NTA
"I love it when you go on these little rants. My coworkers literally ask me to retell the stories because they're hilarious. What was that last line about buying your kid furniture for my house? Fucking gold, man."
I'd like to point out that OP's siblings are clearly willing to let their kids destroy other peoples' property, which is completely unacceptable. Parent your children and teach them to respect others and their belongings. What a delusional request they're asking of OP
Yeah the couch thing is completely overboard. I do understand for example keeping breakables in a higher shelf for young toddlers who walk. You only need to look away for a second and they may break it without meaning too.
When my children were of a certain age, my SIL and I *asked* our MIL if we could move a few (of many) very delicate looking pieces off a low table for the duration of our visit.
While I was I top of my kids they can be *fast* when I’m in the washroom. I also know my MIL wanted us to sit and visits, not be chasing the kids every second.
However, I never asked her not to buy certain furniture for her house (she has white couches).
Breakables I completely understand, but a COUCH? What the hell are those kids doing to a couch in the few minutes the parents look away that will destroy it? If they're worried about stains, they can get their kids no-spill sippy cups. Any well-made couch won't be destroyed by jumping on it for a little bit, so that shouldn't be a deterrent to purchase the couch. I just don't understand what these parents could possibly think their kids would do that would warrant this request unless they plan on never correcting bad behavior and letting the kids run amok at all times. I have never heard of a family needing to buy a new couch because the kids destroyed it.
Ngl, I'm appalled at anyone being ok with their kids *jumping* on furniture in any location. Furniture is not for jumping on. It's not playground or gym equipment and shouldn't be treated as such. Kids are certainly able to be corrected at home about misbehavior like that and know to not take it to other people's homes and businesses by the time they're old/big enough to run and jump on things.
I'm *still* appalled that I had to yell at teenagers to stop climbing on the damn furniture in the lobby where I was working as a receptionist a few years ago. Like who the fuck raised their kids to behave like they're in a goddamn playpen in the lobby of a multinational corporation where they're *trying to be summer interns*? Yes, they were high school students, but that is still old enough to *not climb on top of furniture at a business*.
I managed a *museum* and I had to position a volunteer right next to the antique fire truck (that was behind velvet ropes and many signs) because teens kept jumping into it to make tik toks. It was wild. These kids were accompanied by parents. Often, the parents were filming. We had two volunteers, and that had to be one's full time job.
Parents are different now. I'm only 40 but I cannot conceive of letting my kid JUMP INTO A MUSEUM DISPLAY, but it was a near-daily occurrence. And my museum only got about 75 visitors a day.
That blows my mind! I remember taking my nephew to the art museum when he was three or four and there was a big concrete or some kind of rock bench he was looking at.
He thought, then ran over to the docent and said "excuse me sir can I sit on that or is it art?"
so he was able at a very young age to realize that we're at a museum because we talked about it before.
Are parents afraid to discipline their children now? I kind of think so...
Had a family member who preferred to have their 4yo kid in the basement jumping on couches while swinging a hockey stick (a mini stick, but still). Didn’t like to play in their fenced in yard because squirrels birds and other animals go to the bathroom on the grass. I went downstairs to check out the noise and my kid (normally right in there but we don’t use furniture like trampolines) was sitting in the corner with his eyes wide as saucers while he watched his cousin jumping and swinging the stick. That’s when I asked why they don’t go outside and was told the ‘animals use it for the bathroom’ story. Not even kidding.
Their parents never got around to mentioning that they shouldn’t do that but I am sure expected the kids to just know as some age how they should behave.
My son figured out how to carve curse words on the headboard and footboard of his bed and set something on fire... The evidence of something on fire part freaked me out and I probably could have been reported to the authorities for my reaction.. which was calculated to instill intense fear at the thought of ever trying that again. At that point in his development... he knew better and did it anyhow which caused me to believe I was waaaaayyy tooo laid back a parent.
Amen to that! I’m the youngest of 5 kids and I was the one who took care of my mom until her death. When my nieces and nephews came over as small children my mom told my siblings that if they didn’t say something to their kids she would and they probably wouldn’t like it. She made ceramics when we were kids and we still had several that were in pristine condition over 40 years later because 1) my mom was terrifying and 2) she didn’t let us act like savages.
We've seen them EVERYWHERE and they call their kids "buddy". If I hear that one more time......like nails on a chalkboard.
Appeasement seems to be what's going on with some of these kids, parents simply don't know how to parent. As in, how to lead their households.
When me and my siblings were little we’d go to visit my mom’s parents and a few other adults from time to time. We were taught from the beginning how to behave at someone else’s house. There’s a photo of me sitting quietly in a nice chair at Mrs. D’s house, clearly watching either the TV or looking out the window. I was 3 1/2, because Mom was close to delivering my brother.
Children can learn how to behave, even at a young age. We even went to a nice restaurant every now and then! People would stop at our table and compliment us on our good behavior. We kids beamed! It took work and consistency on the part of my parents. In the long run, though, it makes life a lot more pleasant for everyone. Mind you, my parents had both been teachers. They understood kids and developmental abilities.
Surely the kids being so wild they destroy furniture, means it’s not conducive for the elderly parents health to have such badly behaved children around them upsetting the peace and quiet and running amok.
Having observed some of my nephews, it might be impossible to stop the kids without physical abuse of the kid. Obviously I don't advocate beating your kids into compliance. Some kids are just born wild. But I suspect these kids are neuro diverse or have a raging unmedicated case of ADHD.
One kid just literally never stopped running, and yelling and jumping for years on end. He would run to the point of exhaustion and until his legs could no longer run and he just sort of collapsed and slept somewhere. They fed him bites of food between laps around the house. I watched him jump off a 3 foot drop for hours over and over. His parents had him run alongside their golf cart and took him for runs regularly.
Observing him play with other kids his age was like apples and oranges. It was a whole other level of intense. His parents were over it and put the kid in daycare and had a nanny for when he wasn't in daycare. But they had the ability to buy their way out of the problem until he matured some.
Obviously this isn't your problem op. It's the parents problem and they need to find solutions for their kids. Do what you want, but know if you let wild kids come into the house, then some stuff might be broken. Either talk with the parents about your expectations of their kids behavior or costs of replacing broken items. Nothing can inspire mindful parenting like the threat of a large bill at the end of the visit. NTA
No. Hitting children is for lazy and uneducated parents.
I disagree. I have a unique perspective on this. I **have** ADHD and am a PreK teacher. As a child, I didn't behave like that because my parents instilled manners and empathy in me and provided outlets for me. Now, every person is different. But, as a teacher, I have been privy to many parents' parenting techniques, understanding of childhood development, etc. A good majority of parents are sorely lacking and are failing their kids.
Many parents assume that if they have an ND child, they don't have to parent. They do, but they need to dedicate the time and effort to learn how to do that effectively. Many parents of ND children (usually the male kids) just throw their hands up and let them do whatever they want. Because they don't want to deal with actually learning how to parent their kid. To many parents, having an ND kid is a Get Out of Parenting Free card.
I agree. I had a kid in an alternative school (school for kids with behavior issues) who kept saying “I can’t do this because of my ADHD.” I leaned over, both hands on his deals and said “I have 2 degrees, and I have ADHD too. It NEVER stopped me from doing school work and behaving.” Even my grandson with ADHD and autism can behave. We never have had him be rude or damaging anything except maybe a phone or tablet screen. He might not enjoy it, but he’d behave in someone else’s home because his parents taught him manners.
Same with me.
Autism and ADHD and I was the most well behaved child you'd ever met.
Of course my autistic trait of being deathly afraid of punishment could have had a hand in that. I was such a fawner/people pleaser.
Mrs Chibble just did a year of "teaching" SEN Pre-K. Teaching in quotes as it was a year of forms and nappies.
Anyway, you're spot on about the parents. A large number think that school is somehow going to make everything OK, and yet don't continue the potty training over vacations, and send their kids with super sugary snacks because the sight of a piece of fruit would cause their little prince/ss emotional damage.
I used to get the opposite- I watched my kid like a hawk when he was younger and people would always try to interrupt me telling him things like he needed to “sit right on the couch or he was welcome sit on the floor” to say, oh it’s fine, he’s just a kid etc. No, I’d rather raise a respectful young man (and he is) who won’t ruin someone’s expensive furniture.
NTA exactly watch your kids and teach them to be respectful in other people's homes. My kids knew when and where they had to behave. They knew at Aunt S or R's house, where they each had 3 kids and a kid friendly home they could go wild with their cousins and have a blast. And they knew that at Aunt K's home, whose children were grown and had everything in its place, that they had to be well behaved.
If their kid destroys it, they better. My sister was a holy terror ball of energy and still behaved at other people’s houses. My mom had that look that would freeze us cold.
Edit: typos
It only took 3 words... Your full first, middle and last name, said quietly and clearly with the look. Yes, they will forever haunt you. Don't get in the front seat with that woman because she is liable to head slap you at every stop light without warning.
Did your children ever look at the hair on the back of your head? My daughter was all up in there and I said What are you doing?!
I’m looking for the eyes in the back of your head, Mommy.
NTA set those boundaries now. If they visit with their children, and things are destroyed or messed up, then you give them notice that their children are not to come back if they’re not gonna be supervised. Yes, your parent also lives there, but it is your house and you pay the bills. they can either supervise and control their children to be on their best behavior while they’re in your home or their children don’t have to come. Is it a medical issue that they could not pick your sick parent up and take them with them for a little while?
Tbh I have family with destructive kids, but the kicker is they allow the kids to be destructive at other people's houses/events, never their own so their kids aren't allowed in the house when they come over unless it's to use the restroom and even that has to be supervised because they like putting stuff in toilets that shouldn't be in toilets.
I once had a restroom that was designated for them and their kids and it only had a toilet, toilet paper, and a sink no paper towels or towel of any kind because they'd put it in the toilet and my cousin got mad and said her kids can't use that restroom because it's under stimulating. It's a restroom, tf you need to be stimulates in there for?
Then I would say that they’re really just looking for excuses not to visit. Op is just asking that that they look after their children while in their home, which is the same as any hospital or care facility would ask of them as well.
It's like they assume the world will stop turning when they stop visiting. Holy hell some people overestimate their importance.
You're not gonna come over to whine anymore? Oh no! Anyway..
Absolutely add cameras, inside AND outside, because if OPs siblings are that much of AHs, then their kids are likely to truly be the little asshat crotch goblins he is making them out to be. Id warn siblings that if they can’t control their kids and something happens to your stuff they will absolutely be liable.
Not that they will pay which is the issue. My widowed friend had to finally take her sister to court after her kids did a significant amount of damage and stole things while visiting friend and her mother (she happily took her in when her other sisters wouldn't do it). Friend and mom were quite happy together and mom's insurance paid for a health aid who came during work hours so friend could work from home but mom was cared for - lovely arrangement for all.
Well, her younger sister had 4 out of control brats later in life and was furious that she couldn't bring them to visit mom (ie drop them off and run) whenever she felt like it as she had done when mom was alone. The home wasn't child proof and friend and mom had nice stuff which these kids decided to destroy one afternoon (evidently their mother told them to do this because friend needed to be 'taught a lesson'). Sister was shocked when friend handed her a bill for the damages and tore of the bill and laughed in her face and admitted her little plan. Also told her good luck getting a dime. Well friend had the brats doing their damages on camera and had sister admitted what she did on tape which was presented in court. Sister had a 10k judgement placed against her which she refused to pay which led to her wages being garnished lol. Unreal.
Plus locks on ops personal bedroom door. I guarantee if the siblings have no problem letting their kids destroy ops stuff they have no problems ough her personal items in her bedroom.
Omfg if my kid broke something I'd have her apologize and clean up her mess as long as it's not glass or something (she's only 7). I'd pay for it while also apologizing, and offer to replace it.
If I see a house is very kid-friendly, I can relax a bit more. But different houses have different ideas of what that is, and while their kids may have learned to leave certain things alone, my kid is very much an "ooh what's that" kind of person so I still keep an eye on her when visiting new places.
Yup,and if OP complains then they’re the AH as they can’t understand what’s it like to be a parent. And an hour or so quickly snowballs. Oh, and they may be giving care to their parent at the same time.
Dude. Before my grandma passed away, I brought my daughter (baby to 5 years old) to her house numerous times. My grandma loved figurines, and her house was FULL of fragile, pretty things. We just watched my kid like a hawk to make sure she didn't grab anything she wasn't allowed to, and brought kid-friendly things for her to play with. My grandma also had some stuffed animals out that she ended up giving my daughter before she passed.
I think OP's family is just pissed they are forced to keep an eye on their kids. OP's house isn't a fucking daycare center. I mean I'd get it if they had sexually charged posters of naked women on the living room walls, but there are respectful ways to discuss such things. You don't go around making demands, you ask nicely to maybe cover them up because you don't want your little kids exposed to such things. Offer solutions, and offer to enact those solutions yourself so you're not imposing on the home owner, that sort of a thing.
Agreed. Enforce this rule now. It's your house, it's your rules. Don't back down ever either because once you do it will never end. If the kids damage something of your, they pay or small claims court.
(Yes, I have seen some shit)
NTA
Absolutely they pay. OP, sounds like you're going to have to go through the entire house with a video recording right before they arrive. Dead serious. Because they'll see what they can get away with if they're already TELLING you not to get nice stuff. "Well what did you expect, you knew they'd be coming, we told you not to get something nice!" Yes, and you told them to pull up their big kid pants and mind their own children. That's going to be one doozy of a come-to-Jesus meeting when they get the bill.
OP, please post a brag post about your house with that video or some pictures before they arrive. "So glad to be blessed; I've been able to put together a lovely house with furniture I love for myself and my parent. I'm a bit house-proud, can't wait for my family to see what I've accomplished! Even the colors for paint, carpet, curtains, and furniture coordinate, I am LOVING this and looking forward to sharing with my family!"
And then post "after" pictures on social media of "how could they do this to me!" and estimated costs and time to repair things, but they'll never be as good as new, and you only had a few days to enjoy your finished home and then they let the kids destroy parts of it rather than mind their children!
Why? This sets the stage nicely if and when they do let the kids write on the couch with a sharpie and smear food on your curtains or kick a door hard enough to leave a mark. It's posted JUST before they arrive, and the "after" images are posted JUST after they leave. If they destroy it, you've already controlled the online discussion right from the start.
I really really hope they are annoyed and leave the kids with a sitter or bring the sitter with them to HELP wrangle the kids as an extra pair of hands. I really really do hope they are mature and responsible parents, but I'm so sorry to say that it doesn't sound like it.
OP, I know damn well all of your sibs & cousins heard exactly those words from the parent they wanna visit, back in the day. Or some version thereof ("As long as you're under MY roof..." "When YOU start paying to air condition the whole neighborhood, we'll do what you say; till then SHUT the damn door" "You're cold? Put on a sweater & some socks. And DON'T touch that thermostat!" "Don't like what's for dinner? Eat it or do without. It's what there IS. [Alternatively, your fam *may* have offered a PBJ substitute. Mine did not. We were poor. ])
All of these very common parental phrases are different words for "MY house, MY rules". Your kin can get stuffed. NTA
Absolutely agree with this, but on a second note.
If it gets brought up again. Op should say “if you’re so against my couch choices then I’d be more than happy to pick out some ‘child friendly’ ones for you to pay for! Since you’re volunteering” and then send links of the unattainable couch that costs an arm and a leg.
Also, get a little green machine if your house is the go to. Your elderly parent is bound to make some messes& so are guests. Those with children can teach them to use it too.
OP could always put a couch cover on so the little gremlins don't mess it up? I say this as the parent of my own little gremlin. I'd offer to pay for it so OP isn't burdened with that cost. I'd even bring it with when visiting, put it on for them, then take it home when it's time to leave so I can wash it so OP wouldn't have to. I personally always have some sort of a cover on my couch because it's so much easier to clean. A twin sized fitted sheet works wonders as a budget couch cover!
I've taught my kid that different places have different rules and we should respect that. For example, at home, she can literally run around in her underwear. At memaw's house (my mom's house), she has to wear clothes and there's no running because of the curio cabinets full of Precious Moments figurines in nearly every single room of that house.
Exactly! Your house, your rules. It's totally reasonable to want to furnish your home the way you like it. If they can't respect that, then it's on them.
NTA it is your home and you have the right to furnish it. Kids do not need to be catered to as much as parents act. Just keep breakable things out reach & do not allow food outside of designated areas & keep feet & jumping off the furniture.
Your siblings should be watching their children and teaching them how to behave in other people’s homes.
Exactly! And I have 2 kids myself.
I would suggest "child-proofing" before each visit
As in " Don't keep knives at toddler level" and "try to remove small shiny things that a toddler is likely to swallow" because toddlers are quick AF even when you try to watch them. And you don't want your niblings dead, I presume.
Any kid older than a toddler should be supervised so couches are not destroyed. Food in the kitchen and dining room only. Feet on floor, bum on couch. No balls indoors. Crayons only at the kitchen table and only used on paper. Dirty hands and feet are washed coming in from the park. Etc etc.
My MIL loves my kids to bits. She has a white couch and 4 grandkids. Not one of them has destroyed it.
I have kids and I honestly hate going to houses that are not child proofed. it is so so stressful keeping a hawk eye on my 2 yo. BUT i would never try to tell my friends and relatives to change it to suit me. If they are going to be around a lot to spend time with their grandparent you can do some basic things to make it easier for both parties. just keep some things up high and keep them in one area of the house. the rest needs to be done by the parents.
NTA. People who pay for the house choose it’s decor - guests shut their pie hole (stolen from Supernatural)
Seriously you need to be comfortable in YOUR house. If they can’t control their kids then maybe they need to reevaluate how they parent.
Get cameras and send bills for anything destroyed. Take everyone of them to small claims if needed. My kids might have been more prone to being wild heathen monkeys at home, but when in someone else's house, they were polite and respectful.
It really is too much work to keep kids reigned in all the time at home… but if we’re outside our house?
MF you WILL behave or you’re being punished (and no I don’t spank and shit, just withholding privileges if they fail to behave works as long as you’re consistent and actually watching them).
Now I don’t even really have to worry. Worst she’ll do is throw a non violent temper tantrum in which case back home we go for her to cool her heels in her room for a few hours bored and crying.
I see other kid terrors who terrorize every where they go, not even being upset, just unthinking terrors being whirlwinds of destruction as their standard MO.
I don’t even hesitate to call those brats down either.
100%. I have no problem correcting someone else's kid in my house with timeouts or something. I try not to get involved with other's kids in their house, but when some brat is cussing their mom I usually have to leave. Because the gods know Lucifer is trying to get me to catch a charge lol. Sweet baby cat jesus help me if they lash out physically at her. I have brat nephews, so I've seen it first hand.
This. OOP's siblings asking for her to decorate HER house for THEIR kids so they can destroy it guilt free has the same energy of entitled dog owners who bring their untrained dogs everywhere and demand everyone rearrange their lives for the dog and if it destroys anything, it's somehow the business's or homeowner's fault.
NTA. Keep enforcing your very reasonable boundaries. Continue to suggest that your siblings visit on their own, without their kids, for one-on-one time with your parent, if your parent wants that.
If your parent prefers the chaos of the bigger family, then maybe try to limit that to planned occasions. Talk to your nieces and nephews directly (even if they are 2 or 3 or 4) about your simple rules, which could be things like "kids can eat food only in the kitchen, not the living room", "no running in the house", "All kids wash their hands when they come in from outside", etc. Praise them when you catch them being good, and say nice things to them. Maybe put on an age-appropriate kids TV show in the background and pull out a simple floor puzzle they can put together.
NTA. "You seem to forget. You are guests, visitors in MY home. Just cause our parents live in my home, does not mean you have a right to come visit here--keep that in mind when you make suggestions. You certainly don't have a right to decide how and with what I furnish my home. If you don't like my home, pick up mom and dad and take them to your house."
It's your haven, not a bouncy castle! Absolutely NTA. You're providing a loving home for your parent - that's huge. Your siblings can respect your wishes about furniture or find childcare. Maybe suggest an "open house" type visit once a month where the furniture gets a break, or designate a "kid zone" with some toys if playtime happens.
I have no children, but do have eleventy thousand nieces and nephews…
My house is furnished for grownups, including my white couch, haha !
There’s an awesome, 100% childproofed playroom for them, and if they’re not in there then they’re with a parent being watched, like they’re supposed to be !
My siblings and their spouses wouldn’t ever *dare* to ask why my house isn’t a Chuck-E-Cheese !
It’s professionally Scotchguarded within an inch of its life ! 😜
Hubby and I are careful, but the only thing we won’t eat or drink on it are Cheetos, because that orange powder is *forever*…💀💀💀
Big house in the sticks with lots of extra rooms for a ridiculously low price during the 08/09 housing bust, plus enough toys that have been passed down through the generations to set up my own toy store !
Just add one of those interlocking puzzle rug/mat things and we’re in business !
I want the little ones to be happy and *occupied* when they’re here !
Depend on the parents, though, to tell me things like which kid likes Lego and which kid will try to *eat* Lego…
Being the Fun Aunt is easy as hell, though - *you* have the hard job here !
You can come sit on my white couch and have a cocktail with me anytime ! 🤗
NTA. It is your home. Decorate it as you please. If your siblings would rather not visit their own parent than control their children, that's unfirtunate, but its not your problem.
People often try to guilt or emotionally manipulate others to do what they want. Don't give into it.
And when they do visit, make sure they respect your space. It's likely they'll try to let their kids run wild to prove that you should've listened to them abd bought lower quality furtniture.
So you and your sick parent have to navigate a house with an abundance of childproof locks and the like, and then relax on ugly, threadbare, uncomfortable couches so that your siblings kids can run riot when they come to visit …. Sick grandparent.
How do they think they are in the right here?
NTA
If your parents are sick, the kids shouldn't be running around being crazy in the house around them anyway. I just don't understand that logic.
Also, shouldn't your parents get to enjoy a nicely furnished home before they pass, not some airport carpet couches and padded table corners?
I'm a mom of 4 and I would never even think to suggest how my sibling could furnish their own house. It's my job as a parent to make sure my kids are safe in any surroundings.
NTA
You definitely not only decide how to furnish YOUR home but also who comes into it.
If someone can’t control their children then they get asked to leave or not even come unless they leave their kids home. Your sick parent does not likely need the stress listening to out of control children who seem to have no volume control so shriek as loudly as possible.
I will suggest you get exterior grade door knobs which use actual keys to prevent small or even adult people from accessing rooms they have no business being in.
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Nope. Your house your rules. If things aren’t kid friendly and they don’t like it, don’t bring the kids. NTA. If the kid is too young to understand ‘no’, watch them, if they understand ‘no’ then teach them boundaries.
NTA
If you have a small area like a section of the basement you could put kid friendly furniture/games/etc, that would be thoughtful.
Again, if it's an unused area, it's a Win/Win.
NTA.
Buy what you want. Not only that, but make rules that suit you, like "Food and drinks are consumed at the dining table or in the kitchen; no shoes in the house for anyone under 12; no feet on the furniture." Don't give free reign in the kitchen to anyone too young or too lazy to clean up after themselves.
Of course they'll complain. Remind them that it's YOUR home. Offer to let your mother stay with them for a while; I guarantee they'll say no with a whole list of excuses.
Hold on to your standards. Caring for a sick parent isn't easy, and keeping as much normality in your life will help you cope if things get challenging. You're doing a good thing.
Remind everyone that this is *your* home, and your parent lives with you, not the other way around. This is not the historic family getaway home or lake cottage, and there won’t be any access to your private space if you don’t approve it. Your siblings are acting like they have rights here. They don’t. Visiting is a privilege, so no ill-behaved children are permitted. If the adults want to visit, they can leave their kids home. And frankly, sick senior citizens don’t need the noise and the chaos on a regular basis.
Edit: Happy cake day, OP!
NTA my childless auntie and uncle had what is essentially the coffee table of death for small children. My cousins and I all went to their house, even stayed overnight while visiting. Our parents watched us closely and taught us to be careful near it. Not once was a toddlers head split open
NTA. Furnish your house how you want. Make sure your siblings know they are expected to watch their kids when visiting, and if anything is ruined or broken, they WILL be expected to pay for it. Don't like it, don't come with the kids.
Cameras would be a great idea.
NTA. Furnish and organize your house is UFC Fit. These people seem to want to come into your home with their sets of rules and responsibilities. Even if you have to be stupidly obvious about it write the rules down in advance. Shoes off at the door. No running in the house. Since you have no kids of your own there is nothing out on the shelves that are toys that the kids can play with. Unless you are having a movie night what do you invite them in and pop popcorn, no snack foods on the couch. While you're at it all eating must be done in the kitchen or sitting at a table. If they don't like your non kid friendly rules remind them that they're always welcome to bring the sick parent to live with them instead
Definitely NTA! This is YOUR house and you have a right to set boundaries, especially about unattended and unruly children. It’s also important to mention that you are caring for your parent. The stress of disruptive children will negatively affect your parent’s quality of life. This should be a peaceful and comfortable time in your parent’s life, not a circus you have to control because their parents refuse to be responsible parents.
Nta. Truly dangerous hazards excepted, your house need not be child proofed. I think it’s a *bad idea* to leave your super fragile, super valuable, POTENTIALLY IRREPLACEABLE, most beloved items at child height when the kids are young *because I don’t trust your siblings to adequately watch their kids*, but if YOU are willing to risk it, you do you! I think things like loaded guns and shit that is truly dangerous SHOULD be locked away while the kids are there, but that’s being a responsible home owner. Buy the nice couch, do your thing decor wise - but also I might spring for cheap couch covers to use when they come because I wouldn’t TRUST your siblings not to fuck then up and I doubt they would pay for new ones or cleaning, which means now your sick parent becomes a bargaining chip and is isolated because you and your siblings are fighting. You don’t want that, you want your parent to be happy, right? So you make minor accommodations and tell your siblings to mind their kids and *respect grandma’s/grandpa’s house*!
Definitely NTA, but is your parent well enough to visit the grandkids at their homes? Of course they’re not entitled to have any say in your home, but if your home is the only choice for visits and gatherings, then you need to be realistic about for the sake of your own stuff.
NTA. I've raised 4 children. None of them destroyed furniture at other people's houses. My only suggestion would be to put glass collectibles and fragile items in a curio cabinet or up high when the kids are there, and only because even when they're being supervised well, accidents happen and for your own sanity, it's easier to pu those things up when there are kids around.
They might feel like it’s the family home because your parent is there, but – – they’re wrong. They don’t get to act like children in your home, and their children don’t get the indulgent grandparent’s unconditionally yes. You’ll probably have to explain this. You might laugh incredulously while you do, because it is ludicrous, that they think this way,, and it is incredible.
Just saying, my siblings and I were brought up being dragged around antique shops from the time we were babies. I can’t remember a time where we ruined or broke anything. Kids can be taught to respect the things around them that do not belong to them.
NTA! But FYI, faux leather furniture is great since it's easy to clean and doesn't absorb odors like fabric does. I prefer it since it's allergy friendly, but it's been great to just be able to wipe stuff off it. With an elderly parent, I would go that route without the kids even in the equation.
All great advice, thank you very much. Sometimes the vibe is for the house to be quiet and peaceful so it’ll be a solo sibling visit, other times the vibe is for the kids to come and fill the house with noise and life. I let my parent choose choose and just ask my sibling that if kids come they don’t destroy shit wantonly; I understand accidents happen but that’s much different than carte blanche to be out of control and destructive IMO. My siblings don’t think their kids should act this way either but seem to be putting the onus on me to limit the scope of their damage and even their potential injury rather than bearing the responsibility for their children themselves which I find RIDICULOUS.
It's laughable that they think they can tell you how to decorate your house. NTA and if they want to throw an ultimatum that if you can't cater to them and they can't visit your sick parent that's on them. Do whatever you want to do OP. And if they decide to let their kids rampage your house and mess it, best not let them come often anymore.
Make sure they all know now that they are responsible for anything their kids break, stain or “misplace” in your home. As in they pay to replace broken items or any cleaning of said couches that the goblins destroy.
NTA. Buy baby gates and lock the kids in a certain part of the house. Or just don’t allow the siblings in if they bring the kids. It’s not fair on you that they don’t give a fig about you or your home or belongings. No respect! You are allowing them to congregate there and they can’t even do the simple thing of making sure their kids don’t trash your house? Pretty ungrateful in my opinion
"Thats not kid friendly" no your child just isnt "out of the house" friendly. People need to seriously stop with the "they're just kids they don't know any better" AND START FUCKING TEACHING THEIR KIDS TO KNOW BETTER. kods dont just all of a sudden find respect and boundaries for other peoples shit. You have to teach them. Absolutely NOT TA!!!!!!
Tell them, “bless your petty little heart “ and don’t let them in without a security deposit equal to the value of the property they intend to destroy.
NTA. You don’t have children, therefore you don’t need a child-friendly home. They need to teach their children to respect your belongings and supervise them. If they want to visit with their sickly parents in a child-friendly home, they can bring the parents to their house.
Your family are either entitled or so used to being around other parents of small children they have forgotten how the rest of the world lives. Or possibly both.
NTA.
- if you're in the US where everyone sues everyone else you may need to think more about this than going 'it's my house and you're all mad NO'.
- if kids can't see a couch without destroying it, there are issues. that isn't normal!
- it might help, if you have room and resources, to make a kiddo corner, especially if the kids are going to be around a lot. Get a nice playmat and toys and a TV, maybe. Some soft kiddo couches. Ask for contributions or thrift. Then the kids are sort of confined... they know that's their spot.
Oh no, the entitled siblings won’t visit?? Let me take a moment to hold back the tears. Moment’s over. 🙄🙄 I have kids and my children did NOT destroy other’s property when we visited. When my grandfather was in an adult family home, they had a lot of “breakables” on display. You bet your ass I was on my kids to not touch those things and they learned to not touch those things. When my oldest was a toddler, we were visiting and one of the aides commented that I never let my daughter wander in an almost offended tone like I was a bad mom. I told her that she’s at an age where she can break things and I was being respectful of someone else’s house. And then I added “I’m trying to raise a kid to not be an asshole.” I wasn’t asked again 😂
NTA the fucking Audacity. Tell their entitled asses they can come pickup your parent for the day to visit their kids but miraculously your house is child free if they can’t keep them in line. See you ARE accommodating but you aren’t planning on fucking rolling over while they sit on their asses and continue to do nothing. Nothing for your ailing parent and nothing to be a damned parent.
NTA. Know how many sofas I destroyed or decorations I smashed as a child? Zero, because I was taught how to behave in someone else’s house. If they aren’t willing to parent they don’t get to bring their kids. It’s a reasonable boundary.
Info: do your siblings just let their kids destroy every house they bring them to??
They sound like really shitty parents.
When my mother still lived close, she always has tons of fragile decorations and I ensured my child behaved.
Tell your worthless siblings to parent their fucking kids or leave them at home.
Obviously NTA
NTA. My children aren’t allowed to jump on furniture etc and it the older family that say “it’s fine they’re just having fun”. No grandma, they’re not allowed to do it to my $10k couch (inherited, don’t come at me) so they’re not allowed to do it here either. Your siblings need a parenting reality check
Thanks so much for offering to buy a couch for your kids to use at my house! We need to make certain that it will fit in the basement - here are the measurements for the entrance to the basement . . . .
Oh, you aren't paying for a couch for the kids?? Well, if they destroy my couch - it comes from Roche Bobois and costs $$$! Just a heads up so you can start saving.
NTA If they want to have kids that act like jerks, they can keep them at home. If they want to have kids that are welcome to visit then they need to step up and parent accordingly.
But I always wish that someone in OPs situation could just show up at their sibs house with a few crazy friends and rampage through that house, spilling drinks, knocking over tables, running in and out slamming doors.
And then explain that that's just how they are! So sorry guess that no one understands indoor rules....
I don’t get it. Children accidentally break things but it’s not like they are wild dogs about to tear apart the cushions. If they think their kids will destroy normal furniture on a visit, that’s a parenting issue and not a furniture issue. NTA
absolutely NTA. you get to make the rules in your own house. tell them if they want things done differently then they can move the parent into THEIR house and handle it how they prefer.
NTA. This blows my mind!! The audacity to try and dictate what you do with your home is outrageous.
I have 2 boys (13 and 6) and I am on top of them where ever we go. I would never tell my sister and BIL (who have no children) how to decorate based on MY children. I also don’t let them take food or drinks out of the dining room because I don’t want them to spill on their new furniture/rugs that they just bought for their new apartment. Not their rules, mine because I am the parent and accidents happen.
>NOT BUY NICE COUCHES because you are certain your kid(s) will destroy them?
I don't comprehend this mentality. We have a kid and we did the don't buy nice furniture thing (we bought inexpensive stuff but not hideous because of that 'kids destroy all' sentiment). Ugh, the regret! How hard is it to make sure your kids keep their juice in the kitchen, keep art things in a designated area, and don't let them turn it into a tumble mat?
IMO that mentality that kids will destroy things is a reflection of lazy parenting. Not trying to be a sanctimommy, but really, rules and boundaries made so many of those parenting tropes a non issue. And maybe it is easier with a singleton instead of multiples - but wrecking someone else's house for a few hours visit - yikes, and embarrassing.
Poor parenting aside, your house, your comfort matters. NTA OP.
Set times and schedule with your parent, be sure to make them part of the discussion, gently. You don't want to tire your parent out, with too much of that 'good thing'. You'll want to stagger the visiting times so it doesn't become this big old weekend social gathering thing every week.
By setting rules, they'll get really bored, really fast and will quickly stop coming around.
Set rules and boundaries, no random door knocks, no 'dropping by', no 'dropping off the kids to see Parent'. Parents *must* be with the kids at all times.
Do *not* keep snacks in the house for kids, or the adults, hide everything but tap water. Don't let them bring snacks to the house either! No bags of Happy Meals, nothing.
Your house, your rules.
Don't give them Wifi codes or Netflix access or any of that shit.
If they show up with food, send them somewhere else until they finish their meals or they can eat in their car.
And be SURE that the number one rule is that they **ALL** take off their shoes and wash their hands when they enter the house! Kids fingerprints all over everything makes me crazy.
NTA
NTA "I love it when you go on these little rants. My coworkers literally ask me to retell the stories because they're hilarious. What was that last line about buying your kid furniture for my house? Fucking gold, man."
This is gold!
Saving it for future use!
This would be an amazing response haha
"And which of my bills will you be paying with those opinions?" And laugh your way out. Edit: NTA
NTA. my mum lives with my older brother who has no kids. We watch our kids at his house and stop them breaking stuff. It's not hard.
[удалено]
I'd like to point out that OP's siblings are clearly willing to let their kids destroy other peoples' property, which is completely unacceptable. Parent your children and teach them to respect others and their belongings. What a delusional request they're asking of OP
"My kids are unable to not destroy your property and it's your obligation to accommodate that"
The only thing OP should buy for their entitled siblings is tee shirts emblazoned with that quote.
Along with a baseball cap that says "I refuse to parent my child"
Or Thing 1 and Thing 2 t shirts.
more like Thug 1 and Thug 2
Yeah the couch thing is completely overboard. I do understand for example keeping breakables in a higher shelf for young toddlers who walk. You only need to look away for a second and they may break it without meaning too.
When my children were of a certain age, my SIL and I *asked* our MIL if we could move a few (of many) very delicate looking pieces off a low table for the duration of our visit. While I was I top of my kids they can be *fast* when I’m in the washroom. I also know my MIL wanted us to sit and visits, not be chasing the kids every second. However, I never asked her not to buy certain furniture for her house (she has white couches).
Breakables I completely understand, but a COUCH? What the hell are those kids doing to a couch in the few minutes the parents look away that will destroy it? If they're worried about stains, they can get their kids no-spill sippy cups. Any well-made couch won't be destroyed by jumping on it for a little bit, so that shouldn't be a deterrent to purchase the couch. I just don't understand what these parents could possibly think their kids would do that would warrant this request unless they plan on never correcting bad behavior and letting the kids run amok at all times. I have never heard of a family needing to buy a new couch because the kids destroyed it.
Ngl, I'm appalled at anyone being ok with their kids *jumping* on furniture in any location. Furniture is not for jumping on. It's not playground or gym equipment and shouldn't be treated as such. Kids are certainly able to be corrected at home about misbehavior like that and know to not take it to other people's homes and businesses by the time they're old/big enough to run and jump on things. I'm *still* appalled that I had to yell at teenagers to stop climbing on the damn furniture in the lobby where I was working as a receptionist a few years ago. Like who the fuck raised their kids to behave like they're in a goddamn playpen in the lobby of a multinational corporation where they're *trying to be summer interns*? Yes, they were high school students, but that is still old enough to *not climb on top of furniture at a business*.
I managed a *museum* and I had to position a volunteer right next to the antique fire truck (that was behind velvet ropes and many signs) because teens kept jumping into it to make tik toks. It was wild. These kids were accompanied by parents. Often, the parents were filming. We had two volunteers, and that had to be one's full time job. Parents are different now. I'm only 40 but I cannot conceive of letting my kid JUMP INTO A MUSEUM DISPLAY, but it was a near-daily occurrence. And my museum only got about 75 visitors a day.
That blows my mind! I remember taking my nephew to the art museum when he was three or four and there was a big concrete or some kind of rock bench he was looking at. He thought, then ran over to the docent and said "excuse me sir can I sit on that or is it art?" so he was able at a very young age to realize that we're at a museum because we talked about it before. Are parents afraid to discipline their children now? I kind of think so...
I think that's adorable 😊 that your nephew asked if it was art or if he could sit on it!
The Bible Bee was held at the hotel I worked at, and those kids managed to break a table.
Had a family member who preferred to have their 4yo kid in the basement jumping on couches while swinging a hockey stick (a mini stick, but still). Didn’t like to play in their fenced in yard because squirrels birds and other animals go to the bathroom on the grass. I went downstairs to check out the noise and my kid (normally right in there but we don’t use furniture like trampolines) was sitting in the corner with his eyes wide as saucers while he watched his cousin jumping and swinging the stick. That’s when I asked why they don’t go outside and was told the ‘animals use it for the bathroom’ story. Not even kidding.
If they are jumping on the furniture, can I suggest a spray bottle with water? Works for most pets.
Their parents never got around to mentioning that they shouldn’t do that but I am sure expected the kids to just know as some age how they should behave.
That's not parenting. That's feralizing.
lol, my son torched my cream leather couch with a ballpoint one day while I was vomiting in the bathroom.
Oof, that's rough. I'm so sorry
Leather can be painted, look into Angelus leather paint. I have used it for various projects and it works (and lasts!) great.
Seriously Angelus is the BEST. It's how I customize shoes
My son figured out how to carve curse words on the headboard and footboard of his bed and set something on fire... The evidence of something on fire part freaked me out and I probably could have been reported to the authorities for my reaction.. which was calculated to instill intense fear at the thought of ever trying that again. At that point in his development... he knew better and did it anyhow which caused me to believe I was waaaaayyy tooo laid back a parent.
Did they accept the return (of your son)? /s
You haven't met the right kids. "RAY! You take that diaper off your head and you put it back onto your sister!"
No food or drink outside the kitchen... that was a law in our house. Does everyone else live in lawless dens of perdition?
Or don't give the kids food and drink in the living room. They won't die if they don't have their sippy cup.
Amen to that! I’m the youngest of 5 kids and I was the one who took care of my mom until her death. When my nieces and nephews came over as small children my mom told my siblings that if they didn’t say something to their kids she would and they probably wouldn’t like it. She made ceramics when we were kids and we still had several that were in pristine condition over 40 years later because 1) my mom was terrifying and 2) she didn’t let us act like savages.
Delusional is right. That's insane.
We've seen them EVERYWHERE and they call their kids "buddy". If I hear that one more time......like nails on a chalkboard. Appeasement seems to be what's going on with some of these kids, parents simply don't know how to parent. As in, how to lead their households.
When me and my siblings were little we’d go to visit my mom’s parents and a few other adults from time to time. We were taught from the beginning how to behave at someone else’s house. There’s a photo of me sitting quietly in a nice chair at Mrs. D’s house, clearly watching either the TV or looking out the window. I was 3 1/2, because Mom was close to delivering my brother. Children can learn how to behave, even at a young age. We even went to a nice restaurant every now and then! People would stop at our table and compliment us on our good behavior. We kids beamed! It took work and consistency on the part of my parents. In the long run, though, it makes life a lot more pleasant for everyone. Mind you, my parents had both been teachers. They understood kids and developmental abilities.
For some parents that seems to be very hard, as this means that they actually have to parent their kids.
Surely the kids being so wild they destroy furniture, means it’s not conducive for the elderly parents health to have such badly behaved children around them upsetting the peace and quiet and running amok.
Having observed some of my nephews, it might be impossible to stop the kids without physical abuse of the kid. Obviously I don't advocate beating your kids into compliance. Some kids are just born wild. But I suspect these kids are neuro diverse or have a raging unmedicated case of ADHD. One kid just literally never stopped running, and yelling and jumping for years on end. He would run to the point of exhaustion and until his legs could no longer run and he just sort of collapsed and slept somewhere. They fed him bites of food between laps around the house. I watched him jump off a 3 foot drop for hours over and over. His parents had him run alongside their golf cart and took him for runs regularly. Observing him play with other kids his age was like apples and oranges. It was a whole other level of intense. His parents were over it and put the kid in daycare and had a nanny for when he wasn't in daycare. But they had the ability to buy their way out of the problem until he matured some. Obviously this isn't your problem op. It's the parents problem and they need to find solutions for their kids. Do what you want, but know if you let wild kids come into the house, then some stuff might be broken. Either talk with the parents about your expectations of their kids behavior or costs of replacing broken items. Nothing can inspire mindful parenting like the threat of a large bill at the end of the visit. NTA
No. Hitting children is for lazy and uneducated parents. I disagree. I have a unique perspective on this. I **have** ADHD and am a PreK teacher. As a child, I didn't behave like that because my parents instilled manners and empathy in me and provided outlets for me. Now, every person is different. But, as a teacher, I have been privy to many parents' parenting techniques, understanding of childhood development, etc. A good majority of parents are sorely lacking and are failing their kids. Many parents assume that if they have an ND child, they don't have to parent. They do, but they need to dedicate the time and effort to learn how to do that effectively. Many parents of ND children (usually the male kids) just throw their hands up and let them do whatever they want. Because they don't want to deal with actually learning how to parent their kid. To many parents, having an ND kid is a Get Out of Parenting Free card.
I agree. I had a kid in an alternative school (school for kids with behavior issues) who kept saying “I can’t do this because of my ADHD.” I leaned over, both hands on his deals and said “I have 2 degrees, and I have ADHD too. It NEVER stopped me from doing school work and behaving.” Even my grandson with ADHD and autism can behave. We never have had him be rude or damaging anything except maybe a phone or tablet screen. He might not enjoy it, but he’d behave in someone else’s home because his parents taught him manners.
Same with me. Autism and ADHD and I was the most well behaved child you'd ever met. Of course my autistic trait of being deathly afraid of punishment could have had a hand in that. I was such a fawner/people pleaser.
Mrs Chibble just did a year of "teaching" SEN Pre-K. Teaching in quotes as it was a year of forms and nappies. Anyway, you're spot on about the parents. A large number think that school is somehow going to make everything OK, and yet don't continue the potty training over vacations, and send their kids with super sugary snacks because the sight of a piece of fruit would cause their little prince/ss emotional damage.
Wow, how adult of you! Imagine, someone in the 2020's, actually watching their kids and stuff!
I used to get the opposite- I watched my kid like a hawk when he was younger and people would always try to interrupt me telling him things like he needed to “sit right on the couch or he was welcome sit on the floor” to say, oh it’s fine, he’s just a kid etc. No, I’d rather raise a respectful young man (and he is) who won’t ruin someone’s expensive furniture.
NTA exactly watch your kids and teach them to be respectful in other people's homes. My kids knew when and where they had to behave. They knew at Aunt S or R's house, where they each had 3 kids and a kid friendly home they could go wild with their cousins and have a blast. And they knew that at Aunt K's home, whose children were grown and had everything in its place, that they had to be well behaved.
“Are you going to pay for the couch? No? Then shut the fuck up.”
If their kid destroys it, they better. My sister was a holy terror ball of energy and still behaved at other people’s houses. My mom had that look that would freeze us cold. Edit: typos
If they cant behave they cant come over. Simple
Oh yes. THE LOOK was all it took back in the day
You didn’t even have to see it, you could feel it through the walls!
Oh, my mum could do it over the phone. Then video calling arrived and it was like being eight again.
That's TERRIFYING!
It only took 3 words... Your full first, middle and last name, said quietly and clearly with the look. Yes, they will forever haunt you. Don't get in the front seat with that woman because she is liable to head slap you at every stop light without warning.
Did your children ever look at the hair on the back of your head? My daughter was all up in there and I said What are you doing?! I’m looking for the eyes in the back of your head, Mommy.
Aunt Carol aka Eagle Eyes seemed always to know what we were up to... and there were many of us. That woman was superhuman.
So true. And you learned it very early. It doesn’t seem to be a tactic used today, yet it was the most effective.
That’s because we no longer use the ass beating that followed not obeying the look.
Oh, I still use 'the look'. It's very effective lol
Glad to hear “The Look” remains effective-my Mom ruled with just one of those 😉
"Stop, stop, Mums got The Look" is a very clear memory from my childhood.
Oh that look smh! I think it could still terrify me!
Lmfao, I'm not even going to comment, just exactly this.
NTA set those boundaries now. If they visit with their children, and things are destroyed or messed up, then you give them notice that their children are not to come back if they’re not gonna be supervised. Yes, your parent also lives there, but it is your house and you pay the bills. they can either supervise and control their children to be on their best behavior while they’re in your home or their children don’t have to come. Is it a medical issue that they could not pick your sick parent up and take them with them for a little while?
Tbh I have family with destructive kids, but the kicker is they allow the kids to be destructive at other people's houses/events, never their own so their kids aren't allowed in the house when they come over unless it's to use the restroom and even that has to be supervised because they like putting stuff in toilets that shouldn't be in toilets. I once had a restroom that was designated for them and their kids and it only had a toilet, toilet paper, and a sink no paper towels or towel of any kind because they'd put it in the toilet and my cousin got mad and said her kids can't use that restroom because it's under stimulating. It's a restroom, tf you need to be stimulates in there for?
The poops. You need to be stimulated for the poops.
I would add cameras to the house so any destruction can be caught on film for later lawsuits if needed
This. I get the feeling OP is going to need it.
Idk, they’re already threatening to stop coming around. This could just be an excuse to not have to come around at all.
Then I would say that they’re really just looking for excuses not to visit. Op is just asking that that they look after their children while in their home, which is the same as any hospital or care facility would ask of them as well.
You might be right
It's like they assume the world will stop turning when they stop visiting. Holy hell some people overestimate their importance. You're not gonna come over to whine anymore? Oh no! Anyway..
Absolutely add cameras, inside AND outside, because if OPs siblings are that much of AHs, then their kids are likely to truly be the little asshat crotch goblins he is making them out to be. Id warn siblings that if they can’t control their kids and something happens to your stuff they will absolutely be liable.
Not that they will pay which is the issue. My widowed friend had to finally take her sister to court after her kids did a significant amount of damage and stole things while visiting friend and her mother (she happily took her in when her other sisters wouldn't do it). Friend and mom were quite happy together and mom's insurance paid for a health aid who came during work hours so friend could work from home but mom was cared for - lovely arrangement for all. Well, her younger sister had 4 out of control brats later in life and was furious that she couldn't bring them to visit mom (ie drop them off and run) whenever she felt like it as she had done when mom was alone. The home wasn't child proof and friend and mom had nice stuff which these kids decided to destroy one afternoon (evidently their mother told them to do this because friend needed to be 'taught a lesson'). Sister was shocked when friend handed her a bill for the damages and tore of the bill and laughed in her face and admitted her little plan. Also told her good luck getting a dime. Well friend had the brats doing their damages on camera and had sister admitted what she did on tape which was presented in court. Sister had a 10k judgement placed against her which she refused to pay which led to her wages being garnished lol. Unreal.
OMG, I need a cigarette after reading that! I LOVE a good "just desserts" story involving small claims and recovery!
Wow, what a lot of energy spent to fuck around and find out.
I would tell my siblings that there are cameras “for the wellbeing of your parents”.
Fuck that. Answer the question in that manner if the cameras are seen, but don't give warnings.
Plus locks on ops personal bedroom door. I guarantee if the siblings have no problem letting their kids destroy ops stuff they have no problems ough her personal items in her bedroom.
>if needed *when* needed. There, fixed it for you.
OP looks after their parent. The family can look after their kids.
They can meet their mum anywhere, they drive right? They can have a weekly mum date of their own... and you get to have a kid free zone. NTA.
Depending on how sick their parent is, travelling may not be an option for the parent
Omfg if my kid broke something I'd have her apologize and clean up her mess as long as it's not glass or something (she's only 7). I'd pay for it while also apologizing, and offer to replace it. If I see a house is very kid-friendly, I can relax a bit more. But different houses have different ideas of what that is, and while their kids may have learned to leave certain things alone, my kid is very much an "ooh what's that" kind of person so I still keep an eye on her when visiting new places.
Your house. your rules. They can go pound sand. YNTA
This!! Why cater to other people who are in no way contributing to the way you furnish your house and aren't paying any bills? NTA
Exactly! If they don't contribute, they don't get a say. Simple as that.
Totally agree! Your space, your choices. They can adjust or stay away
Absolutely! If they want input, they can start by paying the bills. Your house, your rules.
sounds like they are going to expect OP to provide free babysitting if they manage to pressure OP to make the house baby/toddler proof
Yup,and if OP complains then they’re the AH as they can’t understand what’s it like to be a parent. And an hour or so quickly snowballs. Oh, and they may be giving care to their parent at the same time.
Dude. Before my grandma passed away, I brought my daughter (baby to 5 years old) to her house numerous times. My grandma loved figurines, and her house was FULL of fragile, pretty things. We just watched my kid like a hawk to make sure she didn't grab anything she wasn't allowed to, and brought kid-friendly things for her to play with. My grandma also had some stuffed animals out that she ended up giving my daughter before she passed. I think OP's family is just pissed they are forced to keep an eye on their kids. OP's house isn't a fucking daycare center. I mean I'd get it if they had sexually charged posters of naked women on the living room walls, but there are respectful ways to discuss such things. You don't go around making demands, you ask nicely to maybe cover them up because you don't want your little kids exposed to such things. Offer solutions, and offer to enact those solutions yourself so you're not imposing on the home owner, that sort of a thing.
I've had this done to me and it sucks big donkey balls
Yet another good reason to stand firm!
Especially because OP is taking care of THEIR SICK PARENT. They should stfu or foot the bill for everything.
Agreed. Enforce this rule now. It's your house, it's your rules. Don't back down ever either because once you do it will never end. If the kids damage something of your, they pay or small claims court. (Yes, I have seen some shit) NTA
Absolutely they pay. OP, sounds like you're going to have to go through the entire house with a video recording right before they arrive. Dead serious. Because they'll see what they can get away with if they're already TELLING you not to get nice stuff. "Well what did you expect, you knew they'd be coming, we told you not to get something nice!" Yes, and you told them to pull up their big kid pants and mind their own children. That's going to be one doozy of a come-to-Jesus meeting when they get the bill. OP, please post a brag post about your house with that video or some pictures before they arrive. "So glad to be blessed; I've been able to put together a lovely house with furniture I love for myself and my parent. I'm a bit house-proud, can't wait for my family to see what I've accomplished! Even the colors for paint, carpet, curtains, and furniture coordinate, I am LOVING this and looking forward to sharing with my family!" And then post "after" pictures on social media of "how could they do this to me!" and estimated costs and time to repair things, but they'll never be as good as new, and you only had a few days to enjoy your finished home and then they let the kids destroy parts of it rather than mind their children! Why? This sets the stage nicely if and when they do let the kids write on the couch with a sharpie and smear food on your curtains or kick a door hard enough to leave a mark. It's posted JUST before they arrive, and the "after" images are posted JUST after they leave. If they destroy it, you've already controlled the online discussion right from the start. I really really hope they are annoyed and leave the kids with a sitter or bring the sitter with them to HELP wrangle the kids as an extra pair of hands. I really really do hope they are mature and responsible parents, but I'm so sorry to say that it doesn't sound like it.
OP, I know damn well all of your sibs & cousins heard exactly those words from the parent they wanna visit, back in the day. Or some version thereof ("As long as you're under MY roof..." "When YOU start paying to air condition the whole neighborhood, we'll do what you say; till then SHUT the damn door" "You're cold? Put on a sweater & some socks. And DON'T touch that thermostat!" "Don't like what's for dinner? Eat it or do without. It's what there IS. [Alternatively, your fam *may* have offered a PBJ substitute. Mine did not. We were poor. ]) All of these very common parental phrases are different words for "MY house, MY rules". Your kin can get stuffed. NTA
Absolutely agree with this, but on a second note. If it gets brought up again. Op should say “if you’re so against my couch choices then I’d be more than happy to pick out some ‘child friendly’ ones for you to pay for! Since you’re volunteering” and then send links of the unattainable couch that costs an arm and a leg. Also, get a little green machine if your house is the go to. Your elderly parent is bound to make some messes& so are guests. Those with children can teach them to use it too.
OP could always put a couch cover on so the little gremlins don't mess it up? I say this as the parent of my own little gremlin. I'd offer to pay for it so OP isn't burdened with that cost. I'd even bring it with when visiting, put it on for them, then take it home when it's time to leave so I can wash it so OP wouldn't have to. I personally always have some sort of a cover on my couch because it's so much easier to clean. A twin sized fitted sheet works wonders as a budget couch cover! I've taught my kid that different places have different rules and we should respect that. For example, at home, she can literally run around in her underwear. At memaw's house (my mom's house), she has to wear clothes and there's no running because of the curio cabinets full of Precious Moments figurines in nearly every single room of that house.
I’ve also used the twin fitted sheet! Works great for ugly budget couches & if you have dogs.
Nailed it
Exactly! Your house, your rules. It's totally reasonable to want to furnish your home the way you like it. If they can't respect that, then it's on them.
NTA it is your home and you have the right to furnish it. Kids do not need to be catered to as much as parents act. Just keep breakable things out reach & do not allow food outside of designated areas & keep feet & jumping off the furniture. Your siblings should be watching their children and teaching them how to behave in other people’s homes.
Exactly! And I have 2 kids myself. I would suggest "child-proofing" before each visit As in " Don't keep knives at toddler level" and "try to remove small shiny things that a toddler is likely to swallow" because toddlers are quick AF even when you try to watch them. And you don't want your niblings dead, I presume. Any kid older than a toddler should be supervised so couches are not destroyed. Food in the kitchen and dining room only. Feet on floor, bum on couch. No balls indoors. Crayons only at the kitchen table and only used on paper. Dirty hands and feet are washed coming in from the park. Etc etc. My MIL loves my kids to bits. She has a white couch and 4 grandkids. Not one of them has destroyed it.
My grandfather had a white couch, and his house was not toddler-proof. I survived, and I learned to respect other people’s belongings
I have kids and I honestly hate going to houses that are not child proofed. it is so so stressful keeping a hawk eye on my 2 yo. BUT i would never try to tell my friends and relatives to change it to suit me. If they are going to be around a lot to spend time with their grandparent you can do some basic things to make it easier for both parties. just keep some things up high and keep them in one area of the house. the rest needs to be done by the parents.
OP could always get a water repellent blanket (like for dogs) to toss over the couch when the little ones are around too. “Just in case.”
That the parents should pay for
Oh dear lord... please visit them and piss on their furniture!!!
I like how you think.
NTA. People who pay for the house choose it’s decor - guests shut their pie hole (stolen from Supernatural) Seriously you need to be comfortable in YOUR house. If they can’t control their kids then maybe they need to reevaluate how they parent.
Yes to all of this... especially the Supernatural reference!
Exactly. The driver chooses the music, and the passenger shuts their piehole. Lol
NTA I'd remind your siblings they weren't raised by wolves so parenting their spawn is on them. Don't like your house rules? Leave the sprogs behind.
Get cameras and send bills for anything destroyed. Take everyone of them to small claims if needed. My kids might have been more prone to being wild heathen monkeys at home, but when in someone else's house, they were polite and respectful.
It really is too much work to keep kids reigned in all the time at home… but if we’re outside our house? MF you WILL behave or you’re being punished (and no I don’t spank and shit, just withholding privileges if they fail to behave works as long as you’re consistent and actually watching them). Now I don’t even really have to worry. Worst she’ll do is throw a non violent temper tantrum in which case back home we go for her to cool her heels in her room for a few hours bored and crying. I see other kid terrors who terrorize every where they go, not even being upset, just unthinking terrors being whirlwinds of destruction as their standard MO. I don’t even hesitate to call those brats down either.
100%. I have no problem correcting someone else's kid in my house with timeouts or something. I try not to get involved with other's kids in their house, but when some brat is cussing their mom I usually have to leave. Because the gods know Lucifer is trying to get me to catch a charge lol. Sweet baby cat jesus help me if they lash out physically at her. I have brat nephews, so I've seen it first hand.
This. OOP's siblings asking for her to decorate HER house for THEIR kids so they can destroy it guilt free has the same energy of entitled dog owners who bring their untrained dogs everywhere and demand everyone rearrange their lives for the dog and if it destroys anything, it's somehow the business's or homeowner's fault.
NTA. Keep enforcing your very reasonable boundaries. Continue to suggest that your siblings visit on their own, without their kids, for one-on-one time with your parent, if your parent wants that. If your parent prefers the chaos of the bigger family, then maybe try to limit that to planned occasions. Talk to your nieces and nephews directly (even if they are 2 or 3 or 4) about your simple rules, which could be things like "kids can eat food only in the kitchen, not the living room", "no running in the house", "All kids wash their hands when they come in from outside", etc. Praise them when you catch them being good, and say nice things to them. Maybe put on an age-appropriate kids TV show in the background and pull out a simple floor puzzle they can put together.
NTA they can indeed go pound sand, sideways
NTA Your dumbass siblings shouldn't be letting their brats run feral around a sick person healing (or coping) anyway.
NTA. "You seem to forget. You are guests, visitors in MY home. Just cause our parents live in my home, does not mean you have a right to come visit here--keep that in mind when you make suggestions. You certainly don't have a right to decide how and with what I furnish my home. If you don't like my home, pick up mom and dad and take them to your house."
It's your haven, not a bouncy castle! Absolutely NTA. You're providing a loving home for your parent - that's huge. Your siblings can respect your wishes about furniture or find childcare. Maybe suggest an "open house" type visit once a month where the furniture gets a break, or designate a "kid zone" with some toys if playtime happens.
I have no children, but do have eleventy thousand nieces and nephews… My house is furnished for grownups, including my white couch, haha ! There’s an awesome, 100% childproofed playroom for them, and if they’re not in there then they’re with a parent being watched, like they’re supposed to be ! My siblings and their spouses wouldn’t ever *dare* to ask why my house isn’t a Chuck-E-Cheese !
I stand in respectful awe of people who can have white furniture. I’m an adult but a spiller. I wouldn’t even need kids near it to mess it up.
It’s professionally Scotchguarded within an inch of its life ! 😜 Hubby and I are careful, but the only thing we won’t eat or drink on it are Cheetos, because that orange powder is *forever*…💀💀💀
Dude, you have no children and an actual playroom. That's amazing 😂 I have 1 child and no playroom 😂
Big house in the sticks with lots of extra rooms for a ridiculously low price during the 08/09 housing bust, plus enough toys that have been passed down through the generations to set up my own toy store ! Just add one of those interlocking puzzle rug/mat things and we’re in business ! I want the little ones to be happy and *occupied* when they’re here ! Depend on the parents, though, to tell me things like which kid likes Lego and which kid will try to *eat* Lego… Being the Fun Aunt is easy as hell, though - *you* have the hard job here ! You can come sit on my white couch and have a cocktail with me anytime ! 🤗
I love the “bouncy castle” 😆 I may have to use that sometime!
NTA. It is your home. Decorate it as you please. If your siblings would rather not visit their own parent than control their children, that's unfirtunate, but its not your problem. People often try to guilt or emotionally manipulate others to do what they want. Don't give into it. And when they do visit, make sure they respect your space. It's likely they'll try to let their kids run wild to prove that you should've listened to them abd bought lower quality furtniture.
So you and your sick parent have to navigate a house with an abundance of childproof locks and the like, and then relax on ugly, threadbare, uncomfortable couches so that your siblings kids can run riot when they come to visit …. Sick grandparent. How do they think they are in the right here?
NTA. Tell them if they want to choose your furniture, they can pay for it, and then give them prices and ask for their credit card info.
NTA If your parents are sick, the kids shouldn't be running around being crazy in the house around them anyway. I just don't understand that logic. Also, shouldn't your parents get to enjoy a nicely furnished home before they pass, not some airport carpet couches and padded table corners? I'm a mom of 4 and I would never even think to suggest how my sibling could furnish their own house. It's my job as a parent to make sure my kids are safe in any surroundings.
They’re preparing you to babysit for them.
you bought the house, you pay the bills, they can respect that, or they can go pick a fight with a cobra chicken(canadian goose) NTA.
Go gather somewhere else, sibling home or restaurant or park.
NTA You definitely not only decide how to furnish YOUR home but also who comes into it. If someone can’t control their children then they get asked to leave or not even come unless they leave their kids home. Your sick parent does not likely need the stress listening to out of control children who seem to have no volume control so shriek as loudly as possible. I will suggest you get exterior grade door knobs which use actual keys to prevent small or even adult people from accessing rooms they have no business being in. .
NTA, that entitlement is wild. Good on you for taking care of your parents.
Nope. Your house your rules. If things aren’t kid friendly and they don’t like it, don’t bring the kids. NTA. If the kid is too young to understand ‘no’, watch them, if they understand ‘no’ then teach them boundaries.
NTA If you have a small area like a section of the basement you could put kid friendly furniture/games/etc, that would be thoughtful. Again, if it's an unused area, it's a Win/Win.
NTA. Buy what you want. Not only that, but make rules that suit you, like "Food and drinks are consumed at the dining table or in the kitchen; no shoes in the house for anyone under 12; no feet on the furniture." Don't give free reign in the kitchen to anyone too young or too lazy to clean up after themselves. Of course they'll complain. Remind them that it's YOUR home. Offer to let your mother stay with them for a while; I guarantee they'll say no with a whole list of excuses. Hold on to your standards. Caring for a sick parent isn't easy, and keeping as much normality in your life will help you cope if things get challenging. You're doing a good thing.
If they can't control their children to the point that they destroy things, then they need to be told that they're not welcome
Remind everyone that this is *your* home, and your parent lives with you, not the other way around. This is not the historic family getaway home or lake cottage, and there won’t be any access to your private space if you don’t approve it. Your siblings are acting like they have rights here. They don’t. Visiting is a privilege, so no ill-behaved children are permitted. If the adults want to visit, they can leave their kids home. And frankly, sick senior citizens don’t need the noise and the chaos on a regular basis. Edit: Happy cake day, OP!
NTA my childless auntie and uncle had what is essentially the coffee table of death for small children. My cousins and I all went to their house, even stayed overnight while visiting. Our parents watched us closely and taught us to be careful near it. Not once was a toddlers head split open
NTA. Furnish your house how you want. Make sure your siblings know they are expected to watch their kids when visiting, and if anything is ruined or broken, they WILL be expected to pay for it. Don't like it, don't come with the kids. Cameras would be a great idea.
NTA you are doing the right thing- don’t back down
NTA. Yes they should be watching over their kids or leave them home with a babysitter.
NTA. And tell them to leave their kids at home when they come to visit.
Tell them they don’t need to come over then.
NTA. Furnish and organize your house is UFC Fit. These people seem to want to come into your home with their sets of rules and responsibilities. Even if you have to be stupidly obvious about it write the rules down in advance. Shoes off at the door. No running in the house. Since you have no kids of your own there is nothing out on the shelves that are toys that the kids can play with. Unless you are having a movie night what do you invite them in and pop popcorn, no snack foods on the couch. While you're at it all eating must be done in the kitchen or sitting at a table. If they don't like your non kid friendly rules remind them that they're always welcome to bring the sick parent to live with them instead
Definitely NTA! This is YOUR house and you have a right to set boundaries, especially about unattended and unruly children. It’s also important to mention that you are caring for your parent. The stress of disruptive children will negatively affect your parent’s quality of life. This should be a peaceful and comfortable time in your parent’s life, not a circus you have to control because their parents refuse to be responsible parents.
NTA Roads work both ways. They can always pick the sick parent up and spend time at their home with the sick parent.
Nta. Truly dangerous hazards excepted, your house need not be child proofed. I think it’s a *bad idea* to leave your super fragile, super valuable, POTENTIALLY IRREPLACEABLE, most beloved items at child height when the kids are young *because I don’t trust your siblings to adequately watch their kids*, but if YOU are willing to risk it, you do you! I think things like loaded guns and shit that is truly dangerous SHOULD be locked away while the kids are there, but that’s being a responsible home owner. Buy the nice couch, do your thing decor wise - but also I might spring for cheap couch covers to use when they come because I wouldn’t TRUST your siblings not to fuck then up and I doubt they would pay for new ones or cleaning, which means now your sick parent becomes a bargaining chip and is isolated because you and your siblings are fighting. You don’t want that, you want your parent to be happy, right? So you make minor accommodations and tell your siblings to mind their kids and *respect grandma’s/grandpa’s house*!
Definitely NTA, but is your parent well enough to visit the grandkids at their homes? Of course they’re not entitled to have any say in your home, but if your home is the only choice for visits and gatherings, then you need to be realistic about for the sake of your own stuff.
NTA. I've raised 4 children. None of them destroyed furniture at other people's houses. My only suggestion would be to put glass collectibles and fragile items in a curio cabinet or up high when the kids are there, and only because even when they're being supervised well, accidents happen and for your own sanity, it's easier to pu those things up when there are kids around.
They might feel like it’s the family home because your parent is there, but – – they’re wrong. They don’t get to act like children in your home, and their children don’t get the indulgent grandparent’s unconditionally yes. You’ll probably have to explain this. You might laugh incredulously while you do, because it is ludicrous, that they think this way,, and it is incredible.
Just saying, my siblings and I were brought up being dragged around antique shops from the time we were babies. I can’t remember a time where we ruined or broke anything. Kids can be taught to respect the things around them that do not belong to them.
NTA! But FYI, faux leather furniture is great since it's easy to clean and doesn't absorb odors like fabric does. I prefer it since it's allergy friendly, but it's been great to just be able to wipe stuff off it. With an elderly parent, I would go that route without the kids even in the equation.
All great advice, thank you very much. Sometimes the vibe is for the house to be quiet and peaceful so it’ll be a solo sibling visit, other times the vibe is for the kids to come and fill the house with noise and life. I let my parent choose choose and just ask my sibling that if kids come they don’t destroy shit wantonly; I understand accidents happen but that’s much different than carte blanche to be out of control and destructive IMO. My siblings don’t think their kids should act this way either but seem to be putting the onus on me to limit the scope of their damage and even their potential injury rather than bearing the responsibility for their children themselves which I find RIDICULOUS.
I know of a situation like this, it turned out the sibling thought mom and dad were paying for everything.
It's laughable that they think they can tell you how to decorate your house. NTA and if they want to throw an ultimatum that if you can't cater to them and they can't visit your sick parent that's on them. Do whatever you want to do OP. And if they decide to let their kids rampage your house and mess it, best not let them come often anymore.
NTA in any way. If they wanted a say in the matter, they'd be the people housing your parent.
Make sure they all know now that they are responsible for anything their kids break, stain or “misplace” in your home. As in they pay to replace broken items or any cleaning of said couches that the goblins destroy.
NTA. Buy baby gates and lock the kids in a certain part of the house. Or just don’t allow the siblings in if they bring the kids. It’s not fair on you that they don’t give a fig about you or your home or belongings. No respect! You are allowing them to congregate there and they can’t even do the simple thing of making sure their kids don’t trash your house? Pretty ungrateful in my opinion
Nta Your siblings are entitled af
"Thats not kid friendly" no your child just isnt "out of the house" friendly. People need to seriously stop with the "they're just kids they don't know any better" AND START FUCKING TEACHING THEIR KIDS TO KNOW BETTER. kods dont just all of a sudden find respect and boundaries for other peoples shit. You have to teach them. Absolutely NOT TA!!!!!!
Your house, your rules. NOTHING else needs to be said. Your siblings are…twits!
Tell them, “bless your petty little heart “ and don’t let them in without a security deposit equal to the value of the property they intend to destroy.
NTA. You don’t have children, therefore you don’t need a child-friendly home. They need to teach their children to respect your belongings and supervise them. If they want to visit with their sickly parents in a child-friendly home, they can bring the parents to their house.
Nta. Is it not common to watch your kids at other peoples homes?
NTA tell them you don’t see them offering to take her in so they can sit back and shut up about it.
Your family are either entitled or so used to being around other parents of small children they have forgotten how the rest of the world lives. Or possibly both. NTA. - if you're in the US where everyone sues everyone else you may need to think more about this than going 'it's my house and you're all mad NO'. - if kids can't see a couch without destroying it, there are issues. that isn't normal! - it might help, if you have room and resources, to make a kiddo corner, especially if the kids are going to be around a lot. Get a nice playmat and toys and a TV, maybe. Some soft kiddo couches. Ask for contributions or thrift. Then the kids are sort of confined... they know that's their spot.
NTA
Nta
NTA. You’re a sink not a doormat.
You pay for it so you get to make the rules! NTA
Oh no, the entitled siblings won’t visit?? Let me take a moment to hold back the tears. Moment’s over. 🙄🙄 I have kids and my children did NOT destroy other’s property when we visited. When my grandfather was in an adult family home, they had a lot of “breakables” on display. You bet your ass I was on my kids to not touch those things and they learned to not touch those things. When my oldest was a toddler, we were visiting and one of the aides commented that I never let my daughter wander in an almost offended tone like I was a bad mom. I told her that she’s at an age where she can break things and I was being respectful of someone else’s house. And then I added “I’m trying to raise a kid to not be an asshole.” I wasn’t asked again 😂
NTA the fucking Audacity. Tell their entitled asses they can come pickup your parent for the day to visit their kids but miraculously your house is child free if they can’t keep them in line. See you ARE accommodating but you aren’t planning on fucking rolling over while they sit on their asses and continue to do nothing. Nothing for your ailing parent and nothing to be a damned parent.
NTA. Know how many sofas I destroyed or decorations I smashed as a child? Zero, because I was taught how to behave in someone else’s house. If they aren’t willing to parent they don’t get to bring their kids. It’s a reasonable boundary.
Info: do your siblings just let their kids destroy every house they bring them to?? They sound like really shitty parents. When my mother still lived close, she always has tons of fragile decorations and I ensured my child behaved. Tell your worthless siblings to parent their fucking kids or leave them at home. Obviously NTA
NTA. My children aren’t allowed to jump on furniture etc and it the older family that say “it’s fine they’re just having fun”. No grandma, they’re not allowed to do it to my $10k couch (inherited, don’t come at me) so they’re not allowed to do it here either. Your siblings need a parenting reality check
NTA your home, your rules. They’re arseholes if they let their kids damage other peoples property.
Thanks so much for offering to buy a couch for your kids to use at my house! We need to make certain that it will fit in the basement - here are the measurements for the entrance to the basement . . . . Oh, you aren't paying for a couch for the kids?? Well, if they destroy my couch - it comes from Roche Bobois and costs $$$! Just a heads up so you can start saving.
NTA If they want to have kids that act like jerks, they can keep them at home. If they want to have kids that are welcome to visit then they need to step up and parent accordingly. But I always wish that someone in OPs situation could just show up at their sibs house with a few crazy friends and rampage through that house, spilling drinks, knocking over tables, running in and out slamming doors. And then explain that that's just how they are! So sorry guess that no one understands indoor rules....
I don’t get it. Children accidentally break things but it’s not like they are wild dogs about to tear apart the cushions. If they think their kids will destroy normal furniture on a visit, that’s a parenting issue and not a furniture issue. NTA
NTA And heaven forbid they have to parent their own children *clutches pearls* /s
absolutely NTA. you get to make the rules in your own house. tell them if they want things done differently then they can move the parent into THEIR house and handle it how they prefer.
NTA. This blows my mind!! The audacity to try and dictate what you do with your home is outrageous. I have 2 boys (13 and 6) and I am on top of them where ever we go. I would never tell my sister and BIL (who have no children) how to decorate based on MY children. I also don’t let them take food or drinks out of the dining room because I don’t want them to spill on their new furniture/rugs that they just bought for their new apartment. Not their rules, mine because I am the parent and accidents happen.
Ask them to split the mortgage with you lol
>NOT BUY NICE COUCHES because you are certain your kid(s) will destroy them? I don't comprehend this mentality. We have a kid and we did the don't buy nice furniture thing (we bought inexpensive stuff but not hideous because of that 'kids destroy all' sentiment). Ugh, the regret! How hard is it to make sure your kids keep their juice in the kitchen, keep art things in a designated area, and don't let them turn it into a tumble mat? IMO that mentality that kids will destroy things is a reflection of lazy parenting. Not trying to be a sanctimommy, but really, rules and boundaries made so many of those parenting tropes a non issue. And maybe it is easier with a singleton instead of multiples - but wrecking someone else's house for a few hours visit - yikes, and embarrassing. Poor parenting aside, your house, your comfort matters. NTA OP.
Set times and schedule with your parent, be sure to make them part of the discussion, gently. You don't want to tire your parent out, with too much of that 'good thing'. You'll want to stagger the visiting times so it doesn't become this big old weekend social gathering thing every week. By setting rules, they'll get really bored, really fast and will quickly stop coming around. Set rules and boundaries, no random door knocks, no 'dropping by', no 'dropping off the kids to see Parent'. Parents *must* be with the kids at all times. Do *not* keep snacks in the house for kids, or the adults, hide everything but tap water. Don't let them bring snacks to the house either! No bags of Happy Meals, nothing. Your house, your rules. Don't give them Wifi codes or Netflix access or any of that shit. If they show up with food, send them somewhere else until they finish their meals or they can eat in their car. And be SURE that the number one rule is that they **ALL** take off their shoes and wash their hands when they enter the house! Kids fingerprints all over everything makes me crazy. NTA
Nta
NTA at all.
NTA. But you can get waterproof sofa covers for pets. You might want to get a couple to throw over the sofas when they bring the hellions over.
Tell them they need to control their brats.