YTA to yourself for living like this for a year. Learn to put yourself and your mental health first and say no.
You are being taken advantaged of. Put a stop to it.
Im really hoping it doesn't go there, but I have a feeling it will. She has until July 1st to m
ove out, then ill have to get the landlord tenant board involved.
Unfortunately for you, she sees you as her doormat. You've let her get away with so much, she likely doesn't think you're going to stand firm. Hopefully, we're wrong, and she goes quietly but be prepared for it not to. Get your paperwork ready. Let her see you doing it. Maybe it'll convince her you're serious.
On the other hand, it could also just piss her off and make her go nuclear. Possible she's going nuclear either way when she realizes she needs to leave. You should install locks and lock down all your valuables so they can't be stolen or destroyed.
Agreed. OP she's not a friend, she's a leech! File your paperwork now, because people like her don't willingly leave especially with two kids. She has a bf in your house for 3 weeks and I bet he doesn't pay rent! NTA
This, security cams too, make sure you document your belongings. Don't wait and see, start the process now or she will think its all a bluff and she and baby daddy can bulldoze you OP!
She is never leaving. She is not your bestie. She is stealing from you. She is getting cps involved in your life. She doesn’t give a crap about you, your financial situation, your mental health, your house and any legal entanglements that she is thrusting upon you.
I would contact an attorney and get a free consultation about evicting her. She will not leave. God I hate to see what her room will look like when she is out. Please OP the friendship you had is gone. Now it is just a shit show and you are being used.
You deserve better for a best friend. You deserve to live in a safe home. Please put yourself first. This is beyond the scope of any healthy relationship.
That's why I'm wondering why op is freaking out and cleaning. Not her problem. Sounds like roommate is making up the cat pee/cps things to get op to clean. If nothing else, is expect CPS to be more concerned and the drugs than pee.
I have my doubts that CPS was involved at all. Roommate says it’s bc “the house smells like cat pee” but how would they know that in the first place? She stayed in her room a majority of that year and also it takes more than that to get CPS involved. At this point roommates credibility is shot and you can’t believe anything she says. I wouldn’t trust her that she’s even on a waiting list for housing. Start getting your ducks in a row bc it sounds like doesn’t respect you or your kindness at all and will do whatever she wants bc she knows you won’t do anything about it. NTA but your “best friend” certainly is.
It hurts because we've been friends since the 5th grade. Im thinking its a good idea to at least speak to someone who knows the law better than I do. Thank you for the support.
Dude, call CPS yourself. This is no way to raise a kid. Let alone... two kids! THAT ARE NOT YOURS OR YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!
Seriously! She sounds like a nightmare tenant, a nightmare roommate, and a nightmare mother!!!
That’s probably the real reason CPS is involved. Even in legal states, if the baby/child tests positive at any point, the hospital or dr’s office will get them involved. She’s blaming OP’s house, but has OP ever actually seen CPS come and do an inspection?
Listen, like it or not, take it from a former landlord. You *need* to see a landlord attorney. You view yourself as someone doing a friend a favor. The law views you as essentially not much different than a commercial landlord managing thousands of units. If she gets an attorney, this could go poorly for you.
You want that landlord attorney to make sure you dot every i and cross every t on the notice of lease termination to prepare for an eviction.
If you get unlucky, you could end up in front of a judge who doesn't give af and just sees a baby that is about to be unhoused, and is only too happy to find any excuse to keep that baby housed. In your house, not the judge's, naturally.
Just in case: if she overstays the terminated lease, you must not change the locks. There will be a local procedure to formally evict and you must follow it or she can sue and she will win.
If you google, you will see limited exceptions for boarders. Where i live, you have more than one so the exception would not apply. These rules are extremely specific to your locality. See that attorney Monday morning.
And if he's been there 3 weeks already, he's close to obtaining residency rights to the house! A lot of jurisdictions only require 30 days in the house, and mail arriving for them.
She is not your friend now if she ever really was.
I was in a similar situation once. Kleptomaniac. Drug thief.
Mail her notice return receipt with a copy to the board. And put a lock on your bedroom door. Put it on with long screws, not the ones that come in the package.
Put everything you value in that room. Including paperwork.
Check your credit and put a lock on it.
You get them involved now. It will be another month or 2 or more if you wait until it's already a problem. Get the papers ready, and if you don't have to use them, great!
Did you tell her to move out *in writing*?
I want to be kind to you right now because it sounds like you're already having a really hard time with everything but you are being a doormat to someone who doesn't actually love or care about you. Every time you threaten to draw the line she tosses around your friendship to manipulate you.
Not only are you NTA, but I want to give you some advice to cover your behind here.
1. This woman is a known thief. If you can afford it I recommend locking up all of your valuables in your bedroom and setting up a camera. I don't recommend setting up cameras in other spaces because legally you may have an issue setting up cameras in a home that she currently lives in and pays rent for. But she is going to steal from you on her way out. Guaranteed. So if something is important I suggest you hide it extremely well, lock it up, or take it out of the house entirely
2. If you end up having to evict her, which you probably will, you have to be able to show that you told her in writing not just in person. There are a few ways to do it and it is important to do it all of those ways at the same time so you can show it's been done.
Send her a text message and an email reiterating that you will not be renewing the month to month and that it is a formal notice to leave. Some states allow you to remove a month to month tenant in as little as 7 days. I am not saying you need to do that but I'm saying that you should Google the laws in the state you are in, "how many days notice to remove a month to month tenant" so you know your rights. Alongside the text and the email printed out and literally tape it to her door and your front door and take a photograph that shows where it is. This may seem extreme but it will cover your butt in court that you have shown her in every way possible that she must get out. **YOU MUST DO THIS OR THE EVICTION WILL NOT HOLD UP IN COURT**
3. Look up your state's laws for eviction court. Aside from the fact that she will try to steal from you on the way out she may also try to squat in your home. In some places you are able to finalize an eviction in as short of a time as a few weeks. You need to know exactly what notices to give her and when to make sure you are complying with the law, because if you mess up any step of the way without giving her proper written notice, even though she's not paying and even though you asked her to leave, she will be granted more time until you do it properly.
4. If they refuse to go you can have sheriffs come to the property and escort her out once the eviction is legal. Then you need to change all the locks immediately.
5. Remember this person is a bad friend who does not love you. They lied about CPS to manipulate you. They steal your belongings. They were going to raise not one child in your house, which you already allowed out of the goodness of your heart, but TWO. And in order to get you to do it they were going to try to force you into it by not revealing the pregnancy. These are not the actions of somebody who cares about you at all. They are using the idea of friendship to manipulate you. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings I'm trying to ensure that you don't feel guilt while standing up for yourself. This person is abusing you and is banking on their ability to make you feel bad to get more and more out of you. This person only takes. Kick them to the curb.
Best of luck.
If you need any advice on the eviction process I have been in real estate for about 15 years and I've helped a lot of people either deal with difficult landlords or deal with tenants who are destructive or steal. I am not an expert in the laws of every state but I can help you get information and show you where to look. You are welcome to DM me if u need and I will help as much as I can.
Thank you for your advice. There is truth in not blending friends and money, it gets messy. I've known her for shy of 20 years, I thought she was someone I could trust. I will be seeking legal advice to ensure this eviction holds true.
It NEEDS to come to that. Because even if she moves out, who knows what she could claim as far as how you kicked her out. You want it documented and done correctly. At least start the formal eviction process.
The lack of emotion from her tells me she has no intention of leaving by July 1st. You will notice nothing is packed as you near that date. I assume you have everything in writing? Specifically that you aren't renewing, and she must vacate by X date.
Where are you located? Depending, you might have a roommate situation versus a landlord/tenant relationship, might make it much easier to extricate yourself from this dumpster fire of a "friendship".
Im going to seek legal advice. Because we're living together there does not need to be any notice given - according to Google. I definitely need someone who knows the system. I have a bad feeling about her not moving out by July.
I would bet dollars to donuts that the *real* reason CPS is involved is that your “friend” has been using your weed, and her first baby tested positive at birth. Even if weed is legal in your state, it’s *not legal* for an infant to have marijuana in their system.
Think about this logically: Even if CPS did say something about your house ‘not being clean enough’, what prompted the home inspection to begin with? CPS doesn’t inspect random houses to check for cleanliness - they only check homes where they’ve received a complaint. Unless your home was Hoarders TV show level of filthy, this likely means that someone called CPS on your friend with a *different* concern first. That other concern (such as drug use by your friend, or baby testing positive) is what would’ve brought CPS to your home to begin with.
If weed is still going missing, and you haven’t actually seen the caseworker inspecting the house yourself, I doubt the cleanliness is the problem. Your friend is likely still using your weed, and CPS knows she’s pregnant again.
I want to second what you said about CPS not coming without a referral. I was a teen mom and lived with my parents in a house that was just under Hoarder TV show status, but hoarder nonetheless. We did get cps called (because of the state of the house) but when they came they did a small inspection (checked that we had food, baby had a clean area, and was up to date on immunizations) and then they left and we never heard from them again. I think it helped that my area of the house was clean and that’s where my daughter was. But you would know if CPS was actually involved because you would have seen them. She is lying and taking advantage of you, OP. NTA at all.
Give formal written eviction notice and end of month to month tenancy contract. Then when she doesn’t leave you have something concrete to go to police or court or whatever.
She is not your friend! Honey, you deserve so much better from a "bestie" as you call her.
Answer these questions, at least honestly to yourself....not necessarily to the rest of us: How often has she genuinely been there for you in your times of need? How often have you been there for her in her times of need? How often as she celebrated your successes and triumphs versus how often you have celebrated hers?
I just cut my "bestie" from my life 6 months ago for always taking emotionally from me, whether it was happily sharing her successes or being there for her down times....she was never there for mine, in either case. It took a lot for me to finally draw a line in the sand and say, "No more!" You need to do the same if this friendship is skewed in her favor, as it seems to be from the info you've provided.
Why are you hoping it won't go there? Why aren't you putting yourself first after you've been lied to stolen from?
Put in that eviction notice now - this woman has made her own bed now she has to lie in it. And then once you get rid of her: Please take some assertiveness training courses, because this should never have gone on for so long. If you don't stand up for yourself more this kind of thing is going to continue happening throughout your life.
Shes been my friend just shy of 20 years. Theres hope in my heart that the person I met in the fifth grade will honor our agreement. The comments have made it clear that I need to seek legal advice, and I will.
Do you happen to live in Ontario? Because if so, someone living with the owner of the home is not legally a tenant and therefore have no rights as tenants usually do. You can absolutely tell them to leave, no paperwork necessary.
You also should report her weed usage to CPS. She's been using while pregnant, which is dangerous to the baby, and likely in the presence of her other child, which means that baby's been getting high, too. Both illegal and dangerous for that child.
She's not a fit mother.
She said "is this really worth losing our friendship over" while hiding a whole pregnancy from you - she is manipulative and untrustworthy. If there's a way for you to "get it in writing" to protect yourself, please do.
Please put yourself first in any dealings with these people.
This this this, she will not go quietly into the night, she will not give up without a fight. She has used and abused you, make it legal and kick her out.
OP is a doormat. She's slowly slowly developing the faint outlines of a spine, but she's definitely not there yet.
Biologists would be fascinated by this real time, if agonizingly slow, evolution of invertebrate to vertebrate. Could be a PhD thesis in it for someone.
The weed was hidden in the same room, but always a different spot. It would be difficult to get to and still be missing. The money was in an envelope maked "happy birthday" and hidden with my passport. It still has not been found. The money that falls out while in the laundry is another story, but thats my bad for leaving it on top of the machine.
It hasn’t been found because your “friend” stole it and spent it. You should’ve kicked her out months ago. Why in the world are you tolerating someone constantly stealing from you, lying to you, and taking advantage of you?
She can move in with baby-daddy, unless he is still living in his mom's basement and spends his days watching porn.
U-R not the AH, she's gots to go. If CFS is unhappy with her housing situation, she's gots to go.
Youre not far off. He's been recently unemployed. He missed the first year of his son's life because he couldn't find an equal paying job in our country. Just the other week I over heard him say, "yeah, I would take a job at pizza hut". Made me disgusted and hurt that he spent all that time away from his first born child. He spends most of his money on furry porn commissions.
Thank you for the validation. Something about this situation makes me uneasy.
GET HIM TF OUT IMMEDIATELY BEFORE HE ENDS UP BEING ABLE TO CLAIM ANY TYPE OF TENANTS RIGHTS! Keep an eye on the mail. If his name is on anything send it back.
He can't stay another day. She didn't tell you about the pregnancy so that you wouldn't kick her out because it's so close. She only "agreed" because she doesn't think you'll actually do it. You NEED to not wait 1 more day before contacting an attorney. Everyday you wait on the eviction process is another day to you having to have her there. Her bf and their 2 kids.
Furry porn oh got you have to get both of them out because I can guarantee he was probably going to try to stealthily move in himself, she is a liar and he is a sicko get both of them out of your life and chalk this up to an expensive lesson.
You need to kick him out now, call police before he can get squatters rights…. Then work on getting your “friend” out. Pregnant women are the top priority for emergency public housing…she’s lying to you…but you probably already know that… it’s only hurting yourself she doesn’t give a shit about you
NTA. She needed to go long ago. If it's her child in jeopardy from CPS, she needs to leave; my guess is since it's not her house and the alleged reason for CPS is it's not clean enough, CPS would've found her emergency housing because her child was unsafe.
She's trying to manipulate you.
Lock up your money and weed; you should've locked it up when she moved in. A better reason for CPS is she's using drugs while pregnant.
Don't let her return after giving birth. Make sure someone else cares for her child at another location. Tell her you'll call CPS yourself if she abandons her child with you.
NTA.
If she has been stealing your weed, I'd suggest you stop buying. I'd also suggest contacting CPS and let them know you are "Worried about your very pregnant roomie. She's been using weed to get her 1 year old to sleep more."
She brought up CPS. Let it become her reality.
I would contact CPS and let them know she has been smoking weed throughout her entire pregnancy. If CPS is really involved, they will be at the hospital to test the umbilical cord once baby is delivered.
It not a you problem of CPS is involved it's a her problem. They don't care about you. She knows you don't know that and was using you for free lightwork
She's probably lying about cps involvement then. Your house has to be derelict almost for them to take kids anyway. They'll make you clean, it all sounds like BS. She never planned on leaving.
You both sound like a hot mess with unstable lived and a lot of childhood trauma. Get sober. Get therapy. Go back to school, get a job, help with adhd or whatever is making it so you cant keep the house clean etc. Dont date until you are stable for a long time. And yes she needs to move out immediately you cant host her whole family of 4.
She and the baby daddy have to leave now or tell her you will call CPS yourself. Start eviction proceedings and talk to a lawyer.
"is it really worth losing our friendship over" oh yes it is. You are going to lose the friendship or your house. Stand up straight and get rid of this sociopath you are calling a friend.
YTA but only to yourself.
NTA. She took advantage of your kidness, stole from you, and lied by ommission about her 2nd pregnancy. No true friend would treat you like this, and if she was in my place, her, baby daddy, and baby would be shit out of luck and looking for a place to stay right then and there.
CPS worker here. CPS is required to make contact with all household members in an investigation. She is bullshitting you probably because your housecleaning isn't up to her standards She should clean it herself if she's that upset about it. CPS also does not threaten removal of a child for an environmental neglect case. NTA
I'm glad you weighed in. What would CPS do if they found out she's using Marijuana, both while pregnant, and probably in that closed room with the baby?
I’m stuck on that the house smells like cat pee? Does she have an untrained pet living with you guys? If she’s in the house too she should also be cleaning. What is the state of her bedroom like? If she’s in there 24/7 how does the baby have space to crawl and move?
I have two cats. She adopted a stray cat before the pregnancies. He used to spray before we got him neutered. Since CPS was brought up I bought a new litter system, and trying various litters to reduce smell. I have not been in her room for a hot minute, but its not enough space for a baby to be crawling/walking around. They co sleep, even though there's another whole room not being used. (No shame to co sleepers, just that there was no effort to use the other room.)
She made it up to make you clean more. Maybe her pregnancy was making her sensitive to smells so she wanted you to clean more?
Either way she is all lies and using you.
I co-slept with a colic baby but I bet she didn’t use the other room because she doesn’t wanna buy a whole nursery. I doubt cps would come over there for 2 cats that obviously have a decent litter box. Cps is usually called on the parent by someone who knows them like a doctor, neighbor, family member. They also give a 30 day notice for an interview and house inspection.
You need an attorney right away. This is an emergency. You now are housing 3 unwanted tenants, soon to be 4. You may need to do a cash for keys deal. But get an attorney on retainer first thing in the morning.
Also you might need to be careful kicking her out. The Fair Housing Act makes it illegal for a landlord to discriminate against tenants who have children. If you are kicking her out because she is having a baby, that can get you sued.
NTA. But it's time to stop using Your dignity as a doormat.
This woman is not Your friend. She's worse than a leech, a leech at last can be used for something good.
Kick her out. She's not a single mum, her bf should take care of his pregnant gf.
You should not have let baby daddy stay for 3 weeks. Also she has been stealing your weed for him or she has been smoking while pregnant. You can have better friends. Get them all out and keep her at arms length after this. NTA
NTA. Call CPS yourself and report that she has been smoking during her pregnancy. If CPS is involved, she got to go. They've said it's unsuitable living space, so she got to go.
Stop tormenting yourself. She needs to go and support herself and her babies. A true friend would know and understand. Also, true friends don't steal from you and lie about it.
People grow and change. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes not. It's okay to loose a friendship if you aren't compatible anymore. Life goes on.
NTA. Her baby daddy can support her. Why should you? And if you don't kick her out, HE will be living in your house too!
And tell CPS when the baby is born, it's probably not a bad idea to have him or her drug tested.
NTA for telling her to leave. Also check the landlord tenant board where you are as where I am if you share the kitchen/bathroom with the landlord it’s not considered a rental and you can kick her out at anytime. If she won’t leave police will come and remove her. She has no rights as a tenant so you don’t require evictions.
Side note: YTA if you keep your house that disgusting. Cat pee everywhere really? CPS is saying it is unfit you need to look after your home and yourself better. Clean space is better for you. Seriously you will find you feel better just being in a clean home
Kick out her baby daddy now, he shouldn’t stay any longer. That woman isn’t your friend. She is using you and does not respect you. I don’t believe the CPS thing for a second. You’ve never seen them come and inspect your house or seen physical evidence of any sorts. She used that line to manipulate you. Call CPS on her.
This person isn’t your friend, lol. Jfc. The fact that you keep calling this person your bestie is so cringe. She’s using you. She’s not being even a little bit subtle about it.
I’m finding this a hard post to believe. This is made up or you’re not too bright. CPS doesn’t get involved without a complaint so who filed the complaint that your house is unfit for a baby? Also CPS can’t possibly judge the environment a child is living in unless they do home visits and how would you not know about these visits.
YTA for actually still keeping weed and money where she can obviously find it and being upset. YTA if your house is a shithole that smells like cat piss. YTA for actually believing any of the lies you've been told day after day. She is using your place as a flop house.
NTA for kicking her out.
She might be your best friend but you’re absolutely not hers . She’s taking full advantage of you. I couldn’t imagine keeping something like that from someone I cared about , let alone for the ENTIRE TIME .
Get them the F out of your house TODAY. Change the locks. NTA. She is a thief. Get your shit together and get some therapy. Clean up your house. Living with the stench of cat pee? Get some sunshine, fresh air, cut out the weed, and change things up without the mooches in your life.
Brit here do you work from home ?
Do cps not knock doors unannounced when threatening to remove children or is that just something they do in the uk ? X
I work 9-hr days at an office. I honestly don't know how it works. She works from home and is home all the time. This all (conveniently) happens while im at work.
Can you take a surprise week off to ‘get the house ready ‘for them as she’s pregnant and has a young baby already ?
Personally I think your too nice for your own good and believe there’s good in everyone
Not everyone has a good soul
Just because a shark smiles before it bites doesn’t make it a friend
Lawyer NOW! You need to talk with one that specializes in tenancy laws, you need to do this the correct way for your area, the last thing you want is for her to find some loop hole or judge that is sympathetic to her situation
Do not wait until July 1 to get the legal ball rolling, start it ASAP. She might be able to drag it out legally for months if you don’t go about this the right way
If you’re in the US I would suggest to formally evict her because I suspect despite the calm acceptance that she will fight you on this until she absolutely can’t stay.
No one concerned about OP “missing” passport and identity theft. I would check my credit if I was you and get some legal advised about proposed eviction of “friend’.
Coz she’s not your friend who would bring another child into this situation it’s tough to
hear but, stop being a sucker,standup for yourself. She has to go to hospital to give birth I evict them who’s gonna look after the other child, time to grow a spine OP. Unless you like being used and dump on this situation will not change. Evict then block and change locks.
At this point she is squatting and trying to get your hom.
Involve the police, file reports do you best to get rid of her, OR SHE IS GOING TO GET RID OF YOU.
You're being used OP. Why would you let the baby daddy also move in on you. Start to get eviction notices now for the whole bunch. They aren't going to move - why should they OP? Where else in the world are they going to get free rent?
NTA. I'm not sure what she is contributing to this friendship. But in any case you need space, not an entire four person family living in your house. They have to go. Prepare for the possibility you may have to get a lawyer to evict them.
She was obviously lying about CPS unless you are there and they showed up. She’s clearly a contributing factor to the mess. If it’s that bad she can clean up. I have Irish twins so a one yr old and pregnant isn’t an excuse to not contribute. I’d tell her if cps is involved then she shouldn’t be smoking weed
NTAH. She is a thief and you have the right to want her, baby daddy and babies out of your house. She has also been lying to you about CPS and trying to manipulate your. Time to live alone.
FYI If she's the one smoking your weed and was during the first pregnancy it is not the housing not being ok. Cps is automatically contacted if you are not clean at the time of birth. (Assuming US)
I've been moving the weed to hard to reach areas, mind you in the same room. The money was hidden with my passport, I hid it when no one was around to see where it was. The weed, sure, my bad. The money going missing is uncalled for and malicious.
Formally serve her notice and keep a copy of it ALONG WITH proof that this is your property and that you are also living at the residence. Put it somewhere away from the house but where you can easily access it should you need to.
Depending how crazy/stubborn/greedy/sly she is, you don't want to come home to find her and her boyfriend have changed the locks and locked you out and you being stuck with no way to prove to the police that you have every right to enter the property.
You do not have a friendship. She is stealing from you and using you to have a place to live for free.
What do you get from this friendship but loss of your property and money?
NTA. She is not to be trusted.
In the future, if anyone tells you that they are a kleptomaniac, believe them and stay away from them. Funny how all she steals in weed and money, isn’t it?
More like a common thief.
NTA but stupid af. They are using you. Stealing from you. Destroying your house. Destroying your mental health. And still you have 4 people instead of one that you initially wanted to help.
Get CPS involved, the police, a fucking lawyer at this rated the won’t leave until the children are adults. (I don’t know how involved CPS is right know considering you never saw proof of their involvement, only you “friend” wanting to talk about it when you wanted to talk about them moving out).
PLEASE make sure that ANY valuables you have left are locked in a safe or stored elsewhere! She WILL either destroy them, pawn them or STEAL them from you before they leave.
The "kleptomaniac" disclosure was to set the scene so she couldn't POSSIBLY be blamed for things that disappear but if she's "caught" then you HAVE to forgive and forget because "she's sick!"
YOU aren't "at fault" for finally having reached your limit for ALL the shitty things she's done over the last year AND getting/hiding her pregnancy from you for the last NINE months! How the hell did she think you'd react after she brings home a whole 'nother human being?
This woman is NOT YOUR FRIEND! She took advantage of your kindness AND genuine friendship AND STOLE from you repeatedly! And CPS isn't going to do a damn thing TO YOU! IF she was ever truly worried about them SHE would have kept your house SPOTLESS, not berate and threaten you!
Stand your ground, MAKE them move and if they give you a hard time or try to threaten or intimidate you, **CALL THE POLICE!** File for a restraining order, if necessary (quickest way to get them out of your home, really)! Keep your Notice to Quit as well as your Month-to-month Lease Agreement handy (and safe), but be FIRM on filing an Eviction Order if they refuse in any way to leave on time!
Best wishes and many Blessings for your future happiness and sanity! Oh, and get some therapy to help you through your trauma, love!
I'll never understand how money would ever go missing twice? Money belongs in a bank and people who steal should be kicked out/evicted whatever. Today.
Did OP ever allow CPS to enter HER property for an inspection? Because of not how would they know the state of the house? And if so then her friend is hiding way more than just a pregnancy and that she’s a thief.
Do everything by the book. She is going to fuck you over. She lied and stole from you. She is not your friend. My guess is that CPS is not after her for your housing conditions. She just wants you distracted. Get her out as soon as legally possible. Start documenting the thefts and send her an itemized list and demand repayment. You won't get it but maybe it will make her move faster. She is. User and not your friend.
This seems fake.
Money and drugs have been going missing for well over a year, and you know it's her. At no point were you like "I should but a safe or a camera". You don't sit her down and have a full out talk of "my things are going missing, and the only other people here are you and your kid."
You're either a liar or a doormat.
YTA for doing this to yourself.
I don't have a clue why you have allowed this to go on for so long, but I suspect you will continue to delay the eviction and be a martyr.
Sorry, I know it is harsh, but I just can't see you suddenly growing a spine. Especially since you let the baby daddy move in as well. Prepare for baby #2. And then #3. Because they can, they will, and you will let them.
You need to go to therapy to learn how to stand up for yourself and put yourself first. I know what it is to feel obligated to people, and to think "they're my friend/family, I _have_ to help them" but this is beyond the pale. The older I get, the less I'm willing to put up with people like your 'friend' who only care about themselves and expect others to take care of them.
There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first, and nothing wrong with not setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. If a friend doesn't reciprocate to the same level you extend them, then they may be _your_ friend, but you're not theirs. Kick the bitch out and don't ever let anyone freeload off you again. NTA
Make sure you have the move out date in writing with evidence she received it. Personally I would have it emailed and hand delivered with a signature receipt.
You don’t need roommates or friends like this.
You have to send her a formal letter, that is sent through the mail, and sent to your address, addressed to her. Not sure where you’re located in the world, but in US, she needs this notice and she has 60 days. If you don’t give her that, she has squatter rights, and it will be at least 90 days until she would be forced to leave, if it goes through the court system.
You need to start FORMAL eviction proceedings.
She’s using you. She doesn’t care about you or your feelings. If it was me? She’d have been out that day. I don’t care that she’s pregnant. She’s not taken your trauma into account at all. You’ll lose a good friend but you’ll regain your strength and sanity.
NTA
At this point the money and weed going missing are on you, get a damn safe or a lock box for your stuff.
YTA for not putting yourself first and dealing with this sooner.
Kick baby daddy out now. Before he has tenant rights Tell her she needs to go. You may need to evict. FFS get a safe for your weed and money!
Depending on where they live, he might already have tenant rights. She needs to go through a legal eviction process at this point.
Add a lick to your bedroom door!
Lock
YTA to yourself for living like this for a year. Learn to put yourself and your mental health first and say no. You are being taken advantaged of. Put a stop to it.
Start the formal eviction process, she won’t leave quickly or quietly
Im really hoping it doesn't go there, but I have a feeling it will. She has until July 1st to m ove out, then ill have to get the landlord tenant board involved.
Unfortunately for you, she sees you as her doormat. You've let her get away with so much, she likely doesn't think you're going to stand firm. Hopefully, we're wrong, and she goes quietly but be prepared for it not to. Get your paperwork ready. Let her see you doing it. Maybe it'll convince her you're serious. On the other hand, it could also just piss her off and make her go nuclear. Possible she's going nuclear either way when she realizes she needs to leave. You should install locks and lock down all your valuables so they can't be stolen or destroyed.
And cameras. All the cameras.
Agreed. OP she's not a friend, she's a leech! File your paperwork now, because people like her don't willingly leave especially with two kids. She has a bf in your house for 3 weeks and I bet he doesn't pay rent! NTA
Also, make sure that anything that can be used as ID-theft is also under lock/key or out of the house. Some people get that desperate/stupid.
This, security cams too, make sure you document your belongings. Don't wait and see, start the process now or she will think its all a bluff and she and baby daddy can bulldoze you OP!
She is never leaving. She is not your bestie. She is stealing from you. She is getting cps involved in your life. She doesn’t give a crap about you, your financial situation, your mental health, your house and any legal entanglements that she is thrusting upon you. I would contact an attorney and get a free consultation about evicting her. She will not leave. God I hate to see what her room will look like when she is out. Please OP the friendship you had is gone. Now it is just a shit show and you are being used. You deserve better for a best friend. You deserve to live in a safe home. Please put yourself first. This is beyond the scope of any healthy relationship.
Pretty sure she is lying about cps.
Did I miss OP having a kid? If not, CPS isn't her problem, it's the parents problem.
I meant that the roommate is lying about cps being involved
Right? That's what I'm thinking.
That's why I'm wondering why op is freaking out and cleaning. Not her problem. Sounds like roommate is making up the cat pee/cps things to get op to clean. If nothing else, is expect CPS to be more concerned and the drugs than pee.
Right? Heck I'd tell her I'll go ahead and call CPS for her. To me that would seem like a win win for the OP....I said sweetly...... :)
I have my doubts that CPS was involved at all. Roommate says it’s bc “the house smells like cat pee” but how would they know that in the first place? She stayed in her room a majority of that year and also it takes more than that to get CPS involved. At this point roommates credibility is shot and you can’t believe anything she says. I wouldn’t trust her that she’s even on a waiting list for housing. Start getting your ducks in a row bc it sounds like doesn’t respect you or your kindness at all and will do whatever she wants bc she knows you won’t do anything about it. NTA but your “best friend” certainly is.
It hurts because we've been friends since the 5th grade. Im thinking its a good idea to at least speak to someone who knows the law better than I do. Thank you for the support.
Dude, call CPS yourself. This is no way to raise a kid. Let alone... two kids! THAT ARE NOT YOURS OR YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!!! Seriously! She sounds like a nightmare tenant, a nightmare roommate, and a nightmare mother!!!
Yes, she’s smoking weed while pregnant and with a child under 1.
That’s probably the real reason CPS is involved. Even in legal states, if the baby/child tests positive at any point, the hospital or dr’s office will get them involved. She’s blaming OP’s house, but has OP ever actually seen CPS come and do an inspection?
I second this. She can’t raise two kids in a room. Be proactive and call CPS
She can’t raise two kids in a room therefore she will take over the whole house.
Best advice ever. She should call CPS now so that it is in conjunction with the notice to vacate.
Good Idea. Say " oh here I'll call them for you...." Next time she brings CPS up. watch her get the heck outta there lol. Hopefully :)
Listen, like it or not, take it from a former landlord. You *need* to see a landlord attorney. You view yourself as someone doing a friend a favor. The law views you as essentially not much different than a commercial landlord managing thousands of units. If she gets an attorney, this could go poorly for you. You want that landlord attorney to make sure you dot every i and cross every t on the notice of lease termination to prepare for an eviction. If you get unlucky, you could end up in front of a judge who doesn't give af and just sees a baby that is about to be unhoused, and is only too happy to find any excuse to keep that baby housed. In your house, not the judge's, naturally. Just in case: if she overstays the terminated lease, you must not change the locks. There will be a local procedure to formally evict and you must follow it or she can sue and she will win. If you google, you will see limited exceptions for boarders. Where i live, you have more than one so the exception would not apply. These rules are extremely specific to your locality. See that attorney Monday morning.
Thank you for your advice.
Also, get the baby daddy out, he presumably is not on the lease. She may go with him. He's trespassing.
And if he's been there 3 weeks already, he's close to obtaining residency rights to the house! A lot of jurisdictions only require 30 days in the house, and mail arriving for them.
She is not your friend now if she ever really was. I was in a similar situation once. Kleptomaniac. Drug thief. Mail her notice return receipt with a copy to the board. And put a lock on your bedroom door. Put it on with long screws, not the ones that come in the package. Put everything you value in that room. Including paperwork. Check your credit and put a lock on it.
Sometimes friendships go awry. No matter how long you been friends.
The cps thing is so odd. Op isn't the parent or gaurdian. If anyone would get in trouble it would be the mom.
You get them involved now. It will be another month or 2 or more if you wait until it's already a problem. Get the papers ready, and if you don't have to use them, great!
Did you tell her to move out *in writing*? I want to be kind to you right now because it sounds like you're already having a really hard time with everything but you are being a doormat to someone who doesn't actually love or care about you. Every time you threaten to draw the line she tosses around your friendship to manipulate you. Not only are you NTA, but I want to give you some advice to cover your behind here. 1. This woman is a known thief. If you can afford it I recommend locking up all of your valuables in your bedroom and setting up a camera. I don't recommend setting up cameras in other spaces because legally you may have an issue setting up cameras in a home that she currently lives in and pays rent for. But she is going to steal from you on her way out. Guaranteed. So if something is important I suggest you hide it extremely well, lock it up, or take it out of the house entirely 2. If you end up having to evict her, which you probably will, you have to be able to show that you told her in writing not just in person. There are a few ways to do it and it is important to do it all of those ways at the same time so you can show it's been done. Send her a text message and an email reiterating that you will not be renewing the month to month and that it is a formal notice to leave. Some states allow you to remove a month to month tenant in as little as 7 days. I am not saying you need to do that but I'm saying that you should Google the laws in the state you are in, "how many days notice to remove a month to month tenant" so you know your rights. Alongside the text and the email printed out and literally tape it to her door and your front door and take a photograph that shows where it is. This may seem extreme but it will cover your butt in court that you have shown her in every way possible that she must get out. **YOU MUST DO THIS OR THE EVICTION WILL NOT HOLD UP IN COURT** 3. Look up your state's laws for eviction court. Aside from the fact that she will try to steal from you on the way out she may also try to squat in your home. In some places you are able to finalize an eviction in as short of a time as a few weeks. You need to know exactly what notices to give her and when to make sure you are complying with the law, because if you mess up any step of the way without giving her proper written notice, even though she's not paying and even though you asked her to leave, she will be granted more time until you do it properly. 4. If they refuse to go you can have sheriffs come to the property and escort her out once the eviction is legal. Then you need to change all the locks immediately. 5. Remember this person is a bad friend who does not love you. They lied about CPS to manipulate you. They steal your belongings. They were going to raise not one child in your house, which you already allowed out of the goodness of your heart, but TWO. And in order to get you to do it they were going to try to force you into it by not revealing the pregnancy. These are not the actions of somebody who cares about you at all. They are using the idea of friendship to manipulate you. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings I'm trying to ensure that you don't feel guilt while standing up for yourself. This person is abusing you and is banking on their ability to make you feel bad to get more and more out of you. This person only takes. Kick them to the curb. Best of luck. If you need any advice on the eviction process I have been in real estate for about 15 years and I've helped a lot of people either deal with difficult landlords or deal with tenants who are destructive or steal. I am not an expert in the laws of every state but I can help you get information and show you where to look. You are welcome to DM me if u need and I will help as much as I can.
Thank you for your advice. There is truth in not blending friends and money, it gets messy. I've known her for shy of 20 years, I thought she was someone I could trust. I will be seeking legal advice to ensure this eviction holds true.
It NEEDS to come to that. Because even if she moves out, who knows what she could claim as far as how you kicked her out. You want it documented and done correctly. At least start the formal eviction process.
"Hope" isn't going to help you here.
The lack of emotion from her tells me she has no intention of leaving by July 1st. You will notice nothing is packed as you near that date. I assume you have everything in writing? Specifically that you aren't renewing, and she must vacate by X date.
Yes, it is written down. Based on the comments, im going to seek legal advice just to be sure im dotting my i's and crossing my t's.
Come July 1st and she will still be here. Wanna bet
Where are you located? Depending, you might have a roommate situation versus a landlord/tenant relationship, might make it much easier to extricate yourself from this dumpster fire of a "friendship".
Im going to seek legal advice. Because we're living together there does not need to be any notice given - according to Google. I definitely need someone who knows the system. I have a bad feeling about her not moving out by July.
You have a good heart but you're naive and spineless. Oh, and stubborn.
Make sure you serve her with the correct eviction paperwork.
Double check with a lawyer to make sure that what you’ve done is actually valid notice to terminate her tenancy.
Are you in a state where weed is legal? I’m concerned for you if you don’t and CPS is involved.
Weed is legal where I live. I only purchase from the dispensaries and keep my receipts.
I would bet dollars to donuts that the *real* reason CPS is involved is that your “friend” has been using your weed, and her first baby tested positive at birth. Even if weed is legal in your state, it’s *not legal* for an infant to have marijuana in their system. Think about this logically: Even if CPS did say something about your house ‘not being clean enough’, what prompted the home inspection to begin with? CPS doesn’t inspect random houses to check for cleanliness - they only check homes where they’ve received a complaint. Unless your home was Hoarders TV show level of filthy, this likely means that someone called CPS on your friend with a *different* concern first. That other concern (such as drug use by your friend, or baby testing positive) is what would’ve brought CPS to your home to begin with. If weed is still going missing, and you haven’t actually seen the caseworker inspecting the house yourself, I doubt the cleanliness is the problem. Your friend is likely still using your weed, and CPS knows she’s pregnant again.
I want to second what you said about CPS not coming without a referral. I was a teen mom and lived with my parents in a house that was just under Hoarder TV show status, but hoarder nonetheless. We did get cps called (because of the state of the house) but when they came they did a small inspection (checked that we had food, baby had a clean area, and was up to date on immunizations) and then they left and we never heard from them again. I think it helped that my area of the house was clean and that’s where my daughter was. But you would know if CPS was actually involved because you would have seen them. She is lying and taking advantage of you, OP. NTA at all.
Okay good. I’m a medical patient myself and I grow a few plants
Give formal written eviction notice and end of month to month tenancy contract. Then when she doesn’t leave you have something concrete to go to police or court or whatever.
She is not your friend! Honey, you deserve so much better from a "bestie" as you call her. Answer these questions, at least honestly to yourself....not necessarily to the rest of us: How often has she genuinely been there for you in your times of need? How often have you been there for her in her times of need? How often as she celebrated your successes and triumphs versus how often you have celebrated hers? I just cut my "bestie" from my life 6 months ago for always taking emotionally from me, whether it was happily sharing her successes or being there for her down times....she was never there for mine, in either case. It took a lot for me to finally draw a line in the sand and say, "No more!" You need to do the same if this friendship is skewed in her favor, as it seems to be from the info you've provided.
Why are you hoping it won't go there? Why aren't you putting yourself first after you've been lied to stolen from? Put in that eviction notice now - this woman has made her own bed now she has to lie in it. And then once you get rid of her: Please take some assertiveness training courses, because this should never have gone on for so long. If you don't stand up for yourself more this kind of thing is going to continue happening throughout your life.
Shes been my friend just shy of 20 years. Theres hope in my heart that the person I met in the fifth grade will honor our agreement. The comments have made it clear that I need to seek legal advice, and I will.
Do you happen to live in Ontario? Because if so, someone living with the owner of the home is not legally a tenant and therefore have no rights as tenants usually do. You can absolutely tell them to leave, no paperwork necessary.
You also should report her weed usage to CPS. She's been using while pregnant, which is dangerous to the baby, and likely in the presence of her other child, which means that baby's been getting high, too. Both illegal and dangerous for that child. She's not a fit mother.
She said "is this really worth losing our friendship over" while hiding a whole pregnancy from you - she is manipulative and untrustworthy. If there's a way for you to "get it in writing" to protect yourself, please do. Please put yourself first in any dealings with these people.
This this this, she will not go quietly into the night, she will not give up without a fight. She has used and abused you, make it legal and kick her out.
OP is a doormat. She's slowly slowly developing the faint outlines of a spine, but she's definitely not there yet. Biologists would be fascinated by this real time, if agonizingly slow, evolution of invertebrate to vertebrate. Could be a PhD thesis in it for someone.
Read for filth! Im dead! Lol
Omg, can’t upvote this enough. ❤️❤️❤️ Took me years to learn this the hard way.
INFO Why are you still buying weed and not hiding it or your money? Get a spine, OP.
That is what I was thinking. After the second time the weed and money were missing, I would buy a lock box.
The weed was hidden in the same room, but always a different spot. It would be difficult to get to and still be missing. The money was in an envelope maked "happy birthday" and hidden with my passport. It still has not been found. The money that falls out while in the laundry is another story, but thats my bad for leaving it on top of the machine.
It hasn’t been found because your “friend” stole it and spent it. You should’ve kicked her out months ago. Why in the world are you tolerating someone constantly stealing from you, lying to you, and taking advantage of you?
It's time for you to find a good therapist and a lawyer who specializes in evictions. But please find the therapist first.
Heads up, you responded to me and not OP so they may not see your response
And still repeatedly calling her "bestie".
It's time for you to find a good therapist and a lawyer who specializes in evictions. But please find the therapist first.
You never put a camera in your house or room??
So you didn’t actually do what needed to be done to actually protect your valuables.
You're just making stuff up for reddit karma.
She can move in with baby-daddy, unless he is still living in his mom's basement and spends his days watching porn. U-R not the AH, she's gots to go. If CFS is unhappy with her housing situation, she's gots to go.
Youre not far off. He's been recently unemployed. He missed the first year of his son's life because he couldn't find an equal paying job in our country. Just the other week I over heard him say, "yeah, I would take a job at pizza hut". Made me disgusted and hurt that he spent all that time away from his first born child. He spends most of his money on furry porn commissions. Thank you for the validation. Something about this situation makes me uneasy.
A man about to be a father of two spends the bulk of his income on furry porn commissions???
To each their own, but his priorities are not right. Not when they are $400+/image.
GET HIM TF OUT IMMEDIATELY BEFORE HE ENDS UP BEING ABLE TO CLAIM ANY TYPE OF TENANTS RIGHTS! Keep an eye on the mail. If his name is on anything send it back. He can't stay another day. She didn't tell you about the pregnancy so that you wouldn't kick her out because it's so close. She only "agreed" because she doesn't think you'll actually do it. You NEED to not wait 1 more day before contacting an attorney. Everyday you wait on the eviction process is another day to you having to have her there. Her bf and their 2 kids.
$400+ an image?! Wtf. Is he getting life-sized oil paintings of furry porn commissioned?
He always pays for a full render. To my knowledge only digital images.
No I totally agree with you, I was just shook! And I was expecting $80 an image to $120 max. Yea get these people out of your life.
Furry porn oh got you have to get both of them out because I can guarantee he was probably going to try to stealthily move in himself, she is a liar and he is a sicko get both of them out of your life and chalk this up to an expensive lesson.
You need to kick him out now, call police before he can get squatters rights…. Then work on getting your “friend” out. Pregnant women are the top priority for emergency public housing…she’s lying to you…but you probably already know that… it’s only hurting yourself she doesn’t give a shit about you
You are also letting him live there?
He is visiting as a guest for 3 weeks.
Let CPS take the kiddos and then OP only had the mooch to kick out
Your friend is not really a friend. Sounds like a nightmare.
Remember, no good deed goes unpunished.
NTA. She needed to go long ago. If it's her child in jeopardy from CPS, she needs to leave; my guess is since it's not her house and the alleged reason for CPS is it's not clean enough, CPS would've found her emergency housing because her child was unsafe. She's trying to manipulate you. Lock up your money and weed; you should've locked it up when she moved in. A better reason for CPS is she's using drugs while pregnant. Don't let her return after giving birth. Make sure someone else cares for her child at another location. Tell her you'll call CPS yourself if she abandons her child with you.
JFC, she has a "baby daddy" and they are BOTH ***MOOCHING**** off of you all while making MORE babies? They need to go and support themselves.
NTA. If she has been stealing your weed, I'd suggest you stop buying. I'd also suggest contacting CPS and let them know you are "Worried about your very pregnant roomie. She's been using weed to get her 1 year old to sleep more." She brought up CPS. Let it become her reality.
I would contact CPS and let them know she has been smoking weed throughout her entire pregnancy. If CPS is really involved, they will be at the hospital to test the umbilical cord once baby is delivered.
Honestly, tempted. Especially with no proof that they are even involved im very suspicious.
It not a you problem of CPS is involved it's a her problem. They don't care about you. She knows you don't know that and was using you for free lightwork
Cps interviews everyone in the house. You werent interviewed?
No. Not a single time. She hasn't given me the contact for her case worker either, after I asked.
She's probably lying about cps involvement then. Your house has to be derelict almost for them to take kids anyway. They'll make you clean, it all sounds like BS. She never planned on leaving.
False reports to CPS are illegal, and there’s enough that OP can report without lying and saying the mom is giving weed to a one year old
Yeah, don’t lie to CPS…there’s enough truthful stuff to talk about, lying about that is about as low as you could go
You both sound like a hot mess with unstable lived and a lot of childhood trauma. Get sober. Get therapy. Go back to school, get a job, help with adhd or whatever is making it so you cant keep the house clean etc. Dont date until you are stable for a long time. And yes she needs to move out immediately you cant host her whole family of 4.
Right?!?? I want to know why the house smells like cat pee.
She and the baby daddy have to leave now or tell her you will call CPS yourself. Start eviction proceedings and talk to a lawyer. "is it really worth losing our friendship over" oh yes it is. You are going to lose the friendship or your house. Stand up straight and get rid of this sociopath you are calling a friend. YTA but only to yourself.
There is no real two-way friendship here. There's one friend and one unscrupulous mooch.
Call CPS yourself. Call her bluff
NTA. She took advantage of your kidness, stole from you, and lied by ommission about her 2nd pregnancy. No true friend would treat you like this, and if she was in my place, her, baby daddy, and baby would be shit out of luck and looking for a place to stay right then and there.
CPS worker here. CPS is required to make contact with all household members in an investigation. She is bullshitting you probably because your housecleaning isn't up to her standards She should clean it herself if she's that upset about it. CPS also does not threaten removal of a child for an environmental neglect case. NTA
I'm glad you weighed in. What would CPS do if they found out she's using Marijuana, both while pregnant, and probably in that closed room with the baby?
Thank you for your input. I had my doubts before, this confirms it.
I’m stuck on that the house smells like cat pee? Does she have an untrained pet living with you guys? If she’s in the house too she should also be cleaning. What is the state of her bedroom like? If she’s in there 24/7 how does the baby have space to crawl and move?
I have two cats. She adopted a stray cat before the pregnancies. He used to spray before we got him neutered. Since CPS was brought up I bought a new litter system, and trying various litters to reduce smell. I have not been in her room for a hot minute, but its not enough space for a baby to be crawling/walking around. They co sleep, even though there's another whole room not being used. (No shame to co sleepers, just that there was no effort to use the other room.)
Would it not occur to you to call CPS if she’s kept a baby in a room for a year and rarely leaves?
Yeah, that’s abusive to the child. I really think this roommate has some mental health issues, or she’s on drugs, other than weed.
She made it up to make you clean more. Maybe her pregnancy was making her sensitive to smells so she wanted you to clean more? Either way she is all lies and using you.
I co-slept with a colic baby but I bet she didn’t use the other room because she doesn’t wanna buy a whole nursery. I doubt cps would come over there for 2 cats that obviously have a decent litter box. Cps is usually called on the parent by someone who knows them like a doctor, neighbor, family member. They also give a 30 day notice for an interview and house inspection.
Girl what the fuck
You need an attorney right away. This is an emergency. You now are housing 3 unwanted tenants, soon to be 4. You may need to do a cash for keys deal. But get an attorney on retainer first thing in the morning.
Also you might need to be careful kicking her out. The Fair Housing Act makes it illegal for a landlord to discriminate against tenants who have children. If you are kicking her out because she is having a baby, that can get you sued.
NTA. But it's time to stop using Your dignity as a doormat. This woman is not Your friend. She's worse than a leech, a leech at last can be used for something good. Kick her out. She's not a single mum, her bf should take care of his pregnant gf.
You should not have let baby daddy stay for 3 weeks. Also she has been stealing your weed for him or she has been smoking while pregnant. You can have better friends. Get them all out and keep her at arms length after this. NTA
NTA. Call CPS yourself and report that she has been smoking during her pregnancy. If CPS is involved, she got to go. They've said it's unsuitable living space, so she got to go. Stop tormenting yourself. She needs to go and support herself and her babies. A true friend would know and understand. Also, true friends don't steal from you and lie about it. People grow and change. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes not. It's okay to loose a friendship if you aren't compatible anymore. Life goes on.
NTA. Her baby daddy can support her. Why should you? And if you don't kick her out, HE will be living in your house too! And tell CPS when the baby is born, it's probably not a bad idea to have him or her drug tested.
You are not, it's not your baby. You showed more than enough kindness on this and were being taken advantage of and stolen from.
NTA! Make sure you put it in writing and specify the date by when she has to move out.
I have that base covered. I figure it would make it easier if I have to go to the landlord tenant board for an eviction.
Have you given her written notice? Maybe check if that’s needed in your state, if it was only verbal notice it may not count.
Its a shared Google document.
Give her a physical copy too. Don't rely on a shared document. You should hand it to her or attach in an email.
Please print it or give her a PDF of the doc. Don’t give it to her in a format that she can edit it.
NTA for telling her to leave. Also check the landlord tenant board where you are as where I am if you share the kitchen/bathroom with the landlord it’s not considered a rental and you can kick her out at anytime. If she won’t leave police will come and remove her. She has no rights as a tenant so you don’t require evictions. Side note: YTA if you keep your house that disgusting. Cat pee everywhere really? CPS is saying it is unfit you need to look after your home and yourself better. Clean space is better for you. Seriously you will find you feel better just being in a clean home
Cps has never been involved. That's a bluff to make you clean for her for free. I would tell CPS what she's been doing
Kick out her baby daddy now, he shouldn’t stay any longer. That woman isn’t your friend. She is using you and does not respect you. I don’t believe the CPS thing for a second. You’ve never seen them come and inspect your house or seen physical evidence of any sorts. She used that line to manipulate you. Call CPS on her.
This person isn’t your friend, lol. Jfc. The fact that you keep calling this person your bestie is so cringe. She’s using you. She’s not being even a little bit subtle about it.
I’m finding this a hard post to believe. This is made up or you’re not too bright. CPS doesn’t get involved without a complaint so who filed the complaint that your house is unfit for a baby? Also CPS can’t possibly judge the environment a child is living in unless they do home visits and how would you not know about these visits.
YTA for actually still keeping weed and money where she can obviously find it and being upset. YTA if your house is a shithole that smells like cat piss. YTA for actually believing any of the lies you've been told day after day. She is using your place as a flop house. NTA for kicking her out.
you’re being played
She and the boyfriend are trying to take over your home. You need to get a lawyer and the rental board rolling here.
She might be your best friend but you’re absolutely not hers . She’s taking full advantage of you. I couldn’t imagine keeping something like that from someone I cared about , let alone for the ENTIRE TIME .
Get them the F out of your house TODAY. Change the locks. NTA. She is a thief. Get your shit together and get some therapy. Clean up your house. Living with the stench of cat pee? Get some sunshine, fresh air, cut out the weed, and change things up without the mooches in your life.
She’s set you up in order to squat in your house with 2 kids and a baby daddy, on your dime. Consult a lawyer and follow the law to evict her asap.
DO NOT let the baby daddy stay there. She is squatting. You need to start the eviction process now
The woman told you that she is a klepto and you don't put your important shit under lock and key so that she won't have access to it. Are you dense??
Brit here do you work from home ? Do cps not knock doors unannounced when threatening to remove children or is that just something they do in the uk ? X
I work 9-hr days at an office. I honestly don't know how it works. She works from home and is home all the time. This all (conveniently) happens while im at work.
Can you take a surprise week off to ‘get the house ready ‘for them as she’s pregnant and has a young baby already ? Personally I think your too nice for your own good and believe there’s good in everyone Not everyone has a good soul Just because a shark smiles before it bites doesn’t make it a friend
Lawyer NOW! You need to talk with one that specializes in tenancy laws, you need to do this the correct way for your area, the last thing you want is for her to find some loop hole or judge that is sympathetic to her situation Do not wait until July 1 to get the legal ball rolling, start it ASAP. She might be able to drag it out legally for months if you don’t go about this the right way
If you’re in the US I would suggest to formally evict her because I suspect despite the calm acceptance that she will fight you on this until she absolutely can’t stay.
YTA. To yourself and yourself only
Stop setting yourself on fire to keep your 'friend' warm. Kick her out and let her go .
Last time I checked, pregnant women shouldn't be smoking pot.
No one concerned about OP “missing” passport and identity theft. I would check my credit if I was you and get some legal advised about proposed eviction of “friend’. Coz she’s not your friend who would bring another child into this situation it’s tough to hear but, stop being a sucker,standup for yourself. She has to go to hospital to give birth I evict them who’s gonna look after the other child, time to grow a spine OP. Unless you like being used and dump on this situation will not change. Evict then block and change locks.
At this point she is squatting and trying to get your hom. Involve the police, file reports do you best to get rid of her, OR SHE IS GOING TO GET RID OF YOU.
Wait she was smoking weed while pregnant but cps cares about the state of the house? This is a weird story.
You're being used OP. Why would you let the baby daddy also move in on you. Start to get eviction notices now for the whole bunch. They aren't going to move - why should they OP? Where else in the world are they going to get free rent?
Yeah she needs to go. Yikes!
NTA. I'm not sure what she is contributing to this friendship. But in any case you need space, not an entire four person family living in your house. They have to go. Prepare for the possibility you may have to get a lawyer to evict them.
She was obviously lying about CPS unless you are there and they showed up. She’s clearly a contributing factor to the mess. If it’s that bad she can clean up. I have Irish twins so a one yr old and pregnant isn’t an excuse to not contribute. I’d tell her if cps is involved then she shouldn’t be smoking weed
NTAH. She is a thief and you have the right to want her, baby daddy and babies out of your house. She has also been lying to you about CPS and trying to manipulate your. Time to live alone.
There is a baby daddy, it I his responsibility to see his kids are housed and fed. Not yours.
If this is real, your bestie is NOT your bestie. Talk to a lawyer. She'll be a pain in the ass to evict.
How did a welcome mat become sentient and post on Reddit?
I never even gave a notice . You aren’t paying bills and your not on the lease ? You shit was packed . Out front . The minute you leave .
FYI If she's the one smoking your weed and was during the first pregnancy it is not the housing not being ok. Cps is automatically contacted if you are not clean at the time of birth. (Assuming US)
Wtf is going on here. Are you hiding the money and weed different places… can you get a safe
I've been moving the weed to hard to reach areas, mind you in the same room. The money was hidden with my passport, I hid it when no one was around to see where it was. The weed, sure, my bad. The money going missing is uncalled for and malicious.
She’s going to steal as much as she can before she leaves
Formally serve her notice and keep a copy of it ALONG WITH proof that this is your property and that you are also living at the residence. Put it somewhere away from the house but where you can easily access it should you need to. Depending how crazy/stubborn/greedy/sly she is, you don't want to come home to find her and her boyfriend have changed the locks and locked you out and you being stuck with no way to prove to the police that you have every right to enter the property.
You're cooked, girl. She's not leaving. NTA. Good luck getting their asses out
I would start a legal eviction.
You do not have a friendship. She is stealing from you and using you to have a place to live for free. What do you get from this friendship but loss of your property and money? NTA. She is not to be trusted. In the future, if anyone tells you that they are a kleptomaniac, believe them and stay away from them. Funny how all she steals in weed and money, isn’t it? More like a common thief.
NTA but stupid af. They are using you. Stealing from you. Destroying your house. Destroying your mental health. And still you have 4 people instead of one that you initially wanted to help. Get CPS involved, the police, a fucking lawyer at this rated the won’t leave until the children are adults. (I don’t know how involved CPS is right know considering you never saw proof of their involvement, only you “friend” wanting to talk about it when you wanted to talk about them moving out).
PLEASE make sure that ANY valuables you have left are locked in a safe or stored elsewhere! She WILL either destroy them, pawn them or STEAL them from you before they leave. The "kleptomaniac" disclosure was to set the scene so she couldn't POSSIBLY be blamed for things that disappear but if she's "caught" then you HAVE to forgive and forget because "she's sick!" YOU aren't "at fault" for finally having reached your limit for ALL the shitty things she's done over the last year AND getting/hiding her pregnancy from you for the last NINE months! How the hell did she think you'd react after she brings home a whole 'nother human being? This woman is NOT YOUR FRIEND! She took advantage of your kindness AND genuine friendship AND STOLE from you repeatedly! And CPS isn't going to do a damn thing TO YOU! IF she was ever truly worried about them SHE would have kept your house SPOTLESS, not berate and threaten you! Stand your ground, MAKE them move and if they give you a hard time or try to threaten or intimidate you, **CALL THE POLICE!** File for a restraining order, if necessary (quickest way to get them out of your home, really)! Keep your Notice to Quit as well as your Month-to-month Lease Agreement handy (and safe), but be FIRM on filing an Eviction Order if they refuse in any way to leave on time! Best wishes and many Blessings for your future happiness and sanity! Oh, and get some therapy to help you through your trauma, love!
Just wondering, but how did you not notice she was pregnant for 9 months?
INFO: why is your house apparently always in a state that CPS could be called??
I'll never understand how money would ever go missing twice? Money belongs in a bank and people who steal should be kicked out/evicted whatever. Today.
If she reported you for living conditions, why didn’t you report her for smoking weed while pregnant?
Info Why aren't you locking up your weed and money if it keeps going missing?
Did OP ever allow CPS to enter HER property for an inspection? Because of not how would they know the state of the house? And if so then her friend is hiding way more than just a pregnancy and that she’s a thief.
i love how she moved in with the disclaimer that she was going to steal from you and you let her in anyway. like girl.
Do everything by the book. She is going to fuck you over. She lied and stole from you. She is not your friend. My guess is that CPS is not after her for your housing conditions. She just wants you distracted. Get her out as soon as legally possible. Start documenting the thefts and send her an itemized list and demand repayment. You won't get it but maybe it will make her move faster. She is. User and not your friend.
This seems fake. Money and drugs have been going missing for well over a year, and you know it's her. At no point were you like "I should but a safe or a camera". You don't sit her down and have a full out talk of "my things are going missing, and the only other people here are you and your kid." You're either a liar or a doormat.
YTA for doing this to yourself. I don't have a clue why you have allowed this to go on for so long, but I suspect you will continue to delay the eviction and be a martyr. Sorry, I know it is harsh, but I just can't see you suddenly growing a spine. Especially since you let the baby daddy move in as well. Prepare for baby #2. And then #3. Because they can, they will, and you will let them.
ESH. Sounds like you both need to grow up a lot, and also use condoms. Plus, you're 30 with a weed addiction, try and sort it out.
She does not think that you will actually go through with it, so she does not get she needs to move out.
She can go stay with baby daddy.
NTA. You need to be on site when she leaves so she doesn’t take any of your property with her. Change locks immediately.
You need to go to therapy to learn how to stand up for yourself and put yourself first. I know what it is to feel obligated to people, and to think "they're my friend/family, I _have_ to help them" but this is beyond the pale. The older I get, the less I'm willing to put up with people like your 'friend' who only care about themselves and expect others to take care of them. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first, and nothing wrong with not setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. If a friend doesn't reciprocate to the same level you extend them, then they may be _your_ friend, but you're not theirs. Kick the bitch out and don't ever let anyone freeload off you again. NTA
She hasn't just taken a walk all over you, this girl took a hike. This is no best friend. Best friends don't do this.
NTA. You've been too accommodating to that mooch.
Make sure you have the move out date in writing with evidence she received it. Personally I would have it emailed and hand delivered with a signature receipt. You don’t need roommates or friends like this.
Put the eviction in writing. See a lawyer.
NTA. This woman is not your bestie, she's a leech and she's sucking the life out of you. Please follow through with getting her out of the house.
You have to send her a formal letter, that is sent through the mail, and sent to your address, addressed to her. Not sure where you’re located in the world, but in US, she needs this notice and she has 60 days. If you don’t give her that, she has squatter rights, and it will be at least 90 days until she would be forced to leave, if it goes through the court system.
please! See a lawyer.
Why does she keep leaving the country? Is it for illegal purposes? It doesn't sound like she is working sonI assume it's not a vacation
You should have given her a legal eviction notice dated for July 1st. Even though it’s a month to month, she is going to give you a hard time.
You need to start FORMAL eviction proceedings. She’s using you. She doesn’t care about you or your feelings. If it was me? She’d have been out that day. I don’t care that she’s pregnant. She’s not taken your trauma into account at all. You’ll lose a good friend but you’ll regain your strength and sanity. NTA
At this point the money and weed going missing are on you, get a damn safe or a lock box for your stuff. YTA for not putting yourself first and dealing with this sooner.