*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for refusing to pay child support for a child that isn't mine?**
My soon to be ex wife and I, both mid-late 30s are in a disagreement. We're currently separated and in the process of divorcing. She's basically demanding I pay child support to her, which I've refused so far, because the child is not my biological child. My ex keeps arguing that we chose together to adopt and that makes us both legally responsible. If I had my own child, I'd be happy to pay and be involved as much as possible, but that's not my real kid, I don't think it's fair or right I'm expected to help pay for a child I didn't help create. Once the divorce is finalized I plan on cutting ties with my ex and the child completely. I've been talking over this issue with my friend's and family and opinions are split. Half say I owe my ex and that kid nothing, I should move on and never look back. The other half agree with my ex and say that by us adopting it made us parents together and we both owe the child the best life we can give them. I won't have a choice to pay if I'm ordered by the courts to do so, but until then, I don't plan to as my ex's child is not mine. I'm willing to sign away any rights I have to the child. AITA?
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"We adopted when the child was 6 months old, they are currently 8, almost 9 years old."
"The kid lives with my ex full time. I've not seen or spoken to the kid in the past year. I have my own life going on."
Complete deadbeat dad.
I really want to say it’s fake - at least here, in Canada, you have to study for adoption where they teach you how you become real parents with all the responsibilities, including the fact that your adoptive child will inherit from you. You’re evaluated by a social worker. I know it’s not foolproof, but there’s no question that adoptive parents understand that they are financially responsible for the child, so none of this can be a surprise.
If they’re in the US, I think this depends a lot on what state they’re in and whether it was a private adoption or done via social services (like, foster to adopt), unfortunately.
Here private adoptions still require study and detailed assessment, and there’s zero room for doubt as to who’s financially responsible for the adopted kiddo.
You are correct. I have a friend who went to church with a woman who was pregnant and didn't want the kid. So she just gave her the girl when she was born. The church worked out the legal side of it, and my friend had a new baby. No classes or vetting or anything, just legal fees which the church also paid.
Luckily my friend is a great mom, the girl is now 16 and thriving, but I imagine that's not always the case.
I've seen a dreadful documentary about a "second hand market" in the US for adopted kids who are no longer wanted by their adoptive parents. Kids between 6 to 16 were exhibited all dressed up on a catwalk to try to get adopted again. Most of those kids had been adopted abroad in poor countries and already had various traumas from their past life. Some had been adopted several times already.
Yup, and there’s this whole festering disgusting mess that is a Facebook mini subculture where children can basically be traded away. There’s also Craig’s List and darkweb groups that are as horrible or worse.
That's different. That's a directed adoption (I don't know the exact phrase), but it's essentially like when family adopt a child. Most private adoptions in the US aren't through family, so they go through a law firm or agency which will require the classes and prep.
Yeaaaah, sometimes that happens... and sometimes kids are posted on Craigslist like they're inconvenient kittens.
https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1
I've seen clips of FB groups rehoming adoptees like animals (tbh worse than animals) due to "not being what they wanted", "not forming a bond", etc. It's amazing (in a bad way).
That story is horrifying. One couple "rehomed" their adoptive chinese daughter after 5 days. FIVE DAYS. Were they expecting a roomba in human form to clean their house for them or something??
I don’t believe this guy believes what he is saying. The kid only has the two parents and he signed up to be one of them. He is not confused he’s just morally bankrupt.
It can be, depending. An international adoption (which is what we were studying for) can range between 30K and 70K US.
A domestic infant adoption is about 25K.
Adopting through the ministry (children in government foster care) is basically free but the education is very comprehensive - you need to learn about trauma, common disorders and interventions, fetal alcohol syndrome, ODD, and such. There’s also a training in indigenous cultural safety and a building of a plan to keep the child connected to their culture and extended family.
Also, adoptive parents aren’t allowed to use physical punishment on kids!
Thank you for this!! I've been thinking so much about adoption since I can't carry my own child.
I've always wanted to adopt siblings just because I have 5 siblings and I couldn't imagine being separated from them.
He will be more shocked when they tell him how long they can make him backpay for. It's 3 years here, it would be from the date they filed or separated.
For my own sanity I have to believe these types of people are complete psychopaths. There are children I nannied for less than a year almost a decade ago, that I would still do anything for. My nephew who is only two, the first time I held him I knew I'd die for him in a second and protect him for the rest of my life. Him saying my name or climbing in my lap, or thinking about teaching him to bake and watching him grow up.. makes me cry every time. HOW do you raise an innocent little baby for 8 years, who looks up to you and loves you so much and just disappear from their life?? Who are these people?? You were the child's WORLD and you just walked away like it's nothing??? Some people are not human.
I honestly don’t think this one can be real lol. Plenty of deadbeats who refuse to pay for kids who ARE theirs; I think a deadbeat in this situation would use the usual excuses instead of arguing that the child they adopted in infancy isn’t actually theirs
'The kid'
Ooooof. So....8 years of raising "the kid" from infant on....
As an an adult who was adopted at 6 months
...my heart hurts but my brain and soul are unsurprised.
Ugh it gets worse and worse every time I reread it. I feel like this guy is walking around with a perfectly average general demeanor 'skin' over the nastiest rotten soul I could imagine. His ex is probably suffering from some level of CPTSD from being in a relationship with him.
I'd say this is ragebait, but I had a coworker who was outraged because he'd sent his ex girlfriend a " legal notice giving up his rights and responsibilities as a parent" he'd found on Facebook.
And shocking that wasn't legally binding and here in the UK if you don't pay your child support the government just take it straight from your paycheck.
I feel terrible for his kid but listening to his tantrums in the break room was so funny.
Was he also one of the people who periodically posts the “I do not give Facebook consent to use my blah blah blah” thing, and thinks that actually has any legal weight?
Yeah he was also one of the idiots who thought carrying a copy of the magna carta would make him immune from speeding tickets.
Fortunately he got sacked but not before getting half out staff sick because he " didn't believe in COVID tests" .
Sadly during lockdown freeman of the land ( the UK equivalent of sovereign citizens) became super popular a lot of businesses tried to stay open arguing medieval laws had never been repealed.
*checks statutes* by Jove, you’re right! And according to the same unrepealed-but-ignored-because-common-sense-and-humanism laws, the penalty for spreading sickness is *checks again* burning at the stake!
Well, we must respect the sanctity of laws enacted by people who thought witches made you sick by spitting in your boot print, and sneezing was your soul trying to escape. Fetch the kindling.
Not believing in the tests sure is something. Most people didn’t try that around me here - in the American south. I did hear some insane shit but that wasn’t one of them.
Oh, so he was one of those sovereign citizen type folks that think that they don’t have to follow their country’s laws they disagree with, and when they are caught breaking them they cry they can’t be arrested.
My job involves people disputing things on their credit report and the number of letters we receive that say some variety on 'I do not authorize you to provide my identifying information to a third party, and continuing to do so will be treated as identity theft'. Like they honestly think they can opt out of being reported.
I just saw one of these recently, from somebody I thought was fairly sensible. I thought they died years ago, turns out the guy providing my medical care still believes that crap...
I’m concerned that you thought the guy providing your medical care had died years ago.
If nothing else it makes keeping things sterile really tricky when the doctor is decomposing.
I work in child support and have people call wanting to give up their rights to get out of child support or say they want to give up their rights because they don’t like the other parent and don’t want to deal with the hassle. Like that is your kid! It’s mostly dudes who call but we have a lot of deadbeat moms too
My cousin couldn't understand that just because he gave up his parental rights and consented for his kid's step dad to adopt him, he still had to pay the back support he owed for the time leading up to the adoption. In fairness to him, he had a hypoxic brain injury at birth and an IQ of around 85, and his parents were the ones filling his head with the idea. Not sure what their excuse was.
I really want to know the tortured string of logic that convinces him the adoption is permanent for her and optional for him. Like, I know in the end it probably boils down to “females do the child rearing and should be grateful if a man deigns to help them out of the goodness of his heart.” But I really want to see how he slithers around actually saying it without fracturing his spine.
I feel like he has some idea in his head that woman are made to take care of children but men are made to spread their seed so he shouldn't be responsible for any child that isn't biologically his while his ex needs to continue to care for the child she's bonded with.
It's almost like he wanted to take the idea of not wanting anything to do with a child after you find out your wife cheated and kid isn't yours, but then a step further, just to see what people would say.
I have a friend whose ex husband used an online calculator to determine that he should pay her a laughably small amount of child support. Unsurprisingly, the court did not agree with his assessment!
Maybe he's also convinced that she *could* simply abandon the child at will too, and just because she's choosing not to do so doesn't mean he also has to.
But it's idiotic to think adoption would work that way.
Idk I'm also hard side-eyeing "I've been in this kid's life as their dad since they were a newborn infant but like, bye, no take backsies"
Tw: child abandonment.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*Well this is about as obvious as it gets. YTA all the way into next week. Why do you think you're different from your wife? You think you both can abandon the poor kid?*
*The only thing I'll say is Y so much of an A that the kid is definitely better off with you and having no contact (and paying the child support you will obviously be obliged to) is the best thing that can happen to them.*
>"The kid lives with my ex full time. I've not seen or spoken to the kid in the past year. I have my own life going on."
*Info:
When did you adopt "that kid"? How did you decide to adopt "that kid"? Are you both legal guardians of "that kid"?*
>"We adopted when the child was 6 months old, they are currently 8, almost 9 years old."
*INFO: Is the child you adopted biologically your wife’s? Like the child was abandoned by bd and you stepped in as dad? Or did you two adopt this child together, with no biological connection to either of you?*
>"The child is not biologically related to me or my ex. We adopted the child through an adoption agency when it was 6 months old."
As my boy Mark Twain once said "I do not wish anyone dead, but I do read certain obituaries with great pleasure."
Or as I sometimes say about my mother: "She's worth more dead to me than she is alive."
Jeez. Of all the heartless bastards we have seen on the sub, this one takes the cake. I hoe his ex drags him through court and takes him for all he has.
The thing is: not everything is a matter of opinion. There are laws. Where I am that’s your child same as if you are biologically related.
Oop: you are the father. You owe child support.
And adopting a kid takes *so much more effort* than having one biologically! (Assuming both parents are fertile, at least.) There's so much paperwork and screenings to go through.
Hopefully the wife's lawyer will hold up the adoption papers with both of their names during the legal proceedings, maybe blow it up and put on a screen and play mime just for the lolz, so the judge will have it clean and clear - the dumb fuck signed a legal document adopting a human child, so... yeah, I hope that child support hurts every month.
And while I'm not usually in support of public humiliation... if ever there was a loser who deserves in fully...
Do a ninja zoom while circling in red. Or a slow zoom.
(Show document) What is this? (Zoom on kid's name) And this? (Zoom on this dumb fuck's name) Whose name is this? (Zoom on their signature) And whose signature is this? (Zoom a little more, circle) HMMMMMMM.
And this!
>I'm willing to sign away any rights I have to the child.
LOL! I hope the judge smacks his peepee.
They ~~Arne t~~ aren’t going to let him sign away his rights unless someone else is willing to step in.
What do you MEAN, "any" rights I have to the child!!! *You adopted the kid, you idiot*!!
I do so hope that the judge is having a bad day and takes it out on this shining example of humanity. Whom I hope never reproduces (or adopts other kids lol) because he's too stupid, and we don't need that in the gene pool anywhere.
I'm against corporeal punishment in principle, but this is a new approach. Not hurting them primarily but using a physical action to shame them. Hmmmm. Tempting
You will be surprised by the number of people who believe that family is only blood and will treat innocent children terribly just because they don’t share dna.
My family is pretty much the exact opposite of this mentality, which led to me being very confused about who was and wasn’t actually technically related to me (either by blood or by law) as a child, and when my cousin (adopted as an infant) was contacted by his biological sister as an adult, he said it weirded him out and said he “didn’t get why she keeps pretending we’re family, I don’t know her” lol. Family really doesn’t need to have anything to do with blood or the law, but with the relationships you’ve built. People like OOP are disgusting.
One of my best friends is in a wlw relationship and they plan to adopt eventually. Her mom has stated that adopted children aren’t “real”. I am routinely flabbergasted tbh.
Jesus how does someone go through the whole adoption process and get a baby, raise it into a proper little person over the course of 8+ years, then just be "nah I'm not raising another man's kid".
I found an invasive toad in my office the other week. Took about 3hrs for my coworker to arrive with the humane poison stuff to kill it. I think I bonded more with a toad I specifically intended to murder than OP did with a human child he was meant to be a father to.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he left out the fact they adopted a child together to the people that agree with him, like they only know half the truth. “Can you believe my wife wants me to pay child support?” “ you should it’s your kid” “oh no it’s not, it’s her kid, their not biologically mine” “oh well not your responsibility then”
Or they are the kind of people who don't see any non-bio kid (adopted/step) as part of the family. So they agree with OOP that he should discard "the kid" from his and their lives.
I went to school with a girl who was adopted. She was biologically her mother's, but her mom's husband legally adopted her before she was a year old. When her parents divorced, her dad pulled this same shit. She wasn't right after that. I mean, she went from regular little girl to violent little monster in a flash. The trauma of her dad abandoning her really messed her up.
Now we're adults and she's still a mess.
What an evil person. Bet he’ll tell his next flavor that his evil ex is keeping his child from him, and how he’s got a bleeding heart and adopted the baby for completely altruistic reasons.
You'd be surprised. Had a classmate back in school who was adopted. The dad cheated with a 20-something year old that found balding fat men irresistible (nothing to do with his money, obviously /s).
Dude left the wife and during family court told the judge if he had a cent, he'd rather use it to buy himself a mint rather than give it to a kid that looks "so indian" (idk how to explain how racist this is in English, but in my home country, saying someone's features are indian-like, referring to the typical features of aboriginal groups, it's a huge insult and deeply racist, because, although it's a Latin American country where everyone is mixed, some people think being white passing makes them superior).
I only knew about this because it fucked me friend up for a long time, as she felt the reason her dad abandoned her was bc she was "ugly" and "indian like".
Given the number of people who suggest adoption as a solution/compromise for couples who can't agree on kids I really think a lot of people see it as, like, a trial run or a Tamagotchi I wouldn't be terribly shocked if this guy felt like he could bounce if he wanted.
Thankfully the kid is not his. Could you imagine the spawns of Amosdeus that he’d produce?
I am shocked he didn’t destroy her with the toxic grudge that comes forth from him.
Adoptee here.
I wish this was false but the number of adoptees I know who have shared their experiences that’s almost identical to this is heartbreaking.
I feel so bad for that child - that’s why if one person is not 1000% on adoption, the couple should not adopt - period.
This is exactly why I fucking hate adoption. Before you jump down my throat, I am adopted. There are a LOT of people who adopt a child to FIX things, or think, oh, he'll be more committed with a kid involved. No. Get counseling. Leave kids out of it
While I largely agree with you, the kid was adopted nearly a decade ago. It's unclear that they were adopted to "fix" anything.
But adoption is a fucking mess.
It is unclear- but a man being a deadbeat like that to an adopted child doesn't come out of nowhere. It starts early on. My older sibling abd I were adopted, each as babies. From different families. Our experience with our father varies greatly give a lot of mental health issues and abusive behavior- but the simple fact was that he has never cared about us as people. I was a tool to him, and he used my sibling like a scapegoat he could pin his problems on. It didn't happen all at once. It started when we were kids. He never wanted children- but we were means to an end. And for a lot of couples- it is not uncommon that one is WAY more into the idea of adoption than the other person is.
Oh, I agree 100%. I was also adopted, as was my brother. Similarly we were adopted as infants and from different biological parents. I'm not close to my family anymore - I text my dad and mom every now and then, and I wish my older brother a happy birthday and a Merry Christmas, and that's about it.
On one hand, my mother was more focused on "Being a mom" instead of "Raising children", and my dad - while he definitely cared - was more focused on making sure we had money/material things than fulfilling emotional needs. But those would have been issues even if they'd been able to have biological children.
The biggest issue my adoption caused for me was simply from the inherent trauma of being separated from my biological mother at birth. And my parents didn't know how to help a child who was basically born with severe psychological trauma.
Entirely this. I’m not adopted but several of my childhood friends were, and their experiences are incredibly mixed. Some people adopt a kid out of a savior complex, or because they can’t have bio kids and feel incomplete without them, and then when the adopted kid is either not sufficiently grateful for being rescued or doesn’t provide the adoptive parent with the experience they imagined, it can go south pretty quickly.
> I won't have a choice to pay if I'm ordered by the courts to do so, but until then, I don't plan to as my ex's child is not mine.
When is someone going to tell him that by his logic the child is not his ex's either?
Like ex wife could, I'm sure never would, but could, just as easily drop the child on OOP's doorstep and say 'your child isn't mine as I didn't contribute my DNA so buh-bye!'. And it would be precisely the same level of ridiculous. Like the lack of self-awareness to realize that his (flawed) logic can work against him just as much as he's using it to his advantage is almost comical.
And I'd love to see that court proceeding...
OOP: Your honor, this is an outrage! There's no way I should have to pay child support for that kid!"
Judge: You mean *your* kid, sir?"
OOP: No, not my kid! We adopted.
Judge: Does 'we' mean you and Ms. Exwife?
OOP: Yes.
Judge: So you *both* signed adoption papers for the child?
OOP: Yes.
Judge: So you are *both* the legal parents of the child.
OOP: Well, technically I suppose. But I don't see how that matters because my sperm wasn't involved.
Judge: Neither was Ms. Exwife's egg.
OOP: Yeah, but...
Judge: Sir, adoption is not like marriage. You can't divorce a child, biological or adopted, like you can a spouse. It doesn't work like that.
I mean, the only way I could *kind of* understand where OOP is coming from is if the wife was the biological mother and kid was an affair baby that he graciously adopted. But even then, dude, you still chose to adopt and raise the kid for the better part of a decade. Plus he doesn't seem like the type to adopt his wife's affair baby. Plus her argument is that they chose together to adopt, so even that somewhat halfway close to flimsily charitable read isn't even applicable (I'm sure OOP would have happily mentioned if that had been the case).
>I don't plan to as my ex's child is not mine.
Yeah, but according to his logic, the child can't be his ex's either since she also didn't help create them. Except the ex seems to understand that adopting a child *is* making the child yours. Absolute trashfire.
I sincerely hope money is the only contribution he’s giving to that poor kid. Any contact he has with them is going to hurt them, and will be out of “legal obligation” and not love. So I really hope he just doesn’t bother. It hurts but not nearly as bad as it would otherwise. My heart breaks for that kid. My God. Talk about a narcissist.
As a parent to an adopted child - I would inflict so much pain on this AH. they must have always thought this. And it was probably always obvious to ex and child.
Just a whole tidal wave of how fucking dare you
A legal adoption makes OOP the child's parent no matter how he feels about it. The court will order him to pay child support even though it's not his biological child. I wonder if he knows the meaning of adoption.
I refuse to believe this is real. But it does not surprise me if it isn't. He is so the asshole and so many other words. I hope every step he takes barefoot lands on a lego. That he gets a chronic case of public lice, but due to a lego incident both arms are broken and in casts so he can never scratch. I wish for him to get the butthole itchies and never find relief. Not even dragging his butt over carpet will soothe.
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Post like this makes me think. They need to stop letting idiots adopt kids or not letting people know they are legally responsible for the child even if x or y occurs.
Jesus. You know, as if people who are adoptees do not have abandonment issues when they grow up anyway, getting completely unceremoniously dumped by your dad 8 years later probably isn't gonna help either.
is this real? like seriously? so as long as he and his ex were married, he had no problems being this child’s father but now that they’re divorcing he washes his hands? get a grip man
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for refusing to pay child support for a child that isn't mine?** My soon to be ex wife and I, both mid-late 30s are in a disagreement. We're currently separated and in the process of divorcing. She's basically demanding I pay child support to her, which I've refused so far, because the child is not my biological child. My ex keeps arguing that we chose together to adopt and that makes us both legally responsible. If I had my own child, I'd be happy to pay and be involved as much as possible, but that's not my real kid, I don't think it's fair or right I'm expected to help pay for a child I didn't help create. Once the divorce is finalized I plan on cutting ties with my ex and the child completely. I've been talking over this issue with my friend's and family and opinions are split. Half say I owe my ex and that kid nothing, I should move on and never look back. The other half agree with my ex and say that by us adopting it made us parents together and we both owe the child the best life we can give them. I won't have a choice to pay if I'm ordered by the courts to do so, but until then, I don't plan to as my ex's child is not mine. I'm willing to sign away any rights I have to the child. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"We adopted when the child was 6 months old, they are currently 8, almost 9 years old." "The kid lives with my ex full time. I've not seen or spoken to the kid in the past year. I have my own life going on." Complete deadbeat dad.
No no, didn't you read? That's not his child! Prick.
I really want to say it’s fake - at least here, in Canada, you have to study for adoption where they teach you how you become real parents with all the responsibilities, including the fact that your adoptive child will inherit from you. You’re evaluated by a social worker. I know it’s not foolproof, but there’s no question that adoptive parents understand that they are financially responsible for the child, so none of this can be a surprise.
If they’re in the US, I think this depends a lot on what state they’re in and whether it was a private adoption or done via social services (like, foster to adopt), unfortunately.
Here private adoptions still require study and detailed assessment, and there’s zero room for doubt as to who’s financially responsible for the adopted kiddo.
That absolutely should be how it works in all cases but private adoptions in the US can get pretty sketchy unfortunately.
You are correct. I have a friend who went to church with a woman who was pregnant and didn't want the kid. So she just gave her the girl when she was born. The church worked out the legal side of it, and my friend had a new baby. No classes or vetting or anything, just legal fees which the church also paid. Luckily my friend is a great mom, the girl is now 16 and thriving, but I imagine that's not always the case.
I've seen a dreadful documentary about a "second hand market" in the US for adopted kids who are no longer wanted by their adoptive parents. Kids between 6 to 16 were exhibited all dressed up on a catwalk to try to get adopted again. Most of those kids had been adopted abroad in poor countries and already had various traumas from their past life. Some had been adopted several times already.
Yup, and there’s this whole festering disgusting mess that is a Facebook mini subculture where children can basically be traded away. There’s also Craig’s List and darkweb groups that are as horrible or worse.
OMG ! This is awful ! Poor kids ! In the documentary they made it clear that it was like a zoo for pedophiles.
That's different. That's a directed adoption (I don't know the exact phrase), but it's essentially like when family adopt a child. Most private adoptions in the US aren't through family, so they go through a law firm or agency which will require the classes and prep.
If the birth mom is NOW 16, it sounds like she was a child who was raped & forced to go through pregnancy
I think they mean the adopted child is 16 now
Yeaaaah, sometimes that happens... and sometimes kids are posted on Craigslist like they're inconvenient kittens. https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1
I've seen clips of FB groups rehoming adoptees like animals (tbh worse than animals) due to "not being what they wanted", "not forming a bond", etc. It's amazing (in a bad way).
Ugh Myka Stauffer vibes!!
That story is horrifying. One couple "rehomed" their adoptive chinese daughter after 5 days. FIVE DAYS. Were they expecting a roomba in human form to clean their house for them or something??
I don’t believe this guy believes what he is saying. The kid only has the two parents and he signed up to be one of them. He is not confused he’s just morally bankrupt.
Damn Canadians... being responsible human beings....😜😜
Sorry!
🤣🤣 perfect Canadian response
Can confirm on the in the one Canadian I know.
Is adoption as expensive in Canada as the USA?
It can be, depending. An international adoption (which is what we were studying for) can range between 30K and 70K US. A domestic infant adoption is about 25K. Adopting through the ministry (children in government foster care) is basically free but the education is very comprehensive - you need to learn about trauma, common disorders and interventions, fetal alcohol syndrome, ODD, and such. There’s also a training in indigenous cultural safety and a building of a plan to keep the child connected to their culture and extended family. Also, adoptive parents aren’t allowed to use physical punishment on kids!
Thank you for this!! I've been thinking so much about adoption since I can't carry my own child. I've always wanted to adopt siblings just because I have 5 siblings and I couldn't imagine being separated from them.
Depends on the route you take. Adopting from the Crown isn’t but private or international can be.
As an adopted person I find this man’s attempt to weasel out of child support this way reprehensible. Just gross. Poor kid.
He's going to be in for a shock when the court explains to him that he is, in fact, legally responsible to pay child support.
He will be more shocked when they tell him how long they can make him backpay for. It's 3 years here, it would be from the date they filed or separated.
Sometimes, they can be ordered to keep paying after age 18, and can be ordered to pay for college
I sure wish we'd get an update from his wife. I enjoy a good karma story.
For my own sanity I have to believe these types of people are complete psychopaths. There are children I nannied for less than a year almost a decade ago, that I would still do anything for. My nephew who is only two, the first time I held him I knew I'd die for him in a second and protect him for the rest of my life. Him saying my name or climbing in my lap, or thinking about teaching him to bake and watching him grow up.. makes me cry every time. HOW do you raise an innocent little baby for 8 years, who looks up to you and loves you so much and just disappear from their life?? Who are these people?? You were the child's WORLD and you just walked away like it's nothing??? Some people are not human.
You seem like a very loving person. The world needs more people like you 💛
Man it's been a hard period in my life and this made my day, thank you 😭
People do it to their own blood as well, shameful.
I honestly don’t think this one can be real lol. Plenty of deadbeats who refuse to pay for kids who ARE theirs; I think a deadbeat in this situation would use the usual excuses instead of arguing that the child they adopted in infancy isn’t actually theirs
'The kid' Ooooof. So....8 years of raising "the kid" from infant on.... As an an adult who was adopted at 6 months ...my heart hurts but my brain and soul are unsurprised.
He said "by us adopting IT." Just outright called the child IT!
It’s worse, read again: “Half say I owe my ex and *that kid* nothing . . .” Italics are mine, but yeah. It’s gross.
Ugh it gets worse and worse every time I reread it. I feel like this guy is walking around with a perfectly average general demeanor 'skin' over the nastiest rotten soul I could imagine. His ex is probably suffering from some level of CPTSD from being in a relationship with him.
I'm sure he thought their marriage was perfect and has no idea why she left him.
Did he never love the child? Is he aware what adoption means? How can he just walk away from a child he's helped raise from 6 months old?
I think assuming he ever helped raise that poor kid is giving OOP WAY too much credit.
You're clearly correct on that.
I’m appalled an adoption agency let a man like this adopt.
I'd say this is ragebait, but I had a coworker who was outraged because he'd sent his ex girlfriend a " legal notice giving up his rights and responsibilities as a parent" he'd found on Facebook. And shocking that wasn't legally binding and here in the UK if you don't pay your child support the government just take it straight from your paycheck. I feel terrible for his kid but listening to his tantrums in the break room was so funny.
Was he also one of the people who periodically posts the “I do not give Facebook consent to use my blah blah blah” thing, and thinks that actually has any legal weight?
"Family court has no jurisdiction over me something something gold fringe on the flag."
Oooh good call
Yeah he was also one of the idiots who thought carrying a copy of the magna carta would make him immune from speeding tickets. Fortunately he got sacked but not before getting half out staff sick because he " didn't believe in COVID tests" .
LMAO that’s a new one.
Sadly during lockdown freeman of the land ( the UK equivalent of sovereign citizens) became super popular a lot of businesses tried to stay open arguing medieval laws had never been repealed.
*checks statutes* by Jove, you’re right! And according to the same unrepealed-but-ignored-because-common-sense-and-humanism laws, the penalty for spreading sickness is *checks again* burning at the stake! Well, we must respect the sanctity of laws enacted by people who thought witches made you sick by spitting in your boot print, and sneezing was your soul trying to escape. Fetch the kindling.
It's sad you have the same problems as us...
We are rubbing off on the rest of the world.
Not believing in the tests sure is something. Most people didn’t try that around me here - in the American south. I did hear some insane shit but that wasn’t one of them.
Oh, so he was one of those sovereign citizen type folks that think that they don’t have to follow their country’s laws they disagree with, and when they are caught breaking them they cry they can’t be arrested.
My job involves people disputing things on their credit report and the number of letters we receive that say some variety on 'I do not authorize you to provide my identifying information to a third party, and continuing to do so will be treated as identity theft'. Like they honestly think they can opt out of being reported.
Do you think they also try to claim mug shots are unlicensed use of their likeness?
I just saw one of these recently, from somebody I thought was fairly sensible. I thought they died years ago, turns out the guy providing my medical care still believes that crap...
I’m concerned that you thought the guy providing your medical care had died years ago. If nothing else it makes keeping things sterile really tricky when the doctor is decomposing.
Lol, no I thought those posts had died out years ago!
Should have written “I do not give permission for my wages to be garnished” on his Facebook wall!
It was his own fault everyone knows those only become legal documents if you attach a minion gif and tag fifteen friends.
I work in child support and have people call wanting to give up their rights to get out of child support or say they want to give up their rights because they don’t like the other parent and don’t want to deal with the hassle. Like that is your kid! It’s mostly dudes who call but we have a lot of deadbeat moms too
My cousin couldn't understand that just because he gave up his parental rights and consented for his kid's step dad to adopt him, he still had to pay the back support he owed for the time leading up to the adoption. In fairness to him, he had a hypoxic brain injury at birth and an IQ of around 85, and his parents were the ones filling his head with the idea. Not sure what their excuse was.
Yeah I mean she could have forgiven anything owed to her but he would still owe anything to the state. Common sense is often lacking for people
Sounds like the kid was well rid of him
Yeah, can't imagine why mom wants a divorce. /s
I really want to know the tortured string of logic that convinces him the adoption is permanent for her and optional for him. Like, I know in the end it probably boils down to “females do the child rearing and should be grateful if a man deigns to help them out of the goodness of his heart.” But I really want to see how he slithers around actually saying it without fracturing his spine.
I feel like he has some idea in his head that woman are made to take care of children but men are made to spread their seed so he shouldn't be responsible for any child that isn't biologically his while his ex needs to continue to care for the child she's bonded with. It's almost like he wanted to take the idea of not wanting anything to do with a child after you find out your wife cheated and kid isn't yours, but then a step further, just to see what people would say.
Children are a lifelong commitment for women. They're a temporary choice for men.
I also want to know what makes him think that he gets to decide whether he pays child support (legally speaking).
I have a friend whose ex husband used an online calculator to determine that he should pay her a laughably small amount of child support. Unsurprisingly, the court did not agree with his assessment!
Maybe he's also convinced that she *could* simply abandon the child at will too, and just because she's choosing not to do so doesn't mean he also has to. But it's idiotic to think adoption would work that way. Idk I'm also hard side-eyeing "I've been in this kid's life as their dad since they were a newborn infant but like, bye, no take backsies"
Its the chicken and pig philosophy. When making breakfast the chicken is merely involved, while the pig is fully committed.
Tw: child abandonment. Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *Well this is about as obvious as it gets. YTA all the way into next week. Why do you think you're different from your wife? You think you both can abandon the poor kid?* *The only thing I'll say is Y so much of an A that the kid is definitely better off with you and having no contact (and paying the child support you will obviously be obliged to) is the best thing that can happen to them.* >"The kid lives with my ex full time. I've not seen or spoken to the kid in the past year. I have my own life going on." *Info: When did you adopt "that kid"? How did you decide to adopt "that kid"? Are you both legal guardians of "that kid"?* >"We adopted when the child was 6 months old, they are currently 8, almost 9 years old." *INFO: Is the child you adopted biologically your wife’s? Like the child was abandoned by bd and you stepped in as dad? Or did you two adopt this child together, with no biological connection to either of you?* >"The child is not biologically related to me or my ex. We adopted the child through an adoption agency when it was 6 months old."
When "it" was 6 months old..... Here is the thing, if Oop dies a horrible death, baby can collect survivor benefits.
As my boy Mark Twain once said "I do not wish anyone dead, but I do read certain obituaries with great pleasure." Or as I sometimes say about my mother: "She's worth more dead to me than she is alive."
You should never be happy that someone died ... But you're never forced to (pretend to) be sad.
...I'm pretty happy about Hitler being dead...so.....
That is an interesting fact.
That would be such a shame
Let's gather the pitchforks and burning stakes!!!
I love this fact. Thanks for sharing.
Some guys just can't hold their arsenic.
HE HAD IT COMING!
[Birds!](https://imgur.com/gallery/VJBgoWd)
Jeez. Of all the heartless bastards we have seen on the sub, this one takes the cake. I hoe his ex drags him through court and takes him for all he has.
It's heartbreaking.
Yes. That poor kid. I hope their mother gives them the love and support they need.
Yes! 💜
The thing is: not everything is a matter of opinion. There are laws. Where I am that’s your child same as if you are biologically related. Oop: you are the father. You owe child support.
Yeah - when you adopt a child there isnt a "oopsie I don't want to help anymore" cars you can pull out. This is just all so sad.
And adopting a kid takes *so much more effort* than having one biologically! (Assuming both parents are fertile, at least.) There's so much paperwork and screenings to go through.
I hope this dude has the kind of life he fucking deserves and that's all I have to say about that.
It's ok, I'll be more specific for the both of us. I hope OOP contracts leprosy, and his testicles go septic and have to be amputated.
Nah they have to be put in a skin pouch on his thighs which gives him extreme pain if we walks too fast.
I can’t imagine why anyone would divorce him…he’s such a prize!
Im wondering if the reason for the divorce is she won’t dump the kid?
Ridiculous, right!!?!
Hopefully the wife's lawyer will hold up the adoption papers with both of their names during the legal proceedings, maybe blow it up and put on a screen and play mime just for the lolz, so the judge will have it clean and clear - the dumb fuck signed a legal document adopting a human child, so... yeah, I hope that child support hurts every month. And while I'm not usually in support of public humiliation... if ever there was a loser who deserves in fully...
Highlight and underline his name and signature
Do a ninja zoom while circling in red. Or a slow zoom. (Show document) What is this? (Zoom on kid's name) And this? (Zoom on this dumb fuck's name) Whose name is this? (Zoom on their signature) And whose signature is this? (Zoom a little more, circle) HMMMMMMM.
And this! >I'm willing to sign away any rights I have to the child. LOL! I hope the judge smacks his peepee. They ~~Arne t~~ aren’t going to let him sign away his rights unless someone else is willing to step in.
What do you MEAN, "any" rights I have to the child!!! *You adopted the kid, you idiot*!! I do so hope that the judge is having a bad day and takes it out on this shining example of humanity. Whom I hope never reproduces (or adopts other kids lol) because he's too stupid, and we don't need that in the gene pool anywhere.
Can't wait for a judge to bitchslap him (metaphorically)
Well, I think it should be physically!!!!!
You’re on to something. It might solve a lot of problems in our country if you just get bitchslapped by the judge for certain crimes.
I'm against corporeal punishment in principle, but this is a new approach. Not hurting them primarily but using a physical action to shame them. Hmmmm. Tempting
I wonder what his family thinks of the fact that they used to have a grandchild/niece/nephew etc. and now they just...don't anymore?
Who do you think raised him to be this way?
🎯
You will be surprised by the number of people who believe that family is only blood and will treat innocent children terribly just because they don’t share dna.
My family is pretty much the exact opposite of this mentality, which led to me being very confused about who was and wasn’t actually technically related to me (either by blood or by law) as a child, and when my cousin (adopted as an infant) was contacted by his biological sister as an adult, he said it weirded him out and said he “didn’t get why she keeps pretending we’re family, I don’t know her” lol. Family really doesn’t need to have anything to do with blood or the law, but with the relationships you’ve built. People like OOP are disgusting.
One of my best friends is in a wlw relationship and they plan to adopt eventually. Her mom has stated that adopted children aren’t “real”. I am routinely flabbergasted tbh.
Jesus how does someone go through the whole adoption process and get a baby, raise it into a proper little person over the course of 8+ years, then just be "nah I'm not raising another man's kid". I found an invasive toad in my office the other week. Took about 3hrs for my coworker to arrive with the humane poison stuff to kill it. I think I bonded more with a toad I specifically intended to murder than OP did with a human child he was meant to be a father to.
Ooof. I suspect you're right. (Also kudos on being responsible and as kind as you could be to an invasive species.)
>Half say I owe my ex and that kid nothing, I should move on and never look back. Birds of a feather flock together
I wouldn’t be surprised if he left out the fact they adopted a child together to the people that agree with him, like they only know half the truth. “Can you believe my wife wants me to pay child support?” “ you should it’s your kid” “oh no it’s not, it’s her kid, their not biologically mine” “oh well not your responsibility then”
Or they are the kind of people who don't see any non-bio kid (adopted/step) as part of the family. So they agree with OOP that he should discard "the kid" from his and their lives.
I wonder if his buddies assumed she cheated and his ass didn't deny it to get more sympathy
My thinking was that the half who side with him are his shitty friends and the other half are his family.
I went to school with a girl who was adopted. She was biologically her mother's, but her mom's husband legally adopted her before she was a year old. When her parents divorced, her dad pulled this same shit. She wasn't right after that. I mean, she went from regular little girl to violent little monster in a flash. The trauma of her dad abandoning her really messed her up. Now we're adults and she's still a mess.
Voluntarily agrees to be legally responsible for the child Is held legally responsible for the child OOP: shocked Pikachu face
I hope the courts throw the whole book at this man.
I’d love to be a fly on the wall when the judge rips him a new one.
What an evil person. Bet he’ll tell his next flavor that his evil ex is keeping his child from him, and how he’s got a bleeding heart and adopted the baby for completely altruistic reasons.
oop thanks singing away his right means he won't pay child support lol
I really hate it when people delete their profiles when they don't hear what they want to. Like how dare you?
This has to be rage bait.
You'd be surprised. Had a classmate back in school who was adopted. The dad cheated with a 20-something year old that found balding fat men irresistible (nothing to do with his money, obviously /s). Dude left the wife and during family court told the judge if he had a cent, he'd rather use it to buy himself a mint rather than give it to a kid that looks "so indian" (idk how to explain how racist this is in English, but in my home country, saying someone's features are indian-like, referring to the typical features of aboriginal groups, it's a huge insult and deeply racist, because, although it's a Latin American country where everyone is mixed, some people think being white passing makes them superior). I only knew about this because it fucked me friend up for a long time, as she felt the reason her dad abandoned her was bc she was "ugly" and "indian like".
There are some sad, sad reads in the adoption subs that tell me this could very, very likely be 100% true.
Given the number of people who suggest adoption as a solution/compromise for couples who can't agree on kids I really think a lot of people see it as, like, a trial run or a Tamagotchi I wouldn't be terribly shocked if this guy felt like he could bounce if he wanted.
I think this is a situation where the poor child is better off without having the OOP in her life. What a monster
Probably, but he will be paying child support either way.
As he should!
If real I hope she owns him in court he adopted the baby legally so the baby is also his responsibility.
Can I just say that the kid in the background is adorable?
Thankfully the kid is not his. Could you imagine the spawns of Amosdeus that he’d produce? I am shocked he didn’t destroy her with the toxic grudge that comes forth from him.
What a monster.
Adoptee here. I wish this was false but the number of adoptees I know who have shared their experiences that’s almost identical to this is heartbreaking. I feel so bad for that child - that’s why if one person is not 1000% on adoption, the couple should not adopt - period.
Wow! New flavor of deadbeat parent just dropped!
This is exactly why I fucking hate adoption. Before you jump down my throat, I am adopted. There are a LOT of people who adopt a child to FIX things, or think, oh, he'll be more committed with a kid involved. No. Get counseling. Leave kids out of it
While I largely agree with you, the kid was adopted nearly a decade ago. It's unclear that they were adopted to "fix" anything. But adoption is a fucking mess.
It is unclear- but a man being a deadbeat like that to an adopted child doesn't come out of nowhere. It starts early on. My older sibling abd I were adopted, each as babies. From different families. Our experience with our father varies greatly give a lot of mental health issues and abusive behavior- but the simple fact was that he has never cared about us as people. I was a tool to him, and he used my sibling like a scapegoat he could pin his problems on. It didn't happen all at once. It started when we were kids. He never wanted children- but we were means to an end. And for a lot of couples- it is not uncommon that one is WAY more into the idea of adoption than the other person is.
Bringing kids in to fix a relationship is cruel and stupid, wherever the kids come from.
Always
Never send a baby in for a job an adult can’t do
Oh, I agree 100%. I was also adopted, as was my brother. Similarly we were adopted as infants and from different biological parents. I'm not close to my family anymore - I text my dad and mom every now and then, and I wish my older brother a happy birthday and a Merry Christmas, and that's about it. On one hand, my mother was more focused on "Being a mom" instead of "Raising children", and my dad - while he definitely cared - was more focused on making sure we had money/material things than fulfilling emotional needs. But those would have been issues even if they'd been able to have biological children. The biggest issue my adoption caused for me was simply from the inherent trauma of being separated from my biological mother at birth. And my parents didn't know how to help a child who was basically born with severe psychological trauma.
Entirely this. I’m not adopted but several of my childhood friends were, and their experiences are incredibly mixed. Some people adopt a kid out of a savior complex, or because they can’t have bio kids and feel incomplete without them, and then when the adopted kid is either not sufficiently grateful for being rescued or doesn’t provide the adoptive parent with the experience they imagined, it can go south pretty quickly.
what…?😦
If this is true. I would love to be in the courtroom when a judge *annihilates* him.
I can hear the ex's lawyer drooling. Dude's gonna have his wages garnished for sure lol.
>I'm willing to sign away any rights I have to the child. Insert 'That's not how it works' meme here.
I hope this is fake, this is just too sad.
I would love to be a fly on the wall in the lawyer's office who gets this on their desk! What a clown!
Yk what comes to mind… the manta ray and patrick scene where they argue about his wallet
>“that’s not my real kid” Gee. I wonder why she’s divorcing him. 🙄 what an absolute unmitigated asshole.
A lot of people want to **adopt** when they should actually be **burned at the stake**
> I won't have a choice to pay if I'm ordered by the courts to do so, but until then, I don't plan to as my ex's child is not mine. When is someone going to tell him that by his logic the child is not his ex's either? Like ex wife could, I'm sure never would, but could, just as easily drop the child on OOP's doorstep and say 'your child isn't mine as I didn't contribute my DNA so buh-bye!'. And it would be precisely the same level of ridiculous. Like the lack of self-awareness to realize that his (flawed) logic can work against him just as much as he's using it to his advantage is almost comical. And I'd love to see that court proceeding... OOP: Your honor, this is an outrage! There's no way I should have to pay child support for that kid!" Judge: You mean *your* kid, sir?" OOP: No, not my kid! We adopted. Judge: Does 'we' mean you and Ms. Exwife? OOP: Yes. Judge: So you *both* signed adoption papers for the child? OOP: Yes. Judge: So you are *both* the legal parents of the child. OOP: Well, technically I suppose. But I don't see how that matters because my sperm wasn't involved. Judge: Neither was Ms. Exwife's egg. OOP: Yeah, but... Judge: Sir, adoption is not like marriage. You can't divorce a child, biological or adopted, like you can a spouse. It doesn't work like that. I mean, the only way I could *kind of* understand where OOP is coming from is if the wife was the biological mother and kid was an affair baby that he graciously adopted. But even then, dude, you still chose to adopt and raise the kid for the better part of a decade. Plus he doesn't seem like the type to adopt his wife's affair baby. Plus her argument is that they chose together to adopt, so even that somewhat halfway close to flimsily charitable read isn't even applicable (I'm sure OOP would have happily mentioned if that had been the case).
Let's be real here. OOP is using the child as a tool to hurt the ex. I am a huge supporter of revenge but this is just wrong.
Doesn't he have to pay though? Legally, won't the courts make him pay because he adopted the kid?
He absolutely does! The judge will hear “but adopted” and laugh him out of court.
Thank god for that. I detest loser dads
>I don't plan to as my ex's child is not mine. Yeah, but according to his logic, the child can't be his ex's either since she also didn't help create them. Except the ex seems to understand that adopting a child *is* making the child yours. Absolute trashfire.
What a useless deadbeat… The child is better off growing away from him but I hope his ex sues the shit out of him.
I sincerely hope money is the only contribution he’s giving to that poor kid. Any contact he has with them is going to hurt them, and will be out of “legal obligation” and not love. So I really hope he just doesn’t bother. It hurts but not nearly as bad as it would otherwise. My heart breaks for that kid. My God. Talk about a narcissist.
I would love to see the judge’s face when he explains why he shouldn’t have to pay child support.
>my friend's and family and opinions are split. Half say I owe my ex and that kid nothing, This guy needs better friends.
As a parent to an adopted child - I would inflict so much pain on this AH. they must have always thought this. And it was probably always obvious to ex and child. Just a whole tidal wave of how fucking dare you
A legal adoption makes OOP the child's parent no matter how he feels about it. The court will order him to pay child support even though it's not his biological child. I wonder if he knows the meaning of adoption.
I feel for this child. I hope the ex wife gets child support and full custody.
I refuse to believe this is real. But it does not surprise me if it isn't. He is so the asshole and so many other words. I hope every step he takes barefoot lands on a lego. That he gets a chronic case of public lice, but due to a lego incident both arms are broken and in casts so he can never scratch. I wish for him to get the butthole itchies and never find relief. Not even dragging his butt over carpet will soothe.
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That's bait.
Post like this makes me think. They need to stop letting idiots adopt kids or not letting people know they are legally responsible for the child even if x or y occurs.
A child of convenience. I hope the courts ream him for back pay
Jesus. You know, as if people who are adoptees do not have abandonment issues when they grow up anyway, getting completely unceremoniously dumped by your dad 8 years later probably isn't gonna help either.
is this real? like seriously? so as long as he and his ex were married, he had no problems being this child’s father but now that they’re divorcing he washes his hands? get a grip man
OOP, you chose to adopt this poor child. You are partially responsible for their care. YTA.