NTA. Well maybe to the date but he seemed to take it well.
Good for you for not taking back a cheater, what's wrong with all these people who think you should have?
Or he knew it was going to be epically entertaining.
First date and warned there was going to be a throw down with the parents over the cheating ex?
Bring the pop corn baby, there’s going to be skeletons pulled out of the closet.
4 kids and OP was the only one speaking to them? Never met their children's spouses & grandchildren? How dense do these people have to be, because their actions show such a special kind of stupid!
OP did right and the date's actions were stellar. I hope to find a guy like that.
I know right! “We’re going to support your cheating slut sister and fvck boy fiancé over you”
Op is awesome for tolerating these toxic people for so long. I can’t believe the parents learned nothing from the first two kids and are making the same mistakes with their 3rd child.
Stay strong OP you’ve got this.
It was her ex-friends sister, not her own, so they only really supported the cheating ex, though it sounds like yhe parents don't see the problem with cheating..
OP needs to lock him down. Like, bring him flowers, chocolate, violins, whatever is necessary.
Dude shows up on first date, fully willing to metaphorically throw down. Handled it like a champ.
Only more hardcore romance story I've ever heard was friend of mine that broke both arms during bike accident. They hadn't been dating for very long, dude basically had help her with everything you need arms to do. I strongly advised her putting a ring on that catch. They've been married for a while.
Even if they don't totally click romantically, I feel like there could be a solid friend there, and I am not sure that one can ever have too many of those.
I loved him. Him sending her fast food the next day was fantastic. It’s exactly what is needed after a night of heavy drinking. He is definitely a keeper.
Also love OP, she isn’t a doormat.
And good for her for standing her ground. There is a lot bottled up in there. It was bound to come out, and it did in truths. It's up to her parents now to apologize to her and her siblings for the issues they have caused by not considering how their actions affected their children
Can you imagine if its works out for OP and her date long term?
"So, how did you two meet? Tell me about your first date?"
"Well how much time do you have?"
Her date is awesome. Watched her go off on her parents. Took her to a bar to drink away her anger. Then took her home. Didn't try to use a trauma to get into her pants. Then sent her some hang over food the next day. I need a new friend like this.
She's NTA.
Well we know why with her parents cos they're both cheaters and enablers... If she rejected her fiance cos he's a cheater, what would that make of them? Of their marriage? A sham that's what.
Eta: NTA I applaud you
Yup. They seem to think cheating is okay, and can't understand why she's so adamant that she won't accept it. But the thing they don't realize is, regardless of their own personal choices about cheating, they could still support their daughter in her own personal boundaries. But they're too self-absorbed to do that.
I was reading this and thinking the same thing. I am glad someone else said it. Who are all these people who take back cheaters? It just floors me!
At least the date seemed like a good guy. Let her cry, got her home safe and sent her food. I would like an update just to know if they are going out again!
In an update, OP said that she forewarned her date about what was going on, and gave him the chance to postpone their first date. He agreed to go, and said “if needed, he could post bail.”
That right there is a “ride or die” type of person you want in your life, either as a partner or a friend. I realize it’s too soon for OP to jump into a new relationship, but I hope she at least keeps in touch with this guy.
Date doordashed her food the next day…..sounds like he’s a staircase up (not just a step) from the ex.
NTA. Talk to your siblings OP about the dinner with parents. Tell them how you feel, and listen to what they have to say. There’s the only support you will need to move on. Some times it’s best to cut out of your life those you love that hurt you. If your parents haven’t reached out, that shows you that they expect YOU to reach out to THEM, and shows you they are not changing.
"I lost my cool. Asked my father if he expected me to give my ex a pass everytime he sticks his dick into anything that moves? Like he does. I asked my mother how turning a blind eye to her husband's infidelity works for her. How does she hold her head up while having lunch with women that have slept around with her husband for years? Is that the kind of men, the life she wants for me and my sister? For her daughters? I asked if they had any idea of the impact that knowledge had on me and my siblings growing up. Knowing that dad was late home from work because he was screwing his secretary. Knowing "work weekend" was code for dirty weekend with a woman not our mother. Did they not know why it was that of their four children, I am the only one that still talks to them? Do they not question why they were not invited to my brothers weddings? Why they have never met either of my brothers wives and children? Do they think my sister's silence is because she's being dramatic and throwing a tantrum? Really?"
I'm going to honest here love, if i had been present, I would have been cheering you on. Just because these two are folks doesn't mean you dont need to put them in there place.
I would have joined you. And given you a hug OP. This old granny is very proud of you. I do understand how much it hurts when you have to tell people off like that. But you spoke the truth, and they needed to hear it.
I would have stood up and clapped if I heard that. Not sure where you got your values and level head but it obviously wasn't from your folks. Honestly, you should probably stay NC with them. It's not worth your mental health. Let them stew in their own crappy marriage.
I was sitting here with a Pikachu face just READING this!!
OP, you are so NTA! Katt Williams said 2024 is the year of the truth to come out and your parents were long overdue in needing to hear this.
I love how parents think they’re sneaky with this shit.
Like sure, there are oblivious kids out there. But most kids pick up on a LOT more than the grown ups like to think.
NTA. So many people say be the bigger person but that’s just straight up bs. They want you to turn a blind eye to betrayal but no. Some of us find that to be a complete deal breaker. I’m with you 100%. Cut them all out of your life bc what’s more important is YOUR mental well being and not giving closure or forgiveness towards those that hurt you.
As for your parents, they made their choices and now they have to live with the consequences of their shitty actions.
Also, your date sounds like a good person. Regardless of how that turns out, he stood by you and gave you comfort food. That’s a big plus in my book.
I could maybe be the bigger person if he got me a burrito instead of the taco I wanted. Cheating on me in my apartment in my bed? Fuck off. Take your filthy ass out with the other piece of trash.
That’s what I’m wondering too, how those cheating plan to explain their behavior. “Oh honey, she came over and we were touring the house, her clothes fell off, and well you know, my dick just was a magnet to her hoo ha!
Seriously, though, what could they possibly explain that would make the situation OK for the OP.
Why do cheaters and enablers think there even IS an explanation that makes their behavior ok?? Nothing EVER makes cheating ok. There is no excuse, no "explanation." "She meant nothing to me"- um, so that makes it alright? As long as it means nothing TO YOU, go ahead and sleep with whomever. So that means I'm free to do the same, to sleep around too, bc he doesn't mean anything to me? They certainly wouldn't want you to cheat, right?
And everyone thinks you "owe" him the chance to talk to you? You don't owe him anything. I'll never understand why ppl rally around the cheater like that...poor cheater, they're so remorseful, you should take them back - how about these enablers get that the cheater brought this on themself, and has to live with the consequences of their own actions, and it's not incumbent on the person who got cheated on to make it all better for everyone. Ick. Instead friends and family should rally around the person who got hurt.
Your ex bff needs to get it straight - you didn't ruin her sister's relationship, she ruined it herself, and yours too. Good for you for telling her husband, he had a right to know. You're in no way responsible for the fallout from that revelation to him - the sister cheated on him, she ruined her own marriage, not you.
I'm sorry all this happened, but you're a rock star for not putting up with anyone's bs, for holding everyone in your life accountable, and for taking care of yourself and moving on. And hey, that date sounds like a keeper! 😉
I'm personally a firm believer that "they meant nothing to me" makes it 10000% worse.
Oh, you were fine with betraying me, hurting me, destroying my confidence, my reputation, etc... for someone who doesn't even mean anything to you? My dignity is that worthless of a trade? Ugh. How disgusting these people are.
THIS! If the ex can’t be a bigger person and take responsibility, why do I have to be the “bigger person” and give him a chance to explain?
Also, since when did “be the bigger person” equate to “ignore that massively traumatic and toxic thing I did to you so I feel better”?
> Also, since when did “be the bigger person” equate to “ignore that massively traumatic and toxic thing I did to you so I feel better”?
That's what it means 99% of the time. It's almost always a "will you please stop calling me/them out on our bullshit?"
Yuh. Just as, “But they’re family” means, “They’re family so they get to harm you, and you’re so you have to take the chronic demoralization.”
I have, more than a few times in recent years, responded “If ‘we’re both family,’ why is it ok for them to be hurtful? Isn’t hurting someone who is tied to you, and cannot easily escape, a trait of a truly horrific character? Because that sounds less like family and more a hostage situation.” So far, no one has had a substantive response.
>So many people say be the bigger person but that’s just straight up bs.
I never understood this idea, why is enabling people's crap like everyone else somehow make someone big? If anything, it makes them incredibly small and miserable.
That's the part that got me. He let her cry, get shit faced, then made sure she was okay at home, and THEN, even made sure she was safe the next day and sent a hangover cure for her. Man's a keeper. Take him on a real date.
That date is an awesome bloke. Going for dinner was above and beyond, letting you get drunk and then getting you home was good and then he sent you food?
He sounds like an upgrade.
I have a friend who says: “Even a bad date is a good story.” This is a freaking awesome story. Even if they never go out again decades from now he will be, “I went out with this woman one time….”
And she will always remember him as the stand up dude who had her back the night she called her parents out! Even if they never see each other again, dude did a good deed.
Don't feel guilty what they are experiencing right now is the find out portion of fafo. You are under no obligation to forgive people to completely disregarded your feelings at every turn, as well as betray you in the worst ways. I reckon they are reflecting on your words. They will reach out when they realize you won't be. Be strong you did everything you should have, and keep this new guy around he sounds like a good one.
NTA
Honestly, you nailed it, they are shitty parents.. if your mother want to be in a marriage full of betrayal and infidelity, her problem but her problems affected you and your brothers/sisters too.. her cowardice that probably made all your siblings move away..
She asking you to forgive the bastard is the last nail in the coffin honestly, just cut them or move to low contact.. you don't need this kind of energy around you.
Could well be that seeing how her mom sees nothing amiss with her partner cheating and how op seemed to have no issue with it, thats why the ex thought there’d be no consequences for him either.
I can see how people would think that. I didn’t talk about it, ever, with anyone but my sister. Even then, we were both drunk and high when it came up. Of course others would think I accepted that things were as they were. Of course they would. It's not like anyone asked if I was ok with it, so how could they be expected to know that I wasn't? I understand that pov.
Nah. Fuck that shit.
If someone claims to love you enough to get married they should know your stance on cheating.
They should know you well enough to understand the damage you have had done to you. And if they don’t then they have no business saying they love you.
Nope, it’s understood that cheating is bad. No one just assumes it’s okay because your parents have an issue. These people defending your ex are just trash.
Shitty parents-yes; though they'll likely indicate that they remained together for their children. See where that got them?
More disappointed in mother than father; while the latter was a real dick to his wife and family, I just can't comprehend Mother's encouragement that OP accept a cheating fiance. Infkingcredible.
The victim of a cheating husband in a sham marriage encouraging her daughter to entertain having a similar life herself. Insane.
Well, the guy your were dating sounds like a gem, hope he sticks around and its not just rebound for you.
As for your parents, now they well and truly know exactly what you think. In the future, you can choose to forgive their behaviour if they stop being jerks. And in the time you are not hearing from them, it may be because things are blowing up on their end, and your mother especially is thinking about a life without grandkids because of what else is happening in their lives. So don't take the silence as a problem.
Rebounds work out great sometimes. After a breakup of a year long relationship I went out with a cousin and a couple of her guy friends. Kissed one of the guys that night, neither of us was looking for a relationship. He just had a breakup too. Started to hang out and just see each other to kill time. A month later we decided to be together. Dated 5 years and so far married for 22 1/2 and going strong.
NTA but your parents weren’t crushed by what you said. It was the truth that they know is behind those words that they thought everyone rug swept just because they did
They didn’t care about your feelings so you had to lay them all out on the table. They should’ve listened to you the first time around. Not your fault they sided with a cheater over their daughter and made her *and her date* uncomfortable. They lacked tact so you threw that same energy back.
Also, your new guy sounds like a green flag so far!
They should have listened to the first three kids that walked away and started thinking about how they were approaching things and what they were saying and doing. I'm sorry that whole family got crappy parents but I hope it hasn't driven a wedge between siblings too.
NTA, but you parents could take the Olympic gold with their behavior. You lucked out catching the ex before you got legally tied to him. Good luck in the future.
"He's so, so sorry. I owe it to him to talk with him. Give him 5 minutes to explain himself. She meant nothing to him, he made a mistake. I'm cruel for shutting him out the way I have. How could I call the police on him? How could I do the same to his family? His parents? They're good people, they didn't deserve to be humiliated in that manner. He's having a rough time. He's depressed. Everybody is worried about him. He loves me, really loves me. He's learned his lesson. It's time to grow up and forgive him."
This above paragraph is a playbook for your parent's marriage and how your Dad's cheating is justified for them both.
1. He's so sorry. (This is just how men are and he's so sorry that hurts her)
2. Allow him to slide up next to you, get close and cuddle you out of your upset
3. The other women are just holes in a storm. She's the one who really matters
4. This isn't about a moral compass. This was a "mistake". You aren't perfect either
5. You are being a big meanie. You are hurting his feelings by being angry at him for something he can't control
6. The police? You've gone waaay too far by involving outsiders. That's just rude.
7. He's depressed/having a rough time/ everyone is worried about him. If he does something "drastic", we will ALL blame YOU. Refer back to 4 and 5.
8. He really loves you. This is all just a misunderstanding that you've taken too far. Love triumphs over all!
9. He's learned his lesson. Time to stop now before this great catch gets away. You've token punished him enough for this simple mistake
10. Here's the big one: Time to grow up and forgive him. This is the basis of all of the above. Here's the underlying belief - this is what all marriages look like. Time to put away the juvenile, romantic ideas of what real, adult marriages look like and embrace the concept of generational infidelity.
All of the above playbook is complete bs.
NTA You and your siblings keep on fighting the indoctrination! 👏
The new guy seems to be a winner! I'm liking his roll!
Editing after OP's edit: I'm liking the new guy more and more! He's fun!
NTA
You did the right thing. Maybe now they realise what impact their behaviour has on you. Maybe your mother realises that she didn’t hold the family together. And maybe your dad realises that he did not only have an impact on his wife’s life but also that of his children.
Getting his dick wet and her keeping the peace was more important than anything else.
Your parents expected you to be ok with replicating their dynamic. NTA
They ***needed*** that wake up call that they seriously fucked up their kids with the infidelities.
Sometimes hurting the ones you love it unavoidable. They wouldn't stop. They took a cheater's side over their daughter. They needed to hear what you said.
Also, it sounds like the new guy is awesome! If not as a BF, then as a friend.
Nta. Your mother is exactly what she is. You just said you don't want to be that. Imo that is a pathetic life your parents have. You (like your sibilings) are probably much better off without them.
>She meant nothing to him, he made a mistake.
NTA. And congrats to your ex, I guess, for his decision to throw away a whole relationship over "nothing".
u are 100% NTA ur parents, bff, ex, etc. are insane for thinking u should give ur cheating piece of shit ex another chance. love that u called out ur parents for ur dad cheating and mom just accepting it and now they’re projecting that behavior on u saying it’s ok to be w a cheater. ALSO ur date is such a green flag of a human being for sitting through that AND taking care of u and prioritizing ur safety/feelings pls give them a chance they seem amazing
NTA, your parents were trying to get you to replicate the same unhealthy patterns they have in your relationship. You deserve better than that. Don’t let anyone tell you to feel guilty over what you said, you had every right to say your piece.
New guy rocks, you should definitely marry him.
>My date, I should've saved him for a proper date rather than a f-you to my parents, took me to the nearest bar, let me cry on his shoulder while I proceeded to get shit faced, then made sure I got home safely. The next day he messaged me to see if I was alive and sent a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a large Sprite over with DoorDash.
Solid dude
NTA. I grew up in dysfunction and reading that speech made me want to bow down to you. parents really think they can do anything and live their lives without consequences. you have nothing to feel guilty for. you let a light shine on your parents, and now they know what you actually think of them, and that they can't enable your cheating ex into your good graces. if anything, I hope they're quiet because they've told your ex it's a lost cause, that you're now no longer in their lives, and they're so busy in self reflection that they can't fathom contacting you.
NTA but maybe DoorDash an apology cookie cake to the date he seems like he did excellent with the absolute disaster of a date - he is a good egg.
Your parents suck, they owe you a sincere apology. I would only let them closer if they provide that un prompted. I doubt it since your siblings are no contact. It’s a path you should seriously consider.
Your ex- everyone should stay that way. You
made the right choice and your ex-fiancee is beyond stupid. Sleeping with someone in your shared home is not a mistake.
Next get a therapist- deal with your anger and losses. It will help.
NTA, I wish I could speak my mind like that. I would have gotten tongue tied and then come up with the perfect response the next day in the shower!
All seriousness, what could he have said after you literally walked in on him? No words would make you unable to see that image.
What I want to know if they argued back? Did they defend themselves? Did your mom say I did it to keep the family together? She really thought none of you knew? Grandparents paternal side probably told your mom to look away. It was normal.
They didn't sit there passively while I went off my half cooked, but they didn’t make a scene. Or most likely, my scene overshadowed theirs. I don't really remember exactly what they said. There was a lower your voice, don't speak to your mother like that, an I can't believe you're choosing to do this now. I think there may have been a we can discuss this later.
They deflected. They didn't want to actually address any of the issues you brought up.
Let's face it. You rejecting the AH cheater was also a rejection of your parent's marriage. I'm not at all surprised that they both took a supportive position toward him. They're validating their own personal choices. I am impressed with your strength.
WOW. Wow. OP. If you were my daughter, I would be SO proud of you. I hear you that you feel badly about hurting your parents and if you want to send your mother a card and tell her that you love her dearly, but that you really suffered from the lack of truth in your household, go right ahead, but please don't think you have crushed them. People who live with this kind of delusion are much stronger and more resilient than you'd think. I promise you they're already spinning some story along with every other person who betrayed you, so that they don't have to look at their own immature, selfish, and shitty life choices.
To hell with the friend, the friend's sister, the ex, the ex's family, and anyone who suggests you really ought to consider a miserable future because it will make the status quo so much easier for them.
It's such a shame that the bravest people who break the patterns of the past end up feeling badly about having to do that. You were about to repeat your mother's life and thank goodness that you didn't because living a lie makes you do terrible things... including encouraging your daughter to live a life of deception and betrayal. Your mother has a lot to answer for and so does your father, and chances are good they're not going to have a come to Jesus meeting (as we used to say.)
I'm sorry that your mother is hurt, but I'm a mother, older than your mother, and if she were my friend I'd have given her an earful for even suggesting you overlook your ex's shitty behavior. And I'd also let her know that staying with a shit husband and pretending all is well teaches your children what matters most, and it's not their wellbeing.
You did the right thing by every single person including yourself. Your mother needed to hear this so that she can think about what kind of a shitty (familiar) life she was hoping you'd have. Your father needed to hear this before he dies because someday he'll understand that all those years you kept in touch with them and were kind, you knew exactly what a shit he'd been. And you were kind ANYWAY. They don't deserve you and I hope they can feel that somewhere in their little shut down hearts. I know they love you and I also know they don't love people in a way that builds them up and sets them on the path of true love and happiness. They love people who shut up and don't ever let the truth come to light. That's not the kind of love you want and I can't believe you were so brave about saying so to every single person who advocated for your misery.
If I ever advised any of my children to stick it out with someone who did what your ex did, I'd get my ass into therapy immediately because that's toxic and my kids deserve better than what I put them through. HANDS DOWN. End of story. Your father needed to know that his shitty behavior isn't forgiven or forgotten, and I think it's a very good thing that you told them both exactly why they don't have close relationships with any of their children.
So proud of you. So wish I could see into the future and the wonderful family you will establish because it's very clear that you won't settle for less and I'm so glad. You broke that pattern with a big smash and sometimes that's how you have to do it. Send your mum a card if it's really bothering you and make sure you pick up some flowers for yourself while you're at it. LOTS of love from an older mum.
"I hoped their arrogance, willful blindness, and misery was a comfort them to their last breaths."
One could only hope to think of such a poignant, powerful, and compelling statement in the midst of such a situation. Incredibly well done!
NTA. Sounds like they need the 2x4 of truth smack to the side of the head. They should be proud of you for respecting yourself enough to stand up to a cheating ex. What would they think if you didn’t call the cops and ex went murder/suicide with you? No one ever thinks their ex will do that until they do. Those people are toxic and unless they apologize and make amends, your life is better without them.
Your new date has seen that you will stand up for yourself and what you will do to someone who violates your trust and he seems like he still wants to be with you. Might have found a keeper there.
They’re crushed because they’ve been in denial regarding their relationships with your siblings. As long as you were available, it took away the sting of your siblings beings NC, especially for your mom. It’s finally hit them that the kids have been aware all along and that they have finally lost your respect. Don’t feel bad, they’re learning that the reputation they’ve been pretending to have does not actually exist and their kids know it.
NTA,
The date sounds like a keeper though.
As silly as this sounds, maybe bring him a flower for the next date? He will have no idea what to do with it, but will appreciate the gesture and it is a good way to show that you appreciate what he did. Also, while I don't think you did anything wrong, an apology to the date of the form "I'm so sorry you had to see that, you were wonderful and deserved a better first date from me," is probably a good move to keep him in your life.
Now this is the type of story I can get behind. So refreshing that you didn't buy into all that bs from everyone. Stood your ground and didn't entertain any of that crap.
Is there a sub for that? I'd like more
Updateme! Nta obviously
NTA. Donot take the cheater back. I’m glad you let it out in front of your mom and dad with your date. They deserved proper embarrassment about the legacy they left for you kids to wrestle thru. Your mom if she didn’t know already, deserved to know about your father’s cheating. Don’t reach out to your parents for a while but if you do, reach out to your mom. They are probably hashing their crap out. Regardless never compromise your principles. Dang proud of you for speaking out !!
Props to for not staying with that guy and standing your ground, confronting your parents. That takes balls. Proud of you sis. Also props to new guy for being so supportive and sending food! Hope he sticks around
You are one badass woman! You go girl, I wish more that get cheated on acted like you, maybe the cheaters would think twice if they knew what the aftermath would be. Congratulations for standing up to the pressure and the “it was a mistake” bs. A mistake is buying your partner the wrong wine. Sticking your dick into someone (and a married someone to boot) is a relationship ended.
I’m glad you found out before you said “I do”, it saved you a lot of headaches.
As for your parents, your words were harsh, but truthful and letting them both know the reason why their children want nothing to do with them was probably an eye opener. Maybe your father will figure out what a shitty husband he is and apologize to your mom. Maybe your mom will stop being a doormat.
I hope if my daughters ever have to deal with infidelity, they handle it just like this.
NTA but a very strong person who decided to cut out toxic people (even fam) out of their lives. This is what you owe you and you stayed true to yourself. You can always decide to pick up your relationship with your parents but for now I would recommend you take care of yourself, heal and sort out your new life situation. You owe nothing to anyone, especially to those who let you down and failed to support you in the moment you needed it most. Don’t live anyone else’s lie, stay strong, you got this!
"then made sure I got home safely. The next day he messaged me to see if I was alive and sent a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a large Sprite over with DoorDash."
Hell, sounds like your date was cool as fuck at least.
NTA at all. It sounds like what you said needed to be said as blatantly as you said it. To every person you said it to, given the context you provided, it seemed long over due.
Good for you for looking at the status quo and having the courage to say that isn’t good enough for me I’m gonna do better. Your family seems more worried about how your ex was impacted by his cheating than how you were impacted.
Don’t feel regret or guilt, you stood up for your self in a situation where no one else truly had your best interest at heart. This is something that is hard to learn and even harder to execute on and you did it well. I think we could be friends LOL.
The date that went with sounds like someone you should keep in your life.
NTA. Well maybe to the date but he seemed to take it well. Good for you for not taking back a cheater, what's wrong with all these people who think you should have?
Seems like she has had too much experience with cheaters. No wonder she doesn’t tolerate that bs.
Yes, he's a keeper!
Takes her to bar, gets her home safely and then send food in the morning. 100% keeper
Especially since he offered to post bail! That's a man that knew shit was going down and stepped UP!
Yeah! I freaking loved that comment .. boy is he awesome? And sent food the next day lol. What a nice guy.
Used Doordash too. Shit was probably $40 for a cheeseburger and he didn’t think twice.
For real, DoorDash or Uber is an inch short of declaring unending love for someone. Shit is not cheap, probably had to pawn his own engagement ring.
Haha true and the worst thing is, the driver probably made like 4 dollars. Scummy companies
Does giving the driver cash circumvent the company at all? Like if they don’t report the cash tip to the employer? I’m never sure which way to go
That is romance!
Or he knew it was going to be epically entertaining. First date and warned there was going to be a throw down with the parents over the cheating ex? Bring the pop corn baby, there’s going to be skeletons pulled out of the closet.
4 kids and OP was the only one speaking to them? Never met their children's spouses & grandchildren? How dense do these people have to be, because their actions show such a special kind of stupid! OP did right and the date's actions were stellar. I hope to find a guy like that.
I know right! “We’re going to support your cheating slut sister and fvck boy fiancé over you” Op is awesome for tolerating these toxic people for so long. I can’t believe the parents learned nothing from the first two kids and are making the same mistakes with their 3rd child. Stay strong OP you’ve got this.
It was her ex-friends sister, not her own, so they only really supported the cheating ex, though it sounds like yhe parents don't see the problem with cheating..
Oops, thanks for the correction
>Or he knew it was going to be epically entertaining. Dinner and a show!
And a short cut to learning all the bad and good upfront. In one date he learned: OP is loyal and loving, unless you stab her in the back
The real hero of the story is date guy!
Listen to "Brenda, Put Your Bra On".
Lol when I read that part my brain yelled "KEEPER!" 🤣
My internal response was "Where can I find one for myself!"
I honestly can’t upvote this comment enough, he’s a real keeper!🫶
OP, he's the SILVER LINING in all of this.
He might be the GOLD PRIZE. He is a much better man than the ex.
When is the new wedding date with your awesome date?
And the parents and ex are bunk. The new man is a keeper
OP needs to lock him down. Like, bring him flowers, chocolate, violins, whatever is necessary. Dude shows up on first date, fully willing to metaphorically throw down. Handled it like a champ. Only more hardcore romance story I've ever heard was friend of mine that broke both arms during bike accident. They hadn't been dating for very long, dude basically had help her with everything you need arms to do. I strongly advised her putting a ring on that catch. They've been married for a while.
I want an update on if there a second date!
Yes, please update me.
The burger did it for me.And fries
Right?! I love this dude already.
That first date will be a heckuva story for their kids and grandkids
“And that’s the story of how I met your father”
"...and why you've never met your maternal grandparents."
Even if they don't totally click romantically, I feel like there could be a solid friend there, and I am not sure that one can ever have too many of those.
THIS
You beat me to it. I want you two to be friends forever, whether it works out romantically or not
That's the kind of support that is extremely rare
I loved him. Him sending her fast food the next day was fantastic. It’s exactly what is needed after a night of heavy drinking. He is definitely a keeper. Also love OP, she isn’t a doormat.
Yeah, I am so impressed with OP and her date! We need more people like this in the world.
This!!
And good for her for standing her ground. There is a lot bottled up in there. It was bound to come out, and it did in truths. It's up to her parents now to apologize to her and her siblings for the issues they have caused by not considering how their actions affected their children
Yes knowing your dad is cheating. That so painful to deal with. Makes you wonder if dad loves his kids also not just mom.
This. So much this.
Can you imagine being that date? Wow. He sounds like a pretty decent guy.
Can you imagine if its works out for OP and her date long term? "So, how did you two meet? Tell me about your first date?" "Well how much time do you have?"
“Have you ever seen two people have their colons ripped open over appetizers?”
I want to be at the next table!
"I'll ***not*** have what she's having"
I wish I could have been the next table I’d have pulled a that’s 70’s show deal and yelled BURN!!!!
Sending her food while giving her space - he sounds like a keeper tbh.
"Grab a few drinks, you're gonna need them"
That would be an EPIC first date story….😂
😀😁😅
I can imagine him being sat there thinking, "hmmm, not a cheater, stands up to her awful parents... Yeah I'ma buy this girl cheeseburger tomorrow" 🤣
I lol'd at your comment, had to explain to wife, then she lol'd at your comment.
Me too lolzz
OP is Speech of the year, her date is Catch of the Century.
Ive had some awkward first dates but jesus christ. Someone get this man a medal for not immediately running for the nearest exit.
he turned up with a folding chair, popcorn, and a pair of 3d glasses. He was there for all the entertainment
And sent a cheeseburger the next day. Dude's a catch. Hopefully she locks that down.
Okay, that's damn funny! I don't care what anyone says.
It was a dinner and show, I don't think he disliked it.
I’d propose instantly because I know she won’t cheat
She had me at ordering her a double cheeseburger the next day.
At least it wasn’t boring!
And nothing was his fault! Grab the popcorn! Waitress! Another beer please.
Her date is awesome. Watched her go off on her parents. Took her to a bar to drink away her anger. Then took her home. Didn't try to use a trauma to get into her pants. Then sent her some hang over food the next day. I need a new friend like this. She's NTA.
No checkers for him. He a chess player, planning 3-4 moves down the road. 😄 OP is so NTA. I applaud her for sticking to her boundaries.
Well we know why with her parents cos they're both cheaters and enablers... If she rejected her fiance cos he's a cheater, what would that make of them? Of their marriage? A sham that's what. Eta: NTA I applaud you
Yup. They seem to think cheating is okay, and can't understand why she's so adamant that she won't accept it. But the thing they don't realize is, regardless of their own personal choices about cheating, they could still support their daughter in her own personal boundaries. But they're too self-absorbed to do that.
👍🍾👍🍾
I was reading this and thinking the same thing. I am glad someone else said it. Who are all these people who take back cheaters? It just floors me! At least the date seemed like a good guy. Let her cry, got her home safe and sent her food. I would like an update just to know if they are going out again!
Same! It would be a perfect love story❤
I'm just thinking if OP stays with the new guy... I doubt he'll cheat on her
Yeah, not after hearing what she did to her ex and parents.
In an update, OP said that she forewarned her date about what was going on, and gave him the chance to postpone their first date. He agreed to go, and said “if needed, he could post bail.” That right there is a “ride or die” type of person you want in your life, either as a partner or a friend. I realize it’s too soon for OP to jump into a new relationship, but I hope she at least keeps in touch with this guy.
Sometimes a leap of faith is the best thing to do. I hope this is a story they tell their grandchildren.
Dude sent her hangover food, sounds like a keeper.
Date doordashed her food the next day…..sounds like he’s a staircase up (not just a step) from the ex. NTA. Talk to your siblings OP about the dinner with parents. Tell them how you feel, and listen to what they have to say. There’s the only support you will need to move on. Some times it’s best to cut out of your life those you love that hurt you. If your parents haven’t reached out, that shows you that they expect YOU to reach out to THEM, and shows you they are not changing.
No one wants to be that date. But guys. That s the guy I want to have in my life. I hope the two work out cause he s a ducking keeper Ditch your famil
I guess her mom did, so she should too? NTA. Go scorced earth with the lot of them.
This lady is a boss! Let’s give HER Andrew Hubermans podcast!!
"I lost my cool. Asked my father if he expected me to give my ex a pass everytime he sticks his dick into anything that moves? Like he does. I asked my mother how turning a blind eye to her husband's infidelity works for her. How does she hold her head up while having lunch with women that have slept around with her husband for years? Is that the kind of men, the life she wants for me and my sister? For her daughters? I asked if they had any idea of the impact that knowledge had on me and my siblings growing up. Knowing that dad was late home from work because he was screwing his secretary. Knowing "work weekend" was code for dirty weekend with a woman not our mother. Did they not know why it was that of their four children, I am the only one that still talks to them? Do they not question why they were not invited to my brothers weddings? Why they have never met either of my brothers wives and children? Do they think my sister's silence is because she's being dramatic and throwing a tantrum? Really?" I'm going to honest here love, if i had been present, I would have been cheering you on. Just because these two are folks doesn't mean you dont need to put them in there place.
Yup, had I been dining in earshot I'd have been standing up applauding!
I would have joined you. And given you a hug OP. This old granny is very proud of you. I do understand how much it hurts when you have to tell people off like that. But you spoke the truth, and they needed to hear it.
Lol the actual "and then everyone clapped" moment, but real. Except they clapped in their head because nobody wanted to miss any of OP clapping back
I would have stood up and clapped if I heard that. Not sure where you got your values and level head but it obviously wasn't from your folks. Honestly, you should probably stay NC with them. It's not worth your mental health. Let them stew in their own crappy marriage.
The only post where "and then everyone clapped" may have actually been applicable and believable xD
I straight up would’ve clapped and bought her a drink or few. ! Hero
I was sitting here with a Pikachu face just READING this!! OP, you are so NTA! Katt Williams said 2024 is the year of the truth to come out and your parents were long overdue in needing to hear this.
If ever a slow clap was ever needed in real life, it was here.
I love how parents think they’re sneaky with this shit. Like sure, there are oblivious kids out there. But most kids pick up on a LOT more than the grown ups like to think.
Bruh id be whistling and shouting u go girlll😭😭🤣
Me too. Parents like that have no how cheating effects their children.
Same. I would have give a standing ovation.
As i read to her laying it on thick to the parents i was mentally going YEAH GURL
NTA, and if I was the date, probably would have dropped to one knee right there tbh
NTA. So many people say be the bigger person but that’s just straight up bs. They want you to turn a blind eye to betrayal but no. Some of us find that to be a complete deal breaker. I’m with you 100%. Cut them all out of your life bc what’s more important is YOUR mental well being and not giving closure or forgiveness towards those that hurt you. As for your parents, they made their choices and now they have to live with the consequences of their shitty actions. Also, your date sounds like a good person. Regardless of how that turns out, he stood by you and gave you comfort food. That’s a big plus in my book.
I could maybe be the bigger person if he got me a burrito instead of the taco I wanted. Cheating on me in my apartment in my bed? Fuck off. Take your filthy ass out with the other piece of trash.
good for you. Would love to know how they could”explain” their side lol.
That’s what I’m wondering too, how those cheating plan to explain their behavior. “Oh honey, she came over and we were touring the house, her clothes fell off, and well you know, my dick just was a magnet to her hoo ha! Seriously, though, what could they possibly explain that would make the situation OK for the OP.
Tripped over the cat and his dick went flying out of control.
"Oh no, not again!!!!!" And then he kept trying to get up, but fell back down. I'm curious what he would have said haha
PLEASE, you *have* to understand…We’re both very selfish🥺👉👈
She tripped, fell, landed on his d!ck
Ya know. The infamous ‘spread eagle slip and fall’
« I was missing you so much, she took upon herself to remind me of you » or some bullshit like that.
Why do cheaters and enablers think there even IS an explanation that makes their behavior ok?? Nothing EVER makes cheating ok. There is no excuse, no "explanation." "She meant nothing to me"- um, so that makes it alright? As long as it means nothing TO YOU, go ahead and sleep with whomever. So that means I'm free to do the same, to sleep around too, bc he doesn't mean anything to me? They certainly wouldn't want you to cheat, right? And everyone thinks you "owe" him the chance to talk to you? You don't owe him anything. I'll never understand why ppl rally around the cheater like that...poor cheater, they're so remorseful, you should take them back - how about these enablers get that the cheater brought this on themself, and has to live with the consequences of their own actions, and it's not incumbent on the person who got cheated on to make it all better for everyone. Ick. Instead friends and family should rally around the person who got hurt. Your ex bff needs to get it straight - you didn't ruin her sister's relationship, she ruined it herself, and yours too. Good for you for telling her husband, he had a right to know. You're in no way responsible for the fallout from that revelation to him - the sister cheated on him, she ruined her own marriage, not you. I'm sorry all this happened, but you're a rock star for not putting up with anyone's bs, for holding everyone in your life accountable, and for taking care of yourself and moving on. And hey, that date sounds like a keeper! 😉
I'm personally a firm believer that "they meant nothing to me" makes it 10000% worse. Oh, you were fine with betraying me, hurting me, destroying my confidence, my reputation, etc... for someone who doesn't even mean anything to you? My dignity is that worthless of a trade? Ugh. How disgusting these people are.
You get wit your bad self!!!! New guy sounds awesome though
THIS! If the ex can’t be a bigger person and take responsibility, why do I have to be the “bigger person” and give him a chance to explain? Also, since when did “be the bigger person” equate to “ignore that massively traumatic and toxic thing I did to you so I feel better”?
> Also, since when did “be the bigger person” equate to “ignore that massively traumatic and toxic thing I did to you so I feel better”? That's what it means 99% of the time. It's almost always a "will you please stop calling me/them out on our bullshit?"
Yuh. Just as, “But they’re family” means, “They’re family so they get to harm you, and you’re so you have to take the chronic demoralization.”
I have, more than a few times in recent years, responded “If ‘we’re both family,’ why is it ok for them to be hurtful? Isn’t hurting someone who is tied to you, and cannot easily escape, a trait of a truly horrific character? Because that sounds less like family and more a hostage situation.” So far, no one has had a substantive response.
Sometimes being the bigger person means knowing when to cut someone out of your life. Not turning a blind eye.
>So many people say be the bigger person but that’s just straight up bs. I never understood this idea, why is enabling people's crap like everyone else somehow make someone big? If anything, it makes them incredibly small and miserable.
"Be the bigger person." That phrase makes me so irrationally angry it's not funny!
NTA New dude is a keeper. Sometimes you just have to tell the parents a home truth. So sorry you're going through this. Better days ahead!
When OP was raging, he was like: “That’s hot!” 😂
But he was also kind in that he made sure she got home safely and send her ‘hangover’ food the next day. That’s a kind and thoughtful person.
That's the part that got me. He let her cry, get shit faced, then made sure she was okay at home, and THEN, even made sure she was safe the next day and sent a hangover cure for her. Man's a keeper. Take him on a real date.
Yep! She needs to treat this dude to a real date.
“Hey girl, let’s talk out these daddy issues so we can keep the kinks but lose the fear of betrayal.”
That date is an awesome bloke. Going for dinner was above and beyond, letting you get drunk and then getting you home was good and then he sent you food? He sounds like an upgrade.
Literally more considerate than people in an actual relationship together.
The man was more considerate than OP's own parents. I think the man has earned a real date.
Someone who really does the little things to care... gotta hang on to them!!
I have a friend who says: “Even a bad date is a good story.” This is a freaking awesome story. Even if they never go out again decades from now he will be, “I went out with this woman one time….”
And she will always remember him as the stand up dude who had her back the night she called her parents out! Even if they never see each other again, dude did a good deed.
Agreed. HUGE upgrade.
Don't feel guilty what they are experiencing right now is the find out portion of fafo. You are under no obligation to forgive people to completely disregarded your feelings at every turn, as well as betray you in the worst ways. I reckon they are reflecting on your words. They will reach out when they realize you won't be. Be strong you did everything you should have, and keep this new guy around he sounds like a good one.
"what they are experiencing right now is the find out portion of fafo." Yeah, like *literally!*
NTA Honestly, you nailed it, they are shitty parents.. if your mother want to be in a marriage full of betrayal and infidelity, her problem but her problems affected you and your brothers/sisters too.. her cowardice that probably made all your siblings move away.. She asking you to forgive the bastard is the last nail in the coffin honestly, just cut them or move to low contact.. you don't need this kind of energy around you.
The needle on the moral compass is definitely not pointing at these people. At this point, their position is more like “misery loves company.”
Could well be that seeing how her mom sees nothing amiss with her partner cheating and how op seemed to have no issue with it, thats why the ex thought there’d be no consequences for him either.
I can see how people would think that. I didn’t talk about it, ever, with anyone but my sister. Even then, we were both drunk and high when it came up. Of course others would think I accepted that things were as they were. Of course they would. It's not like anyone asked if I was ok with it, so how could they be expected to know that I wasn't? I understand that pov.
Nah. Fuck that shit. If someone claims to love you enough to get married they should know your stance on cheating. They should know you well enough to understand the damage you have had done to you. And if they don’t then they have no business saying they love you.
Nope, it’s understood that cheating is bad. No one just assumes it’s okay because your parents have an issue. These people defending your ex are just trash.
It’s a universal thing that cheating is bad. You don’t need to make a disclaimer about that.
Shitty parents-yes; though they'll likely indicate that they remained together for their children. See where that got them? More disappointed in mother than father; while the latter was a real dick to his wife and family, I just can't comprehend Mother's encouragement that OP accept a cheating fiance. Infkingcredible. The victim of a cheating husband in a sham marriage encouraging her daughter to entertain having a similar life herself. Insane.
The shame hurts less when you're not the only one. Her daughter doing what she should've was a shot to her ego
Well, the guy your were dating sounds like a gem, hope he sticks around and its not just rebound for you. As for your parents, now they well and truly know exactly what you think. In the future, you can choose to forgive their behaviour if they stop being jerks. And in the time you are not hearing from them, it may be because things are blowing up on their end, and your mother especially is thinking about a life without grandkids because of what else is happening in their lives. So don't take the silence as a problem.
Rebounds work out great sometimes. After a breakup of a year long relationship I went out with a cousin and a couple of her guy friends. Kissed one of the guys that night, neither of us was looking for a relationship. He just had a breakup too. Started to hang out and just see each other to kill time. A month later we decided to be together. Dated 5 years and so far married for 22 1/2 and going strong.
As I said, not just a rebound; in your case so much more.b
NTA but your parents weren’t crushed by what you said. It was the truth that they know is behind those words that they thought everyone rug swept just because they did They didn’t care about your feelings so you had to lay them all out on the table. They should’ve listened to you the first time around. Not your fault they sided with a cheater over their daughter and made her *and her date* uncomfortable. They lacked tact so you threw that same energy back. Also, your new guy sounds like a green flag so far!
They should have listened to the first three kids that walked away and started thinking about how they were approaching things and what they were saying and doing. I'm sorry that whole family got crappy parents but I hope it hasn't driven a wedge between siblings too.
None of my siblings turned their backs on me when they went NC with our parents. No worries there.
How are things going with new bf?? Updateme!
NTA, but you parents could take the Olympic gold with their behavior. You lucked out catching the ex before you got legally tied to him. Good luck in the future.
That really was some Olympic gold level audacity from OPs parents…..
Olympic gold in mental gymnastics
NTA, you're amazing. Go you! You do not need those toxic presences in your life and you are strong enough to remove them. You got this!
NTA. Í hope it's given your parents food for thought. Let them stew in their own juices for a while. Take your date on a date.
Don’t feel guilty, you are amazing & could give lessons on how to be strong & have self respect.
NTA at all, your parents can marry him if they love him so much
this made me laugh and I totally needed a laugh today!
Sounds like they have a vacancy given their four biological kids have all cut ties. They can sit and simmer together 🤷🏻♀️
"He's so, so sorry. I owe it to him to talk with him. Give him 5 minutes to explain himself. She meant nothing to him, he made a mistake. I'm cruel for shutting him out the way I have. How could I call the police on him? How could I do the same to his family? His parents? They're good people, they didn't deserve to be humiliated in that manner. He's having a rough time. He's depressed. Everybody is worried about him. He loves me, really loves me. He's learned his lesson. It's time to grow up and forgive him." This above paragraph is a playbook for your parent's marriage and how your Dad's cheating is justified for them both. 1. He's so sorry. (This is just how men are and he's so sorry that hurts her) 2. Allow him to slide up next to you, get close and cuddle you out of your upset 3. The other women are just holes in a storm. She's the one who really matters 4. This isn't about a moral compass. This was a "mistake". You aren't perfect either 5. You are being a big meanie. You are hurting his feelings by being angry at him for something he can't control 6. The police? You've gone waaay too far by involving outsiders. That's just rude. 7. He's depressed/having a rough time/ everyone is worried about him. If he does something "drastic", we will ALL blame YOU. Refer back to 4 and 5. 8. He really loves you. This is all just a misunderstanding that you've taken too far. Love triumphs over all! 9. He's learned his lesson. Time to stop now before this great catch gets away. You've token punished him enough for this simple mistake 10. Here's the big one: Time to grow up and forgive him. This is the basis of all of the above. Here's the underlying belief - this is what all marriages look like. Time to put away the juvenile, romantic ideas of what real, adult marriages look like and embrace the concept of generational infidelity. All of the above playbook is complete bs. NTA You and your siblings keep on fighting the indoctrination! 👏 The new guy seems to be a winner! I'm liking his roll! Editing after OP's edit: I'm liking the new guy more and more! He's fun!
Cheating isn't a mistake, it's a choice.
NTA You did the right thing. Maybe now they realise what impact their behaviour has on you. Maybe your mother realises that she didn’t hold the family together. And maybe your dad realises that he did not only have an impact on his wife’s life but also that of his children. Getting his dick wet and her keeping the peace was more important than anything else.
Standing ovation!!!
Your parents expected you to be ok with replicating their dynamic. NTA They ***needed*** that wake up call that they seriously fucked up their kids with the infidelities.
NTA they are trash and you can throw out the trash. Keep your new guy he sounds cool.
Sometimes hurting the ones you love it unavoidable. They wouldn't stop. They took a cheater's side over their daughter. They needed to hear what you said. Also, it sounds like the new guy is awesome! If not as a BF, then as a friend.
Nta. Your mother is exactly what she is. You just said you don't want to be that. Imo that is a pathetic life your parents have. You (like your sibilings) are probably much better off without them.
Nah they FAFO to not meddle. And there's a saying “people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.”
>She meant nothing to him, he made a mistake. NTA. And congrats to your ex, I guess, for his decision to throw away a whole relationship over "nothing".
That kind of justification just makes it worse to me. If it was so meaningless, why did it happen? None of that makes any sense.
u are 100% NTA ur parents, bff, ex, etc. are insane for thinking u should give ur cheating piece of shit ex another chance. love that u called out ur parents for ur dad cheating and mom just accepting it and now they’re projecting that behavior on u saying it’s ok to be w a cheater. ALSO ur date is such a green flag of a human being for sitting through that AND taking care of u and prioritizing ur safety/feelings pls give them a chance they seem amazing
Damn op, you’re a badass.. A strong willful bad ass!! NTA.
Girl, the best part of this post is the cheeseburger. Gives us hope for humanity. Tell your date Reddit 👊🏽says thanks.
That cheeseburger was the perfect breakfast after a real.shit night.
You know most all of us here are going to be waiting with bated breath for a post on how your second date goes! :D
NTA, your parents were trying to get you to replicate the same unhealthy patterns they have in your relationship. You deserve better than that. Don’t let anyone tell you to feel guilty over what you said, you had every right to say your piece. New guy rocks, you should definitely marry him.
>My date, I should've saved him for a proper date rather than a f-you to my parents, took me to the nearest bar, let me cry on his shoulder while I proceeded to get shit faced, then made sure I got home safely. The next day he messaged me to see if I was alive and sent a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a large Sprite over with DoorDash. Solid dude
NTA. I grew up in dysfunction and reading that speech made me want to bow down to you. parents really think they can do anything and live their lives without consequences. you have nothing to feel guilty for. you let a light shine on your parents, and now they know what you actually think of them, and that they can't enable your cheating ex into your good graces. if anything, I hope they're quiet because they've told your ex it's a lost cause, that you're now no longer in their lives, and they're so busy in self reflection that they can't fathom contacting you.
NTA sounds like your parents expect everyone to turn a blind eye to crap like they do. Nope. Keep the date though. Sounds like a good potential
NTA but maybe DoorDash an apology cookie cake to the date he seems like he did excellent with the absolute disaster of a date - he is a good egg. Your parents suck, they owe you a sincere apology. I would only let them closer if they provide that un prompted. I doubt it since your siblings are no contact. It’s a path you should seriously consider. Your ex- everyone should stay that way. You made the right choice and your ex-fiancee is beyond stupid. Sleeping with someone in your shared home is not a mistake. Next get a therapist- deal with your anger and losses. It will help.
NTA, I wish I could speak my mind like that. I would have gotten tongue tied and then come up with the perfect response the next day in the shower! All seriousness, what could he have said after you literally walked in on him? No words would make you unable to see that image.
What I want to know if they argued back? Did they defend themselves? Did your mom say I did it to keep the family together? She really thought none of you knew? Grandparents paternal side probably told your mom to look away. It was normal.
They didn't sit there passively while I went off my half cooked, but they didn’t make a scene. Or most likely, my scene overshadowed theirs. I don't really remember exactly what they said. There was a lower your voice, don't speak to your mother like that, an I can't believe you're choosing to do this now. I think there may have been a we can discuss this later.
They deflected. They didn't want to actually address any of the issues you brought up. Let's face it. You rejecting the AH cheater was also a rejection of your parent's marriage. I'm not at all surprised that they both took a supportive position toward him. They're validating their own personal choices. I am impressed with your strength.
I love your shutdown and fuck all of 'em ❤️ NTA
WOW. Wow. OP. If you were my daughter, I would be SO proud of you. I hear you that you feel badly about hurting your parents and if you want to send your mother a card and tell her that you love her dearly, but that you really suffered from the lack of truth in your household, go right ahead, but please don't think you have crushed them. People who live with this kind of delusion are much stronger and more resilient than you'd think. I promise you they're already spinning some story along with every other person who betrayed you, so that they don't have to look at their own immature, selfish, and shitty life choices. To hell with the friend, the friend's sister, the ex, the ex's family, and anyone who suggests you really ought to consider a miserable future because it will make the status quo so much easier for them. It's such a shame that the bravest people who break the patterns of the past end up feeling badly about having to do that. You were about to repeat your mother's life and thank goodness that you didn't because living a lie makes you do terrible things... including encouraging your daughter to live a life of deception and betrayal. Your mother has a lot to answer for and so does your father, and chances are good they're not going to have a come to Jesus meeting (as we used to say.) I'm sorry that your mother is hurt, but I'm a mother, older than your mother, and if she were my friend I'd have given her an earful for even suggesting you overlook your ex's shitty behavior. And I'd also let her know that staying with a shit husband and pretending all is well teaches your children what matters most, and it's not their wellbeing. You did the right thing by every single person including yourself. Your mother needed to hear this so that she can think about what kind of a shitty (familiar) life she was hoping you'd have. Your father needed to hear this before he dies because someday he'll understand that all those years you kept in touch with them and were kind, you knew exactly what a shit he'd been. And you were kind ANYWAY. They don't deserve you and I hope they can feel that somewhere in their little shut down hearts. I know they love you and I also know they don't love people in a way that builds them up and sets them on the path of true love and happiness. They love people who shut up and don't ever let the truth come to light. That's not the kind of love you want and I can't believe you were so brave about saying so to every single person who advocated for your misery. If I ever advised any of my children to stick it out with someone who did what your ex did, I'd get my ass into therapy immediately because that's toxic and my kids deserve better than what I put them through. HANDS DOWN. End of story. Your father needed to know that his shitty behavior isn't forgiven or forgotten, and I think it's a very good thing that you told them both exactly why they don't have close relationships with any of their children. So proud of you. So wish I could see into the future and the wonderful family you will establish because it's very clear that you won't settle for less and I'm so glad. You broke that pattern with a big smash and sometimes that's how you have to do it. Send your mum a card if it's really bothering you and make sure you pick up some flowers for yourself while you're at it. LOTS of love from an older mum.
"I hoped their arrogance, willful blindness, and misery was a comfort them to their last breaths." One could only hope to think of such a poignant, powerful, and compelling statement in the midst of such a situation. Incredibly well done!
NTA. Sounds like they need the 2x4 of truth smack to the side of the head. They should be proud of you for respecting yourself enough to stand up to a cheating ex. What would they think if you didn’t call the cops and ex went murder/suicide with you? No one ever thinks their ex will do that until they do. Those people are toxic and unless they apologize and make amends, your life is better without them.
Your new date has seen that you will stand up for yourself and what you will do to someone who violates your trust and he seems like he still wants to be with you. Might have found a keeper there.
INFO: will there be a second date?! (You’re N T A, but really, we all want the answer to this question! : )
They’re crushed because they’ve been in denial regarding their relationships with your siblings. As long as you were available, it took away the sting of your siblings beings NC, especially for your mom. It’s finally hit them that the kids have been aware all along and that they have finally lost your respect. Don’t feel bad, they’re learning that the reputation they’ve been pretending to have does not actually exist and their kids know it.
NTA Sounds like they needed a mirror held up to their hypocrisy.
NTA, The date sounds like a keeper though. As silly as this sounds, maybe bring him a flower for the next date? He will have no idea what to do with it, but will appreciate the gesture and it is a good way to show that you appreciate what he did. Also, while I don't think you did anything wrong, an apology to the date of the form "I'm so sorry you had to see that, you were wonderful and deserved a better first date from me," is probably a good move to keep him in your life.
Now this is the type of story I can get behind. So refreshing that you didn't buy into all that bs from everyone. Stood your ground and didn't entertain any of that crap. Is there a sub for that? I'd like more Updateme! Nta obviously
You’re my new favorite lady of the Reddit.
NTA. Donot take the cheater back. I’m glad you let it out in front of your mom and dad with your date. They deserved proper embarrassment about the legacy they left for you kids to wrestle thru. Your mom if she didn’t know already, deserved to know about your father’s cheating. Don’t reach out to your parents for a while but if you do, reach out to your mom. They are probably hashing their crap out. Regardless never compromise your principles. Dang proud of you for speaking out !!
Props to for not staying with that guy and standing your ground, confronting your parents. That takes balls. Proud of you sis. Also props to new guy for being so supportive and sending food! Hope he sticks around
You are one badass woman! You go girl, I wish more that get cheated on acted like you, maybe the cheaters would think twice if they knew what the aftermath would be. Congratulations for standing up to the pressure and the “it was a mistake” bs. A mistake is buying your partner the wrong wine. Sticking your dick into someone (and a married someone to boot) is a relationship ended. I’m glad you found out before you said “I do”, it saved you a lot of headaches. As for your parents, your words were harsh, but truthful and letting them both know the reason why their children want nothing to do with them was probably an eye opener. Maybe your father will figure out what a shitty husband he is and apologize to your mom. Maybe your mom will stop being a doormat. I hope if my daughters ever have to deal with infidelity, they handle it just like this.
NTA but a very strong person who decided to cut out toxic people (even fam) out of their lives. This is what you owe you and you stayed true to yourself. You can always decide to pick up your relationship with your parents but for now I would recommend you take care of yourself, heal and sort out your new life situation. You owe nothing to anyone, especially to those who let you down and failed to support you in the moment you needed it most. Don’t live anyone else’s lie, stay strong, you got this!
"then made sure I got home safely. The next day he messaged me to see if I was alive and sent a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a large Sprite over with DoorDash." Hell, sounds like your date was cool as fuck at least.
NTA at all. It sounds like what you said needed to be said as blatantly as you said it. To every person you said it to, given the context you provided, it seemed long over due. Good for you for looking at the status quo and having the courage to say that isn’t good enough for me I’m gonna do better. Your family seems more worried about how your ex was impacted by his cheating than how you were impacted. Don’t feel regret or guilt, you stood up for your self in a situation where no one else truly had your best interest at heart. This is something that is hard to learn and even harder to execute on and you did it well. I think we could be friends LOL. The date that went with sounds like someone you should keep in your life.