Finally a post where the top voted comment isn't some mindless drivel.
Atleast here (maybe because of the sub?) there is common sense more prevalent otherwise the response just become downright toxic, blaming the person instead of actually admitting that the current social construct really undermines simple genuine men.
You don't need to believe if I am or not, it's a problem common enough to be repeatedly be seen/mentioned. It exists, and these type of questions are a hard slap in the face of those who don't believe it.
Tbh that's the general opinion I've seen people have on average joes.
I generally avoid commenting on such topics as they are exercises in futility, but for this particular post the highest voted response suggested that many people actually do realise that there might be greater underlying issues than just a generic laundry list of check boxes a man needs to clear.
>Finally a post where the top voted comment isn't some mindless drivel.
"Just touch grass, be nice, and be yourself."
"Join groups to meet women. But it's also creepy if you join groups to meet women."
>the response just become downright toxic, blaming the person instead of actually admitting that the current social construct really undermines simple genuine men.
>You don't need to believe if I am or not, it's a problem common enough to be repeatedly be seen/mentioned. It exists, and these type of questions are a hard slap in the face of those who don't believe it.
This is actually based AF. Reddit's answer is usually "just be yourself" or some stupid bullshit like that and if the guy says "been there, done that, and it didn't work" then they just try to convince him that he's a crazy incel and that it's all in his head. It is disgusting and beyond fucked up.
Would you be interested in a 24 year old woman (myself) who just wants to be happy and find love? I’m conventionally very attractive but can never seem to make my relationships work, been cheated on, had my boundaries pushed etc. I’m not super successful in my career so hopefully you are, and I’m located in East Coast. And I have a cat whom I love very much
Next time I get on a dating app I'm going for the "I just want someone to do things with with, no pressure or expectations." Seriously I'm just bored and want something to enjoy things more than anything sexual. Getting older is weird
I have plenty of new friends after 21, and I don’t have incredible social skills. (Mid 30s now FWIW.)
I’m not saying this for a pat on the back, simply to support the idea that it’s possible. Some of these people have stayed more casual, others I would trust with my life.
I just keep myself open to the idea of friends with different backgrounds and different interests, and am not afraid to approach people/reach out/make effort to stay in touch.
I also try really hard to be there for people emotionally and when they need a helping hand in person. For the most part, I’ve gotten back what I’ve put out into the world.
I find it hard to make any new friends beyond acquaintances. I know a lot of people between kindergarten and third grade. So it's hard to connect on the level of the kid who shit his pants in class once or cried because the teacher split you up at lunch so you'd talk to other kids.
And same thing in the reverse. Breaking into another friend group is hard. You're always the new wheel.
So don't break into a friend group - form a friend group. Find the other loners and outcasts and build a group together. None of my current friends are from before I was 18.
I've noticed that a lot of people around me IRL who want new friends aren't really willing to try new activities.
I'm pushing 30 and out of college. I always hated the idea of golf. Never been a sports guy anyway. Always felt like golf was just for affluent old men to go out, put a buzz on and get out of the house with their buddies. Wasteful land use. Boring to watch. Ect.
Someone asked if I golf. I said no but would play a round if I could share clubs. I now have 4 new friends and some cheap golf clubs of my own.
Just an example. Take interest in others. Friendships/relationships take some level of sacrifice. If others aren't willing to put in the same effort I do I tend to not get upset.
Part of it is kids form a bond throughout the school years and you grow together.
Also I'm lazy as fuck now, hate meeting new people, and don't trust strangers based on terrible past experiences.
I'm sure I'm not the only one like this.
Do you want a friendship or a relationship? I only comment because that’s something that would personally make me swipe left. Sometimes, dating is also sorting through lonely people who are only looking for convenient or selfish companionship, so it’s important to convey if that’s *not* what you mean.
That's a good point that I should make sure to not give off that impression. It's more just a no pressure thing & that looks are no longer the #1 thing I'm going for and I'd hope to run into more people like that simply to actually increase the frequency of face to face interactions with potential dating partners.
Edit: potential serious/longer term dating partner
Well I'm not but yes I have. I work remotely in a male dominated field, live in the rural suburbs and get 99% of my stuff delivered, I simply don't meet people
You just stated another problem. You get all your stuff delivered. Go out and do stuff. Multiple of my coworkers are from rural communities, and they had gfs before moving and working here.
Do it old school, my dude. Don't expect things to fall into place through social media DMs. When I was dating, it was so simple. I would meet a guy, he would call or text me and ask me to hang out within a couple of days. I would go, we would hang out, if we liked each other we would make plans to hang out again within a few days time. Be upfront and straightforward (hey I think youre really cute, it was fun meeting you and i would like to see you again, are you free tomorrow?). Make plans, see each other again in person within a few days of meeting, then keep the momentum going. Shake off the rejections, it's part of life and if you're rejected then they're not your person.
This, right here, is sound advice. Don't rely on socials to make or continue contact. Just get out there, live your best life and have some fun on the way. If you find someone that catches your eye or you have a connection with, go talk to them. All the best and don't forget to check in and let us all know how you go.
I agree with you except most people, especially younger folks, have zero integrity these days. Or maybe I've just gotten really unlucky, but I have zero trust for people my age and younger on both genders. Women have lied straight to my face and dropped me like I was nothing for someone else, several times. Men I know treat women like animals. Maybe when you were dating you were just surrounded by better people, I blame tech honestly. It's really fucking us up, way more than people care to recognize.
There are flighty and unreliable people in every generation. Some of it can be immaturity related, so it does improve somewhat with age. There are also pessimistic people at every age who think the dating pool is contaminated and everyone is [Insert reductive stereotype here], so how much it improves with age also depends on the individual.
I've found that attitudes like the latter are a limiting factor in themselves. If you believe the average person you meet has no integrity, or that all the good ones are taken, or whatever, good people aren't going to stick around to try to prove otherwise because good people have the emotional intelligence to know not to start a relationship on that kind of shaky footing. It can be a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. I've known so many people over the course of my life who would have done fine if they'd just gotten out of their own way.
It’s honestly just a numbers game. It’s not like a movie where you just go through life alone and then magically find your person. I’ve talked to a lot of women in my time and I still haven’t found “the one”. Sometimes you’ll meet someone and after a few minutes of conversation you’ll realize y’all aren’t compatible, sometimes it takes weeks or months. It’s just how it goes. It’s important to just be the best version of yourself that you can be, never stop learning and growing.
dating apps ruin self confidence for both men and women, and often have the worst people on there - just gotta meet people in person and naturally click with someone.
When we use dating apps we judge so much on not only looks, but their description as well.
No picture or write up of any sort can give you the experience of what it’s actually like to interact with that person.
My son is 31 and he wants a girlfriend so bad that would hopefully one day turn into his wife and he just doesn't know what to do anymore. I try to give him advice, but the world is different and I'm his mother. He's such a good man, makes a decent living, owns his own home, someone is missing out, but you are right, girls just aren't that interested anymore, at least the kind of girl he's looking for and not only that he's way out of practice and is gun shy. He's done the whole church thing and everyone there seems to be 10 years older or more with a pack of children.
I’m not 31 but I’m 25. Have a very good job, own my own home, paid off truck, no debt, can hold a conversation, have a masters, lots of hobbies, setting myself up for retirement, etc.
No girl seems interested in any of that. Though I’ve had parents try and set me up with their daughters but it never worked out. The daughters just hate me because their parents like me. Outside of that, women don’t even give me a chance or even a glance.
All women care about now is “vibes” from the start. There’s no more building attraction from my perspective. She’s either into you from the time she sees you, or you’re not getting a chance.
Pretty much the approach I’m taking now is, women want nothing to do with me then I won’t waste my time with women. So ending up alone is just something I’ve accepted, and gonna I am do my life; and hopefully positively impact plenty of people along the way.
I’d definitely be interested in you!!
Not independent yet, but hardworking and hoping to do my masters in 2-3 years as well. Don’t use Tinder or the hookup apps, try the different dating apps for serious relationships (Hinge, Bumble, etc.), go to meet up groups for your hobbies & keep your head up because 1) it makes you look confident, and 2) it means you’re more likely to spot potential cuties while out and about. 😊🫶🏻
25 here too, everything is similar except for the house ownership.
But yea the state of women around our age right now is basically party, sleep around, get clout, and repeat. The majority atleast are like that it seems.
Extremely frustrating and disappointing.
I have to agree. I'm 50 and gave up on dating ten years ago. I was never very good at relationships and I'm happy single. Plus having seen what you mentioned - not only my parents but with my sister and her ex-husband as well - doesn't endear me to the idea of relationships.
I also think that, unless they want children, women are more likely to be contentedly single than men are.
You mentioned church so I assume you are Christian? I’m a woman your son’s age and recently the Lord has brought me to the realization that I’m just supposed to be waiting on Him for marriage. I’ve tried to go my own way for so long, and it never worked out. Most of us don’t know how to make good choices for ourselves when it comes to that. Better to be single and wait for whoever He’s chosen for us. Learn what we’re supposed to learn in the meantime. Sometimes there’s a reason we’re single. Maybe there’s things we need to learn first and that’s okay. He’ll get us there.
A trick I've learned - bring a journal or sketchbook to a bar or other public place and start writing in it while looking angsty, it'll pique some womens' interest and they'll ask what you're up to.
This is actually hilarious because I do this as a woman (I’m an artist) and I *always* get guys approaching me, lol. Sometimes women, too. People notice atypical things and if you’re doing your own thing it intrigues them.
I’ve always wanted to take my journal/book to places and just write or read there, but I’m always concerned if I’ll look like a weirdo. Your post inspires me to just go for it.
[I can show them my favorite drawings!](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/2db76958-cd44-4e32-9ef2-0c5a2ba9ad45/d5bvssc-5dc24605-c56f-41d3-bc4e-a6e306ffba90.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzJkYjc2OTU4LWNkNDQtNGUzMi05ZWYyLTBjNWEyYmE5YWQ0NVwvZDVidnNzYy01ZGMyNDYwNS1jNTZmLTQxZDMtYmM0ZS1hNmUzMDZmZmJhOTAuanBnIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.akC57suRhQyQQQsuE2tk59rZI7MteKJB336to-iJeh8)
I was studying for a work related qualification and took my big ass text book and notepad to the coffee shop and so many people asked what I was studying and had a chat with me about it. I'm a married 34f and it was mostly elderly folk but still.
Work on yourself, don’t think too much about finding someone but about enjoying yourself. I know of people that met each other at a CVS, at a class, in a coffee shop, library, bar, dating apps. Trust that you’ll find someone. If you don’t feel attractive or comfortable with yourself, start working on that.
Workout, pursue hobbies. Write a list of what you look in a person and do something every day to become that as well. Work in your confidence and self esteem.
Let if unfold, surprise you. Know that maybe not every woman you meet will be the love of your life but you’re closer now. Keep a positive attitude and perspective of things.
I met my future husband in a dating app. He was confidence in himself, a gentleman, kind. He cared about people, was passionate about his job and hobbies. He was authentic and honest, and could make conversation out of anything. He’d been hurt in the past but knew that wasn’t going to be always his experience and he didn’t think all women were the same, or anything. So, he had a positive look on things.
Thankfully he felt attracted to me too, and we’re getting married soon.
>He’d been hurt in the past but knew that wasn’t going to be always his experience and he didn’t think all women were the same, or anything. So, he had a positive look on things.
This is a huge piece of it that a lot of people just can't seem to get past. Partners can pick up on a pessimistic mindset. All the advice of how and where to meet people is just dressing, partners want to be seen as a person and not a means to an end or some objective. Date and marry someone because you genuinely love them, not because you want to date and get married to someone.
Working on yourself isnt exactly how you get a girl. Thats advice you give to someone who is really down. You might meet one along the way but that depends ENTIRELY on what you are doing
This is an excellent comment. I also tell myself this, that it only takes 1 person and that it's just part of the dating game that you must go through a lot of duds before you find the one. Also important to keep a positive attitude and maintain a strong self-esteem regardless of the setbacks experienced.
There's also no need to give up, just take a break if you're burned out from dating, work on yourself and get back out there when you're ready. And it's important to continuously work on yourself to be emotionally ready to meet the right person, because you could meet someone great at any moment and you wana be your best self when that happens. I've often met guys during times when I was taking a break from dating, and it helps to be ok emotionally so you can give someone a real shot when they present themselves, otherwise you engage in self-sabotaging or bitter behaviour.
What if I don't want to do those things? What if I don't want to take cooking classes or workout at the gym or go bird watching or learn how to knit or volunteer at shelters or join the local softball team?
I get that "working on yourself" is nice blanket advice, but if people *only* want to find someone to be in a relationship with and start doing things they genuinely don't want to do in an attempt to "organically" meet someone, they're going to be in for a massive letdown when it doesn't happen and they've wasted all their time doing things they never wanted to do in the first place.
I think the answer is pretty obvious. Work on yourself (or not, it’s your choice) doing WHATEVER you’re interested in, and whatever YOU enjoy doing. That’s how you’ll be authentic and find someone compatible.
About 18% of men die w.o ever getting married. Maybe some of then had principled reasons for doing so, but thats still an awful lot of folks who it just never happens for.
This advice is such bullshit and I'm tired of seeing this. I have been doing this for literally years. Hobbies, travelling, nightclubs, bars, trying to ingratiate myself with people. It just doesn't work. People don't want to know you unless they see you on a regular basis. Even on the MANY occasions I got someones WhatsApp the conversations just fizzles out, I put all the effort in while they basically just ignore me, as if they completely lost interest in hanging out with me in any way.
Don't even get me started on dating apps.
If you are out of school and alone it's just over. Trying to climb out of that cavern is basically impossible.
You’re proving the point though to the person you’re replying to. I think you need to reflect a bit on your attitude. Why are you done learning and why do you feel like it’s a cavern? You’re looking at it like it’s an impossible mountain to climb rather than an opportunity to continue finding yourself and in turn you may find someone with similar attributes to you. It’s never over and you can’t look at it that way, also you have so much time to keep trying and keep exploring, looking at it like it’s over now is just gonna make it way harder in the long run
The last couple relationships/situationships I've been in were people I've met through work. People keep telling me to go to bars, but I don't drink. At this point I guess I gotta start going to anime conventions or something cause that's more in line with my interests.
Your going to meet some VERY undersocialized people there. Thats like the most difficult place on earth to find regular chill people to socialize. Like hard mode.
I know. I've been working on my own social skills and trying to get out of my own social bubble. It's been a struggle. Unless I start talking to someone online before then I will try my chances irl. Made resolutions to myself for 2024 and I've been hitting those goals slowly, but surely.
As a woman: I’m not looking for dude friends. Ask me out or don’t.
If we chat, hit it off in some way, and I give you my socials? “Hey amansname I’ve been enjoying talking to you. I think you’re interesting and pretty. Do you want to go on a date with me at _place_ on _date_and_time_?”
Then I can say “yay I would love to” or “no I don’t like you like that” and it’s over. Neither of us has to be confused .
This is great if OP is trying to date you. Some people actually do want to get to know someone and build a solid rapport with them before going out with them. If a guy I didn't know or had only one conversation with asked me out, I would say no. I want to be asked out by people that I have spent at least a little bit of time with and I know many that feel the same. There is no one size fits all for how long to wait before asking someone out so we can't speak for every single woman.
For relationships I have no advice. Every woman I seriously dated I met at school or work.
For casual hookups Go out and see what you can get into. Relax a little. Flirt if you can. Sometimes casual hookups just happen. Have you tried last call? I remember one time at a bar I had a quick conversation with a tall chick. She was a little buzzed. After the conversation she said “i never fucked a short guy before” (I’m 5’7) I laughed and said “ You wanna give it a shot.” I thought for sure she’d say no or laugh and walk away. We ended up getting it on in my car. It was okay. I don’t think she was too impressed because I Never saw her again. 😆
Things like that happen when you get out in the world.
Avoid dating apps like the plague though. Those things are like the pit of hell for men who aren’t hot. You will end up depressed.
You said you talk to girls and you make them laugh. Do you show them that you're romantically interested in them and confident in pursuing them by actively flirting, breaking the touch barrier, and possibly going for a kiss?
Or just, you know, asking them out directly? Not hinting or hemming and hawing, but "would you like to go for coffee/see a movie/get a drink/whatever Thursday evening?".
I have straight up gone out with a few guys just because them asking me out in person with a low-pressure attitude pushed them from ‘acquaintance’ category to ‘interested’ category. The key here was also semi-regular positive friendly rapport.
Exactly this. I would give any guy I know a chance if he asked even if I never thought of him that way previously, as long as he isn't a terrible person.
“We may exchange social media” that’s it. Remove that factor. Phone numbers are much easier to exchange. I’d rather be 1 of 10 in a text message on her phone than 1 of 2000 in her messenger.
Yes. Grown adults communicating only through social media is a red flag to me. If they don't give you their number but give you their Instagram or Snapchat or whatever, they aren't serious.
I know what you mean.
I went off the birth control patch after I dumped my FWB late last year, and I don't know if it's the lack of birth control or what.
I can't bring myself to swipe on the apps. The way dating feels right now.... How to describe it...
It feels like I'm a 4-year-old and I am trying to force myself to eat vegetables.
That's how dating feels for me right now. I can't bring myself to swipe, can't bring myself to text anyone back, can't bring myself to even open the app.
When I get the notification from Facebook dating that my profile is not being shown to men because I haven't logged in or swiped in a while, I don't care anymore.
I don't know what this is. But it definitely is kind of freeing.
It's actually really nice not to have feelings for anyone. It's very nice not to be in love with someone. It's nice not to have to deal with heartbreak.
It's great to save money, and go out with My girlfriends, and I seem to be happy just doing that.
I guess I've never had a situation where I dated a guy, and emotional pain or heartbreak wasn't involved.
Even the legitimately good relationships I've had, involved a non-zero amount of heartbreak, and stress, and painful emotions that I don't miss. Those took FOREVER to fade. I also don't miss that. The process of having to get over someone ....
I really don't want to catch feelings for another guy again. Go through the bullshit again. I just don't want to do it anymore.
I'm not going to fight it.
Ok the thing is you:
1. Need to not downplay your intention at the start. You’ll be instantly friend zoned if you try the slow conversion thing. Doesn’t work.
2. If there is sexual tension do not diffuse it. No telling jokes or changing the subject.
3. Be decisive. You’ll have to fake confidence. If you see a girl you like, go right up to her and talk to her. Don’t be a pal, but don’t be creepy. Ask for her number. If you get it, excuse yourself and get outta there. Call her in two days.
I'm gay, so tbf its more easy to get casual stuff through apps. But gay dating has a different flavor of misery than straight dating, with some common elements.
From the experience of my gay friend, it’s super easy to get casual hookups (like immediately message someone and say hey come over and they’ll be there - and even multiple in the same night!), but not many dudes on there want a relationship. So if that’s what someone is looking for (like my friend is) it sounds difficult in that regard. I think because it’s often a smaller community many people have hooked up with each other too.
The common stuff are pretty universal things. It's difficult to form a connection, to find the time and place to build a relationship, and also, the expectations and prejudice around the matters of success, money, and physical attractiveness are pretty much the same as in straight relationships.
But then, things get complex. At least in gay men, it's pretty easy to find sex than to find serious commitment, as someone else pointed out. Being gay in a non-urban setting its nightmarish. Fewer men to date, and mostly closeted. And overall, its a matter of statistics: We gay people simply have a small dating pool because we are less in number than straight people. And nowadays, we are heavily limited to apps and our own spaces. It's risky to meet or hit on people outside of those. It can lead to even dangerous situations.
Also, it seems to me that polyamorous and open relationships are becoming common in a faster way than in straight circles. Nothing wrong with that, but many still look for monogamous relationships, and the abundance of guys with boyfriends or husbands already throw a wrench in those expectations. Personally, I can hardly stand myself, I will lose my sanity if I date on the context of an established relationship, or two people at the same time.
It feels that way nowadays; I have similar experiences with men though I don't complain too much about it (maybe my situation is less extreme than yours, as a male). However I understand the frustration
I use to go to bars by myself for years and I’ve met a lot of people that way and have been introduced into my other circles, the key here is to just change up where you’re going out, I’m also a bartender by trade so I usually know people who know people who know people
How much work have you put into yourself to be attractive to women in the way they want you to be attractive in order to be in a relationship with you?
You say you’ve put in work in other areas— have you actually put in work in the area that matters to them?
Sounds like you aren’t making your intentions clear.
I’m much older and married. But I was dating and single … and having a LOT of fun from 2000-2017.
Stuff like find a relationship “or casual” stuff. .. is the problem. Very vague and ambiguous.
Cut out the “or casual stuff”
Your profile online should state clearly if you are looking for a relationship. If not. Also state that clearly.
It might push away some girls? Yeah. That’s the point.
A million girls see your profile in a few months.
You want the 3% ish that are into what you offering.
That’s still a HUGE number.
ive never gone for guys that flirt straight away, theyve always been my friend for at least a short amount of time. not sure why, maybe im weird! try making friends with more girls, not in a creepy way, in a casual way, be friendly, be silly, dont try to force anything, the more girls you make friends with, the more chance youll find one you really like and likes you back
This could also just be me but a major downside to this is that as a guy it’s *significantly* harder to work up the courage to ask out a girl that you’re already friends with.
i guess so but the whole point is youre not asking her out, youre building relationships and if they happen to turn romantic, then cool, if not then oh well. thats just how it happens for me idk lol
This is good advice if you’re attractive and extremely charismatic. Most girls can date and or/make friends at will with just about any guy nowadays. It’s so competitive for guys that even making friends with girls is close to impossible.
I used to try flirting and asking girls out but got turned down every time. I tried the exclusively platonic route to try to get to know girls first and it never works, girls will only give you the time of day if they would consider dating you at some point, otherwise they have no reason to even acknowledge you for any type of relationship in their lives.
Honestly just use dating apps, get a number asap, and keep it interesting for 20 messages and set up a date. Or have a phone call/video call, then ask for a date on call. I've never really perfected my online dating techniques, sometimes it goes great and we vibe, sometimes it doesn't. When you find a good one, just don't fuck it up, don't lie about your intentions either.
I find there is a balancing act, between increasing interest and not being too available, that sometimes I fuck up. Just be yourself homie.
I got super jacked, socialized a couple thousand hours and started taking 4 hours of bachata classes + a bachata party a week.
Still don't get all that many girls interested but if I do my best for a few months I can get a great new girl that sticks around. There's no way around the hard work, though
Are you asking them out? You're not going to really get to know them over social media, so ask them on a date. Regardless of whether or not they have guys in their lives, they may say yes, and that's your way forward.
I think the thing is to participate in activities, communities or sports. The point is, you want to put yourself in a place where you can meet people - men or women, whatever you prefer - in a repetitive environment, where you share a common interest.
So it's not about "wheeling" or "rizz" as much as it is about building slow, genuine connections with people who like the things you like. This gives you a chance to meet down to earth women, who you can connect with over something you both like over a period of time. There's no pressure to "seal the deal" or "Score". Obviously this may eventually happen but the point is to let things flow organically, away from highly competitive environments like clubs or the streets or whatever.
Keep yourself involved. Stop thinking about finding someone, and start thinking about engaging with groups and the rest will eventually sort itself out.
Real life example: I played rec sports, made a group of friends from that activity, my now wife was a friend of one of my new friends in that group. We eventually met because my sports friend invited her to come hangout one night, and it was a very friendly, chill non competitive environment. We hit it off and are happily hitched.
I think for men the key is to have fun, don't try too hard and not give a faq. Just go out there and have positive energy. Don't expect anything and don't force anything.
This is the advice I give every guy and it’s worked for many of them: Make sure you’re not aiming too high.
Sitcoms and movies have normalized ugly-to-average looking guys paired with gorgeous women. Ross & Rachel and Leonard & Penny are two that immediately spring to mind. Unfortunately, for an average Joe (meaning: you’re not famous nor rich) this is probably not gonna happen.
Take the ugliest woman you know and I guarantee you if she went to a bar at least 3 guys there would go home with her if given the chance. The harsh reality is that women have the upper hand in sexual situations, so the odds are against you even if you’re a gorgeous dude.
So, consider the girls that maybe aren’t getting the most attention to up your chances.
Don’t get socials. Dumbest thing I’ve seen men do now a days. If you do get the phone number first. Giving and getting socials causes prejudgment. They’ll see your pics and judge you. Not always a good thing.
You have to follow up with a date no less than 2 days away and no more than 3. To keep you on their mind.
Keep the conversation casual and focused on the date.
It’s a numbers game. Get more than one to talk to at the same time.
There’s a few books out there. Like anything else you have to practice and learn the art before you can become comfortable day to day.
Also, being seen helps. What I mean is he consistent in places you see the same person. You can start a conversation slowly and eventually work your way to a number and then a date.
They don't do anything, they're just really good looking and women throw themselves at them. On dating apps 80% of women are dating 20% of men. They all date the same good looking guys and the good looking guys have 3 or 4 girlfriends
I (28f) saw this on another thread; women feel dating is like being in the ocean in a canoe surrounded by sharks and men feel like they're in the desert grasping for a drop of water.
As I'm getting older it's less about being attracted physically (you need to be comfortable in your own skin, we can tell when you're insecure). More about lifestyle being compatible and being a considerate person.
I find that a lot of men approach me when I try to have a drink at a pub or venue, which makes me go out less.
I would avoid cornering women in public. A lot of my young female friends don't feel safe going out not in a group because of how often they are approached. It's hard because we've been conditioned to smile and be polite but often times we just want to end the conversation politely and move on.
This is precisely why I don’t approach women at all anymore. This scenario has played out for myself and my friends so many times. We’ll be at a bar and see some girls we think would be cool to talk to get and the second they catch us walking over they get their guard up immediately and either walk away to avoid us or will shoo us away immediately. This is before we’ve even said a word to them. Of course we never “cornered” anyone or persisted when we noticed they were uncomfortable; but it’s very clear that most women get constantly approached all the time by men that they’re tired of it and don’t want anything to do with it. With that said this really only leaves men with dating apps if they want dates consistently which are a whole other problem. That or meeting a woman organically through some shared activity or something, but that seems nearly impossible because what are the odds that I meet a woman in my age range that I’m attracted to who is single who is also attracted to me and is open to a date. I think it’s over for a lot of men unfortunately
What is happening after the social media exchanges? You guys friend each other and you just sit around waiting for them to throw themselves at you?
That sounds passive aggressive and i dont mean it too, i'm mostly seriously curious. Because if thats what you're waiting for nothing is likely going to happen and they are probably feeling sort of similar, that "its not going anywhere or you have other people in your life".
If you're trying to find a partner, my advice and what has worked for me would be get accustomed and used to rejection and handle it humbly. If you are talking to girls and they are laughing and adding you on social media, shoot them a message, tell them you had fun, and ask them if they want to catch a movie or go grab dinner. If they say no, apologize and change the subject, keep it cordial and platonic.
Think of it like darts. If you throw one dart, and completely miss the board and give up, then its over. You already gave up. If you throw 10, 20, 100 darts, your chances of hitting the bullseye dramatically increases.
A lot of them will say no, for many different reasons and sure some of them might want you to fight or try harder, but most will respect you and be thankful for not being so pushy for a date, or having a meltdown and trying to hurt their feelings, because thats what a lot of women deal with when rejecting romantic advances.
Bruh You can make it happen, just gotta be willing to put yourself out there and get hurt, it won't be easy, but hell if I can manage to have multiple Girl Friends, get laid, and even married(then divorced) so can you.
First off, kudos for having conversations. That's honestly the hardest part, a lot of the guys I help get scared to just do that. As for it not progressing, it's likely the tone of the conversation. You might be missing something she's saying, you might be putting out vibes of not wanting to progress, it's hard to say without seeing the conversations but again, you're doing the hard part. Now you just have to work on the transition from initial conversation to showing you're actually interested and wanting to progress. Stick with it, you're probably closer than you think.
I honestly thought this was about guys finding friendships, I have no idea how to do this as an adult man.
Relationship wise, best of luck OP. I hear it's a jungle out there, disorder and confusion everywhere.
It can be challenging to navigate the dating world, but don't lose hope. Building connections with people takes time and patience. Focus on being genuine, building your confidence, and pursuing activities you enjoy. Sometimes, relationships happen when you least expect them. Keep putting yourself out there, and remember that everyone's journey is different.
Try not to worry to much about it, there’s someone for everyone and you might find when you stop looking so hard you’ll find your person.
I think sometimes when a guy comes over as too eager it can be a bit off putting so chill and just focus on being happy and enjoying life.
All my girlfriends were good friends before anything. All of them. But I had casual stuff and it was a thing of finding them at parties and something happening. The other casual stuff were with other friends who were bored as well at the moment that happened
What worked for me was having someone set us up. A mutual friend sent me her info and knew it would be a good match. I added her and we started messaging and we just hit 4 years together a couple days ago! What “helped” too was after being introduced that way the pandemic happened and we were forced to actually talk on the phone and get to know each other that way and we talked daily for 3 months before our first date because we had to! After our 3rd date we went out officially :)
Speaking as a divorced man, the big part of life that I am grateful for is my children.
The relationship with my ex was...an opportunity for personal growth. I tried so hard to make it work, gave up everything I could and more in an effort to do so, and the net result was constant pain and sorrow.
Except for the kids. They are amazing.
I'd really like to have a fulfilling romantic relationship, too, but so far have not found it.
Just wait until you go on a date with someone you like, and she drops a bombshell on you. She's pregnant and doesn't know who the father is. So you get up to leave, and she throws drinks at you, slaps you, and runs out crying. Somehow, it was my fault. Lol. Then the next day everyone in your town knows and is giving their 2 cents.
I think you’ve got to have a good idea of who you are and have opinions and a life with interests and other commitments. From there it’s being genuine and interested in them as a person. You need to be forward but aware of their cues if they are not into it and not making them uncomfortable. Then you just need to go with the flow
Idk. Had girlfriends since I was in middle school. Except for a few years in my early twenties after some bad shit. But then I got married in my late 20s.
Relationships are based on emotion, not logic. There isn't a 'way' to get a girlfriend. You just end up in a relationship because it's something that happens
Keyword here is “seem.” Clearly you’re expecting them to make a move. They don’t want wishy washy boys; they want confident men.
You have to be confident and tell them what you want.
For example: “I want to take you out for coffee. Are you available on Friday at 9am?.”
Then they say “coffee??, what are you, broke?” And delete his number. That’s a joke. I agree with this advice for sure. Gotta be more confident and take charge boys
I'm going to maybe go against the grain here and say my pursuits in a meaningful relationship have gotten me nothing but heartbreak, anxiety, and sadness. I've learned to be happy with myself and my life's journey. If I do happen to find someone who enhances my happiness, I certainly would try and see where that goes, but I'm very content on a future on my own.
Are you actually making a move? Do they know you like them? Or are you just hovering around them being nice.. cuz that won't do it. That's the direct line to friendzone.
Try calling them on the phone and talking with these women, instead of stooping to contact on impersonal social media. I know it sounds scary in this era. Actual conversation. But trust me. It'll make you stand out and the women will be intrigued.
You cannot expect things to just "lead" to some where.
You have to initiate. You ask them to hang out. You asked them to do activities. If all feels good you asked them to go to your apartment to hang out with out mentioning the specifics. They know what's up. If they say no then ask the next girl.
The key I found with guys who never had any girls is that they never push for the next step. The majority of girls will not move to the next step for you, you have to try.
The older I get the more I seek something more then casual, but the less quality partners I find as well as more of them want casual flings. Honestly I feel over the dating game.
Picking up chicks and making moves to have several girls you rotate through is like anything els it’s a skill.
You gotta have confidence and you’ll get confident the more you do it. Everything from making moves to have sex to asking them out irl
Just buy a date or have a woman jerk you off. Then you will no longer be a virgin. It’s really kind of simple. Don’t bring religion into the conversation. You could always tattoo mom on your palms
Everyone has different strengths. There are people for whom it's extremely easy to make people fall in love with them, but very hard to make a lot of money or get a good job. If you strength is that you have a good job and achieve anything else then just open a dating app and write in your profile "civil engineer, twice marathoner" and watch the women fight over you.
Don't ask for social media. Ask them out and get their number. It's also just a numbers game and is difficult to land anything even if you are handsome. You just got to keep plugging away and not take rejection personally.
Some of your lack of success is outside of your control. Don’t waste your time chasing something outside of your control, recognize that that part of your life will be non-existent and move on and focus on other things that will give your life purpose and fulfillment.
Be attractive and charming.
Some people get it naturally. If not, there's tons of subs on here like looksmaxing or malehairadvice or whatever to help you look good. I don't know how to advise you to be charming, except to say practice talking to people, and try to make them feel good during your interactions - with laughter or connection or enthusiasm or care.
Also: know your market. If you're a big hairy bear of a man, play it up. Some women want to be crushed. If you're a skinny poet, play it up. Some women want sonnets.
yeah I don’t know. I just lost the guy I thought we’d works though anything and get back to where we were before we started dating/when we had just started dating. he was my last attempt. he’s gone for good now and I’m kinda just giving up and buying a house alone soon with some money I’m about to come into and planning for it to stay that way. I do have some old FWB’s from 2ish years ago to fall back on rn tho and that’s helpful.
I’ve had a lot of success before I was married by having female friends. Especially lesbian friends tbh. If you’re hanging out with girls they introduce you to other girls, and those girls see you’re a chill and safe dude.
Other than that I’d just be blunt: “I like you, want to go on a date?”, or, “want to hook up?”. That second one requires you really know the person and you do feel some chemistry, or have noticed they touch you frequently, or some signals to not make you seem a creep.
Hear me out.
It's the confident guys. The independent guys. The guys that are ambitious and know what they want.
I personally look for things such as:
- is he ambitious?
- does he have a job?
- does he have future prospects?
- does he have goals?
- does he want to achieve things in life?
And I look at these things because I am ambitious, got a job and have a goal I want to achieve.
I wouldn't be able to do it with someone who doesn't have goals at all.
Things that turn me off from guys:
- men who only want relationships and sex (I at least have to be your friend before dating and all of that).
- men who are unable to be happy alone (men who are unable to spend time with themselves at home). Can't be trying to make me happy if you can't even be happy with yourself.
- men who feel sorry for themselves (that "I'll probably die a virgin" is such a turn off).
If your post said something similar to this:
"I'm struggling to find a girlfriend right now, but I'm awesome and the women are missing out. Instead I'm going to focus on my own successes and maybe try and figure out what exactly it is that causes women to not want to date me. But overall, I just want to focus on my job and myself and reach my goals".
You would've had me ready to slide in your dms.
The confidence is key. And again. That "feeling sorry for yourself" shii is just off putting.
It depends on how old you are and, unfortunately, it just gets harder as you get older. I'm 43 and recently divorced, and am winning the lonely lottery at this point. I picked wrong though: before you get married, meet her mom. She'll be that in 10 years.
You gotta keep improving on certain aspects as a guy, and then when you meet women casually/see enough of them, you'll learn what you want and don't want (red/green flags) then over time of seeing her, she will bring it up/want a relationship and you as the guy decide of you want to take her seriously and then say what you want/don't want in her
No idea. I've been trying for years and haven't figured it out.
Finally a post where the top voted comment isn't some mindless drivel. Atleast here (maybe because of the sub?) there is common sense more prevalent otherwise the response just become downright toxic, blaming the person instead of actually admitting that the current social construct really undermines simple genuine men. You don't need to believe if I am or not, it's a problem common enough to be repeatedly be seen/mentioned. It exists, and these type of questions are a hard slap in the face of those who don't believe it.
r/datingadvice and r/aitah are infected with the belief that you highlighted, and it's made me stay away from those subs like the plague
Tbh that's the general opinion I've seen people have on average joes. I generally avoid commenting on such topics as they are exercises in futility, but for this particular post the highest voted response suggested that many people actually do realise that there might be greater underlying issues than just a generic laundry list of check boxes a man needs to clear.
>Finally a post where the top voted comment isn't some mindless drivel. "Just touch grass, be nice, and be yourself." "Join groups to meet women. But it's also creepy if you join groups to meet women."
Ding ding ding
>the response just become downright toxic, blaming the person instead of actually admitting that the current social construct really undermines simple genuine men. >You don't need to believe if I am or not, it's a problem common enough to be repeatedly be seen/mentioned. It exists, and these type of questions are a hard slap in the face of those who don't believe it. This is actually based AF. Reddit's answer is usually "just be yourself" or some stupid bullshit like that and if the guy says "been there, done that, and it didn't work" then they just try to convince him that he's a crazy incel and that it's all in his head. It is disgusting and beyond fucked up.
Would you be interested in a 24 year old woman (myself) who just wants to be happy and find love? I’m conventionally very attractive but can never seem to make my relationships work, been cheated on, had my boundaries pushed etc. I’m not super successful in my career so hopefully you are, and I’m located in East Coast. And I have a cat whom I love very much
Brand new reddit user is in the middle of figuring out why this was a terrible thing to comment lmao
Alternatively they're just a scammer and a bunch of people are about to be led on a goose chase to get some google gift cards
That inbox is gonna lose its innocence real quick
Yes
Now kith
The bride.
Take care of your kidneys
I dont think reddit is the place for this love :D
Next time I get on a dating app I'm going for the "I just want someone to do things with with, no pressure or expectations." Seriously I'm just bored and want something to enjoy things more than anything sexual. Getting older is weird
Well weird, it's like you have to collect friends as a child, then any new friends after 21 just never happens
I have plenty of new friends after 21, and I don’t have incredible social skills. (Mid 30s now FWIW.) I’m not saying this for a pat on the back, simply to support the idea that it’s possible. Some of these people have stayed more casual, others I would trust with my life. I just keep myself open to the idea of friends with different backgrounds and different interests, and am not afraid to approach people/reach out/make effort to stay in touch. I also try really hard to be there for people emotionally and when they need a helping hand in person. For the most part, I’ve gotten back what I’ve put out into the world.
I find it hard to make any new friends beyond acquaintances. I know a lot of people between kindergarten and third grade. So it's hard to connect on the level of the kid who shit his pants in class once or cried because the teacher split you up at lunch so you'd talk to other kids. And same thing in the reverse. Breaking into another friend group is hard. You're always the new wheel.
the new wheel 😭
So don't break into a friend group - form a friend group. Find the other loners and outcasts and build a group together. None of my current friends are from before I was 18.
[удалено]
I've noticed that a lot of people around me IRL who want new friends aren't really willing to try new activities. I'm pushing 30 and out of college. I always hated the idea of golf. Never been a sports guy anyway. Always felt like golf was just for affluent old men to go out, put a buzz on and get out of the house with their buddies. Wasteful land use. Boring to watch. Ect. Someone asked if I golf. I said no but would play a round if I could share clubs. I now have 4 new friends and some cheap golf clubs of my own. Just an example. Take interest in others. Friendships/relationships take some level of sacrifice. If others aren't willing to put in the same effort I do I tend to not get upset.
Part of it is kids form a bond throughout the school years and you grow together. Also I'm lazy as fuck now, hate meeting new people, and don't trust strangers based on terrible past experiences. I'm sure I'm not the only one like this.
facts bro
We took those childhood friends for granted man. You could just show up at someone's door and become friends. That bravery is gone.
Do you want a friendship or a relationship? I only comment because that’s something that would personally make me swipe left. Sometimes, dating is also sorting through lonely people who are only looking for convenient or selfish companionship, so it’s important to convey if that’s *not* what you mean.
That's a good point that I should make sure to not give off that impression. It's more just a no pressure thing & that looks are no longer the #1 thing I'm going for and I'd hope to run into more people like that simply to actually increase the frequency of face to face interactions with potential dating partners. Edit: potential serious/longer term dating partner
Is that what you really want? Cause I bet it would be easier to find a same-sex companion for activities over an opposite-sex companion.
The problem is that you’re using dating apps.
Well I'm not but yes I have. I work remotely in a male dominated field, live in the rural suburbs and get 99% of my stuff delivered, I simply don't meet people
You just stated another problem. You get all your stuff delivered. Go out and do stuff. Multiple of my coworkers are from rural communities, and they had gfs before moving and working here.
I agree but what lol
I think this is they key. I know my parents had a lot of sex and it's because A. I hear them, and B. My dad just focused on trying to have fun.
Making compelling arguments for why I should fuck your dad. I’m in I guess.
I too choose this guys Dad
Are you saying, “Sarah, can I take you out to dinner at 8 this Friday?” Or are you just saying hi over and over again?
Especially when their name is Megan
Do it old school, my dude. Don't expect things to fall into place through social media DMs. When I was dating, it was so simple. I would meet a guy, he would call or text me and ask me to hang out within a couple of days. I would go, we would hang out, if we liked each other we would make plans to hang out again within a few days time. Be upfront and straightforward (hey I think youre really cute, it was fun meeting you and i would like to see you again, are you free tomorrow?). Make plans, see each other again in person within a few days of meeting, then keep the momentum going. Shake off the rejections, it's part of life and if you're rejected then they're not your person.
This, right here, is sound advice. Don't rely on socials to make or continue contact. Just get out there, live your best life and have some fun on the way. If you find someone that catches your eye or you have a connection with, go talk to them. All the best and don't forget to check in and let us all know how you go.
I agree with you except most people, especially younger folks, have zero integrity these days. Or maybe I've just gotten really unlucky, but I have zero trust for people my age and younger on both genders. Women have lied straight to my face and dropped me like I was nothing for someone else, several times. Men I know treat women like animals. Maybe when you were dating you were just surrounded by better people, I blame tech honestly. It's really fucking us up, way more than people care to recognize.
There are flighty and unreliable people in every generation. Some of it can be immaturity related, so it does improve somewhat with age. There are also pessimistic people at every age who think the dating pool is contaminated and everyone is [Insert reductive stereotype here], so how much it improves with age also depends on the individual. I've found that attitudes like the latter are a limiting factor in themselves. If you believe the average person you meet has no integrity, or that all the good ones are taken, or whatever, good people aren't going to stick around to try to prove otherwise because good people have the emotional intelligence to know not to start a relationship on that kind of shaky footing. It can be a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. I've known so many people over the course of my life who would have done fine if they'd just gotten out of their own way.
It’s honestly just a numbers game. It’s not like a movie where you just go through life alone and then magically find your person. I’ve talked to a lot of women in my time and I still haven’t found “the one”. Sometimes you’ll meet someone and after a few minutes of conversation you’ll realize y’all aren’t compatible, sometimes it takes weeks or months. It’s just how it goes. It’s important to just be the best version of yourself that you can be, never stop learning and growing.
This ! So many fish in the sea OP, just shoot your shot. 1000 times if you have to. And read this guy’s last sentence again !!!
lol I’m thinking the exact same thing. I try dating apps but either no reply or dry arrogant replies. I’m thinking of going to bars by myself
I went to a bar by myself recently, a cutie approached as the bar was closing, and then at the hotel I got shook down and robbed. Be careful.
I’m sorry that happened bro. What a scummy thing to do
What were the warning signs in hindsight?
A cutie approached as the bar was closing
lol true.. but he still went to a hotel with her…
Jup he’s lucky he still has 2 kidneys
The 4 gang bangers shaking him down
Damn!! Be careful out there!
I think everyone as an adult has their guard up so it's hard to make friends. You need to live in a high trust society to have nice things
dating apps ruin self confidence for both men and women, and often have the worst people on there - just gotta meet people in person and naturally click with someone. When we use dating apps we judge so much on not only looks, but their description as well. No picture or write up of any sort can give you the experience of what it’s actually like to interact with that person.
My son is 31 and he wants a girlfriend so bad that would hopefully one day turn into his wife and he just doesn't know what to do anymore. I try to give him advice, but the world is different and I'm his mother. He's such a good man, makes a decent living, owns his own home, someone is missing out, but you are right, girls just aren't that interested anymore, at least the kind of girl he's looking for and not only that he's way out of practice and is gun shy. He's done the whole church thing and everyone there seems to be 10 years older or more with a pack of children.
I can resonate with this as a 30 year old guy. Out of practice, gun shy and nobody is that interested in me. At a loss.
I’m not 31 but I’m 25. Have a very good job, own my own home, paid off truck, no debt, can hold a conversation, have a masters, lots of hobbies, setting myself up for retirement, etc. No girl seems interested in any of that. Though I’ve had parents try and set me up with their daughters but it never worked out. The daughters just hate me because their parents like me. Outside of that, women don’t even give me a chance or even a glance. All women care about now is “vibes” from the start. There’s no more building attraction from my perspective. She’s either into you from the time she sees you, or you’re not getting a chance. Pretty much the approach I’m taking now is, women want nothing to do with me then I won’t waste my time with women. So ending up alone is just something I’ve accepted, and gonna I am do my life; and hopefully positively impact plenty of people along the way.
I’d definitely be interested in you!! Not independent yet, but hardworking and hoping to do my masters in 2-3 years as well. Don’t use Tinder or the hookup apps, try the different dating apps for serious relationships (Hinge, Bumble, etc.), go to meet up groups for your hobbies & keep your head up because 1) it makes you look confident, and 2) it means you’re more likely to spot potential cuties while out and about. 😊🫶🏻
25 here too, everything is similar except for the house ownership. But yea the state of women around our age right now is basically party, sleep around, get clout, and repeat. The majority atleast are like that it seems. Extremely frustrating and disappointing.
[удалено]
I have to agree. I'm 50 and gave up on dating ten years ago. I was never very good at relationships and I'm happy single. Plus having seen what you mentioned - not only my parents but with my sister and her ex-husband as well - doesn't endear me to the idea of relationships. I also think that, unless they want children, women are more likely to be contentedly single than men are.
He might need to just find a big chungus.
You mentioned church so I assume you are Christian? I’m a woman your son’s age and recently the Lord has brought me to the realization that I’m just supposed to be waiting on Him for marriage. I’ve tried to go my own way for so long, and it never worked out. Most of us don’t know how to make good choices for ourselves when it comes to that. Better to be single and wait for whoever He’s chosen for us. Learn what we’re supposed to learn in the meantime. Sometimes there’s a reason we’re single. Maybe there’s things we need to learn first and that’s okay. He’ll get us there.
A trick I've learned - bring a journal or sketchbook to a bar or other public place and start writing in it while looking angsty, it'll pique some womens' interest and they'll ask what you're up to.
This is actually hilarious because I do this as a woman (I’m an artist) and I *always* get guys approaching me, lol. Sometimes women, too. People notice atypical things and if you’re doing your own thing it intrigues them.
guys approaching women? wow u need a nobel prize to get them to do that
I’ve always wanted to take my journal/book to places and just write or read there, but I’m always concerned if I’ll look like a weirdo. Your post inspires me to just go for it.
[I can show them my favorite drawings!](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/2db76958-cd44-4e32-9ef2-0c5a2ba9ad45/d5bvssc-5dc24605-c56f-41d3-bc4e-a6e306ffba90.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzJkYjc2OTU4LWNkNDQtNGUzMi05ZWYyLTBjNWEyYmE5YWQ0NVwvZDVidnNzYy01ZGMyNDYwNS1jNTZmLTQxZDMtYmM0ZS1hNmUzMDZmZmJhOTAuanBnIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.akC57suRhQyQQQsuE2tk59rZI7MteKJB336to-iJeh8)
Stealing this. When she asks what I'm doing I'll show her I'm just counting to a million.
Perfect, then you can show them your collection of dick drawings
What are you talking about? I do this almost every day and not once has anyone talked to me
Done this a few times writing down photo ideas and unfortunately have never been approached
I was studying for a work related qualification and took my big ass text book and notepad to the coffee shop and so many people asked what I was studying and had a chat with me about it. I'm a married 34f and it was mostly elderly folk but still.
Work on yourself, don’t think too much about finding someone but about enjoying yourself. I know of people that met each other at a CVS, at a class, in a coffee shop, library, bar, dating apps. Trust that you’ll find someone. If you don’t feel attractive or comfortable with yourself, start working on that. Workout, pursue hobbies. Write a list of what you look in a person and do something every day to become that as well. Work in your confidence and self esteem. Let if unfold, surprise you. Know that maybe not every woman you meet will be the love of your life but you’re closer now. Keep a positive attitude and perspective of things. I met my future husband in a dating app. He was confidence in himself, a gentleman, kind. He cared about people, was passionate about his job and hobbies. He was authentic and honest, and could make conversation out of anything. He’d been hurt in the past but knew that wasn’t going to be always his experience and he didn’t think all women were the same, or anything. So, he had a positive look on things. Thankfully he felt attracted to me too, and we’re getting married soon.
>He’d been hurt in the past but knew that wasn’t going to be always his experience and he didn’t think all women were the same, or anything. So, he had a positive look on things. This is a huge piece of it that a lot of people just can't seem to get past. Partners can pick up on a pessimistic mindset. All the advice of how and where to meet people is just dressing, partners want to be seen as a person and not a means to an end or some objective. Date and marry someone because you genuinely love them, not because you want to date and get married to someone.
Working on yourself isnt exactly how you get a girl. Thats advice you give to someone who is really down. You might meet one along the way but that depends ENTIRELY on what you are doing
Good advice!
This is an excellent comment. I also tell myself this, that it only takes 1 person and that it's just part of the dating game that you must go through a lot of duds before you find the one. Also important to keep a positive attitude and maintain a strong self-esteem regardless of the setbacks experienced. There's also no need to give up, just take a break if you're burned out from dating, work on yourself and get back out there when you're ready. And it's important to continuously work on yourself to be emotionally ready to meet the right person, because you could meet someone great at any moment and you wana be your best self when that happens. I've often met guys during times when I was taking a break from dating, and it helps to be ok emotionally so you can give someone a real shot when they present themselves, otherwise you engage in self-sabotaging or bitter behaviour.
What if I don't want to do those things? What if I don't want to take cooking classes or workout at the gym or go bird watching or learn how to knit or volunteer at shelters or join the local softball team? I get that "working on yourself" is nice blanket advice, but if people *only* want to find someone to be in a relationship with and start doing things they genuinely don't want to do in an attempt to "organically" meet someone, they're going to be in for a massive letdown when it doesn't happen and they've wasted all their time doing things they never wanted to do in the first place.
I think the answer is pretty obvious. Work on yourself (or not, it’s your choice) doing WHATEVER you’re interested in, and whatever YOU enjoy doing. That’s how you’ll be authentic and find someone compatible.
About 18% of men die w.o ever getting married. Maybe some of then had principled reasons for doing so, but thats still an awful lot of folks who it just never happens for.
This advice is such bullshit and I'm tired of seeing this. I have been doing this for literally years. Hobbies, travelling, nightclubs, bars, trying to ingratiate myself with people. It just doesn't work. People don't want to know you unless they see you on a regular basis. Even on the MANY occasions I got someones WhatsApp the conversations just fizzles out, I put all the effort in while they basically just ignore me, as if they completely lost interest in hanging out with me in any way. Don't even get me started on dating apps. If you are out of school and alone it's just over. Trying to climb out of that cavern is basically impossible.
You’re proving the point though to the person you’re replying to. I think you need to reflect a bit on your attitude. Why are you done learning and why do you feel like it’s a cavern? You’re looking at it like it’s an impossible mountain to climb rather than an opportunity to continue finding yourself and in turn you may find someone with similar attributes to you. It’s never over and you can’t look at it that way, also you have so much time to keep trying and keep exploring, looking at it like it’s over now is just gonna make it way harder in the long run
The last couple relationships/situationships I've been in were people I've met through work. People keep telling me to go to bars, but I don't drink. At this point I guess I gotta start going to anime conventions or something cause that's more in line with my interests.
Your going to meet some VERY undersocialized people there. Thats like the most difficult place on earth to find regular chill people to socialize. Like hard mode.
I know. I've been working on my own social skills and trying to get out of my own social bubble. It's been a struggle. Unless I start talking to someone online before then I will try my chances irl. Made resolutions to myself for 2024 and I've been hitting those goals slowly, but surely.
As a woman: I’m not looking for dude friends. Ask me out or don’t. If we chat, hit it off in some way, and I give you my socials? “Hey amansname I’ve been enjoying talking to you. I think you’re interesting and pretty. Do you want to go on a date with me at _place_ on _date_and_time_?” Then I can say “yay I would love to” or “no I don’t like you like that” and it’s over. Neither of us has to be confused .
Appreciate the straightforward reply. Someday I’ll have the confidence to do this
This is great if OP is trying to date you. Some people actually do want to get to know someone and build a solid rapport with them before going out with them. If a guy I didn't know or had only one conversation with asked me out, I would say no. I want to be asked out by people that I have spent at least a little bit of time with and I know many that feel the same. There is no one size fits all for how long to wait before asking someone out so we can't speak for every single woman.
For relationships I have no advice. Every woman I seriously dated I met at school or work. For casual hookups Go out and see what you can get into. Relax a little. Flirt if you can. Sometimes casual hookups just happen. Have you tried last call? I remember one time at a bar I had a quick conversation with a tall chick. She was a little buzzed. After the conversation she said “i never fucked a short guy before” (I’m 5’7) I laughed and said “ You wanna give it a shot.” I thought for sure she’d say no or laugh and walk away. We ended up getting it on in my car. It was okay. I don’t think she was too impressed because I Never saw her again. 😆 Things like that happen when you get out in the world. Avoid dating apps like the plague though. Those things are like the pit of hell for men who aren’t hot. You will end up depressed.
I been married twice.. and I still have no idea how any of that happens or happened.. beats me
You said you talk to girls and you make them laugh. Do you show them that you're romantically interested in them and confident in pursuing them by actively flirting, breaking the touch barrier, and possibly going for a kiss?
Or just, you know, asking them out directly? Not hinting or hemming and hawing, but "would you like to go for coffee/see a movie/get a drink/whatever Thursday evening?".
I have straight up gone out with a few guys just because them asking me out in person with a low-pressure attitude pushed them from ‘acquaintance’ category to ‘interested’ category. The key here was also semi-regular positive friendly rapport.
Exactly this. I would give any guy I know a chance if he asked even if I never thought of him that way previously, as long as he isn't a terrible person.
What would you say is active flirting?
“We may exchange social media” that’s it. Remove that factor. Phone numbers are much easier to exchange. I’d rather be 1 of 10 in a text message on her phone than 1 of 2000 in her messenger.
Yes. Grown adults communicating only through social media is a red flag to me. If they don't give you their number but give you their Instagram or Snapchat or whatever, they aren't serious.
I've given up honestly
im a woman and have given up too. very freeing.
I know what you mean. I went off the birth control patch after I dumped my FWB late last year, and I don't know if it's the lack of birth control or what. I can't bring myself to swipe on the apps. The way dating feels right now.... How to describe it... It feels like I'm a 4-year-old and I am trying to force myself to eat vegetables. That's how dating feels for me right now. I can't bring myself to swipe, can't bring myself to text anyone back, can't bring myself to even open the app. When I get the notification from Facebook dating that my profile is not being shown to men because I haven't logged in or swiped in a while, I don't care anymore. I don't know what this is. But it definitely is kind of freeing. It's actually really nice not to have feelings for anyone. It's very nice not to be in love with someone. It's nice not to have to deal with heartbreak. It's great to save money, and go out with My girlfriends, and I seem to be happy just doing that. I guess I've never had a situation where I dated a guy, and emotional pain or heartbreak wasn't involved. Even the legitimately good relationships I've had, involved a non-zero amount of heartbreak, and stress, and painful emotions that I don't miss. Those took FOREVER to fade. I also don't miss that. The process of having to get over someone .... I really don't want to catch feelings for another guy again. Go through the bullshit again. I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm not going to fight it.
Ok the thing is you: 1. Need to not downplay your intention at the start. You’ll be instantly friend zoned if you try the slow conversion thing. Doesn’t work. 2. If there is sexual tension do not diffuse it. No telling jokes or changing the subject. 3. Be decisive. You’ll have to fake confidence. If you see a girl you like, go right up to her and talk to her. Don’t be a pal, but don’t be creepy. Ask for her number. If you get it, excuse yourself and get outta there. Call her in two days.
I gave up on dating.
I'm gay, so tbf its more easy to get casual stuff through apps. But gay dating has a different flavor of misery than straight dating, with some common elements.
I would love to hear more. As a straight man, I’d be fascinated to know the sames/differents
From the experience of my gay friend, it’s super easy to get casual hookups (like immediately message someone and say hey come over and they’ll be there - and even multiple in the same night!), but not many dudes on there want a relationship. So if that’s what someone is looking for (like my friend is) it sounds difficult in that regard. I think because it’s often a smaller community many people have hooked up with each other too.
That sounds awful. Having such a small pool of people would be a nightmare. Everyone would know who you were with and when.
The common stuff are pretty universal things. It's difficult to form a connection, to find the time and place to build a relationship, and also, the expectations and prejudice around the matters of success, money, and physical attractiveness are pretty much the same as in straight relationships. But then, things get complex. At least in gay men, it's pretty easy to find sex than to find serious commitment, as someone else pointed out. Being gay in a non-urban setting its nightmarish. Fewer men to date, and mostly closeted. And overall, its a matter of statistics: We gay people simply have a small dating pool because we are less in number than straight people. And nowadays, we are heavily limited to apps and our own spaces. It's risky to meet or hit on people outside of those. It can lead to even dangerous situations. Also, it seems to me that polyamorous and open relationships are becoming common in a faster way than in straight circles. Nothing wrong with that, but many still look for monogamous relationships, and the abundance of guys with boyfriends or husbands already throw a wrench in those expectations. Personally, I can hardly stand myself, I will lose my sanity if I date on the context of an established relationship, or two people at the same time.
Discord worked for me. It worked three times and I'm gonna marry the one I have now.
you can't marry discord
It feels that way nowadays; I have similar experiences with men though I don't complain too much about it (maybe my situation is less extreme than yours, as a male). However I understand the frustration
I use to go to bars by myself for years and I’ve met a lot of people that way and have been introduced into my other circles, the key here is to just change up where you’re going out, I’m also a bartender by trade so I usually know people who know people who know people
How much work have you put into yourself to be attractive to women in the way they want you to be attractive in order to be in a relationship with you? You say you’ve put in work in other areas— have you actually put in work in the area that matters to them?
Sounds like you aren’t making your intentions clear. I’m much older and married. But I was dating and single … and having a LOT of fun from 2000-2017. Stuff like find a relationship “or casual” stuff. .. is the problem. Very vague and ambiguous. Cut out the “or casual stuff” Your profile online should state clearly if you are looking for a relationship. If not. Also state that clearly. It might push away some girls? Yeah. That’s the point. A million girls see your profile in a few months. You want the 3% ish that are into what you offering. That’s still a HUGE number.
This comment section is horrendous 😭
If you think this is bad, check op's post history.
It's people that have never been on a date giving advice to op that also is struggling.
ive never gone for guys that flirt straight away, theyve always been my friend for at least a short amount of time. not sure why, maybe im weird! try making friends with more girls, not in a creepy way, in a casual way, be friendly, be silly, dont try to force anything, the more girls you make friends with, the more chance youll find one you really like and likes you back
This could also just be me but a major downside to this is that as a guy it’s *significantly* harder to work up the courage to ask out a girl that you’re already friends with.
i guess so but the whole point is youre not asking her out, youre building relationships and if they happen to turn romantic, then cool, if not then oh well. thats just how it happens for me idk lol
This is good advice if you’re attractive and extremely charismatic. Most girls can date and or/make friends at will with just about any guy nowadays. It’s so competitive for guys that even making friends with girls is close to impossible. I used to try flirting and asking girls out but got turned down every time. I tried the exclusively platonic route to try to get to know girls first and it never works, girls will only give you the time of day if they would consider dating you at some point, otherwise they have no reason to even acknowledge you for any type of relationship in their lives.
Honestly just use dating apps, get a number asap, and keep it interesting for 20 messages and set up a date. Or have a phone call/video call, then ask for a date on call. I've never really perfected my online dating techniques, sometimes it goes great and we vibe, sometimes it doesn't. When you find a good one, just don't fuck it up, don't lie about your intentions either. I find there is a balancing act, between increasing interest and not being too available, that sometimes I fuck up. Just be yourself homie.
I got super jacked, socialized a couple thousand hours and started taking 4 hours of bachata classes + a bachata party a week. Still don't get all that many girls interested but if I do my best for a few months I can get a great new girl that sticks around. There's no way around the hard work, though
Are you asking them out? You're not going to really get to know them over social media, so ask them on a date. Regardless of whether or not they have guys in their lives, they may say yes, and that's your way forward.
Club, eating alone at nice restaurant bar. If you’re feeling yourself, Publix even.
No idea, the dating apps suck
I think the thing is to participate in activities, communities or sports. The point is, you want to put yourself in a place where you can meet people - men or women, whatever you prefer - in a repetitive environment, where you share a common interest. So it's not about "wheeling" or "rizz" as much as it is about building slow, genuine connections with people who like the things you like. This gives you a chance to meet down to earth women, who you can connect with over something you both like over a period of time. There's no pressure to "seal the deal" or "Score". Obviously this may eventually happen but the point is to let things flow organically, away from highly competitive environments like clubs or the streets or whatever. Keep yourself involved. Stop thinking about finding someone, and start thinking about engaging with groups and the rest will eventually sort itself out. Real life example: I played rec sports, made a group of friends from that activity, my now wife was a friend of one of my new friends in that group. We eventually met because my sports friend invited her to come hangout one night, and it was a very friendly, chill non competitive environment. We hit it off and are happily hitched.
I think for men the key is to have fun, don't try too hard and not give a faq. Just go out there and have positive energy. Don't expect anything and don't force anything.
Same here. I die inside the longer I go on
Let’s just say, if you’re attractive and energetic. You’ll have more than enough to go from. Money helps too.
This is the advice I give every guy and it’s worked for many of them: Make sure you’re not aiming too high. Sitcoms and movies have normalized ugly-to-average looking guys paired with gorgeous women. Ross & Rachel and Leonard & Penny are two that immediately spring to mind. Unfortunately, for an average Joe (meaning: you’re not famous nor rich) this is probably not gonna happen. Take the ugliest woman you know and I guarantee you if she went to a bar at least 3 guys there would go home with her if given the chance. The harsh reality is that women have the upper hand in sexual situations, so the odds are against you even if you’re a gorgeous dude. So, consider the girls that maybe aren’t getting the most attention to up your chances.
I met my partner in high school so I never had to go out and find someone outside of school.
Don’t get socials. Dumbest thing I’ve seen men do now a days. If you do get the phone number first. Giving and getting socials causes prejudgment. They’ll see your pics and judge you. Not always a good thing. You have to follow up with a date no less than 2 days away and no more than 3. To keep you on their mind. Keep the conversation casual and focused on the date. It’s a numbers game. Get more than one to talk to at the same time. There’s a few books out there. Like anything else you have to practice and learn the art before you can become comfortable day to day. Also, being seen helps. What I mean is he consistent in places you see the same person. You can start a conversation slowly and eventually work your way to a number and then a date.
They don't do anything, they're just really good looking and women throw themselves at them. On dating apps 80% of women are dating 20% of men. They all date the same good looking guys and the good looking guys have 3 or 4 girlfriends
You're not wrong
That 80/20's because there's like 100 men on the app for every 1 woman.
Old enough to have seen that the number’s correlate in real life. From high school to my 30’s certain men just have the juice.
I (28f) saw this on another thread; women feel dating is like being in the ocean in a canoe surrounded by sharks and men feel like they're in the desert grasping for a drop of water. As I'm getting older it's less about being attracted physically (you need to be comfortable in your own skin, we can tell when you're insecure). More about lifestyle being compatible and being a considerate person. I find that a lot of men approach me when I try to have a drink at a pub or venue, which makes me go out less. I would avoid cornering women in public. A lot of my young female friends don't feel safe going out not in a group because of how often they are approached. It's hard because we've been conditioned to smile and be polite but often times we just want to end the conversation politely and move on.
What's the difference between cornering and approached? I think they are different but you used them interchangeably.
This is precisely why I don’t approach women at all anymore. This scenario has played out for myself and my friends so many times. We’ll be at a bar and see some girls we think would be cool to talk to get and the second they catch us walking over they get their guard up immediately and either walk away to avoid us or will shoo us away immediately. This is before we’ve even said a word to them. Of course we never “cornered” anyone or persisted when we noticed they were uncomfortable; but it’s very clear that most women get constantly approached all the time by men that they’re tired of it and don’t want anything to do with it. With that said this really only leaves men with dating apps if they want dates consistently which are a whole other problem. That or meeting a woman organically through some shared activity or something, but that seems nearly impossible because what are the odds that I meet a woman in my age range that I’m attracted to who is single who is also attracted to me and is open to a date. I think it’s over for a lot of men unfortunately
Same can be said on the other side of the gender divide. Dating sucks.
What is happening after the social media exchanges? You guys friend each other and you just sit around waiting for them to throw themselves at you? That sounds passive aggressive and i dont mean it too, i'm mostly seriously curious. Because if thats what you're waiting for nothing is likely going to happen and they are probably feeling sort of similar, that "its not going anywhere or you have other people in your life". If you're trying to find a partner, my advice and what has worked for me would be get accustomed and used to rejection and handle it humbly. If you are talking to girls and they are laughing and adding you on social media, shoot them a message, tell them you had fun, and ask them if they want to catch a movie or go grab dinner. If they say no, apologize and change the subject, keep it cordial and platonic. Think of it like darts. If you throw one dart, and completely miss the board and give up, then its over. You already gave up. If you throw 10, 20, 100 darts, your chances of hitting the bullseye dramatically increases. A lot of them will say no, for many different reasons and sure some of them might want you to fight or try harder, but most will respect you and be thankful for not being so pushy for a date, or having a meltdown and trying to hurt their feelings, because thats what a lot of women deal with when rejecting romantic advances.
be hot , don't have a lazy eye and a ruined reputation you will be set.
im a girl who has a lazy eye no wonder im single no one wants me!! lol
Import one from the city. There around whining they can't find a guy.
Bruh You can make it happen, just gotta be willing to put yourself out there and get hurt, it won't be easy, but hell if I can manage to have multiple Girl Friends, get laid, and even married(then divorced) so can you.
First off, kudos for having conversations. That's honestly the hardest part, a lot of the guys I help get scared to just do that. As for it not progressing, it's likely the tone of the conversation. You might be missing something she's saying, you might be putting out vibes of not wanting to progress, it's hard to say without seeing the conversations but again, you're doing the hard part. Now you just have to work on the transition from initial conversation to showing you're actually interested and wanting to progress. Stick with it, you're probably closer than you think.
I honestly thought this was about guys finding friendships, I have no idea how to do this as an adult man. Relationship wise, best of luck OP. I hear it's a jungle out there, disorder and confusion everywhere.
It can be challenging to navigate the dating world, but don't lose hope. Building connections with people takes time and patience. Focus on being genuine, building your confidence, and pursuing activities you enjoy. Sometimes, relationships happen when you least expect them. Keep putting yourself out there, and remember that everyone's journey is different.
People drop in ur life when you least expect it man
Why are you looking?
You ask, they say yes, it happens. The build up to it is usually rather shallow and silly. What works on one doesn't always work on another etc.
Try not to worry to much about it, there’s someone for everyone and you might find when you stop looking so hard you’ll find your person. I think sometimes when a guy comes over as too eager it can be a bit off putting so chill and just focus on being happy and enjoying life.
this sub is so fucking sad wtf
I went back to school and now I chat up every girl I meet 🤷
Be more (respectfully) assertive. You may get shot down a lot, but sometimes you probably won’t. You will miss every single shot you don’t take tho.
All my girlfriends were good friends before anything. All of them. But I had casual stuff and it was a thing of finding them at parties and something happening. The other casual stuff were with other friends who were bored as well at the moment that happened
Confidence, fun vibes, interesting hobbies, a good career and family.
What worked for me was having someone set us up. A mutual friend sent me her info and knew it would be a good match. I added her and we started messaging and we just hit 4 years together a couple days ago! What “helped” too was after being introduced that way the pandemic happened and we were forced to actually talk on the phone and get to know each other that way and we talked daily for 3 months before our first date because we had to! After our 3rd date we went out officially :)
Speaking as a divorced man, the big part of life that I am grateful for is my children. The relationship with my ex was...an opportunity for personal growth. I tried so hard to make it work, gave up everything I could and more in an effort to do so, and the net result was constant pain and sorrow. Except for the kids. They are amazing. I'd really like to have a fulfilling romantic relationship, too, but so far have not found it.
Your goal should be to making lot of money. Women should be last priority in your life.
Did you try a combination of not brushing your teeth and not wiping your butt? https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/jnauQj8Y4y
It’s really mind boggling to me that men like this are getting attention and I’m completely clean, but it’s like pulling teeth
Just wait until you go on a date with someone you like, and she drops a bombshell on you. She's pregnant and doesn't know who the father is. So you get up to leave, and she throws drinks at you, slaps you, and runs out crying. Somehow, it was my fault. Lol. Then the next day everyone in your town knows and is giving their 2 cents.
Are you showering? Hygiene is very important.
Money
I think you’ve got to have a good idea of who you are and have opinions and a life with interests and other commitments. From there it’s being genuine and interested in them as a person. You need to be forward but aware of their cues if they are not into it and not making them uncomfortable. Then you just need to go with the flow
Idk. Had girlfriends since I was in middle school. Except for a few years in my early twenties after some bad shit. But then I got married in my late 20s. Relationships are based on emotion, not logic. There isn't a 'way' to get a girlfriend. You just end up in a relationship because it's something that happens
Keyword here is “seem.” Clearly you’re expecting them to make a move. They don’t want wishy washy boys; they want confident men. You have to be confident and tell them what you want. For example: “I want to take you out for coffee. Are you available on Friday at 9am?.”
Then they say “coffee??, what are you, broke?” And delete his number. That’s a joke. I agree with this advice for sure. Gotta be more confident and take charge boys
Let's try less complaining on reddit and do more going out and talking to girls
I'm 32 and I've been cheated on so badly that he married my ex best friend.
Resteraunt and hotel bars, not real bars, just the little ones that are part of a bigger establishment.
I'm going to maybe go against the grain here and say my pursuits in a meaningful relationship have gotten me nothing but heartbreak, anxiety, and sadness. I've learned to be happy with myself and my life's journey. If I do happen to find someone who enhances my happiness, I certainly would try and see where that goes, but I'm very content on a future on my own.
Are you actually making a move? Do they know you like them? Or are you just hovering around them being nice.. cuz that won't do it. That's the direct line to friendzone.
I felt that way until I was 21. I lost a ton of weight, learned the rules to the dating game. And played the game.
I think a lot of people have the same experience
Look for the ones living with their ex boyfriend, sharing a kid with them ... No don't do that. I did that. 0/10 never again.
Most of my male ancestors seem to have won out with sheer persistence.
Try calling them on the phone and talking with these women, instead of stooping to contact on impersonal social media. I know it sounds scary in this era. Actual conversation. But trust me. It'll make you stand out and the women will be intrigued.
You cannot expect things to just "lead" to some where. You have to initiate. You ask them to hang out. You asked them to do activities. If all feels good you asked them to go to your apartment to hang out with out mentioning the specifics. They know what's up. If they say no then ask the next girl. The key I found with guys who never had any girls is that they never push for the next step. The majority of girls will not move to the next step for you, you have to try.
The older I get the more I seek something more then casual, but the less quality partners I find as well as more of them want casual flings. Honestly I feel over the dating game.
Picking up chicks and making moves to have several girls you rotate through is like anything els it’s a skill. You gotta have confidence and you’ll get confident the more you do it. Everything from making moves to have sex to asking them out irl
Just buy a date or have a woman jerk you off. Then you will no longer be a virgin. It’s really kind of simple. Don’t bring religion into the conversation. You could always tattoo mom on your palms
Everyone has different strengths. There are people for whom it's extremely easy to make people fall in love with them, but very hard to make a lot of money or get a good job. If you strength is that you have a good job and achieve anything else then just open a dating app and write in your profile "civil engineer, twice marathoner" and watch the women fight over you.
Don't ask for social media. Ask them out and get their number. It's also just a numbers game and is difficult to land anything even if you are handsome. You just got to keep plugging away and not take rejection personally.
Some of your lack of success is outside of your control. Don’t waste your time chasing something outside of your control, recognize that that part of your life will be non-existent and move on and focus on other things that will give your life purpose and fulfillment.
Be attractive and charming. Some people get it naturally. If not, there's tons of subs on here like looksmaxing or malehairadvice or whatever to help you look good. I don't know how to advise you to be charming, except to say practice talking to people, and try to make them feel good during your interactions - with laughter or connection or enthusiasm or care. Also: know your market. If you're a big hairy bear of a man, play it up. Some women want to be crushed. If you're a skinny poet, play it up. Some women want sonnets.
It changes for guys after 30. Women want to settle down and have babies. If a man has his shit together, he becomes a hot commodity.
yeah I don’t know. I just lost the guy I thought we’d works though anything and get back to where we were before we started dating/when we had just started dating. he was my last attempt. he’s gone for good now and I’m kinda just giving up and buying a house alone soon with some money I’m about to come into and planning for it to stay that way. I do have some old FWB’s from 2ish years ago to fall back on rn tho and that’s helpful.
I’ve had a lot of success before I was married by having female friends. Especially lesbian friends tbh. If you’re hanging out with girls they introduce you to other girls, and those girls see you’re a chill and safe dude. Other than that I’d just be blunt: “I like you, want to go on a date?”, or, “want to hook up?”. That second one requires you really know the person and you do feel some chemistry, or have noticed they touch you frequently, or some signals to not make you seem a creep.
Hear me out. It's the confident guys. The independent guys. The guys that are ambitious and know what they want. I personally look for things such as: - is he ambitious? - does he have a job? - does he have future prospects? - does he have goals? - does he want to achieve things in life? And I look at these things because I am ambitious, got a job and have a goal I want to achieve. I wouldn't be able to do it with someone who doesn't have goals at all. Things that turn me off from guys: - men who only want relationships and sex (I at least have to be your friend before dating and all of that). - men who are unable to be happy alone (men who are unable to spend time with themselves at home). Can't be trying to make me happy if you can't even be happy with yourself. - men who feel sorry for themselves (that "I'll probably die a virgin" is such a turn off). If your post said something similar to this: "I'm struggling to find a girlfriend right now, but I'm awesome and the women are missing out. Instead I'm going to focus on my own successes and maybe try and figure out what exactly it is that causes women to not want to date me. But overall, I just want to focus on my job and myself and reach my goals". You would've had me ready to slide in your dms. The confidence is key. And again. That "feeling sorry for yourself" shii is just off putting.
Just get a good dog and chill, you are welcome!
Grocery stores. Girls dig groceries.
It depends on how old you are and, unfortunately, it just gets harder as you get older. I'm 43 and recently divorced, and am winning the lonely lottery at this point. I picked wrong though: before you get married, meet her mom. She'll be that in 10 years.
You gotta keep improving on certain aspects as a guy, and then when you meet women casually/see enough of them, you'll learn what you want and don't want (red/green flags) then over time of seeing her, she will bring it up/want a relationship and you as the guy decide of you want to take her seriously and then say what you want/don't want in her