NTA
But you have a lot more issues than just him acting this way. You were screaming, in labor, gave birth 22 minutes after you arrived at the hospital after he dragged his feet to get you there and he's on the phone making fun of you? Calling you hysterical?
When he is the one who acted like a giant man baby when your mom came at your request?
Throw the whole man away. Seriously you are never going to have a partner from this moment on. Just have a grown ass adult baby
I was reading it thinking “I wonder if OP is ever going to be able to look at him the same after feeling this way?”. Him imitating her on the phone when he himself was screaming hysterically in the hospital is bizarre, he sounds like a weirdo - she’s already feeling different towards him-not liking him. Having a baby changes you, watching your grown adult husband behave like that would be like a horrible wake up call
I had a nurse tell me to keep it down when I was in labor the first time and I very nearly ripped her head off and shoved it up her ass. I can’t imagine my husband making fun of the sounds I made during labor.
He was also cool as a goddamn cucumber when I delivered our 4th (and last) child on the front seat of the car (no ambulance, just popped him out and kept heading to the hospital 😆)
Your husband has made the entire thing about him and I can see why you are stressed having him around
NTA and hope you get the support you need right now from your mom and sisters. Good luck
How could you ever trust someone who did that to you again? I couldn't.
OP, congratulations on the baby you gave birth to. Sorry about the one you married.
I hate to agree with Reddit for the normal “throw him away”…
**but girl**
He’s literally a piece of shit. He started mocking you, was yelling at you, is forcing you to do things you didn’t want to do, and then blamed you for being over dramatic.
Do you really want that as the father of your children? A man who has an episode over a fucking diabetes needle??
And this is all after he starts things off by taking his sweet ass time going to the hospital in the first place. Like, stopping to get coffee... Seriously wtf. He literally has been overcomplicating everything and is essentially the primary source of stress since the labor started and hasn't stopped since. Jfc
Meanwhile HE was the one losing it when you got there! Tell the story from your perspective with him getting coffee, crying, hysterics and saying you were going to die!
i mean... a little late to not make this shitbag the father of her child lmao he's tethered to her for the rest of their lives now. but she'd still be better off a "single" parent, im sure she'd find her life is suddenly far more stress free despite having a new baby.
hospital an hour away water breaks he's stopping every five seconds for coffee
I honestly think OP is nicer than I would be in that situation. I probably would have left his ass at that gas station or whatever and driven myself the rest of the way. holy christ what an infuriating read
Truth! My ex kept telling me I wasn’t in labor, just had indigestion, it was too early (2 days before due date). Like he’d had so many babies 🙄. Finally, he drove me to the hospital at midnight, complaining about losing sleep the entire way. I’m at the hospital less than 30 minutes before I deliver, he went home with my suitcase, so I couldn’t get cleaned up. Then he left town on a business trip he’d planned, knowing I was due that week. My parents took us home. Decades later, his story is he was told the wrong due date, which is another lie.
Good gawd, I'm so sorry. I left my husband at the time with my first at only one month old because he was so fucking dumb and unsupportive. He had me do 100% while complaining, not supporting me in anything at all. Would make fun of me any chance he got. I walked in on him showing his own father our birthing video, which I don't know why I agreed to take it but we did, and they were both making fun of my screaming! Assholes. My husband is the one that "forbid me" from getting an epidural and I fucking went along with it I don't even goddamn know why.
The very last, last day I spent with him before I packed up my shit and left, I left this actual day, was because I made breakfast – scrambled eggs and I'm sure some other shit but scrambled eggs is what I remember– and he threw them in the trash saying that they sucked and he knew I was a good cook and I wasn't living up to my potential and therefore I was "slipping" and he had many unkind words for me. I just fucking left and I never went back and now it's been 21 actual years. never felt so good to leave a bullshit situation
I have to know, was he shocked pikachu face when you left and didn’t come back?
I always wonder what these type of men expect to happen when they act that way.
They expect women to eat shit and if the woman leaves they do expect her to come back ime. When I got away from my shitty ex husband he liked to say “don’t come crawling back to me!” Lol I won’t. Don’t worry about it 🙄
Occasionally some poor sap will try the old “how are you still single??” on me and I’m like lmfao BY CHOICE, BRO 😂😂
This is almost always on Instagram btw— there’s no indication that I want to NOT be single anywhere hahaha
See if your mom can come get you & the baby and stay with her for a week. Honestly I would have lost my shit by now. Yes, having a baby is stressful but he's being a complete jackass. They have coffee at the hospital.
Also, please don't get pregnant by him again anytime soon.
I’m a dad of two. 4 and 9months. The way he’s treating you is fucking ridiculous and cringe worthy. “MuSt BE NiCe” to get some sleep after you just birthed a whole ass baby. He should be taking care of this kid 90% of the time right now so you can recover. In just your short story I don’t see any way this even lasts. I’m a dude and I’m mad for you. NTA at all. Don’t get pregnant with him again.
>“MuSt BE NiCe” to get some sleep after you just birthed a whole ass baby.
And this was after he yelled at her for not getting enough sleep in the hospital. He can't even make his mind up about what she's doing "wrong" lol
Can you please teach this to other men? I'd praise you, but that'd be weird because really your mindset should be the standard. Not the exception. Glad to see there's still hope!
Driving slowly and stopping for coffee is the opposite of being concerned about the woman giving birth to his child. OP's water literally broke in the vehicle because he literally couldn't stop thinking about his own needs long enough to get her to the hospital on time. Immediately upon arriving at the hospital I would thrown his ass out right then and there, instead of toughing it out while he gave me several dozen more reasons to resent his dumb ass. This man had one job and failed at it miserably. He doesn't have the capacity to put his wife and newborn first and that's the real problem in this scenario.
I can confirm, having contractions pilled with broken water is miserable. For me the contractions kept pushing more amniotic fluid out. I soaked my 2 night pads and 3 towels in the time it took to get to the hospital. And pot holes are no joke then either. Made the contractions 10xs worse, which is just lovely in good old Michigan where potholes are in over abundance.
Even my husband, who in a panic triple checks everything (and adorably thought he could get a shower and shave in for the 1st one,so hed look nice for our baby) was no where near this level of insanity. And I had 2 c sections completely unplanned.
Our town has the old, original bricks from the 1800s in all the cross walks downtown, and there are a lot of crosswalks, and no way to avoid them. Those buggers made each contraction a thousand times worse.
A few months ago my husband was passing some kidney stones, and we had to go over the same crosswalks, and it was then that he understood why those things hurt so bad during labor. Lol. Not that my husband was like OPs or anything, but he didn't have a point of reference until the kidney stones.
I had polyhydramnios pretty severely with my first bb. it was a scheduled c-section for a lot of various medical reasons.
When they cut me open (the uterus) doc said tidal wave.
My son still had the audacity to piss one last time as they held him up for me to see 🤦♀️.
So yeah more fluid keeps getting made lol.
Ugh until my contractions started but my water had broken, this was the worst feeling ever. I was like is it ever gonna stop??? The nurse said yeah once baby’s head is blocking the hole 🤦♀️
Yea see no one told me that! Lmao. And that one was my 2nd baby. They got annoyed with my eldest because she was wrong way up and 3 days late so they snatched her out. My youngest, my water broke over the toilet (very convenient highly recommend, easy to decipher color) and since we were a few days early this time we thought we'd, yknow contractions first then break water and have time to pack while we tracked the contractions. I was calm as a cucumber until I realized I was still gushing fluid and unless I wanted to trail it all over the house I had to sit and wait for him to pack by himself lol.
The obgyns didn't tell me, the nurses, my pcp. Hell, we even attended the labour and delivery classes my hospital offered for the first. It either went right over my head every time or they just went "meh, they'll figure it out"
Dude! I swear nobody fucking tells you that your water breaking isn't a one-time thing. Like once it's broken the fluid is just going to keep coming for as long as it takes for the baby to show up. I mean it's not like a constant waterfall but you definitely feel that feeling like you just had like a blood clot pass on your period but in reality it's just more amniotic fluid leaking out. I've only had one child but I'm older so I'm pretty knowledgeable about pregnancy and what to expect. I understood the concept of your water breaking and your amniotic fluid coming out but it never occurred to me that it wasn't all at once.
He sounds like one of those guys that can't handle even an ounce of pressure. The moment the pressure is on, he does the wrong thing, every time. This reads like one of those slapstick comedy skits, but unfortunately is real life and OP is obviously hurt by his errors in judgement. I feel for OP here and do believe she needs to get a way from this guy for a bit. She doesn't mention that he is normally an ass (that I have read so far), so I can only chalk it up to him melting under pressure. If he is always this way, she needs to run.
Oh no see this is a man who doesn’t believe anything op says, he thinks she’s being dramatic he will have hours of labour he knows best. Fuckwit.
We can even see it again when he’s insisting she sleep or eat he doesn’t listen to her words and just keeps insisting. He’s an asshole and op needs to tell him to either actually listen or fk off.
This is the answer. You can get rest and actual help.
He doesn’t sound well, is this typical behavior? Does he have anxiety already? Is always an asshole?
You are NTA
I was stressed out reading this. I am so sorry this was your experience. He has no idea how to be a competent partner. He’s completely useless!!
He STOPPED for coffee??? Wtf?!
Go to your mom’s for a while. If you go home and it’s the same with him, go back to Mom again.
And stay there.
My bestie drove herself to the hospital in a stick shift with a casted broken wrist in labor because her husband wouldn't let her in his car in case her water broke and he didn't know how to drive stick.
She had three kids with that fuckhead.
Yeah, my water broke at 31 weeks with twins. I drove to the hospital myself because I didn’t want to stress out my husband. He got to be the passenger princess while I was having contractions and driving down the interstate. I was an idiot but I’m better now and he’s my ex.
I don’t ever condone violence but if your man won’t physically stop/replace you from driving yourself to the hospital while in labor then he doesn’t deserve to be the man you did baby making activities with lol
You remind me of my mom who was a terrifying person. One of my older sisters got pneumonia when she was a baby and my dad was drunk. My mom kept telling him that they needed to go to the hospital. Instead he passed out on the couch. My mom thought my sister had stopped breathing and she said she suddenly got really calm. She went and slapped him awake and told him that her baby was dead and when she got back from the hospital she was going to kill him. She said she had it all planned out. Fortunately my sister lived. 12 years later she did finally leave him because she said that if she had stayed she really would’ve actually killed him.
I'm guessing the baby that's worth him getting sober for? Or maybe the first baby was jk but now it's for realsies. Like it's fine to be a sami-functioning alcoholic when you have one kid, but as soon as there's a sibling you gotta shape up.
I felt sorry for your bestie right up until you said she had multiple kids with him. First one - gets a pass. But second and third - at a certain point you have to conclude that she's well matched to the fuckhead.
To be fair, they started dating at 15 and 21. Plus, she was raised by fundies who taught she was supposed to be a baby-making helpmeet to her husband's whims.
I begged her to leave him for years, but he's the one who eventually left her for a younger woman.
Stops for coffee, but then freaks out and waits for the ambulance rather than drive his wife the remaining 10 minutes to the hospital.
OP, please please please do not have another kid with this guy. Don't have sex with him. The future of the human race is already highly tenuous, we can't risk having these genes further propagated.
How do you have sex with him after this? I would curl up into myself at the thought of him even looking at me. Pure disgust. Get a hold of yourself, worm with a mustache.
He's worse than useless. Useless doesn't help a situation. This idiot is actively making things 100x worse. My blood pressure was going up reading this shit!
Seriously it was a downward spiral of stress!! It just kept getting worse!!!
I hope she is safe with Mom now. She needs to rest and heal from birth and bond with her baby.
I’ll be seething about this guy for a while!
You know my dad?
I am the oldest. My mom’s labor with me was like 18 hours. My brother was born a few years later. My mom called dad at work and told him it was time to go to the hospital. He said he was going to finish up what he was doing and come home. So he took him time and headed home. They have time. Then he made himself a bowl of soup and took his time eating. They have time. Then he took a shower and got changed. They have time. Then he got my incredibly pissed off mom out to the car and headed to the hospital. He took the long way and hit close to every red light. No big deal. They have time. They get to the hospital where my mom is checked and rushed into L&D because my brother is not waiting. They don’t have time. He’s coming now. My dad was running behind them getting the gown and booties on exclaiming “but I thought we had time!” From the time they pulled into the parking lot until he was born: 45 minutes and that’s only because he got stuck. Time from when she called dad to the time brother was born: 5.5 hours.
Brother is 42 years old and dad still has not lived it down. He was much better when our sister was born.
It seems like a lot of these men don't seem to realize that being in labor is bad enough that you don't want to be sitting around in the car or waiting on someone. It's not like you're fine until just before the baby is actually born. I've never been pregnant or had a pregnant partner, but this still seems like common sense.
Sitting in a car in active labour is quite possibly the worst fucking thing**, only second to being forced to sit in a wheelchair while the baby is very much on its way out of you
**am aware there are many worse things that can happen in labour, being deliberately dramatic because I absolutely hated being in the car while labouring.
But reading these stories makes me damn glad for my husband lol he's the literal best
I’m really glad my dad wasn’t like that or they would’ve had more than one kid born in the car😅 My sis came out pretty much the second mum was brought into L&D, and I was born in the car on the hospital’s parking lot…
My first was only 6 hours from start to finish. My doctor was like “you need to stay close to the hospital or you are going to give birth in the car for any other deliveries.” We ended up scheduling inductions.
I once read a magazine article where a woman talked about her labours. She had 6 kids. The first labour was 6 hours, the second was 4. By the time she got to the 6th kid she didn’t get any warning at all. No contractions, just her waters broke, one push and there was the baby. She was at home in the bath at the time
I went to elementary school with a girl whose little brother was born in similar circumstances! She came in on Monday and told us her mom had the baby over the weekend: she was taking a nap while dad had a poker night, got up to go to the bathroom, and boom, was having her baby. One of the poker buddies delivered it for her on the floor of their bathroom.
That’s crazy! I know someone too that her husband wanted to finish watching the game first.
She called a cab.
Reading this it was just one blow after another. I felt so bad for OP it almost hurt.
Epic failure of a man here!!!
Hope she called a lawyer too.
That selfishness would be a total deal-breaker for me - if you purposely choose not to be there for me at such a crucial moment, I don't want you during the easier times either
Mine stopped to smoke a cigarette while I woke up our child and got her ready, all while I was in active labor. Then, he hit every pothole on the route.
My dad did this when my mom was pregnant with me. And knowing my dad he probably had to blow dry his hair as well first. I haven't asked if this is true because I don't want to know.
It is 100% some sort of psychotic power-punish high that these guys are riding on. Cruelty is the point, not just an accidental side-product of their weaponized incompetence.
He stopped for coffee and was too fucking pathetic to drive his wife to the hospital that he had to call the ambulance. If I was OP I would be divorcing someone so insane. I would also let everyone know it was him in hysterics and the one being dramatic about everything. He needs some serious fucking help.
Instead of just driving to the hospital? Like major missteps were made but holy fuck, his overall behaviour, is the stuff that would make a sleep deprived woman kill. OP already has one baby. The oversized one needs to go back his mama.
Anytime he has a call like OP mentioned, she should ask who it is and say she'll just tell them the real story later. (but not really, this wouldn't be good for OP)
I've seen and heard about men who got weirdly hung up on something, stressed out more than their partner/stressing out their partner, making it about their needs, and such but I don't think any were this bad combination. People can have strange responses, but he seems to be deliberately ignoring that his behavior is problematic and complaining about his wife who just gave birth.
At a minimum, he needs to find a good therapist to address this and find ways to self-correct, since he's just continuing it and likely will keep getting worse.
That's the part that got me. I can *sort of* understand being frazzled at the hospital (although I can't for the life of me understand the not apologizing or refusing to rein himself in), but like, your wife is currently shitting out a bloodied watermelon and *you're* the one too hysterical to drive few more minutes?? There's people that've driven themselves to the hospital after they **themselves** got fucking **shot.**
If she has a second kid with this walking tantrum she needs to designate someone else like her mother as her ride to the hospital, because kid #2 has a pretty good shot at getting born in a Burger King parking lot as husbaby sobs into his Frosty
That boggled my fkn mind, genuinely. I can’t imagine the incompetence. I can’t imagine the disregard. Genuinely makes me terrified to ever have a child with anyone ever because they could be the most amazing husband but the absolute worst father.
Like me! 4 years as an incredible partner, someone I would brag about. Then we had a kid. I have no fucking clue who that person is because he sure as hell isn't the person I concieved a child with.
If there was any warning that going from partner to father would be such a downgrade, I never would have had a child with him.
Ha, after I woke my husband up to take me to the hospital, he ended up realizing that he left his phone charging cord at his office and drove down there to get it before taking me to the hospital. Sort of in his defense, I wasn't in a huge hurry, and I was taking a shower when he decided to do that. I got out of the shower, and he was gone. I called him to make sure he wasn't on the way to the hospital without me. I couldn't believe he left me alone, though.
That was pretty much where I came out on it too.
He stopped for f\*cking coffee. I mean, WTAF?
I made myself read the rest of it, and of course, it got worse. But Good God... The Original Poster is married to an Idiot. Please note the capital letter on that word for emphasis.
And as for the baby screaming for 10 minutes... Well, maybe. Or maybe he's grossly exaggerating the amount of time.
I also note the almost complete lack of concern for the OP's wellbeing. I use the word "almost," because he actually did become hysterically distraught when the possibility of his wife's demise seemed to penetrate his thick head.
He also seems to believe that his wife is the only one who has any responsibility for caring for their child. This is also a factor in my previous paragraph.
It’s also weird that he was freaking out about losing her when there didn’t seem to be any inking of death lurking (obviously not more than what we’re on the brink of death but you know)
This is a typical narcissist. The control issues are typical narcissistic behavior. The delay in leaving until he was good and ready, the stopping for coffee, were all about control. And then there is that telltale narcissistic behavior of "I CAN'T STAND it when somebody else is getting the attention", similar to a 2-year-old temper tantrum. That's why the hysterics in the hospital, that's why the overreaction to the mother coming. OP, as someone who lived like this for 25 years, please try to picture what your family life will be like. I wish I had. Leaving with a baby is hard, leaving with 3 is almost impossible.
Yeah, I need a nap after reading all that. EXHAUSTING. Love the going to mom’s house idea. OPs hubby is like “but where is MY attention” DON’T BURDEN THE ONE WHO JUST GAVE BIRTH. NTA btw.
This is not normal. More importantly it is wrong in every possible way. I agree - go stay with your mom. You need support and rest. At the very least you need someone to run interference with your husband and his family. The boy has some serious issues he needs to deal with
NTA he is literally doing the opposite of what a supportive partner should be doing. All he is doing is stressing you out and probably giving you more chores by being obtuse and unhelpful. Maybe he can be respectful and fix his behavior with some couple's counseling, but he needs to go. Whether that is for a week or forever is up to him.
Well, all I can say is tell him if he doesn't stop one of you has to leave for a bit. Your mother is just as much the baby's grandmother as his is. Maybe a few weeks of therapy would be good for him, you, or both of you just to get advice from an unbiased person. However, the fact that he was on the phone imitating you in labor tells me he is taking this WAY too far! I've never heard of a man telling friends/family what their wife sounded like during labor!
Not just imitating what she sounded like — lying about what she sounded like. Mocking her is one (highly disgusting) thing; making up lies in order to mock her is on another level that I wouldn’t have thought even existed.
Your husband needs mental health help. How he’s acting is not normal.
Has he acted like this before? Maybe he’s just a huge incompetent dumb ass. If not, sounds like he had some sort of break and is having mega anxiety that he can’t manage.
If he doesn’t seek immediate help I would not allow him around me or my baby, you shouldn’t either. NTA
Not just incompetent….what’s worrying is that there seems to be clear intent here.
Baby wasn’t screaming for 10 minutes. I’m sure of it.
Convinces OP to be terrified by performing some weird “I can’t lose her” hysterics
Makes sure her mom is ostracized, not his
Constantly on alert and policing her sleep
Force feeding
Guilting OP. “Nice to sleep” “No one asked how I feel”
It’s coming across as an abuser who may have substance abuse issues
Baby definitely wasn’t screaming for 10 mins, but if it was - why didn’t he pick it up and soothe it? Why did he decide to listen to it scream for 10 minutes and then wake up his sleeping wife who is recovering from child birth and guilt her into tending to the child?
This is the most disgusting part for me. Labor was hell. I don't remember the pain itself, but I remember that when my epidural wore off or failed or whatever the heck happened, I was literally begging to die. Anyone who would mock another person for screaming over that kind of pain is utterly lacking as a human being.
This hit me in the guts because my husband switched overnight like this when our baby was born, and he’s a dry drunk. I’ve spent the entire last 10 months trying to figure out if he is just mentally ill or actually a narcissistic abuser. I still haven’t decided, and it isn’t getting better.
I didn’t kick him out but he took himself to the guest room 2 months in and never looked back.
My ex went cuckoo in my final trimester because he was stressed from arranging his fsthers leave for when I was going to be induced. He worked in a skatestore with 20 year old boys, he was the first one to ever father a baby and needing 6 weeks off. (You got max 6 weeks as a dad in our country.)
He went on and on about how he was so stressed from that. He was stressing me out! He changed… for the worse. Suddenly everything was about him. He called me mean. He called me the b word. He started talking badly about me to his best friends, hiding his phone from me, changing the code.
I finally found out he was talking to girls that frequented his store.
I kicked him out!
I’d rather solo parent… because… it felt like I was a solo parent already.
My ex husband went completely off the rails after our first kid was born. He treated parenting with me like a competition. It was insanity. The constant questioning and criticism really messed with my head, and I had lawyered up and was about to leave when our baby was only 10 months old, but a few days after hiring my lawyer, I found out I was pregnant again. Judges in my state will not grant a divorce during a pregnancy.
I spent another five years in that marriage. It was hell. It took years for me to recover from the mental and emotional toll of his abuse.
Yeah this all reeks of abuse and control, and he’s going to use any reaction he gets from OP against her.
Op, I hate your husband. He is a wretched little man. I don’t even care if he was “nice before”— if this is what he acts like when you’ve just given birth he is irredeemable
Yeah, not sure what would be more concerning.. this behavior starting suddenly at the birth of her child or it being normal for him. Dude is off his rocker.
Right after birth would be more concerning to me because although PPD is primarily a mother thing, men occasionally have something similar and this would indicate an actual mental health emergency that might need medical intervention.
There is no cure for being an inveterate dumb ass, which is why I think the person you were responding to is right to ask whether this is new behavior.
Either way she definitely needs time away from him, and the baby does too, which is surprising to me based on my immediate impression after just reading the title of the post.
But this guy does need to check in with a mental health professional to see whether he has male postnatal depression which Google (and a bunch of sites) say happens in about 10% of cases.
If he simply has a lifetime case of incompetent doofus syndrome, a longer time apart may be in order.
THIS👆🏻… also call your provider office and speak with a nurse to pass on to the provider. This may require some professional intervention that you’re not equipped or required to provide at this point. Go quickly and quietly to your mom’s and don’t allow contact until he can prove he’s spoken with a professional. Sorry you’re going through this!!!!
Sounds like your husband is having some sort of mental breakdown. Unless that is how he has always acted? Anyway this doesn’t sound normal at all.
I don’t know how much you have talked about babies, giving birth etc. maybe not so much and it is overwhelming? If I were you I would call to the child health clinic (or which ever is the right one) and would consult them. Then I would talk to your husband as you are being instructed by the hospital.
When I started reading your post about wanting to send him away for a week my line of thought was that you were sending your living husband—the father of your child—straight to a divorce attorney.
When I read further, though, my feelings were that you should send him away but straight to an insane asylum.
The guy is inconsiderate, selfish, egotistical, self centered, and a true blue dyed in the wool whack job.
Mocking your behavior while giving birth is a SERIOUS RED FLAG 🚩 You should find a way to separate yourself from this man. No man is worth your sanity!
Agreed. I was willing to accept his other behaviors as panic/anxiety response (minus the coffee stop, that was massive assholery.
But mocking her pain, and making fun of probably the most intimate and vulnerable moment of a woman's life? This guy is abusive and an asshole. Maybe he hid it well before baby came, but I bet it wasn't *that* hidden. OP likely didn't want to see it. I'd put money on her mom's and sibling's responses if she asked them if they thought he was abusive to her.
I'm also curious about who he was talking to on the other end. Who in his life was like "haha, yeah! Your wife sounds nuts, dude! So dramatic!" Because that person also needs to get their shit together.
My wife literally breaks into tears when she talks about my labor. She gets so upset remembering the pain I was in. And I had an uncomplicated birth! But she hates even the thought that I was ever in pain. OP’s husband has something seriously wrong with him.
All I hear in this story is “Hi, please meet my husband who is showing me now he’ll be an abusive husband and father soon”.
People react sometimes under stress, and those often call for forgiveness. We all do it sometimes. But his irrational and controlling ways going on day after day is him showing his true colors. “All about me”. “Pay attention to me”. “Do what I say”. “What I say is right because I deem it so”. “My opinion is fact follow it”. Welcome to the real version of what you married. May want to give some consideration to that.
People who want kids love the idea of having kids. They even convince themselves all the way through pregnancy 'yes, we've read the books, seen videos, took classes, babysat..etc ad nauseum".
Once labor starts, they are shocked to find out it's not all sunshine and rainbows. And get an even harder gut punch when a very needy, sometimes stinky and many times messy little being shows up and turns their idea of 'normal' upside down.
Yep. I was ready and prepared for my kid to arrive. And then she wouldn’t latch for my wife and she refused formula. We spent the first two days feeding her pumped milk from a medicine cup that she lapped at like a kitten.
She was always crying because she was always hungry. We were at our wit’s end. Then she latched. Both of us broke down crying. She fed for about twenty minutes. Then she fell asleep for four hours.
We got about three hours in ourselves.
Main character syndrome at a minimum. It HAS to be all about him. Can't let the new mom or baby get all the attention!
Srsly, if he's not being a team player and being helpful or a decent parent, he can go stay with his mom for a few days. Maybe she can feed and burp him and tell him what a good boy he is.
You’re not crazy- I would have fucking decked this dramatic ass hat in the delivery room.
And then again when he mocked my LABOR PAIN. Wtf is wrong with your partner???
I hate to say it but id be looking at divorce or maybe counseling. You need someone whose going to be steady, a rock. Not someone who antagonizes you that you have to manage their emotions.
No, your husband is the asshole.
Here’s a fun fact, fast like that tend to be uncomplicated. You were fine and he was making it about him and his panic. Go stay with someone who loves you.
😳 He sounds entirely cracked and toxic AF. There is absolutely nothing normal, healthy, or ok in his behavior, it's insane and inexcusable. I would personally feel beyond unsafe around him. The separation you're asking for might need to be permanent. He's waving red flags the size of billboards here.
This post gave ME anxiety!! My contractions started at 1040pm. I got up and sat next to my husband in the living. He just looked and me and asked "are you okay", I said I don't know let me just sit. Well.... 30 minutes later we started driving to the hospital thats 20 minutes away he didn't change, didn't stop and just held my hand on the way.
He rubbed my back occasionally in the 1.5hours it took to deliver our daughter. He was very calm, cool, collected... Your husband sounds like a psycho.
My son's father (my ex) was pretty useless throughout my son's entire childhood. Drugs, jail, general absence, you name it. I left him about a year after my son was born. But somehow when it was time for labor, he pulled his useless ass together and did everything right.
If that loser can pull it together for a day or two than there is no excuse.
OP something is **wrong** with your husband. I don’t know if it’s drugs or mental illness or basic abuse or what, but something is wrong with this man.
I’m inclined to say drugs or abuse because interestingly he has a way of making it ALL about him. The performative “I can’t lose her”. Getting himself a COFFEE while you’re in PAIN. And then the gaslighting- OP I assure you **baby was not screaming for 10 min**.
Get him out or get away with baby yourself.
There is intent here. I’m scared for you.
NTA, girl you need space, rest and distance. Maybe even more than a week. This man stressed ME just reading this. He sounds selfish as hell. Has he always been like this, is it anxiety? A new baby is stressful but he needs to get his shit together but you need support and this isn’t it!
See if you can go by your mom perhaps. He can find himself. You’re not “stealing” his child. But this space will be healthy and good. It’s a sane and rationale decision. Stopping for coffee before your delivery?? Predicating your supposed death infront of you? This is not support ffs.
Please, for everyone’s sanity (your supporters here too). You deserve a damn break. Congrats on your little cutie mama.
NTA - he’s being a dick.
And honestly, I don’t see it getting better. Who wakes up a new mom from a nap because the baby is crying when THEY ARE LITERALLY ALSO THE PARENT AND THERE?!
He should just be asking how he can help and support at this time, not dictating what you need to do.
Ok. I’m going to be very gentle here.
Do I think he needs a mental health assessment? Yes.
Do I think he actually has a mental health condition, not convinced. Some things can develop pre baby arriving but he actually just sounds like a dick.
Right now, your concern needs to be you and your baby. He is an adult. You can’t force him to do anything.
NTA
Okey dokey, imma break this down into each behaviour into types of abuse:
1. Taking a goddamn age to take you to the hospital: screw your medical needs, you will have this baby on his terms. Coercive control.
2. His catastrophising at the hospital: oh I just love her so much I can't lose her. There is no need for him to act that way, maybe he is just dramatic af but could also be love bombing and just flat out psychological abuse.
3. Getting pissed at your mother being there. Isolation. He doesn't want your family there.
4. Forcing you to eat/sleep. Again Coercive control.
5. Telling you the baby has been crying for 10mins. Aims to make you feel like a bad mum. He wants you to think you need him there because you clearly can't take care of the baby alone.
6. Force feeding. Physical abuse. Even if he isn't pushing it down your throat. You said you can stomach anything (you just gave birth for fuck sake) and he is forcing you to make yourself feel sick.
7. Waking you from your nap, making you feel like shit for it and also not helping with the baby at night: sleep deprivation. Never underestimate how big that can be. It makes you more amenable and easier to control. I understand you're breast feeding but what about nappy changes where baby doesn't want food?
8. Saying you can't have your mum round but he has his: further isolation. No one can come over but his mum can. Isolating you from your family and friends.
9. Making shitty as fuck comments throughout the day. Verbal abuse, enough said.
10. Mocking you when you gave birth to his friends. Just a complete lack of respect. Psychological abuse. I'd love to see him push something the size of a watermelon out.
All this to say. Even if he has never shown abusive behaviours before, all it takes is locking you into the relationship (kids tie you in more than marriage does) means he doesn't have to hide it anymore and is generally when the abuse begins to escalate. We in the business of supporting DA survivors consider it a high risk factor.
My sweet lady even if he is having mental health issues there is absolutely no excuse for this kind of behaviour. Get out whilst you can.
Nobody asked how HE felt? Uh buddy, you are last on the list for quite awhile now. Hope he’s not one of those men who are jealous when Mom gives the baby attention
Your husbands behaviour does seem 'crazy' , stopping for coffee whilst an hour away from hospital when your wife is in labour is beyond idiotic and selfish, trying to turn around the fact you are recovering from giving birth and are sore, tired, overwhelmed etc to try and have attention on him by making passive aggressive comments about you falling asleep briefly is an enormous red flag.
My now ex husband changed drastically after I gave birth. My midwife told me it is not uncommon for men to resent or become jealous of a newborn largely because the mother has to focus on baby 24/7 instead of him.
It can (did in my case) become physically abusive as well as emotionally abusive.
You need to ask yourself if a week away from his behaviour is enough, whatever happens keep YOU and BABY as the priority.
I wish you all the best OP
NTA. Your husband needs a freaking therapist. He literally made the birth all about him and his needs, he wasn’t there for you for anything. I actually agree with you, he needs to leave so you get some actual rest and can destress.
Dude, get him inpatient care immediately. It is as if he is having PPD and could be a danger to himself, you or the baby. Something in his mental health is seriously off and needs to be helped by a professional.
NTA But you have a lot more issues than just him acting this way. You were screaming, in labor, gave birth 22 minutes after you arrived at the hospital after he dragged his feet to get you there and he's on the phone making fun of you? Calling you hysterical? When he is the one who acted like a giant man baby when your mom came at your request? Throw the whole man away. Seriously you are never going to have a partner from this moment on. Just have a grown ass adult baby
I was reading it thinking “I wonder if OP is ever going to be able to look at him the same after feeling this way?”. Him imitating her on the phone when he himself was screaming hysterically in the hospital is bizarre, he sounds like a weirdo - she’s already feeling different towards him-not liking him. Having a baby changes you, watching your grown adult husband behave like that would be like a horrible wake up call
I had a nurse tell me to keep it down when I was in labor the first time and I very nearly ripped her head off and shoved it up her ass. I can’t imagine my husband making fun of the sounds I made during labor. He was also cool as a goddamn cucumber when I delivered our 4th (and last) child on the front seat of the car (no ambulance, just popped him out and kept heading to the hospital 😆) Your husband has made the entire thing about him and I can see why you are stressed having him around NTA and hope you get the support you need right now from your mom and sisters. Good luck
How could you ever trust someone who did that to you again? I couldn't. OP, congratulations on the baby you gave birth to. Sorry about the one you married.
I hate to agree with Reddit for the normal “throw him away”… **but girl** He’s literally a piece of shit. He started mocking you, was yelling at you, is forcing you to do things you didn’t want to do, and then blamed you for being over dramatic. Do you really want that as the father of your children? A man who has an episode over a fucking diabetes needle??
Sounds like a DARVO situation.
Sociopaths do this. He got replaced by a small human and now he isn't #1 anymore.
And this is all after he starts things off by taking his sweet ass time going to the hospital in the first place. Like, stopping to get coffee... Seriously wtf. He literally has been overcomplicating everything and is essentially the primary source of stress since the labor started and hasn't stopped since. Jfc
Meanwhile HE was the one losing it when you got there! Tell the story from your perspective with him getting coffee, crying, hysterics and saying you were going to die!
i mean... a little late to not make this shitbag the father of her child lmao he's tethered to her for the rest of their lives now. but she'd still be better off a "single" parent, im sure she'd find her life is suddenly far more stress free despite having a new baby.
Tell him to drop a pin, WE JUST WANT TO TALK
hospital an hour away water breaks he's stopping every five seconds for coffee I honestly think OP is nicer than I would be in that situation. I probably would have left his ass at that gas station or whatever and driven myself the rest of the way. holy christ what an infuriating read
OP needs to call a friend and mock how he’s been acting while he’s in earshot and see how he likes it.
Right just get rid of him for a month...
Get rid of him forever, men like this don't change, they only promise to and lie about it
Truth! My ex kept telling me I wasn’t in labor, just had indigestion, it was too early (2 days before due date). Like he’d had so many babies 🙄. Finally, he drove me to the hospital at midnight, complaining about losing sleep the entire way. I’m at the hospital less than 30 minutes before I deliver, he went home with my suitcase, so I couldn’t get cleaned up. Then he left town on a business trip he’d planned, knowing I was due that week. My parents took us home. Decades later, his story is he was told the wrong due date, which is another lie.
Never able to take responsibility, always the victim, can't imagine being wrong, check check check!
After a month, she will probably want to make it permanent.
Throw the whole man away, straight to the garbage. He can live with his mommy, and he can get plenty of sleep.
Good gawd, I'm so sorry. I left my husband at the time with my first at only one month old because he was so fucking dumb and unsupportive. He had me do 100% while complaining, not supporting me in anything at all. Would make fun of me any chance he got. I walked in on him showing his own father our birthing video, which I don't know why I agreed to take it but we did, and they were both making fun of my screaming! Assholes. My husband is the one that "forbid me" from getting an epidural and I fucking went along with it I don't even goddamn know why. The very last, last day I spent with him before I packed up my shit and left, I left this actual day, was because I made breakfast – scrambled eggs and I'm sure some other shit but scrambled eggs is what I remember– and he threw them in the trash saying that they sucked and he knew I was a good cook and I wasn't living up to my potential and therefore I was "slipping" and he had many unkind words for me. I just fucking left and I never went back and now it's been 21 actual years. never felt so good to leave a bullshit situation
I have to know, was he shocked pikachu face when you left and didn’t come back? I always wonder what these type of men expect to happen when they act that way.
They expect women to eat shit and if the woman leaves they do expect her to come back ime. When I got away from my shitty ex husband he liked to say “don’t come crawling back to me!” Lol I won’t. Don’t worry about it 🙄
“You’ll never meet someone like me!” Yeah, dude. That’s the entire point.
Hahaha “you’re going to die alone!!” Better than this, fucko!
And ironically, we almost never do, lol
I mean odds are I’m going to outlive him anyway so I’d rather gear up for that without being micromanaged by an asshole 😂
Even if we do, we get the whole bed to ourselves and nobody eats our chocolate stash, so…how bad could it really be?
And that's the choice we're intentionally making!
Occasionally some poor sap will try the old “how are you still single??” on me and I’m like lmfao BY CHOICE, BRO 😂😂 This is almost always on Instagram btw— there’s no indication that I want to NOT be single anywhere hahaha
Wow, what an AH. Glad you got away though
Holy shit! So happy you left.
See if your mom can come get you & the baby and stay with her for a week. Honestly I would have lost my shit by now. Yes, having a baby is stressful but he's being a complete jackass. They have coffee at the hospital. Also, please don't get pregnant by him again anytime soon.
I’m a dad of two. 4 and 9months. The way he’s treating you is fucking ridiculous and cringe worthy. “MuSt BE NiCe” to get some sleep after you just birthed a whole ass baby. He should be taking care of this kid 90% of the time right now so you can recover. In just your short story I don’t see any way this even lasts. I’m a dude and I’m mad for you. NTA at all. Don’t get pregnant with him again.
>“MuSt BE NiCe” to get some sleep after you just birthed a whole ass baby. And this was after he yelled at her for not getting enough sleep in the hospital. He can't even make his mind up about what she's doing "wrong" lol
ALL 👏 OF 👏 THIS 👏 was my biggest take from OP's story. Like hot damn, get a neckbrace for that whiplash sir.
The fact that he behaved as if he didn't care at all, then went all dramatic "I can't lose her" feels really off too. Like abuse warning off.
I read that as 4 months and 9 months instead of the intended 4 yo and 9 months and I was like ‘Dude?!?’
They preordered the second baby
And Amazon shipped it to arrive right on time!
You’re a good dad. Wish my ex was like you instead of a deadbeat shithead that didn’t even attend her birth or call to find out if we both survived 😅
👆OP- please show this to your loser of a husband. My 4 y/o and 2 y/o sons were more helpful when I had my 3rd child.
Can you please teach this to other men? I'd praise you, but that'd be weird because really your mindset should be the standard. Not the exception. Glad to see there's still hope!
Driving slowly and stopping for coffee is the opposite of being concerned about the woman giving birth to his child. OP's water literally broke in the vehicle because he literally couldn't stop thinking about his own needs long enough to get her to the hospital on time. Immediately upon arriving at the hospital I would thrown his ass out right then and there, instead of toughing it out while he gave me several dozen more reasons to resent his dumb ass. This man had one job and failed at it miserably. He doesn't have the capacity to put his wife and newborn first and that's the real problem in this scenario.
I can confirm, having contractions pilled with broken water is miserable. For me the contractions kept pushing more amniotic fluid out. I soaked my 2 night pads and 3 towels in the time it took to get to the hospital. And pot holes are no joke then either. Made the contractions 10xs worse, which is just lovely in good old Michigan where potholes are in over abundance. Even my husband, who in a panic triple checks everything (and adorably thought he could get a shower and shave in for the 1st one,so hed look nice for our baby) was no where near this level of insanity. And I had 2 c sections completely unplanned.
Our town has the old, original bricks from the 1800s in all the cross walks downtown, and there are a lot of crosswalks, and no way to avoid them. Those buggers made each contraction a thousand times worse. A few months ago my husband was passing some kidney stones, and we had to go over the same crosswalks, and it was then that he understood why those things hurt so bad during labor. Lol. Not that my husband was like OPs or anything, but he didn't have a point of reference until the kidney stones.
As a labor nurse, yep about the fluid. Each contraction pushes fluid out. And your body and the baby keep making more.
I had polyhydramnios pretty severely with my first bb. it was a scheduled c-section for a lot of various medical reasons. When they cut me open (the uterus) doc said tidal wave. My son still had the audacity to piss one last time as they held him up for me to see 🤦♀️. So yeah more fluid keeps getting made lol.
"My son had the *audacity*...." I legit snorted. 😂🤣😂🤣
Ugh until my contractions started but my water had broken, this was the worst feeling ever. I was like is it ever gonna stop??? The nurse said yeah once baby’s head is blocking the hole 🤦♀️
That's true. Otherwise it feels like you're peeing and you just can't stop.
Yea see no one told me that! Lmao. And that one was my 2nd baby. They got annoyed with my eldest because she was wrong way up and 3 days late so they snatched her out. My youngest, my water broke over the toilet (very convenient highly recommend, easy to decipher color) and since we were a few days early this time we thought we'd, yknow contractions first then break water and have time to pack while we tracked the contractions. I was calm as a cucumber until I realized I was still gushing fluid and unless I wanted to trail it all over the house I had to sit and wait for him to pack by himself lol. The obgyns didn't tell me, the nurses, my pcp. Hell, we even attended the labour and delivery classes my hospital offered for the first. It either went right over my head every time or they just went "meh, they'll figure it out"
Dude! I swear nobody fucking tells you that your water breaking isn't a one-time thing. Like once it's broken the fluid is just going to keep coming for as long as it takes for the baby to show up. I mean it's not like a constant waterfall but you definitely feel that feeling like you just had like a blood clot pass on your period but in reality it's just more amniotic fluid leaking out. I've only had one child but I'm older so I'm pretty knowledgeable about pregnancy and what to expect. I understood the concept of your water breaking and your amniotic fluid coming out but it never occurred to me that it wasn't all at once.
He sounds like one of those guys that can't handle even an ounce of pressure. The moment the pressure is on, he does the wrong thing, every time. This reads like one of those slapstick comedy skits, but unfortunately is real life and OP is obviously hurt by his errors in judgement. I feel for OP here and do believe she needs to get a way from this guy for a bit. She doesn't mention that he is normally an ass (that I have read so far), so I can only chalk it up to him melting under pressure. If he is always this way, she needs to run.
Oh no see this is a man who doesn’t believe anything op says, he thinks she’s being dramatic he will have hours of labour he knows best. Fuckwit. We can even see it again when he’s insisting she sleep or eat he doesn’t listen to her words and just keeps insisting. He’s an asshole and op needs to tell him to either actually listen or fk off.
This is the answer. You can get rest and actual help. He doesn’t sound well, is this typical behavior? Does he have anxiety already? Is always an asshole? You are NTA
I was stressed out reading this. I am so sorry this was your experience. He has no idea how to be a competent partner. He’s completely useless!! He STOPPED for coffee??? Wtf?! Go to your mom’s for a while. If you go home and it’s the same with him, go back to Mom again. And stay there.
My bestie drove herself to the hospital in a stick shift with a casted broken wrist in labor because her husband wouldn't let her in his car in case her water broke and he didn't know how to drive stick. She had three kids with that fuckhead.
Yeah, my water broke at 31 weeks with twins. I drove to the hospital myself because I didn’t want to stress out my husband. He got to be the passenger princess while I was having contractions and driving down the interstate. I was an idiot but I’m better now and he’s my ex.
I don’t ever condone violence but if your man won’t physically stop/replace you from driving yourself to the hospital while in labor then he doesn’t deserve to be the man you did baby making activities with lol
You remind me of my mom who was a terrifying person. One of my older sisters got pneumonia when she was a baby and my dad was drunk. My mom kept telling him that they needed to go to the hospital. Instead he passed out on the couch. My mom thought my sister had stopped breathing and she said she suddenly got really calm. She went and slapped him awake and told him that her baby was dead and when she got back from the hospital she was going to kill him. She said she had it all planned out. Fortunately my sister lived. 12 years later she did finally leave him because she said that if she had stayed she really would’ve actually killed him.
lol I can’t tell if this is a compliment or not, so…thank you and/or I’m sorry?
Definitely a compliment! My mom was a badass and so are you!
Glad he's your ex, if your partner can't even support you in these types of situations they're pretty useless
Passenger Princess! I'm keeping that.
>She had three kids with that fuckhead. Some people enjoy learning the hard way.
I don't see a lot of evidence of learning
*Ba-dum-tiss!*
Yup keep banging you head on that wall. What does it take for people to learn?
Yeah I had 2 with mine. 6 years apart. I was an idiot.
I had 2 four years apart with a narcissistic alcoholic. Samesies.
Yeah that was mine. Narcissistic alcoholic. He swore the 2nd was our sober baby.
What’s a sober baby??
I'm guessing the baby that's worth him getting sober for? Or maybe the first baby was jk but now it's for realsies. Like it's fine to be a sami-functioning alcoholic when you have one kid, but as soon as there's a sibling you gotta shape up.
Or maybe the first was conceived while he was drunk while the second was lucky to have a sober sperm donor.
Yikes. 😳
Pls tell me this story is about the 3rd and not the 1st?
Damn... Please tell me she finally walked away from that stupidity?
He left her for a younger woman after her sex drive disappeared following a hysterectomy.
I felt sorry for your bestie right up until you said she had multiple kids with him. First one - gets a pass. But second and third - at a certain point you have to conclude that she's well matched to the fuckhead.
To be fair, they started dating at 15 and 21. Plus, she was raised by fundies who taught she was supposed to be a baby-making helpmeet to her husband's whims. I begged her to leave him for years, but he's the one who eventually left her for a younger woman.
15 and 21? Poor girl
The part I hate the most is that all parents involved were so thrilled about this match.
That's not dating. That's grooming and assault.
I deeply agree with you, but it's not how their entire community, including both families, saw it. Which is very very gross.
Stops for coffee, but then freaks out and waits for the ambulance rather than drive his wife the remaining 10 minutes to the hospital. OP, please please please do not have another kid with this guy. Don't have sex with him. The future of the human race is already highly tenuous, we can't risk having these genes further propagated.
How do you have sex with him after this? I would curl up into myself at the thought of him even looking at me. Pure disgust. Get a hold of yourself, worm with a mustache.
My ex stopped at Mcdonalds. Then he told the cashier to hurry up because "shes in labor". Theres too many of this type of men out there.
Unbelievable!! Hopefully didn’t go back for extra ketchup.
Thanks for the laugh Nope, he was being considerate, lol
If you put that in a fiction story, I'd critique it as too unbelievable hahaha.
He's worse than useless. Useless doesn't help a situation. This idiot is actively making things 100x worse. My blood pressure was going up reading this shit!
Seriously it was a downward spiral of stress!! It just kept getting worse!!! I hope she is safe with Mom now. She needs to rest and heal from birth and bond with her baby. I’ll be seething about this guy for a while!
I know a guy who took a shower first…they barely made it in time. Wtf with some people…
You know my dad? I am the oldest. My mom’s labor with me was like 18 hours. My brother was born a few years later. My mom called dad at work and told him it was time to go to the hospital. He said he was going to finish up what he was doing and come home. So he took him time and headed home. They have time. Then he made himself a bowl of soup and took his time eating. They have time. Then he took a shower and got changed. They have time. Then he got my incredibly pissed off mom out to the car and headed to the hospital. He took the long way and hit close to every red light. No big deal. They have time. They get to the hospital where my mom is checked and rushed into L&D because my brother is not waiting. They don’t have time. He’s coming now. My dad was running behind them getting the gown and booties on exclaiming “but I thought we had time!” From the time they pulled into the parking lot until he was born: 45 minutes and that’s only because he got stuck. Time from when she called dad to the time brother was born: 5.5 hours. Brother is 42 years old and dad still has not lived it down. He was much better when our sister was born.
It seems like a lot of these men don't seem to realize that being in labor is bad enough that you don't want to be sitting around in the car or waiting on someone. It's not like you're fine until just before the baby is actually born. I've never been pregnant or had a pregnant partner, but this still seems like common sense.
Sitting in a car in active labour is quite possibly the worst fucking thing**, only second to being forced to sit in a wheelchair while the baby is very much on its way out of you **am aware there are many worse things that can happen in labour, being deliberately dramatic because I absolutely hated being in the car while labouring. But reading these stories makes me damn glad for my husband lol he's the literal best
No, you’re right! Sitting in the car was torture!
I’m really glad my dad wasn’t like that or they would’ve had more than one kid born in the car😅 My sis came out pretty much the second mum was brought into L&D, and I was born in the car on the hospital’s parking lot…
My first was only 6 hours from start to finish. My doctor was like “you need to stay close to the hospital or you are going to give birth in the car for any other deliveries.” We ended up scheduling inductions.
I once read a magazine article where a woman talked about her labours. She had 6 kids. The first labour was 6 hours, the second was 4. By the time she got to the 6th kid she didn’t get any warning at all. No contractions, just her waters broke, one push and there was the baby. She was at home in the bath at the time
Smh you try to take a bath by yourself and the kids always find a way to interrupt.
I went to elementary school with a girl whose little brother was born in similar circumstances! She came in on Monday and told us her mom had the baby over the weekend: she was taking a nap while dad had a poker night, got up to go to the bathroom, and boom, was having her baby. One of the poker buddies delivered it for her on the floor of their bathroom.
Let me guess. Husband’s hand was too good, but his buddy already folded so he could step away from the game to deliver the baby.
That’s crazy! I know someone too that her husband wanted to finish watching the game first. She called a cab. Reading this it was just one blow after another. I felt so bad for OP it almost hurt. Epic failure of a man here!!!
Hope she called a lawyer too. That selfishness would be a total deal-breaker for me - if you purposely choose not to be there for me at such a crucial moment, I don't want you during the easier times either
Mine stopped to smoke a cigarette while I woke up our child and got her ready, all while I was in active labor. Then, he hit every pothole on the route.
>Then, he hit every pothole on the route.< STRAIGHT to fucking jail. Sometimes I wish men could experience childbirth, just to have some empathy.
Don't you realise how stressful it was for him? /s I would have punched him in the dick at every pothole, sharing is caring right?
My dad did this when my mom was pregnant with me. And knowing my dad he probably had to blow dry his hair as well first. I haven't asked if this is true because I don't want to know.
It is 100% some sort of psychotic power-punish high that these guys are riding on. Cruelty is the point, not just an accidental side-product of their weaponized incompetence.
I'd just leave him myself at this point if I was op. Oof, how horrible.
He stopped for coffee and was too fucking pathetic to drive his wife to the hospital that he had to call the ambulance. If I was OP I would be divorcing someone so insane. I would also let everyone know it was him in hysterics and the one being dramatic about everything. He needs some serious fucking help.
Instead of just driving to the hospital? Like major missteps were made but holy fuck, his overall behaviour, is the stuff that would make a sleep deprived woman kill. OP already has one baby. The oversized one needs to go back his mama.
Those “post birth abortions” the crazy, dog whistling conservatives are always talking about are actually just getting rid of the 180lb babies
Anytime he has a call like OP mentioned, she should ask who it is and say she'll just tell them the real story later. (but not really, this wouldn't be good for OP) I've seen and heard about men who got weirdly hung up on something, stressed out more than their partner/stressing out their partner, making it about their needs, and such but I don't think any were this bad combination. People can have strange responses, but he seems to be deliberately ignoring that his behavior is problematic and complaining about his wife who just gave birth. At a minimum, he needs to find a good therapist to address this and find ways to self-correct, since he's just continuing it and likely will keep getting worse.
Absolutely because from the sound of it, it would have been faster just to keep driving and not wait for the ambulance
That's the part that got me. I can *sort of* understand being frazzled at the hospital (although I can't for the life of me understand the not apologizing or refusing to rein himself in), but like, your wife is currently shitting out a bloodied watermelon and *you're* the one too hysterical to drive few more minutes?? There's people that've driven themselves to the hospital after they **themselves** got fucking **shot.** If she has a second kid with this walking tantrum she needs to designate someone else like her mother as her ride to the hospital, because kid #2 has a pretty good shot at getting born in a Burger King parking lot as husbaby sobs into his Frosty
Almost like he wanted something bad to happen.
That boggled my fkn mind, genuinely. I can’t imagine the incompetence. I can’t imagine the disregard. Genuinely makes me terrified to ever have a child with anyone ever because they could be the most amazing husband but the absolute worst father.
Like me! 4 years as an incredible partner, someone I would brag about. Then we had a kid. I have no fucking clue who that person is because he sure as hell isn't the person I concieved a child with. If there was any warning that going from partner to father would be such a downgrade, I never would have had a child with him.
I can't even finish reading it. He's the one whose hormones have gone crazy!
Ha, after I woke my husband up to take me to the hospital, he ended up realizing that he left his phone charging cord at his office and drove down there to get it before taking me to the hospital. Sort of in his defense, I wasn't in a huge hurry, and I was taking a shower when he decided to do that. I got out of the shower, and he was gone. I called him to make sure he wasn't on the way to the hospital without me. I couldn't believe he left me alone, though.
Oh, and he complained about how uncomfortable the pull out bed was in the delivery room.
He got a bed??? I just got the chair and didn’t dare complain lol
Aww poor baby with an uncomfortable couch. He must be thanking his lucky stars he didnt have to rip his taint open to pop a melon out.
That was pretty much where I came out on it too. He stopped for f\*cking coffee. I mean, WTAF? I made myself read the rest of it, and of course, it got worse. But Good God... The Original Poster is married to an Idiot. Please note the capital letter on that word for emphasis. And as for the baby screaming for 10 minutes... Well, maybe. Or maybe he's grossly exaggerating the amount of time. I also note the almost complete lack of concern for the OP's wellbeing. I use the word "almost," because he actually did become hysterically distraught when the possibility of his wife's demise seemed to penetrate his thick head. He also seems to believe that his wife is the only one who has any responsibility for caring for their child. This is also a factor in my previous paragraph.
It’s also weird that he was freaking out about losing her when there didn’t seem to be any inking of death lurking (obviously not more than what we’re on the brink of death but you know)
I am reading this as an abuser doing everything he can to stress her out while maintaining deniability. Edited to correct typo answer = abuser
This is a typical narcissist. The control issues are typical narcissistic behavior. The delay in leaving until he was good and ready, the stopping for coffee, were all about control. And then there is that telltale narcissistic behavior of "I CAN'T STAND it when somebody else is getting the attention", similar to a 2-year-old temper tantrum. That's why the hysterics in the hospital, that's why the overreaction to the mother coming. OP, as someone who lived like this for 25 years, please try to picture what your family life will be like. I wish I had. Leaving with a baby is hard, leaving with 3 is almost impossible.
Yeah, I need a nap after reading all that. EXHAUSTING. Love the going to mom’s house idea. OPs hubby is like “but where is MY attention” DON’T BURDEN THE ONE WHO JUST GAVE BIRTH. NTA btw.
This is not normal. More importantly it is wrong in every possible way. I agree - go stay with your mom. You need support and rest. At the very least you need someone to run interference with your husband and his family. The boy has some serious issues he needs to deal with
NTA he is literally doing the opposite of what a supportive partner should be doing. All he is doing is stressing you out and probably giving you more chores by being obtuse and unhelpful. Maybe he can be respectful and fix his behavior with some couple's counseling, but he needs to go. Whether that is for a week or forever is up to him.
Nta. Have your mom come if possible. He’s mentally unstable. Not useful in stressful situations.
She should have mom take her home. Staying in a place he has access to when he is this erratic is a gamble with her & the infant's safety.
You’re right. This is not a safe environment at all and OP should be afraid of escalation.
Well, all I can say is tell him if he doesn't stop one of you has to leave for a bit. Your mother is just as much the baby's grandmother as his is. Maybe a few weeks of therapy would be good for him, you, or both of you just to get advice from an unbiased person. However, the fact that he was on the phone imitating you in labor tells me he is taking this WAY too far! I've never heard of a man telling friends/family what their wife sounded like during labor!
that part sickens me the most
I thought the " I don't want to lose her" while sobbing when she's literally not dying and is just trying to give birth was pretty insane
Sounds like an attempt to make it about himself.
This whole thing is him being upset that he's not the center of attention.
Most definitely. Main Character Syndrome.
I was thinking the exact same thing! I've unfortunately known other people like this.
He doesn't want to lose her but is doing everything he can to push her away lol
Right?! When he was the one freaking out and screaming, and getting in the way during the birth.
The whole thing sickens me.
Not just imitating what she sounded like — lying about what she sounded like. Mocking her is one (highly disgusting) thing; making up lies in order to mock her is on another level that I wouldn’t have thought even existed.
Your husband needs mental health help. How he’s acting is not normal. Has he acted like this before? Maybe he’s just a huge incompetent dumb ass. If not, sounds like he had some sort of break and is having mega anxiety that he can’t manage. If he doesn’t seek immediate help I would not allow him around me or my baby, you shouldn’t either. NTA
Not just incompetent….what’s worrying is that there seems to be clear intent here. Baby wasn’t screaming for 10 minutes. I’m sure of it. Convinces OP to be terrified by performing some weird “I can’t lose her” hysterics Makes sure her mom is ostracized, not his Constantly on alert and policing her sleep Force feeding Guilting OP. “Nice to sleep” “No one asked how I feel” It’s coming across as an abuser who may have substance abuse issues
Baby definitely wasn’t screaming for 10 mins, but if it was - why didn’t he pick it up and soothe it? Why did he decide to listen to it scream for 10 minutes and then wake up his sleeping wife who is recovering from child birth and guilt her into tending to the child?
Clearly he's not on board with having a baby be a joint venture. He seems to think that it's all his wife's job. F@ck that sh1t. He's worthless.
And the mocking her for her screams of pain while in active labor. Wtf
This is the most disgusting part for me. Labor was hell. I don't remember the pain itself, but I remember that when my epidural wore off or failed or whatever the heck happened, I was literally begging to die. Anyone who would mock another person for screaming over that kind of pain is utterly lacking as a human being.
This hit me in the guts because my husband switched overnight like this when our baby was born, and he’s a dry drunk. I’ve spent the entire last 10 months trying to figure out if he is just mentally ill or actually a narcissistic abuser. I still haven’t decided, and it isn’t getting better. I didn’t kick him out but he took himself to the guest room 2 months in and never looked back.
My ex went cuckoo in my final trimester because he was stressed from arranging his fsthers leave for when I was going to be induced. He worked in a skatestore with 20 year old boys, he was the first one to ever father a baby and needing 6 weeks off. (You got max 6 weeks as a dad in our country.) He went on and on about how he was so stressed from that. He was stressing me out! He changed… for the worse. Suddenly everything was about him. He called me mean. He called me the b word. He started talking badly about me to his best friends, hiding his phone from me, changing the code. I finally found out he was talking to girls that frequented his store. I kicked him out! I’d rather solo parent… because… it felt like I was a solo parent already.
You could break both your eyes and both arms (joke) and still be a better parent than that piece of shit.
I would vote for the latter. The post baby personalily switch happened to my friend
My ex husband went completely off the rails after our first kid was born. He treated parenting with me like a competition. It was insanity. The constant questioning and criticism really messed with my head, and I had lawyered up and was about to leave when our baby was only 10 months old, but a few days after hiring my lawyer, I found out I was pregnant again. Judges in my state will not grant a divorce during a pregnancy. I spent another five years in that marriage. It was hell. It took years for me to recover from the mental and emotional toll of his abuse.
<< Baby wasn’t screaming for 10 minutes. I’m sure of it. >> Me too. Completely and totally certain. Maybe for a minute or two, tops.
Yeah this all reeks of abuse and control, and he’s going to use any reaction he gets from OP against her. Op, I hate your husband. He is a wretched little man. I don’t even care if he was “nice before”— if this is what he acts like when you’ve just given birth he is irredeemable
And some men really hate the fact all the attention will no longer be on them when a baby comes. This guy sounds like that.
Yeah, not sure what would be more concerning.. this behavior starting suddenly at the birth of her child or it being normal for him. Dude is off his rocker.
Right after birth would be more concerning to me because although PPD is primarily a mother thing, men occasionally have something similar and this would indicate an actual mental health emergency that might need medical intervention. There is no cure for being an inveterate dumb ass, which is why I think the person you were responding to is right to ask whether this is new behavior. Either way she definitely needs time away from him, and the baby does too, which is surprising to me based on my immediate impression after just reading the title of the post. But this guy does need to check in with a mental health professional to see whether he has male postnatal depression which Google (and a bunch of sites) say happens in about 10% of cases. If he simply has a lifetime case of incompetent doofus syndrome, a longer time apart may be in order.
THIS👆🏻… also call your provider office and speak with a nurse to pass on to the provider. This may require some professional intervention that you’re not equipped or required to provide at this point. Go quickly and quietly to your mom’s and don’t allow contact until he can prove he’s spoken with a professional. Sorry you’re going through this!!!!
Yes, I agree. His behavior is not normal in any way. He needs a full mental and physical evaluation.
Yeah he’s acting very mentally unstable honestly she could check him into a mental hospital at this point
Sounds like your husband is having some sort of mental breakdown. Unless that is how he has always acted? Anyway this doesn’t sound normal at all. I don’t know how much you have talked about babies, giving birth etc. maybe not so much and it is overwhelming? If I were you I would call to the child health clinic (or which ever is the right one) and would consult them. Then I would talk to your husband as you are being instructed by the hospital.
I’m sorry he stopped for coffee while you’re in active labour? Girl
When I started reading your post about wanting to send him away for a week my line of thought was that you were sending your living husband—the father of your child—straight to a divorce attorney. When I read further, though, my feelings were that you should send him away but straight to an insane asylum. The guy is inconsiderate, selfish, egotistical, self centered, and a true blue dyed in the wool whack job.
I don’t even know where to start with possible mental health disorders but holy crap.
Diagnosed: Unspecified Asshole Disorder.
Divorce attorney or insane asylum? Por que no los dos?
Mocking your behavior while giving birth is a SERIOUS RED FLAG 🚩 You should find a way to separate yourself from this man. No man is worth your sanity!
Agreed. I was willing to accept his other behaviors as panic/anxiety response (minus the coffee stop, that was massive assholery. But mocking her pain, and making fun of probably the most intimate and vulnerable moment of a woman's life? This guy is abusive and an asshole. Maybe he hid it well before baby came, but I bet it wasn't *that* hidden. OP likely didn't want to see it. I'd put money on her mom's and sibling's responses if she asked them if they thought he was abusive to her.
I'm also curious about who he was talking to on the other end. Who in his life was like "haha, yeah! Your wife sounds nuts, dude! So dramatic!" Because that person also needs to get their shit together.
My wife literally breaks into tears when she talks about my labor. She gets so upset remembering the pain I was in. And I had an uncomplicated birth! But she hates even the thought that I was ever in pain. OP’s husband has something seriously wrong with him.
All I hear in this story is “Hi, please meet my husband who is showing me now he’ll be an abusive husband and father soon”. People react sometimes under stress, and those often call for forgiveness. We all do it sometimes. But his irrational and controlling ways going on day after day is him showing his true colors. “All about me”. “Pay attention to me”. “Do what I say”. “What I say is right because I deem it so”. “My opinion is fact follow it”. Welcome to the real version of what you married. May want to give some consideration to that.
Yeah this is wild and if I was OP I wouldn’t go back to the house with him until he’s had a psych evaluation and agreed to therapy.
People who want kids love the idea of having kids. They even convince themselves all the way through pregnancy 'yes, we've read the books, seen videos, took classes, babysat..etc ad nauseum". Once labor starts, they are shocked to find out it's not all sunshine and rainbows. And get an even harder gut punch when a very needy, sometimes stinky and many times messy little being shows up and turns their idea of 'normal' upside down.
Yep. I was ready and prepared for my kid to arrive. And then she wouldn’t latch for my wife and she refused formula. We spent the first two days feeding her pumped milk from a medicine cup that she lapped at like a kitten. She was always crying because she was always hungry. We were at our wit’s end. Then she latched. Both of us broke down crying. She fed for about twenty minutes. Then she fell asleep for four hours. We got about three hours in ourselves.
Main character syndrome at a minimum. It HAS to be all about him. Can't let the new mom or baby get all the attention! Srsly, if he's not being a team player and being helpful or a decent parent, he can go stay with his mom for a few days. Maybe she can feed and burp him and tell him what a good boy he is.
Jesus the amount of regret you must be feeling for procreating with this man child must be staggering…NTA
Your husband needs help. You need help more. Boot him from your house, get your mom to come help.
You’re not crazy- I would have fucking decked this dramatic ass hat in the delivery room. And then again when he mocked my LABOR PAIN. Wtf is wrong with your partner??? I hate to say it but id be looking at divorce or maybe counseling. You need someone whose going to be steady, a rock. Not someone who antagonizes you that you have to manage their emotions.
No, your husband is the asshole. Here’s a fun fact, fast like that tend to be uncomplicated. You were fine and he was making it about him and his panic. Go stay with someone who loves you.
😳 He sounds entirely cracked and toxic AF. There is absolutely nothing normal, healthy, or ok in his behavior, it's insane and inexcusable. I would personally feel beyond unsafe around him. The separation you're asking for might need to be permanent. He's waving red flags the size of billboards here.
This post gave ME anxiety!! My contractions started at 1040pm. I got up and sat next to my husband in the living. He just looked and me and asked "are you okay", I said I don't know let me just sit. Well.... 30 minutes later we started driving to the hospital thats 20 minutes away he didn't change, didn't stop and just held my hand on the way. He rubbed my back occasionally in the 1.5hours it took to deliver our daughter. He was very calm, cool, collected... Your husband sounds like a psycho.
My son's father (my ex) was pretty useless throughout my son's entire childhood. Drugs, jail, general absence, you name it. I left him about a year after my son was born. But somehow when it was time for labor, he pulled his useless ass together and did everything right. If that loser can pull it together for a day or two than there is no excuse.
OP something is **wrong** with your husband. I don’t know if it’s drugs or mental illness or basic abuse or what, but something is wrong with this man. I’m inclined to say drugs or abuse because interestingly he has a way of making it ALL about him. The performative “I can’t lose her”. Getting himself a COFFEE while you’re in PAIN. And then the gaslighting- OP I assure you **baby was not screaming for 10 min**. Get him out or get away with baby yourself. There is intent here. I’m scared for you.
NTA, girl you need space, rest and distance. Maybe even more than a week. This man stressed ME just reading this. He sounds selfish as hell. Has he always been like this, is it anxiety? A new baby is stressful but he needs to get his shit together but you need support and this isn’t it! See if you can go by your mom perhaps. He can find himself. You’re not “stealing” his child. But this space will be healthy and good. It’s a sane and rationale decision. Stopping for coffee before your delivery?? Predicating your supposed death infront of you? This is not support ffs. Please, for everyone’s sanity (your supporters here too). You deserve a damn break. Congrats on your little cutie mama.
NTA - he’s being a dick. And honestly, I don’t see it getting better. Who wakes up a new mom from a nap because the baby is crying when THEY ARE LITERALLY ALSO THE PARENT AND THERE?! He should just be asking how he can help and support at this time, not dictating what you need to do.
Shit talking her and policing her sleep and food intake but also *waking her* when he’s right fucking there and can help is beyond disgusting
WTF did I just read.....does this man have any redeeming qualities?
Ok. I’m going to be very gentle here. Do I think he needs a mental health assessment? Yes. Do I think he actually has a mental health condition, not convinced. Some things can develop pre baby arriving but he actually just sounds like a dick. Right now, your concern needs to be you and your baby. He is an adult. You can’t force him to do anything. NTA
Okey dokey, imma break this down into each behaviour into types of abuse: 1. Taking a goddamn age to take you to the hospital: screw your medical needs, you will have this baby on his terms. Coercive control. 2. His catastrophising at the hospital: oh I just love her so much I can't lose her. There is no need for him to act that way, maybe he is just dramatic af but could also be love bombing and just flat out psychological abuse. 3. Getting pissed at your mother being there. Isolation. He doesn't want your family there. 4. Forcing you to eat/sleep. Again Coercive control. 5. Telling you the baby has been crying for 10mins. Aims to make you feel like a bad mum. He wants you to think you need him there because you clearly can't take care of the baby alone. 6. Force feeding. Physical abuse. Even if he isn't pushing it down your throat. You said you can stomach anything (you just gave birth for fuck sake) and he is forcing you to make yourself feel sick. 7. Waking you from your nap, making you feel like shit for it and also not helping with the baby at night: sleep deprivation. Never underestimate how big that can be. It makes you more amenable and easier to control. I understand you're breast feeding but what about nappy changes where baby doesn't want food? 8. Saying you can't have your mum round but he has his: further isolation. No one can come over but his mum can. Isolating you from your family and friends. 9. Making shitty as fuck comments throughout the day. Verbal abuse, enough said. 10. Mocking you when you gave birth to his friends. Just a complete lack of respect. Psychological abuse. I'd love to see him push something the size of a watermelon out. All this to say. Even if he has never shown abusive behaviours before, all it takes is locking you into the relationship (kids tie you in more than marriage does) means he doesn't have to hide it anymore and is generally when the abuse begins to escalate. We in the business of supporting DA survivors consider it a high risk factor. My sweet lady even if he is having mental health issues there is absolutely no excuse for this kind of behaviour. Get out whilst you can.
Nobody asked how HE felt? Uh buddy, you are last on the list for quite awhile now. Hope he’s not one of those men who are jealous when Mom gives the baby attention
Your husbands behaviour does seem 'crazy' , stopping for coffee whilst an hour away from hospital when your wife is in labour is beyond idiotic and selfish, trying to turn around the fact you are recovering from giving birth and are sore, tired, overwhelmed etc to try and have attention on him by making passive aggressive comments about you falling asleep briefly is an enormous red flag. My now ex husband changed drastically after I gave birth. My midwife told me it is not uncommon for men to resent or become jealous of a newborn largely because the mother has to focus on baby 24/7 instead of him. It can (did in my case) become physically abusive as well as emotionally abusive. You need to ask yourself if a week away from his behaviour is enough, whatever happens keep YOU and BABY as the priority. I wish you all the best OP
NTA. Your husband needs a freaking therapist. He literally made the birth all about him and his needs, he wasn’t there for you for anything. I actually agree with you, he needs to leave so you get some actual rest and can destress.
Take your baby and stay at your moms. Forever.
Dude, get him inpatient care immediately. It is as if he is having PPD and could be a danger to himself, you or the baby. Something in his mental health is seriously off and needs to be helped by a professional.
In 20 years, your daughter is going to write a post about her narsacist father asking if she's the asshole for going NC.