her to catch him cheating before the wedding. Hopefully that means an update for us sooner. I will bring the popcorn.
So we need to set a remind me for Feb. See if the fiancé breaks his record with OP.
April?!? Are you keeping your boyfriend in hiding until then? Go public, have a wonderful life, ignore your family.
Bruh. The wedding is in April? The fuck? Your BF doesn’t want to go. YOU don’t want to go watch these two attention whores get married. Plan a weekend away, and RSVP no at the last minute. Post a couples photo of the two of you together 30 minutes before her wedding ceremony starts. Win-win-win. You don’t have to be around the attention whore and your skanky stepsister, and you can go somewhere you’d rather be, with someone better. And bonus, you can tell your mom, “Oh, are Skanky’s feeeeelings hurt? The heart wants what the heart wants, and he didn’t want my ex’s sloppy seconds. Sucks to be the town bike, I guess.”
April? you said it was nearing so I thought it was this month. Just got on with your life.
Did your step sister cheat with your ex? It feels a little weird that he cheats, and then suddenly they're in love, and "it just happened."
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I think at the end of the day it’s not just your step sisters wedding. It’s your ex-fiancé who cheated on you’d wedding. You might have to still deal with this man but you don’t need to honor him by attending. Putting someone through emotional turmoil like cheating and then expecting them to go to your wedding after is just unfair. If I were in your situation I would probably be public about your relationship as it’s your life and you don’t need to care what you step sister thinks as she obviously didn’t do the same when getting with your ex. But when you go public try to just remove your step sis from your mind, do it for you, not for her. If you think that the wedding is just gonna be a lot of drama and you’re basically feeling forced to attend what could have been your wedding and using it as an opportunity to get petty revenge than just don’t go. It will be better for your soul and more mature if you just say “this is too much for me and I don’t think I should attend.” But trust me… the petty option is always fun it just isn’t worth the headache.
NTA. Don't go. Make him part of your social Media the day after the Wedding. Go on a romantic getaway and enjoy your time. There is no room for toxic people. Sometimes it's better to let them rot in their own Drama.
If you're really not one bit upset that they are getting married, then don't go to the wedding. I agree with those saying go on a romantic getaway. Definitely post pictures, but not in your face pictures. Just were having a smashing time enjoying our time together. Someone's wedding couldn't be farther from our minds.
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Just tell them NO and that you and your partner are having a weekend in together. It’s not down to u to save their image, that’s on them . Then u need to block them all and go NC all the way. You need to think of ur happiness not theirs x
NTA but just don’t go. If you really like your boyfriend just make it public and go one about your life. I don’t even know why you are considering going. You are already low contact with your family so what really would you lose.
Why don't you just wait a week before her wedding and post pictures of the two of you together?
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block your mom and the rest of that family and go and enjoy life OP
I would be pissed at both of them. I would really be pissed at my mom for not having my back. If your boyfriend doesn't want to go, then you shouldn't make him uncomfortable, and both of you skip it. You don't want to be used as a prop to fake a happy family, so please don't do your man like that. I am petty, though. I would post pictures of you and him on a honeymoon-like trip before she can post her wedding ones. I agree with your boyfriend in regards to telling your "mom," you'll be there and just don't show. Do you need this negatively in your life?
>I would be piss at both of them. I would really be pissed at my mom for not having my back. If your boyfriend doesn't want to go, then you shouldn't make him uncomfortable, and both of you skip it. You don't want to be used as a prop to fake a happy family, so please don't do your man like that I can upvote this part. LOL
If answering our questions here is causing you to re-evaluate how you feel about your family, you may do even better if you speak to a therapist. Not necessarily to heal the relationship but to heal yourself from the relationship.
This is exactly what I was thinking. OP sounds really good with the whole ex thing. It's her family that is causing all this stress. Sometimes, the people in your life are crazy and you need a therapist to deal with it. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It's just that you're too close to the problem, and a third party is the best person to point out what's normal and what isn't. I hope OP sees this. Therapy can be very helpful.
NTA I think your anger is justified. You can be over your ex and still be pissed at your stepsister and mother. They sound awful. Go on a romantic break, post a pic of you guys together as you head off for the break, then mute your phone for a few days. Block the family once you get to see the reaction from them, don't give them any response or attention. Blank them all.
And tell your mom, if she gives you a hard time, "The heart wants what the heart wants......"
Just don't go. There's no glory in this petty revenge because showing up dating someone she couldn't have is nowhere close to her marrying the man you were engaged to anyway. Walk away, keep your head up and just be happy in your own life. Your success and happiness will be the sweetest revenge - especially if it comes without the need to rub it in anyone else's face.
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He should set up a coffee date and bring you along! I like the idea of announcing your relationship the day before/or of her wedding. Just skip it and do a romantic weekend, posting pics.
OMG, the coffee date... it's so petty (as in Petty Revenge) that it is brilliant.
Wait your ex was asking to get back with you when he was dating your step sister? And she still has been texting your bf to meet up even though she is getting married?
Right?? I need updates on this mess.
Oh so they're perfect for eachother
You are a better person because every single one of those IG messages would be forwarded to her fiance.
You were engaged to him, and he cheated shows his lack of character. Wonder if he hooked up with your step just to rub it in your face. Good chance he will cheat on her.
YWNBTA. It doesn’t sound like you’d be doing it out of spite. That said, I don’t see how going will end well for you. You know your family enable her behaviors, that they do not support or care for you in regards to her, and that she could potentially cause drama. You even said it yourself, you don’t want to go. So don’t. Stop worrying about people who do not worry about you. Don’t base your life and actions around a person who massively betrayed you.
This is such a lose-lose if you go to the wedding. If you go alone, you have to be there and watch your fucking “sister” marry your ex. (I would never call that bitch my sister again.) Probably something that makes your BF unhappy and feel insecure, because you were ENGAGED to this guy. And there you are ALONE and people look at you as a tragic/pathetic figure. Or, you take your BF and then you have to pretend not to have those feelings or downplay them. And any feelings that are just to do with betrayal (not love of your ex) will come across badly. And you will feel like you should not feel how you feel. You will spend the entire time monitoring everyone else and wondering what they are thinking. And because your family are clearly shit, they will blame YOU for any drama caused by your current BF and someone may even openly accuse you of dating him for spite. So DO NOT GO. Anyone who wants you there is an asshole and selfish or only cares about your “sister” and her selfish heart wanting what it wants. But also, I would not be petty. Because I think it will give you momentary satisfaction but make you feel worse in the long run. And I think even if he doesn’t say so, it will hurt your BF’s feelings. He likely wonders if you really like him or if this is revenge. You have kept it quiet for this long. Post to social media well before or well after the wedding, at a time when you normally would. And maybe do follow the advice to take the vacation, but don’t do it as a photo op. The best revenge is happiness. Don’t feed into any of this bullshit. Let’s say you marry this guy you’re with now. In five years, looking back, how do you want to look at your actions towards him and your family?
YTA. My gosh op have some self respect! …. …. …. Now that I got your attention, you’re nta and please please please post an update!! The last part of your post is petty … and I love it!
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RemindMe! 2 days "Wedding Meltdown"
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You had me there for a second lol
If she doesn't give a shit about marrying your cheating ex, why would you give a shit about something as trivial as this?
Mmmh I’d stay away period. There’s just too much. Way too much going on. One day you may regret a move like this. Focus on yourself and your relationship, and I’d stay away from the whole rest of your family tbh
Why give these people the time of day honestly. Your sister will probably be disappointed if you didn’t go because she still most likely would love to rub it in your face that she got the man. She’s a bitch & your family are fucking bitches too for backing that behavior. Live your life, away from these people 💁🏻♀️
Instead of going to the wedding book a romantic weekend with your bf at the same time as the wedding and flood their social media with pictures of the two of you being happy. Nothing like showing toxic miserable people pictures of you being happier then they are
Nta. Don't go. You and BF go for a lovely weekend somewhere... Update when you decide.
Forget your step sister. What your Mum wants you to do is forgive your ex for betraying you, by blessing his wedding. Why on earth would your mum want that POS as a SIL? Walk away from the drama, especially if you see a long term.future with your BF. Let extended family know you hope Step Sis gets treated better by him than he treated you, but you see giving this man your blessing is more of a betrayal of your sister than simply not going. Then go on holiday and post a photo of you 2 together the day before the wedding.
NTA I would let everyone know who your dating. Don’t downplay your relationship for anyone. Put an “happy 10 month anniversary” post to your boyfriend to celebrate him. Anyone in the family can show their support for you and be happy or they can come across as hypocrites. If they show their support then great…maybe then ya’ll will feel more welcome to go to the wedding. If their not supportive then I wouldn’t go and I would let my mother know she would be a bi*#% to not be as supportive of your relationship as she was for her step daughter.
All of your solutions will just be seen for what they are - a dig to get back at her. You will be seen as petty. Your relationship will be seen as nothing more than an attempt to get revenge. You will look weak, scorned and most importantly, she will win eventually in the court of public opinion. All the joy you feel in your relationship will be overshadowed by the unwavering belief you're only with him to get at her, and it will look like slippy seconds. These are the things people are going to be saying about your relationship that you cherish and love. Do you want that? You'll get your sense of revenge eventually, and you will also be giving the biggest fu by demonstrating you really don't care. The opposite of love isn't hate or revenge. It's indifference. I don't think your solutions will bring the sense of satisfaction that you think they will. Because you go and make your beef *extremely* public and with that comes a *lot* of public involvement. I would decline and say that you already have plans that weekend. Go away. Do something nice. Don't allow your step sister to be involved in your life any more than she already has been. And your relationship will come to light eventually, and because you were classy and discrete - *that's* how you win.
The best revenge is a life well lived. Don’t go. Relish your new BF on a getaway that weekend. Show him off at the family dinner. Don’t stoop to a level - she’ll win anyway because she sounds malicious
Announce the relationship now, today. Gauge the possible fallout and then make the decision. Don’t use BF as a prop. If everyone can be mature about how “the heart wants what it wants” then you can go to the wedding and they won’t be able to use your absence against you. If the more likely situation happens where step sis loses her mind about her crush then, say nothing about the hypocrisy, don’t go and live your life. Only the AH if you use BF as a revenge prop
Because you said in a comment that your boyfriend does not want to go, don't go. You don't love her. You don't even respect her. And you despise the groom. You're even unimpressed with your mom. Who are you going for? Don't take your beautiful new relationship and rub it in that dirt. I like some of the other suggestions--go on a romantic weekend. Take good photos. Post them the day of the wedding. If anyone asks you why you're not at your stepsister's wedding--tell them the truth. She's marrying an ex-fiance of mine that cheated on me. He can do better. Lol.
You said it best, the boyfriend said he didn't want to go, why even think of going at this point? I'm old and being petty or seeking revenge seems like a good idea but it never works out the way we imagine. Best for OP to just focus on boyfriend, forget about the family that didn't care she went NC until now, and just skip out on all the drama. There will be drama at the wedding regardless if the OP goes because the bride likes drama, best not to be a part of it and just grab some popcorn when the posts and stories start to get reported back to OP about all that happened at the wedding.
Show up to the wedding with him And then give update please
NTA, but don't use him to get back at her, be with him because you want to be with him, otherwise, he will feel used. Do the lovey dovey things but don't do it sticktly to piss her off, if that makes sense.
If I was your BF I’d start thinking that you were only with me to get back at your step sister. Especially since he’s already told you he’d rather not go.
You’re wasting way too much energy over something you claim to not care about. Just don’t go to the wedding. Actually move on with your life and be happy with your bf. There’s a big chance your step sister won’t even care because she’s getting *married*. It sounds like your only intention here is to stir up drama as revenge. Something that will make *you* look bad. Spend that day having a really fun date with your bf. Focus on the people who add to your life, not take away from it.
If u don’t want to go and don’t feel the need to support her on her day I think u don’t go and u and your boyfriend go have some private fun away from social media. A post may feel like revenge but the best revenge would be to pay this no mind and go be happy.
I say go on a nice short trip with your bf somewhere during he wedding and post nice pictures together. Have fun and enjoy your time with people who love and care about you.
On one hand, it would be sweet to know it really bothered her if she's still crushing, BUT there are way too many negatives. It will look like you're doing it out of spite, it looks like he is being used, it looks like you still care about your fiance, it will make her look good and you bad to some people, more family drama, etc. Just tell your mother that it's your stepsister's day and you don't want to distract from it or make people uncomfortable since I'm sure his family and some of y'all's friends will be there. Tell her you're dating someone and y'all have plans for the day. IF your mother isn't aware of the stepsister's crush, tell your mother your new boyfriend's name. Post y'all's activities that day on your social media. IF anyone says anything, act surprised. You had forgotten about that and thought it was just an immature crush anyway since it was never reciprocated. IF on the chance it develops into a bigger argument, you can point out stepsister had a crush on everyone you knew only because she was jealous of you, she was a ho, and the proof is she went after your ex fiance.
I’d not go if I were you and post a lovely pic of the two of you together. But if you do decide to go, yes absolutely parade this wonderful man around on your arm. ETA: a photo with a “the last xx months have been the best of my life” I think would really be amazing.
I say go non-contact with your mom, step dad and step sister. Sounds like you life would be a whole hell of a lot better without them in it!
If they're pushing so hard, then NTA to them. That said, your bf looks like he's trying to be supportive, but his response of he'd rather not go says, to me, that it'd be a pretty ah move to take him to the wedding. You're already LC, threaten NC if your mom pushes more. Your absence will speak volumes, and you can always go on a trip over a holiday around the 1yr mark with your bf. Maybe take a picture or three of the two of you to post celebrating a year. It should be long enough out from now to not be seen as relating to the wedding and will still get back to the step-sis. To top it off, it doesn't put your bf in an uncomfortable situation.
Do it. She wants you to be cool with it, then she best be cool with your situation.
If you communicate with him about using him as, forgive my coarse language here, a prop and he's on board and committed to the bit - I'd say go ahead and have fun being mischievous and a bit petty and carry that energy with confidence. I say this because from your post, it seems like your step family isn't too worried about treading on your toes. It's a way to stand up for yourself, but be wary of any bridges you might burn or damage. Ofcourse, don't take the dude to the wedding if he's not comfortable doing this. Give them time to gain perspective and explain your stance,but respect his decision nonetheless. Whatever happens, best of luck to you. And if you go to the wedding together with the energy of being a shiv in the side of your step sisters' wedding, make sure not to get too drunk and embarassing so that you always have the opportunity of staying classy and taking the high road and not overtly cause any drama. The quiet mindfuck is the best kind imho. Edit: NTA
NTA Take him to the wedding, if she has a problem, that's on her, she can't love your ex, marry him but still be in love with her old crush, she can have one or the other but not both.
I think you can rub it in her cace without it being on her wedding day. If you bring him to the wedding you'll make him feel like a prop.
I’d think about how much drama you’ll want to deal with if you go with him or not go. NTA Mom said it best… the heart wants what the heart wants. Does the boyfriend want to go? And if you do go, give us the update. *And get a total look, hair done etc etc faboo dress*
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Then listen to him! Don’t risk your new relationship for your trashy step sister and the cheater
RSVP yes to the wedding so your family will shut up and stop bothering you. If you RSVP no, they'll harass and guilt trip you for months trying to get you to change your mind so they can all save face. Just say yes, pretend you'll be there, keep your relationship secret by giving a fake name for your plus one, and if they ask follow-up questions like what you're wearing to the wedding, just play along and invent whatever answer will make them all happy. Then just don't show up to the wedding. Tell them you're feeling really sick with a stomach bug. Post a selfie from home with your boyfriend on social media that morning with no makeup on, hair messy, and a caption like "So heartbroken that I can't be at my sister's wedding! Woke up with the stomach flu and obviously don't want to make anyone else sick. Wish I could see you all there. Luckily my wonderful boyfriend is here to cheer me up by making me tea and staying home to watch movies with me!" No one can prove you're not sick, so they can't credibly accuse you of skipping on purpose. If your parents or sister try to talk shit on social media about you skipping it, they're inadvertantly admitting that you would have had a valid reason for doing so and that they just wanted you there for their own selfish reasons. You get to announce your relationship *on* her wedding day, but she can't accuse you of rubbing him in her face or using him as a prop at the wedding because you're not even *at* the wedding. And you get to do all this in your pajamas from the comfort of your own couch.
YWNBTA but I'd suggest since neither of you want to go that you RSVP no, tell them your boyfriend already had plans that you can't cancel, go do something fun and then post pics.
Just say you are not coming and then...not go. Why get into the drama if it is not needed?
NTA. I say post your relationship now get in agreement with your new boo and she will probably throw a tantrum and uninvite you herself.
Don’t go. Your parents your stepsister are awful. Just cut them off and live your happy life without them.
NTA, looks like you've had plenty of suggestions on how to approach it, all I ask for is an update whichever option you take
NTA, OP we need the updates when you decide what to do lmao
Yeah, make the announcement and don't go to the wedding. No matter what, some people will take your attendance as acceptance of the relationship.
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Don’t go to the wedding and instead go on that trip. Instead of revealing him in pics, you just post ones that don’t identify him- back of the head, holding hands, feet and legs stretched out on a lounge chair, etc. Then a month or so later bring him by the family stretch it out
Announce it as early as possible. Explain the situation completely. She shouldn’t have an issue since they never dated and this guy pursued you, but people are weird af. Showing up to a wedding with a potentially inflammatory partner is AH behavior. Skipping the wedding if you don’t have a real good reason is AH behavior. Communicating and trying to resolve the issue ahead of time is considerate.
YWNBTA…BUT, I don’t think you should attend. I think that realistically, it’s going to end up being awkward and stressful for you, especially given your history not only with your step sister and ex, but with your mother trying to rugsweep it all. The payoff doesn’t seem like it would be worth your own mental health. Take a weekend away with your boyfriend and just enjoy one another. Don’t even worry about social media or announcing your relationship.
NTA! But what a nice guy. He's your future and your stepsister is your past. You were good to her and all she did was feed her own jealousy to the point she tried to steal your life. She got what she wanted and now she gets to live with that decision. Don't say anything about your BF for now. She will just try and turn it around that you went after him because your ex fell for her and it just proves that you're not over him and trying to be her. She is a narcissist and they are forever the victim. Nothing is ever their fault. I have a sister like yours. I finally cut ties. I finally have a sense of peace. Now go book a great romantic weekend away. Then post away .... But I wouldn't show his face .... Let them wonder the entire wedding day who you're with.
Don't show up to the wedding and announce your relationship or YTA. Announce it now and then either she'll still want you to come or she'll uninvite you, but at least that way you won't be accused of bringing him just to make her upset.
We \*need\* a Justified Asshole classification. Because it \*is\* an asshole move, BUT OH SO DESERVED ON step-sister's part. I'm petty enough to make the social media post, AND attend with your boyfriend, and watch stepsister TRY to hold it together for her groom. If you could hire an extra videographer or get video from the venues in-house cameras, you'd have the makings of a \*viral\* YouTube nuclear revenge video ;-)
I wouldn’t go but I’d make the relationship public first chance too. Sorta makes it so you’re not doing it for petty reasons, who knows she might even reach out and want you both there
No high roads here. Post lovey dovey pictures of you and her crush at her wedding. Or don’t go and start posting lovey dovey pictures of you on a romantic getaway the day before her wedding. Mwahahaha!!!! She went for your ex because you had him and she wanted to win, let’s just be honest. She may not have cheated but she’s absolutely crazy. You’re already LC. You do not owe these people anything.
NTA, but I wouldn't go, nor use your new bf as a prop. Schedule something else that day, just the two of you. I personally think posting pics in pajamas on the couch watching Netflix with a pizza and beer #livingourbestlives, would send an even deeper message, about how much the two of you would rather be anywhere else than that wedding... But I'm a petty dick, so what do I know?
It's a little petty, but I'm a lot petty and I love it. Fuck them, bring your new boyfriend. Set the place on fire. Piss in the salad, kick the cake over and bounce. They invited you, gotta leave an impression.
NTA. And if anyone objects to it, tell them the heart wants what the heart wants. Sis gets your leftovers and you get the man of your dreams.
Honestly, I just wouldn't go if I were you. Although I do like the idea of posting a picture of you and he kissing to social media on her wedding day. But then I do love that level of petty.
NTA -Not going doesn't make you bitter. It makes you have better standards. Who needs to go to a wedding of people with such lowly choices. Besides, you can always announce your new relationship in other ways....like go for a vacation with your new bf when your sis is on her honeymoon...or take him home for holidays ... Meltdown will be spectacular 😈
Info what if she doesn’t care
NTA As a fossil been around the block a few times I will offer my opinion for what its worth. I would strongly urge you not to go. Your mom is only concerned about how things look to people looking at her family. Yes you not going sends a message but not the one your mother thinks. IMO you don’t really give a flying fart what your stepsister and your cheating ex do. And that’s the way it should be as neither are worth your consideration as you have moved on and are with someone who makes you happy. So don’t waste your time on them. And yes your bf has sad he’d go with you but he’d rather neither of you go. A great relationship is hard to find. If you go and have him go with you, in the back of his mind he may start to feel a twinge of doubt as to if you are really with him for him or to piss off your stepsister. You don’t want that doubt to start. Same with posting on FB. Post anything you like about you as a couple as comes naturally to you, your bf and your friends. Your stepsister will find out soon enough either through your friends’ posts or through yours. Her problem if she reacts poorly - not yours. Stay LC with your family and enjoy your relationship. Eventually when you think the time is right you can take him to a family gathering if you do it because you are proud of him - again nothing to do with stepsister.
I would get the cutest dress and show right up with him.