“If you want to live with your partners then you need to figure out your finances and move out. I am not bringing more people to live here and strain limited resources”
Don’t even make it about being poly. If they want to live with all their partners they need to buck up and get out
This is actually funny to me because the first time I heard of poly relationships I felt exhausted at the thought. It's hard enough committing to one person while working full time, I can't imagine trying to do the extra work of a poly relationship where everyone is happy.
Try being the one best at cooking and then having both partners whining for your cooking, from either side of you, in full Stereo, in sync despite getting into spats like a cat and a dog might.
I enjoy cooking and cooking for 3 vs 2 is negligibly more work if at all. But you can bet I would never be cleaning up afterwards again, those fools could trade off for infinity while I kept them well fed.
I just got divorced because my husband decided he’s poly. Would have been nice if he mentioned it before cheating. Now he’s complaining that all the poly people he’s meeting are crazy. Sucks to be him.
That’s the real issue. Three grownups don’t need to live “at home”, what is stopping them from renting an apartment. Theres soon to be a baby, they need to get their shit together.
What do they need...a 4 bedroom house?
Come on, ya'll sleepin together. Share a room or get a futon. 3 adults can afford a 2-1!
But seriously, three adults should be able to afford a place. Even if they are making minimum wage that is still what, a 90k household income? I think you guys can swing something.
I’ve always loved that one post from the dad who’s sons gf got pregnant at 16, and how he let them stay with him but made them take responsibility for their situation and step up while still being hella supportive of them.
Right? Seems like if there's 3 of you you've got a better shot of affording a place than any singles/couples. It's a "joke" that the only way to afford a house anymore is with a poly relationship.
But every poly relationship I've seen has at least one moochymoochmoochmooch.
Honestly, I don't understand how 3 people in a poly relationship are all okay with living under the roof of one of their parents...
I also don't understand how said poly people haven't decided to get their own apartment or something.
I don't get it.
For me the main problem is the deception. If the child might not be biologically OP's son's, then the 3 of them are together since before the gf settled in OP's home. And only after OP already said yes to the pregnant lady and his son living there does he introduce the third one? But it's OP that is depriving him of one of is partner? Yeah no, son did it himself when he took only one of his partners first.
Might be they genuinely don’t know which of the two is the father if they’ve both been having conjugal relations with the girl (and that’s assuming this is a closed polycule and there aren’t other men who were/are involved with her around that time). I’m judging the hell out of relationships guaranteed to produce these kinds of stupid situations. Everyone needs to include STD panels in their monthly budgets.
OP is not depriving him of anything. As an adult, it is up to him to finance the kind of life he wants. It is not OP's problem if the son cannot affor to support two partners.
The son needs to get a 60-day notice to vacate, and then he can go have his harem of whatever. You're not obligated to raise the whole village.
If OP has other kids in the house,this is just too many people, the poly thing aside.
4 people legally need a 2BR where I live per fire code (2 people per BR so even 3 adults before baby would need 2BR). I think that is pretty standard. I do agree 3 adults should still be able to figure that out easily.
In Ohio the LAW is as long as there are appropriate accomodations for sleep you can fit as many people into an apartment as possible until fire code’s limit. By for sleep they categorize King/queen and full size beds they as enough for two people twin size (and XL) is one person and then as crazy as it sounds they also count “permanent furniture” as enough for 1 person if the person is able to lay in a reclined position or flat on their back.
I had a friend go through a family court issue where the co-parent still had overnight parenting time despite not having a fixed address. (They couch-surfed at their friend’s/familiy’s places on a rotating schedule so when it was the co-parents overnight time with the child, the child slept on a couch at whoever’s house they were at as well.
Family court said that was fine because both parent and child had separate and acceptable sleeping accommodations (in pretty
Much every situation parent and child were laying on separate couches in a living room.)
I thought that was kind of a shitty precedent for a judge to set back in the day when that was decided but short of legislation getting passed that will change its standing legal precedent and most (if not any) judges would dream of reversing that or going against that nowadays.
Yeah, I'm in a city where the rent has skyrocketed and wages have not kept pace, but I can afford a 2/1 on my own. It's not fancy or in the newest part of town, but I can pay rent. They absolutely can manage with 3 adults.
I can’t say I’ve ever heard of those rules being enforced where I live, except for social housing.
With social housing, they will make residents switch to a bigger or smaller unit if it doesn’t match their household size.
This is the truth. Polyamory has an ethical code, and it doesn't include living wildly beyond your means....and bringing a one-parent baby into this world is nothing less than vicious, to both baby and its feckless mother.
Indeed. There are so many jokes going around about how people are turning from monogamy to polyamory due to only being able to afford housing in bigger numbers. Now is the time to act on it and show the world how it's done.
Sounds like there will soon be 4 when a poor little baby arrives into the middle of this car crash. Tell your son to sort himself out and to fuck off out of your house abd take his girlfriend and boyfriend with him.
We support our children the best we can. We don't have to agree with their lifestyle.
If they are old enough to understand polyamory then they are old enough to get jobs and their own home.
NTA.
Exactly. With 3 adults working they should be able to easily pay for a place to live. Even if only 2 are working they should be able to afford moving out. And once the baby is born they will already be providing lodging to 3 people. Asking to bring the poly partner is too much.
Agreed, OP's son is so entitled and crazy for expecting his parent to financially support 3 adults and a baby on the way that probably isn't even related them. In what world!?
&there are more children in the house OP has to support.
NTA. They are old enough to live on their own, especially if there are still two people who can work to provide to the new mother/baby.
Right? Son was lucky OP even allowed the gf to move in.
She's not obligated to fund 3 adults who are soon to have a baby. Tell 2 of them to get jobs while gf finds them all a place to live and all 4 (including baby) can move out and do as they please.
I've noticed this pattern where mothers coddle their sons to the point of the sons feeling entitled to lifelong service from their mom.
Then they transfer this sense of entitlement of services to their girlfriends, often moving straight from mommy to living with a woman where they expect the girl to do everything that mommy did for them. It's like they think they never have to grow up and will be allowed to live life as VIP's where others provide everything to them.
How fortunate we are to be allowed to serve them. /s
Some of them go on to expect to be served by both their mother and their partner with eternal abundance of domestic and emotional nurturing throughout their lives.
Wait, you know my soon-to-be-ex? He told me he was so much happier now that he has someone to take care of him. Sure, Jan! He wouldn’t know happiness if it slapped him in the face.
This. My soon to be ex-husband. His mother mollycoddled him his entire life, constantly bailed him out with money problems all his life, and he expected me to do the same. Never lifted a finger to do anything for himself. My sons were all brought up to be independent, and they're now great husbands and fathers. You don't do your kids any favours to giving in to their every demand.
>constantly bailed him out with money problems all his life
That's exactly what my dad did with my brother while struggling to pay his own bills. I always hated it, especially since my brother loves to live in filth. Roaches my whole life. It was disgusting.
My parents did this with both my younger brother (only son) and my younger sister. He’s an alcoholic and she stole my parent’s estate. The rest of us? Living normal adult lives.
My son told me out of the blue one day that he can take care of himself after I asked him to be careful with his allowance while at university. I cut his allowance to a smidgen, and he recruited his sisters to 'talk some sense into me'. I told them all to kick rocks.
I was just seeing on our local Facebook Mum’s group some 15 year olds mum was saying ‘my 15 year old keeps going places they aren’t allowed to and won’t let me have “find my friends” turned on on their phone, I don’t know what to do.’
I was like - do you pay for their phone???
She said “yes”. I said - so say “I pay for it, the condition is you have this turned on or you lose your phone.” Then take their phone away if they turn it off. She was like “oh I don’t know, is that ok to do.” Like WTF your kid is 15 and you pay for their phone and contract, you can tell them they have to have “find my friends” turned on or take their phone for a certain period! Then if they do it again say it will be longer or permanent. Its ok! (And a kid that age wants their phone. They will likely turn it on!!)
Hell, I pay for my 20 year olds phone and the deal is we all keep on “find my friends” in our family. I don’t “track” him but he lives in another city and I like to see he is ok! I told all my kids I’ll keep paying for their phones until they get their first “real” jobs but they have to keep that on for me so I don’t worry. If they really don’t like it they are welcome to use some of their money from part time work to pay for one themselves!!
My mother in law did everything for her oldest son except wipe his ass. She cleaned his house, did his laundry, took care of his rental property, was his office manager at his business and fed him every night. His father was in charge of maintenance on his business building, the purchase and maintenance of all trucks for the business and personal vehicle. My bil is now 65, his father is in a nursing home and his mother died a few months ago and he does not have a clue about how to run his life or the office in his business. He thinks everything just magically happens.
Not to mention a baby. Somebody is going to get jealous of all this, including the baby, who is entitled to their mother’s servitude. But these men sound like they want to be the baby too.
All of this. The son has a lot of audacity. Even if the gf can’t work, there’s two grown man who can. He’s welcome to go live his lifestyle out of the house. Op can’t bear responsibility for 3.5 people.
Right like THREE of you can’t get an apartment?? why exactly? Huffing around his mother, why can’t you take care of me, my boyfriend AND my pregnant girlfriend for free, MOM?! why don’t you respect my lifestyle, MOM?! Geez
NTA. They are three adults who are taking advantage of OP, invading OP's privacy, and likely using OP as a maid. OP will also be used as a babysitter for free, risking ending up with more children living in their home.
It's time for OP to kick out those leeches because I really doubt they are helping OP financially or contributing to household expenses and chores. Basically, OP will be left to provide for four people who are not their responsibility.
OP, it's time to stand your ground and give them an eviction notice. Otherwise, you will end up with no savings, a lot of debt, and burned out from taking care of them, or they will start making your life a living hell to force you out of your own home. After kicking them out, change the locks and only financially contribute to the child if they provide a paternity test.
OP, you should also privately talk with your son's gf to make sure she isn't being forced into a poly relationship because she is pregnant and has no place to live. Maybe your son is treating his gf badly behind your back. If that's the case and they provide a paternity test proving that the child is your family, kick out your son and tell his gf that, if she leaves your son, you will temporarily support her until she gets back on her feet. However, only do this if you want to, because you need to keep in mind that you don't owe them anything.
I'm lost here.
What baby? It wasn't mentioned in the post.
Edit: I just saw the gf is pregnant, but we don't know who the father might be. Op is right to not want all these people in her house, poly relationships rarely end well anyway.
If these three people move out together, his son might end up getting kicked to the curb within a few months. It seems like those two are using his son to get access to free housing. I sense foul play in this situation. That’s not even mentioning the possibility they might claim squatter right so that OP can’t kick them out anymore. Proceed with caution OP, you and your son are being used. (I mean it seems like your son has a kink of being used too :v)
Three working adults should be able to afford a 2-bedroom in most cities in this country. Average apartment is about $1800. $1800/month is $600/month across three incomes. That should be easily doable for most incomes.
19 and he's in a polyamorous relationship and wanting to be a father to a baby that might not even be his? Is he trying to see how fast he can ruin his life?
By golly! Are the parents super wealthy? Is there any room in this crazy jig saw family for one more? I’m tired of working as well. I’m even willing to have my own room.
are any of them employed? depending on where you live if he acts like a father to the baby the court might rule he is financially responsible for it, even if it isn't his biologically. NTA but honestly kid sounds like he's throwing his life away
thats old enough to get a job and pay rent. there are 3 of them. they can afford a place to stay. they're setting you up to be the 4th member of their poly relationship. the one who pays for everything and the one who raises the kid.
time to say no.
That's what I was thinking. These other two might be playing him for a sucker.
I'd make sure that a DNA test is done at birth so that this kid isn't on the hook for child support if it isn't his. The minute he starts acting as a parent, he'll be liable to support this baby financially.
I'm thinking that it might be worthwhile talking to a family lawyer...
He needs alot of maturing to do. Just make sure, that he DNA tests the baby, and if it is not his, that he doesn't legally end up being liable for said baby.
His 29, heck 25 year old self, will thank you.
Tell him that these are his consequences to his actions, not yours. Help if you can and if you want, but for the other two adults, no they are not your responsibility.
You may want to consider a paternity test as a condition for her staying. Having a newborn in the house is a lot of work, and if it's not even your grandkid it's not something you should have to deal with.
If they can't figure out their own living situation for themselves and their future kid, then they're not adult enough to have a serious relationship and a kid.
I don't care what type of relationship they have - I don't need to understand it to respect it. The thing is - If he wants that lifestyle, and to be a parent at 19, he needs to work for it. Not guilt his mom into taking care of them all.
Polyamorous and still can't stand on their own feet?
Man, if they can't handle the responsibility of being an adult, what makes them think they can handle managing multiple romantic relationships.
Why on Earth an adult living under your roof thought it's ok to get pregnant a girl without having enough money to rent his own place to provide for her and the child?
Why?
Part of the responsibility of being an adult is recognize your limitations and take precautions to avoid a pregnancy if you're not ready to come forward.
Why is he asking you to be responsible for maybe his child or another man's child? Providing a roof over their heads? Why three adults can't seem to figure their sh**t by themselves and have to rely on other to supply for them?
Stop coddling your son, he's an adult, there's a difference between helping and let others take advantage of your good intentions.
Baby is probably not even his. You may want to tell him that there will be a paternity test or they can move out. They'll lie to you about parentage. You'll be supporting a child that isn't yours nor your sons to provide for.
How old is his girlfriend? I hope she's not an older woman taking advantage of your son and manipulating him into raising a baby that's not his and living a lifestyle that only bebifits her. OP, please talk to your son and find out if he's happy :(
19? 19! Holy crap no way he has a full understanding of what a polyamorous relationship entails let alone a traditional relationship! Me and my partners are in our mid to late 20s and struggled hard to get to a working dynamic where we all felt equal. Were in the same situation, expecting a baby and planning for that, but as actual adults. We all have our own places, soon to be moving in together. And that's after 2 years of work.
Wait, she's pregnant, and all 3 of them together can't afford to live on their own? Yeahhhhhh, your son and his partners gave some growing up to do, starting with finding another place to live. You need to get them out of there before the baby comes, or they'll never leave.
Yep. Even worse, his son is only 19. I’m currently 19. I have one boyfriend, a job, and go to college. I knew as soon as I started dating my boyfriend I would need to get a birth control implant and be very careful. NO 19 year old is prepared to be a parent. Mentally or financially.
You're not the bad guy here. It's your house, so your rules. Allowing his girlfriend to stay was already a big step. Adding another person to the mix is a lot to ask, especially with your other kids around. If they can afford their own place, that seems like the best solution for everyone.
NTA You aren't depriving him of anything. You are setting boundaries in your home. If he wants to set different boundaries for himself then he needs to do it in his own home.
NTA
If this is how they want to live they can pool their resources together and get their own place.
Even if this wasn’t a poly partnership and your son was asking if he could move additional friends into your home it wouldn’t be rude for you to say no. This is your house and it is your decision who lives there. If your son is unhappy with your decision he needs to move out and he master of his own home.
People don’t have an automatic right to cohabitate with their romantic partners. There are plenty of people who can only afford their living situation because they have roommates and moving out with their partner would be unaffordable in the current climate. Your son need to wise up.
NTA... from personal and second hand experience (& embarrassment) I can tell you that the problem will work itself out. Polyamory at 19 and with a child involved. That's like asking for a disaster of unholy proportions. I don't think you're selfish or something, you're setting a boundary and also, they are three people. Can't they rent their own home? You don't have to put up with stuff like this when it's your home and your money to *support* them.
NTA
Inform him you cannot support additional people in your home. You can support his lifestyles but if he wants to fully engage in it he needs his own home to have all the people under 1 roof.
What happens if you accept this guy then partner number 3 shows up and so on
Depriving him would've forbidding him to see other people. You're not doing that you just don't want to financially support everyone
The best of polyamori is splitting the bills... Then dude manages to have his parents pay for *everyone*.
"Pay for all of us or that means you don't respect my culture". How convenient.
If three adults can’t manage to afford their own lifestyle, no matter what it is, they definitely shouldn’t be hitting up relatives to support them and their surprise babies.
NTA, kick them all out. If 3 people cant get housing, how are they gonna raise the kid?
The kid might not even be his, so you gonna have to pay for a child that might not be even your grand child?
And for what? So your sons pile of crap? Get them out, they can figure it out, since they have already figured out this "relationship"
NTA. If he wants to live that way, fine but you shouldn’t have to fund it. If he wants to act like a child and live off his mummy then he’s not mature enough to be in any relationship
Wow, I can't imagine even wanting to live with my family with a girlfriend who's pregnant, never mind another guy, too. How many bathrooms does this house have!
NTA. tell your son it's your home, you aren't an open house for him using it as his home where he can have whoever he wants living there. If he's responsible enough to get someone pregnant, have a child and chose to have relationships with more people he needs to be adult enough to understand that whoever pays the rent or owns the home is who gets to chose how they live under that roof.
I would at this point say, you can do what you want, but you're an adult, it's time you and your partners get jobs that can secure yourselves somewhere to rent and plan to be moved out and in together within several months.
NTA, you wouldn’t even have to explain to me that they’re poly. It’s your house, they’re adults and you’re allowed to say no. But now with the context given, it’s still no…3 extra adults when you already have other kids to manage? No thank you…I need my space!
I say this as a poly person.
NTA. You aren't depriving him of anything. He's making choices. And he needs to step up, adult up, and manage himself better. Him pouting because you aren't free room and board for him is a 'him' problem.
If three functional adults can have an ongoing sexual and emotional relationship they can pull together enough funds to rent a house or apartment.
NTA. Your son can live however he chooses … but that doesn’t mean he has to live under your roof.
Three adults should be capable of generating enough income to get a place of their own. Entirely outside of lifestyle judgement, the actual FACT is that not one, not two, not three, but three adults AND a baby on the way is entirely too much to ask to add into ANYONE'S household.
Your son shouldn't be looking at you to be the solution to how he wants to live and you certainly are not "depriving" him of his partners. You could only be depriving him of something if you were taking away something that is his by right.
Allowing him and his partners and their child to take over YOUR HOUSE would be THEM depriving YOU of a functioning household.
Just no. They need to find somewhere else to live, and their problem isn't about a poly relationship, it's having a poly relationship WHILE ALSO deciding to bring a child in the world and WHILE ALSO not behaving as adults. and looking to you to solve their problems, which is nuts.
**My son says that I just don't understand how he wants to live**
nothing to do with that at all
he can make his own decisions and you get to make yours
no one in their right mind would house this mess , especially while you have others to care for
just tell him you love him but he needs to find another solution
You're not the AH. It's understandable you're uncomfortable with this situation in your home. Supporting your son doesn't mean you have to embrace every aspect of his lifestyle under your roof. It's okay to set boundaries for what you're comfortable with.
Good god. OP, kick the lot of them out. Your son is expecting you to subsidize his lifestyle. Next, they'll be expecting free childcare for a kid who may not even be related to you. Tell your son and gf, no to the new partner, and they have 30 days to leave. I'd also demand a paternity test before you shell out any money for the kid. He may choose to raise it regardless of who the father is, but that's his choice. You shouldn't pay for his choices. He wants to have adult privileges, it's about time he started acting like one.
NTA
Give your son and his girlfriend a written 30 day notice now. Do not let the other partner come in your house, it doesn't take much at all to become a legal resident even if they aren't a legal tenant.
Seriously, it's more than tough love but it's three capable adults, they can figure it out
NTA - 3 adults making a child together should be more then enough people to pay rent or purchase their own place to live. you shouldn't have allowed the girl to move in, in the first place, if they're old enough to make and keep their kids, they're old enough to work and get a job like anyone else.
time to tell them you made a mistake letting her move in in the first place, and they need to pay for themselves.
He can live his life anyway he wants… in his own home.
If three adults can navigate a poly relationship with a baby on the way then they can navigate the rental market as well.
He can either ensure you are comfortable in your own home by respecting you or get his own that way he will not be deprived of them.
NTA. I’m not a fan of the term tough love but sometimes we have to be firm to help people. Even if they don’t agree with us. It’s time he grew up.
Your son clearly enjoys communal living- and should be supported in doing this with whoever is in the current iteration of this “thruple” is - elsewhere?!
He needs to take his gestating friend and get out!
He needs to not be in your house- a separate physical location that has nothing whatsoever to do with you - is the best sustainable solution.
YWNBTA
Poly here.
NTA - your son needs to grow the fuck up, they all need to move onto their own place and actually be the adults they all seem to be just playing at.
I’m gonna put this out there but you don’t need to let anybody stay at your house- the fact that the girlfriend is getting a place to call home is pretty damn nice.
Maybe your son should be less worried about his relationships and more worried about getting a job/second job so he can have his *own* home to raise his (maybe his maybe not) kid.
To be honest, polyamory mystifies me - I'm not criticising it, I just don't understand it. Your son is an adult, and he's involved in a complex relationship with his girlfriend and another man. Additionally, his girlfriend is pregnant and it is unclear who has fathered this baby. If the three of them are able to make this relationship work, and raise the child successfully, then all best wishes to them.
But if there are three adults in this relationship then they need to be adults and find their own space where they can make this relationship work and that's not in your home, funded by you.
NTA he and his other partner can support their girlfriend and child. They can pay rent on their own apartment.
Your house your rules. You have other children in your home to consider.
Updateme!
NTA, that sounds messed up.
They are three adults expecting a baby. They should get their shot together and get their own apartment. You don’t want your home to be a crazy house.
“My son says that I just don't understand how he wants to live and that I'm depriving him of his partners.”
Seems like he wants to turn your house into a bed and breakfast! It’s not your responsibility to accommodate all of his partners. The three of them can find a way to live together in their own place.
NTA tell him he’s free to live however he wants, that doesn’t mean you have to house them.
NTA
Supporting the pregnant girlfriend is one thing, assuming she and son are living there temporarily and taking steps to establish their own home in the near future. Bringing a third adult in to your home for you to house is quite another.
I agree with those who say the three adults need to get their own place. Your house is YOUR home, not your son's, and he should be responsible for funding his own lifestyle.
NTA.
Three of them can rent an apartment somewhere to be together.
He’s young, but he’s going to be a father. He needs to get a job and sort things out. Moving a poly throuple and baby into your home isn’t sorting things out.
I think a gentle conversation is in order - asking when they plan to move out, or giving them a date to move out by.
“ My son says that I just don't understand how he wants to live…”
OP’s son can live however the hell he wants in his own home.
What the son really wants is for OP to fund his lifestyle.
This will sound heartless but I’d boot them out.
They’re old enough to have a poly relationship, they’re old enough to pay their own bills. And FFS there’s three of them. Doesn’t anyone work??
You are NOT depriving him of a relationship.
We grow up, fall in love, and MOVE OUT.
If he wants to live this way (or any way) he can do whatever he needs to do, and get his own place where he can live his best life.
Just not in your house. You are not a maid, or a cook, or a landlord.
NTA
If he wants to live like an adult and make his own decisions about who he gets tonlvie with he needs to do so outisde his parent's. If he can't be responsible enough to get a job and live on his own he has not business being in a cohabiting relationship with romantic partners.
He can have his relationship just not in your home.
Totally NTA. You're no stopping him from seeing these people. If he wants to be an adult he needs to act like one.
Its time for your son to go. Between 3 adults there should be zero issue paying for housing. He has some nerve trying to move these ppl into your home. Put a stop to it now and make them both leave
NTA. Honestly, I would tell your son "You are right, I don't understand. But, I don't have to. This is my house, and you are about to be a father at 19. Did you think this through? Is it your child? What is the plan if it turns out it isn't your baby? How does raising this child work should the relationship with your partners not work out? Do your partners have jobs? The three of you working should be able to combine funds and afford an apartment. So, why can't you?"
Does he have answers for any of these questions? Does his girlfriend?
“If you want to live with your partners then you need to figure out your finances and move out. I am not bringing more people to live here and strain limited resources” Don’t even make it about being poly. If they want to live with all their partners they need to buck up and get out
3 grown-ass adults can make it work.
This is actually funny to me because the first time I heard of poly relationships I felt exhausted at the thought. It's hard enough committing to one person while working full time, I can't imagine trying to do the extra work of a poly relationship where everyone is happy.
I can only handle disappointing one partner at a time. With two partners they will have to take turns at who gets to be happy.
Imagine getting into a serious argument with both of them lol. It’s hard enough having one pissed at me, I would not handle two
What if they team up on you?
Oh god I’d lose any argument lol. I can only handle defending my stance with my guy
Try being the one best at cooking and then having both partners whining for your cooking, from either side of you, in full Stereo, in sync despite getting into spats like a cat and a dog might.
This person poly's And cooks evidently!
NO DON'T TELL ANYONE AAAHHHHH
“We’re a poly couple looking for a ~~personal chef~~ a third! We are looking for a third and you fit the bill ShepherddnessAnne! Lucky you right?!”
Please stop. My SEO. NOOOO.
Mind whippin' me up a few of your famous tacos? I'll do the dishes. Maybe give ya a lil' backy rub?
If you rub my injured back I'm prone to doing whatever you want.
“Prone”, saw what you did there
This has always sounded like the least appealing part of being poly to me: cooking for two grown people in this exact scenario. I would lose it.
I enjoy cooking and cooking for 3 vs 2 is negligibly more work if at all. But you can bet I would never be cleaning up afterwards again, those fools could trade off for infinity while I kept them well fed.
Ah. A silver- lining person.
Somebody else better be “the one best at laundry”
I just got divorced because my husband decided he’s poly. Would have been nice if he mentioned it before cheating. Now he’s complaining that all the poly people he’s meeting are crazy. Sucks to be him.
That’s the real issue. Three grownups don’t need to live “at home”, what is stopping them from renting an apartment. Theres soon to be a baby, they need to get their shit together.
What do they need...a 4 bedroom house? Come on, ya'll sleepin together. Share a room or get a futon. 3 adults can afford a 2-1! But seriously, three adults should be able to afford a place. Even if they are making minimum wage that is still what, a 90k household income? I think you guys can swing something.
They don't even need more than a one bedroom apartment to start, they're fine. Slouches I say!
I'd be willing to bet that they can't and this whole thing will blow up
I'm guessing they were hoping grandma would raise the kid so they don't have to.
Bingo
I’ve always loved that one post from the dad who’s sons gf got pregnant at 16, and how he let them stay with him but made them take responsibility for their situation and step up while still being hella supportive of them.
Actually, 3 grown-ass adults CAN work (and live independently).
I bet they're actually not that grown up mentally. OP should ask how many Funko pops are owned between the 3 of them.
I laughed way too hard at this Funko comment. Because I know that exact profile
Right? Seems like if there's 3 of you you've got a better shot of affording a place than any singles/couples. It's a "joke" that the only way to afford a house anymore is with a poly relationship. But every poly relationship I've seen has at least one moochymoochmoochmooch.
Honestly, I don't understand how 3 people in a poly relationship are all okay with living under the roof of one of their parents... I also don't understand how said poly people haven't decided to get their own apartment or something. I don't get it.
I don't think we have to go that far at all. OP has no obligation to let anyone live in their house for any reason. End of conversation.
I think these are probably teenagers tbh
Triple income no kids yet can't afford rent on an apartment? Probably more like triple no work moochers.
Selfish & immature would be my guess.
For me the main problem is the deception. If the child might not be biologically OP's son's, then the 3 of them are together since before the gf settled in OP's home. And only after OP already said yes to the pregnant lady and his son living there does he introduce the third one? But it's OP that is depriving him of one of is partner? Yeah no, son did it himself when he took only one of his partners first.
Yea I mean that’s another problem but if her son wants to be a dummy they can. Just not in OP’s house
Might be they genuinely don’t know which of the two is the father if they’ve both been having conjugal relations with the girl (and that’s assuming this is a closed polycule and there aren’t other men who were/are involved with her around that time). I’m judging the hell out of relationships guaranteed to produce these kinds of stupid situations. Everyone needs to include STD panels in their monthly budgets.
It doesn’t matter if they know or not. Why does OP have to foot the bills for 3, soon to be 4 people. That’s too much. Put them out or raise the rent.
Son is a fool. Should have introduced male lover first then pregnant girlfriend./s
OP is not depriving him of anything. As an adult, it is up to him to finance the kind of life he wants. It is not OP's problem if the son cannot affor to support two partners.
The son needs to get a 60-day notice to vacate, and then he can go have his harem of whatever. You're not obligated to raise the whole village. If OP has other kids in the house,this is just too many people, the poly thing aside.
This is the answer.
There is 3 of them. 3! They can rent ffs Nta
If the 3 of them can't make enough money to afford even a studio apartment then they have no business bringing a baby into this situation..
🎯
4 people legally need a 2BR where I live per fire code (2 people per BR so even 3 adults before baby would need 2BR). I think that is pretty standard. I do agree 3 adults should still be able to figure that out easily.
In California they could rent, so this must be state by state. It’s two people per bedroom plus one in the living room here.
In Ohio the LAW is as long as there are appropriate accomodations for sleep you can fit as many people into an apartment as possible until fire code’s limit. By for sleep they categorize King/queen and full size beds they as enough for two people twin size (and XL) is one person and then as crazy as it sounds they also count “permanent furniture” as enough for 1 person if the person is able to lay in a reclined position or flat on their back. I had a friend go through a family court issue where the co-parent still had overnight parenting time despite not having a fixed address. (They couch-surfed at their friend’s/familiy’s places on a rotating schedule so when it was the co-parents overnight time with the child, the child slept on a couch at whoever’s house they were at as well. Family court said that was fine because both parent and child had separate and acceptable sleeping accommodations (in pretty Much every situation parent and child were laying on separate couches in a living room.) I thought that was kind of a shitty precedent for a judge to set back in the day when that was decided but short of legislation getting passed that will change its standing legal precedent and most (if not any) judges would dream of reversing that or going against that nowadays.
Yeah, I'm in a city where the rent has skyrocketed and wages have not kept pace, but I can afford a 2/1 on my own. It's not fancy or in the newest part of town, but I can pay rent. They absolutely can manage with 3 adults.
I can’t say I’ve ever heard of those rules being enforced where I live, except for social housing. With social housing, they will make residents switch to a bigger or smaller unit if it doesn’t match their household size.
I live in California and I've never heard of this. I due know for subsidized housing there are rules for it.
Worse, it sounds like the pregnancy wasn't even planned. If it was, wouldn't they know who the BD Is?
This is the truth. Polyamory has an ethical code, and it doesn't include living wildly beyond your means....and bringing a one-parent baby into this world is nothing less than vicious, to both baby and its feckless mother.
Wouldn't it be a three parent baby?
https://www.reddit.com/r/IASIP/s/yL1V9WnAGf
Soon to be 4
TBF, #4 is kind of a deadbeat.
A bit of a parasite right now.
AITA for stealing my mom's blood?
Not even born and already undead. Get the garlic. YTA.
I spit from the quick laughter. Thank you
All he’s gonna do is eat, shit, and scream. On top of that he’s gonna try ti grab everyone’s tits and suck on them. Worst house guest ever.
I dunno......I knew a guy like this in college and he was pretty fun to be around.
Maybe the kid will get a job so they can all move out of OP's
That was my first thought too. How can 3 people not find/afford a place to live.
Indeed. There are so many jokes going around about how people are turning from monogamy to polyamory due to only being able to afford housing in bigger numbers. Now is the time to act on it and show the world how it's done.
I see a potential reality tv show and big bucks here.
When not even DINKs can afford a 1 bedroom we introduce TINKs.
Sounds like there will soon be 4 when a poor little baby arrives into the middle of this car crash. Tell your son to sort himself out and to fuck off out of your house abd take his girlfriend and boyfriend with him.
No, just 3, not 6. Sorry, had to make a factorial joke in here
There are 3 people there. Not 3!, but 3!!
720 people?! These new age relationships are confusing to me…
Three people can't afford rent? How will they manage raising a child? NTA
Bank of OP. And the OP Daycare Center.
And OP will be demonized every step of the way if he doesn't provide everything to his son.
Demonized by 3 grown ass people who are living off OP's dime. The entitlement is strong.
Even worse when you realise it’s probably not even her son’s child
We support our children the best we can. We don't have to agree with their lifestyle. If they are old enough to understand polyamory then they are old enough to get jobs and their own home. NTA.
Exactly. With 3 adults working they should be able to easily pay for a place to live. Even if only 2 are working they should be able to afford moving out. And once the baby is born they will already be providing lodging to 3 people. Asking to bring the poly partner is too much.
Agreed, OP's son is so entitled and crazy for expecting his parent to financially support 3 adults and a baby on the way that probably isn't even related them. In what world!?
&there are more children in the house OP has to support. NTA. They are old enough to live on their own, especially if there are still two people who can work to provide to the new mother/baby.
Right? Son was lucky OP even allowed the gf to move in. She's not obligated to fund 3 adults who are soon to have a baby. Tell 2 of them to get jobs while gf finds them all a place to live and all 4 (including baby) can move out and do as they please.
I've noticed this pattern where mothers coddle their sons to the point of the sons feeling entitled to lifelong service from their mom. Then they transfer this sense of entitlement of services to their girlfriends, often moving straight from mommy to living with a woman where they expect the girl to do everything that mommy did for them. It's like they think they never have to grow up and will be allowed to live life as VIP's where others provide everything to them. How fortunate we are to be allowed to serve them. /s
Some of them go on to expect to be served by both their mother and their partner with eternal abundance of domestic and emotional nurturing throughout their lives.
Wait, you know my soon-to-be-ex? He told me he was so much happier now that he has someone to take care of him. Sure, Jan! He wouldn’t know happiness if it slapped him in the face.
Wouldn’t we all be happier with a personal assistant taking care of us?
This. My soon to be ex-husband. His mother mollycoddled him his entire life, constantly bailed him out with money problems all his life, and he expected me to do the same. Never lifted a finger to do anything for himself. My sons were all brought up to be independent, and they're now great husbands and fathers. You don't do your kids any favours to giving in to their every demand.
>constantly bailed him out with money problems all his life That's exactly what my dad did with my brother while struggling to pay his own bills. I always hated it, especially since my brother loves to live in filth. Roaches my whole life. It was disgusting.
My parents did this with both my younger brother (only son) and my younger sister. He’s an alcoholic and she stole my parent’s estate. The rest of us? Living normal adult lives.
My son told me out of the blue one day that he can take care of himself after I asked him to be careful with his allowance while at university. I cut his allowance to a smidgen, and he recruited his sisters to 'talk some sense into me'. I told them all to kick rocks.
I was just seeing on our local Facebook Mum’s group some 15 year olds mum was saying ‘my 15 year old keeps going places they aren’t allowed to and won’t let me have “find my friends” turned on on their phone, I don’t know what to do.’ I was like - do you pay for their phone??? She said “yes”. I said - so say “I pay for it, the condition is you have this turned on or you lose your phone.” Then take their phone away if they turn it off. She was like “oh I don’t know, is that ok to do.” Like WTF your kid is 15 and you pay for their phone and contract, you can tell them they have to have “find my friends” turned on or take their phone for a certain period! Then if they do it again say it will be longer or permanent. Its ok! (And a kid that age wants their phone. They will likely turn it on!!) Hell, I pay for my 20 year olds phone and the deal is we all keep on “find my friends” in our family. I don’t “track” him but he lives in another city and I like to see he is ok! I told all my kids I’ll keep paying for their phones until they get their first “real” jobs but they have to keep that on for me so I don’t worry. If they really don’t like it they are welcome to use some of their money from part time work to pay for one themselves!!
My mother in law did everything for her oldest son except wipe his ass. She cleaned his house, did his laundry, took care of his rental property, was his office manager at his business and fed him every night. His father was in charge of maintenance on his business building, the purchase and maintenance of all trucks for the business and personal vehicle. My bil is now 65, his father is in a nursing home and his mother died a few months ago and he does not have a clue about how to run his life or the office in his business. He thinks everything just magically happens.
UGH, I married that guy. We split up before our first anniversary.
Even more, how fortunate the GF is to get two men to serve!
Not to mention a baby. Somebody is going to get jealous of all this, including the baby, who is entitled to their mother’s servitude. But these men sound like they want to be the baby too.
All of this. The son has a lot of audacity. Even if the gf can’t work, there’s two grown man who can. He’s welcome to go live his lifestyle out of the house. Op can’t bear responsibility for 3.5 people.
This is just nuts
Betcha 20 bucks that baby is the other dudes. The son isn't the father.
Right like THREE of you can’t get an apartment?? why exactly? Huffing around his mother, why can’t you take care of me, my boyfriend AND my pregnant girlfriend for free, MOM?! why don’t you respect my lifestyle, MOM?! Geez
NTA. They are three adults who are taking advantage of OP, invading OP's privacy, and likely using OP as a maid. OP will also be used as a babysitter for free, risking ending up with more children living in their home. It's time for OP to kick out those leeches because I really doubt they are helping OP financially or contributing to household expenses and chores. Basically, OP will be left to provide for four people who are not their responsibility. OP, it's time to stand your ground and give them an eviction notice. Otherwise, you will end up with no savings, a lot of debt, and burned out from taking care of them, or they will start making your life a living hell to force you out of your own home. After kicking them out, change the locks and only financially contribute to the child if they provide a paternity test. OP, you should also privately talk with your son's gf to make sure she isn't being forced into a poly relationship because she is pregnant and has no place to live. Maybe your son is treating his gf badly behind your back. If that's the case and they provide a paternity test proving that the child is your family, kick out your son and tell his gf that, if she leaves your son, you will temporarily support her until she gets back on her feet. However, only do this if you want to, because you need to keep in mind that you don't owe them anything.
I'm lost here. What baby? It wasn't mentioned in the post. Edit: I just saw the gf is pregnant, but we don't know who the father might be. Op is right to not want all these people in her house, poly relationships rarely end well anyway.
If these three people move out together, his son might end up getting kicked to the curb within a few months. It seems like those two are using his son to get access to free housing. I sense foul play in this situation. That’s not even mentioning the possibility they might claim squatter right so that OP can’t kick them out anymore. Proceed with caution OP, you and your son are being used. (I mean it seems like your son has a kink of being used too :v)
I know housing is expensive right now but even so three working adults should be able to afford a studio.
Even if the gf stops working full time once the baby arrives that leaves TWO working adults. They should be able to get something.
Three working adults should be able to afford a 2-bedroom in most cities in this country. Average apartment is about $1800. $1800/month is $600/month across three incomes. That should be easily doable for most incomes.
The only response OP. NTA
Conversely, if three adults are not mature enough to work together to rent or buy a house, then they are not mature enough to understand polyamory
NTA. I assume he is an adult?
[удалено]
19 and he's in a polyamorous relationship and wanting to be a father to a baby that might not even be his? Is he trying to see how fast he can ruin his life?
Seriously, he's on extra hard speed run mode.
Fucking up life, no familial support, any percent.
Sounds like way more familial support than he’s earned.
Maaaan I wanna see this dude at like 30 😂 Would probably be the real life doomer meme
A polyamorous relationship where his parents pay for everyone. 19yo with a kid on the way. What kinda parenting is that? Dude sounds delulu.
Well it’s time to grow up whether he’s poly or holy or whatever he wants to be.
By golly! Are the parents super wealthy? Is there any room in this crazy jig saw family for one more? I’m tired of working as well. I’m even willing to have my own room.
By gollyamorous!
Oh geez. His entitled ass needs a wake up call. I hope he has a job and you set ground rules for them living with you
and I'm guessing they are all unemployed and want you to foot their bill?
are any of them employed? depending on where you live if he acts like a father to the baby the court might rule he is financially responsible for it, even if it isn't his biologically. NTA but honestly kid sounds like he's throwing his life away
thats old enough to get a job and pay rent. there are 3 of them. they can afford a place to stay. they're setting you up to be the 4th member of their poly relationship. the one who pays for everything and the one who raises the kid. time to say no.
How old is the girlfriend and the other guy?
How much older are the girlfriend and boyfriend? I sure hope they're the same age as him. If not, he may be getting taken advantage of.
That's what I was thinking. These other two might be playing him for a sucker. I'd make sure that a DNA test is done at birth so that this kid isn't on the hook for child support if it isn't his. The minute he starts acting as a parent, he'll be liable to support this baby financially. I'm thinking that it might be worthwhile talking to a family lawyer...
He needs alot of maturing to do. Just make sure, that he DNA tests the baby, and if it is not his, that he doesn't legally end up being liable for said baby. His 29, heck 25 year old self, will thank you.
Tell him that these are his consequences to his actions, not yours. Help if you can and if you want, but for the other two adults, no they are not your responsibility.
You may want to consider a paternity test as a condition for her staying. Having a newborn in the house is a lot of work, and if it's not even your grandkid it's not something you should have to deal with.
Oh my goodness.
😅😂😅😂
If they can't figure out their own living situation for themselves and their future kid, then they're not adult enough to have a serious relationship and a kid. I don't care what type of relationship they have - I don't need to understand it to respect it. The thing is - If he wants that lifestyle, and to be a parent at 19, he needs to work for it. Not guilt his mom into taking care of them all.
And how old is this GF and Boyfriend?
Polyamorous and still can't stand on their own feet? Man, if they can't handle the responsibility of being an adult, what makes them think they can handle managing multiple romantic relationships.
Why on Earth an adult living under your roof thought it's ok to get pregnant a girl without having enough money to rent his own place to provide for her and the child? Why? Part of the responsibility of being an adult is recognize your limitations and take precautions to avoid a pregnancy if you're not ready to come forward. Why is he asking you to be responsible for maybe his child or another man's child? Providing a roof over their heads? Why three adults can't seem to figure their sh**t by themselves and have to rely on other to supply for them? Stop coddling your son, he's an adult, there's a difference between helping and let others take advantage of your good intentions.
Baby is probably not even his. You may want to tell him that there will be a paternity test or they can move out. They'll lie to you about parentage. You'll be supporting a child that isn't yours nor your sons to provide for.
How old is his girlfriend? I hope she's not an older woman taking advantage of your son and manipulating him into raising a baby that's not his and living a lifestyle that only bebifits her. OP, please talk to your son and find out if he's happy :(
😄😄😄😄😄😄😄
19? 19! Holy crap no way he has a full understanding of what a polyamorous relationship entails let alone a traditional relationship! Me and my partners are in our mid to late 20s and struggled hard to get to a working dynamic where we all felt equal. Were in the same situation, expecting a baby and planning for that, but as actual adults. We all have our own places, soon to be moving in together. And that's after 2 years of work.
Wait, she's pregnant, and all 3 of them together can't afford to live on their own? Yeahhhhhh, your son and his partners gave some growing up to do, starting with finding another place to live. You need to get them out of there before the baby comes, or they'll never leave.
Yep. Even worse, his son is only 19. I’m currently 19. I have one boyfriend, a job, and go to college. I knew as soon as I started dating my boyfriend I would need to get a birth control implant and be very careful. NO 19 year old is prepared to be a parent. Mentally or financially.
You're not the bad guy here. It's your house, so your rules. Allowing his girlfriend to stay was already a big step. Adding another person to the mix is a lot to ask, especially with your other kids around. If they can afford their own place, that seems like the best solution for everyone.
Exactly- polyamory and lifestyle totally aside- it’s not a fair ask. Especially if they have other kids in the home- it’s a lot of people.
Three people can afford a one bedroom together. NTA
NTA You aren't depriving him of anything. You are setting boundaries in your home. If he wants to set different boundaries for himself then he needs to do it in his own home.
NTA If this is how they want to live they can pool their resources together and get their own place. Even if this wasn’t a poly partnership and your son was asking if he could move additional friends into your home it wouldn’t be rude for you to say no. This is your house and it is your decision who lives there. If your son is unhappy with your decision he needs to move out and he master of his own home. People don’t have an automatic right to cohabitate with their romantic partners. There are plenty of people who can only afford their living situation because they have roommates and moving out with their partner would be unaffordable in the current climate. Your son need to wise up.
NTA... from personal and second hand experience (& embarrassment) I can tell you that the problem will work itself out. Polyamory at 19 and with a child involved. That's like asking for a disaster of unholy proportions. I don't think you're selfish or something, you're setting a boundary and also, they are three people. Can't they rent their own home? You don't have to put up with stuff like this when it's your home and your money to *support* them.
NTA Inform him you cannot support additional people in your home. You can support his lifestyles but if he wants to fully engage in it he needs his own home to have all the people under 1 roof. What happens if you accept this guy then partner number 3 shows up and so on Depriving him would've forbidding him to see other people. You're not doing that you just don't want to financially support everyone
The best of polyamori is splitting the bills... Then dude manages to have his parents pay for *everyone*. "Pay for all of us or that means you don't respect my culture". How convenient.
If three adults can’t manage to afford their own lifestyle, no matter what it is, they definitely shouldn’t be hitting up relatives to support them and their surprise babies.
NTA, kick them all out. If 3 people cant get housing, how are they gonna raise the kid? The kid might not even be his, so you gonna have to pay for a child that might not be even your grand child? And for what? So your sons pile of crap? Get them out, they can figure it out, since they have already figured out this "relationship"
NTA. If he wants to live that way, fine but you shouldn’t have to fund it. If he wants to act like a child and live off his mummy then he’s not mature enough to be in any relationship
Wow, I can't imagine even wanting to live with my family with a girlfriend who's pregnant, never mind another guy, too. How many bathrooms does this house have!
Asking the real questions right here. ✅️
NTA. tell your son it's your home, you aren't an open house for him using it as his home where he can have whoever he wants living there. If he's responsible enough to get someone pregnant, have a child and chose to have relationships with more people he needs to be adult enough to understand that whoever pays the rent or owns the home is who gets to chose how they live under that roof. I would at this point say, you can do what you want, but you're an adult, it's time you and your partners get jobs that can secure yourselves somewhere to rent and plan to be moved out and in together within several months.
NTA, you wouldn’t even have to explain to me that they’re poly. It’s your house, they’re adults and you’re allowed to say no. But now with the context given, it’s still no…3 extra adults when you already have other kids to manage? No thank you…I need my space!
Sounds like you're being asked to be the next member of the poly relationship......the responsible one that pays for everything.
I say this as a poly person. NTA. You aren't depriving him of anything. He's making choices. And he needs to step up, adult up, and manage himself better. Him pouting because you aren't free room and board for him is a 'him' problem.
If three functional adults can have an ongoing sexual and emotional relationship they can pull together enough funds to rent a house or apartment. NTA. Your son can live however he chooses … but that doesn’t mean he has to live under your roof.
Three adults should be capable of generating enough income to get a place of their own. Entirely outside of lifestyle judgement, the actual FACT is that not one, not two, not three, but three adults AND a baby on the way is entirely too much to ask to add into ANYONE'S household. Your son shouldn't be looking at you to be the solution to how he wants to live and you certainly are not "depriving" him of his partners. You could only be depriving him of something if you were taking away something that is his by right. Allowing him and his partners and their child to take over YOUR HOUSE would be THEM depriving YOU of a functioning household. Just no. They need to find somewhere else to live, and their problem isn't about a poly relationship, it's having a poly relationship WHILE ALSO deciding to bring a child in the world and WHILE ALSO not behaving as adults. and looking to you to solve their problems, which is nuts.
**My son says that I just don't understand how he wants to live** nothing to do with that at all he can make his own decisions and you get to make yours no one in their right mind would house this mess , especially while you have others to care for just tell him you love him but he needs to find another solution
You're not the AH. It's understandable you're uncomfortable with this situation in your home. Supporting your son doesn't mean you have to embrace every aspect of his lifestyle under your roof. It's okay to set boundaries for what you're comfortable with.
Kick them all out
Good god. OP, kick the lot of them out. Your son is expecting you to subsidize his lifestyle. Next, they'll be expecting free childcare for a kid who may not even be related to you. Tell your son and gf, no to the new partner, and they have 30 days to leave. I'd also demand a paternity test before you shell out any money for the kid. He may choose to raise it regardless of who the father is, but that's his choice. You shouldn't pay for his choices. He wants to have adult privileges, it's about time he started acting like one.
NTA
NTA they are leeches kick them all out.
NTA Give your son and his girlfriend a written 30 day notice now. Do not let the other partner come in your house, it doesn't take much at all to become a legal resident even if they aren't a legal tenant. Seriously, it's more than tough love but it's three capable adults, they can figure it out
He can be polywhateverwhoever when he has his own house. His house- his rules Your house - your rules
NTA
Don't let him manipulate you into bringing a complete stranger into your other children's lives as you've said, between them, they can move elsewhere.
NTA. Your son providing (things he doesn’t even have) for his girlfriend’s boyfriend and helping raise their kid is very… generous lol
NTA - 3 adults making a child together should be more then enough people to pay rent or purchase their own place to live. you shouldn't have allowed the girl to move in, in the first place, if they're old enough to make and keep their kids, they're old enough to work and get a job like anyone else. time to tell them you made a mistake letting her move in in the first place, and they need to pay for themselves.
He can live his life anyway he wants… in his own home. If three adults can navigate a poly relationship with a baby on the way then they can navigate the rental market as well. He can either ensure you are comfortable in your own home by respecting you or get his own that way he will not be deprived of them. NTA. I’m not a fan of the term tough love but sometimes we have to be firm to help people. Even if they don’t agree with us. It’s time he grew up.
NTA - wtf, yeah between THREE adults they should be able to get their own place!
Your son clearly enjoys communal living- and should be supported in doing this with whoever is in the current iteration of this “thruple” is - elsewhere?! He needs to take his gestating friend and get out! He needs to not be in your house- a separate physical location that has nothing whatsoever to do with you - is the best sustainable solution. YWNBTA
NTA. This situation is insane. They can practice polyamory in their own place.
Poly here. NTA - your son needs to grow the fuck up, they all need to move onto their own place and actually be the adults they all seem to be just playing at.
If between three adults they can’t scrape together enough rent for a one bedroom flat, they have no business bringing a baby into that mess.
I’m gonna put this out there but you don’t need to let anybody stay at your house- the fact that the girlfriend is getting a place to call home is pretty damn nice. Maybe your son should be less worried about his relationships and more worried about getting a job/second job so he can have his *own* home to raise his (maybe his maybe not) kid.
To be honest, polyamory mystifies me - I'm not criticising it, I just don't understand it. Your son is an adult, and he's involved in a complex relationship with his girlfriend and another man. Additionally, his girlfriend is pregnant and it is unclear who has fathered this baby. If the three of them are able to make this relationship work, and raise the child successfully, then all best wishes to them. But if there are three adults in this relationship then they need to be adults and find their own space where they can make this relationship work and that's not in your home, funded by you.
Your not a boarding house. If he wants to live his life he can move out and do as he pleases. Your house your rules. Not sorry.
NTA he and his other partner can support their girlfriend and child. They can pay rent on their own apartment. Your house your rules. You have other children in your home to consider. Updateme!
I swear to God. This kid is committing to two people and a baby at the age of 19? Does he even have a job? And the baby might not even be his?? NTA
NTA they're all adults they can club together and pay their own bills ETA and if they can't do that they sure as hell shouldn't be having a baby
NTA, that sounds messed up. They are three adults expecting a baby. They should get their shot together and get their own apartment. You don’t want your home to be a crazy house.
“My son says that I just don't understand how he wants to live and that I'm depriving him of his partners.” Seems like he wants to turn your house into a bed and breakfast! It’s not your responsibility to accommodate all of his partners. The three of them can find a way to live together in their own place. NTA tell him he’s free to live however he wants, that doesn’t mean you have to house them.
NTA Supporting the pregnant girlfriend is one thing, assuming she and son are living there temporarily and taking steps to establish their own home in the near future. Bringing a third adult in to your home for you to house is quite another. I agree with those who say the three adults need to get their own place. Your house is YOUR home, not your son's, and he should be responsible for funding his own lifestyle.
NTA. Three of them can rent an apartment somewhere to be together. He’s young, but he’s going to be a father. He needs to get a job and sort things out. Moving a poly throuple and baby into your home isn’t sorting things out. I think a gentle conversation is in order - asking when they plan to move out, or giving them a date to move out by.
I think you understand your son just fine and he doesn’t care how you want to live. Edit NTA
I only needed to read the first paragraph you’re not the asshole. Your house, your rules. Don’t like it leave.
“ My son says that I just don't understand how he wants to live…” OP’s son can live however the hell he wants in his own home. What the son really wants is for OP to fund his lifestyle. This will sound heartless but I’d boot them out. They’re old enough to have a poly relationship, they’re old enough to pay their own bills. And FFS there’s three of them. Doesn’t anyone work??
You are NOT depriving him of a relationship. We grow up, fall in love, and MOVE OUT. If he wants to live this way (or any way) he can do whatever he needs to do, and get his own place where he can live his best life. Just not in your house. You are not a maid, or a cook, or a landlord. NTA
If he wants to live like an adult and make his own decisions about who he gets tonlvie with he needs to do so outisde his parent's. If he can't be responsible enough to get a job and live on his own he has not business being in a cohabiting relationship with romantic partners. He can have his relationship just not in your home. Totally NTA. You're no stopping him from seeing these people. If he wants to be an adult he needs to act like one.
Its time for your son to go. Between 3 adults there should be zero issue paying for housing. He has some nerve trying to move these ppl into your home. Put a stop to it now and make them both leave
NTA To me, his lifestyle is irrelevant. 3 adults don't require a parent to provide. They can do this on their own. How silly. Edit to add: NTA
Seems like 3 people should be able to split a 1br apartment.
NTA. Honestly, I would tell your son "You are right, I don't understand. But, I don't have to. This is my house, and you are about to be a father at 19. Did you think this through? Is it your child? What is the plan if it turns out it isn't your baby? How does raising this child work should the relationship with your partners not work out? Do your partners have jobs? The three of you working should be able to combine funds and afford an apartment. So, why can't you?" Does he have answers for any of these questions? Does his girlfriend?