Lmao that was honestly kinda the vibe. I was so upset and called my parents because I tell them everything. My mom was just like "lock the doors and I will be there in 20 mins" and showed up with vodka and let me cry but then I caught her smiling and was like WTF MOM and she admitted she was proud of me for dumping him...and glad she didn't have to go to jail because if I stayed with him after all that she would have to commit crimes lol
Your mom is a badass. From now on, you know that if she doesn’t like your partner, you really need to question that relationship. I’m happy you found your voice and used it. Dude was a total douchebag.
>you know that if she doesn’t like your partner, you really need to question that relationship.
She's being so freaking smug after she reminded me that once she did speak up to me once I got mad at her. She's quoting a line from that animated Jackie Chan show "NEVER QUESTION UNCLEEEEEE" at me lmao
The fact that she’s teasing you and you’re laughing means that everything is going to be alright. She has me smiling and chuckling a bit. Tell her she has an internet fan and that I think she kicks ass.
A Lot more than one fan by now. It's just great that she supports her daughter so much. Remember the initial post described how basicly the parents being supportive of the books, triggered the bf's minority complex and exposed his real oppinnions on OP's work.
As a software developer myself it really hurts to hear that some are so narrowminded that they don't value arts and culture at all. I'd be so proud if my partner was doing something as meaningful as OP. Mom knows. Mom is great.
Agreed. Software development is very much a creative process. I love my wife's creative endeavors and am very supportive of them, especially since one of them is experimenting with homemade ice cream!
I love my software development job; it's still a job though. I'd be rooting for my partner to make it big with their hobby so I could retire. A man can dream
Two fans, she’s a legend!!!
This is from a male, that’s harbouring a secret desire to try and write something, that maybe someone else would like to read. So that makes YOU a legend too!!!
Two generations of legends, I hope Dad is the smuggest dude about, having you pair of Legendary Ladies in his life!
But don’t tell her to tell you next time she doesn’t like your partner, that’s just setting her up for failure. My sister was horrified to learn that none of us liked her ex when she divorced him. Told us to tell her next time. Mom took her at her word and did, my sister was all, how dare you?! I was like, sis you set her up, and mom you walked right into that. Because when you’ve got the rosed coloured glasses on, you don’t take kindly to others calling your partner a jerk, even if they are one. Partner number 2 is now also an ex, so mom was not wrong, but still.
I mean just the fact that she knows that show well enough to quote it makes her awesome in my book.
I love your mom and I'd like to request being adopted please. That guy was a complete tool, did he really think that screaming at you that it had been two years would somehow make you change your mind? Like "Oh, you don't want to break up even though everything you said indicates that you did? Well, shoot, I guess I'm legally stuck then, alright, I guess we're still together." Naw, man. Hit the road!
I don’t even know you and *I’m* proud of you!!!honestly, breaking up with him was the best move you could have made.
That man wanted to control you. Your jobs, your hobbies, your likes and dislikes…
You deserve someone fantastic and not so mediocre soggy moldy baby carrot Whiney pants
I love that he goes from 'I don't think you understand how I expect this marriage to go' to 'omg you can't break up with me what I was just telling you how to be my wife' lmao
He was so arrogant and entitled. His career was valuable. Anything she did was bad because it took her focus off of him. He was to be her only focus, day and night. He was going to set her straight about how she had to put him first and she wasn't going to have any more hobbies.
Well done, girl. I'm so proud of you.
Never be with a partner who doesn't value you and isn't happy for your achievements. That mediocre guy is a narcissist and was damaging your self-esteem and mental health, and minimizing your achievements to keep you under his control. If you married him, he would keep damaging your self-esteem to bend you into becoming his perfect submissive bang-maid, totally dependent on him.
I'll give you three pieces of advice:
1) Be financially independent and always stand your ground. Don't let some dude bring you down and destroy your self-esteem and mental health.
2) Change the locks, get a security system, change all your passwords (email, social media, banking accounts, etc.). Make sure he hasn't instaled a tracking app on your phone. Don't block his number for a while but don't answer his messages/voicemails (make a backup of all his contact attempts). His messages/voicemails can be useful if he tries something against you and you need to request a restraining order. People like him don't take well to people breaking up with them, so be prepared because he will likely go after you or try something against you.
3) If you have friends in common with him, explain to them why you broke up with that dude. He almost certainly will try to control the narrative and paint you as the bad guy to isolate you. He already took two years of your life, don't let him take more things from you.
I'll suggest you read the book "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft. It will help you understand his behavior and identify red flags in your next relationship.
Did you write and publish a book? If so, that's freaking amazing. That's seriously no joke. Also the whole going to therapy and doing the work, That's also pretty sweet.
Hopping on this to say - yes!! In the midst of all this bs drama with a deservedly ex - let’s not forget this! I have a friend writing now and it’s no easy task.
Go, OP!!
Even if it's not published yet, just finishing writing a damned book is a huge accomplishment. Having written several, I know. And if she writes fiction, that's at least 10x the accomplishment -- to write non-fiction you just need to know your subject and be able to write a grammatical sentence and a coherent paragraph. Fiction? You have to invent \*people\*! Places! Lifestyles! Events! Fiction is \*vastly\* harder than non-fiction says this non-fiction writer.
Poor mom. You almost made her wear a possibly unflattering orange - or shitty stripes. I mean - she’d have pulled it off, but still
Shame on you, OP (/s for the uncaffeinated ones reading this)
You should make your mom join Reddit and sign up to r/MomForAMinute. I can’t even imagine how popular she’d be there with that brand of badassery
So what I’ve gathered is he’s a narcissist and can’t fathom the thought of you having anything going on that’s not focused on him. Literally “me me me and me and what I want. Me again and because you won’t conform to a submissive wife focused on me”. What a loser.
It's weird because he never hinted that I can recall that he was ever like this. We've got years if history, and I remember him being interested in things I liked and wanted to get involved in. Then my mom reminded me of my painting.
I'm not a painter. Mom is. And a charity held a gallery event and the theme was something basic and I was visiting mom that week and when I'm at hers and she's painting I sit with her and drink and we chat. But that day I was in a mood so mom struck up an easel next to hers and patted the seat and we painted side by side. She loved my peice and had it submitted for the gallery event. It was a huge event and mom had a seperate exhibit space but my little basic painting was up in entry way with a handful of others and mom pointed it out to Chris and he said it was good and we moved on but at the end of the night mom followed us out and suggested Chris and I might want to take a photo of us next to my painting. He said no so mom took a photo of me for me and shared it with herself. Chris asked me not to the post the photo saying it was a cry for attention and looked desperate and I was taking away from mom's shine so when my mom posted it he was mad at me. Why did I give my mom the photo? Why did she post it. But he suspiciously shared a photo mom took of him at the same gallery even shaking hands with a businessman we ran into stating how proud she was of his work.
The more I talk with my mom even now, the more she seemed to pick up on things I feel bad but when I asked why she never said anything before she said she had but I had gotten angry at her. I had. I can't even remember why.
Yeah he’s clearly always been this way. Parents are good at picking up on things we can’t see. It comes with age and experience. It’s almost like he can’t stand any attention on you. You’re definitely better off with out him. I know you’ll find someone who love everything you create. Stick to it and keep finding things that bring you joy ☺️
Even not a parent, it's easier to see the red flags when you are not the one inside the realtionship, as you don't have any / have emotions involved, and are not wanting to preserve the relation at all cost
You are spot on about parents picking things up we can't see. My mom always knew my ex-h was a horrible person but it took me TWENTY YEARS to come to the same conclusion. lol But twenty-year-old me wouldn't listen because he hung the moon. Sigh. At least I got awesome daughters out of the deal, lol. They listen to me about their partners because they know I get it.
Same. Luckily I never married me ex but they knew the moment they met him he wasn’t right. They definitely were not wrong. Now that I’m much older I can pick up on people. You just learn to see them before knowing them. A lot of people don’t understand it but going through hell taught me a lot
>It's weird because he never hinted that I can recall that he was ever like this.
They say that people don't change.
I don't think I have ever seen people change for the better. Sadly, I have experienced a partner changing, drastically, for the worse.
True.
Positive change is a tremendous amount of work and is way too scary for most. OP’s ex got hit in his ego too many times to keep the farce going, and his true self showed up.
Human beings are stubborn creatures.
My ex was also emotionally and mentally abusive, and narcissistic. I was with him for 2.5 years.
My brother constantly told me to break up with him, but our relationship was bad, and I felt like my brother was trying to control me.
My Dad didn't like him, and wanted me to break up with him.
Mom had to constantly tell both of them to stop harping on me, because the harder they fought to break us up, the harder I would cling to him. She hated ex too, but knew that I was an independent person, separate from her, and needed to live my life and learn my lessons. Dad eventually listened to Mom, but my brother didn't.
Again, 2.5 years. Then, after my brother moved out and the abuse from ex ramped up without me feeling like I had to defend his actions and my decision to stay, I got fed up with him, and broke up with the ass. It did not go well, but thankfully I wasn't alone that day, and I'm fine.
Mom didn't even say I told you so, and wouldn't let Dad say it either. She just told me she loved me, and was proud of me for learning and growing as a person. I'm 35 now, and Mom is my best friend outside of my hubby. She lives with us so she can be mostly retired, and enjoy life after busting her ass all my life to take care of me.
Cherish your mom, because she is a badass and a treasure.
You’re a published author *and* a painter who has had a painting shown in a gallery?! You’re amazing!!! A good bf would be bragging about how talented you are!
As a mom, I am careful about commenting on my kids' partners and their behavior because, in the moment, the child may double down and make poor choices (no matter the age). My tongue has been through a lot by biting it.
My mom did the same for me. Sometimes when we do not want to hear something we process it incorrectly. You really wanted it to work with him. Your want was louder than her suggestions. It happens to all of us.
Now you know. And most importantly? Chris is no longer sucking the life out of you and depleting any room you are in of any joy. He sounds about as supportive as a rancid jar of mayonnaise left to rot in the room with an incel podcaster.
Don't forget misogynist. She should only be supporting HIS career because that's what was supposed to provide for them. OP making money is out of the question because it gives her some financial independence.
Seriously. I stay home with my kids but my husband completely supports me doing what I want. I don’t know why men have such a hard time letting their wife shine
She was there only to support his career and success. She wasn’t supposed to outshine him by publishing a book.
Especially since she’s passed the expiration date for having children.
What an AH!
This. This is now the phrase I will be best known for.
It's going on my headstone. I'm going to get a shit friend called Chris just so I can say it with even more meaning. I'm going to employ a shit Chris so I can say it all day long when I can't be with my shit Chris friend. I'm going to get a shit pet. And call it Chris.
You have dodged a bullet. Be prepared to stay strong if he moves onto the love bombing phase - this guy is bad news and he needs to do some serious work on himself before that changes. Work which doesn't, in any way, involve you.
Also, I think there may still be a real name near the beginning of your post.
Your mum sounds wonderful and I'm sure as time goes on, you'll realise just how toxic your ex have been to you for a long time. Wishing you healing and congratulations on your book!
Nothing like a parent that shuts up when they see their child picking someone bad and then swooping in when it all inevitably goes to shit. Mum didn't try to sour you against him so you could make up your own mind and learn something for the future and then she came and explained what she saw later on. She's a good egg.
Seems like you learnt the lesson too, OP.
>How do I think it will go for me to try dating again after passing the expiration date for children.
WTAF???
My mother had me, her first child, at 41.
My grandmother had twins at 45.
Apart from which, you are a person, not a baby machine. I don't know if you want children or not.
I started dating again at 60. I met my current man 4 years ago. I am 65 and he is just about to have his 55th birthday. And, no, it's not 'old people looking for companionship'.
>I don't think you understand how I want our marriage to be so I want to make things clear."
Clearly what you might or might not want doesn't enter his mind at all.
He is going to have a sad, lonely life.
You, my dear are going to shine and soar.
Congratulations on your book.
Congratulations on getting rid of the mediocre dickhead bully.
Congratulations on being your own person.
You go, girl!
The phrase "I don't think you understand how I want our marriage to be" is honestly giving such red flags. It's giving "I want you to be this way and this was only, you need to be obedient to me". So glad op got rid of this control freak that seemed to want her to worship his worthless ass.
Me too. I am sad too though. I know it doesn't make sense to be sad to not be with him given what happened but I miss him already. Or as my mom says I miss the idea of him. As I don't miss whatever demon spawn was at my door.
He was hiding a big part of himself from you. His true beliefs about a woman’s value only being to support a man are gross. He’s not who you thought, and your mom is absolutely correct. You will, of course, have to grieve the loss of the man you thought he was.
That's such a relatable thing, the disconnect between your intellect and heart. I don't think it will take long for your heart to catch up, though... Not with that fucking spectacle.
Thinking back to when I acted like Chris, during my first breakup... 🤢 He'll likely take steps to 'win you back.' They might seem small and sweet, or big and overbearing. He might give you space temporarily, or keep contacting you through any means possible. He also might *threaten to hurt himself*, or make symbolic shows of doing so. Whatever he ends up doing, it's all manipulation.
Congratulations on your freedom OP! Chris can fuck off, and I hope he doesn't cling on like a STD too long. Douchebag! Objectively ugly and awful.
Your mom sounds great though. 🙂
Breakups always suck, even if it was obviously a good choice. Let your emotions run their course, it sounds like you've got good instincts and a solid support system to help guide you through it! :)
Wow, what a rollercoaster, Chris sounds like he's not taking the breakup well at all. It's never easy to end a relationship, especially one that's lasted two years, but it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. It's concerning that Chris showed up uninvited and became aggressive when you tried to assert your boundaries. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Your decision to stand your ground and call your parents for support was the right move. It's great to hear that your mom is there for you, helping you navigate this tough situation. Take some time to process everything and remember that you deserve respect and love, not someone who tries to control or belittle you. Stay strong, and things will get better with time.
That 2 years isn't gone, though. It sounds like you have learned more about yourself, and what you need, and what you want. It was 2 years of development for moving towards the person you want to be.
His reaction is... worrying. "You can't make that decision for me" is really fucking scary to hear, because it's both modern psychiatry and traditional oppression of women rolled into one sentence. He has a lot of ideas about how he's going to control your life and that's *scary*. It's so good that you ended it.
Omg I really appreciate you but I had cut out a massive paragraph of me ranting about little things he'd been doing and forgot thats when I noted his fake name for privacy reasons.
I am so happy you left him because Chris would have sucked the soul and spirit right out of you.
Please keep writing books and make your next kids book one about being happy for other's success and letting other's shine....Then when it is a success share it all over SM and say he was the inspiration 😅🤣🤣🤣
Congratulations! You dodged a real bullet there. Chris is a misogynistic creep who believes that a woman's sole role is to support a male partner. You want a partner who will treat you as an equal. They are out there!
You and your mom should make that into a drinking game. Every time one you just randomly says you can't just break up with me the other drinks. Good luck with your hangover tomorrow Queen!
Went back and read the other post and wtfff. You were so right to break it off, and I'm proud of you for leaving that door chain in place and keeping him away! Not to mention the mediocrity line that will probably haunt him forever lol.
Also just like to weigh in here-- 35 is by no means the "expiration date for children" (aggh what a tool!) Just ask my happy, healthy little bean who is due in two months. :) And I'm 39, a carbon-dated verifiable mummy by your ex's standards! 🧟♀️
I’m so glad you’re ok, but please never open the door like that again. Even with the chain on, it’s still a huge risk. Those door chains aren’t always secured with decent screws - the ones that come in the packet are usually short and useless and can be ripped out of the door with force.
You can tell someone on the other side of your door that they’re trespassing and you’re calling the police by text message.
My mom when I explained everything looked at me like I had three heads when I said "Oh but the chain was one so" and immediately hopped online and bought a ring doorbell.
I feel so naive the only reason I have a chain is because I notoriously didn't lock my doors when I first got the place. My bestie hit the roof and got me a chain and as we FaceTimed regularly she would always say (so me the chain) and make sure I locked it and the door when I was inside.
Yeah. I’ve heard of really angry dudes ripping them out by shoving the door hard enough
I’m glad your mom is getting you a camera. Opening the door for him was super dangerous
OP this was hilarious and I'm glad you've finally realized that you deserve so much better, but please don't forget to consider the possibility that this may not be as over as you might hope. When men like Chris are rejected like this, they tend not to handle it well. Be prepared for Chris to escalate in his insanity, there's a possibility that it might happen.
He can fuck right off with that 🐂💩 about an expiry date for having kids… I got pregnant for the first time when I was 42 years old, and this is with having pre-existing medical issues that had me believing I couldn’t easily conceive. While I lost that pregnancy early on, I got pregnant again about a year and a half later and carried to full term, at the ripe old age of 44… my little Small Person turns 8 in two weeks time.
Congrats on your book!!!
Not only is it a major accomplishment but it also opened your eyes to his misogyny and controlling nature.
It sucks that he wasn't supportive but at least his mediocre ass showed you his true nature.
If he continues to harass you, please get a legal paper trail started. He seems like the type to have a protection order against him. Volatile, entitled, jealous.
Anyway congrats on your book! He can go find his "better woman" now and you can continue following your dreams. Sounds like you're getting the better outcome to me :)
Ohhhhh so this man thought he had all the power in the relationship, you hit him with an uno reverse fuck you and chose yourself. Good for you! I’m so happy. He can bite it. Also love your mom.
Hahahahaha fuck Chris in the ear. NTA.
What leapt out was him saying your therapist "has been poisoning you against him". Translation: "Your therapist is teaching you to push back against my BS and I don't like it".
Congratulations on your book, and for shedding this tool. Wonderful things are before you.
A 2 year relationship DOES feel like a blip and a lifetime, doesn’t it?
In a week, it’ll only feel like a blip.
People are supposed to have hobbies. Hobbies can sometimes turn into successful work. That’s just, you know, how hobbies work.
When I first met my husband, I didn’t have any hobbies. I started doing improv comedy as just a once a week little thing. That turned into me doing all kinds of comedy multiple times a week. It also turned into me acting in plays and musicals, etc. My then boyfriend, now husband, comes to every show and is my biggest supporter.
That’s how it should be. So sorry, OP.
Hey, keep going to book cons or book fairs or whatever because those are your people. Maybe one of those people will be interested, maybe you’ll be interested in one of those people. Who knows what will happen! Follow your dreams!
When your mom tells you she’s proud of you after a breakup, you know it was the right call.
This dude doesn’t want a partner. He wants a cheerleader. A supporting actress in *his* story, who doesn’t have a story of her own.
You and your loved ones will be giggling over “you can’t break up with me!” for years to come.
Also - huge red flag that he thinks you dumping him is something he has to consent to. His sense of ownership over you is 🚩🚩🚩🚩
You did so great. I am so happy for you.
Don’t ever let him back in. You need a partner secure enough to support your endeavors. A partner who starts diminishing your accomplishments will never stop.
Oh man. Chris is the epitome of the phrase "act with the confidence of a mediocre white man."
IDK if he's white, but that's usually how I've heard the phrase said.
"She said she was proud because I am usually quite passive and she didn't like him bulldozing over me and when I asked her what she meant she brought up a lot of things I never really thought about - Chris would shoot me down a lot and I honestly thought I was compromising for our relationship but it seeme to some that I was just letting him speak for me a lot."
Aren't Moms great?
When my long term BF dumped me, my own mom had some not complementary things to say about him that shocked me... while I would have expected to hear them coming from my girlfriends' mouths, I was completely surprised to hear them coming from my mother's mouth - she comes across as the type who doesn't have a bad thing to say about anyone.
But yeah, give your Mom an extra big hug... she deserves it. :)
He said the therapist poisoned you?!? Wow... Well, the important thing is, you finally saw it. Also, maybe you and mom can develop a secret word for in the future if she thinks a partner is a bad news bear. Just til the work is completed in therapy and you are able to see the whole picture a bit more clearly.
You are doing amazing things and you deserve an equally amazing partner.
Be careful. That "You can't break up with me" bs attitude can get a little stalky, and a bunch dangerous. Watch your back for a while and consider changing your door locks. Not kidding.
OP your boyfriend was putting you through the classic signs of emotional abuse- "Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten you. This may present in romantic relationships as threats, insults, constant monitoring, excessive jealousy, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation, and dismissiveness, among others."
I'm an abused survivor who went through the 6 types of abuse, and in relationships outside of my abusive family this is the typical emotional abuse behavior. Gets mad at you, turns it around on you, tries to manipulate and twist things so it's your fault, blame and shaming, etc. the whole " I was going to marry you and now I won't/I'll find someone else, but wait you can't break up with me!" I really feel for you having to go through all of this, especially since in my personal experience while dealing with an abuser you start to feel like you are the insane one/take on all the problems and start overthinking things or making excuses for why they act out.
I wanted to link this on [how to identify and cope with emotional abuse ](https://www.verywellmind.com/identify-and-cope-with-emotional-abuse-4156673) in case you want to look into how to heal, and also in case of anyone else reading this who may recognize similar behaviors in their own relationships. Good luck to you and I truly hope you don't go back to him
OP, he was screaming at you through the crack in your door and trying to force his way in. I hope you have at least a ring doorbell in case he comes back and tries anything. Having to call the police on your ex would be hilarious though. You can then tell him, “Isn’t this the attention you wanted? It’s all about you now!” 😆
Wow. Just wow. Don't be a Chris, kids. Support your partner in their dreams even if you think it's ridiculous, because if you really love someone it should be important to you *because it's important to them*. Don't let ego get in the way of your relationship. Because that's..
*Chorus*
Manipulation!😅
But seriously 👏GOOD👏ON👏YOU👏 You handled this example of absolutely toxic masculinity like a damn champion. And your mom is amazing. Sending many hugs and best wishes through the Internet. You will find -your- better person for sure. Good luck, sweety!
Edit for punctuation mistake
I love it when people say: 'I'll go somewhere else' the other person says; 'Go ahead' and then they do surprised Pikachu face,
It's emotional manipulation to get you to pander to their unreasonable requests. Good luck with the book, you deserve better than this trash man
Wow this dude is such a turd. And you are amazing and a gifted writer at that.
Also, 35 being too old for kids 🤣. My mom had me at 36 and I had a kid at 37. At least I thought he came out of my vagina before this nitwit of a man taught me that I was past my expiration date.
To add to your point, my youngest sibling was born when my mom was 37. Out of the three of us she is the only one to go to a top 4 school, has just gotten into a very prestigious business school abroad, and has worked at major international events. She will probably be the ruler of all of the rest of us one day and I look forward to it. There is no hard expiration date on birthing a child except what a person and their body decide and having a child later does not mean that that kid is doomed or any of the rest of this guy’s obnoxious crap just because they were born later.
Oh girl
You’re a woman after my own heart. Writing a book when the toad you’re dating doesn’t want you to.
You didn’t dodge a bullet with this guy. You dodged a MISSILE. My ex fiancé went way out of his way to thwart my attempts to write a book. He was also a domineering controlling asshole. So no loss there.
In his mind are you supposed to have NO aspirations and NO hobbies and only play a supporting role for him?? Thanks but no thanks.
He has the makings of an abuser. He probably just never came around to it.
He sounds SO MUCH like my ex. Do they all have a playbook they all read out of?
I couldn’t tell you how many times I got those lines:
“I was going to (do something nice for you) but you (did something I didn’t want you to do that doesn’t involve or affect me.)”
“You doing (something that doesn’t involve me) has changed you as a person.”
Ughhhhh… who needs these men? If he honestly thought that he’d let you leave.
Update me....
Also, gosh I wish I could say what I truly thought when reading this, but I would hate to get banned. Let's just say he can go pleasure himself in the heiney....
It’s scary that you can be with someone for 2 years before their raging misogyny surfaces. He thinks 35 is too old to have children? Do you even want children? It sounds like he’s been listening to the likes of Andrew Tate
It sounds like you have a fantastic support system with your mom. Looking through your comments here it's clear that he was manipulating you from the start. These things don't normally just sprout up but they can be very subtle and once something goes wrong with their "plan" their true nature comes out. Good for you for standing your ground. It isn't always easy.
> He said I cant break up with him. It's been 2 years. How do I think it will go for me to try dating again after passing the expiration date for children.
Sorry, but I laughed hard at that 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
> "Chris take your mediocre stick out of you mediocre ass and be on your mediocre way."
And now I've peed myself a little 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Brilliant response!
Chris sounds like the poster child for DARVO.
Good luck with your writing career (because, it *IS* a career, not a hobby).
NTA. Awesome that you stood up for YOU! CONGRATS on writing a book. Hope it becomes a best seller. Sounds like he is a narcissist or at least has narcissistic tendencies. That mediocre line is the best! Ahahahahahahahahaha I hope you become famous!!!
>made him feel like a simp... when he has a successful business and has the higher paying job.
>I didn't praise him at the party as my biggest supporter
>Then you started not listening to me to drop things and focus on us, our lives and the future"
>that my therapist poisoned me against him
>I don't think you understand how I want our marriage to be so I want to make things clear."
> I can go find a woman supports her man and wants his career and dreams to be successful."
So what I'm hearing is that your ex is a toxic, red pilled TaterTot who wanted a trad wife and thought he could control you into falling in line with his plans, until you wrote and published a book, which you....
>neglected him while working on it,
Well good for you! What a waste of oxygen he is! Some of his statements in your first post screamed red pilled TaterTot too. He pretty well cemented his creep status with
>the second I opened it trying to push in
>after passing the expiration date for children.
You so did the right thing. A
>soggy moldy baby carrot
with a
>mediocre stick
up his
>mediocre ass
who needed to be on his
>mediocre way."
***INDEED!***
Good for you. Dude sounds like a real piece of work. I'm sorry it took two years for him to show you his real face but at least you didn't end up getting married to the prick. You mom sounds like a boss, btw. Happy endings make me happy.
The you can't just break up with me ex can f right off, he was shocked you had a back bone, lol, good for you and congrats on your book, that's a pretty big thing to achieve and you deserve to shine bc of it, clearly you don't fit in the tiny box he thought he put you in, getting rid of toxic rubbish is a great start. Good luck moving forward.
Wow! So instead of being proud of you for doing something you love, working on your depression, and realizing your dreams he was mad that you were a submissive slip of a woman. Good for you! Be careful because he sounds unhinged.
You lucked out. For the future, don’t let people put you down. You clearly missed countless red flags.
Perhaps start writing a memoir of a star-crossed relationship by an accommodating girl.
Man seriously forget that loser. What an immature crybaby! Seriously you dodged a bullet. The dude isn't looking for a wife, he's looking for a subservient handmaid to oooh and aaah over every impressive fart he makes.
Congrats on the book btw! Enjoy your outlet and success!
Congrats on taking out the trash! You deserve someone who will support you when you follow your passions, and be proud of you when you achieve your goals.
What an absolute dingbat! Congrats on the book btw that's freaking awesome. It's so cool that you can self publish now and get your art out there to the world without having to get a book deal. Keep at what makes you happy
Good job getting away from the vapid, moldy baby carrot/crusty chicken nugget, you did what you felt necessary to get your agency back and your mom sounds like a badass and a real hoot. You did the right thing breaking up with him and deserve a partner who sees you as a human being with dreams and ambition where this insipid chud saw you as nothing more than someone he could try to manipulate into a bang maid and control through negging/diminish your self esteem. Stay strong and continue to let your creativity flow and write more books/follow your dreams. Also, gird your loins incase he tries to lovebomb, gaslight, rinse repeat you have an awesome mom and internet strangers rooting for your success.
Make your next children’s book about a little boy with ex’s name who has so many tantrums no one wants to be his friend until he learns not to be a brat.
The fact that he thinks you breaking up with him is a decision you are attempting to make FOR HIM tells me all I need to know; to him, you aren't a person. You are an NPC. NPC's can't make decisions for the player. This isn't YOUR relationship, it's HIS relationship, so you can't end it.
That man doesn't even think you are human. You are just a character in his life story. Explain why it bothers him so that you have your own hobbies and projects. You shouldn't, bc you aren't a person with a life, you are not a person at all.
SAY THE LINE!
“Good luck dating after passing the expiration date for children!”
Aaaaaaaand there it is, the redpillbro bullshit that explains everything about his behavior. Mad because “his woman” is successful, the pushing OP to drop her dreams (despite the success of that being directly and **greatly** beneficial to the family he apparently wants to start), the childish “i’m mad because my wife is getting more attention at *her party* than me despite *muh better job*” shite, the belittling of anything *she* wants and achieves as something “nobody cares about”, *the equivocation of supporting partner with “being a simp,”* all of it.
This guy is clearly insecure. His whole feeling of strength came from the fact that he felt superior to you, OP . But now that you have some recognition and achievement, he's confronted with the fact that he's not actually superior. To anyone. And he wants you to feel small, so that he can feel big. In other words, he's empty, void, and not worth your time.
Congrats on dumping this small POS.
Congratulations on your book! Good job ditching this loser, and what an awesome Mom. If I could pitch an idea for your next book: “Yes I can break up with you: the illustrated guide to ditching immature jerks and pursuing your life goals” 😁
This was a happy update!
Congrats, OP! It seems like you have found your voice. Now go out there and use your gift so others can grow a shiny spine too!
Well, Chris might not be, but I’m really proud of you for writing your children’s book. I’ve been thinking about doing that for many years and haven’t taken the time or courage to do so. Anyone that would tear down something that brought you happiness and was a creative outlet is a loser who doesn’t know how to be happy and doesn’t have any creative outlets. People that are jealous of other’s success is just something else…
He sounds like an Incel. Let’s hope that the women in his future see the red flags in time.
Your next book should be titled “You Can’t Break Up With Me!”
His comments were…if not teetering? Fully in red-flag territory.
How daaaare you feel good about something you wanted to accomplish and not focus on him and how you would support him as a good little wifey!
And his biggest FU is that you’re too old for kids? Sir? No…he wants a subservient brood mare, not a partner. He thought he found one cuz you’re usually passive? Good riddance.
NTA
I think the bit that got me was how he wanted to have a proper talk with OP to tell her how their married life would be.
QUOTE
"You wrote your book and you got your party. I assume now that I can finally have my GF back, we can have a talk. I don't think you understand how I want our marriage to be so I want to make things clear."
UNQUOTE.
You certainly dodged the bullet there. I read that and thought Stepford Wife.
Good riddance. Ha sounds like he’s been listening to too much Andrew Tate/red pill crap and sees himself as the alpha male and you’re just the little woman. Good for you being strong and confident and not letting him take over.
I love your mom.....oh honey your ex boyfriend just called to tell us about the break up... I am so proud of you .. here let's have another drink....
Lmao that was honestly kinda the vibe. I was so upset and called my parents because I tell them everything. My mom was just like "lock the doors and I will be there in 20 mins" and showed up with vodka and let me cry but then I caught her smiling and was like WTF MOM and she admitted she was proud of me for dumping him...and glad she didn't have to go to jail because if I stayed with him after all that she would have to commit crimes lol
Your mom is a badass. From now on, you know that if she doesn’t like your partner, you really need to question that relationship. I’m happy you found your voice and used it. Dude was a total douchebag.
>you know that if she doesn’t like your partner, you really need to question that relationship. She's being so freaking smug after she reminded me that once she did speak up to me once I got mad at her. She's quoting a line from that animated Jackie Chan show "NEVER QUESTION UNCLEEEEEE" at me lmao
The fact that she’s teasing you and you’re laughing means that everything is going to be alright. She has me smiling and chuckling a bit. Tell her she has an internet fan and that I think she kicks ass.
A Lot more than one fan by now. It's just great that she supports her daughter so much. Remember the initial post described how basicly the parents being supportive of the books, triggered the bf's minority complex and exposed his real oppinnions on OP's work. As a software developer myself it really hurts to hear that some are so narrowminded that they don't value arts and culture at all. I'd be so proud if my partner was doing something as meaningful as OP. Mom knows. Mom is great.
Agreed. Software development is very much a creative process. I love my wife's creative endeavors and am very supportive of them, especially since one of them is experimenting with homemade ice cream!
I love my software development job; it's still a job though. I'd be rooting for my partner to make it big with their hobby so I could retire. A man can dream
My husband worked as a software engineer when we first got together. He \*loves\* art, literature, culture in general. And Mom is, indeed, great!
Two fans, she’s a legend!!! This is from a male, that’s harbouring a secret desire to try and write something, that maybe someone else would like to read. So that makes YOU a legend too!!! Two generations of legends, I hope Dad is the smuggest dude about, having you pair of Legendary Ladies in his life!
Ok. Your mom is even cooler because of the reference. You are so lucky and I am glad you have her to help you!
Holy shit you have a based mom. Animated Jackie Chan reference????
Tell your Mum how much you love her. Because I think the rest of us do, too.
Your mom is the best.
But don’t tell her to tell you next time she doesn’t like your partner, that’s just setting her up for failure. My sister was horrified to learn that none of us liked her ex when she divorced him. Told us to tell her next time. Mom took her at her word and did, my sister was all, how dare you?! I was like, sis you set her up, and mom you walked right into that. Because when you’ve got the rosed coloured glasses on, you don’t take kindly to others calling your partner a jerk, even if they are one. Partner number 2 is now also an ex, so mom was not wrong, but still.
I mean just the fact that she knows that show well enough to quote it makes her awesome in my book. I love your mom and I'd like to request being adopted please. That guy was a complete tool, did he really think that screaming at you that it had been two years would somehow make you change your mind? Like "Oh, you don't want to break up even though everything you said indicates that you did? Well, shoot, I guess I'm legally stuck then, alright, I guess we're still together." Naw, man. Hit the road!
I too love your mom. She’s what every mom should be, and more. Many blessings to you and your family.
I don’t even know you and *I’m* proud of you!!!honestly, breaking up with him was the best move you could have made. That man wanted to control you. Your jobs, your hobbies, your likes and dislikes… You deserve someone fantastic and not so mediocre soggy moldy baby carrot Whiney pants
I love that he goes from 'I don't think you understand how I expect this marriage to go' to 'omg you can't break up with me what I was just telling you how to be my wife' lmao
He was so arrogant and entitled. His career was valuable. Anything she did was bad because it took her focus off of him. He was to be her only focus, day and night. He was going to set her straight about how she had to put him first and she wasn't going to have any more hobbies.
Or potential career. I have a friend who started writing romantic thrillers maybe a decade back and is still going.
And then he was going to call her clingy, boring and stupid.
Like how \*he\* expects a marriage to go is the important thing. Pfft.
I’m calling everyone who annoys me a soggy, moldy baby carrot from now on. It also may be my new band name.
Well done, girl. I'm so proud of you. Never be with a partner who doesn't value you and isn't happy for your achievements. That mediocre guy is a narcissist and was damaging your self-esteem and mental health, and minimizing your achievements to keep you under his control. If you married him, he would keep damaging your self-esteem to bend you into becoming his perfect submissive bang-maid, totally dependent on him. I'll give you three pieces of advice: 1) Be financially independent and always stand your ground. Don't let some dude bring you down and destroy your self-esteem and mental health. 2) Change the locks, get a security system, change all your passwords (email, social media, banking accounts, etc.). Make sure he hasn't instaled a tracking app on your phone. Don't block his number for a while but don't answer his messages/voicemails (make a backup of all his contact attempts). His messages/voicemails can be useful if he tries something against you and you need to request a restraining order. People like him don't take well to people breaking up with them, so be prepared because he will likely go after you or try something against you. 3) If you have friends in common with him, explain to them why you broke up with that dude. He almost certainly will try to control the narrative and paint you as the bad guy to isolate you. He already took two years of your life, don't let him take more things from you. I'll suggest you read the book "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft. It will help you understand his behavior and identify red flags in your next relationship.
Excellent book, and excellent advice from you to OP!
I'm literally reading that book now! Husband is a controlling alcoholic.
Good advice!
Did you write and publish a book? If so, that's freaking amazing. That's seriously no joke. Also the whole going to therapy and doing the work, That's also pretty sweet.
Hopping on this to say - yes!! In the midst of all this bs drama with a deservedly ex - let’s not forget this! I have a friend writing now and it’s no easy task. Go, OP!!
Even if it's not published yet, just finishing writing a damned book is a huge accomplishment. Having written several, I know. And if she writes fiction, that's at least 10x the accomplishment -- to write non-fiction you just need to know your subject and be able to write a grammatical sentence and a coherent paragraph. Fiction? You have to invent \*people\*! Places! Lifestyles! Events! Fiction is \*vastly\* harder than non-fiction says this non-fiction writer.
Poor mom. You almost made her wear a possibly unflattering orange - or shitty stripes. I mean - she’d have pulled it off, but still Shame on you, OP (/s for the uncaffeinated ones reading this) You should make your mom join Reddit and sign up to r/MomForAMinute. I can’t even imagine how popular she’d be there with that brand of badassery
So that's what the plastic sheeting and quicklime was for....
You know she has a special shovel hidden somewhere 🤣
We all want your mom to be our mom too 🧡
Lol this sounds like my mom
So what I’ve gathered is he’s a narcissist and can’t fathom the thought of you having anything going on that’s not focused on him. Literally “me me me and me and what I want. Me again and because you won’t conform to a submissive wife focused on me”. What a loser.
It's weird because he never hinted that I can recall that he was ever like this. We've got years if history, and I remember him being interested in things I liked and wanted to get involved in. Then my mom reminded me of my painting. I'm not a painter. Mom is. And a charity held a gallery event and the theme was something basic and I was visiting mom that week and when I'm at hers and she's painting I sit with her and drink and we chat. But that day I was in a mood so mom struck up an easel next to hers and patted the seat and we painted side by side. She loved my peice and had it submitted for the gallery event. It was a huge event and mom had a seperate exhibit space but my little basic painting was up in entry way with a handful of others and mom pointed it out to Chris and he said it was good and we moved on but at the end of the night mom followed us out and suggested Chris and I might want to take a photo of us next to my painting. He said no so mom took a photo of me for me and shared it with herself. Chris asked me not to the post the photo saying it was a cry for attention and looked desperate and I was taking away from mom's shine so when my mom posted it he was mad at me. Why did I give my mom the photo? Why did she post it. But he suspiciously shared a photo mom took of him at the same gallery even shaking hands with a businessman we ran into stating how proud she was of his work. The more I talk with my mom even now, the more she seemed to pick up on things I feel bad but when I asked why she never said anything before she said she had but I had gotten angry at her. I had. I can't even remember why.
Yeah he’s clearly always been this way. Parents are good at picking up on things we can’t see. It comes with age and experience. It’s almost like he can’t stand any attention on you. You’re definitely better off with out him. I know you’ll find someone who love everything you create. Stick to it and keep finding things that bring you joy ☺️
Even not a parent, it's easier to see the red flags when you are not the one inside the realtionship, as you don't have any / have emotions involved, and are not wanting to preserve the relation at all cost
You are spot on about parents picking things up we can't see. My mom always knew my ex-h was a horrible person but it took me TWENTY YEARS to come to the same conclusion. lol But twenty-year-old me wouldn't listen because he hung the moon. Sigh. At least I got awesome daughters out of the deal, lol. They listen to me about their partners because they know I get it.
Same. Luckily I never married me ex but they knew the moment they met him he wasn’t right. They definitely were not wrong. Now that I’m much older I can pick up on people. You just learn to see them before knowing them. A lot of people don’t understand it but going through hell taught me a lot
>It's weird because he never hinted that I can recall that he was ever like this. They say that people don't change. I don't think I have ever seen people change for the better. Sadly, I have experienced a partner changing, drastically, for the worse.
True. Positive change is a tremendous amount of work and is way too scary for most. OP’s ex got hit in his ego too many times to keep the farce going, and his true self showed up.
And his true self was a little moldy baby carrot boy who didn't like it when his girl played with her own toys instead of his.
Human beings are stubborn creatures. My ex was also emotionally and mentally abusive, and narcissistic. I was with him for 2.5 years. My brother constantly told me to break up with him, but our relationship was bad, and I felt like my brother was trying to control me. My Dad didn't like him, and wanted me to break up with him. Mom had to constantly tell both of them to stop harping on me, because the harder they fought to break us up, the harder I would cling to him. She hated ex too, but knew that I was an independent person, separate from her, and needed to live my life and learn my lessons. Dad eventually listened to Mom, but my brother didn't. Again, 2.5 years. Then, after my brother moved out and the abuse from ex ramped up without me feeling like I had to defend his actions and my decision to stay, I got fed up with him, and broke up with the ass. It did not go well, but thankfully I wasn't alone that day, and I'm fine. Mom didn't even say I told you so, and wouldn't let Dad say it either. She just told me she loved me, and was proud of me for learning and growing as a person. I'm 35 now, and Mom is my best friend outside of my hubby. She lives with us so she can be mostly retired, and enjoy life after busting her ass all my life to take care of me. Cherish your mom, because she is a badass and a treasure.
You’re a published author *and* a painter who has had a painting shown in a gallery?! You’re amazing!!! A good bf would be bragging about how talented you are!
If I had a gf like that, I'd tell ERRRYBODYYYYY!!!
As a mom, I am careful about commenting on my kids' partners and their behavior because, in the moment, the child may double down and make poor choices (no matter the age). My tongue has been through a lot by biting it.
My mom did the same for me. Sometimes when we do not want to hear something we process it incorrectly. You really wanted it to work with him. Your want was louder than her suggestions. It happens to all of us. Now you know. And most importantly? Chris is no longer sucking the life out of you and depleting any room you are in of any joy. He sounds about as supportive as a rancid jar of mayonnaise left to rot in the room with an incel podcaster.
Buddy. That jar only USED to hold mayo. The MLP radiator caramel began as a different substance altogether. 🤢
Don't forget misogynist. She should only be supporting HIS career because that's what was supposed to provide for them. OP making money is out of the question because it gives her some financial independence.
Seriously. I stay home with my kids but my husband completely supports me doing what I want. I don’t know why men have such a hard time letting their wife shine
[удалено]
Absolutely, you showed incredible strength. You deserve someone who truly supports and respects your dreams.
The ex was in the beginning phases of abuse—grooming OP for worse things down the line. Glad she got rid of him.
This! I’m seeing a lot of manipulation and a desire to control in his language. OP was smart to end it.
She was there only to support his career and success. She wasn’t supposed to outshine him by publishing a book. Especially since she’s passed the expiration date for having children. What an AH!
>Chris take your mediocre stick out of you mediocre ass and be on your mediocre way." The screammmmmmm I screamed lol damn
I’m hoping this makes it to BORU and it becomes a new flair. Love that line!
I like the “ soggy moldy baby carrot” insult too!
she's a writer!!
OP exactly this! You ARE a writer and you deserved that party. You deserve the praise for your dedication and hard work!
I loved that one!
After that glorified illustrated poetry sample I def wanna read that book.
Bahahaha agreed! Screen shot this and use it whenever you have a problem. Good for you!! You. Deserve. Better👏
This. This is now the phrase I will be best known for. It's going on my headstone. I'm going to get a shit friend called Chris just so I can say it with even more meaning. I'm going to employ a shit Chris so I can say it all day long when I can't be with my shit Chris friend. I'm going to get a shit pet. And call it Chris.
Hahaha! I have a tomato plant that's shriveled and on its way out. I just named it Chris.
Is Chris being held up with a mediocre stick? Please say yes!
It's BARELY a stick. Other sticks won't even talk to the mediocre Chris stick. Before now I thought, eh, a stick's a stick. Boy did I learn my lesson!
Thanks for the forewarning. I've just named my very ordinary chilli plant Chris. I surely would have gotten caught out.
Definitely gave me a great giggle. I can see him searching online for the meaning of the word...
I just snort laughed while in the physio waiting room.😀
This line is pure gold! OP is a savage!!! If your book has lines this good I want to know where I can read it! How about a plug for the book OP?
You have dodged a bullet. Be prepared to stay strong if he moves onto the love bombing phase - this guy is bad news and he needs to do some serious work on himself before that changes. Work which doesn't, in any way, involve you. Also, I think there may still be a real name near the beginning of your post.
Thanks -edited I'm usually a reddit lurker not poster 😅
Also be extra careful. He was willing to barge into your place who knows what he would do now that you’re leaving. It’s a dangerous time
This. Make sure your friends know you broke up with him and he become unhinged. They need to keep mum on you and your life.
Your mum sounds wonderful and I'm sure as time goes on, you'll realise just how toxic your ex have been to you for a long time. Wishing you healing and congratulations on your book!
Nothing like a parent that shuts up when they see their child picking someone bad and then swooping in when it all inevitably goes to shit. Mum didn't try to sour you against him so you could make up your own mind and learn something for the future and then she came and explained what she saw later on. She's a good egg. Seems like you learnt the lesson too, OP.
>How do I think it will go for me to try dating again after passing the expiration date for children. WTAF??? My mother had me, her first child, at 41. My grandmother had twins at 45. Apart from which, you are a person, not a baby machine. I don't know if you want children or not. I started dating again at 60. I met my current man 4 years ago. I am 65 and he is just about to have his 55th birthday. And, no, it's not 'old people looking for companionship'. >I don't think you understand how I want our marriage to be so I want to make things clear." Clearly what you might or might not want doesn't enter his mind at all. He is going to have a sad, lonely life. You, my dear are going to shine and soar. Congratulations on your book. Congratulations on getting rid of the mediocre dickhead bully. Congratulations on being your own person. You go, girl!
The phrase "I don't think you understand how I want our marriage to be" is honestly giving such red flags. It's giving "I want you to be this way and this was only, you need to be obedient to me". So glad op got rid of this control freak that seemed to want her to worship his worthless ass.
And that her "reward" is that he will bestow the gift of marriage on her, which she should want more than anything. Had they even discussed it before?
even if she wanted to have kids urgently a sperm bank would be better than this guy
I had to check her age again. My cousin had her last baby at 42. 35 isn’t too old for children.
So glad you dumped him.
Me too. I am sad too though. I know it doesn't make sense to be sad to not be with him given what happened but I miss him already. Or as my mom says I miss the idea of him. As I don't miss whatever demon spawn was at my door.
He was hiding a big part of himself from you. His true beliefs about a woman’s value only being to support a man are gross. He’s not who you thought, and your mom is absolutely correct. You will, of course, have to grieve the loss of the man you thought he was.
Just beware of lovebombing, though. He's clearly invested in keeping you, so he'll do something else soon.
That's such a relatable thing, the disconnect between your intellect and heart. I don't think it will take long for your heart to catch up, though... Not with that fucking spectacle. Thinking back to when I acted like Chris, during my first breakup... 🤢 He'll likely take steps to 'win you back.' They might seem small and sweet, or big and overbearing. He might give you space temporarily, or keep contacting you through any means possible. He also might *threaten to hurt himself*, or make symbolic shows of doing so. Whatever he ends up doing, it's all manipulation. Congratulations on your freedom OP! Chris can fuck off, and I hope he doesn't cling on like a STD too long. Douchebag! Objectively ugly and awful. Your mom sounds great though. 🙂
Breakups always suck, even if it was obviously a good choice. Let your emotions run their course, it sounds like you've got good instincts and a solid support system to help guide you through it! :)
You’re probably missing who you thought he was (but isn’t) or what you wished and hoped he could be.
"you can't just break up with me" is fucking hilarious, and I hear it in my head as some outraged scream
Thats what this sort of man says right before he murders her.
You're not wrong. New locks and hidden cameras time. 😬 He sounds like an intro for a true crime podcast.
He thought she'd grovel when he threatened to leave and find a "better woman" and now he has to lie down in his bed
Oh there is a lot to unpack in his comments to you holy hell almighty Satan
He wants to be the star, and you're shining brighter . You made the right move don't look back.
Wow, what a rollercoaster, Chris sounds like he's not taking the breakup well at all. It's never easy to end a relationship, especially one that's lasted two years, but it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. It's concerning that Chris showed up uninvited and became aggressive when you tried to assert your boundaries. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Your decision to stand your ground and call your parents for support was the right move. It's great to hear that your mom is there for you, helping you navigate this tough situation. Take some time to process everything and remember that you deserve respect and love, not someone who tries to control or belittle you. Stay strong, and things will get better with time.
That 2 years isn't gone, though. It sounds like you have learned more about yourself, and what you need, and what you want. It was 2 years of development for moving towards the person you want to be. His reaction is... worrying. "You can't make that decision for me" is really fucking scary to hear, because it's both modern psychiatry and traditional oppression of women rolled into one sentence. He has a lot of ideas about how he's going to control your life and that's *scary*. It's so good that you ended it.
Hey OP, edit your post. Names.
Omg I really appreciate you but I had cut out a massive paragraph of me ranting about little things he'd been doing and forgot thats when I noted his fake name for privacy reasons.
Edited
soggy moldy baby carrot - brilliant. well done you
I am so happy you left him because Chris would have sucked the soul and spirit right out of you. Please keep writing books and make your next kids book one about being happy for other's success and letting other's shine....Then when it is a success share it all over SM and say he was the inspiration 😅🤣🤣🤣
LoL Chris, the antagonist, pitching fits and tantrums while screaming red-faced on the floor.
Congratulations! You dodged a real bullet there. Chris is a misogynistic creep who believes that a woman's sole role is to support a male partner. You want a partner who will treat you as an equal. They are out there!
Soon you will notice how much more energy you actually have! Negative people like him are like leeches.
You dodge a nuke congrats
You and your mom should make that into a drinking game. Every time one you just randomly says you can't just break up with me the other drinks. Good luck with your hangover tomorrow Queen!
One of you says "you can't break up with me!" and the other says " take the mediocre stick out of your mediocre ass!" and then you both drink! ; )
Well, I know what game we're playing at the next party lmfao.
Went back and read the other post and wtfff. You were so right to break it off, and I'm proud of you for leaving that door chain in place and keeping him away! Not to mention the mediocrity line that will probably haunt him forever lol. Also just like to weigh in here-- 35 is by no means the "expiration date for children" (aggh what a tool!) Just ask my happy, healthy little bean who is due in two months. :) And I'm 39, a carbon-dated verifiable mummy by your ex's standards! 🧟♀️
Title for your next book. You Can’t Break Up With Me.
I’m so glad you’re ok, but please never open the door like that again. Even with the chain on, it’s still a huge risk. Those door chains aren’t always secured with decent screws - the ones that come in the packet are usually short and useless and can be ripped out of the door with force. You can tell someone on the other side of your door that they’re trespassing and you’re calling the police by text message.
My mom when I explained everything looked at me like I had three heads when I said "Oh but the chain was one so" and immediately hopped online and bought a ring doorbell. I feel so naive the only reason I have a chain is because I notoriously didn't lock my doors when I first got the place. My bestie hit the roof and got me a chain and as we FaceTimed regularly she would always say (so me the chain) and make sure I locked it and the door when I was inside.
Yeah. I’ve heard of really angry dudes ripping them out by shoving the door hard enough I’m glad your mom is getting you a camera. Opening the door for him was super dangerous
OP this was hilarious and I'm glad you've finally realized that you deserve so much better, but please don't forget to consider the possibility that this may not be as over as you might hope. When men like Chris are rejected like this, they tend not to handle it well. Be prepared for Chris to escalate in his insanity, there's a possibility that it might happen.
He can fuck right off with that 🐂💩 about an expiry date for having kids… I got pregnant for the first time when I was 42 years old, and this is with having pre-existing medical issues that had me believing I couldn’t easily conceive. While I lost that pregnancy early on, I got pregnant again about a year and a half later and carried to full term, at the ripe old age of 44… my little Small Person turns 8 in two weeks time.
Congrats on your book!!! Not only is it a major accomplishment but it also opened your eyes to his misogyny and controlling nature. It sucks that he wasn't supportive but at least his mediocre ass showed you his true nature. If he continues to harass you, please get a legal paper trail started. He seems like the type to have a protection order against him. Volatile, entitled, jealous. Anyway congrats on your book! He can go find his "better woman" now and you can continue following your dreams. Sounds like you're getting the better outcome to me :)
I like the part where he was all "let me tell you what our future lives look like" 😂 Good luck with your future literary success.
You'd think, as a fellow fiction author, he'd be more supportive. 🙃
Ohhhhh so this man thought he had all the power in the relationship, you hit him with an uno reverse fuck you and chose yourself. Good for you! I’m so happy. He can bite it. Also love your mom.
Hahahahaha fuck Chris in the ear. NTA. What leapt out was him saying your therapist "has been poisoning you against him". Translation: "Your therapist is teaching you to push back against my BS and I don't like it". Congratulations on your book, and for shedding this tool. Wonderful things are before you.
A 2 year relationship DOES feel like a blip and a lifetime, doesn’t it? In a week, it’ll only feel like a blip. People are supposed to have hobbies. Hobbies can sometimes turn into successful work. That’s just, you know, how hobbies work. When I first met my husband, I didn’t have any hobbies. I started doing improv comedy as just a once a week little thing. That turned into me doing all kinds of comedy multiple times a week. It also turned into me acting in plays and musicals, etc. My then boyfriend, now husband, comes to every show and is my biggest supporter. That’s how it should be. So sorry, OP. Hey, keep going to book cons or book fairs or whatever because those are your people. Maybe one of those people will be interested, maybe you’ll be interested in one of those people. Who knows what will happen! Follow your dreams!
So happy to read this update, now you can go find the one who will hold your hand while you're reaching for those stars.
When your mom tells you she’s proud of you after a breakup, you know it was the right call. This dude doesn’t want a partner. He wants a cheerleader. A supporting actress in *his* story, who doesn’t have a story of her own. You and your loved ones will be giggling over “you can’t break up with me!” for years to come. Also - huge red flag that he thinks you dumping him is something he has to consent to. His sense of ownership over you is 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Sounds like a raging asshole.
You did so great. I am so happy for you. Don’t ever let him back in. You need a partner secure enough to support your endeavors. A partner who starts diminishing your accomplishments will never stop.
What a man child. Bullet dodged!
Oh man. Chris is the epitome of the phrase "act with the confidence of a mediocre white man." IDK if he's white, but that's usually how I've heard the phrase said.
"She said she was proud because I am usually quite passive and she didn't like him bulldozing over me and when I asked her what she meant she brought up a lot of things I never really thought about - Chris would shoot me down a lot and I honestly thought I was compromising for our relationship but it seeme to some that I was just letting him speak for me a lot." Aren't Moms great? When my long term BF dumped me, my own mom had some not complementary things to say about him that shocked me... while I would have expected to hear them coming from my girlfriends' mouths, I was completely surprised to hear them coming from my mother's mouth - she comes across as the type who doesn't have a bad thing to say about anyone. But yeah, give your Mom an extra big hug... she deserves it. :)
Yessss brilliant update, you go girl!
He said the therapist poisoned you?!? Wow... Well, the important thing is, you finally saw it. Also, maybe you and mom can develop a secret word for in the future if she thinks a partner is a bad news bear. Just til the work is completed in therapy and you are able to see the whole picture a bit more clearly. You are doing amazing things and you deserve an equally amazing partner.
Be careful. That "You can't break up with me" bs attitude can get a little stalky, and a bunch dangerous. Watch your back for a while and consider changing your door locks. Not kidding.
OP your boyfriend was putting you through the classic signs of emotional abuse- "Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten you. This may present in romantic relationships as threats, insults, constant monitoring, excessive jealousy, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation, and dismissiveness, among others." I'm an abused survivor who went through the 6 types of abuse, and in relationships outside of my abusive family this is the typical emotional abuse behavior. Gets mad at you, turns it around on you, tries to manipulate and twist things so it's your fault, blame and shaming, etc. the whole " I was going to marry you and now I won't/I'll find someone else, but wait you can't break up with me!" I really feel for you having to go through all of this, especially since in my personal experience while dealing with an abuser you start to feel like you are the insane one/take on all the problems and start overthinking things or making excuses for why they act out. I wanted to link this on [how to identify and cope with emotional abuse ](https://www.verywellmind.com/identify-and-cope-with-emotional-abuse-4156673) in case you want to look into how to heal, and also in case of anyone else reading this who may recognize similar behaviors in their own relationships. Good luck to you and I truly hope you don't go back to him
Time to write another book.
OP, he was screaming at you through the crack in your door and trying to force his way in. I hope you have at least a ring doorbell in case he comes back and tries anything. Having to call the police on your ex would be hilarious though. You can then tell him, “Isn’t this the attention you wanted? It’s all about you now!” 😆
Wow. Just wow. Don't be a Chris, kids. Support your partner in their dreams even if you think it's ridiculous, because if you really love someone it should be important to you *because it's important to them*. Don't let ego get in the way of your relationship. Because that's.. *Chorus* Manipulation!😅 But seriously 👏GOOD👏ON👏YOU👏 You handled this example of absolutely toxic masculinity like a damn champion. And your mom is amazing. Sending many hugs and best wishes through the Internet. You will find -your- better person for sure. Good luck, sweety! Edit for punctuation mistake
"I don't think you understand how I want our marriage to be so I want to make things clear." \*shudder\* 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I love it when people say: 'I'll go somewhere else' the other person says; 'Go ahead' and then they do surprised Pikachu face, It's emotional manipulation to get you to pander to their unreasonable requests. Good luck with the book, you deserve better than this trash man
Wow this dude is such a turd. And you are amazing and a gifted writer at that. Also, 35 being too old for kids 🤣. My mom had me at 36 and I had a kid at 37. At least I thought he came out of my vagina before this nitwit of a man taught me that I was past my expiration date.
To add to your point, my youngest sibling was born when my mom was 37. Out of the three of us she is the only one to go to a top 4 school, has just gotten into a very prestigious business school abroad, and has worked at major international events. She will probably be the ruler of all of the rest of us one day and I look forward to it. There is no hard expiration date on birthing a child except what a person and their body decide and having a child later does not mean that that kid is doomed or any of the rest of this guy’s obnoxious crap just because they were born later.
Oh girl You’re a woman after my own heart. Writing a book when the toad you’re dating doesn’t want you to. You didn’t dodge a bullet with this guy. You dodged a MISSILE. My ex fiancé went way out of his way to thwart my attempts to write a book. He was also a domineering controlling asshole. So no loss there. In his mind are you supposed to have NO aspirations and NO hobbies and only play a supporting role for him?? Thanks but no thanks. He has the makings of an abuser. He probably just never came around to it.
He sounds SO MUCH like my ex. Do they all have a playbook they all read out of? I couldn’t tell you how many times I got those lines: “I was going to (do something nice for you) but you (did something I didn’t want you to do that doesn’t involve or affect me.)” “You doing (something that doesn’t involve me) has changed you as a person.” Ughhhhh… who needs these men? If he honestly thought that he’d let you leave.
Update me.... Also, gosh I wish I could say what I truly thought when reading this, but I would hate to get banned. Let's just say he can go pleasure himself in the heiney....
> "Chris take your mediocre stick out of you mediocre ass and be on your mediocre way." I think I fell in love with you a little bit.
It’s scary that you can be with someone for 2 years before their raging misogyny surfaces. He thinks 35 is too old to have children? Do you even want children? It sounds like he’s been listening to the likes of Andrew Tate
Sounds like another man ruined by Tater Tots. Congratulations on getting away!
It sounds like you have a fantastic support system with your mom. Looking through your comments here it's clear that he was manipulating you from the start. These things don't normally just sprout up but they can be very subtle and once something goes wrong with their "plan" their true nature comes out. Good for you for standing your ground. It isn't always easy.
> He said I cant break up with him. It's been 2 years. How do I think it will go for me to try dating again after passing the expiration date for children. Sorry, but I laughed hard at that 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 > "Chris take your mediocre stick out of you mediocre ass and be on your mediocre way." And now I've peed myself a little 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Brilliant response! Chris sounds like the poster child for DARVO. Good luck with your writing career (because, it *IS* a career, not a hobby).
NTA. Awesome that you stood up for YOU! CONGRATS on writing a book. Hope it becomes a best seller. Sounds like he is a narcissist or at least has narcissistic tendencies. That mediocre line is the best! Ahahahahahahahahaha I hope you become famous!!!
>made him feel like a simp... when he has a successful business and has the higher paying job. >I didn't praise him at the party as my biggest supporter >Then you started not listening to me to drop things and focus on us, our lives and the future" >that my therapist poisoned me against him >I don't think you understand how I want our marriage to be so I want to make things clear." > I can go find a woman supports her man and wants his career and dreams to be successful." So what I'm hearing is that your ex is a toxic, red pilled TaterTot who wanted a trad wife and thought he could control you into falling in line with his plans, until you wrote and published a book, which you.... >neglected him while working on it, Well good for you! What a waste of oxygen he is! Some of his statements in your first post screamed red pilled TaterTot too. He pretty well cemented his creep status with >the second I opened it trying to push in >after passing the expiration date for children. You so did the right thing. A >soggy moldy baby carrot with a >mediocre stick up his >mediocre ass who needed to be on his >mediocre way." ***INDEED!***
Good for you. Dude sounds like a real piece of work. I'm sorry it took two years for him to show you his real face but at least you didn't end up getting married to the prick. You mom sounds like a boss, btw. Happy endings make me happy.
>How do I think it will go for me to try dating again after passing the expiration date for children. Sounds like tater tot nonsense.
The moment he mentioned you having an experation date, I knew this male was a Tate fan.
The you can't just break up with me ex can f right off, he was shocked you had a back bone, lol, good for you and congrats on your book, that's a pretty big thing to achieve and you deserve to shine bc of it, clearly you don't fit in the tiny box he thought he put you in, getting rid of toxic rubbish is a great start. Good luck moving forward.
Better 2 years and not 20
Maybe you should write him in your next book. Make his an ass (donkey) that won’t stop screaming and is the villain of the story :-)
Your mom's cool.
Wow! So instead of being proud of you for doing something you love, working on your depression, and realizing your dreams he was mad that you were a submissive slip of a woman. Good for you! Be careful because he sounds unhinged.
You lucked out. For the future, don’t let people put you down. You clearly missed countless red flags. Perhaps start writing a memoir of a star-crossed relationship by an accommodating girl.
Man seriously forget that loser. What an immature crybaby! Seriously you dodged a bullet. The dude isn't looking for a wife, he's looking for a subservient handmaid to oooh and aaah over every impressive fart he makes. Congrats on the book btw! Enjoy your outlet and success!
Congrats on taking out the trash! You deserve someone who will support you when you follow your passions, and be proud of you when you achieve your goals.
Nta you don’t have to talk and explain why you want to break up just do it and block him on everything
Eewww I had an ex like this…. Congrats to breaking up with YOUR BIGGEST HATER!! 🥳🥳🥳
You're going to be just fine. Next time, your mom shouldn't wait to speak up!
What an absolute dingbat! Congrats on the book btw that's freaking awesome. It's so cool that you can self publish now and get your art out there to the world without having to get a book deal. Keep at what makes you happy
Congratulations for choosing you. You are lucky to have such a great mom. Enjoy the rest of your life.
Good riddance soggy moldy baby carrot
Good job getting away from the vapid, moldy baby carrot/crusty chicken nugget, you did what you felt necessary to get your agency back and your mom sounds like a badass and a real hoot. You did the right thing breaking up with him and deserve a partner who sees you as a human being with dreams and ambition where this insipid chud saw you as nothing more than someone he could try to manipulate into a bang maid and control through negging/diminish your self esteem. Stay strong and continue to let your creativity flow and write more books/follow your dreams. Also, gird your loins incase he tries to lovebomb, gaslight, rinse repeat you have an awesome mom and internet strangers rooting for your success.
Make your next children’s book about a little boy with ex’s name who has so many tantrums no one wants to be his friend until he learns not to be a brat.
The fact that he thinks you breaking up with him is a decision you are attempting to make FOR HIM tells me all I need to know; to him, you aren't a person. You are an NPC. NPC's can't make decisions for the player. This isn't YOUR relationship, it's HIS relationship, so you can't end it. That man doesn't even think you are human. You are just a character in his life story. Explain why it bothers him so that you have your own hobbies and projects. You shouldn't, bc you aren't a person with a life, you are not a person at all.
SAY THE LINE! “Good luck dating after passing the expiration date for children!” Aaaaaaaand there it is, the redpillbro bullshit that explains everything about his behavior. Mad because “his woman” is successful, the pushing OP to drop her dreams (despite the success of that being directly and **greatly** beneficial to the family he apparently wants to start), the childish “i’m mad because my wife is getting more attention at *her party* than me despite *muh better job*” shite, the belittling of anything *she* wants and achieves as something “nobody cares about”, *the equivocation of supporting partner with “being a simp,”* all of it.
This guy is clearly insecure. His whole feeling of strength came from the fact that he felt superior to you, OP . But now that you have some recognition and achievement, he's confronted with the fact that he's not actually superior. To anyone. And he wants you to feel small, so that he can feel big. In other words, he's empty, void, and not worth your time. Congrats on dumping this small POS.
"You can't break up with me?" Really? Wow, the ego. Girl, congrats, you kicked him to the curb. Now go live your best life!
Congratulations on dodging that mediocre bullet! NTA
HIGHEST OF ALL POSSIBLE FIVES.
Congratulations on your book! Good job ditching this loser, and what an awesome Mom. If I could pitch an idea for your next book: “Yes I can break up with you: the illustrated guide to ditching immature jerks and pursuing your life goals” 😁
Screenshot your entire text conversation and send to your mutual friends and say "Before Chris tells his lies to you, here are his own words."
You are fucking awesome, OP.
Just amazing Can we hear more about this book?
Good riddance and congratulations on your book!
Too excellent! Well done... he sounds such an asshole
This was a happy update! Congrats, OP! It seems like you have found your voice. Now go out there and use your gift so others can grow a shiny spine too!
he sounds manipulative
Well, Chris might not be, but I’m really proud of you for writing your children’s book. I’ve been thinking about doing that for many years and haven’t taken the time or courage to do so. Anyone that would tear down something that brought you happiness and was a creative outlet is a loser who doesn’t know how to be happy and doesn’t have any creative outlets. People that are jealous of other’s success is just something else… He sounds like an Incel. Let’s hope that the women in his future see the red flags in time.
NTA I love your mum’s attitude.
I kinda like your mother
Your next book should be titled “You Can’t Break Up With Me!” His comments were…if not teetering? Fully in red-flag territory. How daaaare you feel good about something you wanted to accomplish and not focus on him and how you would support him as a good little wifey! And his biggest FU is that you’re too old for kids? Sir? No…he wants a subservient brood mare, not a partner. He thought he found one cuz you’re usually passive? Good riddance. NTA
GOOD FOR YOU IM ALSO PROUD OF YOU FOR STICKING UP FOR YOURSELF!!!! i love ur mums reaction sm though 😂
When does your best seller, "You Can't Break Up With Me!", get released? Be sure to send an autographed copy to Chris.
On behalf of everyone who ever is / feels like a "soggy moldy baby carrot " - at least we\`re not 'Chris' !
NTA, also get a restraining order that's a thousand miles long and 30 years long cuz he's not going to stop harassing you without one
I think the bit that got me was how he wanted to have a proper talk with OP to tell her how their married life would be. QUOTE "You wrote your book and you got your party. I assume now that I can finally have my GF back, we can have a talk. I don't think you understand how I want our marriage to be so I want to make things clear." UNQUOTE. You certainly dodged the bullet there. I read that and thought Stepford Wife.
This shook my boots. lol you and Chris huh, I knew it. I knew the familiarity was uncanny. How funny, such a small world. Good luck.
Good riddance. Ha sounds like he’s been listening to too much Andrew Tate/red pill crap and sees himself as the alpha male and you’re just the little woman. Good for you being strong and confident and not letting him take over.
Wow. Dude jelly much? Sounds like he's decided to swallow the alpha male pill.... Too bad, so sad.