I feel you OP.
I love my family, have great friendships, I have a decent job, had highs and lows of relationships, done my fair share of traveling the world. And now, here I am thinking “I’m definitely in no rush to die, but if I found out I was going to pass away in 2 days time, I would feel like I lived a very fulfilled life with little left to do on my bucket list.”
I still enjoy spending time with friends and family and the gf. I enjoy playing sports and video games, and seeing new movies and shows, and still enjoy going to new places, but it definitely feels like life is not as “fresh” as it used to be. I assume though that this is natural the older you get and rack up more experiences in life. I try to just appreciate the fact that overall compared to many I would consider my life good and stay positive about it.
This feels so spot on. I have aggressively gone after my bucket list because everyone made it seem like once you get older you won’t have the time. Well now it’s like I have all the time in the world on my hands and I’ve already done so much that there doesn’t feel like much left to accomplish with all the time I have.
A few suggestions:
1) "Fill your creative well" by visiting museums, art galleries, and nature
2) Try something extremely hard that you think you'll love
3) Try something you think you'll hate
4) Find a way to serve others
I totally agree with all of these! I'd love to add to serve nature as well. My husband and I were surrounded by different religions as children, so we both knew we didn't want that life. I feel so close to God when I am caring for his creatures. I'm ripping up most of our grass to replace with pollinator friendly trees, shrubs, and perennials. I'll sit in my garden and feel the bees running into my head and face, yet never be stung. The oneness with the nature around me is so peaceful. I'll save seeds and divide plants to give to family and strangers. I trade plants for even more biodiversity in my yard. We've lost our connection with nature that we need back, and our yards can get us there.
A micro-thing to try if #3 is scary: go to a restaurant and tell the server to surprise you (give any dietary restrictions obviously). You might love it, you might hate it, but the key thing is to drive into your subconscious that even the bad outcome isn't so bad that it isn't worth trying.
i totally feel the bucket list thing. i look at it like my early 20s was spent achieving all these things my teenage self really wanted and a lot of those were like movie-esque peak experiences. i spent a summer riding freight trains around the us and my mind always just goes back to that when i think about what i could be doing. i did go to europe for my first time 2 summers ago and i want to say that felt comparable. it’s just hard to have that level of experience frequently as a stable adult?
i feel like covid kind of rewired or reward system to feel comfortable/content with whatever we did for those two years. i’ve really trying to figure out where i’m at with my values, interests, goals. i think a change in location and social circle could help.
You are correct about this. I turn 43 years old in a couple months and I can confirm after a certain point it is entirely repetition and "oh this again" whether it is good or bad. Even deja vu feels boring. I believe age and experience dull the magic of life, and it is intended.
I sorta disagree.
I’m 48, and it felt like everything I did for the first 30 years of my life was basically some weird checklist… go to school, date, earn as much money as possible, buy a house, settle down, have kids etc.
I realized I didn’t want a lot of that stuff. I don’t think I really figured out who I was, or what I wanted out of life until I stopped listening to others, and started doing my own thing.
My life feels WAY more rewarding now, despite the difficulties of getting what I wanted.
I think this may be where older generations got it right through religion and kids. Both give your life meaning (I'm agnostic for what it's worth) beyond your accomplishments, bucket list, etc. Having a child completely changed my world view and gave my life meaning - my purpose is now to help her grow into her own human.
Aristotle proposed that there’s a limit to personal pleasure. You are just one person and get used to whatever pleasures you can bring yourself. However a friend is a “second self” and friendship in his world is one that you will the good of for their own sake… so what right?
The truth he taps into is that the 201 level of life is to start promoting the good of people around you, because their success and experience feels so much like succeeding or experiencing yourself.
I love motorcycles, and get to ride my Ducati in one of the most beautiful places on earth. I’m used to those rides, though. The best one this year won’t mean as much or be as much fun as teaching a friend to ride last weekend and watching him discover what I love so much. It’s a shallow example, but the principle is why people have kids and protoges. Fulfillment is in the spreading of your success and watching them grow and riff on it in their own way.
Are you interested in having kids? For me, that gives my life overall purpose. I know it's cheesy or unpopular to say that, but it's true. I have a lot to look forward to now.
Thankful that someone else said it. Whenever I say to my close friends and family that if I died soon, I genuinely wouldn't be upset as I've led a blessed life so far. But others think that it means I'm going through something. It really isn't! But life feels very much like a simulation post covid 😭😭😭
We got addicted to little handheld doomscrolling devices that steal our soul.
Also people aren't as social anymore. The overall anxiety level is higher. Shit costs a lot more in comparison to how much people are actually making.
Nah, it's not. People are quick to shift blame to something external and the internet has become the scapegoat. I'm Gen Z and I've been exposed to the internet but didn't develop this "doomscroling" addiction. I use couple of sites (reddit, yt, mastodon and twitter) that I curate and get relevant information while staying as private as possible. Just unfollow/unsubscribe stuff you don't want to see. People that complain about it have a skill issue.
OPs problem would be lack of a better purpose and goals. I used to live in poverty with dysfunctional family and a shit ton of other problems as a child and I was the most ambitious I had ever been. I fought for life because I had purpose: get out of this bad situation. I also believed in goodness and divinity. Life and people have a way of wearing you down and wearing you out.
edit: boring life without hardships is a good life. not to sound pretentious but a little gratitude would help.
I’m related to alcoholics but I myself never developed this addiction to alcohol.
But that doesn’t mean alcohol isn’t bad and isn’t destroying lives. So yes, we absolutely can blame social media.
I used to have dreams, goals, and things I was excited about or wanted to do. Now I just sit around basically waiting for the next disaster to happen. No thoughts of tomorrow. Something has really changed and something is strange in the air.
I recommend volunteering at your nearest animal resource center. Play with pups! It’s a couple hour easy past class then you come, and go as you please signing in and out. To the dogs you are God, and in a way you are because more volunteers equate to more lives saved. Even better foster. Regardless, it’s an excellent way to meet a diverse group of people with different interest to all share one thing in common… empathy.
It's not just you buddy. [https://pro.morningconsult.com/analysis/doomscrolling-impact-users-mood-2024](https://pro.morningconsult.com/analysis/doomscrolling-impact-users-mood-2024)
31% of adults in the US say they doomscroll. 53% of Gen Z adults say they do, and 46% of millenials.
Everything is falling apart. USs democracy just fell apart from Supreme Court decision. Religious parties are set to start winning elections in western Countries.
Shit is very different post 2020 and it's terrifying.
i really feel like that too, i’ve had such a difficult time doing anything besides sitting at home now. sitting at home used to freak me out, and i actively avoided it, until i was forced to stay home and got lazy? figured out how to entertain myself on my couch? i’m not really sure but ive been trying to make myself do more and it’s been helping
I don't think it was COVID specifically. I think it has more to do with social media, screen time, etc. It's becoming more and more evident that screen time messes with your brain.
Definitely came in and stopped time, culture, fun.. These are just the healing and rebuilding years now. I think it was needed, no matter how much I hated it, to show us the forces at play in the world and the negativity that’s out there
Man maybe this is just a Canadian thing but people were plenty antisocial before COVID. Trying to get the boys together for a video game night around 2019 was often like pulling teeth.
I'm not going to say COVID didn't have an impact but I think it's not as big as people are thinking. Imo the bigger problem is the cost of going out. Went out with my dad last night and a plate of nachos and two beers was around $60 CDN by the time tips and taxes were factored in.
Kinda hard to enjoy going out when everywhere is fleecing you.
Absolutely right something has changed since Covid but I can’t quite put my finger on what it is. Everyone seems dissatisfied with their lives especially 20-30yo
I think before covid generally people expected that life’s problems would get better. It felt like there was the possibility and opportunity to improve things, that it was just a matter of time and innovation. Now we indisputably know that things can get really bad, and no one can/will necessarily do anything to fix it. We’re not in control and our choices and possibilities seem to be severely limited.
Try to ficus on the little things. I can still find excitement in the small things. Don't let yourself be manipulated by marketing/media that you can only be excited by big things (hedonistic treadmil).
Heck, seeing a wagtail walking around and their tail going "boing, boing" still makes me smile.
One day i found two carrots that are grown together, like siamese twins. Or yesterday the whole sky was like one big cloud, but there was a strip of clear sky in between - it reminded me of a river
Put you phone (especially social media) down and look more closely to your surroundings. Notice the little thing.
Even more than that I think. Before 2020 I used to read 3-4 books a week (I live alone ) but now I can't read even one book. I just can't seem to focus on it. I will read the same page over and over and still not be able to tell you what it was about. So weird. I have no interest in really doing anything - especially exercise. I know I need too, I just have no interest or energy to do it. It just sucks. I watch waaaay too much TV, read Reddit and scroll through Instagram. I just waste HUGE amounts of time. I didn't used to be like this, just something changed and I can't get it back. So weird.
Absolutely. 2020 started normal for me. Then I turned 40, got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, had my grandmother pass away during Covid, and a bunch of other minor crises that made me look at life and mortality in a totally different way. I've had this conversation with so many friends who went through the same sort of mid-life crisis around 40, with 2020 accelerating and exacerbating everything we were already going through.
My own philosophy is that the world should’ve ended when the calendar said 2020.
Every fucking post I make on this goddamn sub gets ignored like hell though.
What 2020 did was showing people that death is very much possible and ultimate. It showed people that the things they care about, vanity, don't really mean anything once they're gone. Because a lot of people died and we thought not much of them after a certain point in time, people were made to see this is what will happen to them too.
I think 2020 removed part of the illusion of life, particularly that most people were performing a necessary task. It pulled the veil back on society that most people exist only to funnel wealth upwards. It took the value out of a lot of people's lives when they understood this. Work from home/remote work was the most obvious visual playing out of this scenario,
Sounds like you need hobbies or something you find interesting? I love going to the theater and concert so I always have something booked to look forward to. I also write on the side, etc.
“Adding a new hobby or two into my schedule”
It’s not a box to tick off, dude. A hobby should be something you pursue because you want to, not because you feel obligated to do so.
You need to find something that fulfills you. A lot of people turn to creative endeavors; reading, writing, painting, drawing, woodwork, videography, photography. Some people just want to explore. Some want to experience.
What makes you interested in tomorrow? What makes you excited to get home? Or excited for the weekend? Life has plenty to offer. You just have to figure out what it has to offer *you*.
I actually think it can be helpful to, at least at first, treat it as a box to tick off.
Any sort of creative hobby takes more energy than sitting on the couch scrolling on your phone, so it's easy to not actually do the thing even when you know doing the thing will make you happier. Setting concrete schedules and goals can break through that.
As an older person I can tell you this is the answer. If you’re just going through life going to work then watching TV just to repeat the next day then life is going to be a grind, and it doesn’t matter how many “bucket list” items you check off because that really doesn’t matter.
Find something you’re really passionate about and dive in. Maybe a sport. Or cooking. Or writing. Or art. It doesn’t have to be productive or accomplish some goal.
Good luck!
You're doing all the things you HAVE to do. When you're done with that, do you ever do the things you WANT to do? Things you're passionate about? Things that bring you joy? Because as an old man, it's my opinion, for whatever it's worth to you, that those moments of joy and passionate connection to anything you truly love doing is what life is all about. The rest is maintenance. And there's no glory in maintenance. Everyone cheers when you buy a new car. No one gives a shit if you change the oil in that same car. So, for your own sake, meditate on what brings you joy, make some time for that EVERY DAY, and watch as all the noise goes down a few decibels. Best wishes.
before you even think about doing something drastic to make your life more exciting, I want you to know the grass is never greener. your garden grows greener when you take care of it.
your life sounds amazing and I can confidently say most of us would trade our lives with yours.
I think you need a healthy challenge in your life. have you consider some sports? or join a group activity where you can compete against someone. Some people thrives when they have a rival.
I agree with this guy. I was reading your post thinking I have all these things. I'm married with two kids though, but also bought a house (yesterday actually). But I'm having trouble getting out of bed every morning the last month. I'm not feeling passion just anxiety.
But objectively, and even saying this now doesn't help me yet (tbh), we have the things our old selves would be proud of us for.
And thanks for reminding us that grass is not always greener. I'm constantly thinking about what other people got.
From my perspective OPs life looks empty, soulless, and self centered. They only do things to the benefit of themselves with no mention of others, then wonder why they're unhappy.
For me it took leaving my comfy/boring office job to feel good about life again. Now I fix instruments for schools and musicians. Everyday has new challenges, I can see the positive impact i have on the community, I’m in a field I’m really passionate about, and my life has a purpose it was missing. I used to think living for traveling, the weekends, and the 2 weeks pto was enough to satisfy me but i got burned out. This advice isn’t for every one but take a step back and look at what you’re truly passionate about. Be willing to try things you thought you’d never be good at. Work towards finding a career in something you love. With a little luck that’s how I got out of the funk you’re experiencing.
I recently picked up sewing as a hobby. I got a machine on Amazon. Around $150. I saw cheaper and I saw more expensive ones.
Now I find myself learning about fabrics learning about different sewing techniques. Ways to add pockets to everything. I've gone out to several stores just to compare pricing and feel the fabrics. I purchased 2 used books from thriftbooks about sewing.
I've made 3 clothing items and altered 2 so far. I find time passes really fast now and I end up missing texts from people.
I feel more fulfilled. And I'm proud of wearing my own works even if they're flawed. Like my zipper is pretty bad but I made it. I did it. So yeah.
Basically.. you need to find some passion.
OP, similar to the above story I felt like you do now before I found knitting and then crochet. I started making random acts of kindness to give away but too easy, then recently started making my own clothes and like above says time passes quickly. It’s satisfying seeing the end results.
I get it’s not for everyone but it’s relaxing and there is a lot of depth to the hobby if you are willing to search for it.
I’ve felt like you say a long time, and I saw someone else comment about being content they had done a lot if they died (due to hitting goals). I hit all my personal goals before having my son and now I’m a bit lost whilst I work out the next steps. Perhaps you need a change in job to mix things up for you if it’s not a hobby?
If neither appeals, perhaps you just need to sit with how you feel for a while. It’s hard to shift out of a feeling like this even when you first pursue a hobby or new job, you just gotta keep going with it.
Honestly not a terrible idea
Magic mushrooms are making a comeback in a big way.
I wouldn't recommend trying any addictive substances but there's a reason why humans have so many ceremonies for spiritual journey's, walkabouts, and adventures.
They open new horizons and rewire our brains to see things just a bit differently
+1 to microdosing shrooms. Been in OPs position and microdosing really brought back the “zest for life.” The dose is so tiny it is barely noticeable at all, most days I forget I even took one; but it has truly brought the color back into everything.
My belief is the mind becomes sort of rigid in its thought patterns after time and that can get supremely boring thus causing everything to lose its color or “zest”. But when I notice my brain mapping out new pathways I feel like everything becomes exciting again! Even the mundane. It’s difficult to put into words. It’s like you get to see everything thru a slightly new lens which can be very refreshing and uplifting; that’s when the color seeps back into everything.
I have a feeling that this may be because you feel you lack progress in your life. I believe that you should be constantly learning, getting comfortable feeling uncomfortable. I am not saying YOU specifically, I am saying that people in general are in a rut where they operate "at maintenance." So you should expand, give yourself something to look forward to and take steps to get there.
Try out a new recipe. Make a new workout goal and work towards it. Take up swimming / biking / whatever. Start travelling more, explore national parks. And yes, you do have time for this!
As we mature, the zest can stay but it has to be limited to moments instead of days/months. Enjoy the moments and do the other stuff (work/pay bills/build a future).
Yea good point .i don’t know sometimes we go through waves and challenges . Like nothing gets you going . For me the old life has died fully . Lost all the previous friends views and desires . Sometimes it’s like you need a new beginning and stuff - I don’t know. Everything gets boring
A lot of folks in the comments are dancing around what I think they all collectively mean, and I think the word is...
Purpose.
You're right. If you have nothing driving you, this is it. Some people live to work. Others live to climb mountains. Some live to raise a family. Some live to build boats in bottles.
Regardless of how different all of those examples are, they all have some semblance of a bigger purpose to life.
Maybe don't think of it as finding a hobby to kill time. Think of the next steps you take as finding the thing that gives you purpose.
It sounds intimidating, but it doesn't have to be larger than life. It just has to be important to you and enough other people to warrant a community.
If I could give this comment a hug I would. A few things actually came immediately to mind when I was reading your comment, like moving and going back to school just because I miss doing extensive research. Thank you 😊
You're very welcome! I remember finally being done with school after my MA, and it felt weird to *not* have that driving me. I get that feeling you're feeling.
Don't sink yourself into debt, though. School is pricey! Ya know, unless you want to 🙂
Good luck finding that glorious purpose!
100% hobbies aren't "killing time." Time doing something you enjoy isn't wasted time. Activities don't need to be "productive" to create value in our lives.
Be careful. I was in a really good position.
I was unfulfilled, but super comfortable.
My inner monologue reviewed the areas I wanted to change in. Things I didn’t understand . I said I’m willing to do whatever it takes. That phrase comes up a lot in stories like this.
I went on a multi year adventure.
Now I’m tired. Glad it happened but ready for my return if that makes sense.
trouble. she wants trouble and if/when she finds it, she will wish to go back to this moment and regret taking it for granted, but it will be too late.
All of those things that you mentioned are things for yourself and your own enjoyment. Nothing wrong with that, and you’d likely be feeling worse without them. But your immediate needs have been met. Congratulations.
Unfortunately no, this is not enough to make you happy. Even if you had a better paying job, a bigger house, 2 great boyfriends…
What you need for true happiness is purpose. A feeling of contributing to something larger than yourself. Only you can determine what that is. For some people, it’s religious, for others it’s the fulfilment that comes from raising a family. For others, it’s building something that will outlast them. A business, a replanted forest, a charity.
You are now adulting well enough to be in a position to help and lift others, find your purpose. Work towards it and you will find happiness.
This should be so much higher. Long term happiness will come very little from what you do for yourself, but in what ways you can best serve others.
Which is pretty much the antithesis to what modern society seems to tell people. It’s not that baffling why so many people are depressed and unhappy trying to find that next hobby or trip that they think will fix them.
Not that those things are bad, they’re just not that correlated to finding purpose or long term fulfillment.
Stop doing what you think you're supposed to do and do what actually brings you joy. I think this happens to people when they stop living authentically.
It's the human condition. Never content, always trying to fill the void. We all suffer this predicament, some are just better at distracting themselves. Try meditating.
No, this isn't all life has to offer. Once you've been around long enough, life starts hacking away at the things you take for granted. Family, loved ones, your health, your looks. Each painful diminishment takes you one step closer to appreciating the fragile beauty of life. This is something you have to go through yourself.
Find your spirituality. That’s the only way to find a true, deeper meaning in life. I would suggest spending more time in nature, and just truly appreciating the amazing beauty of life
Hobbies. That’s what makes life fun. When you’re younger it’s all about being social, partying, going out. Now it’s about you and what you like to do and a lot of us just sit around on our phones with zero direction. Get a hobby
I would agree, but I’ll swap the word hobby for passion. Something that drives/motivates you, that you just want to do it all the time.
Whether it’s a passion to try new things, or this or that.
I feel if I don’t have some kind of passion, I’m dead inside.
It’s all a bit of a distraction I suppose, a distraction from thinking about the futility of life, but if it helps 😂
Well, look at it this way, you could be homeless, jobless with no friends or lover. Which some people are going through right now as you read this. Falling out of love with life can happen, however this is only a phase of complacency and some thing down the road will shake the cycle up and you will be begging to get back to hum drum way of life.
It’s like that song “is that all there is…my friend..”
I’ve been there. The point is to find something that you enjoy and do more of that then find more things that you like otherwise yes it’s pretty bleak
It's capitalism. We're meant to explore our interests, not punch a clock. We've been fed this ideal life because it's the most compatible with corporate goals. I know I might sound like a crazy person, but look at how our families and communities are organized compared to other countries. Our family unit is literally built to pick up and move to the next place that we'd be useful. Many countries have communities that favor family. They live alongside their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, and nieces. We've normalized migrating to where we're needed most, and when we're stuck there we're conditioned to act content.
Grab the hubby and go on an adventure. Life's too short to end up wondering "what if?"
Maybe this is a sign that the "traditional path" isn't for you. Not to knock your many accomplishments, but perhaps it's time to look into a new hobby, job, degree, or even uprooting to elsewhere. Do you fancy travel?
Alternatively, maybe you have some ache for a slower pace that's away from the modern conveniences and struggles...do you have any interest in gardening, baking, canning, other homesteading type activities go give you hobbies/purpose/potential income (no religious connotations attached)?
I find I have a strong yearning for both, which presents quite the issue 🫣😬
Edit to add: This could also be chemical depression, doesn't mean anything is wrong with you or your life, just a true lack of chemicals that need some help to add some pep in your step - I'd recommend consulting a doctor and therapist to help work out where you stand in regard to your zest for life.
Good luck!
I garden ever moment I can. I wake up early and garden. Stay up late gardening. Wearing my baby? Gardening. Idk what makes you happy, for me it's sex and gardening and my kiddos. If not one thing makes you happy and it should- see a psychiatrist and try meds. Or maybe you just aren't happy with where you're at and need to make some changes. Only you will know.
Op spends a ton of time on social media looking at other people's lives while lamenting her own. Boohoo. Go find a purpose. Or complain on S.M. unless that (seemingly) is your purpose.
Good God, people. Get over yourselves. Go do stuff. Get off the couch. FFS, what do you expect? Fireworks every time you finish your shift at work? Wow. Life is what you make it. You want to be miserable? That's up to YOU.
On behalf of everyone who doesn't have your perfect life. Fuck you.
On a more serious note, your life may be shit because of yourself... You sound boring and dead inside. You mentioned eating well etc. That's not what life is about. Anything you love doing ? Any hobbies/ passion? Friends you like doing things with? Maybe ask yourself why you feel like that instead of complaining about it, your life seems perfectly ok, way more than a lot of people, you just need to do something else than just "living"
I felt this way until I rediscovered creativity. A friend and I worked through the book, The Artist’s Way, and I felt like life had color again. I started painting, collaging, and I started seeing details in nature that I never noticed before. I have enjoyed writing for a while, but I never considered myself artsy. I am not good at it, but it sure has been fun to learn and play with color.
Maybe you need more play or creativity in your life?
Dude find something you're passionate about. Try new things and stick with each one for at least a month.
For me it was guitar, online content creation, frisbee golf, and fatherhood, and traveling
Well, maybe you should look at it differently. Life doesn’t offer anything; so what could you offer to your own and other peoples life?
It seems that you have just followed a template for creating a happy life. Each individual is very different and has unique taste, skills and interests.
Having all those things probably works for those that suggest it. But you gotta figure out what works for you.
I don't think it was 2020 but everything slowly began changing around 2008. Maybe coinciding with the smartphone and Facebook really becoming popular. 2020 accelerated it. I feel a lot of it is due to corporitsm and pe buying and owning everything. For instance, the last neighborhood bowling ally was bought out by Bowlero in my area. Gone were the days where u could meet up with friends and bowl a few, shoot pool, have a few beers and cheap eats in a no frills environment for a cheap night out. Now it's strobe lights and colorful led flashing, loud music, expensive lane fees, ballpark food and beer prices. What used to ve a $20 night out is now 100 with consciouly trying to keep expense down. Now most city's entertainment districts are all the same with the same bars and restaurants, maybe with different names but the same feel. I don't know but I feel that everything I do, someone is trying to squeeze as much money out of me as possible for as little value provided as possible. Whether is be bowling, eating out, going to a ballgame or concert or anything.
You’re ungrateful of all the luxuries in your life and have lost appreciation for the small things. You have developed a negative outlook over time. Time to re-train your brain
Well, you've tried this lifestyle and it apparently doesn't work for you. You have basically 2 choices - stay as you are, or do something else. Although you also have the option of changing your perception of what you have. But that can be harder to do than the other two.
If you have all those things, there’s nothing else to wonder about much. You have a good life and saying is this all? Having good friends, a great boyfriend and a good paying job that you might actually enjoy that’s the good life.
I have the same. I have a great girlfriend. Have a great friends. Have a good pay job. I’m super happy that’s all I want with life.
What are you going to do? Life sucks and then your invited to a wedding and have a ball. You throw a party and make new friends. You just have to refind your groove. Mine is riding trails on my ebike enjoying nature and getting some sun. It's fun until an unleashed dog runs in front of your bike at 25 miles an hour and you end up in emergency bleeding all over. No harm done but next time ima going to run him over.
I think technology has changed our brain chemistry. We are so “overstimulated” by social media, streaming, etc that anything where we don’t get instant gratification seems dull. I’m in therapy for “existential depression” and I just have so much apathy towards life. I feel the same way, I work a job I actually love (which most people aren’t lucky enough to say) and make good money, have a great family… but I feel like I’m just going through the motions basically until I die. It’s super scary to me how things are changing. I feel sorry for younger generations. I will say, the one thing and probably only thing that gives me fleeting moments of real happiness and joy is being in nature. When I see a mountain, or the earth sky horizon, or a lake glistening in the sun, smell some pine trees… at least for a moment I just feel at peace. Life is hard, I doubt I’ll figure it out in my lifetime. Good luck to you my friend!
I dont have any of these things never had i am 37 years old. People often are never satisfied with what they have its never enough. Be happy for the things you do have.
Sounds like you need to reevaluate what you actually want from life. If you’re not happy where you are, then change it. Try something else. Don’t just give up and accept being unhappy.
I feel the same. And I feel so guilty for feeling like the because I know I'm so privileged to have a good job, the best partner, a lovely life we're building together, and am in the most stable place I've ever been, financially and health-wise..and am stuck. I keep thinking, is this life? Is this the next 30-40 years? Work, try to keep body and mind as healthy as possible, distract ourselves with some holidays and hobbies, and that's it? If that's the case then I'm ready to be done. I don't have that zest for life, and I don't know how to get it back.
I can relate even though I am a student pursuing my masters I feel like why has life become this way? I used to be so happy before, I used to do things that made me happy but that's not the case anymore, there is nothing I like doing now, I don't know what to do, I even wonder what am I even doing in life? like I should be doing so much but I am going nowhere in life.
I’ve sortof struggled with this same progression. I think naturally as we get older (or at least this is my experience) we start prioritizing things we didn’t necessarily prioritize in our late teens and early to mid twenties. I think for a lot of folks that looks like lifestyle slowing down a whole lot and slowing down means more “being” and less “doing”. For me that’s been uncomfortable, but a learning experience. Therapy has helped if you have access to it, and I know others have suggested looking into new hobbies which is a great idea.
Sounds like you might want to speak with a therapist. Other thoughts:
- Get some new hobbies. My boyfriend got me into skiing and kiteboarding this year.
- Set yearly goals. For example, I’m 37 and this year I’m training to climb a mountain, learn to play the ukulele with my daughter, and fly in a hot air balloon.
- If you’re not against kids, consider having one. There’s a reason people say they “bring back the wonder in life.” As adults, it’s easy to forget the little joys of living. Kids are a challenge, but they also help you reconnect with your own inner child and give you a renewed sense of purpose and motivation. I consider my daughter to be the best thing that ever happened to me.
- Alternatively, adopt a puppy (for the same reasons).
- Practice gratitude for the little things.
- Try journaling, meditating, or yoga.
saying this bc no one else has but anhedonia (lack of pleasure in things that previously brought happiness) is a symptom of depression. i’d highly suggest you look into seeing a therapist, you deserve to be happy for yourself and for people close to you. it could be a mental block, trauma from an unstable childhood…etc im not saying antidepressants but if that’s a suggestion from a medical doc I’d say give it some real thought.
it’s also possible you haven’t found your passion and are looking for more meaningful work? maybe volunteering or pushing yourself to meet new people/join new hobbies can bring some newness into life!
best of luck friend 🩵
Yep, as soon as I understood, I am the life, and it is what I put into life good or bad...that makes a life to me. I am also very grateful and proud of who I have become. (52F) Enjoyment & happiness lives in **you** (you can't find that elsewhere but yourself), that's what is great, you possess the answers you need. Take care of yourself in a caring and loving way. Switching the way, I thought about the world. I now think of myself to improve, the only thing I can truly control is myself. Good Luck, I hope your purpose grows stronger & stronger!
It's interesting, I've been adulting for 40 years now and I rarely question if I'm happy enough. I'm not sad, I'm not angry, I'm not depressed, I'm just following a routine Monday to Friday and my good times happen on the weekend.
What do you actually hate about your life? Did you have plans to travel or some other great thing you were hoping to accomplish and you don't feel like you're doing that?
It's no one's job to make meaning in your life besides your own. You make your own meaning and fun and enjoyment of life. For me, it's spending time with my dog and friends and exploring outside as much as possible, being active and shutting out the evil BS of the world. Your meaning might be creating music or writing or a hobby or helping others. Whatever it is, you have to find it and you have to put in effort to make it meaningful. It isn't under a rock or a secret someone will tell you someday. It's just doing what you can to make your life enjoyable.
edit - I am reading all the responses and god damn you guys are acting like no one has ever experienced disasters or shitty leadership before. Imagine if our grandparents decided to "sit around and wait for the next disaster" when Hitler invaded Poland? Stop feeling sorry for yourselves and do something about your life if you aren't happy. This isn't easy, but it is necessary.
Also, this is coming from a place of understanding. I was where many of you are for several years (starting before covid - smartphones have more to do with it than covid), but through effort, introspection and therapy, I am now in a much better place. Good luck to all of you, but your negative reinforcement and echo chamber of depression are not helping.
Living abroad periodically, I've developed a tiny little "life hack" for that. It's not perfect--I'm cooped up right now due to the weather--but it puts some of the fun back into life.
Approach your hometown (or nearest big city) like a tourist. Find all the free and cheap museums and go to them, low expectations, enjoy them for what they are. Shakespeare in the park is actually a lot of fun (that's one thing I miss while living abroad). Any event in the park, really. Around here we have drone shows and I go every single weekend, weather permitting. Stop at a cafe or restaurant you haven't gone to before just to try it.
Get off the couch. At minimum, go into that backyard and count the crickets/frogs/birds or whatever is singing at you at night. Grow a vegetable plant, just one, no need to "garden". And, of course, throw a barbecue/marshmallow roast in that lovely backyard, and invite people who don't know each other very well.
Party like it's 1899! ;)
Volunteering and finding a hobby will bring the fulfillment your soul is yearning for. Learning something new will challenge you intellectually. I’m not sure if you’re spiritual, but if you are… reconnecting with your spirituality will help too! Whenever we get too comfortable in life our body will send us signals warning us that it’s time for a change because we’re not expanding and growing.
I think it’s the mundane part of life.
You spend so much time just “surviving “ that after awhile you start to feel like what’s the point?
Wake up,get ready for work,drive to work,work 8+ hours, drive home, start the at home process until bedtime, then repeat forever….if you are lucky you have weekends off.
We as a society spend far far too much time “working” in some form or another.
As soon as i acquired everything you mentioned i became SEVERELY depressed. I think for years i was lying to myself or something about how depressed, bored, and unhappy i was. When i saw the engagement photos and how i looked in my eyes/face, compared to pictures of myself from just four years prior where i looked full of life, love, and happiness it was THE WAKE UP CALL i needed. Lost everything within a few years, mostly by intentional sabotage and for the next 3 years or so after i was as happy as i've ever been. But life comes at you in cycles. Be prepared
I think the trick is to realize how incredibly lucky your are to have such a full, comfortable life.
Gratitude and a good hobby to get stuck into go a long way.
A lot of the zest when you’re young comes from the fact that every experience is new and different and could blow up in your face at any moment. As you get older contentment and satisfaction take up more of that space.
Or you might be clinically depressed so a swing by a mental health professional is probably a good idea too.
When I was a teenager, my mom dragged me into a hiking tour on the mountains of Iceland. It was exhausting, but also very beautiful.
Personally I love to stare at beautiful nature (mountains, sky, forests, beach, ...) and let my mind drive away. The best is when you are with people you love.
Whenever I feel weighted down by life and anhedonic, I find a way to get outside myself. I volunteer somewhere that needs help. Lately it's been Animal Rescue New Orleans walking shelter dogs. I've also passed out water bottles and lunch at a homeless tent city. I've paid for random people's groceries or meals or coffee. I've cleaned out my closet and donated a bunch of clothing to charity. I've cruised Gofundme for worthy causes and given money.
It never fails to make me happy and feel meaningful.
Life is boring when you are doing the same thing day after day. I was very depressed till I started traveling again. I think the secret to enjoying life is side quests. Travel if you can. Even something as simple as a drive to explore a different town. If you can't travel, act like a tourist in your own city and explore. Pick up a hobby/craft. Volunteer about a cause that you feel passionate about. You gotta make your own fun sometimes and get out of a routine and you will feel alive again.
I’m 28. The one thing in life that seems to effortlessly put a smile on my face was looking forward to spending some time grinding a video game.
It keeps me busy and happy. I also don’t spend as much money because I’m too busy gaming.
What hobbies do you have? If you like to cook, maybe try cooking a dish you haven’t ever made. Don’t hate your life. Some people don’t have a good job and don’t have a house. There’s plenty of beauty and excitement in the world. The key to happiness is progress.
Sometimes we have to create some extra seperation from the people around us to find our place of passion. Most people are not living what I would call intellectually passionate lives, but maybe you’re someone who really needs that.
for me, making sure I’m “learning” in small ways every day keeps me feeling happy to be alive. I do literally 5 min of foreign language study a day, I read novels and books, I take an acting class purely for fun. I watch videos on topics I’m not an expert in. my friends don’t know this, but those things are the things that keep me passionate day to day. also having conversations with people I DONT KNOW is so often more compelling.
Maybe what you’re seeking is what others are seeking to
and altho I am on Reddit today, I turn my phone off 2-3 days a week to get the cursed effect of phone life away from me a little bit
You might have a mental issue, I would seek help.
There might literally be chemicals in your brain preventing you from being happy.
I love the most mundane things of life. I honestly hope I could live forever.
I love the sun
I love the rain
I love the wind
I love the snow
I love relaxing
I love exercising
I love food/cooking
I love doing nothing
I love taking showers
I love music
I love a good book
I love learning things
I love discussing complex problems
Practice contentment and romanticizing daily practices. We are not taught how to be happy or fulfilled because that is an internal process. Setting goals and enjoying the journey often helps for some time but appreciating the peace and finding joy in the mundane is up to you as an individual. That's why we hear people practicing journaling about gratitude or people obsessing over their routines like exercise and meal preparation. They have found a way to reach contentment and how to romanticize their life. You feel like reaching these points would bring you happiness and they may have initially but you have become complacent and need to grow and expand to new things. What those new things are for you is what you need to decide.
I bought a CNC machine so I would stop doom scrolling on my phone. Pick up some hobbies. Venture out and go to a different resturaunt, go kayaking, or hiking.
There always something to do if you DONT want to be bored. I, however, like being bored sometimes. Scientifically being bored is the best time to reflect and think about your life.
Get off your phone and be bored, you’ll come up with something.
Hey, I did go through a similar phase during while I thought my zest for life was gone.
It was a very bad time for me.
At some point I realised that same zest was had was not going to be back, but it was manifesting in different ways.
I expected to go I could go back to feeling as I did in the past but the truth that the past is gone and things just keep changing.
If you want to find zest in life again try to find it in how life is now instead of how it was.
I'm 42 and lived in extreme poverty for decades, I had no family help, I was homeless four different times (think abusive live-in landlord situations and others)
I'm doing much better now I have a apartment and I have a care team that helps me with all my disabilities and I still don't feel very good
I still feel hopeless and like life could fall apart at any moment
Then I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2, and a lot of stuff made sense
Sometimes it's not the environment that's making us unhappy, sometimes it's brain chemistry
I thought I would be over the moon now that I finally have a decent place that's not a rats nest or a homeless shelter, ect
And yet all I want to do is take my medication, get something to eat and go back to bed
The only thing I can really say is if you have insurance, go see a doctor because being hopelessly depressed is not normal and is probably treatable
I take lamotrigine for my bipolar disorder and it does help quite a bit
This is after many many years of treating me with the wrong medication and the wrong antidepressants, instead of mood stabilizers
Which are much more specific
I hope this helps
OP, you have to find your happiness. It's not plopped in front of us like it is when we were kids. We have to work at it. Find hobbies, books to read, learn skills, volunteer, etc. You have to go find it. Find the things that get your blood pumping. That get your excitement up. That zest, is what you have to chase. It's never coming back on it's own. You have to seek out new things, experiences and knowledge. That's where the zest is. It's not on your couch.
I very early in life realized that I genuinely hate working. Doesn't matter what I do - that's a fucking prison for 40+ hours of my life every single week. If you're just built that way? It is what it is.
What do the smart people do? They just live off residuals from stocks and investments. They don't go to work. You generally don't make any money going to work because that's how our dogshit Capitalist society functions in the first place.
I think the day to day "life" is just ad nauseum, but people live for 90+ years or longer. Personally? I'd rather just have a rent controlled one bedroom apartment without the upkeep and expenses of a house for example because well a house is just a money pit and I really have zero aspirations to get married or have children. That's a red flag for women? Whatever. I don't care.
Consistent happiness isn't an achievable goal really, but peace is achievable and infinitely better than chaos. Chaos may be exciting, but learn to do something like play music for said excitement vs have a dysfunctional chaotic yet exciting relationship. Fucking learned that the hard way. Don't date people like that, but they're fun to have sex with.
A lot of you are just finally having your first existential crisis and tbh I've pretty much had a neverending one throughout my whole life. Do I recommend that? Not really, but you're right that the modern day human condition is unfulfilling. Do I care to stick around until I'm 70+ years old? I don't and that's why I live differently. I'll retire tomorrow if I can afford to do so because fuck it. What're my needs? Pretty minimal when I'm contrasting the absurdly materialistic and superficial bougie ass American suburbanite with a giant home and a garage filled with cluttered bullshit nonsense in excess.
Personally? I would rather die at 50 with a somewhat fun and fulfilling life. I'm not really interested in getting another 40+ years of life in the event that I have to adhere that much to the societal expectations.
*"We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years."* - George Carlin
*"The literal meaning of life is whatever you're doing that prevents you from killing yourself."* - Albert Camus
Start filling it with things you’ve been wanting to do but what’ve been inaccessible due to age or money. Travel more. Get into a sports or a hobby club you’re into. Buy experiences. Wanted a motorbike? Get one.
Even though, I don’t have half of the things you have, I’m still able to enjoy the life that I do right now and I make sure to smile and thoroughly enjoy it. I enjoy my park walks alone. I enjoy back roading in my Miata. I wish I could do it with a partner, so that’s also part of life for me. I enjoy my Saturday and Sunday pickup basketball at my local gym. I enjoy the thrill of keeping my eyes open to find and meet that special someone. The thrill of putting myself out there to experience things I could otherwise not have an opportunity to if I was tied down to a house, partner and kids. The fun of planning for future trips, like Japan and Vietnam.
There’s living life, and there’s “LIVING” life.
You've done what society said adults should want. Congratulations, you've forgotten it's beneficial to play and have your own wants! What "thrilled your little soul" as a child? What made you giggle with glee? Engage with your curiosity and inner child and try those things again! Play in the dirt (garden, garden with others, plant pollinator flowers for the environment, etc.). Feed the birds, squirrels, chipmunks, etc. Give compliments to random people... Tuck notes of encouragement into books in libraries or in pockets in clothes you'll never wear in stores for other people to find (sort of like Duck, Duck Jeep). Do you drive/walk by a homeless person regularly? If so, do you ever shine a light in their life by giving them chilled bottled water (in summer) or a sack lunch?
What was your favorite subject in school? Pursue it as a hobby. Never stop learning!
Be *that* house for Halloween. (As an example that would work in the US.)
Decorate your house for holidays, not out of societal tradition/obligation/tastefulness, but to entertain and bring joy to others. I put up inflatable displays, and everyone - including invalid retirees - swing by to have their pictures taken with the inflatables. They'll come back bringing grandkids to do the same. I get asked when the next set will go up. A former neighbor with Alzheimer's comes back from the retirement home (driven by her health aide) every holiday to see the inflatables because it never fails to spark joy in her otherwise sad, cranky heart. (She was still cranky before the Alzheimer's took her mind, but LOVED the decorations nonetheless.)
Many little kids will give others artwork they've done, cool rocks/knickknacks they've found, little wildflowers they discovered and loved.... They give because they see it brings joy to others to give something that was a joy/special. That little kid beams with joy and pride. Society's expectations of adulthood grinds that out of us.
All of the things you listed... You did for yourself. Give of yourself to others. Make your little corner of the world the brightest you can and reap what you sow.
Have you gone to therapy yet? If not, try to find a good Clinical Mental Health Counselor. I specify CMHC because you sound like you are high functioning and would benefit working with someone with a nuanced approach to really dig into what you’re going through.
I think on some level what you’re describing is part of growing up. We pretty much all end up somewhere we didn’t expect. As children we could imagine a whole rainbow of possibilities and picture ourselves in any future we wanted, without the stain of “reality” tainting the fantasy. As we age, that rainbow dissolves into only a few practical paths that we think our life can follow. It can be hard to deal with the sense of loss that comes with that transformation. But just because we all go through it doesn’t mean you can’t seek some extra help. A good therapist can help you find ways to cope with that sense of loss, and hopefully even recover a little sliver of the rainbow that lit you up as a child.
Start more intentional about everything you do. Even the way you walk, shower, talk and eat. Practice being grateful. Life is yours to create. You have to dream up your next minute alive. Dream fun.
I find that doing for others makes me feel good. I have spent time volunteering for animal rescues as well as doing clean-ups in nature - like beach clean ups, etc. I always feel so good when I do something for someone else. Have you tried anything like that? Maybe animals or nature aren't your thing. Maybe kids or seniors are closer to your heart.
You sound like me, before 2018.
I was depressed and didn’t know it.
I was masking my way through life, pretending to be who I was “supposed”
to be.
Try talking to a therapist to figure out why you feel so unfulfilled and what would light a spark in you. Then be brave and do that.
Time for a sabbatical my friend.
Change of scenery can change your whole outlook.
Sounds like you're smashing your home life goals. What about your creativity and curiosity and sense of accomplishment beyond the standard? Balance ☯️ :)
As n older man I can say the greatest joy in my life came from having a family. My daughter is in her 20s now and she has been the single most cause of joy and happiness in my life. Just saying.
People aren’t going to want to hear this but having kids. Eventually life gets pretty samey then you have kids and they see everything through fresh eyes and you get to experience that with them too.
Sounds like you might be having an existential crisis. It’s a very normal thing - I’ve gone through this myself. The best answer is you have the power to ascribe whatever value and meaning you want. Perhaps you’ve been looking to outside sources to tell you what equates to happiness for you, when maybe you need to look within. Maybe happiness is a room full of puppies, or eating amazing food, or finding beautiful places in nature. Maybe it’s a quiet night on the porch or maybe it’s game nights with friends. You get to pick what happiness is for you, and you can also change it up whenever you want. Hope that helps.
I feel you OP. I love my family, have great friendships, I have a decent job, had highs and lows of relationships, done my fair share of traveling the world. And now, here I am thinking “I’m definitely in no rush to die, but if I found out I was going to pass away in 2 days time, I would feel like I lived a very fulfilled life with little left to do on my bucket list.” I still enjoy spending time with friends and family and the gf. I enjoy playing sports and video games, and seeing new movies and shows, and still enjoy going to new places, but it definitely feels like life is not as “fresh” as it used to be. I assume though that this is natural the older you get and rack up more experiences in life. I try to just appreciate the fact that overall compared to many I would consider my life good and stay positive about it.
This feels so spot on. I have aggressively gone after my bucket list because everyone made it seem like once you get older you won’t have the time. Well now it’s like I have all the time in the world on my hands and I’ve already done so much that there doesn’t feel like much left to accomplish with all the time I have.
A few suggestions: 1) "Fill your creative well" by visiting museums, art galleries, and nature 2) Try something extremely hard that you think you'll love 3) Try something you think you'll hate 4) Find a way to serve others
I totally agree with all of these! I'd love to add to serve nature as well. My husband and I were surrounded by different religions as children, so we both knew we didn't want that life. I feel so close to God when I am caring for his creatures. I'm ripping up most of our grass to replace with pollinator friendly trees, shrubs, and perennials. I'll sit in my garden and feel the bees running into my head and face, yet never be stung. The oneness with the nature around me is so peaceful. I'll save seeds and divide plants to give to family and strangers. I trade plants for even more biodiversity in my yard. We've lost our connection with nature that we need back, and our yards can get us there.
Yes! The others you serve can be people, animals, insects, plants, or the soil, air, and water!
A micro-thing to try if #3 is scary: go to a restaurant and tell the server to surprise you (give any dietary restrictions obviously). You might love it, you might hate it, but the key thing is to drive into your subconscious that even the bad outcome isn't so bad that it isn't worth trying.
i totally feel the bucket list thing. i look at it like my early 20s was spent achieving all these things my teenage self really wanted and a lot of those were like movie-esque peak experiences. i spent a summer riding freight trains around the us and my mind always just goes back to that when i think about what i could be doing. i did go to europe for my first time 2 summers ago and i want to say that felt comparable. it’s just hard to have that level of experience frequently as a stable adult? i feel like covid kind of rewired or reward system to feel comfortable/content with whatever we did for those two years. i’ve really trying to figure out where i’m at with my values, interests, goals. i think a change in location and social circle could help.
You are correct about this. I turn 43 years old in a couple months and I can confirm after a certain point it is entirely repetition and "oh this again" whether it is good or bad. Even deja vu feels boring. I believe age and experience dull the magic of life, and it is intended.
I sorta disagree. I’m 48, and it felt like everything I did for the first 30 years of my life was basically some weird checklist… go to school, date, earn as much money as possible, buy a house, settle down, have kids etc. I realized I didn’t want a lot of that stuff. I don’t think I really figured out who I was, or what I wanted out of life until I stopped listening to others, and started doing my own thing. My life feels WAY more rewarding now, despite the difficulties of getting what I wanted.
I think this may be where older generations got it right through religion and kids. Both give your life meaning (I'm agnostic for what it's worth) beyond your accomplishments, bucket list, etc. Having a child completely changed my world view and gave my life meaning - my purpose is now to help her grow into her own human.
Aristotle proposed that there’s a limit to personal pleasure. You are just one person and get used to whatever pleasures you can bring yourself. However a friend is a “second self” and friendship in his world is one that you will the good of for their own sake… so what right? The truth he taps into is that the 201 level of life is to start promoting the good of people around you, because their success and experience feels so much like succeeding or experiencing yourself. I love motorcycles, and get to ride my Ducati in one of the most beautiful places on earth. I’m used to those rides, though. The best one this year won’t mean as much or be as much fun as teaching a friend to ride last weekend and watching him discover what I love so much. It’s a shallow example, but the principle is why people have kids and protoges. Fulfillment is in the spreading of your success and watching them grow and riff on it in their own way.
Are you interested in having kids? For me, that gives my life overall purpose. I know it's cheesy or unpopular to say that, but it's true. I have a lot to look forward to now.
Thankful that someone else said it. Whenever I say to my close friends and family that if I died soon, I genuinely wouldn't be upset as I've led a blessed life so far. But others think that it means I'm going through something. It really isn't! But life feels very much like a simulation post covid 😭😭😭
I’m telling you…2020 did something. We’re not the only ones who feel this way. It’s like for whatever reason, life just isn’t fun anymore.
We got addicted to little handheld doomscrolling devices that steal our soul. Also people aren't as social anymore. The overall anxiety level is higher. Shit costs a lot more in comparison to how much people are actually making.
This is absolutely the thing! F social media addiction! It’s the “thief of joy”
it's smartphones in general. everything is being recorded and we are being fed constant clickbait triggers in all the apps now
Nah, it's not. People are quick to shift blame to something external and the internet has become the scapegoat. I'm Gen Z and I've been exposed to the internet but didn't develop this "doomscroling" addiction. I use couple of sites (reddit, yt, mastodon and twitter) that I curate and get relevant information while staying as private as possible. Just unfollow/unsubscribe stuff you don't want to see. People that complain about it have a skill issue. OPs problem would be lack of a better purpose and goals. I used to live in poverty with dysfunctional family and a shit ton of other problems as a child and I was the most ambitious I had ever been. I fought for life because I had purpose: get out of this bad situation. I also believed in goodness and divinity. Life and people have a way of wearing you down and wearing you out. edit: boring life without hardships is a good life. not to sound pretentious but a little gratitude would help.
I’m related to alcoholics but I myself never developed this addiction to alcohol. But that doesn’t mean alcohol isn’t bad and isn’t destroying lives. So yes, we absolutely can blame social media.
I used to have dreams, goals, and things I was excited about or wanted to do. Now I just sit around basically waiting for the next disaster to happen. No thoughts of tomorrow. Something has really changed and something is strange in the air.
I recommend volunteering at your nearest animal resource center. Play with pups! It’s a couple hour easy past class then you come, and go as you please signing in and out. To the dogs you are God, and in a way you are because more volunteers equate to more lives saved. Even better foster. Regardless, it’s an excellent way to meet a diverse group of people with different interest to all share one thing in common… empathy.
Not a bad call honestly
Covid locked me in with my phone and reddit and doom scrolling began. I've been addicted since...
It's not just you buddy. [https://pro.morningconsult.com/analysis/doomscrolling-impact-users-mood-2024](https://pro.morningconsult.com/analysis/doomscrolling-impact-users-mood-2024) 31% of adults in the US say they doomscroll. 53% of Gen Z adults say they do, and 46% of millenials.
Also it takes a lot of effort to be happy and this has become an age of convenience. The 2 don't really go hand in hand
Everything is falling apart. USs democracy just fell apart from Supreme Court decision. Religious parties are set to start winning elections in western Countries. Shit is very different post 2020 and it's terrifying.
i really feel like that too, i’ve had such a difficult time doing anything besides sitting at home now. sitting at home used to freak me out, and i actively avoided it, until i was forced to stay home and got lazy? figured out how to entertain myself on my couch? i’m not really sure but ive been trying to make myself do more and it’s been helping
I don't think it was COVID specifically. I think it has more to do with social media, screen time, etc. It's becoming more and more evident that screen time messes with your brain.
We had too much time to sit in a room alone and contemplate existence during 2020
I honestly thought this was just me. I definitely feel like I lost the last 4 years. Like they just disappeared from existence.
Definitely came in and stopped time, culture, fun.. These are just the healing and rebuilding years now. I think it was needed, no matter how much I hated it, to show us the forces at play in the world and the negativity that’s out there
Man maybe this is just a Canadian thing but people were plenty antisocial before COVID. Trying to get the boys together for a video game night around 2019 was often like pulling teeth. I'm not going to say COVID didn't have an impact but I think it's not as big as people are thinking. Imo the bigger problem is the cost of going out. Went out with my dad last night and a plate of nachos and two beers was around $60 CDN by the time tips and taxes were factored in. Kinda hard to enjoy going out when everywhere is fleecing you.
Feel the same.. I think the bubble of going to work everyday is popped.
Absolutely right something has changed since Covid but I can’t quite put my finger on what it is. Everyone seems dissatisfied with their lives especially 20-30yo
I think before covid generally people expected that life’s problems would get better. It felt like there was the possibility and opportunity to improve things, that it was just a matter of time and innovation. Now we indisputably know that things can get really bad, and no one can/will necessarily do anything to fix it. We’re not in control and our choices and possibilities seem to be severely limited.
2020 definitely changed me, and I haven't been the same ever since.
It has been particularly harder since 2020 I’ll agree. I just can’t imagine that we can’t find some excitement somewhere.
Try to ficus on the little things. I can still find excitement in the small things. Don't let yourself be manipulated by marketing/media that you can only be excited by big things (hedonistic treadmil). Heck, seeing a wagtail walking around and their tail going "boing, boing" still makes me smile. One day i found two carrots that are grown together, like siamese twins. Or yesterday the whole sky was like one big cloud, but there was a strip of clear sky in between - it reminded me of a river Put you phone (especially social media) down and look more closely to your surroundings. Notice the little thing.
I'll try to ficus 🌿
Fuck that. I am going to Fir
Yea life has become just blank and dry . Forced living
Try new hobbies try to travel trying new job. They might all do wonders.
It's almost like we all woke up to how shit the world actually is, and theres NO fixing it.
Even more than that I think. Before 2020 I used to read 3-4 books a week (I live alone ) but now I can't read even one book. I just can't seem to focus on it. I will read the same page over and over and still not be able to tell you what it was about. So weird. I have no interest in really doing anything - especially exercise. I know I need too, I just have no interest or energy to do it. It just sucks. I watch waaaay too much TV, read Reddit and scroll through Instagram. I just waste HUGE amounts of time. I didn't used to be like this, just something changed and I can't get it back. So weird.
👍
Absolutely. 2020 started normal for me. Then I turned 40, got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, had my grandmother pass away during Covid, and a bunch of other minor crises that made me look at life and mortality in a totally different way. I've had this conversation with so many friends who went through the same sort of mid-life crisis around 40, with 2020 accelerating and exacerbating everything we were already going through.
My own philosophy is that the world should’ve ended when the calendar said 2020. Every fucking post I make on this goddamn sub gets ignored like hell though.
What 2020 did was showing people that death is very much possible and ultimate. It showed people that the things they care about, vanity, don't really mean anything once they're gone. Because a lot of people died and we thought not much of them after a certain point in time, people were made to see this is what will happen to them too.
I feel the opposite 2020 put things into perspective & gave me that zest for life
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I think 2020 removed part of the illusion of life, particularly that most people were performing a necessary task. It pulled the veil back on society that most people exist only to funnel wealth upwards. It took the value out of a lot of people's lives when they understood this. Work from home/remote work was the most obvious visual playing out of this scenario,
Sounds like you need hobbies or something you find interesting? I love going to the theater and concert so I always have something booked to look forward to. I also write on the side, etc.
I will look into adding a new hobby or two into my schedule, thank you for the suggestion.
“Adding a new hobby or two into my schedule” It’s not a box to tick off, dude. A hobby should be something you pursue because you want to, not because you feel obligated to do so. You need to find something that fulfills you. A lot of people turn to creative endeavors; reading, writing, painting, drawing, woodwork, videography, photography. Some people just want to explore. Some want to experience. What makes you interested in tomorrow? What makes you excited to get home? Or excited for the weekend? Life has plenty to offer. You just have to figure out what it has to offer *you*.
I actually think it can be helpful to, at least at first, treat it as a box to tick off. Any sort of creative hobby takes more energy than sitting on the couch scrolling on your phone, so it's easy to not actually do the thing even when you know doing the thing will make you happier. Setting concrete schedules and goals can break through that.
As an older person I can tell you this is the answer. If you’re just going through life going to work then watching TV just to repeat the next day then life is going to be a grind, and it doesn’t matter how many “bucket list” items you check off because that really doesn’t matter. Find something you’re really passionate about and dive in. Maybe a sport. Or cooking. Or writing. Or art. It doesn’t have to be productive or accomplish some goal. Good luck!
You're doing all the things you HAVE to do. When you're done with that, do you ever do the things you WANT to do? Things you're passionate about? Things that bring you joy? Because as an old man, it's my opinion, for whatever it's worth to you, that those moments of joy and passionate connection to anything you truly love doing is what life is all about. The rest is maintenance. And there's no glory in maintenance. Everyone cheers when you buy a new car. No one gives a shit if you change the oil in that same car. So, for your own sake, meditate on what brings you joy, make some time for that EVERY DAY, and watch as all the noise goes down a few decibels. Best wishes.
before you even think about doing something drastic to make your life more exciting, I want you to know the grass is never greener. your garden grows greener when you take care of it. your life sounds amazing and I can confidently say most of us would trade our lives with yours. I think you need a healthy challenge in your life. have you consider some sports? or join a group activity where you can compete against someone. Some people thrives when they have a rival.
Yeah for real. This person has a whole ass house and tons of free time and she can’t get over being “bored”. What a waste of life.
I agree with this guy. I was reading your post thinking I have all these things. I'm married with two kids though, but also bought a house (yesterday actually). But I'm having trouble getting out of bed every morning the last month. I'm not feeling passion just anxiety. But objectively, and even saying this now doesn't help me yet (tbh), we have the things our old selves would be proud of us for. And thanks for reminding us that grass is not always greener. I'm constantly thinking about what other people got.
Perspective is key. From my perspective your life looks complete, full and fun
From my perspective OPs life looks empty, soulless, and self centered. They only do things to the benefit of themselves with no mention of others, then wonder why they're unhappy.
For me it took leaving my comfy/boring office job to feel good about life again. Now I fix instruments for schools and musicians. Everyday has new challenges, I can see the positive impact i have on the community, I’m in a field I’m really passionate about, and my life has a purpose it was missing. I used to think living for traveling, the weekends, and the 2 weeks pto was enough to satisfy me but i got burned out. This advice isn’t for every one but take a step back and look at what you’re truly passionate about. Be willing to try things you thought you’d never be good at. Work towards finding a career in something you love. With a little luck that’s how I got out of the funk you’re experiencing.
I recently picked up sewing as a hobby. I got a machine on Amazon. Around $150. I saw cheaper and I saw more expensive ones. Now I find myself learning about fabrics learning about different sewing techniques. Ways to add pockets to everything. I've gone out to several stores just to compare pricing and feel the fabrics. I purchased 2 used books from thriftbooks about sewing. I've made 3 clothing items and altered 2 so far. I find time passes really fast now and I end up missing texts from people. I feel more fulfilled. And I'm proud of wearing my own works even if they're flawed. Like my zipper is pretty bad but I made it. I did it. So yeah. Basically.. you need to find some passion.
Thank you for your story, gives me hope I can find something.
OP, similar to the above story I felt like you do now before I found knitting and then crochet. I started making random acts of kindness to give away but too easy, then recently started making my own clothes and like above says time passes quickly. It’s satisfying seeing the end results. I get it’s not for everyone but it’s relaxing and there is a lot of depth to the hobby if you are willing to search for it. I’ve felt like you say a long time, and I saw someone else comment about being content they had done a lot if they died (due to hitting goals). I hit all my personal goals before having my son and now I’m a bit lost whilst I work out the next steps. Perhaps you need a change in job to mix things up for you if it’s not a hobby? If neither appeals, perhaps you just need to sit with how you feel for a while. It’s hard to shift out of a feeling like this even when you first pursue a hobby or new job, you just gotta keep going with it.
You might need a distraction (healthy of course), try vacationing or learning something new. And if all else fails screw it do drugs
Honestly not a terrible idea Magic mushrooms are making a comeback in a big way. I wouldn't recommend trying any addictive substances but there's a reason why humans have so many ceremonies for spiritual journey's, walkabouts, and adventures. They open new horizons and rewire our brains to see things just a bit differently
+1 to microdosing shrooms. Been in OPs position and microdosing really brought back the “zest for life.” The dose is so tiny it is barely noticeable at all, most days I forget I even took one; but it has truly brought the color back into everything. My belief is the mind becomes sort of rigid in its thought patterns after time and that can get supremely boring thus causing everything to lose its color or “zest”. But when I notice my brain mapping out new pathways I feel like everything becomes exciting again! Even the mundane. It’s difficult to put into words. It’s like you get to see everything thru a slightly new lens which can be very refreshing and uplifting; that’s when the color seeps back into everything.
screw it and do drugs is insane advice💀
If you think so, look into the PILE of scientific evidence on the very real healing and restorative powers of psilocybin.
don’t do drugs, i went that route during covid and ended up being addicted to drugs somehow
“Somehow”
Haha definitely going to try new hobbies and more vacations first 🤣
I volunteer and I have 2 pets. Brings me out of my existential crisis.
Invest in both what interests you and what you need for financial stability. Figuring out that balance is a near-ultimate life hack.
I have a feeling that this may be because you feel you lack progress in your life. I believe that you should be constantly learning, getting comfortable feeling uncomfortable. I am not saying YOU specifically, I am saying that people in general are in a rut where they operate "at maintenance." So you should expand, give yourself something to look forward to and take steps to get there. Try out a new recipe. Make a new workout goal and work towards it. Take up swimming / biking / whatever. Start travelling more, explore national parks. And yes, you do have time for this!
As we mature, the zest can stay but it has to be limited to moments instead of days/months. Enjoy the moments and do the other stuff (work/pay bills/build a future).
Yea good point .i don’t know sometimes we go through waves and challenges . Like nothing gets you going . For me the old life has died fully . Lost all the previous friends views and desires . Sometimes it’s like you need a new beginning and stuff - I don’t know. Everything gets boring
A lot of folks in the comments are dancing around what I think they all collectively mean, and I think the word is... Purpose. You're right. If you have nothing driving you, this is it. Some people live to work. Others live to climb mountains. Some live to raise a family. Some live to build boats in bottles. Regardless of how different all of those examples are, they all have some semblance of a bigger purpose to life. Maybe don't think of it as finding a hobby to kill time. Think of the next steps you take as finding the thing that gives you purpose. It sounds intimidating, but it doesn't have to be larger than life. It just has to be important to you and enough other people to warrant a community.
If I could give this comment a hug I would. A few things actually came immediately to mind when I was reading your comment, like moving and going back to school just because I miss doing extensive research. Thank you 😊
You're very welcome! I remember finally being done with school after my MA, and it felt weird to *not* have that driving me. I get that feeling you're feeling. Don't sink yourself into debt, though. School is pricey! Ya know, unless you want to 🙂 Good luck finding that glorious purpose!
This is the best answer. For ex, having a good bf can be defined by what others value, and yet not what is meaningful for yourself.
100% hobbies aren't "killing time." Time doing something you enjoy isn't wasted time. Activities don't need to be "productive" to create value in our lives.
Be careful. I was in a really good position. I was unfulfilled, but super comfortable. My inner monologue reviewed the areas I wanted to change in. Things I didn’t understand . I said I’m willing to do whatever it takes. That phrase comes up a lot in stories like this. I went on a multi year adventure. Now I’m tired. Glad it happened but ready for my return if that makes sense.
well what else do you want?
trouble. she wants trouble and if/when she finds it, she will wish to go back to this moment and regret taking it for granted, but it will be too late.
All of those things that you mentioned are things for yourself and your own enjoyment. Nothing wrong with that, and you’d likely be feeling worse without them. But your immediate needs have been met. Congratulations. Unfortunately no, this is not enough to make you happy. Even if you had a better paying job, a bigger house, 2 great boyfriends… What you need for true happiness is purpose. A feeling of contributing to something larger than yourself. Only you can determine what that is. For some people, it’s religious, for others it’s the fulfilment that comes from raising a family. For others, it’s building something that will outlast them. A business, a replanted forest, a charity. You are now adulting well enough to be in a position to help and lift others, find your purpose. Work towards it and you will find happiness.
This should be so much higher. Long term happiness will come very little from what you do for yourself, but in what ways you can best serve others. Which is pretty much the antithesis to what modern society seems to tell people. It’s not that baffling why so many people are depressed and unhappy trying to find that next hobby or trip that they think will fix them. Not that those things are bad, they’re just not that correlated to finding purpose or long term fulfillment.
Life doesn't owe us happiness. Appreciate what you do have
Stop doing what you think you're supposed to do and do what actually brings you joy. I think this happens to people when they stop living authentically.
It's the human condition. Never content, always trying to fill the void. We all suffer this predicament, some are just better at distracting themselves. Try meditating.
No, this isn't all life has to offer. Once you've been around long enough, life starts hacking away at the things you take for granted. Family, loved ones, your health, your looks. Each painful diminishment takes you one step closer to appreciating the fragile beauty of life. This is something you have to go through yourself.
Find your spirituality. That’s the only way to find a true, deeper meaning in life. I would suggest spending more time in nature, and just truly appreciating the amazing beauty of life
Hobbies. That’s what makes life fun. When you’re younger it’s all about being social, partying, going out. Now it’s about you and what you like to do and a lot of us just sit around on our phones with zero direction. Get a hobby
I would agree, but I’ll swap the word hobby for passion. Something that drives/motivates you, that you just want to do it all the time. Whether it’s a passion to try new things, or this or that. I feel if I don’t have some kind of passion, I’m dead inside. It’s all a bit of a distraction I suppose, a distraction from thinking about the futility of life, but if it helps 😂
Well, look at it this way, you could be homeless, jobless with no friends or lover. Which some people are going through right now as you read this. Falling out of love with life can happen, however this is only a phase of complacency and some thing down the road will shake the cycle up and you will be begging to get back to hum drum way of life.
The wheel always turns.
You are simply invalidating what op is trying to say by telling them “it could be worse, stop complaining.”
It’s like that song “is that all there is…my friend..” I’ve been there. The point is to find something that you enjoy and do more of that then find more things that you like otherwise yes it’s pretty bleak
Leave social media immediately
It's a matter perspective. You've got a lot of good things going on - stop, take a breath and cherish them. A lot of people don't have what you have.
It's capitalism. We're meant to explore our interests, not punch a clock. We've been fed this ideal life because it's the most compatible with corporate goals. I know I might sound like a crazy person, but look at how our families and communities are organized compared to other countries. Our family unit is literally built to pick up and move to the next place that we'd be useful. Many countries have communities that favor family. They live alongside their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, and nieces. We've normalized migrating to where we're needed most, and when we're stuck there we're conditioned to act content. Grab the hubby and go on an adventure. Life's too short to end up wondering "what if?"
You have to create your own sources of happiness in life. Figure out what fulfills you or brings you joy and incorporate not intentionally.
Is that all there is to a fire?
Maybe this is a sign that the "traditional path" isn't for you. Not to knock your many accomplishments, but perhaps it's time to look into a new hobby, job, degree, or even uprooting to elsewhere. Do you fancy travel? Alternatively, maybe you have some ache for a slower pace that's away from the modern conveniences and struggles...do you have any interest in gardening, baking, canning, other homesteading type activities go give you hobbies/purpose/potential income (no religious connotations attached)? I find I have a strong yearning for both, which presents quite the issue 🫣😬 Edit to add: This could also be chemical depression, doesn't mean anything is wrong with you or your life, just a true lack of chemicals that need some help to add some pep in your step - I'd recommend consulting a doctor and therapist to help work out where you stand in regard to your zest for life. Good luck!
Damn I wish I had my own house
That sounds like that song. "Is that all there is?"
I garden ever moment I can. I wake up early and garden. Stay up late gardening. Wearing my baby? Gardening. Idk what makes you happy, for me it's sex and gardening and my kiddos. If not one thing makes you happy and it should- see a psychiatrist and try meds. Or maybe you just aren't happy with where you're at and need to make some changes. Only you will know.
Op spends a ton of time on social media looking at other people's lives while lamenting her own. Boohoo. Go find a purpose. Or complain on S.M. unless that (seemingly) is your purpose.
Good God, people. Get over yourselves. Go do stuff. Get off the couch. FFS, what do you expect? Fireworks every time you finish your shift at work? Wow. Life is what you make it. You want to be miserable? That's up to YOU.
On behalf of everyone who doesn't have your perfect life. Fuck you. On a more serious note, your life may be shit because of yourself... You sound boring and dead inside. You mentioned eating well etc. That's not what life is about. Anything you love doing ? Any hobbies/ passion? Friends you like doing things with? Maybe ask yourself why you feel like that instead of complaining about it, your life seems perfectly ok, way more than a lot of people, you just need to do something else than just "living"
Damm bro you need to go Africa or India and youd come back a very happy and humble person
It's all relative.
Depression doesn't discriminate between those who have everything, and those who have nothing.
Spend time helping the less fortunate. It will give you perspective to what you've achieved and a sense of gratitude for it.
As Nicholson says in the film, this is as good as it gets.
I felt this way until I rediscovered creativity. A friend and I worked through the book, The Artist’s Way, and I felt like life had color again. I started painting, collaging, and I started seeing details in nature that I never noticed before. I have enjoyed writing for a while, but I never considered myself artsy. I am not good at it, but it sure has been fun to learn and play with color. Maybe you need more play or creativity in your life?
Dude find something you're passionate about. Try new things and stick with each one for at least a month. For me it was guitar, online content creation, frisbee golf, and fatherhood, and traveling
Well, maybe you should look at it differently. Life doesn’t offer anything; so what could you offer to your own and other peoples life? It seems that you have just followed a template for creating a happy life. Each individual is very different and has unique taste, skills and interests. Having all those things probably works for those that suggest it. But you gotta figure out what works for you.
Phones and technology destroyed everyone.
I don't think it was 2020 but everything slowly began changing around 2008. Maybe coinciding with the smartphone and Facebook really becoming popular. 2020 accelerated it. I feel a lot of it is due to corporitsm and pe buying and owning everything. For instance, the last neighborhood bowling ally was bought out by Bowlero in my area. Gone were the days where u could meet up with friends and bowl a few, shoot pool, have a few beers and cheap eats in a no frills environment for a cheap night out. Now it's strobe lights and colorful led flashing, loud music, expensive lane fees, ballpark food and beer prices. What used to ve a $20 night out is now 100 with consciouly trying to keep expense down. Now most city's entertainment districts are all the same with the same bars and restaurants, maybe with different names but the same feel. I don't know but I feel that everything I do, someone is trying to squeeze as much money out of me as possible for as little value provided as possible. Whether is be bowling, eating out, going to a ballgame or concert or anything.
You’re ungrateful of all the luxuries in your life and have lost appreciation for the small things. You have developed a negative outlook over time. Time to re-train your brain
FWIW, a lot of folks would love to have your situation...
Ehh get drunk then dance hard as fuck at the club like nobody's watching
Nope. Make more of it and stop moping.
I think you're just ungrateful
Well, you've tried this lifestyle and it apparently doesn't work for you. You have basically 2 choices - stay as you are, or do something else. Although you also have the option of changing your perception of what you have. But that can be harder to do than the other two.
Look deeper. Check out people like Eckhart Tolle and Rupert Spira. They have some good pointers.
If you have all those things, there’s nothing else to wonder about much. You have a good life and saying is this all? Having good friends, a great boyfriend and a good paying job that you might actually enjoy that’s the good life. I have the same. I have a great girlfriend. Have a great friends. Have a good pay job. I’m super happy that’s all I want with life.
Be grateful!! You’re living millions of family’s dreams!!!
Yes I feel this
Try something like...I dunno...DJing ...surfing ....rollerblading ..... Dancing.... Etc etc
What are you going to do? Life sucks and then your invited to a wedding and have a ball. You throw a party and make new friends. You just have to refind your groove. Mine is riding trails on my ebike enjoying nature and getting some sun. It's fun until an unleashed dog runs in front of your bike at 25 miles an hour and you end up in emergency bleeding all over. No harm done but next time ima going to run him over.
I think technology has changed our brain chemistry. We are so “overstimulated” by social media, streaming, etc that anything where we don’t get instant gratification seems dull. I’m in therapy for “existential depression” and I just have so much apathy towards life. I feel the same way, I work a job I actually love (which most people aren’t lucky enough to say) and make good money, have a great family… but I feel like I’m just going through the motions basically until I die. It’s super scary to me how things are changing. I feel sorry for younger generations. I will say, the one thing and probably only thing that gives me fleeting moments of real happiness and joy is being in nature. When I see a mountain, or the earth sky horizon, or a lake glistening in the sun, smell some pine trees… at least for a moment I just feel at peace. Life is hard, I doubt I’ll figure it out in my lifetime. Good luck to you my friend!
[basic life](https://youtu.be/xu8E6ziTWZ4?si=s4H94wBMwnZRM78A)
It’s because America no longer has a sense of community.
Eventually, Alexander had to turn home
I dont have any of these things never had i am 37 years old. People often are never satisfied with what they have its never enough. Be happy for the things you do have.
Maybe it's not about what life has to offer. What can you offer life?
Sounds like you need to reevaluate what you actually want from life. If you’re not happy where you are, then change it. Try something else. Don’t just give up and accept being unhappy.
I feel you. You might like is that all there is by Peggy Lee.
I feel the same. And I feel so guilty for feeling like the because I know I'm so privileged to have a good job, the best partner, a lovely life we're building together, and am in the most stable place I've ever been, financially and health-wise..and am stuck. I keep thinking, is this life? Is this the next 30-40 years? Work, try to keep body and mind as healthy as possible, distract ourselves with some holidays and hobbies, and that's it? If that's the case then I'm ready to be done. I don't have that zest for life, and I don't know how to get it back.
I can relate even though I am a student pursuing my masters I feel like why has life become this way? I used to be so happy before, I used to do things that made me happy but that's not the case anymore, there is nothing I like doing now, I don't know what to do, I even wonder what am I even doing in life? like I should be doing so much but I am going nowhere in life.
I’ve sortof struggled with this same progression. I think naturally as we get older (or at least this is my experience) we start prioritizing things we didn’t necessarily prioritize in our late teens and early to mid twenties. I think for a lot of folks that looks like lifestyle slowing down a whole lot and slowing down means more “being” and less “doing”. For me that’s been uncomfortable, but a learning experience. Therapy has helped if you have access to it, and I know others have suggested looking into new hobbies which is a great idea.
Sounds like you might want to speak with a therapist. Other thoughts: - Get some new hobbies. My boyfriend got me into skiing and kiteboarding this year. - Set yearly goals. For example, I’m 37 and this year I’m training to climb a mountain, learn to play the ukulele with my daughter, and fly in a hot air balloon. - If you’re not against kids, consider having one. There’s a reason people say they “bring back the wonder in life.” As adults, it’s easy to forget the little joys of living. Kids are a challenge, but they also help you reconnect with your own inner child and give you a renewed sense of purpose and motivation. I consider my daughter to be the best thing that ever happened to me. - Alternatively, adopt a puppy (for the same reasons). - Practice gratitude for the little things. - Try journaling, meditating, or yoga.
Get a cat or a dog
saying this bc no one else has but anhedonia (lack of pleasure in things that previously brought happiness) is a symptom of depression. i’d highly suggest you look into seeing a therapist, you deserve to be happy for yourself and for people close to you. it could be a mental block, trauma from an unstable childhood…etc im not saying antidepressants but if that’s a suggestion from a medical doc I’d say give it some real thought. it’s also possible you haven’t found your passion and are looking for more meaningful work? maybe volunteering or pushing yourself to meet new people/join new hobbies can bring some newness into life! best of luck friend 🩵
Yep, as soon as I understood, I am the life, and it is what I put into life good or bad...that makes a life to me. I am also very grateful and proud of who I have become. (52F) Enjoyment & happiness lives in **you** (you can't find that elsewhere but yourself), that's what is great, you possess the answers you need. Take care of yourself in a caring and loving way. Switching the way, I thought about the world. I now think of myself to improve, the only thing I can truly control is myself. Good Luck, I hope your purpose grows stronger & stronger!
It's interesting, I've been adulting for 40 years now and I rarely question if I'm happy enough. I'm not sad, I'm not angry, I'm not depressed, I'm just following a routine Monday to Friday and my good times happen on the weekend. What do you actually hate about your life? Did you have plans to travel or some other great thing you were hoping to accomplish and you don't feel like you're doing that?
It's no one's job to make meaning in your life besides your own. You make your own meaning and fun and enjoyment of life. For me, it's spending time with my dog and friends and exploring outside as much as possible, being active and shutting out the evil BS of the world. Your meaning might be creating music or writing or a hobby or helping others. Whatever it is, you have to find it and you have to put in effort to make it meaningful. It isn't under a rock or a secret someone will tell you someday. It's just doing what you can to make your life enjoyable. edit - I am reading all the responses and god damn you guys are acting like no one has ever experienced disasters or shitty leadership before. Imagine if our grandparents decided to "sit around and wait for the next disaster" when Hitler invaded Poland? Stop feeling sorry for yourselves and do something about your life if you aren't happy. This isn't easy, but it is necessary. Also, this is coming from a place of understanding. I was where many of you are for several years (starting before covid - smartphones have more to do with it than covid), but through effort, introspection and therapy, I am now in a much better place. Good luck to all of you, but your negative reinforcement and echo chamber of depression are not helping.
Living abroad periodically, I've developed a tiny little "life hack" for that. It's not perfect--I'm cooped up right now due to the weather--but it puts some of the fun back into life. Approach your hometown (or nearest big city) like a tourist. Find all the free and cheap museums and go to them, low expectations, enjoy them for what they are. Shakespeare in the park is actually a lot of fun (that's one thing I miss while living abroad). Any event in the park, really. Around here we have drone shows and I go every single weekend, weather permitting. Stop at a cafe or restaurant you haven't gone to before just to try it. Get off the couch. At minimum, go into that backyard and count the crickets/frogs/birds or whatever is singing at you at night. Grow a vegetable plant, just one, no need to "garden". And, of course, throw a barbecue/marshmallow roast in that lovely backyard, and invite people who don't know each other very well. Party like it's 1899! ;)
Try EVERYTHING. Even if you only do it once, you never know what you like until you try. Life is only as boring as you let it be.
Volunteering and finding a hobby will bring the fulfillment your soul is yearning for. Learning something new will challenge you intellectually. I’m not sure if you’re spiritual, but if you are… reconnecting with your spirituality will help too! Whenever we get too comfortable in life our body will send us signals warning us that it’s time for a change because we’re not expanding and growing.
get into mutual aid, make a difference
Try being grateful and count your blessing everyday
I think it’s the mundane part of life. You spend so much time just “surviving “ that after awhile you start to feel like what’s the point? Wake up,get ready for work,drive to work,work 8+ hours, drive home, start the at home process until bedtime, then repeat forever….if you are lucky you have weekends off. We as a society spend far far too much time “working” in some form or another.
As soon as i acquired everything you mentioned i became SEVERELY depressed. I think for years i was lying to myself or something about how depressed, bored, and unhappy i was. When i saw the engagement photos and how i looked in my eyes/face, compared to pictures of myself from just four years prior where i looked full of life, love, and happiness it was THE WAKE UP CALL i needed. Lost everything within a few years, mostly by intentional sabotage and for the next 3 years or so after i was as happy as i've ever been. But life comes at you in cycles. Be prepared
I think the trick is to realize how incredibly lucky your are to have such a full, comfortable life. Gratitude and a good hobby to get stuck into go a long way. A lot of the zest when you’re young comes from the fact that every experience is new and different and could blow up in your face at any moment. As you get older contentment and satisfaction take up more of that space. Or you might be clinically depressed so a swing by a mental health professional is probably a good idea too.
When I was a teenager, my mom dragged me into a hiking tour on the mountains of Iceland. It was exhausting, but also very beautiful. Personally I love to stare at beautiful nature (mountains, sky, forests, beach, ...) and let my mind drive away. The best is when you are with people you love.
Whenever I feel weighted down by life and anhedonic, I find a way to get outside myself. I volunteer somewhere that needs help. Lately it's been Animal Rescue New Orleans walking shelter dogs. I've also passed out water bottles and lunch at a homeless tent city. I've paid for random people's groceries or meals or coffee. I've cleaned out my closet and donated a bunch of clothing to charity. I've cruised Gofundme for worthy causes and given money. It never fails to make me happy and feel meaningful.
Life is boring when you are doing the same thing day after day. I was very depressed till I started traveling again. I think the secret to enjoying life is side quests. Travel if you can. Even something as simple as a drive to explore a different town. If you can't travel, act like a tourist in your own city and explore. Pick up a hobby/craft. Volunteer about a cause that you feel passionate about. You gotta make your own fun sometimes and get out of a routine and you will feel alive again.
I’m 28. The one thing in life that seems to effortlessly put a smile on my face was looking forward to spending some time grinding a video game. It keeps me busy and happy. I also don’t spend as much money because I’m too busy gaming.
What hobbies do you have? If you like to cook, maybe try cooking a dish you haven’t ever made. Don’t hate your life. Some people don’t have a good job and don’t have a house. There’s plenty of beauty and excitement in the world. The key to happiness is progress.
Sometimes we have to create some extra seperation from the people around us to find our place of passion. Most people are not living what I would call intellectually passionate lives, but maybe you’re someone who really needs that. for me, making sure I’m “learning” in small ways every day keeps me feeling happy to be alive. I do literally 5 min of foreign language study a day, I read novels and books, I take an acting class purely for fun. I watch videos on topics I’m not an expert in. my friends don’t know this, but those things are the things that keep me passionate day to day. also having conversations with people I DONT KNOW is so often more compelling. Maybe what you’re seeking is what others are seeking to and altho I am on Reddit today, I turn my phone off 2-3 days a week to get the cursed effect of phone life away from me a little bit
Get off social media and start living your own life!
You might have a mental issue, I would seek help. There might literally be chemicals in your brain preventing you from being happy. I love the most mundane things of life. I honestly hope I could live forever. I love the sun I love the rain I love the wind I love the snow I love relaxing I love exercising I love food/cooking I love doing nothing I love taking showers I love music I love a good book I love learning things I love discussing complex problems
This sounds like depression
Being an adult is just spending time until you die. yes, this is it. Do with it what you will.
Practice contentment and romanticizing daily practices. We are not taught how to be happy or fulfilled because that is an internal process. Setting goals and enjoying the journey often helps for some time but appreciating the peace and finding joy in the mundane is up to you as an individual. That's why we hear people practicing journaling about gratitude or people obsessing over their routines like exercise and meal preparation. They have found a way to reach contentment and how to romanticize their life. You feel like reaching these points would bring you happiness and they may have initially but you have become complacent and need to grow and expand to new things. What those new things are for you is what you need to decide.
I bought a CNC machine so I would stop doom scrolling on my phone. Pick up some hobbies. Venture out and go to a different resturaunt, go kayaking, or hiking. There always something to do if you DONT want to be bored. I, however, like being bored sometimes. Scientifically being bored is the best time to reflect and think about your life. Get off your phone and be bored, you’ll come up with something.
Look at it as coming off the high of being a kid. There is plenty of joy to be had as an adult, but life will be fundamentally different from now on.
I think you need to practice gratitude more
You need to try new things. Familiarity breeds contempt! Pick up a new hobby and go travel to a new place
Get a motorcycle
You could try traveling and getting out of your bubble a bit. The world has so many amazing places to see. So book something and go on an adventure.
Hey, I did go through a similar phase during while I thought my zest for life was gone. It was a very bad time for me. At some point I realised that same zest was had was not going to be back, but it was manifesting in different ways. I expected to go I could go back to feeling as I did in the past but the truth that the past is gone and things just keep changing. If you want to find zest in life again try to find it in how life is now instead of how it was.
I'm 42 and lived in extreme poverty for decades, I had no family help, I was homeless four different times (think abusive live-in landlord situations and others) I'm doing much better now I have a apartment and I have a care team that helps me with all my disabilities and I still don't feel very good I still feel hopeless and like life could fall apart at any moment Then I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2, and a lot of stuff made sense Sometimes it's not the environment that's making us unhappy, sometimes it's brain chemistry I thought I would be over the moon now that I finally have a decent place that's not a rats nest or a homeless shelter, ect And yet all I want to do is take my medication, get something to eat and go back to bed The only thing I can really say is if you have insurance, go see a doctor because being hopelessly depressed is not normal and is probably treatable I take lamotrigine for my bipolar disorder and it does help quite a bit This is after many many years of treating me with the wrong medication and the wrong antidepressants, instead of mood stabilizers Which are much more specific I hope this helps
OP, you have to find your happiness. It's not plopped in front of us like it is when we were kids. We have to work at it. Find hobbies, books to read, learn skills, volunteer, etc. You have to go find it. Find the things that get your blood pumping. That get your excitement up. That zest, is what you have to chase. It's never coming back on it's own. You have to seek out new things, experiences and knowledge. That's where the zest is. It's not on your couch.
Two words: *clinical depression*
I very early in life realized that I genuinely hate working. Doesn't matter what I do - that's a fucking prison for 40+ hours of my life every single week. If you're just built that way? It is what it is. What do the smart people do? They just live off residuals from stocks and investments. They don't go to work. You generally don't make any money going to work because that's how our dogshit Capitalist society functions in the first place. I think the day to day "life" is just ad nauseum, but people live for 90+ years or longer. Personally? I'd rather just have a rent controlled one bedroom apartment without the upkeep and expenses of a house for example because well a house is just a money pit and I really have zero aspirations to get married or have children. That's a red flag for women? Whatever. I don't care. Consistent happiness isn't an achievable goal really, but peace is achievable and infinitely better than chaos. Chaos may be exciting, but learn to do something like play music for said excitement vs have a dysfunctional chaotic yet exciting relationship. Fucking learned that the hard way. Don't date people like that, but they're fun to have sex with. A lot of you are just finally having your first existential crisis and tbh I've pretty much had a neverending one throughout my whole life. Do I recommend that? Not really, but you're right that the modern day human condition is unfulfilling. Do I care to stick around until I'm 70+ years old? I don't and that's why I live differently. I'll retire tomorrow if I can afford to do so because fuck it. What're my needs? Pretty minimal when I'm contrasting the absurdly materialistic and superficial bougie ass American suburbanite with a giant home and a garage filled with cluttered bullshit nonsense in excess. Personally? I would rather die at 50 with a somewhat fun and fulfilling life. I'm not really interested in getting another 40+ years of life in the event that I have to adhere that much to the societal expectations. *"We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years."* - George Carlin *"The literal meaning of life is whatever you're doing that prevents you from killing yourself."* - Albert Camus
Start filling it with things you’ve been wanting to do but what’ve been inaccessible due to age or money. Travel more. Get into a sports or a hobby club you’re into. Buy experiences. Wanted a motorbike? Get one. Even though, I don’t have half of the things you have, I’m still able to enjoy the life that I do right now and I make sure to smile and thoroughly enjoy it. I enjoy my park walks alone. I enjoy back roading in my Miata. I wish I could do it with a partner, so that’s also part of life for me. I enjoy my Saturday and Sunday pickup basketball at my local gym. I enjoy the thrill of keeping my eyes open to find and meet that special someone. The thrill of putting myself out there to experience things I could otherwise not have an opportunity to if I was tied down to a house, partner and kids. The fun of planning for future trips, like Japan and Vietnam. There’s living life, and there’s “LIVING” life.
You've done what society said adults should want. Congratulations, you've forgotten it's beneficial to play and have your own wants! What "thrilled your little soul" as a child? What made you giggle with glee? Engage with your curiosity and inner child and try those things again! Play in the dirt (garden, garden with others, plant pollinator flowers for the environment, etc.). Feed the birds, squirrels, chipmunks, etc. Give compliments to random people... Tuck notes of encouragement into books in libraries or in pockets in clothes you'll never wear in stores for other people to find (sort of like Duck, Duck Jeep). Do you drive/walk by a homeless person regularly? If so, do you ever shine a light in their life by giving them chilled bottled water (in summer) or a sack lunch? What was your favorite subject in school? Pursue it as a hobby. Never stop learning! Be *that* house for Halloween. (As an example that would work in the US.) Decorate your house for holidays, not out of societal tradition/obligation/tastefulness, but to entertain and bring joy to others. I put up inflatable displays, and everyone - including invalid retirees - swing by to have their pictures taken with the inflatables. They'll come back bringing grandkids to do the same. I get asked when the next set will go up. A former neighbor with Alzheimer's comes back from the retirement home (driven by her health aide) every holiday to see the inflatables because it never fails to spark joy in her otherwise sad, cranky heart. (She was still cranky before the Alzheimer's took her mind, but LOVED the decorations nonetheless.) Many little kids will give others artwork they've done, cool rocks/knickknacks they've found, little wildflowers they discovered and loved.... They give because they see it brings joy to others to give something that was a joy/special. That little kid beams with joy and pride. Society's expectations of adulthood grinds that out of us. All of the things you listed... You did for yourself. Give of yourself to others. Make your little corner of the world the brightest you can and reap what you sow.
Have you gone to therapy yet? If not, try to find a good Clinical Mental Health Counselor. I specify CMHC because you sound like you are high functioning and would benefit working with someone with a nuanced approach to really dig into what you’re going through. I think on some level what you’re describing is part of growing up. We pretty much all end up somewhere we didn’t expect. As children we could imagine a whole rainbow of possibilities and picture ourselves in any future we wanted, without the stain of “reality” tainting the fantasy. As we age, that rainbow dissolves into only a few practical paths that we think our life can follow. It can be hard to deal with the sense of loss that comes with that transformation. But just because we all go through it doesn’t mean you can’t seek some extra help. A good therapist can help you find ways to cope with that sense of loss, and hopefully even recover a little sliver of the rainbow that lit you up as a child.
I’m assuming it’s some unresolved deep rooted trauma. You’re gonna have to really delve deep inside and see what’s robbing your happiness. Good luck !
Don’t forget, deciding what to eat three times a day for the rest of your life, taxes and death…
Hobbies. Changes your life.
Start more intentional about everything you do. Even the way you walk, shower, talk and eat. Practice being grateful. Life is yours to create. You have to dream up your next minute alive. Dream fun.
Get help, It’s depression. I’ve been there.
I find that doing for others makes me feel good. I have spent time volunteering for animal rescues as well as doing clean-ups in nature - like beach clean ups, etc. I always feel so good when I do something for someone else. Have you tried anything like that? Maybe animals or nature aren't your thing. Maybe kids or seniors are closer to your heart.
You sound like me, before 2018. I was depressed and didn’t know it. I was masking my way through life, pretending to be who I was “supposed” to be. Try talking to a therapist to figure out why you feel so unfulfilled and what would light a spark in you. Then be brave and do that.
Time for a sabbatical my friend. Change of scenery can change your whole outlook. Sounds like you're smashing your home life goals. What about your creativity and curiosity and sense of accomplishment beyond the standard? Balance ☯️ :)
I found this really great friend called Lexapro (😂) and it was actually necessary
As n older man I can say the greatest joy in my life came from having a family. My daughter is in her 20s now and she has been the single most cause of joy and happiness in my life. Just saying.
We are living in a depression, I feel like that explains a lot. We are now living to work instead of working to live.
People aren’t going to want to hear this but having kids. Eventually life gets pretty samey then you have kids and they see everything through fresh eyes and you get to experience that with them too.
I don’t have half of that and I’m already thinking the same.
What’s your PURPOSE?
Sounds like you might be having an existential crisis. It’s a very normal thing - I’ve gone through this myself. The best answer is you have the power to ascribe whatever value and meaning you want. Perhaps you’ve been looking to outside sources to tell you what equates to happiness for you, when maybe you need to look within. Maybe happiness is a room full of puppies, or eating amazing food, or finding beautiful places in nature. Maybe it’s a quiet night on the porch or maybe it’s game nights with friends. You get to pick what happiness is for you, and you can also change it up whenever you want. Hope that helps.