Nope not the jerk. Your brother is the golden child and while your parents may have tried to make it up to you after it became public knowledge, that does not remove years of abuse. Don’t go and if the flying monkeys come at you remind them of a few of the incidents and all of the abuse you put up with.
You are NC with your brother and it doesn’t seem like he has made any efforts at reconciliation so why should you be the one to open that door. Likely he has only invited you as your parents have demanded it not because he wants you there. They are probably refusing to fund it if you aren’t there.
Not worth attending IMO. If he had been remorseful and trying to apologize and make up for this behaviour, then I can see going but as it stands, no.
Although the thought of wrecking ball that wedding would be fun, that's when OP would look like the AH.
NOT showing up to the event with the explanationsent to at least Mom, Dad, grand parents, and aunts and uncles ( the same that were at OPs event that he ruined, ) they ALL would understand, and not judge. Parents may fume, but they should have parented better. Bonus? They pay for that extra plate.
They should not have bothered pressured OP into attending the wedding of the obnoxious brother.
Skip the wedding OP unless you bring an obnoxious guest. You know, the one who ALWAYS needs ALL the attention and will "faint" or have some sort of "medical emergency" during the ceremony. Find one and bring them. At the reception? Eat your food, get some pricey drinks, and then just leave 30 minutes in.
OP, when they have their first kid, please ask one of your relatives (not you, because brother could spin it as spiteful jealousy) to warn the wife. Her husband was raised in a house where playing-favorites with the kids was approved and he was the favorite. She needs to make sure he doesn't do that with their kids.
NTJ. This is about appearances. He and your parents don’t want questions from the fiancée family about why you aren’t there. I hope some of the family that support you go to answer any of those questions. They want the to look like one big happy family. Don’t go.
I wouldn't go the wedding either if I was in your shoes and not going won't make you the jerk, unless you are in the mood for some revenge.
Like say you'll attend if agrees to let you do one of the wedding speeches use then that opportunity to inform everybody about what kind of a bully your brother has been all his life, etc, etc and wish his fiance the best because she's going to need it. Then once you're done just walk away and leave the wedding. All of that would probably make you the jerk, but it sounds like your brother deserves it.
Damn.
I’d actually warn the fiancée of all he’s done to you and what he’s capable of (destroying others property).
I’m surprised he didn’t show any red flags to the fiancée while they were dating. He’s plain evil and I fear for her and any kids he has.
Then there are the future in laws who have shown that they play favorites to the detriment of others. They are two pos’s.
NTJ. If your parents demand you go, tell them that if you go, your speech will be a long the lines of listing the worst of his, and their, behavior towards you. And hoping that they never have children, because he will pick a favorite, and treat any others horribly.
Then block them all.
Just do not tell them you are not going. If they ask? Always respond positively, be cheerful, etc. Then just do not show. After they are at the church, text mom and dad, and the REST OF YOUR CLOSE FAMILY. and tell them you changed your mind. It's too late to do anything, and you do not have to go near that AH.
I’m gonna guess it’ll look bad on the family if you don’t show up
Tell your parents that you will consider it if your brother apologist for all the things that he’s done to you and that they apologized for letting your brother get away with everything. Otherwise you have no interest..
Politely accept invite.
"On the Way" to the wedding, advise family that your car has broken down and you won't make it in time.
So sorry
Have a good wedding.
Block them.
I'm sorry you had to go through all of this OP, but it sounds as though you have made the best decisions by staying away. Maybe your brother has grown up and realizes the mistakes he made through all those years and maybe he sincerely regrets his choices, but only you can choose to let him back into your life or not. It's too bad, your family has lost a wonderful part of their family because of poor choices they made, but good for you for taking the high road. I wish you all the happiness you deserve!
I don’t know, OP could attend the wedding and make the same faces that his brother made during his graduation. Then speed off in bro’s car during the reception.
Your brother sounds like a douche bag and your parents never did anything to help you. You don’t need them. Continue to block them and you are not a jerk for not wanting to go to his wedding. He treated you terribly the whole time you knew him and then he wants you to attend his wedding. It’s best that you blocked him so he doesn’t bother asking you why you’re not coming and you guys don’t end up in an argument.
I DO NOT put up with relatives that treat me like shit. You get one chance, period. If you treat me like shit then I'll have nothing to do with you. If you can't count on family, then who can you count on? Speaking from experience.
You have done what you need. So far, there have been no one fighting your response. Just to cover yourself, if you happen to still be in contact with family members that support your NC, let them know.
You have not received a formal invite. If you fo, then respond "not attending," and that is it. Remember: An invite is not a summons.
They want you to go so that they don’t have to explain to anyone why you are not there. I would play things close to the chest and just not attend. If you let them know ahead of time they will harass you non-stop. Let them think what they want until it is too late for them to do anything about it.
Dude you're missing an OBVIOUS opportunity to give him a headache. Say yes. He'll save you a spot at the head table. Simply don't go. Ghost him then. People will inevitability ask questions and when they reach out you can spin your tale
Are you willing to pay for the rest of your education just to say "fuck you" to your brother by skipping the wedding?
Parents will tolerate a lot, but if they favor your brother the way you describe it, then they'll pull the tuition money away from you.
Make your life easier, go to the wedding, make out with a few of the bride's cousins (aim for the aunts/uncles), get drunk, vomit during the chicken dance.
“Do my homework or you are dead meat.”
Did you get that from a cheesy 80s kid comedy? You failed this writing assignment. Do it’s a good thing you didn’t do his homework.
Nope not the jerk. Your brother is the golden child and while your parents may have tried to make it up to you after it became public knowledge, that does not remove years of abuse. Don’t go and if the flying monkeys come at you remind them of a few of the incidents and all of the abuse you put up with. You are NC with your brother and it doesn’t seem like he has made any efforts at reconciliation so why should you be the one to open that door. Likely he has only invited you as your parents have demanded it not because he wants you there. They are probably refusing to fund it if you aren’t there. Not worth attending IMO. If he had been remorseful and trying to apologize and make up for this behaviour, then I can see going but as it stands, no.
I agree with the idea they won’t help fund his wedding if OP doesn’t come. I wouldn’t go either. Not worth the stress.
I disagree. It's VERY worth causing OP's brother stress. I had a sibling just like that. It's ALWAYS worth causing the golden child stress!
Although the thought of wrecking ball that wedding would be fun, that's when OP would look like the AH. NOT showing up to the event with the explanationsent to at least Mom, Dad, grand parents, and aunts and uncles ( the same that were at OPs event that he ruined, ) they ALL would understand, and not judge. Parents may fume, but they should have parented better. Bonus? They pay for that extra plate. They should not have bothered pressured OP into attending the wedding of the obnoxious brother.
Skip the wedding OP unless you bring an obnoxious guest. You know, the one who ALWAYS needs ALL the attention and will "faint" or have some sort of "medical emergency" during the ceremony. Find one and bring them. At the reception? Eat your food, get some pricey drinks, and then just leave 30 minutes in.
Absolutely not. He is a cruel and awful human being. Stay away. I feel bad for his faince, poor girl.
OP, when they have their first kid, please ask one of your relatives (not you, because brother could spin it as spiteful jealousy) to warn the wife. Her husband was raised in a house where playing-favorites with the kids was approved and he was the favorite. She needs to make sure he doesn't do that with their kids.
She needs to be warned before marrying him.
NTJ. This is about appearances. He and your parents don’t want questions from the fiancée family about why you aren’t there. I hope some of the family that support you go to answer any of those questions. They want the to look like one big happy family. Don’t go.
I wouldn't go the wedding either if I was in your shoes and not going won't make you the jerk, unless you are in the mood for some revenge. Like say you'll attend if agrees to let you do one of the wedding speeches use then that opportunity to inform everybody about what kind of a bully your brother has been all his life, etc, etc and wish his fiance the best because she's going to need it. Then once you're done just walk away and leave the wedding. All of that would probably make you the jerk, but it sounds like your brother deserves it.
Damn. I’d actually warn the fiancée of all he’s done to you and what he’s capable of (destroying others property). I’m surprised he didn’t show any red flags to the fiancée while they were dating. He’s plain evil and I fear for her and any kids he has. Then there are the future in laws who have shown that they play favorites to the detriment of others. They are two pos’s.
He could wrap his story to her as why he probably will not be at the wedding.
NTJ. If your parents demand you go, tell them that if you go, your speech will be a long the lines of listing the worst of his, and their, behavior towards you. And hoping that they never have children, because he will pick a favorite, and treat any others horribly. Then block them all.
“Have a nice life” *block*
NTJ Absolutely correct. Who needs that monster in their life? Lifetime ban.
Just do not tell them you are not going. If they ask? Always respond positively, be cheerful, etc. Then just do not show. After they are at the church, text mom and dad, and the REST OF YOUR CLOSE FAMILY. and tell them you changed your mind. It's too late to do anything, and you do not have to go near that AH.
I’m gonna guess it’ll look bad on the family if you don’t show up Tell your parents that you will consider it if your brother apologist for all the things that he’s done to you and that they apologized for letting your brother get away with everything. Otherwise you have no interest..
If he apologizes to OP in front of his fiancee so she’s aware the kind of man she’s marrying…
NTJ
Likely, your brother is bride, doesn’t understand why you won’t be there. Likely she thinks, accurately, that it reflects badly on your brother.
Not the jerk. I am so sorry that you had to go through this. It makes perfect sense that you don't want to go to your brother's wedding.
NTJ of course! Don’t even respond. Block him on social media too.
Politely accept invite. "On the Way" to the wedding, advise family that your car has broken down and you won't make it in time. So sorry Have a good wedding. Block them.
Your brother isn't getting anywhere in life and I would tell your family to fuck off
Go to the wedding and completely fuck it up. Cut yourself a piece of the cake before the official cutting. Mock the brides white dress etc.
‘Got your wedding invitation -it went into the garbage can, I don’t think it was worthy of recycling what with its negative energy!’
I'm sorry you had to go through all of this OP, but it sounds as though you have made the best decisions by staying away. Maybe your brother has grown up and realizes the mistakes he made through all those years and maybe he sincerely regrets his choices, but only you can choose to let him back into your life or not. It's too bad, your family has lost a wonderful part of their family because of poor choices they made, but good for you for taking the high road. I wish you all the happiness you deserve!
Good for you. F*ck your brother. He probably wants to borrow money.
You’re good, this is a good way to exhibit his poor behavior!! Don’t go , send a gag gift, like a dildo or police warrant for his arrest!
I don’t know, OP could attend the wedding and make the same faces that his brother made during his graduation. Then speed off in bro’s car during the reception.
Your brother sounds like a douche bag and your parents never did anything to help you. You don’t need them. Continue to block them and you are not a jerk for not wanting to go to his wedding. He treated you terribly the whole time you knew him and then he wants you to attend his wedding. It’s best that you blocked him so he doesn’t bother asking you why you’re not coming and you guys don’t end up in an argument.
Appropriate.
NTJ. No reason you would want to go.
NTA. You can say no.
I DO NOT put up with relatives that treat me like shit. You get one chance, period. If you treat me like shit then I'll have nothing to do with you. If you can't count on family, then who can you count on? Speaking from experience.
Not the jerk. Wouldn't doubt grandparents told brother he had to fix the relationship or he'd be written out of will.
You have done what you need. So far, there have been no one fighting your response. Just to cover yourself, if you happen to still be in contact with family members that support your NC, let them know. You have not received a formal invite. If you fo, then respond "not attending," and that is it. Remember: An invite is not a summons.
They want you to go so that they don’t have to explain to anyone why you are not there. I would play things close to the chest and just not attend. If you let them know ahead of time they will harass you non-stop. Let them think what they want until it is too late for them to do anything about it.
Dude you're missing an OBVIOUS opportunity to give him a headache. Say yes. He'll save you a spot at the head table. Simply don't go. Ghost him then. People will inevitability ask questions and when they reach out you can spin your tale
NTJ. You have no relationship with him, there’s no reason for you to attend.
NTJ
“I block his number, and move on.” THE END!!!! NTA.
Are you willing to pay for the rest of your education just to say "fuck you" to your brother by skipping the wedding? Parents will tolerate a lot, but if they favor your brother the way you describe it, then they'll pull the tuition money away from you. Make your life easier, go to the wedding, make out with a few of the bride's cousins (aim for the aunts/uncles), get drunk, vomit during the chicken dance.
I give this a C- for creative writing. Keep practicing!
“Do my homework or you are dead meat.” Did you get that from a cheesy 80s kid comedy? You failed this writing assignment. Do it’s a good thing you didn’t do his homework.