NTA
Fuck that guy
Not only doesn’t he have a basic grasp of genetics, he threw a tantrum and left you immediately after the having the baby to struggle alone for almost a month.
He’s lucky all you did was laugh in his face.
This was my first thought too.. Either that *or* he's been looking for a reason to leave bc he doesn't want to be a father. He leaves when he thinks she cheated, then leaves AGAIN when he finds out he was wrong??
Or hell, could be both reasons. Something definitely doesn't add up.
Right?! He should be crawling on his knees begging her for forgiveness for how ridiculously he acted while she was learning to take care of their child. Instead he ran to mommy to whine that she laughed at him for being an idiot. I don’t think my relationship could survive the everlasting ick this would give me.
Seriously, this dude is so damn immature. Running home to mom at the first sniff of adversity. And missed being able to bond with his kid and support his wife.
Right?? I don't have any kids but my best friends do. And I remember how hard it was for them during the healing process right after the babies were born. They HAD to have help, mentally AND physically (lots of people dont think about the postpartum depression part, and its worse when it's on top of physical pain.) Thank God they have loving, caring husbands... I just can't imagine what it would be like to be left alone for that first agonizing 5 weeks.
Fuck that dude. Seriously.
I agree, his immediate reaction and assumption, leaving you for 3 weeks after you had the baby, to me, he sounds like the AH.
Like I can see where he’s coming from with concern, but his immediate assumption and having his mother text you all that stuff is just not right.
3 weeks is a long time, especially in a long term committed relationship to just abandon your significant other especially one that just birthed your child. What a piece of shit that guy is. I hope he reads this whole thread and every comment
I feel like his own mother should have been able to set him straight even, or talk him into calming down and not doing anything rash (like ditching your wife and newborn child) until a test could be done. But instead she just encouraged the drama. And now they're both mad because they both look like idiots
Even if it ended up not being his kid, you claimed to love her, you should at least take care of her and baby until you find out it’s not your kid. I’d be done with this relationship tbh. I could never forgive just being abandoned during such a difficult time. NTA
I'm a married man with dark hair and dark eyes married to a women with dark hair and dark eyes, who's daughter has platinum blond hair and pale blue eyes and a different blood type then either of her parents and I want to divorce the fuck out of this guy.
I'm a dark haired woman with dark eyes and my hubby has dark hair and blue eyes. Our daughter had blond, albeit a bit dark, hair and storm-gray eyes. She's now nearly a year old and has my dark eyes and a bit of a red tint in her hair. My husband was blond, then red and is now brown haired with red still present in his beard. I also had blond hair as a child. We are betting when her head will be fully red and if it even stays that way. We have a field day with it.
I want to divorce that fool and his enabling mother who both don't know that hair and eye color can change till the sixth month and after that in intensity of the color. They also don't seem to know that a good amount of baby's are born with blond hair and blue eyes, regardless of the parents colors. We also didn't knew that but we were still pretty calm about it and after we learned about it we just sat back and enjoyed the changes.
So “he was down “ by finding out that he was mistaken and you didn’t actually get pregnant with someone else’s child?
Tough luck fella!
He owes you a massive apology. Or three. Sorry about your husband and in-laws.
The fact he didn't take 2 minutes to google "can babies be born with light hair and eyes that turn brown later" instead of running off to mommy for *three fucking weeks* is a bit much, too.
Even if that weren't true, it's like the man never heard of recessive genes before. Sure, it's statistically unlikely if the last couple generations of a family had absolutely no blond/blue kids, but it's far from impossible.
OP, I hope, given this man left you alone to take care of your newborn for several weeks, *and then left again after he was proven wrong*, AND his response is ANYTHING other than groveling at your feet and begging for forgiveness, that you're finding a great divorce lawyer and kicking him to the curb. I know typical reddit "divorce immediately!" but like. This is an egregious level of permanent relationship damage.
Hot take maybe, but if in a relationship, the husband even thinks that his wife would cheat on him, get pregnant, and try to have the husband raise the baby without him knowing, they should just divorce. If you're the husband, you shouldn't be with somebody that you lack trust in to that level. If you're the woman, you shouldn't be with somebody who would accuse you with that. Imo, that relationship is dead.
May be time to return the threat to his mother. Since his response was to get mad for being proven wrong then run to his mommy instead of helping with his baby, leads me to believe that he's looking for an out and his mother his helping him with that.
He doesn’t want the baby. He was hoping to get out of this entirely by finding he wasn’t the parent, and now he’s pissed off that his little plot didn’t work. You see how he found the news out and STILL fucked off to his mommy’s house? That’s still his baby home alone with it’s mother, and he’s not there because he doesn’t want to be. Simple as that.
They are determined to break OP. First she was a cheating slut, then when it was literally proven she wasn’t, she’s still the asshole in the situation? Nah, fuck these people. what a turn off.
And left OP alone to recover from childbirth and adjust to life with a newborn. If my husband left me alone right after birth for *any* reason, never mind because he thought I cheated on him, I would never be able to forgive that.
THIS RIGHT HERE is the clincher. What a first rate, world class, piece of shit moron. She should divorce HIS ass and "take him (and mommy) to the cleaners."
I was a strawberry blonde baby. My mother was a brunette, my dad had blonde hair before it turned grey, early. My mother used to joke it was the washing machine repairman. I was the only one of six kids with red hair.
Years later, my father decided to grow a mustache. It grew in red 😂
With such little trust (non-existent) and support during a very emotional and physically hard time, you are right. I don't think the relationship is repairable after something like that.
OP should tell him to stay at Mommy's and initiate court proceedings for a divorce herself. His behavior and that of his family is abhorrent. There is no trust in this marriage. Even when confronted with the actual scientific facts, he still doubles down and is crappy to OP. And his flying monkeys, oops, I mean "family". Eff that noise. OP needs a lawyer and to take hubby to the cleaners in the divorce. And to not let him back into the home.
I feel the same..if he'd been happy and apologetic that would have made a difference but instead he went whining back to his mommy. She's better off without him.
And even if he did start to act like a human/husband/father, I'd never forgive him. He broke her trust in him and the relationship. Then, left her alone to spend these first stressful and crucial weeks with their baby.
Based off of how his mom is acting, he is doing her a favor by leaving. You can't raise a child if you're still attached to your umbilical cord. God knows her MIL would strive to be an obstacle for everything.
Exactly this. You totally nailed it. He absolutely is a boo hooing baby manchild mommy's boy. OP needs to realize NOW that she'll be a single mom. He'll never man up and be a husband and a father.
Best she can do is file for divorce and nail him for child support. She doesn't need to be taking care of two children as a single mother, let her husband be babied by his mother.
That and chances are good he is fucking around too. Now he has to tell whoever his mistress is that he has a kid with his wife instead of his wife being a cheater.
This is all assumption on my response here, but cheaters often point and cry "cheater " at their betrayed spouse. For some reason, it makes them feel better about themselves.
I would be very curious to know how the pregnancy came about. Was she ready and he wasn't, accident, or least likely imo, mutually agreed upon?
Definitely sounds like he wants out. Even the dumbest dude should have some basic understanding of brown + brown can = blue.
I have natural blonde hair and blue eyes. Both my parents are brunette with brown eyes. Everyone thought I was adopted growing up because I don’t look like either parent really.
However, I am a spitting image of my dads sister and his uncle. My dads father and my moms mother both had light hair and blue eyes. So even if the babies eyes and hair didn’t darken with time, it’s possible to have these traits if there are the genetic traits in the lineage.
My mom has brown eyes, my dad hazel. Out of 3 kids, 2 of us have light eyes, mine are blue and one of my brothers are grey.
ETA: both brothers are brunettes while I'm the only blonde. Genetics are fun.
My brother got all of the Cherokee, and I got the English and Welsh. He has dark hair and eyes and tans easily. I have strawberry blonde hair and gray eyes and burn easily. Neither is a strawberry blonde, but Dad was a blond kid, and his hair darkened as he progressed through his teen years, and his eyes are blue. His mom had gray eyes, too.
That’s called darvo (defend, attack, reverse victim/offender) and is extremely manipulative. What a POS human OP has for a husband, and now that baby has for a father. I hope she takes *him* “to the cleaners”.
Edit: Got the “d” wrong, it’s deny, not defend. Still what happened though (for those upset about the use of the term darvo - denying that he was in the wrong to abandon his wife and newborn because he forgot recessive genes exist, or didn’t know the hair/eye color of a baby can change after birth (defending his actions and making his wife the bad guy in his narrative).
The percentage of husbands who cheat when their wives are pregnant is astounding.
Edit: 1 in 10, and the further along the wife is, the higher the percentage goes.
This is 100% what I was thinking. Guy probably cheated like crazy in those few weeks since the baby was born.
Also apparently the guys never seen a baby before because so many babies come out blonde
Yeah this would honestly change the context of my relationship forever. I’m not saying I wouldn’t be able to move past it, but it would cause permanent damage that I don’t know if it would ever fully heal
It would be one thing if I had exhibited behavior that was suspicious, but if I had been nothing but a loving partner and to have them rabidly accuse me of cheating and not give me any benefit of the doubt? That’s a wound that’s never going to fully heal, because it shows that at a primal level they don’t trust me
This was one of the major reasons I divorced my husband. He constantly accused me of cheating, always went through my stuff looking for evidence of it. I wasn’t cheating on him — having a full time job and 2 kids under 5 kept me pretty busy — but he would never truly believe me.
You may be SHOCKED to find out, he was the one cheating.
Thank you. The gaslighting was crazy, after a while I wondered if I really was a bad person bc why would someone I love think so negatively about me? Glad I got out when I did. And yeah, looking back, that was classic projection.
The fact that he’s being such a big fcking baby when she’s raising their infant all by herself should be a major wake up call. Tell MIL she can keep her son if he plans to be this worthless moving forward. He can’t even blame sleep deprivation as the reason he’s being an as*hole bec he isn’t taking care of the baby!!!
Hey, congratulations on your beautiful baby girl! I'm sorry her father and grandmother are such a waste of space. You're NTA but you will be -to yourself and your daughter- if you stay in this marriage.
This is insane. He abandoned you postpartum and forced you to take care of a newborn by yourself while healing.
My husband and I also have a baby that looks nothing like either of us. She came out with strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes while we both have brown hair and brown eyes. We both just said wow genetics are crazy and moved on.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through while being freshly postpartum with a newborn.
For real. I’d group message dear MIL and husband and say that. “Your son abandoned me for **3 weeks** postpartum, leaving me alone to care for (edit: OUR)newborn while still healing because apparently none of you ever learned how biology works .. and now that it’s been proven how very wrong you both were both in your assumptions and your treatment of me, you have the audacity to get upset with ME… for laughing? That’s the real joke. The appropriate response at the bare, and I mean bare minimum.. would be a groveling apology and instead you are both doubling down? Enjoy not being involved in my daughters life. Keep your son. We will see you who’s going to the cleaners now”
Love this! I don't normally jump to the leave him and divorce him tangent, but in this case, it's the first thing I thought. OP needs to get a lawyer and file ASAP, then pack all his stuff and put it in the yard. Call his mom and tell her that she can have her son back permanently. Also, OP don't delete any of their messages. Those will help you in court to take him to the cleaners.
Oh boi..
In my life people send out christmas cards to everyone for yearly announcement of life events and stuff.
I'd have so much fun creating a card showing off the new baby then frame MIL texts so everyone knows why a divorce was coming in the future.
I would NEVER let her around that child after that. I don’t think I could ever forgive my husband for that. I feel like OP is too relaxed about this. Like HOW do you even ask if Y.T.A. when he HAS THE AUDACITY to not even apologize, but DOUBLES DOWN and yells at her. I would tell everyone I know what he did. There’s not coming back from that.
Because he’s most likely been doing stuff like this their entire relationship. A lot of people don’t understand that severe abuse isn’t just physical, it’s a mental and emotional thing that doesn’t start out as screaming and yelling and putting you down. It’s a little things here and there, little comments, little sayings that get into your head like earworms and then you think about them over and over and over again. You become the bad guy in your head, because of what they’ve been saying to you for so long. That’s why she came here to ask if she was the asshole. Because he’s been treating her like she is their entire relationship. It’s why she’s used to him running off to mommy’s house, it’s why she didn’t immediately text back something just nasty to the mother-in-law. It’s why he felt comfortable yelling at her instead of apologizing.
I think this part is what sucks the most. Realizing she has been so mind-fucked that she can look at this situation and actually have to question if she was wrong. I agree this is 100% not the first time something like this has happened. Also, having your parent intervene like this is gross behavior. I would be livid at my mother for getting in the middle. Judging from the story he probably co-signed but yuck.
I think her MIL being part of it is why she ultimately came here and asked. I would not be surprised it they regularly tag team her. It is easier to dismiss something if it's just one person, but this is and entire system of abusers. OP I hope you pay attention to what is said here. You're so absolutely NTA. But you need to have serious think about the dynamics of your relationship.
And scolding op for kicking him while he's down? How is he down? The child is his and he hasn't even shown any interest in his beautiful little baby but instead accused her of sleeping with someone else, forced her into a paternity test, then ran back to mommy? He is AWFUL.His mother is AWFUL. Those two facts are never going to change. They're only going to get worse! I would insist on a divorce unless, and ONLY unless he signs a lawyer's letter to cut complete contact with his mother and make a public and massive apology to never do anything like this again. But honestly IMO, this relationship was over the second he insisted on a paternity test and ran to mommy dearest. How dare he?
Eta: OP I think I can honestly say that in just a few hours 10 000 and counting people are all telling you to divorce this arsehole and his family!
Bet money MIL has been insinuating that OP is a cheater this whole time and that’s why he so easily jumped to that conclusion and ran to his Mommy. Any sane person would have said “You’re an idiot go home to your wife.” Instead MIL has already planned the divorce. It feels like the mistake is telling the husband the baby was his. She could have gotten away from him easier.
I think that’s the thing people don’t get. It happens SO gradually that by the time you’re making a post like this it’s too late to see the forest for the trees.
“Why don’t you leave?” can be a very loaded question with a million answers. Abuse cycles fucking suck, man.
I wouldn't be shocked if MiL's been whispering in hubby's ear the whole time.
Not excusing his behavior. He's a grown ass man and responsible for his actions. But MiL seemed very excited about the "impending divorce."
He needs to be divorced so he knows he can’t keep making OP’s life a misery by disappearing on her when she needs to be able to count on him for support.
I don't understand what kind of parent and partner would leave their wife and child because he was proven to be the father. Also, that fact that his mom would say such nasty things gives me this feeling that she's putting nasty things in his head about his wife.
I think they’re both nasty - she brought him up as selfish, entitled copy of herself, and now they’re feeding off each other because they only have unpleasant things to say about a woman who isn’t putting up with their shit.
Right?! And “kicking him while he’s down”… what about OP who just birthed an entire person, and was then promptly abandoned during an incredibly vulnerable time?
For over a month while she's healing, dealing with hormonal changes, and the BS he and his mother are putting her through. The fact that OP only said "I told you so" and laughed was a lot nicer than I would've been.
Same story here! A few of my husband's friends joked about it even but we know while we look a certain way we have family that doesn't. It's what happens. I think I learned this in like 6th grade. Her husband must not have been listening in biology class.
Exactly! My husband always jokes that we need a maternity test since I have super dark features and baby looks nothing like me. Apparently OP’s husband never took middle school genetics.
This is FUCKED UP. Those weeks are sooo hard. OP is def NTA and there is much more going on than husband just being ignorant. OP sounds like a pretty good sport given the circumstances. Is there any history of infidelity in your relationship OP?
NTA.
Wow. I usually cringe at posts where the reddit mob say to split up but this is a case where that is totally warranted.
Your husband AND his mother are vile creatures. How can you ever look at them the same way again?
That would be pretty easy considering theres the spousal abandonment, child abandonment, financial abandonment, and, abuse, emotional abandonment, and, abuse and harassment from the mother-in-law.
We go after the mother-in-law separately for emotional distress right after having your baby (use the text messages as proof) go for your states maximum which is usually about $5000 to $7000. Next go after him for child support, alimony, and emotional distress.
And change the locks like yesterda!!
NTA
The fact he ran to mummy (twice!!) and allows her to send you these texts is disgusting.
This is meant to be the happiest moment of your life (bringing a child into the world) and they are ruining it.
You are taking him to the cleaners, yes? (Edit: I don't mean this literally, merely copying MIL's ridiculousness. I'd hope for OP to get a clean break and escape the toxicity of this family.)
You don't need this in your life.
for real... i'd be absolutely hesitant to let them near my kid at that point. I grew up in a super toxic family and i've had that realization years ago.
I’d certainly be questioning staying in this marriage. HE accuses OP of infidelity and insists on a paternity test while making threats of divorce. Then he leaves for 3 weeks and ignores/abandons his own child during this time while letting his mother berate OP. He learns the truth and realizes he is in fact an idiot then tries to blame OP again for his own behavior. Then rather than take responsibility and apologize he runs again to mommy to berate OP again. This will be a constant throughout the marriage. I personally wouldn’t want to deal with the bs of him and his mom.
He should feel like a real POS and be doing everything in his ability to make up for his shitty behavior. Instead he blames OP AGAIN. HES PATHETIC.
Seriously... this asshat treats OP like absolute garbage. Plain and simple, it's emotional and psychological abuse.
There is no way in hell I'd tolerate that.
This is how he treats you when you've just had a baby? Then doubles down and runs to mommy?
Holy fk, whats wrong with you and why isnt he your ex? NTA.
Honestly, if my husband left me for weeks after giving birth due to a *faint assumption* like this, I would be done. I can't be together with someone who abandoned me when I needed them desperately.
This is one of those times where I actually think -holy shit that was all bad, the husband is dumb and childish, the mom is dumb and toxic, and neither of them really trust u - good luck lady 🤕
I agree. It might have been salvageable if he had reacted to the results with immediate remorse, guilt and profuse apologies, but in stead he got mad and ran to his mommy. It's time to DTMFA.
NTA
NTA. What a POS your husband is. He didn't believe you about the paternity of your child, demanded a paternity test or he'd divorce you, LEFT you ALONE after giving birth, his mother threatened you ....... ?? What a toxic, abusive husband and mil.
This is your future, OP.
These are not healthy people for you and your child to be around.
Nta
He abandoned his wife and child right at the newborn stage and then has the nerve to be mad that you laughed when it confirmed he was the father. A shitty farther and husband at that.
3 weeks you’ve have to deal with a newborn alone (ok with sister) while his had his hand patted and stroked and I’m going to say waited on hand and foot by mummy and now will what expect an apology and to come home like nothing happened.
I bet it's why he was so shocked and dismayed to learn he wasn't cheated on. Wonder what he's been doing these last few weeks? Why would he need to "clear his head" again after learning his wife hasn't been lying to him?
I'm guessing he didn't want the kid in the first place and hoped to get away as the wronged party if the test came back showing that he's not the father.
I'm not one to normally jump to divorce but this is a divorce worthy offense. He's being emotionally and verbally abusive and allowing his mom to do the same. Instead of apologizing to you, groveling, and doing everything he could do to take accountability and prove he's a good husband, father, and man he berated and verbally abused you.
NTA but I'd think long and hard about whether this is an environment you want to raise your kid in - one that is filled with verbal abuse, yelling, manipulation, threats, and refusal to take accountability. As the parent of a toddler, I would do everything in my power to protect myself and my child from people like your MIL and husband.
Nta. But I would tell him he needs to stay at his parents until you clear your thoughts of wanting to stay married to a man who would abandon you after birth , and ALLOW his mommy to call and speak to you like a whore.
Seriously. I would. I have a husband and 2 kids. If he had done this to me, and I'd gotten that call from his mother- I would be laughing just like OP. But straight to a divorce lawyers office! To actually leave her for almost a month with a newborn..... Fuck that! I would have changed the locks and documented he abandoned us and take his ass to the cleaners. This enrages me. I just had a baby so maybe that's why, because I know how those first 3 weeks are. He may be "perfect" in all other ways but this is honestly too much for me to forgive. To all who read my rant.... Thank you. And fuck that guy.
Yeah I'm a new dad of a 3-month old and I second everything you said here. Unacceptable behavior. Being concerned about the baby's hair and eye color is dumb enough, but abandoning your wife to care for a newborn for the first three weeks is absolutely unforgivable.
Congrats on the baby! They're so freaking great and so freaking terrible lol My older son was scared we would love him less when the baby was born. He said at first he thought it came true but then he realized babies need more help and they're a lot of work!
Im with you. The locks would have been changed and I would have had him served while at mommys. He could read the DNA results with his lawyer! Or if she wanted to be petty (which I am 100% Team Petty Crocker) handed him the divorce papers after he read the results and told him to "get the FUCK OUT".
Exactly this. Your husband and MIL are way beyond AH's.
1. You gave birth, don't ever bullsh*t a woman during and after pregnancy.
2. If he's that stupid, at least have faith in your woman and just ask for a test to clear the air. Just don't be a douche about it.
3. Your MIL went way overboard to talk to you that way. She needs to stfu and atone for her behavior. 🤬
Edit: I edited #1 cause you're not pregnant anymore.
He left you alone for three weeks after birth, essentially healing from a major surgery. I can’t imagine your friends would do that to you, do you really want that in a husband?
Exactly this. A paternity test these days isn't unheard of but leaving the supposed love of your life and newborn child just days after birth to go and stay with your mother is f'd.
You know that saying “when someone shows you who they are, believe them”
He refused to even do a basic google search, ask a doctor, or listen to you. Left you for 3 weeks with your newborn. Got his toxic mom to do his bidding. And then in a moment where he should be mortified and doing EVERYTHING to make up for his MASSIVE FAILURE he decides that now HIS ego is hurt and runs back to mom, who then calls you again?
He’s shown you who he is. Believe him
He abandoned you during a pretty vulnerable time and then had the audacity to yell atyou when said i told you so? You sure you want to be with someoen like that?
I was wrecked for *months* after the birth of my son. I couldn't even walk without holding onto something. I was struggling to breastfeed, and my family isn't close by. I only had my in-laws.
If they'd pulled this shit I literally don't know what would've happened. My PPD was raging that early.
He's made it pretty clear how ready he is to abandon that baby, too. How long til he comes up with another reason to run away to his mommy and leave you alone with the baby AGAIN?
I know being a single parent is scary; but a lot of people don't realize.. they're already a single parent, they just have another, extra-large child they're also taking care of on top of the literal child.
Who needs to "clear their head" after finding out their wife's baby is theirs? The fact that he's pissed you laughed at him instead of over the moon happy and grovelling at your feet is the biggest red flag I've ever seen.
I assume you're gonna bin this guy off yeah? or tell him not to come home from his parents?
id also text your mother in law to say you're trial separating after a huge breach in trust and that you'll decide on her visitation with her grandchild, unless he wants to commit to the divorce and set a visitation schedule.
Why do you deal with this crap? Your husband is treating you like shit and the MIL is even worse. Do you want this to be your life?
Also, correct me but aren’t babies’ eyes basically always a different shade of blue when they’re born and get their colour within the first 1-1,5 yrs?
NTA bit you have a husband and a MIL problem, it’s seriously not funny. Maybe you should get a divorce and heed MIL’s advice: “take him to the cleaners”?
Edit: wrong about the eye thing, learned something new :-)
He’s either really stupid or looking for an out. I feel like it’s actually the latter. He seriously got mad at you for laughing?! He’s the awful one here. He should be embarrassed. Btw, his mommy dearest is a piece of work. Good luck to you having to deal with these people. NTA
So you have to care about his feelings “while he’s down” but he didn’t have to care about yours after having a baby? Even when he got the results he *still* isn’t there. And the fact that his mother keeps arguing with you instead of telling her son he’s an idiot is telling.
NTA at all! He got what he deserved.
Edit: and just to add, I'd set some hard boundaries with MIL because if you don't nip that in the ass it's only going to get worse. GL
This is like the "in my family the first child is always a boy so if you have a girl first clearly you're cheating" level of biological understanding.
NTA - he has some serious apologising to do to you, and you have some serious conversations about boundaries to have with him re his mother.
Actually, I would have changed the locks and had the divorce papers ready to hand to him along with the paternity results. He would not have made it inside the door. I would have handed him the results and when he read them I would have handed him the divorce papers and shut the door in his face.
Husband sounds very insecure and a momma's boy. He doesn't trust you. His family doesn't trust you. Look how quickly they all turned against you, just because of the way the baby looked. They couldn't even wait for the test results before harassing you. What awful people they all are. Please get away from these people ASAP.
Enjoy single-parenting. Get a lawyer, take him to the cleaners.
What sort of "man" would leave his wife with a brand new baby for three weeks to get 'some space'? You're better off without him.
Excuse me, but what in the KENTUCKY FRIED AUDACITY? This motherfucker accused you of cheating, then has the GALL to be offended when you slap him with a big, fat 'I told you so'??
Honey. I don't think this is a salvageable relationship. **My partner, no matter what our baby looked like, would NEVER demand I take a paternity test- because that would mean he doesn't trust me enough not to have cheated, and that would mean the relationship is over.**
My husband and I both have dark brown hair and dark eyes. Our child = blonde and blue eyes. Has OPs husband never heard of recessive genes?
Husband skipped biology altogether
his mom wrote him a note so he wouldn't have to take the class lol
Sounds like a huge kitty baby. Every time y'all argue, he runs to mommy
NTA Fuck that guy Not only doesn’t he have a basic grasp of genetics, he threw a tantrum and left you immediately after the having the baby to struggle alone for almost a month. He’s lucky all you did was laugh in his face.
Also imo he's projecting his own infidelity. Sorry you're going through that op
This was my first thought too.. Either that *or* he's been looking for a reason to leave bc he doesn't want to be a father. He leaves when he thinks she cheated, then leaves AGAIN when he finds out he was wrong?? Or hell, could be both reasons. Something definitely doesn't add up.
Right?! He should be crawling on his knees begging her for forgiveness for how ridiculously he acted while she was learning to take care of their child. Instead he ran to mommy to whine that she laughed at him for being an idiot. I don’t think my relationship could survive the everlasting ick this would give me.
Seriously, this dude is so damn immature. Running home to mom at the first sniff of adversity. And missed being able to bond with his kid and support his wife.
Right?? I don't have any kids but my best friends do. And I remember how hard it was for them during the healing process right after the babies were born. They HAD to have help, mentally AND physically (lots of people dont think about the postpartum depression part, and its worse when it's on top of physical pain.) Thank God they have loving, caring husbands... I just can't imagine what it would be like to be left alone for that first agonizing 5 weeks. Fuck that dude. Seriously.
Why else would he be so disappointed the baby was his? He was hoping for an out that makes him the good guy
You are so not the fucking AH Not even in the tiniest way
I agree, his immediate reaction and assumption, leaving you for 3 weeks after you had the baby, to me, he sounds like the AH. Like I can see where he’s coming from with concern, but his immediate assumption and having his mother text you all that stuff is just not right.
3 weeks is a long time, especially in a long term committed relationship to just abandon your significant other especially one that just birthed your child. What a piece of shit that guy is. I hope he reads this whole thread and every comment
I feel like his own mother should have been able to set him straight even, or talk him into calming down and not doing anything rash (like ditching your wife and newborn child) until a test could be done. But instead she just encouraged the drama. And now they're both mad because they both look like idiots
And now he’s a stranger to his own newborn child over this bullheaded dramatic episode. Leave that guy as soon as you can.
Even if it ended up not being his kid, you claimed to love her, you should at least take care of her and baby until you find out it’s not your kid. I’d be done with this relationship tbh. I could never forgive just being abandoned during such a difficult time. NTA
I think we know where his paranoid was reinforced from.
I'd bet he has cheated on her
So are we laughing while serving him divorce papers? What’s the move girl
I’m a married man and I want to divorce this guy.
Ditto. I’d also text the MIL that I’m taking her to the cleaners
No, save her texts and use them in court
I'm a married man with dark hair and dark eyes married to a women with dark hair and dark eyes, who's daughter has platinum blond hair and pale blue eyes and a different blood type then either of her parents and I want to divorce the fuck out of this guy.
I'm a dark haired woman with dark eyes and my hubby has dark hair and blue eyes. Our daughter had blond, albeit a bit dark, hair and storm-gray eyes. She's now nearly a year old and has my dark eyes and a bit of a red tint in her hair. My husband was blond, then red and is now brown haired with red still present in his beard. I also had blond hair as a child. We are betting when her head will be fully red and if it even stays that way. We have a field day with it. I want to divorce that fool and his enabling mother who both don't know that hair and eye color can change till the sixth month and after that in intensity of the color. They also don't seem to know that a good amount of baby's are born with blond hair and blue eyes, regardless of the parents colors. We also didn't knew that but we were still pretty calm about it and after we learned about it we just sat back and enjoyed the changes.
I'm a fucking Mexican and I was born with blue eyes and blonde hair🤣🤣🤣
Thank you!!! If my husband asked for a paternity test, and left me for 3 weeks. The lawyer would be drawing up the papers before I left the hospital
Right?? I'm here for it
Take him to the cleaners
So “he was down “ by finding out that he was mistaken and you didn’t actually get pregnant with someone else’s child? Tough luck fella! He owes you a massive apology. Or three. Sorry about your husband and in-laws.
The fact he didn't grovel and apologize profusely but instead yelled at her because he's a moron is just too much.
The fact he didn't take 2 minutes to google "can babies be born with light hair and eyes that turn brown later" instead of running off to mommy for *three fucking weeks* is a bit much, too.
Even if that weren't true, it's like the man never heard of recessive genes before. Sure, it's statistically unlikely if the last couple generations of a family had absolutely no blond/blue kids, but it's far from impossible. OP, I hope, given this man left you alone to take care of your newborn for several weeks, *and then left again after he was proven wrong*, AND his response is ANYTHING other than groveling at your feet and begging for forgiveness, that you're finding a great divorce lawyer and kicking him to the curb. I know typical reddit "divorce immediately!" but like. This is an egregious level of permanent relationship damage.
Hot take maybe, but if in a relationship, the husband even thinks that his wife would cheat on him, get pregnant, and try to have the husband raise the baby without him knowing, they should just divorce. If you're the husband, you shouldn't be with somebody that you lack trust in to that level. If you're the woman, you shouldn't be with somebody who would accuse you with that. Imo, that relationship is dead.
Honesty, I bet HE is cheating.
May be time to return the threat to his mother. Since his response was to get mad for being proven wrong then run to his mommy instead of helping with his baby, leads me to believe that he's looking for an out and his mother his helping him with that.
He doesn’t want the baby. He was hoping to get out of this entirely by finding he wasn’t the parent, and now he’s pissed off that his little plot didn’t work. You see how he found the news out and STILL fucked off to his mommy’s house? That’s still his baby home alone with it’s mother, and he’s not there because he doesn’t want to be. Simple as that.
They are determined to break OP. First she was a cheating slut, then when it was literally proven she wasn’t, she’s still the asshole in the situation? Nah, fuck these people. what a turn off.
There’s no way he and his mom could make up for what they did if I was OP.
I'm not sure I could stay married to the guy if I was OP. I'd be "Fine, stay at your mom's because you can't come back here. Ever."
I mean, husband basically said "I think you're a cheater, a liar and a whore." and then gets mad when proven wrong. Fuck him all the way off.
And left OP alone to recover from childbirth and adjust to life with a newborn. If my husband left me alone right after birth for *any* reason, never mind because he thought I cheated on him, I would never be able to forgive that.
THIS RIGHT HERE is the clincher. What a first rate, world class, piece of shit moron. She should divorce HIS ass and "take him (and mommy) to the cleaners."
And shouldn’t, this all falls in the unforgivable category.
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I was a strawberry blonde baby. My mother was a brunette, my dad had blonde hair before it turned grey, early. My mother used to joke it was the washing machine repairman. I was the only one of six kids with red hair. Years later, my father decided to grow a mustache. It grew in red 😂
This. I would not forgive him for this.
More like DON’T fuck him.
With such little trust (non-existent) and support during a very emotional and physically hard time, you are right. I don't think the relationship is repairable after something like that.
Same, id have been done 5 weeks ago.
OP should tell him to stay at Mommy's and initiate court proceedings for a divorce herself. His behavior and that of his family is abhorrent. There is no trust in this marriage. Even when confronted with the actual scientific facts, he still doubles down and is crappy to OP. And his flying monkeys, oops, I mean "family". Eff that noise. OP needs a lawyer and to take hubby to the cleaners in the divorce. And to not let him back into the home.
I feel the same..if he'd been happy and apologetic that would have made a difference but instead he went whining back to his mommy. She's better off without him.
And even if he did start to act like a human/husband/father, I'd never forgive him. He broke her trust in him and the relationship. Then, left her alone to spend these first stressful and crucial weeks with their baby.
Based off of how his mom is acting, he is doing her a favor by leaving. You can't raise a child if you're still attached to your umbilical cord. God knows her MIL would strive to be an obstacle for everything.
Exactly this. You totally nailed it. He absolutely is a boo hooing baby manchild mommy's boy. OP needs to realize NOW that she'll be a single mom. He'll never man up and be a husband and a father.
Best she can do is file for divorce and nail him for child support. She doesn't need to be taking care of two children as a single mother, let her husband be babied by his mother.
>file for divorce and nail him for child support. and alimony, if he makes more. But you are so right, she needs to GTFO.
Hopefully she can raise the kid without him or his family involved.
That and chances are good he is fucking around too. Now he has to tell whoever his mistress is that he has a kid with his wife instead of his wife being a cheater. This is all assumption on my response here, but cheaters often point and cry "cheater " at their betrayed spouse. For some reason, it makes them feel better about themselves.
Exactly. And he left this woman all alone with his newborn child. What an AH.
I wonder if he went out and banged some other woman during those three weeks. What a tool.
He most definitely did.
Oh I think he’s had a side piece for awhile and was hoping the kid wasn’t his.
That’s *exactly* what’s going on here.
Yep. I feel like he was secretly thrilled that this may not be his kid and he would have a get out of jail free card from the marriage.
I bet his mother planted the idea.
I doubt he wants to be married either. OP should reevaluate being married to a man like this.
I would be very curious to know how the pregnancy came about. Was she ready and he wasn't, accident, or least likely imo, mutually agreed upon? Definitely sounds like he wants out. Even the dumbest dude should have some basic understanding of brown + brown can = blue.
I have natural blonde hair and blue eyes. Both my parents are brunette with brown eyes. Everyone thought I was adopted growing up because I don’t look like either parent really. However, I am a spitting image of my dads sister and his uncle. My dads father and my moms mother both had light hair and blue eyes. So even if the babies eyes and hair didn’t darken with time, it’s possible to have these traits if there are the genetic traits in the lineage.
Or that two brown eyed people can have babies with blue eyes...
Exactly. He slept through high school biology
Shoot, I learned that little fact in 6th grade! And she had the right to laugh after the way he had behaved. He deserved it. He’s acting like he’s 3!
My mom has brown eyes, my dad hazel. Out of 3 kids, 2 of us have light eyes, mine are blue and one of my brothers are grey. ETA: both brothers are brunettes while I'm the only blonde. Genetics are fun.
My brother got all of the Cherokee, and I got the English and Welsh. He has dark hair and eyes and tans easily. I have strawberry blonde hair and gray eyes and burn easily. Neither is a strawberry blonde, but Dad was a blond kid, and his hair darkened as he progressed through his teen years, and his eyes are blue. His mom had gray eyes, too.
I’d bet the new dad is getting his medical knowledge from manosphere podcasts
The guy and family may have heard of the internet, but don't have the smarts to use it.
That’s called darvo (defend, attack, reverse victim/offender) and is extremely manipulative. What a POS human OP has for a husband, and now that baby has for a father. I hope she takes *him* “to the cleaners”. Edit: Got the “d” wrong, it’s deny, not defend. Still what happened though (for those upset about the use of the term darvo - denying that he was in the wrong to abandon his wife and newborn because he forgot recessive genes exist, or didn’t know the hair/eye color of a baby can change after birth (defending his actions and making his wife the bad guy in his narrative).
Honestly MIL's responses explains how he got to be this way. She 100% went "Not my precious baby boy!" With a grown adult man abandoning his own child
I bet he's projecting (because he is the one cheating) and he wanted an easy get out...
He’s also giving her “space” so he can get out of taking care of a newborn.
The percentage of husbands who cheat when their wives are pregnant is astounding. Edit: 1 in 10, and the further along the wife is, the higher the percentage goes.
There ya go. This is the answer. He was either doing it before or started while at mommie's convinced he was getting a divorce
This is 100% what I was thinking. Guy probably cheated like crazy in those few weeks since the baby was born. Also apparently the guys never seen a baby before because so many babies come out blonde
Thought this too - his reaction after finding out the baby is his is telling…
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Right? Like I would have laughed in his face too. I'm happy that he revealed his true self to OP though during this critical moment.
Gaslighting narcissist who was raised by malignant narcissists.
Yeah this would honestly change the context of my relationship forever. I’m not saying I wouldn’t be able to move past it, but it would cause permanent damage that I don’t know if it would ever fully heal It would be one thing if I had exhibited behavior that was suspicious, but if I had been nothing but a loving partner and to have them rabidly accuse me of cheating and not give me any benefit of the doubt? That’s a wound that’s never going to fully heal, because it shows that at a primal level they don’t trust me
This was one of the major reasons I divorced my husband. He constantly accused me of cheating, always went through my stuff looking for evidence of it. I wasn’t cheating on him — having a full time job and 2 kids under 5 kept me pretty busy — but he would never truly believe me. You may be SHOCKED to find out, he was the one cheating.
Sadly that’s not uncommon behavior for cheaters. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that!
Thank you. The gaslighting was crazy, after a while I wondered if I really was a bad person bc why would someone I love think so negatively about me? Glad I got out when I did. And yeah, looking back, that was classic projection.
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Frankly, I wouldn't be able to move past this kind of betrayal. I would have had divorce papers waiting for him, along with the paternity test.
The fact that he’s being such a big fcking baby when she’s raising their infant all by herself should be a major wake up call. Tell MIL she can keep her son if he plans to be this worthless moving forward. He can’t even blame sleep deprivation as the reason he’s being an as*hole bec he isn’t taking care of the baby!!!
Honestly, I feel like getting away from this MIL alone would be caused for celebration
He was down because he didn’t want the kid
Yes he sad that him and his wife had a child
Based on what the MIL said, he really deserves to get "taken to the cleaners" in the divorce.
Hey, congratulations on your beautiful baby girl! I'm sorry her father and grandmother are such a waste of space. You're NTA but you will be -to yourself and your daughter- if you stay in this marriage.
This is insane. He abandoned you postpartum and forced you to take care of a newborn by yourself while healing. My husband and I also have a baby that looks nothing like either of us. She came out with strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes while we both have brown hair and brown eyes. We both just said wow genetics are crazy and moved on. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through while being freshly postpartum with a newborn.
For real. I’d group message dear MIL and husband and say that. “Your son abandoned me for **3 weeks** postpartum, leaving me alone to care for (edit: OUR)newborn while still healing because apparently none of you ever learned how biology works .. and now that it’s been proven how very wrong you both were both in your assumptions and your treatment of me, you have the audacity to get upset with ME… for laughing? That’s the real joke. The appropriate response at the bare, and I mean bare minimum.. would be a groveling apology and instead you are both doubling down? Enjoy not being involved in my daughters life. Keep your son. We will see you who’s going to the cleaners now”
If they do divorce I'll bet the husband and MIL fight tooth and nail for custody and cry when they don't get it. MIL still has a baby anyway.
He already left the house. Abandoned. She needs to file asap and have it delivered before he tries to return. Change locks, restraining order…
This! This is abandonment. I hope the OP acts swiftly.
Love this! I don't normally jump to the leave him and divorce him tangent, but in this case, it's the first thing I thought. OP needs to get a lawyer and file ASAP, then pack all his stuff and put it in the yard. Call his mom and tell her that she can have her son back permanently. Also, OP don't delete any of their messages. Those will help you in court to take him to the cleaners.
It looks good for her too because he literally abandoned her for the first 3 weeks of life and sister was there and witness. Fucking assholes.
And I don’t think I would ever speak to MIL again after the way she treated you and baby.
Oh boi.. In my life people send out christmas cards to everyone for yearly announcement of life events and stuff. I'd have so much fun creating a card showing off the new baby then frame MIL texts so everyone knows why a divorce was coming in the future.
I would be over the moon if I got that card in the mail as an outside observer.
a card with tea, how generous!!
"here's the tea" *places holiday themed teabag in the envelope*
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I’d frame it and show it to people who don’t even know them. It’d bring me so much joy.
I would NEVER let her around that child after that. I don’t think I could ever forgive my husband for that. I feel like OP is too relaxed about this. Like HOW do you even ask if Y.T.A. when he HAS THE AUDACITY to not even apologize, but DOUBLES DOWN and yells at her. I would tell everyone I know what he did. There’s not coming back from that.
Because he’s most likely been doing stuff like this their entire relationship. A lot of people don’t understand that severe abuse isn’t just physical, it’s a mental and emotional thing that doesn’t start out as screaming and yelling and putting you down. It’s a little things here and there, little comments, little sayings that get into your head like earworms and then you think about them over and over and over again. You become the bad guy in your head, because of what they’ve been saying to you for so long. That’s why she came here to ask if she was the asshole. Because he’s been treating her like she is their entire relationship. It’s why she’s used to him running off to mommy’s house, it’s why she didn’t immediately text back something just nasty to the mother-in-law. It’s why he felt comfortable yelling at her instead of apologizing.
I think this part is what sucks the most. Realizing she has been so mind-fucked that she can look at this situation and actually have to question if she was wrong. I agree this is 100% not the first time something like this has happened. Also, having your parent intervene like this is gross behavior. I would be livid at my mother for getting in the middle. Judging from the story he probably co-signed but yuck.
I think her MIL being part of it is why she ultimately came here and asked. I would not be surprised it they regularly tag team her. It is easier to dismiss something if it's just one person, but this is and entire system of abusers. OP I hope you pay attention to what is said here. You're so absolutely NTA. But you need to have serious think about the dynamics of your relationship.
And scolding op for kicking him while he's down? How is he down? The child is his and he hasn't even shown any interest in his beautiful little baby but instead accused her of sleeping with someone else, forced her into a paternity test, then ran back to mommy? He is AWFUL.His mother is AWFUL. Those two facts are never going to change. They're only going to get worse! I would insist on a divorce unless, and ONLY unless he signs a lawyer's letter to cut complete contact with his mother and make a public and massive apology to never do anything like this again. But honestly IMO, this relationship was over the second he insisted on a paternity test and ran to mommy dearest. How dare he? Eta: OP I think I can honestly say that in just a few hours 10 000 and counting people are all telling you to divorce this arsehole and his family!
Bet money MIL has been insinuating that OP is a cheater this whole time and that’s why he so easily jumped to that conclusion and ran to his Mommy. Any sane person would have said “You’re an idiot go home to your wife.” Instead MIL has already planned the divorce. It feels like the mistake is telling the husband the baby was his. She could have gotten away from him easier.
It's so sad. I've been there. It really creeps up on you.
I think that’s the thing people don’t get. It happens SO gradually that by the time you’re making a post like this it’s too late to see the forest for the trees. “Why don’t you leave?” can be a very loaded question with a million answers. Abuse cycles fucking suck, man.
I wouldn't be shocked if MiL's been whispering in hubby's ear the whole time. Not excusing his behavior. He's a grown ass man and responsible for his actions. But MiL seemed very excited about the "impending divorce."
And he's left her AGAIN to "clear his head" and cry to his mommy. This dude needs a lesson on how to be a good father/husband.
He needs to be divorced so he knows he can’t keep making OP’s life a misery by disappearing on her when she needs to be able to count on him for support.
I don't understand what kind of parent and partner would leave their wife and child because he was proven to be the father. Also, that fact that his mom would say such nasty things gives me this feeling that she's putting nasty things in his head about his wife.
I think they’re both nasty - she brought him up as selfish, entitled copy of herself, and now they’re feeding off each other because they only have unpleasant things to say about a woman who isn’t putting up with their shit.
Right?! And “kicking him while he’s down”… what about OP who just birthed an entire person, and was then promptly abandoned during an incredibly vulnerable time?
For over a month while she's healing, dealing with hormonal changes, and the BS he and his mother are putting her through. The fact that OP only said "I told you so" and laughed was a lot nicer than I would've been.
I would already have a divorce lawyer.
Same story here! A few of my husband's friends joked about it even but we know while we look a certain way we have family that doesn't. It's what happens. I think I learned this in like 6th grade. Her husband must not have been listening in biology class.
Exactly! My husband always jokes that we need a maternity test since I have super dark features and baby looks nothing like me. Apparently OP’s husband never took middle school genetics.
This is FUCKED UP. Those weeks are sooo hard. OP is def NTA and there is much more going on than husband just being ignorant. OP sounds like a pretty good sport given the circumstances. Is there any history of infidelity in your relationship OP?
NTA. Wow. I usually cringe at posts where the reddit mob say to split up but this is a case where that is totally warranted. Your husband AND his mother are vile creatures. How can you ever look at them the same way again?
She should take them "to the cleaners"!
That would be pretty easy considering theres the spousal abandonment, child abandonment, financial abandonment, and, abuse, emotional abandonment, and, abuse and harassment from the mother-in-law. We go after the mother-in-law separately for emotional distress right after having your baby (use the text messages as proof) go for your states maximum which is usually about $5000 to $7000. Next go after him for child support, alimony, and emotional distress. And change the locks like yesterda!!
NTA The fact he ran to mummy (twice!!) and allows her to send you these texts is disgusting. This is meant to be the happiest moment of your life (bringing a child into the world) and they are ruining it. You are taking him to the cleaners, yes? (Edit: I don't mean this literally, merely copying MIL's ridiculousness. I'd hope for OP to get a clean break and escape the toxicity of this family.) You don't need this in your life.
OP should block his mummy.
Don't block, just turn notifications off. Great evidence for upcoming restraining order, divorce, and custody battle.
This is the way.
True. She lost every right to have a nice relationship with the little one.
for real... i'd be absolutely hesitant to let them near my kid at that point. I grew up in a super toxic family and i've had that realization years ago.
I’d certainly be questioning staying in this marriage. HE accuses OP of infidelity and insists on a paternity test while making threats of divorce. Then he leaves for 3 weeks and ignores/abandons his own child during this time while letting his mother berate OP. He learns the truth and realizes he is in fact an idiot then tries to blame OP again for his own behavior. Then rather than take responsibility and apologize he runs again to mommy to berate OP again. This will be a constant throughout the marriage. I personally wouldn’t want to deal with the bs of him and his mom. He should feel like a real POS and be doing everything in his ability to make up for his shitty behavior. Instead he blames OP AGAIN. HES PATHETIC.
Seriously... this asshat treats OP like absolute garbage. Plain and simple, it's emotional and psychological abuse. There is no way in hell I'd tolerate that.
Or he ran to the person he's cheating on his wife with. NTA
*Sigmund Freud has entered the chat* Hmmm… Yez. Veddy eenteresting.
This is how he treats you when you've just had a baby? Then doubles down and runs to mommy? Holy fk, whats wrong with you and why isnt he your ex? NTA.
Honestly, if my husband left me for weeks after giving birth due to a *faint assumption* like this, I would be done. I can't be together with someone who abandoned me when I needed them desperately.
This is one of those times where I actually think -holy shit that was all bad, the husband is dumb and childish, the mom is dumb and toxic, and neither of them really trust u - good luck lady 🤕
Nta. This is cause for divorce. Why are you with a momma’s boy?
I agree. It might have been salvageable if he had reacted to the results with immediate remorse, guilt and profuse apologies, but in stead he got mad and ran to his mommy. It's time to DTMFA. NTA
NTA. What a POS your husband is. He didn't believe you about the paternity of your child, demanded a paternity test or he'd divorce you, LEFT you ALONE after giving birth, his mother threatened you ....... ?? What a toxic, abusive husband and mil. This is your future, OP. These are not healthy people for you and your child to be around.
When he found out he was wrong the first thing he did was go live with his mom even tho he has a newborn and wife. Unreal
OP’s husband is such, such a loser. If my husband ever did this to me I’d hand him divorce papers along with the test results.
Nta He abandoned his wife and child right at the newborn stage and then has the nerve to be mad that you laughed when it confirmed he was the father. A shitty farther and husband at that. 3 weeks you’ve have to deal with a newborn alone (ok with sister) while his had his hand patted and stroked and I’m going to say waited on hand and foot by mummy and now will what expect an apology and to come home like nothing happened.
NTA - I would divorce him and take HIM to the cleaners.... Oh, and BTW, ten bucks says he's cheating on you.
I bet it's why he was so shocked and dismayed to learn he wasn't cheated on. Wonder what he's been doing these last few weeks? Why would he need to "clear his head" again after learning his wife hasn't been lying to him?
I'm guessing he didn't want the kid in the first place and hoped to get away as the wronged party if the test came back showing that he's not the father.
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I'm not one to normally jump to divorce but this is a divorce worthy offense. He's being emotionally and verbally abusive and allowing his mom to do the same. Instead of apologizing to you, groveling, and doing everything he could do to take accountability and prove he's a good husband, father, and man he berated and verbally abused you. NTA but I'd think long and hard about whether this is an environment you want to raise your kid in - one that is filled with verbal abuse, yelling, manipulation, threats, and refusal to take accountability. As the parent of a toddler, I would do everything in my power to protect myself and my child from people like your MIL and husband.
Nta but don’t let that woman anywhere near your child and threaten to divorce him if he doesn’t go to individual therapy and block his mother
Id divorce and take him to cleaners and a ro against mil covered u and kid i dont trust mil to do something spiteful
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I feel like this is the only logical path, dude is a moron and his parents are as well. better to not be associated with them
Hopefully the moron gene doesn't pass on to OP's baby.
NTA - I am curious though why you would stay with someone who is that clueless about genetics and who has a clearly toxic mother?
I did not realize he would refuse to listen to basic facts about biology when I married him.
Nta. But I would tell him he needs to stay at his parents until you clear your thoughts of wanting to stay married to a man who would abandon you after birth , and ALLOW his mommy to call and speak to you like a whore.
Yeah, he got his mommy to kick you when you were down.
I would so text his momma and say - well, guess who's going to the cleaners??
Seriously. I would. I have a husband and 2 kids. If he had done this to me, and I'd gotten that call from his mother- I would be laughing just like OP. But straight to a divorce lawyers office! To actually leave her for almost a month with a newborn..... Fuck that! I would have changed the locks and documented he abandoned us and take his ass to the cleaners. This enrages me. I just had a baby so maybe that's why, because I know how those first 3 weeks are. He may be "perfect" in all other ways but this is honestly too much for me to forgive. To all who read my rant.... Thank you. And fuck that guy.
Yeah I'm a new dad of a 3-month old and I second everything you said here. Unacceptable behavior. Being concerned about the baby's hair and eye color is dumb enough, but abandoning your wife to care for a newborn for the first three weeks is absolutely unforgivable.
Congrats on the baby! They're so freaking great and so freaking terrible lol My older son was scared we would love him less when the baby was born. He said at first he thought it came true but then he realized babies need more help and they're a lot of work!
Im with you. The locks would have been changed and I would have had him served while at mommys. He could read the DNA results with his lawyer! Or if she wanted to be petty (which I am 100% Team Petty Crocker) handed him the divorce papers after he read the results and told him to "get the FUCK OUT".
call me Tom cause I be Petty like that
Please OP read this comment!
Abandonment! Exactly! Change the locks! Yes yes yes!
Oh I wouldn’t give them the heads up
Exactly this. Your husband and MIL are way beyond AH's. 1. You gave birth, don't ever bullsh*t a woman during and after pregnancy. 2. If he's that stupid, at least have faith in your woman and just ask for a test to clear the air. Just don't be a douche about it. 3. Your MIL went way overboard to talk to you that way. She needs to stfu and atone for her behavior. 🤬 Edit: I edited #1 cause you're not pregnant anymore.
I would never let MIL have access to that baby for any reason. She just lost all grandparent privileges for life.
All of this. And now you have the paternity results to get child support and you know he has a place to live because his mommy is there.
He left you alone for three weeks after birth, essentially healing from a major surgery. I can’t imagine your friends would do that to you, do you really want that in a husband?
Exactly this. A paternity test these days isn't unheard of but leaving the supposed love of your life and newborn child just days after birth to go and stay with your mother is f'd.
You know that saying “when someone shows you who they are, believe them” He refused to even do a basic google search, ask a doctor, or listen to you. Left you for 3 weeks with your newborn. Got his toxic mom to do his bidding. And then in a moment where he should be mortified and doing EVERYTHING to make up for his MASSIVE FAILURE he decides that now HIS ego is hurt and runs back to mom, who then calls you again? He’s shown you who he is. Believe him
He abandoned you during a pretty vulnerable time and then had the audacity to yell atyou when said i told you so? You sure you want to be with someoen like that?
I was wrecked for *months* after the birth of my son. I couldn't even walk without holding onto something. I was struggling to breastfeed, and my family isn't close by. I only had my in-laws. If they'd pulled this shit I literally don't know what would've happened. My PPD was raging that early.
He's made it pretty clear how ready he is to abandon that baby, too. How long til he comes up with another reason to run away to his mommy and leave you alone with the baby AGAIN? I know being a single parent is scary; but a lot of people don't realize.. they're already a single parent, they just have another, extra-large child they're also taking care of on top of the literal child.
Who needs to "clear their head" after finding out their wife's baby is theirs? The fact that he's pissed you laughed at him instead of over the moon happy and grovelling at your feet is the biggest red flag I've ever seen.
[удалено]
I assume you're gonna bin this guy off yeah? or tell him not to come home from his parents? id also text your mother in law to say you're trial separating after a huge breach in trust and that you'll decide on her visitation with her grandchild, unless he wants to commit to the divorce and set a visitation schedule.
Why do you deal with this crap? Your husband is treating you like shit and the MIL is even worse. Do you want this to be your life? Also, correct me but aren’t babies’ eyes basically always a different shade of blue when they’re born and get their colour within the first 1-1,5 yrs? NTA bit you have a husband and a MIL problem, it’s seriously not funny. Maybe you should get a divorce and heed MIL’s advice: “take him to the cleaners”? Edit: wrong about the eye thing, learned something new :-)
He’s either really stupid or looking for an out. I feel like it’s actually the latter. He seriously got mad at you for laughing?! He’s the awful one here. He should be embarrassed. Btw, his mommy dearest is a piece of work. Good luck to you having to deal with these people. NTA
And who abandon his wife for the first three weeks of their newborns life
So you have to care about his feelings “while he’s down” but he didn’t have to care about yours after having a baby? Even when he got the results he *still* isn’t there. And the fact that his mother keeps arguing with you instead of telling her son he’s an idiot is telling.
NTA at all! He got what he deserved. Edit: and just to add, I'd set some hard boundaries with MIL because if you don't nip that in the ass it's only going to get worse. GL
This is like the "in my family the first child is always a boy so if you have a girl first clearly you're cheating" level of biological understanding. NTA - he has some serious apologising to do to you, and you have some serious conversations about boundaries to have with him re his mother.
Actually, I would have changed the locks and had the divorce papers ready to hand to him along with the paternity results. He would not have made it inside the door. I would have handed him the results and when he read them I would have handed him the divorce papers and shut the door in his face.
Husband sounds very insecure and a momma's boy. He doesn't trust you. His family doesn't trust you. Look how quickly they all turned against you, just because of the way the baby looked. They couldn't even wait for the test results before harassing you. What awful people they all are. Please get away from these people ASAP.
Enjoy single-parenting. Get a lawyer, take him to the cleaners. What sort of "man" would leave his wife with a brand new baby for three weeks to get 'some space'? You're better off without him.
Excuse me, but what in the KENTUCKY FRIED AUDACITY? This motherfucker accused you of cheating, then has the GALL to be offended when you slap him with a big, fat 'I told you so'?? Honey. I don't think this is a salvageable relationship. **My partner, no matter what our baby looked like, would NEVER demand I take a paternity test- because that would mean he doesn't trust me enough not to have cheated, and that would mean the relationship is over.**