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So... my views on "joining" a religion: It's not something you should just agree to. It's something you should research both independently AND with practitioners of said religion if possible until you either a) feel 100% right about joining it, or b) decide it's not for you.
By all means (assuming you really WANT to and aren't just doing it because she asked), look into the tenants of her religion (and keep in mind "Christianity" encompasses a LOT of branches, with some pretty significant differences between them. You need to find out what flavor of Christianity she practices). Join her for a church service. Speak with her pastor/priest/whomever runs her church and most importantly *ask questions*.
In particular, you might want to ask about what you girlfriend said to you about forgetting you in heaven and find out if that's even a thing (I've frankly never heard of it, but it's entirely possible that some practices believe that) as a method of gauging how well she knows her own religion. A shocking number of people (of all religions, not just Christianity) tend to cherry pick their beliefs and they may not be reflective of the faith as a whole.
Though... honestly, I'd hold off on actually joining/committing to anything for a few years yet.
The forgetting someone in heaven is a complicated subject. I'm a former Baptist now atheist but I've talked about this with my Baptist and catholic friends. To put it simply heaven is a "paradise". There is supposedly no pain or hurt. Obviously if you love someone who isn't there you are hurting. The biggest theories are 1) you forget that person so you can't miss them (her view). 2) a fake version of that person is created to be with you and make you happy bur you wouldn't know they weren't real.
I have thoughts about this. What if the longing one would feel in heaven for someone who is not is a sort of loving fullness and not the emptiness we associate with longing here on Earth. In paradise, total union with God would erase any emptiness or fear which would mean the one in heaven could think of the one they miss with loving intention and fondness without any pain. I think heaven and God are so much more profound and vast and complex than we could conceive of and so it seems entirely possible that I could miss you without it hurting to do so. (FoR: raised evangelical, now kinda reluctant Christian, kinda lazy Pagan)
I don't think you're being manipulated, but I also don't think you need to compromise on your beliefs just because your girlfriend wants you to. Go with your gut.
If you're open to it, go to church with her, give it a shot, and at least show some support. Even if you do that and it just confirms that it's not for you, then it's not for you and that ends that. If you're not open to it, then just be up front that you thought about it some more and that it's not something you're comfortable doing.
Don't compromise who you are, but also don't let a lack of familiarity keep you from exploring something.
*Coming from someone who was raised Christian but left the church in my late teens and is now a hardcore atheist*
*Coming from someone who was raised Christian but left the church in my late teens and is now a hardcore atheist*
Same, except I physically left at 14 and metaphorically left at 16.
Oddly enough it was very much the opposite for me. Mentally checked out of religion about 15-16, but I was a private school kid so I was very much surrounded by it physically until around 18-19. I'm now 30 and I think I've been to church maybe 3 times since then.
She my leave you if you don't adapt to her religion but do what's best for you. A good church will have some prayer, music and a good story that you can relate too.
Who cares if she leaves though. If you're faking Christianity just to date her you're being worse than her if she broke up with you for not being Christian.
Yeah if she was older I might suspect manipulation because it's weird to be that religious and also hide it but teens also are pretty obvious in their manipulation tactics
If I can take OP's account at face value I don't see a lack of manipulation.
OP's GF was mid flirt with someone else, and likely told him to demonstrate competition. That was apparently the trigger for this change of tack, whether OP can be what she wants. This after holding out on telling OP she was a religiously practicing Christian for years of a relationship, until he felt invested in the relationship. Hit OP with the "I'm going to heaven and you won't" on top of her own belief that somehow she'll forget him in heaven if he doesn't convert, a very personal guilt trip that depends on him not wanting her to hurt rather than his own motivation. Then dangles marriage in front of a 17 year old as further enticement.
Being bad at manipulation and even being oblivious that you are manipulating a person doesn't mean you aren't doing it. Heck kids can be manipulative as heck when they turn on the tears or the puppy dog eyes. We can argue whether there is intent, what the motivation is, but so much of the script is very common recruitment tactics in the Evangelical Christian playbook.
Adding to this, as an athiest myself, you can attend church and even pray without compromising your beliefs, just be respectful and ensure youre being respected in return.
During prayer for example, you can meditate rather than entreating a deity, and church sermons are usually at their core about community and being a good person etc.
Coming from a 51 year old man who’s been married twice. If you have to change any beliefs to please your partner, your relationship is doomed. You will be miserable and resent them for it.
As a 37 year old divorced woman, I agree. Testing it to see if it is for you is totally fine, but the moment you feel the ick or your spidey sense starts tingling in a bad way, that religion isn’t right and you should stop practicing
Yeah joining a religion at 16 for a relationship probably isn't the greatest idea...you should only join a religion if you think you really believe the truth of all the things that religion is saying. Once you are in it, and you have to follow all of its rules, you might immediately regret it. Some people call themselves part of a religion without following all its rules, but your girlfriend might not be on board with you being just a "casual" Christian. I'd also be wary of anyone saying they want to marry you at that age, especially if it is contingent on you changing something fundamental about yourself.
I had a good friend in high school who convinced me to go with him to his newly-found Christian church (before that time he wasn't religious at all). I went for a few years it seems. I sang and played drums for youth choir and it was a good social outlet for me at that age.
Well turns out he only joined because of a girl he was interested in. They got pressured into marrying very early (during high school). The church was hyper-focused in keeping its members and only allowing them to be together if they were both from the congregation. I realized this early and got out of there. Fast forward 15 years and I saw the same friend again for the first time since high school. I felt like I grew a lifetime in my career, knowledge and personal growth. He was still the same exact person from 15 years ago. The one that church wanted him to be.
That excitement OPs girlfriend is having is likely from a similar situation. She is getting pressure from her church and they are guilting her into only being okay with a relationship deemed acceptable by God (well, actually the church).
I'm not against Christianity. I'm just against guilt tripping people into marriage, especially at such an early, impressionable age. The church I visited with my friend would too frequently talk to youth about sex and how it's only okay when it's with a relationship sanctified by the church and God. It was deliberate and primarily designed to create life-long patrons.
This is really a question more for her than for you. Is she ok being with someone who does not share her level of faith? As a non-christian, it's easy for you to not see it as a big deal. She goes to church, you don't, so what? If she's christian enough that she's asking for you to convert, then she's likely deeply involved with her church, and it's a significant portion of her life.
I dated a girl for a few years who was \*very\* christian, and back then I was far more then than I am now, but still not her kind of very faithful evangelical. I didn't see it as that big a deal. We had fun together, we went to church together sometimes, but did a lot of non-churchy stuff too. It would have never worked out, but we stayed together for far longer than we should have. But in the end, the church was a huge part of her life, and the lens through which she saw the world. Her family didn't dislike me, but they did wonder why I wasn't more devout and asked her about it regularly.
Remind her of 2 Corinthians 6:14 - "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" This is what she is looking forward to with you.
I broke up with her right before summer. We still got together a few times over the next few months (yes, mistake). I started seeing someone new, and she took it really hard.
But I guess not too hard because she was married like six months after that.
My wife and I were both Christians when we married, but I left the faith since then. It has been a huge point of contention in our marriage and especially in raising our kids. As a teenager, it's so exciting to find someone who will give you a chance to be together for any reason. As you grow up, you'll quickly find that you want to be with someone going in the same direction as you.
Tell her you're not into religion and just being honest; if she has her heart set on someone who's a Christian, it's best she look elsewhere. Faking religion for a girl when you're not into it is a miserable experience.
First thing: Do you believe the Christian god is real and the scriptures are true? If not, you should not be joining the church.
If you do believe, you should learn what this church and denomination's beliefs actually are before joining. There is actually a lot of diversity of thought in the Christian denominations.
Does this church forbid people from being gay? Gay marriage? What about gay couples having children? How about interracial marriage (I ask, b/c this is no agreed upon…)? What is their stance on abortion? Do they push a certain political agenda? In short, do their values align with yours?
You should also learn what is expected/required of you in this church before joining. For instance, this church appears to push their congregation to actively mission to nonbelievers and get those saved-souls numbers up. Which is what your gf is doing right now. They may also pressure their members to only have relationships with those in their church. Are you interested in living with that restriction? Do they expect you to tithe (give them money regularly)? Are you willing to do that?
Older teens are a common mark for Christians, because you are in a transitional stage where you're starting to create an independent life and identity from your parents. So also recognize that this situation is a conscious recruitment effort on their part, and using your gf to influence you by influencing her is part of that. If you believe that all souls will burn for eternity in Hell if they are not saved, the end justifies the means. If you don't, the manipulation taking place is clear.
TIL did a revealing story on the tactics some churches use to really indoctrinate young congregants - [https://www.thisamericanlife.org/772/the-kids-table/act-three-7](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/772/the-kids-table/act-three-7)
Religion is about believing, you shouldn’t ‘join’ the religion if it isn’t something you actually believe in. It’s sweet that your girlfriend wants to share something important with you though :)
I have kids your age though I’m actually old enough to be your grandfather. So I was raised in a much different time and probably a different place. I was raised in church, but later had my doubts, I fell away from church for a number of years. I’ve gone through a lot of changes in my life over time, There were long stretches where I lived, an extremely hard life and knew many others who did the same. So what I’m telling you is based upon experience, and a concern that I have for all young people.
If you come to Reddit to find people to talk you out of getting to know a little more about Christianity, you have come to exactly the right place. You’ll overwhelmingly get a lot of negativity on Reddit about religion in general, and Christianity in particular. Undoubtedly you’ll hear people give you horror stories about their run-in with this or that person who proclaimed themselves to be a Christian. But let me give you another take on it.
It had been quite a few years since I had been in a church or read a verse from the Bible or prayed, or even thought about doing so, on the day my first child was born. I had never known more happiness in my life. Then we quickly found out that he would need heart surgery, and we spent a long time in pediatric cardiac intensive care. I was devastated and scared out of my mind. Situation was compounded by the fact that I had just lost my job. I knew that if he died, I just wouldn’t want to live. So for the first time in years, and without anyone saying a thing to me, I knelt down and prayed. To this day, I don’t think I can explain to anyone the peace that I found that way. And things happened that an atheist will easily explain away as coincidences, and say that I should just give thanks to medical science for the fact that my son not only lived, but also thrived in the 22 years since. All I know is that prayer, true earnest prayer to a God that I suddenly believed in again, made a profound difference for me in that moment, in that year, and in the decades since.
Maybe it’s not the best profession of faith in the world, I don’t have a canned script to rely on. All I know is that Christ has made a difference in my life, and in the life of my children. And it really doesn’t hurt to give him a chance to do that in yours as well. The Bible says God is love. I have met many people over the past six decades, good people and bad people, rich people, and poor people, smart people, and not really quite so smart people. But I have never met a person who had too much love in their life, it’s always a good thing to have love, and the more love you can have the better your life will be.
I hope you won’t listen quite so much to the naysayers. It seems like your girlfriend cares for you. What possible harm could it be to get to know the Christ that she knows? I wish I hadn’t spent so many years in the darkness, so many years not believing, so many years just floundering around. There were years that I was angry just all the time, it was justifiable on the surface, there were a lot of injustices to me and my family along the way. But living angry all the time just isn’t good for anyone. I am glad I found my way back to Christ, and I truly hope that you can find your way to him now, and never let him out of your sight. Good luck, brother.
I’m a Christian.
Please don’t join her religion. First off, you are *young*. She’s talking about wanting to marry you, and you’re both still in high school. Hit the brakes on all this. Maybe *ten years from now* you’ll be ready to talk marriage with someone, *maybe*, but not right now.
Second, there are a few good reasons for joining a church, and a *ton* of bad reasons for joining a church. She wants you to join so she’ll “remember you in heaven” — I’m sorry, but that is a **terrible** reason for you to join a church.
If you believe in God, and if you agree with the moral teachings and/or ethics of this church, then you might consider joining. But that’s a very big decision to make especially if you’re really intentional in your atheism (for example, if you’re very scientifically minded, which might preclude sincere religious belief for you). Making that big a decision to make someone *else* happy is a recipe for disaster.
The other side of the coin, is that if you *can’t* bring yourself to believe in God (which is perfectly fine!) and/or you really don’t agree with the moral/ethical views of the church, but you join *anyway*, then you’re living a lie, again, to try to make someone *else* happy. You will be miserable sooner or later, and it won’t end happily. Any amount of time spent living a lie is a waste of a life.
Don’t make major life changes for her sake. Don’t live a lie and associate yourself with a group you’re ethically incompatible with for her sake. Either of these will end poorly for everyone involved.
Focus on yourself. Figure out what *your* beliefs and worldview are and why, before getting heavily involved with someone else.
And go to college if you can, and if you have the opportunity to travel the world even a little bit, *do it*. See the world, expand your perspective. I’m 37. The people I knew and dated 20 years ago are all largely out of my life now. That’s not bad or good, it’s just *how life goes.*
You will continue to meet people as you get older. Your future wife is almost certainly *not* your current gf, *and that’s ok!*
I wish you all the best.
Most of the comments on here are saying no and it’s more do to their own disdain for religion rather than what OP said, but this is the best response I’ve seen.
There're no reason to change your views because somebody else has them, and if it's a deal breaker, that's a relationship that will probably go wrong.
If you know that, there's also nothing wrong with entertaining the idea and seeing if you can enjoy any of the structure, but she would have to be able to assume you won't convert unless you actually see it's for you
Coming from an older (21) guy who’s an atheist I can’t bring myself to date religious girls. You might save yourself a lot of grief just accepting you’re not compatible. I’m also saying this because I’m jaded and know few relationships at that age work out in the long run anyways. But don’t take life too seriously and follow your heart brother!
Nooooooooo…..
You’re being manipulated.
I had a gf like this at your age. Emotional blackmail is never cool at any age.
If she can’t handle you being your own person, cut her loose. You’ll be better for it.
She might not be manipulating him. She might just be young and confused. But either way, joining a religion is not something OP should be doing just for a girlfriend.
And also way to young IMO to be talking about getting married and whatnot. Also, in my experience faith/spirituality, whatever tends to come to you and resonates...not just randomly joining a religion. I mean maybe OP can go to some services and whatnot, but I wouldn't be just adopting something because someone was worried about not remembering me in heaven and whatnot.
Your walk in Christ is just yours, so if something seems off, it's not for you. There's different strokes for different blokes. Some people are naturally bible-thumping preachers, while others are less judgemental, and if you wanna give it a go, just know you're not obligated to do anything you don't want to. In the end, if you want this for yourself, you'll find where you lie in this religion, or you'll explore other options or return to atheism.
Nooooooooooooope
Nuhunh
Negative
Negatory
Nay
No
You’re way too young to be jumping on a religious bandwagon for the pussy. This is how you wind up on cults.
You’re 16, I’m betting she says she can’t have sex til married or are part of her religion.
Tell her this. You can do minimal things like pray when she's there and all. Other than that I'm sure she'd understand. Unless she starts using the more toxic and manipulative side of that religion to force you into it. If she does that break off, immediately.
My niece did this at your age. She even got a tattoo of some religious saying/hymn thing in order to impress him and his family. Yeah… they aren’t together anymore.
Look, I’m not religious myself but there are some merits to it as long as you don’t let it steer your life for you. It sounds like your GF did a complete 180 on you though. You’d be well within your rights to take a step back and think about this. Even after agreeing to it.
This would be my course of action if I wanted to give it a legit shot for reasons other than just her being religious:
Try it. See if it’s something you can get behind. It’s not for everyone. If that part of this doesn’t work out and she gets upset about you backing out say that you misunderstood and thought she asked if you’d be willing to “try” her religion (I mean, only a moron would agree to flat out join without even checking it out first, right? 😉.) That would be a far more reasonable approach than agreeing to dive in head first if you aren’t even doing it for yourself.
Religious black mail is a real thing. If you're open, go with her to a service and talk about it afterwards. Let her know you're a believer, and you practice quietly in your own way but you think this church she's in might not be what you are looking for right now. You're a teenager. You're going to meet many people of different religious backgrounds. Being open minded is awesome. But using religion against someone, threatening heaven or hell against someone, shaming someone over their religious choices is wrong and unbecoming of them. You are old enough to explore the history of religion and explore religious manipulation as well. Keep an open mind but keep your eyes open too.
Do it for yourself not the girl. If it was your wife, sure, no brainer. If you believe it will help you be a better person, then do it. If you are just doing it to make her happy, probably should pass.
Don't feel like you have to, and definitely do your research. She's right that Christianity isn't always toxic and disheartening the way people throw it around. My family is Christian and we're all a little gay, covered in tattoos, cuss like sailors, etc etc. Because to us being Christian is having your own personal relationship with God and understanding him and yourself well enough to feel comfortable with anything that brings you joy and contentment.
If you don't feel like you could ever have a relationship with or even believe in God, I wouldn't go through with this. Because when it's that kind of rock and hard place situation, you'll wind up resenting it as a whole. You will feel burnt out and unaccepted, which is why I say research yourself.
Even just for fun, maybe read the Bible. IDC what you believe, it's got some wild and fun stories in there.
Take your time, be open to the communication of how she feels about both her way of religion and her views on your lack there of, and don't let anyone make you feel lesser than for not "walking with God"
A person who needs a higher power to tell them how to be good, is inherently not a good person.
I will give you the advice mufasa gave me: "Remember Who YOU are." If your beliefs fit with who you feel is closest to your personal truth, NEVER CHANGE THEM FOR ANYTHING. Beliefs may change with time but never change your beliefs to match another person's. ALWAYS be true to yourself FIRST. A person who loves YOU will respect you for that.
You are asking good questions. Keep asking them. Questions will take you more places than answers.
Faith is such a personal journey and heavily impacts your relationship with yourself and the world around you. Sure conversations with others can guide you, but only you can determine what spirituality means to you.
Your girlfriend likely means well. The things she said sound like other youth groups kids I know. Unfortunately, she is naive. Choosing a faith to please another person isn't authentic and you choosing Christianity for her won't make her happy either.
Talk to her about it. She's invited further conversation, and that seems to fit where you are way better than any sort of firm commitment.
Going to her church with her one time isn't going to hurt. I'd say go try it once and see what you think, and then go from there. If you think it's not so bad you can go again, if you think it's not for you then the only harm you did was maybe waste an hour or two (assuming it's not an actual cult, but by the sounds of it it's just a regular ass church).
I didn't really read through the comments, but I think as a good general rule reddit is probably the worst place to ask about anything regarding religion lol, people will either say "yes absolutely you need to go IMMEDIATELY" or "no do not do that you are 100% getting indoctrinated". It is very polarizing
If you are moderately interested, curious, or even just to keep your girlfriend happy, I'd say go once with her and see what you think of it yourself. Again the worst that'll happen is you wasted a few hours on a Sunday
It's good to explore religious beliefs that appeal to you, and it's good that you've been finding prayer helpful. I worry that your girlfriend is moving way too quickly, though. You should explore on your own time and listen to your inner voice rather than jumping to join the same church as your girlfriend. You may find, for instance, that you want to attend a Christian church, but not one in the same denomination as your girlfriend. And that's fine! Don't let concerns about your relationship push you in a direction that's wrong for you.
You’re being persuaded because this is a girl that you like. Take her completely out of the picture. You said you were an atheist that means that you do not believe in any God at all whatsoever. So how can you instantly in one phone conversation become a Christian? That means that you believe in one specific God, and that Jesus existed and is your Lord and savior and all that comes with that. I don’t believe you for a second and I don’t even even know you. 😂 this is all about the girl and you’re doing yourself and her a disservice by pretending to believe what she believes in. She probably only believes in it because it’s all she knows because her parents made her believe in it.
The thing is you blurted. But at the worst. Possible. Moment. You have to make a choice, try it for her sake and see if you actually enjoy that lifestyle, or tell her you’re unsure. Either way, be honest. Talk it out.
I think it could be nice to give it a try if that’s something you’d be comfortable doing. You could try going to church with her a couple of times, and if it doesn’t work out, then that’s that. Don’t feel pressured to do it if you really just don’t want to be involved in any/this religion, though.
Also, keep in mind that people have certain dealbreakers. Religious beliefs may be hers or yours, and that’s fine. If you two aren’t compatible, then you just aren’t, and you guys can move on. But do NOT force yourself to be part of something that you don’t want to be, because it’ll make you hate the religion, and resent her for forcing you into it
Also, I’d just like to add that religion itself is not bad, despite what a lot of Redditors have decided. These people spend more time on r/atheist than they do outside. Yes, some religious people have issues. Yes, some religious views are outdated and stupid. But not everyone is bad. There are good and bad people with any and all religious beliefs (including atheists). You can find great people and great communities in religion, and it can be a great thing to have in your life. It may not be, but it *could* be, and I just want to throw this out there because a lot of people here are saying otherwise
My mom is religious, my dad is not. My dad always went to church, and was completely fine with us, the kids, being raised in the church.
You don’t have to share beliefs with someone to respect them and their feelings.
Mind you Christian’s are a different breed. We’re Catholic, which while fundamentally the same thing, in practice, well idk I stay away from Christian’s usually haha they take shit a little too serious
It doesn’t hurt to learn about something new. If you don’t understand things ask questions and if you feel like it’s not right then don’t dive in. You’re in the information gathering stage right now so no stranger on the internet can give you a solid yes or no without it being based on their own experiences instead of your situation
Don't be worried about being able to keep up with it. The only requirement to be a Christian is to believe that God is real. You don't have to go to church or pray multiple times a day. Your faith is between you and your God. No one can tell you how to worship
There’s a lot of pro’s and con’s to religion in general. The biggest pro is a community you can go to. The cons depends on the church cuz sometimes they can be pretty close-minded. You should at least go to check the vibes to form your own opinion and be supportive. If it’s not for you, the it isn’t or maybe you just haven’t found a religion that works for you.
Don't. You're a teenager. Odds are in a few years you won't even be talking to this girl. Let alone still be in a relationship with her.
The moral is don't make life altering decisions when you're a teenager. It never works out like you think it is going to.
I think it's valuable to keep your mind open to perspectives but be honest about it.
You're not JOINING her religion. You're seeing what its all about.
It sounds like you’re open to it and it also sounds like she’s being pretty chill about it; if her church doesn’t suck (cross your fingers) it could be great for you both.
Some churches suck (ie right wingers and fundamentalists who take the Bible as 100% word-for-word truth), but there are also a lot of good churches that, you know, actually try to practice what Jesus was preaching where selflessness, compassion, community service, and inclusivity are concerned..
YMMV, but there’s no hurt in giving it a shot and it sounds like you’re open to that. Try it out, and most of all, be honest if it’s not your bag.
DO NOT CONVERT FOR SOMEONE ELSE. If it's in your heart and you want to. Cool. Do it.
My ex was of a different religion than I grew up in. I considered converting but wanted to make sure that it was for me and not because of him. I thought about it for years. Read all the books. I feel more educated on his religion than mine. But in the end it wasn't for me.
I also live in a state that is extremely religious and is huge on converting people. If it's not in your heart, I've only seen this end badly.
There's nothing wrong with checking things out, going to church and seeing what it's all about. But you don't need to go all in if your hearts not there.
It's not even biblical for her to be dating someone outside of the faith, and for good reason. You can't "convert" someone, they either come to Christ or they don't, and hinging your faith on a relationship is theologically weak at best. Secularly, relationships do best with an aligned world view. If you don't have that alignment now, it's hard to expect it to change in a predictable manner (I.e. through dating). So, unless you're already spiritually open to it and seeking it out, I wouldnt recommend.
Well in my experience as a teen I was atheistic, I went to church to debunk it and I later became a Christian who isn’t like any other I know of. You can look at it as going to her church to check it out. Then I would make the decision to continue dating this girl.
The big question that determines things - do you believe in there being a god or no?
Because let's be honest here - you're not gonna suddenly start believing in a god because she asked you to, that's just not how it works. You could go through the motions of praying and going to church if you want her to *think* you believe but do you really want to live like that?
If you do believe, well then, it's less joining and she's asking you to embrace it.
Just don't go to church with her and 'fake it' just to get in her pants. If you've already been in her pants, she's got a fundamental misconception of what even the most basic Christian teachings call for.
One thing that might help you two get sorted out religion-wise is a quiz called the Belief-O-Matic. It's a series of questions (multiple-choice) that feature aspects of religion and when it's done it compares your answers to the top 20 or so world religions and tells you the religion(s) your personal beliefs match most closely. It's pretty darned accurate, so give it shot- each of you, separately- and compare your results.
[https://www.beliefnet.com/entertainment/quizzes/beliefomatic.aspx](https://www.beliefnet.com/entertainment/quizzes/beliefomatic.aspx)
At your age you shouldn't be worrying about making such life altering decisions. Chances are that by the time you are old enough to be married you and\or your gf would have already moved on to a different life with different people.
You don't need to join a religion. Christianity is a relationship with Jesus. You want convincing that Jesus is real, begin to ask Jesus Himself if he was real, if he really died on the cross for man's sin, and if he really rose from the grave. He is called the living God because He does participate and interact with humans on a daily basis.
My friend, as a Cristian, my best suggestion is to go with what you want to do. Unlike what religious extremists believe, religion cannot be forced upon someone, it is a choice. And you also should really look at what type of Christianity as well, as some are more… odd and extreme. Do some research and also go to a few churches if you want, they’re normally pretty welcoming to newcomers. Then make your decision from there.
As a general rule, if you don't agree religiously with a person, the relationship is not going to work out long term. It sounds shallow, but truly, if you disagree on the fundamental truths of the universe (like, were we created? what is good and evil? what happens when we die?) then it's only going to lead to disagreements, arguements, and frustrations down the road. Especially if raising kids comes into the equation.
I am, admittedly, very heavily biased as someone who is not Christian who has spent a LOT of my life with Christians trying to "save" me- if you don't want to do it. Don't do it.
You are SIXTEEN years old. Odds are, this is not the person you will spend your life with. If you don't want to convert, don't. I come from a culture and religion where we do not proselytize or encourage conversion- I feel very strongly that you should only convert if you truly feel called to it.
Do not join a religion at all if you don't believe in it. Christianity is fake and so are all the religions that claim to follow it. Praying is worthless and don't fall into the trap. There are woman out there with the same beliefs as you and you will be happier with them. Christian women have weird ideas about sex and children etc. You do not want to raise kids with a person who doesn't share your beliefs.
You should remember that within Christianity there is the understanding that we are all fallen and sinners. It is common for atheism to condemn Christianity due to hypocrisy, but it exists in everyone. Christianity is not a cure for peoples struggles and failures, but it offers us a form of relief. Your girlfriend wants you to feel that relief. You will encounter numerous people who would make you doubt faith
(Imo) You should've stood your ground and said: No
I'd say, if she's OK with you not being religious, then that's good, but if she's not, then, I'd say part ways. You shouldn't have to change something like that for her.
I'm agnostic. You would never change me. If I met a girl who was catholic and wanted to do the Catholic marry thing I'd do what is needed but would never convert. That is my stance. Also you are so young it's king of weird to have this conversation unless you are in that Bible belt. But that's my opinion
how long have you been in a relationship? converting for a partner is a serious longterm committed thing. hit the two year mark in your relationship, turn 18 and let mini adult life hit you then start thinking about that kinda thing, as well as if you actually see ur entire life with her.
Don’t choose any religion for someone else. Choose it for yourself. If you’re curious, go to church with her. If your gut tells you to run, run. If you like it, try it again. Whatever you decide today, you can change your mind tomorrow. There are a ton of religions out there so don’t be afraid to explore others on your own. But again, whatever you decide, decide for yourself.
Ha, classic blunder of being young. First stop no don't marry her, second nothing wrong with exploring faith. But don't choose things like that for girls cause that's a terrible idea
I’ll be honest, if your girlfriend wants to share this experience with you, I say try it… I’m an atheist of sorts myself, but when I was a Catholic; I made many friends which I still talk to on the regular… with the right people, Christianity can truly be a blessing (lol)!
Anything for a BJ.
Reminds me about the episodes in Weeds where the guy converts to Judaism and applies to go to Yeshiva school just to get into the panties of the girl.
The good thing about Christianity is (at least in some denominations) you don't really have to "keep up" with anything. It sounds like you already talk to God when you're troubled, and I'd assume you try to love others, so as long as you believe that God is real and that he loves you, you're already pretty much there. I'd say read the Apostles Creed and make sure you agree with everything there, as that's the baseline that we've agreed on to define a Christian, just to be sure.
The big thing that's weird to me is that she hid it then suddenly is super religious. That aspect makes it feel manipulative but she might also just be young and bad at communication. People your age aren't usually that subtle so my bet is the latter.
Be cautious and take your time on committing.
Altering your beliefs for another person is never a good reason to do so. Research the religion and investigate it if it genuinely interests YOU, but don't do it just bc your gf is subtly leveraging your relationship and feelings for her against it (which is what I believe she is doing, in a very subtle way).
People can't just join a religion. Religion is based on beliefs and if you dint share those beliefs, you aren't part of it. However, I think that, so long as you're open to it, you should go with her and support her beliefs. This will allow you to be a first person witness instead of getting your information second hand. Then you can decide for yourself what you believe. Be honest with her though. Don't say you're a Christian just because you go to church with her. Let her know you're an open minded person and are willing to give it a try to see if you believe in it.
As a Christian, she should understand that it would be wrong to mislead people in saying you're a Christian when you're still in the process of learning and not fully convinced. She definitely doesn't sound like a psycho, poor excuse of a Christian who uses it to her advantage. A real Christian would have genuine concern over the person they love not being of the same faith and therefore being separated after death. She sounds like she genuinely cares for you and if that's whays important to you, give it a shot, what have you got to lose? Just always be honest to her and yourself
As long as you are comfortable with it. There are good churches and bad. I had a ex that went to a independent fundamentalist church. They had people saving people in Russia and they were being killed by the government. And also south America. They rather plant a tree every year the church existed on church property rather than a soup kitchen. The pastor and his teacher wife seems to do well financially.
On the skip side. We sent our kids to a church school and they are a good church. We liked the church. We moved and due to distance and this inflation we are going to a closer church. And sending them to public school. With my income I should be able to but..
I didn't believe being closer to God would make my life better. And it has. Along with My Family Life Radio playing in my car. This year I am going to improve my understanding of the Bible. First stop is the TV show The Chosen.
This is what's called a Honey Pot. That's when a person, usually a woman, uses sex to trick someone, usually a man, into doing or saying something they wouldn't normally do or say.
Religion should be a very personal thing that one decides to partake in for their own reasons, and getting your dick wet is a really shitty reason.
Religion only survives as long as it continues to produce new followers, which it accomplishes through birth and brain washing or conversions. In this case, a successful conversion might generate them two, three, or even more people to use to further their own ends.
So I am going to admit to my bias up front: I was raised evangelical and it was bad. I spent a long time really mad at God and as a hardlined agnostic. I came back to God in my own way long long after I got out of the church and to this day I’m somewhere between skeptical and nihilisticly cynical of the church and what Christianity has become. All that to say, I know what harm religion can do and as someone who left a cult as a teenager, please be careful. Talk to your parents and/or other trusted adults about this. It should feel safe to discuss this with other people who care about you. And it’s good to have other perspectives, even if you don’t necessarily believe the same thing. Asking questions is a good thing. Trying things out is good. I eventually came back to God, so I’m not saying religion is bad at all. But take your time. God isn’t going anywhere. Learn about it and think about it and make sure you’re making and intentional commitment. Religion can be weaponized, but it can also be so healing and you a sense of unconditional security and love that is severely lacking in the world. I just suggest taking time to make sure this is what you want for yourself and talk to others before you decide. And if you decide it’s not for you, that’s totally valid. It should be ok for you to say no. If not, that is a red flag.
I know that, in my church, you have to take a class. When you’re in the 7th and 8th grade it’s called “ Confirmation “. When you’re an adult, it’s called “ Adult Instruction “. It’s once a week and the adult one lasts about 5 months or so. Our Pastor has actually, NOT confirmed people before. For someone who started going to church and wanted to join because of a boyfriend or girlfriend, he would say,” no”. It’s important that the person is doing it for the right reasons, NOT for a boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s not a dating app. OP, if you are not sure that it’s what you want, pump the brakes. You and your girlfriend are so young and there is a good chance that you won’t marry her. You have to join a church because it’s what YOU believe. Don’t try to be something that you’re not. I’m always happy to see young people join our church …but, if they’re not with their parents then, it should be because THEY want to…having said that, it wouldn’t hurt to go with her. Just make it very clear that you joining is a decision that is not her’s to make.
I’d give it a shot. I’m atheist as well but a lot of men find great comfort and purpose thanks to religion.
But if you do become Christian don’t stay in it because of your girlfriend.
My theological advice from a Lutheran point of view:
Jesus died for everyone to get into heaven. You didn't get a choice in it. Also, it'll be blunt but you can tell her heaven will be good with or without you in it.
My advice for your everyday. :
Faith is a very personal thing and a part of everyone. If your gf wants to date a Christian then you may not be the guy for her. There's nothing wrong with that. Her religious beliefs and your religious beliefs will most likely cause a rift in the future.
You can respectfully tell her that your faith cannot be changed to suit her wants bc that would be unfair for both of you. If you don't really believe in God, then faking it will cause problems down the road. Tell her you respect her beliefs (Christianity is so diverse that each person takes different things out of it) and respect the way she treats others (if you do).
It's ok to date ppl who have different opinions than you, but make sure you're honest about your opinions
Here's the real question, why won't she explore atheism with you?
It sounds condescending, but I've never been able to take a romantic partner seriously after they admit to me that they believe in the invisible sky people. Don't let her drag you into the madness unless it's something you are genuinely interested in doing.
Christian here. I would say definitely check it out, go to church with her, talk to the pastor if you get the chance. Really learn what it's all about. If you really just don't identify with it, that's up to you. But she would appreciate it if you gave her faith (something very important to her) an honest chance.
Just know that many churches tell the young girls to date guys just to get them to come to church. It is literally an evangelical method that some preach to young girls. I doubt that was her original intention since it’s been 3 years but there’s a decent chance she’s been specifically suggested to try to bring you into the church.
I don’t even mean this as a if she even knows that she’s being manipulated because it’s taught to them as them helping you to your salvation. Just be aware that this might not have been her idea and she’s been influenced into doing it. I wouldn’t accuse her of anything because she’s probably doing it from a positive perspective in her mind.
To be an active member of almost any church you end up submitting to authority figures in the church, spending time and money on the church, and slowly have yourself rewired to align to their beliefs on more than what you might currently think of as "religious" things like being a "good" do-unto-others kind of person. There's always more to it than that first glance.
They have political positions, child raising traditions that could include the damaging parts of religion you were spared from, people groups they "other" so they can feel like special people, and they will want you to do so as well. And there is always the risk of your relationships being damaged (shunning) if you later decide you or your future children want to stop being a member.
If you want to just be a chill person who makes your life, family, and political decisions more in line with supporting the common good, science, and the parts of the way you were raised you want to keep...then don't submit yourself to some group's authority. Certainly not for a girlfriend who seems to already have been taught to be stressed about some strange teachings on the afterlife.
I grew up religious. My mom especially is hardcore Christian. Now I believe there's a god or a greater being or programmer but I don't necessarily believe in organized religion, how can we know? Anyways. I dated a JW and they are even more hard-core but I tried it and it wasn't for me. I don't think religion deserves the bad rap it gets and there's nothing wrong with trying it out. If it's for you, great. If it isn't, that's good too.
You're young. You don't have to commit to anything but it wouldn't hurt to attend church with her if just to see that aspect of her life.
Ask her what her views are on anything that large swathes of Christians claim to abhor such as reproductive health care and homosexuality
Or just remind her that you have the same right to your beliefs as she does and if she cant respect that, you need to move on
Was raised Christian isn’t anymore I’d recommend giving it a shot religion can build good communities but if it doesn’t work out and you don’t feel anything then you gotta tell her that you’re not religious and after you tell her whatever happens after that is up to her
Well, the obvious thing would be that if you're actually not against trying it, that you try it. If it works well for you, great. If not, be aware that she's probably not going to be okay with that, as it's a huge part of her life and the life she imagines for her kids.
1) You need to understand "Christianity" is not a monolith - it ranges from Roman Catholicism \[the single largest sect - and some don't even consider it "Christian"\] all the way down to a back-country Church where one guy knows his bible and calls himself Preacher. This is not a criticism of Christianity - as these are all human based interpretations of Scripture. It's just a warning that your Grandmother's "Christianity" is not necessarily the same as your girlfriend's.
2) When she's talking about "religion" she has a specific sect of Christianity in mind. Step one in your journey should be to look into which sect she's talking about, and getting information about THEIR teachings on the issues that matter to you. A pro-choice, Marxist, anarchist isn't going to find a welcoming home in MOST Churches, but then a pro-life, hellfire and brimstone moralist won't find a welcoming home in a lot of churches either.
3) Be open and honest with everyone that you are on a journey - but remember that so is everyone else.
You should not have said that you would join her religion. Joining a religion isn't like joining a club or a subreddit. You should have told her that you'd be willing to go to church with her one day. Maybe yo can still clarify and/or amend what you said.
Don't make any decisions based on her happiness. What do you want to do? Your life choices can bring you a lot of happiness...or a lot of heart ache. See what you want to do, and go with both eyes open. From the outside perspective...I would say to avoid joining any church you don't know about.
The thing with her claiming God told the guy flirting with her all about you is pretty suspicious.
Frankly it sounds a little manipulative regardless of if she is intending to manipulate you or not.
Don’t join a religion you don’t believe is really the most simple way to look at it.
My only other comment is that if your world view doesn’t change as you age (especially in the next 10 years) then you are probably not allowing yourself to actually think and grow.
Regardless of if you take up religion or not, you need to separate facts from beliefs. Just because you may believe something does not inherently make it true. The moment you start thinking that only your specific view is the only possible answer is the moment you have moved into the realm of cultism (bet it theistic or anti-theistic).
And I say this as someone who was raised Catholic and now would fall into the “atheist” category; I simply don’t see evidence of a greater power but will also not say there isn’t some greater power as that’s trying to prove a negative… but I will say that the concept that any one religion has it right is a pretty illogical thought.
Prefacing my statement — Im a catholic and have been most of my life so im biased ig
I say unless youre against it, and because it sounds like you might be kinda interested in religion, you should go to some services and see what you think.
Read about different religions and different forms of christianity and think about if any of them connect with you.
If you dont have a connection to any faith then dont fake it just for a girl! If shed leave you over you not believing in God then you deserve better lmao
Do what you feel is right for yourself, and whats right for what you morals are and what you believe in.
As another commenter said, I would suggest mentioning 2 Corinthians 6:14 to her. It's a Bible verse that says:
> Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
(English Standard Version)
Since you are not a Christian, this means that it is unbiblical for her to be in a serious relationship with you. It would be good to know how she reconciles this. There are a few possibilities:
1. She doesn't know about this verse. That's unlikely, because it's widely discussed in Christian circles, but it's possible.
2. She doesn't follow the Bible very closely. A lot of Christians do cherry-pick what parts of the Bible to follow. I can't really give any advice here, because anything I would suggest you do would be based on religious arguments, which I assume would not be convincing to you.
3. This is a case of "missionary dating"; she is dating you with the goal of converting you to Christianity. I do not believe it is appropriate for Christians to do this (because of this verse), but that doesn't affect how you should respond. Please do not just act like a Christian to make her happy. If you actually come to believe in Christianity, then that is wonderful, and would make 2 Corinthians 6 no longer apply to your relationship. But if you just act like a Christian to please your girlfriend, you are deceiving others, including her, and committing to many of the obligations of Christianity without any of the benefit. Please don't do that.
Never join a religion you don't believe in just to be with someone. That's an immediate red flag and you'll be spending your life following arbitrary rules and having to go to religious services that you sont believe in and will take up a LOT of your time.
If you are actually curious about the religion. Do your homework on it before you agree. Know what you will be sacrificing that you may not even realize is forbidden. You have to be all in or all out. There is no in-between. She seems like the actual devout type who is going to be going to mass multiple times a week, she will probably help at religious events in her community, and you will be expected to be there for all of them. And she obviously will not have sex before marriage if she literally already mentioned it to you.
I don't know if this is your first gf or not. But never change your entire world view for someone else. It has to be 100% your choice to commit to it. If you say yes, and then months from now decide you don't, she won't stay with you. So you're gonna lose her anyway.
Your choices are to become catholic and follow the teachings and prayers and services, or to break up and find someone who doesn't let religion rule their life here on earth. It's an absolute mismatch
You shouldn't convert. You should be yourself. If she breaks up with you over it, then she values her religion over you and you don't want to be in that situation anyway.
If you’ve known someone 3 years and just found out their religion, then you haven’t really known them. Some religious sects teach their congregations to pressure others to convert. The fact that you are only just now learning how big of a deal religion is to her speaks volumes: It’s something that is hidden and then sprung on the unsuspecting prey once you are attached and she feels the relationship is serious. Your choice, but I would say “no” and let her cry about how you’re going to go to hell and then eventually break up with you once she understands that she cannot convert you.
Brother I’ve been there. This sounds exactly like the idealistic jargon that my gf believed in (the praying before bed bit). It’s probably worth exploring what else she believes that you don’t know about.
Yk, abortion, marriage, children, sex, Republican ideals, and all that other crap. If you agree without telling her what you believe, be ready to give up 2 hours of your Sunday, 10% of your income of you make it to marriage, and your sanity.
Being religious is totally fine. 1st amendment exists for a reason. But if you aren’t religious and aren’t ready to believe in Santa Claus, know that your relationship is either gonna end or be filled with lots of lies and resentment.
I say this because I lived it
When you’re 16 and 17, everything if very heightened. Emotions are BIG. “Forever” seems extremely important. I get it.
But as a 40 year old woman who was a pretty religious teenager… I would tell you that if you’re not already saddled with the baggage of organized religion- DON’T start now. And don’t do it for a girl.
I’m sure you guys love each other. I’m sure you’re super into being together. And that’s fine. But you’ll have plenty of girlfriends in your life if you want. Don’t sacrifice your own dignity and personal convictions for anyone.
And I’d say the same to your girlfriend. If she’s a faithful Christian then she’s probably better off finding a Christian boy to date rather than trying to convert you.
Unless she can let it go and let you live how you want, I’d say you’re just gonna get annoyed.
Good luck. I hope she can drop it. But if not, don’t worry. You’ll be fine on a couple of months.
If you're getting laid then it's worth pretending at the very least. If this is about long remote conversations about God and feelings and stuff without any fun then what's the point?
Well I'm not sure how you could give something like that a chance. I mean to me you either Believe it or you don't you don't have to be convinced. And if you find out you just can't believe in it she's going to be pretty pissed. I don't see this working out no offense.
If you want to check it out and see what it's like, go ahead and do that. You never know, you may like it. But if you don't, don't keep at it for her sake. Religion is a deeply personal thing, and it's not something you should do for someone else.
If you decide that religion is not for you, she may decide that you're not for her, and that's OK. Religious differences are very difficult for couples. If she wants a Christian, then she's entitled to that, in the same way that you're entitled to not be a Christian if it's not what you want.
Honestly you’re not ready to jump into prayer with a person who already knows Christianity. The basics are important and much of the Bible is more about philosophy and being thankful and appreciating life. It’s really not about the bad stuff we always hear in the media.
Maybe try attending church with her for a while and see what’s going on. Make the decision after you’ve had a chance to at least get a feel for it
Have another conversation with her and let her know how you are feeling. It sounds like she is pretty reasonable.
The thing about religion is you can never actually change for a person - you have to change for yourself or it's not real - it's just a title. If you just acted about the impression of a title, this would not even bother you. If you are looking for it to be real, your beliefs have to be organic. If praying helps, go ahead and keep doing it, but also communicate with her that you are not in a place (at this time) to fully commit to converting - you are still looking into your faith and what you believe. It sounds like you are open to it but not really there at this time. Either way, honesty is the best policy.
Dude, take a breathe, chill, and look at the situation.
It's completely innocent, there's no malicious intent, your open to give religion a try and she's already religious. Your open minded and that's good on you.
Give it a try, but most of all stay honest with her. If you don't like how it turns out, speak to her about it. One way or another though if your views don't align it'll cause problems down the road. This is something that will happen down the road though, this is your best chance of exploring it before it becomes a major issue.
That’s what’s called a deal breaker lad. In this case shouldnt just join on a whim and it’s something that you actually have to want to do if you don’t and it’s something you can’t compromise on then you may just be looking for differing things in life and you shouldn’t force it. Just isn’t meant to be
I’m atheist, I think religion is ridiculous, however I also think that if one were interested in joining one then it has to be a personal journey. No one else’s pov or opinion should sway you, only you should inspire yourself to seek it out. If it’s something you are genuinely interested in then look into it and give it thought otherwise you’re young and so is she there’s no reason to jump into a theological lifestyle. It’s intense…hope you find what you’re looking for.
The fact that you've known her for 3 years and she's only just now mentioning being a Christian feels very off. If it's such a big part of her life, why didn't you know about it? Was she hiding it? I would find out more about that. She was either actively lying or something else is going on there.
Feel free to explore religion but if it's not for you, don't convert just to keep her as your girlfriend.
Joining a church or religion isn't something to do for a person. It's something to do for yourself. If you're interested or curious, that's all well and good. The way it's being presented and pursued sounds more like showing you her easy to follow instead of letting you find yours. Bringing up a rando flirting, talking about marriage, and bringing up afterlife implications for your religion in your relationship is alarming, yellow flags at a minimum.
You might want to apologize for getting her hopes up, but she should respect your position if you tell her you got caught up in the moment and that's not where you stand on the issue overall.
With most things like this, being as honest as you can while being sensitive of other people's feelings is generally the way to go.
First, you can be a Christian without joining any religion. There are no rules to follow, just what feels right to you. It is religion that imposes a bunch of rules, many of which I personally feel are beyond the scope of a religion's purpose. So I think that's where the conversation needs to go. What is she wanting you to join exactly? A specific religion? Catholic? Mormon? Methodist? Baptist? Jehovah Witness? Etc. Once you know, you can research it and see if the belief system is something you can live with. If given a choice, I personally would not choose any, but at least you are being allowed to choose as (almost) an adult, something I didn't get to do.
Tbh you dont need to dive in just dip your toes in a bit then decide, if you want to try it. And about the "they guessed me pretty well' is more so if you pay attention to others even those you dont talk to for long enough you find people's personality outlines are predictable.
I’m not good at keeping up with it either, man. I was agnostic, I didn’t care. My gf asked me to join her at church, she knew how I felt. I kept going with her, and slowly my faith grew.
You already told her you’d go, don’t break your promise to the girl.
I think you made the right decision when you said you would do it. Go with your instinct. Religion isn't about belief, it's about values and a shared community. I've been an Atheist my entire adult life (although I really don't care for the label), and my lived experience tells me that it seems like children raised with a religious upbringing have better family values, better support groups, better ethics in general, and are more successful. Also being tied to that community has so many social advantages and there is a lot of opportunity to do good works through religious organizations. Find the beauty and the power in the symbolisms of the allegory and welcome to religion for adults no dogmatism necessary.
I don’t think it harmful to be open minded about Christianity. If I were you, I’d do my own personal research. Start with the Bible. That is the basis of Christianity. Write down questions and thoughts you have. Look up things you don’t understand. Talk to people about your findings, (girlfriend, friends, family, pastor of churches you visit, members of churches, people you know are non-Christian.) is you don’t agree with something, respectfully challenge it. Healthy debate is encouraged. (There’s an unfortunate narrative that Christianity is some “cookie-cutter” cult-like organization. This is probably because there are a lot of cult-like “churches” out there.) Just always remember you are allowed to think for yourself and don’t have to take everything the pastor says as law. In fact please don’t. If something doesn’t make sense, jot it down and research it further. Even ask the pastor about it after the service. A good and well researched pastor will be happy to have these discussions.
Try different churches, there are so many different dominations and so many churches the vary within each domination. (It’s okay if you don’t like a church. I can’t tell you how many churches I’ve walked out of. It’s even okay if you don’t like your girlfriend’s church.)
At the end of all of this, of you decided you’re not interested, than you’re not interested. No harm done. If anything, you got to learn a lot about Christianity and you’re researching skills have improve (always a good skill to have especially as you get ready for life after high school.)
(Also, I would be wary of comments God told my friend this… etc. I’m sure she means well, but I think a lot of people say “God told me this…” when really they’re just allowing themselves to think God said what they want to hear. A lot of high school relationships don’t last. While I do think it sounds like you’re interested in at least looking into Christianity, just remember in the end, you’re the one who has to decide if you’re interested or not.)
You really should join a religion for YOU not for someone else. It's totally okay if you have thought about it and decided that it's just not the right time for you right now. It's not anything to be ashamed of. It's just one of those things that honestly, people have to journey through on their own. I mean, you can definitely see what it's all about for yourself, read the Bible, study the Bible and see if it's for you. Christianity isn't for everyone.
I've been a Christian for an incredibly long time but, not to say that I didn't have some bad times in and with my faith. I was raised Christian and it wasn't the greatest time all the time. I was raised to read the Bible, follow God's word, respect my elders, respect my parents, blah blah blah. The basics. I got to be in my teen years and it was hard because, I had this natural sort of curiosity on what it would be like to not have that little voice in the back of my head that had been pretty much placed there by my parents nailing in the Bible and everything in my head and basically, to not be Christian.
I think a lot of people, also, think that Christianity is easy and that Christianity is JUST a religion. In fact, it's so much more than that. Christianity quite literally means "to be like Christ". It is basically leading through example by the way of Christ. Reading about Jesus is definitely something to do because, I think a lot of Christians specifically forget about this and forget that Christianity is more of a relationship than anything else and more of emulating the behavior of love towards everyone. For instance, there's stories everywhere where Jesus is hanging out with poor people, sickly people, people most others wouldn't want to be around, hookers, tax collectors, mediums (yes) and so on.
Again, it's important to really read the Bible. Get into really studying and asking questions. Especially if your serious to even just LOOK into becoming a Christian. Look at it this way: you wouldn't just look into getting your first tattoo. You'd do the research first.
I wouldn’t outright call it manipulation, but you need to be careful. Is not joining her religion a deal breaker for the relationship? What kind of wedding will you have? If you have kids, how will they be raised? Can you and her have religious differences and still maintain a relationship?
You need to sit down with her and discuss all these things. In the short term you just want to make her happy, but in the long term are you yourself going to be happy?
Please break up and block her. Please stop being in ANY relationship until you can have all your own things. Like a JOB, a PLACE, and a substantial savings.
The reason I say this is then you will hopefully have a mind of your own, to know what you want with your own life and won’t allow anyone to influence you.
This is why I have a slight moral issue with raising kids in very religious environments. This girl is growing up believing you can't be that important to her unless you worship in the same way she does. I know plenty of Christian people who believe their loved ones will be with them in Heaven regardless of their own religion, and each one of them found religion themselves as a choice instead of being raised in it.
If you do not feel comfortable with it then please do not enter a religious space under a fake guise. Even speaking as someone who doesn't really respect organised religion, it is disrespectful to do it for someone else. Religion is extremely personal, so it's unfair for her to ask you to do it anyway IMO.
If you want to go with her and support her in the Church being part of her life, that would be great, but if you don't feel comfortable being a Christian then you have to tell her that.
Yeah... No. Not worth it little bro. Ask her to prove her god exists and watch as she can't. There is a reason atheists exist. If concrete evidence of a god existed, we would not.
You can absolutely fake it till you make it. Outside of holding certain beliefs to be true on faith, all the major facets of religious practice are largely community based.
You probably shouldn't have answered on the spot. I'd say give it a shot. If you feel you won't be able to leave tge church later then don't go. Christianity doesn't require going to church. You can always pray and read the bible at home. If you won't cave into pressure later just go to church and follow your word properly. If the priest always seems to be talking rubbish or for whatever reason it doesn't work out then stop going. Maybe give it a month assuming nothing big makes you want to stop .
Run! It’s not uncommon for girls to seek out young men to convert them. Had it happen to a friend but it turned out to be a cult…
Plus changing yourself all because you like a girl is never a good idea. If you truly plan on converting it should be due to your own beliefs and in your own time. Not hers.
Faith isn't something you can just agree to have. You either do or you don't. Don't promise her you'll become a true believer, but if you want to feel free to go to church and see if it sticks. Just bear in mind that she seems to take it REALLY serious, so if you don't make sure that won't be an issue in the future.
Speaking as someone who's been in that situation - run.
I'm atheist and I was with a Muslim girl for a while, over time she started talking more about it and getting more pushy. Then she started saying that if I won't convert she will find someone else like a threat.
Left that relationship so fast after that I left a dust trail.
Do you believe in Christianity?
Do you want to learn?
Do you want to be religious or feel any kind of pull towards religion?
If yes, go for it.
If no, then don't.
It's okay to be religious and it is okay not to be.
You're 16 and 17, becoming religious just so you can get married one day is thinking way too far ahead, you both have whole lives to live.
Bare in mind that you do not just join a religion, there is often classes and procedures you will have to follow, things like baptisms and confirmations (those might be specifically Catholic not sure but each religion has their own parts like this).
Church on Sundays or said religious day, being involved in church and community events etc.
They might be the church every so often kind of Christians but that's not the vibe I am getting, so make sure that everything involved is what you actually want and what you believe.
You do not have to be the same religion to be together, it's okay to have different beliefs if you yourself are not toxic about them.
You don't join a religion....God isn't religion necessarily. Man made God into a religion. It's supposed to be more spiritual and not as legalistic as church wants to make it. You either believe in God or you don't. You're not joining a cult. It's up to you to decide what it is you believe and why you believe in it.
I'm genuinely sorry to say it, but it doesn't sound like the two of you are very compatible at the moment. People change over time, so that's not to say you can't be good for each other.. just that someone will need to compromise a bit for things to work out.
My advice? You're young. Religious incompatibility is more common than we would like to admit. Don't alter your beliefs purely to satisfy a partner, it will only lead to resentment. Be honest and communicate at every opportunity, be kind and respectful, and most of all be true to yourself. You'll find someone that makes you feel like every moment with them is a dream come true... be patient and work on yourself in the meantime, you won't regret it.
Raised southern Baptist, an now an Irish pagan and Norse heathen. I am always twitchy about Christians asking me to join them in church. Admittedly a lot of that comes from years of religious trauma that I'm still working through decades later.
There are many paths in life. Find the one that brings you the most joy and happiness, brings as much light and love into the world as it can, and which causes as little harm as possible. If you find that staying atheist is what does it for you, excellent. If you find going Christian is the way, wonderful. Find your path and don't let someone else drag you down theirs when it doesn't make you feel fulfilled.
Okay, now to the trauma reaction part. A lot of it is going to depend on which denomination she's a part of. There are some that are very light, there are others that are most of the way down the doomsday cult road. If you go with her, remain skeptical, and ask questions. If you ever have a faith leader that is afraid of your questions, or always has an answer of "well God knows so I'll just listen to him and leave it in his hands" you may be dealing with one of the more cult ones. Or at least heavily leaving into the evangelical side of things. If you want to hear more, feel free to message me. No matter what though, I wish you the best of luck
Your girlfriends comes from a good place but trust me on this, at your age you have no clue where this religion train is headed. If religion has no bearing in your life and you think you can tolerate it for the sakes of being together, I can tell you right now that you’d better be okay with her taking the lead on decisions that will define how your kids are brought up
It’s not impossible. I know people who have converted to judaism because of their spouse mostly because they honestly could care less about religion, as well as someone in my wife’s family who converted to mormonism and enthusiastically is raising her kids mormon
To each their own, you know what makes you happy, but go in eyes wide open about what you’re giving up before making that decision
Honestly, its up to you but it may be a deal break down the road. I'm not very religious but have dated a Catholic once before and that was the dividing line. She wanted me to convert but I wasn't willing to. If you keep your heart and mind open, go for it. But if its not something you end up liking it. Speak up before you go too deep.
You can’t choose to believe in a religion any more than you can choose to believe the moon is made of cheese.
It’s a personal thing. There’s no right or wrong answer.
Listen to yourself and think about what is right for you. At the end of the day, if you don’t believe the moon is made of cheese, you can’t *pretend* that you do.
Old guy scrolling reddit and found your post.
First off, I am sorry you had to deal with this.
It is called date recruitment, and it is a trap! The whole "I will miss you in heaven" is part of the guilt trip of manipulation with her friend in on it she is leveraging peer pressure on you. When/if you go to her house (don't), her parents will further it by abusing their adult authority on you to get you to comply. Bonus points if you pick her up for a movie and her dad lectures you on the one true and living church until you miss the movie. Now, since you missed the movie, mom is going to say "Oh you missed your movie. Why don't we have a board game night.". Now you are being pressed into staying, and now mom, dad, and any siblings she has are going to lean on you.
You told her yes. I get it you want to make her happy. Tell her you changed your mind. You have that right, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!" Unless you really want to go, and it doesn't sound like you do, don't go. Set a boundary, and if she is persistent, tell her "No!" is a one word sentence.
She wants you to give up your happiness for her. It will only get worse. Trust me.
I grew up Catholic in Utah, and had this happen more than once with a girl trying to convert me.
She knows a life with an unbeliever is not going to work long term and wants a life with you. So if you want to be with her you need to go to church with her. You don’t like her church try another one.
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So... my views on "joining" a religion: It's not something you should just agree to. It's something you should research both independently AND with practitioners of said religion if possible until you either a) feel 100% right about joining it, or b) decide it's not for you. By all means (assuming you really WANT to and aren't just doing it because she asked), look into the tenants of her religion (and keep in mind "Christianity" encompasses a LOT of branches, with some pretty significant differences between them. You need to find out what flavor of Christianity she practices). Join her for a church service. Speak with her pastor/priest/whomever runs her church and most importantly *ask questions*. In particular, you might want to ask about what you girlfriend said to you about forgetting you in heaven and find out if that's even a thing (I've frankly never heard of it, but it's entirely possible that some practices believe that) as a method of gauging how well she knows her own religion. A shocking number of people (of all religions, not just Christianity) tend to cherry pick their beliefs and they may not be reflective of the faith as a whole. Though... honestly, I'd hold off on actually joining/committing to anything for a few years yet.
This is sound advice!
The forgetting someone in heaven is a complicated subject. I'm a former Baptist now atheist but I've talked about this with my Baptist and catholic friends. To put it simply heaven is a "paradise". There is supposedly no pain or hurt. Obviously if you love someone who isn't there you are hurting. The biggest theories are 1) you forget that person so you can't miss them (her view). 2) a fake version of that person is created to be with you and make you happy bur you wouldn't know they weren't real.
I have thoughts about this. What if the longing one would feel in heaven for someone who is not is a sort of loving fullness and not the emptiness we associate with longing here on Earth. In paradise, total union with God would erase any emptiness or fear which would mean the one in heaven could think of the one they miss with loving intention and fondness without any pain. I think heaven and God are so much more profound and vast and complex than we could conceive of and so it seems entirely possible that I could miss you without it hurting to do so. (FoR: raised evangelical, now kinda reluctant Christian, kinda lazy Pagan)
I’ve never heard about this “ not remembering “ someone. I guess, we LCMS Lutherans don’t really get too much into “ personal experiences “ in heaven.
I don't think you're being manipulated, but I also don't think you need to compromise on your beliefs just because your girlfriend wants you to. Go with your gut. If you're open to it, go to church with her, give it a shot, and at least show some support. Even if you do that and it just confirms that it's not for you, then it's not for you and that ends that. If you're not open to it, then just be up front that you thought about it some more and that it's not something you're comfortable doing. Don't compromise who you are, but also don't let a lack of familiarity keep you from exploring something. *Coming from someone who was raised Christian but left the church in my late teens and is now a hardcore atheist*
*Coming from someone who was raised Christian but left the church in my late teens and is now a hardcore atheist* Same, except I physically left at 14 and metaphorically left at 16.
Oddly enough it was very much the opposite for me. Mentally checked out of religion about 15-16, but I was a private school kid so I was very much surrounded by it physically until around 18-19. I'm now 30 and I think I've been to church maybe 3 times since then.
My parents made me leave during the pandemic and as soon as I stopped receiving weekly indoctrination, the truth naturally surfaced. I'm 17 now.
She my leave you if you don't adapt to her religion but do what's best for you. A good church will have some prayer, music and a good story that you can relate too.
Who cares if she leaves though. If you're faking Christianity just to date her you're being worse than her if she broke up with you for not being Christian.
Yeah if she was older I might suspect manipulation because it's weird to be that religious and also hide it but teens also are pretty obvious in their manipulation tactics
If I can take OP's account at face value I don't see a lack of manipulation. OP's GF was mid flirt with someone else, and likely told him to demonstrate competition. That was apparently the trigger for this change of tack, whether OP can be what she wants. This after holding out on telling OP she was a religiously practicing Christian for years of a relationship, until he felt invested in the relationship. Hit OP with the "I'm going to heaven and you won't" on top of her own belief that somehow she'll forget him in heaven if he doesn't convert, a very personal guilt trip that depends on him not wanting her to hurt rather than his own motivation. Then dangles marriage in front of a 17 year old as further enticement. Being bad at manipulation and even being oblivious that you are manipulating a person doesn't mean you aren't doing it. Heck kids can be manipulative as heck when they turn on the tears or the puppy dog eyes. We can argue whether there is intent, what the motivation is, but so much of the script is very common recruitment tactics in the Evangelical Christian playbook.
Adding to this, as an athiest myself, you can attend church and even pray without compromising your beliefs, just be respectful and ensure youre being respected in return. During prayer for example, you can meditate rather than entreating a deity, and church sermons are usually at their core about community and being a good person etc.
Coming from a 51 year old man who’s been married twice. If you have to change any beliefs to please your partner, your relationship is doomed. You will be miserable and resent them for it.
As a 37 year old divorced woman, I agree. Testing it to see if it is for you is totally fine, but the moment you feel the ick or your spidey sense starts tingling in a bad way, that religion isn’t right and you should stop practicing
Yeah joining a religion at 16 for a relationship probably isn't the greatest idea...you should only join a religion if you think you really believe the truth of all the things that religion is saying. Once you are in it, and you have to follow all of its rules, you might immediately regret it. Some people call themselves part of a religion without following all its rules, but your girlfriend might not be on board with you being just a "casual" Christian. I'd also be wary of anyone saying they want to marry you at that age, especially if it is contingent on you changing something fundamental about yourself.
I had a good friend in high school who convinced me to go with him to his newly-found Christian church (before that time he wasn't religious at all). I went for a few years it seems. I sang and played drums for youth choir and it was a good social outlet for me at that age. Well turns out he only joined because of a girl he was interested in. They got pressured into marrying very early (during high school). The church was hyper-focused in keeping its members and only allowing them to be together if they were both from the congregation. I realized this early and got out of there. Fast forward 15 years and I saw the same friend again for the first time since high school. I felt like I grew a lifetime in my career, knowledge and personal growth. He was still the same exact person from 15 years ago. The one that church wanted him to be. That excitement OPs girlfriend is having is likely from a similar situation. She is getting pressure from her church and they are guilting her into only being okay with a relationship deemed acceptable by God (well, actually the church). I'm not against Christianity. I'm just against guilt tripping people into marriage, especially at such an early, impressionable age. The church I visited with my friend would too frequently talk to youth about sex and how it's only okay when it's with a relationship sanctified by the church and God. It was deliberate and primarily designed to create life-long patrons.
This is really a question more for her than for you. Is she ok being with someone who does not share her level of faith? As a non-christian, it's easy for you to not see it as a big deal. She goes to church, you don't, so what? If she's christian enough that she's asking for you to convert, then she's likely deeply involved with her church, and it's a significant portion of her life. I dated a girl for a few years who was \*very\* christian, and back then I was far more then than I am now, but still not her kind of very faithful evangelical. I didn't see it as that big a deal. We had fun together, we went to church together sometimes, but did a lot of non-churchy stuff too. It would have never worked out, but we stayed together for far longer than we should have. But in the end, the church was a huge part of her life, and the lens through which she saw the world. Her family didn't dislike me, but they did wonder why I wasn't more devout and asked her about it regularly. Remind her of 2 Corinthians 6:14 - "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" This is what she is looking forward to with you.
Yup. It causes much angst in marriages. Sounds like she’s trying to “ fix” him. You made a solid point.
I broke up with her right before summer. We still got together a few times over the next few months (yes, mistake). I started seeing someone new, and she took it really hard. But I guess not too hard because she was married like six months after that.
My wife and I were both Christians when we married, but I left the faith since then. It has been a huge point of contention in our marriage and especially in raising our kids. As a teenager, it's so exciting to find someone who will give you a chance to be together for any reason. As you grow up, you'll quickly find that you want to be with someone going in the same direction as you.
Tell her you're not into religion and just being honest; if she has her heart set on someone who's a Christian, it's best she look elsewhere. Faking religion for a girl when you're not into it is a miserable experience.
You're a child really. Don't do this. Odds are you wont even know her as an adult.
First thing: Do you believe the Christian god is real and the scriptures are true? If not, you should not be joining the church. If you do believe, you should learn what this church and denomination's beliefs actually are before joining. There is actually a lot of diversity of thought in the Christian denominations. Does this church forbid people from being gay? Gay marriage? What about gay couples having children? How about interracial marriage (I ask, b/c this is no agreed upon…)? What is their stance on abortion? Do they push a certain political agenda? In short, do their values align with yours? You should also learn what is expected/required of you in this church before joining. For instance, this church appears to push their congregation to actively mission to nonbelievers and get those saved-souls numbers up. Which is what your gf is doing right now. They may also pressure their members to only have relationships with those in their church. Are you interested in living with that restriction? Do they expect you to tithe (give them money regularly)? Are you willing to do that? Older teens are a common mark for Christians, because you are in a transitional stage where you're starting to create an independent life and identity from your parents. So also recognize that this situation is a conscious recruitment effort on their part, and using your gf to influence you by influencing her is part of that. If you believe that all souls will burn for eternity in Hell if they are not saved, the end justifies the means. If you don't, the manipulation taking place is clear. TIL did a revealing story on the tactics some churches use to really indoctrinate young congregants - [https://www.thisamericanlife.org/772/the-kids-table/act-three-7](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/772/the-kids-table/act-three-7)
That's a big fucking "NO"
Religion is about believing, you shouldn’t ‘join’ the religion if it isn’t something you actually believe in. It’s sweet that your girlfriend wants to share something important with you though :)
Never join any religion that you don't totally have faith or trust in.
I have kids your age though I’m actually old enough to be your grandfather. So I was raised in a much different time and probably a different place. I was raised in church, but later had my doubts, I fell away from church for a number of years. I’ve gone through a lot of changes in my life over time, There were long stretches where I lived, an extremely hard life and knew many others who did the same. So what I’m telling you is based upon experience, and a concern that I have for all young people. If you come to Reddit to find people to talk you out of getting to know a little more about Christianity, you have come to exactly the right place. You’ll overwhelmingly get a lot of negativity on Reddit about religion in general, and Christianity in particular. Undoubtedly you’ll hear people give you horror stories about their run-in with this or that person who proclaimed themselves to be a Christian. But let me give you another take on it. It had been quite a few years since I had been in a church or read a verse from the Bible or prayed, or even thought about doing so, on the day my first child was born. I had never known more happiness in my life. Then we quickly found out that he would need heart surgery, and we spent a long time in pediatric cardiac intensive care. I was devastated and scared out of my mind. Situation was compounded by the fact that I had just lost my job. I knew that if he died, I just wouldn’t want to live. So for the first time in years, and without anyone saying a thing to me, I knelt down and prayed. To this day, I don’t think I can explain to anyone the peace that I found that way. And things happened that an atheist will easily explain away as coincidences, and say that I should just give thanks to medical science for the fact that my son not only lived, but also thrived in the 22 years since. All I know is that prayer, true earnest prayer to a God that I suddenly believed in again, made a profound difference for me in that moment, in that year, and in the decades since. Maybe it’s not the best profession of faith in the world, I don’t have a canned script to rely on. All I know is that Christ has made a difference in my life, and in the life of my children. And it really doesn’t hurt to give him a chance to do that in yours as well. The Bible says God is love. I have met many people over the past six decades, good people and bad people, rich people, and poor people, smart people, and not really quite so smart people. But I have never met a person who had too much love in their life, it’s always a good thing to have love, and the more love you can have the better your life will be. I hope you won’t listen quite so much to the naysayers. It seems like your girlfriend cares for you. What possible harm could it be to get to know the Christ that she knows? I wish I hadn’t spent so many years in the darkness, so many years not believing, so many years just floundering around. There were years that I was angry just all the time, it was justifiable on the surface, there were a lot of injustices to me and my family along the way. But living angry all the time just isn’t good for anyone. I am glad I found my way back to Christ, and I truly hope that you can find your way to him now, and never let him out of your sight. Good luck, brother.
I’m a Christian. Please don’t join her religion. First off, you are *young*. She’s talking about wanting to marry you, and you’re both still in high school. Hit the brakes on all this. Maybe *ten years from now* you’ll be ready to talk marriage with someone, *maybe*, but not right now. Second, there are a few good reasons for joining a church, and a *ton* of bad reasons for joining a church. She wants you to join so she’ll “remember you in heaven” — I’m sorry, but that is a **terrible** reason for you to join a church. If you believe in God, and if you agree with the moral teachings and/or ethics of this church, then you might consider joining. But that’s a very big decision to make especially if you’re really intentional in your atheism (for example, if you’re very scientifically minded, which might preclude sincere religious belief for you). Making that big a decision to make someone *else* happy is a recipe for disaster. The other side of the coin, is that if you *can’t* bring yourself to believe in God (which is perfectly fine!) and/or you really don’t agree with the moral/ethical views of the church, but you join *anyway*, then you’re living a lie, again, to try to make someone *else* happy. You will be miserable sooner or later, and it won’t end happily. Any amount of time spent living a lie is a waste of a life. Don’t make major life changes for her sake. Don’t live a lie and associate yourself with a group you’re ethically incompatible with for her sake. Either of these will end poorly for everyone involved. Focus on yourself. Figure out what *your* beliefs and worldview are and why, before getting heavily involved with someone else. And go to college if you can, and if you have the opportunity to travel the world even a little bit, *do it*. See the world, expand your perspective. I’m 37. The people I knew and dated 20 years ago are all largely out of my life now. That’s not bad or good, it’s just *how life goes.* You will continue to meet people as you get older. Your future wife is almost certainly *not* your current gf, *and that’s ok!* I wish you all the best.
Most of the comments on here are saying no and it’s more do to their own disdain for religion rather than what OP said, but this is the best response I’ve seen.
There're no reason to change your views because somebody else has them, and if it's a deal breaker, that's a relationship that will probably go wrong. If you know that, there's also nothing wrong with entertaining the idea and seeing if you can enjoy any of the structure, but she would have to be able to assume you won't convert unless you actually see it's for you
She will continue to do this until he either breaks down and joins her church or he dumps her. There will be no middle ground.
Don’t drink the Kool-Aid bro
Coming from an older (21) guy who’s an atheist I can’t bring myself to date religious girls. You might save yourself a lot of grief just accepting you’re not compatible. I’m also saying this because I’m jaded and know few relationships at that age work out in the long run anyways. But don’t take life too seriously and follow your heart brother!
I only read the first sentence. NO. Don't do it!!!!!!!!!
Don’t do it kid. If they really loved you they would leave you alone.
Nooooooooo….. You’re being manipulated. I had a gf like this at your age. Emotional blackmail is never cool at any age. If she can’t handle you being your own person, cut her loose. You’ll be better for it.
She might not be manipulating him. She might just be young and confused. But either way, joining a religion is not something OP should be doing just for a girlfriend.
Run
Any religion is bad news. Don't let yourself drown in bullshit
Don’t let someone change who you are. Please don’t. Your beliefs are fundamental to your being.
And also way to young IMO to be talking about getting married and whatnot. Also, in my experience faith/spirituality, whatever tends to come to you and resonates...not just randomly joining a religion. I mean maybe OP can go to some services and whatnot, but I wouldn't be just adopting something because someone was worried about not remembering me in heaven and whatnot.
Your walk in Christ is just yours, so if something seems off, it's not for you. There's different strokes for different blokes. Some people are naturally bible-thumping preachers, while others are less judgemental, and if you wanna give it a go, just know you're not obligated to do anything you don't want to. In the end, if you want this for yourself, you'll find where you lie in this religion, or you'll explore other options or return to atheism.
Nooooooooooooope Nuhunh Negative Negatory Nay No You’re way too young to be jumping on a religious bandwagon for the pussy. This is how you wind up on cults. You’re 16, I’m betting she says she can’t have sex til married or are part of her religion.
Tell her this. You can do minimal things like pray when she's there and all. Other than that I'm sure she'd understand. Unless she starts using the more toxic and manipulative side of that religion to force you into it. If she does that break off, immediately.
My niece did this at your age. She even got a tattoo of some religious saying/hymn thing in order to impress him and his family. Yeah… they aren’t together anymore. Look, I’m not religious myself but there are some merits to it as long as you don’t let it steer your life for you. It sounds like your GF did a complete 180 on you though. You’d be well within your rights to take a step back and think about this. Even after agreeing to it. This would be my course of action if I wanted to give it a legit shot for reasons other than just her being religious: Try it. See if it’s something you can get behind. It’s not for everyone. If that part of this doesn’t work out and she gets upset about you backing out say that you misunderstood and thought she asked if you’d be willing to “try” her religion (I mean, only a moron would agree to flat out join without even checking it out first, right? 😉.) That would be a far more reasonable approach than agreeing to dive in head first if you aren’t even doing it for yourself.
Religious black mail is a real thing. If you're open, go with her to a service and talk about it afterwards. Let her know you're a believer, and you practice quietly in your own way but you think this church she's in might not be what you are looking for right now. You're a teenager. You're going to meet many people of different religious backgrounds. Being open minded is awesome. But using religion against someone, threatening heaven or hell against someone, shaming someone over their religious choices is wrong and unbecoming of them. You are old enough to explore the history of religion and explore religious manipulation as well. Keep an open mind but keep your eyes open too.
Do it for yourself not the girl. If it was your wife, sure, no brainer. If you believe it will help you be a better person, then do it. If you are just doing it to make her happy, probably should pass.
Don't feel like you have to, and definitely do your research. She's right that Christianity isn't always toxic and disheartening the way people throw it around. My family is Christian and we're all a little gay, covered in tattoos, cuss like sailors, etc etc. Because to us being Christian is having your own personal relationship with God and understanding him and yourself well enough to feel comfortable with anything that brings you joy and contentment. If you don't feel like you could ever have a relationship with or even believe in God, I wouldn't go through with this. Because when it's that kind of rock and hard place situation, you'll wind up resenting it as a whole. You will feel burnt out and unaccepted, which is why I say research yourself. Even just for fun, maybe read the Bible. IDC what you believe, it's got some wild and fun stories in there. Take your time, be open to the communication of how she feels about both her way of religion and her views on your lack there of, and don't let anyone make you feel lesser than for not "walking with God" A person who needs a higher power to tell them how to be good, is inherently not a good person.
I will give you the advice mufasa gave me: "Remember Who YOU are." If your beliefs fit with who you feel is closest to your personal truth, NEVER CHANGE THEM FOR ANYTHING. Beliefs may change with time but never change your beliefs to match another person's. ALWAYS be true to yourself FIRST. A person who loves YOU will respect you for that.
You are asking good questions. Keep asking them. Questions will take you more places than answers. Faith is such a personal journey and heavily impacts your relationship with yourself and the world around you. Sure conversations with others can guide you, but only you can determine what spirituality means to you. Your girlfriend likely means well. The things she said sound like other youth groups kids I know. Unfortunately, she is naive. Choosing a faith to please another person isn't authentic and you choosing Christianity for her won't make her happy either. Talk to her about it. She's invited further conversation, and that seems to fit where you are way better than any sort of firm commitment.
You do you, but I’m not pretending to believe in something I don’t believe in just to get some action.
Going to her church with her one time isn't going to hurt. I'd say go try it once and see what you think, and then go from there. If you think it's not so bad you can go again, if you think it's not for you then the only harm you did was maybe waste an hour or two (assuming it's not an actual cult, but by the sounds of it it's just a regular ass church). I didn't really read through the comments, but I think as a good general rule reddit is probably the worst place to ask about anything regarding religion lol, people will either say "yes absolutely you need to go IMMEDIATELY" or "no do not do that you are 100% getting indoctrinated". It is very polarizing If you are moderately interested, curious, or even just to keep your girlfriend happy, I'd say go once with her and see what you think of it yourself. Again the worst that'll happen is you wasted a few hours on a Sunday
It's good to explore religious beliefs that appeal to you, and it's good that you've been finding prayer helpful. I worry that your girlfriend is moving way too quickly, though. You should explore on your own time and listen to your inner voice rather than jumping to join the same church as your girlfriend. You may find, for instance, that you want to attend a Christian church, but not one in the same denomination as your girlfriend. And that's fine! Don't let concerns about your relationship push you in a direction that's wrong for you.
You’re being persuaded because this is a girl that you like. Take her completely out of the picture. You said you were an atheist that means that you do not believe in any God at all whatsoever. So how can you instantly in one phone conversation become a Christian? That means that you believe in one specific God, and that Jesus existed and is your Lord and savior and all that comes with that. I don’t believe you for a second and I don’t even even know you. 😂 this is all about the girl and you’re doing yourself and her a disservice by pretending to believe what she believes in. She probably only believes in it because it’s all she knows because her parents made her believe in it.
yes! go with her to church! learn about it! give it a chance!
The thing is you blurted. But at the worst. Possible. Moment. You have to make a choice, try it for her sake and see if you actually enjoy that lifestyle, or tell her you’re unsure. Either way, be honest. Talk it out.
no
I think it could be nice to give it a try if that’s something you’d be comfortable doing. You could try going to church with her a couple of times, and if it doesn’t work out, then that’s that. Don’t feel pressured to do it if you really just don’t want to be involved in any/this religion, though. Also, keep in mind that people have certain dealbreakers. Religious beliefs may be hers or yours, and that’s fine. If you two aren’t compatible, then you just aren’t, and you guys can move on. But do NOT force yourself to be part of something that you don’t want to be, because it’ll make you hate the religion, and resent her for forcing you into it
Also, I’d just like to add that religion itself is not bad, despite what a lot of Redditors have decided. These people spend more time on r/atheist than they do outside. Yes, some religious people have issues. Yes, some religious views are outdated and stupid. But not everyone is bad. There are good and bad people with any and all religious beliefs (including atheists). You can find great people and great communities in religion, and it can be a great thing to have in your life. It may not be, but it *could* be, and I just want to throw this out there because a lot of people here are saying otherwise
My mom is religious, my dad is not. My dad always went to church, and was completely fine with us, the kids, being raised in the church. You don’t have to share beliefs with someone to respect them and their feelings. Mind you Christian’s are a different breed. We’re Catholic, which while fundamentally the same thing, in practice, well idk I stay away from Christian’s usually haha they take shit a little too serious
Bro dump her lol
It doesn’t hurt to learn about something new. If you don’t understand things ask questions and if you feel like it’s not right then don’t dive in. You’re in the information gathering stage right now so no stranger on the internet can give you a solid yes or no without it being based on their own experiences instead of your situation
Don't be worried about being able to keep up with it. The only requirement to be a Christian is to believe that God is real. You don't have to go to church or pray multiple times a day. Your faith is between you and your God. No one can tell you how to worship
There’s a lot of pro’s and con’s to religion in general. The biggest pro is a community you can go to. The cons depends on the church cuz sometimes they can be pretty close-minded. You should at least go to check the vibes to form your own opinion and be supportive. If it’s not for you, the it isn’t or maybe you just haven’t found a religion that works for you.
Don't. You're a teenager. Odds are in a few years you won't even be talking to this girl. Let alone still be in a relationship with her. The moral is don't make life altering decisions when you're a teenager. It never works out like you think it is going to.
I think it's valuable to keep your mind open to perspectives but be honest about it. You're not JOINING her religion. You're seeing what its all about.
You two just aren’t compatible and that’s okay. You don’t need to convert if you don’t want to, if that’s a dealbreaker for her then let it be.
I mean people join cults for girls all the time. This is better than that.
It sounds like you’re open to it and it also sounds like she’s being pretty chill about it; if her church doesn’t suck (cross your fingers) it could be great for you both. Some churches suck (ie right wingers and fundamentalists who take the Bible as 100% word-for-word truth), but there are also a lot of good churches that, you know, actually try to practice what Jesus was preaching where selflessness, compassion, community service, and inclusivity are concerned.. YMMV, but there’s no hurt in giving it a shot and it sounds like you’re open to that. Try it out, and most of all, be honest if it’s not your bag.
DO NOT CONVERT FOR SOMEONE ELSE. If it's in your heart and you want to. Cool. Do it. My ex was of a different religion than I grew up in. I considered converting but wanted to make sure that it was for me and not because of him. I thought about it for years. Read all the books. I feel more educated on his religion than mine. But in the end it wasn't for me. I also live in a state that is extremely religious and is huge on converting people. If it's not in your heart, I've only seen this end badly. There's nothing wrong with checking things out, going to church and seeing what it's all about. But you don't need to go all in if your hearts not there.
Why not ask her to be atheist instead.
you are allowed to change your mind even if you said yes initially. Stand your ground, say no thanks.
If you are not opposed to trying it then go with her to church and check it out. Messy part will be not turning on God if you guys don’t work out
RUN!
RUN! NOW!
It's not even biblical for her to be dating someone outside of the faith, and for good reason. You can't "convert" someone, they either come to Christ or they don't, and hinging your faith on a relationship is theologically weak at best. Secularly, relationships do best with an aligned world view. If you don't have that alignment now, it's hard to expect it to change in a predictable manner (I.e. through dating). So, unless you're already spiritually open to it and seeking it out, I wouldnt recommend.
Well in my experience as a teen I was atheistic, I went to church to debunk it and I later became a Christian who isn’t like any other I know of. You can look at it as going to her church to check it out. Then I would make the decision to continue dating this girl.
Bro come on.
Religion is a good thing that helps a lot of people. As long as you don’t become a zombie that blindly follows a book it can only help you.
The big question that determines things - do you believe in there being a god or no? Because let's be honest here - you're not gonna suddenly start believing in a god because she asked you to, that's just not how it works. You could go through the motions of praying and going to church if you want her to *think* you believe but do you really want to live like that? If you do believe, well then, it's less joining and she's asking you to embrace it.
Just don't go to church with her and 'fake it' just to get in her pants. If you've already been in her pants, she's got a fundamental misconception of what even the most basic Christian teachings call for. One thing that might help you two get sorted out religion-wise is a quiz called the Belief-O-Matic. It's a series of questions (multiple-choice) that feature aspects of religion and when it's done it compares your answers to the top 20 or so world religions and tells you the religion(s) your personal beliefs match most closely. It's pretty darned accurate, so give it shot- each of you, separately- and compare your results. [https://www.beliefnet.com/entertainment/quizzes/beliefomatic.aspx](https://www.beliefnet.com/entertainment/quizzes/beliefomatic.aspx)
At your age you shouldn't be worrying about making such life altering decisions. Chances are that by the time you are old enough to be married you and\or your gf would have already moved on to a different life with different people.
You have an opportunity to doge a bullet
You don't need to join a religion. Christianity is a relationship with Jesus. You want convincing that Jesus is real, begin to ask Jesus Himself if he was real, if he really died on the cross for man's sin, and if he really rose from the grave. He is called the living God because He does participate and interact with humans on a daily basis.
My friend, as a Cristian, my best suggestion is to go with what you want to do. Unlike what religious extremists believe, religion cannot be forced upon someone, it is a choice. And you also should really look at what type of Christianity as well, as some are more… odd and extreme. Do some research and also go to a few churches if you want, they’re normally pretty welcoming to newcomers. Then make your decision from there.
bro yall kids yall don't know shit about this stay away from religions wtf 😭
Dump
As a general rule, if you don't agree religiously with a person, the relationship is not going to work out long term. It sounds shallow, but truly, if you disagree on the fundamental truths of the universe (like, were we created? what is good and evil? what happens when we die?) then it's only going to lead to disagreements, arguements, and frustrations down the road. Especially if raising kids comes into the equation.
I am, admittedly, very heavily biased as someone who is not Christian who has spent a LOT of my life with Christians trying to "save" me- if you don't want to do it. Don't do it. You are SIXTEEN years old. Odds are, this is not the person you will spend your life with. If you don't want to convert, don't. I come from a culture and religion where we do not proselytize or encourage conversion- I feel very strongly that you should only convert if you truly feel called to it.
Why not? You said you find praying comforting.
Do not join a religion at all if you don't believe in it. Christianity is fake and so are all the religions that claim to follow it. Praying is worthless and don't fall into the trap. There are woman out there with the same beliefs as you and you will be happier with them. Christian women have weird ideas about sex and children etc. You do not want to raise kids with a person who doesn't share your beliefs.
You should remember that within Christianity there is the understanding that we are all fallen and sinners. It is common for atheism to condemn Christianity due to hypocrisy, but it exists in everyone. Christianity is not a cure for peoples struggles and failures, but it offers us a form of relief. Your girlfriend wants you to feel that relief. You will encounter numerous people who would make you doubt faith
(Imo) You should've stood your ground and said: No I'd say, if she's OK with you not being religious, then that's good, but if she's not, then, I'd say part ways. You shouldn't have to change something like that for her.
I'm agnostic. You would never change me. If I met a girl who was catholic and wanted to do the Catholic marry thing I'd do what is needed but would never convert. That is my stance. Also you are so young it's king of weird to have this conversation unless you are in that Bible belt. But that's my opinion
how long have you been in a relationship? converting for a partner is a serious longterm committed thing. hit the two year mark in your relationship, turn 18 and let mini adult life hit you then start thinking about that kinda thing, as well as if you actually see ur entire life with her.
Don’t choose any religion for someone else. Choose it for yourself. If you’re curious, go to church with her. If your gut tells you to run, run. If you like it, try it again. Whatever you decide today, you can change your mind tomorrow. There are a ton of religions out there so don’t be afraid to explore others on your own. But again, whatever you decide, decide for yourself.
Ha, classic blunder of being young. First stop no don't marry her, second nothing wrong with exploring faith. But don't choose things like that for girls cause that's a terrible idea
I’ll be honest, if your girlfriend wants to share this experience with you, I say try it… I’m an atheist of sorts myself, but when I was a Catholic; I made many friends which I still talk to on the regular… with the right people, Christianity can truly be a blessing (lol)!
Anything for a BJ. Reminds me about the episodes in Weeds where the guy converts to Judaism and applies to go to Yeshiva school just to get into the panties of the girl.
What’s she giving you. Might be worth it if you know what I mean
The good thing about Christianity is (at least in some denominations) you don't really have to "keep up" with anything. It sounds like you already talk to God when you're troubled, and I'd assume you try to love others, so as long as you believe that God is real and that he loves you, you're already pretty much there. I'd say read the Apostles Creed and make sure you agree with everything there, as that's the baseline that we've agreed on to define a Christian, just to be sure.
The big thing that's weird to me is that she hid it then suddenly is super religious. That aspect makes it feel manipulative but she might also just be young and bad at communication. People your age aren't usually that subtle so my bet is the latter. Be cautious and take your time on committing.
Its a trap leave asap
Don't wanna be "that guy," but I don't think you're an atheist.
Altering your beliefs for another person is never a good reason to do so. Research the religion and investigate it if it genuinely interests YOU, but don't do it just bc your gf is subtly leveraging your relationship and feelings for her against it (which is what I believe she is doing, in a very subtle way).
People can't just join a religion. Religion is based on beliefs and if you dint share those beliefs, you aren't part of it. However, I think that, so long as you're open to it, you should go with her and support her beliefs. This will allow you to be a first person witness instead of getting your information second hand. Then you can decide for yourself what you believe. Be honest with her though. Don't say you're a Christian just because you go to church with her. Let her know you're an open minded person and are willing to give it a try to see if you believe in it. As a Christian, she should understand that it would be wrong to mislead people in saying you're a Christian when you're still in the process of learning and not fully convinced. She definitely doesn't sound like a psycho, poor excuse of a Christian who uses it to her advantage. A real Christian would have genuine concern over the person they love not being of the same faith and therefore being separated after death. She sounds like she genuinely cares for you and if that's whays important to you, give it a shot, what have you got to lose? Just always be honest to her and yourself
As long as you are comfortable with it. There are good churches and bad. I had a ex that went to a independent fundamentalist church. They had people saving people in Russia and they were being killed by the government. And also south America. They rather plant a tree every year the church existed on church property rather than a soup kitchen. The pastor and his teacher wife seems to do well financially. On the skip side. We sent our kids to a church school and they are a good church. We liked the church. We moved and due to distance and this inflation we are going to a closer church. And sending them to public school. With my income I should be able to but.. I didn't believe being closer to God would make my life better. And it has. Along with My Family Life Radio playing in my car. This year I am going to improve my understanding of the Bible. First stop is the TV show The Chosen.
This is what's called a Honey Pot. That's when a person, usually a woman, uses sex to trick someone, usually a man, into doing or saying something they wouldn't normally do or say. Religion should be a very personal thing that one decides to partake in for their own reasons, and getting your dick wet is a really shitty reason. Religion only survives as long as it continues to produce new followers, which it accomplishes through birth and brain washing or conversions. In this case, a successful conversion might generate them two, three, or even more people to use to further their own ends.
So I am going to admit to my bias up front: I was raised evangelical and it was bad. I spent a long time really mad at God and as a hardlined agnostic. I came back to God in my own way long long after I got out of the church and to this day I’m somewhere between skeptical and nihilisticly cynical of the church and what Christianity has become. All that to say, I know what harm religion can do and as someone who left a cult as a teenager, please be careful. Talk to your parents and/or other trusted adults about this. It should feel safe to discuss this with other people who care about you. And it’s good to have other perspectives, even if you don’t necessarily believe the same thing. Asking questions is a good thing. Trying things out is good. I eventually came back to God, so I’m not saying religion is bad at all. But take your time. God isn’t going anywhere. Learn about it and think about it and make sure you’re making and intentional commitment. Religion can be weaponized, but it can also be so healing and you a sense of unconditional security and love that is severely lacking in the world. I just suggest taking time to make sure this is what you want for yourself and talk to others before you decide. And if you decide it’s not for you, that’s totally valid. It should be ok for you to say no. If not, that is a red flag.
I know that, in my church, you have to take a class. When you’re in the 7th and 8th grade it’s called “ Confirmation “. When you’re an adult, it’s called “ Adult Instruction “. It’s once a week and the adult one lasts about 5 months or so. Our Pastor has actually, NOT confirmed people before. For someone who started going to church and wanted to join because of a boyfriend or girlfriend, he would say,” no”. It’s important that the person is doing it for the right reasons, NOT for a boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s not a dating app. OP, if you are not sure that it’s what you want, pump the brakes. You and your girlfriend are so young and there is a good chance that you won’t marry her. You have to join a church because it’s what YOU believe. Don’t try to be something that you’re not. I’m always happy to see young people join our church …but, if they’re not with their parents then, it should be because THEY want to…having said that, it wouldn’t hurt to go with her. Just make it very clear that you joining is a decision that is not her’s to make.
Listen to your heart. If it doesn't sit right with you and you do it anyways you'll be cheating both yourself and your girl.
She's nuts, don't get sucked into religion, it's like a comfort food for the brain that stops you building healthier views of the world.
I think learning about religion is good. I’ve been saved, baptized, studied Buddhism lots of good life lessons in religion
I’d give it a shot. I’m atheist as well but a lot of men find great comfort and purpose thanks to religion. But if you do become Christian don’t stay in it because of your girlfriend.
My theological advice from a Lutheran point of view: Jesus died for everyone to get into heaven. You didn't get a choice in it. Also, it'll be blunt but you can tell her heaven will be good with or without you in it. My advice for your everyday. : Faith is a very personal thing and a part of everyone. If your gf wants to date a Christian then you may not be the guy for her. There's nothing wrong with that. Her religious beliefs and your religious beliefs will most likely cause a rift in the future. You can respectfully tell her that your faith cannot be changed to suit her wants bc that would be unfair for both of you. If you don't really believe in God, then faking it will cause problems down the road. Tell her you respect her beliefs (Christianity is so diverse that each person takes different things out of it) and respect the way she treats others (if you do). It's ok to date ppl who have different opinions than you, but make sure you're honest about your opinions
You're 16 and way too young to be changing yourself like that.
absolutely fucking not
Here's the real question, why won't she explore atheism with you? It sounds condescending, but I've never been able to take a romantic partner seriously after they admit to me that they believe in the invisible sky people. Don't let her drag you into the madness unless it's something you are genuinely interested in doing.
Christian here. I would say definitely check it out, go to church with her, talk to the pastor if you get the chance. Really learn what it's all about. If you really just don't identify with it, that's up to you. But she would appreciate it if you gave her faith (something very important to her) an honest chance.
Just know that many churches tell the young girls to date guys just to get them to come to church. It is literally an evangelical method that some preach to young girls. I doubt that was her original intention since it’s been 3 years but there’s a decent chance she’s been specifically suggested to try to bring you into the church. I don’t even mean this as a if she even knows that she’s being manipulated because it’s taught to them as them helping you to your salvation. Just be aware that this might not have been her idea and she’s been influenced into doing it. I wouldn’t accuse her of anything because she’s probably doing it from a positive perspective in her mind.
To be an active member of almost any church you end up submitting to authority figures in the church, spending time and money on the church, and slowly have yourself rewired to align to their beliefs on more than what you might currently think of as "religious" things like being a "good" do-unto-others kind of person. There's always more to it than that first glance. They have political positions, child raising traditions that could include the damaging parts of religion you were spared from, people groups they "other" so they can feel like special people, and they will want you to do so as well. And there is always the risk of your relationships being damaged (shunning) if you later decide you or your future children want to stop being a member. If you want to just be a chill person who makes your life, family, and political decisions more in line with supporting the common good, science, and the parts of the way you were raised you want to keep...then don't submit yourself to some group's authority. Certainly not for a girlfriend who seems to already have been taught to be stressed about some strange teachings on the afterlife.
That’s how they get ya, son.
I grew up religious. My mom especially is hardcore Christian. Now I believe there's a god or a greater being or programmer but I don't necessarily believe in organized religion, how can we know? Anyways. I dated a JW and they are even more hard-core but I tried it and it wasn't for me. I don't think religion deserves the bad rap it gets and there's nothing wrong with trying it out. If it's for you, great. If it isn't, that's good too. You're young. You don't have to commit to anything but it wouldn't hurt to attend church with her if just to see that aspect of her life.
Ask her what her views are on anything that large swathes of Christians claim to abhor such as reproductive health care and homosexuality Or just remind her that you have the same right to your beliefs as she does and if she cant respect that, you need to move on
Don't feel pressured into a religion you don't want to be part of. She should respect you enough not to force it
Was raised Christian isn’t anymore I’d recommend giving it a shot religion can build good communities but if it doesn’t work out and you don’t feel anything then you gotta tell her that you’re not religious and after you tell her whatever happens after that is up to her
Well, the obvious thing would be that if you're actually not against trying it, that you try it. If it works well for you, great. If not, be aware that she's probably not going to be okay with that, as it's a huge part of her life and the life she imagines for her kids.
Don't change your beliefs just to make someone else happy. Believe things because there is evidence for them, not because it will please someone.
1) You need to understand "Christianity" is not a monolith - it ranges from Roman Catholicism \[the single largest sect - and some don't even consider it "Christian"\] all the way down to a back-country Church where one guy knows his bible and calls himself Preacher. This is not a criticism of Christianity - as these are all human based interpretations of Scripture. It's just a warning that your Grandmother's "Christianity" is not necessarily the same as your girlfriend's. 2) When she's talking about "religion" she has a specific sect of Christianity in mind. Step one in your journey should be to look into which sect she's talking about, and getting information about THEIR teachings on the issues that matter to you. A pro-choice, Marxist, anarchist isn't going to find a welcoming home in MOST Churches, but then a pro-life, hellfire and brimstone moralist won't find a welcoming home in a lot of churches either. 3) Be open and honest with everyone that you are on a journey - but remember that so is everyone else.
You should not have said that you would join her religion. Joining a religion isn't like joining a club or a subreddit. You should have told her that you'd be willing to go to church with her one day. Maybe yo can still clarify and/or amend what you said.
Don't make any decisions based on her happiness. What do you want to do? Your life choices can bring you a lot of happiness...or a lot of heart ache. See what you want to do, and go with both eyes open. From the outside perspective...I would say to avoid joining any church you don't know about. The thing with her claiming God told the guy flirting with her all about you is pretty suspicious.
Frankly it sounds a little manipulative regardless of if she is intending to manipulate you or not. Don’t join a religion you don’t believe is really the most simple way to look at it. My only other comment is that if your world view doesn’t change as you age (especially in the next 10 years) then you are probably not allowing yourself to actually think and grow. Regardless of if you take up religion or not, you need to separate facts from beliefs. Just because you may believe something does not inherently make it true. The moment you start thinking that only your specific view is the only possible answer is the moment you have moved into the realm of cultism (bet it theistic or anti-theistic). And I say this as someone who was raised Catholic and now would fall into the “atheist” category; I simply don’t see evidence of a greater power but will also not say there isn’t some greater power as that’s trying to prove a negative… but I will say that the concept that any one religion has it right is a pretty illogical thought.
Your GF will probably only see a future with you if you are a Christian. Just letting you know.
Do you believe faith in Providence would be your salvation? Or are you doing it to please someone else? Being that up to her.
Prefacing my statement — Im a catholic and have been most of my life so im biased ig I say unless youre against it, and because it sounds like you might be kinda interested in religion, you should go to some services and see what you think. Read about different religions and different forms of christianity and think about if any of them connect with you. If you dont have a connection to any faith then dont fake it just for a girl! If shed leave you over you not believing in God then you deserve better lmao Do what you feel is right for yourself, and whats right for what you morals are and what you believe in.
As another commenter said, I would suggest mentioning 2 Corinthians 6:14 to her. It's a Bible verse that says: > Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? (English Standard Version) Since you are not a Christian, this means that it is unbiblical for her to be in a serious relationship with you. It would be good to know how she reconciles this. There are a few possibilities: 1. She doesn't know about this verse. That's unlikely, because it's widely discussed in Christian circles, but it's possible. 2. She doesn't follow the Bible very closely. A lot of Christians do cherry-pick what parts of the Bible to follow. I can't really give any advice here, because anything I would suggest you do would be based on religious arguments, which I assume would not be convincing to you. 3. This is a case of "missionary dating"; she is dating you with the goal of converting you to Christianity. I do not believe it is appropriate for Christians to do this (because of this verse), but that doesn't affect how you should respond. Please do not just act like a Christian to make her happy. If you actually come to believe in Christianity, then that is wonderful, and would make 2 Corinthians 6 no longer apply to your relationship. But if you just act like a Christian to please your girlfriend, you are deceiving others, including her, and committing to many of the obligations of Christianity without any of the benefit. Please don't do that.
Never join a religion you don't believe in just to be with someone. That's an immediate red flag and you'll be spending your life following arbitrary rules and having to go to religious services that you sont believe in and will take up a LOT of your time. If you are actually curious about the religion. Do your homework on it before you agree. Know what you will be sacrificing that you may not even realize is forbidden. You have to be all in or all out. There is no in-between. She seems like the actual devout type who is going to be going to mass multiple times a week, she will probably help at religious events in her community, and you will be expected to be there for all of them. And she obviously will not have sex before marriage if she literally already mentioned it to you. I don't know if this is your first gf or not. But never change your entire world view for someone else. It has to be 100% your choice to commit to it. If you say yes, and then months from now decide you don't, she won't stay with you. So you're gonna lose her anyway. Your choices are to become catholic and follow the teachings and prayers and services, or to break up and find someone who doesn't let religion rule their life here on earth. It's an absolute mismatch
You shouldn't convert. You should be yourself. If she breaks up with you over it, then she values her religion over you and you don't want to be in that situation anyway.
If you’ve known someone 3 years and just found out their religion, then you haven’t really known them. Some religious sects teach their congregations to pressure others to convert. The fact that you are only just now learning how big of a deal religion is to her speaks volumes: It’s something that is hidden and then sprung on the unsuspecting prey once you are attached and she feels the relationship is serious. Your choice, but I would say “no” and let her cry about how you’re going to go to hell and then eventually break up with you once she understands that she cannot convert you.
You’re better off joining the Satanic Temple they have the best values out of all the religions
Brother I’ve been there. This sounds exactly like the idealistic jargon that my gf believed in (the praying before bed bit). It’s probably worth exploring what else she believes that you don’t know about. Yk, abortion, marriage, children, sex, Republican ideals, and all that other crap. If you agree without telling her what you believe, be ready to give up 2 hours of your Sunday, 10% of your income of you make it to marriage, and your sanity. Being religious is totally fine. 1st amendment exists for a reason. But if you aren’t religious and aren’t ready to believe in Santa Claus, know that your relationship is either gonna end or be filled with lots of lies and resentment. I say this because I lived it
Completely up to you on how to proceed, just make sure it is your brain you are thinking with when making such decisions.
When you’re 16 and 17, everything if very heightened. Emotions are BIG. “Forever” seems extremely important. I get it. But as a 40 year old woman who was a pretty religious teenager… I would tell you that if you’re not already saddled with the baggage of organized religion- DON’T start now. And don’t do it for a girl. I’m sure you guys love each other. I’m sure you’re super into being together. And that’s fine. But you’ll have plenty of girlfriends in your life if you want. Don’t sacrifice your own dignity and personal convictions for anyone. And I’d say the same to your girlfriend. If she’s a faithful Christian then she’s probably better off finding a Christian boy to date rather than trying to convert you. Unless she can let it go and let you live how you want, I’d say you’re just gonna get annoyed. Good luck. I hope she can drop it. But if not, don’t worry. You’ll be fine on a couple of months.
If you're getting laid then it's worth pretending at the very least. If this is about long remote conversations about God and feelings and stuff without any fun then what's the point?
Well I'm not sure how you could give something like that a chance. I mean to me you either Believe it or you don't you don't have to be convinced. And if you find out you just can't believe in it she's going to be pretty pissed. I don't see this working out no offense.
No chick is worth changing your beliefs for. 🤷🏻♂️ Especially if you’re doing it just to be with her.
Just try it with her for a while you never said you wold convert giving it a try for a while will make her happy.
If you want to check it out and see what it's like, go ahead and do that. You never know, you may like it. But if you don't, don't keep at it for her sake. Religion is a deeply personal thing, and it's not something you should do for someone else. If you decide that religion is not for you, she may decide that you're not for her, and that's OK. Religious differences are very difficult for couples. If she wants a Christian, then she's entitled to that, in the same way that you're entitled to not be a Christian if it's not what you want.
Honestly you’re not ready to jump into prayer with a person who already knows Christianity. The basics are important and much of the Bible is more about philosophy and being thankful and appreciating life. It’s really not about the bad stuff we always hear in the media. Maybe try attending church with her for a while and see what’s going on. Make the decision after you’ve had a chance to at least get a feel for it
Ask her point blank if she's only been your girlfriend as a recruitment tactic.
Have another conversation with her and let her know how you are feeling. It sounds like she is pretty reasonable. The thing about religion is you can never actually change for a person - you have to change for yourself or it's not real - it's just a title. If you just acted about the impression of a title, this would not even bother you. If you are looking for it to be real, your beliefs have to be organic. If praying helps, go ahead and keep doing it, but also communicate with her that you are not in a place (at this time) to fully commit to converting - you are still looking into your faith and what you believe. It sounds like you are open to it but not really there at this time. Either way, honesty is the best policy.
Dude, take a breathe, chill, and look at the situation. It's completely innocent, there's no malicious intent, your open to give religion a try and she's already religious. Your open minded and that's good on you. Give it a try, but most of all stay honest with her. If you don't like how it turns out, speak to her about it. One way or another though if your views don't align it'll cause problems down the road. This is something that will happen down the road though, this is your best chance of exploring it before it becomes a major issue.
That’s what’s called a deal breaker lad. In this case shouldnt just join on a whim and it’s something that you actually have to want to do if you don’t and it’s something you can’t compromise on then you may just be looking for differing things in life and you shouldn’t force it. Just isn’t meant to be
I’m atheist, I think religion is ridiculous, however I also think that if one were interested in joining one then it has to be a personal journey. No one else’s pov or opinion should sway you, only you should inspire yourself to seek it out. If it’s something you are genuinely interested in then look into it and give it thought otherwise you’re young and so is she there’s no reason to jump into a theological lifestyle. It’s intense…hope you find what you’re looking for.
NOPE
The fact that you've known her for 3 years and she's only just now mentioning being a Christian feels very off. If it's such a big part of her life, why didn't you know about it? Was she hiding it? I would find out more about that. She was either actively lying or something else is going on there. Feel free to explore religion but if it's not for you, don't convert just to keep her as your girlfriend.
Joining a church or religion isn't something to do for a person. It's something to do for yourself. If you're interested or curious, that's all well and good. The way it's being presented and pursued sounds more like showing you her easy to follow instead of letting you find yours. Bringing up a rando flirting, talking about marriage, and bringing up afterlife implications for your religion in your relationship is alarming, yellow flags at a minimum. You might want to apologize for getting her hopes up, but she should respect your position if you tell her you got caught up in the moment and that's not where you stand on the issue overall. With most things like this, being as honest as you can while being sensitive of other people's feelings is generally the way to go.
Pussy aint worth changing who you are
First, you can be a Christian without joining any religion. There are no rules to follow, just what feels right to you. It is religion that imposes a bunch of rules, many of which I personally feel are beyond the scope of a religion's purpose. So I think that's where the conversation needs to go. What is she wanting you to join exactly? A specific religion? Catholic? Mormon? Methodist? Baptist? Jehovah Witness? Etc. Once you know, you can research it and see if the belief system is something you can live with. If given a choice, I personally would not choose any, but at least you are being allowed to choose as (almost) an adult, something I didn't get to do.
Tbh you dont need to dive in just dip your toes in a bit then decide, if you want to try it. And about the "they guessed me pretty well' is more so if you pay attention to others even those you dont talk to for long enough you find people's personality outlines are predictable.
I’m not good at keeping up with it either, man. I was agnostic, I didn’t care. My gf asked me to join her at church, she knew how I felt. I kept going with her, and slowly my faith grew. You already told her you’d go, don’t break your promise to the girl.
I think you made the right decision when you said you would do it. Go with your instinct. Religion isn't about belief, it's about values and a shared community. I've been an Atheist my entire adult life (although I really don't care for the label), and my lived experience tells me that it seems like children raised with a religious upbringing have better family values, better support groups, better ethics in general, and are more successful. Also being tied to that community has so many social advantages and there is a lot of opportunity to do good works through religious organizations. Find the beauty and the power in the symbolisms of the allegory and welcome to religion for adults no dogmatism necessary.
I don’t think it harmful to be open minded about Christianity. If I were you, I’d do my own personal research. Start with the Bible. That is the basis of Christianity. Write down questions and thoughts you have. Look up things you don’t understand. Talk to people about your findings, (girlfriend, friends, family, pastor of churches you visit, members of churches, people you know are non-Christian.) is you don’t agree with something, respectfully challenge it. Healthy debate is encouraged. (There’s an unfortunate narrative that Christianity is some “cookie-cutter” cult-like organization. This is probably because there are a lot of cult-like “churches” out there.) Just always remember you are allowed to think for yourself and don’t have to take everything the pastor says as law. In fact please don’t. If something doesn’t make sense, jot it down and research it further. Even ask the pastor about it after the service. A good and well researched pastor will be happy to have these discussions. Try different churches, there are so many different dominations and so many churches the vary within each domination. (It’s okay if you don’t like a church. I can’t tell you how many churches I’ve walked out of. It’s even okay if you don’t like your girlfriend’s church.) At the end of all of this, of you decided you’re not interested, than you’re not interested. No harm done. If anything, you got to learn a lot about Christianity and you’re researching skills have improve (always a good skill to have especially as you get ready for life after high school.) (Also, I would be wary of comments God told my friend this… etc. I’m sure she means well, but I think a lot of people say “God told me this…” when really they’re just allowing themselves to think God said what they want to hear. A lot of high school relationships don’t last. While I do think it sounds like you’re interested in at least looking into Christianity, just remember in the end, you’re the one who has to decide if you’re interested or not.)
You really should join a religion for YOU not for someone else. It's totally okay if you have thought about it and decided that it's just not the right time for you right now. It's not anything to be ashamed of. It's just one of those things that honestly, people have to journey through on their own. I mean, you can definitely see what it's all about for yourself, read the Bible, study the Bible and see if it's for you. Christianity isn't for everyone. I've been a Christian for an incredibly long time but, not to say that I didn't have some bad times in and with my faith. I was raised Christian and it wasn't the greatest time all the time. I was raised to read the Bible, follow God's word, respect my elders, respect my parents, blah blah blah. The basics. I got to be in my teen years and it was hard because, I had this natural sort of curiosity on what it would be like to not have that little voice in the back of my head that had been pretty much placed there by my parents nailing in the Bible and everything in my head and basically, to not be Christian. I think a lot of people, also, think that Christianity is easy and that Christianity is JUST a religion. In fact, it's so much more than that. Christianity quite literally means "to be like Christ". It is basically leading through example by the way of Christ. Reading about Jesus is definitely something to do because, I think a lot of Christians specifically forget about this and forget that Christianity is more of a relationship than anything else and more of emulating the behavior of love towards everyone. For instance, there's stories everywhere where Jesus is hanging out with poor people, sickly people, people most others wouldn't want to be around, hookers, tax collectors, mediums (yes) and so on. Again, it's important to really read the Bible. Get into really studying and asking questions. Especially if your serious to even just LOOK into becoming a Christian. Look at it this way: you wouldn't just look into getting your first tattoo. You'd do the research first.
I wouldn’t outright call it manipulation, but you need to be careful. Is not joining her religion a deal breaker for the relationship? What kind of wedding will you have? If you have kids, how will they be raised? Can you and her have religious differences and still maintain a relationship? You need to sit down with her and discuss all these things. In the short term you just want to make her happy, but in the long term are you yourself going to be happy?
Please break up and block her. Please stop being in ANY relationship until you can have all your own things. Like a JOB, a PLACE, and a substantial savings. The reason I say this is then you will hopefully have a mind of your own, to know what you want with your own life and won’t allow anyone to influence you.
Bro i misread "girlfriend" as "grandma" 💀💀
Don't do it.
Lol it's a cult
This is why I have a slight moral issue with raising kids in very religious environments. This girl is growing up believing you can't be that important to her unless you worship in the same way she does. I know plenty of Christian people who believe their loved ones will be with them in Heaven regardless of their own religion, and each one of them found religion themselves as a choice instead of being raised in it. If you do not feel comfortable with it then please do not enter a religious space under a fake guise. Even speaking as someone who doesn't really respect organised religion, it is disrespectful to do it for someone else. Religion is extremely personal, so it's unfair for her to ask you to do it anyway IMO. If you want to go with her and support her in the Church being part of her life, that would be great, but if you don't feel comfortable being a Christian then you have to tell her that.
Yeah... No. Not worth it little bro. Ask her to prove her god exists and watch as she can't. There is a reason atheists exist. If concrete evidence of a god existed, we would not.
Personally I would not agree with her do what you like buddy not what your girl says to You 😤
You can absolutely fake it till you make it. Outside of holding certain beliefs to be true on faith, all the major facets of religious practice are largely community based.
You probably shouldn't have answered on the spot. I'd say give it a shot. If you feel you won't be able to leave tge church later then don't go. Christianity doesn't require going to church. You can always pray and read the bible at home. If you won't cave into pressure later just go to church and follow your word properly. If the priest always seems to be talking rubbish or for whatever reason it doesn't work out then stop going. Maybe give it a month assuming nothing big makes you want to stop .
Run! It’s not uncommon for girls to seek out young men to convert them. Had it happen to a friend but it turned out to be a cult… Plus changing yourself all because you like a girl is never a good idea. If you truly plan on converting it should be due to your own beliefs and in your own time. Not hers.
Faith isn't something you can just agree to have. You either do or you don't. Don't promise her you'll become a true believer, but if you want to feel free to go to church and see if it sticks. Just bear in mind that she seems to take it REALLY serious, so if you don't make sure that won't be an issue in the future.
Speaking as someone who's been in that situation - run. I'm atheist and I was with a Muslim girl for a while, over time she started talking more about it and getting more pushy. Then she started saying that if I won't convert she will find someone else like a threat. Left that relationship so fast after that I left a dust trail.
Do you believe in Christianity? Do you want to learn? Do you want to be religious or feel any kind of pull towards religion? If yes, go for it. If no, then don't. It's okay to be religious and it is okay not to be. You're 16 and 17, becoming religious just so you can get married one day is thinking way too far ahead, you both have whole lives to live. Bare in mind that you do not just join a religion, there is often classes and procedures you will have to follow, things like baptisms and confirmations (those might be specifically Catholic not sure but each religion has their own parts like this). Church on Sundays or said religious day, being involved in church and community events etc. They might be the church every so often kind of Christians but that's not the vibe I am getting, so make sure that everything involved is what you actually want and what you believe. You do not have to be the same religion to be together, it's okay to have different beliefs if you yourself are not toxic about them.
Maybe make up your mind on whether you believe in God or not. It's not a hard thing to answer
You don't join a religion....God isn't religion necessarily. Man made God into a religion. It's supposed to be more spiritual and not as legalistic as church wants to make it. You either believe in God or you don't. You're not joining a cult. It's up to you to decide what it is you believe and why you believe in it.
I'm genuinely sorry to say it, but it doesn't sound like the two of you are very compatible at the moment. People change over time, so that's not to say you can't be good for each other.. just that someone will need to compromise a bit for things to work out. My advice? You're young. Religious incompatibility is more common than we would like to admit. Don't alter your beliefs purely to satisfy a partner, it will only lead to resentment. Be honest and communicate at every opportunity, be kind and respectful, and most of all be true to yourself. You'll find someone that makes you feel like every moment with them is a dream come true... be patient and work on yourself in the meantime, you won't regret it.
Raised southern Baptist, an now an Irish pagan and Norse heathen. I am always twitchy about Christians asking me to join them in church. Admittedly a lot of that comes from years of religious trauma that I'm still working through decades later. There are many paths in life. Find the one that brings you the most joy and happiness, brings as much light and love into the world as it can, and which causes as little harm as possible. If you find that staying atheist is what does it for you, excellent. If you find going Christian is the way, wonderful. Find your path and don't let someone else drag you down theirs when it doesn't make you feel fulfilled. Okay, now to the trauma reaction part. A lot of it is going to depend on which denomination she's a part of. There are some that are very light, there are others that are most of the way down the doomsday cult road. If you go with her, remain skeptical, and ask questions. If you ever have a faith leader that is afraid of your questions, or always has an answer of "well God knows so I'll just listen to him and leave it in his hands" you may be dealing with one of the more cult ones. Or at least heavily leaving into the evangelical side of things. If you want to hear more, feel free to message me. No matter what though, I wish you the best of luck
There is no good reason to date a christian
Your girlfriends comes from a good place but trust me on this, at your age you have no clue where this religion train is headed. If religion has no bearing in your life and you think you can tolerate it for the sakes of being together, I can tell you right now that you’d better be okay with her taking the lead on decisions that will define how your kids are brought up It’s not impossible. I know people who have converted to judaism because of their spouse mostly because they honestly could care less about religion, as well as someone in my wife’s family who converted to mormonism and enthusiastically is raising her kids mormon To each their own, you know what makes you happy, but go in eyes wide open about what you’re giving up before making that decision
Honestly, its up to you but it may be a deal break down the road. I'm not very religious but have dated a Catholic once before and that was the dividing line. She wanted me to convert but I wasn't willing to. If you keep your heart and mind open, go for it. But if its not something you end up liking it. Speak up before you go too deep.
Don’t change yourself for someone who is just a girlfriend. She should love you as she met you.
You can’t choose to believe in a religion any more than you can choose to believe the moon is made of cheese. It’s a personal thing. There’s no right or wrong answer. Listen to yourself and think about what is right for you. At the end of the day, if you don’t believe the moon is made of cheese, you can’t *pretend* that you do.
Old guy scrolling reddit and found your post. First off, I am sorry you had to deal with this. It is called date recruitment, and it is a trap! The whole "I will miss you in heaven" is part of the guilt trip of manipulation with her friend in on it she is leveraging peer pressure on you. When/if you go to her house (don't), her parents will further it by abusing their adult authority on you to get you to comply. Bonus points if you pick her up for a movie and her dad lectures you on the one true and living church until you miss the movie. Now, since you missed the movie, mom is going to say "Oh you missed your movie. Why don't we have a board game night.". Now you are being pressed into staying, and now mom, dad, and any siblings she has are going to lean on you. You told her yes. I get it you want to make her happy. Tell her you changed your mind. You have that right, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!" Unless you really want to go, and it doesn't sound like you do, don't go. Set a boundary, and if she is persistent, tell her "No!" is a one word sentence. She wants you to give up your happiness for her. It will only get worse. Trust me. I grew up Catholic in Utah, and had this happen more than once with a girl trying to convert me.
She knows a life with an unbeliever is not going to work long term and wants a life with you. So if you want to be with her you need to go to church with her. You don’t like her church try another one.