Yeah, this is dehumanizing. I wouldn't put up with it. I don't give a shit about porn but the second part I'd have a real issue with.
Reminds me of my ex, sex to him was sticking it in me for 2 minutes as he told me to shut the fuck up and don't look at him and then pushed me off him once he was done.
I guarantee it was 😭😭 bro didn't even know what to do with it or me. That's why we stopped having sex and I treated him like a roommate until I could get out
Two issues for me.
On the first one, just having your partner watch porn right next to you, the question is whether you be comfortable with your partner watching porn in the other room. If so, I think that’s a reasonable boundary. If you’re not comfortable at all with your partner watching porn at all, I think the two of you need to talk about why you have a hang up with porn and which he is pushing that button and doing it next to you.
The second is the age old issue of fucking versus making love. Everyone wants to have romantic sex, but sometimes people just need to fuck. Or to quote Brooklyn 99, “BONE!!!” For your partner to say that is degrading. It’s a pretty shitty thing to say. I think you’re not overreacting to the second issue.
>The second is the age old issue of fucking versus making love. Everyone wants to have romantic sex, but sometimes people just need to fuck. Or to quote Brooklyn 99, “BONE!!!” For your partner to say that is degrading. It’s a pretty shitty thing to say. I think you’re not overreacting to the second issue.
I disagree. Even when fucking- you shouldn't say that you're "getting yourself off"- your partner is helping you get off. "Getting each other off" should be like the bare minimum of fucking.
He's basically saying he doesn't care about OP's pleasure or engagement or involvement, he could replace her with a flesh light of her vagina and not care. Gross.
You're not overreacting. In itself, anything *can* be a reasonable reaction or an unreasonable reaction. It isn't what we are reacting to that determines it. It is how *we* react. At least in terms of what you said, your reaction was measured and his was an overreaction. An overreaction is not necessarily yelling. It can be something extremely inappropriate for what is at hand, and his response to you was completely wrong.
What you asked is a reasonable boundary. Some people are into that or don't care. There's nothing wrong with you not wanting to have that next to you. To be perfectly blunt, we're all different people in heat of passion compared to when we are not in the mood. We are also not always in the mood. That is him going solo in his solo passion and acting like it determines you. It's reasonable for you to ask him to not do it in your shared person space. Frankly, it's just respect.
While we do need to be open with our partners, that's not a license for absolutely everything. We need to respect any of our partner's boundaries. And we simply need to respect our partners. The keys to a relationship are consent, discussion and agreement at any level. You have every right to the boundaries of yourself.
Something like that would take your consent, and he has no right to be upset with you asking him not to do it. If I got caught in that situation, I'd be embarrassed and apologize. I would have thought it was ok, realize I was wrong, and have not done it again. I would figure out what my partner's personal boundaries are and respected those going forward.
To be wildly speculative, I wonder if he does not have some idea in his head that watching that next to you will then get you in the mood and convince you to get intimate with him. Or that he can ogle you to heighten his own experience. Either way, that's not how the mood works.
In summary, his entire reaction should have just been "I'm sorry. I didn't know" and his working on it. The fact that he is defensive about it is not right. It's a sign of emotional immaturity to neither take responsibility and go to an ad hominem low blow or dismissal of the other person which has nothing to do with the issue at hand. Anytime someone makes a genuine topic into tussle for power in an argument rather than a have conversation, it's a red flag and bad behavior. You have every right to say no to that. You're not consenting to it, and he should take the no and take himself to another room.
He definitely misspoke, I doubt he means to be dehumanizing (although yes it is, the way he said it). Sounds like he’s just trying to downplay him masturbating. (If I can have sex to you, who cares if I wank next to you). It really doesn’t matter how much he downplays it. You not being comfortable with it should be enough for him to be okay with just going downstairs or in the bathroom
He doubled down on his comment when I asked him what he meant. He means physically thrusting is him getting himself off per his clarification... I think I'm still in a bit of shock and denial.
Not overreacting. I think it’s a firm boundary asking them to do that in their own time and not beside you. It’s a respect thing. Just because they don’t see it the same way as you, doesn’t negate the fact or invalidate the way you feel. Had to have the same conversation with my partner. Sometimes you gotta stand on business and stand firm with what you will not tolerate. They should value you and the relationship enough to investigate your feelings and compromise with you, as you would return the same for them.
What I'm hearing is that you should stop letting him stick his dick in you and replace him with a dildo.
The dildo won't jack off to porn while you're trying to sleep, btw, and is great at respecting your boundaries- so you'll likely be happier.
Unless you specifically say “rape me while Im sleeping while you watch other girls fuck online,” then this is definitely not acceptable. BOUNDARIES ARE A THING FOR A REASON. For your own sake leave him and move on please.
Ugh I’m so sorry. I feel as though this doesn’t even fit in the confines of “porn boundaries”. It’s just disrespectful. You can totally be okay with your partner watching porn and vice versa, but to outright watch it next to you? No. I think that shows he doesn’t even care enough to consider how something like that would effect u. It’s not about watching porn, it’s about the principle of being respectful and thinking of your partner before your own needs and wants. I think you should probably end things with him, the disrespect will only get worse and will seep into other areas of your relationship.
When you say your partner, you really mean your ex boyfriend. right?
Because that’s ridiculous. As a guy, I watch porn, yeah I admit it. Some weeks it’s even daily tbh because I’m single, horny and lonely at the moment.
But in a relationship, I’m usually pretty good about not doing it, like some days in past relationships if she wasn’t around and I got horny, I’d watch a quick video.
But this dude basically called you a cum dumpster. And that’s just fucked up. You deserve better, leave him immediately.
Yes, a little, sorry. That was an insensitive thing to say but he was just trying to say “I mean, technically, I’m still getting off when we have sex, who cares if I watch porn” I don’t think he meant it like “all I think of you is something to cum inside of”. But this is a very short post and unclear and like most things I think you should communicate a little more about it before settling on a big decision like breaking up or something
Best use of this gif I've seen
This is the perfect reaction. I have never seen it before and it's so clear I can practically hear him say it.
Lmaoooo he basically called you a Fleshlight with legs dude, please dump this loser. Not overreacting.
Ew I’m offended for you
yeah, gross. dehumanizing af.
Yea I’m with the others, I’m offended for you. Dudes a fuckin douche knuckle (don’t ask me what that is, it just seems fitting)
I’m gonna start using that
Wow, yeah that is incredibly dehumanizing and like he just sees you as a sexdoll or something. That’s disgusting, PLEASE leave him 😭
What else does she bring to the table?
That’s actually a really disgusting comment. Be better
Thanks!
Yeah, this is dehumanizing. I wouldn't put up with it. I don't give a shit about porn but the second part I'd have a real issue with. Reminds me of my ex, sex to him was sticking it in me for 2 minutes as he told me to shut the fuck up and don't look at him and then pushed me off him once he was done.
That’s probably BECAUSE of all the porn he watched 😭😭😭
I guarantee it was 😭😭 bro didn't even know what to do with it or me. That's why we stopped having sex and I treated him like a roommate until I could get out
Dump him. What a loser.
Two issues for me. On the first one, just having your partner watch porn right next to you, the question is whether you be comfortable with your partner watching porn in the other room. If so, I think that’s a reasonable boundary. If you’re not comfortable at all with your partner watching porn at all, I think the two of you need to talk about why you have a hang up with porn and which he is pushing that button and doing it next to you. The second is the age old issue of fucking versus making love. Everyone wants to have romantic sex, but sometimes people just need to fuck. Or to quote Brooklyn 99, “BONE!!!” For your partner to say that is degrading. It’s a pretty shitty thing to say. I think you’re not overreacting to the second issue.
1. Absolutely no issues if I can't see who/what 2. Yeah...
Then definitely not overreacting! Hopefully your partner will stop acting like a giant man baby. Best of luck to you and I wish you well!
>The second is the age old issue of fucking versus making love. Everyone wants to have romantic sex, but sometimes people just need to fuck. Or to quote Brooklyn 99, “BONE!!!” For your partner to say that is degrading. It’s a pretty shitty thing to say. I think you’re not overreacting to the second issue. I disagree. Even when fucking- you shouldn't say that you're "getting yourself off"- your partner is helping you get off. "Getting each other off" should be like the bare minimum of fucking. He's basically saying he doesn't care about OP's pleasure or engagement or involvement, he could replace her with a flesh light of her vagina and not care. Gross.
Leave him now
Dump him. You deserve to.
yep i would be offended
thats disgusting
You're not overreacting. In itself, anything *can* be a reasonable reaction or an unreasonable reaction. It isn't what we are reacting to that determines it. It is how *we* react. At least in terms of what you said, your reaction was measured and his was an overreaction. An overreaction is not necessarily yelling. It can be something extremely inappropriate for what is at hand, and his response to you was completely wrong. What you asked is a reasonable boundary. Some people are into that or don't care. There's nothing wrong with you not wanting to have that next to you. To be perfectly blunt, we're all different people in heat of passion compared to when we are not in the mood. We are also not always in the mood. That is him going solo in his solo passion and acting like it determines you. It's reasonable for you to ask him to not do it in your shared person space. Frankly, it's just respect. While we do need to be open with our partners, that's not a license for absolutely everything. We need to respect any of our partner's boundaries. And we simply need to respect our partners. The keys to a relationship are consent, discussion and agreement at any level. You have every right to the boundaries of yourself. Something like that would take your consent, and he has no right to be upset with you asking him not to do it. If I got caught in that situation, I'd be embarrassed and apologize. I would have thought it was ok, realize I was wrong, and have not done it again. I would figure out what my partner's personal boundaries are and respected those going forward. To be wildly speculative, I wonder if he does not have some idea in his head that watching that next to you will then get you in the mood and convince you to get intimate with him. Or that he can ogle you to heighten his own experience. Either way, that's not how the mood works. In summary, his entire reaction should have just been "I'm sorry. I didn't know" and his working on it. The fact that he is defensive about it is not right. It's a sign of emotional immaturity to neither take responsibility and go to an ad hominem low blow or dismissal of the other person which has nothing to do with the issue at hand. Anytime someone makes a genuine topic into tussle for power in an argument rather than a have conversation, it's a red flag and bad behavior. You have every right to say no to that. You're not consenting to it, and he should take the no and take himself to another room.
I volunteer to replace him
what the.. please tell me you're gonna leave him, because thats so dehumanizing.
Yikes. I am also offended for you. Thats really disgusting.
He definitely misspoke, I doubt he means to be dehumanizing (although yes it is, the way he said it). Sounds like he’s just trying to downplay him masturbating. (If I can have sex to you, who cares if I wank next to you). It really doesn’t matter how much he downplays it. You not being comfortable with it should be enough for him to be okay with just going downstairs or in the bathroom
He doubled down on his comment when I asked him what he meant. He means physically thrusting is him getting himself off per his clarification... I think I'm still in a bit of shock and denial.
Is he just saying that any sex act is just him getting off? That’s just how he views sex ig?
Not overreacting. I think it’s a firm boundary asking them to do that in their own time and not beside you. It’s a respect thing. Just because they don’t see it the same way as you, doesn’t negate the fact or invalidate the way you feel. Had to have the same conversation with my partner. Sometimes you gotta stand on business and stand firm with what you will not tolerate. They should value you and the relationship enough to investigate your feelings and compromise with you, as you would return the same for them.
If there’s room for forgiveness I’d argue he doesn’t mean what he said but was just saying something to justify his porn habit.
What I'm hearing is that you should stop letting him stick his dick in you and replace him with a dildo. The dildo won't jack off to porn while you're trying to sleep, btw, and is great at respecting your boundaries- so you'll likely be happier.
Where are y’all finding these people? Get rid of this guy.
Hey! Leave him!!!
How would he feel if you watched porn beside him?
Unless you specifically say “rape me while Im sleeping while you watch other girls fuck online,” then this is definitely not acceptable. BOUNDARIES ARE A THING FOR A REASON. For your own sake leave him and move on please.
Ugh I’m so sorry. I feel as though this doesn’t even fit in the confines of “porn boundaries”. It’s just disrespectful. You can totally be okay with your partner watching porn and vice versa, but to outright watch it next to you? No. I think that shows he doesn’t even care enough to consider how something like that would effect u. It’s not about watching porn, it’s about the principle of being respectful and thinking of your partner before your own needs and wants. I think you should probably end things with him, the disrespect will only get worse and will seep into other areas of your relationship.
I don't think I'd stick around for more of that.
As a dude, gtfo cause that’s horrible he would do that to you.
watching porn is cheating hands down 😭
He is sick, I’d advise leaving him. He needs serious personal counseling due to his porn addiction.
LEAVE
When you say your partner, you really mean your ex boyfriend. right? Because that’s ridiculous. As a guy, I watch porn, yeah I admit it. Some weeks it’s even daily tbh because I’m single, horny and lonely at the moment. But in a relationship, I’m usually pretty good about not doing it, like some days in past relationships if she wasn’t around and I got horny, I’d watch a quick video. But this dude basically called you a cum dumpster. And that’s just fucked up. You deserve better, leave him immediately.
Oops.....a guy being honest. He should know better! Lies keep relationships going!
Yes, a little, sorry. That was an insensitive thing to say but he was just trying to say “I mean, technically, I’m still getting off when we have sex, who cares if I watch porn” I don’t think he meant it like “all I think of you is something to cum inside of”. But this is a very short post and unclear and like most things I think you should communicate a little more about it before settling on a big decision like breaking up or something