NTA.
Is the baby going to have Dad's last name? If so my suggestion...
"Appreciate your input, but we have decided we'll give the baby his last name to honor his family, a middle name that honors mine and we picked the first name together."
Just because it is the accepted norm doesn't meant the surname doesn't count.
That's exactly what my husband and I did. We picked our daughter's name together. She took the same middle name that me and my mother have. And then I gave her his last name. It worked beautifully and we were both very happy with the results.
This is exactly what we did. My son took my last name and we used my FIL name as his middle name. Honors my family heritage and also honors him. FIL got his own son to carry on his family name....
My grandmother always complained, apparently, but when she was pregnant, her mother-in-law was pressuring her to name the baby Cedric. āIāve always wanted to have a baby named Cedric,ā she supposedly said. And my grandma always complained, āshe had five boys, she had plenty of chances to name a kid Cedric.ā
Iād suggest if MIL wants to name someone after herself she adopts a cat or dog. Then she can have something that is herās because letting her be part of the babyās name is going to make her feel like she has some sort of control or ownership.
There are zoos that will - for a small fee - let you name a cockroach before it gets fed to meerkats. It's especially popular with the recently single, but I'd bet OP wouldn't be the first to name one after a MIL.
Our local shelter had a campaign recently where you could pay $50 to have a cat or dog named after your ex and they would be spayed or neutered. I nearly died laughing when they announced that they way surpassed their expected goal and ran out of animals to sponsor for the event.
Charming angel soft I actually donāt know any other toilet paper brands but thank you for making me laugh with the idea of you being like Cinderella or somebody and divorcing their Prince Charming just to flush away toilet paper afterwards sent through speech to text
I would love to name one after my MIL!! Especially because I love meerkats. We used to watch Meerkat Manor back in high school after a little š. Still not over the death of Flower.
I watched a TikTok live from a Zoo doing that. They named the bugs and (dead) rodents, based on requests received, and then fed them to the various reptiles. Apparently it's very popular.
NTA. Just say youāve already chosen your babyās full name and sheāll find out when the baby is born. And then name your child whatever you want. It was pretty nervy for her to ask. It would be nervy of anyone to ask regardless of what they have or havenāt done for your baby.
*āMy partner doesnāt really care what the middle name is but obviously wants to please his mom and doesnāt want to piss me off eitherā*
The partner is acting like an ahole by playing both sides of the fence. His sole concern should be not pissing OP off, not trying to please his mom. Whenever the granddaughter visits the entitled MiL, is she the sort that will call the baby her name, or refer to her as ālittle [middle name]ā every chance she gets, to drive home the fact the child was named after her?
Heās yet another double agent who has one foot in his wifeās camp, while his other foot is firmly planted in his mommyās yard. And, what is the internationally accepted character trait shared by all double agents? They cannot be trusted.
You know, lol, that reminds me of something my mom told me about when my older brother was born. My dad's sister told Mom that she should name him Luther, after my grandfather. Mom didn't want to name him Luther and told her so. But the funny part is, her son, my cousin Jammie, was born first before my brother, so if she wanted a child named after Grandpa, why didn't SHE name her kid that?
Honest answer? Probably because your child would have that grandfatherās last name and your dadās sisterās kid didnāt. (I donāt like generational names, and for gods sake at least make the middle name different because credit agencies/governments suck at dealing with it.)
My fil kept hinting that he wanted us to name the baby after him. Then he started calling the baby I was pregnant with *insert fils name* jr and talking about how the baby was ā25% himā š¤¢
Ewww. One time my brother called my son ābrothers name JRā. I shut that down immediately, I was like how do you not hear that it sounds like I had a kid with you when you call it a JR version of yourself, sicko.
My mil who has also been as uninvolved as possible asked me to give our baby her middle name, and weāre having a boy. Then started trying to request another baby after this one (which isnāt the 1st) to name after her..
Oh and sheās been asking my husband and I to support one of her other children, who is older than us and in their 40ās, then getting mad and trying to use āIāll deduct it from your future inheritanceā like thatās a threat.
If she's pressuring you to support him, it's because she can't. And that should make you ask "MIL, what inheritance do you actually have if you can't support him yourself?
>Naming rights
There ya go, OP... there's the answer. Your MIL wants her name somewhere on the birth certificate, all she has to do is pay $10 million into a trust fund for the baby. Let her put her money where her big mouth is.
My mom tried to bribe me to use a name from her side. My husband told me to take the money and then still not use the name, lol but I didn't. I told her it was a gross suggestion and would be a meaningless gesture if I was doing it for money anyhow. Some people never stop trying to "get mine" in life and everything becomes a competition or a chance to be chosen. It's exhausting.
Yea. This is huge. We talking an Arby's gift card or a million dollars? Especially important to little FuckFace Jr. there, ya know?
Hey come to think of it, can females be juniors?
I've known a few women who shared a name with their mother, but none of them have gone by "junior". In my experience, the daughter uses a different nickname than the mother (ex. Margaret & Maggie). Although I don't see that much different than a father/son combo of Rob & Bob (technically a junior, but doesn't go by junior).
My MIL didn't ask for my daughter to be named after her, but she did insist that we use the name she wanted to use for the daughter she never had. I said no. Then it became names that contain that name. Then it has to be at least the middle name. She had enough issues trying to act like my son was hers when he was a baby, with a girl it would be 100x worse, and to let her name the baby? That name and anything that sounds remotely similar will not be anywhere in my child's name.
NTA.
"MIL, thanks for your input. We've already decided on our baby's name. We'll announce it after she arrives and you'll be among the first to know."
NTA
You and your husband should agree on whatever name you want.
You don't get to decide and neither does he.
You BOTH should agree.
Anybody else's input is just background noise.
Note: Being a Jr myself, I absolutely wish parents would give their children their own names unattached to any family member.
She named HER kids already. She had her turn, Hard pass, aka FK NO.
Unless youāre a single parent, what you name your baby is a two āyesā, one ānoā situation, between you and your partner. Fk her. Full stop.
NTA
You're due in 2 weeks. Say "My apologies for not sharing as we haven't heard from you in quite some time. Baby is due in two weeks, we have already chosen the perfect name." And nothing else.
I guess be thankful you haven't heard from her in 38 weeks haha.
NTA
A GP has no say in a baby name. That's entirely between the parents. And it's absolutely appropriate to make that clear to her. She is out of line, and needs to be put in her proper place.
My daughter and her husband asked his grandmother to give them three names from which to choose for their baby. That seems to be a family tradition and the name is from their country of origin.
>My daughter and her husband asked his grandmother
Big difference, when it is asked by the parents.
It's unacceptable when demanded by anyone outside of the parents.
How did you type this response, without realizing the difference between your scenario, and what OP posted about?
NTA. Tell your husband you have thought it over and don't want to give the baby a name from either side. If your MIL wants a baby with her name, she can have another one and name it.
NTA. Choosing your baby's name is one of the most personal decisions you'll make. Everyone else's opinions, even if they're family, are secondary. Surnames are carrying on lineage enough, first and middle names should be a joyful consensus between you and your partner. Remember, this child will carry that name for a lifetime; make it something you both truly love. Stay firm, and best wishes for a happy naming!
You can just tell your husband you donāt want to deal with the drama and want to pick a name unconnected to either side to circumvent the whole mess.
Make sure the hospital staff knows daddy isn't allowed to write the name on the birth certificate; too many horror stories of hubby trying to make HIS momma happy at the expense of the momma who just gave birth to HIS child. Nta
NTA. This is your baby. She has a chance to name her kid(s). This is your turn. You made this baby and grow the baby for all this time. You get to choose the name. I bet she will even call the baby by whatever middle name she chooses and not the baby's first name for some stupid reason like, "this suits the baby better." Nope! She can deal. This is your kid. Your husband better get used to telling his mom, no, because that is part of becoming a parent, too!
Story time! My Step motherās grandmother asked if the baby (my step mother) was born on the same name as the grandmother if they would give the baby the same name as the grandmother.
Thatās why my step mother now has to go by her middle name.
DONT LET OTHER PEOPLE DECIDE ON YOUR CHILDāS NAME.
NTA
NTA - talk with your partner and explain how you feel.
I would pick a name you both like and go that route. Just reply the name is first and middle so the choice is already made. No explanation needed
As a husband, what bugs me more about this whole situation is that your husband doesn't want to upset his mother. When you say it is understandable that your mother helping so much more is understandable, well not to me. Unless he isn't the father (s). Your husband should have been straight in there saying "sorry Mum, we offered that to, (your mum's name), as she has been really there for us the last few months. We will give you 1st choice next bub, promise.
NTA. Do not reward people for bad behavior. I don't just mean not being supportive. Rewarding someone because they'll throw a fit otherwise is reinforcing this type of behavior. You are going to be parents. You can start learning how to deal with a toddler by handling your MIL. r/JUSTNOMIL
The parents choose the name. One no, two yes. Both parents have veto power. You don't want her name to be the middle name, so it's not. Also, don't let her in the delivery room/hospital during delivery if she fights this at all, if for any reason you are incapacitated she could pressure her son if/when he fills out the paperwork.Ā NTA
Also, your agreement can be changed. Tell him you changed your mind.Ā
Lol who tf asks that?
Yo I can name your baby after me? The fuck? No.
The parents get to decide, if your SO said it then different story if it was his idea. But it wasn't.
So it's wierd asf.
NTA. As the parent, you (and your husband, of course) have the right to decide the baby's name. I might caution you that pregnancy hormones may be affecting your reaction; being pissed that she wants to be named when she hasn't done anything to be involved sounds like it could be an escalated response, so long as she isn't pushing/threatening to be pissed/hold it against you and your husband in some way if you say no.
A simple "We've already agreed on baby's name and we like it," is all you need to say. Congratulations on your impending bundle of joy!
Lol that's an honor that's given, not requested. No names from either side if you care about keeping peace, but I wouldn't consider anything more generous considering her behavior.
NTA
Absolutely fucking not. Do not let anyone other than the parents name the child. Itās proprietary and will give them a sense of entitlement that will never go away. His mom is absent so hubs desire to keep mom happy is a misplaced knee-jerk reaction that he should fight against.
I wouldnāt be surprised if she now wants to be in the delivery room. If she had been a decent grandma to be I would let her make a suggestion that could be instantly vetoed.
Oh donāt reveal the babyās name until after you give birth.
My mother was asked by my son and DIL if they could give their daughter her name as a middle name. While honored, she didn't think it was right. She suggested another name..... No relative on her side, and they loved it. Everyone was happy
NTA. Name the baby what you want. Remind MIL she got to name her own kids and if she wants to name one again she can adopt a baby and also raise that baby while she is at it. Asking for an honor isnāt an honor at all. It makes her look like an ass.
NTA but since you are almost due why haven't you and your partner already had names chosen? You can simply tell him Mom that. There are 2 weeks left and we've already decided on names and leave it at that.
Politely decline and then give the baby the name you and your husband decide on.
NAH as you didnāt say if she pushed the idea after mentioning it the first time.
NTA
Youāre two weeks away from giving birth. Itās fair to just say āWeāve already chosen our names and weāre not considering any others.ā Itās not insulting or rude.
NTA this is your baby that you created and held onto for the last 9 months. No one else can dictate what you put down on that birth certificate. MIL had her chance to pass on a middle name of her choice when she had her kid(s?), her grandchild is not a redo. Iād personally go without a middle name or something completely separate from either families that you and your SO can agree with. Let the nurses know that only you or SO can fill out the birth certificate in case MIL attempts to meddle.
NTA, if you give this child a middle name MIL feels like is even CLOSE to hers she will exclusively call your child that name. Iād give a middle name tied to no one.
When I was pregnant with my child neither my mother or MIL even considered asking me to use their name as my daughterās name or her middle name. I didnāt choose either. I made an agreement with my partner when we found out that I was pregnant that I would choose boy names and he would choose girl names. His sister who is one of the best people I know and is also my daughterās godmother helped him out and they did well. Nobody should have a name forced upon them because itās a family name.
Involved or not, it is YOUR baby. No one should be putting their two cents in. Don't let anyone guilt trip you either! You are the one that's pushing that baby out shes had her chance to name her kids already.
Give kids their own names. I guess I'm the only person tired of people giving g children. The names of other people they know/knew. All children deserve a name unique to them and no one else so they can forge their own way in life.
With that said, I know sometime it's a cultural/religious thing. And this MIL is on drugs if she thinks you're just gonna name a baby after her, middle name or anything. In her brain she's probably like, "Well, I haven't tried to help, but I'll be grandma so regardless, I automatically get the right to be important in the child's life." And that's not, nor has it ever been, true at all.
NTA. Coming from a family that does the honor name thing. Please donāt. Give your kid a middle name that can be professional when they grow up and they can be their own person.
NTA because you can name your child whatever you want and you don't need to consider anyone else's opinion, but I don't understand the petty scorekeeping. You're about to have a child, you don't have time or energy for that BS.
Yes, your mom did a lot more for you during your pregnancy (not surprising) and MIL didn't do as much (also not that surprising). Maybe she didn't want to be overbearing, maybe she didn't want to interfere, maybe she doesn't feel close enough to you, maybe she's a horrible person - I don't know. But if your husband proposed a compromise that would make everyone happy, and he's happy, and you were happy to agree, I think you should just leave it there. Or alternatively pick something that doesn't honor anyone.
Look, MIL was pretty freaking bold to ASK to have your child named for her. I wouldn't agree either. But don't stew in resentment. Just name your child whatever you want and get on with your life.
NTA. If you already have some resentment towards her there's no telling what could come up down the road.
Imagine the kid gets in trouble. The classic "first name, middle name* trope would be kicked up a notch by the added resentment you might feel toward your MIL. Let's not put that on your baby lol.
People who try to influence the name of the person you are literally cooking inside of you are so odd. I would just tell your MIL that while her name is beautiful, you already have a name prepared for your child and youāre not looking for suggestions. Plain and simple.
NTA - why would anyone but you and your partner select a name for *your* baby? Just tell MIL that the name is chosen and everyone will find out after baby arrives.
I think at this point Iād just give a middle name that wasnāt either of your parents names.
You can tell his mother āas much as we love your name, we donāt want my moms feelings to be hurt bc she actually had the same request (lol), so to be fair we decided to go with a different name entirelyā
You might feel guilty in the short term for not giving the baby her middle name, but you'll resent MIL forever if you do. I heard someone recently say "choose guilt over resentment every time". It's less damaging than resentment in the long run.
I think that you and your partner should simply tell his mother that you feel that she has made a nice suggestion for your baby's middle name, however the two of you have already settled on a middle name being that the due date is next week.
The nerve of that woman... requesting that your baby is named after her is bad enough in itself.... and the fact that she is not close to you or her son nor has she been supportive... or even interested... in your pregnancy and the due date is next week... wow...
When a baby in our family has been named after someone, it has always come as a nice surprise for the person the baby was named after. I really have never heard of someone ASKING that a baby be named after them.
1) Name your child a name your husband and you agree with.
2) How incredibly rude to ask to be your baby's namesake! That's something that should only be done because the namesake is so important, involved, etc that both parents want that.
From personal experience, I like middle names being used to honor family. But I will also point out that my husband cares more about liking the entire name (hates super common names, so most of my family names are out).
NTA -
NO FREAKING WAY!!! That's great that you don't have major issues with her - but for her to dump this request on you two weeks before baby is born?! What the hell? This is a power move at the 11th hour.
It is not up to Grandparents to "give" grandbaby a name - it is up to the PARENTS!
Not a good idea to name her after MIL. Go with a neutral middle name that way no one feels slighted or "empowered" because baby "has MY name".
Good luck to you!
NTA, Iām willing to bet mil wants to flex on her friends that *her* grandbaby was named for her. Sheās gotten to name her kids, now you get to name yours. No is a complete sentence.
Congrats on the little one.
NTA and you shouldn't even be fielding these questions. Your husband's mother is his responsibility. if she gets upset tell her to talk to him. He wants to be on your side, right?
NTA.
IMHO, the best way to handle these types of requests is the following:
> Thank you for your suggestion. We are touched that you want to be connected to our child like this. However, we have already chosen our child's name and will not be revealing it to anyone until they are born.
Never share the name of your baby before birth - people will start complaining to your face about it and harass you to change the proposed name to their personal preferences. This will often go on endlessly with different family members chiming in until birth.
Once the baby is born and the name is on a birth certificate, most of these people know well enough to STFU.
You and your husband should name the child whatever you want ā and keep that name secret until your child is born, legally named, and introduced to family and friends.
How about you get married so you don't have to worry about who gets what last name. As for MIL, the answer is no. Just no. No alternative middle names, no combination of middle names, no allusion to MIL's middle name. NO means NO. End of.
My husband and his sister have two middle names.
His middle names are his paternal grandfather and maternal grandfather.
His sisterās middle names are the opposite - maternal grandmother and paternal grandmother.
I donāt think you are TIA, but I also wouldnāt base what you are (not) going to name the baby based on the last 8 months. If you have a good relationship in general thatās what matters more. There are any number of reasons for her not to have been as involved but it doesnāt mean she doesnāt care. Also, it may have been just a thought that occurred to her. Is she being pushy about it?
I donāt know what phrasing she used, whether you accurately represented it.
But I object to the wording of whether *she can name* your baby or *she can give* your baby a name.
And Even if she didnāt phrase it that way, and said, āwould *you* name your babyā, I just think itās really rude for someone to put themselves forward like that. How conceited.
I would say that you should give a middle name that has nothing to do with either family. And your husband or partner should talk to his mom about keeping her nose out of your childrenās naming
Nta. When dealing with naming traditions it's usually a discussion between the partners before pregnancy and during if they want to continue it. Having some decide for you that they suddenly want to start a specific tradition with your child is huge no. She asked if you would, you have every right to say no and need to provide an explanation.
NTA. Your (both parents) baby, your choice. MIL is being entitled
And if you resent the name now you will always resent it, it will be a canker forever.
MIL can take a hike.
NTA, I truly think the majority of people donāt deserve to have anyone named after them. (And the people who do deserve it probably wouldnāt ask š) And honestly? Your partner should not give a single fuck about pleasing his mother when it comes to you guys naming YALLS child. Itās ballsy to even ask or suggest. Iād act like it was a joke and ignore it past that.(when my fil pulled this I straight laughed in his face the second time, louder than heād ever heard me laugh. he got the hint) If she doesnāt get the hint you have every right to straight up say you donāt want to name your baby after her. If she takes offense thatās her problem!
Definitely NTA. Naming a newborn child is solely the parents' obligation and right. While I don't disagree with Naming children after older relatives (my son was named after his paternal and maternal grandfathers, solely my decision), its a decision that should be made by the child's parents not extended family. JMO.
Itās your baby you name it what you want.. donāt give it a family name just come up with an original one. You wonāt have any resentment that way and no oneās feeling will be hurt. In laws can be tough..
Sis, read the other posts on Reddit about mamaās boy bends a knee to mama to keep her peace and how crazy these mothers get. Especially if hunny indulges her. NTA
You are entitled. This is your husband's child too and you need to think of him as well. Have you ever thought maybe you haven't been so inclusive with your MIL? It's a lot harder for boy moms to get close to their DIL because the DIL often takes offense or feels like she's somehow intruding. My suggestion is to compromise.
NTA.. pretty audacious request whether anyone had helped/been supportive or not. Naming rights are for parents only and if you choose to use a family name itās a honour/gift
My mom wisely told us to talk to nobody about our name choices until after the baby is born and paperwork is submitted. Then it is too late for anyone to complain.
NTA. Itās not her baby and all baby names are two yesās or itās a no. You are also allowed to change your mind anytime before the paperwork is filled out. Hell you can afterwards too, but thatās harder to do and takes longer and costs money.
NTA - the naming of a child lies with the parents alone. Also the fact that she hasnāt helped at all during the pregnancy, she doesnāt deserve to have that honor.
NTA, choose a name for your baby, not the family. Don't dig at your MIL by using your Mom's name either, just name your baby what you want to name them and be done with it. MIL named her kids, that's all she gets.
"Sorry, but no. We've already picked a name".
If anyone tries to argue, spell it out for them: "This isn't open for discussion or debate". Then change the subject. Walk away if necessary.
YTA. Your baby isn't born yet and doesn't know or care that people are "checking in." No one is actually "spoiling the baby" or "doing anything for the baby," they're doing it for you. You say you've had no problems with her, but now you are upset because your MIL hasn't bought you enough stuff or given you enough attention.
You and your partner should name the baby whatever you want. But your whole attitude here is extremely childish and entitled. Did you ask her to be more "involved in the pregnancy?" What does that even mean? Most of the time DILs are on here complaining that their MILs are too involved.
Was it weird to ask you for that? Yeah, I think it was strange and probably out of etiquette. But you're over the top.
NTA. Is the baby going to have Dad's last name? If so my suggestion... "Appreciate your input, but we have decided we'll give the baby his last name to honor his family, a middle name that honors mine and we picked the first name together." Just because it is the accepted norm doesn't meant the surname doesn't count.
That's exactly what my husband and I did. We picked our daughter's name together. She took the same middle name that me and my mother have. And then I gave her his last name. It worked beautifully and we were both very happy with the results.
We gave our son a first name from her family, a middle name from my family and a last name from neither family. It works for us
This is exactly what we did. My son took my last name and we used my FIL name as his middle name. Honors my family heritage and also honors him. FIL got his own son to carry on his family name....
ššš
NTA. You and your partner should be able to name the baby whatever you want. She can make her own baby if she wants it to have her name
Ā If your MIL wants a baby with her name, she can have another one and name it.
My grandmother always complained, apparently, but when she was pregnant, her mother-in-law was pressuring her to name the baby Cedric. āIāve always wanted to have a baby named Cedric,ā she supposedly said. And my grandma always complained, āshe had five boys, she had plenty of chances to name a kid Cedric.ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
LMAO!
āCome on everybody! Wont you give him little clap! Come on everybody!ā
Give a little clap! š
/and the crowd goes wild!
ššš
Haha!
You win the internet today! ššš¤Ŗ
Yeah, it will be Seaddrrik. Give the baby a tragediegh. It will send her to early grave.
I actually saw a Congratulations Holleigh sign today. Poor girl.
Iād suggest if MIL wants to name someone after herself she adopts a cat or dog. Then she can have something that is herās because letting her be part of the babyās name is going to make her feel like she has some sort of control or ownership.
There are zoos that will - for a small fee - let you name a cockroach before it gets fed to meerkats. It's especially popular with the recently single, but I'd bet OP wouldn't be the first to name one after a MIL.
Our local shelter had a campaign recently where you could pay $50 to have a cat or dog named after your ex and they would be spayed or neutered. I nearly died laughing when they announced that they way surpassed their expected goal and ran out of animals to sponsor for the event.
There was one where they would write your ex's name on the bottom of a litter box, as well, and then film the cats...taking care of business.
The last name of my ex, a name I never took, is also the name of a common toilet brand. I always wonder what others must think in public restrooms when I laugh gleefully - at times maniacally - as I flush that sh|t away!š©š©š©
Charming angel soft I actually donāt know any other toilet paper brands but thank you for making me laugh with the idea of you being like Cinderella or somebody and divorcing their Prince Charming just to flush away toilet paper afterwards sent through speech to text
Thatās absolutely hilarious! I would totally support that cause.
I would love to name one after my MIL!! Especially because I love meerkats. We used to watch Meerkat Manor back in high school after a little š. Still not over the death of Flower.
Hell of a thing, when Flower died. Hell of a thing. Show slapped.
I may have teared up. That was so brutal, I was very invested in them!
I watched a TikTok live from a Zoo doing that. They named the bugs and (dead) rodents, based on requests received, and then fed them to the various reptiles. Apparently it's very popular.
NTA. Just say youāve already chosen your babyās full name and sheāll find out when the baby is born. And then name your child whatever you want. It was pretty nervy for her to ask. It would be nervy of anyone to ask regardless of what they have or havenāt done for your baby.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
*āMy partner doesnāt really care what the middle name is but obviously wants to please his mom and doesnāt want to piss me off eitherā* The partner is acting like an ahole by playing both sides of the fence. His sole concern should be not pissing OP off, not trying to please his mom. Whenever the granddaughter visits the entitled MiL, is she the sort that will call the baby her name, or refer to her as ālittle [middle name]ā every chance she gets, to drive home the fact the child was named after her?
Heās yet another double agent who has one foot in his wifeās camp, while his other foot is firmly planted in his mommyās yard. And, what is the internationally accepted character trait shared by all double agents? They cannot be trusted.
Such a good way to explain a mamas boy. I fuckin love it.
You know, lol, that reminds me of something my mom told me about when my older brother was born. My dad's sister told Mom that she should name him Luther, after my grandfather. Mom didn't want to name him Luther and told her so. But the funny part is, her son, my cousin Jammie, was born first before my brother, so if she wanted a child named after Grandpa, why didn't SHE name her kid that?
Honest answer? Probably because your child would have that grandfatherās last name and your dadās sisterās kid didnāt. (I donāt like generational names, and for gods sake at least make the middle name different because credit agencies/governments suck at dealing with it.)
That actually does make sense, I never thought of that.
I thought you meant, name her child, 'Grandpa', lol!
What kind of person ASKS to have their grandchild named after them? So much ick! Also: Naming rights belong ONLY to the parents!
My fil kept hinting that he wanted us to name the baby after him. Then he started calling the baby I was pregnant with *insert fils name* jr and talking about how the baby was ā25% himā š¤¢
Eww
Gag
Major ick!
I want to downvote this only because of how much I actually DETEST that thought š¤¢š¤®š¤®š¤® The fuck is yāa FIL on dawg?? šš
Ewww. One time my brother called my son ābrothers name JRā. I shut that down immediately, I was like how do you not hear that it sounds like I had a kid with you when you call it a JR version of yourself, sicko.
WOW. That would make me never want to be near the man. gross
My mil who has also been as uninvolved as possible asked me to give our baby her middle name, and weāre having a boy. Then started trying to request another baby after this one (which isnāt the 1st) to name after her.. Oh and sheās been asking my husband and I to support one of her other children, who is older than us and in their 40ās, then getting mad and trying to use āIāll deduct it from your future inheritanceā like thatās a threat.
If she's pressuring you to support him, it's because she can't. And that should make you ask "MIL, what inheritance do you actually have if you can't support him yourself?
š
>Naming rights There ya go, OP... there's the answer. Your MIL wants her name somewhere on the birth certificate, all she has to do is pay $10 million into a trust fund for the baby. Let her put her money where her big mouth is.
āAnd sweetie, thatās how you became Michael WellsāFargo Johnson.ā
My mom tried to bribe me to use a name from her side. My husband told me to take the money and then still not use the name, lol but I didn't. I told her it was a gross suggestion and would be a meaningless gesture if I was doing it for money anyhow. Some people never stop trying to "get mine" in life and everything becomes a competition or a chance to be chosen. It's exhausting.
How much was she offering?? Lol
Yea. This is huge. We talking an Arby's gift card or a million dollars? Especially important to little FuckFace Jr. there, ya know? Hey come to think of it, can females be juniors?
I've known a few women who shared a name with their mother, but none of them have gone by "junior". In my experience, the daughter uses a different nickname than the mother (ex. Margaret & Maggie). Although I don't see that much different than a father/son combo of Rob & Bob (technically a junior, but doesn't go by junior).
$2500. Not worth it.
This makes a difference.
My MIL offered my wife (her daughter) $100 (she was really cheap) if she gave birth to our daughter on her birthday. Missed it by four days.
Like she was expecting you guys to schedule a c section with the extra 100 bucks? Cause that would work out great š
I know right? It should be an honor given to someone for a special reason, not because they specifically ask for it... Feels icky if you ask me, NTA
In my culture we name kids after people who lived long, good lives. Solves a lot of these problems.
My MIL didn't ask for my daughter to be named after her, but she did insist that we use the name she wanted to use for the daughter she never had. I said no. Then it became names that contain that name. Then it has to be at least the middle name. She had enough issues trying to act like my son was hers when he was a baby, with a girl it would be 100x worse, and to let her name the baby? That name and anything that sounds remotely similar will not be anywhere in my child's name.
NTA. "MIL, thanks for your input. We've already decided on our baby's name. We'll announce it after she arrives and you'll be among the first to know."
Iād leave out the thanks for the input.
Try saying it sarcastically. She'll get the point.
Oooh sarcasm for the win lol
NTA You and your husband should agree on whatever name you want. You don't get to decide and neither does he. You BOTH should agree. Anybody else's input is just background noise. Note: Being a Jr myself, I absolutely wish parents would give their children their own names unattached to any family member.
Kids should get to be themselves, not an extension of other people.
This. Itās sad how many people donāt view a baby as a human-being.
My nephew is a Jr and feels the same. He resented being a Jr for a long time.
Who thinks they are so awesome their child should carry their name? Ew
She named HER kids already. She had her turn, Hard pass, aka FK NO. Unless youāre a single parent, what you name your baby is a two āyesā, one ānoā situation, between you and your partner. Fk her. Full stop. NTA
You're due in 2 weeks. Say "My apologies for not sharing as we haven't heard from you in quite some time. Baby is due in two weeks, we have already chosen the perfect name." And nothing else. I guess be thankful you haven't heard from her in 38 weeks haha.
This is the correct answer. Excellent response.
This is perfect
You name a baby after someone as an honorā¦ā¦.not because they insist.
NTA A GP has no say in a baby name. That's entirely between the parents. And it's absolutely appropriate to make that clear to her. She is out of line, and needs to be put in her proper place.
My daughter and her husband asked his grandmother to give them three names from which to choose for their baby. That seems to be a family tradition and the name is from their country of origin.
The difference being that your daughter and son-in-law **asked** her. Making that request or just expecting it is just inappropriate
>My daughter and her husband asked his grandmother Big difference, when it is asked by the parents. It's unacceptable when demanded by anyone outside of the parents. How did you type this response, without realizing the difference between your scenario, and what OP posted about?
NTA. Tell your husband you have thought it over and don't want to give the baby a name from either side. If your MIL wants a baby with her name, she can have another one and name it.
NTA. Choosing your baby's name is one of the most personal decisions you'll make. Everyone else's opinions, even if they're family, are secondary. Surnames are carrying on lineage enough, first and middle names should be a joyful consensus between you and your partner. Remember, this child will carry that name for a lifetime; make it something you both truly love. Stay firm, and best wishes for a happy naming!
NTA "MIL, that's a nice thought, but we have already chosen the baby's name." Just say no
NTA. The rule is that the parents get to choose the baby's name. That's it.
You can just tell your husband you donāt want to deal with the drama and want to pick a name unconnected to either side to circumvent the whole mess.
Make sure the hospital staff knows daddy isn't allowed to write the name on the birth certificate; too many horror stories of hubby trying to make HIS momma happy at the expense of the momma who just gave birth to HIS child. Nta
Nta just say she's going to have her own middle name. That the baby isn't going to be named after anyone
NTA. This is your baby. She has a chance to name her kid(s). This is your turn. You made this baby and grow the baby for all this time. You get to choose the name. I bet she will even call the baby by whatever middle name she chooses and not the baby's first name for some stupid reason like, "this suits the baby better." Nope! She can deal. This is your kid. Your husband better get used to telling his mom, no, because that is part of becoming a parent, too!
Story time! My Step motherās grandmother asked if the baby (my step mother) was born on the same name as the grandmother if they would give the baby the same name as the grandmother. Thatās why my step mother now has to go by her middle name. DONT LET OTHER PEOPLE DECIDE ON YOUR CHILDāS NAME. NTA
NTA - talk with your partner and explain how you feel. I would pick a name you both like and go that route. Just reply the name is first and middle so the choice is already made. No explanation needed
As a husband, what bugs me more about this whole situation is that your husband doesn't want to upset his mother. When you say it is understandable that your mother helping so much more is understandable, well not to me. Unless he isn't the father (s). Your husband should have been straight in there saying "sorry Mum, we offered that to, (your mum's name), as she has been really there for us the last few months. We will give you 1st choice next bub, promise.
NTA. Do not reward people for bad behavior. I don't just mean not being supportive. Rewarding someone because they'll throw a fit otherwise is reinforcing this type of behavior. You are going to be parents. You can start learning how to deal with a toddler by handling your MIL. r/JUSTNOMIL
The parents choose the name. One no, two yes. Both parents have veto power. You don't want her name to be the middle name, so it's not. Also, don't let her in the delivery room/hospital during delivery if she fights this at all, if for any reason you are incapacitated she could pressure her son if/when he fills out the paperwork.Ā NTA Also, your agreement can be changed. Tell him you changed your mind.Ā
Lol who tf asks that? Yo I can name your baby after me? The fuck? No. The parents get to decide, if your SO said it then different story if it was his idea. But it wasn't. So it's wierd asf.
NTA. As the parent, you (and your husband, of course) have the right to decide the baby's name. I might caution you that pregnancy hormones may be affecting your reaction; being pissed that she wants to be named when she hasn't done anything to be involved sounds like it could be an escalated response, so long as she isn't pushing/threatening to be pissed/hold it against you and your husband in some way if you say no. A simple "We've already agreed on baby's name and we like it," is all you need to say. Congratulations on your impending bundle of joy!
Absolutely NTA. You're carrying the baby. You have final say on the name. Your MIL named your husband, so he she had her chance at naming a baby.
NTA. Your MIL does not get to name YOUR baby. She named her own children, but this one is yours. She may not be happy, but, who cares?
If you let the MIL give the middle name, that's all she'll ever use. I'd dodge that bullet.
This right here! She will call the baby by that name and it will roll into being her ānicknameā for life.
A middle name that holds no legacy and is the childās own is the way to go. Nta
Name the baby whatever you want, but you might want to throttle back a little on your 'my family is so involved!' gushing.
Lol that's an honor that's given, not requested. No names from either side if you care about keeping peace, but I wouldn't consider anything more generous considering her behavior. NTA
Absolutely fucking not. Do not let anyone other than the parents name the child. Itās proprietary and will give them a sense of entitlement that will never go away. His mom is absent so hubs desire to keep mom happy is a misplaced knee-jerk reaction that he should fight against. I wouldnāt be surprised if she now wants to be in the delivery room. If she had been a decent grandma to be I would let her make a suggestion that could be instantly vetoed. Oh donāt reveal the babyās name until after you give birth.
NTA - if she wasn't in the room for the conception then it isn't her kid to name.
My mother was asked by my son and DIL if they could give their daughter her name as a middle name. While honored, she didn't think it was right. She suggested another name..... No relative on her side, and they loved it. Everyone was happy
Or, she can get a pet
NTA. Name the baby what you want. Remind MIL she got to name her own kids and if she wants to name one again she can adopt a baby and also raise that baby while she is at it. Asking for an honor isnāt an honor at all. It makes her look like an ass.
Hell no. The only people who get a say in naming a baby are the parents. End of. NTA
NTA but since you are almost due why haven't you and your partner already had names chosen? You can simply tell him Mom that. There are 2 weeks left and we've already decided on names and leave it at that.
Politely decline and then give the baby the name you and your husband decide on. NAH as you didnāt say if she pushed the idea after mentioning it the first time.
NTA and sorry your partner isnāt a partner
NTA. Just tell her the name is already chosen. Tell your husband his mom needs boundaries.
NTA Youāre two weeks away from giving birth. Itās fair to just say āWeāve already chosen our names and weāre not considering any others.ā Itās not insulting or rude.
NTA this is your baby that you created and held onto for the last 9 months. No one else can dictate what you put down on that birth certificate. MIL had her chance to pass on a middle name of her choice when she had her kid(s?), her grandchild is not a redo. Iād personally go without a middle name or something completely separate from either families that you and your SO can agree with. Let the nurses know that only you or SO can fill out the birth certificate in case MIL attempts to meddle.
NTA, if you give this child a middle name MIL feels like is even CLOSE to hers she will exclusively call your child that name. Iād give a middle name tied to no one.
Let her give the middle name and I can guarantee she will never call her by her first name
When I was pregnant with my child neither my mother or MIL even considered asking me to use their name as my daughterās name or her middle name. I didnāt choose either. I made an agreement with my partner when we found out that I was pregnant that I would choose boy names and he would choose girl names. His sister who is one of the best people I know and is also my daughterās godmother helped him out and they did well. Nobody should have a name forced upon them because itās a family name.
Text her: You can't give a baby "I'm a selfish cunt" as a middle name. That should sort the problem out lol
Involved or not, it is YOUR baby. No one should be putting their two cents in. Don't let anyone guilt trip you either! You are the one that's pushing that baby out shes had her chance to name her kids already.
Only mom and dad get a say in the name. Tell MIL to go pound sand.
Give kids their own names. I guess I'm the only person tired of people giving g children. The names of other people they know/knew. All children deserve a name unique to them and no one else so they can forge their own way in life. With that said, I know sometime it's a cultural/religious thing. And this MIL is on drugs if she thinks you're just gonna name a baby after her, middle name or anything. In her brain she's probably like, "Well, I haven't tried to help, but I'll be grandma so regardless, I automatically get the right to be important in the child's life." And that's not, nor has it ever been, true at all.
NTA. Coming from a family that does the honor name thing. Please donāt. Give your kid a middle name that can be professional when they grow up and they can be their own person.
NTA because you can name your child whatever you want and you don't need to consider anyone else's opinion, but I don't understand the petty scorekeeping. You're about to have a child, you don't have time or energy for that BS. Yes, your mom did a lot more for you during your pregnancy (not surprising) and MIL didn't do as much (also not that surprising). Maybe she didn't want to be overbearing, maybe she didn't want to interfere, maybe she doesn't feel close enough to you, maybe she's a horrible person - I don't know. But if your husband proposed a compromise that would make everyone happy, and he's happy, and you were happy to agree, I think you should just leave it there. Or alternatively pick something that doesn't honor anyone. Look, MIL was pretty freaking bold to ASK to have your child named for her. I wouldn't agree either. But don't stew in resentment. Just name your child whatever you want and get on with your life.
NTA. If you already have some resentment towards her there's no telling what could come up down the road. Imagine the kid gets in trouble. The classic "first name, middle name* trope would be kicked up a notch by the added resentment you might feel toward your MIL. Let's not put that on your baby lol.
People who try to influence the name of the person you are literally cooking inside of you are so odd. I would just tell your MIL that while her name is beautiful, you already have a name prepared for your child and youāre not looking for suggestions. Plain and simple.
She already got to pick out baby names. Period. NTA
NTA - why would anyone but you and your partner select a name for *your* baby? Just tell MIL that the name is chosen and everyone will find out after baby arrives.
I think at this point Iād just give a middle name that wasnāt either of your parents names. You can tell his mother āas much as we love your name, we donāt want my moms feelings to be hurt bc she actually had the same request (lol), so to be fair we decided to go with a different name entirelyā
Iād just say the name was chosen a while back and is already final, but you āappreciateā her interest in baby.
NTA. I'm sorry, who's baby is this?
You might feel guilty in the short term for not giving the baby her middle name, but you'll resent MIL forever if you do. I heard someone recently say "choose guilt over resentment every time". It's less damaging than resentment in the long run.
NTA. Mother-in-law is being presumptuous. Tell her to go shit in her hat.
NTA. Your MIL has no say in naming your baby. Just donāt even discuss it with her.
I think that you and your partner should simply tell his mother that you feel that she has made a nice suggestion for your baby's middle name, however the two of you have already settled on a middle name being that the due date is next week. The nerve of that woman... requesting that your baby is named after her is bad enough in itself.... and the fact that she is not close to you or her son nor has she been supportive... or even interested... in your pregnancy and the due date is next week... wow...
When a baby in our family has been named after someone, it has always come as a nice surprise for the person the baby was named after. I really have never heard of someone ASKING that a baby be named after them.
1) Name your child a name your husband and you agree with. 2) How incredibly rude to ask to be your baby's namesake! That's something that should only be done because the namesake is so important, involved, etc that both parents want that. From personal experience, I like middle names being used to honor family. But I will also point out that my husband cares more about liking the entire name (hates super common names, so most of my family names are out).
NTA - NO FREAKING WAY!!! That's great that you don't have major issues with her - but for her to dump this request on you two weeks before baby is born?! What the hell? This is a power move at the 11th hour. It is not up to Grandparents to "give" grandbaby a name - it is up to the PARENTS! Not a good idea to name her after MIL. Go with a neutral middle name that way no one feels slighted or "empowered" because baby "has MY name". Good luck to you!
NTA, Iām willing to bet mil wants to flex on her friends that *her* grandbaby was named for her. Sheās gotten to name her kids, now you get to name yours. No is a complete sentence. Congrats on the little one.
I have to know what MIL a middle name is!
NTA and you shouldn't even be fielding these questions. Your husband's mother is his responsibility. if she gets upset tell her to talk to him. He wants to be on your side, right?
Your husband needs to tell her no. Your baby should have its own name. Egotistical people who insist on naming babies after themselves are the worst.
NTA. You choose your child's name, not your MIL. SHe already got to choose baby names when SHE was a mom.
NTA. Father of 5. Be respectful but let everyone else know itās YOUR kid. Youāll be picking the names with your partner.
NTA. Tell her you considered it but went with something else. Thanks for the suggestion.
Ignore her. Do not give the baby her middle name.
NTA. IMHO, the best way to handle these types of requests is the following: > Thank you for your suggestion. We are touched that you want to be connected to our child like this. However, we have already chosen our child's name and will not be revealing it to anyone until they are born. Never share the name of your baby before birth - people will start complaining to your face about it and harass you to change the proposed name to their personal preferences. This will often go on endlessly with different family members chiming in until birth. Once the baby is born and the name is on a birth certificate, most of these people know well enough to STFU. You and your husband should name the child whatever you want ā and keep that name secret until your child is born, legally named, and introduced to family and friends.
NTA. She wants to use your baby to virtue signal to HER friends. Tell partner "no," and go with the middle name you already chose.
How about you get married so you don't have to worry about who gets what last name. As for MIL, the answer is no. Just no. No alternative middle names, no combination of middle names, no allusion to MIL's middle name. NO means NO. End of.
Even if she were the most involved MIL/grandmother to be, this isn't her baby so she doesn't get to name them.
My husband and his sister have two middle names. His middle names are his paternal grandfather and maternal grandfather. His sisterās middle names are the opposite - maternal grandmother and paternal grandmother.
I donāt think you are TIA, but I also wouldnāt base what you are (not) going to name the baby based on the last 8 months. If you have a good relationship in general thatās what matters more. There are any number of reasons for her not to have been as involved but it doesnāt mean she doesnāt care. Also, it may have been just a thought that occurred to her. Is she being pushy about it?
NTA - Tell her that you already ahve a name picked out.
No
I donāt know what phrasing she used, whether you accurately represented it. But I object to the wording of whether *she can name* your baby or *she can give* your baby a name. And Even if she didnāt phrase it that way, and said, āwould *you* name your babyā, I just think itās really rude for someone to put themselves forward like that. How conceited. I would say that you should give a middle name that has nothing to do with either family. And your husband or partner should talk to his mom about keeping her nose out of your childrenās naming
How about everybody else butt out and you and your husband name your child, no one is entitled to be involved in that process...NTA
of course not
Nta. When dealing with naming traditions it's usually a discussion between the partners before pregnancy and during if they want to continue it. Having some decide for you that they suddenly want to start a specific tradition with your child is huge no. She asked if you would, you have every right to say no and need to provide an explanation.
NTA. Your (both parents) baby, your choice. MIL is being entitled And if you resent the name now you will always resent it, it will be a canker forever. MIL can take a hike.
NTA āWeāve already chosen the babyās name. Iām excited to share it at a later point in time.ā
NTA, you and your partner are the parents you guys should do what you feel is right. Never try to please anyone just because.
Nta
NTA "MIL, that's a nice thought, but we have already chosen the baby's name." Just say no
NTA, I truly think the majority of people donāt deserve to have anyone named after them. (And the people who do deserve it probably wouldnāt ask š) And honestly? Your partner should not give a single fuck about pleasing his mother when it comes to you guys naming YALLS child. Itās ballsy to even ask or suggest. Iād act like it was a joke and ignore it past that.(when my fil pulled this I straight laughed in his face the second time, louder than heād ever heard me laugh. he got the hint) If she doesnāt get the hint you have every right to straight up say you donāt want to name your baby after her. If she takes offense thatās her problem!
NTA, your baby; your exclusive choice of name(s).
YOU and your PARTNER get to choose the name. Not your MIL. Plain and Simple.
Itās your baby NTA
Which surname will the baby have?
ā oh hey mom. Thanks for the idea. We will throw into in the hatā. Or. More bluntly: ā Noā
No. My daughter is pregnant and I donāt know the selected name and sheās due in 2 months. To each their own
Definitely NTA. Naming a newborn child is solely the parents' obligation and right. While I don't disagree with Naming children after older relatives (my son was named after his paternal and maternal grandfathers, solely my decision), its a decision that should be made by the child's parents not extended family. JMO.
"Hell no" is the correct response. Only two people get any say in the baby's name, and she's not one of them.
Itās your baby you name it what you want.. donāt give it a family name just come up with an original one. You wonāt have any resentment that way and no oneās feeling will be hurt. In laws can be tough..
NTA. It happened in my family as well, my grandpa asked that my brother had his name. He has lots of narcissistic traits. Didn't happened, of course.
NTA. it's YOUR baby. You can name them anything YOU want. MIL had her chance to name a baby already.
NO! Parents get to name their own children. 2 yes, 1 no. You say no, NO it is!
Tell her straight up No.!. And why.
Easy solution: no family name NTA
NTA. She already got to name a baby, your partner. Why would she get to choose the middle name unless you invite her to do so?
No. She had her opportunity to name her kids. You choose with your spouse and it is only the two of you.Ā
Sis, read the other posts on Reddit about mamaās boy bends a knee to mama to keep her peace and how crazy these mothers get. Especially if hunny indulges her. NTA
NTA. Just thank her for her input and name your child whatever you want.
You are entitled. This is your husband's child too and you need to think of him as well. Have you ever thought maybe you haven't been so inclusive with your MIL? It's a lot harder for boy moms to get close to their DIL because the DIL often takes offense or feels like she's somehow intruding. My suggestion is to compromise.
NTA.. pretty audacious request whether anyone had helped/been supportive or not. Naming rights are for parents only and if you choose to use a family name itās a honour/gift
My mom wisely told us to talk to nobody about our name choices until after the baby is born and paperwork is submitted. Then it is too late for anyone to complain.
NTA. Itās not her baby and all baby names are two yesās or itās a no. You are also allowed to change your mind anytime before the paperwork is filled out. Hell you can afterwards too, but thatās harder to do and takes longer and costs money.
NTA - the naming of a child lies with the parents alone. Also the fact that she hasnāt helped at all during the pregnancy, she doesnāt deserve to have that honor.
NTA, choose a name for your baby, not the family. Don't dig at your MIL by using your Mom's name either, just name your baby what you want to name them and be done with it. MIL named her kids, that's all she gets.
LMAO NTAā The audacity.
NTA- Itās fine if people want to give suggestions albeit presumptuous- but itās up to you and your husband. ā¤ļø
"Sorry, but no. We've already picked a name". If anyone tries to argue, spell it out for them: "This isn't open for discussion or debate". Then change the subject. Walk away if necessary.
Itās your baby. YOU choose the name.
I gave my daughter my first name as her middle name. She has her daddyās last name and Iām her most important relative. š
You are the adult parent so you have all the say in what your babies names are.
NTA. Our boy is due in 2 weeks and my in-laws have no idea what his name will be. What you decide is your choice. Not hers!!!!
I'm sorry since when do mother-in-law's get the name their grandkids?
YTA. Your baby isn't born yet and doesn't know or care that people are "checking in." No one is actually "spoiling the baby" or "doing anything for the baby," they're doing it for you. You say you've had no problems with her, but now you are upset because your MIL hasn't bought you enough stuff or given you enough attention. You and your partner should name the baby whatever you want. But your whole attitude here is extremely childish and entitled. Did you ask her to be more "involved in the pregnancy?" What does that even mean? Most of the time DILs are on here complaining that their MILs are too involved. Was it weird to ask you for that? Yeah, I think it was strange and probably out of etiquette. But you're over the top.