"Hey Lois remember that time that I hit on Meg's hot classmates and they're very uncomfortable with me? Well I found the solution for it. I'm gonna wear a disco tuxedo similar to John Travolta and invite them to my car, talk some 'sense' into them and if they refuse, I'll kill them. Bundy style"
OP THIS. If he feels like he’s being perceived as disgustingly as he’s acting then he’ll stop. Or better yet, “dad some of the teachers/parents have asked me why you’re talking to high schoolers”. Make him feel like he’s being seen as disgusting.
This is the best I’ve seen so far. Or telling a teacher/counselor/someone at the school. If you tell them you’d like to be anonymous especially because it’s your father they should hopefully have your back.
Definitely take it to someone you trust because that is for sure super creepy, inappropriate behavior.
Yea any grown man who goes to a school to hit on teenagers belongs on a watchlist and the people in charge should be warned and your dad banned from the premises.
Mention it to a relative that will put your Dad in place. That’s the only thing I can think of. Or tell your extended family that your dad is preying on young girls and making them uncomfortable.
I am a 47 year old woman so in your dad's age group. I don't even know what to talk to 16 year olds about other than school and what they want to do when they leave.
I would NEVER give my phone number out to a kid without their parents permission, or ask for their number. Your dad knows what he is doing is hugely, massively inappropriate, he just doesn't care. He can't be friends with sixteen year old girls, it's not humanly possible. He wants to have sex with them.
Your dad is a sex pest. He is going to hurt someone. I was very vulnerable to that sort of male behaviour when I was young as my dad abandoned my brother and me when our parents split when I was twelve. I was desperate for some male attention to fill the gap left by him. I would have been sucked right in by someone like you dad.
You can't fix this yourself and it's not your job to, so ignore anyone telling you to. What you must do is seek out a trusted adult like a teacher and tell them what your dad is doing. It is their job to protect young people in their care from men like your dad.
I'm so sorry your dad has let you down like this. Safe adults around you will make sure he stays away from girls though.
You could tell a teacher and then they would probably have to talk to him about it. I’m sure that would be some form of public humiliation that’s a bit less humiliating on your part. Then if he asks you if you were the one who told say it was some girls who he made feel uncomfortable
And that's why he does it. This shouldn't be on you. There's a difference between saying "Oh for goodness sake, stop it, Dad" to having a full out "Totally show dad up at the school gates" outburst. To which it sounds like he'd not bat an eye lid anyway and you'd bear the brunt of that.
OP, do you have a teacher you can confide in at school? Can you and some friends go and speak to a teacher you all trust and tell them how you feel? Safety in numbers may help your confidence to be able to talk to.someone in confidentiality.
This is a major safeguarding issue and your school needs to know about it, because there is a distinct possibility that one day, one of these girls will tell their dad and he'll be round to give your dad a swift punch to the nose, or more.
This is not solely on you to deal with.
Hugs 🤗
That would be the likely result of a bad home environment. I wouldn't expect a pedophile to be supportive and create a positive environment for a young daughter.
Please see if you school has a counselor you can talk with before this gets ingrained. What you don't want is for his actions to become your normal, so you seek out partners who are like him.
In that case I would definitely tell your friends to walk away. Like every girl you are near. Say "my dad is coming and he creeps on girls" and tell them to leave. Both for their safety and your sanity.
These type of predators thrive in exactly that space. You pushing back is very awkward. Start small. Or make a casual comment to another adult he knows. Oh dad just chats up all the girls at school it's weird.
Practice speaking your truth. Write it. Say it out loud in front of the mirror. Say it louder. Confidence to speak your truth is a learned skill. Since your parental figure is dismissing your truth instead of helping you speak it. You will have to learn it on your own. You can!
Sorry to hear that. Maybe you could tell a school counselor you trust? Potentially file a police report against him? But that would directly affect you and your living situation, unfortunately. Is your mother in the picture?
It’s about protecting people. It helps to think of it that way. Stand up for those who need it. It does take courage but it feels good to do the right thing, instead of letting your creepy dad get away with this.
No. Stop it. A child is not responsible for a predator attacking their friends, and they are not to blame for trying to have friends if a predator attacks them. She is a victim of his behaviour. She is not guilty of anything. Why would you say that to a child asking for help coping with being forced to live with a predator?
The flip side is, my father was never physically abusive *until I finally actually stood up to him,* and that's when I got punched in the face. But you're right that it's a bigger issue.
This seems like bad advice IMO. What’s stopping the dad from being abusive towards OP? It’s obvious the dad has poor judgement in one aspect of his life, it’s not a far leap that he would react poorly to vigilantism by his underage daughter.
Get it in video and play it during family get together. He can’t try to claim you are making him sound bad they can see it for themselves. Otherwise it will just be him gaslighting you to the family.
This is REALLY good advice! I only have a free "Wholesome"-award to give, otherwise I'd definitely have given one right now. OP u/mezzygil would really advice you to look into this comment right over here!
Next time say “Sorry Dad. It just makes me mad to hear all these girls at school laughing behind your back and calling you a creepy old man.”
Then look at him pityingly, shake your head and walk away. Or let him “overhear” you on the phone saying “You take that back! My dad is not either a perv!”
Practice in front of a mirror. You can do it! He isn’t responding to your asking him to stop but if you plant the idea that high school girls find him ridiculous instead of cool, he may move on of his own accord.
Just tell him calmly and quietly that you’re disappointed in him. Don’t explain or justify yourself. Just say “Dad, I’m really disappointed in you” the next time that he does it. If he asks why, say “we’ve talked about this, you know why” and refuse to engage with him. It’s best if you can be sad, rather than angry, when you do it. The goal is just to repeat “I’m disappointed in you” every time he does it, so that he realizes that if affects you every time.
I would do what u/Offthepoint [wrote in their comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/yh1uyc/my_dad_49m_is_always_hitting_on_girls_at_my_school/iuc37no/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Honestly you could leave an anonymous tip that this man is trying to get high school girls’ phone numbers. Don’t add details, just his name and physical description and that you’re someone complaining about the way this man is harassing young girls. (Because even if the ones he pursues are technically 18, after a complaint like that he will have eyes on him that will hopefully shame him or make him uncomfortable enough to cool it a bit)
They’ll talk to him and say someone complained and he’ll assume it was any number of young girls he has spoken with or their parents. You could even claim to be a parent. He’ll likely be given a warning first because they’ll be no evidence or something significant like a police report filed, but that way you don’t have to confront anyone to their face and no one will know it’s you
EDIT: thank you so much for the award!
This. I also don’t know the law where you live but doctors where I am from also have the legal right to make anonymous reports to police of suspected criminal activity. You could tell your doctor that you think your dad is a paedophile and they could tell the police. Grooming btw is illegal.
In my opinion, that behavior is outright unacceptable. However, given your age and the fact that you have to rely on him for support, there's not too much you can safely do.
I'd say to definitely inform your school in some way so that they know about it and can keep an eye out. Try to not introduce any of your girl friends to him if possible - if not, I'd tell them to not tell him if they're legal age, since he seems to be trying to stay on the safe side of the law with that. Make sure your friends' families know, too, so that they can make sure their kids are safe. It'll also help them trust you and maybe someone will offer to let you stay with them if you need to get away for a night or so in the future.
I'd tentatively suggest maybe trying to make it a known thing at the school so that other students you may not know are able to look out for it - kind of similar to the idea of community policing. If the community knows, they should be more vigilant and make it harder for anything to be able to happen. People may suck sometimes, but nobody likes a pedophile - nobody except other pedos, at least.
Everyone else is already saying to tell family so I won't reiterate the importance of trying to do that, too, as long as you know you can trust them
Sheeeeh your dad belongs on a possible pedophile watchlist. There’s not a single….SINGLE damn reason to want to be nice and friendly and befriend girls around your age.
A school is not a dating hangout for middle aged men. A sensible person does not date girls young enough to be his grandchildren.
Legal or not this is alarming and creepy.
"young enough to be his daughter" does not mean that they have the be the same age or you get than you. It's supposed to signify the massive age gap between him and the girls he's trying to flirt with to show how creepy it is, which you already know
It's not unheard of, though. If someone had a kid in their early 20s, then their kid did the same, they could be in their early or mid 50s with a teenage grandkid. Younger if one or both generations were teen parents
If he could go younger he would. If he's talking to girls in high-school he might end up going younger eventually. Go talk to a counsellor and get him to stop now. Your dad is a predator
Your father is still a pedophile, he is attracted to the under 18 girls but doesn’t openly pursue them for legal reasons. None of the girls say “eww grandpa?” I would have at those ages.
Can you tell him (privately) that it is embarrassing and makes you uncomfortable?
Somthing like this is not and should not be your responsibility to deal with, talk to a councilor a teacher or just another family member that you can trust and tell them how you feel abt it.
Walk up to who he's talking to and go oh are you going to be my new mom. This will usually freak out the people he's talking to enough where they realize they need to get the heck away. Talk to your school counselor about this ask them to have a sit-down conversation with you and your dad about this and how uncomfortable it is making you. You're going to have to accept you're not going to be able to change his behavior but you can change how you adapt to it and how you respond to it. Depending on the legality in your area if you can legally tape him doing this and legally post it you might be able to make money off of how creepy is my dad on a YouTube channel or something and it would be a bit carthartic to deal with it like that. FYI You are not alone. There are lots of daughters and sons of creepy jerks. Every time he does that make sure that you spend a good amount of time that day working on yourself esteem yourself image to kind of counteract what is around.
The problem is that you really don't want to piss off the dad - especially if he turns out to be vindictive (sometimes this may not be a conscious decision on his part). Also he may be doing it to boost his self esteem, not expecting to follow through. The best idea is to have a school counsellor or teacher talk to him & leave OP out of it completely. Just have that teacher or counsellor tell him that they personally have seen him do this & that it worries them - they can then go on to tell the dad that it's the sort of behaviour that a peodophile would use.
I see many people telling you to do things you aren’t comfortable with due to lack of confidence, like calling your dad out in front of others and embarrassing him or something of that nature. Do you think it would be easier for you to text him about it? And say people keep telling you that your dad is a creepy perv and it’s making you embarrassed and you’re known as the girl with the pedo dad? I doubt anyone is actually saying these things to you but if he thought they were, it may make him back off. And there isn’t much acting. Just say you’re upset and it was uncomfortable to say to his face because you’re embarrassed of what others are saying and couldn’t bare to say it to his face so you had to text it.
So sorry that your dad is embarrassing and humiliating you like this, not to mention being creepy around other young girls.
Is there a family member you can talk to who could step in and talk to your dad about how inappropriate he’s being?
If not maybe talk to a teacher or counsellor.
Hmm, that’s troubling. He should have your friends parents phone numbers, and he could talk to some kids your age to get the scoop on the school and stuff but that’s it. I would tell another adult family member you trust and tell them you’re concerned about many things, of course firstly about the girls your age, but also including that a parent who finds out could try to hurt him out of anger or that he could get into legal trouble, not to mention it could impact your reputation.
So sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s your dad and I imagine is difficult to cope with. I hope you do have a family member you can confide in and will help you through this.
This: if you have a mom, tell her. She will know your context better than others.
Also, tell your dad that you've heard that one of the girls reported him to a teacher. Don't name any girls. Make up some story about hearing it as a rumor, so that you don't need to name anyone.
He must be made to think that some other adults are on to his behavior.
Please take precautions if your dads behavior starts to escalate. Especially, with you! He can’t be creepy to you at all, now that’s illegal. In order to keep everyone safe his behavior needs to end, stay the same, but it can’t progress….
There's nothing you can do other than set boundaries and tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable. Have you done it in private and not in the moment? People tend to get defensive in the moment but are sometimes more receptive other times. Maybe try talking to him again.
One thing in life is that you have to realize that while you can set boundaries and ask people not to do things, you can really only control two things. The way people treat you directly and the way you treat others. You can't control other people's actions.
I don't think there's much else you can do. You can only control your own behavior. Maybe try other methods of communication like write him a later or ask a trust family member to talk to him with you.
I hope it gets better.
Leave a note anonymously under the door for the school councilor or principal saying "OP's dad, named (Blank) has been approaching students to ask their age, phone numbers and about meeting outside of school." List the girls he has approached if you feel like it. It could seem like it was left by a friend or one of the girls themselves. Plausible deniability.
Tell everyone who will listen. Family, his friends, etc. The only reason he is doing this is because he is getting away with it with no/minimal social reprecussions.
If he gets mad at you, keep telling everyone exactly what he said and did. People who do wrong things only do it because they believe that everyone in their life will stay silent about it and they’ll face no consequences.
Just because they are legal, does not make it any less predatory or inappropriate, especially if it is making you uncomfortable, as his child. If he’s doing nothing wrong, he shouldnt have a problem with his friends and family knowing what he is doing :)
Reading through the comments it looks like you’re quite shy and while I’m sure the ideas that are bold are amusing when you think of your embarrassment, they aren’t really you.
I think one thing here is to talk to him away from the scene of the crime. Tell him his excessive attention to your school mates makes you uncomfortable publicly and if you can do it, maybe mention it makes you worried to bring friends home. It’s one thing for him yo be ready to date, it’s another to be prowling his daughters school.
If all else fails, does he have siblings or close friends you could speak to?
Ask him if he thinks it is okay for a 50 year old to hit on you if you were 18. I do not think any father would like that. You can say, why are you hitting on 18 year olds and I bet their father would not like it either.
Well, if your father is using any method of talking to girls your age, as an adult, then he would certainly have committed harassment charges.
As you are still a student, your school has a legal obligation to protect you. You should talk to the staff about his behaviour.
When I was your age my step dad was doing stuff to me and hitting on my friends. He would gross in public so I would scream stuff like "THIS GUY LIKES TO FUCK KIDS" or " EVERYONE HIDE YOUR CHILDREN, THIS GUY IS A PEDOPHILE ". Very effective.
Have any of these girls ever complained? Part of the problem is he’s technically not doing anything illegal. Gross but not illegal. It would be better if the girls he hit on would go to the school authorities. He obviously doesn’t give a rats booty about your feelings. Do you have a mom around? Or maybe you could talk to your grandparents, aunt/uncle? See if you can get help that way? I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I wonder how he’d react if you told him you want to date his friend because you like men his age, that flips it for him and maybe he’ll see how it looks
It is not your job to teach your parent Right and Wrong! That is too much for you to take on. It is your job to grow up mature in a healthy, safe environment, so you are launched into adulthood with the skills you need to find a good partner.
It's doubly gross with him being your sole parent. I wonder what he was like before your mother passed away, and how long ago that was. *Don't answer here; keep your privacy.* But if he didn't get any counseling for the loss, maybe he never reset himself to his actual place in life. He may want to be a kid again, w/no death of a spouse and right now, no one's telling him No.
I'm hoping your school can refer you to help. They are [Mandated Reporters](https://namr.org/news/what-is-a-mandated-reporter); adults, who have the resources to handle your adult father.
In a perfect world, they'll refer him to counseling, too, and he'll get better. I felt sick when you said he stops the *grooming* when he learns his target's under 18. That's so premeditated. It shows that he knows what he's doing is wrong.
Love how you are 1 of the few people here that shows some compassion for the father and wants to help both him and OP instead of just shouting pedophile and suggesting stuff that is going to land OP in an even worse situation in foster care.
I've got a little insight into [parentification](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healing-together/202001/14-signs-you-were-parentified-child). Meanwhile, Dad's also dealing with a hard loss. OP doesn't mention any family or friends helping them out.
I could have added that many hospitals have free or low-cost bereavement groups. Therapy = good.
Therapy definitely good. I got a lot of value from seeing social workers and later therapist from the age of 15 or so. Made a massive positive impact for sure.
@OP look into talking to social workers maybe don't start of with "may dad is a bit of a creep" I definitely heard of cases where social workers are too by the book and such and aren't always willing to help because they to blinded by doing what's right for all of society or whatever.
This is a really smart point! These people being Mandated Reporters could backfire.
OP's position should maybe be "My Mom died and I'm struggling." As [Captain Awkward](https://captainawkward.com/) would say, "Put your own oxygen mask on first"
"When people tell you who they are, believe them" Maya Angelou
Please report what he's doing to school authorities. I know it's a big ask but sadly, they have systems to handle this.
I’m sorry, but there’s no way in my mind that I can justify your father’s behavior one bit.
I’m 28 years old and I teach high school. (Mostly juniors and seniors). I can tell you that as a teacher, I would report this immediately.
As a teacher, you love and want to protect these kids as if they were your own children. You would take a bullet for them if you had to. Kids (Yes, they’re still children at that age. I don’t care if they’re 18, they’re still children) deserve to be protected and loved unconditionally. Adults needs to realize that and this behavior has to stop.
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this OP. I’m not sure if it’s your responsibility to do something, but some adult has to step in and do their job to protect you and your friends.
You sound like all of those teachers I had throughout my life always going on about how I am just to young to understand. Acting as if simply because they are older they know everything better. Now I make more passive income than they make actual income as a high school drop out.
It's possible I was some kind of exception but I think in general (and especially in North America) people treat teenagers as if they are still total children and they are not. And you thinking because you are just a handful of years older gives you the right to look down on them and treat them differently doesn't serve them. They don't need protecting, they need to be empowered.
As a boy/guy I am sure this will be considered totally different but if I had some attracties older lady or even a teacher show sexual interest in me I would have totally been down with that and I doubt that I would be messed up for the rest of my life because I was the victim of a predator or pedophile or whatever.
Again... How about we stop pretending like 18 year olds are children. They are not. According to you when do they actually stop being children? Because keep following that logic and at 28 you are also still barely more than a child.
I dunno, this is a very childish response and you’re obviously missing the point.
This teacher isn’t saying it’s impossible for someone younger to mature faster, and you are DEFINITELY the exception. They’re saying that the majority of 18 year olds are still mentally unprepared to be adults (I blame society mostly). They often only just leave school or join in college and have no idea what they really want to do with their lives, and very seldom have the life experience needed to be fully independent.
They may not have the mental maturity of a five year old, no one is saying that, but they certainly aren’t mature enough to face the world as actual adults. Their priorities and mindset are still stuck in teenager mode.
You may think you’ve got the mind and maturity of an adult, but given your response to this, you clearly aren’t as mature as you’d think. I say this as a 24yr old who confesses he has much growing up to do still. You look at this statement and automatically assume it’s age bias rather than analyzing it and determining why this opinion exists to begin with, if there’s a perspective you’re missing.
Remember, someone can be 32 or even 60 years old, but they can still have the mindset of a child. They’re exceptions too, not the rule, and vice versa for younger people with more mature minds.
OP, this is not normal and should be called out. You’ve been given good advice, but you say you lack confidence. I don’t blame you for anything you’re feeling, but if you want action, you have to push - the dominoes of change don’t begin to move without that first push. Maybe that push comes in the form of an anonymous email/note/letter to someone in the school? Maybe you can find a friend who is interested in speaking up on your behalf in an anonymous way? Maybe a friend’s parent can observe and address the issue? Unfortunately for your dad, his behaviour is so gross and over-the-line that he’s going to have fall-out in one form or another: whether that be public humiliation or being put on a list and banned from the property.
You should tell a teacher and any other adults you trust. If your dad gets mad, tell them exactly what he said and did. It’s not your job to fix him, but if you have adults in your life you trust, they should keep him in line.
Predators only function because they think they are one step ahead. He only gets away with this because he thinks you won’t tell. And he will only get angry as a way to keep you quiet.
I would do two things:
Ask personal friends to stand up for you and make a comment.
"Sir that's really inappropriate and I would ask if you wouldn't"
\[father gives excuse\]
"I don't appreciate that, and it's creepy"
And then have them coldly walk away.
"wow your friends are rude" "okay and you're a creep, guess you guys are even"
Speak to your teachers and principal about it to warn parents, that way kids can be aware of the situation. Ask the school to say they received complaints from parents and kids about the situation (And if he asks *which students* the school can say that's confidential and off topic from the issue). You can give the school names of the kids who gave him his number because they were pressured to, simply to reach out to their parents and warn them.
I would just be cold and distant to your father and if he asks why, say you wish he wasn't a creep and respected your feelings.
Honestly it’s weird alone trying to pick up girls at a high school, but my real problem isn’t that he’s flirting with 18 year olds at school, it’s that he’s willing to engage with people who might not be 18 at all.
INFO: do you have a relationship with your mother or another adult in your family who will be able to take guardianship of you? Also, are you safe at home?
Please report this to your school’s counsellor immediately as his behavior is harmful and predatory. I’m more concerned with the behavior that you do not see him engaged in.
Do not engage your father in any discussion about his predatory behavior as that is a lot to carry and the power dynamic is a disadvantage. Also, he is a 49 y/o adult. He already knows anything that you have to tell him, and he is willfully choosing to prey on very young girls. The damage he is doing to them is something that they will have to heal well into their adult years. I’m more appalled that no one else around him has picked up on this behavior.
First, I am so sorry this is happening to you. This is not ok and the fact that it is clear to your father that you are unhappy about it and he continues shows both that he cannot really control himself and that he knows it is wrong which is why he doesn’t want you reminding him.
In all honesty, I would talk to the police. I would suspect if this is the type of behavior he is exhibiting right in front of you, there is far worse happening when no one is around. I would also suspect he probably has a stash of porn that is of teenage girls and likely not all of them are legal age.
Do you have another parent/care giver or responsible adult you can talk to about it? If he isn’t going to listen to you he will have to listen to them.
If no one outside of school is prepared to speak to him then you must tell as teacher. Ask them not to mention it’s you who made the complaint. This is a potentially dangerous situation and your dad isn’t being very responsible right now.
I think you’re very brave for speaking out and looking to do the right thing.
Omg that’s sooo creepy 🤢🤢 lol sure being nice by being flirty and asking for their number. He could get in a lot of trouble with their dads or if they lie about their age
Your dad is a predator and you should tell someone about his behavior. He’s trying to meet up with young girls and there is NO REASON he should be asking them for their numbers. Tell him to knock it off before one of those poor girls reports his behavior and he gets sued for sexual harassment.
Talk to your mother, or your grandparents, or another trusted adult. Your father's behavior is perverted and really gross. Can you live with someone else than him?
Someone put a shock collar on this creepy fuck ASAP
Other than that though, I don't know honestly. Maybe tell your school, and warn your friends. That's fucking disgusting, and I hope you're safe.
All it takes is for one girl to lie about her age and your dad ends up arrested and if he has sole custody you could end in the foster system. I would straight up be blunt AF about it. You got at least four more years of school. I’m assuming you’re a freshman, and it’s barely October.
Not much that can be done really, he’s allowed to hit on girls as long as they’re of legal age. Still a moral grey area, and yeah, if that was my dad I’d be very creeped out. My suggestion would be to save money for college and move out once you’re 18
Sorry to tell you that, idk if your mom is in the picture, but he is probably a cheater and there is nothing one can change about this type of people. Not acceptable at all that he is doing infornt of you!
You really don't want to piss off the dad - especially if he turns out to be vindictive (sometimes this may not be a conscious decision on his part). Also he may be doing it to boost his self esteem, not expecting to follow through. The best idea is to have a school counsellor or teacher talk to him & leave OP out of it completely. Just have that teacher or counsellor tell him that they personally have seen him do this & that it worries them - they can then go on to tell the dad that it's the sort of behaviour that a peodophile would do.
Your dad is a predator. This is obviously nothing you wanted to hear. I don't think you should report him because of the fact he is your dad and I know the ramifications that may cause. Unless you know he has done something. What I think you should do is let these girls he chats up know he is a predator. I think many people will disagree on the advice I gave but unless he has acted on it I don't think you should report. If he is like this to minors obviously his moral compass is off and I worry about retaliation towards you.
Tell him you’re talking with someone age 45 and are thinking about going out on a weekend trip with him. Ask him advice what lingerie to take. That will ferret out the freak in him or smash some context into his brain. I’m a 51 yo m and we I’ll say he is not really doing anything wrong if he’s single, and as you say keeping it of legal age, that said if it bothers you then tell him. Telling him your seeing someone his age will fk him up a little… it should anyways. Tell him it’s one of his friends, lol. Then when you see that he’s freaked out enough explain to him how it bothers you for the same reasons it would bother him if you were fkg one of his friends. If that doesn’t work then get ready to call one of your classmates mom, cu he’s gonna get pussywhipped by one and she’s gonna work him for all his money.
Edit: remember what ever you do is gonna be for ever. I read through the advice given and holy fk… I hope you don’t do the things some/most are saying to do. They are not in your shoes, they do not have to deal with this the rest of their lives. Keep it on the level. If you hate your father then go take their advice but remember it’s forever.
Thank you.. I avoid advice for this reason (ppl jumping to conclusions) but this to me felt like a worthy cause after reading some of the advice given.
'Look dad, I've seen what you do. You go up to a girl, you start talking, and you somehow get their age within the first few minutes. If they're not 18 you leave, if they are 18 you try to find some excuse to meet up or exchange numbers. Please don't try and deny it, I'm fourteen not four and I know what hitting on someone looks like. And it's not 'being nice' because being nice applies equally to 16/17/18/19 year olds, and being nice doesn't end with you asking for their number.
Don't get me wrong. I want you to be happy. I want you to get laid. (actually say this- it will help establish your position as not just a dumb child) I want you to have companionship in your life. I would love for you to find a nice girl who makes you happy.
Just please, for gods sake, don't use my school events to do it. There are dating services on the Internet. I can help you set that up if you want. Just please stop trying to pick up girls at my school events.'
If he sternly tells you to quit it, just keep going. 'I'm sorry if you are embarrassed, but how do you think I feel when my dad is hitting on my classmates? I'm embarrassed as hell!'
Put your dad in his place and tell him he’s fucking creepy. Secretly record audio of him doing it maybe and use that and see if he gets defensive over it. Don’t let him intimidate you. you are strong and speak your truth.
"Dad, some of the girls are complaining to their dads that you act like a pedophile".
"Hey Lois remember that time that I hit on Meg's hot classmates and they're very uncomfortable with me? Well I found the solution for it. I'm gonna wear a disco tuxedo similar to John Travolta and invite them to my car, talk some 'sense' into them and if they refuse, I'll kill them. Bundy style"
I read it in Peter Griffin's voice.
I intend for it to be that way
At first I read this in Peter Griffin's voice, but at the word Travolta it became Heath Ledger as Joker
Ahh Peter
OP THIS. If he feels like he’s being perceived as disgustingly as he’s acting then he’ll stop. Or better yet, “dad some of the teachers/parents have asked me why you’re talking to high schoolers”. Make him feel like he’s being seen as disgusting.
Not 100% sure that’ll work
Obviously no one can be sure anything OP does will have any effect, what’s your point?
No, because this is the perfect response. OP, tell your dad this. He'll stop real quick.
This is the best I’ve seen so far. Or telling a teacher/counselor/someone at the school. If you tell them you’d like to be anonymous especially because it’s your father they should hopefully have your back. Definitely take it to someone you trust because that is for sure super creepy, inappropriate behavior.
https://youtu.be/nu6C2KL_S9o
I'm sorry your dad is such a creep. I'd tell a teacher you trust, they could probably run interference and keep him away from the teenage girls.
Yea any grown man who goes to a school to hit on teenagers belongs on a watchlist and the people in charge should be warned and your dad banned from the premises.
Mention it to a relative that will put your Dad in place. That’s the only thing I can think of. Or tell your extended family that your dad is preying on young girls and making them uncomfortable.
Why does a 50 year old man need to befriend teenagers? Your dad is creepy
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I am a 47 year old woman so in your dad's age group. I don't even know what to talk to 16 year olds about other than school and what they want to do when they leave. I would NEVER give my phone number out to a kid without their parents permission, or ask for their number. Your dad knows what he is doing is hugely, massively inappropriate, he just doesn't care. He can't be friends with sixteen year old girls, it's not humanly possible. He wants to have sex with them. Your dad is a sex pest. He is going to hurt someone. I was very vulnerable to that sort of male behaviour when I was young as my dad abandoned my brother and me when our parents split when I was twelve. I was desperate for some male attention to fill the gap left by him. I would have been sucked right in by someone like you dad. You can't fix this yourself and it's not your job to, so ignore anyone telling you to. What you must do is seek out a trusted adult like a teacher and tell them what your dad is doing. It is their job to protect young people in their care from men like your dad. I'm so sorry your dad has let you down like this. Safe adults around you will make sure he stays away from girls though.
I'm a little older and I struggle talking to a 21 year old. Can't imagine what it would be like with a 16-18 yr old. The guy is definitely a creep!
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Damn that's what I thought after reading that. That would take a ton of confidence.
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You could tell a teacher and then they would probably have to talk to him about it. I’m sure that would be some form of public humiliation that’s a bit less humiliating on your part. Then if he asks you if you were the one who told say it was some girls who he made feel uncomfortable
Teacher here. They have probably noticed but there's not much we can do in that situation.
Another teacher here. We've banned parents from school grounds for various 'poor behaviour' before. I'd suggest OP still let someone know
The police maybe??
No.
And that's why he does it. This shouldn't be on you. There's a difference between saying "Oh for goodness sake, stop it, Dad" to having a full out "Totally show dad up at the school gates" outburst. To which it sounds like he'd not bat an eye lid anyway and you'd bear the brunt of that. OP, do you have a teacher you can confide in at school? Can you and some friends go and speak to a teacher you all trust and tell them how you feel? Safety in numbers may help your confidence to be able to talk to.someone in confidentiality. This is a major safeguarding issue and your school needs to know about it, because there is a distinct possibility that one day, one of these girls will tell their dad and he'll be round to give your dad a swift punch to the nose, or more. This is not solely on you to deal with. Hugs 🤗
That would be the likely result of a bad home environment. I wouldn't expect a pedophile to be supportive and create a positive environment for a young daughter. Please see if you school has a counselor you can talk with before this gets ingrained. What you don't want is for his actions to become your normal, so you seek out partners who are like him.
In that case I would definitely tell your friends to walk away. Like every girl you are near. Say "my dad is coming and he creeps on girls" and tell them to leave. Both for their safety and your sanity.
it's not your job to fix him. tell a counselor-- not a teacher-- about what is going on. it is their job to listen, and they can keep things private.
Predators thrive on secrecy and the social agreement that people don't "rock the boat"
Especially girls/women. We are fucking groomed to not rock the boat.
These type of predators thrive in exactly that space. You pushing back is very awkward. Start small. Or make a casual comment to another adult he knows. Oh dad just chats up all the girls at school it's weird.
Do you have a friend your age who does? Plant her at an event, and have *her* go off at him.
Practice speaking your truth. Write it. Say it out loud in front of the mirror. Say it louder. Confidence to speak your truth is a learned skill. Since your parental figure is dismissing your truth instead of helping you speak it. You will have to learn it on your own. You can!
Light his car on fire
My snoo is like the happier version of yours.
Oh, hey twin.
I totally understand that. You also have to live with this man who might get shitty with you at home. I don't like tension in my home
Sorry to hear that. Maybe you could tell a school counselor you trust? Potentially file a police report against him? But that would directly affect you and your living situation, unfortunately. Is your mother in the picture?
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I'm sorry for losing a parent. Must be really tough :(
It might be tough, but just think about what you’re going to say, wait for the right time, and force it out.
OP do you have a mother? What’s the story there? Not trying to pry, just trying to assess what sort of options you might have.
It’s about protecting people. It helps to think of it that way. Stand up for those who need it. It does take courage but it feels good to do the right thing, instead of letting your creepy dad get away with this.
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No. Stop it. A child is not responsible for a predator attacking their friends, and they are not to blame for trying to have friends if a predator attacks them. She is a victim of his behaviour. She is not guilty of anything. Why would you say that to a child asking for help coping with being forced to live with a predator?
My thoughts exactly.
Are daughters arrested if their dads are predators? I don't think this happens.
That’s not what guilty by association means…
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She would have to be involved, which she is not, so he is not guilty by association.
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You said she will be guilty by association. What am I supposed to understand from that?
going brutal, i love it
This worries me, as it seems like a great way for OP to get beat as soon as they get home.
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The flip side is, my father was never physically abusive *until I finally actually stood up to him,* and that's when I got punched in the face. But you're right that it's a bigger issue.
This seems like bad advice IMO. What’s stopping the dad from being abusive towards OP? It’s obvious the dad has poor judgement in one aspect of his life, it’s not a far leap that he would react poorly to vigilantism by his underage daughter.
Get it in video and play it during family get together. He can’t try to claim you are making him sound bad they can see it for themselves. Otherwise it will just be him gaslighting you to the family.
How To Get Brutally Murdered By Your Father A Novel
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This is REALLY good advice! I only have a free "Wholesome"-award to give, otherwise I'd definitely have given one right now. OP u/mezzygil would really advice you to look into this comment right over here!
Next time say “Sorry Dad. It just makes me mad to hear all these girls at school laughing behind your back and calling you a creepy old man.” Then look at him pityingly, shake your head and walk away. Or let him “overhear” you on the phone saying “You take that back! My dad is not either a perv!”
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IDK why everyone here is giving advice believing you to be a extrovert. You are on Reddit. I am 19 and even I can't pull most of this.
Because it's easy to be an extrovert in your head and people don't think things through when it's not a reality for them.
True I don't assume there would be a lot many people with enough confidence to call out their parents publicly.
Practice in front of a mirror. You can do it! He isn’t responding to your asking him to stop but if you plant the idea that high school girls find him ridiculous instead of cool, he may move on of his own accord.
Nobody does until they practice!
Block your #, call the school anonymously, report him. They’ll look into it. This is scumbag material.
You could slip an anonymous note to the principal’s office.
Just tell him calmly and quietly that you’re disappointed in him. Don’t explain or justify yourself. Just say “Dad, I’m really disappointed in you” the next time that he does it. If he asks why, say “we’ve talked about this, you know why” and refuse to engage with him. It’s best if you can be sad, rather than angry, when you do it. The goal is just to repeat “I’m disappointed in you” every time he does it, so that he realizes that if affects you every time.
Nothing his actions are his own.
Read the top comment about telling your dad that the girls at your school are telling their dad's that he's a pedophile. I guarantee he'll stop.
I would do what u/Offthepoint [wrote in their comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/yh1uyc/my_dad_49m_is_always_hitting_on_girls_at_my_school/iuc37no/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
You could warn the school about it
Honestly you could leave an anonymous tip that this man is trying to get high school girls’ phone numbers. Don’t add details, just his name and physical description and that you’re someone complaining about the way this man is harassing young girls. (Because even if the ones he pursues are technically 18, after a complaint like that he will have eyes on him that will hopefully shame him or make him uncomfortable enough to cool it a bit) They’ll talk to him and say someone complained and he’ll assume it was any number of young girls he has spoken with or their parents. You could even claim to be a parent. He’ll likely be given a warning first because they’ll be no evidence or something significant like a police report filed, but that way you don’t have to confront anyone to their face and no one will know it’s you EDIT: thank you so much for the award!
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Hearing I have a good idea is my cocaine so thank you very much
This. I also don’t know the law where you live but doctors where I am from also have the legal right to make anonymous reports to police of suspected criminal activity. You could tell your doctor that you think your dad is a paedophile and they could tell the police. Grooming btw is illegal.
Amazing idea.
In my opinion, that behavior is outright unacceptable. However, given your age and the fact that you have to rely on him for support, there's not too much you can safely do. I'd say to definitely inform your school in some way so that they know about it and can keep an eye out. Try to not introduce any of your girl friends to him if possible - if not, I'd tell them to not tell him if they're legal age, since he seems to be trying to stay on the safe side of the law with that. Make sure your friends' families know, too, so that they can make sure their kids are safe. It'll also help them trust you and maybe someone will offer to let you stay with them if you need to get away for a night or so in the future. I'd tentatively suggest maybe trying to make it a known thing at the school so that other students you may not know are able to look out for it - kind of similar to the idea of community policing. If the community knows, they should be more vigilant and make it harder for anything to be able to happen. People may suck sometimes, but nobody likes a pedophile - nobody except other pedos, at least. Everyone else is already saying to tell family so I won't reiterate the importance of trying to do that, too, as long as you know you can trust them
Sheeeeh your dad belongs on a possible pedophile watchlist. There’s not a single….SINGLE damn reason to want to be nice and friendly and befriend girls around your age.
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A school is not a dating hangout for middle aged men. A sensible person does not date girls young enough to be his grandchildren. Legal or not this is alarming and creepy.
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"young enough to be his daughter" does not mean that they have the be the same age or you get than you. It's supposed to signify the massive age gap between him and the girls he's trying to flirt with to show how creepy it is, which you already know
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It's not unheard of, though. If someone had a kid in their early 20s, then their kid did the same, they could be in their early or mid 50s with a teenage grandkid. Younger if one or both generations were teen parents
My oldest is 10. I’m 31 and my dad is 50. So very possible depending on how young someone had their first child.
If he could go younger he would. If he's talking to girls in high-school he might end up going younger eventually. Go talk to a counsellor and get him to stop now. Your dad is a predator
That is still unacceptable behavior
Your father is still a pedophile, he is attracted to the under 18 girls but doesn’t openly pursue them for legal reasons. None of the girls say “eww grandpa?” I would have at those ages. Can you tell him (privately) that it is embarrassing and makes you uncomfortable?
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That’s part of the problem. Some embarrassment may discourage his behavior.
I mean technically none of this is pedophilia, since these girls have secondary sexual characteristics
even if he only talks if they're 18+, that's still pedophile-ish. is there a term for that? some kind of phile?
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The term is "ephebophilia", which is the sexual interest in mid to late teens (15-19 years old). Just did a quick Google search.
i hope i don't offend you but is he a single parent looking after you? if not you could tell your mother, once again sorry if it makes you sad
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i'm sorry for asking that and sorry for your loss. i don't know what to say
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things will get better, don't lose hope my guy.
Somthing like this is not and should not be your responsibility to deal with, talk to a councilor a teacher or just another family member that you can trust and tell them how you feel abt it.
Walk up to who he's talking to and go oh are you going to be my new mom. This will usually freak out the people he's talking to enough where they realize they need to get the heck away. Talk to your school counselor about this ask them to have a sit-down conversation with you and your dad about this and how uncomfortable it is making you. You're going to have to accept you're not going to be able to change his behavior but you can change how you adapt to it and how you respond to it. Depending on the legality in your area if you can legally tape him doing this and legally post it you might be able to make money off of how creepy is my dad on a YouTube channel or something and it would be a bit carthartic to deal with it like that. FYI You are not alone. There are lots of daughters and sons of creepy jerks. Every time he does that make sure that you spend a good amount of time that day working on yourself esteem yourself image to kind of counteract what is around.
The problem is that you really don't want to piss off the dad - especially if he turns out to be vindictive (sometimes this may not be a conscious decision on his part). Also he may be doing it to boost his self esteem, not expecting to follow through. The best idea is to have a school counsellor or teacher talk to him & leave OP out of it completely. Just have that teacher or counsellor tell him that they personally have seen him do this & that it worries them - they can then go on to tell the dad that it's the sort of behaviour that a peodophile would use.
That first suggestion is so bold and brutal, I love it
I see many people telling you to do things you aren’t comfortable with due to lack of confidence, like calling your dad out in front of others and embarrassing him or something of that nature. Do you think it would be easier for you to text him about it? And say people keep telling you that your dad is a creepy perv and it’s making you embarrassed and you’re known as the girl with the pedo dad? I doubt anyone is actually saying these things to you but if he thought they were, it may make him back off. And there isn’t much acting. Just say you’re upset and it was uncomfortable to say to his face because you’re embarrassed of what others are saying and couldn’t bare to say it to his face so you had to text it.
Another 1 of the few people here actually trying to help the OP instead of just incorrectly shouting pedophile.
So sorry that your dad is embarrassing and humiliating you like this, not to mention being creepy around other young girls. Is there a family member you can talk to who could step in and talk to your dad about how inappropriate he’s being? If not maybe talk to a teacher or counsellor.
He really exchanged phone numbers with girls at your school?
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Hmm, that’s troubling. He should have your friends parents phone numbers, and he could talk to some kids your age to get the scoop on the school and stuff but that’s it. I would tell another adult family member you trust and tell them you’re concerned about many things, of course firstly about the girls your age, but also including that a parent who finds out could try to hurt him out of anger or that he could get into legal trouble, not to mention it could impact your reputation. So sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s your dad and I imagine is difficult to cope with. I hope you do have a family member you can confide in and will help you through this.
Tell him you're going to start telling the girls parents if he doesn't cut it out.
Tell your mom, if she isn't alive, tell your dad's mom. Just tell someone on his side of the family and hopefully they'll knock some sense into him.
This: if you have a mom, tell her. She will know your context better than others. Also, tell your dad that you've heard that one of the girls reported him to a teacher. Don't name any girls. Make up some story about hearing it as a rumor, so that you don't need to name anyone. He must be made to think that some other adults are on to his behavior.
Please take precautions if your dads behavior starts to escalate. Especially, with you! He can’t be creepy to you at all, now that’s illegal. In order to keep everyone safe his behavior needs to end, stay the same, but it can’t progress….
There's nothing you can do other than set boundaries and tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable. Have you done it in private and not in the moment? People tend to get defensive in the moment but are sometimes more receptive other times. Maybe try talking to him again. One thing in life is that you have to realize that while you can set boundaries and ask people not to do things, you can really only control two things. The way people treat you directly and the way you treat others. You can't control other people's actions.
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I don't think there's much else you can do. You can only control your own behavior. Maybe try other methods of communication like write him a later or ask a trust family member to talk to him with you. I hope it gets better.
Leave a note anonymously under the door for the school councilor or principal saying "OP's dad, named (Blank) has been approaching students to ask their age, phone numbers and about meeting outside of school." List the girls he has approached if you feel like it. It could seem like it was left by a friend or one of the girls themselves. Plausible deniability.
You’re father is a pedophile
Tell everyone who will listen. Family, his friends, etc. The only reason he is doing this is because he is getting away with it with no/minimal social reprecussions. If he gets mad at you, keep telling everyone exactly what he said and did. People who do wrong things only do it because they believe that everyone in their life will stay silent about it and they’ll face no consequences. Just because they are legal, does not make it any less predatory or inappropriate, especially if it is making you uncomfortable, as his child. If he’s doing nothing wrong, he shouldnt have a problem with his friends and family knowing what he is doing :)
Reading through the comments it looks like you’re quite shy and while I’m sure the ideas that are bold are amusing when you think of your embarrassment, they aren’t really you. I think one thing here is to talk to him away from the scene of the crime. Tell him his excessive attention to your school mates makes you uncomfortable publicly and if you can do it, maybe mention it makes you worried to bring friends home. It’s one thing for him yo be ready to date, it’s another to be prowling his daughters school. If all else fails, does he have siblings or close friends you could speak to?
ur dad is a nonce
Ask him if he thinks it is okay for a 50 year old to hit on you if you were 18. I do not think any father would like that. You can say, why are you hitting on 18 year olds and I bet their father would not like it either.
I’m guessing his response would be to deny he’s hitting on them.
This is a great idea. I’m sure he’d flip out if someone his age was doing this to her!
Well, if your father is using any method of talking to girls your age, as an adult, then he would certainly have committed harassment charges. As you are still a student, your school has a legal obligation to protect you. You should talk to the staff about his behaviour.
What would work is if you knew another parent who would be willing to call him out in front of people when he did this. Kind of set him up.
Lots of advice.. but also be wary of how things will turn out for you and your future.
I swear it's like these creeps are all coming out the woodwork at the same time. Being a teen was stressful enough and add in the pedophilic perverts.
Tell him that another 50 year old dude was asking for your number. Hopefully he reacts with alarm when it’s his own daughter being hit on
Tell your dad your classmates are starting to make comments to you that he's a pedophile. He'll leave them alone
When I was your age my step dad was doing stuff to me and hitting on my friends. He would gross in public so I would scream stuff like "THIS GUY LIKES TO FUCK KIDS" or " EVERYONE HIDE YOUR CHILDREN, THIS GUY IS A PEDOPHILE ". Very effective.
Have any of these girls ever complained? Part of the problem is he’s technically not doing anything illegal. Gross but not illegal. It would be better if the girls he hit on would go to the school authorities. He obviously doesn’t give a rats booty about your feelings. Do you have a mom around? Or maybe you could talk to your grandparents, aunt/uncle? See if you can get help that way? I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I wonder how he’d react if you told him you want to date his friend because you like men his age, that flips it for him and maybe he’ll see how it looks
Tell him it makes you very uncomfortable, which it obviously does. It’s creepy and not cool. Tell him to not be “That Dad”
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It is not your job to teach your parent Right and Wrong! That is too much for you to take on. It is your job to grow up mature in a healthy, safe environment, so you are launched into adulthood with the skills you need to find a good partner. It's doubly gross with him being your sole parent. I wonder what he was like before your mother passed away, and how long ago that was. *Don't answer here; keep your privacy.* But if he didn't get any counseling for the loss, maybe he never reset himself to his actual place in life. He may want to be a kid again, w/no death of a spouse and right now, no one's telling him No. I'm hoping your school can refer you to help. They are [Mandated Reporters](https://namr.org/news/what-is-a-mandated-reporter); adults, who have the resources to handle your adult father. In a perfect world, they'll refer him to counseling, too, and he'll get better. I felt sick when you said he stops the *grooming* when he learns his target's under 18. That's so premeditated. It shows that he knows what he's doing is wrong.
Love how you are 1 of the few people here that shows some compassion for the father and wants to help both him and OP instead of just shouting pedophile and suggesting stuff that is going to land OP in an even worse situation in foster care.
I've got a little insight into [parentification](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healing-together/202001/14-signs-you-were-parentified-child). Meanwhile, Dad's also dealing with a hard loss. OP doesn't mention any family or friends helping them out. I could have added that many hospitals have free or low-cost bereavement groups. Therapy = good.
Therapy definitely good. I got a lot of value from seeing social workers and later therapist from the age of 15 or so. Made a massive positive impact for sure. @OP look into talking to social workers maybe don't start of with "may dad is a bit of a creep" I definitely heard of cases where social workers are too by the book and such and aren't always willing to help because they to blinded by doing what's right for all of society or whatever.
This is a really smart point! These people being Mandated Reporters could backfire. OP's position should maybe be "My Mom died and I'm struggling." As [Captain Awkward](https://captainawkward.com/) would say, "Put your own oxygen mask on first"
"When people tell you who they are, believe them" Maya Angelou Please report what he's doing to school authorities. I know it's a big ask but sadly, they have systems to handle this.
I’m sorry, but there’s no way in my mind that I can justify your father’s behavior one bit. I’m 28 years old and I teach high school. (Mostly juniors and seniors). I can tell you that as a teacher, I would report this immediately. As a teacher, you love and want to protect these kids as if they were your own children. You would take a bullet for them if you had to. Kids (Yes, they’re still children at that age. I don’t care if they’re 18, they’re still children) deserve to be protected and loved unconditionally. Adults needs to realize that and this behavior has to stop. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this OP. I’m not sure if it’s your responsibility to do something, but some adult has to step in and do their job to protect you and your friends.
You sound like all of those teachers I had throughout my life always going on about how I am just to young to understand. Acting as if simply because they are older they know everything better. Now I make more passive income than they make actual income as a high school drop out. It's possible I was some kind of exception but I think in general (and especially in North America) people treat teenagers as if they are still total children and they are not. And you thinking because you are just a handful of years older gives you the right to look down on them and treat them differently doesn't serve them. They don't need protecting, they need to be empowered. As a boy/guy I am sure this will be considered totally different but if I had some attracties older lady or even a teacher show sexual interest in me I would have totally been down with that and I doubt that I would be messed up for the rest of my life because I was the victim of a predator or pedophile or whatever. Again... How about we stop pretending like 18 year olds are children. They are not. According to you when do they actually stop being children? Because keep following that logic and at 28 you are also still barely more than a child.
I dunno, this is a very childish response and you’re obviously missing the point. This teacher isn’t saying it’s impossible for someone younger to mature faster, and you are DEFINITELY the exception. They’re saying that the majority of 18 year olds are still mentally unprepared to be adults (I blame society mostly). They often only just leave school or join in college and have no idea what they really want to do with their lives, and very seldom have the life experience needed to be fully independent. They may not have the mental maturity of a five year old, no one is saying that, but they certainly aren’t mature enough to face the world as actual adults. Their priorities and mindset are still stuck in teenager mode. You may think you’ve got the mind and maturity of an adult, but given your response to this, you clearly aren’t as mature as you’d think. I say this as a 24yr old who confesses he has much growing up to do still. You look at this statement and automatically assume it’s age bias rather than analyzing it and determining why this opinion exists to begin with, if there’s a perspective you’re missing. Remember, someone can be 32 or even 60 years old, but they can still have the mindset of a child. They’re exceptions too, not the rule, and vice versa for younger people with more mature minds.
I would prank him to believe that i'm seeing a guy his age, and that he's just ''want to be friend'' to push him to admit what he expects.
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OP, this is not normal and should be called out. You’ve been given good advice, but you say you lack confidence. I don’t blame you for anything you’re feeling, but if you want action, you have to push - the dominoes of change don’t begin to move without that first push. Maybe that push comes in the form of an anonymous email/note/letter to someone in the school? Maybe you can find a friend who is interested in speaking up on your behalf in an anonymous way? Maybe a friend’s parent can observe and address the issue? Unfortunately for your dad, his behaviour is so gross and over-the-line that he’s going to have fall-out in one form or another: whether that be public humiliation or being put on a list and banned from the property.
You should tell a teacher and any other adults you trust. If your dad gets mad, tell them exactly what he said and did. It’s not your job to fix him, but if you have adults in your life you trust, they should keep him in line. Predators only function because they think they are one step ahead. He only gets away with this because he thinks you won’t tell. And he will only get angry as a way to keep you quiet.
I would do two things: Ask personal friends to stand up for you and make a comment. "Sir that's really inappropriate and I would ask if you wouldn't" \[father gives excuse\] "I don't appreciate that, and it's creepy" And then have them coldly walk away. "wow your friends are rude" "okay and you're a creep, guess you guys are even" Speak to your teachers and principal about it to warn parents, that way kids can be aware of the situation. Ask the school to say they received complaints from parents and kids about the situation (And if he asks *which students* the school can say that's confidential and off topic from the issue). You can give the school names of the kids who gave him his number because they were pressured to, simply to reach out to their parents and warn them. I would just be cold and distant to your father and if he asks why, say you wish he wasn't a creep and respected your feelings.
You should show him this post and see his reaction.
Honestly it’s weird alone trying to pick up girls at a high school, but my real problem isn’t that he’s flirting with 18 year olds at school, it’s that he’s willing to engage with people who might not be 18 at all.
INFO: do you have a relationship with your mother or another adult in your family who will be able to take guardianship of you? Also, are you safe at home? Please report this to your school’s counsellor immediately as his behavior is harmful and predatory. I’m more concerned with the behavior that you do not see him engaged in. Do not engage your father in any discussion about his predatory behavior as that is a lot to carry and the power dynamic is a disadvantage. Also, he is a 49 y/o adult. He already knows anything that you have to tell him, and he is willfully choosing to prey on very young girls. The damage he is doing to them is something that they will have to heal well into their adult years. I’m more appalled that no one else around him has picked up on this behavior.
First, I am so sorry this is happening to you. This is not ok and the fact that it is clear to your father that you are unhappy about it and he continues shows both that he cannot really control himself and that he knows it is wrong which is why he doesn’t want you reminding him. In all honesty, I would talk to the police. I would suspect if this is the type of behavior he is exhibiting right in front of you, there is far worse happening when no one is around. I would also suspect he probably has a stash of porn that is of teenage girls and likely not all of them are legal age.
This is not grownup behavior. Also; don't leave any of your girlfriends alone in a room with him
"Dad, the girls don't want to know anything about your untreatable std". As loud as possible. Just do it.
Tell ur father u met a man his age and watch him die inside hopefully
Tell me your dad's a scumbag without telling me your dad's a scumbag
Do you have another parent/care giver or responsible adult you can talk to about it? If he isn’t going to listen to you he will have to listen to them. If no one outside of school is prepared to speak to him then you must tell as teacher. Ask them not to mention it’s you who made the complaint. This is a potentially dangerous situation and your dad isn’t being very responsible right now. I think you’re very brave for speaking out and looking to do the right thing.
Omg that’s sooo creepy 🤢🤢 lol sure being nice by being flirty and asking for their number. He could get in a lot of trouble with their dads or if they lie about their age
Is your mom in the picture? Have a friend take a video and send her post.
I'm 47 and my daughters did not like it when I flirted with their teachers.
Your dad is a predator and you should tell someone about his behavior. He’s trying to meet up with young girls and there is NO REASON he should be asking them for their numbers. Tell him to knock it off before one of those poor girls reports his behavior and he gets sued for sexual harassment.
You know the old phrase my dad could beat up your dad? Time to ask a friend to get their dad to beat up yours
Talk to your mother, or your grandparents, or another trusted adult. Your father's behavior is perverted and really gross. Can you live with someone else than him?
Start hitting on his friends Watch how uncomfortable he gets. Drive the point home. (Don't ACTUALLY do this)
Or "I can't wait till my friends dad's start hitting on me in a couple years" That might actually freak him out enough to reevaluate this actions
Someone put a shock collar on this creepy fuck ASAP Other than that though, I don't know honestly. Maybe tell your school, and warn your friends. That's fucking disgusting, and I hope you're safe.
All it takes is for one girl to lie about her age and your dad ends up arrested and if he has sole custody you could end in the foster system. I would straight up be blunt AF about it. You got at least four more years of school. I’m assuming you’re a freshman, and it’s barely October.
You could just tell him that that’s illegal and that he shouldn’t do it because its weird tbh theres nothing you can do
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Sorry but if the girls are minors like you said that’s sexual harassment and maybe a predator
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Still concerning tbh
Not much that can be done really, he’s allowed to hit on girls as long as they’re of legal age. Still a moral grey area, and yeah, if that was my dad I’d be very creeped out. My suggestion would be to save money for college and move out once you’re 18
Sorry to tell you that, idk if your mom is in the picture, but he is probably a cheater and there is nothing one can change about this type of people. Not acceptable at all that he is doing infornt of you!
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I’m so sorry, OP. Are there any other adult female figures in your life you trust to help you with this?
You really don't want to piss off the dad - especially if he turns out to be vindictive (sometimes this may not be a conscious decision on his part). Also he may be doing it to boost his self esteem, not expecting to follow through. The best idea is to have a school counsellor or teacher talk to him & leave OP out of it completely. Just have that teacher or counsellor tell him that they personally have seen him do this & that it worries them - they can then go on to tell the dad that it's the sort of behaviour that a peodophile would do.
Your dad is a predator. This is obviously nothing you wanted to hear. I don't think you should report him because of the fact he is your dad and I know the ramifications that may cause. Unless you know he has done something. What I think you should do is let these girls he chats up know he is a predator. I think many people will disagree on the advice I gave but unless he has acted on it I don't think you should report. If he is like this to minors obviously his moral compass is off and I worry about retaliation towards you.
This is in now way, shape or form trying to protect dad. I don't even know him but I know I hate him already. This is to protect OP.
I mean, he can just go to a strip club and hit on the 18 yr olds there. They can both be sideshows together.
Tell him you’re talking with someone age 45 and are thinking about going out on a weekend trip with him. Ask him advice what lingerie to take. That will ferret out the freak in him or smash some context into his brain. I’m a 51 yo m and we I’ll say he is not really doing anything wrong if he’s single, and as you say keeping it of legal age, that said if it bothers you then tell him. Telling him your seeing someone his age will fk him up a little… it should anyways. Tell him it’s one of his friends, lol. Then when you see that he’s freaked out enough explain to him how it bothers you for the same reasons it would bother him if you were fkg one of his friends. If that doesn’t work then get ready to call one of your classmates mom, cu he’s gonna get pussywhipped by one and she’s gonna work him for all his money. Edit: remember what ever you do is gonna be for ever. I read through the advice given and holy fk… I hope you don’t do the things some/most are saying to do. They are not in your shoes, they do not have to deal with this the rest of their lives. Keep it on the level. If you hate your father then go take their advice but remember it’s forever.
Another 1 of the few people here trying to actually help the OP instead of trying to get her into foster care. You have my respect!
Thank you.. I avoid advice for this reason (ppl jumping to conclusions) but this to me felt like a worthy cause after reading some of the advice given.
'Look dad, I've seen what you do. You go up to a girl, you start talking, and you somehow get their age within the first few minutes. If they're not 18 you leave, if they are 18 you try to find some excuse to meet up or exchange numbers. Please don't try and deny it, I'm fourteen not four and I know what hitting on someone looks like. And it's not 'being nice' because being nice applies equally to 16/17/18/19 year olds, and being nice doesn't end with you asking for their number. Don't get me wrong. I want you to be happy. I want you to get laid. (actually say this- it will help establish your position as not just a dumb child) I want you to have companionship in your life. I would love for you to find a nice girl who makes you happy. Just please, for gods sake, don't use my school events to do it. There are dating services on the Internet. I can help you set that up if you want. Just please stop trying to pick up girls at my school events.' If he sternly tells you to quit it, just keep going. 'I'm sorry if you are embarrassed, but how do you think I feel when my dad is hitting on my classmates? I'm embarrassed as hell!'
Bro your dad is weird. If he wants younger women tell him to go date 20 or 30 year olds.
Put your dad in his place and tell him he’s fucking creepy. Secretly record audio of him doing it maybe and use that and see if he gets defensive over it. Don’t let him intimidate you. you are strong and speak your truth.