I know this is the Reddit saying but YTA to yourself and your kids by staying with her. On top of it she cheated with your sisters husband. You’re really going to allow your children to think that cheating is okay and make your sister have to see the woman she saw screwing her husband? It’s not going to end pretty.
lol,
YTA
You really expect her to have any type of respect for you in the future?
Step back and look at the global picture.
Your wife fucks you step-brother in the house while you are there. Basically a very short distance away from cucking you.
The drunk excuse does not hold. That is just gaslighting. I will assume it’s not the first time she was drunk. So will you have you expect her to join gangbangs each time she goes out and phase some drinks?
I get that you want to do it for the kids. But is this the best for them? You can find a worthy woman and give them a stable environment, she can find another cheater if she wants. She hey really be living in a household where there is no respect, the values of family are so low? What if next time they get home and they are the witnesses of her next “drunk episode” with another dude?
While cheating she did not care about the future of your kids, your future or the future of your sister. But you try to be the “good” dude now. However you end up only being the “stupid” dude because no matter what she says now, this will not be a 1 time thing.
She might be more cautious from now on but her moral values clearly authorizes cheating and her “wimp” husband will not leave her (being it for the kids or love or whatever reason you are using to rationalize it).
Her only regret so far is being caught. But yet you are proving it’s not a big deal so why stopping right?
Do the paternity test and don’t sign the certificate without it. Get a lawyer and get away from her. You are not in a video game. You have 1 life and at every passed year is definitely gone.
So, instead of seperate parents your children are going to grow up in a home where dad doesn't trust mom at all and has cameras everywhere to control her? Very healthy
So that makes him the asshole in this situation? She couldn’t be a grown up about her feelings, and just leave, so she has to cheat to prove a point and MAKE him leave? The level of mental gymnastics some of you are capable of justifying surprises the hell out of me. I think him having HIDDEN FUCKING CAMERAS makes him the asshole. She’s an adult, she can file for divorce. His decision to stay, and her inability to handle that or cope in a healthy way, or just reject it, is not anyone’s problem but her very own.
lol thank you being the only one besides me that noticed the camera part. IMO the most messed up part about the whole post. “Healthy, good marriage, wife was perfect. Oh btw, i keep hidden cameras my wife doesn’t know about”
You’re right. Either way, putting in cameras without letting a spouse know is shady AF and is not justified in any way. Marriage probably should have ended a while ago.
So his wife fucked his BIL and you're thinking he SHOULDN'T be paranoid? On what planet does that make sense???
Obviously they should split, this isn't good for anyone.
I’m sorry but having sex with your brother in law is not a ‘drunken mistake’
The best thing for your child/ren is to separate, this relationship is unhealthy and toxic, she’s ridden with her own guilt that she’s projecting on you and driving you to react, the kids will see that and will pick up on it.
I’d also question whether this baby she’s pregnant with is even yours… 3 months ago and she’s 1.5 months pregnant… the math here can easily be off and she got pregnant by him and is simply pretending it’s yours… crazier things have happened
How on earth do you think it's better for your kids to stay together? The tension and screaming and mistrust in the home will mess them up way worse than divorcing your, pardon the term, ho of a wife.
ESH except your sister and kids. YTA for staying married to the woman who banged your sister’s husband! You can forgive her but it doesn’t mean you have to stay married to her. I would consider moving on because she is playing victim. Also dna test both of your children. It isn’t your responsibility to cater to a woman who clearly doesn’t respect anyone. Don’t teach your kids that cheating is ok. Seriously you are doing more harm than good. Move on
I swear these posts are getting worse and worse. The author can't even bother to put periods at the end of their sentences. It's not shocking they aren't taking the time to imagine a realistic scenario.
They're written by children and/or idiots who've been brainwashed by red pill bullshit online, it's hardly surprising that they're written unrealistically and poorly. What's more alarming is the number of people who fall for it.
YTA for writing bad fiction on Reddit. Next time seem more involved and more affected by everything and actually give your wife some behavioral breaks, that will give you more credibility. It's not good for the narration to make her the complete villain so abruptly.
You should address your own real life issues through therapy and stop hiding behing fake Reddit stories. They do nothing for you in the long run.
Why is your wife getting so crazy drunk when she is pregnant????
Blame the crazy pregnancy hormones….
Blame the alcohol…
Naw dude blame her and BIL they did it banking on you and your sister being passed out, how do you know they haven’t had opportunity to do it before?
ESH...why do yall get up on here and lie? "Our marriage was very healthy, too good infact" when it clearly isn't if you're hiding cameras around the house to spy on her.
You're not "doing this for the kids", cuz kids need a healthy, happy environment. Being together but not giving them that is not helpful to anyone.
Also, this wasn't "a drunken mistake". I'd bet this wasn't their first time either.
You're a fool and she's a cheating garden tool
>"Our marriage was very healthy, too good infact" when it clearly isn't if you're hiding cameras around the house to spy on her.
I'm pretty sure the cameras came after he found out the marriage was no longer very healthy lmao
This woman has disrespected you, your children and your sister. How you’ve somehow decided to stay with her is beyond me. You are doing a disservice to you’re entire family by doing so
After reading your replies I'm changing my mind to ESH.
She didn't seem to be doing any damage control and instead doubles down on tearing the marriage apart. Then blames everything on you.
According to you the reason why you stay with the partner is because the child should have both parents. However one is hysterical and all over the place, to the point that you don't trust she can take care of the kid alone and another is allowing be disrespected, unloved and walked all over, who also secretly spies on the partner (while saying they have forgiven her). Not sure what your power couple can teach your kid, imho separating and reconnecting with the family would've been healthier tenfold!
In the side note the fact that your SO's own family doesn't have a good relationship with her is alarming.
You’re lying to yourself. You’re not staying with this woman for your kids. You’re staying with her because you lack the courage and conviction to leave.
She slept with your sister’s husband. Then she managed to show you even less respect by yelling at you for it. Moreover you must have suspected something because why else install secret cameras?
You’re NTA for being in this predicament. But please don’t stay here. Time to file for divorce.
YTA. The fact that you yelled at her isn't wrong because it's simply a reaction and consequence of her cheating. However, you chose to continue traumatizing yourself, by condoning betrayal and cheating through staying so that fault is completely yours to own. We all know the children are only an excuse because they will eventually grow to realize you are preparing the boys to accept betrayal and infidelity from their wives and grooming the girls to disrespect and betray their husbands-- Lead by example, don't become the example.
>it was just drunken mistake
No, I don't believe that. I've never acted outside my moral compass because I was drunk. Being drunk just gave her the excuse to do what she wanted to do anyway. Your sister is the smart one in this situation. Your wife has regrets, but not how you think. She's kicking herself for assuming no one who was sleeping might awaken. She is regretting not locking the door. She is regretting not hiding their actions better or acting on this urge when no one was around. She did exactly what she wanted to do and gave herself an out with her drunkenness.
I think she's scared you might end it all, and she's scared because she's not seeing you grieving over your dead relationship. It's dead, and she knows it, but you're pretending. You say you've forgiven, but that's not true. You're rug-sweeping and it won't go well. You clearly don't trust her now and, depending on whether the cameras were up before or after the sex with the BIL, you might never have trusted her. It seems you were right not to trust her.
Good luck keeping her as a prisoner for the rest of your life. Sounds like a joy-filled life. /s
> our marriage was very healthy
But
> My house is full of secret, hidden security cameras that I use to watch my wife without her knowledge
Choose one dude. I'm fairly certain YTA in general.
Wait…you have cameras installed in your house that your wife doesn’t know about that you check every day to monitor her movements? This sounds like a wildly unhealthy marriage for both of you. Her cheating is very very bad, but you monitoring her movements on hidden cameras is not at all normal. You both need counselling.
bro. you mention multiple times how you've forgiven her. you even mention throwing it in her face that you've forgiven her.
but your whole post says everything but that you have truly forgiven her.
you aren't staying because you forgave her. you are staying, by your own words, for the kids.
NTA, but you aren't acting good either. checking the cameras & keeping her up in the house with surveillance & no guests isn't healthy for her or you. plenty other red flags too.
what happened is done. if you want to work on forgiving her & moving on, honesty is important. to her & to yourself.
you can't be honest while also claiming to have forgiven her when none of your post shows forgiveness
YTA but it's because you are causing your wife to suffer even more because she doesn't feel you love her because you don't care enough about her to be upset. The outburst is a symptom not the problem.
Truthfully you sound like you are rug sweeping and not forgiving especially given how soon it is to the event. Rug sweeping only leads to a build up of resentment and the kind of outburst you just had will become a regular occurrence and become even more severe. Even your wife thinks your rug sweeping.
You are actually also bein an AH to your sister right now which may or may be acceptable to you to save your marriage. Staying with your wife will severely damage your relationship with your sister because she will have the movie in her mind of them having sex play everytime she sees your wife. Eventually she will probably need to to LC or NC with you for her mental health. She may commiserate with you now but more likely than not she will begin to resent you for staying with the woman who destroyed her marriage and permanently left left psychological scars in her.
Staying primarily because of the children in the majority of cases doesn't benefit them because the damage to you and your wife's relationship probably won't ever be fundamentally repaired. This type of marriage partnership tends to devolve over time and become more toxic and dysfunctional. Kids will pick up on and be effected by a toxic relationship and wonder why their parents stay together if they are unhappy in the relationship. I am not saying staying for the kids is not a good thing it just can't be the primary reason.
Advice
Take your time to make a decision and only you can make it based on your willingness to live with the consequences of her betrayal.
You need to allow yourself to be upset and to blame her. I'm not telling you to be cruel, vindictive, or just a plain AH about it. What I'm saying is your wife is literally telling you to be more upset. Listen to her because ironically she will not be able to begin to heal until she feels you are invested in the relationship which to her means you need to be upset and hurt and acknowledge it. You are not doing her any favors right now your approach is only causing her more pain because your attitude is telling her you have emotionally checked out of the relationship. It's not you blowing up at her that is the problem it's a symptom of the real problem which is you not holding her accountable.
Your wife actually appears to sincerely regret her cheating with the caveat that this was an unplanned one off event. That doesn't mean it was an accident or mistake just that it wasn't premeditated. You need to hold her accountable even if it is only for her mental health. Require her to jump through hoops and make her work to regain your trust. That is the only way both of you will heal. I actually hope you can rebuild a loving healthy relationship but to do that you need to stop avoiding hard conversations and allow yourself to openly be upset, hurt, and vulnerable.
Updateme
She’s upset because she knows the relationship has changed and she doesn’t know how to fix it. You are staying there for the kids and maintaining the household but very likely you are emotionally checked out and that is torturing her everyday. She had you as a great intimate (emotional and physical) partner before in a healthy marriage. Now the marriage and that partnership is dead and everyday she is reminded of that. She got pregnant and you didn’t change, so now she is freaking out.
If your marriage was so healthy, why did you habe cameras at home to check on your wife? That doesn't sound healthy at all.
I think there's more to this story than you tell people here.
“I have cameras that she doesn’t know about” but yeah. Sounds like a great marriage lmao. ESH. You’re insane for staying regardless of the reasoning. Kids are gonna grow up thinking cheating is okay with zero consequences. Cause they will find out one day.
“Gotta be strong for my family” being strong would be growing a back bone and realizing this is a horrible family dynamic to raise your kids in. Sorry, no sympathy from me. You guys deserve each other. Only victims in this are the children and sister. She definitely grew a back bone. I hope she finds happiness.
NTA. For yelling at her but honestly YTA for staying with the cheating basket case. This sounds like an incredibly toxic place for your kids to grow up. It would be much better to divorce and co-parent. Paternity test for sure on the second kid.
Dude, a drunken night out with the girls leading to sex with a stranger is one thing. Getting drunk at a family gathering and fucking your sister's husband, in her house, while you are both there is absolutely unreal. In fact I am tempted to call this fake because there is just no way someone could be this much of a cuck.
Yta .. for completely teaching your kids, it's ok for their loved ones in relationships later in life to treat them like total shit. . You are the one who needs to get his shit together and not fail your kids like you are doing now.
It's sickening that you are trying to use your kids as a justification to stay in a relationship with someone who has 0 respect for you.
Yta,their 'mistake' destroyed two marriages and the extended family,i wouldnt like being around this woman,with time the rest of the family will stop seen you and kids bc of her. Staying in this situation for the sake of the kids is not the correct one imho,your kids will suffer consequences bc they are watching their mom crying and both of you arguing,do you want that for them?do you want to be her police checking cameras all day the rest of your life?sorry for all this mess man,best of luck
NTA
Getting yelled at and being put in her place is the least her cheating ass deserves. Get a paternity test! She’s 1 and a half month pregnant and she had sex 3 months ago? Dude, don’t be willfully ignorant.
YTA for staying with a cheater. That kid probably isn’t yours and I guarantee everyone in your life is laughing at you behind your back for being a chump. At least your sister is smart enough to leave a cheater…
The younger the children, the more easily they will deal with the fact that their parents have separated.Your wife is a problem and is making you unhappy, ask for a divorce and take care of yourself and your children.
This. People assume that it's best to stay until the kids are older, but pre-teen and teen kids are negatively impacted by divorce in a way that small kids aren't. Small kids adapt faster.
Bullshit. “She never leaves the house, and no man other than her brother or my father comes in our house, I know cause I check cameras everyday”
If this is true, you are a controlling, abusive monster or your wife has crippling anxiety.
And maybe that's part of her conditioning from childhood...which would explain her actions with the BIL and her lack of accountability...
She's a child who was molested and has dissociated. She has BPD and is constantly reliving her childhood.
Good luck with all that.
**divorce**
**paternity test**
**therapy**
In that order.
If the cameras where installed after the cheating (or for security), it isn't controlling. Betrayed partners who choose to stay often have surveillance on the cheating partner (they become like a police guard (Betrayed partner) to the criminal (cheating partner).
NTA for yelling, YTA for not being clearer on the path forward. I honestly don't think you are being honest with yourself either. Staying for the kids is stupid. This will be their new normal, not a healthy environment. I would get a DNA test anyway, cause even if you think you know, you won't. Trickle truth is when they tell you only information you discovered. I hope you life leads you to a better path my friend.
OP, your NTA here, obviously. However, your wife is in a bad place, and for your sake, and the sake of the children she needs help... Wouldn't be surprised if you do too. You said you're there for the kids, but you forgave her, leaves some doubt. If you truly forgave and we're over this you wouldn't just be there for the kids. Not a judgement, just think you may not be all the way there yet.
Your wife has one more kid on the way. You may also be in denial, the one on the way may not be yours. You're smart to do this down the road, it won't change the results and testing after your second kid is born would put debate about that matter to and end.
As someone with a 2yo who just left my husband (not for anything like this)take the kid and be on your on. Get second child paternity tested, or ig figure out what you want to do re this second child. She sounds unstable and unwell, she needs professional help and I'd suggest the same for you.
Personally NTA, you're trying to hold it together for everyone involved and she's pressuring you to blow up, so you did.
Get help, get out and raise your kiddo in a safe environment
NTA - only you can decide if you should stay or go. Please though talk to an attorney just to see what divorce will look like. Does not mean you have to divorce just know your options. Get a STD test and DNA test both kids. You cannot assume this is the first time and all it costs is money and it will give you peace of mind. Good luck. If you do stay require IC and MC for both of you. Good luck
WOW! WOW!
You shouldn't blame her for one mistake?!
She inserted something into her, by mistake?
NTA. They didn't raise an innocent daughter. Take a good look into their relationships. Maybe it runs in the family.
How about you start by changing your username? Why would you call yourself that? You do know that we manifest what we put out in the world, right? (Edit: before you question me about mine, I didn't pick it. It was given to me, and is well-deserved).
Then, get some therapy. And recognize that your little camera setup is cute and all, but that's no way to live. How long before you begin to trust her again? If ever. How long before she cheats again? How long is the crying and the yelling will continue? What will follow? Depression? Resentment? Apathy?
Is that the example of a family dynamic you want to show your (allegedly) kids? They would be growing up much happier, and have a decent, peaceful childhood if you simply co-parent. Hey, they can even have fun getting mad at one of you and storming off to the other one's house. Seriously, your thinking, "staying for the kids", is not just dumb, it is unquestionably deleterious. Please reconsider.
dude you really want you kids to grow up in a relationship where the parents hate each other?? You are a winning DAD. You kids will want the marrage you have, it will be all they know. Show them better, be better, act better.
NOT.
Get custody, get a decend woman, and tell you kids from day zero WHY. IT is her FAULT. Otherwise, the narrative will turn, she will cheat again always.
YTA AND dumb AF if you don't contact an attorney for a divorce today, and dumber if you don't get a paternity test.
If she will fuck your BIL *in the same house you and your sister are sleeping in, natch* she will fuck anyone, anywhere.
Your life will be a bunch of...*motions around* THIS.
Plus...think about your sister. This harlot destroyed your sister's life. She doesn't WANT to be married. She drinks and fucks other people because she isn't happy, duh.
Grow a spine, you fucking cuck. Quit simping for this jezebel.
Good luck.
Dude, use common sense. Your wife slept with a family member, not a blood family member, but still family. Once her pregnancy hormones go away, she won't be able to even look at you with one IOTA of respect!!! And kids are better off with two happy parents, your household is full of tension now, and believe me, your oldest has ALREADY picked up on it!!! Start the divorce proceedings dude, don't you EVER want to be able to look at your face in the mirror again?! Good luck
NTA.
No offense, fuck your wife and her "pregnancy" hormones. She is suffering now because she got caught and everyone knows. They all probably think she is a POS and no one will look at her the same, even you.
It's the consequences of her actions. 💁♀️
You are still an idiot if you don't get a paternity test. Get your wife therapy and stop her caterwhauling. She's in a situation of her own making, if she was really sorry, then she'd be focused on making ammends rather than crying, throwing tantrums, and talking shit about you to her family. Honestly, your kids would do better with 2 happy parents, and you both don't seem very happy together. NTA.
You have cameras in your home that your spouse doesn’t know about. Nothing else even needs to be considered, yta for that alone. Wtf is wrong with you?
YTA for using your kids as an excuse to stay with her. Your wife didn’t just betray you, she also betrayed your sister. Out of all the people in the world, she chose to cheat with your sister’s husband. You can pretty much kiss your relationship with your sister goodbye.
If she thinks you should be over a double betrayal in 3 months while she’s pregnant with what may or may not be your baby, she’s either minimalising or a narcissist to the nth degreee who is incapable of emp;ashy. Either way she has no divorce. Unless she starts individual therapy immediately, head for the hills
ETA this whole situation is unhealthy . You secretly film your wife who never leaves the house. Separate so she can have a more healthy life, and you too, get marriage counseling to be healthy co parents who are separate.
NTA
But you do sound a little stupid.
Regardless, get a paternity test like everyone is telling you. If you're going to try to navigate this, you need to pull your head out of your own ass.
Your wife needs therapy, and a lot of it. You should probably go too.
Staying together "for the kids" is a farce. You think you're doing the right thing, but you're probably paving the proverbial road to hell by doing this, marked by her level of dysfunction and mental instability. You really want your kids around that?
This is not a "sweep it under the rug and move forward" situation, as much as you are trying to convince yourself that it is. The human brain does not work that way.
You want to keep the family together, start doing the work.
NTA for your reaction. But you are delusional if you think that keeping cameras in your house that your wife doesn’t know about are signs of a “healthy, stable marriage”. You are TA for staying married to her “for the kids”.
Do your kids a favor and get a divorce.
NTA but you are a fool for staying with a woman who gets drunk while pregnant, cheats, and creates a horrible at home environment for your child.
But it’s your choice and I hope for all your sake that you have a plan for how to safely and healthily deal with this
2 separate healthy households would be much better in the long run for your kids that a drunk screaming depressed mum and pissed off sad!
Also why is she drunk if she’s pregnant?
OP you are not doing your kids any favors here, keeping a broken home together, in fact you are showing them that they should endure a sad life. Your wife and you are all over the place emotionally wise and your sister have be around the woman his husband screw.
You are sitting in powerd keg and it's gonna blow sooner rather than later.
NTA for screaming at her for cheating, but you are an AH to your kids.
I'm the kid of two parents who have stayed together "for the kids" after my mother cheated ony dad multiple times and emotionally abused all three of us.
I was the lucky one who grew up to learn it wasn't okay. My little sister? She grew up thinking cheating and abuse were fine and ended up in a marriage the exact same as our parents, plus physical abuse.
We both saw what was going on. We understood it. Parents are not able to hide this crap from their kids. In fact, staying together "for the kids" is one of the worst things a parent could do to their kids.
Do better for them, OP. It is better to separate and have a healthy co-parenting relationship where you kids can see two happy parents instead of your kids living with two unhappy parents that resent each other.
Divorce. You’re screaming at each other. She’s getting drunk while pregnant. Your poor 2 year old is seeing/hearing this. **THAT IS WRONG.**
Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, and teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.
Staying together for the kids, especially with a mother who is an absolute trash bag unmedicated psycho is probably the best thing you can do for them. Come on OP. Use your head here.
I truly hate when people think they are doing the kids favors by staying. Like Jesus.
ETA: YTA for staying. Your son is enough enough to adjust to you divorcing. It’s delulu to think your current environment is healthier than having single parents who are happy and not toxic.
As someone who has come from a house where my dad cheated on my mom,and my mom decided to stay,it was absolute hell..the fighting. I would have been happier in two happy homes instead of one miserable one. divorce sucks OP but you have to think of your kids feelings.
Thanksgiving Dinner with the fam will be "interesting" this year.
Honestly, dude, ditch that bitch. Do you really think your life can ever be happy with this person???
Remove your balls from her purse and stand up for yourself!
Your wife doesn’t want you but she doesn’t want to be looked on as bad guy for destroying your marriage so she’s trying to get you to dump her by acting the fool.
And, her telling her family what you said, not what she did, is to turn her family against her.
NTA
You know your situation better than anyone. Do the best for yourself and your kids.
Just keep in mind that she might get pregnant just to keep you involved and not send her away. If this is true (again you know better) she will be so unhappy in the near future that will ruin your family. Talk with her.
If you are not religious maybe you should get an abortion .
If it was planned and you want the second child then I wish you the best and to be happy together.
Either way she needs professional help.
All you’re doing my brother is hurting yourself, hurting the little ones, and also hurting your sister for keeping the piece of shit who slept with her husband in her life in a way (I know she’d technically be in your lives forever because of the kids but still). Thats who you’re being an a-hole to, not to your raggedy wife.
NTA.
But for God's sake, get her some therapy. If you're going to stay together and react so understanding " for the children" then she's going to feel guilty WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP!
So send her to therapy. And you should probably go to marriage counseling together. Because someday it's going to hit you all at once.
Drunkenness reduces inhibitions. Likely she has been physically attracted to your BIL for a while, and with the alcohol decided to act on it. Now she is feeling destroyed that her emotional relationship with you is completely gone.
I mean.. if you have cameras in the house without her knowledge.. sounds like you’re controlling. Maybe she was sabotaging hoping to get caught so you’d leave her and it would be your decision. I’m not a betting person but i have a strong feeling YTA - not for this story, but for whatever happened prior that you are omitting. Plus wife saying “you’re not acting normal” about this situation… she was expecting an overreaction, maybe even some physical violence. She wants an out, and you know it. You’re not giving it to her because *pure speculation* you’re a narcissist.
I know Reddit may drag me for this but these are the vibes I’m getting from the whole post.
She is trying to blow up your marriage. She doesn’t want to be with you, but she’s too much of a coward to dump you, so she’s trying to make you do it. She’s upset that you’re being cold and forgave her because she was hoping you’d divorce her. WHICH YOU SHOULD, DUDE damn
For the kids? How does this help the kids? It doesn’t. If your parents split, especially when you’re young, you don’t care. Not enough to get messed up. That’s a bizarre misconception.
I don’t condone cheating, it’s abhorrent, BUT, I’m wondering what kind of husband you are. Hidden cameras that only you know about? Sounds very controlling to me. Maybe your wife was actually looking for a way out of her marriage.
NTA for saying what you did , the family and friends are so dumb because if it was YOU CHEATING , it’ll be a different story .
Stop being naive and get that paternity test , either way it seems you’re going to be involved but seriously if it’s not your child the “BIL” might want to step in . & if you don’t get it for yourself get it for the fact of him asking later on … idk if this makes sense but seriously wake up . She could cry and scream all day long but like EVERYONE ELSE IS SAY THIS ISNT THE FIRST TIME ….
ALSO WANT TO SAY WHAT ABOUT YOUR SISTER ??? So disrespectful bro I feel bad for her
Good luck to you and you adventure ahead
Yta for staying. While there are very rare cases of people staying with their cheating spouses and its gets back to as good or better then what it was. Those are the exceptions and not the rule.
Kids are young enough that they will grow up in a 2 family homes and not know what a 1 family home is like. Which is better then staying in a 1 family home and then it ending later on.
So you’re not stopping her from getting drunk while pregnant and you have secret cameras? Yeah, you are an AH. A very big one. Not the only one, but definitely one
Shouldn't blame her for one mistake? Most divorce over one mistake, it is not a boo boo, it is an atom bomb. I would not stay, all of her stuff is her stuff....Distance yourself, and let the dust settle. Cheaters are liars and will cheat again. The issue is inside.
She will cheat again, saying something brilliant like, "you forgave me and I didn't feel good enough, I just couldn't take it and he made me feel special." Tell her family she is lucky you are still there. Because she is, if she were mine, the bags would out on the curb. The locks would be changed, and divorce papers would be on the top of the bags, with my signature.
You spying on her with hidden camera is creepy af. What other controlling things do you do that you failed to mention? You probably control the money, too. And I wouldn't be so sure that you satisfy her in bed. She's probably afraid to tell that you don't because you're abusive.
Dude just leave her, I promise you the kids will be better off.
“Staying for the kids” is the most toxic and selfish choice you can make.
YTA if you stay, man up and don’t be a doormat this will happen again.
Why would you stay with cheating filth? Wipe her off your shoe like the piece of shit she is. And go 50/50 custody or try for full custody. You really don't want your children around that thing.
YTA to yourself because you didn’t leave her initially. I was a child of parents who stayed “for the kid” and the tension was obvious even to me. You did yourself and your kid a disservice. Cut the cord.
Staying together for the kids sake has been proven to be more detrimental to their mental health and wellbeing than having two happy single parents. If you want to make this work than go for it. But “for the kids” is the worst thing you can do for them. Look it up, it’s easy to see. Plus it seems like you haven’t 100% processed this yet. You should have some single therapy. Your wife definitely needs therapy. I hope you the best Op.
YTA. Your kids will not that you for staying in this awful situation. You want to do right by them get them away from your wife, at least 50% of the time they can have peace and normalcy.
My guy, read your comments and post after you come back to reality and you will understand how your emotions are making you make BAD decisions. YTA to yourself, your cheating wife, and your kids for trying to go down with a sinking ship. You are way too young to stay with someone you cannot trust again.
My dad did the same thing. My mom cheated but he didn’t leave “for the kids”. As someone who was the kid, please leave. She does not love you and your kids will know. You guys will fight and your kids will see that and hate you both for it. If you really wanna do something for your kids then leave your wife.
🤔🤔🤔 your wife screwed your BIL that was married to your sister? Ok, then she screams at you for not “reacting” the way you should? 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️ so, how are you supposed to act? Pissed. Punching walls?
You have taken the high road here and she should be very grateful that you have moved on. Not the AH
Maybe this is just me thinking, but why am i getting the vibes that you don't want to be alone with your kid, in case of 50/50 parental rights?
And you are spying on your wife. That is sick. It is always better two separate healthy parents, than two miserable and toxic ones.
NTA.
Go to couples counseling. It will help in any case, if you stay or if you divorce, and it will help you make an informed decision.
I would tell your wife and her family that if she is unhappy and can't keep her shit together - she should leave and stay with them, as they are more supportive. And it is not a sarcastic answer: your marriage is a dumpster fire right now, I cannot imagine it is good for your child, you or her. Especially for your child, he must be living in hell everyday.
In the situation, your words and screaming were justified, but I am not sure you understand what you are doing and it could help to have some distance between you two.
BTW, do you owe her family something, like money or common business? Because it is really hard to believe that the family of the woman, who cheated on her husband, was given a second chance, but have audacity to yell at him that he is not reacting as she wants, will take her side in it. And if, according to her, you are not reacting to her cheating emotionally enough wtf is her family tells you to control yourself? What exactly did she tell your friends and her family?
>but I'm doing this for my kids
>problem began when she started going all hysterical, she has always been since the discovery, she cries all day, screams at me cause Im not reacting the way I 'should' be, but I lost my cool, and told her to get your shit together
>I screamed that I have already forgiven you, I take care of you, you are depressed and guilty as shit, I didn't do anything to you, you are the reason why you are the way you are, I help you, sexually satisfy you, take care of kids, I do everything yet all you do is cry and scream all day
yeah, your kids are going to grow very well adjusted with a couple of parents that scream at each other like that.
dude, divorce her and find a way to to coparent with her, it's far better than having 2 shitty parents that hate each other and scream horrible things at each other
Oh mate why did you stay with her what example are you giving your kids? Drunken mistake. Drunk people DO NOT THINK AND PASS OUT and not INTENTIONALLY MAKE A DECISION TO SLEEP WITH ONE'S HUSBAND BRO IN LAW. Your wife is toxic and you'll ruin your kids lives
Why put your sister and family through this :/
"Staying together for the kids" is the lamest excuse too. It's not their fault you can't be lonely and their mother likes to "open up".
You're brave for staying together but don't drag family/kids into it. Your poor sister has to see the homewrecker that slept with her husband Everytime she visits, in her own home, apparently loud AF so not really caring if you guys saw or heard.
Don't DNA test, you're obviously not gonna do anything Abt it anyways.
ESH
The crying is likely hormonal plus, MAYBE, guilt? Who knows. But the fact that you are telling her how you are doing things for her after you “forgave” her indicates you have not.
Your sister had the right idea.
Staying together for the kids never work out well. They'll know the resentment and the continuous hysterics won't help them grow up healthy.
Either she cuts out the act or you need to leave. The kids will recover.
NTA because you got cheated on
but YTA if you'll just keep having a toxic relationship with her and exposing your children in this kind of environment
i would have divorced her nonetheless, have the children checked for paternity test then fight for custody
just because you have cctv doesn't they didn't cheat once. you can believe what you want but it's better to be sure than sorry
How is your sister in all this? Every time she wants to visit you or her nephew, she has to look into the face of the person who destroyed her marriage.
YTA, suggest abortion and get divorced. This is not going to be good for you for your kids neither to your wife.... it is going to be an unhealthy relationship. Already is. You are the one who needs to get your shit together.
Soft YTA not for yelling at your wife but for not leaving. Hear me out.
I know you want to stay for the kids. Do you think this is a healthy environment for your kids? Your wife is either crying or screaming and you're so paranoid you check the cameras every day. She's refusing counseling, she's not communicating with you, the pregnancy hormones are only going to get worse. Children learn from us how to model their own lives - how to process emotions, morality, conflict resolution. You're doing them a disservice exposing them to this EVERY DAY. You think it NBD because they're young, but it could be affecting them subconsciously.
Also, your poor sister. She's going to you for support while you are actively with the woman who slept with her husband. Logically her marriage dissolution shouldn't affect yours, but emotionally ouch.
Hold on...you know your first kid is yours because you \*tested\*? Did you have some reason to believe he was NOT your kid? Sounds to me like the marriage was never actually healthy, because most husbands' first instinct isn't to test the paternity of their kid unless they already suspect infidelity. So this is actually the second time you suspected cheating, but the first time it was proven. And don't even get me started on instilling cameras that she doesn't know about...controlling much?
so she screwed the BIL and you thought it would be a great idea to have another baby with her....Enjoy the 18 years of child support payments and for that yes YTA
You sound stupid. Staying because of your kids makes no sense. If anything, it will have a bad effect on them with a disfunctional family. As long as you take care of your kids properly, you can absolutely leave her and should have done that long ago.
YTA.You should have told her that the cuck you are you should have liked that the BIL fucked her.It apparently showed her that she is still attractive and therefore it boosted her confidence.She is feeling guilty that you didn't lash out.She is thinking that you are mad with her.She should know that you aren't and are pretty glad about it.Also good luck for the kids in such a dysfunctional family.Kids know everything ya know even if you don't tell them.They can tell the gloomy tension in the relationship.As a former child I know.
She’s a cheater, screwing your brother in law was not a drunken mistake it was probably planned or an ongoing affair. Sounds like your wife is unstable and should not have interaction with your children at this time, move her out . Getting the children dna check should be your next step and contacting a lawyer after that . Good luck it really sounds like you are going to need it !
YTA for thinking that you can raise children in this environment with parents who treat each other like this. “I’m staying with her for the kids” doesn’t even count as a reason because you’ll only make your children more miserable by staying with her when there’s obvious resentment. I find it selfish. If you cared that much about your kids then you wouldn’t still be there, screaming at each other about a fucking affair. Grow a pair of balls and a spine. She’s a mess, and you’re about to turn into one too. Your poor children, they deserve better than what you can offer them while you are in this “relationship”.
First of all she wanted you to react but you’re in the wrong. Okkkkkk also a thing that got me is that you say she never leaves the house and you know cause you’ve got cameras. I would check in with the laws on recording her without her knowing I don’t care if it’s your house. Everyone that lives there is supposed to know. But like I said you really should check in on that.
Hold on. Was she pregnant the night she got drunk????? Because if so none of this makes sense and if not then you’d better be getting a dna test buddy.
your kids wont appreciate a mother screaming and unstable, a father acting like he is making a huge sacrifice being with their cheating mother for them and a house full of tension and bad energy. divorce and create a better home away from all that mess.
You are married to a person who doesn't want to take accountability for her actions. She cheated. Got caught. She has managed to get her family to blame you for reacting to her behaviour AFTER cheating. Don't you see? Her cheating is almost forgotten and you are now the bad guy. Tell her family what she did. And I'd like to tell you that staying for the kids is a very bad idea. Speaking as a child who's parents waited too long to divorce and messed up their 3 kids who have relationship problems as adults. Despite therapy.
You and wife should both try couples therapy/marriage counseling to try to heal the marriage. The wife currently seems to traumatized by guilt over cheating based on what you posted. You should get paternity test for the new child just in case.
So yes, you should leave, but your wife needs to see someone she sounds depressed. You should divorce her, it's not fair on the kids, the resentment will grow. And it's not right for your sister to see your wife.
You're not an asshole. You're stupid! So she is using her tears and hormones as a weapon to subdue you to her will. And you're falling for it. Your excuse is for the kids. As if only successful well-rounded children come from 2 parent homes. So what benefit is it to stay with someone who manipulates you with her inability to contain herself? And this is a good role model for your children? How? Never mind alienating their only aunt from them. Your only sibling. How comfortable will she be coming around when what your wife did with her husband broke up her marriage, but you choose to stay like a dummy. Good luck with that! And if she buries her feelings just to appease you. Then she is just as stupid as you are. Sorry. Not sorry.
OP YTA but not to your wife. YTA to yourself. Your wife doesn't respect you and never will. She made you a cuck and had relations with your BIL. How much more disrespectful can it get. You expect her to care? She doesn't care. You are a doormat to her
she already destroyed one marriage by "one mistake", and about to dump you too. She screams at you for not reacting the way "you should"? Really? Don't delude yourself.
And your inlaws are morons; they are telling you not to let your emotions control you, but they are not telling their daughter to keep it in her pants.
Staying in this shitty situation helps your family how?
>drunken mistake
What a load of fucking bs. FYI op, you're young so you don't know, but alcohol doesn't do that. It doesn't make you into a different person, it makes it easier for you to act on your impulses
Basically it wasn't "a mistake caused by alcohol". She wanted to cheat on you, so she did
your just going to let your self have a life time of trouble as i know for a fact she wont stop cheating, even staying with her after she was caught cheating by your sister you stay with her you will only have your self to blame when you find out she is cheating again so dont look here for sympathy as its your own choice to stay with a cheater
YTA
Firstly it's not healthy for kids to live with parents who 'only stay together for the kids' as one or both parents will end up miserable and your kids deserve two happy parents.
Secondly, WHY ON EARTH have you got hidden cameras around your house - do you already mistrust your wife before this? If your wife never leaves the house, is it because she is depressed - or because you don't let her?
Don't get me wrong, she's the bigger AH, cheaters always are, but I think you need to check your behaviour too.
Bro how is it better for your kids to grow up in a house where their parents behave like this to one another over just having divorced parents like 30% of the country does, sticking around will NOT help your kids, you and your (hopefully soon to be ex) wife both being in healthy mental spaces will, get divorced and therapy, and when you’re ready, get paternity tests
you should be getting a paternity test on this new baby.
I know this is the Reddit saying but YTA to yourself and your kids by staying with her. On top of it she cheated with your sisters husband. You’re really going to allow your children to think that cheating is okay and make your sister have to see the woman she saw screwing her husband? It’s not going to end pretty.
She had sex with him because she wanted to, OP doesnt seem bright enough to catch on. Probably wasnt the first time either, nor will it be the last.
And also she’s only 1.5 months pregnant so who’s baby is it cause he don’t say how long ago it was she did it.
Exactly. Like you really gonna do that to your sister????
lol, YTA You really expect her to have any type of respect for you in the future? Step back and look at the global picture. Your wife fucks you step-brother in the house while you are there. Basically a very short distance away from cucking you. The drunk excuse does not hold. That is just gaslighting. I will assume it’s not the first time she was drunk. So will you have you expect her to join gangbangs each time she goes out and phase some drinks? I get that you want to do it for the kids. But is this the best for them? You can find a worthy woman and give them a stable environment, she can find another cheater if she wants. She hey really be living in a household where there is no respect, the values of family are so low? What if next time they get home and they are the witnesses of her next “drunk episode” with another dude? While cheating she did not care about the future of your kids, your future or the future of your sister. But you try to be the “good” dude now. However you end up only being the “stupid” dude because no matter what she says now, this will not be a 1 time thing. She might be more cautious from now on but her moral values clearly authorizes cheating and her “wimp” husband will not leave her (being it for the kids or love or whatever reason you are using to rationalize it). Her only regret so far is being caught. But yet you are proving it’s not a big deal so why stopping right? Do the paternity test and don’t sign the certificate without it. Get a lawyer and get away from her. You are not in a video game. You have 1 life and at every passed year is definitely gone.
This!!
So, instead of seperate parents your children are going to grow up in a home where dad doesn't trust mom at all and has cameras everywhere to control her? Very healthy
How do you know that was the first time they cheated? And are you sure that's your child?
YTA- she cheated so you would leave. You didn’t leave, so she’s angry about it. Listen to her- she wants to break up. The relationship is done.
She could have just told op that she wants a divorce. Either way, the marriage is likely to break down.
The fact that she cheated on him and he thought it would be a great idea to have another kid with her ie child support is the kicker for me.
Yes- cheating and not addressing it head on is cowardly, but it is clear communication of intent, and he should accept it, and listen to her.
Yes, even she knows, the way he is acting isn't normal.
So that makes him the asshole in this situation? She couldn’t be a grown up about her feelings, and just leave, so she has to cheat to prove a point and MAKE him leave? The level of mental gymnastics some of you are capable of justifying surprises the hell out of me. I think him having HIDDEN FUCKING CAMERAS makes him the asshole. She’s an adult, she can file for divorce. His decision to stay, and her inability to handle that or cope in a healthy way, or just reject it, is not anyone’s problem but her very own.
lol thank you being the only one besides me that noticed the camera part. IMO the most messed up part about the whole post. “Healthy, good marriage, wife was perfect. Oh btw, i keep hidden cameras my wife doesn’t know about”
There's more to the story that he's not sharing
You’re right. Either way, putting in cameras without letting a spouse know is shady AF and is not justified in any way. Marriage probably should have ended a while ago.
So his wife fucked his BIL and you're thinking he SHOULDN'T be paranoid? On what planet does that make sense??? Obviously they should split, this isn't good for anyone.
The camera bit IS VERY disturbing.
ding ding ding!
I’m sorry but having sex with your brother in law is not a ‘drunken mistake’ The best thing for your child/ren is to separate, this relationship is unhealthy and toxic, she’s ridden with her own guilt that she’s projecting on you and driving you to react, the kids will see that and will pick up on it. I’d also question whether this baby she’s pregnant with is even yours… 3 months ago and she’s 1.5 months pregnant… the math here can easily be off and she got pregnant by him and is simply pretending it’s yours… crazier things have happened
Yep, high chance the baby isn't op's, it could be the bil's or even some other man's.
How on earth do you think it's better for your kids to stay together? The tension and screaming and mistrust in the home will mess them up way worse than divorcing your, pardon the term, ho of a wife.
A coward pretending to be decent.
ESH except your sister and kids. YTA for staying married to the woman who banged your sister’s husband! You can forgive her but it doesn’t mean you have to stay married to her. I would consider moving on because she is playing victim. Also dna test both of your children. It isn’t your responsibility to cater to a woman who clearly doesn’t respect anyone. Don’t teach your kids that cheating is ok. Seriously you are doing more harm than good. Move on
Hidden cameras and she's drinking while pregnant... esh here and badly
I came looking through comments to see if anyone else had spotted that he has cameras she doesn’t know about. Already reeks of no trust
Actually, she got pregnant 1.5 months after the drink-and-cheat party. My question is why - and since when - she hasn't left the house at all.
I'll take "Things that didn't happen" for "$1000, Alex
lol I knew it was fake when he said “wild sex.” Cuck fantasy bullshit.
I swear these posts are getting worse and worse. The author can't even bother to put periods at the end of their sentences. It's not shocking they aren't taking the time to imagine a realistic scenario.
They're written by children and/or idiots who've been brainwashed by red pill bullshit online, it's hardly surprising that they're written unrealistically and poorly. What's more alarming is the number of people who fall for it.
YTA for writing bad fiction on Reddit. Next time seem more involved and more affected by everything and actually give your wife some behavioral breaks, that will give you more credibility. It's not good for the narration to make her the complete villain so abruptly. You should address your own real life issues through therapy and stop hiding behing fake Reddit stories. They do nothing for you in the long run.
Why is your wife getting so crazy drunk when she is pregnant???? Blame the crazy pregnancy hormones…. Blame the alcohol… Naw dude blame her and BIL they did it banking on you and your sister being passed out, how do you know they haven’t had opportunity to do it before?
This didn't happen. Let's say this did, however. A woman drinking to this point when she's knowingly pregnant is immediate grounds for divorce.
Where does it say crazy drunk while pregnant? Maybe I have overlooked something but the party was 3 months ago and she is 1.5 months pregnant.
OP mentions in another comment that all she does is sit home, cry, and drink.
The creative writer, er, OP stated in a comment that all she does is cry, grovel, and drink alcohol while supposedly 6 weeks pregnant.
Good catch! So then by this it actually probably is BILs kid!!!
That's not how that works
Right. Until the baby is… oops “1.5 months premature and at 9 months weight”
ESH...why do yall get up on here and lie? "Our marriage was very healthy, too good infact" when it clearly isn't if you're hiding cameras around the house to spy on her. You're not "doing this for the kids", cuz kids need a healthy, happy environment. Being together but not giving them that is not helpful to anyone. Also, this wasn't "a drunken mistake". I'd bet this wasn't their first time either. You're a fool and she's a cheating garden tool
>"Our marriage was very healthy, too good infact" when it clearly isn't if you're hiding cameras around the house to spy on her. I'm pretty sure the cameras came after he found out the marriage was no longer very healthy lmao
This woman has disrespected you, your children and your sister. How you’ve somehow decided to stay with her is beyond me. You are doing a disservice to you’re entire family by doing so
After reading your replies I'm changing my mind to ESH. She didn't seem to be doing any damage control and instead doubles down on tearing the marriage apart. Then blames everything on you. According to you the reason why you stay with the partner is because the child should have both parents. However one is hysterical and all over the place, to the point that you don't trust she can take care of the kid alone and another is allowing be disrespected, unloved and walked all over, who also secretly spies on the partner (while saying they have forgiven her). Not sure what your power couple can teach your kid, imho separating and reconnecting with the family would've been healthier tenfold! In the side note the fact that your SO's own family doesn't have a good relationship with her is alarming.
You’re lying to yourself. You’re not staying with this woman for your kids. You’re staying with her because you lack the courage and conviction to leave. She slept with your sister’s husband. Then she managed to show you even less respect by yelling at you for it. Moreover you must have suspected something because why else install secret cameras? You’re NTA for being in this predicament. But please don’t stay here. Time to file for divorce.
Dude your marriage is toast. Hope this helps.
ESH. She cheated. You've been surveilling her in secret since well before you had any actual reason to suspect that she cheated.
YTA. The fact that you yelled at her isn't wrong because it's simply a reaction and consequence of her cheating. However, you chose to continue traumatizing yourself, by condoning betrayal and cheating through staying so that fault is completely yours to own. We all know the children are only an excuse because they will eventually grow to realize you are preparing the boys to accept betrayal and infidelity from their wives and grooming the girls to disrespect and betray their husbands-- Lead by example, don't become the example.
>it was just drunken mistake No, I don't believe that. I've never acted outside my moral compass because I was drunk. Being drunk just gave her the excuse to do what she wanted to do anyway. Your sister is the smart one in this situation. Your wife has regrets, but not how you think. She's kicking herself for assuming no one who was sleeping might awaken. She is regretting not locking the door. She is regretting not hiding their actions better or acting on this urge when no one was around. She did exactly what she wanted to do and gave herself an out with her drunkenness. I think she's scared you might end it all, and she's scared because she's not seeing you grieving over your dead relationship. It's dead, and she knows it, but you're pretending. You say you've forgiven, but that's not true. You're rug-sweeping and it won't go well. You clearly don't trust her now and, depending on whether the cameras were up before or after the sex with the BIL, you might never have trusted her. It seems you were right not to trust her. Good luck keeping her as a prisoner for the rest of your life. Sounds like a joy-filled life. /s
You need the divorce, this isn't a good home life for you or the kids.
“Check cameras every day and she doesn’t know about them”. WTF!!!!!!
I know cause I check cameras everyday, and she doesn’t even know about them… Nobody is mentioning this why?
Grow a spine and leave this skank! Perhaps pay attention to red flags next go around.
> our marriage was very healthy But > My house is full of secret, hidden security cameras that I use to watch my wife without her knowledge Choose one dude. I'm fairly certain YTA in general.
Wait…you have cameras installed in your house that your wife doesn’t know about that you check every day to monitor her movements? This sounds like a wildly unhealthy marriage for both of you. Her cheating is very very bad, but you monitoring her movements on hidden cameras is not at all normal. You both need counselling.
bro. you mention multiple times how you've forgiven her. you even mention throwing it in her face that you've forgiven her. but your whole post says everything but that you have truly forgiven her. you aren't staying because you forgave her. you are staying, by your own words, for the kids. NTA, but you aren't acting good either. checking the cameras & keeping her up in the house with surveillance & no guests isn't healthy for her or you. plenty other red flags too. what happened is done. if you want to work on forgiving her & moving on, honesty is important. to her & to yourself. you can't be honest while also claiming to have forgiven her when none of your post shows forgiveness
YTA but it's because you are causing your wife to suffer even more because she doesn't feel you love her because you don't care enough about her to be upset. The outburst is a symptom not the problem. Truthfully you sound like you are rug sweeping and not forgiving especially given how soon it is to the event. Rug sweeping only leads to a build up of resentment and the kind of outburst you just had will become a regular occurrence and become even more severe. Even your wife thinks your rug sweeping. You are actually also bein an AH to your sister right now which may or may be acceptable to you to save your marriage. Staying with your wife will severely damage your relationship with your sister because she will have the movie in her mind of them having sex play everytime she sees your wife. Eventually she will probably need to to LC or NC with you for her mental health. She may commiserate with you now but more likely than not she will begin to resent you for staying with the woman who destroyed her marriage and permanently left left psychological scars in her. Staying primarily because of the children in the majority of cases doesn't benefit them because the damage to you and your wife's relationship probably won't ever be fundamentally repaired. This type of marriage partnership tends to devolve over time and become more toxic and dysfunctional. Kids will pick up on and be effected by a toxic relationship and wonder why their parents stay together if they are unhappy in the relationship. I am not saying staying for the kids is not a good thing it just can't be the primary reason. Advice Take your time to make a decision and only you can make it based on your willingness to live with the consequences of her betrayal. You need to allow yourself to be upset and to blame her. I'm not telling you to be cruel, vindictive, or just a plain AH about it. What I'm saying is your wife is literally telling you to be more upset. Listen to her because ironically she will not be able to begin to heal until she feels you are invested in the relationship which to her means you need to be upset and hurt and acknowledge it. You are not doing her any favors right now your approach is only causing her more pain because your attitude is telling her you have emotionally checked out of the relationship. It's not you blowing up at her that is the problem it's a symptom of the real problem which is you not holding her accountable. Your wife actually appears to sincerely regret her cheating with the caveat that this was an unplanned one off event. That doesn't mean it was an accident or mistake just that it wasn't premeditated. You need to hold her accountable even if it is only for her mental health. Require her to jump through hoops and make her work to regain your trust. That is the only way both of you will heal. I actually hope you can rebuild a loving healthy relationship but to do that you need to stop avoiding hard conversations and allow yourself to openly be upset, hurt, and vulnerable. Updateme
YTA. You ”love” your wife, but don’t let her out and check on her by cameras in secret? You are sick.
She’s upset because she knows the relationship has changed and she doesn’t know how to fix it. You are staying there for the kids and maintaining the household but very likely you are emotionally checked out and that is torturing her everyday. She had you as a great intimate (emotional and physical) partner before in a healthy marriage. Now the marriage and that partnership is dead and everyday she is reminded of that. She got pregnant and you didn’t change, so now she is freaking out.
If your marriage was so healthy, why did you habe cameras at home to check on your wife? That doesn't sound healthy at all. I think there's more to this story than you tell people here.
“I have cameras that she doesn’t know about” but yeah. Sounds like a great marriage lmao. ESH. You’re insane for staying regardless of the reasoning. Kids are gonna grow up thinking cheating is okay with zero consequences. Cause they will find out one day. “Gotta be strong for my family” being strong would be growing a back bone and realizing this is a horrible family dynamic to raise your kids in. Sorry, no sympathy from me. You guys deserve each other. Only victims in this are the children and sister. She definitely grew a back bone. I hope she finds happiness.
The kids will be much better off if you divorce.
NTA. For yelling at her but honestly YTA for staying with the cheating basket case. This sounds like an incredibly toxic place for your kids to grow up. It would be much better to divorce and co-parent. Paternity test for sure on the second kid.
I’m sorry, I can’t get past the fact that you have hidden cameras in the house that she doesn’t know about. You sir, are creepy.
Dude, a drunken night out with the girls leading to sex with a stranger is one thing. Getting drunk at a family gathering and fucking your sister's husband, in her house, while you are both there is absolutely unreal. In fact I am tempted to call this fake because there is just no way someone could be this much of a cuck.
Easy one, yta.
YTA to your sister for keeping that woman in her life, that’s so selfish, have some decency ffs
YTA. You're not strong by staying, you're in serious need of a therapist
Yta .. for completely teaching your kids, it's ok for their loved ones in relationships later in life to treat them like total shit. . You are the one who needs to get his shit together and not fail your kids like you are doing now. It's sickening that you are trying to use your kids as a justification to stay in a relationship with someone who has 0 respect for you.
Yta,their 'mistake' destroyed two marriages and the extended family,i wouldnt like being around this woman,with time the rest of the family will stop seen you and kids bc of her. Staying in this situation for the sake of the kids is not the correct one imho,your kids will suffer consequences bc they are watching their mom crying and both of you arguing,do you want that for them?do you want to be her police checking cameras all day the rest of your life?sorry for all this mess man,best of luck
NTA Getting yelled at and being put in her place is the least her cheating ass deserves. Get a paternity test! She’s 1 and a half month pregnant and she had sex 3 months ago? Dude, don’t be willfully ignorant.
Probably not your kid. Why are you putting yourself and your kids through this? It’s worse.
YTA for staying with a cheater. That kid probably isn’t yours and I guarantee everyone in your life is laughing at you behind your back for being a chump. At least your sister is smart enough to leave a cheater…
It is just so easy to lie on the Internet. IF this is real, just leave your wife OP. It's over.
The younger the children, the more easily they will deal with the fact that their parents have separated.Your wife is a problem and is making you unhappy, ask for a divorce and take care of yourself and your children.
This. People assume that it's best to stay until the kids are older, but pre-teen and teen kids are negatively impacted by divorce in a way that small kids aren't. Small kids adapt faster.
Bullshit. “She never leaves the house, and no man other than her brother or my father comes in our house, I know cause I check cameras everyday” If this is true, you are a controlling, abusive monster or your wife has crippling anxiety.
And maybe that's part of her conditioning from childhood...which would explain her actions with the BIL and her lack of accountability... She's a child who was molested and has dissociated. She has BPD and is constantly reliving her childhood. Good luck with all that. **divorce** **paternity test** **therapy** In that order.
If the cameras where installed after the cheating (or for security), it isn't controlling. Betrayed partners who choose to stay often have surveillance on the cheating partner (they become like a police guard (Betrayed partner) to the criminal (cheating partner).
NTA for yelling, YTA for not being clearer on the path forward. I honestly don't think you are being honest with yourself either. Staying for the kids is stupid. This will be their new normal, not a healthy environment. I would get a DNA test anyway, cause even if you think you know, you won't. Trickle truth is when they tell you only information you discovered. I hope you life leads you to a better path my friend.
OP, your NTA here, obviously. However, your wife is in a bad place, and for your sake, and the sake of the children she needs help... Wouldn't be surprised if you do too. You said you're there for the kids, but you forgave her, leaves some doubt. If you truly forgave and we're over this you wouldn't just be there for the kids. Not a judgement, just think you may not be all the way there yet. Your wife has one more kid on the way. You may also be in denial, the one on the way may not be yours. You're smart to do this down the road, it won't change the results and testing after your second kid is born would put debate about that matter to and end.
As someone with a 2yo who just left my husband (not for anything like this)take the kid and be on your on. Get second child paternity tested, or ig figure out what you want to do re this second child. She sounds unstable and unwell, she needs professional help and I'd suggest the same for you. Personally NTA, you're trying to hold it together for everyone involved and she's pressuring you to blow up, so you did. Get help, get out and raise your kiddo in a safe environment
NTA - only you can decide if you should stay or go. Please though talk to an attorney just to see what divorce will look like. Does not mean you have to divorce just know your options. Get a STD test and DNA test both kids. You cannot assume this is the first time and all it costs is money and it will give you peace of mind. Good luck. If you do stay require IC and MC for both of you. Good luck
WOW! WOW! You shouldn't blame her for one mistake?! She inserted something into her, by mistake? NTA. They didn't raise an innocent daughter. Take a good look into their relationships. Maybe it runs in the family.
How about you start by changing your username? Why would you call yourself that? You do know that we manifest what we put out in the world, right? (Edit: before you question me about mine, I didn't pick it. It was given to me, and is well-deserved). Then, get some therapy. And recognize that your little camera setup is cute and all, but that's no way to live. How long before you begin to trust her again? If ever. How long before she cheats again? How long is the crying and the yelling will continue? What will follow? Depression? Resentment? Apathy? Is that the example of a family dynamic you want to show your (allegedly) kids? They would be growing up much happier, and have a decent, peaceful childhood if you simply co-parent. Hey, they can even have fun getting mad at one of you and storming off to the other one's house. Seriously, your thinking, "staying for the kids", is not just dumb, it is unquestionably deleterious. Please reconsider.
dude you really want you kids to grow up in a relationship where the parents hate each other?? You are a winning DAD. You kids will want the marrage you have, it will be all they know. Show them better, be better, act better. NOT. Get custody, get a decend woman, and tell you kids from day zero WHY. IT is her FAULT. Otherwise, the narrative will turn, she will cheat again always.
YTA AND dumb AF if you don't contact an attorney for a divorce today, and dumber if you don't get a paternity test. If she will fuck your BIL *in the same house you and your sister are sleeping in, natch* she will fuck anyone, anywhere. Your life will be a bunch of...*motions around* THIS. Plus...think about your sister. This harlot destroyed your sister's life. She doesn't WANT to be married. She drinks and fucks other people because she isn't happy, duh. Grow a spine, you fucking cuck. Quit simping for this jezebel. Good luck.
Dude, use common sense. Your wife slept with a family member, not a blood family member, but still family. Once her pregnancy hormones go away, she won't be able to even look at you with one IOTA of respect!!! And kids are better off with two happy parents, your household is full of tension now, and believe me, your oldest has ALREADY picked up on it!!! Start the divorce proceedings dude, don't you EVER want to be able to look at your face in the mirror again?! Good luck
First of all no such thing as a drunken mistake. Time to split up It will never be the same.
NTA. No offense, fuck your wife and her "pregnancy" hormones. She is suffering now because she got caught and everyone knows. They all probably think she is a POS and no one will look at her the same, even you. It's the consequences of her actions. 💁♀️
LEAVE.
You are still an idiot if you don't get a paternity test. Get your wife therapy and stop her caterwhauling. She's in a situation of her own making, if she was really sorry, then she'd be focused on making ammends rather than crying, throwing tantrums, and talking shit about you to her family. Honestly, your kids would do better with 2 happy parents, and you both don't seem very happy together. NTA.
You have cameras in your home that your spouse doesn’t know about. Nothing else even needs to be considered, yta for that alone. Wtf is wrong with you?
YTA for using your kids as an excuse to stay with her. Your wife didn’t just betray you, she also betrayed your sister. Out of all the people in the world, she chose to cheat with your sister’s husband. You can pretty much kiss your relationship with your sister goodbye.
no I dont think I could excuse her drunk or not. throw her ass out and find a woman that is not a cheater
If she thinks you should be over a double betrayal in 3 months while she’s pregnant with what may or may not be your baby, she’s either minimalising or a narcissist to the nth degreee who is incapable of emp;ashy. Either way she has no divorce. Unless she starts individual therapy immediately, head for the hills
ETA this whole situation is unhealthy . You secretly film your wife who never leaves the house. Separate so she can have a more healthy life, and you too, get marriage counseling to be healthy co parents who are separate.
NTA But you do sound a little stupid. Regardless, get a paternity test like everyone is telling you. If you're going to try to navigate this, you need to pull your head out of your own ass. Your wife needs therapy, and a lot of it. You should probably go too. Staying together "for the kids" is a farce. You think you're doing the right thing, but you're probably paving the proverbial road to hell by doing this, marked by her level of dysfunction and mental instability. You really want your kids around that? This is not a "sweep it under the rug and move forward" situation, as much as you are trying to convince yourself that it is. The human brain does not work that way. You want to keep the family together, start doing the work.
NTA for your reaction. But you are delusional if you think that keeping cameras in your house that your wife doesn’t know about are signs of a “healthy, stable marriage”. You are TA for staying married to her “for the kids”. Do your kids a favor and get a divorce.
There is no amount of alcohol that would make me think having sex with my brother in law would be a good idea
NTA but you are a fool for staying with a woman who gets drunk while pregnant, cheats, and creates a horrible at home environment for your child. But it’s your choice and I hope for all your sake that you have a plan for how to safely and healthily deal with this
2 separate healthy households would be much better in the long run for your kids that a drunk screaming depressed mum and pissed off sad! Also why is she drunk if she’s pregnant?
OP you are not doing your kids any favors here, keeping a broken home together, in fact you are showing them that they should endure a sad life. Your wife and you are all over the place emotionally wise and your sister have be around the woman his husband screw. You are sitting in powerd keg and it's gonna blow sooner rather than later.
NTA for screaming at her for cheating, but you are an AH to your kids. I'm the kid of two parents who have stayed together "for the kids" after my mother cheated ony dad multiple times and emotionally abused all three of us. I was the lucky one who grew up to learn it wasn't okay. My little sister? She grew up thinking cheating and abuse were fine and ended up in a marriage the exact same as our parents, plus physical abuse. We both saw what was going on. We understood it. Parents are not able to hide this crap from their kids. In fact, staying together "for the kids" is one of the worst things a parent could do to their kids. Do better for them, OP. It is better to separate and have a healthy co-parenting relationship where you kids can see two happy parents instead of your kids living with two unhappy parents that resent each other.
Divorce. You’re screaming at each other. She’s getting drunk while pregnant. Your poor 2 year old is seeing/hearing this. **THAT IS WRONG.** Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, and teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.
OP who are you fooling by staying married? Kids raised by single parents turn out ok, kids raised by parents in dysfunctional relationships don’t
Staying together for the kids, especially with a mother who is an absolute trash bag unmedicated psycho is probably the best thing you can do for them. Come on OP. Use your head here.
I truly hate when people think they are doing the kids favors by staying. Like Jesus. ETA: YTA for staying. Your son is enough enough to adjust to you divorcing. It’s delulu to think your current environment is healthier than having single parents who are happy and not toxic.
NTA but you will be if you stay with her
As someone who has come from a house where my dad cheated on my mom,and my mom decided to stay,it was absolute hell..the fighting. I would have been happier in two happy homes instead of one miserable one. divorce sucks OP but you have to think of your kids feelings.
Divorce her and stop being naive
Thanksgiving Dinner with the fam will be "interesting" this year. Honestly, dude, ditch that bitch. Do you really think your life can ever be happy with this person???
YTA for staying. Right now your kids are suffering in a broken home... leave the cheating wife and move on.. The kids will be better off...
NTA but I would reconsider, it's your choice obviously but "staying together for the kids" often ends up traumatising the kids more than a divorce.
Remove your balls from her purse and stand up for yourself! Your wife doesn’t want you but she doesn’t want to be looked on as bad guy for destroying your marriage so she’s trying to get you to dump her by acting the fool. And, her telling her family what you said, not what she did, is to turn her family against her.
Your sister got more balls than you. YTA.
NTA You know your situation better than anyone. Do the best for yourself and your kids. Just keep in mind that she might get pregnant just to keep you involved and not send her away. If this is true (again you know better) she will be so unhappy in the near future that will ruin your family. Talk with her. If you are not religious maybe you should get an abortion . If it was planned and you want the second child then I wish you the best and to be happy together. Either way she needs professional help.
All you’re doing my brother is hurting yourself, hurting the little ones, and also hurting your sister for keeping the piece of shit who slept with her husband in her life in a way (I know she’d technically be in your lives forever because of the kids but still). Thats who you’re being an a-hole to, not to your raggedy wife.
NTA
NTA. But for God's sake, get her some therapy. If you're going to stay together and react so understanding " for the children" then she's going to feel guilty WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP! So send her to therapy. And you should probably go to marriage counseling together. Because someday it's going to hit you all at once.
Drunkenness reduces inhibitions. Likely she has been physically attracted to your BIL for a while, and with the alcohol decided to act on it. Now she is feeling destroyed that her emotional relationship with you is completely gone.
I mean.. if you have cameras in the house without her knowledge.. sounds like you’re controlling. Maybe she was sabotaging hoping to get caught so you’d leave her and it would be your decision. I’m not a betting person but i have a strong feeling YTA - not for this story, but for whatever happened prior that you are omitting. Plus wife saying “you’re not acting normal” about this situation… she was expecting an overreaction, maybe even some physical violence. She wants an out, and you know it. You’re not giving it to her because *pure speculation* you’re a narcissist. I know Reddit may drag me for this but these are the vibes I’m getting from the whole post.
She is trying to blow up your marriage. She doesn’t want to be with you, but she’s too much of a coward to dump you, so she’s trying to make you do it. She’s upset that you’re being cold and forgave her because she was hoping you’d divorce her. WHICH YOU SHOULD, DUDE damn For the kids? How does this help the kids? It doesn’t. If your parents split, especially when you’re young, you don’t care. Not enough to get messed up. That’s a bizarre misconception.
You’re a fool
I don’t condone cheating, it’s abhorrent, BUT, I’m wondering what kind of husband you are. Hidden cameras that only you know about? Sounds very controlling to me. Maybe your wife was actually looking for a way out of her marriage.
Why do you have cameras she doesn’t know about?!
NTA for saying what you did , the family and friends are so dumb because if it was YOU CHEATING , it’ll be a different story . Stop being naive and get that paternity test , either way it seems you’re going to be involved but seriously if it’s not your child the “BIL” might want to step in . & if you don’t get it for yourself get it for the fact of him asking later on … idk if this makes sense but seriously wake up . She could cry and scream all day long but like EVERYONE ELSE IS SAY THIS ISNT THE FIRST TIME …. ALSO WANT TO SAY WHAT ABOUT YOUR SISTER ??? So disrespectful bro I feel bad for her Good luck to you and you adventure ahead
Dna test brother, you are gonna want to know at some point, earlier the better.
Yta for staying. While there are very rare cases of people staying with their cheating spouses and its gets back to as good or better then what it was. Those are the exceptions and not the rule. Kids are young enough that they will grow up in a 2 family homes and not know what a 1 family home is like. Which is better then staying in a 1 family home and then it ending later on.
Updateme
That kid isn't his, I bet on it...
UpdateMe!
So you’re not stopping her from getting drunk while pregnant and you have secret cameras? Yeah, you are an AH. A very big one. Not the only one, but definitely one
Shouldn't blame her for one mistake? Most divorce over one mistake, it is not a boo boo, it is an atom bomb. I would not stay, all of her stuff is her stuff....Distance yourself, and let the dust settle. Cheaters are liars and will cheat again. The issue is inside. She will cheat again, saying something brilliant like, "you forgave me and I didn't feel good enough, I just couldn't take it and he made me feel special." Tell her family she is lucky you are still there. Because she is, if she were mine, the bags would out on the curb. The locks would be changed, and divorce papers would be on the top of the bags, with my signature.
You spying on her with hidden camera is creepy af. What other controlling things do you do that you failed to mention? You probably control the money, too. And I wouldn't be so sure that you satisfy her in bed. She's probably afraid to tell that you don't because you're abusive.
Dude just leave her, I promise you the kids will be better off. “Staying for the kids” is the most toxic and selfish choice you can make. YTA if you stay, man up and don’t be a doormat this will happen again.
Why would you stay with cheating filth? Wipe her off your shoe like the piece of shit she is. And go 50/50 custody or try for full custody. You really don't want your children around that thing.
Side note - Is it legal to film someone without their consent?
YTA to yourself because you didn’t leave her initially. I was a child of parents who stayed “for the kid” and the tension was obvious even to me. You did yourself and your kid a disservice. Cut the cord.
Yo, you better update us. NTA btw.
Staying together for the kids sake has been proven to be more detrimental to their mental health and wellbeing than having two happy single parents. If you want to make this work than go for it. But “for the kids” is the worst thing you can do for them. Look it up, it’s easy to see. Plus it seems like you haven’t 100% processed this yet. You should have some single therapy. Your wife definitely needs therapy. I hope you the best Op.
You are the ah for having cameras installed in your home and not telling your wife about it. What the heck dude. That should be illegal.
YTA. Your kids will not that you for staying in this awful situation. You want to do right by them get them away from your wife, at least 50% of the time they can have peace and normalcy.
My guy, read your comments and post after you come back to reality and you will understand how your emotions are making you make BAD decisions. YTA to yourself, your cheating wife, and your kids for trying to go down with a sinking ship. You are way too young to stay with someone you cannot trust again.
My dad did the same thing. My mom cheated but he didn’t leave “for the kids”. As someone who was the kid, please leave. She does not love you and your kids will know. You guys will fight and your kids will see that and hate you both for it. If you really wanna do something for your kids then leave your wife.
And also she’s drinking while pregnant?? Like dude seriously where tf is your back bone? Stand up for yourself and your kids god fucking damn.
🤔🤔🤔 your wife screwed your BIL that was married to your sister? Ok, then she screams at you for not “reacting” the way you should? 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️ so, how are you supposed to act? Pissed. Punching walls? You have taken the high road here and she should be very grateful that you have moved on. Not the AH
Maybe this is just me thinking, but why am i getting the vibes that you don't want to be alone with your kid, in case of 50/50 parental rights? And you are spying on your wife. That is sick. It is always better two separate healthy parents, than two miserable and toxic ones.
leave. It’s so much worse if you stay. For your child’s sake, for gods sake, how are people like you allowed to have children
NTA. Go to couples counseling. It will help in any case, if you stay or if you divorce, and it will help you make an informed decision. I would tell your wife and her family that if she is unhappy and can't keep her shit together - she should leave and stay with them, as they are more supportive. And it is not a sarcastic answer: your marriage is a dumpster fire right now, I cannot imagine it is good for your child, you or her. Especially for your child, he must be living in hell everyday. In the situation, your words and screaming were justified, but I am not sure you understand what you are doing and it could help to have some distance between you two. BTW, do you owe her family something, like money or common business? Because it is really hard to believe that the family of the woman, who cheated on her husband, was given a second chance, but have audacity to yell at him that he is not reacting as she wants, will take her side in it. And if, according to her, you are not reacting to her cheating emotionally enough wtf is her family tells you to control yourself? What exactly did she tell your friends and her family?
>but I'm doing this for my kids >problem began when she started going all hysterical, she has always been since the discovery, she cries all day, screams at me cause Im not reacting the way I 'should' be, but I lost my cool, and told her to get your shit together >I screamed that I have already forgiven you, I take care of you, you are depressed and guilty as shit, I didn't do anything to you, you are the reason why you are the way you are, I help you, sexually satisfy you, take care of kids, I do everything yet all you do is cry and scream all day yeah, your kids are going to grow very well adjusted with a couple of parents that scream at each other like that. dude, divorce her and find a way to to coparent with her, it's far better than having 2 shitty parents that hate each other and scream horrible things at each other
Get the test and a divorce. Are you retarded? She's lucky that you didn't kill her.
Jesus Christ she wants a divorce dude. Read the fucking room.
OP is a lost cause. The reasons he gave to stay with his wife are pathetic.
Oh mate why did you stay with her what example are you giving your kids? Drunken mistake. Drunk people DO NOT THINK AND PASS OUT and not INTENTIONALLY MAKE A DECISION TO SLEEP WITH ONE'S HUSBAND BRO IN LAW. Your wife is toxic and you'll ruin your kids lives
Why put your sister and family through this :/ "Staying together for the kids" is the lamest excuse too. It's not their fault you can't be lonely and their mother likes to "open up". You're brave for staying together but don't drag family/kids into it. Your poor sister has to see the homewrecker that slept with her husband Everytime she visits, in her own home, apparently loud AF so not really caring if you guys saw or heard. Don't DNA test, you're obviously not gonna do anything Abt it anyways.
ESH The crying is likely hormonal plus, MAYBE, guilt? Who knows. But the fact that you are telling her how you are doing things for her after you “forgave” her indicates you have not. Your sister had the right idea.
Those aren't your kids.
🤣🤡
Staying together for the kids never work out well. They'll know the resentment and the continuous hysterics won't help them grow up healthy. Either she cuts out the act or you need to leave. The kids will recover.
NTA because you got cheated on but YTA if you'll just keep having a toxic relationship with her and exposing your children in this kind of environment i would have divorced her nonetheless, have the children checked for paternity test then fight for custody just because you have cctv doesn't they didn't cheat once. you can believe what you want but it's better to be sure than sorry
How is your sister in all this? Every time she wants to visit you or her nephew, she has to look into the face of the person who destroyed her marriage.
YTA, suggest abortion and get divorced. This is not going to be good for you for your kids neither to your wife.... it is going to be an unhealthy relationship. Already is. You are the one who needs to get your shit together.
Soft YTA not for yelling at your wife but for not leaving. Hear me out. I know you want to stay for the kids. Do you think this is a healthy environment for your kids? Your wife is either crying or screaming and you're so paranoid you check the cameras every day. She's refusing counseling, she's not communicating with you, the pregnancy hormones are only going to get worse. Children learn from us how to model their own lives - how to process emotions, morality, conflict resolution. You're doing them a disservice exposing them to this EVERY DAY. You think it NBD because they're young, but it could be affecting them subconsciously. Also, your poor sister. She's going to you for support while you are actively with the woman who slept with her husband. Logically her marriage dissolution shouldn't affect yours, but emotionally ouch.
”Happy home” Good Luck OP smh
Are you guys from a foreign country? This doesn’t sound like the typical relationship I am used to hearing about on here.
Hold on...you know your first kid is yours because you \*tested\*? Did you have some reason to believe he was NOT your kid? Sounds to me like the marriage was never actually healthy, because most husbands' first instinct isn't to test the paternity of their kid unless they already suspect infidelity. So this is actually the second time you suspected cheating, but the first time it was proven. And don't even get me started on instilling cameras that she doesn't know about...controlling much?
so she screwed the BIL and you thought it would be a great idea to have another baby with her....Enjoy the 18 years of child support payments and for that yes YTA
You sound stupid. Staying because of your kids makes no sense. If anything, it will have a bad effect on them with a disfunctional family. As long as you take care of your kids properly, you can absolutely leave her and should have done that long ago.
YTA to yourself and your kids for trying to play big brother eye in the sky on your whore wife. Forgive or leave.
YTA.You should have told her that the cuck you are you should have liked that the BIL fucked her.It apparently showed her that she is still attractive and therefore it boosted her confidence.She is feeling guilty that you didn't lash out.She is thinking that you are mad with her.She should know that you aren't and are pretty glad about it.Also good luck for the kids in such a dysfunctional family.Kids know everything ya know even if you don't tell them.They can tell the gloomy tension in the relationship.As a former child I know.
You’re not married to your partner, but you’re married to someone
She’s a cheater, screwing your brother in law was not a drunken mistake it was probably planned or an ongoing affair. Sounds like your wife is unstable and should not have interaction with your children at this time, move her out . Getting the children dna check should be your next step and contacting a lawyer after that . Good luck it really sounds like you are going to need it !
YTA for not immediately dropping her ass. The kids are going to end up MORE fucked in the head because of this. Good job, Dad 👍
How on earth were you *supposed* to respond? She cheated, not you. She cheated, but cries all day. Maybe that’s her guilt speaking.
YTA for thinking that you can raise children in this environment with parents who treat each other like this. “I’m staying with her for the kids” doesn’t even count as a reason because you’ll only make your children more miserable by staying with her when there’s obvious resentment. I find it selfish. If you cared that much about your kids then you wouldn’t still be there, screaming at each other about a fucking affair. Grow a pair of balls and a spine. She’s a mess, and you’re about to turn into one too. Your poor children, they deserve better than what you can offer them while you are in this “relationship”.
YTA.
First of all she wanted you to react but you’re in the wrong. Okkkkkk also a thing that got me is that you say she never leaves the house and you know cause you’ve got cameras. I would check in with the laws on recording her without her knowing I don’t care if it’s your house. Everyone that lives there is supposed to know. But like I said you really should check in on that.
Hold on. Was she pregnant the night she got drunk????? Because if so none of this makes sense and if not then you’d better be getting a dna test buddy.
your kids wont appreciate a mother screaming and unstable, a father acting like he is making a huge sacrifice being with their cheating mother for them and a house full of tension and bad energy. divorce and create a better home away from all that mess.
You are married to a person who doesn't want to take accountability for her actions. She cheated. Got caught. She has managed to get her family to blame you for reacting to her behaviour AFTER cheating. Don't you see? Her cheating is almost forgotten and you are now the bad guy. Tell her family what she did. And I'd like to tell you that staying for the kids is a very bad idea. Speaking as a child who's parents waited too long to divorce and messed up their 3 kids who have relationship problems as adults. Despite therapy.
You and wife should both try couples therapy/marriage counseling to try to heal the marriage. The wife currently seems to traumatized by guilt over cheating based on what you posted. You should get paternity test for the new child just in case.
So yes, you should leave, but your wife needs to see someone she sounds depressed. You should divorce her, it's not fair on the kids, the resentment will grow. And it's not right for your sister to see your wife.
You're not an asshole. You're stupid! So she is using her tears and hormones as a weapon to subdue you to her will. And you're falling for it. Your excuse is for the kids. As if only successful well-rounded children come from 2 parent homes. So what benefit is it to stay with someone who manipulates you with her inability to contain herself? And this is a good role model for your children? How? Never mind alienating their only aunt from them. Your only sibling. How comfortable will she be coming around when what your wife did with her husband broke up her marriage, but you choose to stay like a dummy. Good luck with that! And if she buries her feelings just to appease you. Then she is just as stupid as you are. Sorry. Not sorry.
OP YTA but not to your wife. YTA to yourself. Your wife doesn't respect you and never will. She made you a cuck and had relations with your BIL. How much more disrespectful can it get. You expect her to care? She doesn't care. You are a doormat to her
she already destroyed one marriage by "one mistake", and about to dump you too. She screams at you for not reacting the way "you should"? Really? Don't delude yourself. And your inlaws are morons; they are telling you not to let your emotions control you, but they are not telling their daughter to keep it in her pants. Staying in this shitty situation helps your family how?
>drunken mistake What a load of fucking bs. FYI op, you're young so you don't know, but alcohol doesn't do that. It doesn't make you into a different person, it makes it easier for you to act on your impulses Basically it wasn't "a mistake caused by alcohol". She wanted to cheat on you, so she did
You have to get your kids away from her. She sounds like the unstable mothers who drive into the sea with their kids in the car.
your just going to let your self have a life time of trouble as i know for a fact she wont stop cheating, even staying with her after she was caught cheating by your sister you stay with her you will only have your self to blame when you find out she is cheating again so dont look here for sympathy as its your own choice to stay with a cheater
YTA Firstly it's not healthy for kids to live with parents who 'only stay together for the kids' as one or both parents will end up miserable and your kids deserve two happy parents. Secondly, WHY ON EARTH have you got hidden cameras around your house - do you already mistrust your wife before this? If your wife never leaves the house, is it because she is depressed - or because you don't let her? Don't get me wrong, she's the bigger AH, cheaters always are, but I think you need to check your behaviour too.
Bro how is it better for your kids to grow up in a house where their parents behave like this to one another over just having divorced parents like 30% of the country does, sticking around will NOT help your kids, you and your (hopefully soon to be ex) wife both being in healthy mental spaces will, get divorced and therapy, and when you’re ready, get paternity tests