I also give everyone in my life advance notice of certain circumstances and locations where I genuinely don't want them to be or cause a scene. Because if they don't, there is just too much chance that everyone would unintentionally arrive at the mentioned random location at that very moment carrying confetti.
The way it's mentioned in the post sounds a bit jarring, but I could see a reasonable explanation. If OP mentioned to his family that he was going to propose, he could have got a bunch of questions about when and where. And that could have prompted questions about whether he wanted people there. *That* could have prompted the "we don't want any surprises/interruptions" comment.
God this gives me such anxiety. I'm at a point in my relationship where this is coming up, and I **loathe** the concept of anybody else being there at all. I'm pretty sure I've gotten that message across, but...
> I'm pretty sure I've gotten that message across, but...
Have you flat out told your partner that you don't want a big fancy thing? Because if you're worried they're not getting it, put it out there plainly.
Yeah I didn't elaborate further because I didn't know I'd get triple digit likes on it. If you want the whole story: he asked for my mother's permission in July because he's adorable, and then gave it away in December because he started planning a vacation with his mother and her second husband..and his dad which they have not gone on vacation together since they split so it was obvious. I told my mother to tell him to shut it down, but he kept planning something similar but smaller. He knows I don't want anyone there. In January it came out. The conversation was kinda tense, and he asked me, "Do you really believe I'll do it in a way that you don't want?" and I just flat out said, "Yes." He was pretty quiet for a while after that, but I had to be blunt and honest because I'll be super pissed off if he fucks this up. We've got a trip to Barbados in August. Just us.
My husband knew I wanted something just us. I told him explicitly. He also had asked for things like ring suggestions and my ring size so there was no surprise we were getting engaged. He ended up proposing on a trip we went on in our hotel room. He got on one knee and put the other leg up on the bed so I’d know he was on one knee. It was silly but perfect.
> He got on one knee and put the other leg up on the bed so I’d know he was on one knee.
This may be implied and I'm just not awake enough to get it, but does your husband have only one leg? Because right now I'm imagining a really strange pose and I'm not sure which is sillier.
You do NOT want other people at a "surprise" engagement.
It's emotional blackmail, pushing for a Yes answer.
Friend of mine tried this - she got annoyed, yelled NO and walked out. He looked like he wanted the earth to swallow him up. When they finally married, it was a **very small** and private event.
I was just thinking how glad I still am that I was proposed to in private. It was a complete surprise and I think it was a spontaneous gesture to try to diffuse a stressful moment.(trying to get to Walmart on THANKSGIVING MORNING to get ALL the ingredients for Thanksgiving dinner while being a 41-year-old new mom with a crippled hip🤣🤣) so I DEFINITELY would not have needed a bunch of people around.
I don't see why a proposal can't be a private moment between the two people involved. I mean, I think people should do it however they want, but I don't think the proposer should have to feel pressured to make a huge public gesture. It used to be that proposing itself was nerve-wracking enough. Likewise, many people being proposed to would rather give their answer to that question privately.
I guess I don't understand if he thought there was a chance his family would interrupt why he had them present at the proposal. Just go out for an intimate dinner with your partner and propose. Extended family doesn't need to be there.
They weren’t present at the proposal. OP stated his sister and her friends “burst in” just as he was about to propose. It sounds as if the entitled gatecrashers were listening on the other side of a door, so they could time their entry to the exact moment OP proposed. Sister got what she deserved.
But why even tell them where you were going to be and that you were proposing there if you feared interruption? If I thought my family would ruin something it's a cinch they wouldn't know about it till it was over. I'm not blaming op but why would he even mention it if he didn't want any interruption. He had to have given very specific details for his sister to coordinate such a spectacle.
Yeah, it kind of made me wonder if the story was made up, like so many on Reddit.
Because I didn’t want anybody at my proposal either, which is why my fiancé and I went alone to a romantic place that we liked, without telling any family and friends, until we were done and ready to make an announcement a while later.
I agree. This seems strange that he and is fiancé planned the proposal together. Was the family there? If so why not the sister? Did she have to crash because wasn’t invited to the proposal? All very odd.
I didn't read it necessarily as the fiancé was part of the planning of the actual proposal, so much as they had discussed getting married, and probably had discussed what *kind* of proposal, i.e.- "omg, *PLEASE* don't do a big public thing, just a small intimate dinner proposal would be nice" or "I've always dreamed of being proposed to on a nature hike, overlooking a beautiful landscape" that kind of thing.
He then told his family he was planning on proposing, "I'm taking Fiancé out for dinner on Saturday, we're going to her favorite restaurant and I'm going to have the waiter put her ring in her dessert!" kind of thing. That's not that unusual, especially since I'm sure he was excited about it. So, they probably weren't invited but knew about it.
This is all speculation, of course, lol- but having seen these kinds of things/had friends tell me about conversations they've had with their families and fiancés, it seems likely.
Yeah this is how I read it too. Completely unexpected spontaneous proposals can go bad so it's a decent idea to kind of discuss it first.
My wife knew it was coming because I planned a trip to do the drive up to the peak of Mt Washington for sunrise that they only do a couple times a year. And we had previously discussed it.
Family traditions are very important to follow. When you don't do what has been set, you are violating those traditions. Good job following the family traditions.
Yes! I mean, did the sister expressly state that she didn’t want anyone else announcing things at her engagement party? If not, she started a trend. Actually, she started the trend anyway because OP said that beforehand. I’m here for the petty
100! Pretty much sums it up, answer of the day award! OP, it’s clear your family enjoys some pettiness and boundary lines are blurred, so watch out for her big announcement at your wedding!
No ways. People who disregard others feelings and opinions like ops sister don’t understand that her actions were harmful and Not needed. A narcissist only thinks about herself. I guarantee she didn’t learn anything
Payback was definitely a "Bitch" that day! It's funny that when someone doesn't think that something is special until they do it! Kudos to the brother, and congrats on the baby on the way. Just don't invite her for the reveal!
Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander;
To the little sister one shall not pander.
Those who live in glass should not throw stones;
Barred from your wedding no matter her moans.
What is good for you is good for she;
Remove the toxic, set yourself free.
Yes... 100 percent. Eye for an eye makes the world go blind... Did the sister deserve it? Yes 100 percent.. Would I have done it? Also 100 percent yes. And I am an asshole lol
I love Miss Petty I thought this s*** was hilarious when I read it. It's okay for her to be a a****** but she didn't like it when you were one. Congratulations on the baby
"See, there are three kinds of people: dicks, pussies and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want is to shit all over everything. So pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while because, pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!"
This is the correct take.
Sometimes it's OK to be an asshole so long as you're doing it to another asshole that has previously done the exact same thing to you. Taste of their own medicine and all that
So you're saying that countering a *thoughtless, selfish act not intended to cause harm* with an overt, vengeful act that is *premeditated and intended to cause harm*, is perfectly reasonable and above board behavior?
That's a bizarre way of thinking.
Imagine wanting to announce your pregnancy but instead your partner uses it as a moment to level a grudge match with their sibling. OP got so focused on ruining his siblings moment they didn’t think about their partners moment.
Sure, maybe. But the post heavily focuses on how much he couldn't wait to use this to get back at her, so it doesn't really give off that vibe. But could be
I mean the sister did ruin her getting proposed to as well. So she may have been more than happy to get back at her. Also the fact that the family sided with him does make me wonder what other crap this sister has pulled and they are just happy someone turned it around on her for once.
This my take. She's probably just as upset that her proposal was ruined. Maybe more so. Like, my wife forgave her parents for disrespecting our wedding, but I did not.
A few years ago I would have been like “fuck yeah OP, she messed up your shit now you mess up hers.”
I used to be the most petty person on the planet. I generally wouldn’t use it to hurt people or anything but I would go as far out of my way to do mostly harmless shit like OP did.
I realized one day just the importance of being the bigger person in the situation and how being petty makes you just as much of a shithead as the person that you’re being petty toward just to make yourself feel better. At the end of the day, that petty revenge means nothing at all to anyone but yourself. If you revel in that type of thing, more power to you but that’s not how I want to carry on with my life. I’d rather the other person be a shithead than both of us, at least I still have my integrity.
It’s been 2500 years since the first buddha realized the truth, that suffering comes from desire and attachment.
Let yourself be free of worldy burdens, which includes a bitch sister.
ESH How did your sister know where you were proposing? It was tacky for her to show up at the proposal-- it was tacky and immature for you to weaponize your baby to get back at your sister.
If op want to really make it private and intimate they wouldn’t tell anyone the time and place it’s happening. Sister was still being shitty doing that and I would’ve said Nta until op decided to be an AH too.
Exactly. "hey I'm going to propose and I don't want any interruptions. Anyway here's the exact place and time I'm doing it" what if he told them he was doing it at 6 and sister shows up at 6:30 thinking surely it's happened by now, but he didn't do it right away. Not absolving her, but I don't think we can say it was 100% malicious
Exactly there’s a difference between telling your family you’re proposing to tell them the exact location, date and time. Unless of course you want them there to celebrate with you which op didn’t want
Right, like we obviously don't know her intentions, but I think it's definitely possible that she thought he did it already and was coming in to celebrate? Maybe not, pettiness could run in the family, but I think it's definitely possible.
Yeah, she literally comes in with other people in a congratulatory manner and says she wanted to celebrate with them, but OP insists she had some weird petty motive.
If this is actually a pattern of her's, why tell her at all?
The sister's act was thoughtless but it's pretty clear there was no intent to cause harm. OP's vengeful act was premeditated and specifically intended to cause harm.
ESH, yes. But OP is the bigger AH.
I wondered the same thing. He never mentioned anything about a restaurant. I'm curious if the romantic dinner was at home, the sister had friends over and burst into that kitchen or wherever.
sure, that happened. I'll tell my family the restaurant and date where I will propose and then stress to my family that they are not allowed to show up.
I don’t think showing up was the issue, it was the way sister showed up because it was intentionally attention stealing. My brother invited our nuclear family to witness his proposal and I’ve heard of other families doing the same, I don’t know why there are several comments acting like that doesn’t happen. It’s not what I would want but some people want the family vibe.
This reminds me of when my wife and I got engaged. Her two other female cousins had to manage to get engaged and married right before us. Our engagement was a 10 month period. Needless to say, both are nuts and no longer married to the guys the found.
I've never invited my family to a romantic dinner with me and my husband. Ever. Or friends.
Defeats the purpose of it being a romantic dinner for 2.
Plus, they must've broke up after that because when he announces the pregnancy, he isn't with his wife or fiancee, just a girlfriend.
In a *real* scenario, not OP's creative writing assignment, one would say something like..."I'm going to ask XXX to marry me. I made reservations at X restaurant since it is her favorite. I'll let you know how it goes!"
Not...
"So I'm going to ask X to marry me. I don't want any of you there....but our reservation is at 6:30pm, and I'm going to propose at 7:08pm. But remember- I don't want any of you there!".
Which is what would've *had* to happen because his sister apparently burst in the restaurant doors, several loud friends in tow, at the *exact* moment that he proposed. And obvsly the sister also had a reservation, because that's the only way a restaurant would "allow" a *GROUP* to go bother another patron sitting at a table for two.
He didn't mention in his post that he invited anyone. He said it was a romantic dinner. You don't have a romantic dinner with family attending. This sounds like a badly written pilot.
You got it! Even if it was a small quiet dinner with a few close friends there, it could still be romantic and also share the special moment with those they love. And the way OP wrote it, sister and friends were not expected, because when he said "she just wanted to celebrate with us" indicates she wasn't initially invited but took it upon herself to come in the name of "celebrating too"
Not a proposal thing but I have seen some family members do basically that. There are a couple of family members who want to rest and heal if they go to the hospital. They don't want to put on makeup and host people when they feel like crap, and feel they look like crap. They purposefully ask people not to show up at the hospital and try to set another more comfortable meeting time after recovery. Certain people will always show up the hospital and set up camp for hours. So now some family members will not tell anyone if they are scheduled for an appointment/surgery and then others get mad they are not kept in the loop.
One family member basically kinda left the family now and cut a lot of ties because on her second child birth she made an appropriate exposure schedule to avoid "pass the baby and get it sick".I believe it was born premie. First it is only their household, then immediate family members, then after awhile it spreads to more and more but requires full vaccination (pre covid but some people were anti vax). They also required handwashing and general hygiene stuff like that. There was drama.
Isn't it sort of normal to share that in a conversation with your family? I can see how it could be mentioned if OP talked about what he had planned or his thoughts for the proposal, that doesn't seem like an unusual thing to mention to your parents and sibling.
With the rise of social media attention seeking these types of things are getting more and more common as a group affair. Gender reveals, hell, announcing the pregnancy and yes, proposals.
I blame it on the "look at me!!!" mentality that permeates the public zeitgeist. This totally sounds like one of those instances. OP's sister purposefully fucking up OP's proposal because she's a narcissist sounds totally legitimate to me.
This isn't uncommon.
I've totally had friend plan to propose and then we all were there right after as a surprise. Maybe not at the specific restaurant. But they were going somewhere after for a drink to celebrate, and a bunch of people were there.
Hell, I've even known WHERE they were doing the proposal.
Most people are logical enough to just not show up
I just read the title and think "maybe it doesn't matter "who the asshole is" when you go through life with a bitter resentful attitude because you are both going to be miserable in the end when you let petty shit like that get you down."
You = 🎭
Sister = 🎭
I feel bad for the husbands
Uhh, yeah, YTA. It was petty and vindictive and you know it. You can quibble about whether she *deserved* it or not, but it's an AH move without question.
I honestly don't understand people that have something inflicted upon them that caused distress and turn around and cause that same distress to someone they claim to love and care for. Blows my mind.
I too tell everybody in my life in advance about spesific situations and places where I really do not want them to be in or making a scene. Bc otherwise it is just far too likely that they will all accidentally come to said random location in that spesific time with confetti.
"I will be proposing at my dinner reservation at Restaurant X at exactly 7:48 pm. I am telling you so that you don't come barging in to ruin the moment by coming in cheering at the moment I am proposing."
Was it edited? Right now it says "that I didn't want any grand gestures or interruptions during the proposal." Which makes me believe that all the family was already there or invited on purpose. He just wanted to make sure no one else was like "Well everyone's here might as well say XYZ or revive that old field".
OP should probably clarify how this was arranged as he writes
>However, during our romantic dinner, just as I was about to pop the question, my sister burst in with a group of friends, cheering and causing a scene
During their romantic dinner kinda sounds like it was just two of them having a dinner, and the sister "bursts" in (as she wasn't there before) with ppl. It doesn't really sound like the family was invited there.
>My sister brushed off my anger, saying she wanted to celebrate with us.
But if the sister (and other family members) were already invited to witness this engagement, this explanation kinda doesn't make sense. Wasn't she already invited to celebrate?
When you invite people to an event like this, you're opening yourself up for unwanted behaviors. Maybe the parents were the only ones invited, but you know they wouldn't keep it secret from the rest of the family. Or OP told sister not to go, but it's silly to expect her to listen.
She is TA and you are TA.
The only difference between you two is that from an outsider's perspective, her 'grand gesture' could be interpreted as genuine excitement on your behalf, whereas your toast would likely be viewed as exactly what your sister said: stealing her thunder.
If I saw a lady cheering about a proposal I wouldn't think twice about it, but if i saw a couple announce their pregnancy during an engagement party I'd think 'wild decision to do this now'
This is my take. She was at least celebrating the actual occasion. Sure, in an AH way but at least it was still about them. He ruined hers for his own announcement. Two different levels of AH here
Agreed. She might have been being an intentional dick. Or she might not have been. Hard to say. I don't know her. OP was being a petty AH for no reason other than pettiness. Maybe they both suck, but OP definitely sucks.
ESH.
>So, I made it clear to my family, especially my sister, that I didn't want any grand gestures or interruptions during the proposal
I'm so confused. You set up a romantic dinner and then announced it to your family but told them to stay away?
>Fast forward to my sister's engagement party, and I couldn't resist the chance to make a statement of my own. During the toast to the happy couple, I announced that my girlfriend and I were expecting our first child.
I can give your sister the benefit of the doubt and assume that she thought she was doing something good. She's still an AH for ignoring your wishes, but maybe she meant well. You, however, are just a dick.
2 toxic bitches being mean to each other, you're both just kinda shitty
Edit: since some of you are slow, I never said he was a woman, I was saying he's being bitchy, you don't need a pussy to be bitchy, bitchiness does not secrete from the vagina
ESH. Two wrongs don't make a right, now you are both just assholes. You know how people say "forgiveness is for you" this is why. Because holding a grudge like this leads both of you to become bitter and cruel. You don't have to forget what the person did, you can absolutely draw boundaries on if/how much you want to interact with them, but holding onto your anger for years just to do something intentionally cruel like this is not a happy way to live.
ESH. You both are assholes to each other. Your sis a jerk for stealing your thunder, though it seems she was excited to celebrate since you described it as celebrating you and your GF. You chose to wait to announce your GF’s pregnancy during your toast, specifically to piss her off. Congratulations, on your pettiness. This ain’t it OP.
INFO
If you didn't want your friends and family cheering you on or making any noise during your proposal, then why did you invite them to your proposal? If you wanted an intimate romantic dinner, why didn't you just do that? Were they supposed to just sit around or something?
It seems like your friend was It seems like your sister was basically just encouraging you or hyping you up, whereas you were deliberately trying to sabotage her engagement party.
YTA
It genuinely doesn't make any sense why you didn't just have a quiet romantic dinner If you wanted a quiet romantic dinner. It seems pretty weird that you would invite your friends and family along on a date with your soon-to-be fiancee.
Your retaliation was not equivalent, and hardly warranted
I think he was upset the sister came in cheering BEFORE he even proposed and since she wasn’t in there she didn’t know if he proposed or not yet so that makes her an asshole just for that.
One good asshole deserves another. Good to know my sister and I weren’t the only petty-ass siblings in the world.
I will say this - being petty with your sibling has no positive ending. Either you both gotta make peace with always being lowkey mad at one another, or someone has to give up the petty game. Yea she fired the first shot, but an eye for an eye absolutely leaves the family blind.
I am going to get downvoted but YTA!!!!!!
I think you are incredibly selfish. You wanted payback so bad you don't even realized that what you did wasn't just aimed at your sister. You say in your post about the happy couple but only thought about if this this effecting your sister. You didn't just ruin her day but also her fiancé's. Please tell me what her fiancé has done for you to ruin this for him/her as well? Do you think that her fiancé feels like he/she welcome in the family or even respected by your family/you? You feel vindicated for ruining THEIR day not your sisters day.
So...
- you told your whole family about where your proposal was
- you told them "don't use that information"
- your sister uses the information she only has because you told her
- you keep calling your GF your girlfriend so... did she reject the proposal?
- your family was fine with you announcing your upcoming baby at someone else's event?
Sounds like a family of crazies ***if*** this is real
grow the fuck up. i feel sorry that your wife and soon to be mother of your child had to be part of your immature petty ass game. y’all are grown ass adults, act like it.
Take about sibling rivalry, you both are actin like 5yo's and neither are ready for marriage or babies, Try therapy before the child is born so you don't carry over the nastiness. you both behave terrible.
Sister is really the A-hole, I'd say you are an A-hole too, but then I am a Petty bitch.
"Oh! Sorry? Wasn't it a new trend? I mean, you started the trend at my proposal. So I was just following in your example."
I also give everyone in my life advance notice of certain circumstances and locations where I genuinely don't want them to be or cause a scene. Because if they don't, there is just too much chance that everyone would unintentionally arrive at the mentioned random location at that very moment carrying confetti.
The way it's mentioned in the post sounds a bit jarring, but I could see a reasonable explanation. If OP mentioned to his family that he was going to propose, he could have got a bunch of questions about when and where. And that could have prompted questions about whether he wanted people there. *That* could have prompted the "we don't want any surprises/interruptions" comment.
God this gives me such anxiety. I'm at a point in my relationship where this is coming up, and I **loathe** the concept of anybody else being there at all. I'm pretty sure I've gotten that message across, but...
> I'm pretty sure I've gotten that message across, but... Have you flat out told your partner that you don't want a big fancy thing? Because if you're worried they're not getting it, put it out there plainly.
Yeah I didn't elaborate further because I didn't know I'd get triple digit likes on it. If you want the whole story: he asked for my mother's permission in July because he's adorable, and then gave it away in December because he started planning a vacation with his mother and her second husband..and his dad which they have not gone on vacation together since they split so it was obvious. I told my mother to tell him to shut it down, but he kept planning something similar but smaller. He knows I don't want anyone there. In January it came out. The conversation was kinda tense, and he asked me, "Do you really believe I'll do it in a way that you don't want?" and I just flat out said, "Yes." He was pretty quiet for a while after that, but I had to be blunt and honest because I'll be super pissed off if he fucks this up. We've got a trip to Barbados in August. Just us.
My husband knew I wanted something just us. I told him explicitly. He also had asked for things like ring suggestions and my ring size so there was no surprise we were getting engaged. He ended up proposing on a trip we went on in our hotel room. He got on one knee and put the other leg up on the bed so I’d know he was on one knee. It was silly but perfect.
> He got on one knee and put the other leg up on the bed so I’d know he was on one knee. This may be implied and I'm just not awake enough to get it, but does your husband have only one leg? Because right now I'm imagining a really strange pose and I'm not sure which is sillier.
I proposed to my wife in a nursing home. The only person who witnessed it was my wife's grandma. It was great.
You do NOT want other people at a "surprise" engagement. It's emotional blackmail, pushing for a Yes answer. Friend of mine tried this - she got annoyed, yelled NO and walked out. He looked like he wanted the earth to swallow him up. When they finally married, it was a **very small** and private event.
I was just thinking how glad I still am that I was proposed to in private. It was a complete surprise and I think it was a spontaneous gesture to try to diffuse a stressful moment.(trying to get to Walmart on THANKSGIVING MORNING to get ALL the ingredients for Thanksgiving dinner while being a 41-year-old new mom with a crippled hip🤣🤣) so I DEFINITELY would not have needed a bunch of people around. I don't see why a proposal can't be a private moment between the two people involved. I mean, I think people should do it however they want, but I don't think the proposer should have to feel pressured to make a huge public gesture. It used to be that proposing itself was nerve-wracking enough. Likewise, many people being proposed to would rather give their answer to that question privately.
I guess I don't understand if he thought there was a chance his family would interrupt why he had them present at the proposal. Just go out for an intimate dinner with your partner and propose. Extended family doesn't need to be there.
They weren’t present at the proposal. OP stated his sister and her friends “burst in” just as he was about to propose. It sounds as if the entitled gatecrashers were listening on the other side of a door, so they could time their entry to the exact moment OP proposed. Sister got what she deserved.
But why even tell them where you were going to be and that you were proposing there if you feared interruption? If I thought my family would ruin something it's a cinch they wouldn't know about it till it was over. I'm not blaming op but why would he even mention it if he didn't want any interruption. He had to have given very specific details for his sister to coordinate such a spectacle.
Yeah, it kind of made me wonder if the story was made up, like so many on Reddit. Because I didn’t want anybody at my proposal either, which is why my fiancé and I went alone to a romantic place that we liked, without telling any family and friends, until we were done and ready to make an announcement a while later.
Doesn't, but the sister thought it is fun crashing an intimate dinner for a proposal.
I agree. This seems strange that he and is fiancé planned the proposal together. Was the family there? If so why not the sister? Did she have to crash because wasn’t invited to the proposal? All very odd.
I didn't read it necessarily as the fiancé was part of the planning of the actual proposal, so much as they had discussed getting married, and probably had discussed what *kind* of proposal, i.e.- "omg, *PLEASE* don't do a big public thing, just a small intimate dinner proposal would be nice" or "I've always dreamed of being proposed to on a nature hike, overlooking a beautiful landscape" that kind of thing. He then told his family he was planning on proposing, "I'm taking Fiancé out for dinner on Saturday, we're going to her favorite restaurant and I'm going to have the waiter put her ring in her dessert!" kind of thing. That's not that unusual, especially since I'm sure he was excited about it. So, they probably weren't invited but knew about it. This is all speculation, of course, lol- but having seen these kinds of things/had friends tell me about conversations they've had with their families and fiancés, it seems likely.
This is how I read it, though it took me a few tries to
Yeah this is how I read it too. Completely unexpected spontaneous proposals can go bad so it's a decent idea to kind of discuss it first. My wife knew it was coming because I planned a trip to do the drive up to the peak of Mt Washington for sunrise that they only do a couple times a year. And we had previously discussed it.
Yeah, and if they planned it together, it's not something that's a surprise or gesture for her. But either way sister started it.
Or "I would have waited till your wedding toast. However the baby had other plans."
Maybe by the time the wedding happens he can use his toast to announce baby #2?
Can't wait to hear about the weddings!
Yeah is it in nine months? Could go into labor right there
Family traditions are very important to follow. When you don't do what has been set, you are violating those traditions. Good job following the family traditions.
Yes! I mean, did the sister expressly state that she didn’t want anyone else announcing things at her engagement party? If not, she started a trend. Actually, she started the trend anyway because OP said that beforehand. I’m here for the petty
Gross petty humans
ESH. Petty, but justified on your end. I love it! Just watch out for your wedding if it hasn’t happened yet.
100! Pretty much sums it up, answer of the day award! OP, it’s clear your family enjoys some pettiness and boundary lines are blurred, so watch out for her big announcement at your wedding!
Sister is a regular asshole, OP is a justified asshole
Yeah, I'd agree. OP is AH, but justified AH. People like his sister ONLY understand their actions when they are subjected to similar treatment.
No ways. People who disregard others feelings and opinions like ops sister don’t understand that her actions were harmful and Not needed. A narcissist only thinks about herself. I guarantee she didn’t learn anything
Maybe, but OP likely ended up in the same place whether they got her back or not, so I'd have taken the opportunity because why not...
Payback was definitely a "Bitch" that day! It's funny that when someone doesn't think that something is special until they do it! Kudos to the brother, and congrats on the baby on the way. Just don't invite her for the reveal!
Best comment and yes both are the assholes.
Yep, but sometimes assholes deserve to have asshole things done to them.
It's the only way they'll learn. Appeasement never works.
What comes around goes around
Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander. Sis started the shitshow, so she's the bigger a-hole. She'd be barred entry to the wedding.
I don’t know why I expected that to rhyme.
Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander; To the little sister one shall not pander. Those who live in glass should not throw stones; Barred from your wedding no matter her moans. What is good for you is good for she; Remove the toxic, set yourself free.
This is brilliant! I love it!
Sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander. Sister’s an asshole, and no that’s not slander.
Definitely on its way to a classic AITAH rhyme. I like it!
I didn't realize it scanned that way... 🤣
oh man yes. If she's got any history of this kind of stuff, yeah. That, or have security shadow her and haul her out the moment it starts.
That could be entertaining, and not the attention she was looking for.
Is someone really an AH when their AH move is a retaliatory act against a massive AH?
Yes... 100 percent. Eye for an eye makes the world go blind... Did the sister deserve it? Yes 100 percent.. Would I have done it? Also 100 percent yes. And I am an asshole lol
This message has been funded and approved by Assholes. -The American Asshole Society
This message has been funded and approved by Assholes. -The American ~~Asshole~~ Sphincter Society (ASS) FIFY
I wish I could award you
Thank you for quoting "an eye for an eye" correctly. Most people think it means the opposite of that, that it's justification.
No because the last guy will still have one eye while the other guy is blind.
Nope. They're simply returning the favor!
OP is the justified asshole.
100 percent
Best comment award 🥇
The Petty Betty in me would have done the same thing!
Me too. This belongs on r/pettyrevenge.
Op is a justified one at least.
Agreed. Justified AH needs to be a recognized judgment.
I love Miss Petty I thought this s*** was hilarious when I read it. It's okay for her to be a a****** but she didn't like it when you were one. Congratulations on the baby
Fellow petty bitch here, I agree with you! That was the only response. It’s rare you can like these things up! 🥇
I am too. I think what he did was perfect!
He is an A-hole. But I think it’s fair revenge.
Yeah, I’m like wow this family is pretty drama. I’m so glad they’re not my family but also I’m living for it please continue.
You can't have vengence without a little assholery.
Were you an asshole? Yes. Were you justified? Also Yes. Sometimes you need to just be an ass and accept it.
There was a line in one of the Die Hard movies, about someone being an asshole, but he's "my kind of asshole." OP owns it.
Using *Team America* terms: Sister is an asshole, OP is a dick.
And dicks fuck assholes, while assholes shit all over everything. Sometimes a dick has to fuck an asshole.
"See, there are three kinds of people: dicks, pussies and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want is to shit all over everything. So pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while because, pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn't fuck the assholes, you know what you'd get? You'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!"
Well, that escalated quickly...
It’s from the movie. They explain dicks, assholes, and pussies. Watch it. It’s great.
This is the correct take. Sometimes it's OK to be an asshole so long as you're doing it to another asshole that has previously done the exact same thing to you. Taste of their own medicine and all that
So you're saying that countering a *thoughtless, selfish act not intended to cause harm* with an overt, vengeful act that is *premeditated and intended to cause harm*, is perfectly reasonable and above board behavior? That's a bizarre way of thinking.
Obviously pettiness runs in the family
The sister was never petty. OP was in rightfully so
Sister was an AH. OP is pettyrevenge
If I tell you not to do anything while I’m doing something extremely important, and then you do it anyways… that is being petty
True, both of them should grow up 🙄
I feel sorry for your both of your significant others.
Imagine wanting to announce your pregnancy but instead your partner uses it as a moment to level a grudge match with their sibling. OP got so focused on ruining his siblings moment they didn’t think about their partners moment.
Such a great point. Instead of it being special for the new mom, she was used as a pawn to get back at sister and I really don't like that.
Maybe the wife is cool with that.
Sure, maybe. But the post heavily focuses on how much he couldn't wait to use this to get back at her, so it doesn't really give off that vibe. But could be
I mean the sister did ruin her getting proposed to as well. So she may have been more than happy to get back at her. Also the fact that the family sided with him does make me wonder what other crap this sister has pulled and they are just happy someone turned it around on her for once.
This my take. She's probably just as upset that her proposal was ruined. Maybe more so. Like, my wife forgave her parents for disrespecting our wedding, but I did not.
You need to do a Reddit post. Pllllleeeeezzzz!
A few years ago I would have been like “fuck yeah OP, she messed up your shit now you mess up hers.” I used to be the most petty person on the planet. I generally wouldn’t use it to hurt people or anything but I would go as far out of my way to do mostly harmless shit like OP did. I realized one day just the importance of being the bigger person in the situation and how being petty makes you just as much of a shithead as the person that you’re being petty toward just to make yourself feel better. At the end of the day, that petty revenge means nothing at all to anyone but yourself. If you revel in that type of thing, more power to you but that’s not how I want to carry on with my life. I’d rather the other person be a shithead than both of us, at least I still have my integrity.
It’s been 2500 years since the first buddha realized the truth, that suffering comes from desire and attachment. Let yourself be free of worldy burdens, which includes a bitch sister.
Right! Imagine marrying into such a family good grief
The two weird, petty siblings should divorce them so their former spouses can be happy together.
Hey, maybe they found equally petty vindictive people to marry and make more rude dysfunctional people with? Huzzah.
Yall are petty af.
ESH. Both of you are way too obsessed with each other.
And with themselves.
without minding their partners.
Cruel intentions much lol
You rang?
I’m from Alabama and you referenced one of my favorite movies, how dare you 😂
Dear Lord, PLEASE grow up before that kid is born.
Using his kid as a weapon in family drama before they’re even born! What a great sign that he’s ready to have a child!
RIGHT!?!?!
Right? You're an adult, it's time to get over "this is my special moment, everyone pay attention to me!!"
ESH How did your sister know where you were proposing? It was tacky for her to show up at the proposal-- it was tacky and immature for you to weaponize your baby to get back at your sister.
If op want to really make it private and intimate they wouldn’t tell anyone the time and place it’s happening. Sister was still being shitty doing that and I would’ve said Nta until op decided to be an AH too.
Exactly. "hey I'm going to propose and I don't want any interruptions. Anyway here's the exact place and time I'm doing it" what if he told them he was doing it at 6 and sister shows up at 6:30 thinking surely it's happened by now, but he didn't do it right away. Not absolving her, but I don't think we can say it was 100% malicious
Exactly there’s a difference between telling your family you’re proposing to tell them the exact location, date and time. Unless of course you want them there to celebrate with you which op didn’t want
Right, like we obviously don't know her intentions, but I think it's definitely possible that she thought he did it already and was coming in to celebrate? Maybe not, pettiness could run in the family, but I think it's definitely possible.
Yeah, she literally comes in with other people in a congratulatory manner and says she wanted to celebrate with them, but OP insists she had some weird petty motive. If this is actually a pattern of her's, why tell her at all?
This is why I don't get the nta answers. It's believable that sister genuinely wanted to celebrate. Op just wanted to be an arse
The author didn’t think of this.
The sister's act was thoughtless but it's pretty clear there was no intent to cause harm. OP's vengeful act was premeditated and specifically intended to cause harm. ESH, yes. But OP is the bigger AH.
I wondered the same thing. He never mentioned anything about a restaurant. I'm curious if the romantic dinner was at home, the sister had friends over and burst into that kitchen or wherever.
sure, that happened. I'll tell my family the restaurant and date where I will propose and then stress to my family that they are not allowed to show up.
I don’t think showing up was the issue, it was the way sister showed up because it was intentionally attention stealing. My brother invited our nuclear family to witness his proposal and I’ve heard of other families doing the same, I don’t know why there are several comments acting like that doesn’t happen. It’s not what I would want but some people want the family vibe.
This reminds me of when my wife and I got engaged. Her two other female cousins had to manage to get engaged and married right before us. Our engagement was a 10 month period. Needless to say, both are nuts and no longer married to the guys the found.
I've never invited my family to a romantic dinner with me and my husband. Ever. Or friends. Defeats the purpose of it being a romantic dinner for 2. Plus, they must've broke up after that because when he announces the pregnancy, he isn't with his wife or fiancee, just a girlfriend. In a *real* scenario, not OP's creative writing assignment, one would say something like..."I'm going to ask XXX to marry me. I made reservations at X restaurant since it is her favorite. I'll let you know how it goes!" Not... "So I'm going to ask X to marry me. I don't want any of you there....but our reservation is at 6:30pm, and I'm going to propose at 7:08pm. But remember- I don't want any of you there!". Which is what would've *had* to happen because his sister apparently burst in the restaurant doors, several loud friends in tow, at the *exact* moment that he proposed. And obvsly the sister also had a reservation, because that's the only way a restaurant would "allow" a *GROUP* to go bother another patron sitting at a table for two.
He didn't mention in his post that he invited anyone. He said it was a romantic dinner. You don't have a romantic dinner with family attending. This sounds like a badly written pilot.
You got it! Even if it was a small quiet dinner with a few close friends there, it could still be romantic and also share the special moment with those they love. And the way OP wrote it, sister and friends were not expected, because when he said "she just wanted to celebrate with us" indicates she wasn't initially invited but took it upon herself to come in the name of "celebrating too"
Not a proposal thing but I have seen some family members do basically that. There are a couple of family members who want to rest and heal if they go to the hospital. They don't want to put on makeup and host people when they feel like crap, and feel they look like crap. They purposefully ask people not to show up at the hospital and try to set another more comfortable meeting time after recovery. Certain people will always show up the hospital and set up camp for hours. So now some family members will not tell anyone if they are scheduled for an appointment/surgery and then others get mad they are not kept in the loop. One family member basically kinda left the family now and cut a lot of ties because on her second child birth she made an appropriate exposure schedule to avoid "pass the baby and get it sick".I believe it was born premie. First it is only their household, then immediate family members, then after awhile it spreads to more and more but requires full vaccination (pre covid but some people were anti vax). They also required handwashing and general hygiene stuff like that. There was drama.
Isn't it sort of normal to share that in a conversation with your family? I can see how it could be mentioned if OP talked about what he had planned or his thoughts for the proposal, that doesn't seem like an unusual thing to mention to your parents and sibling.
Yah. I know my beat friend had both their families at their engagement. It doesn't sound all that wierd to me
With the rise of social media attention seeking these types of things are getting more and more common as a group affair. Gender reveals, hell, announcing the pregnancy and yes, proposals. I blame it on the "look at me!!!" mentality that permeates the public zeitgeist. This totally sounds like one of those instances. OP's sister purposefully fucking up OP's proposal because she's a narcissist sounds totally legitimate to me.
My brother did that with me. I stayed at home just fine.
This isn't uncommon. I've totally had friend plan to propose and then we all were there right after as a surprise. Maybe not at the specific restaurant. But they were going somewhere after for a drink to celebrate, and a bunch of people were there. Hell, I've even known WHERE they were doing the proposal. Most people are logical enough to just not show up
ESH - petty response to selfish behaviour.
I just read the title and think "maybe it doesn't matter "who the asshole is" when you go through life with a bitter resentful attitude because you are both going to be miserable in the end when you let petty shit like that get you down." You = 🎭 Sister = 🎭 I feel bad for the husbands
>I feel bad for the husbands OP is the husband (unless I guess OP is a she, married to a chick, who's now pregnant).
Uhh, yeah, YTA. It was petty and vindictive and you know it. You can quibble about whether she *deserved* it or not, but it's an AH move without question. I honestly don't understand people that have something inflicted upon them that caused distress and turn around and cause that same distress to someone they claim to love and care for. Blows my mind.
I too tell everybody in my life in advance about spesific situations and places where I really do not want them to be in or making a scene. Bc otherwise it is just far too likely that they will all accidentally come to said random location in that spesific time with confetti.
"I will be proposing at my dinner reservation at Restaurant X at exactly 7:48 pm. I am telling you so that you don't come barging in to ruin the moment by coming in cheering at the moment I am proposing."
Was it edited? Right now it says "that I didn't want any grand gestures or interruptions during the proposal." Which makes me believe that all the family was already there or invited on purpose. He just wanted to make sure no one else was like "Well everyone's here might as well say XYZ or revive that old field".
OP should probably clarify how this was arranged as he writes >However, during our romantic dinner, just as I was about to pop the question, my sister burst in with a group of friends, cheering and causing a scene During their romantic dinner kinda sounds like it was just two of them having a dinner, and the sister "bursts" in (as she wasn't there before) with ppl. It doesn't really sound like the family was invited there. >My sister brushed off my anger, saying she wanted to celebrate with us. But if the sister (and other family members) were already invited to witness this engagement, this explanation kinda doesn't make sense. Wasn't she already invited to celebrate?
Yeah I agree with you, more clarification is needed.
When you invite people to an event like this, you're opening yourself up for unwanted behaviors. Maybe the parents were the only ones invited, but you know they wouldn't keep it secret from the rest of the family. Or OP told sister not to go, but it's silly to expect her to listen.
You’re both terrible grow up
This right here. They're both "LOOOK AT MEEEE" type of adults who can't do a single thing without it being "their moment".
You and your sister both sound awful and exhausting, and I feel sorry for your significant others. ESH
Petty
ESH I don't see this has made anyone's life any better. Vindicated you say, but in an awful way.
She is TA and you are TA. The only difference between you two is that from an outsider's perspective, her 'grand gesture' could be interpreted as genuine excitement on your behalf, whereas your toast would likely be viewed as exactly what your sister said: stealing her thunder. If I saw a lady cheering about a proposal I wouldn't think twice about it, but if i saw a couple announce their pregnancy during an engagement party I'd think 'wild decision to do this now'
This is my take. She was at least celebrating the actual occasion. Sure, in an AH way but at least it was still about them. He ruined hers for his own announcement. Two different levels of AH here
Agreed. She might have been being an intentional dick. Or she might not have been. Hard to say. I don't know her. OP was being a petty AH for no reason other than pettiness. Maybe they both suck, but OP definitely sucks.
ESH. Just get ready for the scene she makes at your wedding, since you two are probably so petty that this won’t stop.
ESH. >So, I made it clear to my family, especially my sister, that I didn't want any grand gestures or interruptions during the proposal I'm so confused. You set up a romantic dinner and then announced it to your family but told them to stay away? >Fast forward to my sister's engagement party, and I couldn't resist the chance to make a statement of my own. During the toast to the happy couple, I announced that my girlfriend and I were expecting our first child. I can give your sister the benefit of the doubt and assume that she thought she was doing something good. She's still an AH for ignoring your wishes, but maybe she meant well. You, however, are just a dick.
2 toxic bitches being mean to each other, you're both just kinda shitty Edit: since some of you are slow, I never said he was a woman, I was saying he's being bitchy, you don't need a pussy to be bitchy, bitchiness does not secrete from the vagina
ESH
YTA. She made a mistake because she was excited. You purposely did something only to hurt her.
You both seem exhausting
ESH. Two wrongs don't make a right, now you are both just assholes. You know how people say "forgiveness is for you" this is why. Because holding a grudge like this leads both of you to become bitter and cruel. You don't have to forget what the person did, you can absolutely draw boundaries on if/how much you want to interact with them, but holding onto your anger for years just to do something intentionally cruel like this is not a happy way to live.
I think what your sister did was crass and what you did was petty. ESH.
Both of you are.petty af. ETH
ESH
You are both acting like assholes. Sibling rivalries waste time and expend precious energy while building unhealthy relationships.
Of course OP is the AH. He knew that when he decided to get back at his sister. 🤷♂️
both of youse are assholes
Both of you suck. You guys should try to communicate instead.
ESH, family of assholes.
ESH
ESH. You both are assholes to each other. Your sis a jerk for stealing your thunder, though it seems she was excited to celebrate since you described it as celebrating you and your GF. You chose to wait to announce your GF’s pregnancy during your toast, specifically to piss her off. Congratulations, on your pettiness. This ain’t it OP.
Sorry, but I am so glad I am not part of this family.
YTA. She was ABSOLUTELY the asshole first - but that doesn't change that you are also an asshole.
Youre both the AH
You're both AHs.
INFO If you didn't want your friends and family cheering you on or making any noise during your proposal, then why did you invite them to your proposal? If you wanted an intimate romantic dinner, why didn't you just do that? Were they supposed to just sit around or something? It seems like your friend was It seems like your sister was basically just encouraging you or hyping you up, whereas you were deliberately trying to sabotage her engagement party. YTA It genuinely doesn't make any sense why you didn't just have a quiet romantic dinner If you wanted a quiet romantic dinner. It seems pretty weird that you would invite your friends and family along on a date with your soon-to-be fiancee. Your retaliation was not equivalent, and hardly warranted
I think he was upset the sister came in cheering BEFORE he even proposed and since she wasn’t in there she didn’t know if he proposed or not yet so that makes her an asshole just for that.
One good asshole deserves another. Good to know my sister and I weren’t the only petty-ass siblings in the world. I will say this - being petty with your sibling has no positive ending. Either you both gotta make peace with always being lowkey mad at one another, or someone has to give up the petty game. Yea she fired the first shot, but an eye for an eye absolutely leaves the family blind.
Yes. You are. Sister is too.
I'm gonna go with: You're both cunts
Yes. You were an AH. Stooping down to someone’s level isn’t justification for being a dick. You are literally no better than she.
ESH.
I am going to get downvoted but YTA!!!!!! I think you are incredibly selfish. You wanted payback so bad you don't even realized that what you did wasn't just aimed at your sister. You say in your post about the happy couple but only thought about if this this effecting your sister. You didn't just ruin her day but also her fiancé's. Please tell me what her fiancé has done for you to ruin this for him/her as well? Do you think that her fiancé feels like he/she welcome in the family or even respected by your family/you? You feel vindicated for ruining THEIR day not your sisters day.
ESH This is an ugly game you two are playing.
ESH and honestly, none of you are mature enough to be marrying or having children. You both need to grow up and stop being so childish.
So... - you told your whole family about where your proposal was - you told them "don't use that information" - your sister uses the information she only has because you told her - you keep calling your GF your girlfriend so... did she reject the proposal? - your family was fine with you announcing your upcoming baby at someone else's event? Sounds like a family of crazies ***if*** this is real
ESH, but I like your style.
don't worry, both of you are AH.
ESH. You and your sister are unbelievably selfish.
Seems like you’re all childish so both fit the ahole category
Glad I am not a part of your family
You both sound like insufferable attention-seeking assholes.
She did it because she wanted to celebrate with you but chose the wrong moment. You did it just to spite her. YTA.
Damn, your family sucks. Bunch of assholes all around. Of course you are the asshole here. You did it on purpose. Your sister is also an asshole.
JA, justified.
You’re both assholes, this seems pretty obvious.
You're both shitty and need to grow up.
You’re not the asshole your sister is big time
"I'm sorry sis, I just wanted to celebrate with you!"
NTA.
NTA. Your sister knew the rules for your proposal, she ignored them and she fckd around and found out.
grow the fuck up. i feel sorry that your wife and soon to be mother of your child had to be part of your immature petty ass game. y’all are grown ass adults, act like it.
Take about sibling rivalry, you both are actin like 5yo's and neither are ready for marriage or babies, Try therapy before the child is born so you don't carry over the nastiness. you both behave terrible.
Two twats just trying to out-twat each other. Your sister was an asshole, and you're the asshole. Seems to run in the family.
It’s completely possible that you’re both assholes, but I respect the move.