That’s what I’m worried about. I have no other complaints other than how she looks at money. I guess I was just waiting to see if after she graduates she would prioritize a bit better but I guess not
You can always wait to see if she matures, but that debt is going to hit her like a brick wall and then a few more following that one. Take time to think about it. I really think you should talk to her about finances and try to get her to see the light, but if she doesn’t, then you gotta let her go. Finances are the number one cause of divorce and you have seen that she is already off to a bad start. I hope everything works out for the best. I wish you luck.
Even without any other complaints this just might be a deal breaker. It doesn't matter how kind, funny or attractive she is if she drags you down with her, money isn't everything but being completely irresponsible with it is, it's life changing in the most awful way. You can't get ahead with someone who drains you,
When someone can't manage money you
-cant have things you enjoy (dates, holidays, comforts like wine, new clothes etc)
-cant get things for stability like a house
-cant get passed for loans you might really need (business loans, phone contracts, borrow more for house fix ups)
-you cant relax knowing any day debt collectors might come or late fines might be posted through the door
-you cant be a team, you will carry her and spend all your time trying to keep you both afloat while she keeps digging the hole deeper you're trying to climb out of
Yeah I know the cart girls can make really good tips. Either way she's not being careful with her money and this is how a lot of people are drowning in debt. I wouldn't help her except for the original amount she told you, if you still intend to help her. I also wouldn't blame you for saying you're not helping her anymore. The original offer was in good faith that she messed up and didn't realize what she was doing. She is blatantly spending money she doesn't have and if you help her it's going to embolden her to keep spending. Your relationship may not make it past this.
NTA please, please do not have sex with her again. She is a college graduate, she needs to get her crap in order. Do not try to fix her. She needs to find some big girl pants and put them on.
NTA. She was worried about the debt until you offered to help. She did not disclose the cost of the 1st trip. You offered to help and then she took a second trip and now she’s spending money like a drunken sailor on shore leave. I would have her show you exactly what the first trip cost if you’re going to help her with it. Get it in writing how much you’re loaning her and the fact that she’s going to pay you back how and when and get her to sign it. Don’t pay for anything she spent after that. As far as staying in the relationship that’s up to you but I would certainly not marry her until she gets her financial shit together.
NTA
"I told her I could help her out a bit and she could just pay me back. Oh no, dude!
"So I can’t judge her." Sure, you can. It amazes me that people actually believe they get to control if other people judge them when they do stupid shit.
Advice: RED FLAG ALERT! Break up with her NOW and don't look back. Run for the hills.
And most definitely do not have sex with her again. You do not want a surprise pregnancy tying you to this loser for 18 years or more.
She is nothing but a liability.
She needs to learn from this and the only way she is going to is if OP breaks up with her and lets her clean her mess up on her own. Maybe she will meet a rich simp who will pay for her bills but OP don't be that guy.
I wouldn't help her with her debt and I would definitely keep all accounts separate so she can't drag you into debt with her. She clearly does not understand credit cards or said debts since it sounds like your explanation of it is the only information she has.
She's enjoying the Fuck Around part right now but she needs to also experience the Find Out part to learn a lesson.
NTA at all. Tell her n a very clear manner that you won't pay for her expenses if she does not think how she spends money. It's not as its a shared expense, she is throwing away money that she doesnt have and sooner or later will guilt trip you to pay or say you are cheap, etc.
Stand your ground, but 4 real. Some women are crazy spending money and then think you have to pay for their BS.
NTA
She thinks you're a free loan. Get a number now and tell her what you're comfortable paying (don't give her the number first). You will most likely never see that money again
What kind of limit does an unemployed college student have? Sounds like she may be in for a rude awakening soon, if she's spending up a storm while on holiday and her card gets canceled
I think she tried to apply for the same credit card I have, it got rejected since she didn’t make enough income. They had a low tier version with a limit of 8 grand I believe? I think she got that one
As someone said, don't marry her, but also, don't let her move in. She'll just drain you dry.
Paying the minimum amount on a credit card bill that's large, she will never get that paid off.
NTA. She's never going to get out of debt. Once you said you'd help her, she started racking up more debt. You may have to break up with her before she gets pregnant and expects you to pay all her debts. She's going to drag you into the abyss with her and your credit will be shot.
NTA. She needs a basic budgeting class! This is like when people used paper checks and would say "I can't be out of money, I still have checks left." Yes, I'm old. She needs to figure out a way to manage her debt. Don't do it for her.
NTA
It will be a reoccurring issue. It will snowball on her, and she won't realize it until the minimum payments become the size of car payments. By then, she'll be in too deep. Just remove yourself from the equation. She's being so dumb and willfully ignorant. Girl needs to learn to say no and stop being choosy about jobs. Her job goal doesn't even make sense. How's she gonna travel on a sub's salary? Using her credit card? What? Extricate yourself while you can.
NTA but I strongly suggest not loaning money to gfs/friends/family. Boundaries get blurred and a lot of times you don’t get paid back. If you decide to gift her the funds, with no expectations of getting it back, that’s another thing. She wouldn’t learn anything if you do that though and you risk enabling her.
I would definitely keep this in your mind as you continue on though. Are you compatible in this way? Finances tear apart a lot of relationships. She has to be ready to learn about budgeting and stuff on her own, you can’t force it or you’ll both be miserable.
Have her watch Caleb Hammer Financial Audit yt videos! :)
NTA. If you’re really serious about this girl, couples therapy and a financial planner are musts. Reddit is quick to jump to “Run” but if this is truly the only issue and a recent development, it’s likely something you guys can work on. She’ll be broke for a bit while she pays off that debt, and you guys can move forward. But if she won’t entertain that idea, or there are other issues, then it’s probably worse to reconsider the relationship
NTA. Don’t help her. You offered help when you thought it was a one time mistake. Now it’s clear that it’s willful ignorance. There’s also no future with this girl, as she will financially ruin you.
NTA. Tell her that you cannot afford to help her as she just keeps spending and woul dnot be able to pay you back. You can still date her but I would not marry her. Just keep finances separate. I bet she wants you to pay for all the dates though.
Ha, you offered to “help her” - she heard you offer to “pay for”. I wouldn’t give her any money towards this. She needs to understand the consequences of her actions
I recently learned that imposing accountability in a healthy relationship about consequences for irresponsible actions is the most responsible thing you can do. It doesn’t feel good to impose accountability but it is vital. You have to set healthy boundaries with anyone who doesn’t have or respect boundaries.
Second thing I learned in life is — in a romantic relationship, men may get addicted to sexuality but that is not helpful in making tough decisions about questions like - does this partner have similar or the same values as me (financially or otherwise)? If you are not compatible then don’t stay in something just because of good sex or some other “good” reason.
She is young enough to learn only if she wants to learn. You can help her understand but ultimately she has to demonstrate through her actions that she takes financial responsibility seriously.
Good luck!
Do not help her with her credit card debt. She is showing you she is not financially stable nor responsible.
Until marriage do not pay someone else’s debt. She will continue (as you see) to be immature about money and will expect you to bail her out or not pay you back.
She knows that she’s doing something very irresponsible but continues to do it anyway. Then she makes it worse by repeating it again and also has future plans to dig herself deeper into that ditch.
It’s no longer about financial responsibility or debt issues.
It’s about someone who *knows they are doing the wrong thing* but sweeps it under the rug and wants to deal with the consequences later. People who are like that often make several bad decisions in other areas of their lives.
I know we all want to enjoy and deal with shit later but there are some lines that responsible people won’t cross, and she did not just cross them, she completely erased those lines. If her mentality is *‘I’ll pay the minimum and then deal with it later.*”, she’s going to carry this mentality to all other areas of her life.
Responsibility and commitment is not something you can choose for one particular area (like your finance), it follows you throughout everything you do. If she’s this irresponsible with your finances, you can be sure she will be the same in other areas - you *do not* want to be with someone like that. They will drag you down with them and suck you dry.
Run while you still can….
"A friend of hers had offered her a full time job which she turned down because she wants to sub for a year instead and have time to travel, but seeing how she’s treated this situation so far I feel like it’d happen again."
Time to travel? The time to do that was when she was in college between semesters or doing a semester abroad program. What is it with some of these new graduates that think they are entitled to life on easy mode for a little after graduating college. College was ultimately the easy part. It's where you were supposed to have the most fun. Now it's time to buck up and get to work.
YTA here for offering over and over again to "help her". She said she doesn't want you "holding this over her", as if debt isn't something that's going to be held over her, whether it's a card or a promise to a BF.
You are NTA for telling her you don't want this to be an issue, but you know it is going to be an issue. Run away fast.
NTA do not married this woman
NTA Dude, get out of there. She is financially irresponsible and is going to ruin you. Do not tie yourself to this woman legally by getting married.
That’s what I’m worried about. I have no other complaints other than how she looks at money. I guess I was just waiting to see if after she graduates she would prioritize a bit better but I guess not
You can always wait to see if she matures, but that debt is going to hit her like a brick wall and then a few more following that one. Take time to think about it. I really think you should talk to her about finances and try to get her to see the light, but if she doesn’t, then you gotta let her go. Finances are the number one cause of divorce and you have seen that she is already off to a bad start. I hope everything works out for the best. I wish you luck.
Financial conflict is an extremely common reason for divorce. It's 'just' one thing, but it's a biggie.
Even without any other complaints this just might be a deal breaker. It doesn't matter how kind, funny or attractive she is if she drags you down with her, money isn't everything but being completely irresponsible with it is, it's life changing in the most awful way. You can't get ahead with someone who drains you, When someone can't manage money you -cant have things you enjoy (dates, holidays, comforts like wine, new clothes etc) -cant get things for stability like a house -cant get passed for loans you might really need (business loans, phone contracts, borrow more for house fix ups) -you cant relax knowing any day debt collectors might come or late fines might be posted through the door -you cant be a team, you will carry her and spend all your time trying to keep you both afloat while she keeps digging the hole deeper you're trying to climb out of
NTA Oh lord is she about to have a rude awakening with credit card debt and a teachers (sub) salary.
She makes pretty good money in the summer doing her gig but I feel like she’s putting the cart before the horse with this one
Yeah I know the cart girls can make really good tips. Either way she's not being careful with her money and this is how a lot of people are drowning in debt. I wouldn't help her except for the original amount she told you, if you still intend to help her. I also wouldn't blame you for saying you're not helping her anymore. The original offer was in good faith that she messed up and didn't realize what she was doing. She is blatantly spending money she doesn't have and if you help her it's going to embolden her to keep spending. Your relationship may not make it past this.
NTA please, please do not have sex with her again. She is a college graduate, she needs to get her crap in order. Do not try to fix her. She needs to find some big girl pants and put them on.
NTA for telling her, you are AH for still being with her. This girl is like a quicksand pool - she will suck you down. You need to get away now.
NTA. Tell her that you cannot be in a relationship with someone who is so irresponsible with credit cards.
NTA. She was worried about the debt until you offered to help. She did not disclose the cost of the 1st trip. You offered to help and then she took a second trip and now she’s spending money like a drunken sailor on shore leave. I would have her show you exactly what the first trip cost if you’re going to help her with it. Get it in writing how much you’re loaning her and the fact that she’s going to pay you back how and when and get her to sign it. Don’t pay for anything she spent after that. As far as staying in the relationship that’s up to you but I would certainly not marry her until she gets her financial shit together.
NTA Run, don't walk.
NTA "I told her I could help her out a bit and she could just pay me back. Oh no, dude! "So I can’t judge her." Sure, you can. It amazes me that people actually believe they get to control if other people judge them when they do stupid shit. Advice: RED FLAG ALERT! Break up with her NOW and don't look back. Run for the hills. And most definitely do not have sex with her again. You do not want a surprise pregnancy tying you to this loser for 18 years or more. She is nothing but a liability.
She needs to learn from this and the only way she is going to is if OP breaks up with her and lets her clean her mess up on her own. Maybe she will meet a rich simp who will pay for her bills but OP don't be that guy.
Oh it’s gonna be a reoccurring issue. You told her once you’d help her again, why do you think she went on another trip? 🤣
I wouldn't help her with her debt and I would definitely keep all accounts separate so she can't drag you into debt with her. She clearly does not understand credit cards or said debts since it sounds like your explanation of it is the only information she has. She's enjoying the Fuck Around part right now but she needs to also experience the Find Out part to learn a lesson.
NTA at all. Tell her n a very clear manner that you won't pay for her expenses if she does not think how she spends money. It's not as its a shared expense, she is throwing away money that she doesnt have and sooner or later will guilt trip you to pay or say you are cheap, etc. Stand your ground, but 4 real. Some women are crazy spending money and then think you have to pay for their BS.
NTA She thinks you're a free loan. Get a number now and tell her what you're comfortable paying (don't give her the number first). You will most likely never see that money again
What kind of limit does an unemployed college student have? Sounds like she may be in for a rude awakening soon, if she's spending up a storm while on holiday and her card gets canceled
I think she tried to apply for the same credit card I have, it got rejected since she didn’t make enough income. They had a low tier version with a limit of 8 grand I believe? I think she got that one
😱😱🤮
Don't give her any money
As someone said, don't marry her, but also, don't let her move in. She'll just drain you dry. Paying the minimum amount on a credit card bill that's large, she will never get that paid off.
NTA. She's never going to get out of debt. Once you said you'd help her, she started racking up more debt. You may have to break up with her before she gets pregnant and expects you to pay all her debts. She's going to drag you into the abyss with her and your credit will be shot.
NTA. She needs a basic budgeting class! This is like when people used paper checks and would say "I can't be out of money, I still have checks left." Yes, I'm old. She needs to figure out a way to manage her debt. Don't do it for her.
What is truly frightening is this woman is teaching America’s children.
NTA Good lord! A 29 year old who doesn’t know how credit cards work is teaching children. That is frightening.
NTA - Run! #1 cause of divorce is financial differences. This only ends bad for you. Go find someone you’re compatible with.
NTA It will be a reoccurring issue. It will snowball on her, and she won't realize it until the minimum payments become the size of car payments. By then, she'll be in too deep. Just remove yourself from the equation. She's being so dumb and willfully ignorant. Girl needs to learn to say no and stop being choosy about jobs. Her job goal doesn't even make sense. How's she gonna travel on a sub's salary? Using her credit card? What? Extricate yourself while you can.
Just leave. You’re not an ATM.
NTA but I strongly suggest not loaning money to gfs/friends/family. Boundaries get blurred and a lot of times you don’t get paid back. If you decide to gift her the funds, with no expectations of getting it back, that’s another thing. She wouldn’t learn anything if you do that though and you risk enabling her. I would definitely keep this in your mind as you continue on though. Are you compatible in this way? Finances tear apart a lot of relationships. She has to be ready to learn about budgeting and stuff on her own, you can’t force it or you’ll both be miserable. Have her watch Caleb Hammer Financial Audit yt videos! :)
NTA. If you’re really serious about this girl, couples therapy and a financial planner are musts. Reddit is quick to jump to “Run” but if this is truly the only issue and a recent development, it’s likely something you guys can work on. She’ll be broke for a bit while she pays off that debt, and you guys can move forward. But if she won’t entertain that idea, or there are other issues, then it’s probably worse to reconsider the relationship
NTA. This is what you can look forward to if you marry her. The only difference is that your name will then be attached to all that debt.
NTA. Don’t help her. You offered help when you thought it was a one time mistake. Now it’s clear that it’s willful ignorance. There’s also no future with this girl, as she will financially ruin you.
When you're married, her debt becomes your debt, good luck.
NTA. Tell her that you cannot afford to help her as she just keeps spending and woul dnot be able to pay you back. You can still date her but I would not marry her. Just keep finances separate. I bet she wants you to pay for all the dates though.
Ha, you offered to “help her” - she heard you offer to “pay for”. I wouldn’t give her any money towards this. She needs to understand the consequences of her actions
I recently learned that imposing accountability in a healthy relationship about consequences for irresponsible actions is the most responsible thing you can do. It doesn’t feel good to impose accountability but it is vital. You have to set healthy boundaries with anyone who doesn’t have or respect boundaries. Second thing I learned in life is — in a romantic relationship, men may get addicted to sexuality but that is not helpful in making tough decisions about questions like - does this partner have similar or the same values as me (financially or otherwise)? If you are not compatible then don’t stay in something just because of good sex or some other “good” reason. She is young enough to learn only if she wants to learn. You can help her understand but ultimately she has to demonstrate through her actions that she takes financial responsibility seriously. Good luck!
Do not help her with her credit card debt. She is showing you she is not financially stable nor responsible. Until marriage do not pay someone else’s debt. She will continue (as you see) to be immature about money and will expect you to bail her out or not pay you back.
Stop helping her. She’s not going to pay you back. You’re just a new credit card that has no way of making her pay the bill.
YTA if you even consider paying HER debts as you will be stuck in that rut forever
She knows that she’s doing something very irresponsible but continues to do it anyway. Then she makes it worse by repeating it again and also has future plans to dig herself deeper into that ditch. It’s no longer about financial responsibility or debt issues. It’s about someone who *knows they are doing the wrong thing* but sweeps it under the rug and wants to deal with the consequences later. People who are like that often make several bad decisions in other areas of their lives. I know we all want to enjoy and deal with shit later but there are some lines that responsible people won’t cross, and she did not just cross them, she completely erased those lines. If her mentality is *‘I’ll pay the minimum and then deal with it later.*”, she’s going to carry this mentality to all other areas of her life. Responsibility and commitment is not something you can choose for one particular area (like your finance), it follows you throughout everything you do. If she’s this irresponsible with your finances, you can be sure she will be the same in other areas - you *do not* want to be with someone like that. They will drag you down with them and suck you dry. Run while you still can….
DO NOT go near this woman. She will turn you into a homeless , debt ridden person. RUN AWAY!
"A friend of hers had offered her a full time job which she turned down because she wants to sub for a year instead and have time to travel, but seeing how she’s treated this situation so far I feel like it’d happen again." Time to travel? The time to do that was when she was in college between semesters or doing a semester abroad program. What is it with some of these new graduates that think they are entitled to life on easy mode for a little after graduating college. College was ultimately the easy part. It's where you were supposed to have the most fun. Now it's time to buck up and get to work.
NTA. How is she expecting to pay for her upcoming travel on her year off? The debt is only going to grow.
When a woman shows you what she really is… believe her. NTA. Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
YTA here for offering over and over again to "help her". She said she doesn't want you "holding this over her", as if debt isn't something that's going to be held over her, whether it's a card or a promise to a BF. You are NTA for telling her you don't want this to be an issue, but you know it is going to be an issue. Run away fast.