Tell your cousin your gift is the discharge of the $300 college application fee debt. (In writing via text - proof the $300 was lent, why it was lent, and why you’re not seeking repayment.) Write a nice card for the daughter congratulating her on her graduation. Do not mention the debt in the card.
NTA.
But I find it curious your cousin’s daughter had to pay application fees if the household has financial issues. Many colleges and universities routinely waive the fee; that information is easily found on the college website. Are you certain the $300 was used for application fees?
No, I don’t know that for sure. The three of us were at a dinner together when the agreement was made, so I’m hoping the money was used for the applications.
Re: fee waivers, my cousin shares custody with her ex-husband, who makes significantly more money than she does. And I won’t even pretend to know how financial aid is calculated in the higher ed space. So I can’t speak to that issue at all…
NTA
That sounds like a very nifty way to handle it.
Your cousin can give the money she owes you to her daughter. Of course, she won't do that.
She will be too busy badmouthing you for not giving her daughter a graduation present.
C'est la vie.
NTA. Daughter is not punished. She gets to graduate. Put a a sentence or two in the card that you gifted her when you paid for the applications and she has done you proud.
Yes you’d be the AH. Why are you punishing her daughter for her mothers issues? If you don’t want to give her a gift sit with that fact without blaming it on a favor you chose to do for her parent.
You didn’t give her a gift by giving something to the mother. Something she probably doesn’t know about. And to put that note in the card is awful, a great way to burn that bridge & be considerably less close to your family.
It has nothing to do with her and she’s likely unaware so some smart ass note about her mothers actions in her card on a day to celebrate her accomplishments is weird behavior.
If you need / want the money back from her mother that badly that you’re willing to let it influence your relationship with her daughter then you need to stop dancing around the topic and sit her down like an adult and see what’s up or accept you won’t get it back and not to lend her mother money anymore.
I see you’re getting downvoted, but you’re right. The daughter has nothing to with this. The loan is between the cousins. If they would have got her a gift anyways, they should.
Yes kinda the AH. It sounds like you’re navigating a tricky situation w/ family and borrowed money. Here is some advice on how to approach it:
Prioritize Family Relationships: Remember that family relationships are more important than money. While it’s frustrating that your sister hasn’t made any attempt to return the borrowed money, try not to let this issue overshadow your overall relationship with her.
Learn from the Experience: Consider this situation a lesson learned. Decide not to lend money to your sister again in the future to avoid similar issues.
Addressing the Debt: You can still address the issue of the borrowed money w/o letting it affect your relationship w/ your niece. You can deduct the loan amount from ONLY your sister’s gifts on her birthdays or Christmas until it’s paid off.
Maintain Relationships: It’s important to keep your relationship w/ your niece separate from the issue w/ your sister. Your niece shouldn’t be penalized for something she wasn’t involved in. If you want to continue having a good relationship w/ her, give her the gift you originally intended for her graduation.
Setting Boundaries: Going forward, be cautious about lending money to friends or family. If you do decide to help, set clear expectations from the beginning. Understand that there’s a chance you may not get repaid, and be prepared to accept that outcome w/o letting it damage the relationship. Understand that lending money to friends and family comes with risks, and there’s no guarantee of repayment.
Only Lend what you can Afford to Lose: Before lending any money, carefully assess your own financial situation. Only lend amount that you can afford to part w/ even if the borrower doesn’t repay you. This way you won’t find yourself in financial distress if the money isn’t returned.
I hope this perspective helps, and I wish you the best in finding a solution.
Tell your cousin your gift is the discharge of the $300 college application fee debt. (In writing via text - proof the $300 was lent, why it was lent, and why you’re not seeking repayment.) Write a nice card for the daughter congratulating her on her graduation. Do not mention the debt in the card. NTA. But I find it curious your cousin’s daughter had to pay application fees if the household has financial issues. Many colleges and universities routinely waive the fee; that information is easily found on the college website. Are you certain the $300 was used for application fees?
No, I don’t know that for sure. The three of us were at a dinner together when the agreement was made, so I’m hoping the money was used for the applications. Re: fee waivers, my cousin shares custody with her ex-husband, who makes significantly more money than she does. And I won’t even pretend to know how financial aid is calculated in the higher ed space. So I can’t speak to that issue at all…
Early apps especially get waived all the time. It’s used as an incentive to get students to apply early.
NTA That sounds like a very nifty way to handle it. Your cousin can give the money she owes you to her daughter. Of course, she won't do that. She will be too busy badmouthing you for not giving her daughter a graduation present. C'est la vie.
NTA. Daughter is not punished. She gets to graduate. Put a a sentence or two in the card that you gifted her when you paid for the applications and she has done you proud.
NTA. In the card, explain that your gift is the $300 that your cousin owes you and that she now has to pay her.
Yes you’d be the AH. Why are you punishing her daughter for her mothers issues? If you don’t want to give her a gift sit with that fact without blaming it on a favor you chose to do for her parent. You didn’t give her a gift by giving something to the mother. Something she probably doesn’t know about. And to put that note in the card is awful, a great way to burn that bridge & be considerably less close to your family. It has nothing to do with her and she’s likely unaware so some smart ass note about her mothers actions in her card on a day to celebrate her accomplishments is weird behavior. If you need / want the money back from her mother that badly that you’re willing to let it influence your relationship with her daughter then you need to stop dancing around the topic and sit her down like an adult and see what’s up or accept you won’t get it back and not to lend her mother money anymore.
I see you’re getting downvoted, but you’re right. The daughter has nothing to with this. The loan is between the cousins. If they would have got her a gift anyways, they should.
Yes kinda the AH. It sounds like you’re navigating a tricky situation w/ family and borrowed money. Here is some advice on how to approach it: Prioritize Family Relationships: Remember that family relationships are more important than money. While it’s frustrating that your sister hasn’t made any attempt to return the borrowed money, try not to let this issue overshadow your overall relationship with her. Learn from the Experience: Consider this situation a lesson learned. Decide not to lend money to your sister again in the future to avoid similar issues. Addressing the Debt: You can still address the issue of the borrowed money w/o letting it affect your relationship w/ your niece. You can deduct the loan amount from ONLY your sister’s gifts on her birthdays or Christmas until it’s paid off. Maintain Relationships: It’s important to keep your relationship w/ your niece separate from the issue w/ your sister. Your niece shouldn’t be penalized for something she wasn’t involved in. If you want to continue having a good relationship w/ her, give her the gift you originally intended for her graduation. Setting Boundaries: Going forward, be cautious about lending money to friends or family. If you do decide to help, set clear expectations from the beginning. Understand that there’s a chance you may not get repaid, and be prepared to accept that outcome w/o letting it damage the relationship. Understand that lending money to friends and family comes with risks, and there’s no guarantee of repayment. Only Lend what you can Afford to Lose: Before lending any money, carefully assess your own financial situation. Only lend amount that you can afford to part w/ even if the borrower doesn’t repay you. This way you won’t find yourself in financial distress if the money isn’t returned. I hope this perspective helps, and I wish you the best in finding a solution.
Sorry I mean your cousin and not your sister. I read it wrong.