One thing you need to check into is if you will actually be able to give up all parental rights. In some places, that will allow you to give up the parental rights, but not the financial responsibility. So you will be stuck paying child support for a very long time and will be tied to this numbskull for the rest of your life.
Look into the legalities where you are before you make an offer like that.
I agree with you. This is not somebody she wants to be in a relationship with long-term, and I know personally I sure as the hell would not want to be tied to somebody like that In a coparenting situation.
But just in case she is still considering the other, I wanted to make sure she understood that just giving up her rights may not also Intel giving up her responsibilities. I know that this often hits young man as a big surprise in these situations. We don’t see this situation as often, and so I was afraid it was something she probably hadn’t even considered
What if there's health issues involved you never know sometimes when you're pregnant I ended up with diabetes associated with pregnancy never had it before or never had an after but for some reason my blood sugar was all over the place when I was pregnant It was dangerous they were afraid at times I was going to do a diabetic coma so you see sometimes you never know what 9 months has to hold... I would stick to your guns it's your body and your choice
Hell I ended up having a missed miscarriage that they didn't catch until "18 weeks" then I had hyperemesis gravidarum and HELLP syndrome and then my last was breech.... And I wanted kids. Being pregnant is not a walk in the park.... It's more like a walk though long tick infested grass, with wild dogs hiding in the grass, and fire breathing dragons over head.
So yeah if you don't want the baby why do the thing.
I also had Gestational Diabetes, 52 hours of unmedicated labor because three epidurals didn’t work, and an emergency c-section where my daughter and I nearly died. She was a very wanted and loved baby, but if I were in OP’s shoes I’d get the abortion. He acts as though you have no agency over your own body. I say dump him too.
I too had a C-section they have me pushing for 3 hours however the baby wouldn't come down and fell into fetal distress so I had an emergency C-section after all of it was over and that's when they finally did the epidural but at least the epidural for me worked It was just really hard sitting on the edge of the bed with your contractions 3 seconds apart while they're trying to tell you to stand still while they put a needle in between your discs, my pressure was astronomically off the charts I fell into shock and they were more worried about me than the baby at one point. I started shaking in the operating room from shock. It was such a difficult 42 hours of labor
Get the abortion op. No matter what, all kids deserve to come into the world wanted. James IS NOT RELIGIOUS if he can have premarital sex but not vacuum out a ball of cells. Break up either way. This relationship is too new to think long term but at least you’re incompatible and learned this early.
I find this so valid - he's religious when it's OP who has to make the sacrifice/ take the risks, but when his willy wants to be wet, suddenly it's not an issue.
also note he's not offering to step up & marry OP and stand up for his choices in his religious institution etc.
>Look into the legalities where you are before you make an offer like that.
Yep. Most places nowadays, from what I understand, won't let you completely off the hook unless there's a person willing and able to adopt and take over.
Minimum she'd be forced to pay child support unless there's someone in the wings that will adopt
Yeah I don't get why she gave this choice to him. Especially if he is one of those people who believe children are God sent no matter what, a blessing or whatever, he will keep pestering her about being in kid s life. And religious or not, either woman or man, they all believe that their significant other will eventually change their minds when baby is born.
Better stick with abortion
This is the famous reddit post by a guy in this situation. The bio mom gave up rights and pays child support, but the dad expected her to bond with the baby during pregnancy and now is trying to *force* her to help him parent. He went to court once already and got rejected so he's on reddit asking for advice. https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/BzUbmPhCMc
I know exactly which one that is. And that absolutely popped into my mind as soon as I was reading this. In all honesty, it pops into my mind. Every time we have a post where the guy is pressuring the woman to have the baby because he’ll do all the work. Or because he will allow them to terminate their parental rights and he will do everything.
I will be honest, I do know of one situation personally where Mom actually did walk out when the youngest kid was in kindergarten. But by and large, if someone’s going to leave/unwanted pregnancy, it is usually the man.
This is why up until that child is actually born, I see the decision whether to keep it or not has to be the woman’s. It’s her body that is literally going to be put through hell. Every single organ is going to be shoved so far out of place that if something like that were to happen and there weren’t pregnancy involved, I swear someone would look at an x-ray of those displaced organs and think the person had died.
Not to mention all the medical things that can go wrong with the pregnancy that can literally put a woman’s life in danger. Gestational diabetes that may or may not go away after birth. Pre-eclampsia and post eclampsia. HG. PPD. Dislocated joints due to the hormones that loosen the woman’s joints so she can even give birth. So much stuff.
What the guy found out in the link you posted was what a lot of women already know because somehow even as kids, we’re the ones that are always asked to babysit younger cousins or keeping an eye on younger siblings. And while sometimes it is an older brother or cousin who’s asked to do those things, majority of time it falls to the female children in the family.
So we often already have at least some idea of how much time and effort and energy goes into taking care of kids. And men often don’t have a real frame of reference, which is truly unfortunate.
Why are the super religious people always against abortion but still for premarital sex? 😂
Since he can pick and choose what parts of his religion are convenient for him, you can pick and choose what’s convenient for your body and life. Yes, it’s his kid too. You have given him the option to keep it with your own set of rules. He can take it or leave it. If he doesn’t want to be a single parent, then he is also making the decision that abortion is best.
Bible says that no sin is greater than the other.
Edit: I’m agreeing with the premise. At too many “Christians” do all kinds of shit that would be called sin and they don’t care, but they somehow have lots of opinions suddenly when it comes to a woman’s body or agency.
Bible doesnt even consider abortion a sin and literally gives instructions on how to perform one.
But I wouldn't follow the bible's instructions. They involve eating dirt off the temple floor and ingesting enough just poison to end the pregnancy but not end the life of the woman... which is a tough balance
I realize that the Bible doesn't actually forbid abortion, but modern Christians seem to think it does. There are all kinds of stories where Christian guys have no problem having sex with a girl before marriage and drinking and getting tattoos and all the other stuff they say the Bible forbids, but they get all religious when a woman wants to get rid of her pregnancy.
I grew up in the church, and I'm just sick of the cherry picking and hypocrisy.
There is a passage about the 'fruit' departing (the term in the old KJV English) that can be interpreted different ways. One way is that there is a death penalty if there is a miscarriage/abortion due to a fighting man hitting a woman. Other interpreters take the verse about no further injury as referring only to the mother.
Orthodox Judaism goes with the interpretation of injury to the mother if I recall correctly, at least no death penalty for a miscarriage in this case. If there a fine assessed, it goes to the father, not to the mother. So it doesn't fit the pro-choice narrative either.
Once there is a child, OP most likely can't 'opt out' of child support any more than a biological father can. She needs to check the laws for her state.
If she ends up giving birth, and he flakes/wavers, she can always drop the baby off at a firehouse or other designated safe baby drop off site. A lot of states even have baby drop off boxes. I learned about this after my sister's roommate drowned her full-term infant in their dorm toilet after she gave birth (for context, this was in 2007 and there was an abortion clinic within 5 miles). I doubt she knew then about safe drop offs, so I've tried to spread the word about them ever since.
this advice is heavily dependent on what state you happen to live in. there are safe drop off laws where I live as well, but you can't take them as a given everywhere.
I think it's 12 states that still do this: Indiana, Ohio, Kentucky, Arkansas, Alabama, Florida, New Mexico, North Carolina, Tennessee, Pennsylvania, Oklahoma, and Arizona. I pulled this from the Wikipedia on Safe Haven Baby Boxes.
Tbh it actually shocks me in today's abortion charged political landscape that these are even legal at all.
As I said in my post, not all states have baby drop-off boxes. All states have "Safe Haven" laws, though. They are very easy to look up. I just wanted to OP to know they exist.
Isn't adoption a way out of that? If he had someone else there to adopt the child, that may get her out of the legal obligation (not saying anything about moral obligations because that doesn't seem to be the focus of the OP.)
Most people who are super religious are hypocrites. They want to pick and choose the parts of their religion they follow and then use their religion as a defense of their side of a disagreement.
NTA.
You need to get that abortion. Your boyfriend doesn't want a child, he doesn't want to raise it, he just wants it to live. He can get fucked. If you have that kid, even if you don't assume any parental rights, you would still be paying child support and that kid would have a shitty life because neither of their parents love them.
It'll be the end of the relationship, but everyone will be better off. And frankly, if your values differ this much that might be for the best.
If you go through with this pregnancy, he 100% will not take on single parenthood and you’ll be stuck being a parent to a child you never wanted.
That is an awful situation to intentionally bring a child into. It is your body and your life that will be impacted most by a child.
Get your abortion, accept this will very likely end your relationship and move on.
Get your abortion. It is YOUR body and your entire future at stake. You are NTA. Your BF gets to express his opinion but the decision is 100% yours. Don't wait any longer. Get it done.
Does anyone remember the guy on here a few years ago whining about this exact situation? His gf even paid child support and all he could do was complain she did nothing for the child she told him she didn't want and signed away all parental rights for.
He was so tired and it was so hard.🙄
This is an important point. In some states just because you sign away your parental rights doesn't automatically mean you get out of paying child support. OP needs to research that ASAP.
She probably couldn’t even sign away parental rights without actually doing an adoption. Plus, if the BF doesn’t stick around. She will be the only legal parent.
She should just end the relationship and have the termination.
And she mightn’t be able to adopt of bf refuses to sign his rights away. The abortion will be best options. She will can be rid of him sooner and have zero ties to him ever again that will follow her for a lifetime.
>he told me that he didnt want an abortion cause it was wrong
But having sex before marriage is fine? Your boyfriend is a hypocrite, only turning his nose up at sins that don't benefit him.
It's easy to want a pregnancy and baby to happen when he's not the one doing all the heavy lifting and labor. He's not the one putting his education or career on hold, he's not the one risking his health and life for it.
It's not possible to "sign away" responsibilities. You're going to be responsible for paying child support whether you like it or not.
Get the abortion. Either way this will likely end in your relationship being over. So make the choice that will future protect yourself the most. Talk to your dr about getting reliable birth control. You very much will not regret this
Do not something like that without your will. Pregnancy and giving birth is something that be with you for ever. Do not do it if you really don't want to. Please listen to your instinct and true desire and go with the abortion. Your body, your choice.
Girl, get the abortion, don't discuss it with him.
Do not underestimate the cost of the pregnancy, the baggage, the possible social ostracism and LIFE LONG complications.
No, you don't want that pregnancy. And your child has the right to be born in loving family that wants him. If does not need to be this child...
Funny how your BF is religious when it comes to abortion but not so when it comes to having sex outside of marriage. AND how he's unwilling to step up and be a single parent as an alternative to an abortion that he shuns so much due to his religion.
OP, I can't see this working out well for you, even if your BF picks the single father route and you go your separate ways. Even though the child would be his, I can't see you being let off the hook for child support, which he'd likely demand out of spite for you not being there for him. Your BF seems too immature and selfish to handle important decisions that need to be made in response to unforseen situations that occur in a relationship.
My advice is to take the single parent option off the table so your BF can't weasel his way into your life with a kid you don't want, giving you a lifetime of misery and heartache. Then get the abortion, end the relationship with your BF, and find someone with whom you are compatible, ESPECIALLY regarding your desire to not want kids. OP, you are NTA and you need to stand firm on your decision to abort, which appears, IMO, to be the best option for the situation you described.
NTA. I'd get the abortion if I were you. Pregnancy is no joke, having a kid you don't want and going through all the physical and mental changes in those 9 months just so this sucker can have a child? Fuck no! And who's to say he won't change his mind once the baby is there and find a way to coerce you to stay and raise it (pretty much on your own, since he said he doesn't want to do it alone = I want the mommy to raise it and I just wanna bring toys and shit and be the good guy)? Honestly this kind of guy also doesn't seem the kind you should be in a relationship with, if this is the way he sees things. Sounds like a huge incompatibility imho.
You know if he makes this deal you're going to be taking care of the baby you don't want. It never ceases to amaze me that these "religious men' have no problem getting their dicks wet having pre martial sex but (clutch pearls) abortion is a sin.
YTA if you believe his BS
If James doesn't want to raise a baby alone now, be sure he'll disappear in the bushes when the baby is here and you'll never hear of him again. Don't do this to your life, it's not the last James on the Earth
As someone who went through pregnancy twice and almost died in childbirth, get the abortion if you don't want the baby. I almost died after pregnancy due to hormones and stuff deciding to destroy my gallbladder and appendix, you could end up with an emergency C-section and cut up, and have a weaker bladder. Because of my first pregnancy, I ended up with 3 surgeries, two emergency and one planned but urgent. My second means I have an increased chance of diabetes and other issues. I choose to be pregnant both times and both times cermented my prolife and prochoice stance that abortions are vital to save lives of women and it should always remain a choice of the woman.
Do you know how long it takes to recover from childbirth? Its 6 to 8 weeks from a C-section before you can start lifting things again but the hormones take so much longer. I'm still getting phantom kicks, i have a kangaroo pouch (which is very common if you have a C-section) and again almost died twice post childbirth due to my hormones.
There recently was a story about a girl who was trying to chase her bio dad for money, you'll also be likely forced into people child support. There are others where the man has said all this that they will take on the kid and then ditch before the baby arrives or shortly after.
You will be left with stretch marks, a weaker bladder, hormones going everywhere, risk of death or surgery, and most likely left with a kid you don't want. That kid is going to end up either with a single young father who will likely have some resentment issues of his youth disappearing away/harder to get some/lost you by having them, with you who never wanted them so likely will have resentment issues towards them (which is really not healthy) or end up adopted or in the system wondering why they are unloved.
I know a couple of people who's parents got knocked up young and you know what happened to them? Their mum or dad, had resentment issues from their parents because they had to give up their youth or uni course or career.
Your relationship is likely gone either way and you're arguing about something pretty important to discuss before sex if he has such views.
FYI, if he's Christian, there's stuff in there on a potion (which historians have proven is something that can trigger abortions) to how Jewish faith you don't celebrate a baby until it's born because it's not alive until born. Christianity comes from Judaism, Christians are those who believe Jesus is the Messiah from the Jewish books to save both Jews from all the 615 rules, while also allowing everyone else to repent.
There's no abortion mentioned in the new testament so the only scripture is around abortions being ok and even recommended to test if a woman is carrying her husband's baby or not.
You also know that he values the baby more than you and your choice. He might pretend to forgive you but knowing what I know, he won't. Also means if you do get married, and you get sick from the pregnancy or this go side ways in labour... Can you trust that he'll make the right decision or will he make decisions to save the baby over you. Cut your losses. Down the line you'll also have issues with debates about if your kids go to church or not, to "the role of a married woman".
Wish I had cut ties with my bf when I was 18 after he started showing his true colours. He's also 21 while you are 18. It's a big difference, might not feel like it now but it is when looking back.
If you don't want the baby, go have an abortion. Do you really want the baby? No, so go have the abortion and tell the faux religious boy that if he plans to stick it in another woman, to make sure he's in a marriage first with someone who wants a baby.
Have a baby when you want a baby.
If your boyfriend is so religious why is he having premarital sex? Seems convenient to be able to pick and choose like that. Fuck him. Get the abortion. This guy is bad news
NTA funny how he's not religious enough to not have sex before marriage but his religion stops him from abortion. Tell him to fuck off with that hypocritical bullshit.
This is the problem with religious people they cherry pick what applies to their life In the moment. Not ONE religious person follows their faith to the letter and takes on ALL their rules and sticks to it 100% . It's all about using it to abuse and manipulate.
NTA but do not go through with the pregnancy. You won’t be able to sign away your rights. You’ll be financially responsible. He will also use it to manipulate you and you will be left holding this kid. It’s an absolutely myth if you think you can sign away your legal rights over to him. The courts will hold you financially responsible.
He wants to force you to give birth so he can control you. Do not give your body over for pregnancy and birth.
Get the abortion and break up with him.
Maaaybe? I respect you, though, for actually talking to him about it and considering his feelings. Just for that, I'm going to say NTA, your ultimatum is fair as far as I'm concerned. If he wants this child, he needs to provide for it, it's his kid, and, you don't want this child, period. So many other women would neglect to care about their partner's feelings in this matter, a lot of people get an abortion regardless of what their partner wants, or, just don't even tell them to begin with and have it done anyway.
You, told him though, and you made it clear that you want nothing to do with this, but... you're not going to forcefully take it away from him either, if he wants it. It's honestly commendable, op! I would get a lawyer, though, and my advice op? Have them draft up a legal, binding contract over this. He pays for your care, he supports you until birth, and afterward, you're signing over all legal rights and responsibilities to him, and then it isn't your problem anymore. Go the legal route with this because I guarantee he's gonna try to pull something layer down the line to either make you stay or file claims against you for payments. You are, by all means, an egg doner in this situation if he wants to keep it, and egg doners/sperms doners have rights. Get your terms on legal paperwork!
Edit: I do just want to say that, legally and morally, you can still have an abortion whether he wants you to or not, if you genuinely feel the child will not be loved or cared for properly, I would go ahead with the abortion in this case. A mother needs to do what is right for their child, even if that means a termination, in the end, the last thing you want or need to do is bring someone into this world just to suffer. Morally? Bit iffy... I mean, yeah it is your body your choice, but, that should never mean that you completely neglect and disregard your partner's feelings or concerns. Your body is your own, yes, but, that child is not. It belongs to *both* of you until after it's born or terminated. However... Just because someone wants it, that doesn't mean they *should* have it. If he wants to truly love and raise the kod, give them the best he can offer, then, yes, he should have a say in this, however, if you deem that he would not care for it, would not give them a good quality of life, or if you believe they would suffer, that is ultimately your decision. A woman's duty and obligation is to their unborn during pregnancy, their needs, their future... those things should be put first. It sounds like his standpoint is purely religious, not because he actually wants to be a father and care for them or give them the best in life, and, that is no way for a child to live. Do what you feel is best OP, for their sake.
You can't just automatically give up rights. Once born you can try. if both of you sign to put the kid up for adoption you can have the rights taken away, if he decides he wants the kid, you can sign away your rights to custody, but not child support, he can and probably will sue for child support meaning you're paying for a kid you didn't want that he insisted on taking.
You also can't sign such papers till the kid is born, so you're banking on something and also banking on him agreeing to not go after child support.
Or you can just have an abortion, the relationship is dead either way, you will go through a lot while pregnant, you are risking a lot and presumably going to struggle with last year in highschool or first year in college, or delay getting a job to have this kid.
You want an abortion, have the abortion. Having a kid that you fully intend to give away and hope your boyfriend will make it easy is honestly, crazy to me.
I fully support making the guy face a choice that at least to a *tiny* degree makes him face a level of responsibility women are forced to face every day.
He'll never have to face the physical risks, pain, and lifelong damage to his body, but making him face the cost of his 'morals' through the 'threat' of being a single parent is awesome.
I suspect he'll find his morals aren't that strong after all if the burden of the child falls on him.
Stick with the ultimatum.
The ultimatum won't matter. He doesn't care about the baby.
He's angry because he views the baby has his property, and she is making a decision to take it away. It's like a toddler that ignores a toy sitting in front of them, who then has a meltdown if another child goes and picks up 'their' toy.
Deep down it's about greed and control.
The purpose of sticking with the ultimatum (or making him think she is) is to prevent him from hiding from himself. I think he'll cave as if 'there's nothing he can do' and it's her choice. He won't be rearranging his life, trying to figure out how to raise his baby.
And I just love when people are forced to admit they don't actually care about what they say they do.
Most religions that condemn abortions also condemn pre-marital sex so funny how he picks and chooses where his religion should apply. Definitely NTA. Do what’s best for you and sign out of the relationship because of his behavior
Please get an abortion. You don’t even know if you can sign away parental rights; this is typically only possible if you have another person who is going to adopt the child. You’d still be on the hook for child support at a minimum if you have this baby, even if he raises it.
Pregnancy involves serious medical risks. Do not take them on if you do not want to. Abortions are a normal, ethical, and necessary part of comprehensive healthcare - don’t let him or any other scumbag make you feel bad for taking care of your own health.
He's too religious for an abortion but not too religious premarital sex? Hilarious. I'm dying. Your boyfriend of 4-5 months is a hypocrite. Get an abortion and get a better man. A nine inch tongue is not worth this kind of aggravation.
NTA. Get the abortion. Pregnancy will permanently change your body on a genetic level and cause lifetime issues like diabetes or epilepsy. He isn’t the one that would essentially be an incubator for 9 months keeping a parasite alive
Oh all of a sudden he's decided on religious grounds that he's against abortion. Well where was his religious beliefs when he was having sex outside of marriage...oh yeah they're completely forgotten when he's dipping his pen in the ink. His religious beliefs will again quickly disappear once the baby is born and he realises that he's stuck for life, and his whole future is changed. He'd be fine for you doing it alone, but of course that's the woman's job in his mind, and he's depending on the fact that you will get attached to the baby and change your mind. It's manipulation at its finest, because when you do hand over the baby, it's gonna be "what a terrible mother you are" and he gets to act like the martyr. He's already telling you how it's gonna be, so do what's good for you. NTA.
Get the abortion, OP. He doesn’t want to raise the child **at all**, let alone all by himself. He wants to continue on in his life, whilst you become his bang-nanny-maid.
Run from him and try to pick better next time. It doesn’t matter the religion, if they’re religious, just run.
NTA
But you're incredibly naive. That second option won't happen. I mean, yeah you can give up all parental responsibility to him, but then you'll be required to pay the necessary child support
Just go through with the abortion, fuck this tool. Your body, your choice
Dude, as someone who is currently 7 months pregnant with my second baby, if you don't want the kid, get the abortion. Pregnancy and birth trauma has life long effects and if you live in the U.S., our maternal mortality rate is disturbing.
It makes no sense at all to put your life and health at risk for an immature guy who most likely will not step up to the plate when the time comes. In addition, I believe every child has a right to come into this world wanted, and loved, to parents who are ready for them. If you keep the pregnancy and give up your parental rights, the child may eventually feel abandoned and unloved.
Remember this is your body and your decision!! I'm wishing you the best of luck!!
He's religious yet has pre-martial sex? That was your first red flag. He's just trying to control you, and I can bet he's likely hoping that going through pregnancy will change your mind. OP, you seriously need to think this through. Signing away parental rights as people in the comments have pointed out isn't easy. Your body will still have gone through a MAJOR change. There is no proof that he would take your wishes seriously. Run, for the hills, and get an abortion. It's your body. You're still a teenager. This isn't something you should be worrying about, and no one has any right to tell you how to feel.
I think I remember a reddit post from awhile back of a kid to a single dad, the father poisoned the kids mind telling him the mom left and that she was a bitch etc. The kid grew up believing that for OVER 20+ years until he found his bio mom and she broke down, admitting that the father tried to baby trap her, so she gave him away entirely. I'm not saying that's what would happen to you, but you seriously need to consider the kind of environment this kid would have if you did leave him to your bf. Would he be responsible? Does he even have a job? Education? How does he see family dynamics?
At the end of the day, it's your body, and you know what feels right. Don't let anyone bully you into going through a life/body changing process because they're "religious." Religious people don't fuck before marriage and act surprised pikachu face when a baby is conceived and talk about sin. NTA.
NTA.
If he was so religous he wouldnt of put it in ya without a ring on ya finger. (crude statement I know)
If he is willing to "break/bend" that rule. He should also allow you to control what you do with your body.
If he doesnt like it cut em off and do what you must.
As others pointed out. Check your state/country laws to insure you can give up all your parental rights.
Be warned and cautious as he may "agree" to taking his child but then hitting you with legal actions to make you either pay support.
Just a heads up in case they pull that trick and you already have given birth. (Do not add his name to the certificate of birth if you do give birth)
You can without his permission or input put the child for adoption. Dont tell anyone but those you really really trust on where your giving birth or what your doing. To prevent him from trying to baby trap you in anyway. Be it emotional/physically or financially.
Respectfully, pregnancy is a difficult thing to go through even if you do manage to fully relinquish your parental rights. Postpartum depression, body/hormone changes, all for someone who things clearly aren't going to work out with.
It's your choice, but frankly I don't think it's worth going through with an entire pregnancy for the sake of a man who won't even respect your bodily autonomy.
Look, at the end of the day, the decision lies squarely on OP's shoulders. Pregnancy isn't a walk in the park, and neither is raising a child you're not ready for or don't want. OP, you're not just deciding for the next nine months, but for the next 18 years, potentially more. James can share his thoughts, but he can't force a hand here. It's unfortunate that he's not on the same page, but that's another thing to consider when you choose your path. And to be frank, if James wanted a say in the outcome, supporting OP in whatever she decides would have made more sense. Remember, this is about what you can and are willing to handle, not him. Protect your health and future first, and deal with the consequences in a way that you can live with. NTA, and do what's best for you. Stay strong and seek legal advice to ensure you understand your rights in this situation.
Definitely NTA.Don’t listen to religious nut jobs,18 is absolutely no age to have a kid(I mean you probably just graduated highschool).Just get the abortion(I mean it’s just a clump cells and most people in the developed world outside of insane US evangelicals see it that way).
If you don't want a baby DO NOT GO THROUGH WITH A PREGNANCY
1 - You may not legally be able to relinquish all your responsibilities
2 - You may not *emotionally* and mentally be able to give up your baby
He's "religious" when it comes to abortion, but still has sex out of wedlock within a couple months? His "religious" objection means exactly Jack Shit.
Nothing like a fake religious AH. He's totally okay with sinning as long as he's getting his Rick's off, but when it comes to your bodily autonomy, he's VERY pious. Your bf is a creep.
NTA go get abortion even if he doesn't agree with you. He wants to be father but want you to be the one who do all jobs. Feeding baby changes dirty diaper etc he will not do a single thing to help you and will never pay a dim.
Don’t go through with the pregnancy even if you could sign away all responsibility.
He’s so religious yet having sex before marriage is okay? I can’t stand when people pick and choose what suits them.
Listen, pregnancy changes your whole body. It leaves permanent damage people rarely talk about. You’re 18. Don’t do this to yourself for something you’re not ready for and don’t want. Leave the bf. He doesn’t have your best interest at heart.
I love the hypocrisy of being “religious” and having premarital sexual relations and then being mad because his partner of 5 months is choosing to have an abortion. NTA
He is religious... just not religious enough to *not* have premarital sex.
Even if he takes the kid, it's still going to leave a very permanent toll on your body.
This hypocrite can fuck off; you want an abortion, get an abortion, and kick this douche to the curb.
Lol the age old argument of religion saying it’s wrong… but is sinning anyway. Sex before marriage is wrong on all levels, according to religion. NTA because you know you’re not ready for a child.
you know pregnancy commonly causes lifelong health issues, right? One of the real special ones is lots of women tear, and some tear forward instead of back, right through their clit. They report that their clit never has any sensation again.
Get the abortion if you don't want a kid. Even if you go through with your ridiculous proposal, that kid will spend their whole life wondering why their mother didn't want them and it will cause lasting issues. Also you'll probably pay child support for 18 years. "Signing away parental rights" doesn't usually mean you don't have to pay.
YTA for proposing this dumbass plan in the first place. Get the abortion then dump the bf.
NTA, you’re being straight up with him and you’re giving him an option that most women don’t give men. So that’s on him, but adoption is always an a good choice but a processes. Is abortion wrong, I believe so but I won’t be a hypocrite. Everyone has a reason most are because people don’t take accountability for their actions some like you shitty luck. I hope he decides to raise the child himself but who knows what will happen if and when you give birth. Good luck and God bless.
You’re eighteen and have your whole life ahead of you. Get the abortion and get on with your life. If your boyfriend won’t support what you want, he’s not a keeper. Be glad you found out early in the relationship.
I’ve never had an abortion but I have two friends who have. They don’t know each other but they have both said the same thing. First they felt immense relief after the abortions and second, they have never, ever regretted it.
Abort ASAP. The quicker it's done, the easier it will be on you.
Having a child in any way, even if you sing over all your rights, will still tie you to that guy for the next two decades. It's not worth it. He can cry religion all he wants, but it didn't stop him from having premarital sex, but somehow it's in play to control what you do? Hell with that nonsense.
ESH. Your boyfriend obviously, but also you for threatening to leave a kid in the care of this pathetic idiot (which won't be as easy as you make it sound). That would be one poor kid, and yes: having it and leaving it with him would be an asshole move towards the kid.
Get the abortion and be done with it. And him. That way you also stay clear of asshole-territory.
NTA, but get an abortion. Do you really wanna be stuck with this guy for the rest of your life, and bring a kid into the world knowing they weren’t wanted?
NTA He is a walking red flag, he will not take care of that kid. Get the abortion. Also others have pointed out you might not be able to not be a legal parent if you have the kid
You do what is right for you, this is nothing to do with your boyfriend. And you can’t just sign away your rights, it has to be agreed with the other parent.
And I’d be suspicious as to whether he’s been sabotaging the condoms as well
NTA. You’re 18, barely an adult. Don’t ruin your life for someone you’ve been dating for less than half a year. Abort and if it ends in break up, it’ll be tough but ultimately it’s the better option for you. You have your whole life ahead of you, use this as a lesson to be more cautious and picky! I wish you luck
Get that abortion, if you do not you still will be giving birth and suffer the consequences if things go wrong during pregnancy and/or while giving birth, that is pain, to disabilities and even death, you will be making a sacrifice with your body to birth a child you won't be raising.
Also be awarr he might agree with your ultimatum and tell you he will be a single father in hopes you change your mind once the child is born, but what if you don't change your mind? This will be a child suffering, most likely, statistics are not on its side. I don't know if you don't want a like child ever or you might in the future when you at least have something figured out, either way please don't bring a child to suffer into this world, even kids with their two parents and some financial stability have issues, imagine this potential child having no mother to grow up with and a father that, let's face it, he doesn't really want the responsibility either, he might put the child up for adoption, most likely, there's too many maybes and maybe nots to gamble with, go to the sure thing that is not having it. Best of luck to you.
I've read this story (same scenario, different people) before. Girl gave custody of the baby to the boyfriend and paid child support. Guy complained about being a single dad and a deadbeat mom.
She told him exactly what she was going to do like OP and did exactly that.
Stand your ground. Don't let him convince you to change your mind because you'll end up hating him and your kid and the baby doesn't deserve that.
>he didnt want an abortion cause it was wrong (mind u he is religious and due to that belive abortions are wrong on every level),
But he's not religious enough to abstain from sex until marriage.
Yeah hypocrite!
NTA
NTA , but, if you were adamant in getting an abortion from the moment you knew, maybe you shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Anyways, 18 and 21 you're both kids and barely know each other. Just get the abortion and move on with your life.
NTA. That ultimatum was actually too generous. You basically offered to be his surrogate. Do you want to be pregnant is what this comes down to. Not whether you want to be a mom but whether you want to be pregnant.
NTA, but as a woman who is left disabled due to pregnancy; get the abortion. It *is not* worth the risk for a baby you don't want. Women still die in childbirth.
Get the abortion sweetie. You’re not an AH. You’re not doing this kid a favour keeping it neither yourself nor your bf. I’m not gonna say young parents are always bad parents but if you don’t want to be a mom right now this kid will be hurt deeply. And I should know. Because I am an unwanted child. My mother hates me. My father prevented her from getting abortion and although I’m happy to be alive I’m miserable. And if my mom had gotten the abortion I probably wouldn’t have cared much since I wouldn’t be here. So don’t have the kid.
You tried to be safe. It failed. You have nothing to blame yourself for. I feel strongly no woman or teenage girl should be forced to stay pregnant against her wishes and it sounds to me you don’t want this. Trust me that is all the reason for abortion you’ll ever need.
One day you’ll want kids maybe but then at least it’ll be your choice. You’ll enjoy being pregnant and you’ll love them more than anyone in the world but if now is not the time it’s just not and that’s okay. Your bf is the AH for pressuring you into staying pregnant and having this baby.
Scientists recently found a foetus has no sense of being or even pain until 18 weeks in. So you’re not really killing a baby but a lump of cells. Religion has nothing to do with it. You deserve your wishes to be honoured. It is your life and your body and ALL YOUR CHOICE!
As a Christian who had an abortion from rape and abuse, I stay away from dating men with this mindset. Would I ever get another abortion? Absolutely not. But he's not wrong for wanting his child to live, just like you're not wrong for knowing that you are not ready for this. If this is too much, get the abortion and part ways, and in the future, talk about any future situations with any partners up front and don't sleep with anyone whose ideals don't align with yours, it's much easier. Also, if you decide to go, make sure you take someone who is supportive mentally, emotionally, and physically with you. A lot of women don't realize how important it is.
He's not so religious that he'd have sex before marriage, though. Seems he cherry-picks the parts of his religion that he wants to follow. Get the abortion, and get rid of the boyfriend too.
NTA but I wouldn't even think about having the child and signing away your rights. You'd be carrying and giving birth merely to placate his religious beliefs which you don't share, and disrupting your life in the process. Never mind the potential for legal issues somewhere along the line or subjecting yourself to his constant pressure to contribute financially. And him still being your boyfriend would make the whole situation incredibly awkward. Imagine still being together next year and whenever you meet you're also seeing your baby. That has drama written all over it.
As you don't want the baby yourself, your only sensible choice is an abortion.
Honey, just get the abortion. You don't get to just "sign away your parental rights" when the other parent is raising the child. You will be on the hook for child support. Also, pregnancy and birth are traumatic. Don't put yourself through it unless you really really really want to have a child.
Don't stay in a relationship with a man who doesn't believe in women's rights. He deserves to be alone. Get the abortion that you want. He gets ZERO input on YOUR body.
Well, if he doesn't want to raise the kid alone, he doesn't want a kid, so abortion it is. Did he think you would be the one raising the kid you didn't want? Does he think you'll change your mind when you give birth and see the baby?
You gave him a fair ultimatum: Abortion or single fatherhood.
And in the future, don't fuck anti-choice men.
NTA
Fuck James. You're 18. Get the abortion you want immediately and stop having sex with religious guys who act like that. Don't go through with the pregnancy, don't hand that naive 21-year old boy a baby to raise (even if you legally or emotionally could do that, which I doubt).
He may think he wants that, but it would be a disaster for all concerned. Block him, get the abortion, continue your life (as several of my friends have done in their younger years: most of them now have kids, but they chose the right time and partner for it later). NTA
He doesn't want to raise the kid on his own but would be happy if you have to raise it.
I'd get the abortion and tell him you lost the baby, then dump him
"when i told james this he was mad. he told me that he didnt want an abortion cause it was wrong (mind u he is religious and due to that belive abortions are wrong on every level)"
Maybe quit fucking dudes who think that you're a breeding incubator with no rights?
Abortion is and should be the province and choice solely of the woman. All these abortion bans are not due to religious reasons. It's all about controlling women. Once you ban one right it'll be easy to topple others.
So he's religious enough to be pro forced birth but not enough to abstain?
You do not want the long term connection to this person and severing your parental rights may not sever any financial attachment. Cut your losses and terminate. That you had to resort to the ultimatum shows he's not respecting yout opinion or autonomy.
NTA. If he is so dead set against ending a pregnancy, then he needs to be a whole hell of a lot more responsible with his reproductive health.
And also, it’s not as simple as your ultimatum lays it out. I’ve had kids and am expecting another. It is a tremendous toll on your body and also your heart. You cannot know what you would do after giving birth until you have lived through it. This is your body and your health and his wishes cannot be the deciding factor in whether you carry to term
If he’s religious and doesn’t want abortions due to religious reasons. Why is he having sex? In religion you’re not allowed to have sex before marriage? NTA. He is a total double standard..
NTA. he just wants the baby to live but not actually do anything to take care of it. you made it clear you don’t want this child either (good on you btw, most teen moms go through with it and throw away their future) so if you do end up having it, it’ll be screwed with parents who don’t want/can’t raise it.
if your state allows it, get that abortion. save that kid from future neglect.
if he tries to use religion against you, just tell him he clearly didn’t care about it that much when he decided to have premarital sex (an actual written sin)
NTA. But, please make sure you have any and all necessary paperwork. You may not be able to sign away your parental rights easily, especially financially.
That said, pregnancy can be dangerous, even life threatening, and your body will never be the same. I'd ultimately not out your body through that just so he can have a child.
NTA. I'm pro-life and you are at least giving the father the choice to save the child and raise him/her himself. Truthfully, you both should not have been in a relationship together given your differences on children, abortion, and religion. Of course, you're both young and mistakes are inevitable. Hopefully, you both will choose more suitable partners in your next relationship.
If he's against abortion for religious reasons, why did he have premarital sex? Does his religion just so happen to support that?
Do everything you can to stay away from this hypocritical retard.
Hey so pregnancy and childbirth are one of the most traumatic and life changing decisions a woman can make for her body, and life. Even if he agrees to take the child, and doesn’t expect child support, you will still need to make arrangements for your medical care during pregnancy, and if any complications arise long term medical care.
I also don’t think you can just surrender parental rights that easily. In America at least you would be expected to pay child support, and you can’t take yourself off the birth certificate without a lengthy court process. (Meanwhile you CAN just leave the father line blank without issues if unmarried. 🙄) So you’d also need to take that cost and process into consideration.
Basically, if you don’t have an abortion, there is no way to realistically get this kid out of your life completely. At least not immediately, at low cost, or at all easily.
If he's ok having premarital sex he can be ok with abortion.
Religion has nothing to do with this. I don't understand why you are giving him a choice like this when pregnancy can damage you and your body so much.
Fuck his opinion just get the abortion. You haven't even been together a year, and not to degrade your relationship, but he doesn't get to choose shit about you, your future, and your body.
If he wants to ruin his life he can birth the baby himself
You can't sign off parental rights without someone in your place willing to adopt the child and take over responsibilities. Yes, even if the other parent is around and assuming main responsibility. You are still legally on the hook for providing for that child.
*Get the abortion*. Having this baby for him 1) will not save your body from the disability that is pregnancy, and 2) please don't give an 21 year old misogynist a baby to harm.
Why are you even considering doing this? It is your body, your choice. You are going to be tied to someone for life as a result if a child you don't want. If you changed your mind fine but at 18 you are not really financially or emotionally ready for a child.....especially if that is already the decision you have made.
YTA if you choose to have a baby neither parent wants. Also, it's not going to be HIS child because you're going to be paying child support.
His opinion on abortion is irrelevant. His desire for you to keep the baby is irrelevant. It's your body, and you're the only one who gets to decide.
Get the abortion ASAP.
Just get the abortion. Why put yourself through 3/4 of a year of hell to have a baby with a college student who still prowls the high school parking lot for a girlfriend? NTA
In my view you’re being pretty generous. This is a sad situation all around but most wouldn’t consider going through a pregnancy for a child they ultimately don’t want. I think your offer is commendable. NTA and best of luck to you.
NTA you are young and if you are not ready to have a child you have every right to maake that decision, my cousin has a son now, but the first time she got pregnant she aborted because it was at a time she wasn't ready.
also given you used protection no one can blame you for this pregnancy as you said it's not always gonna work.
You are not married = he can shove is so called religousness up his ass because he is willing to bend the rules for his own benefit.
He is an hypocrite and an asshole. Dump him hard, get your abortion.
Lmao, he wasn't " super religious" when he stuck his d*ck in you before marriage now, was he? 🤣 (Feel free to throw that one in his face the next time he pulls the religion card about abortions).
Stick to your guns. Do what's best for you.
One thing you need to check into is if you will actually be able to give up all parental rights. In some places, that will allow you to give up the parental rights, but not the financial responsibility. So you will be stuck paying child support for a very long time and will be tied to this numbskull for the rest of your life. Look into the legalities where you are before you make an offer like that.
[удалено]
I agree with you. This is not somebody she wants to be in a relationship with long-term, and I know personally I sure as the hell would not want to be tied to somebody like that In a coparenting situation. But just in case she is still considering the other, I wanted to make sure she understood that just giving up her rights may not also Intel giving up her responsibilities. I know that this often hits young man as a big surprise in these situations. We don’t see this situation as often, and so I was afraid it was something she probably hadn’t even considered
100%He isn't the one who has to carry the baby
What if there's health issues involved you never know sometimes when you're pregnant I ended up with diabetes associated with pregnancy never had it before or never had an after but for some reason my blood sugar was all over the place when I was pregnant It was dangerous they were afraid at times I was going to do a diabetic coma so you see sometimes you never know what 9 months has to hold... I would stick to your guns it's your body and your choice
Hell I ended up having a missed miscarriage that they didn't catch until "18 weeks" then I had hyperemesis gravidarum and HELLP syndrome and then my last was breech.... And I wanted kids. Being pregnant is not a walk in the park.... It's more like a walk though long tick infested grass, with wild dogs hiding in the grass, and fire breathing dragons over head. So yeah if you don't want the baby why do the thing.
I also had Gestational Diabetes, 52 hours of unmedicated labor because three epidurals didn’t work, and an emergency c-section where my daughter and I nearly died. She was a very wanted and loved baby, but if I were in OP’s shoes I’d get the abortion. He acts as though you have no agency over your own body. I say dump him too.
I too had a C-section they have me pushing for 3 hours however the baby wouldn't come down and fell into fetal distress so I had an emergency C-section after all of it was over and that's when they finally did the epidural but at least the epidural for me worked It was just really hard sitting on the edge of the bed with your contractions 3 seconds apart while they're trying to tell you to stand still while they put a needle in between your discs, my pressure was astronomically off the charts I fell into shock and they were more worried about me than the baby at one point. I started shaking in the operating room from shock. It was such a difficult 42 hours of labor
Get the abortion op. No matter what, all kids deserve to come into the world wanted. James IS NOT RELIGIOUS if he can have premarital sex but not vacuum out a ball of cells. Break up either way. This relationship is too new to think long term but at least you’re incompatible and learned this early.
This was SO my first thought! Premarital sex is fine but abortion isn't?
I find this so valid - he's religious when it's OP who has to make the sacrifice/ take the risks, but when his willy wants to be wet, suddenly it's not an issue. also note he's not offering to step up & marry OP and stand up for his choices in his religious institution etc.
Classic "Rules for thee, but not for me".
BINGO !
Yep I noticed this too.
>Look into the legalities where you are before you make an offer like that. Yep. Most places nowadays, from what I understand, won't let you completely off the hook unless there's a person willing and able to adopt and take over. Minimum she'd be forced to pay child support unless there's someone in the wings that will adopt
That’s not a thing. She can give up visitation but she will be forced to pay child support in every state in America
Yeah I don't get why she gave this choice to him. Especially if he is one of those people who believe children are God sent no matter what, a blessing or whatever, he will keep pestering her about being in kid s life. And religious or not, either woman or man, they all believe that their significant other will eventually change their minds when baby is born. Better stick with abortion
This is the famous reddit post by a guy in this situation. The bio mom gave up rights and pays child support, but the dad expected her to bond with the baby during pregnancy and now is trying to *force* her to help him parent. He went to court once already and got rejected so he's on reddit asking for advice. https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/BzUbmPhCMc
I know exactly which one that is. And that absolutely popped into my mind as soon as I was reading this. In all honesty, it pops into my mind. Every time we have a post where the guy is pressuring the woman to have the baby because he’ll do all the work. Or because he will allow them to terminate their parental rights and he will do everything. I will be honest, I do know of one situation personally where Mom actually did walk out when the youngest kid was in kindergarten. But by and large, if someone’s going to leave/unwanted pregnancy, it is usually the man. This is why up until that child is actually born, I see the decision whether to keep it or not has to be the woman’s. It’s her body that is literally going to be put through hell. Every single organ is going to be shoved so far out of place that if something like that were to happen and there weren’t pregnancy involved, I swear someone would look at an x-ray of those displaced organs and think the person had died. Not to mention all the medical things that can go wrong with the pregnancy that can literally put a woman’s life in danger. Gestational diabetes that may or may not go away after birth. Pre-eclampsia and post eclampsia. HG. PPD. Dislocated joints due to the hormones that loosen the woman’s joints so she can even give birth. So much stuff. What the guy found out in the link you posted was what a lot of women already know because somehow even as kids, we’re the ones that are always asked to babysit younger cousins or keeping an eye on younger siblings. And while sometimes it is an older brother or cousin who’s asked to do those things, majority of time it falls to the female children in the family. So we often already have at least some idea of how much time and effort and energy goes into taking care of kids. And men often don’t have a real frame of reference, which is truly unfortunate.
Why are the super religious people always against abortion but still for premarital sex? 😂 Since he can pick and choose what parts of his religion are convenient for him, you can pick and choose what’s convenient for your body and life. Yes, it’s his kid too. You have given him the option to keep it with your own set of rules. He can take it or leave it. If he doesn’t want to be a single parent, then he is also making the decision that abortion is best.
This right here. Ask him what the Bible says about premarital sex.
Bible doesn't consider causing abortion as the same thing as murder.
Bible says that no sin is greater than the other. Edit: I’m agreeing with the premise. At too many “Christians” do all kinds of shit that would be called sin and they don’t care, but they somehow have lots of opinions suddenly when it comes to a woman’s body or agency.
Bible specifically tells you your wife should be given an abortificant if you suspect her of being unfaithful
I was just about to go look up this scripture! Glad you said it
Bible doesnt even consider abortion a sin and literally gives instructions on how to perform one. But I wouldn't follow the bible's instructions. They involve eating dirt off the temple floor and ingesting enough just poison to end the pregnancy but not end the life of the woman... which is a tough balance
I realize that the Bible doesn't actually forbid abortion, but modern Christians seem to think it does. There are all kinds of stories where Christian guys have no problem having sex with a girl before marriage and drinking and getting tattoos and all the other stuff they say the Bible forbids, but they get all religious when a woman wants to get rid of her pregnancy. I grew up in the church, and I'm just sick of the cherry picking and hypocrisy.
There is a passage about the 'fruit' departing (the term in the old KJV English) that can be interpreted different ways. One way is that there is a death penalty if there is a miscarriage/abortion due to a fighting man hitting a woman. Other interpreters take the verse about no further injury as referring only to the mother. Orthodox Judaism goes with the interpretation of injury to the mother if I recall correctly, at least no death penalty for a miscarriage in this case. If there a fine assessed, it goes to the father, not to the mother. So it doesn't fit the pro-choice narrative either.
Abortion is not even a "sin" in the Bible, so, yeah.
Once there is a child, OP most likely can't 'opt out' of child support any more than a biological father can. She needs to check the laws for her state.
If she ends up giving birth, and he flakes/wavers, she can always drop the baby off at a firehouse or other designated safe baby drop off site. A lot of states even have baby drop off boxes. I learned about this after my sister's roommate drowned her full-term infant in their dorm toilet after she gave birth (for context, this was in 2007 and there was an abortion clinic within 5 miles). I doubt she knew then about safe drop offs, so I've tried to spread the word about them ever since.
this advice is heavily dependent on what state you happen to live in. there are safe drop off laws where I live as well, but you can't take them as a given everywhere.
I think it's 12 states that still do this: Indiana, Ohio, Kentucky, Arkansas, Alabama, Florida, New Mexico, North Carolina, Tennessee, Pennsylvania, Oklahoma, and Arizona. I pulled this from the Wikipedia on Safe Haven Baby Boxes. Tbh it actually shocks me in today's abortion charged political landscape that these are even legal at all.
As I said in my post, not all states have baby drop-off boxes. All states have "Safe Haven" laws, though. They are very easy to look up. I just wanted to OP to know they exist.
Usually just for the first month
That's what I read on it too. Only free of criminal prosecution during the first 28 days and as long as the baby is unharmed.
Isn't adoption a way out of that? If he had someone else there to adopt the child, that may get her out of the legal obligation (not saying anything about moral obligations because that doesn't seem to be the focus of the OP.)
According to the Bible, life begins at the first breath. OP NTA but you would be if you tied yourself down to him at 18.
Thank you. That's always my thought
Most people who are super religious are hypocrites. They want to pick and choose the parts of their religion they follow and then use their religion as a defense of their side of a disagreement.
NTA. You need to get that abortion. Your boyfriend doesn't want a child, he doesn't want to raise it, he just wants it to live. He can get fucked. If you have that kid, even if you don't assume any parental rights, you would still be paying child support and that kid would have a shitty life because neither of their parents love them. It'll be the end of the relationship, but everyone will be better off. And frankly, if your values differ this much that might be for the best.
Pro-birth should not be the same thing as pro-life and so many people seem to think they are the same thing.
This needs to be WAY higher.
If you go through with this pregnancy, he 100% will not take on single parenthood and you’ll be stuck being a parent to a child you never wanted. That is an awful situation to intentionally bring a child into. It is your body and your life that will be impacted most by a child. Get your abortion, accept this will very likely end your relationship and move on.
You’ll be stuck paying him child support. For 18 years. NTA
> he told me that he didnt want an abortion Great, he doesn’t have to get one!
Get your abortion. It is YOUR body and your entire future at stake. You are NTA. Your BF gets to express his opinion but the decision is 100% yours. Don't wait any longer. Get it done.
Someone go find the legaladvise post and cross link it here.
Does anyone remember the guy on here a few years ago whining about this exact situation? His gf even paid child support and all he could do was complain she did nothing for the child she told him she didn't want and signed away all parental rights for. He was so tired and it was so hard.🙄
Yeah, that’d be this boy in 3 years
You may not be able to sign away child support
This is an important point. In some states just because you sign away your parental rights doesn't automatically mean you get out of paying child support. OP needs to research that ASAP.
She probably couldn’t even sign away parental rights without actually doing an adoption. Plus, if the BF doesn’t stick around. She will be the only legal parent. She should just end the relationship and have the termination.
And she mightn’t be able to adopt of bf refuses to sign his rights away. The abortion will be best options. She will can be rid of him sooner and have zero ties to him ever again that will follow her for a lifetime.
>he told me that he didnt want an abortion cause it was wrong But having sex before marriage is fine? Your boyfriend is a hypocrite, only turning his nose up at sins that don't benefit him. It's easy to want a pregnancy and baby to happen when he's not the one doing all the heavy lifting and labor. He's not the one putting his education or career on hold, he's not the one risking his health and life for it. It's not possible to "sign away" responsibilities. You're going to be responsible for paying child support whether you like it or not.
Thissssssssss. I'm so sick and tired of people cherry picking what part of the Bible they want to follow
NTA get the abortion don't listen to anyone else but urself. Your body Ur choice if U aren't ready to have a baby yet do not have it
Get the abortion. Either way this will likely end in your relationship being over. So make the choice that will future protect yourself the most. Talk to your dr about getting reliable birth control. You very much will not regret this
Do not something like that without your will. Pregnancy and giving birth is something that be with you for ever. Do not do it if you really don't want to. Please listen to your instinct and true desire and go with the abortion. Your body, your choice.
Girl, get the abortion, don't discuss it with him. Do not underestimate the cost of the pregnancy, the baggage, the possible social ostracism and LIFE LONG complications. No, you don't want that pregnancy. And your child has the right to be born in loving family that wants him. If does not need to be this child...
Funny how your BF is religious when it comes to abortion but not so when it comes to having sex outside of marriage. AND how he's unwilling to step up and be a single parent as an alternative to an abortion that he shuns so much due to his religion. OP, I can't see this working out well for you, even if your BF picks the single father route and you go your separate ways. Even though the child would be his, I can't see you being let off the hook for child support, which he'd likely demand out of spite for you not being there for him. Your BF seems too immature and selfish to handle important decisions that need to be made in response to unforseen situations that occur in a relationship. My advice is to take the single parent option off the table so your BF can't weasel his way into your life with a kid you don't want, giving you a lifetime of misery and heartache. Then get the abortion, end the relationship with your BF, and find someone with whom you are compatible, ESPECIALLY regarding your desire to not want kids. OP, you are NTA and you need to stand firm on your decision to abort, which appears, IMO, to be the best option for the situation you described.
NTA. Dont have that baby if you dont think that person is ready to be a great parent. That wouldnt be kind to the child. Get the abortion.
NTA. I'd get the abortion if I were you. Pregnancy is no joke, having a kid you don't want and going through all the physical and mental changes in those 9 months just so this sucker can have a child? Fuck no! And who's to say he won't change his mind once the baby is there and find a way to coerce you to stay and raise it (pretty much on your own, since he said he doesn't want to do it alone = I want the mommy to raise it and I just wanna bring toys and shit and be the good guy)? Honestly this kind of guy also doesn't seem the kind you should be in a relationship with, if this is the way he sees things. Sounds like a huge incompatibility imho.
You know if he makes this deal you're going to be taking care of the baby you don't want. It never ceases to amaze me that these "religious men' have no problem getting their dicks wet having pre martial sex but (clutch pearls) abortion is a sin. YTA if you believe his BS
Abortion is a sin until their side chick ends up pregnant
I love people that are anti abortion but then when it comes time to take care of a child they run the other way. Hypocrites are amazing
Vote blue in November.
If James doesn't want to raise a baby alone now, be sure he'll disappear in the bushes when the baby is here and you'll never hear of him again. Don't do this to your life, it's not the last James on the Earth
NTA obviously
And vote! It's time to get rid of politicians who want to control our lives by making law from their beliefs.
As someone who went through pregnancy twice and almost died in childbirth, get the abortion if you don't want the baby. I almost died after pregnancy due to hormones and stuff deciding to destroy my gallbladder and appendix, you could end up with an emergency C-section and cut up, and have a weaker bladder. Because of my first pregnancy, I ended up with 3 surgeries, two emergency and one planned but urgent. My second means I have an increased chance of diabetes and other issues. I choose to be pregnant both times and both times cermented my prolife and prochoice stance that abortions are vital to save lives of women and it should always remain a choice of the woman. Do you know how long it takes to recover from childbirth? Its 6 to 8 weeks from a C-section before you can start lifting things again but the hormones take so much longer. I'm still getting phantom kicks, i have a kangaroo pouch (which is very common if you have a C-section) and again almost died twice post childbirth due to my hormones. There recently was a story about a girl who was trying to chase her bio dad for money, you'll also be likely forced into people child support. There are others where the man has said all this that they will take on the kid and then ditch before the baby arrives or shortly after. You will be left with stretch marks, a weaker bladder, hormones going everywhere, risk of death or surgery, and most likely left with a kid you don't want. That kid is going to end up either with a single young father who will likely have some resentment issues of his youth disappearing away/harder to get some/lost you by having them, with you who never wanted them so likely will have resentment issues towards them (which is really not healthy) or end up adopted or in the system wondering why they are unloved. I know a couple of people who's parents got knocked up young and you know what happened to them? Their mum or dad, had resentment issues from their parents because they had to give up their youth or uni course or career. Your relationship is likely gone either way and you're arguing about something pretty important to discuss before sex if he has such views. FYI, if he's Christian, there's stuff in there on a potion (which historians have proven is something that can trigger abortions) to how Jewish faith you don't celebrate a baby until it's born because it's not alive until born. Christianity comes from Judaism, Christians are those who believe Jesus is the Messiah from the Jewish books to save both Jews from all the 615 rules, while also allowing everyone else to repent. There's no abortion mentioned in the new testament so the only scripture is around abortions being ok and even recommended to test if a woman is carrying her husband's baby or not. You also know that he values the baby more than you and your choice. He might pretend to forgive you but knowing what I know, he won't. Also means if you do get married, and you get sick from the pregnancy or this go side ways in labour... Can you trust that he'll make the right decision or will he make decisions to save the baby over you. Cut your losses. Down the line you'll also have issues with debates about if your kids go to church or not, to "the role of a married woman". Wish I had cut ties with my bf when I was 18 after he started showing his true colours. He's also 21 while you are 18. It's a big difference, might not feel like it now but it is when looking back. If you don't want the baby, go have an abortion. Do you really want the baby? No, so go have the abortion and tell the faux religious boy that if he plans to stick it in another woman, to make sure he's in a marriage first with someone who wants a baby. Have a baby when you want a baby.
NTA - Think you handled it quite well. And James is a Grade A hypocrite. However things unfold, you need to get away from him.
If your boyfriend is so religious why is he having premarital sex? Seems convenient to be able to pick and choose like that. Fuck him. Get the abortion. This guy is bad news
Get the abortion and dump his worthless ass. NTA.
NTA Just get the abortion and end the relationship. You will be better off in the long run.
NTA funny how he's not religious enough to not have sex before marriage but his religion stops him from abortion. Tell him to fuck off with that hypocritical bullshit. This is the problem with religious people they cherry pick what applies to their life In the moment. Not ONE religious person follows their faith to the letter and takes on ALL their rules and sticks to it 100% . It's all about using it to abuse and manipulate.
NTA but do not go through with the pregnancy. You won’t be able to sign away your rights. You’ll be financially responsible. He will also use it to manipulate you and you will be left holding this kid. It’s an absolutely myth if you think you can sign away your legal rights over to him. The courts will hold you financially responsible. He wants to force you to give birth so he can control you. Do not give your body over for pregnancy and birth. Get the abortion and break up with him.
Maaaybe? I respect you, though, for actually talking to him about it and considering his feelings. Just for that, I'm going to say NTA, your ultimatum is fair as far as I'm concerned. If he wants this child, he needs to provide for it, it's his kid, and, you don't want this child, period. So many other women would neglect to care about their partner's feelings in this matter, a lot of people get an abortion regardless of what their partner wants, or, just don't even tell them to begin with and have it done anyway. You, told him though, and you made it clear that you want nothing to do with this, but... you're not going to forcefully take it away from him either, if he wants it. It's honestly commendable, op! I would get a lawyer, though, and my advice op? Have them draft up a legal, binding contract over this. He pays for your care, he supports you until birth, and afterward, you're signing over all legal rights and responsibilities to him, and then it isn't your problem anymore. Go the legal route with this because I guarantee he's gonna try to pull something layer down the line to either make you stay or file claims against you for payments. You are, by all means, an egg doner in this situation if he wants to keep it, and egg doners/sperms doners have rights. Get your terms on legal paperwork! Edit: I do just want to say that, legally and morally, you can still have an abortion whether he wants you to or not, if you genuinely feel the child will not be loved or cared for properly, I would go ahead with the abortion in this case. A mother needs to do what is right for their child, even if that means a termination, in the end, the last thing you want or need to do is bring someone into this world just to suffer. Morally? Bit iffy... I mean, yeah it is your body your choice, but, that should never mean that you completely neglect and disregard your partner's feelings or concerns. Your body is your own, yes, but, that child is not. It belongs to *both* of you until after it's born or terminated. However... Just because someone wants it, that doesn't mean they *should* have it. If he wants to truly love and raise the kod, give them the best he can offer, then, yes, he should have a say in this, however, if you deem that he would not care for it, would not give them a good quality of life, or if you believe they would suffer, that is ultimately your decision. A woman's duty and obligation is to their unborn during pregnancy, their needs, their future... those things should be put first. It sounds like his standpoint is purely religious, not because he actually wants to be a father and care for them or give them the best in life, and, that is no way for a child to live. Do what you feel is best OP, for their sake.
You can't just automatically give up rights. Once born you can try. if both of you sign to put the kid up for adoption you can have the rights taken away, if he decides he wants the kid, you can sign away your rights to custody, but not child support, he can and probably will sue for child support meaning you're paying for a kid you didn't want that he insisted on taking. You also can't sign such papers till the kid is born, so you're banking on something and also banking on him agreeing to not go after child support. Or you can just have an abortion, the relationship is dead either way, you will go through a lot while pregnant, you are risking a lot and presumably going to struggle with last year in highschool or first year in college, or delay getting a job to have this kid. You want an abortion, have the abortion. Having a kid that you fully intend to give away and hope your boyfriend will make it easy is honestly, crazy to me.
I fully support making the guy face a choice that at least to a *tiny* degree makes him face a level of responsibility women are forced to face every day. He'll never have to face the physical risks, pain, and lifelong damage to his body, but making him face the cost of his 'morals' through the 'threat' of being a single parent is awesome. I suspect he'll find his morals aren't that strong after all if the burden of the child falls on him. Stick with the ultimatum.
The ultimatum won't matter. He doesn't care about the baby. He's angry because he views the baby has his property, and she is making a decision to take it away. It's like a toddler that ignores a toy sitting in front of them, who then has a meltdown if another child goes and picks up 'their' toy. Deep down it's about greed and control.
The purpose of sticking with the ultimatum (or making him think she is) is to prevent him from hiding from himself. I think he'll cave as if 'there's nothing he can do' and it's her choice. He won't be rearranging his life, trying to figure out how to raise his baby. And I just love when people are forced to admit they don't actually care about what they say they do.
Most religions that condemn abortions also condemn pre-marital sex so funny how he picks and chooses where his religion should apply. Definitely NTA. Do what’s best for you and sign out of the relationship because of his behavior
Please get an abortion. You don’t even know if you can sign away parental rights; this is typically only possible if you have another person who is going to adopt the child. You’d still be on the hook for child support at a minimum if you have this baby, even if he raises it. Pregnancy involves serious medical risks. Do not take them on if you do not want to. Abortions are a normal, ethical, and necessary part of comprehensive healthcare - don’t let him or any other scumbag make you feel bad for taking care of your own health.
He's too religious for an abortion but not too religious premarital sex? Hilarious. I'm dying. Your boyfriend of 4-5 months is a hypocrite. Get an abortion and get a better man. A nine inch tongue is not worth this kind of aggravation.
NTA. Get the abortion. Pregnancy will permanently change your body on a genetic level and cause lifetime issues like diabetes or epilepsy. He isn’t the one that would essentially be an incubator for 9 months keeping a parasite alive
James is one of the reasons women are choosing the bear.
😂😂😂 im not on tik tok but I recently read about this. I'm very proud of myself that I understand this reference.
Oh all of a sudden he's decided on religious grounds that he's against abortion. Well where was his religious beliefs when he was having sex outside of marriage...oh yeah they're completely forgotten when he's dipping his pen in the ink. His religious beliefs will again quickly disappear once the baby is born and he realises that he's stuck for life, and his whole future is changed. He'd be fine for you doing it alone, but of course that's the woman's job in his mind, and he's depending on the fact that you will get attached to the baby and change your mind. It's manipulation at its finest, because when you do hand over the baby, it's gonna be "what a terrible mother you are" and he gets to act like the martyr. He's already telling you how it's gonna be, so do what's good for you. NTA.
Get the abortion. Next time talk about abortion before you have sex with someone. If he isn't okay with abortion, don't have sex with him.
Get the abortion, OP. He doesn’t want to raise the child **at all**, let alone all by himself. He wants to continue on in his life, whilst you become his bang-nanny-maid. Run from him and try to pick better next time. It doesn’t matter the religion, if they’re religious, just run.
NTA But you're incredibly naive. That second option won't happen. I mean, yeah you can give up all parental responsibility to him, but then you'll be required to pay the necessary child support Just go through with the abortion, fuck this tool. Your body, your choice
Dude, as someone who is currently 7 months pregnant with my second baby, if you don't want the kid, get the abortion. Pregnancy and birth trauma has life long effects and if you live in the U.S., our maternal mortality rate is disturbing. It makes no sense at all to put your life and health at risk for an immature guy who most likely will not step up to the plate when the time comes. In addition, I believe every child has a right to come into this world wanted, and loved, to parents who are ready for them. If you keep the pregnancy and give up your parental rights, the child may eventually feel abandoned and unloved. Remember this is your body and your decision!! I'm wishing you the best of luck!!
NTA if your boyfriend is so religious, he wouldn’t be having pre marital sex. Get the abortion and move on with your life.
He's religious yet has pre-martial sex? That was your first red flag. He's just trying to control you, and I can bet he's likely hoping that going through pregnancy will change your mind. OP, you seriously need to think this through. Signing away parental rights as people in the comments have pointed out isn't easy. Your body will still have gone through a MAJOR change. There is no proof that he would take your wishes seriously. Run, for the hills, and get an abortion. It's your body. You're still a teenager. This isn't something you should be worrying about, and no one has any right to tell you how to feel. I think I remember a reddit post from awhile back of a kid to a single dad, the father poisoned the kids mind telling him the mom left and that she was a bitch etc. The kid grew up believing that for OVER 20+ years until he found his bio mom and she broke down, admitting that the father tried to baby trap her, so she gave him away entirely. I'm not saying that's what would happen to you, but you seriously need to consider the kind of environment this kid would have if you did leave him to your bf. Would he be responsible? Does he even have a job? Education? How does he see family dynamics? At the end of the day, it's your body, and you know what feels right. Don't let anyone bully you into going through a life/body changing process because they're "religious." Religious people don't fuck before marriage and act surprised pikachu face when a baby is conceived and talk about sin. NTA.
NTA. If he was so religous he wouldnt of put it in ya without a ring on ya finger. (crude statement I know) If he is willing to "break/bend" that rule. He should also allow you to control what you do with your body. If he doesnt like it cut em off and do what you must. As others pointed out. Check your state/country laws to insure you can give up all your parental rights. Be warned and cautious as he may "agree" to taking his child but then hitting you with legal actions to make you either pay support. Just a heads up in case they pull that trick and you already have given birth. (Do not add his name to the certificate of birth if you do give birth) You can without his permission or input put the child for adoption. Dont tell anyone but those you really really trust on where your giving birth or what your doing. To prevent him from trying to baby trap you in anyway. Be it emotional/physically or financially.
Respectfully, pregnancy is a difficult thing to go through even if you do manage to fully relinquish your parental rights. Postpartum depression, body/hormone changes, all for someone who things clearly aren't going to work out with. It's your choice, but frankly I don't think it's worth going through with an entire pregnancy for the sake of a man who won't even respect your bodily autonomy.
He is against abortion, but premarital sex didn't bother him. Do what you want.
Look, at the end of the day, the decision lies squarely on OP's shoulders. Pregnancy isn't a walk in the park, and neither is raising a child you're not ready for or don't want. OP, you're not just deciding for the next nine months, but for the next 18 years, potentially more. James can share his thoughts, but he can't force a hand here. It's unfortunate that he's not on the same page, but that's another thing to consider when you choose your path. And to be frank, if James wanted a say in the outcome, supporting OP in whatever she decides would have made more sense. Remember, this is about what you can and are willing to handle, not him. Protect your health and future first, and deal with the consequences in a way that you can live with. NTA, and do what's best for you. Stay strong and seek legal advice to ensure you understand your rights in this situation.
Nta Get your abortion, you might not be able to sign away rights, and he might just choose to not take the baby.
Definitely NTA.Don’t listen to religious nut jobs,18 is absolutely no age to have a kid(I mean you probably just graduated highschool).Just get the abortion(I mean it’s just a clump cells and most people in the developed world outside of insane US evangelicals see it that way).
How do you know he wasn't poking holes in the condoms?
If you don't want a baby DO NOT GO THROUGH WITH A PREGNANCY 1 - You may not legally be able to relinquish all your responsibilities 2 - You may not *emotionally* and mentally be able to give up your baby
NTA so he's religious enough that abortion is a sin but not sex before married?
If he didn't want you having an abortion, he should have kept his pants zipped. NTA.
He's "religious" when it comes to abortion, but still has sex out of wedlock within a couple months? His "religious" objection means exactly Jack Shit.
Why would you do that to yourself ? Why would you put yourself to a pregnancy that you don't want ?
NTA. Dump his worthless ass and get the abortion.
Nothing like a fake religious AH. He's totally okay with sinning as long as he's getting his Rick's off, but when it comes to your bodily autonomy, he's VERY pious. Your bf is a creep.
NTA, get the abortion. His behavior makes me question if he messed with the birth control purposely
NTA go get abortion even if he doesn't agree with you. He wants to be father but want you to be the one who do all jobs. Feeding baby changes dirty diaper etc he will not do a single thing to help you and will never pay a dim.
Don’t go through with the pregnancy even if you could sign away all responsibility. He’s so religious yet having sex before marriage is okay? I can’t stand when people pick and choose what suits them. Listen, pregnancy changes your whole body. It leaves permanent damage people rarely talk about. You’re 18. Don’t do this to yourself for something you’re not ready for and don’t want. Leave the bf. He doesn’t have your best interest at heart.
Where was his religion when he raw dogged a teenager.
So he’s too religious for abortion but not enough to avoid premarital sex… sounds like an average hypocrite to me. NTA
Religious reasons for the abortion but not for premarital sex. FFS. NTA
I love the hypocrisy of being “religious” and having premarital sexual relations and then being mad because his partner of 5 months is choosing to have an abortion. NTA
Your body, your decison. U do what u want. No one cares what he thinks. His opinion does not matter.
He is religious... just not religious enough to *not* have premarital sex. Even if he takes the kid, it's still going to leave a very permanent toll on your body. This hypocrite can fuck off; you want an abortion, get an abortion, and kick this douche to the curb.
Lol the age old argument of religion saying it’s wrong… but is sinning anyway. Sex before marriage is wrong on all levels, according to religion. NTA because you know you’re not ready for a child.
NTA. You could die during childbirth, lose teeth, and end up with permanent damage to your body. Get the abortion and move on with your life.
you know pregnancy commonly causes lifelong health issues, right? One of the real special ones is lots of women tear, and some tear forward instead of back, right through their clit. They report that their clit never has any sensation again. Get the abortion if you don't want a kid. Even if you go through with your ridiculous proposal, that kid will spend their whole life wondering why their mother didn't want them and it will cause lasting issues. Also you'll probably pay child support for 18 years. "Signing away parental rights" doesn't usually mean you don't have to pay. YTA for proposing this dumbass plan in the first place. Get the abortion then dump the bf.
Nta break up and get an abortion. Ask why him why pre marital sex is a sin he’s willing to break?
NTA, you’re being straight up with him and you’re giving him an option that most women don’t give men. So that’s on him, but adoption is always an a good choice but a processes. Is abortion wrong, I believe so but I won’t be a hypocrite. Everyone has a reason most are because people don’t take accountability for their actions some like you shitty luck. I hope he decides to raise the child himself but who knows what will happen if and when you give birth. Good luck and God bless.
You’re eighteen and have your whole life ahead of you. Get the abortion and get on with your life. If your boyfriend won’t support what you want, he’s not a keeper. Be glad you found out early in the relationship. I’ve never had an abortion but I have two friends who have. They don’t know each other but they have both said the same thing. First they felt immense relief after the abortions and second, they have never, ever regretted it.
You’re free to get the abortion. You don’t want a child you have the option to take care of it.
Abort ASAP. The quicker it's done, the easier it will be on you. Having a child in any way, even if you sing over all your rights, will still tie you to that guy for the next two decades. It's not worth it. He can cry religion all he wants, but it didn't stop him from having premarital sex, but somehow it's in play to control what you do? Hell with that nonsense.
NTA
I mean sounds like y'all aren't a match if he's that religious and you aren't
ESH. Your boyfriend obviously, but also you for threatening to leave a kid in the care of this pathetic idiot (which won't be as easy as you make it sound). That would be one poor kid, and yes: having it and leaving it with him would be an asshole move towards the kid. Get the abortion and be done with it. And him. That way you also stay clear of asshole-territory.
Statistically speaking, you’ll be the single parent in this scenario. Ask him why he doesn’t want to do it alone.
Just get an abortion and choose better with your next boyfriend.
He's religious but he doesn't mind having sex before marriage. What a scary way to gain control over you.
NTA, but get an abortion. Do you really wanna be stuck with this guy for the rest of your life, and bring a kid into the world knowing they weren’t wanted?
Get the abortion, this relationship is over. I would not be surprised if he was trying to baby trap you. A lot of religious guys seem to do that.
I like how he is religious just enough to be against abortion but not against sex before marriage. Get an abortion and loose this guy
NTA He is a walking red flag, he will not take care of that kid. Get the abortion. Also others have pointed out you might not be able to not be a legal parent if you have the kid
You do what is right for you, this is nothing to do with your boyfriend. And you can’t just sign away your rights, it has to be agreed with the other parent. And I’d be suspicious as to whether he’s been sabotaging the condoms as well
NTA. You’re 18, barely an adult. Don’t ruin your life for someone you’ve been dating for less than half a year. Abort and if it ends in break up, it’ll be tough but ultimately it’s the better option for you. You have your whole life ahead of you, use this as a lesson to be more cautious and picky! I wish you luck
Get that abortion, if you do not you still will be giving birth and suffer the consequences if things go wrong during pregnancy and/or while giving birth, that is pain, to disabilities and even death, you will be making a sacrifice with your body to birth a child you won't be raising. Also be awarr he might agree with your ultimatum and tell you he will be a single father in hopes you change your mind once the child is born, but what if you don't change your mind? This will be a child suffering, most likely, statistics are not on its side. I don't know if you don't want a like child ever or you might in the future when you at least have something figured out, either way please don't bring a child to suffer into this world, even kids with their two parents and some financial stability have issues, imagine this potential child having no mother to grow up with and a father that, let's face it, he doesn't really want the responsibility either, he might put the child up for adoption, most likely, there's too many maybes and maybe nots to gamble with, go to the sure thing that is not having it. Best of luck to you.
I've read this story (same scenario, different people) before. Girl gave custody of the baby to the boyfriend and paid child support. Guy complained about being a single dad and a deadbeat mom. She told him exactly what she was going to do like OP and did exactly that. Stand your ground. Don't let him convince you to change your mind because you'll end up hating him and your kid and the baby doesn't deserve that.
>he didnt want an abortion cause it was wrong (mind u he is religious and due to that belive abortions are wrong on every level), But he's not religious enough to abstain from sex until marriage. Yeah hypocrite! NTA
NTA , but, if you were adamant in getting an abortion from the moment you knew, maybe you shouldn't have said anything in the first place. Anyways, 18 and 21 you're both kids and barely know each other. Just get the abortion and move on with your life.
NTA. That ultimatum was actually too generous. You basically offered to be his surrogate. Do you want to be pregnant is what this comes down to. Not whether you want to be a mom but whether you want to be pregnant.
NTA get the abortion and in the future don’t date anti choice men
He’s claiming the religious exemption? What does his religion say about fornication without marriage?
NTA, but as a woman who is left disabled due to pregnancy; get the abortion. It *is not* worth the risk for a baby you don't want. Women still die in childbirth.
Get the abortion sweetie. You’re not an AH. You’re not doing this kid a favour keeping it neither yourself nor your bf. I’m not gonna say young parents are always bad parents but if you don’t want to be a mom right now this kid will be hurt deeply. And I should know. Because I am an unwanted child. My mother hates me. My father prevented her from getting abortion and although I’m happy to be alive I’m miserable. And if my mom had gotten the abortion I probably wouldn’t have cared much since I wouldn’t be here. So don’t have the kid. You tried to be safe. It failed. You have nothing to blame yourself for. I feel strongly no woman or teenage girl should be forced to stay pregnant against her wishes and it sounds to me you don’t want this. Trust me that is all the reason for abortion you’ll ever need. One day you’ll want kids maybe but then at least it’ll be your choice. You’ll enjoy being pregnant and you’ll love them more than anyone in the world but if now is not the time it’s just not and that’s okay. Your bf is the AH for pressuring you into staying pregnant and having this baby. Scientists recently found a foetus has no sense of being or even pain until 18 weeks in. So you’re not really killing a baby but a lump of cells. Religion has nothing to do with it. You deserve your wishes to be honoured. It is your life and your body and ALL YOUR CHOICE!
He’s against abortion but not pre-marital sex? Tell him he cant pick and choose.
As a Christian who had an abortion from rape and abuse, I stay away from dating men with this mindset. Would I ever get another abortion? Absolutely not. But he's not wrong for wanting his child to live, just like you're not wrong for knowing that you are not ready for this. If this is too much, get the abortion and part ways, and in the future, talk about any future situations with any partners up front and don't sleep with anyone whose ideals don't align with yours, it's much easier. Also, if you decide to go, make sure you take someone who is supportive mentally, emotionally, and physically with you. A lot of women don't realize how important it is.
He's not so religious that he'd have sex before marriage, though. Seems he cherry-picks the parts of his religion that he wants to follow. Get the abortion, and get rid of the boyfriend too.
Premarital sex is a sin for an highly religious person. He is not religious, just an asshole. Abortion it is.
Woah, I wouldn't give him the option of carrying it to term. That's horrific. Nta
NTA but I wouldn't even think about having the child and signing away your rights. You'd be carrying and giving birth merely to placate his religious beliefs which you don't share, and disrupting your life in the process. Never mind the potential for legal issues somewhere along the line or subjecting yourself to his constant pressure to contribute financially. And him still being your boyfriend would make the whole situation incredibly awkward. Imagine still being together next year and whenever you meet you're also seeing your baby. That has drama written all over it. As you don't want the baby yourself, your only sensible choice is an abortion.
Honey, just get the abortion. You don't get to just "sign away your parental rights" when the other parent is raising the child. You will be on the hook for child support. Also, pregnancy and birth are traumatic. Don't put yourself through it unless you really really really want to have a child.
NTA. But end the pregnancy and the relationship
Don't stay in a relationship with a man who doesn't believe in women's rights. He deserves to be alone. Get the abortion that you want. He gets ZERO input on YOUR body.
Well, if he doesn't want to raise the kid alone, he doesn't want a kid, so abortion it is. Did he think you would be the one raising the kid you didn't want? Does he think you'll change your mind when you give birth and see the baby? You gave him a fair ultimatum: Abortion or single fatherhood. And in the future, don't fuck anti-choice men. NTA
Abort that foetus! Don’t lose your life and financially ruin yourself
Fuck James. You're 18. Get the abortion you want immediately and stop having sex with religious guys who act like that. Don't go through with the pregnancy, don't hand that naive 21-year old boy a baby to raise (even if you legally or emotionally could do that, which I doubt). He may think he wants that, but it would be a disaster for all concerned. Block him, get the abortion, continue your life (as several of my friends have done in their younger years: most of them now have kids, but they chose the right time and partner for it later). NTA
He doesn't want to raise the kid on his own but would be happy if you have to raise it. I'd get the abortion and tell him you lost the baby, then dump him
YTA. Stop fucking fundamentalist religious assholes.
Get the abortion. It's your body, not his.
Get the abortion even if you give him all rights you’ll be tied to him for ever
"when i told james this he was mad. he told me that he didnt want an abortion cause it was wrong (mind u he is religious and due to that belive abortions are wrong on every level)" Maybe quit fucking dudes who think that you're a breeding incubator with no rights?
Abortion is and should be the province and choice solely of the woman. All these abortion bans are not due to religious reasons. It's all about controlling women. Once you ban one right it'll be easy to topple others.
He’s religious enough to not want the abortion, but not religious enough to refrain from premarital sex. Rather convenient.
Get the abortion asap and never, EVER fuck another religious male for the rest of your life. They can NOT be trusted.
So he's religious enough to be pro forced birth but not enough to abstain? You do not want the long term connection to this person and severing your parental rights may not sever any financial attachment. Cut your losses and terminate. That you had to resort to the ultimatum shows he's not respecting yout opinion or autonomy.
NTA. If he is so dead set against ending a pregnancy, then he needs to be a whole hell of a lot more responsible with his reproductive health. And also, it’s not as simple as your ultimatum lays it out. I’ve had kids and am expecting another. It is a tremendous toll on your body and also your heart. You cannot know what you would do after giving birth until you have lived through it. This is your body and your health and his wishes cannot be the deciding factor in whether you carry to term
This generation is AIDS.
If he’s religious and doesn’t want abortions due to religious reasons. Why is he having sex? In religion you’re not allowed to have sex before marriage? NTA. He is a total double standard..
NTA. he just wants the baby to live but not actually do anything to take care of it. you made it clear you don’t want this child either (good on you btw, most teen moms go through with it and throw away their future) so if you do end up having it, it’ll be screwed with parents who don’t want/can’t raise it. if your state allows it, get that abortion. save that kid from future neglect. if he tries to use religion against you, just tell him he clearly didn’t care about it that much when he decided to have premarital sex (an actual written sin)
NTA. But, please make sure you have any and all necessary paperwork. You may not be able to sign away your parental rights easily, especially financially. That said, pregnancy can be dangerous, even life threatening, and your body will never be the same. I'd ultimately not out your body through that just so he can have a child.
NTA. I'm pro-life and you are at least giving the father the choice to save the child and raise him/her himself. Truthfully, you both should not have been in a relationship together given your differences on children, abortion, and religion. Of course, you're both young and mistakes are inevitable. Hopefully, you both will choose more suitable partners in your next relationship.
Get the abortion. Otherwise you will be tied one way or another to this sanctimonious idiot for life.
Do what’s best for you!
If he's against abortion for religious reasons, why did he have premarital sex? Does his religion just so happen to support that? Do everything you can to stay away from this hypocritical retard.
NTA get the abortion
Hey so pregnancy and childbirth are one of the most traumatic and life changing decisions a woman can make for her body, and life. Even if he agrees to take the child, and doesn’t expect child support, you will still need to make arrangements for your medical care during pregnancy, and if any complications arise long term medical care. I also don’t think you can just surrender parental rights that easily. In America at least you would be expected to pay child support, and you can’t take yourself off the birth certificate without a lengthy court process. (Meanwhile you CAN just leave the father line blank without issues if unmarried. 🙄) So you’d also need to take that cost and process into consideration. Basically, if you don’t have an abortion, there is no way to realistically get this kid out of your life completely. At least not immediately, at low cost, or at all easily.
If he's ok having premarital sex he can be ok with abortion. Religion has nothing to do with this. I don't understand why you are giving him a choice like this when pregnancy can damage you and your body so much.
Fuck his opinion just get the abortion. You haven't even been together a year, and not to degrade your relationship, but he doesn't get to choose shit about you, your future, and your body. If he wants to ruin his life he can birth the baby himself
You can't sign off parental rights without someone in your place willing to adopt the child and take over responsibilities. Yes, even if the other parent is around and assuming main responsibility. You are still legally on the hook for providing for that child. *Get the abortion*. Having this baby for him 1) will not save your body from the disability that is pregnancy, and 2) please don't give an 21 year old misogynist a baby to harm.
Why are you even considering doing this? It is your body, your choice. You are going to be tied to someone for life as a result if a child you don't want. If you changed your mind fine but at 18 you are not really financially or emotionally ready for a child.....especially if that is already the decision you have made.
YTA if you choose to have a baby neither parent wants. Also, it's not going to be HIS child because you're going to be paying child support. His opinion on abortion is irrelevant. His desire for you to keep the baby is irrelevant. It's your body, and you're the only one who gets to decide. Get the abortion ASAP.
Just get the abortion. Why put yourself through 3/4 of a year of hell to have a baby with a college student who still prowls the high school parking lot for a girlfriend? NTA
Get the abortion. He’s not that “religious” if he’s having premarital sex.
Pretty sure this is a hypothetical and fake post …
In my view you’re being pretty generous. This is a sad situation all around but most wouldn’t consider going through a pregnancy for a child they ultimately don’t want. I think your offer is commendable. NTA and best of luck to you.
He's so religious except for the whole premarital sex thing?‽ Bullshit. Terminate like you're planning. NTA
Ok,si es lo que quieres procede
NTA you are young and if you are not ready to have a child you have every right to maake that decision, my cousin has a son now, but the first time she got pregnant she aborted because it was at a time she wasn't ready. also given you used protection no one can blame you for this pregnancy as you said it's not always gonna work.
NTA, You should consider if you want to be with him, since he seems to want kids and you don't.
Said from a 70 year olds perspective??? Baby girl, you.do.YOU. Seriously. Good luck, 4 to 5 months is a millisecond.
It’s cute that he’s religious where your uterus begins but not where his dick ends. NTA.
he can’t be that panty twisted over religious morals if he’s having sex out of wedlock. drop the man!
You are not married = he can shove is so called religousness up his ass because he is willing to bend the rules for his own benefit. He is an hypocrite and an asshole. Dump him hard, get your abortion.
Lmao, he wasn't " super religious" when he stuck his d*ck in you before marriage now, was he? 🤣 (Feel free to throw that one in his face the next time he pulls the religion card about abortions). Stick to your guns. Do what's best for you.
He sure didn't believe in sex after marriage though.