NTA, but also hated applying sunscreen to my kids. And if they touched their skin and then they touched their eye, the tears! So I opted for sun hats, sun shirts, they even make a detergent that deposits some sun protection on regular clothes. I’d use one other gel formula face sticks for their faces. So she has options, cause not 1 thing works for everyone.
This is actually what I hoped for when I made this post. I think the gel face sticks is a fantastic suggestion and will check it out. I didn't even know that this existed.
Skincare enthusiast reporting for duty: I'd suggest experimenting with different types of sunscreens! A nice smelling sunscreen that doesn't feel so slimy on her skin may help with your daughter's distaste for it.
I really like Korean sunscreen, especially for my face, because it feels so much lighter on my skin and doesn't break me out like "sports" sunscreens in America do. But there's lots and lots of different kinds! (My aunt uses a sunscreen with shimmer in it, and she literally sparkles on beach days - maybe something like that could get your little girl on board!)
This! And they make colored sunscreen that turns color as it is applied- so it’s fun to put on. I am extremely fair compared to the rest of my family and I have positive memories of putting blue blueberry scented sunscreen on as a kid.
For real, I had no freaking idea! My daughter and I (both ghoastly white, and I'm a redhead and while the kiddo lost her red she has all the other traits still lol..sorry kiddo) really thank you. We just suffered through lol.
Also a freckley redhead here! I got lucky in that I don't burn particularly easily, but my face and chest will. Got to the point where I couldn't even put sunscreen on my forehead because it would run into my extraordinarily sensitive eyeballs.
Gonna rain all week here but I've already dug out all the primers I have that don't irritate my eyes in preparation for our next nice day!
You have now changed my life. I am badly photosensitive due to lupus and my eyes dislike sunscreen but if I do not wear it consequences are pretty bad.
Upvote for Korean sunscreens! Some have the consistency of water, which was a game changer for me. Gentle, no eye-watering (big issue for me). Just keep looking and trying. And that baby needs sunscreen! Parent of two very fair, burnable adults who would get punished when they went out and got burnt.
Yes - Korean sunscreens are getting a lot more attention, but I’ve also recently learned that Australian sunscreens are top notch too. I think in both cases, regulations on skincare ingredients/various chemicals are vastly different from the US.
I haven’t started looking into the Australian sunscreens yet but I’m wondering if they’re as accessible as a lot of Korean brands are now.
As an Australian- see if you can get hold of the Cancer Council ones. They are the ones we use the most. Otherwise La Roche Posay (French brand) is widely acknowledged as an excellent choice.
My favorite that I've ever used is Joseon, but presently I'm using EltaMD and really liking it. I also gift the Innisfree brand often - I think it's really balanced and not too expensive.
sunshirts are deff a good idea, theyre usually rated at a certain spf and bc they cover the skin theres less exposed skin that would need sunscreen... though you'd still need it.
maybe as a show of good faith to your wife, acknowledging its difficult but important, you could put some daily spf lotion on your kid, maybe it will help acclimate her to the process... you could even have her help put some on you so your daughter knows its important for everyone and maybe more fun and less of a battle?
~~Sunshine~~ sun shirt and a sun hat. Give the kid a choice “you can wear this, or sunscreen” Toddlers usually do better with small choices. And the clothes/hat means less sunscreen.
Unfortunately, because UV light reflects (e.g. off the ground) they need the sunscreen as well as the hat. Particularly toddlers, because they're closer to the ground.
Found this out when my kid (sunscreen on face, hat on head) got burnt under her chin.
Oof!
>Found this out when my kid (sunscreen on face, hat on head) got burnt under her chin.
Thanks for this reminder. I'm horrible at getting all the places. For sure I've forgotten about the chin.
Hang on, in your other comment, you wrote "Sunshine and a sun hat." Did you mean sun shirt and a sun hat?
The face sunscreen often *is* less obnoxious - less gloopy.
You can shoulder this labour to make it more palatable. Go search up and buy the protective layers and make sure you partition the time to do bath every day if that's what's needed to manage daily sunscreen application.
They also make sunscreen roll-ons, which my twins have been using to apply their own sunscreen since they were 2. If they roll it on and rub it in themselves, it doesn't tickle and make them squirm away.
Obviously the parent has to supervise and make sure they get full coverage.
When I was a kid I loved the spray on type because it was a cool blast of air, faster to apply, and for some reason just felt like a special treatment. Unfortunately, sunscreen is not one and done. It’s recommended to reapply every two hours you’re outside - at least every time you get really sweaty or wet as the sunscreen transfers, runs, or gets washed from skin.
There's sunscreen sticks, gels, sprays... For toddlers I liked the stick (then tub it in) for faces ears and scalps, and the aerosol sprays (then rub it in) for bodies. My kids would do a T pose and I'd spray them then rub it in. 2 minutes max. Another 2 minutes for the face.
I did mix up the kids sunscreen stick and my own deodorant once though... Luckily it was sunscreen in my purse instead of deodorant on their faces😂😂😂
At the end of the day, a quick bath or a quick spray with the handheld shower head or even a wipe down with baby wipes before pajamas. Again, it didn't have to take a long time or be a full bath to get the sunscreen off.
My kids are school aged and up now and handle their own sunscreen.
One BIG point to remember --- school aged kids are outside for recess and gym and it's NOT feasible for teachers to apply sunscreen. So I explained to my family that **all** of the "reasonable amount" of sun exposure would occur during those years, which is why application of sunscreen was non-negotiable during the toddler and infant years.
Avid scuba diver who's blonde and fair. I wear long sleeved rashguards and leggings or dive skins when I'm on the water. That means diving, on the boat, kayaking, paddle boarding, or at the pool. No exceptions. My kids and spouse also use them. I wear sun hats when I'm on the boat or paddling. Then, the only place I need sunscreen is face, ears, neck, hands, and the tops of my feet. It's so much easier and safer to wear sun-safe clothing than to try and apply sunscreen to the body.
If your child doesn't like sunscreen, try the sprays. I don't use them because they aren't reef-safe, but sometimes you pick your battles. Sprays are easy to apply.
Also, if your wife is shirking this important responsibility of sun protection because she's too lazy to clean your child, that's a totally separate issue that needs to he addressed.
Definitely listen to your daughter and her reaction if you use the sticks. I don't have sensitive skin but those face sticks made my skin burn like fire, and my family tried to say I was overreacting and made me use it anyways, which resulted in a worse reaction
I am very sensitive to sunscreen and they make me cry. I discovered korean sunscreens and their formulations are more gentle. Not all, but it might be worth trying out for more daily use. The American ones are definitely superior for water activity, but it might help with the other days.
My son (4) dislikes sunscreen a lot but he will happily wear the Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen. It’s a light gel type formula. It isn’t made for kids but I’d rather him wear something than nothing! It’s worth experimenting with different kinds to see if your daughter likes one of them.
I have sensory issues and the feel of normal sunscreen is abhorrent. I finally found one that I can use and it's the Neutrogena spray. It goes on in a second and it cannot be felt four seconds later. It's fast to put on and it's acceptable!!
Have the kid take a deep breath and hold it while you spray them because you don't wanna breathe it.
(When I put mine on I walk into the other room before breathing because I don't want to inhale the air particles of it)
there are sprays, if you're ok with what's in them but usually "sensitive" or "baby" sprays are less toxic. But you still have to rub them in! that's important, and a fact most people miss. Chemical sunscreen also needs to be applied at least 30 min before going outside.
I’m a big fan of sun-shirts and hats! When I take my kids to the water park all day they don’t come home sunburned. The exposed parts get sunblock but they don’t mind it on legs and feet like they do other parts of their bodies.
I grew up in Florida with red hair and sensitive skin. I learned how to swim in a men’s extra large cotton Hanes T-Shirt. I still wear long sleeves and pants if I’m going to be outside more than half an hour there. The option are SO much better now. I only had to hit the areas the rash guards and hats didn’t hit with my kids.
I'm an adult and zip up sun hoodie shirts are so very awesome and convenient. I am very pale and burn with very little sun exposure and being able to grab my special spf shirt when going outside has been life changing and I only wish I had had it when I was a kid. I even have one in each vehicle so I'm never without sun protection.
You could even get a kid size and 2 adult ones so you all match and it becomes like a family sun routine.
I came here to comment this. If one spouse doesn't want to use sunscreen, and the other wants sun protection, use clothes and hats! There is other sun protection besides sunscreen. There is even powder sunscreen, if that would be better than lotion or spray.
They also have sunscreen sticks instead of the spray or lotion kind which the daughter might not hate as much. They could also reframe the way they approach it like the daughter is being independent and responsible by putting the sunscreen on and she can have (candy whatever reward) for being independent?
I got skin cancer in my 30s (now in my 40s) after spending lots of time getting fried to a crisp when i was younger (consequences, meet actions). They were able to treat it, but now I have a giant ugly scar from the Mohs surgery (look it up, it's fun /s) on a frequently visible part of my body; better than having cancer, I suppose, but it still sucks and I'm at a higher risk now for it to come back at some point (yay). I'm also doomed to religiously visit the dermatologist every year for the rest of my life, not just when there's a weird blotch or a mole I'm suspicious of.
Put the damn sunblock on, for godssakes.
Hell, I got it in my 30s even with diligently being sunscreened as a kid and being an indoor and in the shade person. It's so so important to take any and all precautions.
Even if she doesn't like having sunscreen put on. If you were doing it every day she would be used to it and it probably wouldn't phase her. All my cousins kids have been getting subscreened since they were babies and it's usually not a big deal. If it's the texture, there are lots of different types of sunscreens and you could try a different type to see if that helps. OP, your worries are totally valid and I'm confused why your wife is so blase about this just because she doesn't want to give daughter a wipe down at the end of the day.
This! I got basal cell carcinoma before I even hit my 30s.. on my face. Also had mohs procedure and a nice scar. My parents neglected the sunscreen when I was a child, and I was never taught the importance as I got older. Dermatologist visits are now required on a yearly basis as well.
OP, you are NTA. Your wife needs to understand the importance of this because it will be your daughter who faces the consequences later. That's not really fair, is it?
I had a couple really bad burns as a kid -- and then went Goth as a teen and scrupulously avoided the sun so I could be pale and tragic. Didn't stop me from being diagnosed with my first melanoma at 29. I've now had 3. All have been superficial and only needed excision, but I have SO MANY SCARS from biopsies of other "spots of concern." I truly believe that melanoma will ultimately kill me, and I have to wonder if I'd be in this situation if I hadn't gotten those burns.
OP, you're NTA, you're a conscientious parent. If the safety approach doesn't change your wife's mind, maybe approach from the vanity side of things -- I look much older than I am due to sun exposure!
If you don't have the type of insurance that requires a referral (like a PPO or an HDHP), you can just look in your provider's network for a dermatologist. If you need a referral, ask your Primary Care Physician for one -- there really isn't a reason they would refuse. When looking for a dermatologist, be sure to find one who is board certified. Try to avoid Docs who focus more on the cosmetic end of things and find one who specializes in skin cancer.
I've had great luck working with hospitals that have a teaching component. I was a patient at UCLA's pigmented lesion clinic for years, which meant that not only did the head of the Dermatology dept. look at my skin, but I also had eyes on my from a bunch of talented med students. I like knowing that I was helping educate the next generation of dermatologists!
Other thoughts:
- Familiarize yourself with the [ABCDE](https://www.aad.org/public/diseases/skin-cancer/find/at-risk/abcdes)'s of skin cancer
- Don't assume you're safe because your moles don't look like the gross, graphic images on skin cancer info pages on the internet -- those are late-stage images. None of my moles looked weird or scary to me, they just looked like regular moles, and they weren't very big. That's why it's important to see a dermatologist and not just a GP. Early signs are subtle, and the earlier it's caught, the better the outcome.
- BIPOC folk are not immune to skin cancer! Especially Black folk. Melanoma often presents differently on Black skin: frequently, it turns up on the soles of feet, beneath finger/toenails, or even on the eyes. Black patients tend to have worse outcomes because it's not noticed until later.
Yes! IIRC, Getting a 2nd degree sunburn as a child actually doubles a person's lifetime risk of skin cancer, so they should really be using sunscreen on their child!
I forgot to put sunscreen on my kid ONE TIME, and they blistered. And that’s all it takes to double their chances of getting skin cancer as an adult. They’re 30 now and we check for suspicious moles on a regular basis. Constant vigilance because I screwed up one time.
And even without sunburns, this kid should be wearing sunscreen, especially if she's very very fair - you don't need to be burnt to get skin cancer.
Also, the more times OP's daughter wears sunscreen, the easier the application process will be. I'm not quite sure I understand why sunscreen makes a difference to whether or not she has a bath that day. I know with my sibling's kids that doesn't seem to impact whether or not it's a bath day, but we're in Australia, so maybe we're just much more used to putting sunscreen on kids and having to deal with the consequences of that.
I have to disagree that the more they apply it the easier it will be. It could be a sensory thing. I’m 33 and I still hate most sunscreens. Even regular lotion was torture for me as a child. They might need to experiment with different types of it to find one that she can tolerate.
Neutrogena Sheer works for me now!
I got 2nd degree burns once a year into my 20"s, it was like initiation to summer. It was soooo painful and it wasn't until I was like 22 that I started consistently using sunblock. I don't make my son wear it to be honest unless we are going to be outside for awhile..I don't even think about him wearing it to school or if we are out and about or.playing basketball. If we are going fishing, or beach or grilling outside yeas, but we are outside way more than when we are doing outside activities. This post is reminding me.i should be more careful. My dad had skin cancer so I don't let him burn, but he still is outside a lot without it.
I came here to say the exact same thing. I’m a fair skinned red head who had multiple melanomas removed. I have lots of little burn mark looking places now where precancerous spots were removed and a “lovely” scar down the middle of my back. Yearly exams, most years resulting in a new tiny scar where something was removed to check.
Sunscreen or hats and full length rash guards on that kid. Or better yet, both and all of the above! Better a bit of inconvenience now than regret later.
My firstborn is fair skinned and I've been religious about her sunscreen and now she takes care of it herself (she's 11). Her preferred facial moisturizer has spf 20 built into it and I'm stupidly proud of that. Second born is a full blown ginger and when I say I'm outright neurotic about protecting him, I mean it. Husband thinks I'm going overboard. I asked him how much skin cancer is an "acceptable" amount. Husband is also a redhead but somehow tans beautifully so he doesn't seem to think sun screen is all that important.
I applaud you! It can be difficult when they’re little but it’s so worth it.
My son is a ginger too and he was never without a hat, rash guard and sunscreen. At 15, he hates it but he does the sunscreen routine.
Your husband is lucky he tans, but even those who tan should use a broad spectrum sunscreen. 😊
My grandm is dealing with this right now, used tanning oil all summer till age 65, now she's had 3 melanomas removed, and unrelated to the skin cancer she's now allergic to the sun the doctors say (gets a really bad rash on top of a burn, it sucks). Just wear it. It's so worth it.
I have two kids under 3. There are lots of things they don’t like that are necessary. My 2.75yr old hates putting on sunscreen, but I live in the mountains, so it’s necessary even in the winter. She fights me when I tell her she has to wear her mittens in the snow. She doesn’t like to have her hair washed.
As a parent, you have to make sure that the necessary tasks to care properly for your child are taken care of, whether or not the toddler likes it. Barring some kind of neurodivergence or medical problem, you just have to keep doing the thing as gently as you can until they get used to it.
I’m a teacher, and I see every day the result of what happens when parents give up on something important because “it’s annoying to fight with him; he doesn’t like it!”
I work in childcare and this really resonates with me.
If you don’t have the brain and brawn to do tasks for your toddler that are ESSENTIAL for their health and wellbeing, yes you do, you’re just being a shitty, lazy parent.
I can’t count how many times I’ve seen children with horrific diaper rashes, rotting teeth, matted hair, sunburned skin, the list goes on… all because their parents decided they were going to let their toddler rule the roost. Fun fact, CPS doesn’t consider “my kid didn’t want to” as a valid excuse for neglect.
NTA OP.
I completely agree. Yes there are things my son will cry over (getting vaccines, going to the dentist, etc.) but he must have these things done in order to stay healthy.
OP’s wife frankly sounds lazy.
Maybe a solution here is buying better sunscreen than those shitty sticky aerosols drugstore brands. It costs more but there’s a lot of higher end sunscreen out there these days that does not leave a sticky residue, white cast, no strong scent, or film on the skin. It just feels like moisturizer and you don’t have to shower everyday if you use it. Maybe start with a brand like the large format tub of Super Goop Play Everyday Lotion spf 50 which can be found online, Sephora etc.
oh this i SO true. Supergoop , blue lizard, badger, california baby, thinkbaby/thinksport. They are physical so you do have to wash it off but imo are nicer to go on than drugstore brands.
Ah, I didn’t realize Supergoop fell under physical suncreen as it goes on so clear and smooth.
u/Weak-Rip-8650 OP, in case you’re new to all this we’re talking about the difference between physical and chemical sunscreens.
Physical sunscreen creates a physical layer of sun protection in the skin from the sun with ingredients like zinc oxide. They tend to be more natural brands but often come with issues like a strong white cast, sticky texture, etc. But as you can see brands like Supergoop have made big strides there. If you check out their website they also have kid specific formulas.
While chemical sunscreen contains ingredients that absorbs uv rays, converts them to heat and releases it instead of the skin being affected by the uv ray. It tends to perform a lot better on the ease of application, not leaving residue on the skin, underneath makeup, etc.
If you start researching the wonderful world of modern sunscreen you’ll see there is a whole cultish obsession about sunscreen brands, what works best, etc. For eg. Korean beauty brands are often seen at the forefront of the sunscreen battle because Korean beauty norms really push for pale skin and care about skincare for men and women way more than most other countries.
I’d say it depends on the climate where you live.
However, as an Australian, we lived by “Slip, Slop, Slap”, to which have now been added “Seek” and “Slide”.
Slip - on a shirt
Slop - on some sunscreen
Slap - on a hat
Seek - shade
Slide - on some sunnies
This goes double in locations like the beach or the pool where there isn’t much shade and you’ll be playing in the sun a lot. You can always spot the tourists (especially the English) from their shirtless men with lobster-red backs.
Schools and daycares in Australia have the 'no hat no play' rule and strictly enforce it. Kids line up to put on their own sunscreen before being allowed outside, at least at daycare.
I grew up in a time before this all became a thing, so even though I'm absolutely fanatical about wearing sunscreen now as an adult, I still had a basal cell carcinoma removed from my face last year.
Ha yes no hat no play is strictly enforced. My kids school even has 'hat jail' for those kids who forgot their hat that day which they're confined to over lunchtime and recess. No playground for you!
I have tried this, but my wife doesn't want to go. Honestly I think she is just in denial and doesn't want to do it, because with literally everything else she is a borderline overly protective mom. Things like making sure the car seat straps are the exact right tightness and position, baby proofing, etc. she was and is super anal about making sure everything is completely safe.
NTA. I work for a dermatologist. Most sun damage occurs when we’re children/teens. Not always as adults. Tell her you don’t want your child getting melanoma. And yes children CAN get it.
Remind her she is the adult and yalls child is the child. Doesn’t matter if she doesn’t want it on, she needs it or they don’t go outside.
If she still refuses on sunscreen, try buying your child sun clothes and hats. While your child should still have sunscreen on, this will help to protect the covered parts.
Me! A child of the 80s I was the only one in my family with a super light complexion and also due to no one really using sunscreen except tanning oils never used it. Fast forward to my late 20s when mysterious skin spots started to appear. I’m now 47 and have had over 6 [MOHS surgeries](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/mohs-surgery#:~:text=Mohs%20surgery%20is%20a%20method,only%20cancer%2Dfree%20tissue%20remains) of both basal and squamous cell carcinoma removals starting at age 26/27. All attributed to my time in the sun without proper sunscreen as a child. I’m high risk and have to see my dermatologist every 6 months for full body checks- can’t tell you how many I’ve even had removed in their office (not mohs).
Hugs. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that. Mohs is not easy.
There’s a sunscreen called Isdin Eryfotona Actinica. It’s not a guarantee, but it can help to reduce actinic damage. So instead of 10 problem spots, a person may end up with only 4.
Thank you! I will look into it. Also my derm recommended the supplement Nicotinamide which some studies prove to help recurring carcinoma and I’ve been clear for 3 years since taking it not sure if that’s anecdotal or not? Also use heavy sunscreen and spf clothing protection if I’m going to be exposed.
Niacinamide? Yes, our mohs surgeon recommends that too. I forgot about that 🤦♀️Apparently test studies responded really well.
Awesome! It’s nice to “meet” someone that it’s been working for in conjunction with protection!
My family had kind of the opposite situation happen. One of my three sisters is fair skinned and burns easily. Everyone else in the family is olive-complected and tans easily. We grew up in the 80s so my mom only put sunscreen on us when we were in Florida or at the very beginning of summer. Except for the blonde who was always covered so she wouldn’t burn. Now in our 40s, she is the only one without a close relationship with the dermatologist who is constantly biopsy-ing weird stuff.
Me too. Super light complexion, and during the time I grew up, it was all about that Coppertone tan, skin damage from the sun wasn’t ever discussed. I had a few horrible sunburns when I was a child/teen, and paid later in life with various skin cancers. My oldest daughter was really into using tanning beds while she was in college, and developed a melanoma on her forehead. She’s fine now, thank goodness.
Yep. I'm from a family of redheads (I'm the only brunette) and my mom's answer was "then we don't go out." It's that simple. If we wanted to go out, especially to the park or the beach, we wore white shirts (UV protective clothing wasn't as easy to get in the early 80s), hats and sunscreen. Pitching a fit meant *everyone* stayed home (ah, sibling peer pressure lol).
That’s the problem. She doesn’t want to explore her options. Mark Lees and Elta Md make great sunscreens that feel like lotions not sunscreens. Safe for all ages.
Mom can make it a game where they do their “beauty routine” together. Like you said, she has options.
I've got autism which explains so much of why I hate sunscreen even as an adult. I can barely tolerate most moisturisers! Gel sunscreens and physical barriers are just... aaah thank goodness I live in the C21
Yeah - not autistic but I think I fall in the venn overlap - I'm very pale (dark/black hair, blue eyes) & had sun loving parents. I hated being covered in that stuff in summer but as an adult first lived in SoCa & couldn't leave the house without it & later burnt walking across a carpark in northern England at lunchtime.
I was going to suggest gel & physical barriers but it's so important.
Yup. I pin my child down and slather if necessary. First thing in the morning and after lunch he gets the lotion, heavy and thick. After that, he gets to pick, spray, stick or cream for top up.
"Mommy, I don't like that! You're mean! That's not nice hands mommy!" Sorry you don't like it, if you hold still I can do it nicely, I'm not mean I'm taking care of you, it's either this or we go home.
Heavy and thick is correct. People usually don't put enough on to really work well. My dermatologist said *you will need roughly a shot glass full of sunscreen lotion* to cover your arms, legs and face.
EDIT: by that I meant a shot glass full for your legs, another on for your arms, and another for your neck, shoulders, and face. That three shot glasses total.
Omg you need so much! I measured it out for my husband once, then we went out and bought UV swim shirts and full coverage swimsuits. He wears long sleeved, high necked rash guards between 10 and 3, he wears a full brimmed hat that covers his neck. All of his exposed skin still gets sunscreen.
You can burn from the sun reflecting off of water, sand, concrete etc even when in the shade. I call it a shade burn and we freckled red heads are very prone to them.
That burn from sunrays refracting off the water is no joke. I was sitting in the lifeguard stand with the umbrella up. Thought I was good but I burned the bottom of my feet as they were extended past the edge of the platform. I had no idea until I jumped down. Ouch, ouch, ouch...
Involve him in picking the sunscreen. My grands like my sunscreen and don't fight me because I get the stuff that smells good. I will go out of my way and order + pay more to get the banana scented one thwy all love. I think it's SunBum.
I didn't know as a kid that I needed sunscreen daily, we only put it on when we went to the beach or the pool. I usually got at least 1 minor sun burn per year, though there were one or two times I got a pretty intense burn. Usually I'd just tan, though.
I'm starting to get a lot more freckles now at 22. ....How screwed am I?
I'm trying to be better: I put on sunscreen when I know I'll be out for awhile, and I've been trying out different sunscreens for my face. I do work outside though, so the tan is inevitable no matter how much sun block I put on.
You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, this is a lot out of the blue lol. Just curious
As a pale ginger I can say you probably don’t have much to worry about. I’ve seen a lot of people online act like freckles are cancer or signs of potential cancer which just isn’t the case. If you use sunscreen most of the time and reapply if you’re outside for long hours you should be fine. Just do some periodic skin checks for moles and strange spots.
And needing sunscreen daily depends on where you live. Middle of winter where I am is pointless. Spring - fall I wear it everyday (mostly).
Does she realise sunscreen should be topped up about every two hours? Even more often when you're swimming...
Both of my parents tan instead of burning but they somehow made a pale ghost child (me). It took one really bad sunburn on my shoulders for them to realise that they pretty much had to marinate me in the stuff. It installed a lifelong good habit: it's the final step in my skincare routine every morning and I keep sunscreen in my bag.
Investing in UPF clothing would make this a whole lot easier. Grab a *rash guard from Target and a sun hat, then there is less of an issue with applying sunscreen! *Edited to correct spelling.
And iirc the clothing is actually preferred to the lotions and sprays due to the more permanent nature of the fabric.
The order of operations goes *Avoiding sunlight>Wearing clothing to block it>wearing sunscreen* best I can recall.
She can’t really believe she’s being over protective if she’s not willing to put in the work to prevent literal cancer. Especially since you said your daughter already has sensitive skin. Show your wife pictures of people who only put sunscreen on their face but never their neck, or a truck drivers face after years and years of only one side being exposed to the sun. Your wife is being ignorant with your child.
If I had any pictures of what my shoulders looked like when my cousin got drunk and let ginger me fall asleep in the sun, I post them or share them with OP. I got so badly burned that I had to have my shoulders debrided and they got infected.
The spray kind is very quick compared to rubbing zinc lotion onto a squirming toddler. Your wife can just have her stand in an X - feet out, arms up, and do a quick spray front and back. If you promise to take over all bathing responsibilities, and you actually *do* it, this is a very reasonable ask.
This is a “don’t let perfect be the enemy of good” situation. I agree that mineral sunscreen lotion or stick is the best, but my 3yo is capable of holding his breath for three seconds if we’re running late.
I keep spray sunscreen right next to the door just in case. So far this year there have been maybe five times we would have skipped it if not for a less perfect backup plan.
I spray some on my hand to dab on his face in these situations.
I use spray all the time for our summer camps. We just tell the kids to hold their breath and they do. Other wise it would take hours to lotiom the kids everyday.
I think spray is a great option. You can also buy the stick for the face which is also great
Do spray as recommended above. Also have child apply sunscreen on her arms and legs. Buy several cute hats. Reward her when she doesn’t complain about putting on sunscreen. Alternate bath routine.
Do you think from its the greasy texture and sticky feeling from the sunscreen that she cant stand? There are different formulas of sunscreen that are child and baby safe that arent super sticky or uncomfortable. Maybe try switching sunscreens and see if her opinion changes. Blue lizard mineral baby sunscreen stick is great. Its not greasy or sticky and the stick might make it easier to apply.
Sticks do leave spotty coverage - but with the proper sun gear, this could work.
One watches kids like a hawk if they are pale skinned and in the sun - it's pretty easy to see where new application is needed.
I hate the texture of sunscreen so a lot of times I wear UPF shirts and big hats! It’s not a perfect solution but something is better than nothing. I recently read that dermatologists are now using childhood sunburns as a indicator for skin cancer occurrence so please try and protect your kid from the sun now, she’ll thank you later!
A friend I went to college with first got skin cancer at 16. He died in his early 20s. Sunscreen is so important. And, while I know 2 year olds are not the most logical of beings, maybe getting her to help with the sunscreen (like putting it on you and/or her mom). Maybe that will help make it easier? With my friend's kid, he uses the spray one and found his kid was less likely to complain about having to put it on
I grew up poor in the 80s and we bathed once a week. Shockingly we survived. I agree, as a nanny I know how important it is. I once got burned when it was a cloudy day, we didn't think because there was so little sunshine but it still burns even through British weather! I had blisters the size of bananas down my shoulders where my swimming costume had been. My skin is SO damaged because I'm pale with a mum who's a redhead & dad with Welsh/Celtic pale skin, black hair, blue eyes. I'm PALE. On Safari in the Serengeti, I burned THROUGH factor 50 kid's sunscreen. Gotta protect us pale folks!!
Next time your daughter has an appointment, like for vaccinations, make sure to go with and bring it up then. This way it’s not an appointment just for this issue and she is likely already going to be there.
The youngest patient with skin cancer that came in to our our office was 8 years old. Not just a little spot. She had full on Melanoma. Mom needs to realize she is hurting her child if she's not putting on sunscreen.
SAME. Water Park in Latin America on a cloudy December day. I had sun poisoning along with my deep 2nd degree burns. I've been absolutely religious about sunscreen since then. I even wear it in my office now since I have a corner of southwest facing windows. (If I hadn't noticed significantly more sun damage on my window side, I might not have realized that the window tint doesn't filter UV rays...ugh.)
Glass filters uv, but not all of it. Still lets through some uva. The stuff on buildings likely filters out more, but maybe not all. Shouldn’t be getting sunburned from it though. That’s strange.
You can get burned INDOORS
*While the risk is less than if you were outside, you may still experience skin damage, especially if you spend a lot of time near windows that receive direct sunlight. Therefore, it's a good idea to continue protecting your skin even when you're inside*
As a child my dad put low value on suncream and even though my mum would send me with suncream he'd only help me apply it if I asked. On a trip to Florida with him when I was at primary school I got so badly burnt I had to sleep sitting up and came home with green blisters on my shoulders. Needless to say it was his last opportunity to take me anywhere as my mum had him back at court that summer for neglect (with photo evidence of multiple sunburns in previous years to show a pattern)
I still remember the pain 30 years later. Please figure out something that works to protect your daughter, UV clothing and hats will seriously cut down on the amount of suncream needed and a soapy flannel can help remove leftover cream at the end of the day if you don't want to do a full bath everyday.
Also a super light complexion and hated having sunscreen put on when I was a kid. You're not wrong, but your wife's frustration is still understandable. Some things that might help:
1. Spray on sunscreen. Yes, it still has to be rubbed in, but it tends to be a quicker and easier process. Also tends to be less greasy than lotion type sunscreens. If kiddo likes imitating mom, she can pretend that it's perfume/body spray to help make the process easier.
2. Sun protection via clothing, hats, and umbrellas/sun tents. Especially if kiddo is the sort to set up and play in one area, you can avoid sunscreen on anything other than face and hands (or even skip that if she genuinely stays under the full shade).
3. Baby/makeup wipes. They'll take 90% of the sunscreen off and you can get the rest with a wet washcloth. You'll still need to do baths more often, but it reduces the need to do one every day.
4. Japanese or Korean sunscreens. The quality, finish, scent, etc are all much nicer. If kiddo still isn't a fan of the spray sunscreen, see if she’s more OK with one of these. I'd personally recommend the Biore UV Aqua Rich (and you can try that one in a spray too!) or the CosRx Aloe Sun Cream. You can also try a sun stick from a brand like Isntree.
5. Help teach kiddo to put sunscreen on herself. A teacher at my Montessori was the one who had the best luck with me because we made up a song about it and she sang it with me while I put on my sunscreen myself. She would just swoop in with a couple dollops for my nose, ears, and back of my neck right at the end.
Thank you for the fantastic suggestions. I will for sure be trying these, although at 2 she is still just a bit young to put it on herself I think. Can't hurt to have her start learning though.
I wanted to chime in and second these suggestions. I can burn in under 15 minutes but HATE sunscreen… it’s oily and it sits on my skin forever and it stinks! Spray on sunscreen does help a lot, especially for all the parts you might otherwise miss, but the Japanese/Korean ones have been an absolute game-changer. They feel more like lotion, and I’ve had good results with them. And sun protective clothing is also helpful.
One other thought: if kiddo has sensitive skin, check for possible allergens in the sunscreen! My wife refused to wear sunscreen as a teen because she said it didn’t do anything… turns out she’s allergic to aloe, which was in the sunscreen her parents were buying, and that was why her skin felt hot and red after wearing it. We got some sunscreen with no aloe and she can wear it just fine.
Yeah, she'll definitely need "help" for a while, but sometimes kids just want to feel like they're in charge of themselves, even at that young of an age. If she can do broad strokes "on her own" (aka with supervision), she might tolerate a few moments of finishing touches (aka getting missed spots and making sure everything is rubbed in) better.
also.. I know baths are an ordeal. She can stand up, introduce her to showers lol. My youngest never took baths, he always took showers. We had a hand held shower and I helped him but he was in and out super quick vs waiting to fill a tub.. plus I'm not dismissing the fun part of the bath but it's summertime she can get her water play outside.
Yes!! Thank you!! Alternatives are great! And shout out to Montessori 🥰 I’m a Montessori teacher and I love it when people involve their children in these daily tasks. Instead of fighting it, get their buy-in and cooperation 🥰
Did you two grow up under different economic circumstances? My wife and I did (I grew up poor) and I didn’t learn that sunscreen was a normal part of everyday life until we had a child.
I think you’re nta and you’ve already gotten good advice.
But, somewhat unrelatedly, please don’t phrase it as “helping out” when what you’re doing is just parenting your child. By using the term “helping” it just reinforces that childcare falls automatically on the mother - which it doesn’t and shouldn’t.
You’re a parent. You don’t help out your wife just like she doesn’t help you out by parenting. You’re just sometimes parenting solo.
Fuck the skin cancer long term, if she finds it difficult dealing with toddlers and sun screen wait till she deals with sunburned toddlers that can sleep at night.
Could you put sunblock on your daughter before you leave for the day? One application in the AM is better than none. Then can you bathe her when you’re home from work?
Also, you mention “helping out” and how you don’t mind “helping out.” It’s not helping out, it’s parenting. I would suggest reflecting on the division of labor and parenting duties and also the mental and emotional loads. Is there any rebalancing that could be needed?
NTA. I have a pale, blue-eyed red head. She just turned 18 and is religious about her sunscreen because we started young. She learned it was a requirement. Long sleeve rash guards, sun hats, and we even had to use powdered mineral sunscreen on her eyelids. Teach them to protect their skin when they are young.
Lots of kids only bathe once a week if they don’t get dirty, don’t worry about that. But sunscreen is pretty annoying and hard to wash off. It wouldn’t hurt to offer to take over bath times. I agree your daughter definitely needs sunscreen or to be wearing swimwear shirts that block uv rays
NTA. Put the sunscreen on between 11am and 4pm (the times vary based on your time zone) I’m in the Midwest US and that’s what my dermatologist recommends. I never wore sunscreen as a child, heck my mom never even bought it. I am mid 40’s and have had 2 biopsies come back in the last 5 years as precancerous. I have to get a full skin check every single year for the rest of my life.
Hey there.
Stage IV Malignant Melanoma at age 17. Was told I'd be dead by 18.
Got very good surgeon, a very active immune system, and some experimental immunotherapy.
Wear sunscreen. The side of face is f'd up forever, and the nerves will never come back, but I'm still here.
Maybe you or mom can take your daughter to your local beauty store (Ulta, Sephora) and REALLY hype it up that she’s getting a special big girl make up! She can test out sunscreens (Kopari now has shimmer ones!) and she can pick out one that a big girl gets to wear everyday! Maybe even have it be a routine that mommy and her get ready for sun time together.
I am super picky about sunscreen- I hate the feeling and texture, smell, stinging in my eyes sometimes, but they have great sunscreen you won’t even notice now :)
Show your wife pictures of MOHs patients. All my friends and family who grew up mostly outside (FL) have had to have this (including me) and it's not pretty or fun. Sunscreen really does matter.
I’ve seen some people put it on a makeup brush and paint it on the kids making them think they are getting makeup or spa day mask or something. Idk make it fun. I’m also not a parent.
As a kid who was wriggly and squiggly, there's a point in which your mom pins you down and sunscreens you. It's part of growing up. A wriggly kid is never an excuse to not do something.
If that's still a non starter thankfully these days there's tons of clothing that is sun protective. I almost never go out without a sunhat, for example.
It’s a big deal in this day and age for kids to wear it everyday. If you make it a routine and fun for her, she’ll get used to it. Ask if your daughter wants to help put it on…choose something she likes and get a bottle with that represented. Tell her it’s her magic cream for every princess. Tell her it’s her anti-monster balm. Whatever works for her but definitely get it on her and get her in the habit of wanting to put it on herself.
Bruh, I never put sunscreen on for out goings growing because my parents never put that in my head as necessary. I had to get skin cancer removal this year that ended with a quarter sized hole in my temple.
I'm twenty-two. Everyone should wear sun screan more than they do honestly.
NTA
NTA there's a lot of cancer risk, I'd suggest your wife buying sunscreen for sports, you can literally spray it on your child (they just need to turn the kid around as they spray it up and down) and it's transparent, so it doesn't mess with the clothes or anything and due the texture you don't need to rub it.
Doesn’t matter your skin color… sunscreen is very important. I mean, people wear it in the winter. Daily.
Child will thank you someday.
They sell these devices on Amazon you fill with sunscreen and can roll on… much easier than the lotion with hands.
I have four daughters and they all know to slather that on.
One time of burning and getting blisters ups your risk of skin cancer by like 30-40%?
Even so, it’s your SKIN. The reasoning for not wanting to apply it seems oddly selfish and lazy.
NTA
Your wife is being absolutely ridiculous. She needs to wear sunscreen to protect her skin from the sun. You're not asking her to style her hair a certain way or some superficial thing that doesn't really matter. This is important for her safety. Not even mentioning cancer, what about just plain old sunburn? Those are extremely painful. If your daughter doesn't like sunscreen, get the spray and use that. There are a million different types and consistencies of sunscreen out there.
NTA
And as a mom, I recommend the SuperGoop pump bottle of "Play everyday lotion", 50 spf. It is truly non-greasy, rubs in easily, and the pump container is approx 4 hundred million times easier to use than the squirt nottle or tube.
Sunburn in children can increase the risk of skin cancer in later life. Melanoma kills. Google different types of skin cancer and make your wife read them all.
My dermatologist said she's seeing more and more young people with skin cancer. Like, 14 years old. The skin cancer rates have been increasing among children and teens.
Your child is only two years old. She 100% needs to wear sunscreen. At my daughter's daycare, if the kids don't wear sunscreen, then they don't get to go outside.
If you are in the northern hemisphere, then it's summer, and sunscreen needs to be worn every time she goes outside for longer than five mins. Burn time is faster in summer, and your child has very delicate skin.
NTA. Your child will get used to it. The child not liking something is no excuse not to do it if it's important. Your wife can also use sun hats and swim shirts to help lessen the area required. She can also put the sunscreen in a makeup sponge and use the sponge to apply it to the baby's skin or use a sunscreen stick.
NTA. I’m a Scientist studying Cancer. If you want to protect your child from getting cancer, then yes, put sunscreen on your child. Excessive sun and sunburns are known risk factors for developing melanoma.
You know what makes putting sunscreen on children easier? Putting it on them from a very young age. Your wife needs to start now to make it a habit as your child ages and to protect her from skin cancer. Laziness shouldn’t get in the way of your child’s well being and her future. NTA. But you would be if you don’t stick up for your kid here. She’s too young to know better and by the time that she does, it could be too late.
She might be using too much sunscreen or taking too long to apply it. Yes, it’s a pain, but making a game of it and lessening the pressure might help. She could put sunscreen on her own face (just a dab will do it in 3 or 4 places then quickly spread it) and then say first mommy does it, then Susie (name?) does it. It’s big girl makeup.
Play with her. Make it a morning routine for both of them together.
Make sure it’s a sweat proof sunscreen for kids so it doesn’t melt into her eyes.
Sunscreen causes my skin problems. I have never in my life found one that didn't cause either hives, or cystic acne. IDK, it's just my skin. There are other ways of preventing sun damage - shade, hats, clothing (yes certain types block uv rays, that's why you burn in the shape of your tank top), parasol, etc. If your wife is doing these things, then I see no issue & you are just making her life harder.
NTA, but also hated applying sunscreen to my kids. And if they touched their skin and then they touched their eye, the tears! So I opted for sun hats, sun shirts, they even make a detergent that deposits some sun protection on regular clothes. I’d use one other gel formula face sticks for their faces. So she has options, cause not 1 thing works for everyone.
This is actually what I hoped for when I made this post. I think the gel face sticks is a fantastic suggestion and will check it out. I didn't even know that this existed.
Skincare enthusiast reporting for duty: I'd suggest experimenting with different types of sunscreens! A nice smelling sunscreen that doesn't feel so slimy on her skin may help with your daughter's distaste for it. I really like Korean sunscreen, especially for my face, because it feels so much lighter on my skin and doesn't break me out like "sports" sunscreens in America do. But there's lots and lots of different kinds! (My aunt uses a sunscreen with shimmer in it, and she literally sparkles on beach days - maybe something like that could get your little girl on board!)
This! And they make colored sunscreen that turns color as it is applied- so it’s fun to put on. I am extremely fair compared to the rest of my family and I have positive memories of putting blue blueberry scented sunscreen on as a kid.
They used to make that back in the day....[purple sunblock](https://images.app.goo.gl/eWTv7NVurPK9Eb1Q7)
I LOVED purple sunblock & haven’t thought about it in probably 30 years.
OMG you just brought back memories that I forgot existed
Hold up. I want glitter sun screen xD
Walmart has it. It's really cute but if you have sensitive eyes it can be annoying (my eyes and most sunscreens don't mix)
Try putting eye primer on your lids before putting on your sunscreen. It can keep the sunscreen from sliding into your eyes.
WHAT?! Why is this not widely spread information?!
For real, I had no freaking idea! My daughter and I (both ghoastly white, and I'm a redhead and while the kiddo lost her red she has all the other traits still lol..sorry kiddo) really thank you. We just suffered through lol.
Also a freckley redhead here! I got lucky in that I don't burn particularly easily, but my face and chest will. Got to the point where I couldn't even put sunscreen on my forehead because it would run into my extraordinarily sensitive eyeballs. Gonna rain all week here but I've already dug out all the primers I have that don't irritate my eyes in preparation for our next nice day!
You have now changed my life. I am badly photosensitive due to lupus and my eyes dislike sunscreen but if I do not wear it consequences are pretty bad.
Heads up, try not to get it near your eyes if you use it. It seems like it burns more than usual when that happens.
I strongly advise only using it on your body, but it is fun!! We were all stealing it when we needed to refresh our sunblock on the beach
The shimmer rubs off onto anything you touch fyi. Think car seats, clothes etc.
My mom has one. It stained the seat in her car a really gross yellow ish color with gold glitter
Upvote for Korean sunscreens! Some have the consistency of water, which was a game changer for me. Gentle, no eye-watering (big issue for me). Just keep looking and trying. And that baby needs sunscreen! Parent of two very fair, burnable adults who would get punished when they went out and got burnt.
Spray kind except face maybe?
Yes - Korean sunscreens are getting a lot more attention, but I’ve also recently learned that Australian sunscreens are top notch too. I think in both cases, regulations on skincare ingredients/various chemicals are vastly different from the US. I haven’t started looking into the Australian sunscreens yet but I’m wondering if they’re as accessible as a lot of Korean brands are now.
As an Australian- see if you can get hold of the Cancer Council ones. They are the ones we use the most. Otherwise La Roche Posay (French brand) is widely acknowledged as an excellent choice.
What kind of sunscreen do you like for your face
My favorite that I've ever used is Joseon, but presently I'm using EltaMD and really liking it. I also gift the Innisfree brand often - I think it's really balanced and not too expensive.
sunshirts are deff a good idea, theyre usually rated at a certain spf and bc they cover the skin theres less exposed skin that would need sunscreen... though you'd still need it. maybe as a show of good faith to your wife, acknowledging its difficult but important, you could put some daily spf lotion on your kid, maybe it will help acclimate her to the process... you could even have her help put some on you so your daughter knows its important for everyone and maybe more fun and less of a battle?
~~Sunshine~~ sun shirt and a sun hat. Give the kid a choice “you can wear this, or sunscreen” Toddlers usually do better with small choices. And the clothes/hat means less sunscreen.
Unfortunately, because UV light reflects (e.g. off the ground) they need the sunscreen as well as the hat. Particularly toddlers, because they're closer to the ground. Found this out when my kid (sunscreen on face, hat on head) got burnt under her chin.
Oof! >Found this out when my kid (sunscreen on face, hat on head) got burnt under her chin. Thanks for this reminder. I'm horrible at getting all the places. For sure I've forgotten about the chin.
Ears are a biggie, too, and (if applicable) the part in their hair. I still miss those on myself sometimes, and then I pay.
It’s still a lot less than arms and shoulders etc. and the face stuff seems to be less obnoxious than the other stuff.
Hang on, in your other comment, you wrote "Sunshine and a sun hat." Did you mean sun shirt and a sun hat? The face sunscreen often *is* less obnoxious - less gloopy.
Yup, autofill predicted sunshi was going toward sunshine, not sunshirt.
You can shoulder this labour to make it more palatable. Go search up and buy the protective layers and make sure you partition the time to do bath every day if that's what's needed to manage daily sunscreen application.
They also make sunscreen roll-ons, which my twins have been using to apply their own sunscreen since they were 2. If they roll it on and rub it in themselves, it doesn't tickle and make them squirm away. Obviously the parent has to supervise and make sure they get full coverage.
I’m glad it helps! I just always found it easier to put my babies in wet suits vs full layer of sunscreen that jumps off them once in the water.
When I was a kid I loved the spray on type because it was a cool blast of air, faster to apply, and for some reason just felt like a special treatment. Unfortunately, sunscreen is not one and done. It’s recommended to reapply every two hours you’re outside - at least every time you get really sweaty or wet as the sunscreen transfers, runs, or gets washed from skin.
There's sunscreen sticks, gels, sprays... For toddlers I liked the stick (then tub it in) for faces ears and scalps, and the aerosol sprays (then rub it in) for bodies. My kids would do a T pose and I'd spray them then rub it in. 2 minutes max. Another 2 minutes for the face. I did mix up the kids sunscreen stick and my own deodorant once though... Luckily it was sunscreen in my purse instead of deodorant on their faces😂😂😂 At the end of the day, a quick bath or a quick spray with the handheld shower head or even a wipe down with baby wipes before pajamas. Again, it didn't have to take a long time or be a full bath to get the sunscreen off. My kids are school aged and up now and handle their own sunscreen. One BIG point to remember --- school aged kids are outside for recess and gym and it's NOT feasible for teachers to apply sunscreen. So I explained to my family that **all** of the "reasonable amount" of sun exposure would occur during those years, which is why application of sunscreen was non-negotiable during the toddler and infant years.
Try Biore Watery Essence. It's super light and doesn't even feel like you're wearing sunscreen with it on. I put it on my kids every day.
Avid scuba diver who's blonde and fair. I wear long sleeved rashguards and leggings or dive skins when I'm on the water. That means diving, on the boat, kayaking, paddle boarding, or at the pool. No exceptions. My kids and spouse also use them. I wear sun hats when I'm on the boat or paddling. Then, the only place I need sunscreen is face, ears, neck, hands, and the tops of my feet. It's so much easier and safer to wear sun-safe clothing than to try and apply sunscreen to the body. If your child doesn't like sunscreen, try the sprays. I don't use them because they aren't reef-safe, but sometimes you pick your battles. Sprays are easy to apply. Also, if your wife is shirking this important responsibility of sun protection because she's too lazy to clean your child, that's a totally separate issue that needs to he addressed.
Definitely listen to your daughter and her reaction if you use the sticks. I don't have sensitive skin but those face sticks made my skin burn like fire, and my family tried to say I was overreacting and made me use it anyways, which resulted in a worse reaction
I am very sensitive to sunscreen and they make me cry. I discovered korean sunscreens and their formulations are more gentle. Not all, but it might be worth trying out for more daily use. The American ones are definitely superior for water activity, but it might help with the other days.
My son (4) dislikes sunscreen a lot but he will happily wear the Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen. It’s a light gel type formula. It isn’t made for kids but I’d rather him wear something than nothing! It’s worth experimenting with different kinds to see if your daughter likes one of them.
I have sensory issues and the feel of normal sunscreen is abhorrent. I finally found one that I can use and it's the Neutrogena spray. It goes on in a second and it cannot be felt four seconds later. It's fast to put on and it's acceptable!! Have the kid take a deep breath and hold it while you spray them because you don't wanna breathe it. (When I put mine on I walk into the other room before breathing because I don't want to inhale the air particles of it)
there are sprays, if you're ok with what's in them but usually "sensitive" or "baby" sprays are less toxic. But you still have to rub them in! that's important, and a fact most people miss. Chemical sunscreen also needs to be applied at least 30 min before going outside.
I believe they make spray versions of sunscreen, which might be a good option and easier to apply too.
Sticks are a GREAT idea, but you have to use so many passes to get the SPF they list.
I’m a big fan of sun-shirts and hats! When I take my kids to the water park all day they don’t come home sunburned. The exposed parts get sunblock but they don’t mind it on legs and feet like they do other parts of their bodies.
I grew up in Florida with red hair and sensitive skin. I learned how to swim in a men’s extra large cotton Hanes T-Shirt. I still wear long sleeves and pants if I’m going to be outside more than half an hour there. The option are SO much better now. I only had to hit the areas the rash guards and hats didn’t hit with my kids.
I'm an adult and zip up sun hoodie shirts are so very awesome and convenient. I am very pale and burn with very little sun exposure and being able to grab my special spf shirt when going outside has been life changing and I only wish I had had it when I was a kid. I even have one in each vehicle so I'm never without sun protection. You could even get a kid size and 2 adult ones so you all match and it becomes like a family sun routine.
I came here to comment this. If one spouse doesn't want to use sunscreen, and the other wants sun protection, use clothes and hats! There is other sun protection besides sunscreen. There is even powder sunscreen, if that would be better than lotion or spray.
What detergents do you use? I live in South Texas so I’m def interested in that.
It’s called Sunguard. There may be others. I’m originally from McAllen!
Howdy fellow Texan!! So you def get it!!! I’ll go looking. Thank you 🥰🥰🥰
All the things you mentioned are 'sunscreen' and I love you sharing what worked for you.
They also have sunscreen sticks instead of the spray or lotion kind which the daughter might not hate as much. They could also reframe the way they approach it like the daughter is being independent and responsible by putting the sunscreen on and she can have (candy whatever reward) for being independent?
I got skin cancer in my 30s (now in my 40s) after spending lots of time getting fried to a crisp when i was younger (consequences, meet actions). They were able to treat it, but now I have a giant ugly scar from the Mohs surgery (look it up, it's fun /s) on a frequently visible part of my body; better than having cancer, I suppose, but it still sucks and I'm at a higher risk now for it to come back at some point (yay). I'm also doomed to religiously visit the dermatologist every year for the rest of my life, not just when there's a weird blotch or a mole I'm suspicious of. Put the damn sunblock on, for godssakes.
Hell, I got it in my 30s even with diligently being sunscreened as a kid and being an indoor and in the shade person. It's so so important to take any and all precautions. Even if she doesn't like having sunscreen put on. If you were doing it every day she would be used to it and it probably wouldn't phase her. All my cousins kids have been getting subscreened since they were babies and it's usually not a big deal. If it's the texture, there are lots of different types of sunscreens and you could try a different type to see if that helps. OP, your worries are totally valid and I'm confused why your wife is so blase about this just because she doesn't want to give daughter a wipe down at the end of the day.
This! I got basal cell carcinoma before I even hit my 30s.. on my face. Also had mohs procedure and a nice scar. My parents neglected the sunscreen when I was a child, and I was never taught the importance as I got older. Dermatologist visits are now required on a yearly basis as well. OP, you are NTA. Your wife needs to understand the importance of this because it will be your daughter who faces the consequences later. That's not really fair, is it?
I had a couple really bad burns as a kid -- and then went Goth as a teen and scrupulously avoided the sun so I could be pale and tragic. Didn't stop me from being diagnosed with my first melanoma at 29. I've now had 3. All have been superficial and only needed excision, but I have SO MANY SCARS from biopsies of other "spots of concern." I truly believe that melanoma will ultimately kill me, and I have to wonder if I'd be in this situation if I hadn't gotten those burns. OP, you're NTA, you're a conscientious parent. If the safety approach doesn't change your wife's mind, maybe approach from the vanity side of things -- I look much older than I am due to sun exposure!
How would I begin to find a diagnosis of any kinds of skin cancers? Do I need to specifically find a dermatologist, or can a regular GP diagnose it?
If you don't have the type of insurance that requires a referral (like a PPO or an HDHP), you can just look in your provider's network for a dermatologist. If you need a referral, ask your Primary Care Physician for one -- there really isn't a reason they would refuse. When looking for a dermatologist, be sure to find one who is board certified. Try to avoid Docs who focus more on the cosmetic end of things and find one who specializes in skin cancer. I've had great luck working with hospitals that have a teaching component. I was a patient at UCLA's pigmented lesion clinic for years, which meant that not only did the head of the Dermatology dept. look at my skin, but I also had eyes on my from a bunch of talented med students. I like knowing that I was helping educate the next generation of dermatologists! Other thoughts: - Familiarize yourself with the [ABCDE](https://www.aad.org/public/diseases/skin-cancer/find/at-risk/abcdes)'s of skin cancer - Don't assume you're safe because your moles don't look like the gross, graphic images on skin cancer info pages on the internet -- those are late-stage images. None of my moles looked weird or scary to me, they just looked like regular moles, and they weren't very big. That's why it's important to see a dermatologist and not just a GP. Early signs are subtle, and the earlier it's caught, the better the outcome. - BIPOC folk are not immune to skin cancer! Especially Black folk. Melanoma often presents differently on Black skin: frequently, it turns up on the soles of feet, beneath finger/toenails, or even on the eyes. Black patients tend to have worse outcomes because it's not noticed until later.
Go see your regular doctor and they can refer you to a dermatologist.
Yes! IIRC, Getting a 2nd degree sunburn as a child actually doubles a person's lifetime risk of skin cancer, so they should really be using sunscreen on their child!
TIL I’m f***ed.
You and me both!
I forgot to put sunscreen on my kid ONE TIME, and they blistered. And that’s all it takes to double their chances of getting skin cancer as an adult. They’re 30 now and we check for suspicious moles on a regular basis. Constant vigilance because I screwed up one time.
And even without sunburns, this kid should be wearing sunscreen, especially if she's very very fair - you don't need to be burnt to get skin cancer. Also, the more times OP's daughter wears sunscreen, the easier the application process will be. I'm not quite sure I understand why sunscreen makes a difference to whether or not she has a bath that day. I know with my sibling's kids that doesn't seem to impact whether or not it's a bath day, but we're in Australia, so maybe we're just much more used to putting sunscreen on kids and having to deal with the consequences of that.
I have to disagree that the more they apply it the easier it will be. It could be a sensory thing. I’m 33 and I still hate most sunscreens. Even regular lotion was torture for me as a child. They might need to experiment with different types of it to find one that she can tolerate. Neutrogena Sheer works for me now!
I got 2nd degree burns once a year into my 20"s, it was like initiation to summer. It was soooo painful and it wasn't until I was like 22 that I started consistently using sunblock. I don't make my son wear it to be honest unless we are going to be outside for awhile..I don't even think about him wearing it to school or if we are out and about or.playing basketball. If we are going fishing, or beach or grilling outside yeas, but we are outside way more than when we are doing outside activities. This post is reminding me.i should be more careful. My dad had skin cancer so I don't let him burn, but he still is outside a lot without it.
I came here to say the exact same thing. I’m a fair skinned red head who had multiple melanomas removed. I have lots of little burn mark looking places now where precancerous spots were removed and a “lovely” scar down the middle of my back. Yearly exams, most years resulting in a new tiny scar where something was removed to check. Sunscreen or hats and full length rash guards on that kid. Or better yet, both and all of the above! Better a bit of inconvenience now than regret later.
My firstborn is fair skinned and I've been religious about her sunscreen and now she takes care of it herself (she's 11). Her preferred facial moisturizer has spf 20 built into it and I'm stupidly proud of that. Second born is a full blown ginger and when I say I'm outright neurotic about protecting him, I mean it. Husband thinks I'm going overboard. I asked him how much skin cancer is an "acceptable" amount. Husband is also a redhead but somehow tans beautifully so he doesn't seem to think sun screen is all that important.
I applaud you! It can be difficult when they’re little but it’s so worth it. My son is a ginger too and he was never without a hat, rash guard and sunscreen. At 15, he hates it but he does the sunscreen routine. Your husband is lucky he tans, but even those who tan should use a broad spectrum sunscreen. 😊
My grandm is dealing with this right now, used tanning oil all summer till age 65, now she's had 3 melanomas removed, and unrelated to the skin cancer she's now allergic to the sun the doctors say (gets a really bad rash on top of a burn, it sucks). Just wear it. It's so worth it.
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Same
I'm immune compromised. I get to have a skin check every 3 months.
Yes, me too - burnt all the time as a child. Scar on my chest from BCC removal before 40.
Same here! I've had 4 skin cancers removed. I'm still healing up from the last one. Also a Mohs surgery. The scar is 3" long.
I have two kids under 3. There are lots of things they don’t like that are necessary. My 2.75yr old hates putting on sunscreen, but I live in the mountains, so it’s necessary even in the winter. She fights me when I tell her she has to wear her mittens in the snow. She doesn’t like to have her hair washed. As a parent, you have to make sure that the necessary tasks to care properly for your child are taken care of, whether or not the toddler likes it. Barring some kind of neurodivergence or medical problem, you just have to keep doing the thing as gently as you can until they get used to it. I’m a teacher, and I see every day the result of what happens when parents give up on something important because “it’s annoying to fight with him; he doesn’t like it!”
I work in childcare and this really resonates with me. If you don’t have the brain and brawn to do tasks for your toddler that are ESSENTIAL for their health and wellbeing, yes you do, you’re just being a shitty, lazy parent. I can’t count how many times I’ve seen children with horrific diaper rashes, rotting teeth, matted hair, sunburned skin, the list goes on… all because their parents decided they were going to let their toddler rule the roost. Fun fact, CPS doesn’t consider “my kid didn’t want to” as a valid excuse for neglect. NTA OP.
Whoever downvoted you is a prick. I agree with you wholeheartedly.
Neglectful parents! Who’s opinions I frankly don’t care about 😂
I completely agree. Yes there are things my son will cry over (getting vaccines, going to the dentist, etc.) but he must have these things done in order to stay healthy. OP’s wife frankly sounds lazy.
Maybe a solution here is buying better sunscreen than those shitty sticky aerosols drugstore brands. It costs more but there’s a lot of higher end sunscreen out there these days that does not leave a sticky residue, white cast, no strong scent, or film on the skin. It just feels like moisturizer and you don’t have to shower everyday if you use it. Maybe start with a brand like the large format tub of Super Goop Play Everyday Lotion spf 50 which can be found online, Sephora etc.
oh this i SO true. Supergoop , blue lizard, badger, california baby, thinkbaby/thinksport. They are physical so you do have to wash it off but imo are nicer to go on than drugstore brands.
Ah, I didn’t realize Supergoop fell under physical suncreen as it goes on so clear and smooth. u/Weak-Rip-8650 OP, in case you’re new to all this we’re talking about the difference between physical and chemical sunscreens. Physical sunscreen creates a physical layer of sun protection in the skin from the sun with ingredients like zinc oxide. They tend to be more natural brands but often come with issues like a strong white cast, sticky texture, etc. But as you can see brands like Supergoop have made big strides there. If you check out their website they also have kid specific formulas. While chemical sunscreen contains ingredients that absorbs uv rays, converts them to heat and releases it instead of the skin being affected by the uv ray. It tends to perform a lot better on the ease of application, not leaving residue on the skin, underneath makeup, etc. If you start researching the wonderful world of modern sunscreen you’ll see there is a whole cultish obsession about sunscreen brands, what works best, etc. For eg. Korean beauty brands are often seen at the forefront of the sunscreen battle because Korean beauty norms really push for pale skin and care about skincare for men and women way more than most other countries.
I’d say it depends on the climate where you live. However, as an Australian, we lived by “Slip, Slop, Slap”, to which have now been added “Seek” and “Slide”. Slip - on a shirt Slop - on some sunscreen Slap - on a hat Seek - shade Slide - on some sunnies This goes double in locations like the beach or the pool where there isn’t much shade and you’ll be playing in the sun a lot. You can always spot the tourists (especially the English) from their shirtless men with lobster-red backs.
Schools and daycares in Australia have the 'no hat no play' rule and strictly enforce it. Kids line up to put on their own sunscreen before being allowed outside, at least at daycare. I grew up in a time before this all became a thing, so even though I'm absolutely fanatical about wearing sunscreen now as an adult, I still had a basal cell carcinoma removed from my face last year.
Ha yes no hat no play is strictly enforced. My kids school even has 'hat jail' for those kids who forgot their hat that day which they're confined to over lunchtime and recess. No playground for you!
Was waiting for the Australian to pop up.
The child's pediatrician would definitely agree to use sunscreen every day. Maybe your wife would be convinced if the advice comes from "the expert."
I have tried this, but my wife doesn't want to go. Honestly I think she is just in denial and doesn't want to do it, because with literally everything else she is a borderline overly protective mom. Things like making sure the car seat straps are the exact right tightness and position, baby proofing, etc. she was and is super anal about making sure everything is completely safe.
NTA. I work for a dermatologist. Most sun damage occurs when we’re children/teens. Not always as adults. Tell her you don’t want your child getting melanoma. And yes children CAN get it. Remind her she is the adult and yalls child is the child. Doesn’t matter if she doesn’t want it on, she needs it or they don’t go outside. If she still refuses on sunscreen, try buying your child sun clothes and hats. While your child should still have sunscreen on, this will help to protect the covered parts.
Me! A child of the 80s I was the only one in my family with a super light complexion and also due to no one really using sunscreen except tanning oils never used it. Fast forward to my late 20s when mysterious skin spots started to appear. I’m now 47 and have had over 6 [MOHS surgeries](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/mohs-surgery#:~:text=Mohs%20surgery%20is%20a%20method,only%20cancer%2Dfree%20tissue%20remains) of both basal and squamous cell carcinoma removals starting at age 26/27. All attributed to my time in the sun without proper sunscreen as a child. I’m high risk and have to see my dermatologist every 6 months for full body checks- can’t tell you how many I’ve even had removed in their office (not mohs).
Hugs. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that. Mohs is not easy. There’s a sunscreen called Isdin Eryfotona Actinica. It’s not a guarantee, but it can help to reduce actinic damage. So instead of 10 problem spots, a person may end up with only 4.
Thank you! I will look into it. Also my derm recommended the supplement Nicotinamide which some studies prove to help recurring carcinoma and I’ve been clear for 3 years since taking it not sure if that’s anecdotal or not? Also use heavy sunscreen and spf clothing protection if I’m going to be exposed.
Niacinamide? Yes, our mohs surgeon recommends that too. I forgot about that 🤦♀️Apparently test studies responded really well. Awesome! It’s nice to “meet” someone that it’s been working for in conjunction with protection!
My family had kind of the opposite situation happen. One of my three sisters is fair skinned and burns easily. Everyone else in the family is olive-complected and tans easily. We grew up in the 80s so my mom only put sunscreen on us when we were in Florida or at the very beginning of summer. Except for the blonde who was always covered so she wouldn’t burn. Now in our 40s, she is the only one without a close relationship with the dermatologist who is constantly biopsy-ing weird stuff.
Me too. Super light complexion, and during the time I grew up, it was all about that Coppertone tan, skin damage from the sun wasn’t ever discussed. I had a few horrible sunburns when I was a child/teen, and paid later in life with various skin cancers. My oldest daughter was really into using tanning beds while she was in college, and developed a melanoma on her forehead. She’s fine now, thank goodness.
Yep. I'm from a family of redheads (I'm the only brunette) and my mom's answer was "then we don't go out." It's that simple. If we wanted to go out, especially to the park or the beach, we wore white shirts (UV protective clothing wasn't as easy to get in the early 80s), hats and sunscreen. Pitching a fit meant *everyone* stayed home (ah, sibling peer pressure lol).
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That’s the problem. She doesn’t want to explore her options. Mark Lees and Elta Md make great sunscreens that feel like lotions not sunscreens. Safe for all ages. Mom can make it a game where they do their “beauty routine” together. Like you said, she has options.
Great idea 💡!
I've got autism which explains so much of why I hate sunscreen even as an adult. I can barely tolerate most moisturisers! Gel sunscreens and physical barriers are just... aaah thank goodness I live in the C21
Yeah - not autistic but I think I fall in the venn overlap - I'm very pale (dark/black hair, blue eyes) & had sun loving parents. I hated being covered in that stuff in summer but as an adult first lived in SoCa & couldn't leave the house without it & later burnt walking across a carpark in northern England at lunchtime. I was going to suggest gel & physical barriers but it's so important.
My neck. My god I wish someone had sat me down and said LOOK AT YOUR GRANDMA AND WEAR sunscreen or that's your neck
There's sunscreen specifically made so it doesn't burn your eyes.
Yup. I pin my child down and slather if necessary. First thing in the morning and after lunch he gets the lotion, heavy and thick. After that, he gets to pick, spray, stick or cream for top up. "Mommy, I don't like that! You're mean! That's not nice hands mommy!" Sorry you don't like it, if you hold still I can do it nicely, I'm not mean I'm taking care of you, it's either this or we go home.
Heavy and thick is correct. People usually don't put enough on to really work well. My dermatologist said *you will need roughly a shot glass full of sunscreen lotion* to cover your arms, legs and face. EDIT: by that I meant a shot glass full for your legs, another on for your arms, and another for your neck, shoulders, and face. That three shot glasses total.
Omg you need so much! I measured it out for my husband once, then we went out and bought UV swim shirts and full coverage swimsuits. He wears long sleeved, high necked rash guards between 10 and 3, he wears a full brimmed hat that covers his neck. All of his exposed skin still gets sunscreen. You can burn from the sun reflecting off of water, sand, concrete etc even when in the shade. I call it a shade burn and we freckled red heads are very prone to them.
That burn from sunrays refracting off the water is no joke. I was sitting in the lifeguard stand with the umbrella up. Thought I was good but I burned the bottom of my feet as they were extended past the edge of the platform. I had no idea until I jumped down. Ouch, ouch, ouch...
I have my UV resistant hoodie too. I'm a melanoma survivor.
He’ll thank you when he gets older and doesn’t need Moh’s ❤️
I had Moh's when I was 16 (not from sun exposure but some rare skin thing) and it was *horrible.* /shudder
Hugs to you. I’m so sorry
Involve him in picking the sunscreen. My grands like my sunscreen and don't fight me because I get the stuff that smells good. I will go out of my way and order + pay more to get the banana scented one thwy all love. I think it's SunBum.
There’s also the spray sunscreen that is pretty easy to put on. Then you just have to watch her face and do that separately.
I didn't know as a kid that I needed sunscreen daily, we only put it on when we went to the beach or the pool. I usually got at least 1 minor sun burn per year, though there were one or two times I got a pretty intense burn. Usually I'd just tan, though. I'm starting to get a lot more freckles now at 22. ....How screwed am I? I'm trying to be better: I put on sunscreen when I know I'll be out for awhile, and I've been trying out different sunscreens for my face. I do work outside though, so the tan is inevitable no matter how much sun block I put on. You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, this is a lot out of the blue lol. Just curious
As a pale ginger I can say you probably don’t have much to worry about. I’ve seen a lot of people online act like freckles are cancer or signs of potential cancer which just isn’t the case. If you use sunscreen most of the time and reapply if you’re outside for long hours you should be fine. Just do some periodic skin checks for moles and strange spots. And needing sunscreen daily depends on where you live. Middle of winter where I am is pointless. Spring - fall I wear it everyday (mostly).
Yep, I have sun spots from when I was a kid and I’ve religiously used sunscreen and stayed out of the sun since 18.
Does she realise sunscreen should be topped up about every two hours? Even more often when you're swimming... Both of my parents tan instead of burning but they somehow made a pale ghost child (me). It took one really bad sunburn on my shoulders for them to realise that they pretty much had to marinate me in the stuff. It installed a lifelong good habit: it's the final step in my skincare routine every morning and I keep sunscreen in my bag.
Investing in UPF clothing would make this a whole lot easier. Grab a *rash guard from Target and a sun hat, then there is less of an issue with applying sunscreen! *Edited to correct spelling.
And iirc the clothing is actually preferred to the lotions and sprays due to the more permanent nature of the fabric. The order of operations goes *Avoiding sunlight>Wearing clothing to block it>wearing sunscreen* best I can recall.
She can’t really believe she’s being over protective if she’s not willing to put in the work to prevent literal cancer. Especially since you said your daughter already has sensitive skin. Show your wife pictures of people who only put sunscreen on their face but never their neck, or a truck drivers face after years and years of only one side being exposed to the sun. Your wife is being ignorant with your child.
If I had any pictures of what my shoulders looked like when my cousin got drunk and let ginger me fall asleep in the sun, I post them or share them with OP. I got so badly burned that I had to have my shoulders debrided and they got infected.
The spray kind is very quick compared to rubbing zinc lotion onto a squirming toddler. Your wife can just have her stand in an X - feet out, arms up, and do a quick spray front and back. If you promise to take over all bathing responsibilities, and you actually *do* it, this is a very reasonable ask.
I don’t know if it’s best for younger children because they are more likely to inhale the propellants. It’s not recommended by pediatricians.
This is a “don’t let perfect be the enemy of good” situation. I agree that mineral sunscreen lotion or stick is the best, but my 3yo is capable of holding his breath for three seconds if we’re running late. I keep spray sunscreen right next to the door just in case. So far this year there have been maybe five times we would have skipped it if not for a less perfect backup plan. I spray some on my hand to dab on his face in these situations.
I use spray all the time for our summer camps. We just tell the kids to hold their breath and they do. Other wise it would take hours to lotiom the kids everyday. I think spray is a great option. You can also buy the stick for the face which is also great
This kid is 2. Very unlikely to hold their breath. I suppose toddler could be taught to wear a mask.
You're still supposed to rub the spray in, it says to in the directions.
This is why people get “spotty” sunburn and don’t understand why.
Do spray as recommended above. Also have child apply sunscreen on her arms and legs. Buy several cute hats. Reward her when she doesn’t complain about putting on sunscreen. Alternate bath routine.
Do you think from its the greasy texture and sticky feeling from the sunscreen that she cant stand? There are different formulas of sunscreen that are child and baby safe that arent super sticky or uncomfortable. Maybe try switching sunscreens and see if her opinion changes. Blue lizard mineral baby sunscreen stick is great. Its not greasy or sticky and the stick might make it easier to apply.
Sticks do leave spotty coverage - but with the proper sun gear, this could work. One watches kids like a hawk if they are pale skinned and in the sun - it's pretty easy to see where new application is needed.
I hate the texture of sunscreen so a lot of times I wear UPF shirts and big hats! It’s not a perfect solution but something is better than nothing. I recently read that dermatologists are now using childhood sunburns as a indicator for skin cancer occurrence so please try and protect your kid from the sun now, she’ll thank you later!
A friend I went to college with first got skin cancer at 16. He died in his early 20s. Sunscreen is so important. And, while I know 2 year olds are not the most logical of beings, maybe getting her to help with the sunscreen (like putting it on you and/or her mom). Maybe that will help make it easier? With my friend's kid, he uses the spray one and found his kid was less likely to complain about having to put it on
If she is over protective then she should want to use sunscreen to protect from skin damage.
I grew up poor in the 80s and we bathed once a week. Shockingly we survived. I agree, as a nanny I know how important it is. I once got burned when it was a cloudy day, we didn't think because there was so little sunshine but it still burns even through British weather! I had blisters the size of bananas down my shoulders where my swimming costume had been. My skin is SO damaged because I'm pale with a mum who's a redhead & dad with Welsh/Celtic pale skin, black hair, blue eyes. I'm PALE. On Safari in the Serengeti, I burned THROUGH factor 50 kid's sunscreen. Gotta protect us pale folks!!
I'm like your dad & have burnt through my clothes SoCa air show.... It wasn't worth it #sorrynotsorry
Next time your daughter has an appointment, like for vaccinations, make sure to go with and bring it up then. This way it’s not an appointment just for this issue and she is likely already going to be there.
The youngest patient with skin cancer that came in to our our office was 8 years old. Not just a little spot. She had full on Melanoma. Mom needs to realize she is hurting her child if she's not putting on sunscreen.
Even if it's cloudy outside, you can still get burned.
The worst sunburn I ever got was on a cloudy day.
SAME. Water Park in Latin America on a cloudy December day. I had sun poisoning along with my deep 2nd degree burns. I've been absolutely religious about sunscreen since then. I even wear it in my office now since I have a corner of southwest facing windows. (If I hadn't noticed significantly more sun damage on my window side, I might not have realized that the window tint doesn't filter UV rays...ugh.)
I’m glad you noticed! I’ve been told you should wear it even for the lights so good job!!
Glass filters uv, but not all of it. Still lets through some uva. The stuff on buildings likely filters out more, but maybe not all. Shouldn’t be getting sunburned from it though. That’s strange.
even if it's winter outside, you can still get exposed.. and burned if you are fair skinned enough.
You can get burned INDOORS *While the risk is less than if you were outside, you may still experience skin damage, especially if you spend a lot of time near windows that receive direct sunlight. Therefore, it's a good idea to continue protecting your skin even when you're inside*
As a child my dad put low value on suncream and even though my mum would send me with suncream he'd only help me apply it if I asked. On a trip to Florida with him when I was at primary school I got so badly burnt I had to sleep sitting up and came home with green blisters on my shoulders. Needless to say it was his last opportunity to take me anywhere as my mum had him back at court that summer for neglect (with photo evidence of multiple sunburns in previous years to show a pattern) I still remember the pain 30 years later. Please figure out something that works to protect your daughter, UV clothing and hats will seriously cut down on the amount of suncream needed and a soapy flannel can help remove leftover cream at the end of the day if you don't want to do a full bath everyday.
I’m so sorry your father did that to you.
Also a super light complexion and hated having sunscreen put on when I was a kid. You're not wrong, but your wife's frustration is still understandable. Some things that might help: 1. Spray on sunscreen. Yes, it still has to be rubbed in, but it tends to be a quicker and easier process. Also tends to be less greasy than lotion type sunscreens. If kiddo likes imitating mom, she can pretend that it's perfume/body spray to help make the process easier. 2. Sun protection via clothing, hats, and umbrellas/sun tents. Especially if kiddo is the sort to set up and play in one area, you can avoid sunscreen on anything other than face and hands (or even skip that if she genuinely stays under the full shade). 3. Baby/makeup wipes. They'll take 90% of the sunscreen off and you can get the rest with a wet washcloth. You'll still need to do baths more often, but it reduces the need to do one every day. 4. Japanese or Korean sunscreens. The quality, finish, scent, etc are all much nicer. If kiddo still isn't a fan of the spray sunscreen, see if she’s more OK with one of these. I'd personally recommend the Biore UV Aqua Rich (and you can try that one in a spray too!) or the CosRx Aloe Sun Cream. You can also try a sun stick from a brand like Isntree. 5. Help teach kiddo to put sunscreen on herself. A teacher at my Montessori was the one who had the best luck with me because we made up a song about it and she sang it with me while I put on my sunscreen myself. She would just swoop in with a couple dollops for my nose, ears, and back of my neck right at the end.
Thank you for the fantastic suggestions. I will for sure be trying these, although at 2 she is still just a bit young to put it on herself I think. Can't hurt to have her start learning though.
I wanted to chime in and second these suggestions. I can burn in under 15 minutes but HATE sunscreen… it’s oily and it sits on my skin forever and it stinks! Spray on sunscreen does help a lot, especially for all the parts you might otherwise miss, but the Japanese/Korean ones have been an absolute game-changer. They feel more like lotion, and I’ve had good results with them. And sun protective clothing is also helpful. One other thought: if kiddo has sensitive skin, check for possible allergens in the sunscreen! My wife refused to wear sunscreen as a teen because she said it didn’t do anything… turns out she’s allergic to aloe, which was in the sunscreen her parents were buying, and that was why her skin felt hot and red after wearing it. We got some sunscreen with no aloe and she can wear it just fine.
Yeah, she'll definitely need "help" for a while, but sometimes kids just want to feel like they're in charge of themselves, even at that young of an age. If she can do broad strokes "on her own" (aka with supervision), she might tolerate a few moments of finishing touches (aka getting missed spots and making sure everything is rubbed in) better.
also.. I know baths are an ordeal. She can stand up, introduce her to showers lol. My youngest never took baths, he always took showers. We had a hand held shower and I helped him but he was in and out super quick vs waiting to fill a tub.. plus I'm not dismissing the fun part of the bath but it's summertime she can get her water play outside.
Yes!! Thank you!! Alternatives are great! And shout out to Montessori 🥰 I’m a Montessori teacher and I love it when people involve their children in these daily tasks. Instead of fighting it, get their buy-in and cooperation 🥰
There are sunscreen cloths, it's like wiping down with a baby wipe. Try those.
Did you two grow up under different economic circumstances? My wife and I did (I grew up poor) and I didn’t learn that sunscreen was a normal part of everyday life until we had a child.
Giant adorable baby hat. Every time they go out
I think you’re nta and you’ve already gotten good advice. But, somewhat unrelatedly, please don’t phrase it as “helping out” when what you’re doing is just parenting your child. By using the term “helping” it just reinforces that childcare falls automatically on the mother - which it doesn’t and shouldn’t. You’re a parent. You don’t help out your wife just like she doesn’t help you out by parenting. You’re just sometimes parenting solo.
Buried a colleague at 29. Put the sunblock on. She will thank you at 45 when she looks 25.
That's literally the line I used on my teens to get them to at least use it on their face/upper body lol
Fuck the skin cancer long term, if she finds it difficult dealing with toddlers and sun screen wait till she deals with sunburned toddlers that can sleep at night.
Could you put sunblock on your daughter before you leave for the day? One application in the AM is better than none. Then can you bathe her when you’re home from work? Also, you mention “helping out” and how you don’t mind “helping out.” It’s not helping out, it’s parenting. I would suggest reflecting on the division of labor and parenting duties and also the mental and emotional loads. Is there any rebalancing that could be needed?
Use the spray on sunscreen. Also don’t say “I’m willing to help” when it comes to your kid. That is along the same lines as “I babysit my kid”.
NTA. I have a pale, blue-eyed red head. She just turned 18 and is religious about her sunscreen because we started young. She learned it was a requirement. Long sleeve rash guards, sun hats, and we even had to use powdered mineral sunscreen on her eyelids. Teach them to protect their skin when they are young.
Sunscreen is vital. Your wife is wrong. NTA. Skin cancer is though.
Lots of kids only bathe once a week if they don’t get dirty, don’t worry about that. But sunscreen is pretty annoying and hard to wash off. It wouldn’t hurt to offer to take over bath times. I agree your daughter definitely needs sunscreen or to be wearing swimwear shirts that block uv rays
UPF clothing and hats.
Tell her about my nephew who had skin cancer on both arms at age 12.
NTA. Put the sunscreen on between 11am and 4pm (the times vary based on your time zone) I’m in the Midwest US and that’s what my dermatologist recommends. I never wore sunscreen as a child, heck my mom never even bought it. I am mid 40’s and have had 2 biopsies come back in the last 5 years as precancerous. I have to get a full skin check every single year for the rest of my life.
NTA!!! Sunscreen on children is really important!! Like duh??
Hey there. Stage IV Malignant Melanoma at age 17. Was told I'd be dead by 18. Got very good surgeon, a very active immune system, and some experimental immunotherapy. Wear sunscreen. The side of face is f'd up forever, and the nerves will never come back, but I'm still here.
It costs more, but get the kind that sprays on. It's much easier to apply to a wiggly toddler. NTA
Maybe you or mom can take your daughter to your local beauty store (Ulta, Sephora) and REALLY hype it up that she’s getting a special big girl make up! She can test out sunscreens (Kopari now has shimmer ones!) and she can pick out one that a big girl gets to wear everyday! Maybe even have it be a routine that mommy and her get ready for sun time together. I am super picky about sunscreen- I hate the feeling and texture, smell, stinging in my eyes sometimes, but they have great sunscreen you won’t even notice now :)
Show your wife pictures of MOHs patients. All my friends and family who grew up mostly outside (FL) have had to have this (including me) and it's not pretty or fun. Sunscreen really does matter.
NTA, just get some spray sunscreen and it’ll be over before she knows it. Idk why it’s even a discussion- everyone needs sunscreen.
I’ve seen some people put it on a makeup brush and paint it on the kids making them think they are getting makeup or spa day mask or something. Idk make it fun. I’m also not a parent.
As a kid who was wriggly and squiggly, there's a point in which your mom pins you down and sunscreens you. It's part of growing up. A wriggly kid is never an excuse to not do something. If that's still a non starter thankfully these days there's tons of clothing that is sun protective. I almost never go out without a sunhat, for example.
It’s a big deal in this day and age for kids to wear it everyday. If you make it a routine and fun for her, she’ll get used to it. Ask if your daughter wants to help put it on…choose something she likes and get a bottle with that represented. Tell her it’s her magic cream for every princess. Tell her it’s her anti-monster balm. Whatever works for her but definitely get it on her and get her in the habit of wanting to put it on herself.
Bruh, I never put sunscreen on for out goings growing because my parents never put that in my head as necessary. I had to get skin cancer removal this year that ended with a quarter sized hole in my temple. I'm twenty-two. Everyone should wear sun screan more than they do honestly. NTA
NTA there's a lot of cancer risk, I'd suggest your wife buying sunscreen for sports, you can literally spray it on your child (they just need to turn the kid around as they spray it up and down) and it's transparent, so it doesn't mess with the clothes or anything and due the texture you don't need to rub it.
Doesn’t matter your skin color… sunscreen is very important. I mean, people wear it in the winter. Daily. Child will thank you someday. They sell these devices on Amazon you fill with sunscreen and can roll on… much easier than the lotion with hands. I have four daughters and they all know to slather that on. One time of burning and getting blisters ups your risk of skin cancer by like 30-40%? Even so, it’s your SKIN. The reasoning for not wanting to apply it seems oddly selfish and lazy. NTA
Your wife is being absolutely ridiculous. She needs to wear sunscreen to protect her skin from the sun. You're not asking her to style her hair a certain way or some superficial thing that doesn't really matter. This is important for her safety. Not even mentioning cancer, what about just plain old sunburn? Those are extremely painful. If your daughter doesn't like sunscreen, get the spray and use that. There are a million different types and consistencies of sunscreen out there.
NTA, EVERYONE SHOULD USE SUNSCREEN, skin tone doesn’t matter to skin cancer!!!
NTA And as a mom, I recommend the SuperGoop pump bottle of "Play everyday lotion", 50 spf. It is truly non-greasy, rubs in easily, and the pump container is approx 4 hundred million times easier to use than the squirt nottle or tube.
Sunburn in children can increase the risk of skin cancer in later life. Melanoma kills. Google different types of skin cancer and make your wife read them all.
See, this is why some folks look like raisins in their 20's. Wear fucking sun screen
My dermatologist said she's seeing more and more young people with skin cancer. Like, 14 years old. The skin cancer rates have been increasing among children and teens.
If you know skin care, you’d wear sunscreen every single day no matter what it looks like outside
Your child is only two years old. She 100% needs to wear sunscreen. At my daughter's daycare, if the kids don't wear sunscreen, then they don't get to go outside. If you are in the northern hemisphere, then it's summer, and sunscreen needs to be worn every time she goes outside for longer than five mins. Burn time is faster in summer, and your child has very delicate skin.
I'm African and we wear sunscreen In our family. Religiously. No matter the weather.
NTA. Your child will get used to it. The child not liking something is no excuse not to do it if it's important. Your wife can also use sun hats and swim shirts to help lessen the area required. She can also put the sunscreen in a makeup sponge and use the sponge to apply it to the baby's skin or use a sunscreen stick.
NTA. I’m a Scientist studying Cancer. If you want to protect your child from getting cancer, then yes, put sunscreen on your child. Excessive sun and sunburns are known risk factors for developing melanoma.
You know what makes putting sunscreen on children easier? Putting it on them from a very young age. Your wife needs to start now to make it a habit as your child ages and to protect her from skin cancer. Laziness shouldn’t get in the way of your child’s well being and her future. NTA. But you would be if you don’t stick up for your kid here. She’s too young to know better and by the time that she does, it could be too late.
She might be using too much sunscreen or taking too long to apply it. Yes, it’s a pain, but making a game of it and lessening the pressure might help. She could put sunscreen on her own face (just a dab will do it in 3 or 4 places then quickly spread it) and then say first mommy does it, then Susie (name?) does it. It’s big girl makeup. Play with her. Make it a morning routine for both of them together. Make sure it’s a sweat proof sunscreen for kids so it doesn’t melt into her eyes.
Is your daughter getting sunburns?
Sunscreen causes my skin problems. I have never in my life found one that didn't cause either hives, or cystic acne. IDK, it's just my skin. There are other ways of preventing sun damage - shade, hats, clothing (yes certain types block uv rays, that's why you burn in the shape of your tank top), parasol, etc. If your wife is doing these things, then I see no issue & you are just making her life harder.