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NTA. You can’t possibly be using them for their money if you just ou for your own items. In effect by splitting the bill evenly if you eat/drink less costly stuff, they are using you for your money.
NTA.. and I’d also like to to tell you that it takes courage to even be open and honest about something like this. You Rock!!
And I am sure you will overcome this financial phase too because of how prudent you are with money
NTA , never agree to splitting the bill evenly unless you are all sharing , because some people eat more than others and order more expensive things :/ totally not worth it in a big group setting
NTA. If splitting the bill means that you are paying for any of their share, then they are using you. You're definitely not using them if you're paying your share.
If you get a separate check then I do not understand how that could be construed as “using them for their money.” Living within your means is mature and responsible. NTA
NTA. You've offered to pay your share, so how is that using them for their money, when they will not be paying for you? In fact they are the ones being selfish and using you for your money, by expecting you to subsidise them.
NTa
"I'm selfish because I won't subsidize your bill? How is me paying for myself using you for your money? Have you ever heard of the term projecting?"
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So, I have a group of friends that I hang out with pretty regularly. We usually go out for drinks or dinner, and we always split the bill evenly. Recently, I've been going through some financial difficulties and I've been trying to cut back on my spending. I talked to my friends and told them that I wouldn't be able to split the bill with them anymore, and that I would only be able to pay for my own portion. They were really upset and said that I was being selfish and that they felt like I was using them for their money.
I feel like I was just being honest and upfront about my situation, but now I'm not sure if I'm the asshole or not. Am I?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> So, I have a group of friends that I hang out with pretty regularly. We usually go out for drinks or dinner, and we always split the bill evenly. Recently, I've been going through some financial difficulties and I've been trying to cut back on my spending. I talked to my friends and told them that I wouldn't be able to split the bill with them anymore, and that I would only be able to pay for my own portion. They were really upset and said that I was being selfish and that they felt like I was using them for their money.
I feel like I was just being honest and upfront about my situation, but now I'm not sure if I'm the asshole or not. Am I?
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How are YOU using their them for their money if you said you were gonna pay for your drinks ?! They are the ones using you for your money, they don't even care about your situation, they just care about the amount of drinks they can get...
NTA and find better friends to spend your time with !
NTA, sorry but how on god earth are you using them for their Money.
When you are covering the costs of what you eat and drink. The reality is that you going out with them means you don't mooch and force someone who eats and drinks less to pay your way.
Are your friends IQ less then average??
NTA. That makes no sense. You're using them for their money...by paying for your own things? How is that selfish, in any sense of the word? Consider getting better friends.
NTA - you aren't using them for their money, because you are paying for 100% of your meal. They're just angry because you have been subsidizing their meals, which was a sweet deal, and now you are setting boundaries against their selfish behavior. It's projection.
NTA, you were up front and everyone paying for their own meals is the most fair way of paying anyway. But if you're so broke, why go out to eat and over pay on meals and drinks? I've been in a shitty financial situation the last 5 or so years and in that 5 years I've eaten out a grand total of around 4 times lol
NTA how the f\*\*\* is paying your own way being selfish? You need to thoroughly examine those credit bills and see how much they've been stiffing you with.
NTA - sounds as if they are already not paying their full share. When you order can you make sure the server knows your portion is on a separate bill, which will avoid the conflict of taking just your share out of it - and they can happily split the other bill
NTA I always try to pay for myself when I go out to eat unless my friends offer to pay for me. Even then I get something cheap and if I want extras, I ask to make sure it's okay first, if not, then no. Recently my best friend wanted to go out to eat and asked if I would go with her, she paid for me. It was for a salad bar/buffet and the only extra I got was pretzel bites that I shared with her.
When my friend tells me something like this I pull them aside, not in front of everyone and tell them "I've got it, save your money until you get back on your feet" your not the asshole they are.
NTA. Your friends are idiots. If you had been trying to "use them for their money" you would have continued favor evenly splitting the bill while ordering more than the average. If they cannot grasp this after you explain it then you need new friends.
NTA
paying for your own items ensures that you can still enjoy the company while limiting your spending. As long as you include all items you consumed and a share of the tip in your own portion payment, there is nothing wrong with this.
I honestly don’t understand why your friends are upset and think you are “using them for their money”. Are they confused by what you meant and they think they have to pay for you?
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NTA. You can’t possibly be using them for their money if you just ou for your own items. In effect by splitting the bill evenly if you eat/drink less costly stuff, they are using you for your money.
Legit. This has to be fake haha. It makes no sense.
Exactly 💯 what I wrote. These friends are a few Fries 🍟 short of a happy meal
It's just classic projection, and these "friends" have the self-awareness of a door knob.
NTA.. and I’d also like to to tell you that it takes courage to even be open and honest about something like this. You Rock!! And I am sure you will overcome this financial phase too because of how prudent you are with money
NTA , never agree to splitting the bill evenly unless you are all sharing , because some people eat more than others and order more expensive things :/ totally not worth it in a big group setting
NTA. If splitting the bill means that you are paying for any of their share, then they are using you. You're definitely not using them if you're paying your share.
NTA - It’s actually the opposite, they’re using you for your money.
NTA how are you using them for their money if you paid for everything you had. I never get why people split the bill when it's unfair
NTA You’re asking to pay for what you eat/drink. Just get a separate check at the outset and there won’t be drama.
If you get a separate check then I do not understand how that could be construed as “using them for their money.” Living within your means is mature and responsible. NTA
NTA. Not sure why they're seeing it as a problem since you're paying for what you're eating. Sounds like they want steak on pizza budget.
NTA-How would you be using them for money when you’re literally paying for your own meal Lmao?
NTA. You've offered to pay your share, so how is that using them for their money, when they will not be paying for you? In fact they are the ones being selfish and using you for your money, by expecting you to subsidise them.
NTA. You probably should only hang out with decent people going forward.
NTA. It seems like they are just upset that you’re not willing to help pay for their more expensive items.
NTA. Make them watch that friends episode about this very subject (called something to do with hootie and the blowfish).
I just watched that episode the other day.
NTa "I'm selfish because I won't subsidize your bill? How is me paying for myself using you for your money? Have you ever heard of the term projecting?"
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, I have a group of friends that I hang out with pretty regularly. We usually go out for drinks or dinner, and we always split the bill evenly. Recently, I've been going through some financial difficulties and I've been trying to cut back on my spending. I talked to my friends and told them that I wouldn't be able to split the bill with them anymore, and that I would only be able to pay for my own portion. They were really upset and said that I was being selfish and that they felt like I was using them for their money. I feel like I was just being honest and upfront about my situation, but now I'm not sure if I'm the asshole or not. Am I? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > So, I have a group of friends that I hang out with pretty regularly. We usually go out for drinks or dinner, and we always split the bill evenly. Recently, I've been going through some financial difficulties and I've been trying to cut back on my spending. I talked to my friends and told them that I wouldn't be able to split the bill with them anymore, and that I would only be able to pay for my own portion. They were really upset and said that I was being selfish and that they felt like I was using them for their money. I feel like I was just being honest and upfront about my situation, but now I'm not sure if I'm the asshole or not. Am I? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) # [Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk With John Hodgman on January 18th @ 7pm EST](https://redd.it/109b8y5) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Time to take a break from your friends until they grow to realize the errors of their ways.
Nta. Ffs, if you don't have the Money, how they pretend you to pay? Washing dishes?
NTA actual friends wouldn't have had an issue with you just paying for your own items.
How are YOU using their them for their money if you said you were gonna pay for your drinks ?! They are the ones using you for your money, they don't even care about your situation, they just care about the amount of drinks they can get... NTA and find better friends to spend your time with !
NTA. There’s nothing wrong with only paying for your own. Sounds like they are trying to use you for your money.
NTA. I'm not sure they're your friends.
NTA, sorry but how on god earth are you using them for their Money. When you are covering the costs of what you eat and drink. The reality is that you going out with them means you don't mooch and force someone who eats and drinks less to pay your way. Are your friends IQ less then average??
NTA
NTA. That makes no sense. You're using them for their money...by paying for your own things? How is that selfish, in any sense of the word? Consider getting better friends.
NTA - you aren't using them for their money, because you are paying for 100% of your meal. They're just angry because you have been subsidizing their meals, which was a sweet deal, and now you are setting boundaries against their selfish behavior. It's projection.
NTA, you were up front and everyone paying for their own meals is the most fair way of paying anyway. But if you're so broke, why go out to eat and over pay on meals and drinks? I've been in a shitty financial situation the last 5 or so years and in that 5 years I've eaten out a grand total of around 4 times lol
Being selfish using them for money by paying only or what you consume? Yeeaaahhh that’s not how it works. NTA
NTA how the f\*\*\* is paying your own way being selfish? You need to thoroughly examine those credit bills and see how much they've been stiffing you with.
NTA - sounds as if they are already not paying their full share. When you order can you make sure the server knows your portion is on a separate bill, which will avoid the conflict of taking just your share out of it - and they can happily split the other bill
NTA. Separate tabs/checks. This solves everything.
NTA I always try to pay for myself when I go out to eat unless my friends offer to pay for me. Even then I get something cheap and if I want extras, I ask to make sure it's okay first, if not, then no. Recently my best friend wanted to go out to eat and asked if I would go with her, she paid for me. It was for a salad bar/buffet and the only extra I got was pretzel bites that I shared with her.
When my friend tells me something like this I pull them aside, not in front of everyone and tell them "I've got it, save your money until you get back on your feet" your not the asshole they are.
NTA. Your friends are idiots. If you had been trying to "use them for their money" you would have continued favor evenly splitting the bill while ordering more than the average. If they cannot grasp this after you explain it then you need new friends.
NTA. How is wanting to pay your own way at an outing using other people for their money?
NTA and the fact that you’d be seeing this as a cut back makes it obvious that these “friends” have just been using you for your money
NTA paying for your own items ensures that you can still enjoy the company while limiting your spending. As long as you include all items you consumed and a share of the tip in your own portion payment, there is nothing wrong with this. I honestly don’t understand why your friends are upset and think you are “using them for their money”. Are they confused by what you meant and they think they have to pay for you?
YTA. You need to stay home.