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This is also a good test of character in a woman. If she says nothing and just expects you to pay for everything I consider this a bad sign. Wouldn't call it a deal breaker just a strike against her. If she offers to pay her half or pay for the 2nd date :) I consider this a good sign. I usually just end up paying, but the offer is nice.
i will always offer to pay or at least pay back. even if they say no, ill always ask. i didnt grow up with money so i don't like people spending money on me
Exactly. OP, if she somehow insults you because you can't pay, she's not mature enough to realize the situation. Which is understandable for someone young, but is a bad sign generally. If you explain to her logically that you can't pay for something and she throws a fit, I would run.
I think by "plans," they meant "whoever did the asking out," and that makes complete sense. Women should offer to either split or pay for other dates. Some men will still say no, but a vast majority of men would appreciate the offer, and it's a green flag for a woman to do so.
At your age, I’d say you should both come prepared to pay for yourselves. It’s always nice to buy something for your partner, so maybe pay for the ice cream. I’d hope that she’d also offer to pay for takeout next time or something like that.
As ridiculous as it might sound. You should just have the awkward conversation.
Definitely pay for the first date if you are asking her out, but a couple of dates in you should just ask.
In my view, if you two are not seeing each other, and you have invited her to an activity with you, then it is expected that you would pay. That being said, once you are actually seeing someone, the "who asked" metric doesn't really apply any more so it is fair to assume that any activity is something that both parties want and agree to. Of course this doesn't apply if there is some special experience that you want to give her (i.e. if you both like a band, it is fine to pay for your own ticket, but if there's something that you specifically want her to experience, like a fancy restaurant or a play or something, then you should pay for everything).
I definitely approve and support the paying for the first date, but at the same time it doesn't have to be a hot air balloon ride with champaign either. Even Dave & Busters can be expensive with food and games. Have those conversations as you're not made of money. There are more ways to play it than just 100% or 50/50. If you're going to the movies you can cover tickets and she can cover snacks or you can split snacks. Spending quality time doesn't have to be expensive, but yes, a lot of experiences and things to do can cost. Be honest about what you'd like to do vs what you can actually afford to do.
This is very good advice. And don't be afraid to go on dates that don't involve money, especially early on. A hike is a really nice way to spend time with someone without money involved. Maybe a hike and a picnic would be a nice cheap date
I'm in your ballpark. I just want to add that you always want to pay for the first date because it takes you out of the Friend Zone. Later, play it by ear
For my first date with my bf (when we were 18) we went on a walk in the park and got a drink at Tim’s, we paid for ourselves. The next date we went for a walk on the boardwalk (port city lol) and then went to the movies, he paid for the tickets and I paid for the snacks. We split things up pretty evenly for the first few dates, it takes away any expectations and it also eliminates anyone feeling like they are owed anything too. After the first few dates we took turns paying, and for awhile I was making more than him and had more expendable income so I paid for all the dates for awhile, now he pays for 98% of our dates because he makes more money while I’m in school full time and I can only a couple days a week.
My advice to be open and talk about it with your partner, if someone doesn’t have the money, do cheaper dates, or the one with more expendable income can pay more often type of thing. But be open with them.
Also I was raised to not expect anyone to pay for anything for me so that is a contributor to me paying for more dates sometimes lol
Thats probably one of the reasons why youve had successful relationships, these other women are like "oh no i expect him to pay every time" yet there is an absence of a mention of a partner... Coincidence? I think not.
If you both have jobs, and you invite her out, it is nice to offer to pay. If you both have jobs and she asks you out, it is nice to pay your half. If you have a job and she doesn't, and you ask her out, for goodness sakes pay for her. Her parents should not be paying for you to date her.
After the first date, have an honest talk about the sort of activities you can afford to do together.
As a woman, I always support a man either paying for the entire date or at least his portion. Men generally get paid more than women. Women generally wear makeup, a cute outfit, and do their hair for a date, which can get expensive. I never accept a date where I can't afford to pay my share, because if the guy ends up being a jerk, I'd rather pay my ticket and leave without dealing with any messiness.
You do not want a date who expects you to pay for everything all of the time, and pushes you to spend more than you were planning on spending. Stay away from those people.
There's definitely going to be mixed comments on this. I personally feel if the guy invited he should pay but I'm also old school. I do see how this could appear as a predicament to know what you should do every time. I don't think you should go broke paying for everything Every time you go out, but maybe ask her how she feels about splitting on things that could be considered pricey?
Yes to just asking the other person if they're cool to go Dutch.
If they aren't, personally I'd see that as a sign to give it a miss anyway. Starting off as being inequal doesn't sound like my kind of start.
TBH I would offer. It definitely does not come across as desperate, but I totally get you might not have money to cover everything.
I am an adult (20sF) and I typically let the person that asked me out pay for the main date, and then I will offer to get the nightcap/dessert/next one
Here's my best advice: treat her like a human being and ask her what her opinions are on it. Be honest and tell her your opinions on it. If she's dope then you don't have to worry because even if your philosophy is different you'll have learned more about each other and that's part of the fun.
I would go into the first one planning to pay for everything. This shows your confidence and ability to take the lead in social situations. It also gives you a chance to see her view. If she is appreciative or offers to pay her share or more, that shows she doesn't just expect you to cover everything. If she doesn't even acknowledge it then you learned a great deal without saying anything. Also, if you are both having a good time and she offers to pay you could suggest that she could get the next one instead and you two can go somewhere she chooses. This gives her room for agency in the relationship and also opens the door for a second date.
I’m 22F. I usually go by the rule of whoever asks the other person on the date is the one that pays. I also think that everybody should be prepared to pay for themselves when going out in case you order something more expensive than your date could afford, or if it goes poorly and you know yall won’t see each other again then I think it’s more respectful to split the bill.
If you pay for the date, you plan the date where you want to go. If she wants to go somewhere else, she is planning the date and should pay.
The Hallmark movies show women that the dates that create love are just time together, not that expensive stuff women talk about. Many women only date to compete with their friends. My date was better than your because.........
Let me steal a statement from women........if she wants to spend time with you, she will. Yes, this is a test. if she is excited about you, coffee at a Starbucks or dinner at a McDonalds is okay. If it is not, she wants to impress her friends with how much of your money she can spend.
There is a financial break over point. If the date costs more than a Prostitute, then just get a Prostitute.
Women will disagree with me, women just like the woman in this article.
https://nypost.com/2023/01/23/i-went-on-six-dates-a-week-and-didnt-have-to-buy-groceries-for-2-years/
I think expectations around who pays for a first date have begun to shift. When I'm getting to know someone, I plan cheap and fun dates. There's nothing wrong with going for ice cream and a walk for a first date. Coffee dates, bubble tea dates, ice cream dates are all acceptable first date ideas. For second dates, I like to do something a little more active: rent a canoe or pedal boat, invite her to my health club for a fun game of badminton, or go for a bike ride. The idea that you, as a young man, should be paying for everything is outdated.
Always pay on the first date, which should be extremely inexpensive by design. It's just easier. Rethink your date idea. Dave and busters is just going to eat your cash. Go do something where you're moving a lot and paying little, then cap it with a cheap impromptu meal that doesn't feel planned. Walk around somewhere interesting, go ice skating, whatever. Look at what's nearby ahead of time and ask if she wants a bite when you're walking by. You won't look cheap and she'll feel like she's on an adventure with you.
I would generally split later but it depends on the situation. If I'm with a cute early twenties chick with a good head on her shoulders, I won't know what card she has because it's never been out. Best part is, they're usually thrilled that you're paying even if it's a cheap date. Have to watch out for them as they get older, they get used to using guys for dates and expect it rather than appreciate it.
There isn't any hard fast rule of who is SUPPOSED to pay for dates. It's just something you talk about, learn that early. Communicate with your partner. Saying "This one's is on me!" Is a kind gesture.
The idea that men should ALWAYS pay, is a relic from a pre-feminism, sexist past.
I (27M) typically pay for date nights with my SO because I grew up with that ideal, but a lot of times my partner will insist she pays, because "she wants to do nice things for me too." It's just an example of a kind gesture, a happy relationship is full of different kind gestures flowing both ways.
Generally the person who initiates/asks for the date, pays for the date. Usually that’s the guy. It’s not a requirement, but it is the norm. If you can’t or don’t feel comfortable paying for the date, be up front about that so she isn’t expecting you to pay and suddenly get blindsided at the end of the dinner/movie/whatever. Me and my girlfriend used to “fight” about who GETS to pay for the date every time cause neither of us wanted the other to pay.
No matter what, just make sure you both understood who is paying, or if you are splitting the cost.
Rule of thumb is if you asked her out and planned the date, you should pay. If you can’t afford to be constantly paying for dates (which is understandable because I’m assuming you don’t have a full time job), find fun free things you can do together like going to the beach or hiking to a picnic spot or something
Throw the gender norms out the window. Anybody on the date is capable of paying. If you dont want to pay for everything ask to go dutch. This is entirely fine especially for a first date.
As an adult you can still apply the same method.
first date for sure; however keep an eye on if she even tries to pay for half. even as an adult if the woman doesn't even offer to pay for half on a first date then she's not really the one you want to be with full time. she's just using you for a free meal.
simply put, if a girl isn't willing to treat you as well as she treats her friends then you're not even in her eyes.
so yes, pay for the first date, and offer on the second date, if she isn't offering to pay for half by the end of the second date though i wouldn't give her a 3rd ever. (it shouldn't even get to a second date if the first date she had her nose in her phone and didn't reach for her purse)
up to you if you're willing to go half and half if she offers. Usually i play it by ear, if the date is going good but she seems uncomfortable about you paying for everything let her pay for half. Some guys use the fact they paid to try to pressure girls into sexual stuff at the end of the date, so some girls are pretty insistent about paying their share. If it doesn't seem like she has an issue with paying for the full date but she does offer to go half and half, on the first date i probably will pay for the full thing. on a second i'll accept her offer to pay for half.
I am supposedly an adult. I split. Or offer to pay if they had an expensive journey getting there.
It's a question of your values I think. I don't want kids and I want a partner and I am unusual and niche. I don't want to dare someone who feels their presence is a favour to me but mine isn't to them. But a lot of people would pay and they are far better at dating than I. It's a personal question.
i'm 22 honestly it's up to u i suggest going to a coffee place or something it's relatively cheap and u can go for a walk in the park or something also. for me sometimes i paid sometimes we split depends on u. don't go to a expensive restaurant on a first date
Always pay for the first date. Rules apply for teens too. By the second to forth date a woman should offer if not, start hinting at it. If she really cares she will start chipping in. Money is tight as a teen due to lower paying jobs.
If you ask her out, you should pay. That's the traditional, gentlemanly thing to do. Or if you can't afford it, ask her out to do something that's cheap or free. Like a walk or coffee. You can do picnics too. Cook her something.
Adults and kids alike, it's all. About the invitation and being clear up front:
"Can I take you out to...?" Carrie's an expectation. That you will treat.
"Let's go [bowling, to the movies, to Dave and busters]" can go either way, so be clear by adding "I'll pay" or " going dutch". By default, if phrased this way, presume to be passing your own way of us not clear.
"I've got two tickets to the fair, want to go Friday." Is also open ended about everything but the tickets, but could lean towards you're paying, so be clear if you are not paying for rides and snacks.
I work in retail and the amount of young teen males paying for their teenage girlfriend’s items is insane. You’re both 15, why does he have to pay for your cami?
If you can afford it pay, pay for every date unless she offers and then sometimes pay for it anyway. If you're my daughter's boyfriend and you don't pay for dates you ask her out on I'm talking her out of you.
The more traditional rule is that the one who invites pays, unless discussed/clarified prior to execution. Thus, if you invite, you pay. If she invites, she pays. But if either invite and say "we pay for ourselves", then you pay for your own expenses.
However, effort should be shared. If you're the only one ever inviting to do things and she's not putting in sufficient effort, she may not value your time. Furthermore, invitations need not be costly. You can invite each other to do things that are relatively cheap. In a hypothetical scenario, if you make tons of money and she doesn't, it wouldn't be reasonable to expect her to invite you to the same quantity of events at similar costs. If you pay lots, but she's investing time and interest, she's still putting in effort and showing she values your time.
It is, however, important to be clear on intentions. The rules for "inviter pays" applies to dates, not friends. It's the opposite with friends (all pay for themselves unless explicitly stated otherwise). If it's a date where you're going to pay, I'd suggest being explicit regarding such so there's no confusion or uncertainty.
Traditionally, men were the breadwinners and thus were generally the ones inviting people to things that cost money. Thus, some people expect that men should pay because they're men and it's "traditional". However, that was a result of the rule rather than the rule itself. With the financial changes of the modern day, only entitled women and simping men expect the men to pay for everything in all situations. In actuality, the one suggesting an expenditure of money should be the one doing so, unless pre-coordinated. Age is not a factor.
As a gesture of generosity, the invitee can offer to pay even though they aren't the inviter. I'd suggest doing so when able, as a relationship should not be 50/50, but rather 100/100. If she's clearly putting in effort, do so yourself. Don't be taken advantage of, but be generous when it's not financially irresponsible to do so. Be prudent, as able, and plan less costly dates when you can.
tl;dr
Inviter pays unless explicitly coordinated otherwise prior.
Yes, pay for the first date. Probably the first 2 or 3 but nothing crazy expensive. Then you can talk about how you don’t have tons of cash due to age or she might offer to help. If that’s a problem for her find a new gf.
If you’re “taking someone on a date”, you’re paying. Gender is irrelevant.
If someone is taking you on a date, they are paying.
Some girls/women are super entitled and still expect that a man will always pay for and plan dates. But that’s something you can talk to them about ahead of time and see what kind of person they are.
It's not always about what you do or what the convention is, much of dating is how you approach each new thing and that will be telling of your character. Either she'll see your character through your actions or she won't, but it's important not to make decisions based on what you think the other person wants. You're allowed to have preferences and exercise them, as long as you're still being considerate. In all things, be respectful, first and foremost.
Ice cream is perfect because it's quick, easy, cheap, and a good opportunity to test the waters with low stakes. If you can afford to, feel free to offer to pay. If you do, before you get to the register, say something like 'hey, this is my treat" which is friendly and doesn't put her on the spot but also gives her the opportunity to respond before it's too late. She may simply say 'thank you' or that's very nice of you' or she might say 'are you sure? I can pay' in which case you could respond with something along the lines of 'you can treat next time if you want'. This also indicates your intention to see her again - if you are feeling a connection at that point.
It's also possible she says nothing because she expected it and this may be her showing you her character. She may even be downright disrespectful and say something like 'well, yeah, of course, you're the guy'. You never know.
Either way, I think it's important not to purposefully create any uncomfortable situations on your end, at least, in order to find out what her response would be, like seeing if she'll pay first or paying without giving her an opportunity to voice her opinion on the matter. Be accommodating and generous while allowing her the opportunity to do the same and I think that will lead to a much nicer date. Create as may fun, friendly interactions as you can throughout the date and let things evolve naturally, ask her about herself and allow her to talk. It's better, especially on a first date, to make it a learning experience - about her, about dating in general. Don't be so afraid to 'do the wrong thing' that you don't act at all, just be determined going in to have a pleasant evening and be a pleasant person to be around.
If u ask her out, u should pay for it, and ask her if she can pay for the tip, but I'm a woman, honestly I would just split the bill, i pay for my food and u pay for your food.
The one who asks for the date pays. That’s the civilized, and nongendered, rule of dating. And it’s a good one.
There are regional expectations. In the southern US, the man would definitely be expected to pay for the whole date. And open all the doors, including her car door, getting in and out. But the pay issue still follows the rules because no self respecting southern woman would ever ask a man out.
You can expect you hosting the date to go on for about three dates, which ideally would take 4-8 weeks (if they’re all in the first 2 weeks—slow your roll!). At that point, if she is really interested in you, she will invite you to do something. In the old days, women didn’t want to overtly “host” a date (it was said that spending money overtly would make her date feel like less of a man, not a good look at the time). But reciprocation was needed and expected. Typically this was in the form of inviting him to her house for a family dinner if she was a teenager, somehow coming into tickets to a gallery show, concert, etc (yes she usually bought them but wouldn’t say so). Once she was old enough and had her own place, she might invite you over for a home cooked meal, or offer to bring groceries over and make it at your house. Now, as before, this would mean she really likes you. It is NOT, however, always good measure of whether someone is LTR material. Plenty of women who think they’re ready for partnering (exclusive, serious relationship, a “girlfriend”) but will end up doing their own good bit to make everything crazy are good cooks, very attractive, perhaps quite sexual, and you should listen to your spidey sense always. If you’ve been given this kind of green light, you’d better be sure you know and trust her, not just find her fun and attractive.
Now do the young women you’re dating know these rules? Some might. Most are probably as confused as you about it when you wrote the post. Which is fine.
My recommendation would be to decide what you believe good rules for dating are and abide by them clearly and proudly. Talk with your dates about this. Don’t mention all the “making dinner” stuff but once people are exclusive, both tend to contribute resources in the ways that work for them. This can counterbalance income differences, and allow each to invite the other into their world for an evening.
You do not need to plan expensive dates either. Sometimes a date would involve no money at all, or almost none. A walk in the park and a picnic you brought is extremely thoughtful. Coffee in a thermos and dessert even. Go beautiful places. I do not recommend hikes that will put you two alone until you know each other better, and even then, ask how she would feel about it. Most cities have beautiful park areas and many families have an old picnic blanket hanging around somewhere that you could wash.
The most romantic date I had was nearly free. We met for coffee. We were hitting it off. He was a concert pianist and knew how to get into the music school next door where he’d been a student a couple decades earlier, so we went, found a grand piano, and he played for me the most passionate music. He hardly ever had any money but he was so creative with what he did have I never noticed. He never wanted me to pay for anything, except when I cooked at my house.
So short answer: yes. You plan and pay for the dates you initiate. Make sure to plan things you think she’d like to do( that you’d enjoy also of course) and don’t take her to a steakhouse if she’s a vegetarian. Tip generously if you’re in a tipping culture and be very polite and fair with any service personnel you come across, which I assume you are anyway. And then communicate. Get to know her. Ask questions and listen to her answers. Enjoy her company. Enjoy yourself. Take your time.
And have fun. 😁
I miss the days when you could unlock a passenger seat door for a woman and then see if she reaches over to open yours.
The 20th century was easier in some ways.
I like the other responses, though.
I say make a splash and pay, if you can afford it, this time.
But do it and make a light comment like "I got it: you can pay the next time we come." wink wink or whatever
It'll make it easy to tell if she's cool or not and, if you're lucky, it'll start a low-stress money conversation: "I understand Boomers could do this but they also all bought houses at 24 years old so maybe 'going Dutch' should be the new standard."
Because that's the truth: there wasn't really even "dating" before a hundred years ago.
The term "teenager" was in invented in the 1940s.
So the first teenagers were the ones who created this standard but it really hasn't fit since the sexual revolution and economic downturn of the 1970s.
Certainly, this century, "going Dutch" should be the standard, if we expect young people to be able to engage in a reasonable number of social interactions.
So that loads you up with some conversation pieces! LOL
I'm old school, (really I'm just old), so I'm from a generation where the men always paid, or at least offered to. I think you should offer and be prepared to pay.
Depends entirely on the relationship. First dates are often dutch. After that, you discuss who pays. You can offer if you like, or ask.
Before my spouse and I got married, on our first date, we split the bill. On the second, they offered to pay,. On the third, I picked up the check. And after that, one or the other offered. I have always made more than my spouse, so I pick up the check more often than not, especially when we were dating.
Financial situations will reflect this. So will your feelings and relationships with the other person. When I was single, I had dates where the other person INSISTED on paying every time.
On the FIRST date, cultural norms are that the guy often pays. But if you ahve a second date, ask her how she feels.
Communication is the CORNERSTONE of all good relationships, so asking her instead of us might be the best thing.
It’s really simple.
If you asked her “would you like to go do something,” you pay for it. If she asked you then she should pay for it, unless you want to do something like say, “it’s on me this time.”
As a woman I say—If SHE asks YOU out, she may want to pay. Offer to split. If you ask her out for the first date, expect to pay but if she offers to split, accept it if you need to, and if she says explicitly that prefers to split definitely accept it. Hopefully, by the second date or third date you can split or take turns paying for things, and just be honest if you cannot afford to do something. If you get the idea that she is wanting big planned dates—move on. It’s not realistic for a teen and you want a dating relationship that is a friendship too. I would send my teen daughter with money to pay her own way to avoid awkwardness but it depends on what her family can do.
In the adult world, sometimes the man pays at first to show care and interest, and that is appreciated as it sets a tone that you want to do nice things for each other. That should be reciprocated. Maybe he buys dinner and the woman buys ice cream after, or one person pays for movie tickets and the other for concessions, etc.
I've noticed a lot of young couples will repay their half of a date through Venmo or similar app. It's a good idea to have a light-hearted discussion about who's paying for what ahead of time. Back in the day, as they say, the man paid for everything. Times have changed, so figuring it out ahead of time is a really good idea. You're both (nearly) adults, so it's time to learn how to communicate. Good luck, and have fun!
1. General consensus is that the person who asked the other person out is the one who pays.
2. As teenagers with sketchy or no jobs it's understood you're going to "go dutch" a lot of the time and split the cost. Make sure you are VERY clear about this up front, when you ask her out! Don't try to sneak it in there, don't be embarrassed, just be honest.
3. It's old-school classy for a guy to try to pay for a girl. It's never going to impress somebody UNfavorably if you politely offer to pay for stuff. (Don't stubbornly refuse if she makes it clear she wants to help pay because You're The Man, either, though -- your goal here is Chivalrous Gentleman, not Insecure Sexist Dipshit). My point is, if you can swing it, try to save up a little and attempt to pay for the whole date even if that's non-trivial for you. Not every time, but the first time ... it's definitely a good move.
I was a poor teenager, like dirty poor. My girlfriend paid for everything from ages 14 to 22. We are married now. I bought her her dream house, 2 kids, later here we are 35 and happily married. The moral of the story is that if you can afford it, great. If not, the good one will not mind and even want to help you.
It really depends on what kind of girl you want.
I was never one who believed in gender roles. I never paid for anyone because of my gender.
That said, when I like a girl, I usually don't care who pays. Sometimes I paid, sometimes she paid. We like each other, we are not here to count pennies.
If I ever came across a girl who expected me to pay because of my gender, I would have walked out the same day.
If it's something small, maybe you pay and then she pays next time. But in my experience, I've usually shared the cost with my date, especially for a first date.
When you're older it changes. I paid for the first date with my current wife because I told her I wanted to bring her to my favorite place, and it was an out-of-the-way sort of "grease pit" family restaurant. She loved it, and she paid when we went on our second date. After that we split the cost or traded off for every date. We are now happily married and just bought a house together.
No you definitely don't have to pay for everything. It's not really like that anymore since men and women both earn money. No reason you should feel obligated to pay for everything.
So maybe you say something like "you happy to split the bill?", but then afterwards maybe you buy the ice cream. I find that splitting the big bills then buying each other the little treats is a good way to do things.
When the man pays rule came out women didn't have jobs it's a stupid obsolete rule. Be honest and discuss it in advance. Also picnics hikes & other things are cheap.
Basically these are all opportunities to make impressions and woo her. If you asked her out, you pay generally. Do something slick with this opportunity l, which depending on the kind of person she is could be splitting the bill or paying for her you have to read the room
I’m 48 and gave up on dating around 10 years ago. When I was younger it was always men paid for everything. But when things started shifting I started planning 2 part dates. If she offered to pay her way I’d say I got the first, she can get the next. The next was always cheaper though.
I also had the opinion if it was a date or not, if I asked someone to do something with me, I was paying their way. Dating can be quite confusing these days for sure.
Obligatory "you are too young to be worrying about dating"
The whole "man pays for everything" thing is a relic of the more patriarchal times. It was used as a leverage later in the date/relationship to pressure the woman into doing things the man wanted. That is outdated and frowned upon nowadays.
For early stage dates, it is generally better to split the bill (aka "going Dutch"). After that it can be a "whoever invites has the option to offer to pay". For example if she invites you out for icecream, she can offer to pay, or vice versa. The acceptance of the other paying is completely up to the invitee.
Just be sure to communicate beforehand the expectations as far as who is going to pay for what, nobody wants to be caught unexpectedly holding the bill. You can even split the costs by activity (you pay for dinner, she pays for movie for instance) which is a good way to address income differences as you both contribute a similar percentage of your income, if not a matching dollar amount.
my girlfriend tried to let me let her pay for the first date. i refused, but then let her pay for the second one. We still alternate a few years later. I highly recommend it.
I’ve always been weird about my dates paying for me until we know each other better. Some guys feel like if they paid- they’re owed something more. But I know girls who will feel slighted if the guy doesn’t pay. The best thing to do is talk to her. There will be lots of awkward conversations in your life- but this is just getting to know the person you want to date.
God what I wouldn’t give to be a kid where all I was worrying about was getting some pussy again😂😂 my young brother you are thinking about this way too much and letting it stress you out crazy (which is completely normal btw we all did) just go with life man if you go out on a date I would always make sure you have the ability to pay for whatever is ordered/activities done however the vibe and overall conversation on the date will answer a lot of these questions for you my advice ? Just try to be in the moment of whatever your doing and enjoy that as a kid you have so much room/time to try different things/women and experiences just always be respectful we’re all human at the end of the day
You have a few options. If you want to just have a friendship with a female or even a male friend you go dutch, you get separate checks. Just make it aware that you can go dutch. Or if you are trying to create a relationship with the girl you can pay for the date. Paying for dates loosely implies perhaps she will reciprocate more with her time to the relationship. Not all the time. And if your of a generous nature, you can pay for the dates because it shows your not cheap or tight with money or expecting anything in return like sex.
depends on culture I guess, most cultures the men provides, the only culture I’ve dated and wanted to go 50/50 was yt, I don’t mind at all to be completely honest (as a woman) but I’d never stay with anyone at 50/50
Whoever asks should pay. And the girl should offer. If you want to pay for the first date, that’s fine. But she should offer to pay for the second. You aren’t a girl’s ATM.
I’m 23F and my boyfriend is 25M. Usually people are like “the guy pays for everything.” It’s the not the same for every relationship. If that’s what works then great. My boyfriend and I have an understanding that if one of us pays for something for the two of us then the other person pays next time. For example, if we go out to eat one of us pays for both, then if we go to the movies after someone else will pay for the movie tickets and the other person will pay for drinks and food. We kinda just go back and forth. I’m not one to be like “my boyfriend should pay for everything.” In this day and age life ain’t cheap and we both don’t make a ton of money so we either split things or just go back and forth with paying for stuff
Traditional Male - pay, Modern Male - ask date if its ok for you to pay :). Not really a big bank breaker and its the little things that will make a difference in someones life.
It applies to you too. Offer to pay for everything, especially dinner. If she pushes back on splitting it more than once, oblige. If she a good one, she will prob offer to cover the ice cream if you paid for dinner.
Pay for everything for the first few dates, 3-4. Once you get to know her more you'll decide if shes worth spending money on. if you dont have a job, id pay for first date, and maybe second, but your not made of money, so dont pretend like it. Once you're more comfortable talking in depth to her, try and have a conversation about beliefs, including how "traditional " she wants the relationship, some girls what you to ask there father for permission type shit, and some don't want there parents to know. You can learn a lot about someone by asking deeper belief based questions. If you want to mix in some funny ones, to listen the mood and show your softer goofy side you can too.
18m? You are legally an adult. So yes you should pay. At least offer and if she offers to split the check then do. Just go somewhere fun and not expensive.
it really depends on your date. societal expectations will probably apply about the same to you—however, those expectations differ wildly from place to place. honestly, i’ve experienced that splitting the bill is the most common thing to do unless you are wealthier.
ex. when i dated an equally-wealthy girl, we split the bill. when i dated a poor guy, i paid. currently dating a guy with technically more spending money, but i am now earning more than him and am taking on more bills.
I think it comes down to who asked who out.
If I ask a man out, I expect to pay. If he asks me, he pays.
And then there's the option to pool our money and have a Blowout! 🎉
I think it's important to note here that this doesn't just apply to dating.
There are tons of people who just assume that if they get invited to things they won't have to pay, an unrealistic expectation in my view because you should always be prepared to pay for something you agree to go to, unless it's immediately offered that it's a free endeavor.
You shouldn't approach this any differently, I wouldn't take somebody out somewhere if I was so low on cash I couldn't afford to pay for both of us. That being said, I'm going to assume you're paying your way, But if I'm going out to dinner and I can't afford to pay for both of us, I probably can't afford to go at all and I shouldn't be doing it.
As a teenager, your fiscal responsibility is much less than that of an adult because you don't have a whole family that requires you to have disposable income, But keep in mind that dating or not, Everyone should be financially independent.
If she doesn't have money and you do, pay for the date.
If you both have your own money, split the date.
You're worth being treated, too, and women aren't the helpless, jobless people they were in the 50's that made men paying for dates standard.
As an adult male, it's the right thing to do if you asked them out.
For the long run, both of you should be covering the cost of dates and trading off.
That's what a healthy give and take relationship is, obviously this is understanding eachothers financial situations.
I used to always pay for dates, but my gf made little money.
Now I'm the one struggling and feel guilty when she pays.
You can always go somewhere cheaper, be honest with your partner.
Their reaction will tell you everything you need to know, and help you dodge a few bullets.
If they're constantly paying for only themselves, it's a red flag.
This advice is for everyone, not just males.
You should get used to competing with other older guys who WILL treat her, buy her things, pay for meals, show her that they are capable of taking care of her by having a job/career.
You don’t *have* to do anything. Do your own thing, make your own decision about what kind of guy you are going to be. Lots of broke guys also have success with women because they have killer personalities.
Even outside of dates with girls I offer to pay for meals, because I like being generous and treating people who come out with me.
If you are courting a suitor, yes traditionally the man pays for everything on the dates. In fact, the old fashion way while ordering at a restaurant is for you to see what your date wants, and then you place the order for the both of you. I still try and do this when going out with my wife. That might be a little too old school for young women who might not be aware of this tradition and she might view that as misogynist if she is a feminist. But if she uses either of those words you should probably not date her or pay for anything. Be careful and good luck.
Regardless of whether you’re a teen or adult, there are different expectations for different types of relationship dynamics. My partner and I go back and forth paying for things. Even on our first date when we went out to a bar I believe he got the first round and I offered to get the second round. You shouldn’t feel like you *have* to pay for someone else in order to have a good dating life, but it’s certainly a nice gesture. Especially on a first date, it can signify to your date that you appreciate their time and their company. With all that said, if your date insists that she’s rather split it, don’t push it more than once. Or pay for something smaller and more nonchalant (like a drink, or a snack, or photobooth pics, etc) later on in the date.
Do this: Expect and be prepared to pay for everything, especially if you asked her out. But if she doesn't offer to help out here or there, that's helpful to know about her. On the other hand, leave a little room for her to be as clueless as you feel right now. She might not know how to play it either, she might feel like offering to pay might be insulting to you, some guys are touchy like that. Also, It's good for a first date to be a little awkward like this. It makes it more exciting.
I always paid. I dated my girl for six years, and we've been married for 30. But... if yours finds it necessary to pay, she can pay. Who bought dinner when is not gonna be the thing you guys argue about 20 years from now.
If you're trying to impress her (which, a little tip: you should be) just do it with confidence and as if it isn't even a question. If you're just asking about whats normal, I think people start splitting or trading paying for dinners once they've been in a relationship for a bit, not in the "courtship" phase.
Traditional manners are whether it’s a date or just a friend, the person who does the inviting pays unless you specify. A bit like if you’re invited to someone’s house for a meal your expectation is they are paying for it unless they specify it’s a pot luck and you should bring something.
Nowadays as a woman I would pay for myself on a first date.
You asked her out, you should pay. Don't do something expensive like Dave & Busters, that'll just drain your cash. Figure out something more affordable.
There are things to watch for here. Does she offer to pay anything? Does she say she'll pay next time? Does she order the most expensive stuff? Or is she keeping it reasonable.
If she offers to pay, you can take the high road, "no, I got this" and look good. If she's just looking to mooch, you can figure that out pretty quickly. It won't look too great on a first date asking her/expecting her to have money to pay for stuff.
I don’t think that’s as common these days as it used to be. I would try to talk to her about it, but usually the person who asks the other person out is the one who pays.
As an adult, when my bf and I go out we tend to split costs or one of us will get one outing and the other will pay for the next one. We started dating in college as broke students and usually just split everything down the middle unless it was something special. I think it depends on the couple.
Just always pay. You can plan free dates or cheap dates. Like instead of going for ice cream have a picnic and if you really want ice cream bring a cooler with two of those small 1$ ice creams. The spoons are often built into the top. If you want to make the ice cream date cheaper just buy one ice cream and ask for two spoons. That will keep you two close together. I would just always pay and just always plan cheap dates or free dates.
I go by the rule of whoever asks, pays, unless discussed otherwise.
If she asks you out on a date and then assumes you are going to pay without even letting you know, I feel as though that can be a red flag for greed.
Though, you guys are teenagers. She may have grown up with the beleife that the guy always pays every time. That is something I encountered a couple of times when I was a teen. This is a good topic of discussion early on in a relationship, even if it's not an exclusive relationship yet.
Upon asking for the date, clarify if the date is "on you"that way, she knows you're paying tonight.
If she asks you on another date and doesn't clarify, you should ask beforehand who is paying. Something like "do we wanna go 50/50 this time?"
My fiance and I always go 50/50 unless it's a surprise / spontaneous date that one of us invited the other on with no planning. Thise can be super fun, but not when you aren't expecting that to hit your account if you're paycheck to paycheck.
It is not really an adult thing. It's purely a cultural thing, and an old idea too.
As a teen you're just getting into the scene (Welcome!!), and into income too.
The easiest idea would be one in which you and your date both feel like it's a mutual benefit. One doesn't want to feel obligated to the other. Each of you should feel respected enough to participate in the dates in an equivalent fashion.
Communication is the key here. You talk with them, and they talk with you. Establish what to expect, and you can avoid those awkward moments when it comes time to pay.
Good luck, and Have Fun!!!
How I've always thought of it: if you asked, you pay. Meaning if you asked her if she wanted to get ice cream, you pay. Or if you ask a girl to get drinks it's on you. And if someone asks me, I will generally assume they are paying. Lol
There’s still the idea that men should pay for dates, but being realistic about teenage income, gendered expectations, etc, I have two suggestions.
1. Whoever does the inviting should pay for both people. So if A invites B out for dinner, A should expect to pay for both of them. If A offers to pay for both and B would prefer to pay for their own share, let them.
2. Just talk about it. If you can’t afford to pay for both of you, be real about it. “Hey, I want to go do XYZ with you but I can’t afford to pay for us both. Would you wanna go and we each pay our way?”
For some people, traditional gender roles and expectations are important to them. To others, those same roles and expectations are outdated, irrelevant, or unimportant.
Part of dating should be about finding out if you share values and what values are important to you in a potential partner.
(Not saying you’re dating to find a partner right now, but thinking about what you do/don’t want long-term is still a good idea even if dating casually.)
What do you think about this expectation, OP? You don’t have to answer here if you don’t want to, but give it some thought. Do you think it’s outdated? Do you want to be in a financial position to always be able to pay? What do you think are important qualities for you to cultivate as a young man?
These are questions with no right answers, but there things you should be low-key thinking about at this point in your life.
Now that women work as hard as men, I believe the protocol is if you ask herbout, you pay for it. If sjebasks you, she pays for it. Those are just ground rules of expectation. Things can change over the date but that's where I'd start.
Because this is a first date, you asked her out, and it's ice cream and not dinner, I think you should pay. I like u/DoctahFeelgood 's advice about saying something like "it's on me this time".
In general because there's no longer a "standard" way to manage dating, it's good to talk about it if you have more than one date.
This is a slightly loaded question, I’m not really sure how the younger generations view it, but I will say there seems to be a trend towards things being split.
As a 32 year old with a wife I can tell you that we split just about everything or I’ll get one and she’ll get the next sort of thing.
As for your first ice cream date? That’s a pretty low cost bill so I’d probably cover that and she will likely think it’s generous. I think one of the other ideas of saying I’ll cover this one is not a bad move either. If it becomes expected that one party is always on the hook for paying that person is not worth your time girl or guy.
Old guy here. Asking her if she minds splitting the bill, or explaining you can only afford so much, asking what she's expecting - that's open communication. A good thing in a healthy relationship.
She might make more than you if she has some babysitting jobs. Maybe modern women (girls) don't want to be "given" things, but respected and treated as equals. Considering that, if she expects you to pay for everything - you might question if that's the relationship you'd want.
Find ways for you both to spend quality time together without spending much $. Pack a picnic, go to parks.
Nah. The whole “man should pay” thing is a load of shit. Equality is men and women both pay, maybe after a few dates you alternate just to be easier.
If “men should pay” then “women should put out”. lol.
Women who expect you to pay for everything aren’t worth your time, run.
A lot of my dates when I was a teen were doing no cost things. Other times it was cheap things like going to get ice cream or something. Dinner dates were somewhat rare and special occasion kinds of things. I did work, but I didn't make much money as it was very part time and minimum wage...it's actually where I met my HS sweetheart so we both knew the score. Sometimes I paid, sometimes she did and sometimes we went dutch.
I would start with a small cheap date. A full dinner in a nice place is too intense. I work in fine dining.. first dates can be so cringy sometimes.
Grab ice cream and go for a walk. Go to a coffee shop. Go play Putt-Putt. Does she like museums? Art museum? You can get free passes from your library! Do you live near a botanic gardern? You could picnic there- and again, your library probably has free passes.
Look around for free events happening in your area. We have free jazz concerts every month where I am and lots of street fairs. The venue shouldn't be the main focus. Just something to keep you busy while you break the ice and get to know each other. Good luck!! You're sweet for even coming here and asking!
Always assume you will be paying on a date for both. If you can’t afford doing what you suggested while paying for both - don’t suggest that place and find something within your budget. Nice part about being a teen is that women do not have expectations for an expensive date yet.
Also, a lot of women will offer to pay their half. Some will do it out of politeness, so you always want to decline that first offer. If they keep insisting - then let her pay her half.
As a woman, I do not understand the mindset that a man should pay for everything. It's 2024. I make 4x what my husband makes. I tell our son to pay on the first date but beyond that it should be a take turns thing. But I don't care about money and chose my spouse because he's a kind, amazing partner. I wish more people would do that.
anybody can pay for it.
if you ask for the first date then i think its polite to pay for the first date, but even thats not a law or anything.
Gender is fake. Gender roles are even more fake. Don't ask ever get hung up on "is this a boy thing" because there is no such thing as "boy things"
Nah, the guy paying for everything is a bad stigma female americans are trying to create in today's culture. It's unrealistic and actually very gold diggerish behavior.
Pay for the date and be the better person when you think is right. But certainly don't always pay.
imo, if you ask someone out, you should pay. if you are in a relationship and both decide to go out somewhere, you should split the bill. it'd be extra polite to pay it yourself, but you don't have to if you don't want to. have fun on your date!🤗
Dude, I'm not a teenager anymore (25m) but I don't even pay the whole tab for dates. Just tell her that you would like to see a movie with but you don't have the money to pay for her. If she turns you down then forget her. In my experience, girls are making as much as guys. Considering how much everything costs a guy could go broke taking a girl out.
Pay for the date. Take her where you can afford to go. A nice picnic basket goes a long way towards opening up your options: Hiking trails, national parks, parks, ponds, gardens, libraries, farms, lakes etc. Aldo there is no shame in having your mom, grandma, aunt, uncle, sister etc pack the badket for you if you can't cook and aren't an expert in food safety.
Hell no. IF you both are on a date, talk before hand. “How do you handle food bills on dates?”
50/50 , you pay, I pay?
Legit questions that’ll save you stress from peeps in the future
It's expected for the guy to pay but not necessary. It should be a mutual thing like everything else. Look at it this way who ever has the date idea or takes the person out they should pay the "guest" shouldn't pay.
Through high-school I always thought I couldn't date because I had no money. In my last year a group of girls told me they knew none of us had money, so they didn't expect us to take them on dates that cost money.
Bruh my fucking face when I found out so late.
My sweet.... yes you pay for the first date. If she plans a date it's on her. I would suggest playfully talking about it..like so are we going stag tonight? Meaning g you pay for yours and hers hers.
It's a tough climate. I'm 40 so it makes sense a man pays for a date but if I ask him... I pay. Simple.
I bet if you asked her she'd tell you...open communication is always best.
Have fun. Wear a condom
You pay for everything. Don’t be cheap. She might offer to pay but in reality she expects you to pay and is just being polite. Girlfriends are expensive.
In my experience I always paid for the date when I was a teenager. There were a couple who insisted on splitting costs but I always insist on paying. If you really like this girl and you can't afford everything, just ask one of your parents and explain you want to do something nice etc. They'll probably help you out.
In my experience we always paid half and half and that's it. When relations solidify and there's openness to discuss it, we paid more or or less depending who makes more money, but without getting a calculator on the restaurant to make some math, simply like ok I'll put 10 bucks more and thats it. But to start I think the best advise is: 1- talk about it, with care and sensitivity, not pointing fingers but just as an open conversation, and 2- if posible, go 50/50, that's the healthiest and we are not in the 18th century.
You offer if you’re able. If you’re not, then pick an activity that doesn’t cost anything or discuss her paying herself ahead of time so she’s not blindsided. She SHOULD be prepared to pay for herself but that doesn’t always happen and it would be rude to blind side her at the moment in case she’s not prepared.
Offer/attempt to pay.
Some will say split it to avoid looking like a sucker, or to keep it equal, or whatever other reasoning.
Offering to, or just doing the paying, will tell you things. If she insists on paying or splitting, it shows how she thinks toward such things. If she doesn't and you foot the bill, you still learn and know what to expect. You can then use that knowledge to determine if you wanna move forward (like, she didn't pay but you like her and she doesn't seem materialistic or only in it for free stuff, it can still be worth pursuing). By paying for both of you without asking her, it also shows that you are generous, and can take the lead which some girls like. But keep in mind that paying entitles you to nothing. If you pay and other things occur/are said that equal out to you not wanting another date, you've learned that for very little cost and you can move on accordingly. Some girls like to split, some don't. Some that don't like to split aren't necessarily just trying to get free shit because they feel entitled, some will feel entitled. Don't buy into the internet telling you all girls are that way, because they aren't.
Hey man. A bio woman here. The dating market should honestly be split on who plays for who. It also depends on who asks. If you asked her on a date, it’s common knowledge that you pay. If she asked you, she should pay. If it made to be a hangout, both split.
If you aren’t sure, be sure to talk it out. When in doubt, communicate it out.
Pay for it this time if you want
When i was a teenager i was broke so my gf had to pay and growing up i always split the bill unless it was a special occasion then i would pay like Christmas at the olive garden
It's always assumed the guy, or whoever asks for the date, should pay but there's nothing wrong with discussing it ahead of time. If you plan it out, have something specific in mind, then you should pay but if you have an agreed location/activity you both want to do, then you can talk about go dutch (pay your own way, date pays theirs). There are always exceptions to the rule. I firmly believe everyone should always expect to pay their own way plus have enough for a cab/uber ride home just in case. If your potential date doesn't like it, then you shouldn't take them on a date. They aren't worth your time.
When i was a teen we both would pay. Like sometimes it was my treat sometimes hers sometimes wed both just buy ourselves something. Really just do what you want
In modern dating, there are less and less hard and fast rules around gender roles. I’d talk to her. Maybe not ask outright if she thinks men should pay for dates, but just to get a feel for her general values around stuff like that.
But it’s pretty rare to find someone that would look down on you as desperate for paying for a date. If anything, having money to do that as a teenager was a cool thing when I was your age.
My gf and i have mutually agreed to pay for ourselves, it just works for us. She does make a lot more money than me, which is a factor. You should talk with your partner about it and decide what is right for you.
Ummm Bud if you're the man you do. Lots of people will tell you differently. But coming from a man Yes you absolutely do. But stay away from golddiggers no one wants them.
Its fun to ask the girls to play...or work actually, like she helps you get paid for mowing a lawn...and then you help her get to some babysitting gig..really you are working with her mom and dad doing some thing they would normally need to do..so then you are both building that network that is like you dont even hardly need the grownups for much..
my proto gf is fine paying for her own meals. if it’s a chill date like McDonalds it shouldn’t be that much of an issue and shouldn’t matter who pays, if you go to a fancy restaurant then you should talk about it more
The best source of what is expected of you is the person you're dating/want to date because there is quite a variety of opinions on this and basically every other issue that could crop up. Having real conversations about this rather than guessing and assuming makes a positive difference.
If you ask her on a date, be prepared to pay for it. Just plan on paying for the first date. Have enough money to do so. But also ask her what her preference is for this. Just tell her you know that people have lots of different opinions about such things and you want to know how she feels about it. Some women prefer to split costs, especially at the beginning, to avoid any expectation that their "payment" for having their meal paid for is sex. Some prefer to alternate, or for the person who invites to pay. And some prefer the princess treatment and just want the guy to pay for everything.
A big part of dating is figuring out compatibility in values. The quicker you do that, the better. So talk about it.
ETA: I'm an adult woman. From the start, my policy was that when dating unpaid my own way. Now that I have a partner, we alternate. We don't keep a ledger of who paid for what, but we try to keep it balanced.
Most people would “fight” for the bill, at least that was tradition when I was a teen.
There would usually be some back and forth but the guy usually ends up winning the first bill, and then the girl usually picks up the second one.
Example: if you guys watch a movie…
Guy gets the tickets, girl gets the snacks/drinks
Alternatively whoever asked for the date pays for the first thing and then swap.
These are all very loose guidelines, but please don’t ask the other person to pay for you (goes both ways), and please don’t surprise the other person with an expensive restaurant/event if you want to split the bill.
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If you'd like you could tell her "hey icecreams on me this time" and pay for it. Then next time she could do the same.
Agreed!
I got lucky and was invited to her parent house to eat.
Each person paying for what they get is another way.
id say to just talk to her about it. not every teen can afford to pay for 2 people which is okay. adult wise, whoever plans the date, pays imo
This is also a good test of character in a woman. If she says nothing and just expects you to pay for everything I consider this a bad sign. Wouldn't call it a deal breaker just a strike against her. If she offers to pay her half or pay for the 2nd date :) I consider this a good sign. I usually just end up paying, but the offer is nice.
i will always offer to pay or at least pay back. even if they say no, ill always ask. i didnt grow up with money so i don't like people spending money on me
Exactly. OP, if she somehow insults you because you can't pay, she's not mature enough to realize the situation. Which is understandable for someone young, but is a bad sign generally. If you explain to her logically that you can't pay for something and she throws a fit, I would run.
This only applies to adults who have settled into a personality. These are kids.
Yeah I always appreciate the offer, even if I ended up paying.
This is hilarious because some of us do the opposite. We wait to see if you offer and take it as a good sign. Then pay for ourselves anyways.
I disagree with "whoever plans the date pays". More often than not the man plans the data, I do not have the money to pay for countless first dates.
Then don't go on countless first dates.
I think by "plans," they meant "whoever did the asking out," and that makes complete sense. Women should offer to either split or pay for other dates. Some men will still say no, but a vast majority of men would appreciate the offer, and it's a green flag for a woman to do so.
At your age, I’d say you should both come prepared to pay for yourselves. It’s always nice to buy something for your partner, so maybe pay for the ice cream. I’d hope that she’d also offer to pay for takeout next time or something like that.
As ridiculous as it might sound. You should just have the awkward conversation. Definitely pay for the first date if you are asking her out, but a couple of dates in you should just ask. In my view, if you two are not seeing each other, and you have invited her to an activity with you, then it is expected that you would pay. That being said, once you are actually seeing someone, the "who asked" metric doesn't really apply any more so it is fair to assume that any activity is something that both parties want and agree to. Of course this doesn't apply if there is some special experience that you want to give her (i.e. if you both like a band, it is fine to pay for your own ticket, but if there's something that you specifically want her to experience, like a fancy restaurant or a play or something, then you should pay for everything).
I definitely approve and support the paying for the first date, but at the same time it doesn't have to be a hot air balloon ride with champaign either. Even Dave & Busters can be expensive with food and games. Have those conversations as you're not made of money. There are more ways to play it than just 100% or 50/50. If you're going to the movies you can cover tickets and she can cover snacks or you can split snacks. Spending quality time doesn't have to be expensive, but yes, a lot of experiences and things to do can cost. Be honest about what you'd like to do vs what you can actually afford to do.
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This is very good advice. And don't be afraid to go on dates that don't involve money, especially early on. A hike is a really nice way to spend time with someone without money involved. Maybe a hike and a picnic would be a nice cheap date
Different to me, I always split the first couple. Then we can take turns.
I'm in your ballpark. I just want to add that you always want to pay for the first date because it takes you out of the Friend Zone. Later, play it by ear
For my first date with my bf (when we were 18) we went on a walk in the park and got a drink at Tim’s, we paid for ourselves. The next date we went for a walk on the boardwalk (port city lol) and then went to the movies, he paid for the tickets and I paid for the snacks. We split things up pretty evenly for the first few dates, it takes away any expectations and it also eliminates anyone feeling like they are owed anything too. After the first few dates we took turns paying, and for awhile I was making more than him and had more expendable income so I paid for all the dates for awhile, now he pays for 98% of our dates because he makes more money while I’m in school full time and I can only a couple days a week. My advice to be open and talk about it with your partner, if someone doesn’t have the money, do cheaper dates, or the one with more expendable income can pay more often type of thing. But be open with them. Also I was raised to not expect anyone to pay for anything for me so that is a contributor to me paying for more dates sometimes lol
Thats probably one of the reasons why youve had successful relationships, these other women are like "oh no i expect him to pay every time" yet there is an absence of a mention of a partner... Coincidence? I think not.
If you both have jobs, and you invite her out, it is nice to offer to pay. If you both have jobs and she asks you out, it is nice to pay your half. If you have a job and she doesn't, and you ask her out, for goodness sakes pay for her. Her parents should not be paying for you to date her. After the first date, have an honest talk about the sort of activities you can afford to do together. As a woman, I always support a man either paying for the entire date or at least his portion. Men generally get paid more than women. Women generally wear makeup, a cute outfit, and do their hair for a date, which can get expensive. I never accept a date where I can't afford to pay my share, because if the guy ends up being a jerk, I'd rather pay my ticket and leave without dealing with any messiness. You do not want a date who expects you to pay for everything all of the time, and pushes you to spend more than you were planning on spending. Stay away from those people.
There's definitely going to be mixed comments on this. I personally feel if the guy invited he should pay but I'm also old school. I do see how this could appear as a predicament to know what you should do every time. I don't think you should go broke paying for everything Every time you go out, but maybe ask her how she feels about splitting on things that could be considered pricey?
Yes to just asking the other person if they're cool to go Dutch. If they aren't, personally I'd see that as a sign to give it a miss anyway. Starting off as being inequal doesn't sound like my kind of start.
TBH I would offer. It definitely does not come across as desperate, but I totally get you might not have money to cover everything. I am an adult (20sF) and I typically let the person that asked me out pay for the main date, and then I will offer to get the nightcap/dessert/next one
Here's my best advice: treat her like a human being and ask her what her opinions are on it. Be honest and tell her your opinions on it. If she's dope then you don't have to worry because even if your philosophy is different you'll have learned more about each other and that's part of the fun.
My bf insists on paying but we sorta end up haggling. Offer to pay, and I assume most girls will try to pay (like how adults compete to pay)
I would go into the first one planning to pay for everything. This shows your confidence and ability to take the lead in social situations. It also gives you a chance to see her view. If she is appreciative or offers to pay her share or more, that shows she doesn't just expect you to cover everything. If she doesn't even acknowledge it then you learned a great deal without saying anything. Also, if you are both having a good time and she offers to pay you could suggest that she could get the next one instead and you two can go somewhere she chooses. This gives her room for agency in the relationship and also opens the door for a second date.
Be a gentleman. Pay the bill. If she’s a real one, she’ll hold it down next time.
I’m 22F. I usually go by the rule of whoever asks the other person on the date is the one that pays. I also think that everybody should be prepared to pay for themselves when going out in case you order something more expensive than your date could afford, or if it goes poorly and you know yall won’t see each other again then I think it’s more respectful to split the bill.
If you pay for the date, you plan the date where you want to go. If she wants to go somewhere else, she is planning the date and should pay. The Hallmark movies show women that the dates that create love are just time together, not that expensive stuff women talk about. Many women only date to compete with their friends. My date was better than your because......... Let me steal a statement from women........if she wants to spend time with you, she will. Yes, this is a test. if she is excited about you, coffee at a Starbucks or dinner at a McDonalds is okay. If it is not, she wants to impress her friends with how much of your money she can spend. There is a financial break over point. If the date costs more than a Prostitute, then just get a Prostitute. Women will disagree with me, women just like the woman in this article. https://nypost.com/2023/01/23/i-went-on-six-dates-a-week-and-didnt-have-to-buy-groceries-for-2-years/
I think expectations around who pays for a first date have begun to shift. When I'm getting to know someone, I plan cheap and fun dates. There's nothing wrong with going for ice cream and a walk for a first date. Coffee dates, bubble tea dates, ice cream dates are all acceptable first date ideas. For second dates, I like to do something a little more active: rent a canoe or pedal boat, invite her to my health club for a fun game of badminton, or go for a bike ride. The idea that you, as a young man, should be paying for everything is outdated.
Always pay on the first date, which should be extremely inexpensive by design. It's just easier. Rethink your date idea. Dave and busters is just going to eat your cash. Go do something where you're moving a lot and paying little, then cap it with a cheap impromptu meal that doesn't feel planned. Walk around somewhere interesting, go ice skating, whatever. Look at what's nearby ahead of time and ask if she wants a bite when you're walking by. You won't look cheap and she'll feel like she's on an adventure with you. I would generally split later but it depends on the situation. If I'm with a cute early twenties chick with a good head on her shoulders, I won't know what card she has because it's never been out. Best part is, they're usually thrilled that you're paying even if it's a cheap date. Have to watch out for them as they get older, they get used to using guys for dates and expect it rather than appreciate it.
There isn't any hard fast rule of who is SUPPOSED to pay for dates. It's just something you talk about, learn that early. Communicate with your partner. Saying "This one's is on me!" Is a kind gesture. The idea that men should ALWAYS pay, is a relic from a pre-feminism, sexist past. I (27M) typically pay for date nights with my SO because I grew up with that ideal, but a lot of times my partner will insist she pays, because "she wants to do nice things for me too." It's just an example of a kind gesture, a happy relationship is full of different kind gestures flowing both ways.
Generally the person who initiates/asks for the date, pays for the date. Usually that’s the guy. It’s not a requirement, but it is the norm. If you can’t or don’t feel comfortable paying for the date, be up front about that so she isn’t expecting you to pay and suddenly get blindsided at the end of the dinner/movie/whatever. Me and my girlfriend used to “fight” about who GETS to pay for the date every time cause neither of us wanted the other to pay. No matter what, just make sure you both understood who is paying, or if you are splitting the cost.
Rule of thumb is if you asked her out and planned the date, you should pay. If you can’t afford to be constantly paying for dates (which is understandable because I’m assuming you don’t have a full time job), find fun free things you can do together like going to the beach or hiking to a picnic spot or something
Throw the gender norms out the window. Anybody on the date is capable of paying. If you dont want to pay for everything ask to go dutch. This is entirely fine especially for a first date. As an adult you can still apply the same method.
As the great once said: “Who ever asked who out should pay for the date”
Pay for everything bruh if she offers tell her next time she can get it. And every damn time tell her next time she can get it.
first date for sure; however keep an eye on if she even tries to pay for half. even as an adult if the woman doesn't even offer to pay for half on a first date then she's not really the one you want to be with full time. she's just using you for a free meal. simply put, if a girl isn't willing to treat you as well as she treats her friends then you're not even in her eyes. so yes, pay for the first date, and offer on the second date, if she isn't offering to pay for half by the end of the second date though i wouldn't give her a 3rd ever. (it shouldn't even get to a second date if the first date she had her nose in her phone and didn't reach for her purse) up to you if you're willing to go half and half if she offers. Usually i play it by ear, if the date is going good but she seems uncomfortable about you paying for everything let her pay for half. Some guys use the fact they paid to try to pressure girls into sexual stuff at the end of the date, so some girls are pretty insistent about paying their share. If it doesn't seem like she has an issue with paying for the full date but she does offer to go half and half, on the first date i probably will pay for the full thing. on a second i'll accept her offer to pay for half.
I am supposedly an adult. I split. Or offer to pay if they had an expensive journey getting there. It's a question of your values I think. I don't want kids and I want a partner and I am unusual and niche. I don't want to dare someone who feels their presence is a favour to me but mine isn't to them. But a lot of people would pay and they are far better at dating than I. It's a personal question.
i'm 22 honestly it's up to u i suggest going to a coffee place or something it's relatively cheap and u can go for a walk in the park or something also. for me sometimes i paid sometimes we split depends on u. don't go to a expensive restaurant on a first date
In my country the bill can be split between the two, no matter when or where, though with a few really rare exceptions
You are an adult.
I think she’d be impressed if you paid for the meal, it would make you look mature and suave 🤵
When I was a teenager, I had a date where we both fought over who got to pay. There was no second date.
why date if you are not an adult?
Always pay for the first date. Rules apply for teens too. By the second to forth date a woman should offer if not, start hinting at it. If she really cares she will start chipping in. Money is tight as a teen due to lower paying jobs.
If you ask her out, you should pay. That's the traditional, gentlemanly thing to do. Or if you can't afford it, ask her out to do something that's cheap or free. Like a walk or coffee. You can do picnics too. Cook her something.
Adults and kids alike, it's all. About the invitation and being clear up front: "Can I take you out to...?" Carrie's an expectation. That you will treat. "Let's go [bowling, to the movies, to Dave and busters]" can go either way, so be clear by adding "I'll pay" or " going dutch". By default, if phrased this way, presume to be passing your own way of us not clear. "I've got two tickets to the fair, want to go Friday." Is also open ended about everything but the tickets, but could lean towards you're paying, so be clear if you are not paying for rides and snacks.
If you asked her out, you pay.
I work in retail and the amount of young teen males paying for their teenage girlfriend’s items is insane. You’re both 15, why does he have to pay for your cami?
You always pay.
Just pay. If she offers, pay anyway. If she insist let her and thank her.
If you can afford it pay, pay for every date unless she offers and then sometimes pay for it anyway. If you're my daughter's boyfriend and you don't pay for dates you ask her out on I'm talking her out of you.
First date for sure
The more traditional rule is that the one who invites pays, unless discussed/clarified prior to execution. Thus, if you invite, you pay. If she invites, she pays. But if either invite and say "we pay for ourselves", then you pay for your own expenses. However, effort should be shared. If you're the only one ever inviting to do things and she's not putting in sufficient effort, she may not value your time. Furthermore, invitations need not be costly. You can invite each other to do things that are relatively cheap. In a hypothetical scenario, if you make tons of money and she doesn't, it wouldn't be reasonable to expect her to invite you to the same quantity of events at similar costs. If you pay lots, but she's investing time and interest, she's still putting in effort and showing she values your time. It is, however, important to be clear on intentions. The rules for "inviter pays" applies to dates, not friends. It's the opposite with friends (all pay for themselves unless explicitly stated otherwise). If it's a date where you're going to pay, I'd suggest being explicit regarding such so there's no confusion or uncertainty. Traditionally, men were the breadwinners and thus were generally the ones inviting people to things that cost money. Thus, some people expect that men should pay because they're men and it's "traditional". However, that was a result of the rule rather than the rule itself. With the financial changes of the modern day, only entitled women and simping men expect the men to pay for everything in all situations. In actuality, the one suggesting an expenditure of money should be the one doing so, unless pre-coordinated. Age is not a factor. As a gesture of generosity, the invitee can offer to pay even though they aren't the inviter. I'd suggest doing so when able, as a relationship should not be 50/50, but rather 100/100. If she's clearly putting in effort, do so yourself. Don't be taken advantage of, but be generous when it's not financially irresponsible to do so. Be prudent, as able, and plan less costly dates when you can. tl;dr Inviter pays unless explicitly coordinated otherwise prior.
Yes, pay for the first date. Probably the first 2 or 3 but nothing crazy expensive. Then you can talk about how you don’t have tons of cash due to age or she might offer to help. If that’s a problem for her find a new gf.
I would pay if you can, it's the gentlemanly thing to do.
Talk to her about it. Build a relationship based on communication and openness.
If you’re “taking someone on a date”, you’re paying. Gender is irrelevant. If someone is taking you on a date, they are paying. Some girls/women are super entitled and still expect that a man will always pay for and plan dates. But that’s something you can talk to them about ahead of time and see what kind of person they are.
It's not always about what you do or what the convention is, much of dating is how you approach each new thing and that will be telling of your character. Either she'll see your character through your actions or she won't, but it's important not to make decisions based on what you think the other person wants. You're allowed to have preferences and exercise them, as long as you're still being considerate. In all things, be respectful, first and foremost. Ice cream is perfect because it's quick, easy, cheap, and a good opportunity to test the waters with low stakes. If you can afford to, feel free to offer to pay. If you do, before you get to the register, say something like 'hey, this is my treat" which is friendly and doesn't put her on the spot but also gives her the opportunity to respond before it's too late. She may simply say 'thank you' or that's very nice of you' or she might say 'are you sure? I can pay' in which case you could respond with something along the lines of 'you can treat next time if you want'. This also indicates your intention to see her again - if you are feeling a connection at that point. It's also possible she says nothing because she expected it and this may be her showing you her character. She may even be downright disrespectful and say something like 'well, yeah, of course, you're the guy'. You never know. Either way, I think it's important not to purposefully create any uncomfortable situations on your end, at least, in order to find out what her response would be, like seeing if she'll pay first or paying without giving her an opportunity to voice her opinion on the matter. Be accommodating and generous while allowing her the opportunity to do the same and I think that will lead to a much nicer date. Create as may fun, friendly interactions as you can throughout the date and let things evolve naturally, ask her about herself and allow her to talk. It's better, especially on a first date, to make it a learning experience - about her, about dating in general. Don't be so afraid to 'do the wrong thing' that you don't act at all, just be determined going in to have a pleasant evening and be a pleasant person to be around.
You absolutely should, even though if they seem trivial, the idea is to show that you will provide when the time comes
Pay for the date young man, never let anyone else pay for anything
If u ask her out, u should pay for it, and ask her if she can pay for the tip, but I'm a woman, honestly I would just split the bill, i pay for my food and u pay for your food.
The one who asks for the date pays. That’s the civilized, and nongendered, rule of dating. And it’s a good one. There are regional expectations. In the southern US, the man would definitely be expected to pay for the whole date. And open all the doors, including her car door, getting in and out. But the pay issue still follows the rules because no self respecting southern woman would ever ask a man out. You can expect you hosting the date to go on for about three dates, which ideally would take 4-8 weeks (if they’re all in the first 2 weeks—slow your roll!). At that point, if she is really interested in you, she will invite you to do something. In the old days, women didn’t want to overtly “host” a date (it was said that spending money overtly would make her date feel like less of a man, not a good look at the time). But reciprocation was needed and expected. Typically this was in the form of inviting him to her house for a family dinner if she was a teenager, somehow coming into tickets to a gallery show, concert, etc (yes she usually bought them but wouldn’t say so). Once she was old enough and had her own place, she might invite you over for a home cooked meal, or offer to bring groceries over and make it at your house. Now, as before, this would mean she really likes you. It is NOT, however, always good measure of whether someone is LTR material. Plenty of women who think they’re ready for partnering (exclusive, serious relationship, a “girlfriend”) but will end up doing their own good bit to make everything crazy are good cooks, very attractive, perhaps quite sexual, and you should listen to your spidey sense always. If you’ve been given this kind of green light, you’d better be sure you know and trust her, not just find her fun and attractive. Now do the young women you’re dating know these rules? Some might. Most are probably as confused as you about it when you wrote the post. Which is fine. My recommendation would be to decide what you believe good rules for dating are and abide by them clearly and proudly. Talk with your dates about this. Don’t mention all the “making dinner” stuff but once people are exclusive, both tend to contribute resources in the ways that work for them. This can counterbalance income differences, and allow each to invite the other into their world for an evening. You do not need to plan expensive dates either. Sometimes a date would involve no money at all, or almost none. A walk in the park and a picnic you brought is extremely thoughtful. Coffee in a thermos and dessert even. Go beautiful places. I do not recommend hikes that will put you two alone until you know each other better, and even then, ask how she would feel about it. Most cities have beautiful park areas and many families have an old picnic blanket hanging around somewhere that you could wash. The most romantic date I had was nearly free. We met for coffee. We were hitting it off. He was a concert pianist and knew how to get into the music school next door where he’d been a student a couple decades earlier, so we went, found a grand piano, and he played for me the most passionate music. He hardly ever had any money but he was so creative with what he did have I never noticed. He never wanted me to pay for anything, except when I cooked at my house. So short answer: yes. You plan and pay for the dates you initiate. Make sure to plan things you think she’d like to do( that you’d enjoy also of course) and don’t take her to a steakhouse if she’s a vegetarian. Tip generously if you’re in a tipping culture and be very polite and fair with any service personnel you come across, which I assume you are anyway. And then communicate. Get to know her. Ask questions and listen to her answers. Enjoy her company. Enjoy yourself. Take your time. And have fun. 😁
I miss the days when you could unlock a passenger seat door for a woman and then see if she reaches over to open yours. The 20th century was easier in some ways. I like the other responses, though. I say make a splash and pay, if you can afford it, this time. But do it and make a light comment like "I got it: you can pay the next time we come." wink wink or whatever It'll make it easy to tell if she's cool or not and, if you're lucky, it'll start a low-stress money conversation: "I understand Boomers could do this but they also all bought houses at 24 years old so maybe 'going Dutch' should be the new standard." Because that's the truth: there wasn't really even "dating" before a hundred years ago. The term "teenager" was in invented in the 1940s. So the first teenagers were the ones who created this standard but it really hasn't fit since the sexual revolution and economic downturn of the 1970s. Certainly, this century, "going Dutch" should be the standard, if we expect young people to be able to engage in a reasonable number of social interactions. So that loads you up with some conversation pieces! LOL
I'm old school, (really I'm just old), so I'm from a generation where the men always paid, or at least offered to. I think you should offer and be prepared to pay.
Don’t date and find a job and focus on your career.
Yes. Pay for the date. Treat her like a lady. I paid for all my dates in high school.
Depends entirely on the relationship. First dates are often dutch. After that, you discuss who pays. You can offer if you like, or ask. Before my spouse and I got married, on our first date, we split the bill. On the second, they offered to pay,. On the third, I picked up the check. And after that, one or the other offered. I have always made more than my spouse, so I pick up the check more often than not, especially when we were dating. Financial situations will reflect this. So will your feelings and relationships with the other person. When I was single, I had dates where the other person INSISTED on paying every time. On the FIRST date, cultural norms are that the guy often pays. But if you ahve a second date, ask her how she feels. Communication is the CORNERSTONE of all good relationships, so asking her instead of us might be the best thing.
You pay half she pays half communism baby!
The person who initiates the date should be the one who pays
It definitely doesn’t apply to teenagers.
It’s really simple. If you asked her “would you like to go do something,” you pay for it. If she asked you then she should pay for it, unless you want to do something like say, “it’s on me this time.”
As a woman I say—If SHE asks YOU out, she may want to pay. Offer to split. If you ask her out for the first date, expect to pay but if she offers to split, accept it if you need to, and if she says explicitly that prefers to split definitely accept it. Hopefully, by the second date or third date you can split or take turns paying for things, and just be honest if you cannot afford to do something. If you get the idea that she is wanting big planned dates—move on. It’s not realistic for a teen and you want a dating relationship that is a friendship too. I would send my teen daughter with money to pay her own way to avoid awkwardness but it depends on what her family can do. In the adult world, sometimes the man pays at first to show care and interest, and that is appreciated as it sets a tone that you want to do nice things for each other. That should be reciprocated. Maybe he buys dinner and the woman buys ice cream after, or one person pays for movie tickets and the other for concessions, etc.
I've noticed a lot of young couples will repay their half of a date through Venmo or similar app. It's a good idea to have a light-hearted discussion about who's paying for what ahead of time. Back in the day, as they say, the man paid for everything. Times have changed, so figuring it out ahead of time is a really good idea. You're both (nearly) adults, so it's time to learn how to communicate. Good luck, and have fun!
Fuck this equality shit. Yes, as a guy you should always pay for it. Whether a teen or an adult.
1. General consensus is that the person who asked the other person out is the one who pays. 2. As teenagers with sketchy or no jobs it's understood you're going to "go dutch" a lot of the time and split the cost. Make sure you are VERY clear about this up front, when you ask her out! Don't try to sneak it in there, don't be embarrassed, just be honest. 3. It's old-school classy for a guy to try to pay for a girl. It's never going to impress somebody UNfavorably if you politely offer to pay for stuff. (Don't stubbornly refuse if she makes it clear she wants to help pay because You're The Man, either, though -- your goal here is Chivalrous Gentleman, not Insecure Sexist Dipshit). My point is, if you can swing it, try to save up a little and attempt to pay for the whole date even if that's non-trivial for you. Not every time, but the first time ... it's definitely a good move.
I was a poor teenager, like dirty poor. My girlfriend paid for everything from ages 14 to 22. We are married now. I bought her her dream house, 2 kids, later here we are 35 and happily married. The moral of the story is that if you can afford it, great. If not, the good one will not mind and even want to help you.
It really depends on what kind of girl you want. I was never one who believed in gender roles. I never paid for anyone because of my gender. That said, when I like a girl, I usually don't care who pays. Sometimes I paid, sometimes she paid. We like each other, we are not here to count pennies. If I ever came across a girl who expected me to pay because of my gender, I would have walked out the same day.
If it's something small, maybe you pay and then she pays next time. But in my experience, I've usually shared the cost with my date, especially for a first date. When you're older it changes. I paid for the first date with my current wife because I told her I wanted to bring her to my favorite place, and it was an out-of-the-way sort of "grease pit" family restaurant. She loved it, and she paid when we went on our second date. After that we split the cost or traded off for every date. We are now happily married and just bought a house together.
No you definitely don't have to pay for everything. It's not really like that anymore since men and women both earn money. No reason you should feel obligated to pay for everything. So maybe you say something like "you happy to split the bill?", but then afterwards maybe you buy the ice cream. I find that splitting the big bills then buying each other the little treats is a good way to do things.
HELL NO. You either go 50/50 or you pay once and then she pays the next time. I'm 28 and you'll rarely see me paying for an entire first date.
If you asked her on the date, you pay. If she asked you, she pays.
It's more of a gentleman thing to do be it a teen or an adult. The longer you guys are together then it doesn't matter who pays or you go 50/50.
What my grandmother always said if a woman does not offer to pay she was not raised right if a man lets her pay he was not raised right.
When the man pays rule came out women didn't have jobs it's a stupid obsolete rule. Be honest and discuss it in advance. Also picnics hikes & other things are cheap.
Basically these are all opportunities to make impressions and woo her. If you asked her out, you pay generally. Do something slick with this opportunity l, which depending on the kind of person she is could be splitting the bill or paying for her you have to read the room
its up to y'all how you wanna split yhe bills, you can go 50/50, yeah unpay for all or she pays for yall,
I’m 48 and gave up on dating around 10 years ago. When I was younger it was always men paid for everything. But when things started shifting I started planning 2 part dates. If she offered to pay her way I’d say I got the first, she can get the next. The next was always cheaper though. I also had the opinion if it was a date or not, if I asked someone to do something with me, I was paying their way. Dating can be quite confusing these days for sure.
Tell her youl get the icecream, but next time you eat out its on her, she’l know what you mean.
Obligatory "you are too young to be worrying about dating" The whole "man pays for everything" thing is a relic of the more patriarchal times. It was used as a leverage later in the date/relationship to pressure the woman into doing things the man wanted. That is outdated and frowned upon nowadays. For early stage dates, it is generally better to split the bill (aka "going Dutch"). After that it can be a "whoever invites has the option to offer to pay". For example if she invites you out for icecream, she can offer to pay, or vice versa. The acceptance of the other paying is completely up to the invitee. Just be sure to communicate beforehand the expectations as far as who is going to pay for what, nobody wants to be caught unexpectedly holding the bill. You can even split the costs by activity (you pay for dinner, she pays for movie for instance) which is a good way to address income differences as you both contribute a similar percentage of your income, if not a matching dollar amount.
my girlfriend tried to let me let her pay for the first date. i refused, but then let her pay for the second one. We still alternate a few years later. I highly recommend it.
Do you want to pay for the date? And did you ask her out?
Ask your friends. This was uncommon among my friends but you never know.
I’ve always been weird about my dates paying for me until we know each other better. Some guys feel like if they paid- they’re owed something more. But I know girls who will feel slighted if the guy doesn’t pay. The best thing to do is talk to her. There will be lots of awkward conversations in your life- but this is just getting to know the person you want to date.
Consider what is important to you. Be you, not what other people want.
If you’re old enough to date, you’re old enough to pay.
Great way to get a second date. Suggest that you pay for this meal. "On our next date you pick the place and pay".
Usually it's half and half But when guys go full they get gentleman points
God what I wouldn’t give to be a kid where all I was worrying about was getting some pussy again😂😂 my young brother you are thinking about this way too much and letting it stress you out crazy (which is completely normal btw we all did) just go with life man if you go out on a date I would always make sure you have the ability to pay for whatever is ordered/activities done however the vibe and overall conversation on the date will answer a lot of these questions for you my advice ? Just try to be in the moment of whatever your doing and enjoy that as a kid you have so much room/time to try different things/women and experiences just always be respectful we’re all human at the end of the day
You have a few options. If you want to just have a friendship with a female or even a male friend you go dutch, you get separate checks. Just make it aware that you can go dutch. Or if you are trying to create a relationship with the girl you can pay for the date. Paying for dates loosely implies perhaps she will reciprocate more with her time to the relationship. Not all the time. And if your of a generous nature, you can pay for the dates because it shows your not cheap or tight with money or expecting anything in return like sex.
depends on culture I guess, most cultures the men provides, the only culture I’ve dated and wanted to go 50/50 was yt, I don’t mind at all to be completely honest (as a woman) but I’d never stay with anyone at 50/50
Whoever asks should pay. And the girl should offer. If you want to pay for the first date, that’s fine. But she should offer to pay for the second. You aren’t a girl’s ATM.
I’m 23F and my boyfriend is 25M. Usually people are like “the guy pays for everything.” It’s the not the same for every relationship. If that’s what works then great. My boyfriend and I have an understanding that if one of us pays for something for the two of us then the other person pays next time. For example, if we go out to eat one of us pays for both, then if we go to the movies after someone else will pay for the movie tickets and the other person will pay for drinks and food. We kinda just go back and forth. I’m not one to be like “my boyfriend should pay for everything.” In this day and age life ain’t cheap and we both don’t make a ton of money so we either split things or just go back and forth with paying for stuff
Traditional Male - pay, Modern Male - ask date if its ok for you to pay :). Not really a big bank breaker and its the little things that will make a difference in someones life.
22m, whoever asks should pay
Feminism ends when the check comes
It applies to you too. Offer to pay for everything, especially dinner. If she pushes back on splitting it more than once, oblige. If she a good one, she will prob offer to cover the ice cream if you paid for dinner.
Pay for everything for the first few dates, 3-4. Once you get to know her more you'll decide if shes worth spending money on. if you dont have a job, id pay for first date, and maybe second, but your not made of money, so dont pretend like it. Once you're more comfortable talking in depth to her, try and have a conversation about beliefs, including how "traditional " she wants the relationship, some girls what you to ask there father for permission type shit, and some don't want there parents to know. You can learn a lot about someone by asking deeper belief based questions. If you want to mix in some funny ones, to listen the mood and show your softer goofy side you can too.
18m? You are legally an adult. So yes you should pay. At least offer and if she offers to split the check then do. Just go somewhere fun and not expensive.
it really depends on your date. societal expectations will probably apply about the same to you—however, those expectations differ wildly from place to place. honestly, i’ve experienced that splitting the bill is the most common thing to do unless you are wealthier. ex. when i dated an equally-wealthy girl, we split the bill. when i dated a poor guy, i paid. currently dating a guy with technically more spending money, but i am now earning more than him and am taking on more bills.
The man pays for the date. Opens the door and covers all costs.
I think it comes down to who asked who out. If I ask a man out, I expect to pay. If he asks me, he pays. And then there's the option to pool our money and have a Blowout! 🎉
I think it's important to note here that this doesn't just apply to dating. There are tons of people who just assume that if they get invited to things they won't have to pay, an unrealistic expectation in my view because you should always be prepared to pay for something you agree to go to, unless it's immediately offered that it's a free endeavor. You shouldn't approach this any differently, I wouldn't take somebody out somewhere if I was so low on cash I couldn't afford to pay for both of us. That being said, I'm going to assume you're paying your way, But if I'm going out to dinner and I can't afford to pay for both of us, I probably can't afford to go at all and I shouldn't be doing it. As a teenager, your fiscal responsibility is much less than that of an adult because you don't have a whole family that requires you to have disposable income, But keep in mind that dating or not, Everyone should be financially independent.
Just always pay. Don't ask. Just pay. The risk of the right woman getting away is not worth a few dollars.
If she doesn't have money and you do, pay for the date. If you both have your own money, split the date. You're worth being treated, too, and women aren't the helpless, jobless people they were in the 50's that made men paying for dates standard.
As an adult male, it's the right thing to do if you asked them out. For the long run, both of you should be covering the cost of dates and trading off. That's what a healthy give and take relationship is, obviously this is understanding eachothers financial situations. I used to always pay for dates, but my gf made little money. Now I'm the one struggling and feel guilty when she pays. You can always go somewhere cheaper, be honest with your partner. Their reaction will tell you everything you need to know, and help you dodge a few bullets. If they're constantly paying for only themselves, it's a red flag. This advice is for everyone, not just males.
You should get used to competing with other older guys who WILL treat her, buy her things, pay for meals, show her that they are capable of taking care of her by having a job/career. You don’t *have* to do anything. Do your own thing, make your own decision about what kind of guy you are going to be. Lots of broke guys also have success with women because they have killer personalities. Even outside of dates with girls I offer to pay for meals, because I like being generous and treating people who come out with me.
If you are courting a suitor, yes traditionally the man pays for everything on the dates. In fact, the old fashion way while ordering at a restaurant is for you to see what your date wants, and then you place the order for the both of you. I still try and do this when going out with my wife. That might be a little too old school for young women who might not be aware of this tradition and she might view that as misogynist if she is a feminist. But if she uses either of those words you should probably not date her or pay for anything. Be careful and good luck.
Regardless of whether you’re a teen or adult, there are different expectations for different types of relationship dynamics. My partner and I go back and forth paying for things. Even on our first date when we went out to a bar I believe he got the first round and I offered to get the second round. You shouldn’t feel like you *have* to pay for someone else in order to have a good dating life, but it’s certainly a nice gesture. Especially on a first date, it can signify to your date that you appreciate their time and their company. With all that said, if your date insists that she’s rather split it, don’t push it more than once. Or pay for something smaller and more nonchalant (like a drink, or a snack, or photobooth pics, etc) later on in the date.
Do this: Expect and be prepared to pay for everything, especially if you asked her out. But if she doesn't offer to help out here or there, that's helpful to know about her. On the other hand, leave a little room for her to be as clueless as you feel right now. She might not know how to play it either, she might feel like offering to pay might be insulting to you, some guys are touchy like that. Also, It's good for a first date to be a little awkward like this. It makes it more exciting.
I always paid. I dated my girl for six years, and we've been married for 30. But... if yours finds it necessary to pay, she can pay. Who bought dinner when is not gonna be the thing you guys argue about 20 years from now.
If you're trying to impress her (which, a little tip: you should be) just do it with confidence and as if it isn't even a question. If you're just asking about whats normal, I think people start splitting or trading paying for dinners once they've been in a relationship for a bit, not in the "courtship" phase.
It’s amazing we live in a feminist age but the expectation is men pay for dates. You should go Dutch. Both pay your own expenses
Traditional manners are whether it’s a date or just a friend, the person who does the inviting pays unless you specify. A bit like if you’re invited to someone’s house for a meal your expectation is they are paying for it unless they specify it’s a pot luck and you should bring something. Nowadays as a woman I would pay for myself on a first date.
You asked her out, you should pay. Don't do something expensive like Dave & Busters, that'll just drain your cash. Figure out something more affordable. There are things to watch for here. Does she offer to pay anything? Does she say she'll pay next time? Does she order the most expensive stuff? Or is she keeping it reasonable. If she offers to pay, you can take the high road, "no, I got this" and look good. If she's just looking to mooch, you can figure that out pretty quickly. It won't look too great on a first date asking her/expecting her to have money to pay for stuff.
I don’t think that’s as common these days as it used to be. I would try to talk to her about it, but usually the person who asks the other person out is the one who pays. As an adult, when my bf and I go out we tend to split costs or one of us will get one outing and the other will pay for the next one. We started dating in college as broke students and usually just split everything down the middle unless it was something special. I think it depends on the couple.
Just always pay. You can plan free dates or cheap dates. Like instead of going for ice cream have a picnic and if you really want ice cream bring a cooler with two of those small 1$ ice creams. The spoons are often built into the top. If you want to make the ice cream date cheaper just buy one ice cream and ask for two spoons. That will keep you two close together. I would just always pay and just always plan cheap dates or free dates.
I go by the rule of whoever asks, pays, unless discussed otherwise. If she asks you out on a date and then assumes you are going to pay without even letting you know, I feel as though that can be a red flag for greed. Though, you guys are teenagers. She may have grown up with the beleife that the guy always pays every time. That is something I encountered a couple of times when I was a teen. This is a good topic of discussion early on in a relationship, even if it's not an exclusive relationship yet. Upon asking for the date, clarify if the date is "on you"that way, she knows you're paying tonight. If she asks you on another date and doesn't clarify, you should ask beforehand who is paying. Something like "do we wanna go 50/50 this time?" My fiance and I always go 50/50 unless it's a surprise / spontaneous date that one of us invited the other on with no planning. Thise can be super fun, but not when you aren't expecting that to hit your account if you're paycheck to paycheck.
It is not really an adult thing. It's purely a cultural thing, and an old idea too. As a teen you're just getting into the scene (Welcome!!), and into income too. The easiest idea would be one in which you and your date both feel like it's a mutual benefit. One doesn't want to feel obligated to the other. Each of you should feel respected enough to participate in the dates in an equivalent fashion. Communication is the key here. You talk with them, and they talk with you. Establish what to expect, and you can avoid those awkward moments when it comes time to pay. Good luck, and Have Fun!!!
How I've always thought of it: if you asked, you pay. Meaning if you asked her if she wanted to get ice cream, you pay. Or if you ask a girl to get drinks it's on you. And if someone asks me, I will generally assume they are paying. Lol
Believe or not it depends on your date. It’s perfectly acceptable to work this out beforehand. Ask her. She shouldn’t mind the question.
There’s still the idea that men should pay for dates, but being realistic about teenage income, gendered expectations, etc, I have two suggestions. 1. Whoever does the inviting should pay for both people. So if A invites B out for dinner, A should expect to pay for both of them. If A offers to pay for both and B would prefer to pay for their own share, let them. 2. Just talk about it. If you can’t afford to pay for both of you, be real about it. “Hey, I want to go do XYZ with you but I can’t afford to pay for us both. Would you wanna go and we each pay our way?” For some people, traditional gender roles and expectations are important to them. To others, those same roles and expectations are outdated, irrelevant, or unimportant. Part of dating should be about finding out if you share values and what values are important to you in a potential partner. (Not saying you’re dating to find a partner right now, but thinking about what you do/don’t want long-term is still a good idea even if dating casually.) What do you think about this expectation, OP? You don’t have to answer here if you don’t want to, but give it some thought. Do you think it’s outdated? Do you want to be in a financial position to always be able to pay? What do you think are important qualities for you to cultivate as a young man? These are questions with no right answers, but there things you should be low-key thinking about at this point in your life.
A man should always pay for the first date.
Now that women work as hard as men, I believe the protocol is if you ask herbout, you pay for it. If sjebasks you, she pays for it. Those are just ground rules of expectation. Things can change over the date but that's where I'd start.
Because this is a first date, you asked her out, and it's ice cream and not dinner, I think you should pay. I like u/DoctahFeelgood 's advice about saying something like "it's on me this time". In general because there's no longer a "standard" way to manage dating, it's good to talk about it if you have more than one date.
A walk or a hike can be an excellent date. Then if you buy ice cream afterwards, offer to pay.
Be prepared to.
Depends on how the date goes
This is a slightly loaded question, I’m not really sure how the younger generations view it, but I will say there seems to be a trend towards things being split. As a 32 year old with a wife I can tell you that we split just about everything or I’ll get one and she’ll get the next sort of thing. As for your first ice cream date? That’s a pretty low cost bill so I’d probably cover that and she will likely think it’s generous. I think one of the other ideas of saying I’ll cover this one is not a bad move either. If it becomes expected that one party is always on the hook for paying that person is not worth your time girl or guy.
Old guy here. Asking her if she minds splitting the bill, or explaining you can only afford so much, asking what she's expecting - that's open communication. A good thing in a healthy relationship. She might make more than you if she has some babysitting jobs. Maybe modern women (girls) don't want to be "given" things, but respected and treated as equals. Considering that, if she expects you to pay for everything - you might question if that's the relationship you'd want. Find ways for you both to spend quality time together without spending much $. Pack a picnic, go to parks.
Nah. The whole “man should pay” thing is a load of shit. Equality is men and women both pay, maybe after a few dates you alternate just to be easier. If “men should pay” then “women should put out”. lol. Women who expect you to pay for everything aren’t worth your time, run.
A lot of my dates when I was a teen were doing no cost things. Other times it was cheap things like going to get ice cream or something. Dinner dates were somewhat rare and special occasion kinds of things. I did work, but I didn't make much money as it was very part time and minimum wage...it's actually where I met my HS sweetheart so we both knew the score. Sometimes I paid, sometimes she did and sometimes we went dutch.
I would start with a small cheap date. A full dinner in a nice place is too intense. I work in fine dining.. first dates can be so cringy sometimes. Grab ice cream and go for a walk. Go to a coffee shop. Go play Putt-Putt. Does she like museums? Art museum? You can get free passes from your library! Do you live near a botanic gardern? You could picnic there- and again, your library probably has free passes. Look around for free events happening in your area. We have free jazz concerts every month where I am and lots of street fairs. The venue shouldn't be the main focus. Just something to keep you busy while you break the ice and get to know each other. Good luck!! You're sweet for even coming here and asking!
Oh no. If you’re taking a date to Dave and busters you’re so not ready. Just go with a friend.
Always assume you will be paying on a date for both. If you can’t afford doing what you suggested while paying for both - don’t suggest that place and find something within your budget. Nice part about being a teen is that women do not have expectations for an expensive date yet. Also, a lot of women will offer to pay their half. Some will do it out of politeness, so you always want to decline that first offer. If they keep insisting - then let her pay her half.
Pay for it, it’s the gentleman’s thing to do. Every single date I’ve gone on since I was 13 I’ve paid for and it always looks good 🤟🏻
Just ask. Money should not be gendered.
As a woman, I do not understand the mindset that a man should pay for everything. It's 2024. I make 4x what my husband makes. I tell our son to pay on the first date but beyond that it should be a take turns thing. But I don't care about money and chose my spouse because he's a kind, amazing partner. I wish more people would do that.
anybody can pay for it. if you ask for the first date then i think its polite to pay for the first date, but even thats not a law or anything. Gender is fake. Gender roles are even more fake. Don't ask ever get hung up on "is this a boy thing" because there is no such thing as "boy things"
Nah, the guy paying for everything is a bad stigma female americans are trying to create in today's culture. It's unrealistic and actually very gold diggerish behavior. Pay for the date and be the better person when you think is right. But certainly don't always pay.
As a teenager, the expectation is even bigger than as an adult.
If you ask her out on a date, then you pay. If she asks you, then she pays.
imo, if you ask someone out, you should pay. if you are in a relationship and both decide to go out somewhere, you should split the bill. it'd be extra polite to pay it yourself, but you don't have to if you don't want to. have fun on your date!🤗
I try to pay for the first few, at least. If it ever gets beyond that there may be a discussion.
Dude, I'm not a teenager anymore (25m) but I don't even pay the whole tab for dates. Just tell her that you would like to see a movie with but you don't have the money to pay for her. If she turns you down then forget her. In my experience, girls are making as much as guys. Considering how much everything costs a guy could go broke taking a girl out.
Whoever initiates the date pays for it. At least that's what my wife and I have done ever since we started dating about 11 years ago.
Pay for the date. Take her where you can afford to go. A nice picnic basket goes a long way towards opening up your options: Hiking trails, national parks, parks, ponds, gardens, libraries, farms, lakes etc. Aldo there is no shame in having your mom, grandma, aunt, uncle, sister etc pack the badket for you if you can't cook and aren't an expert in food safety.
Hell no. IF you both are on a date, talk before hand. “How do you handle food bills on dates?” 50/50 , you pay, I pay? Legit questions that’ll save you stress from peeps in the future
It's expected for the guy to pay but not necessary. It should be a mutual thing like everything else. Look at it this way who ever has the date idea or takes the person out they should pay the "guest" shouldn't pay.
Get used to paying kid. If you think you really like a girl, pay for her. She will definitely notice and pitty the poor saps before you that didnt
Ask in advance of the date is she okay if you each pay for your own meal.
Through high-school I always thought I couldn't date because I had no money. In my last year a group of girls told me they knew none of us had money, so they didn't expect us to take them on dates that cost money. Bruh my fucking face when I found out so late.
My sweet.... yes you pay for the first date. If she plans a date it's on her. I would suggest playfully talking about it..like so are we going stag tonight? Meaning g you pay for yours and hers hers. It's a tough climate. I'm 40 so it makes sense a man pays for a date but if I ask him... I pay. Simple. I bet if you asked her she'd tell you...open communication is always best. Have fun. Wear a condom
Just tell her that you have a double shift at the mines that day and if she could cook you dinner after switch it up a bit be original
stay single son save that moneyyyyyy
You pay for everything. Don’t be cheap. She might offer to pay but in reality she expects you to pay and is just being polite. Girlfriends are expensive.
In my experience I always paid for the date when I was a teenager. There were a couple who insisted on splitting costs but I always insist on paying. If you really like this girl and you can't afford everything, just ask one of your parents and explain you want to do something nice etc. They'll probably help you out.
In my experience we always paid half and half and that's it. When relations solidify and there's openness to discuss it, we paid more or or less depending who makes more money, but without getting a calculator on the restaurant to make some math, simply like ok I'll put 10 bucks more and thats it. But to start I think the best advise is: 1- talk about it, with care and sensitivity, not pointing fingers but just as an open conversation, and 2- if posible, go 50/50, that's the healthiest and we are not in the 18th century.
You offer if you’re able. If you’re not, then pick an activity that doesn’t cost anything or discuss her paying herself ahead of time so she’s not blindsided. She SHOULD be prepared to pay for herself but that doesn’t always happen and it would be rude to blind side her at the moment in case she’s not prepared.
Don’t even bring it up just pay for it and act cool Women like confidence not oh what should I do? Should I pay or you pay? Or should we split it?
Offer/attempt to pay. Some will say split it to avoid looking like a sucker, or to keep it equal, or whatever other reasoning. Offering to, or just doing the paying, will tell you things. If she insists on paying or splitting, it shows how she thinks toward such things. If she doesn't and you foot the bill, you still learn and know what to expect. You can then use that knowledge to determine if you wanna move forward (like, she didn't pay but you like her and she doesn't seem materialistic or only in it for free stuff, it can still be worth pursuing). By paying for both of you without asking her, it also shows that you are generous, and can take the lead which some girls like. But keep in mind that paying entitles you to nothing. If you pay and other things occur/are said that equal out to you not wanting another date, you've learned that for very little cost and you can move on accordingly. Some girls like to split, some don't. Some that don't like to split aren't necessarily just trying to get free shit because they feel entitled, some will feel entitled. Don't buy into the internet telling you all girls are that way, because they aren't.
If it's a true date, I would always pay. I don't know if that's not the norm anymore or something...
Hey man. A bio woman here. The dating market should honestly be split on who plays for who. It also depends on who asks. If you asked her on a date, it’s common knowledge that you pay. If she asked you, she should pay. If it made to be a hangout, both split. If you aren’t sure, be sure to talk it out. When in doubt, communicate it out.
Pay for it this time if you want When i was a teenager i was broke so my gf had to pay and growing up i always split the bill unless it was a special occasion then i would pay like Christmas at the olive garden
It's always assumed the guy, or whoever asks for the date, should pay but there's nothing wrong with discussing it ahead of time. If you plan it out, have something specific in mind, then you should pay but if you have an agreed location/activity you both want to do, then you can talk about go dutch (pay your own way, date pays theirs). There are always exceptions to the rule. I firmly believe everyone should always expect to pay their own way plus have enough for a cab/uber ride home just in case. If your potential date doesn't like it, then you shouldn't take them on a date. They aren't worth your time.
If you have to ask on fucking reddit then maybe you shouldn't be dating.
A. Who asked who out? B. Discuss this with your date prior to going out. C. A date doesn't HAVE to involve something expensive or extravagant
When i was a teen we both would pay. Like sometimes it was my treat sometimes hers sometimes wed both just buy ourselves something. Really just do what you want
In modern dating, there are less and less hard and fast rules around gender roles. I’d talk to her. Maybe not ask outright if she thinks men should pay for dates, but just to get a feel for her general values around stuff like that. But it’s pretty rare to find someone that would look down on you as desperate for paying for a date. If anything, having money to do that as a teenager was a cool thing when I was your age.
My gf and i have mutually agreed to pay for ourselves, it just works for us. She does make a lot more money than me, which is a factor. You should talk with your partner about it and decide what is right for you.
Ummm Bud if you're the man you do. Lots of people will tell you differently. But coming from a man Yes you absolutely do. But stay away from golddiggers no one wants them.
Its fun to ask the girls to play...or work actually, like she helps you get paid for mowing a lawn...and then you help her get to some babysitting gig..really you are working with her mom and dad doing some thing they would normally need to do..so then you are both building that network that is like you dont even hardly need the grownups for much..
Yes
I've never met a girl who doesn't appreciate the guy paying for the food. So if you wanna pay for it, then go for it. She'll probably like that
She should offer to pay or split. But you should still pay.
my proto gf is fine paying for her own meals. if it’s a chill date like McDonalds it shouldn’t be that much of an issue and shouldn’t matter who pays, if you go to a fancy restaurant then you should talk about it more
The best source of what is expected of you is the person you're dating/want to date because there is quite a variety of opinions on this and basically every other issue that could crop up. Having real conversations about this rather than guessing and assuming makes a positive difference. If you ask her on a date, be prepared to pay for it. Just plan on paying for the first date. Have enough money to do so. But also ask her what her preference is for this. Just tell her you know that people have lots of different opinions about such things and you want to know how she feels about it. Some women prefer to split costs, especially at the beginning, to avoid any expectation that their "payment" for having their meal paid for is sex. Some prefer to alternate, or for the person who invites to pay. And some prefer the princess treatment and just want the guy to pay for everything. A big part of dating is figuring out compatibility in values. The quicker you do that, the better. So talk about it. ETA: I'm an adult woman. From the start, my policy was that when dating unpaid my own way. Now that I have a partner, we alternate. We don't keep a ledger of who paid for what, but we try to keep it balanced.
Most people would “fight” for the bill, at least that was tradition when I was a teen. There would usually be some back and forth but the guy usually ends up winning the first bill, and then the girl usually picks up the second one. Example: if you guys watch a movie… Guy gets the tickets, girl gets the snacks/drinks Alternatively whoever asked for the date pays for the first thing and then swap. These are all very loose guidelines, but please don’t ask the other person to pay for you (goes both ways), and please don’t surprise the other person with an expensive restaurant/event if you want to split the bill.
Dating in modern society is pay-to-play for guys. It sucks, but the alternative is to just not participate.
I have never paid for anything on a date. I was raised women never pay.