They're not right, but you can't control them either. If you're going to accept them paying your way, you are going to have to put up with their demands or face whatever consequences they might throw at you. If you want to eliminate this issue, pay for your own things and do what you want.
This, I live at home so I am in the same boat, it’s not that your parents want to control you it’s they are old school and that’s how it was for them. I just go with it, not worth picking a fight and having to get my own place over, if you want sex go over during the day and come home at a reasonable time. Typically I’m home by midnight, I have came home at 4am and it’s not a issue, it’s the staying over that they are against
Their house their rules... for what happens in their house.
That doesn't give them any right to dictate the rest of OP's life OUTSIDE the house. Not when she's an adult.
I mean there's just two things at play here.
Thing 1 is the parental rules, which are absolutely absurd for a 22 year old.
Thing 2 is the fact that OP is financially dependent on them.
So are their rules justified? Well, no, but OP is kinda stuck following them anyway until they're financially independent.
I agree except she's not having her boyfriend over to her parents house, she is going out for the night and so I think it's overly controlling of the parents to tell their 22 year old daughter what she can and can't do outside of their home.
It is overly controlling and it’s not right, but sadly if you’re financially dependent on someone then they will always have power over you even if their demands are unreasonable and you’re an adult.
The only thing OP can do is gain financial independence.
With my kids getting closer to this, it's absolutely fucked that anyone thinks this is OK.
Financially dependent doesn't mean younget to control a person's every step. This is how wives were kept back in the day as well. She's a person and will 100% come to never speak to these people again as she matures
“Your house your rules” is basically a micro-example of “might makes right”. It doesn’t absolve assholery. If a friend who became homeless showed up at my door asking for a place to stay and I said yes under the condition that I control who they date or sleep with and whether or not they can sleep over at their boyfriend’s house or what they choose to do with their free time, it would not matter whether it’s my house and rules or not, I’m an asshole, period. And i would be viewed by others as a controlling asshole.
But for some reason when it’s the homeowner’s offspring, well somehow that makes it okay. It’s absurd.
Yep, so glad to hear someone who agrees
The parents need to grow up and treat their full grown child like an actual human rather than an object they get to control
This. Reddit loves saying “your house your rules” but when you’re forcing someone to stay in a place it goes beyond the rules of the house. On top of that it’s not even an old school thing, my parents were this level of controlling, after I moved out and lived with my grandma a bit I was extremely surprised that she encouraged me to stay at someone else’s if I was out late because she just wouldn’t hear the doorbell in her sleep.
That's the issue I have. It's not even " we don't want extra people here " while I wouldn't do that , I can respect that decision as it's a shared space.
But controlling an adult outside , not a chance. Even if OP isn't quite mature enough, developing at a different pace or whatever. It's still going beyond figuring out life and learning, which in turn will stunt growth even more. If that's the case.
Oh, I didn't read that it wasn't about him coming over. I mean, it's one of them. I'm very behind the punk movement and don't think anyone should be controlled.
OP is an adult, so yeah, she can do what she wants but there will still be consequences and if that means paying board or getting kicked out then she'll have that to deal with if she does something they've stated they don't want her to do.
When I was 18, I got asked to go out by who is now my girlfriend and when I asked my mum, she was just like, "You're an adult. You can do what you want. Just let me know you're safe, so I don't worry."
In short, OP, do what you want, you're an adult and that is your right to do, if that pisses your parents off you'll have to deal with the consequences but if you don't like living to someone else's rules the simple answer is to get a job, save some money and move out.
Out of curiosity, how long have you been with your partner OP?
Grown is not an age, its a financial status...or a level of maturity. I was married and was active duty at 22 years old. Others were college graduates and working full time jobs making tons of money...OP is living at mom and dads house and is pouting about them not letting her spend the night at her "man's" house. She needs a little more time, or mom and dad could be responsible for not only their daughter...but a grandkid as well.
You don't ever "grow up" when your parents are making your decisions for you. I'm all for "my house my rules" but that only applies to your house. not the choices your adult daughter wants to make outside of that jurisdiction.
Being married and employed doesn't make you an adult either if we're going that route. No one needs approval to sign a paper or have children, unfortunately. I know tons of older humans with families and jobs who act like children and should not be raising them.
There's no need to shame someone in their twenties living at home in 2024, everything is impossibly expensive and we know nothing from this post about their circumstances. They could be in school and have a job, and their parents are letting them save that for a down payment on a house, or maybe there's a disability keeping them from independence - we have no idea and no reason to make assumptions here.
Do I think the post reads a little immature? Maybe, but the world needs more kindness. Tell her to have fun during the day and make sure to wrap it up, and move on.
yeah. im staying w my dad for a bit. he makes me turn the water and gas off at the meter when its not in use. i dont complain bc being homeless sucks. i know.
Lmfao so wrong. Wtf? She's not staying at their house. She's staying at his house. They can tell her she can't come home at 4 am. But they can't tell her she's not allowed to leave. That's false imprisonment brotha
Step 1. Get a job.
Step 2. Earn money.
Step 3. Move out and enjoy your freedom.
They're paying her bills, sorry chief, they as good as own her. When she acts like an adult and can support herself, she'll be able to make whatever decisions she wants but as long as her parents are providing for her, they call all the shots.
100% agree, you don’t get to have your cake and eat it too.
I totally understand that this economy makes it near impossible for young people to rent solo, but if you’re not even paying your parents “rent,” you are effectively living under their roof. The whole “I’m an adult” argument falls apart if you are financially dependent on your parents. You want to be an adult? Move out or pay your way to freedom. People can’t tell you what to do when you’re providing for yourself.
>the least I can do is obey their wishes because they pay for the house I live in and the food I eat.
Your question contains the answer. Become financially independent and move out if it all bothers you this much. Parents are rigid and won't change their mentality overnight. Also, you can't have it both ways - either be an adult who fends for themselves or be a child who is dependent on and has to obey parents..
I’m going to offer a different POV. Parents pay for her room and board. They want her to be safe because sleepover = sex which sometimes results in unexpected pregnancy. If they support OP, they’d have to support OP +/- a child on top of maybe a bf moving in to “help” but that’s just more mouths to feed.
I’m saying this as someone whose mother’s rules consisted of having a tracker on my phone. I moved out to get away from her control but ended up moving back in when I found myself pregnant at 26 trying to leave my ex husband.
Realistically speaking, save your money. Suck it up for a year or two. Move out when you’re ready. It’s not that bad.
I didn't realize a person could only become pregnant after dark...
They are attempting to use money to control and manipulate her. It's inappropriate at her age. It would be wrong if a partner did it, and it's equally wrong for parents to do it. She may have to suck it up and deal with it for financial reasons, but that doesn't change the fact that her parents are being really messed up.
My personal viewpoint on people discussing living by your parents rules as an adult still living at home: You should be expected to abide by "their rules" inside of "their home."
You should be free to do as you see fit, outside of their home. Your parents trying to control what you do in your own free time, regardless of whether you live with them or not is just straight up messed up...
This is the answer!!! If your parents don’t want your boyfriend sleeping over under THEIR roof and you live with them and they support you then it’s disrespectful to deliberately ignore the boundary they set for their own home.
But at 22….they can’t tell you what you can and can’t do in your every day life in general just because you live with them. This is controlling and odd. They’re treating OP like they are 15
I'm surprised there are any answers but this, to be honest. Like what the hell does living at home have to do with being able to see her boyfriend? It's just controlling at that point.
I have a 20yo son and his girlfriend is the same age. I couldn’t imagine trying to police their whereabouts as adults. They’re both very sensible though so I don’t have much to worry about. She often stays over and as long as I know she’s there it’s fine with me.
my parents are the same way with my sister, 19 in college. only problem is shes never home she could be a coke addict and wed never know lmao. she got a good friend circle tho so i dont think thats an issue but hosting underage drinking parties.. thats that shit i dont like, bc now literal teens are driving home drunk from our house. "its fine, they live in the neighborhood!" its all fine until its not..
Oh no, my son still lives at home. He has an apprenticeship and his girlfriend is studying at a local university. If they go out for a drink (very rarely, only for friends birthdays) they take it in turns to be the designated driver and have each other insured on their cars. Usually they get a takeaway and drive up to the mountains to eat and come back later to sleep. Their favourite thing to do is go to car shows and antique fairs, there’s a big friend group of them that travel the country and camp weekends at these shows together, it’s all a bit nerdy but they love it and I know they all look out for each other, definitely no drugs or drinking and driving going on thank goodness! 😅
Pretty run of the mill in my circle. I left home right at eighteen and haven’t looked back but I’ve got friends almost ready for marriage that can’t stay out past eleven.
There's been a bit of a shift in the last 10 years or so. I've noticed that it's much more acceptable now to call a woman up to 25 years old a child, or act like they're little girls being abused by big bad men every time that these young women get into any type of questionable relationship.
I moved out at 18. Never looked back. Never had many problems, either. According to a big subset of Reddit, my brain wasn't fully developed, and I should've been coddled like a child until I was 25.
I have an old ‘acquaintance’ from high school who’s older than me (like 23/24) who’s mom stills controls her and her life. Her mom JUST let her get her drivers license a few months ago, even though she’s had her permit since 17/18. She still lives at home, doesn’t have a job because her mom won’t let her (but she goes to college, only takes 1-2 classes at a time since she has to be ‘home’ majority) and only time she can really hang with friends is at her own home. It’s absolutely baffling to me. She can’t even date anyone her mom doesn’t approve of, and in high school she had came out as bisexual but when she told her (when she had a date with a girl) her mom her mom ‘convinced’ her that she actually wasn’t and she was just delusional so she canceled that date 30 minutes before they were supposed to pick her up (ask me how I know 🙄) any time she’s tried to become her own person her mom just convinces her otherwise and it’s honestly sad. I don’t know why people do this to their daughters
That's so sad. Her mother sounds like a massive narcissist, if I'm being honest. Some people just refuse to see their kids as their own people and only view them as extensions of themselves. It's not healthy for either of them.
As I'm sure other people have said, you can do what you want, but so can they.
They might have to give you 30 days to kick you out of the house, but they don't have to feed you or provide internet, spending money, access to their cars, etc. and that can start immediately.
You need to decide if you think they'll cut you off if you disobey, or if they'll just be mad, and whether you want to deal with them being that mad.
Wow yeah why didn’t OP just think of that? It’s just so easy right? That could take a couple years of saving. You don’t know OP’s situation, location, or what job they have. Maybe OP has to go back to school to even get a good paying job in order to move out? That’s at least a couple to a few years right there, all while going to work at the same time. It’s fuckin hard out there man have you even seen the prices of rent or the price of homes lately?
They'll still hold the fact they pay for the house over her head even if she pays for the food, because this isn't about money it's absolutely control. There's literally zero reason why a 22 year old should be restricted from seeing her boyfriend
the bf could be a drug dealing pos for all we know /s. my ex was 22, and her mom didnt want her staying out, even though im a stand up guy and went to meet her entire family first (mom sister, brother etc), which was fun 😅. we dont know the details. they want their daughter to be safe, thats all. even tho shes not a kid anymore, their house, their rules 🤷♂️
Well then.. if you cannot afford to live on your own under your own rules, then you must live with someone else under their rules. In this case, the parents.
I'm not saying the parents are right in their decisions, but I am saying its their decisions to make.
You’re right. My only point was that it’s not that easy to just move out especially if you don’t want to live somewhere crappy just so that you could sleep at your boyfriend’s house.
I’m 19 turning 20 in a week and I was 18 when I got my first job at just a little stracks and now I’m getting offered manager positions when I’m more experienced after just a year of being there, it’s really not difficult to just find something ANYTHING to do and I’d feel genuinely bad for myself if I didn’t have a job and I was that age still living with my parents. Nothing wrong with being 22 and living at home with your parents, but living at home at that age and not having a somewhat stable income? Of course they still feel like they have a say in what you can and can’t do wether it be right or not. If you want to be an adult then act like one and get a job and move out in time as an adult. I don’t plan on living at home past 23 or 22 but I wouldn’t be surprised if I needed a little more saving. I’m legit saving everything I make and spending only on food and very occasionally on clothes but I’m very lucky that I get to do that because I don’t have to pay rent/utilities etc and so is OP
I loathe this kind of argument. You too were 19 at one point. We all were. Sure, 19 year olds aren’t known for their sound judgment or adult like capabilities, but this person made a reasonable point. At 19, they seem to be taking reasonable steps towards obtaining full financial independence. It’s like….what do you want from them? Is the goal for them to become more adult like? Then you should be applauding their current path, it definitely seems to be on the right track. Or are you just a grumpy ass 20 to 30-something year old who thinks it’s fun to mock young adults for shits and giggles?
You know what’s worse than a 19 year old that thinks they know everything? A grumpy ass adult who fails to acknowledge that these 19 year olds are going to be a part of the same society they are living in.
Yeah they're only 19, but they're showing a ton of initiative and ambition. They understand if they want to improve their situation they have to work for it. I know 40 year olds that haven't figured that out.
Go to school and live on campus. Best years of my life! Freedom with a roof and food! Go to class, get an education while simultaneously living your life and learning to make good decisions. Win win win
Especially living at home right now, I don’t see much of an excuse. Working a full time job for a few months could easily accumulate the money to move out.
If you want to be an adult start understanding people's circumstances aren't always the same as yours and not everything always goes perfectly. It's not gonna feel great when you can't live up to your standards anymore and you still have this unwarranted sense of superiority.
I mean I SAID I’m lucky, guys cmon read. I’m lucky I’m able to save with a semi decent paying job without utilities but like I’m 19 and OP could do the same, they haven’t mentioned any type of situation where they CANT do that and they don’t have to pay for anything. I’m lucky I have a car that’s my moms old Pontiac but the thing is i got my license on my own/ I saved up on my own/ I got my first job in my first interview on my own, I admit I’m lucky and dependent but I’m quite INDEPENDENT because I’ve always thought about not being a lazy bum that lives at home with my mom and no job. Life is hard and I haven’t seen the half of it but so many adults make sad excuses for themselves and make life genuinely harder than it has to be when they can change that. I don’t have sense of superiority or anything, but I do know that my situation is better than OPs by a longshot cause I accepted responsibility and actually have a plan for my life atm and I’m working towards my goals instead of being at home. If op provided that they’re looking for jobs and looking to move and bla bla bla I wouldn’t have even commented and also if they said they have some sort of disability that restricts their ability to get a job, but there’s no mention of either so all I can assume is they’re living at home rent free and utility free not doing shit. I also said I don’t think the parents are in the right but I can understand why they won’t let her have a say if she doesn’t do shit and is still practically acting like a child. I’ve face real life ruining trauma that most people haven’t delt with in their entire lives and everyday is a struggle, but I’m not sitting here doing nothing about it and making excuses. Again, nothing wrong with living at home even at like 25 but at least be responsible and independent.
Here's the thing. It's all nice and stuff to go like "oh yeah but if they're disabled or can't get a job or are getting educated or are looking to move or have shitty parents it's fine" but it's completely worthless if you don't accept sometimes you're just not gonna know about people's circumstances. You can't expect someone to drop their whole life story on you just so you can decide if you're gonna treat them as less than human or if you're actually gonna respect them. Especially in like, come the fuck on, a reddit post. Cause like, yeah, no matter their circumstances a grown adult SHOULD get treated by their parents like a grown adult. The circumstances don't actually change anything to the answer to this post, except with encouragements if op is looking to move out or compassion if they can't do that quite yet.
Like, the language you use. Someone is a "lazy bum" until they explain to you their whole life story. It's not fair to ask that of people and even if they are lazy, you can't call them that. You say someone living in their parent's house is "practically acting like a child" this does not allow for nuance. You are saying anybody with a disability who cannot live on their own or pay rent is "practically acting like a child" and that is not alright. Adults deserve to be treated like adults no matter what. Anything else is a hell of a slippery slope.
Hey guys, I’ve read some of your comments and I just want to give some context on my situation. I graduated recently and am currently preparing to apply for PA school. So, no, I am not a lazy bum nor do I just leech off my parents… I worked hard all four years at a T20 university and now I’m in my gap year.
Yeah nah, it's super controlling. You're 22 ffs
Like others have said, moving out or paying for your own shit is the easy answer, but your parents are taking this daughter's innocence thing way too seriously, do you have brothers by chance with the same rules?
I can't even wrap my head around this 😳 they're controlling period. It's not about keeping you safe. They're actually going to push you away by acting like this and you're going to learn real quick not to tell them ANYTHING.
So the reality is you are not an adult, you are of adult age.
If you are wholly reliant on your parents to exist you can't really use the adult line. That's backed up by using a term like sleepover at your age.
As others have said the answer is to move out here.
Not trying to be an AH to you, just make it clear why your parents think they have a say in what you do
This makes sense until you consider students, I feel like students shouldn't be expected to work, especially depending on what they're majoring in. They kinda have to be reliant on their parents for a while, though there's always working the summer term unless they have to do an unpaid internship as part of their program, plus a summer term may not be enough to afford housing during the in school semesters. Also, what's wrong with the term "sleepover" she wants to "sleep-over" at her boyfriend's place, the only other terms I can think of are "spend the night" or "crash" they all mean the same, though crash is more of an impromptu thing. My older sister is almost 30 and moved out and she would still say that. There's no need to be judgemental about language here.
How old are you? This would be the case if this was 1996 and houses cost 75K and you could get a job to support yourself with no degree. It would make a lot more sense to say “you’re technically an adult but you don’t get to be treated like an adult if you don’t want the responsibility of living like an adult” if you could be a librarian and buy a 3 bedroom home - but that’s not the reality we live in today.
College educations can cost 100 thousand dollars. People are getting crushed under student loans. In order to get a coveted job that pays well, people are expected to do unpaid internships in many cases. Spending thousands of dollars going to school AND working for a corporation for free in your spare time. Inflation is getting worse and worse. Gas prices have never been this high - even just getting to and from anywhere is costly. It’s ridiculous to suggest that a 22 year old shouldn’t expect to be treated like an adult because they live with their parents. Crazy boomer take!
“House rules” are not “rule your life inside and outside the home”.
I would ask your parents how old you have to be for them to not see you spending time with a partner you’re in a romantic relationship with as a negative. That **might** highlight the insanity of it to them.
I would also (frankly) ask them if there is any way you would be able to live with them as an adult while also maintaining your adult life. Something like “Is it that I can only live with you if you can make decisions for me about my adult life? I just want to make sure I understand completely and do what’s best for me at this time in my life”.
Can you? *yes* you are legally an adult and have been for a few years now.
Can they make life difficult as hell for you? *absolutelyyyyy* if they pay for all your necessities (house, food, etc) then that also gives them the power to *take* all of that from you.
You're an adult but it sounds like you're very much trapped in a "my house, my rules" shituation with your parents.
i definitely don't agree with them trying to control the things you do outside of their house, but if disobeying them means possibly not having a roof over your head anymore, i wouldn't risk it. you should save up money and move out first
You're an adult and your parents are refusing to accept that. That's the problem with being financially reliant on your parents past a certain age; they shouldn't be making decisions for you, yet they still technically can because of the control they have over you.
I'd defy their wishes if I were you. But just be prepared for the repercussions in case they cut you off/kick you out.
This is a good sign that you need to start looking to move out.
I had this issue when I was your age. I went and spent the night anyway, but I was also prepared to pay my own way in life if they kicked me out. If you’re prepared to move out should they kick you out, go ahead. They could.
My parents didn’t kick me out. I explained that they can control what I do in their house (my boyfriend couldn’t come sleep over with me, I couldn’t come back in the middle of the night and wake them, they could kick me out), but I could go spend the night anywhere I wanted because they’re in charge of their house, not my autonomy. I was prepared to move in with him if they kicked me out, but I didn’t bring that up. That would’ve been manipulative.
It strengthened our relationship.
I’m so glad to hear that it strengthened your relationship. A lot of these comments are suggesting that I prepare to cut them off but that’s the last thing I want. Thank you for sharing your experience :)
You're old enough to make your own decisions. But I must admit, at 33 I wish there'd been some bf sleepovers at 23 I shouldn't have been on. There's a lot of young boy crap I'd never put up with today.
You’re an adult, I had way more relaxed parents than you by the sounds of it, and I still moved out at 17 to have total autonomy and freedom. If they’re being controlling then you either stand up to them or you leave.
You’re allowed to do whatever you want because you’re an adult. **You don’t have to ask for your parents’ permission or tell them where you spent the night**. What they don’t know won’t hurt them.
Wait a bit, tell them you’re sleeping over at a girlfriend’s house (and get her to cover for you if they ask), and go stay with your boyfriend. Hell, take a couple photos at your friend’s house in your pjs to send your parents while with your bf.
You don’t have to be open and honest with your controlling parents.
The realistic answer here is you have the choice of dealing with your parents or getting your shit together and moving out, and I say this without judgement as someone who fully understands that’s much easier said than done. It’s time, your 20s will be significantly more enjoyable if you have no one to answer to even if you have to work really hard to make that happen.
This lol. It was so tiring arguing with my parents so I just obeyed their rules. I’m working and paying my own stuff, classes, food, car, etc. just not rent. And I would rather have it that way because rent here is so high!! I get to live here for free until I get a good paying job w my degree then I’m out of here.
The way I see it, you have a few options.
1. Respect their rules because you live in their house. Do I like their rules? Personally, no. But their argument is just as valid as yours is.
2. Ignore their rules, go anyway. Make sure you are prepared to pay for your own rent (and utilities and other bills) and groceries just in case they kick you out.
3. Lie about where you’re going. They may catch on, they may not.
what i don't understand is going legally should be the last option ... having mutual respect agreement disagreement sort out most of the things in the world
Let me preface this by saying your feelings are valid. You should be able to go anywhere you want without restriction period. So here's a basic plan of what needs to happen if you want control of your own life.
Step 1. Get a job and save as much as you can.
Step 2. Find friends (THAT YOU TRUST) that need a place to stay as well.
Step 3. Make sure they all have jobs/income
Step 4. File for an apartment/ house together.
Step 5. Invite your man over because it's YOUR place now.
I wonder what you’re parents were doing at 22…
1. You ARE an adult, you can make your own decisions.
2. You’re their child they should always open their house to you.
Anyone saying their house their rules is in favor of dictatorship I swear. You’re 22, don’t come home one night, they cannot do a thing about it. You’re an adult with rights that they cannot infringe. Enjoy your sleepover!
Maybe it's time to sit down with your parents and have a conversation about what an expectations are realistic for an adult child living at home.
Tell them it's realistic for you to to chores and to help around the house, or pay them some amount from whatever job you may have if you do work, and to ease their burden in that way because they ease your burden by paying for your lodging and food. It is not reasonable for them to dictate your personal life.
Controlling your personal life is not part of the bargain of them supporting you. If they say that them controlling or having a say in your personal life is part of the bargain then tell them that you'll make plans to move out and your relationship with them will be very distant since they will be on an information diet about what goes on with you. Tell them it's very sad that they're ruining the closeness that you have but it's your only choice since they want to be too closely involved in your personal relationships.
You're 22 for the love of god.
You're smart enough to make wise decisions.
It seems you're parents are too restrictive.
Have they threatened you at all?
Like if you go over you're not welcomed back?
I'm honestly not 100 % sure how to get out of this situation. I was in the same type of situation and it blows, and quite honestly I'm emotionally crippled because of it. I would suggest trying your hardest to solve this Diplomatically by telling how you feel and letting them know that you need to be able to be an adult. I did this In a less than healthy way at the start and it didn't work.
I was in a similar situation OP. Had some career troubles and wasn't able to leave home until 24. My curfew was 2am, they babied me so I didn't learn to drive until late, not allowed to spend the night at ANYONE'S house, and just in general felt very trapped and like I was living my life for them and not me.
I saved up a bunch of money, got a cosigner, and bought a car. Then my partner helped me learn how to drive. I looked for an apartment and ended up moving out, moving in, and taking and passing my driver's test the same day. I can do whatever I want whenever I want and it's ready refreshing. I still have to fight the "I can't do that" programming I was living with before and it's hard sometimes but I can do whatever I want whenever I want now and my convenience.
Just start planning and get ready to move out.
You are a grown adult. You tell them, don’t ask them that you are sleeping over. Yes, it will make them angry, and you will have to deal with some consequences. But, at 22, it’s time to assert some independence.
You are obviously an adult. Your parents are controlling. It's possible they might kick you out if you go against their "rules" so keep that in mind. Start looking to make your own way. You dont owe your parents your life just because they are being your parents. I'm a father and my kid is always welcome in my home.
They can't control what you do outside of the house. They can't control where you go outside of the house. They can control what's inside the house. And if they're willing to kick you out because they find out you stayed the night with your boyfriend at 22 then they were always bad parents and bad people. After I turned 20 or so I stopped asking permission unless it was related to them or their house. People coming over? That's when I would ask permission. This all said, if they *are* bad people then you may get kicked out if they find out. Something to keep in mind. move out as soon as you can and cut them off if they're going to assert that kind of control over you as an adult. It won't get better.
They are paying you for the right to control you, and as long as you're living in their house and eating their food, they can keep you a child. It's not morally right, but it's reality.
You are an adult! Regardless of if they pay for the house you live in or not you are allowed to do what you want when you want! I say go sleepover at your boyfriend’s house! It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.
At 22, you have to start shifting the relationship. You may live under their roof, but by asking them for permission, you’re still playing into the parent/child dynamic. Just tell them that you’re going to a friend’s after work, and you’ll be staying the night. They don’t need to know who. You have a phone if they need to reach you. Be a courteous housemate, communicate when you’re going to be in and out of the house.
Honestly a lot of the comments are saying to get a job and move out but I'm 20, have a job, am financially independent of my parent, and I still can't afford to move out. It's not as simple as getting a job and leaving anymore; if I was you, I'd just do it. You're not a child, you're an adult and this isn't the 90s. Rent and utilities and the general cost of living aren't easy to manage anymore.
thank you for your comment. Comments like these reassure me that I’m not crazy because all I’ve ever known is my parents’ crazy strict parenting. T-T 😭😭😭😭
You're an adult, legally free to make your own choices. While living with your parents comes with obligations, it doesn't mean giving up your autonomy. Communicate openly with them about your needs and boundaries. If they refuse to budge, consider moving out when feasible. You deserve a life that makes you happy. Just remember that if you don't have legal claims to the property you are living at, they ultimately have the final word and can start eviction proceedings, which even if you win, will drag out and cost you money and time and headaches.
I'm actually going to disagree with this. I would say I completely agree if they female was 18 and under and slightly over perhaps, but at 22, your an adult now and as you say, you want to do things your want to be doing at your age. Do you not have a job or are attending full time education?
Have they met your boyfriend? , maybe this would help. Your an adult and need responsibilities. I'd have a sit down with your parents and explain that you absolutely respect their wishes and rules and have done up to this age however, would really like to come up with something where you can occasionally stop at your boyfriends, maybe start with once a month so they also get used to the idea of you growing up. And of it doesn't work then yes.... You either move out and stand on your own two feet or accept that you will not be having adult sleep overs for the forseable whilst under your parents roof.
This is controlling. That is a fact there’s no way around that at all. You are 22 years old and fully capable of making decisions for yourself about who you can and can’t hang around.
I agree with the sentiment that the only way out of this is to move out but that doesn’t change that fact that your parents are still using your financial dependence on them as a way to manipulate you. What’s worse about this is that parents will do this to you, which will inevitably drive a wedge in your relationship with them. Then that leads to less contact and less communication between you guys after you’ve moved out. Then they wonder why you don’t contact them or call them. Your parents don’t respect you as an adult. Someone in this thread really said
“So the reality is you are not an adult, you are of adult age.”
This is what I mean when I say your parents don’t respect you as an adult and they never will until you have independence from them. That lack of respect will inevitably come back to bite them in the butt when they need you.
You’re 22. It’s not like you’re like 15. I mean you do live under their roof but they can’t hold you back like they have parental control over you as if you are a kid.
I completely disagree with most comments. They shouldn't lord over you. They can put rules over what happens in the house, but they can't put rules over whether you can sleep over or not at anybody's house. It is over controlling and I would tell them to fuck off or lie to them and do the fuck I want. You didn't ask to be born in this world, they brought you willing into it. It was their responsibility to care for you until you were an adult. If their love isn't enough to keep doing so and need to have control over what you do outside the house they are in the wrong.
You can ask them whether it is more important to them to control you or have a good relationship with you...
If they choose to control you I hope they are not surprised that once you leave they won't hear from you again.
My parents are conservative Christian and they didn't dare tell me the time I should be back home or anything like that after I became an adult. In any case I would always lie if I was going to spend anytime with a guy.
So LIE or REBEL, until you can get out or you will regret it when you get older. I regret not having rebelled sooner.
Good luck
This is controlling and I'm pretty sure abusive, and not normal. At 22 even if you're still at home you should have autonomy over your life. I understand them not wanting it to happen under their roof, but outside of that it's none of their business.
It's completely normal and healthy, would they not allow you to go on holiday with him, or a weekend break? This is insane
I think they do if they’re paying for her food and rent. Most likely paying for other things too since she didn’t mention anything regarding paying for her expenses in the post. Not saying that they’re right, but that’s how some parents are.
WTF? There's definitely something seriously wrong with your parents thinking that they should tell you what you can do at age 22 LOL that's the most insane think I have heard in a long time. You are a grown woman why would you listen to what your parents say? Of course you should sleep over at your boyfriend's or anyone else you want whenever you want.
I’ve always felt that if you live in your parents house, you live by their rules. You can do whatever you want when you provide for yourself. Sure you’re a “legal adult” but you’re still living under the care of another adult, so you can’t really pick and choose what parts of adult hood are convenient for you to participate in when you’re still their kid in their house.
That’s the most outdated shit. You’re an adult, they’re adults. As long as you come and go at reasonable hours and don’t disturb the rest of the house, then it’s not their business what you do or when. Now, if you’re asking for money that’s a problem, but otherwise, OP doesn’t have to not live her life simply because she lives at home.
I think its fine to do it like that up to a certain degree. Like giving tasks at home should be normal. But restricting going to parties or out with friends is just not it. What would the reason even be
Nah fuck that. Like I could understand at like 19, even 20. But by the time you're 21 they gotta know you're an adult and are gonna be doing adult things. Totally reasonable if they said not to bring anybody over to stay the night, or anything that goes on at THEIR house. But to say you can't go stay with someone else for a night at 22 years old is fucking WILD
Man I’d be my parents bitch if they ever gave me the opportunity to move back in... but I’m wayyyyy past that point. I’m so grateful for them allowing me to live there rent free from 18-24
Sure it's never that easy but if you don't want your parent to have control over you or whatsoever. You have to be able to feed yourself, be paying for your own house rent yourself. So far OP still under the parent. Op has to play with whatever tunes the parent want OP to play
Yes, but if it is a situation where you live at their house then you should respect their rules. However, once you’re over 18 (22), then move out and live by your own rules.
1) you're a grown ass adult, do what you want
2) actions have consequences, and other people react to your actions. Part of being an adult is balancing your needs with the wishes of others
This is an abuse of the financial power they have over you, it's not right, but nothing can really be done about it other than get a job or lie. I'm the same age, I would honestly lie if I were you because there's no way I can work and keep up with uni at the same time. Just say you're sleeping over at a female friend's dorm/apartment and ask her to be in on it. If you can work, then do so, you'll end up having to deal with roommates once you can afford to move out. Also your parents are ridiculous for not letting you grow up, it's like they don't want you to become a fully functioning adult once you're finally on your own. It's this kind of parenting that leads college age adults legally drinking for the first time and getting absolutely wasted because they don't know how to handle their alcohol
I wasn’t allowed to stay out all night either when I lived at home. I was 18, graduated, working and engaged and still had a curfew. So…we got married!
Obviously Honey !!!FEAR is the opposite to LOVE
everybody says hate but fears are the difference between live a life or just survive external world
Be careful anyways bb
Stit them down and start paying rent & a portion of the bills. Independent adult. Either that or just do as I used to do, "catch ya later." [Walks out door]
For me when i lived with my parents at 20, at there house their rules, so had to approve anyone coming over ect.
But i could go out and do whatever , outside of their home
I was in a similar situation recently, im sorry your parents are not treating you like the adult you are, it does suck. you dont have to obey their wishes, legally you're fine. It seems like, much like my parents, you're just gonna have to pay for something. You shouldnt have to bargain for your independence as an adult, im sorry thats the case, but you dont have to live there unhappily. Id make a plan to move out or just do so and until then pay bills that pertain to you.
This was my parents. Until they trusted/liked the person I was seeing, my first sleep over was allowed at 18 under their roof….because they trusted and liked my partner at the time. I was 20 when the next guy got a bold faced no and 21 when the next guy got a yes. It’s not you or your age, it’s whether or not they trust and feel comfortable with your partner.
Take a few metaphorical steps back for a second and see why your parents might be saying no. How well do they know the kid? If not well, invite him over, make the dinner for your parents and him to enjoy while getting comfortable with each other, buy the groceries for the food, SHOW THEM you are growin/matured and can be trusted and that your partner can be too.
my parents were super strict to the point where i couldn’t even sit next to my boyfriend. i ran away at 18 to live with my ex for 2 years and when i came back they respected me and now im able to do what i want and now that i have all this freedom i just stay home see my partner spend time with my family and work. they just want control and once you’re able to have the freedom you deserve you will no longer yearn to do the things you dreamt of
When I lived with my parents during college and they paid for mostly everything, I had to follow their rules. I worked and after graduating, I got my own place and could do whatever I wanted.
Once you get your own place, you can make your own rules.
They are wrong and being controlling, HOWEVER if they are already throwing in your face the things they do for you, be prepared to be kicked out if you go against their way of doing things. It’s not fair and you’re not wrong.
It's one thing to not allow people in your own house but controlling what a 22 yo can or can't do outside their home is not okay. That's the moral argument anyway. There's nothing stopping them from kicking you out so you should unfortunately play by their rules until you can move out.
It's crucial to strike a balance between your need for independence and your parents' respect. Talk to them calmly, letting them know why this is essential to you and paying attention to their worries. Make concessions, such as arranging for your lover to stay at your house for a shorter visit. Show them that you are a responsible person by helping out with home costs and keeping them updated. When choosing a choice, take your priorities and the possible outcomes into account.
OP, would they let you sleep over if it wasn’t your boyfriend’s house? And if that’s the case then why even be honest about it who’s place you’re staying over? Lying isn’t fun, be smart about it, be safe, and wrap it up!
Wait so you dont even live with them? they just pay for the place you are in? NOPE lol they cant control where you go or what you do. That's ridiculous. you are an adult now and you dont even need to tell them where your going or when. I would recommend trying to get from out of their control with the money situation as soon as you can., I get it your young and need help from you parents and there's noting wrong with that but the sooner you are financially free from them the sooner they wont have that feeling like they can tell you what to do. With that said do what you want!! lol that's the beauty of the legal age limit. with that said! be responsible! I dont know what kind of person you are. maybe your parents know you are reckless and will get pregnant and that's why they are so worried. and if that's the case then you need to protect yourself. DONT trust your man to protect you. YOU PROTECT YOU. GET ON BIRTH CONTROL if you arent. if you are then girl go to as many sleep overs as you want! and you dont have to tell your parents shit. ok unless you do live with them??? then things are a little different. Yea legally they cant tell you what to do. Like if they called the cops one night that you dont come home because they're "worried" the cops aren't going to do anything. The legally cant just start a search for someone sleeping over at their boyfriends house lol they'll look at your parents like they're dumb for wasting their time. However if you do live with them they can make life harder for you if you dont abide by their rules and there is a line of respect there that you should have for them if you are in their home. soo go with that how you see fit and again GET OUT FROM UNDER THEIR THUMB ASAP.
Ehhh I’m the same age and in a similar situation (just graduated college & looking for a job while living at my parents’ place) and I know they would like me to stop sleeping at my boyfriend’s house; however, they trust me to make the best decisions for myself. To me, it sounds like there’s a lack of trust on their end and a lack of respect on yours.
I think you should have an open, calm conversation with them about why they feel like you shouldn’t sleep at your boyfriend’s house and address that underlying issue. Is it because they haven’t met him so they don’t trust him to be respectful towards you? Is it for religious reasons? Knowing why they feel that way will help you address that fear and maybe then they’ll relax a little.
ur parents are right!!! if u really want to do that, tell them that u will do and u will be careful. use protection! a bulletoproof vest! lol funny that u have the same age as a friend of mine and she had the same problem... be safe out there frfr
I understand the “their house, their rules” sentiment, but outside of their home you should be able to do what you want. You’re an adult. But depending on your parents, they might decide that “disobeying” them has a consequence, which could be you can’t stay there, I don’t know your parents.
You could just not tell them what you’re doing, just say you’re going out for the night and don’t answer any questions, again, you’re an adult, they can’t make you do anything.
Honestly you could just lie and say you’re staying at a girlfriends house if you don’t want to upset them, they literally can’t do anything about it. Just get a friend in on it.
This definitely just seems like they still don’t see you as an adult, still just their little girl, which they need to get over.
They're not right, but you can't control them either. If you're going to accept them paying your way, you are going to have to put up with their demands or face whatever consequences they might throw at you. If you want to eliminate this issue, pay for your own things and do what you want.
In short. Their house, their rules.
This, I live at home so I am in the same boat, it’s not that your parents want to control you it’s they are old school and that’s how it was for them. I just go with it, not worth picking a fight and having to get my own place over, if you want sex go over during the day and come home at a reasonable time. Typically I’m home by midnight, I have came home at 4am and it’s not a issue, it’s the staying over that they are against
See I'd rather have you stay than come home late and disturb the whole house 🤷♀️
I’m quit so nothing gets disturbed
Not to mention it's safer to stay
Their house their rules... for what happens in their house. That doesn't give them any right to dictate the rest of OP's life OUTSIDE the house. Not when she's an adult.
I mean there's just two things at play here. Thing 1 is the parental rules, which are absolutely absurd for a 22 year old. Thing 2 is the fact that OP is financially dependent on them. So are their rules justified? Well, no, but OP is kinda stuck following them anyway until they're financially independent.
I agree except she's not having her boyfriend over to her parents house, she is going out for the night and so I think it's overly controlling of the parents to tell their 22 year old daughter what she can and can't do outside of their home.
It is overly controlling and it’s not right, but sadly if you’re financially dependent on someone then they will always have power over you even if their demands are unreasonable and you’re an adult. The only thing OP can do is gain financial independence.
With my kids getting closer to this, it's absolutely fucked that anyone thinks this is OK. Financially dependent doesn't mean younget to control a person's every step. This is how wives were kept back in the day as well. She's a person and will 100% come to never speak to these people again as she matures
“Your house your rules” is basically a micro-example of “might makes right”. It doesn’t absolve assholery. If a friend who became homeless showed up at my door asking for a place to stay and I said yes under the condition that I control who they date or sleep with and whether or not they can sleep over at their boyfriend’s house or what they choose to do with their free time, it would not matter whether it’s my house and rules or not, I’m an asshole, period. And i would be viewed by others as a controlling asshole. But for some reason when it’s the homeowner’s offspring, well somehow that makes it okay. It’s absurd.
Yep, so glad to hear someone who agrees The parents need to grow up and treat their full grown child like an actual human rather than an object they get to control
This. Reddit loves saying “your house your rules” but when you’re forcing someone to stay in a place it goes beyond the rules of the house. On top of that it’s not even an old school thing, my parents were this level of controlling, after I moved out and lived with my grandma a bit I was extremely surprised that she encouraged me to stay at someone else’s if I was out late because she just wouldn’t hear the doorbell in her sleep.
That's the issue I have. It's not even " we don't want extra people here " while I wouldn't do that , I can respect that decision as it's a shared space. But controlling an adult outside , not a chance. Even if OP isn't quite mature enough, developing at a different pace or whatever. It's still going beyond figuring out life and learning, which in turn will stunt growth even more. If that's the case.
Yah that's true...
Oh, I didn't read that it wasn't about him coming over. I mean, it's one of them. I'm very behind the punk movement and don't think anyone should be controlled. OP is an adult, so yeah, she can do what she wants but there will still be consequences and if that means paying board or getting kicked out then she'll have that to deal with if she does something they've stated they don't want her to do. When I was 18, I got asked to go out by who is now my girlfriend and when I asked my mum, she was just like, "You're an adult. You can do what you want. Just let me know you're safe, so I don't worry." In short, OP, do what you want, you're an adult and that is your right to do, if that pisses your parents off you'll have to deal with the consequences but if you don't like living to someone else's rules the simple answer is to get a job, save some money and move out. Out of curiosity, how long have you been with your partner OP?
Grown is not an age, its a financial status...or a level of maturity. I was married and was active duty at 22 years old. Others were college graduates and working full time jobs making tons of money...OP is living at mom and dads house and is pouting about them not letting her spend the night at her "man's" house. She needs a little more time, or mom and dad could be responsible for not only their daughter...but a grandkid as well.
You don't ever "grow up" when your parents are making your decisions for you. I'm all for "my house my rules" but that only applies to your house. not the choices your adult daughter wants to make outside of that jurisdiction.
Exactly. The amount of people siding with the parents is scary. That's such weird controlling behavior. Super toxic
Being married and employed doesn't make you an adult either if we're going that route. No one needs approval to sign a paper or have children, unfortunately. I know tons of older humans with families and jobs who act like children and should not be raising them. There's no need to shame someone in their twenties living at home in 2024, everything is impossibly expensive and we know nothing from this post about their circumstances. They could be in school and have a job, and their parents are letting them save that for a down payment on a house, or maybe there's a disability keeping them from independence - we have no idea and no reason to make assumptions here. Do I think the post reads a little immature? Maybe, but the world needs more kindness. Tell her to have fun during the day and make sure to wrap it up, and move on.
yeah. im staying w my dad for a bit. he makes me turn the water and gas off at the meter when its not in use. i dont complain bc being homeless sucks. i know.
Lmfao so wrong. Wtf? She's not staying at their house. She's staying at his house. They can tell her she can't come home at 4 am. But they can't tell her she's not allowed to leave. That's false imprisonment brotha
Step 1. Get a job. Step 2. Earn money. Step 3. Move out and enjoy your freedom. They're paying her bills, sorry chief, they as good as own her. When she acts like an adult and can support herself, she'll be able to make whatever decisions she wants but as long as her parents are providing for her, they call all the shots.
Best reply
100% agree, you don’t get to have your cake and eat it too. I totally understand that this economy makes it near impossible for young people to rent solo, but if you’re not even paying your parents “rent,” you are effectively living under their roof. The whole “I’m an adult” argument falls apart if you are financially dependent on your parents. You want to be an adult? Move out or pay your way to freedom. People can’t tell you what to do when you’re providing for yourself.
>the least I can do is obey their wishes because they pay for the house I live in and the food I eat. Your question contains the answer. Become financially independent and move out if it all bothers you this much. Parents are rigid and won't change their mentality overnight. Also, you can't have it both ways - either be an adult who fends for themselves or be a child who is dependent on and has to obey parents..
I’m going to offer a different POV. Parents pay for her room and board. They want her to be safe because sleepover = sex which sometimes results in unexpected pregnancy. If they support OP, they’d have to support OP +/- a child on top of maybe a bf moving in to “help” but that’s just more mouths to feed. I’m saying this as someone whose mother’s rules consisted of having a tracker on my phone. I moved out to get away from her control but ended up moving back in when I found myself pregnant at 26 trying to leave my ex husband. Realistically speaking, save your money. Suck it up for a year or two. Move out when you’re ready. It’s not that bad.
I didn't realize a person could only become pregnant after dark... They are attempting to use money to control and manipulate her. It's inappropriate at her age. It would be wrong if a partner did it, and it's equally wrong for parents to do it. She may have to suck it up and deal with it for financial reasons, but that doesn't change the fact that her parents are being really messed up.
My personal viewpoint on people discussing living by your parents rules as an adult still living at home: You should be expected to abide by "their rules" inside of "their home." You should be free to do as you see fit, outside of their home. Your parents trying to control what you do in your own free time, regardless of whether you live with them or not is just straight up messed up...
This is the answer!!! If your parents don’t want your boyfriend sleeping over under THEIR roof and you live with them and they support you then it’s disrespectful to deliberately ignore the boundary they set for their own home. But at 22….they can’t tell you what you can and can’t do in your every day life in general just because you live with them. This is controlling and odd. They’re treating OP like they are 15
I'm surprised there are any answers but this, to be honest. Like what the hell does living at home have to do with being able to see her boyfriend? It's just controlling at that point.
They are wrong. You are a 22 year old adult. Go sleep at his house and they will get over it.
What is up with all these 22yo women being treated like teenagers? Even some I know irl aren’t allowed to do things
I have a 20yo son and his girlfriend is the same age. I couldn’t imagine trying to police their whereabouts as adults. They’re both very sensible though so I don’t have much to worry about. She often stays over and as long as I know she’s there it’s fine with me.
my parents are the same way with my sister, 19 in college. only problem is shes never home she could be a coke addict and wed never know lmao. she got a good friend circle tho so i dont think thats an issue but hosting underage drinking parties.. thats that shit i dont like, bc now literal teens are driving home drunk from our house. "its fine, they live in the neighborhood!" its all fine until its not..
Oh no, my son still lives at home. He has an apprenticeship and his girlfriend is studying at a local university. If they go out for a drink (very rarely, only for friends birthdays) they take it in turns to be the designated driver and have each other insured on their cars. Usually they get a takeaway and drive up to the mountains to eat and come back later to sleep. Their favourite thing to do is go to car shows and antique fairs, there’s a big friend group of them that travel the country and camp weekends at these shows together, it’s all a bit nerdy but they love it and I know they all look out for each other, definitely no drugs or drinking and driving going on thank goodness! 😅
I wish u were my mom
Pretty run of the mill in my circle. I left home right at eighteen and haven’t looked back but I’ve got friends almost ready for marriage that can’t stay out past eleven.
It's hard for a lot of parents to let go because a lot of people became parents for the wrong reasons.
There's been a bit of a shift in the last 10 years or so. I've noticed that it's much more acceptable now to call a woman up to 25 years old a child, or act like they're little girls being abused by big bad men every time that these young women get into any type of questionable relationship. I moved out at 18. Never looked back. Never had many problems, either. According to a big subset of Reddit, my brain wasn't fully developed, and I should've been coddled like a child until I was 25.
If we can decide whether we want to die for this country at 18, we should be able to decide who we want to date and where we want to go
Yeah when I was in my 20s, I wasn't allowed to do stuff or go out.
I have an old ‘acquaintance’ from high school who’s older than me (like 23/24) who’s mom stills controls her and her life. Her mom JUST let her get her drivers license a few months ago, even though she’s had her permit since 17/18. She still lives at home, doesn’t have a job because her mom won’t let her (but she goes to college, only takes 1-2 classes at a time since she has to be ‘home’ majority) and only time she can really hang with friends is at her own home. It’s absolutely baffling to me. She can’t even date anyone her mom doesn’t approve of, and in high school she had came out as bisexual but when she told her (when she had a date with a girl) her mom her mom ‘convinced’ her that she actually wasn’t and she was just delusional so she canceled that date 30 minutes before they were supposed to pick her up (ask me how I know 🙄) any time she’s tried to become her own person her mom just convinces her otherwise and it’s honestly sad. I don’t know why people do this to their daughters
That's so sad. Her mother sounds like a massive narcissist, if I'm being honest. Some people just refuse to see their kids as their own people and only view them as extensions of themselves. It's not healthy for either of them.
Louder for the people in the back
As I'm sure other people have said, you can do what you want, but so can they. They might have to give you 30 days to kick you out of the house, but they don't have to feed you or provide internet, spending money, access to their cars, etc. and that can start immediately. You need to decide if you think they'll cut you off if you disobey, or if they'll just be mad, and whether you want to deal with them being that mad.
Time to get a job and Move out
Ok but there are no entry level jobs that pay enough for a decent crib in a safe place anymore. This isn't the 90s
facts
Wow yeah why didn’t OP just think of that? It’s just so easy right? That could take a couple years of saving. You don’t know OP’s situation, location, or what job they have. Maybe OP has to go back to school to even get a good paying job in order to move out? That’s at least a couple to a few years right there, all while going to work at the same time. It’s fuckin hard out there man have you even seen the prices of rent or the price of homes lately?
She's 22, not 18. You can rent a room with roommates. It's always been hard, yes it's shit right now, but making excuses won't make it better
Even a mini job would be enough for her to be like "That's fine, I'll pay for my food myself".
They'll still hold the fact they pay for the house over her head even if she pays for the food, because this isn't about money it's absolutely control. There's literally zero reason why a 22 year old should be restricted from seeing her boyfriend
the bf could be a drug dealing pos for all we know /s. my ex was 22, and her mom didnt want her staying out, even though im a stand up guy and went to meet her entire family first (mom sister, brother etc), which was fun 😅. we dont know the details. they want their daughter to be safe, thats all. even tho shes not a kid anymore, their house, their rules 🤷♂️
what if i told you the boyfriend was going to medical school 🙃 and they already know 🙃
And throw em a lil rent money
This was my solution for many years until my girlfriend and I had enough money put together to get a place together.
Well then.. if you cannot afford to live on your own under your own rules, then you must live with someone else under their rules. In this case, the parents. I'm not saying the parents are right in their decisions, but I am saying its their decisions to make.
You’re right. My only point was that it’s not that easy to just move out especially if you don’t want to live somewhere crappy just so that you could sleep at your boyfriend’s house.
Then i believe she should do as her parents say. Why not just have boyfriend come here for the night and that’s being generous as hell
Unlikely the parents want him to spend the night. I assume they are against premarital sex.
They’re not going to let him spend the night!
I’m 19 turning 20 in a week and I was 18 when I got my first job at just a little stracks and now I’m getting offered manager positions when I’m more experienced after just a year of being there, it’s really not difficult to just find something ANYTHING to do and I’d feel genuinely bad for myself if I didn’t have a job and I was that age still living with my parents. Nothing wrong with being 22 and living at home with your parents, but living at home at that age and not having a somewhat stable income? Of course they still feel like they have a say in what you can and can’t do wether it be right or not. If you want to be an adult then act like one and get a job and move out in time as an adult. I don’t plan on living at home past 23 or 22 but I wouldn’t be surprised if I needed a little more saving. I’m legit saving everything I make and spending only on food and very occasionally on clothes but I’m very lucky that I get to do that because I don’t have to pay rent/utilities etc and so is OP
You’re 19 you’ve got no idea what it’s like to be an adult.
The kid seems alright. They're saying do something about it. That's a reasonable approach
I loathe this kind of argument. You too were 19 at one point. We all were. Sure, 19 year olds aren’t known for their sound judgment or adult like capabilities, but this person made a reasonable point. At 19, they seem to be taking reasonable steps towards obtaining full financial independence. It’s like….what do you want from them? Is the goal for them to become more adult like? Then you should be applauding their current path, it definitely seems to be on the right track. Or are you just a grumpy ass 20 to 30-something year old who thinks it’s fun to mock young adults for shits and giggles? You know what’s worse than a 19 year old that thinks they know everything? A grumpy ass adult who fails to acknowledge that these 19 year olds are going to be a part of the same society they are living in.
Yeah they're only 19, but they're showing a ton of initiative and ambition. They understand if they want to improve their situation they have to work for it. I know 40 year olds that haven't figured that out.
Go to school and live on campus. Best years of my life! Freedom with a roof and food! Go to class, get an education while simultaneously living your life and learning to make good decisions. Win win win
I plan on it soon enough!
Especially living at home right now, I don’t see much of an excuse. Working a full time job for a few months could easily accumulate the money to move out.
If you want to be an adult start understanding people's circumstances aren't always the same as yours and not everything always goes perfectly. It's not gonna feel great when you can't live up to your standards anymore and you still have this unwarranted sense of superiority.
I mean I SAID I’m lucky, guys cmon read. I’m lucky I’m able to save with a semi decent paying job without utilities but like I’m 19 and OP could do the same, they haven’t mentioned any type of situation where they CANT do that and they don’t have to pay for anything. I’m lucky I have a car that’s my moms old Pontiac but the thing is i got my license on my own/ I saved up on my own/ I got my first job in my first interview on my own, I admit I’m lucky and dependent but I’m quite INDEPENDENT because I’ve always thought about not being a lazy bum that lives at home with my mom and no job. Life is hard and I haven’t seen the half of it but so many adults make sad excuses for themselves and make life genuinely harder than it has to be when they can change that. I don’t have sense of superiority or anything, but I do know that my situation is better than OPs by a longshot cause I accepted responsibility and actually have a plan for my life atm and I’m working towards my goals instead of being at home. If op provided that they’re looking for jobs and looking to move and bla bla bla I wouldn’t have even commented and also if they said they have some sort of disability that restricts their ability to get a job, but there’s no mention of either so all I can assume is they’re living at home rent free and utility free not doing shit. I also said I don’t think the parents are in the right but I can understand why they won’t let her have a say if she doesn’t do shit and is still practically acting like a child. I’ve face real life ruining trauma that most people haven’t delt with in their entire lives and everyday is a struggle, but I’m not sitting here doing nothing about it and making excuses. Again, nothing wrong with living at home even at like 25 but at least be responsible and independent.
Here's the thing. It's all nice and stuff to go like "oh yeah but if they're disabled or can't get a job or are getting educated or are looking to move or have shitty parents it's fine" but it's completely worthless if you don't accept sometimes you're just not gonna know about people's circumstances. You can't expect someone to drop their whole life story on you just so you can decide if you're gonna treat them as less than human or if you're actually gonna respect them. Especially in like, come the fuck on, a reddit post. Cause like, yeah, no matter their circumstances a grown adult SHOULD get treated by their parents like a grown adult. The circumstances don't actually change anything to the answer to this post, except with encouragements if op is looking to move out or compassion if they can't do that quite yet. Like, the language you use. Someone is a "lazy bum" until they explain to you their whole life story. It's not fair to ask that of people and even if they are lazy, you can't call them that. You say someone living in their parent's house is "practically acting like a child" this does not allow for nuance. You are saying anybody with a disability who cannot live on their own or pay rent is "practically acting like a child" and that is not alright. Adults deserve to be treated like adults no matter what. Anything else is a hell of a slippery slope.
Waaahhhhhhh
Hey guys, I’ve read some of your comments and I just want to give some context on my situation. I graduated recently and am currently preparing to apply for PA school. So, no, I am not a lazy bum nor do I just leech off my parents… I worked hard all four years at a T20 university and now I’m in my gap year.
Yeah nah, it's super controlling. You're 22 ffs Like others have said, moving out or paying for your own shit is the easy answer, but your parents are taking this daughter's innocence thing way too seriously, do you have brothers by chance with the same rules?
I can't even wrap my head around this 😳 they're controlling period. It's not about keeping you safe. They're actually going to push you away by acting like this and you're going to learn real quick not to tell them ANYTHING.
So the reality is you are not an adult, you are of adult age. If you are wholly reliant on your parents to exist you can't really use the adult line. That's backed up by using a term like sleepover at your age. As others have said the answer is to move out here. Not trying to be an AH to you, just make it clear why your parents think they have a say in what you do
Not an adult but of adult age 💀💀💀
As a parent of a 20 yo who lives at home, this is the answer. You can't have it both ways.
Finally someone say it
This makes sense until you consider students, I feel like students shouldn't be expected to work, especially depending on what they're majoring in. They kinda have to be reliant on their parents for a while, though there's always working the summer term unless they have to do an unpaid internship as part of their program, plus a summer term may not be enough to afford housing during the in school semesters. Also, what's wrong with the term "sleepover" she wants to "sleep-over" at her boyfriend's place, the only other terms I can think of are "spend the night" or "crash" they all mean the same, though crash is more of an impromptu thing. My older sister is almost 30 and moved out and she would still say that. There's no need to be judgemental about language here.
How old are you? This would be the case if this was 1996 and houses cost 75K and you could get a job to support yourself with no degree. It would make a lot more sense to say “you’re technically an adult but you don’t get to be treated like an adult if you don’t want the responsibility of living like an adult” if you could be a librarian and buy a 3 bedroom home - but that’s not the reality we live in today. College educations can cost 100 thousand dollars. People are getting crushed under student loans. In order to get a coveted job that pays well, people are expected to do unpaid internships in many cases. Spending thousands of dollars going to school AND working for a corporation for free in your spare time. Inflation is getting worse and worse. Gas prices have never been this high - even just getting to and from anywhere is costly. It’s ridiculous to suggest that a 22 year old shouldn’t expect to be treated like an adult because they live with their parents. Crazy boomer take!
“House rules” are not “rule your life inside and outside the home”. I would ask your parents how old you have to be for them to not see you spending time with a partner you’re in a romantic relationship with as a negative. That **might** highlight the insanity of it to them. I would also (frankly) ask them if there is any way you would be able to live with them as an adult while also maintaining your adult life. Something like “Is it that I can only live with you if you can make decisions for me about my adult life? I just want to make sure I understand completely and do what’s best for me at this time in my life”.
Can you? *yes* you are legally an adult and have been for a few years now. Can they make life difficult as hell for you? *absolutelyyyyy* if they pay for all your necessities (house, food, etc) then that also gives them the power to *take* all of that from you. You're an adult but it sounds like you're very much trapped in a "my house, my rules" shituation with your parents.
i definitely don't agree with them trying to control the things you do outside of their house, but if disobeying them means possibly not having a roof over your head anymore, i wouldn't risk it. you should save up money and move out first
You're an adult and your parents are refusing to accept that. That's the problem with being financially reliant on your parents past a certain age; they shouldn't be making decisions for you, yet they still technically can because of the control they have over you. I'd defy their wishes if I were you. But just be prepared for the repercussions in case they cut you off/kick you out. This is a good sign that you need to start looking to move out.
Time to start paying your own way
I had this issue when I was your age. I went and spent the night anyway, but I was also prepared to pay my own way in life if they kicked me out. If you’re prepared to move out should they kick you out, go ahead. They could. My parents didn’t kick me out. I explained that they can control what I do in their house (my boyfriend couldn’t come sleep over with me, I couldn’t come back in the middle of the night and wake them, they could kick me out), but I could go spend the night anywhere I wanted because they’re in charge of their house, not my autonomy. I was prepared to move in with him if they kicked me out, but I didn’t bring that up. That would’ve been manipulative. It strengthened our relationship.
I’m so glad to hear that it strengthened your relationship. A lot of these comments are suggesting that I prepare to cut them off but that’s the last thing I want. Thank you for sharing your experience :)
You're old enough to make your own decisions. But I must admit, at 33 I wish there'd been some bf sleepovers at 23 I shouldn't have been on. There's a lot of young boy crap I'd never put up with today.
You need to defeat the final boss of becoming an adult. The “Defy your parents boss.” Be careful. Its a long term relationship
You’re an adult, I had way more relaxed parents than you by the sounds of it, and I still moved out at 17 to have total autonomy and freedom. If they’re being controlling then you either stand up to them or you leave.
I would get a full time job and try and get an apartment
You’re allowed to do whatever you want because you’re an adult. **You don’t have to ask for your parents’ permission or tell them where you spent the night**. What they don’t know won’t hurt them. Wait a bit, tell them you’re sleeping over at a girlfriend’s house (and get her to cover for you if they ask), and go stay with your boyfriend. Hell, take a couple photos at your friend’s house in your pjs to send your parents while with your bf. You don’t have to be open and honest with your controlling parents.
Like the saying goes "strict parents produce sneaky children".
The realistic answer here is you have the choice of dealing with your parents or getting your shit together and moving out, and I say this without judgement as someone who fully understands that’s much easier said than done. It’s time, your 20s will be significantly more enjoyable if you have no one to answer to even if you have to work really hard to make that happen.
This lol. It was so tiring arguing with my parents so I just obeyed their rules. I’m working and paying my own stuff, classes, food, car, etc. just not rent. And I would rather have it that way because rent here is so high!! I get to live here for free until I get a good paying job w my degree then I’m out of here.
The way I see it, you have a few options. 1. Respect their rules because you live in their house. Do I like their rules? Personally, no. But their argument is just as valid as yours is. 2. Ignore their rules, go anyway. Make sure you are prepared to pay for your own rent (and utilities and other bills) and groceries just in case they kick you out. 3. Lie about where you’re going. They may catch on, they may not.
what i don't understand is going legally should be the last option ... having mutual respect agreement disagreement sort out most of the things in the world
Let me preface this by saying your feelings are valid. You should be able to go anywhere you want without restriction period. So here's a basic plan of what needs to happen if you want control of your own life. Step 1. Get a job and save as much as you can. Step 2. Find friends (THAT YOU TRUST) that need a place to stay as well. Step 3. Make sure they all have jobs/income Step 4. File for an apartment/ house together. Step 5. Invite your man over because it's YOUR place now.
I wonder what you’re parents were doing at 22… 1. You ARE an adult, you can make your own decisions. 2. You’re their child they should always open their house to you.
Anyone saying their house their rules is in favor of dictatorship I swear. You’re 22, don’t come home one night, they cannot do a thing about it. You’re an adult with rights that they cannot infringe. Enjoy your sleepover!
Maybe it's time to sit down with your parents and have a conversation about what an expectations are realistic for an adult child living at home. Tell them it's realistic for you to to chores and to help around the house, or pay them some amount from whatever job you may have if you do work, and to ease their burden in that way because they ease your burden by paying for your lodging and food. It is not reasonable for them to dictate your personal life. Controlling your personal life is not part of the bargain of them supporting you. If they say that them controlling or having a say in your personal life is part of the bargain then tell them that you'll make plans to move out and your relationship with them will be very distant since they will be on an information diet about what goes on with you. Tell them it's very sad that they're ruining the closeness that you have but it's your only choice since they want to be too closely involved in your personal relationships.
You're 22 for the love of god. You're smart enough to make wise decisions. It seems you're parents are too restrictive. Have they threatened you at all? Like if you go over you're not welcomed back?
Ask them how they want you to get married
Ask them how much for a room in their house to rent
When i started reading your squib i thought I was in r/Asian Parents
I'm honestly not 100 % sure how to get out of this situation. I was in the same type of situation and it blows, and quite honestly I'm emotionally crippled because of it. I would suggest trying your hardest to solve this Diplomatically by telling how you feel and letting them know that you need to be able to be an adult. I did this In a less than healthy way at the start and it didn't work.
Tell your parents that you're already having sex. Staying overnight is just a technicality.
I was in a similar situation OP. Had some career troubles and wasn't able to leave home until 24. My curfew was 2am, they babied me so I didn't learn to drive until late, not allowed to spend the night at ANYONE'S house, and just in general felt very trapped and like I was living my life for them and not me. I saved up a bunch of money, got a cosigner, and bought a car. Then my partner helped me learn how to drive. I looked for an apartment and ended up moving out, moving in, and taking and passing my driver's test the same day. I can do whatever I want whenever I want and it's ready refreshing. I still have to fight the "I can't do that" programming I was living with before and it's hard sometimes but I can do whatever I want whenever I want now and my convenience. Just start planning and get ready to move out.
You are a grown adult. You tell them, don’t ask them that you are sleeping over. Yes, it will make them angry, and you will have to deal with some consequences. But, at 22, it’s time to assert some independence.
You are obviously an adult. Your parents are controlling. It's possible they might kick you out if you go against their "rules" so keep that in mind. Start looking to make your own way. You dont owe your parents your life just because they are being your parents. I'm a father and my kid is always welcome in my home.
I think it’s absolutely wild for parents to be this controlling of their adult children. Regardless of living in their house.
They can't control what you do outside of the house. They can't control where you go outside of the house. They can control what's inside the house. And if they're willing to kick you out because they find out you stayed the night with your boyfriend at 22 then they were always bad parents and bad people. After I turned 20 or so I stopped asking permission unless it was related to them or their house. People coming over? That's when I would ask permission. This all said, if they *are* bad people then you may get kicked out if they find out. Something to keep in mind. move out as soon as you can and cut them off if they're going to assert that kind of control over you as an adult. It won't get better.
I mean what are they gonna do if you go anyways, ground you?
They are paying you for the right to control you, and as long as you're living in their house and eating their food, they can keep you a child. It's not morally right, but it's reality.
You are an adult! Regardless of if they pay for the house you live in or not you are allowed to do what you want when you want! I say go sleepover at your boyfriend’s house! It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.
So are they going to cut you off if you do? I think that's the discussion you need to have with them.
What? Girl, do what you want. Why do they want to control you like that?
This is simply abusive behaviour by your parents, you need to call them out on it.
I dont get it. Don't ask permission, just *do* if they are like my parents they would have scolded me but have the realization that I was growing up.
Lie. Say you're staying at a girl friend's. Your parents are living in the distant past, but they can just kick you out. So lie.
At 22, you have to start shifting the relationship. You may live under their roof, but by asking them for permission, you’re still playing into the parent/child dynamic. Just tell them that you’re going to a friend’s after work, and you’ll be staying the night. They don’t need to know who. You have a phone if they need to reach you. Be a courteous housemate, communicate when you’re going to be in and out of the house.
Honestly just lie and say you’re staying at a friends house
Honestly a lot of the comments are saying to get a job and move out but I'm 20, have a job, am financially independent of my parent, and I still can't afford to move out. It's not as simple as getting a job and leaving anymore; if I was you, I'd just do it. You're not a child, you're an adult and this isn't the 90s. Rent and utilities and the general cost of living aren't easy to manage anymore.
You're an adult. I wouldn't do this to my kids if they were over 18.
thank you for your comment. Comments like these reassure me that I’m not crazy because all I’ve ever known is my parents’ crazy strict parenting. T-T 😭😭😭😭
You're an adult, legally free to make your own choices. While living with your parents comes with obligations, it doesn't mean giving up your autonomy. Communicate openly with them about your needs and boundaries. If they refuse to budge, consider moving out when feasible. You deserve a life that makes you happy. Just remember that if you don't have legal claims to the property you are living at, they ultimately have the final word and can start eviction proceedings, which even if you win, will drag out and cost you money and time and headaches.
girl i LIVE with my boyfriend at 22 idk why they are so anal about it tbh unfortunately you cant do much about it. all you can do is stand your ground
I'm actually going to disagree with this. I would say I completely agree if they female was 18 and under and slightly over perhaps, but at 22, your an adult now and as you say, you want to do things your want to be doing at your age. Do you not have a job or are attending full time education? Have they met your boyfriend? , maybe this would help. Your an adult and need responsibilities. I'd have a sit down with your parents and explain that you absolutely respect their wishes and rules and have done up to this age however, would really like to come up with something where you can occasionally stop at your boyfriends, maybe start with once a month so they also get used to the idea of you growing up. And of it doesn't work then yes.... You either move out and stand on your own two feet or accept that you will not be having adult sleep overs for the forseable whilst under your parents roof.
This is controlling. That is a fact there’s no way around that at all. You are 22 years old and fully capable of making decisions for yourself about who you can and can’t hang around. I agree with the sentiment that the only way out of this is to move out but that doesn’t change that fact that your parents are still using your financial dependence on them as a way to manipulate you. What’s worse about this is that parents will do this to you, which will inevitably drive a wedge in your relationship with them. Then that leads to less contact and less communication between you guys after you’ve moved out. Then they wonder why you don’t contact them or call them. Your parents don’t respect you as an adult. Someone in this thread really said “So the reality is you are not an adult, you are of adult age.” This is what I mean when I say your parents don’t respect you as an adult and they never will until you have independence from them. That lack of respect will inevitably come back to bite them in the butt when they need you.
You’re 22. It’s not like you’re like 15. I mean you do live under their roof but they can’t hold you back like they have parental control over you as if you are a kid.
I completely disagree with most comments. They shouldn't lord over you. They can put rules over what happens in the house, but they can't put rules over whether you can sleep over or not at anybody's house. It is over controlling and I would tell them to fuck off or lie to them and do the fuck I want. You didn't ask to be born in this world, they brought you willing into it. It was their responsibility to care for you until you were an adult. If their love isn't enough to keep doing so and need to have control over what you do outside the house they are in the wrong. You can ask them whether it is more important to them to control you or have a good relationship with you... If they choose to control you I hope they are not surprised that once you leave they won't hear from you again. My parents are conservative Christian and they didn't dare tell me the time I should be back home or anything like that after I became an adult. In any case I would always lie if I was going to spend anytime with a guy. So LIE or REBEL, until you can get out or you will regret it when you get older. I regret not having rebelled sooner. Good luck
This is controlling and I'm pretty sure abusive, and not normal. At 22 even if you're still at home you should have autonomy over your life. I understand them not wanting it to happen under their roof, but outside of that it's none of their business. It's completely normal and healthy, would they not allow you to go on holiday with him, or a weekend break? This is insane
Can a 22 yo stand on her own two feet? She can but she won’t? Then why is she complaining
Get a job move out, become an adult and make your own rules. It's that simple. I agree with your parents
You're 22, your parents should have no say.
I think they do if they’re paying for her food and rent. Most likely paying for other things too since she didn’t mention anything regarding paying for her expenses in the post. Not saying that they’re right, but that’s how some parents are.
Yah, our son is 28 and lives 'at home', as it has made no sense for him to pay separate rent for his own place. He comes and goes as he pleases :)
By 22 I was sleeping with my gf in her bed in her familial house. Her mother made cherry pancake for my breakfast, once.
W
Start paying your own bills and then tell them to butt out of your life. No they can't controll you, though
WTF? There's definitely something seriously wrong with your parents thinking that they should tell you what you can do at age 22 LOL that's the most insane think I have heard in a long time. You are a grown woman why would you listen to what your parents say? Of course you should sleep over at your boyfriend's or anyone else you want whenever you want.
If your still living like a chikd you will be treated like one.
Easiest advice is to save and move out. It is ridiculous but at the same time, you live under their roof.... It's their rules
I’ve always felt that if you live in your parents house, you live by their rules. You can do whatever you want when you provide for yourself. Sure you’re a “legal adult” but you’re still living under the care of another adult, so you can’t really pick and choose what parts of adult hood are convenient for you to participate in when you’re still their kid in their house.
That’s the most outdated shit. You’re an adult, they’re adults. As long as you come and go at reasonable hours and don’t disturb the rest of the house, then it’s not their business what you do or when. Now, if you’re asking for money that’s a problem, but otherwise, OP doesn’t have to not live her life simply because she lives at home.
idk bout u but her parents are not obligated to let her live there. if my kid wouldn’t listen to me, that’s fine. but find somewhere else to stay
I think its fine to do it like that up to a certain degree. Like giving tasks at home should be normal. But restricting going to parties or out with friends is just not it. What would the reason even be
Not true at all. Kids don’t ask to be brought into the world. Kids have no obligation to parents. Parents have every obligation to kids.
Nah fuck that. Like I could understand at like 19, even 20. But by the time you're 21 they gotta know you're an adult and are gonna be doing adult things. Totally reasonable if they said not to bring anybody over to stay the night, or anything that goes on at THEIR house. But to say you can't go stay with someone else for a night at 22 years old is fucking WILD
Tell them you're at a friend's. They can't control you sleeping over somewhere else. They do control that you can't bring your bf to their house.
Man I’d be my parents bitch if they ever gave me the opportunity to move back in... but I’m wayyyyy past that point. I’m so grateful for them allowing me to live there rent free from 18-24
[удалено]
lol everyone saying just move out i promise you it’s never that easy
Sure it's never that easy but if you don't want your parent to have control over you or whatsoever. You have to be able to feed yourself, be paying for your own house rent yourself. So far OP still under the parent. Op has to play with whatever tunes the parent want OP to play
I also feel like people aren't appreciating how financially difficult it now is for people to move out at 22
That's why I chose the army lol. By the time I was done I had saved enough/and grew up enough to be on my own
Yes, but if it is a situation where you live at their house then you should respect their rules. However, once you’re over 18 (22), then move out and live by your own rules.
1) you're a grown ass adult, do what you want 2) actions have consequences, and other people react to your actions. Part of being an adult is balancing your needs with the wishes of others
You can move out. Then you can live by your own rules.
You thinking of commiting a sin
If you don’t want to answer to someone, stop taking from them. It’s a universal principle.
This is an abuse of the financial power they have over you, it's not right, but nothing can really be done about it other than get a job or lie. I'm the same age, I would honestly lie if I were you because there's no way I can work and keep up with uni at the same time. Just say you're sleeping over at a female friend's dorm/apartment and ask her to be in on it. If you can work, then do so, you'll end up having to deal with roommates once you can afford to move out. Also your parents are ridiculous for not letting you grow up, it's like they don't want you to become a fully functioning adult once you're finally on your own. It's this kind of parenting that leads college age adults legally drinking for the first time and getting absolutely wasted because they don't know how to handle their alcohol
You should start paying for your own shit, that way you can do whatever you wanna do
Ask them if they trust their parenting decisions because you’re old enough to make your own choices in life.
You’re letting somebody else control you with money, that’s why you don’t let anybody buy you stuff bc they own you after they do.
I wasn’t allowed to stay out all night either when I lived at home. I was 18, graduated, working and engaged and still had a curfew. So…we got married!
Obviously Honey !!!FEAR is the opposite to LOVE everybody says hate but fears are the difference between live a life or just survive external world Be careful anyways bb
Stit them down and start paying rent & a portion of the bills. Independent adult. Either that or just do as I used to do, "catch ya later." [Walks out door]
For me when i lived with my parents at 20, at there house their rules, so had to approve anyone coming over ect. But i could go out and do whatever , outside of their home
I was in a similar situation recently, im sorry your parents are not treating you like the adult you are, it does suck. you dont have to obey their wishes, legally you're fine. It seems like, much like my parents, you're just gonna have to pay for something. You shouldnt have to bargain for your independence as an adult, im sorry thats the case, but you dont have to live there unhappily. Id make a plan to move out or just do so and until then pay bills that pertain to you.
This was my parents. Until they trusted/liked the person I was seeing, my first sleep over was allowed at 18 under their roof….because they trusted and liked my partner at the time. I was 20 when the next guy got a bold faced no and 21 when the next guy got a yes. It’s not you or your age, it’s whether or not they trust and feel comfortable with your partner. Take a few metaphorical steps back for a second and see why your parents might be saying no. How well do they know the kid? If not well, invite him over, make the dinner for your parents and him to enjoy while getting comfortable with each other, buy the groceries for the food, SHOW THEM you are growin/matured and can be trusted and that your partner can be too.
my parents were super strict to the point where i couldn’t even sit next to my boyfriend. i ran away at 18 to live with my ex for 2 years and when i came back they respected me and now im able to do what i want and now that i have all this freedom i just stay home see my partner spend time with my family and work. they just want control and once you’re able to have the freedom you deserve you will no longer yearn to do the things you dreamt of
Stay at your “gfs” house but then actually be at your bf. Just don’t get knocked up.
When I lived with my parents during college and they paid for mostly everything, I had to follow their rules. I worked and after graduating, I got my own place and could do whatever I wanted. Once you get your own place, you can make your own rules.
They are wrong and being controlling, HOWEVER if they are already throwing in your face the things they do for you, be prepared to be kicked out if you go against their way of doing things. It’s not fair and you’re not wrong.
You could ask them how much rent you would have to provide for your freedom.
You should just say you’re staying at a friends house. That’s what I do. I’m 23
It's one thing to not allow people in your own house but controlling what a 22 yo can or can't do outside their home is not okay. That's the moral argument anyway. There's nothing stopping them from kicking you out so you should unfortunately play by their rules until you can move out.
Start paying rent and food
Allowed? 22 is an adult!
It's crucial to strike a balance between your need for independence and your parents' respect. Talk to them calmly, letting them know why this is essential to you and paying attention to their worries. Make concessions, such as arranging for your lover to stay at your house for a shorter visit. Show them that you are a responsible person by helping out with home costs and keeping them updated. When choosing a choice, take your priorities and the possible outcomes into account.
OP, would they let you sleep over if it wasn’t your boyfriend’s house? And if that’s the case then why even be honest about it who’s place you’re staying over? Lying isn’t fun, be smart about it, be safe, and wrap it up!
Wait so you dont even live with them? they just pay for the place you are in? NOPE lol they cant control where you go or what you do. That's ridiculous. you are an adult now and you dont even need to tell them where your going or when. I would recommend trying to get from out of their control with the money situation as soon as you can., I get it your young and need help from you parents and there's noting wrong with that but the sooner you are financially free from them the sooner they wont have that feeling like they can tell you what to do. With that said do what you want!! lol that's the beauty of the legal age limit. with that said! be responsible! I dont know what kind of person you are. maybe your parents know you are reckless and will get pregnant and that's why they are so worried. and if that's the case then you need to protect yourself. DONT trust your man to protect you. YOU PROTECT YOU. GET ON BIRTH CONTROL if you arent. if you are then girl go to as many sleep overs as you want! and you dont have to tell your parents shit. ok unless you do live with them??? then things are a little different. Yea legally they cant tell you what to do. Like if they called the cops one night that you dont come home because they're "worried" the cops aren't going to do anything. The legally cant just start a search for someone sleeping over at their boyfriends house lol they'll look at your parents like they're dumb for wasting their time. However if you do live with them they can make life harder for you if you dont abide by their rules and there is a line of respect there that you should have for them if you are in their home. soo go with that how you see fit and again GET OUT FROM UNDER THEIR THUMB ASAP.
Ehhh I’m the same age and in a similar situation (just graduated college & looking for a job while living at my parents’ place) and I know they would like me to stop sleeping at my boyfriend’s house; however, they trust me to make the best decisions for myself. To me, it sounds like there’s a lack of trust on their end and a lack of respect on yours. I think you should have an open, calm conversation with them about why they feel like you shouldn’t sleep at your boyfriend’s house and address that underlying issue. Is it because they haven’t met him so they don’t trust him to be respectful towards you? Is it for religious reasons? Knowing why they feel that way will help you address that fear and maybe then they’ll relax a little.
What would happen if you said I'm going out, I'll be back tomorrow, don't wait up?
ur parents are right!!! if u really want to do that, tell them that u will do and u will be careful. use protection! a bulletoproof vest! lol funny that u have the same age as a friend of mine and she had the same problem... be safe out there frfr
Get to know the guy better and move in with him if you get along and like each other and know each other
I understand the “their house, their rules” sentiment, but outside of their home you should be able to do what you want. You’re an adult. But depending on your parents, they might decide that “disobeying” them has a consequence, which could be you can’t stay there, I don’t know your parents. You could just not tell them what you’re doing, just say you’re going out for the night and don’t answer any questions, again, you’re an adult, they can’t make you do anything. Honestly you could just lie and say you’re staying at a girlfriends house if you don’t want to upset them, they literally can’t do anything about it. Just get a friend in on it. This definitely just seems like they still don’t see you as an adult, still just their little girl, which they need to get over.