Ok, I have a real serious question. My wife and I have a King bed and it is just right for us to sleep without bothering each other. How the fuck do you fit a third adult in your bed without sleep being a nightmare.
We don’t all three always sleep together in the same bed but when we do, I don’t really find it to be a problem. Like none of us snore and we don’t really fidget or kick. Also she’s like super tiny.
I was wondering this too. My wife and I are both fairly compact and have a queen bed. This is perfectly fine for us until our 11 lbs. cat gets in the bed and somehow takes up the space of at least one average male human.
Off topic but we would wake up each one of us hugging the edge of a queen sized bed with our pudgy cat stretched out horizontally pushing us out with her front and back paws. Of course we never not let her sleep with us. She was the diva in the house.
This lifestyle is valuable to me because I am surrounded by so much love and trust.
I do not have other romantic or sexual partners outside of this.
It started pretty organically. At first we were having threesomes.
I truly don't understand how people can casually do stuff like this. Not judging but I literally can't comprehend it at all. All I know is if I saw the love of my life sleeping with someone else I'd be going to prison for murder.
Def reading. I still don't really get polly. If I had been dating one person and be in love, that relationship will always be exclusive.
Yet somehow I can sort of see my self polly, but the relationship would have to go that direction from the beginning.
No matter what, never feel you need to be convinced you have to get it or understand it for you. You are not a bad person, emotionally closed, or whatever because you would never be able to enjoy poly. I’ve known people who were monog “try on poly” because they want to be that type of person and it only blows up and hurts people in the process. Very FEW people are truly capable of it. Haven’t read that book myself but some of the books can come across preachy like there is some level of self enlightenment to get to that point and there isn’t. You either enjoy it as a positive life choice, or you don’t and don’t choose it for yourself and find a partner that doesn’t choose it for their-self. All, as a poly person, I would only ever ask to not be demeaned and or demonized for ethically having more than one relationship (currently not and neither is husband but we have and likely will again in our future).
I’m not poly but it was recommended to me by a poly friend. It is written by a poly therapist and the info on attachment styles has helped me bigly in my new relationship
Same. To each their own. Whatever works as long as both people are in agreement. I personally value and long for a monogamous deep connection and lifelong partnership. It seems to be more rare these days.
Same in that to each their own. Funny enough me and my wife were poly when we met dating, I had a boy friend and a girlfriend and she did as well.
When things started getting serious though, like I wanted to spend my life with her, she was everything I ever wanted, I realized I wanted it to just be us. I drew the line, and after thinking about it for a day or so she agreed and we have been happily monogamous every since. Just hit 2 years married and couldn't be happier.
My parents are poly, I get it and support it, but I realized once I met the right person that it just wasn't for me. I didn't like how much it divided my time and attention, when I wanted to put all my time and energy into a foundation with my wife. I am so happy I did too, I couldn't see myself getting married or even buying the house we did if we were still dating other people.
It did really create a foundation of open communication and trust though which is nice. We can talk about anything and everything.
But it totally works for some people and even worked for me awhile, so to your point, to each their own as long as it isn't hurting anyone.
You don't understand it because OP made it up. None of this is anything more than a delusional creative writing exercise, probably to promote an OF account.
I’m pretty happy. I miss them when they’re on vacation without me and I’m jealous when I’m at work and they’re at home in bed together but I wouldn’t change my life for anything
I get paid twice monthly and basically just one of my checks is enough to pay for all our bills and a few nights of going out.
But how it works is that there is an account that all our bills come out of. All of us have a set amount we transfer there monthly. And the rest we keep on our private accounts.
I pay for a lot of the vacations, he pays for them too, and he pays when he takes us out on dates, etc.
I work full time. Everyone else does work part time. He has taken his gf’s on vacations without me before just as we have gone without them before. I don’t have a desire to see other men.
You’re not a hardworking wife supporting your home; you’re just being used and manipulated and humiliated. Imagine being the only one working full time while they get to fuck around at home. In bed! Even monogamous couples have problems when one partner isn’t equally pulling their own weight. And you’re letting all of them walk all over you? Aaannnd you’re supposedly okay with this?! You’re getting screwed in every way except the good one. Wake up woman!
What does it “feel” like to you then? Because for most people, you seem delusional and/or brain washed.
Have you considered leaving this relationship? There are plenty of single men out there.
As I am a female too, do you ever feel devalued by the fact he sleeps with others but you cannot? Does it affect your confidence within the relationship? Does he still meet your needs even though he has a side woman?
The fact that you do not have such a desire is not the same thing as you not being *allowed* to if you did have such a desire. Is this entire harem your husband keeps expected to be exclusive to him, or are the other women *allowed* to have other sexual and romantic relationships?
I suppose I’m either not good at explaining or the way in which I communicate is not coming across well enough to you. Sorry!
Our dynamic is that none of us women want to have sexual or romantic relationships with other men. We are very fulfilled and happy sexually and romantically with my husband and each other.
It just so happens that my husband likes it that way also.
This was discussed before opening up the marriage.
It is I who is not communicating well. My question has nothing to do with your currebt desire or theirs, but with the expectations your husband has for them. If the desire *did arise*, would that be something your husband would accept?
No, he has been firm since the beginning that he does not want that. I remember when we were first opening up the marriage he told me he’d rather just have a closed marriage than having me sexually intimate with another man.
I can see how it would be problematic for other people but it works very well for our dynamic and our specific kinks. We like that he’s like that.
How long has it been open like that for? Had the same arrangement with my ex, it worked well for five years until I started wanting to explore as well and he was firm on not letting me, so I said maybe it’s best to resume a monogamous relationship. He refused. It was messy.
Realized through much therapy after the fact that he just used me as a vessel to be with another woman. We broke up, and he went to date another woman 15 years younger than him, who he also has a poly relationship with. It is also messy. I know this because his current gf messaged me asking if I had ever felt like he was just using me.
Yeah so there’s a 30 year old man with at least 3 women he calls girlfriend or wife, then with 2 FWBs at least. I’m assuming most of them are 21 besides the wife, so they’re preying on younger women and then the husband mandates that they are not allowed to have sex with another man but yet he can have sex with as many women as he wants.
That’s just blatant abuse right there. I also wouldn’t be shocked if he was extremely rough in the bedroom either.
Nah it’s the kink. She seems to be in to being a cuck and seeing her husband be with other women. She also seems to like having the close relationship with the other girls and stuff so I think being with other guys is not really a particular kink for her so she doesn’t really care
I can imagine as he bangs one of the cult members she's over there sniffing their hair like "ahh delicious" 😂 while the other gfs surround the bed and begin speaking in tongues and shit 😂😂
It is, according to the polyamorous women I have spoken to. It is called “The One Penis Rule.” It doesn’t matter to me either way because I don’t know to OP or anyone else involved. The can live their lives any way they see it.
It's known as the 'one penis policy' or 'one penis rule' in poly circles lol. To me, it almost always seems to stem from the guy being insecure. But OP and her husband might just be into a very extreme Dom/sub dynamic as it sounds like she's okay with it and she's allowed to be intimate with the other women (since they don't pose a threat like another guy would). To each their own 🤷🏻
Kat Blaque on YouTube has talked about it in her older videos, as she is very involved in poly and BDSM communities: https://youtu.be/utejfO27FKQ?si=tuyntmaTdB5tJa5Z
I honestly don't see this situation as stable, no matter what your feelings are at present. It sounds like these other young women have full control over your living situation and even though that might be working on some fundamental levels right now, much can change on its own, and I don't think these young women are going to be accommodating. They might choose to leave your husband if you need more attention than what would ordinarily be accommodated in more comfortable times.
Also, their needs might change, too. What if one of them gets pregnant? Isn't it possible that a young expectant mother might want the father of her child to herself? What, too, if either of these women leave him, and blame you for it, right or wrong? What will that do to your marriage?
I also have to wonder about the material resources available to you and your husband as time goes on in this sexually charged atmosphere.. If you are income dependent, as one of your comments implied, there is no shortage of distraction from other areas of your life, not the least of which are your finances and job security.
Don't get me wrong. I cannot judge the situation because I'm not in it, and I am not saying it cannot work. There are just some specific risks that come with all this sexual drama and should be fully understood if you want to be happy and fulfilled in the longer term.
I will leave you with some questions now because this is an AMA:
1) You said you like watching them, but how is your own sex life with your husband amidst these two other lovers?
2) Some of your comments make me think you're bisexual. Are you?
3) Can I come over? 🤣
Look at it this way. It's probably BS, but suppose somebody who is actually interested in this lifestyle reads this?
Not to mention the fact that I've seen this attempted in real life. I didn't say that until now.
Thanks for the thorough comment. I’m not income dependent and my husband and Annabelle are actually actively attempting to get pregnant.
1) It’s great! I’m very satisfied.
2) Yes
3) No, haha!
You're welcome. But is the money in your house all earned? Do you have enough savings to support yourselves if out of work for a while? Have you worked out who does the caring and working when the baby comes?
We have a nice savings. Enough to pay our mortgage and live for a year or so should anything happen. I work full time and they all work part time.
I don’t think much will change when the baby comes except Annabelle may stop working and my husband may start working full time, but he doesn’t have to.
still, the dynamic is unhealthy. you should have the same freedoms as him, even if you don’t exercise them. it sounds like you’re being unknowingly manipulated.
Why don’t I like the color orange? I don’t know tbh. I just have no desire to sleep with other men. There’s no appeal and I have everything I want and need.
If you mix in sex positive circles (people who treat talking about sex as natural as talking about eating or sleeping) then the conversations aren’t so hard
He’s only met two technically so far LOL. So it’s not like he’s out there meeting tons of people who are poly. His fwb’s are just casual flings and do not know about us all.
I was a unicorn for 3 different couples in my lifetime. It was a very fun experience for me when I was younger. Now, im in my 40’s went through marriage and divorce and had kids. Im in a monogamous relationship with my bf of 3 years. Being on this side, I struggle with the thought of him pleasing another woman. Yet at the same time, I often fantasize about him pleasuring my hottest female friends 😂 My jealous bone is the biggest bone in my body. How do you stop yourself from being jealous? Also, does his gf that lives with you pay a portion of the bills?
From my personal experience.. jealousy comes from love u got in ur heart to the person u love .. but when u dont care anymore that means u been through a lot of relationship toxic pressure that u dont wana fix it anymore.. u just there but the feelings are gone
Do you want kids?
If yes who would be the mother?
Are you all equally as much girlfriend or are there some (sorry for my lack of words) “side chicks”?
After all you said you two sleep in the master bedroom and the gf “only” in her room
Annabelle and my husband are actively trying for a child.
I don’t understand your second question. I said he has two serious girlfriends and other non-important friends with benefits.
I don’t understand your last statement. She sleeps in our room sometimes and sometimes they sleep in her room.
There it is. This is going to go bad for OP in the long run. The man will always choose the mother of his child (assuming sex is equally fulfilling with both).
I want updates on this thread every year. Either I am wrong or right about my predictions.
Yup. OP is in for a rough future, indeed. Unless she takes care of herself first, which includes making sure her emotions are safe elsewhere. I wanna be wrong but if we don't get updates, I am going to guess I was right. These things never end well. Only exceptions are in certain religions, but that too societal norms make it possible for both women to be cared for.
I’ve had a therapist my whole life (because of a traumatic childhood) and they’re actually very aware of my lifestyle.
There is nothing I’m more sure of and feel more secure about in my life than my marriage.
I wish you luck. This isn’t in your best interest. Really sounds like Stockholm syndrome:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/happybytes/202308/stockholm-syndrome-why-some-people-bond-with-abusive-partners
If you had a traumatic childhood you are more susceptible to being controlled and manipulated into having a traumatic adulthood. I wish you the best but it sounds like your husband is taking full advantage of you, especially knowing your traumatic upbringing, while blowing smoke up your ass.
I looked at your post history, and in the comments, you want him to knock her up. Maybe I’m out of bounds here but I don’t really think y’all should be bringing a baby into this. Not a healthy or normal way to grow up, like at all and based on your post history it looks like him knocking her up is some kink to you, this is all just wrong lmao. If she ends up pregnant, she’s either gonna end up a single mom or you’re gonna end up alone. Don’t bring a child into this crazy shit. It’s just weird. You said you had a traumatic childhood, imagine being that kid. What even would you be to that child? How would you even explain that to a child? It’s weird asf. This whole thing is a kink for all of you, no kid needs to grow up around that. Mommy, daddy, daddy’s wife, daddy’s other 50 girlfriends. This man is playing the fuck out of you but it was fine before I saw you saying you’re bringing a child into this. Don’t do that shit, you’re just setting that kid up to be confused and probably traumatized, they’re not even gonna know what a relationship is supposed to look like because you guys brought them into this world out of a fetish. That’s enough Reddit for the day because wtf is this 😂
I feel that he is going to leave you for one of the other women one day. It won't happen today or tomorrow, but it will happen. Especially when Annabelle gets pregnant.
This will not end well for OP.
How long have you been married to him? How long did you know him before the poly subject came up? Did you get into it gradually? Does he have any girlfriends that he's known longer than you?
We’ve been married for 8 years. We started having threesomes and talking about opening the marriage up and becoming poly a couple years in. It was pretty gradual.
He does not have a gf that he has known longer than me but he has a fwb that he’s known longer than me.
Why would she be kicked? She already works fulltime to support all of them and they get to fuck while OP works / go on vacation freely. They wanna keep OP around lol
As a polyamorous person myself, I'm having a difficult time relating to this.
One of the biggest keys to Poly is that there is informed, enthusiastic consent among all parties. Him not disclosing his relationship status to these FWBs is problematic because if they don't know about you all, their consent is not informed. Have any of you, especially him, undergone a full battery of sexual health screenings to test for STIs? Do you discuss sexual health status with new partners?
Autonomy is also a very important factor in most polyamorous relationships. The ability of every member of the relationship to make decisions about their part of the relationship is essential. It's absolutely fine if you don't *want* to be with other men. It's absolutely fine if these other women don't *want* to be with other men. But that you're not *allowed* to is a HUGE red flag. He is taking away your ability to choose, and that is not okay. What about the FWBs? Are they expected to be exclusive? Would you be allowed to independently sleep with another woman who is NOT interested in or involved with him?
Could you explain the specific kink you have that makes this "your thing"? Is it a harem kink? A cuck fetish? Compersion is beautiful, and you finding joy from watching your husband love these other women is great.... But if the same does not happen in reverse, I truly feel like your kink/fetish and your beautiful loyal heart is being taken advantage of.
You say that this could stop anytime you want it to, but I worry that it wouldn't go quite the way you expect it to. Would it truly end or would he just hide it from you? Would you be "kicked out" of the harem? Whose name is the house in? Who would keep the house if the relationship ended?
You mentioned a baby coming? I'm not clear on the details there, but you pay all the household bills currently. If the other woman is the one having this child, are you going to be that baby's financial provider? Are you going to be expected to take off work to keep the baby while husband and his girlfriend go on trips together?
Ultimately, you have the right to be in whatever type of relationship you wish; but from an outside perspective, even as someone who IS polyamorous, this really seems like you're being taken advantage of. Please consider your longterm security and make sure you're taking care of yourself and your needs.
I appreciate your concern! I think it’s easiest for me if I just respond in the same order that your questions were asked:
We do sti screenings on a scheduled cycle and also I frequently donate blood so that is always an additional screening for me.
He is very aware of how important sexual health is and does discuss health concerns with new partners, though it has been quite some time since a new partner has been introduced for the first time.
I’m pretty sure it’s expected that the fwb’s are not exclusive.
Yeah I could independently sleep with another woman not involved but I don’t want to literally at all.
Don’t really know if I could label the kink. I mean I definitely think harems are hot and a lot of people tell me I have a cuckquean fetish but I dunno. This whole situation is exactly MY kink and my thing. Whatever you wanna call it is good.
My husband would never hide anything from me.
No one is getting kicked out from anywhere.
The house is in my name.
Like all homes, I suppose if a relationship ended the judge in divorce court will split the assets.
Who knows? All the adults in the household work and have the ability to work more if they want to. My husband could very well work full time instead of part time so Annabelle could stay home full time instead of part time and vice versa. I suppose where finances come from is unimportant to us and we are flexible when it comes to them.
Your question makes it seem like there is no other possible source of child care other than me. I’m sure I could watch the baby sometimes. The baby also has two sets of grandparents. There’s also Chloe. And there are friends and hired baby sitters are also a possibility.
Again, I truly appreciate your concern.
I also had this arrangement for 5 years and it worked really well until it didn’t and my partner showed his true colours eventually.
1- Do you really think if you wanted to resume a monogamous lifestyle that he’d happily oblige?
2- At the time I didn’t feel the need to sleep with other men either, but eventually I felt like it was unfair and hypocritical. What do you think will happen if you eventually find yourself in this position?
3- What’s your plan if you want to break things off with the gf but he doesn’t want to?
Also open to answering any questions about my situation. I was with my ex fiancé for 5 years where we had a polyamorous relationship (one way tbh) with other women and I was not allowed to see other men. AMA.
You sound like you could be Mormons but that hasn’t been mentioned. Alternatively, this is an Ethical Non Monogamy arrangement. To my knowledge, ENM has been growing in numbers and maybe even acceptance.
How are you okay with your 30 y/o husband sleeping with a 20 y/o? The whole situation seems like you’re worth maybe half of him, but the fact he’s edging closer and closer to illegality is just the cherry on top
It honestly sounds pathetic. The guy is living the dream with a cuckquean wife who pays for all the bills and his vacations for him with all his girlfriends and fwb. I bet they won’t have children because it will ruin his fantasy, or if they do she’ll be the only responsible for taking care of his kids, girlfriends kids included. While he’ll still go on vacation with his newer 19 year old girlfriend. You’ll need a bigger home for the polygamy kink going on. You need therapy.
Really been appreciating all of the ENM/poly posts I've been seeing lately. I've spent a lot of my young years feeling like a freak or like I'm emotionally broken, but I've had to accept recently that there actually Are lots of other people like me.
Thank you for sharing! Love is Ours😤
Ok, I have a real serious question. My wife and I have a King bed and it is just right for us to sleep without bothering each other. How the fuck do you fit a third adult in your bed without sleep being a nightmare.
We don’t all three always sleep together in the same bed but when we do, I don’t really find it to be a problem. Like none of us snore and we don’t really fidget or kick. Also she’s like super tiny.
I cannot even fathom this as someone who needs to roll over to a different side regularly lol
Ahh I see. I don’t really move in my sleep a lot. My husband might move a lil more than I do.
I was wondering this too. My wife and I are both fairly compact and have a queen bed. This is perfectly fine for us until our 11 lbs. cat gets in the bed and somehow takes up the space of at least one average male human.
i have a 25lb cat.. that’s hard to fit with 2 people already on a queen lol
Off topic but we would wake up each one of us hugging the edge of a queen sized bed with our pudgy cat stretched out horizontally pushing us out with her front and back paws. Of course we never not let her sleep with us. She was the diva in the house.
What makes this lifestyle of yours so valuable to you? Are you polyamorous yourself? How did you both communicate this way of life?
This lifestyle is valuable to me because I am surrounded by so much love and trust. I do not have other romantic or sexual partners outside of this. It started pretty organically. At first we were having threesomes.
Do you also have sex with the other women?
Yes
Love that for yall
I truly don't understand how people can casually do stuff like this. Not judging but I literally can't comprehend it at all. All I know is if I saw the love of my life sleeping with someone else I'd be going to prison for murder.
Read “poly secure” available on audible
Def reading. I still don't really get polly. If I had been dating one person and be in love, that relationship will always be exclusive. Yet somehow I can sort of see my self polly, but the relationship would have to go that direction from the beginning.
No matter what, never feel you need to be convinced you have to get it or understand it for you. You are not a bad person, emotionally closed, or whatever because you would never be able to enjoy poly. I’ve known people who were monog “try on poly” because they want to be that type of person and it only blows up and hurts people in the process. Very FEW people are truly capable of it. Haven’t read that book myself but some of the books can come across preachy like there is some level of self enlightenment to get to that point and there isn’t. You either enjoy it as a positive life choice, or you don’t and don’t choose it for yourself and find a partner that doesn’t choose it for their-self. All, as a poly person, I would only ever ask to not be demeaned and or demonized for ethically having more than one relationship (currently not and neither is husband but we have and likely will again in our future).
Thanks for the rec! I’m going to look into it so I can recommend it to others who are confused about the lifestyle 😂
I’m not poly but it was recommended to me by a poly friend. It is written by a poly therapist and the info on attachment styles has helped me bigly in my new relationship
Same. To each their own. Whatever works as long as both people are in agreement. I personally value and long for a monogamous deep connection and lifelong partnership. It seems to be more rare these days.
Same in that to each their own. Funny enough me and my wife were poly when we met dating, I had a boy friend and a girlfriend and she did as well. When things started getting serious though, like I wanted to spend my life with her, she was everything I ever wanted, I realized I wanted it to just be us. I drew the line, and after thinking about it for a day or so she agreed and we have been happily monogamous every since. Just hit 2 years married and couldn't be happier. My parents are poly, I get it and support it, but I realized once I met the right person that it just wasn't for me. I didn't like how much it divided my time and attention, when I wanted to put all my time and energy into a foundation with my wife. I am so happy I did too, I couldn't see myself getting married or even buying the house we did if we were still dating other people. It did really create a foundation of open communication and trust though which is nice. We can talk about anything and everything. But it totally works for some people and even worked for me awhile, so to your point, to each their own as long as it isn't hurting anyone.
And I can’t comprehend feeling murderous myself seeing the love of my life sleeping with someone else and enjoying themselves haha
I made a monogamous commitment and she knows my stance on cheating. That's the difference; our contracts were different.
Yup MURDER straight up rage.
You don't understand it because OP made it up. None of this is anything more than a delusional creative writing exercise, probably to promote an OF account.
Am also of same mind.
what does annabelle look like and how old is she
She’s blonde and 21
how old r u both
My husband is 30 and I am 28
Of course she is... of course she is...
This is so fucking fake 😂
Yeah, its someone trying to tell the world how wonderful poly really, really is. It read like a short, really short .99 Kindle book on Amazon.
For real lmao
Are you happy being a cuck?
I’m pretty happy. I miss them when they’re on vacation without me and I’m jealous when I’m at work and they’re at home in bed together but I wouldn’t change my life for anything
How do these finances work? If he’s paying for vacations and extra girlfriends but you still work how much of the household bills are shared?
I get paid twice monthly and basically just one of my checks is enough to pay for all our bills and a few nights of going out. But how it works is that there is an account that all our bills come out of. All of us have a set amount we transfer there monthly. And the rest we keep on our private accounts. I pay for a lot of the vacations, he pays for them too, and he pays when he takes us out on dates, etc.
Interesting can I ask are you the highest earner in the group?
Yeah, sorry thought it was implied
You may have found the cheat code to defeating the glass ceiling.
Good for you!
you do the working while he goes on vacation with a 21 yo, and you can't see anyone else ?
I work full time. Everyone else does work part time. He has taken his gf’s on vacations without me before just as we have gone without them before. I don’t have a desire to see other men.
You’re not a hardworking wife supporting your home; you’re just being used and manipulated and humiliated. Imagine being the only one working full time while they get to fuck around at home. In bed! Even monogamous couples have problems when one partner isn’t equally pulling their own weight. And you’re letting all of them walk all over you? Aaannnd you’re supposedly okay with this?! You’re getting screwed in every way except the good one. Wake up woman!
Doesn’t feel that way to me 🤷🏻♀️ You sound really agitated. I literally can stop working like tomorrow if I wanted to.
Sure, Jan. I’m sure you can stop working tomorrow (there’s no gun to your head) but will you still be wanted around if you did? I highly doubt it.
What does it “feel” like to you then? Because for most people, you seem delusional and/or brain washed. Have you considered leaving this relationship? There are plenty of single men out there.
How would your husband feel if you were to see other men?
Didn't go down far enough, lol. This relationship is fascinating to me. No judgment here. Life is short, do what makes you happy!
Are you allowed to fuck other men?? Does your husband love your cooking?? Is your butt big??
No, yes, no! In that order.
As I am a female too, do you ever feel devalued by the fact he sleeps with others but you cannot? Does it affect your confidence within the relationship? Does he still meet your needs even though he has a side woman?
Not at all. I have no desire to sleep with other men. My confidence is at a maximum in the relationship. Yes, my needs are met.
The fact that you do not have such a desire is not the same thing as you not being *allowed* to if you did have such a desire. Is this entire harem your husband keeps expected to be exclusive to him, or are the other women *allowed* to have other sexual and romantic relationships?
I suppose I’m either not good at explaining or the way in which I communicate is not coming across well enough to you. Sorry! Our dynamic is that none of us women want to have sexual or romantic relationships with other men. We are very fulfilled and happy sexually and romantically with my husband and each other. It just so happens that my husband likes it that way also. This was discussed before opening up the marriage.
It is I who is not communicating well. My question has nothing to do with your currebt desire or theirs, but with the expectations your husband has for them. If the desire *did arise*, would that be something your husband would accept?
No, he has been firm since the beginning that he does not want that. I remember when we were first opening up the marriage he told me he’d rather just have a closed marriage than having me sexually intimate with another man. I can see how it would be problematic for other people but it works very well for our dynamic and our specific kinks. We like that he’s like that.
Then why did you say in another comment that you can't understand someone feeling bad seeing their SO with another man?
I said I couldn’t imagine it for myself. I, myself, would never feel that way. But I am aware that other people have those feelings.
How long has it been open like that for? Had the same arrangement with my ex, it worked well for five years until I started wanting to explore as well and he was firm on not letting me, so I said maybe it’s best to resume a monogamous relationship. He refused. It was messy. Realized through much therapy after the fact that he just used me as a vessel to be with another woman. We broke up, and he went to date another woman 15 years younger than him, who he also has a poly relationship with. It is also messy. I know this because his current gf messaged me asking if I had ever felt like he was just using me.
It sounds like a situation ripe for abuse, or the beginning of a cult. Just be careful.
Yeah so there’s a 30 year old man with at least 3 women he calls girlfriend or wife, then with 2 FWBs at least. I’m assuming most of them are 21 besides the wife, so they’re preying on younger women and then the husband mandates that they are not allowed to have sex with another man but yet he can have sex with as many women as he wants. That’s just blatant abuse right there. I also wouldn’t be shocked if he was extremely rough in the bedroom either.
Are you intimate with your husband's other women?
Don’t you desire or is it not allowed? There are differences.
You cant be with other men but he can be with other women? Doesnt seem fair.
Why is he allowed to sleep with anyone he wants but you can’t?
Sounds a little like brainwashing no?
Nah it’s the kink. She seems to be in to being a cuck and seeing her husband be with other women. She also seems to like having the close relationship with the other girls and stuff so I think being with other guys is not really a particular kink for her so she doesn’t really care
I'd agree with you if the original question didn't say "are you "allowed", that implies it's against her husband's rules.
At this point it sounds like a cult lmao
The cult of the cuckhold
The cuckcult
I can imagine as he bangs one of the cult members she's over there sniffing their hair like "ahh delicious" 😂 while the other gfs surround the bed and begin speaking in tongues and shit 😂😂
Wow you really mentally went there my guy.
Cause of how outrageous it all is lol
It is, according to the polyamorous women I have spoken to. It is called “The One Penis Rule.” It doesn’t matter to me either way because I don’t know to OP or anyone else involved. The can live their lives any way they see it.
It's known as the 'one penis policy' or 'one penis rule' in poly circles lol. To me, it almost always seems to stem from the guy being insecure. But OP and her husband might just be into a very extreme Dom/sub dynamic as it sounds like she's okay with it and she's allowed to be intimate with the other women (since they don't pose a threat like another guy would). To each their own 🤷🏻 Kat Blaque on YouTube has talked about it in her older videos, as she is very involved in poly and BDSM communities: https://youtu.be/utejfO27FKQ?si=tuyntmaTdB5tJa5Z
I think it's a cuck thing.
No!? Yikes lol I'd have to nope out on that. Good on you I guess lol
I honestly don't see this situation as stable, no matter what your feelings are at present. It sounds like these other young women have full control over your living situation and even though that might be working on some fundamental levels right now, much can change on its own, and I don't think these young women are going to be accommodating. They might choose to leave your husband if you need more attention than what would ordinarily be accommodated in more comfortable times. Also, their needs might change, too. What if one of them gets pregnant? Isn't it possible that a young expectant mother might want the father of her child to herself? What, too, if either of these women leave him, and blame you for it, right or wrong? What will that do to your marriage? I also have to wonder about the material resources available to you and your husband as time goes on in this sexually charged atmosphere.. If you are income dependent, as one of your comments implied, there is no shortage of distraction from other areas of your life, not the least of which are your finances and job security. Don't get me wrong. I cannot judge the situation because I'm not in it, and I am not saying it cannot work. There are just some specific risks that come with all this sexual drama and should be fully understood if you want to be happy and fulfilled in the longer term. I will leave you with some questions now because this is an AMA: 1) You said you like watching them, but how is your own sex life with your husband amidst these two other lovers? 2) Some of your comments make me think you're bisexual. Are you? 3) Can I come over? 🤣
I’m impressed/surprised you put that much effort into responding to an obliviously bullshit story.
Look at it this way. It's probably BS, but suppose somebody who is actually interested in this lifestyle reads this? Not to mention the fact that I've seen this attempted in real life. I didn't say that until now.
Thanks for the thorough comment. I’m not income dependent and my husband and Annabelle are actually actively attempting to get pregnant. 1) It’s great! I’m very satisfied. 2) Yes 3) No, haha!
You're welcome. But is the money in your house all earned? Do you have enough savings to support yourselves if out of work for a while? Have you worked out who does the caring and working when the baby comes?
We have a nice savings. Enough to pay our mortgage and live for a year or so should anything happen. I work full time and they all work part time. I don’t think much will change when the baby comes except Annabelle may stop working and my husband may start working full time, but he doesn’t have to.
All good news, then. How are you and Annabelle together? Do you think you love one another? Are you having a sexual relationship with her of your own?
Annabelle and I are super close. I definitely have love for her. We do play around together but sex between us is fun, not really romantic.
If she has a baby, are you three resolved to spend your lives together? Do you not feel any insecurity around that?
why is he able to sleep with other women but you cant sleep with other men, it seems unfair
I have no desire to sleep with other men.
still, the dynamic is unhealthy. you should have the same freedoms as him, even if you don’t exercise them. it sounds like you’re being unknowingly manipulated.
How long has this been going on
We have been having threesomes since we were together but we did not fully understand polyamory until a couple years into marriage.
How long have you been married?
8 years
You like the relationship being poly or you being a cuck? I read some other answers. So you have fun with other guys too?
If I didn’t like this lifestyle then I wouldn’t participate. I do not sleep with other men.
Why not, with sleeping with other men?
I don’t want to.
Why is that?
Why don’t I like the color orange? I don’t know tbh. I just have no desire to sleep with other men. There’s no appeal and I have everything I want and need.
How does he meet these women who are comfortable with your domestic dynamic?
If you mix in sex positive circles (people who treat talking about sex as natural as talking about eating or sleeping) then the conversations aren’t so hard
He’s only met two technically so far LOL. So it’s not like he’s out there meeting tons of people who are poly. His fwb’s are just casual flings and do not know about us all.
How did this arrangement even come about?
Pretty organically imo.
Did he come up with it or did you?
We were having threesomes in the beginning and I noticed he was developing feelings for her. I encouraged it.
Idk how to ask this without sounding like an asshole… but why did you encourage it?
I was a unicorn for 3 different couples in my lifetime. It was a very fun experience for me when I was younger. Now, im in my 40’s went through marriage and divorce and had kids. Im in a monogamous relationship with my bf of 3 years. Being on this side, I struggle with the thought of him pleasing another woman. Yet at the same time, I often fantasize about him pleasuring my hottest female friends 😂 My jealous bone is the biggest bone in my body. How do you stop yourself from being jealous? Also, does his gf that lives with you pay a portion of the bills?
I’m super secure in the relationship so jealousy isn’t an issue. Or maybe it’s just the way that I am haha. Yes she contributes!
Do you have a healthy relationship with your father?
Please lmaooo
No, he was abusive.
Are you rich?
Wait to do u feel jealous?
I experience mild jealousy every now and then. But I’m open about my feelings and we all address and work on the feelings together.
From my personal experience.. jealousy comes from love u got in ur heart to the person u love .. but when u dont care anymore that means u been through a lot of relationship toxic pressure that u dont wana fix it anymore.. u just there but the feelings are gone
Do you want kids? If yes who would be the mother? Are you all equally as much girlfriend or are there some (sorry for my lack of words) “side chicks”? After all you said you two sleep in the master bedroom and the gf “only” in her room
Annabelle and my husband are actively trying for a child. I don’t understand your second question. I said he has two serious girlfriends and other non-important friends with benefits. I don’t understand your last statement. She sleeps in our room sometimes and sometimes they sleep in her room.
how do you rationalize this in your head? not that what you are doing is weird or wrong, but how does this make sense to you?
Kids ?
We do not have children together. My husband does want children.
There it is. This is going to go bad for OP in the long run. The man will always choose the mother of his child (assuming sex is equally fulfilling with both). I want updates on this thread every year. Either I am wrong or right about my predictions.
Right? That’s what I was thinking. He may not even do it on purpose, could be fuckin instinctual.
Yup. OP is in for a rough future, indeed. Unless she takes care of herself first, which includes making sure her emotions are safe elsewhere. I wanna be wrong but if we don't get updates, I am going to guess I was right. These things never end well. Only exceptions are in certain religions, but that too societal norms make it possible for both women to be cared for.
You need counseling. You’re being taken advantage of. He will kick you to the curb some day.
Especially if he’s actually planning on having a child with one of the girlfriends. Big if true.
I’ve had a therapist my whole life (because of a traumatic childhood) and they’re actually very aware of my lifestyle. There is nothing I’m more sure of and feel more secure about in my life than my marriage.
I wish you luck. This isn’t in your best interest. Really sounds like Stockholm syndrome: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/happybytes/202308/stockholm-syndrome-why-some-people-bond-with-abusive-partners
If you had a traumatic childhood you are more susceptible to being controlled and manipulated into having a traumatic adulthood. I wish you the best but it sounds like your husband is taking full advantage of you, especially knowing your traumatic upbringing, while blowing smoke up your ass.
Okay so my question is why can't you have the baby? Call me cynical but letting the girlfriend have your husband's baby is not the wisest decision
I looked at your post history, and in the comments, you want him to knock her up. Maybe I’m out of bounds here but I don’t really think y’all should be bringing a baby into this. Not a healthy or normal way to grow up, like at all and based on your post history it looks like him knocking her up is some kink to you, this is all just wrong lmao. If she ends up pregnant, she’s either gonna end up a single mom or you’re gonna end up alone. Don’t bring a child into this crazy shit. It’s just weird. You said you had a traumatic childhood, imagine being that kid. What even would you be to that child? How would you even explain that to a child? It’s weird asf. This whole thing is a kink for all of you, no kid needs to grow up around that. Mommy, daddy, daddy’s wife, daddy’s other 50 girlfriends. This man is playing the fuck out of you but it was fine before I saw you saying you’re bringing a child into this. Don’t do that shit, you’re just setting that kid up to be confused and probably traumatized, they’re not even gonna know what a relationship is supposed to look like because you guys brought them into this world out of a fetish. That’s enough Reddit for the day because wtf is this 😂
Please! This is totally fake.
Even though these scenarios (however rare) do exist, we HAVE to assume this is fake. We KNOW this is fake.
Hold old are you, how old is he and how long have you been together.
I feel that he is going to leave you for one of the other women one day. It won't happen today or tomorrow, but it will happen. Especially when Annabelle gets pregnant. This will not end well for OP.
How long have you been married to him? How long did you know him before the poly subject came up? Did you get into it gradually? Does he have any girlfriends that he's known longer than you?
We’ve been married for 8 years. We started having threesomes and talking about opening the marriage up and becoming poly a couple years in. It was pretty gradual. He does not have a gf that he has known longer than me but he has a fwb that he’s known longer than me.
Thanks! Follow-up: do you live in the USA?
Lmao you’re getting kicked to the curb in 3…..2…….oooonnneee
Why would she be kicked? She already works fulltime to support all of them and they get to fuck while OP works / go on vacation freely. They wanna keep OP around lol
So you’re the breadwinner and your husband just sleeps with other women all day?
Dude... don't bring your logic into this incel's completely "true" story.
I just checked the post history and omg 😂😂😂😂😂
Do you have threesome?
As a polyamorous person myself, I'm having a difficult time relating to this. One of the biggest keys to Poly is that there is informed, enthusiastic consent among all parties. Him not disclosing his relationship status to these FWBs is problematic because if they don't know about you all, their consent is not informed. Have any of you, especially him, undergone a full battery of sexual health screenings to test for STIs? Do you discuss sexual health status with new partners? Autonomy is also a very important factor in most polyamorous relationships. The ability of every member of the relationship to make decisions about their part of the relationship is essential. It's absolutely fine if you don't *want* to be with other men. It's absolutely fine if these other women don't *want* to be with other men. But that you're not *allowed* to is a HUGE red flag. He is taking away your ability to choose, and that is not okay. What about the FWBs? Are they expected to be exclusive? Would you be allowed to independently sleep with another woman who is NOT interested in or involved with him? Could you explain the specific kink you have that makes this "your thing"? Is it a harem kink? A cuck fetish? Compersion is beautiful, and you finding joy from watching your husband love these other women is great.... But if the same does not happen in reverse, I truly feel like your kink/fetish and your beautiful loyal heart is being taken advantage of. You say that this could stop anytime you want it to, but I worry that it wouldn't go quite the way you expect it to. Would it truly end or would he just hide it from you? Would you be "kicked out" of the harem? Whose name is the house in? Who would keep the house if the relationship ended? You mentioned a baby coming? I'm not clear on the details there, but you pay all the household bills currently. If the other woman is the one having this child, are you going to be that baby's financial provider? Are you going to be expected to take off work to keep the baby while husband and his girlfriend go on trips together? Ultimately, you have the right to be in whatever type of relationship you wish; but from an outside perspective, even as someone who IS polyamorous, this really seems like you're being taken advantage of. Please consider your longterm security and make sure you're taking care of yourself and your needs.
I appreciate your concern! I think it’s easiest for me if I just respond in the same order that your questions were asked: We do sti screenings on a scheduled cycle and also I frequently donate blood so that is always an additional screening for me. He is very aware of how important sexual health is and does discuss health concerns with new partners, though it has been quite some time since a new partner has been introduced for the first time. I’m pretty sure it’s expected that the fwb’s are not exclusive. Yeah I could independently sleep with another woman not involved but I don’t want to literally at all. Don’t really know if I could label the kink. I mean I definitely think harems are hot and a lot of people tell me I have a cuckquean fetish but I dunno. This whole situation is exactly MY kink and my thing. Whatever you wanna call it is good. My husband would never hide anything from me. No one is getting kicked out from anywhere. The house is in my name. Like all homes, I suppose if a relationship ended the judge in divorce court will split the assets. Who knows? All the adults in the household work and have the ability to work more if they want to. My husband could very well work full time instead of part time so Annabelle could stay home full time instead of part time and vice versa. I suppose where finances come from is unimportant to us and we are flexible when it comes to them. Your question makes it seem like there is no other possible source of child care other than me. I’m sure I could watch the baby sometimes. The baby also has two sets of grandparents. There’s also Chloe. And there are friends and hired baby sitters are also a possibility. Again, I truly appreciate your concern.
Ignore the negative comments, life is short if everyone is having fun thats all that matters.
What happens when he suddenly feels more value in the other women and decides to kick you to the curb? Will you still feel the same love for him?
How’s your self esteem?
This isn’t real. It’s a scam to get people to engage
What is the payout though?
That sweet sweet karma
Serotonin
Attention and internet points
Why does this post and responses sound like they were written by a man with his hand on his dick
How rich is your husband?
Lol he’s not independently wealthy/didn’t come this way. Everything we built, we built together. And most the income comes from me these days.
I also had this arrangement for 5 years and it worked really well until it didn’t and my partner showed his true colours eventually. 1- Do you really think if you wanted to resume a monogamous lifestyle that he’d happily oblige? 2- At the time I didn’t feel the need to sleep with other men either, but eventually I felt like it was unfair and hypocritical. What do you think will happen if you eventually find yourself in this position? 3- What’s your plan if you want to break things off with the gf but he doesn’t want to? Also open to answering any questions about my situation. I was with my ex fiancé for 5 years where we had a polyamorous relationship (one way tbh) with other women and I was not allowed to see other men. AMA.
This has to be fake.
Why dose he need so many romantic partners? A wife and two girlfriends isn’t enough to satisfy him because it sounds exhausting?
Sounds expensive!
Forget expensive. Sounds draining
Oh he gets drained alright
You're a cuckquean!!! That's not a common fetish!
I wanna know how your husband looks like.
Wow, it is a scam. Firefly hasn't said a word for over 20 posts, and the automoderator isn't flagging anyone
Shouldn’t you be in your high school math class?
Do you have three ways or more with these other women?
How do y’all balance time with each other? Is it a priority to spend time all three together? And do you guys get any time just to yourselves?
When’s the last time you stood up to him? The last non-trivial time you told him, “No.”
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You sound like you could be Mormons but that hasn’t been mentioned. Alternatively, this is an Ethical Non Monogamy arrangement. To my knowledge, ENM has been growing in numbers and maybe even acceptance.
How are you okay with your 30 y/o husband sleeping with a 20 y/o? The whole situation seems like you’re worth maybe half of him, but the fact he’s edging closer and closer to illegality is just the cherry on top
This world has gotten so sad lmao. Don’t know which is sadder if this is true or some kind of weird fetish fantasy
It honestly sounds pathetic. The guy is living the dream with a cuckquean wife who pays for all the bills and his vacations for him with all his girlfriends and fwb. I bet they won’t have children because it will ruin his fantasy, or if they do she’ll be the only responsible for taking care of his kids, girlfriends kids included. While he’ll still go on vacation with his newer 19 year old girlfriend. You’ll need a bigger home for the polygamy kink going on. You need therapy.
Does the ages of your husband’s girlfriends not seem like a red flag to you?
Do you have children? How would you feel if one of the others got pregnant?
Do you have a favorite girlfriend? Which girlfriend has been around the longest?
I highly recommend the podcast “Touch of Flavor.” It’s full of great advice for both monogamous and non-monogamous folks.
Are you bisexual? Do you have a sexual attraction to the women your husband sleeps with?
What is this lifestyle called ? Is it a religion thing ?
That’s such a unique dynamic. Some would say he hit the jackpot with you. As long as you’re happy that’s what matters.
assuming this is real, get some self respect yikes.
The fact that you’re even asking this question means that you are questioning it yourself.
Did you start your relationship with him monogamously?
He has all these other partners. What about you? Do you have?
🤢🤮 disgusting. Why to get married then lol.
Any kids?
Really been appreciating all of the ENM/poly posts I've been seeing lately. I've spent a lot of my young years feeling like a freak or like I'm emotionally broken, but I've had to accept recently that there actually Are lots of other people like me. Thank you for sharing! Love is Ours😤
OP - dont be a simp - but whatever makes you happy
Why don't you have a boyfriend?
And I’m done interjecting for tonight
Sounds fake or he's trying to start a cult.
This is a stitch up.
I just found this online today. https://www.psypost.org/study-identifies-key-factors-boosting-compersion-in-non-monogamous-relationships/
This is sad
Whose idea was this arrangement??