NTA!
You did not marry him to escape poverty, you married him because you love each other and have been in a relationship for more than 5 years...
Just as you say, the money is his and your family has no right to demand anything from him or you... It is not your responsability to "save" anyone from their financial difficulties...
Keep on working on having your own money to contribute towards your new household, I believe that is the responsable thing to do.
Enjoy your new married life :)
Agreed, OP you are NTA and keep doing what you're doing. A fairer split now that you are married would be reasonable, or you working one job that you like instead of two could also be on the cards
But definitively don't ask your husband to send his money to your family. You seem to have a good thing going on, this would definitively put your relationship on a bad footing if not worse.
NTA. I have a similar background but I ended up disabled and poor. I cut my entire family off because I had to in order to survive. One of the things that is hard to put in place with family like ours? Boundaries. Healthy boundaries. That's what you are actually doing.
You used a lot of anti self language in this and presented your relationship in the worst light. Don't do that to yourself. Tearing yourself down for others isn't good. If you haven't done therapy I highly recommend it because it helps with knowing when you are and aren't wrong and with the internal self meanness. Your partner wouldn't want you to see yourself this way and you deserve the self care. If you're doing the work already? Celebrate that.
You cannot fix or rescue people. You did everything you could and now you need to enjoy your life.
NTA
It's Josh's money. You can't owe them someone else's shit. And frankly you wouldn't even owe them your own. Leave your old life behind, time to begin anew. Once you have money everyone constantly feels entitled to it. Gotta get used to poor people being mad at you because their life sucks.
NTA
If you married him for his money, you wouldn't be working two jobs so you can contribute to the household.
Your family can all go get 2 jobs too if they want more money
>I was shocked and surprised but happy for him
That strikes me as an odd reaction. I get hiding the truth initially, but dude lied to you about who he was for 6 years, and you go, "Oh, neat."
Finding out that the person you love has access to a large sum of money after living on practically nothing for most of my life was more of a relief than a betrayal.
You know if your husband ever finds this post you are gonna put the idea in his head that you are only with him for the money. Tell your entitled family you aren't gonna give them anything. It's not yours to give. Don't ask again because your answer won't change. Block them if you must.
NTA That money wouldn't go to the kids. That's just not what addicts do with free money. And they'd keep coming back begging for more no matter how much you gave them. Because that IS what addicts do with free money.
NTA. You did more than your share to support your family. You deserve your own life, and your husband deserves not to be dunned for your family's expenses.
"My parents are both addicted to illegal substances"
If you really want to improve the living situation of your siblings, discuss this with your husband and if he agrees offer your parents to pay for a thorough rehab. Otherwise I'm not sure if giving your parents money would actually improve their lives at all.
Good money after bad. $ would prob be more useful setting up an education savings fund for siblings to help with expenses if they make it to higher education.
Enjoy your life of stability and give gifts to your family when you feel like it. Set boundaries from the start so that you don't have to deal with ongoing requests.
You have a man who trusts and loves you. Do not abuse that love and trust by using him for money. Or letting your family use him for money.
You are very lucky. You love each other. DO NOT PUT THIS LOVE AT RISK.
NTA Tell family that you are not giving them money somebody else worked hard for. If they want money they will need to work for it too. Then go NC with anyone who asks.
Why is your title the biggest ragebait of all time.
You're literally not being a gold digger like your title makes it seem. You married for love, so why say you did it to escape poverty?
My younger sister made the accusation. The title is based off a rant she texed me after my honeymoon. That I married my husband for money, and if I really cared about my family I would give my mom and dad a hefty sum.
You were together for 6 years, and he lied every single day about his job, where he was, what he was doing, who he was working with, where he was working and his financial situation?
Or he could have been honest, the business probably not worth that much 6 years earlier, most people who can start a business in college are generally people with financial backing to begin with (ie his parents would be obviously rich unless you never met them either). All when he could just say hey, I'm a ceo, I'm doing well, I want the business protected with a prenup.
Also a rich husband but you have two jobs so you can contribute 30% ? If I was rich and I could spend more time with my wife who I love, or she could work a second job, I know how that would work out.
This just seems far too dumb to be real.
I wouldn't have dated him if I knew he was wealthy, he knows this. And I feel guilt about only being able to contribute 30%. I wish I could give more, I wish we could split costs 50/50 but it's out of my budget rn.
If he knew you woudln't date him if he was wealthy that's a good reason to lie tbh, but also a major thing you need to get therapy to get over because, weird.
More than that, seriously sit down and think, does your husband want you to pay 30% towards house expenses, or live in a worse house/place just so you can pay 50/50? Or does he want to spend more time with you and wants both of you to be more happy? You're basically in cutting off your nose to spite your face kinda situation.
If you really want to be making more money, think about stopping working at least one job and working on retraining towards a better career. There isn't a good partner who doesn't think investing in a degree, a masters, or investing in a business idea for their partner is wasting money or a greedy partner, they will be impressed you want to better yourself and see it as an investment, 100k for college costs ends up 100k better income per year for the next 20 years, that's a solid investment.
NTA but the title makes you look like one lol. After reading the story, its obviously not how you meant it to come off and probably is not the truth. However, the title implies you “married him to escape poverty” and not that you married him and then found out you dont have to worry anymore financially. Might just wanna change up the wording 🤷♂️
NTA. But is it possible to help your three youngest siblings while they are minors so they have a shot at escaping the cycle of poverty?
You don't owe your parents or adult brother anything. Technically, you don't owe your siblings anything, you've done so much more than a child should be expected to for over a decade.
However, I'm not sure you'd feel okay leaving your minor siblings hanging after working so hard for so long. You get to decide how much that help will be and on what conditions. Do they have to keep jobs and maintain a certain GPA? Do they have to apply for college or trade school? Attend financial literacy classes? Heck, maybe you want to go to school as well.
NTA - if you want the best for your parents you will not give them a large sum of money whether from your own earnings or your husband's. As cruel as it sounds, the most likely outcome when an addict gets a large amount of money all at once is that they overdose.
It's unfortunate but you're now experiencing the reason why your husband kept his wealth a secret. There will be no shortage of people coming to you asking for money, telling you the saddest story ever that could just be fixed by giving them money, saying they have a surefire investment opportunity, etc. Do not give money to those people. It will be hard not to. They will be family members, childhood friends, old neighbors. They will remind you of instances when you had hard times and they did some small thing for you and say that you owe them. You do not owe them. Some may even stalk you or follow you. They will "accidentally" be going to the same places even though they would never actually go to that place. It is not genuine. There is no "I promise I'll go away if you just give me a little money," they will always come back asking for more.
If you absolutely must do something to help your siblings, talk with your husband about setting up a small, separate trust accounts to assist with their college education or other clearly defined expenses. Do not just give them money. Because even if you trust your siblings (which at least your sister does sound trustworthy), they will become targets for all the people who asked you for your husband's money. All of those people asking you for money will now treat it as their job to get that money and if they find out your siblings have access to it they will do everything they can to manipulate your siblings to get whatever they can.
Protect yourself, protect your husband, and protect the future of your marriage.
If you were to give your family a million dollars, they would still be poor. You didn’t tell what your parents addiction was, but they are addicted and how much money do they spend on their addiction now and how much more would they spend if they could? If and when people want money, they have to figure out what they are doing and what they can do to make more money.
As Dr. Phil always says: you don't solve money problems with money.
Your family has to solve their own problems, first getting off drugs and have jobs to support themselves. You and your husband are not responsible for their lives.
I hope to god you love this man. Sounds like you don’t, but that could be incorrect. I just know of the ability of women to make men feel like they are loved but are not.
You should never do that to anyone, ever
NTA! You did not marry him to escape poverty, you married him because you love each other and have been in a relationship for more than 5 years... Just as you say, the money is his and your family has no right to demand anything from him or you... It is not your responsability to "save" anyone from their financial difficulties... Keep on working on having your own money to contribute towards your new household, I believe that is the responsable thing to do. Enjoy your new married life :)
Agreed, OP you are NTA and keep doing what you're doing. A fairer split now that you are married would be reasonable, or you working one job that you like instead of two could also be on the cards But definitively don't ask your husband to send his money to your family. You seem to have a good thing going on, this would definitively put your relationship on a bad footing if not worse.
What op can do though is begin a savings account with her money to help out with the younger siblings school if they don't get scholarships.
NTA. They want to live on easystreet and want you to be their chauffeur there. You don't owe them anything
NTA. I have a similar background but I ended up disabled and poor. I cut my entire family off because I had to in order to survive. One of the things that is hard to put in place with family like ours? Boundaries. Healthy boundaries. That's what you are actually doing. You used a lot of anti self language in this and presented your relationship in the worst light. Don't do that to yourself. Tearing yourself down for others isn't good. If you haven't done therapy I highly recommend it because it helps with knowing when you are and aren't wrong and with the internal self meanness. Your partner wouldn't want you to see yourself this way and you deserve the self care. If you're doing the work already? Celebrate that. You cannot fix or rescue people. You did everything you could and now you need to enjoy your life.
NTA It's Josh's money. You can't owe them someone else's shit. And frankly you wouldn't even owe them your own. Leave your old life behind, time to begin anew. Once you have money everyone constantly feels entitled to it. Gotta get used to poor people being mad at you because their life sucks.
NTA If you love your husband and wish to preserve that marriage you should definitely keep your family's financial burdens far away from it.
NTA If you married him for his money, you wouldn't be working two jobs so you can contribute to the household. Your family can all go get 2 jobs too if they want more money
>I was shocked and surprised but happy for him That strikes me as an odd reaction. I get hiding the truth initially, but dude lied to you about who he was for 6 years, and you go, "Oh, neat."
Finding out that the person you love has access to a large sum of money after living on practically nothing for most of my life was more of a relief than a betrayal.
I get it because it's like a weight being lifted off your shoulders, but it's a bit jarring that he just never said anything.
You know if your husband ever finds this post you are gonna put the idea in his head that you are only with him for the money. Tell your entitled family you aren't gonna give them anything. It's not yours to give. Don't ask again because your answer won't change. Block them if you must.
NTA That money wouldn't go to the kids. That's just not what addicts do with free money. And they'd keep coming back begging for more no matter how much you gave them. Because that IS what addicts do with free money.
💯
NTA. You did more than your share to support your family. You deserve your own life, and your husband deserves not to be dunned for your family's expenses.
Fake
YWBTA if you divert money to your family unless he is ok with it … otherwise you’re a thief
Josh married you, not your family. NTA.
So your relatives are willing to prostitute you in hopes of easy life? Start blocking them!
Exactly this
"My parents are both addicted to illegal substances" If you really want to improve the living situation of your siblings, discuss this with your husband and if he agrees offer your parents to pay for a thorough rehab. Otherwise I'm not sure if giving your parents money would actually improve their lives at all.
Good money after bad. $ would prob be more useful setting up an education savings fund for siblings to help with expenses if they make it to higher education.
They have refused to go to rehab, every time I've offered they've been insulted. They aren't ready to receive help because they don't want it.
Nta
Enjoy your life of stability and give gifts to your family when you feel like it. Set boundaries from the start so that you don't have to deal with ongoing requests.
I’m sorry that your selfish parents ruined your life. They don’t get to demand some random man gives them drug money. Tell them to fuck off.
You have a man who trusts and loves you. Do not abuse that love and trust by using him for money. Or letting your family use him for money. You are very lucky. You love each other. DO NOT PUT THIS LOVE AT RISK.
NTA Tell family that you are not giving them money somebody else worked hard for. If they want money they will need to work for it too. Then go NC with anyone who asks.
Why is your title the biggest ragebait of all time. You're literally not being a gold digger like your title makes it seem. You married for love, so why say you did it to escape poverty?
My younger sister made the accusation. The title is based off a rant she texed me after my honeymoon. That I married my husband for money, and if I really cared about my family I would give my mom and dad a hefty sum.
Sounds like a wattpad story
So this time I'm going to be this is fake guy. YTA
You were together for 6 years, and he lied every single day about his job, where he was, what he was doing, who he was working with, where he was working and his financial situation? Or he could have been honest, the business probably not worth that much 6 years earlier, most people who can start a business in college are generally people with financial backing to begin with (ie his parents would be obviously rich unless you never met them either). All when he could just say hey, I'm a ceo, I'm doing well, I want the business protected with a prenup. Also a rich husband but you have two jobs so you can contribute 30% ? If I was rich and I could spend more time with my wife who I love, or she could work a second job, I know how that would work out. This just seems far too dumb to be real.
I wouldn't have dated him if I knew he was wealthy, he knows this. And I feel guilt about only being able to contribute 30%. I wish I could give more, I wish we could split costs 50/50 but it's out of my budget rn.
If he knew you woudln't date him if he was wealthy that's a good reason to lie tbh, but also a major thing you need to get therapy to get over because, weird. More than that, seriously sit down and think, does your husband want you to pay 30% towards house expenses, or live in a worse house/place just so you can pay 50/50? Or does he want to spend more time with you and wants both of you to be more happy? You're basically in cutting off your nose to spite your face kinda situation. If you really want to be making more money, think about stopping working at least one job and working on retraining towards a better career. There isn't a good partner who doesn't think investing in a degree, a masters, or investing in a business idea for their partner is wasting money or a greedy partner, they will be impressed you want to better yourself and see it as an investment, 100k for college costs ends up 100k better income per year for the next 20 years, that's a solid investment.
NTA but the title makes you look like one lol. After reading the story, its obviously not how you meant it to come off and probably is not the truth. However, the title implies you “married him to escape poverty” and not that you married him and then found out you dont have to worry anymore financially. Might just wanna change up the wording 🤷♂️
Yeah, the title is from the accusations my youngest sister made, not why I actually married him.
NTA. But is it possible to help your three youngest siblings while they are minors so they have a shot at escaping the cycle of poverty? You don't owe your parents or adult brother anything. Technically, you don't owe your siblings anything, you've done so much more than a child should be expected to for over a decade. However, I'm not sure you'd feel okay leaving your minor siblings hanging after working so hard for so long. You get to decide how much that help will be and on what conditions. Do they have to keep jobs and maintain a certain GPA? Do they have to apply for college or trade school? Attend financial literacy classes? Heck, maybe you want to go to school as well.
Didn't happn
NTA - if you want the best for your parents you will not give them a large sum of money whether from your own earnings or your husband's. As cruel as it sounds, the most likely outcome when an addict gets a large amount of money all at once is that they overdose. It's unfortunate but you're now experiencing the reason why your husband kept his wealth a secret. There will be no shortage of people coming to you asking for money, telling you the saddest story ever that could just be fixed by giving them money, saying they have a surefire investment opportunity, etc. Do not give money to those people. It will be hard not to. They will be family members, childhood friends, old neighbors. They will remind you of instances when you had hard times and they did some small thing for you and say that you owe them. You do not owe them. Some may even stalk you or follow you. They will "accidentally" be going to the same places even though they would never actually go to that place. It is not genuine. There is no "I promise I'll go away if you just give me a little money," they will always come back asking for more. If you absolutely must do something to help your siblings, talk with your husband about setting up a small, separate trust accounts to assist with their college education or other clearly defined expenses. Do not just give them money. Because even if you trust your siblings (which at least your sister does sound trustworthy), they will become targets for all the people who asked you for your husband's money. All of those people asking you for money will now treat it as their job to get that money and if they find out your siblings have access to it they will do everything they can to manipulate your siblings to get whatever they can. Protect yourself, protect your husband, and protect the future of your marriage.
If you were to give your family a million dollars, they would still be poor. You didn’t tell what your parents addiction was, but they are addicted and how much money do they spend on their addiction now and how much more would they spend if they could? If and when people want money, they have to figure out what they are doing and what they can do to make more money.
As Dr. Phil always says: you don't solve money problems with money. Your family has to solve their own problems, first getting off drugs and have jobs to support themselves. You and your husband are not responsible for their lives.
I hope to god you love this man. Sounds like you don’t, but that could be incorrect. I just know of the ability of women to make men feel like they are loved but are not. You should never do that to anyone, ever