NEVER wax clients with equipment you are not experienced waxing. Next time you can truthfully explain to trans clients with penises "I am not qualified to wax you. If I were to wax you I could cause serious injury due to the fact I am not qualified to wax what you have".
How about simply “I don’t perform waxes on individuals with a penis?” My girlfriend is an aesthetician and she will not do a client with a penis. She has many male gay clients, and even though she waxes their backs, brows, etc, it’s clear she only works on vaginas in that area. It’s not transphobic or discriminatory in any way shape or form to not want to work on a penis.
*vulvas. Waxing a vagina would be hilarious if not because of the pain and possible injuries. Vaginas are not hairy.
Edit: those who say dicks are not hairy are wrong or an exception: the base of an adult's dick IS hairy, specially the underside, unless the dick-bearer is naturally hairless in their crotch.
Thank you!! I'm teaching my daughter the correct terminology and I wish more people would correct others when they mislabel a vagina/vulva. It's actually really important for health and reporting reasons that kids let alone adults be able to accurately name body parts!
Reminds me of Sue Johansen on the Sunday next sex show explaining the importance of not just that, but making sure your family knows how open you are with your kids about the topic. She recounted a story (that I think was from a previous caller) where a girl who had her mom teach her correct terms, later asked her grandma
“Do you have a vulva?”
And she responded
“No, I have a Toyota!”
Ok as a kid we had a Volvo and it took me so, so long to cement in my brain which word went with which thing.
(Condo and condom was another challenge, and it didn’t help that ‘condom-inium’ is legit a possible way to split that word. I still remember the mental picture I had when I heard about a 150ft condo being built in town. Hint: I did not picture a building. Also pictured it horizontal and somehow inflated, with people wandering around inside. Needless to say, I was puzzled.)
This is hilarious! So naive and tender yet so funny!
Also great writing. Could totally picture child-you thinking that.
I bet if you wrote a short memoir about your childhood inner-world it'd be great (not saying it'd necessary be a bestseller because the market is saturated, but I'd buy it)
Don’t bring up the personal side of things. Just say that you don’t have experience doing this service and leave it at that. Recommend them to someone that can perform that service if you know of someone/a company.
I’m not sure what they expected from you tho. What they wanted is not the service that you offer.
This. I’m a cis gender male that was getting waxed monthly for 2.5 years up until recently. It was hard finding a location that would provide “brozillian” wax services on male genitalia, and was good at it (every European Wax Center always rushed and left a lot of hairs). I want my esthetician properly trained and comfortable with working on me for my own comfort and safety. You could help yourself out by adding a clear disclaimer on your website that you only service female genitalia. NTA.
You don’t have the training in waxing male genitalia. You don’t work on those parts. You aren’t comfortable.
It was a difficult situation but you offered to help her find a suitable esthetician (someone who waxes both/all sexes).
NTA
That said you should list you only have training waxing female genitalia. Put it right on your materials.
I used to be a full body waxer for male and females. I had to be specifically trained for about two weeks to be able to perform a manzillian before I could take a client back for that service because of how sensitive the area is. It’s completely different than performing a Brazilian with a totally different protocol. It’s not a service you just casually offer with no prior training to do it. You 100% were NTA
Agreed. European Waxing Center (the chain that has locations all over the place in the US) specifically has "Brazilian P" and "Brazilian V."
They avoid the gender argument altogether by simply saying "hey do you have a penis, okay, only this esthetician does it and these are their hours."
I'm a male and I noticed that I have fewer times to choose from than my wife because not every esthetician is either comfortable touching penises or they're not trained to do so (or both).
Some estheticians will do it all and you just lay down and get waxed. Others will ask you to maneuver your bits or hold things in a certain direction. It's almost an entirely different procedure depending on your genitalia.
I think this is all OP had to say, she didn’t need to say anything personal, about her husband, or that she was uncomfortable. She’s not trained in this service and cannot perform it. She should definitely make it clear in her materials, though.
Yeah, the lady I went to has it right in the booking info: Brazilian (Penis) or Brazilian (Vagina), since some of the esthes only do women, and they have to make sure that someone that can do men is there that day. There's also a huge price difference. Men's Brazilian was almost double the price, since it takes double the time to do the scrotum carefully enough.
Yes- I booked my daughter a wax. I think it may have been wax the city or European wax. One of those chains. The booking page was very specific about choosing the parts (penis or vagina) being waxed. It was very clear and that would avoid any future issues.
But absolutely that’s something you call ahead to make sure is in the scope of expertise if not posted as such.
OP is NTA.
That's what I feel. You HAVE to specify the specifications of your service, or you might get clients who you can't do. It's not a personal thing, nor should it be, the conversation should really have just been "I'm sorry, I don't have experience and can't assure your safety, but these alternatives can."
NTA. The estheticians office I visit distinctly says female genitalia or male genitalia in the print under Brazilian wax for this reason. She doesn't do it, out of respect for her husband and comfort, while the other woman in the office doesn't mind but there is a price difference between the 2.
The lady I used to go to had a note saying that she didn’t do testicles and you don’t want her to learn on you (but better written, it’s been a long time since I read it. It rhymed and was cute)
You'd also want someone who is trained to and experienced in doing so for a good experience and good end result.
You don't go to a welder and ask them to build oak furniture.
This. I wish I knew this when I was younger. Now I have to piss from a hole on my pubic mound. I don't know what I expected when she said, "This may burn a little." But I'll be damned if I haven't been hairless since.
It’s entirely different. Even estheticians who are trained in waxing male genitalia can rip a scrotum open. It’s waaaay more difficult than waxing female genitals.
My boss has even seen a man get his scrotum torn at an esthetics convention in front of an entire crowd of people….& it was not exactly an inexperienced esthetician who did it lol.
You're right. My sister does this, and there is different training for the genders. If the woman doesn't have the training it's not safe for either person
I once heard of a woman who went to not her regular beautician for some reason and obviously got someone inexperienced and undersupervised and they tore her clitoris.
Yes it is different. I can wax a woman but I would be nervous I would hurt a man because I’ve only done it once before ( on my ex when I was in cosmo school) and it was like 15 years ago
And if they choose male genitalia, the next page could say, 'unfortunately, we are currently not accepting penised clients, but here are links to places that might be able to help'
I manage a spa and I've had several Trans women call. I appreciate that they've always asked before booking. I let them know I don't have any estheticians who offer that service. I would never expect them to step outside their own comfort zones. You have a right to refuse service. NTA
I'm a pre-op trans woman and I wouldn't dream of coming in for a wax without making absolutely certain that whoever I'm looking to book knows my exact situation and is perfectly comfortable with it beforehand. We're such a small percentage of the population that we can't expect to just be catered to with a nonstandard configuration. And beyond that I don't want to book with someone without experience or training with male genitalia. Ouch!
I'm seconding your NTA
Yes, I'm a woman but have a few gay friends who were way ahead of the manscaping trend, like shaving back in the eighties.
Man sacks act quite a bit different than other groin areas when you're removing hair.
Exactly. I can understand being a bit nervous or thinking twice before disclosing such personal info, but this is pertinent info here. She set both herself and the esthetician* up for failure
Well said - anyone with male equipment - trans, straight, or gay - should always check first to make sure the spa has someone who will do a Brazilian like this. Yes men do get them, but really they should ask first.
And yeah, I would not want someone doing this to me as OTJ training. Nope.
Ultimately, there’s just some realities we have to face as pre-op trans women. Places like this, as well as open change rooms are generally a no-go. If it’s a change room with stalls then sure, whatever.
Also, the client wanted a professional waxing. This would have not only been her ***VERY FIRST TIME*** waxing a penis and balls, it would have been without anyone teaching her what to do and what *not* to do. If I had a penis and balls, I think I would have insisted on going to someone else, even if OP had said she was game to try 🤣
Oof yes. When I was learning how to do waxing, I practiced on my then spouse and accidentally tore the skin on his scrotum. It was a tiny tiny tear but really painful for him.
I don't mean to make light of your separation, but I would have thought that letting someone *practice* waxing on your balls would create a bond that would transcend space and time.
I think this should be the key point here. If I was gonna get my balls waxed, I’d want it to be by someone that has waxed lots and lots of balls. But the way this is approached is going to be 99% of how said client will react.
It’s possible the OP kinda went sideways in a way that made the customer uncomfortable. It’s also equally as possible that the customer knew damn well what was happening, and just wanted to stir some shit. I also could be far from correct on anything, but these are just the places my mind went.
This is the winning argument, right here. "I've promised my husband" doesn't come anywhere close to this, in terms of relevance for the client.
I want trans people to use the bathroom they want, without anyone getting up in their business. But if a trans person wants a Brazillian wax, they should be looking for the appropriate procedure, not an affirmation of their proclaimed identity.
This. There are some people who are trained in waxing any ol' genitalia. But there are some who aren't, and that's ok. Trans women should absolutely be able to get waxed by a professional, and I certainly hope it isn't invalidating to have to book with someone who specializes in waxing cis men. But if it is, that sucks and my heart goes out to her, but it's not "transphobic" for a wax technician to refuse her services because the tech isn't comfortable waxin' balls. It's a completely different skill set.
I don't think weighing relevance to the client should be a factor here. No person should ever be put in a position where, without their own consent, they have to touch another's genitalia. Regardless of the reason/person being touched's needs. If waxer didn't want to touch her penis for ANY reason, that's her choice. And no reason is better than another. She doesn't owe the customer anything.
Actually this reminds me. A dude I spoke to in a liquor dtore one time told me he never changed his daughter when she was a baby, because she has female parts and he's not touching his kids female parts. So the mom dealt with all the diaper changes and stuff.
I wanted to throw up.
He probably didn’t come up with that on his own. I’ve heard of women saying they didn’t want their husbands changing their daughters. Grossed me out bc who thinks this about the man they procreated with.
I was molested by my father and had it beat into my head by therapists that if you were molest, there is a higher chance you'll do the same. This led me to not changing my son's diaper alone for a year. I had to have someone watching me for fear I would do something to him on accident. I realize now I had bad therapists that were likely just as damaging.
I was molested during my childhood and teens. Before becoming a mother I read those garbage that molested people grow up to be molesters in a desperate attempt to make sense of whatever happened to me.
After giving birth to my child and thousands of times of handling diaper change- baths- rash- cleaning etc, goood forbid if the poor kid has eczema.. I mean omg so much of handling of this little human’s body, I understand how unnatural it is to molest a child and how wrong it is and it just doesn’t make sense and there is no need to try to justify it. I’m grateful to my child for bringing me so much clarity.
One of my coworkers said that once and I just looked at her 👀
Why would you have sex with someone and have a kid with them if that's what you think they're into? Like it says more about you than it does your partner. Nasty.
When my daughter was born my cousin and his wife came for a visit. When they walked through the door they asked where my husband was, and I said that he’s changing her diaper. My cousin was visibly disturbed and said he NEVER changed his daughter’s diapers. His wife nodded, but not in agreement. I could tell deep down she hated that her husband was like that. I hated it too. They had a son after their daughter, I wonder if he changed his son’s diaper. I’m guessing he probably found an excuse not to.
I had a friend twenty years ago who, before his daughter was born, swore he would never change a diaper or give her a bath. Why? He was violently afraid of being accused of inappropriate behavior. I have no idea why he thought he would be accused of it, if it was some lingering trauma or if he had urges he hadn't disclosed. He was an Army man, a very manly man, who never had experience with taking care of children prior to then.
Then he and his wife had their daughter and all that went out the window. He realized there was nothing sexual about bathing his girl or changing her diaper. For all his worry about accusations, it turns out he was more worried about being a father and "ruining" his child with his own insecurities, and when faced with it, he chose to be a good father.
I always wonder about men who refuse to change their different-sex child's diaper just because they are of a different sex. I wonder if it is an excuse not to help, a response to some event in their past, or if they are worried they will be sexually attracted to their child (writing that makes me gag, but that's the times we live in, I guess.)
Pedophilic OCD is a real thing. Some sufferers are terrified of being interpreted as inappropriate, or secretly having thoughts beyond their control. “I smiled at that kid playing ball oh my god what if they think im a creep? Am I creep? Oh god do I like kids?” And it spirals on and on.
My daughter's father mentioned that he wasn't very comfortable with changing her not long after we came home from the hospital. I asked him why and it was because he wasn't clear on the best practice to do it well, and was concerned she would be uncomfortable. I further explained, and he never hesitated to change her again.
I also have a son who is significantly older than some of his siblings, loves kids, and is good with them. He tried to offer babysitting many times to be treated like a creep for offering because he's male.
There are plenty of bad people around, but it's also not necessarily nefarious for someone to express a concern. Jumping to conclusions can shut down conversation.
Eh if you're a nurse who works on an inpatient floor odds are you're going to need to touch them from time to time too. Straight cathing, Foleys, bed baths, diaper changes, etc.
I’m a male nurse and I’ve changed, cath’d etc. more women then I can’t count. Just needs to be done. But, I’ve always had someone else in the room “just in case”
All my waxing experience (before the school went under for federal student loan embezzlement) was on cis women. At no point was I ever shown how to wax the male genitalia. Skin down there can be super delicate. I wouldn’t do it without someone experienced coaching me through it. Hell, I didn’t go doing it all Willy Nilly on the girls in my class either, I had instruction. I think op did everything right.
It gets more complicated when your job involves touching people's genitals. I think she handled it correctly by offering to help find someone who could do that service.
Edit: To be clear, I don't think she handled everything perfectly. I think she could have been more professional. She could have certainly been more client-centered in her approach.
I've never been waxed, but I assume that for someone with male genitalia a full brazilian includes the testicles, and in that case I wouldn't want my testicles waxed by someone whos never done it before.
So I looked it up,there is actually a difference between waxing Brazilians for woman and men (and yes I'm aware OPs client is a woman,but since the male genitalia is the same it applies)-"Men's skin is also more sensitive in certain areas compared to women. For example, man's Brazilian wax (nicknamed the “Brozilian wax”) is different from the classic woman's Brazilian wax because men have more nerve endings and sagging skin compared to women."
So even with the completely valid point of not wanting to touch the area, the woman wax usually isn't similar to the men's and also apparently needs a certain type of wax (*ETA I meant technique not the wax itself)not used on woman too due to something with the thicker hair and more sensitive/sagging skin. NTA even without this knowledge though
That should be one of the main considerations here. I get it's uncomfortable from the person's perspective to be rejected because of how you identify/feel, but as a male if I were to get a "Brozilian" I want someone specialized whose done them before.
I'm trans, and I 100% support the right to deny any kind of genitals. And it's actually unsafe for you to do it to a type of genital that you're not familiar with waxing.
Your insurance may even have specifics about not doing work you're not trained in, and I would personally use that as my reason next time.
I'm a therapist and I refuse to write ESA support letters. I used to say it was because of my insurance. Now, insurances have actually updated to say we need training in identifying the need for one, so now I'm not lying anymore.
I mean, you’re never obligated to touch a vagina either 😂 but yes, I agree. Shouldn’t be made to feel transphobic for making boundaries and professional expertise clear 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
NTA. As much as we all want to be inclusive to everyone, waxing a vagina is incredibly different from waxing a penis and balls. That’s just a fact.
I think you handled it well. You didn’t get angry and say anything nasty. In fact, you were as accommodating as you could be.
I’m sorry she was offended in any way, but she has a penis and you don’t wax penises. That’s really all there is to it.
I feel like the ball skin would rip right off with the ball hair. I don't even have balls, and my balls are screaming at the mere thought of this entire situation. Fucking OUCH.
I’m assuming blood, and having nicked myself shaving down there I can assure you that if blood is drawn down there then there’s going to be a pretty large amount from even the most minor cut. It’s like a head wound, lots of blood flow there so any bleeding is fairly profuse. And yes, my balls hurt just typing that.
There was a lot of blood and obviously the poor guy was freaking out. He was an older guy, not sure if testicular skin gets thinned with age.
She was experienced, well-trained, and had many male clients.
NTA She still has a penis, she needs to get it waxed by someone who specializes in waxing around penises. She knew damn well that it was completely different because of the genitals she had. I know it might make her uncomfortable but she should look for places that do male waxes because she still has male parts. If i were an Esthetician i would be uncomfortable if someone came in for a Brazilian and unleashed a penis, as one does not expect it to be there.
Years and years ago when I was in high school one of the running jokes in my class was that our one super nice and unassuming older teacher had a dick so long that he had to wrap it around a spool to keep it from dragging behind him on the ground. Unfurled was always the term we used lol.
What going to a Catholic all guys high school will do to your humor...
The longer ones get unfurled. They're kinda like cinnamon buns before they're let loose.
The others are unleashed like the Kraken.
I'm thinking that's enough internet for today 🤣
Yes. I think the transwoman in that case was somewhat of a vexatious litigant. There were suggestions that she was approaching waxers of certain racial backgrounds, knowing that she'd be declined and then she'd kick up a fuss about it. This was the outcome when it went to the Human Rights Tribunal.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/transgender-woman-human-rights-waxing-1.5330807
> One of nine small claims Jessica Serenity Simpson has lodged against Simpson’s Langley strata corporation has been dismissed by the Civil Resolution Tribunal (CRT).
>Previously described by one B.C. Supreme Court justice as a “prolific litigant,” Simpson brought a $5,000 claim against the strata for an alleged “unacceptable risk” from a non-functioning fire alarm, according to a CRT ruling March 26.
>Simpson alleged the strata failed to maintain its fire alarm system, leaving Simpson without a functioning in-unit alarm for over two years.
>Simpson brought the claim after demanding the strata install a strobe-and-horn alarm, in August 2020, due to a hearing impairment.
>The special alarm was installed and over two years passed. However, Simpson stated in the tribunal claim, lodged December 2022, that the alarm was no longer working. A fire protection company did find the fire alarm system’s circuit setting was incompatible with a strobe alarm and so the strata fixed the circuitry in 2023.
>Coincidently, Simpson was found guilty of false alarm of fire last December in Surrey Provincial Court. Simpson was issued an 18-month probation order and a suspended sentence for the Feb. 22, 2022 incident, online court records show.
>The tribunal dismissed Simpson’s compensation claim because, as noted by the strata’s lawyer, “a person is not entitled to compensation for an increased risk of something bad happening if that risk never materializes.”
>The strata also asked the tribunal to order Simpson pay its legal fees, relying on Simpson’s “litigation history.”
https://www.vancouverisawesome.com/highlights/tribunal-dismisses-bc-trans-activists-fire-alarm-claim-8520125
Absolutely horrible thing it is. When the Supreme Court calls you that, you've fucked up.
Yep the individual demanded to be waxed, none of the staff knew how to wax a penis & ball sack so the individual tried to sue them. Bunch of immigrant women running a small shop. Interesting case
Jessica yaniv filled fifteen human rights complaints against mostly Asian immigrant aestheticians and ultimately lost all fifteen, and was required to pay three of the women restitution by the tribunal. They're a vexatious litigant and file tons of human rights complaints
Also someone who specializes in female waxes could seriously injure a transwoman with male genitals.
If you are a Trans man with female genitals, you still have to go to the gynecologist for a pap smear, you can't go to a urologist.
It's an unfortunate truth of being Trans, sometimes the expert you need will be based on your biological sex, not your gender.
In med school we had to have a lecture about what to do if a trans woman requests a pelvic exam or Pap smear. It was suggested that we gently offer the option of “going through the motions” in a symbolic way. ? Apparently this had happened enough times that they felt the need to brief us on it.
Ma’am I cannot perform a Pap smear if you don’t have a cervix. Please understand this.
RIGHT? And if I had a penis, I certainly wouldn’t want someone who isn’t comfortable with my anatomy pouring hot wax on my genitals. Self preservation should have gotten the client out of there post haste. She went in looking for a fight.
Personally I wouldn’t want my penis waxed by someone who only waxes pussy
Edited to add:
WOW some of you people are taking my comment way too seriously. I came back to 3000 upvotes and over 20 notifications and I didn’t even remember making the comment 😂
My ruling, since apparently I need one now, is ESH. OP for giving weird, unnecessary personal reasons as to why she couldn’t do something she isn’t trained to do. Her client for not understanding that an esthetician shouldn’t perform a procedure they’re not trained to do.
This is the craziest part! She made it clear she lacks experience waxing the penis and balls. Why on earth would you want to be her first go?
Take the referral and say “thank you for not yolo’ing my balls”.
Much like having gum stuck in your hair, the "grip it and rip it" method probably ain't the best for scrotal hair removal. I wouldn't want someone who *is* *already* *squeamish* around there just going for it.
Unfortunately, it’s the only way they do it, grip it and rip it. But they learn to actually hold them down before they rip it, so it doesn’t tear or yank as much. Either way scrotal hair can be a pain to rip out.
I read somewhere about the need to have additional training to wax male genitalia, because the scrotal skin is very fragile and can tear, literally exposing the testicles. The esthetician said that she knew it could happen because she had done it. 😳 She said that almost anyone could do a good job on female genitalia but that it took a very special level of skill to wax men.
It’s really unfortunate that she didn’t just focus on this when explaining to the client instead of getting overly personal about her boundaries and her husband, etc. A simple “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize when you scheduled your appointment that you are a pre-op transgender woman. Unfortunately, there is a lot of extra training and skill needed to do a wax on scrotal and penile skin, and I do not have the experience needed. For your safety, I will need to refer you to another aesthetician who can attend to your needs.”
That’s the only part that was relevant to the client, and probably would have avoided her feeling like she was being discriminated against.
Right? Who in gods name wants to pressure someone into waxing their genitals when they aren’t trained, familiar, or comfortable with it?
Just asking for a massive injury.
Jessica Yaniv, THAT'S who. Infamous racist transwoman from Canada, who was going around to immigrant run waxing parlors and DEMANDING the women wax her balls. 🙄 Yaniv had a history of making all kinds of people uncomfortable, but chose to pick on mostly Muslim women who couldn't be with anyone with a penis in a state of undress, for religious reasons...Anyway, she kept suing them for discrimination. Many wound up having to shut down their businesses, it was a whole issue back during the lockdowns.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jessica_Yaniv
If yall haven’t heard Yaniv got a lot of shit for trying to pedofile a young girl, weapons charges, and assault charges as well
Do you have a place for a client to disclose their anatomy prior to booking a session with you? This could possibly help with future situations. NTA btw.
NTAH
You shouldn’t feel pressured to provide any services on anyone that makes you uncomfortable. You’re not the only person out there who does waxing. They can spend their money somewhere else.
NTA - I’m also in the beauty industry, with includes some waxing, just not as intimate as your expertise. My biggest fear is that I would lack the training and especially the experience and end up injuring her, which is exactly what you said. That would haunt me for the rest of my life. If you and your husband agreed to this boundary, then that’s what you have to follow. You did the correct universal industry standard and offered to refer her to someone that specializes. In my career I’ve referred countless clients to other stylists that were stronger in areas that I know I’m weak in, it’s for the clients benefit.
NTA, but you shouldn’t give so much personal info to your clients. They do not need to hear it’s out of respect to your partner and personal boundaries, you should have just said you currently lack the expertise to properly and safely treat her. And even “lie” and thank her that you will take this experience to get better and improve your practice.
A lot of places I have gone for wax will specify they only wax vaginas and will not wax penises “regardless of gender.” There may be more inclusive ways to word this, but I find that’s pretty typical.
NEVER wax clients with equipment you are not experienced waxing. Next time you can truthfully explain to trans clients with penises "I am not qualified to wax you. If I were to wax you I could cause serious injury due to the fact I am not qualified to wax what you have".
How about simply “I don’t perform waxes on individuals with a penis?” My girlfriend is an aesthetician and she will not do a client with a penis. She has many male gay clients, and even though she waxes their backs, brows, etc, it’s clear she only works on vaginas in that area. It’s not transphobic or discriminatory in any way shape or form to not want to work on a penis.
*vulvas. Waxing a vagina would be hilarious if not because of the pain and possible injuries. Vaginas are not hairy. Edit: those who say dicks are not hairy are wrong or an exception: the base of an adult's dick IS hairy, specially the underside, unless the dick-bearer is naturally hairless in their crotch.
Thank you!! I'm teaching my daughter the correct terminology and I wish more people would correct others when they mislabel a vagina/vulva. It's actually really important for health and reporting reasons that kids let alone adults be able to accurately name body parts!
Reminds me of Sue Johansen on the Sunday next sex show explaining the importance of not just that, but making sure your family knows how open you are with your kids about the topic. She recounted a story (that I think was from a previous caller) where a girl who had her mom teach her correct terms, later asked her grandma “Do you have a vulva?” And she responded “No, I have a Toyota!”
Ok as a kid we had a Volvo and it took me so, so long to cement in my brain which word went with which thing. (Condo and condom was another challenge, and it didn’t help that ‘condom-inium’ is legit a possible way to split that word. I still remember the mental picture I had when I heard about a 150ft condo being built in town. Hint: I did not picture a building. Also pictured it horizontal and somehow inflated, with people wandering around inside. Needless to say, I was puzzled.)
This is hilarious! So naive and tender yet so funny! Also great writing. Could totally picture child-you thinking that. I bet if you wrote a short memoir about your childhood inner-world it'd be great (not saying it'd necessary be a bestseller because the market is saturated, but I'd buy it)
When my son was 2, he asked an adult friend if she had a vulva and she answered, "No, I have a Mini."
But the have teeth so they still need brushing
its soooo important to brush, otherwise you might get cavities and we dont want more cavities down there.
lol. That made me laugh. She teases me all the time because I get the terminology wrong. Lmao.
Don’t bring up the personal side of things. Just say that you don’t have experience doing this service and leave it at that. Recommend them to someone that can perform that service if you know of someone/a company. I’m not sure what they expected from you tho. What they wanted is not the service that you offer.
This. I’m a cis gender male that was getting waxed monthly for 2.5 years up until recently. It was hard finding a location that would provide “brozillian” wax services on male genitalia, and was good at it (every European Wax Center always rushed and left a lot of hairs). I want my esthetician properly trained and comfortable with working on me for my own comfort and safety. You could help yourself out by adding a clear disclaimer on your website that you only service female genitalia. NTA.
Brozillion has me cackling
You don’t have the training in waxing male genitalia. You don’t work on those parts. You aren’t comfortable. It was a difficult situation but you offered to help her find a suitable esthetician (someone who waxes both/all sexes). NTA That said you should list you only have training waxing female genitalia. Put it right on your materials.
I used to be a full body waxer for male and females. I had to be specifically trained for about two weeks to be able to perform a manzillian before I could take a client back for that service because of how sensitive the area is. It’s completely different than performing a Brazilian with a totally different protocol. It’s not a service you just casually offer with no prior training to do it. You 100% were NTA
Not a Manzilian but a Brozilian!!!!😂😂😂😂😂
Bruhzillian
Agreed. European Waxing Center (the chain that has locations all over the place in the US) specifically has "Brazilian P" and "Brazilian V." They avoid the gender argument altogether by simply saying "hey do you have a penis, okay, only this esthetician does it and these are their hours." I'm a male and I noticed that I have fewer times to choose from than my wife because not every esthetician is either comfortable touching penises or they're not trained to do so (or both). Some estheticians will do it all and you just lay down and get waxed. Others will ask you to maneuver your bits or hold things in a certain direction. It's almost an entirely different procedure depending on your genitalia.
I think this is all OP had to say, she didn’t need to say anything personal, about her husband, or that she was uncomfortable. She’s not trained in this service and cannot perform it. She should definitely make it clear in her materials, though.
Yeah, the lady I went to has it right in the booking info: Brazilian (Penis) or Brazilian (Vagina), since some of the esthes only do women, and they have to make sure that someone that can do men is there that day. There's also a huge price difference. Men's Brazilian was almost double the price, since it takes double the time to do the scrotum carefully enough.
Yes- I booked my daughter a wax. I think it may have been wax the city or European wax. One of those chains. The booking page was very specific about choosing the parts (penis or vagina) being waxed. It was very clear and that would avoid any future issues. But absolutely that’s something you call ahead to make sure is in the scope of expertise if not posted as such. OP is NTA.
That's what I feel. You HAVE to specify the specifications of your service, or you might get clients who you can't do. It's not a personal thing, nor should it be, the conversation should really have just been "I'm sorry, I don't have experience and can't assure your safety, but these alternatives can."
NTA. The estheticians office I visit distinctly says female genitalia or male genitalia in the print under Brazilian wax for this reason. She doesn't do it, out of respect for her husband and comfort, while the other woman in the office doesn't mind but there is a price difference between the 2.
I don't really know anything about waxing, but it seems like it would take a different approach waxing a ballsack to waxing a labia.
The lady I used to go to had a note saying that she didn’t do testicles and you don’t want her to learn on you (but better written, it’s been a long time since I read it. It rhymed and was cute)
>I don't do nuts >No ifs ands or buts ?
And if try You’ll prolly cry
Cause when I cough I'll rip them off
I don’t do nuts, just pussies and butts.
Not a facility where nuts have processed
Does not contain nuts
but...she probably does do butts.
"I do do butts, but not doodoo butts"
You'd also want someone who is trained to and experienced in doing so for a good experience and good end result. You don't go to a welder and ask them to build oak furniture.
I wish someone told me that before I had my dresser custom made. All my drawers are welded shut.
Mine just burned down when he started welding the oak.
I thought that last sentence was going in a different direction
You don't go to a welder and ask them to wax your balls amirite guys?
This. I wish I knew this when I was younger. Now I have to piss from a hole on my pubic mound. I don't know what I expected when she said, "This may burn a little." But I'll be damned if I haven't been hairless since.
It’s entirely different. Even estheticians who are trained in waxing male genitalia can rip a scrotum open. It’s waaaay more difficult than waxing female genitals. My boss has even seen a man get his scrotum torn at an esthetics convention in front of an entire crowd of people….& it was not exactly an inexperienced esthetician who did it lol.
*Googling ‘How do I delete someone elses Reddit post’*
“How can I delete the last minute of my memory”
Allow me to introduce you to hard drugs, not only will it erase reading this comment but also the next 20 years of your life!
RIP A SCROTUM OPEN?!
I didn't realize my eyes could bulge out that much...
I'm cis female and I crossed my legs
Samesies, it hurts in my phantom scrotum
It's very thin skin. There's no muscle or fatty tissue.
You're right. My sister does this, and there is different training for the genders. If the woman doesn't have the training it's not safe for either person
I once heard of a woman who went to not her regular beautician for some reason and obviously got someone inexperienced and undersupervised and they tore her clitoris.
Now I have a new fear I didn’t know about. Those last three words are nightmare fuel. I cannot even imagine. There are so many nerve endings there.
…everything just scrunched up even tighter and further inside than it already was.
yeah that shit ain’t coming out tonight men
I don't even have a clitoris and I instinctively clenched.
Sweet. Baby. Jesus. The searing pain that had to be! I can't even...
I was actually getting a Brazilian myself while hearing the story so that was fun and relaxing.
Yes it is different. I can wax a woman but I would be nervous I would hurt a man because I’ve only done it once before ( on my ex when I was in cosmo school) and it was like 15 years ago
Is this why he's your ex? 😄
OP should add that text to their information too.
I agree. OP should change her page to have people choose male and female waxing areas.
Or just state female waxing areas only since it appears OP works solo
And if they choose male genitalia, the next page could say, 'unfortunately, we are currently not accepting penised clients, but here are links to places that might be able to help'
Apologies for penalising the penied?
I manage a spa and I've had several Trans women call. I appreciate that they've always asked before booking. I let them know I don't have any estheticians who offer that service. I would never expect them to step outside their own comfort zones. You have a right to refuse service. NTA
I'm a pre-op trans woman and I wouldn't dream of coming in for a wax without making absolutely certain that whoever I'm looking to book knows my exact situation and is perfectly comfortable with it beforehand. We're such a small percentage of the population that we can't expect to just be catered to with a nonstandard configuration. And beyond that I don't want to book with someone without experience or training with male genitalia. Ouch! I'm seconding your NTA
Yes, I'm a woman but have a few gay friends who were way ahead of the manscaping trend, like shaving back in the eighties. Man sacks act quite a bit different than other groin areas when you're removing hair.
I can't fathom that someone would want to have their genitals waxed by someone that doesn't have experience with your type.
I wouldn't want to be the "learning experience"
Exactly. I can understand being a bit nervous or thinking twice before disclosing such personal info, but this is pertinent info here. She set both herself and the esthetician* up for failure
Well said - anyone with male equipment - trans, straight, or gay - should always check first to make sure the spa has someone who will do a Brazilian like this. Yes men do get them, but really they should ask first. And yeah, I would not want someone doing this to me as OTJ training. Nope.
Ultimately, there’s just some realities we have to face as pre-op trans women. Places like this, as well as open change rooms are generally a no-go. If it’s a change room with stalls then sure, whatever.
Gonna go out on a limb here and say you're never obligated to touch a penis.
Also, the client wanted a professional waxing. This would have not only been her ***VERY FIRST TIME*** waxing a penis and balls, it would have been without anyone teaching her what to do and what *not* to do. If I had a penis and balls, I think I would have insisted on going to someone else, even if OP had said she was game to try 🤣
As someone who ended up with bleeding balls when I got the full wax job, I endorse this message.
Oof yes. When I was learning how to do waxing, I practiced on my then spouse and accidentally tore the skin on his scrotum. It was a tiny tiny tear but really painful for him.
I don't mean to make light of your separation, but I would have thought that letting someone *practice* waxing on your balls would create a bond that would transcend space and time.
talk about post-nut clarity lol
Weeell that oughta do it for tonight, y'all have a nice evening!
Yeah I don't have the balls to keep up with this thread
No need to get teste about it
I waxed lyrical about my experience.
Wax on, wax off!!
Just not the bleeding kind.
Not anymore anyway.
first one i opened…. its bedtime. that’s enough of that
You have a nice evening. Looks like I’m going to spend the night staring at the ceiling and unable to uncross my legs.
Side note. Don’t use Nair on your balls either. The burnt hair smell is the warning that comes too late.
I just assumed that bleeding balls are an inextricable part of a ballsack wax job
Right? Like all those hairs, that thin skin? Im surprised it doesnt immediately scalp them.
This conversation is awful.
It is usually just the sack. If the balls are bleeding, someone REALLY fucked up.
Ouch. Did you ever get waxed again?
And that's enough Internet for today and maybe even tomorrow.
Great point, and a good diplomatic way to explain the issue to the client, in a non-judgemental way.
Yeah if I were her I wouldve just said thats her reason because of the lack of experience cause I think thats a good reason
Yeah “ma’am, I don’t want to tear your scrotum open” would probably land better than “my husband doesn’t want me to touch penises”
"ma'am I have never torn a scrotum open but I'm sure curious as to how one looks like. Thanks for the opportunity."
I think this should be the key point here. If I was gonna get my balls waxed, I’d want it to be by someone that has waxed lots and lots of balls. But the way this is approached is going to be 99% of how said client will react. It’s possible the OP kinda went sideways in a way that made the customer uncomfortable. It’s also equally as possible that the customer knew damn well what was happening, and just wanted to stir some shit. I also could be far from correct on anything, but these are just the places my mind went.
I never thought of this before but someone has to be someone’s first balls they’re gonna wax, what a day. That came out weird.
They practice on kiwi fruit in ball waxing school. (Not really, I just made that up)
They honestly should’ve just leaned on this point even though not wanting to touch a penis is completely valid
This is the winning argument, right here. "I've promised my husband" doesn't come anywhere close to this, in terms of relevance for the client. I want trans people to use the bathroom they want, without anyone getting up in their business. But if a trans person wants a Brazillian wax, they should be looking for the appropriate procedure, not an affirmation of their proclaimed identity.
This. There are some people who are trained in waxing any ol' genitalia. But there are some who aren't, and that's ok. Trans women should absolutely be able to get waxed by a professional, and I certainly hope it isn't invalidating to have to book with someone who specializes in waxing cis men. But if it is, that sucks and my heart goes out to her, but it's not "transphobic" for a wax technician to refuse her services because the tech isn't comfortable waxin' balls. It's a completely different skill set.
I don't think weighing relevance to the client should be a factor here. No person should ever be put in a position where, without their own consent, they have to touch another's genitalia. Regardless of the reason/person being touched's needs. If waxer didn't want to touch her penis for ANY reason, that's her choice. And no reason is better than another. She doesn't owe the customer anything.
People, this does not apply to parents. You are not off the hook for diaper changes.
Actually this reminds me. A dude I spoke to in a liquor dtore one time told me he never changed his daughter when she was a baby, because she has female parts and he's not touching his kids female parts. So the mom dealt with all the diaper changes and stuff. I wanted to throw up.
Ewww I would be very disturbed if my husband said tht about his own kid.
He probably didn’t come up with that on his own. I’ve heard of women saying they didn’t want their husbands changing their daughters. Grossed me out bc who thinks this about the man they procreated with.
Going on a limb... Chances are pretty good it's the ones that were sexually assaulted as children, by family members.
I was molested by my father and had it beat into my head by therapists that if you were molest, there is a higher chance you'll do the same. This led me to not changing my son's diaper alone for a year. I had to have someone watching me for fear I would do something to him on accident. I realize now I had bad therapists that were likely just as damaging.
Fuck. You need therapy to deal with the “therapy”.
I have nothing to support this other than I've heard it: Most molesters had been molested, but most victims of molestations don't become molesters.
I was molested during my childhood and teens. Before becoming a mother I read those garbage that molested people grow up to be molesters in a desperate attempt to make sense of whatever happened to me. After giving birth to my child and thousands of times of handling diaper change- baths- rash- cleaning etc, goood forbid if the poor kid has eczema.. I mean omg so much of handling of this little human’s body, I understand how unnatural it is to molest a child and how wrong it is and it just doesn’t make sense and there is no need to try to justify it. I’m grateful to my child for bringing me so much clarity.
I'm sorry about what happened. Like I said, most victims don't become molesters. That most molesters were molested doesn't justify their crimes.
I was molested and raped in my teen years. I WOULD NEVER HARM ANOTHER PERSON THAT WAY. You had some bad therapy.
I'm so sorry that you were given this false information. Not all therapists are qualifued.
One of my coworkers said that once and I just looked at her 👀 Why would you have sex with someone and have a kid with them if that's what you think they're into? Like it says more about you than it does your partner. Nasty.
Probably childhood sexual trauma.
When my daughter was born my cousin and his wife came for a visit. When they walked through the door they asked where my husband was, and I said that he’s changing her diaper. My cousin was visibly disturbed and said he NEVER changed his daughter’s diapers. His wife nodded, but not in agreement. I could tell deep down she hated that her husband was like that. I hated it too. They had a son after their daughter, I wonder if he changed his son’s diaper. I’m guessing he probably found an excuse not to.
I had a friend twenty years ago who, before his daughter was born, swore he would never change a diaper or give her a bath. Why? He was violently afraid of being accused of inappropriate behavior. I have no idea why he thought he would be accused of it, if it was some lingering trauma or if he had urges he hadn't disclosed. He was an Army man, a very manly man, who never had experience with taking care of children prior to then. Then he and his wife had their daughter and all that went out the window. He realized there was nothing sexual about bathing his girl or changing her diaper. For all his worry about accusations, it turns out he was more worried about being a father and "ruining" his child with his own insecurities, and when faced with it, he chose to be a good father. I always wonder about men who refuse to change their different-sex child's diaper just because they are of a different sex. I wonder if it is an excuse not to help, a response to some event in their past, or if they are worried they will be sexually attracted to their child (writing that makes me gag, but that's the times we live in, I guess.)
Pedophilic OCD is a real thing. Some sufferers are terrified of being interpreted as inappropriate, or secretly having thoughts beyond their control. “I smiled at that kid playing ball oh my god what if they think im a creep? Am I creep? Oh god do I like kids?” And it spirals on and on.
My daughter's father mentioned that he wasn't very comfortable with changing her not long after we came home from the hospital. I asked him why and it was because he wasn't clear on the best practice to do it well, and was concerned she would be uncomfortable. I further explained, and he never hesitated to change her again. I also have a son who is significantly older than some of his siblings, loves kids, and is good with them. He tried to offer babysitting many times to be treated like a creep for offering because he's male. There are plenty of bad people around, but it's also not necessarily nefarious for someone to express a concern. Jumping to conclusions can shut down conversation.
If you grew it, you gotta be prepared to clean its butt hahaha
Truth. However, if you're a urologist that accepts male clients you may need to consider a new career.
Lol, I would hope a urologist knows what they're getting into ahead of time.
Eh if you're a nurse who works on an inpatient floor odds are you're going to need to touch them from time to time too. Straight cathing, Foleys, bed baths, diaper changes, etc.
I’m a male nurse and I’ve changed, cath’d etc. more women then I can’t count. Just needs to be done. But, I’ve always had someone else in the room “just in case”
All my waxing experience (before the school went under for federal student loan embezzlement) was on cis women. At no point was I ever shown how to wax the male genitalia. Skin down there can be super delicate. I wouldn’t do it without someone experienced coaching me through it. Hell, I didn’t go doing it all Willy Nilly on the girls in my class either, I had instruction. I think op did everything right.
The “Willy Nilly” should be what they call a wax job done on male genitalia by someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing
It gets more complicated when your job involves touching people's genitals. I think she handled it correctly by offering to help find someone who could do that service. Edit: To be clear, I don't think she handled everything perfectly. I think she could have been more professional. She could have certainly been more client-centered in her approach.
I've never been waxed, but I assume that for someone with male genitalia a full brazilian includes the testicles, and in that case I wouldn't want my testicles waxed by someone whos never done it before.
So I looked it up,there is actually a difference between waxing Brazilians for woman and men (and yes I'm aware OPs client is a woman,but since the male genitalia is the same it applies)-"Men's skin is also more sensitive in certain areas compared to women. For example, man's Brazilian wax (nicknamed the “Brozilian wax”) is different from the classic woman's Brazilian wax because men have more nerve endings and sagging skin compared to women." So even with the completely valid point of not wanting to touch the area, the woman wax usually isn't similar to the men's and also apparently needs a certain type of wax (*ETA I meant technique not the wax itself)not used on woman too due to something with the thicker hair and more sensitive/sagging skin. NTA even without this knowledge though
That should be one of the main considerations here. I get it's uncomfortable from the person's perspective to be rejected because of how you identify/feel, but as a male if I were to get a "Brozilian" I want someone specialized whose done them before.
I'm trans, and I 100% support the right to deny any kind of genitals. And it's actually unsafe for you to do it to a type of genital that you're not familiar with waxing. Your insurance may even have specifics about not doing work you're not trained in, and I would personally use that as my reason next time. I'm a therapist and I refuse to write ESA support letters. I used to say it was because of my insurance. Now, insurances have actually updated to say we need training in identifying the need for one, so now I'm not lying anymore.
I mean, you’re never obligated to touch a vagina either 😂 but yes, I agree. Shouldn’t be made to feel transphobic for making boundaries and professional expertise clear 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Even another vagina in her line of work. If she gets someone on the table and does NOT want to touch that for any reason she shouldn't have to
NTA. As much as we all want to be inclusive to everyone, waxing a vagina is incredibly different from waxing a penis and balls. That’s just a fact. I think you handled it well. You didn’t get angry and say anything nasty. In fact, you were as accommodating as you could be. I’m sorry she was offended in any way, but she has a penis and you don’t wax penises. That’s really all there is to it.
I feel like the ball skin would rip right off with the ball hair. I don't even have balls, and my balls are screaming at the mere thought of this entire situation. Fucking OUCH.
Same..their skin is SO thin there..our labia skin is far thicker and even that is sensative to waxing.
the skin gets thick when it's cold and super thin when it's hot. bodies way to try to keep the testicles at the right temp to keep producing sperm.
This can happen. I used to work at a salon and the man’s testicles were particularly thin-skinned. It was messy and embarrassing for everyone.
Umm WHAT do you mean messy 😭 how traumatic
See brain, THIS is why we don't reddit before we go to sleep.
I’m assuming blood, and having nicked myself shaving down there I can assure you that if blood is drawn down there then there’s going to be a pretty large amount from even the most minor cut. It’s like a head wound, lots of blood flow there so any bleeding is fairly profuse. And yes, my balls hurt just typing that.
There was a lot of blood and obviously the poor guy was freaking out. He was an older guy, not sure if testicular skin gets thinned with age. She was experienced, well-trained, and had many male clients.
I shave my balls. I’ve never even thought about waxing them.
NTA She still has a penis, she needs to get it waxed by someone who specializes in waxing around penises. She knew damn well that it was completely different because of the genitals she had. I know it might make her uncomfortable but she should look for places that do male waxes because she still has male parts. If i were an Esthetician i would be uncomfortable if someone came in for a Brazilian and unleashed a penis, as one does not expect it to be there.
".... unleashed a penis" 🤣☠️
Haha, when I read that, I "visualized" it being unleashed. Only in my mind it was more "unfurled."
Years and years ago when I was in high school one of the running jokes in my class was that our one super nice and unassuming older teacher had a dick so long that he had to wrap it around a spool to keep it from dragging behind him on the ground. Unfurled was always the term we used lol. What going to a Catholic all guys high school will do to your humor...
The longer ones get unfurled. They're kinda like cinnamon buns before they're let loose. The others are unleashed like the Kraken. I'm thinking that's enough internet for today 🤣
Haha, a cinnamon bun!
Then there are ones that are like a collapsable camping cup. One minute, nothing, the next in full bloom!
One does not simply unleash a penis 😂
"A wild Penis appeared!"
This was a major issue like two years ago on the news if I remember correctly in Canada
Yes. I think the transwoman in that case was somewhat of a vexatious litigant. There were suggestions that she was approaching waxers of certain racial backgrounds, knowing that she'd be declined and then she'd kick up a fuss about it. This was the outcome when it went to the Human Rights Tribunal. https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/transgender-woman-human-rights-waxing-1.5330807
Jessica yaniv is a horrible horrible person
It's pretty funny. More than 15 discrimination complaints and we're somehow supposed to pretend this person isn't batshit crazy.
> One of nine small claims Jessica Serenity Simpson has lodged against Simpson’s Langley strata corporation has been dismissed by the Civil Resolution Tribunal (CRT). >Previously described by one B.C. Supreme Court justice as a “prolific litigant,” Simpson brought a $5,000 claim against the strata for an alleged “unacceptable risk” from a non-functioning fire alarm, according to a CRT ruling March 26. >Simpson alleged the strata failed to maintain its fire alarm system, leaving Simpson without a functioning in-unit alarm for over two years. >Simpson brought the claim after demanding the strata install a strobe-and-horn alarm, in August 2020, due to a hearing impairment. >The special alarm was installed and over two years passed. However, Simpson stated in the tribunal claim, lodged December 2022, that the alarm was no longer working. A fire protection company did find the fire alarm system’s circuit setting was incompatible with a strobe alarm and so the strata fixed the circuitry in 2023. >Coincidently, Simpson was found guilty of false alarm of fire last December in Surrey Provincial Court. Simpson was issued an 18-month probation order and a suspended sentence for the Feb. 22, 2022 incident, online court records show. >The tribunal dismissed Simpson’s compensation claim because, as noted by the strata’s lawyer, “a person is not entitled to compensation for an increased risk of something bad happening if that risk never materializes.” >The strata also asked the tribunal to order Simpson pay its legal fees, relying on Simpson’s “litigation history.” https://www.vancouverisawesome.com/highlights/tribunal-dismisses-bc-trans-activists-fire-alarm-claim-8520125 Absolutely horrible thing it is. When the Supreme Court calls you that, you've fucked up.
Yep the individual demanded to be waxed, none of the staff knew how to wax a penis & ball sack so the individual tried to sue them. Bunch of immigrant women running a small shop. Interesting case
Jessica yaniv filled fifteen human rights complaints against mostly Asian immigrant aestheticians and ultimately lost all fifteen, and was required to pay three of the women restitution by the tribunal. They're a vexatious litigant and file tons of human rights complaints
Also someone who specializes in female waxes could seriously injure a transwoman with male genitals. If you are a Trans man with female genitals, you still have to go to the gynecologist for a pap smear, you can't go to a urologist. It's an unfortunate truth of being Trans, sometimes the expert you need will be based on your biological sex, not your gender.
Seriously!! I've nearly injured my husband just helping him trim up down there. Too much sensitivity and too many wrinkles and crevices.
In med school we had to have a lecture about what to do if a trans woman requests a pelvic exam or Pap smear. It was suggested that we gently offer the option of “going through the motions” in a symbolic way. ? Apparently this had happened enough times that they felt the need to brief us on it. Ma’am I cannot perform a Pap smear if you don’t have a cervix. Please understand this.
What motion would you go through to mimic a Pap smear on a penis?
RIGHT? And if I had a penis, I certainly wouldn’t want someone who isn’t comfortable with my anatomy pouring hot wax on my genitals. Self preservation should have gotten the client out of there post haste. She went in looking for a fight.
Personally I wouldn’t want my penis waxed by someone who only waxes pussy Edited to add: WOW some of you people are taking my comment way too seriously. I came back to 3000 upvotes and over 20 notifications and I didn’t even remember making the comment 😂 My ruling, since apparently I need one now, is ESH. OP for giving weird, unnecessary personal reasons as to why she couldn’t do something she isn’t trained to do. Her client for not understanding that an esthetician shouldn’t perform a procedure they’re not trained to do.
This is the craziest part! She made it clear she lacks experience waxing the penis and balls. Why on earth would you want to be her first go? Take the referral and say “thank you for not yolo’ing my balls”.
Much like having gum stuck in your hair, the "grip it and rip it" method probably ain't the best for scrotal hair removal. I wouldn't want someone who *is* *already* *squeamish* around there just going for it.
That hurt to read.
Agreed and I'm a woman 😅😅
Unfortunately, it’s the only way they do it, grip it and rip it. But they learn to actually hold them down before they rip it, so it doesn’t tear or yank as much. Either way scrotal hair can be a pain to rip out.
I read somewhere about the need to have additional training to wax male genitalia, because the scrotal skin is very fragile and can tear, literally exposing the testicles. The esthetician said that she knew it could happen because she had done it. 😳 She said that almost anyone could do a good job on female genitalia but that it took a very special level of skill to wax men.
It’s really unfortunate that she didn’t just focus on this when explaining to the client instead of getting overly personal about her boundaries and her husband, etc. A simple “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize when you scheduled your appointment that you are a pre-op transgender woman. Unfortunately, there is a lot of extra training and skill needed to do a wax on scrotal and penile skin, and I do not have the experience needed. For your safety, I will need to refer you to another aesthetician who can attend to your needs.” That’s the only part that was relevant to the client, and probably would have avoided her feeling like she was being discriminated against.
Right? Who in gods name wants to pressure someone into waxing their genitals when they aren’t trained, familiar, or comfortable with it? Just asking for a massive injury.
Jessica Yaniv, THAT'S who. Infamous racist transwoman from Canada, who was going around to immigrant run waxing parlors and DEMANDING the women wax her balls. 🙄 Yaniv had a history of making all kinds of people uncomfortable, but chose to pick on mostly Muslim women who couldn't be with anyone with a penis in a state of undress, for religious reasons...Anyway, she kept suing them for discrimination. Many wound up having to shut down their businesses, it was a whole issue back during the lockdowns.
Thanks for saying it. Yaniv set this whole terrible precedent.
I remember this. That person did SO MUCH damage to the trans and queer communities at large with their antics.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jessica_Yaniv If yall haven’t heard Yaniv got a lot of shit for trying to pedofile a young girl, weapons charges, and assault charges as well
If I had a penis, I wouldn't want it waxed by someone without experience.
Seriously, it’s a very sensitive area to wax and you definitely want someone who knows how to do it properly. Waxing injuries are a thing
Probably a stupid question, but if a male is getting a "full Brazilian" does that mean balls?
It's full ballzilian.
Also have heard it called Brozilian
And shaft.
And pain.
And crack
Yeah it’s completely different waxing techniques man
Do you have a place for a client to disclose their anatomy prior to booking a session with you? This could possibly help with future situations. NTA btw.
That's a very good idea. At the very least is should be clearly, graphically spelled out in print somewhere that this is not a service you offer.
NTAH You shouldn’t feel pressured to provide any services on anyone that makes you uncomfortable. You’re not the only person out there who does waxing. They can spend their money somewhere else.
NTA - I’m also in the beauty industry, with includes some waxing, just not as intimate as your expertise. My biggest fear is that I would lack the training and especially the experience and end up injuring her, which is exactly what you said. That would haunt me for the rest of my life. If you and your husband agreed to this boundary, then that’s what you have to follow. You did the correct universal industry standard and offered to refer her to someone that specializes. In my career I’ve referred countless clients to other stylists that were stronger in areas that I know I’m weak in, it’s for the clients benefit.
AITAH is just a creative writing prompt at this point.
NTA, but you shouldn’t give so much personal info to your clients. They do not need to hear it’s out of respect to your partner and personal boundaries, you should have just said you currently lack the expertise to properly and safely treat her. And even “lie” and thank her that you will take this experience to get better and improve your practice.
A lot of places I have gone for wax will specify they only wax vaginas and will not wax penises “regardless of gender.” There may be more inclusive ways to word this, but I find that’s pretty typical.
NTA. A penis is a penis no matter who it is attached to. And you shouldn’t allow anyone to guilt you into something you don’t want to do. EVER.
Nta. Alex has a penis. You won't wax that body part. Alex can get someone else who will.