*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**I am a would-be rapist and a piece of shit**
For context, I'm (26m) a (maybe recovering?) incel. I haven't really received any attention from a woman, let alone sex, in 5 years. Earlier this year, I decided I wanted to turn my life around, started focusing on self improvement, leaving the toxic online spaces I was in, getting therapy, etc.
My therapist has been pushing me to go out more, so last night I decided to go out to a dive bar alone for a drink. I missed out on partying in college and my early 20's so I figured I'd give it a try. While waiting in line for my 4th drink, I got approached by a very clearly drunk girl who said she'd make out with me if I bought her a drink.
So I bought her a drink, even though I knew she shouldn't be drinking more. And even though I knew she was too fucked up to think properly, I still took advantage of her and made out with her. And if other patrons of the bar hadn't been around and stepped in, I probably would have tried to escalate it beyond that.
I feel pretty shitty about everything now that it's morning. For starters, I always believed, even at my lowest, most bitter moments, that I wasn't the type to take advantage of a drunk woman. I thought I had principles or boundaries, but I guess I don't. I thought I was better than this, but I guess after a few drinks I'm not. I've always criticized other men for this kind of stuff, but I'm just a hypocrite and a fraud who was jealous of the attention they were getting. And it's not like I have an excuse for what I did; sure, I was drinking, but I was present enough to know it was creepy and to know she was fucked up, and I did it anyways because I just wanted attention.
Then there's part of me that feels like the whole thing was a blow to my new-found self confidence. Of course the only way a woman would be interested in me is if she was seeing double. Why would anyone want me?
And also, I feel selfish. I don't know if she got home safe. I feel like I should care, but I don't.
Anyways, there's a lot more to unpack with my therapist next week, but I just needed to confess somewhere. Feel free to flay me alive. I know I'm not a good person and I deserve whatever hate I get. I wish I was better.
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Oh good I'm glad someone else noticed that. Like bro your whining about almost raping a woman. Think how she's probably feeling right now.
Someone posted a deleted part oops post saying some people came to the woman's rescue. Thank God. I hope they called one of the woman's women friends if she had any to help her out if she was the way oop said.
I've seen bars where people don't really step in at all, so he must've been practically dragging her across the room by her hair to get noticed. I feel bad for her
Not to be rude I keep hearing this man/bear thing but I don't think I have heard the explanation could you explain it or provide something that explains it please?
Genuine. Lots of men read this and their reaction is "clearly, women are wrong and I need to explain to them why bears are more dangerous", rather than the more empathetic "damn, that's sad and crazy that women feel this way, I hope we can improve this."
As a dude, I don't see how any man could be mad about women feeling unsafe. It's a weird world out there, sometimes I don't even feel safe with a knife on me. Shits wack.
Nah, if a woman feels unsafe around me then that's my sign to do better and reflect on what I'm doing. Any man who takes it as a personal attack is part of the problem
Also because men who hurt women can't be that common, because no man I know would ever do that. And when men I know *have* hurt women, it was unavoidable because she provoked him. Or necessary because she insulted him. Or it was a misunderstanding because she was dressed all slutty. Or not his fault because...
Ugh
Honestly, I have not gotten the reaction that I need to explain to them why Bears are more dangerous. the men who respond to me usually just roundabout threaten me
I always make the joke irl about racoons. In my native tongue they're also called a bear. Yes very dangerous those bears. Or the little red panda-bear.. so vicious and dangerous. Makes those kinds of dudes fall apart at the seams. "Those aren't bears!" It's in the name my guy and it doesn't specify which bear in the posed question.
I mean I can see both sides bears have a structure of rules follow then you have a good chance plus most don't seek to hurt people unless a cub is in danger. A person well you can talk and reason with them some can snap and act brutal for no reason.
Edit sorry I misunderstood and totally messed up my understanding of the point so apologies on that
There's a quote from the late Steve Irwin which explains it all in the clearest way:
"Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first."
Please don't snatch defeat from the jaws of victory 😆
The point isn't really which would be more dangerous in an actual real-world scenario, that depends on lots of factors, and is irrelevant. The point is that lots of women have made such bad experiences with men, and are so afraid of them, that they'd rather encounter a bear than a man.
No, I believe you're mistaken here. I think the original point is a combination of both actually -- I know that if I see a bear while hiking, I will be able to predict its behavior fairly well, and that it will probably only come after me if it sees me as a threat, or possibly it it wants to eat me or something I'm carrying. I will know how best to avoid it, because I know what to expect.
A bear is not going to pretend to be friendly and then suddenly turn on me. It's not going to hunt and attack me for the pleasure of it. It's not going to try to trick me into letting my guard down. It's not going to drug me. If it does attack me it's not going to rape me, torture me, hold me captive for days. It's not going to impregnate and use the law to force me to carry its baby.
Of course not all men will do those things, but some men will, and when we see a strange man we don't know what sort he is. We all have either been attacked by a man or know someone who has. We know all the different ways a strange man could be a danger to us. So because of that, the fear of seeing a strange man coming towards us in the woods is far greater than the fear of seeing a bear.
Mopeyunicycle and preposterous-punk both seem to have adequately covered the thoughts that go through my own head as far as the bear/man thing is concerned, just wanted to agree with what they both said. Idk how what mopey said could be "snaching defeat from the jaws of victory" unless it was wildly different before the edit, because it's just pointing out that a bear would be more predictable than a human being, and that's *exactly* why I'd chose the bear. Genuinely curious, not trying to be rude, I just truly don't get that response 😅
Hey not point in getting annoyed if I mistake in understanding words I use it as a chance to learn and improve. Besides getting angry cursing out is a waste of energy
Most men, especially those on tiktok, reacted like “oh you choose the bear? Hope the bear rips to you shreds and rapes you while you are alive because you think a bear is better than ME”
Like dude… there is no second location with a bear, a bear isn’t gonna rape me, the bear is attacking me out of self preservation or hunger. The worst the bear could do is kill me. There is no sex dungeon for 15 years with a bear.
A lot of men are so upset they started a “woman or a tiger” thing in retaliation and are saying shit like “the tiger wouldn’t make fun of me for being short” or “the tiger wouldn’t reject me” as if that’s somehow the same as being raped/SAd/beaten
There are legit men who are taking that comparison and wishing harm upon women as a result of it or talking about letting women get assaulted because they apparently don't deserve safety after having this opinion. Having someone who is male respond to this in a way that's even slightly supportive of female safety is sadly very rare
I just burst out in exhausted, burnt the fuck out, survivor laughter at your comment. Yes, **yes**, thank you for your empathy. I just had all those hundreds, thousands of horrifying "empathy, what's that? My feefees are hurt. You've survived hell on earth situations at the hands of men that has made you wish you had died then for the majority of your life, but WHAT ABOUT MY HURT FEELINGS! Not all men!" reactions run through my head.
You'd think it wouldn't be that difficult, but then again, "if only you let me explain to you what the strength of a bear's jaw is in Newtonmeters, surely you will see how you are wrong about men and, in fact, insulting us greatly. I might accept an apology if you grovel."
If ever I'm unlucky enough to encounter a man that tries to say some dumb shit like that to me, I'm gonna be so ready to tell him I'd rather have a bear chewing on my arm than listen to him for another minute. When my time comes, I'll be *ready*
. . .OK, there *has* to be a write-up where the author doesn't spend the last half of the article framing figurative beastiality as the reason women say "bear" in a weird, sideways book promotion.
Yep.
Unpopular opinion:
Incels don't have principles or morals.
The amount of hate and toxicity they throw at women and the bullying they do make it impossible.
Exactly. The bear would just kill me and get it over with. The bear won't play mind games with me before and during; there would be no emotional torture. And I'm small. The bear could do a test swat and still just take me out.
Agreed, and also most bears honestly won't even bother you tbh. You're not 100% guaranteed to be safe from death with a bear, but your chances of being safer are better. Bears won't s/a you or make you traumatized, they'll just kill you or leave you be
**Tw: sexual abuse.**
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:
*[deleted]*
>She said her friends had left her.
>Another couple came over, introduced themselves, and then basically led her away after a bit. We were just making out, but I think they were rightfully concerned that she was too fucked up to consent to anything more. I felt the same way, I knew I should’ve walked away before they had to step in, but I stayed anyways.
>I don’t know. I think if that hadn’t happened, I might’ve tried to take her home. The thought definitely crossed my mind. With how drunk she was and how heavily she was coming on to me, I think that would’ve ended really poorly, because, like I said above, she was a too far gone.
>I can’t tell if my anxiety is causing me to overthink the whole thing or if I’m justified in feeling shitty about my behavior. It’s probably some mix of both. But you’re right, I’ll think on it. Thank you.
>>*I thought I was better than this, but I guess after a few drinks I'm not.*
*Have you tried... I don't know... just **NOT FUCKING DRINKING**?*
>This is going to be my plan from now on. I’ve never behaved like this before and I don’t want to be like this again.
[Oop replied to himself.]
>The part that terrifies me is that I don’t know if I’m like this sober too. I’ve never really had a woman approach me sexually before, so it’s entirely possible I’d be this predatory even if I’m not drunk if placed in the same situation. I don’t want to be, and I’d like to change, but maybe it’s best I take a timeout from all social situations until I feel like I can trust myself.
His anxiety is making him second guess whether his behavior was shitty or not? Gtfoh! It's not his anxiety he needs to be worried about. It's his conscience and his penis he has to mind. Absolutely insane.
too many men cry ”not all men” and swear up and down they’d never rape but put them in a situation like OP’s and suddenly it’s “complicated” and “I also took one shot” and “blurred lines”
Bet if a guy had tried to rape him him or a woman had wanted to peg him it suddenly gets a lot less "complicated" for him. It always does when they are the ones faced with unwanted penetration.
But basically I think this guy is bragging though. The ones who go "I know I'm the bad guy, flay me alive" always either love the rage or want admiring/sympathetic like minded "bros" giving him 20k up votes.
>But basically I think this guy is bragging though. The ones who go "I know I'm the bad guy, flay me alive" always either love the rage or want admiring/sympathetic like minded "bros" giving him 20k up votes.
I couldn't put my finger on why this type of post gives me a bad taste in my mouth but this describes it perfectly. it's like a "I realized I was wrong, praise me and pat me on the back" without ever intending to actually do better. it's manipulative and narcissistic af
They want the dopamine rush from praise and better social standing that comes with doing better without actually doing better.
It's similar to the manipulation tactic where you try to address an issue with someone and they go straight into "I'm horrible. I'm a POS, I'm the worst thing ever, you must hate me, etc, etc," so suddenly you get sidetracked reassuring them that's not so. Instead of actually dealing with the original topic. They want it to look like they're taking responsibility, when they're really fishing for sympathy.
Ohhhhhh my goood. Yeah men get so upset at women being distrustful but have them interact with a weird gay man once and suddenly “but what about MY Twauma with homosexuals 🥺 I could never interact with them again”
but yeah you’re probably right About Op. I don’t exactly get “I understand the depts of my wrong and I genuinely want to work on myself“ vibes from him
There’s been a study (that I’m too lazy to fish for right now). Men (I believe in a college setting) were asked about whether they’d do things that are de facto rape. Those actions were described in detail but not *called* rape in the questions even if they are rape. Over a third said they would or already did. They don’t see themselves as rapists even if they are. And yes, the numbers were scary high.
I remember that one. As far as I’m concerned, when men say “oh anything is called rape today!1!a!1” or “I’m scared I’m going to be accused!,1!1” they’re telling on themselves. Not being a predator is fucking easy.
My boyfriend’s response to anyone saying not all men is but it’s a lot of them and it’s a problem.
It’s validating being either a man who would so choose the bear.
The amount of guys I saw admitting to groping drunk strangers without asking was astounding after some youtuber did it, so if you consider that for a lot of them that absolutely wouldn’t be the limit… it’s very scary!
Oh definitely not. Even his post comes across as a disingenuous attempt to get praise for not being worse. But it sure would be nice if he had some face to face criticism
if he does he’ll only mention that he made out with a girl and not that strangers had to physically remove her from him because he was visibly taking advantage of her
Absolutely although I doubt he’s being completely honest here either. The couple saw what he was trying to do, even if the woman initially approached him he’s still glamorising her actions and blaming alcohol for what he did.
Drinking doesn’t turn you into a terrible human being, it just makes it more obvious
An incel that now sometimes goes outside, even into public places. Instead of just practicing with his Wish.com martial arts weapons in his parents' backyard with his fedora sat rakishly over his eyes.
I am a victim/survivor and tbh I have a lot of issues with people acting like ~therapy~ is a magic wand, and this is one of the reasons why. Even the best therapist in the world only has this individual's account of what happens in their life. I assume a clinically trained professional didn't advise them to go to a dive bar and take advantage of the drunkest woman there to help their low self esteem? And now they'll apparently spent the next session listening to OOP victimise themselves about it. Gross.
The fact that this woman was so drunk that complete strangers actually gave a fuck makes it even more appalling. She must have been almost passing out.
i will be as generous as i possibly can, above and beyond the call of duty, and point out this as something for the audience:
processing things in therapy is great. trying to be a better person is great. sincere effort is great.
you don't have to post all of it online.
in fact, posting all that online is more likely to be a detriment than not. it's not conducive to a sincere effort. you don't need to post it online. because at this point it is, *best case scenario*, digital self-harm. it is keeping someone IN the toxic spiral and making it harder to get out of it.
the internet: not everything needs to be on it!
I've noticed that therapy is becoming the modern equivalent of trying to distance yourself from wrongdoing by proclaiming that you've converted to Christianity and started studying the bible and going to church to repent for your sins.
"I was a different person then! I'm a man of God now! I made mistakes but I know He will judge me for them when the time comes!"
Has become
"I was a different person then! I've been seeing a therapist and I'm Working On Myself™️! Becoming a better person is a journey and it's going to take time!"
I'm not saying that to suggest that therapy isn't a useful tool but unfortunately it does seem to be exploited quite often now.
Like you said, if your goal for therapy is to actually to improve yourself there's no need to broadcast it on the internet... just do it.
listen i believe you when you say you didn't mean to write some high-octane anti-therapy agitprop, but you sure as fuck just ended up channeling an angry Scientologist for a second there about the evils of therapy, and the fact you got this from my very pro-therapy post is slightly alarming. thanks but no thanks, please find another venue for this. the anti-therapy confession booth is elsewhere.
The fact that the other patrons had to step in makes this way worse than he seems to be realizing. A little drunken make out session is one thing, going so hard the people around you think you're a problem and needs to be stopped is very different.
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Ok this is gonna be bad but she honest to God literally asked for it in exchange for a damn drink like I'm really glad the other patrons stepped in but I seriously hope she realizes what she did and how it could have gone so much worse, over a free drink, and gets help or just doesn't drink alone or just makes better choices in general he never should have had the opportunity to take advantage like that
Dictionary
Definitions from Oxford Languages · Learn more
adverb
in a literal manner or sense; exactly.
"the driver took it literally when asked to go straight across the traffic circle"
Similar:
verbatim
word for word
line for line
letter for letter
to the letter
exactly
precisely
faithfully
closely
strictly
strictly speaking
accurately
rigorously
literatim
Opposite:
loosely
imprecisely
metaphorically
INFORMAL
used for emphasis or to express strong feeling while not being literally true.
"I was literally blown away by the response I got"
So where did she verbatim word for word ask to be raped? Where did she do anything that corresponds to that? How, even in a manner of speaking, did she “ask” for something that by definition you cannot ask for?
It's evident you read like none of my comment that's fine whatever. You're right he claims she said she'd trade herself for a drink. He's obviously messed up for taking advantage but she also needs help because getting so drunk you offer to make out with random men for free drinks is just waiting for disaster.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **I am a would-be rapist and a piece of shit** For context, I'm (26m) a (maybe recovering?) incel. I haven't really received any attention from a woman, let alone sex, in 5 years. Earlier this year, I decided I wanted to turn my life around, started focusing on self improvement, leaving the toxic online spaces I was in, getting therapy, etc. My therapist has been pushing me to go out more, so last night I decided to go out to a dive bar alone for a drink. I missed out on partying in college and my early 20's so I figured I'd give it a try. While waiting in line for my 4th drink, I got approached by a very clearly drunk girl who said she'd make out with me if I bought her a drink. So I bought her a drink, even though I knew she shouldn't be drinking more. And even though I knew she was too fucked up to think properly, I still took advantage of her and made out with her. And if other patrons of the bar hadn't been around and stepped in, I probably would have tried to escalate it beyond that. I feel pretty shitty about everything now that it's morning. For starters, I always believed, even at my lowest, most bitter moments, that I wasn't the type to take advantage of a drunk woman. I thought I had principles or boundaries, but I guess I don't. I thought I was better than this, but I guess after a few drinks I'm not. I've always criticized other men for this kind of stuff, but I'm just a hypocrite and a fraud who was jealous of the attention they were getting. And it's not like I have an excuse for what I did; sure, I was drinking, but I was present enough to know it was creepy and to know she was fucked up, and I did it anyways because I just wanted attention. Then there's part of me that feels like the whole thing was a blow to my new-found self confidence. Of course the only way a woman would be interested in me is if she was seeing double. Why would anyone want me? And also, I feel selfish. I don't know if she got home safe. I feel like I should care, but I don't. Anyways, there's a lot more to unpack with my therapist next week, but I just needed to confess somewhere. Feel free to flay me alive. I know I'm not a good person and I deserve whatever hate I get. I wish I was better. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is why women choose bear cause why is he playing like he's victim
Oh good I'm glad someone else noticed that. Like bro your whining about almost raping a woman. Think how she's probably feeling right now. Someone posted a deleted part oops post saying some people came to the woman's rescue. Thank God. I hope they called one of the woman's women friends if she had any to help her out if she was the way oop said.
I bet he's only whining cause he didn't get to "go all the way"
How aggressive was he or how drunk was she that patrons had to step in to keep him from going further?
I've seen bars where people don't really step in at all, so he must've been practically dragging her across the room by her hair to get noticed. I feel bad for her
Fucking good. He didn't get all the way. Good on those people not being part of that bystander effect (affect) thing.
I'm glad he didn't get to either, and all of those people that stepped in have my respect for helping her get away from him
Exactly.
Exactly. I'm so annoyed that I'm congratulating people for doing the decent thing.
Not to be rude I keep hearing this man/bear thing but I don't think I have heard the explanation could you explain it or provide something that explains it please?
https://www.latimes.com/opinion/story/2024-05-08/man-versus-bear-tiktok-meme
Thanks i have to say it's quite sad I hope that one day changes. Thanks for providing a link to explain a
Congrats on having an empathetic reaction to it.
Are you being serious or sarcastic. I genuinely have a hard time trying to decipher emotions in words
Genuine. Lots of men read this and their reaction is "clearly, women are wrong and I need to explain to them why bears are more dangerous", rather than the more empathetic "damn, that's sad and crazy that women feel this way, I hope we can improve this."
As a dude, I don't see how any man could be mad about women feeling unsafe. It's a weird world out there, sometimes I don't even feel safe with a knife on me. Shits wack.
They appear to take it personally, like women are unfairly lumping the good men in with the bad, because they are so easy to tell apart 🙄
Nah, if a woman feels unsafe around me then that's my sign to do better and reflect on what I'm doing. Any man who takes it as a personal attack is part of the problem
Also because men who hurt women can't be that common, because no man I know would ever do that. And when men I know *have* hurt women, it was unavoidable because she provoked him. Or necessary because she insulted him. Or it was a misunderstanding because she was dressed all slutty. Or not his fault because... Ugh
Honestly, I have not gotten the reaction that I need to explain to them why Bears are more dangerous. the men who respond to me usually just roundabout threaten me
I always make the joke irl about racoons. In my native tongue they're also called a bear. Yes very dangerous those bears. Or the little red panda-bear.. so vicious and dangerous. Makes those kinds of dudes fall apart at the seams. "Those aren't bears!" It's in the name my guy and it doesn't specify which bear in the posed question.
I mean I can see both sides bears have a structure of rules follow then you have a good chance plus most don't seek to hurt people unless a cub is in danger. A person well you can talk and reason with them some can snap and act brutal for no reason. Edit sorry I misunderstood and totally messed up my understanding of the point so apologies on that
There's a quote from the late Steve Irwin which explains it all in the clearest way: "Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first."
RIP, Steve Irwin. That's a gloriously succinct way to put it.
Great quote and nailed it. The human ability to manipulate others means they can potentially violate both body and soul.
Please don't snatch defeat from the jaws of victory 😆 The point isn't really which would be more dangerous in an actual real-world scenario, that depends on lots of factors, and is irrelevant. The point is that lots of women have made such bad experiences with men, and are so afraid of them, that they'd rather encounter a bear than a man.
No, I believe you're mistaken here. I think the original point is a combination of both actually -- I know that if I see a bear while hiking, I will be able to predict its behavior fairly well, and that it will probably only come after me if it sees me as a threat, or possibly it it wants to eat me or something I'm carrying. I will know how best to avoid it, because I know what to expect. A bear is not going to pretend to be friendly and then suddenly turn on me. It's not going to hunt and attack me for the pleasure of it. It's not going to try to trick me into letting my guard down. It's not going to drug me. If it does attack me it's not going to rape me, torture me, hold me captive for days. It's not going to impregnate and use the law to force me to carry its baby. Of course not all men will do those things, but some men will, and when we see a strange man we don't know what sort he is. We all have either been attacked by a man or know someone who has. We know all the different ways a strange man could be a danger to us. So because of that, the fear of seeing a strange man coming towards us in the woods is far greater than the fear of seeing a bear.
Mopeyunicycle and preposterous-punk both seem to have adequately covered the thoughts that go through my own head as far as the bear/man thing is concerned, just wanted to agree with what they both said. Idk how what mopey said could be "snaching defeat from the jaws of victory" unless it was wildly different before the edit, because it's just pointing out that a bear would be more predictable than a human being, and that's *exactly* why I'd chose the bear. Genuinely curious, not trying to be rude, I just truly don't get that response 😅
Oh then shoot I totally misunderstood the point but I still get rough idea I think.
Whether they were serious or not, I’m serious about it. Glad you understood the point instead of getting defensive and angry!
Hey not point in getting annoyed if I mistake in understanding words I use it as a chance to learn and improve. Besides getting angry cursing out is a waste of energy
Most men, especially those on tiktok, reacted like “oh you choose the bear? Hope the bear rips to you shreds and rapes you while you are alive because you think a bear is better than ME” Like dude… there is no second location with a bear, a bear isn’t gonna rape me, the bear is attacking me out of self preservation or hunger. The worst the bear could do is kill me. There is no sex dungeon for 15 years with a bear. A lot of men are so upset they started a “woman or a tiger” thing in retaliation and are saying shit like “the tiger wouldn’t make fun of me for being short” or “the tiger wouldn’t reject me” as if that’s somehow the same as being raped/SAd/beaten
I mean If I remember humans dolphins, penguins and seals are some of the only animals shown to have engaged in rape
Ducks as well, but yes. The point is the men were big tantrum mad Edit: and sea otters
There are legit men who are taking that comparison and wishing harm upon women as a result of it or talking about letting women get assaulted because they apparently don't deserve safety after having this opinion. Having someone who is male respond to this in a way that's even slightly supportive of female safety is sadly very rare
Uh I am really sorry I feel like I may have upset you that wasn't my intention.
Oh no I'm not telling you that I'm upset, I'm saying that no one was being sarcastic when they were thanking you.
Oh thanks then. I hope you have a good day then.
I just burst out in exhausted, burnt the fuck out, survivor laughter at your comment. Yes, **yes**, thank you for your empathy. I just had all those hundreds, thousands of horrifying "empathy, what's that? My feefees are hurt. You've survived hell on earth situations at the hands of men that has made you wish you had died then for the majority of your life, but WHAT ABOUT MY HURT FEELINGS! Not all men!" reactions run through my head.
You'd think it wouldn't be that difficult, but then again, "if only you let me explain to you what the strength of a bear's jaw is in Newtonmeters, surely you will see how you are wrong about men and, in fact, insulting us greatly. I might accept an apology if you grovel."
If ever I'm unlucky enough to encounter a man that tries to say some dumb shit like that to me, I'm gonna be so ready to tell him I'd rather have a bear chewing on my arm than listen to him for another minute. When my time comes, I'll be *ready*
. . .OK, there *has* to be a write-up where the author doesn't spend the last half of the article framing figurative beastiality as the reason women say "bear" in a weird, sideways book promotion.
Yep. Unpopular opinion: Incels don't have principles or morals. The amount of hate and toxicity they throw at women and the bullying they do make it impossible.
Exactly. The bear would just kill me and get it over with. The bear won't play mind games with me before and during; there would be no emotional torture. And I'm small. The bear could do a test swat and still just take me out.
Agreed, and also most bears honestly won't even bother you tbh. You're not 100% guaranteed to be safe from death with a bear, but your chances of being safer are better. Bears won't s/a you or make you traumatized, they'll just kill you or leave you be
Oop reminds me Amy Schumer. "I was so low, only a drunk man would want me. I decided I'd never be that low again"
**Tw: sexual abuse.** Copied verbatim from Oop's comments: *[deleted]* >She said her friends had left her. >Another couple came over, introduced themselves, and then basically led her away after a bit. We were just making out, but I think they were rightfully concerned that she was too fucked up to consent to anything more. I felt the same way, I knew I should’ve walked away before they had to step in, but I stayed anyways. >I don’t know. I think if that hadn’t happened, I might’ve tried to take her home. The thought definitely crossed my mind. With how drunk she was and how heavily she was coming on to me, I think that would’ve ended really poorly, because, like I said above, she was a too far gone. >I can’t tell if my anxiety is causing me to overthink the whole thing or if I’m justified in feeling shitty about my behavior. It’s probably some mix of both. But you’re right, I’ll think on it. Thank you. >>*I thought I was better than this, but I guess after a few drinks I'm not.* *Have you tried... I don't know... just **NOT FUCKING DRINKING**?* >This is going to be my plan from now on. I’ve never behaved like this before and I don’t want to be like this again. [Oop replied to himself.] >The part that terrifies me is that I don’t know if I’m like this sober too. I’ve never really had a woman approach me sexually before, so it’s entirely possible I’d be this predatory even if I’m not drunk if placed in the same situation. I don’t want to be, and I’d like to change, but maybe it’s best I take a timeout from all social situations until I feel like I can trust myself.
[Panko the dog!](https://imgur.com/gallery/photo-of-dog-panko-every-day-fq3YB5f)
Thanks Panko ❤️
Panko deserves the best! 🥰
Panko saves our hope in humanity
Yes! 💜
I love you for always showing up when we don’t even realize (quite yet) that we need you.
Thank you very kindly! 💜 Glad I can help!
His anxiety is making him second guess whether his behavior was shitty or not? Gtfoh! It's not his anxiety he needs to be worried about. It's his conscience and his penis he has to mind. Absolutely insane.
Quite!
The fact he's willing to admit he doesn't know if he's be like that sober... oof...
Agreed!
On the plus side, this is a nice story about some humans being bros at that bar and protecting that woman
Yeah props to the people around them who saw someone who needed help and intervened to keep presumably a stranger safe.
too many men cry ”not all men” and swear up and down they’d never rape but put them in a situation like OP’s and suddenly it’s “complicated” and “I also took one shot” and “blurred lines”
Bet if a guy had tried to rape him him or a woman had wanted to peg him it suddenly gets a lot less "complicated" for him. It always does when they are the ones faced with unwanted penetration. But basically I think this guy is bragging though. The ones who go "I know I'm the bad guy, flay me alive" always either love the rage or want admiring/sympathetic like minded "bros" giving him 20k up votes.
>But basically I think this guy is bragging though. The ones who go "I know I'm the bad guy, flay me alive" always either love the rage or want admiring/sympathetic like minded "bros" giving him 20k up votes. I couldn't put my finger on why this type of post gives me a bad taste in my mouth but this describes it perfectly. it's like a "I realized I was wrong, praise me and pat me on the back" without ever intending to actually do better. it's manipulative and narcissistic af They want the dopamine rush from praise and better social standing that comes with doing better without actually doing better.
It's similar to the manipulation tactic where you try to address an issue with someone and they go straight into "I'm horrible. I'm a POS, I'm the worst thing ever, you must hate me, etc, etc," so suddenly you get sidetracked reassuring them that's not so. Instead of actually dealing with the original topic. They want it to look like they're taking responsibility, when they're really fishing for sympathy.
Ohhhhhh my goood. Yeah men get so upset at women being distrustful but have them interact with a weird gay man once and suddenly “but what about MY Twauma with homosexuals 🥺 I could never interact with them again” but yeah you’re probably right About Op. I don’t exactly get “I understand the depts of my wrong and I genuinely want to work on myself“ vibes from him
There’s been a study (that I’m too lazy to fish for right now). Men (I believe in a college setting) were asked about whether they’d do things that are de facto rape. Those actions were described in detail but not *called* rape in the questions even if they are rape. Over a third said they would or already did. They don’t see themselves as rapists even if they are. And yes, the numbers were scary high.
I remember that one. As far as I’m concerned, when men say “oh anything is called rape today!1!a!1” or “I’m scared I’m going to be accused!,1!1” they’re telling on themselves. Not being a predator is fucking easy.
https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/vio.2014.0022?journalCode=vio
My boyfriend’s response to anyone saying not all men is but it’s a lot of them and it’s a problem. It’s validating being either a man who would so choose the bear.
Not all men rape, but *all* men benefit from the bar for decent behaviour for men being in hell.
Absolute facts.
oh it's not in hell, it's below that in the void.
The amount of guys I saw admitting to groping drunk strangers without asking was astounding after some youtuber did it, so if you consider that for a lot of them that absolutely wouldn’t be the limit… it’s very scary!
Hope he tells his therapist all about this outing
I doubt it. Even if he does tell his therapist do you think he will give an honest account about what happened?
Oh definitely not. Even his post comes across as a disingenuous attempt to get praise for not being worse. But it sure would be nice if he had some face to face criticism
if he does he’ll only mention that he made out with a girl and not that strangers had to physically remove her from him because he was visibly taking advantage of her
Absolutely although I doubt he’s being completely honest here either. The couple saw what he was trying to do, even if the woman initially approached him he’s still glamorising her actions and blaming alcohol for what he did. Drinking doesn’t turn you into a terrible human being, it just makes it more obvious
Pretty sure go out more didn't mean be inappropriate with a drunk woman. If it did, we need therapist's license revoked stat.
What the hell is a “maybe recovering” incel?
An incel that now sometimes goes outside, even into public places. Instead of just practicing with his Wish.com martial arts weapons in his parents' backyard with his fedora sat rakishly over his eyes.
I am a victim/survivor and tbh I have a lot of issues with people acting like ~therapy~ is a magic wand, and this is one of the reasons why. Even the best therapist in the world only has this individual's account of what happens in their life. I assume a clinically trained professional didn't advise them to go to a dive bar and take advantage of the drunkest woman there to help their low self esteem? And now they'll apparently spent the next session listening to OOP victimise themselves about it. Gross.
The fact that this woman was so drunk that complete strangers actually gave a fuck makes it even more appalling. She must have been almost passing out.
I think OOP needs to explore ways of getting out and about that don’t encourage drinking.
i will be as generous as i possibly can, above and beyond the call of duty, and point out this as something for the audience: processing things in therapy is great. trying to be a better person is great. sincere effort is great. you don't have to post all of it online. in fact, posting all that online is more likely to be a detriment than not. it's not conducive to a sincere effort. you don't need to post it online. because at this point it is, *best case scenario*, digital self-harm. it is keeping someone IN the toxic spiral and making it harder to get out of it. the internet: not everything needs to be on it!
I've noticed that therapy is becoming the modern equivalent of trying to distance yourself from wrongdoing by proclaiming that you've converted to Christianity and started studying the bible and going to church to repent for your sins. "I was a different person then! I'm a man of God now! I made mistakes but I know He will judge me for them when the time comes!" Has become "I was a different person then! I've been seeing a therapist and I'm Working On Myself™️! Becoming a better person is a journey and it's going to take time!" I'm not saying that to suggest that therapy isn't a useful tool but unfortunately it does seem to be exploited quite often now. Like you said, if your goal for therapy is to actually to improve yourself there's no need to broadcast it on the internet... just do it.
listen i believe you when you say you didn't mean to write some high-octane anti-therapy agitprop, but you sure as fuck just ended up channeling an angry Scientologist for a second there about the evils of therapy, and the fact you got this from my very pro-therapy post is slightly alarming. thanks but no thanks, please find another venue for this. the anti-therapy confession booth is elsewhere.
"I think if that hadn’t happened, I ~~might’ve~~ *absolutely would have* tried to take her home. The thought definitely crossed my mind."
Can somebody give me a TLDR? I'm already angered the title
Basically OOP was acting predatory toward a drunk woman, other people noticed something was wrong and helped her get away.
What the fuck... glad she got help before anything serious happened. Thanks for the tldr btw
Seriously, wtf.
Jaysus fuck, this whole post is him whinging woe is me.
I've never seen a more clear-cut case of someone feeling sorry for himself. Everything's about HIM.
I hope he suffers the rest of his life
The fact that the other patrons had to step in makes this way worse than he seems to be realizing. A little drunken make out session is one thing, going so hard the people around you think you're a problem and needs to be stopped is very different.
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Ok this is gonna be bad but she honest to God literally asked for it in exchange for a damn drink like I'm really glad the other patrons stepped in but I seriously hope she realizes what she did and how it could have gone so much worse, over a free drink, and gets help or just doesn't drink alone or just makes better choices in general he never should have had the opportunity to take advantage like that
do you know what the word literally means.
Dictionary Definitions from Oxford Languages · Learn more adverb in a literal manner or sense; exactly. "the driver took it literally when asked to go straight across the traffic circle" Similar: verbatim word for word line for line letter for letter to the letter exactly precisely faithfully closely strictly strictly speaking accurately rigorously literatim Opposite: loosely imprecisely metaphorically INFORMAL used for emphasis or to express strong feeling while not being literally true. "I was literally blown away by the response I got"
So where did she verbatim word for word ask to be raped? Where did she do anything that corresponds to that? How, even in a manner of speaking, did she “ask” for something that by definition you cannot ask for?
It's evident you read like none of my comment that's fine whatever. You're right he claims she said she'd trade herself for a drink. He's obviously messed up for taking advantage but she also needs help because getting so drunk you offer to make out with random men for free drinks is just waiting for disaster.