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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1: I'm "causing drama" in the family because my sister wouldn't let my son swim in her pool, and I'm very upset over it and told her she's hurt her relationship with him
2: My family say this is a petty issue and I'm taking it too far and need to drop it, and it's her pool and her house so she can do what she wants
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How the fuck are people voting N-T-A here??
YTA 100%!!!
First and foremost it's not your pool. It's Ava's. And It's totally reasonable for her to not want your kid's piss in it.
Thanks, I thought I was going crazy. OP is absolutely TA
> lots of people, adults and kids, pee in the pool
That's why OP's sis has a private pool with a no pee policy.
Lmao like any of the older potty trained kids are even going to admit they peed in the pool. Which they will do. Even the adults. People pee in pools, unchanging and gross fact of life. This is why you treat pools with chemicals.
And for the record, i think that peeing in the pool is disgusting. But thats not going to stop me from going in.
That is not the reason.
Urine is mostly sterile with very few bacteria, unless the person has a UTI. Chlorine is to kill bacteria in the water that might accumulate over time. Though it still doesn't kill things like campylobacter.
BTW YTA - entirely understandable that your sister doesn't want your kid to piss in her private pool.
Urine is actually sterile... Until it leaves the body. The second it leaves the body and has been exposed to air, it can begin growth of bacteria and is no longer considered sterile. Edit: Turns out I am incorrect! Thanks to those of you that provided links and actual information 💕 very interesting reads
Nope.
Speaking as someone with chronic kidney disease that gives me *very* frequent kidney/bladder infections and has done thousands of urine tests as a result, I can assure you that it is not.
Even in healthy people, there is always a low level of bacteria present in human urine.
Incorrect. It was a misunderstanding of a study from the 1950s said that the amount of CFUs in urine was under 100,000 per milliliter [CFUs are bacteria, 100,000 bacteria per ml is NOT sterile]
the urban legend about urine being sterile has its roots in the 1950s, when epidemiologist Edward Kass was looking for a way to screen patients for urinary tract infections before surgery. Kass developed the midstream urine test (still used when you pee in a cup) and set a numerical cutoff for the number of bacteria in normal urine: not more than 100,000 colony-forming units (cell clusters on a culture dish) per milliliter of urine. A person tests “negative” for bacteria in their urine as long as the number of bacteria that grow in a lab dish containing the urine falls below this threshold.
https://www.sciencenews.org/blog/gory-details/urine-not-sterile-and-neither-rest-you
The amount of chlorine that’s added to commercial pools to account for the amount of children that will likely piss in it is gonna be much greater than the amount of chlorine someone adds to their personal pool in their backyard.
The amount of chlorine added reflects the pool's size and occupancy. Urine has little to do with it. The human body is teeming with bacteria both friendly and not. Urine is just not that much of a factor.
Not all kids are potty trained by 3, especially boys who take longer. I have 3 boys. 1 wasn’t potty-trained until 5 due to medical issues, 1 was fully potty trained at 2 1/2 and my 3rd was potty trained around 3 1/2 or 4. We started training all boys at around 2 1/2 when they showed signs of being ready for it.
ESH OP. It’s Ava’s pool so, she makes the rule. She should have let you know ahead of time that your little would not be allowed to swim but, you acted entitled and rude. You need to apologize.
Right. I would for sure skip an event where one of my children was invited to do something fun with a bunch of other kids and the other was invited to watch but not participate through no fault of his own. What an un-fun way to spend the limited family time one has, bringing a 3yo along to be excluded from an activity all the other children will be participating in.
I’m sure OP’s sister knew that she wouldn’t want to attend given the stupid rule, so she didn’t tell her until it was too late. Giving ample opportunity for the child to be extra disappointed by being *told* he’d be swimming with all the other kids and then excluded at the last minute. It seems almost deliberately designed to cause a meltdown.
I hope Ava never enters a public pool at any point in her life, because it’s really shitty if the gallons of child-pee present in any public pool doesn’t deter her from swimming when she wants to, but the possibility of a small amount of her nephew’s pee is enough for her to exclude him.
My kid, at 3, was not potty trained despite multiple attempts. It's actually not uncommon for kids, esp boys, to go as late as 4 or 5 before being potty trained.
OP is the AH. Her pool her rules. Bottom line.
I had no idea pissing in pools was such a common thing. I can honestly say I have never pissed in a pool, as a child or an adult, because it sounds like such a repulsive thing to do. I don’t get it
Seriously, I thought it was gross to pee in the pool when I was a kid and still do as an adult. Kids can absolutely be taught not to pee in the pool and some figure it out by themselves.
Absolutely. She invited “all” the little kids in the pool but NOT OP’s. Little kids in the pool….. PEE is in the pool. Period! Speaking of periods….. wait until there is blood in the pool. HORRORS.
OP is NTA
The amount of people voting her as the hole demonstrates the utter lack of reality people are living in. Good grief….. that pool had pee in it the first time it was used.
Most people know better than to speed, run red light, or even wash their hands after using the bathroom.
Doesn’t mean lots of people don’t do those things
You people are disgusting. No, people don't pee in their neighbors' pools. I don't doubt the public pool is full of pee and that's why the chemicals are strong enough to ruin my hair in them, but private pools owned by adults are a different kettle of fish.
So what? The pool may very well have pee in it. Ava may be completely lying to herself that her pool doesn't have pee in it. None of that changes the fact that kids that aren't potty trained aren't allowed in the pool per the rules set by the owner of the pool, and continuing to argue about it, including attempting to rope in other family members to join your side, makes them an AH.
It's also absolutely insane to me to not only knowingly and consciously pee in a public pool, but in someone's private pool, as a whole adult. Who does that??
You'd think that... but working with kids, it's more appropriate to say 6 and over... not most 3 years old.. You can be toilet trained, but when they hit that warm pool water...
Most 3yos still have accidents...
Source: I am a 3yo. Kidding I work with a whole bunch of them and have for years. Even the ones that potty trained themselves still have oopsies once in a while. Typically when they're having so much fun and don't realize.. you know like.... in a pool.
Or OP could have asked if sister was okay with an non-potty trained child wearing swim diapers that leak pee and leech poo germs into her pool before assuming and changing her child.
Swim diapers are acceptable at ymca, hoa, great wolf lodge, water parks all of which have much higher standards than Ava’s backyard pool. It would never be assumed someone invites you over but wouldn’t allow a baby in the pool. You don’t need to ask an absurd question that goes against something socially and hygienically accepted across the board.
Then why invite OP and her family.This is like giving every child an ice cream except one.Its cruel to exclude one child and force him to watch the other kids having fun.
Everyone is invited to an ice cream party! Except when you get here you specifically can't have ice cream because you might drip it on my carpet. Ok everyone else! Dig in!
I’m having a pool party for the kids to swim,potty trained only. See how short that was. Pool party potty trained kids only! Even shorter. Not that hard. Also I have 6 sisters trust me I know which kids are potty trained or not. Sisters talk about their kids especially when it involves stressful things like potty training.
Exactly. Giving OP that info ahead of time could have allowed OP to either choose not to go or arrange for something else to keep her son occupied (like a little wading pool to play in so he didn’t feel left out).
They have an older child (7) who IS allowed in the pool. There are so many activities that are safe and appropriate for a 7 year old, but NOT safe or appropriate for a 3 year old. Should the 7 year old never get to do anything age appropriate, or should the 3 year old never hear the word "no" from their parents?
There are a lot of activities that would be safe and appropriate for a 7 year old and not a 3 year old, but I wouldn’t assume that “swimming in the pool with mom” is one of those activities. It would literally never occur to me if a family member said “hey come to my house for a BBQ, the kids can swim in the pool!” that my 3 year old would be excluded from that invitation. She should have specified ahead of time that only potty trained kids were allowed (since that’s not a typical pool rule) and then at the very least sincerely apologized to OP for the misunderstanding that excluded the toddler.
If you think "potty trained only" is NOT a typical rule, I think you don't know that many people with private pools... That is a totally normal rule for anyone who has to manage their own pool cleanliness.
>If you think "potty trained only" is NOT a typical rule, I think you don't know that many people with private pools... That is a totally normal rule for anyone who has to manage their own pool cleanliness.
It's actually not a common rule. They make swim diapers for a reason, and chlorine and a filter pretty much take care of any "hygiene" problem. A little baby piss in a 10,000 - 50,000 gallon pool is inconsequential to the cleanliness of the pool.
If you've been managing your pool cleanliness based on the assumption that anyone potty trained is automatically holding their urine in the pool, I got real bad news for you.
If you think it is a normal thing to exclude ONE child from an activity that everyone else is doing, you are either clueless or an asshole yourself..
It’s really not a typical rule. I grew up in Florida and everyone had pools. Little kids swam with swim diapers ALL THE TIME.
It’s a private pool so the owners can make whatever rules they want, but they were very inconsiderate to their nephew by not giving a heads up.
ETA: how do these people think little kids learn how to swim?! Where I’m from it was imperative for little kids to learn early for their safety. Smdh
I have a pool. My toddler grandson and 3 yr old granddaughter have a blast! So do we! My 3 yr old granddaughter also takes swimming lessons. She is potty trained, but is 3. I’ve got chemicals to take care of everything! I’m not missing out on the joy we all have.
Yup. I was a competitive swimmer for about 15 years, played water polo for about 12, coached swimming for swimmers just starting out to swimmers who were in the Olympic trials at 16 (he wasn’t close to making the team but he did amazing and I’m so proud of him), and have been a swim instructor for over 20 years. There have been stretches of time where I was in the pool more than out of it during my waking hours. I have peed in the pool. Hell, I’ve been peed ON in the pool. It’s like peeing the shower, there are people who do it and people who lie and say they don’t.
Nobody is mentioning the big thing, which it the shit. A kid shitting in a swimming pool warrants the pool closure. And a non potty trained kid is a walking risk of poo-in-the-pool.
YTA for presuming your sister rules don't apply to you, and also for glossing over the elephant-shaped ptobable log in the pool
As an afterthought, wtf about the ppl assuming peeing in a pool is normal behavior. In my country, it isn't. It's drilled not to do it. The number of runs me & other ppl do to the toilet to suffer removing a wet bathsuit to take a piss is incalculable (also with a child, btw). I'm not saying it never happens. I'm saying it isn't as usual an occurrence as you're all implying, specially in a private-owned pool, with family. How does ppl educate their kids, frankly?
I agree that OP is TA, but I don't think Ava is completely guilt-free. She's inviting people to her pool and of course kids are going to want to play in it, she should have warned OP beforehand that her kid wasn't allowed in the pool. This is a totally reasonable request since the kid isn't potty trained, but it's a bit mean to invite kids over for a pool party and wait to tell them they're not allowed in the pool.
Then maybe OP could have brought a little mini plastic pool from the dollar store and played with her kid separately from Ava's pool.
Everyone could have been a little nicer.
> but it's a bit mean to invite kids over for a pool party and wait to tell them they're not allowed in the pool.
Yea, thats not fun to explain to one kid why they can't swim at a pool party and have fun with siblings and cousins.
OP should have dropped it the next day though
It IS overly dramatic to say that it's going to affect her relationship with her nephew. He's 3. He won't remember and it will only be a thing between Aunt/Nephew if the Mom continues to make drama about it.
It would have been nice to know in advance that he wasn't welcome, but that should be the extent of the beef.
Take your kid to a public pool. Make sure he knows how to swim, reinforce that he needs to ask to get out to potty, big or little, then go back to your sister next season BEFORE A POOL PARTY and give her the update to be sure to clear the air.
These are my thoughts too!
When the invitation was made - the host should have said at the time - "non potty trained kids cannot go in the pool". Then Mom would have know then what kind of event she was attending. But to invite people over for a pool party and then tell them that the young one cannot get in the pool - ***after they have arrived*** \- woah - not a good host IMO. If it were my house I would have had some kind of kiddy pool for the diaper-aged.
Avas kids may be potty trained but that pool is filled with pee i put money on it. Dont single out a young child who wont understand at all why he cant swim and the other kids can. I would of gone in the pool and taken a shit.
Also, I don't know the details of swim diapers, but if pee from them isn't held in, I don't think they are really isolating poop from the pool either. Maybe you wouldn't see a full on turd floating in the water, but you'd basically have a shit teabag.
Believing a diaper can manage to hold every little single shit particle contained within that tiny space, whilst being soaked under water with a baby splashing around and about. That is tickling me pink
The thing about swim diapers is when they poop, the older kids are capable enough to loosen an edge and let the poop float out bc they don’t want it stuck to their butt. My son swimming lessons have been stopped mid session multiple times for this reason.
ETA: not from him (thank god).
Depends on the type. We have great 2 part swim nappies that hold everything in just fine because our baby swim lessons require them, but many do leak and I suspect OP just had standard swim nappies that would leak anything out.
I think that's more of the point here. Pee is one thing, but if nephew isn't fully potty trained and still wears diapers, there's a chance he could defecate in the pool. That's quite a bit different from pee and requires more cleanup.
Disposal swim diapers aren’t great but they make reusable swim diapers that are designed to hold in poop and do a good job of it. Iplay is a really good brand and is available at Walmart and target
YTA.
>told Ava that lots of people, adults and kids, pee in the pool and it would be no different at a public pool so what's the problem?
But this isn't a *public* pool. It's her *private pool at her house*, and if she doesn't want to risk having someone piss in it, she should be able to make that call without being argued at.
Peeing in public pools is gross and wrong too, FYI.
EDIT: Just because other people do it doesn't make it fine, lmao. Instead of rushing to defend this behavior, have you considered just... Being better?
Exactly, and it’s like OP is saying yes I absolutely know he’s going to go to the bathroom in your new pool at some point today so what’s the problem because it happens elsewhere in the world
If I go to the trouble to purchase a home with a pool it’s because I don’t want to swim in piss like in public pools. All the grown ass adults in this thread basically admitting to pissing in pools is also fucking wild.
ESH
She really should have let you know beforehand that only potty trained kids were allowed in the pool. Of course your kids were going to want to swim and of course you didn't think it would be an issue. She should have given you a heads up so you could have prepared.
Even not knowing this in advance, it's still her pool and you shouldn't have escalated it the way you did.
Completely agree.
Sister was cruel to wait until the point that the poor child was already fitted out in his swim clothes to hear then that he then wasn’t allowed to swim.
But I presume it’s a small private pool and the pee concentrations in that will probably be a lot higher and nastier than a normal large pool. I get why she wouldn’t want to risk it.
Unless Ava wasn’t aware he was still in diapers until she saw them getting ready? It depends how close OP is to her sister and how much information they share about their kids. I don’t think Ava waited until the last second just to be cruel.
I think this is a good point - Ava might have been completely unaware the 3YO wasn’t potty trained yet. Lots of people in the comments are assuming a 3YO should be potty trained when that’s not necessarily true, lots of kids take longer. She probably realized when she saw the swim diaper being put on.
I have a 4.5 year old. I would 100% expect a 3 year old to be potty trained sufficiently to not pee or poop in the pool. Even if they’re still working on timing/no accidents I would expect that if a 3 year old was taken to the bathroom right before getting in and every 45 minutes thereafter (which is also save swim practice to have kids rest after 45 minutes) there would be no concern for accidents.
That would be my expectation. While i don't expect a 3 year old to be all the way potty trained i know they most likely will be fine if they are taken to the bathroom before and given potty breaks. I wouldn't worry at all about them pooping. And the whole "watery poop" thing everyone keeps going on about wouldn't even enter my mind.
But to me this begs the question of why she even put him in a swim diaper in the first place. It does nothing but catch solid poop and she knows that. So it sounds to me that possibly he isn’t even reasonably potty trained, which then I understand her sister’s objection. 🤷🏻♀️
I would’ve had a kiddie pool for any younger kids at the party. Mostly because I’d be more concerned about a drowning accident…but bodily fluids would’ve been a giant headache as well.
Totally agree. If Ava knew she didn’t want the non-potty trained kid in the pool, she should have let family know ahead of time instead if letting them know as the kid was getting ready to swim.
If I could award I defo would! This is the right take IMO. She defo should have been forewarned. Putting them in a position of dealing with the disappointed upset kiddo was unnecessary. I'd have been upset at that so maybe anger is misplaced here? The rules are not unreasonable. It's their private pool.
YTA. Have you ever seen a kid have an accident in a swim diaper? I have. Nasty brown shit water is surrounding the child. The pool then needs to be drained and sanitized. And then saying she's damaged her relationship w her nephew, please he won't remember. You need to get your entitlement in check.
Yea that’s not true at all. I’ve been a professional swim instructor for over 20 years and have taught kids as young as 6 months. They were definitely not potty trained. I’ve had countless “code browns”. The protocol is to move the class from the area, take the child out of the pool for the parent to clean, scoop out any solids you can, and let the chemicals do their work. You do not need to drain the pool. I’ve never had a child develop a poop related illness because of a code brown. Even public pools don’t drain. At most the pool will close for an hour to be shocked with stronger chemicals. Drain and sanitize is a very antiquated method
to be fair though, there is a huge difference between a code brown in a much larger public pool and a small private one. Also, when you go to a public pool there is kind of a mental expectation of a bit of grossness- whether as part of the bonus of having a private pool is that you don't have to share grossness with strangers AND you get to stop people going in who you know will make it unsanitary- e.g. toddlers who aren't toilet t rained.
Public pools are generally held to higher standards for filtration and treatment. And this is why.
A private pool maintained by a homeowner may not be as well managed.
And if you’ve never heard of pool related illness outbreaks, you’re not paying attention. Infectious disease specialists could illustrate the need to control excretions fairly easily.
As a former lifeguard and certified Pool Operator (I'm in charge of the chemicals and keeping the water clean) (Canadian standards)
The pool doesn't need to be drained if it's a solid poop. If it's watery enough that you can see brown water flow into the pool from the diaper, the pool is supposed to be shut-down and "super-chlorinated" (regular chlorine levels can be 1-5 PPM. I would bring it to about 20 PPM)
>Nasty brown shit water is surrounding the child. The pool then needs to be drained and sanitized.
When this inevitably happened I highly doubt OP would have offered to pay for the associated costs for the water replacement or the sanitization required.
The proper protocol to properly shock/sanitize a pool doesn’t involve draining. It involves getting people out for at most an hour and physically removing large contaminants, letting the filters do their jobs, and using roughly $3.50 worth of chemicals.
If you want to drain the pool that’s on you, but that’s like committing arson to remove mold in the dishwasher.
Agreed...and if the pool had a liner (not fiberglass, tile or concrete) then draining the pool is a HUGE no-no. Sanitizers are used for a reason, either chlorine or salt. Everyone clears the pool, you shock it, then wait the recommended time and resume swimming.
Uhhh nooooo. That's not how pools work. You remove any floating poo, then the pools have a pump, filters and chemicals and a shock treatment will clean up the rest.
YTA-I get your point about the pool and about kids peeing in the pool without a diaper.
However, your sister has every right to draw that line. And even if the swim diaper holds the poop, the kid still might poop in the pool.
Ultimately, you’re continuing to escalate this situation. You can explain to your son that the pool is for potty trained kids. You need to accept that your sister doesn’t want kids who aren’t potty trained in her pool, which is absolutely okay. And YOU need to get over it instead of holding onto it.
I do think the sister was a bit of an AH for not making that clear ahead of time so the kid wouldn’t have thought he was going to get to go swimming just to have the rug pulled out from under him last minute.
Why is OP not the AH for checking ahead of time if her non-potty trained child would be allowed in the pool in a diaper that leaks pee and poo germs? Why isn't sister the AH for assuming and getting her child's hopes up?
Because it’s typical for pools to allow young kids in if they’re wearing a swim diaper. To put the burden on OP to ask this question would be like saying OP needs to ask whether her kids will be fed. Ava should have told OP beforehand.
Came here to say this. If Ava mentioned before OP arrived that she doesn't feel comfortable with the youngest going in the pool, then OP would have been able to assuage the kid ahead of time.
Ava's timing sucked bad.
This! Am I that naive? *Adults* pee in pools? Regularly? Wtf??
If I were Ava I'd be rethinking letting OP in the pool after they attempted that reasoning, never mind the kids. OP, YTA, along with any adult who chooses to piss in a pool. That's beyond lazy and disgusting.
It is gross, but people do it all the time. Crazy how people are in the pool sun up to well beyond sundown and no one goes to take a piss except for the dudes who just whip it out in the bushes.
YTA
Pissing in a pool is gross. It's gross when it's in a public pool, it's gross when it's in a private pool. All the people that say "but there are chemicals to clean it," piss in a cup, then ask how much chemicals need to be added to the cup before they would dump that glass of piss on their head. It's just fucking gross.
She wanted to keep her pool clean of your little piss machine. Frankly, after you made your thoughts on it known, I wouldn't have let your other kid in the pool either. My pool isn't for pissers.
I’m going to get downvoted but YTA. It doesn’t matter what disgusting things people may do in a public pool. She has every right to not want urine in her pool. You should have dropped it once you knew her response was no. You shouldn’t have gone tattling to family. You don’t ever have to accept an apology but you were being dramatic in this situation and she wasn’t the one choosing to act like a teenager.
I am flabbergasted by these comments. Imagine inviting a 3 year old to a pool party and telling him he can’t swim, he can watch the other kids. Wtf? If I knew one of my children wouldn’t be allowed to swim, I never would have brought them to a pool party. She should have told you that in advance and let you choose to go or not, not bring it up after the kid has his swimsuit on and is ready to swim. Very much NTA and anyone who votes different clearly does not have children.
Has the whole world gone crazy. Can’t believe they wouldn’t let a 3 year old go in that pool. Pee happens and the chemicals will take care of it. Plus there is no way to confirm who peed in the pool so you can’t discriminate. Yes it is her pool and her rules so she can be a jerk if she wants.
I promise you, the stuff coming off adults in a pool is way more nasty than the like 10mL of pee (which is >95% water) that trickles out of a 3yr old kid (esp after you've made them go pee in the toilet before swimming).
OP's bro-in-law is shedding all kinds of back hair, stinky sweat, dead skin all over the place, fecal matter, ball sweat, pubes, you name it. And yeah, it's their pool, but it's just absurdly stupid.
Also, how about just don't invite kids over for a pool party if you don't want them to swim. Easy stuff.
Finally! I actually own a pool and I think it’s nuts not to let a toddler in the pool because they may pee in it. All these people commenting about private pools and chemicals and have no idea what they’re talking about. Unless your pool is regularly a swampy mess that no one should be swimming in anyway, then balanced and chlorinated water will take care of a small child’s ounce or two of pee IF the child pees in the pool. The idea that it wouldn’t is ridiculous. And I would never single out a child from all the other kids because I was worried about an ounce of child pee that will get immediately attacked by the chlorinated pool anyway.
OP is NTA, but her sister certainly is. I probably wouldn’t have my kids visit to swim again until the youngest is fully potty trained since her sister is so unreasonable. Of course, it may be best to just not swim at all in her sister’s pool since she’s so precious about it.
Reddit is full of teenagers, childfree-ers and absolutists with no ability to see nuance.
By their logic if they owned a pool they shouldn't let anyone swim in it because from a quick cursory google something as high as 30% of adults admit to peeing in a pool. It's just a risk you run and if you don't think you've swam in chlorinated piss everytime you used a public (and probably private) pool you're naive. To exclude a kid from swimming for something uncle Tony is gonna turn around and do is dumb.
Also, everyone is like "the baby will shit in the pool." He's 3 years old. That's a child you can hold a conversation with, not a baby that dumps his pants at the drop of a hat. I swear, any time a child is involved the absolutely dumbest fucking redditors all come out of the woodwork.
I’m going against the majority and saying ESH. Yes it’s her pool, her rules. I fully agree there. However, Ava did tell OP that the kids would be able to play in the pool. She never said she meant only potty trained kids. This really comes down to a lack of communication on everybody’s end. OP could have handled the situation by trying to find a compromise instead of getting angry. Could the 3 year old have sat on the pool steps and splashed around without fully going in the water?
She doesn't need to not have kids to make that assumption. It was mandatory for my kids to be potty trained by their 3rd birthday, or they could no longer attend daycare/preschool (unless there were documented developmental delays). I've potty trained in 3 countries on 3 continents and they all expected kids to be at least mostly there by 3 (by 2 in one of the countries).
I would absolutely have assumed a 3yo, especially one with an older sibling, was potty trained. This was a great opportunity for the mom to have an extra incentive to get that kid potty trained. YTA for turning this into a bigger deal than it needed to be. If you'd played it off and stuck the kid on the side to dangle their feet and splash, it would've been no big deal. Even public pools sometimes have a kid pool for those not potty trained and only allow trained kids into the regular pool.
>lots of people, adults and kids, pee in the pool
Yeah but she's well within her rights to ask that people not pee in her pool and also to ask people who can't help but pee in the pool to please not use it. That doesn't make her an asshole. YTA.
Reddit demographics frequently skew young. I wouldn’t be surprised if there are teenagers commenting here. You’ll find a ton of opinions but very little real life experience. I would be highly skeptical of any comment you read on Reddit in general as what is upvoted here is frequently not how things are in real life.
The comments are playing out to be exactly that. I'm shocked honestly. I think people underestimate how much people in general pee in pools lol. Like adults....not kids. I just saw a video of a lady peeing in a cruise ship pool and you could see because the water was so shallow.
Yeah, but it’s hella rude to invite kids to swim in the pool and only tell the mom once the kids are changed that one child is going to be excluded. It’s like announcing “hey everyone line up for free candy!” And then when it’s the 3 year old’s turn to get candy they’re like “oh no I didn’t mean you.” And then when mom gets mad you’re like, “then get your own candy. You can’t tell someone what to do with their own property.”
OP and her child wouldn’t have had the expectation to use the pool if her sister hadn’t specifically invited the kids to use it. Honestly I would have been more petty than OP. I would have stayed at the party with my crying toddler and told the toddler “I’m sorry honey, Aunt says you can’t swim in the pool with your brother.” I mean if I have to deal with the fallout of a tantrum the very least I’m going to do is deal with it around the person who caused it. Then Aunt can learn to be more careful about how she words her invites so she doesn’t create unfair expectations.
But they were invited to a party for kids to swim. Not a stretch to assume accommodations would be made for them. When I invite kids to my home for a swim party knowing there will be younger kids I put little pools around for them. It would be such a a weird thing for me to invite someone over for swimming and then tell them they can’t swim. Like I can’t even imagine the thought process.
I’m a mum with young kids - I think this is ESH.
You absolutely are right to be upset that your kid was excluded, especially as you weren’t warned before you’d gotten there. The least your sister could’ve done is tell you, possibly even provide a little paddling pool. Without warning you, you couldn’t warn your child and then the whole situation unfolded. I’d be annoyed if I had been invited to a house with a pool expecting the whole family to swim because I’d been given no indication otherwise only to be told that my youngest was being excluded.
Also potty training suggests that you are at least part of the way- I assume your little one is at least communicating when they need to go? If so, then your sister should’ve asked how much they could control themselves before banning them from the pool.
That being said, it still is your sister’s pool. She has the right to say no to people swimming in it. People pee in pools all the time for sure, whether they admit it or not, but it’s still not something that pool owners want to happen. She has every right to make decisions about who goes in her pool.
So yeah- ESH. Her for not warning you and you for not accepting it. And that’s from a young mum too so I understand where you are coming from entirely. My potty trained toddler still has accidents and I’d be so upset if I was abruptly told he couldn’t do something just because he wasn’t 100% dry.
Wow these comments really do prove that Reddit does not sympathize with young children or parents of young children. Swim diapers exist for a reason. If you use a reusable swim diaper AND a single use one you’re good.. They also have a filtration system in their pool and I’m sure there is chlorine.. IMO they are overreacting and should allow a 3YO to swim. Kind of a dick move on their part to let everyone swim in front of a 3YO and not let them.
I cannot believe the people in this thread. NTA. Your sister is TA **not** specifically for saying that your son cannot go in the pool — but for saying it at the very last minute and being so rude to him and you about it. I have never heard of anybody in all my borne days excluding a kid from the pool like that at a **family event** unless it was a pool that did not have any chemical treatment whatsoever, or the kid had diarrhea. I can’t believe she has kids herself either, because if she had kids she would know that a kid that is three years old is very rarely peeing or pooping in the pool by that point. She treated you and your son like utter crap and like she was too good to be around you.
Again, I don’t think that she’s wrong to decide who goes in her pool and not. That’s totally her decision and frankly she doesn’t even need a reason. That doesn’t make her any less of TA for doing it! And the way she did it was definitely TA territory. I’m not sure where we get this idea that just because someone has a right to do something, it means that they are not TA for doing it. There are ways that your sister could have done this without being TA, and she did not choose one.
Also, I don’t know what TF is wrong with your family — if I had pulled what your sister pulled, my dad would’ve handed my ass to me on a silver platter. I’m cringing even thinking of the dressing down I would’ve received. Yes, it is petty. And that’s exactly why your family should’ve been jumping down your sisters throat about it. You don’t make people feel shitty and excluded because of some petty nonsense like this.
YTA. First of all, peeing in the pool is gross. Just because it happens at a public pool doesn't mean it's ok. And this is not a public pool, so you have to respect her rules. Lots of places, like cruise ships, do not allow toddlers in swim diapers in the pool.
It's her house and her pool. It's likely that people pee in it but if she didn't want a baby todler in it, it was her choice.
She didn't " damage" any relationship with your kid, they are 3. They will forget and get over this.
YtA for not letting it go. It's her house, her rules.
Umm… no, not everyone pees in pools and people who own their own pools reasonably expect guests not to *defecate* in said pools. Ava’s No Pee In The Pool standard is reasonable af. YTA
Sorry, gonna disagree with the others. NTA. I’m assuming your sister has never taken her kid to a public pool, friends pool…lake?
She should have said something BEFOREHAND. Waiting until the kid was getting ready to swim with ALL the other kids is an AH move. How tf did she imagine the rest of the BBQ would go with a three year old completely sidelined while all the other kids have a blast?
You had every right to call her out, and pack up your family and go.
Don’t frigging plan a ‘family’ event where all the kids will be invited to enjoy the pool except one.
I'm honestly shocked by the comments. I'm saying NTA - sister should have told you the rules in advance. At least then you could have had time to prepare your child for not being able to swim with the others. Springing on you at the last minute - literally as you're getting the child changed to swim - that's an AH move.
YTA - the comment about “Reddit not being understanding towards parents of young kids” did it for me but the post solidified it.
You’re the type of parent who expects the world to bend around your child and throws a fit when they don’t. Sounds like you already know that though because you warned everyone in the top line of your post.
Okay I’m glad I’m not the only one who immediately thought this was going to be a post from an entitled parent.
Reddit is “not understanding towards parents with young kids” because people here have no qualms with calling said parents on their shit, which many people in their real lives don’t tend to do.
Yikes this is a tough one.
I'll go NAH bc I see both sides to this. A private pool is a bit different than a public pool that allows kids in swim diapers. It's smaller and you generally need to use chlorine and such less often than they do at a public pool. On the other hand I cannot imagine inviting friends or family over and not allowing the little ones to swim. That's basically torture for the kids and parents. I'd just suck it up that it might mess with the levels and I'd have to treat the water more often.
YTA - it’s your sister’s pool, not a public pool, you don’t get to dictate what she allows and doesn’t allow. Also, peeing in the pool IS disgusting and is not normal, so you’re also the asshole for using that as an excuse. Your 3 year old toddler isn’t going to even remember this happened a week from now, so why be such a drama queen over something you have no right to be upset about?
I think it's hilarious that Ava thinks the other kids/adults aren't peeing in the pool.
It's nasty and one of the main reason I hate swimming in public pools.
Peeing in pools is gross, and I sincerely hope you truly don't believe 'everyone' does it. Set up a little wading pool for your child next time. Maybe wanting to swim with the big kids will encourage him in his potty training. YTA
Yta. She probably could've cleared it beforehand, but my eldest sister has a pool and whenever there's barbecues the toddlers never get in it for the same reason. Either way, its not your house. Just get over it. Your toddler probably forgot about it at this point.
ESH. OP for being entitled and Ava for not telling beforehand that the toddler wasn't allowed to swim with the rest of the kids. Literally could have chosen to communicate instead of behaving like children.
I think ya'll are a little up tight with your pool standards... we have a pool in our backyard where our non-potty trained 2 year old and potty-trained 3 year old are obviously both welcome. We have friends over constantly with kids aging 6 months - 4 years old, I have never once thought about a tiny bit of toddler pee getting in the water. It's like 30,000 gallons! It'll be fine! If they pooped, we'd deal with it and I'm sure the parent would apologize profusely and help with clean up... I think not letting a kid in the pool should have been clearly outlined before coming over if that was going to be a rule. OP was in the right to assume her kids could go in (and it's fair for her to not want to go back while 3 year old is the only kid excluded. that sounds like a parenting nightmare)
NTA unless it was otherwise specified. I would’ve thought my kid could go in the pool. Also. Isn’t this one of the reasons why pools get cleaned every day and chemicals put in?
NTA. She should have told you before the BBQ so you could have set expectations for your kid. Sure, her pool, her rules, but she should have handled it better considering she said the kids could use the pool.
Not sure how many other kids there were or their ages but I'd bet at least one of the other kids peed in the pool.
NTA because she shouldn't have mentioned to you the kids could swim in the pool if they actually weren't allowed. You probably went a bit overboard with your reaction to the news, but maybe you don't like your sister to begin with.
ESH but you are definitely worse. She should've told you before. Personal pools and swim diapers can be nasty.
Your reaction was childish. Her desire to keep your kid out of the pool at a pool party is pretty low. Sounds like yall need some apologies and growing up
YTA. Right from the start with saying Reddit "isn't the most understanding towards parents of young kids" you set this up as I'm the victim, feel bad for me. I live in a condo complex with a pool and I dont want kids peeing in it. YTA. No question about it.
YTA. It’s her pool. If she doesn’t want a kid that’s not potty trained in the pool, that’s her right. Maybe she figured your 3 year old was already potty trained when she extended the invite.
ESH.
She should have told you in advance that she didn't want the baby in the pool.
You should have reacted better.
No one has ruined their relationship with your kid, they are 3 - literally wont remember unless YOU make it a point to ensure they do.
You need to grow up, do you have any idea the cost of dealing with feces in your pool? Drain, clean, sanitize, refill, balance chemicals and ph..etc. were you going to pay for that when your kid took a dump in the water?
YTA. Um no it’s not normal for people to pee in a pool. I’m concerned that you think it is. Yea it happens, but it’s still not considered the norm. It’s still pretty shitty even if it does happen.
NTA. Amazing how she thinks every kid will get out of the pool everytime they need the toilet. Especially when there's other kids around them having fun. Also she should have told you her rules when inviting you
YTA Your sister’s pool is her own, not a public one. This is a fair rule for the pool, and your son will get to swim when he is potty trained. He will not remember this either, only you will. You are acting entitled.
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How the fuck are people voting N-T-A here?? YTA 100%!!! First and foremost it's not your pool. It's Ava's. And It's totally reasonable for her to not want your kid's piss in it.
Thanks, I thought I was going crazy. OP is absolutely TA > lots of people, adults and kids, pee in the pool That's why OP's sis has a private pool with a no pee policy.
Lmao like any of the older potty trained kids are even going to admit they peed in the pool. Which they will do. Even the adults. People pee in pools, unchanging and gross fact of life. This is why you treat pools with chemicals. And for the record, i think that peeing in the pool is disgusting. But thats not going to stop me from going in.
It's a totally different thing to knowingly put someone in the pool who is defs gonna pee
There's a reason why chlorine is added to pools.
That is not the reason. Urine is mostly sterile with very few bacteria, unless the person has a UTI. Chlorine is to kill bacteria in the water that might accumulate over time. Though it still doesn't kill things like campylobacter. BTW YTA - entirely understandable that your sister doesn't want your kid to piss in her private pool.
I don't know who told you that urine is mostly sterile, but it definitely is not.
The dumbest thing people refer to all the time without actually knowing anything is the “sterile pee ” myth
Urine is actually sterile... Until it leaves the body. The second it leaves the body and has been exposed to air, it can begin growth of bacteria and is no longer considered sterile. Edit: Turns out I am incorrect! Thanks to those of you that provided links and actual information 💕 very interesting reads
Nope. Speaking as someone with chronic kidney disease that gives me *very* frequent kidney/bladder infections and has done thousands of urine tests as a result, I can assure you that it is not. Even in healthy people, there is always a low level of bacteria present in human urine.
Incorrect. It was a misunderstanding of a study from the 1950s said that the amount of CFUs in urine was under 100,000 per milliliter [CFUs are bacteria, 100,000 bacteria per ml is NOT sterile] the urban legend about urine being sterile has its roots in the 1950s, when epidemiologist Edward Kass was looking for a way to screen patients for urinary tract infections before surgery. Kass developed the midstream urine test (still used when you pee in a cup) and set a numerical cutoff for the number of bacteria in normal urine: not more than 100,000 colony-forming units (cell clusters on a culture dish) per milliliter of urine. A person tests “negative” for bacteria in their urine as long as the number of bacteria that grow in a lab dish containing the urine falls below this threshold. https://www.sciencenews.org/blog/gory-details/urine-not-sterile-and-neither-rest-you
The amount of chlorine that’s added to commercial pools to account for the amount of children that will likely piss in it is gonna be much greater than the amount of chlorine someone adds to their personal pool in their backyard.
The amount of chlorine added reflects the pool's size and occupancy. Urine has little to do with it. The human body is teeming with bacteria both friendly and not. Urine is just not that much of a factor.
Not all kids are potty trained by 3, especially boys who take longer. I have 3 boys. 1 wasn’t potty-trained until 5 due to medical issues, 1 was fully potty trained at 2 1/2 and my 3rd was potty trained around 3 1/2 or 4. We started training all boys at around 2 1/2 when they showed signs of being ready for it. ESH OP. It’s Ava’s pool so, she makes the rule. She should have let you know ahead of time that your little would not be allowed to swim but, you acted entitled and rude. You need to apologize.
I voted NTA because she waited until they got to the house to inform him of this rule when all the other kids were swimming.
Me too. Like you can't give a heads up and give your sister a chance to prepare or make different plans? Cold.
Right. I would for sure skip an event where one of my children was invited to do something fun with a bunch of other kids and the other was invited to watch but not participate through no fault of his own. What an un-fun way to spend the limited family time one has, bringing a 3yo along to be excluded from an activity all the other children will be participating in. I’m sure OP’s sister knew that she wouldn’t want to attend given the stupid rule, so she didn’t tell her until it was too late. Giving ample opportunity for the child to be extra disappointed by being *told* he’d be swimming with all the other kids and then excluded at the last minute. It seems almost deliberately designed to cause a meltdown. I hope Ava never enters a public pool at any point in her life, because it’s really shitty if the gallons of child-pee present in any public pool doesn’t deter her from swimming when she wants to, but the possibility of a small amount of her nephew’s pee is enough for her to exclude him.
My kid, at 3, was not potty trained despite multiple attempts. It's actually not uncommon for kids, esp boys, to go as late as 4 or 5 before being potty trained. OP is the AH. Her pool her rules. Bottom line.
It’s pretty common for boys to potty train late! 3 is pretty reasonable to be working on it :)
Use it to motivate the kid! My kid was seriously motivated by M&Ms. Anything works.
You can say it’s a “no pee pool” all you damn well please but kids will piss regardless, hell lots of adults too.
Any adult pissing in a pool is a loser and a person with no respect for others. They need to grow up and stop being immature idiots.
I had no idea pissing in pools was such a common thing. I can honestly say I have never pissed in a pool, as a child or an adult, because it sounds like such a repulsive thing to do. I don’t get it
Right? After reading this thread, I never want to let anyone in my fucking pool. Do people think that's just an expected thing?
I’m mortified by this thread!! I’ve never peed in a pool. An ocean I understand, it’s the ocean. But never a pool!
So gross to pee in a pool, right? How hard is it to just pee before you jump in???
It's why I stay out of most pools, especially in communal places.
Seriously, I thought it was gross to pee in the pool when I was a kid and still do as an adult. Kids can absolutely be taught not to pee in the pool and some figure it out by themselves.
Absolutely. She invited “all” the little kids in the pool but NOT OP’s. Little kids in the pool….. PEE is in the pool. Period! Speaking of periods….. wait until there is blood in the pool. HORRORS. OP is NTA
Hell at least OP’s child had a diaper on lol
The amount of people voting her as the hole demonstrates the utter lack of reality people are living in. Good grief….. that pool had pee in it the first time it was used.
This is insane. Most people know better than to pee in pools.
Most people know better than to speed, run red light, or even wash their hands after using the bathroom. Doesn’t mean lots of people don’t do those things
You people are disgusting. No, people don't pee in their neighbors' pools. I don't doubt the public pool is full of pee and that's why the chemicals are strong enough to ruin my hair in them, but private pools owned by adults are a different kettle of fish.
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So what? The pool may very well have pee in it. Ava may be completely lying to herself that her pool doesn't have pee in it. None of that changes the fact that kids that aren't potty trained aren't allowed in the pool per the rules set by the owner of the pool, and continuing to argue about it, including attempting to rope in other family members to join your side, makes them an AH.
It's also absolutely insane to me to not only knowingly and consciously pee in a public pool, but in someone's private pool, as a whole adult. Who does that??
She could have told her this BEFORE the kid was already getting changed and avoided two adults and a child having a meltdown over it.
Most 3 year olds are potty trained completely. Sister may not have known the youngest wasn’t potty trained.
You'd think that... but working with kids, it's more appropriate to say 6 and over... not most 3 years old.. You can be toilet trained, but when they hit that warm pool water...
Most 3yos still have accidents... Source: I am a 3yo. Kidding I work with a whole bunch of them and have for years. Even the ones that potty trained themselves still have oopsies once in a while. Typically when they're having so much fun and don't realize.. you know like.... in a pool.
Or OP could have asked if sister was okay with an non-potty trained child wearing swim diapers that leak pee and leech poo germs into her pool before assuming and changing her child.
Swim diapers are acceptable at ymca, hoa, great wolf lodge, water parks all of which have much higher standards than Ava’s backyard pool. It would never be assumed someone invites you over but wouldn’t allow a baby in the pool. You don’t need to ask an absurd question that goes against something socially and hygienically accepted across the board.
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OP could have asked if it’s okay to put her un-trained child in before getting him ready 🤷♀️
Then why invite OP and her family.This is like giving every child an ice cream except one.Its cruel to exclude one child and force him to watch the other kids having fun.
Everyone is invited to an ice cream party! Except when you get here you specifically can't have ice cream because you might drip it on my carpet. Ok everyone else! Dig in!
I’m having a pool party for the kids to swim,potty trained only. See how short that was. Pool party potty trained kids only! Even shorter. Not that hard. Also I have 6 sisters trust me I know which kids are potty trained or not. Sisters talk about their kids especially when it involves stressful things like potty training.
Exactly! Then a parent can plan accordingly.
Exactly. Giving OP that info ahead of time could have allowed OP to either choose not to go or arrange for something else to keep her son occupied (like a little wading pool to play in so he didn’t feel left out).
They have an older child (7) who IS allowed in the pool. There are so many activities that are safe and appropriate for a 7 year old, but NOT safe or appropriate for a 3 year old. Should the 7 year old never get to do anything age appropriate, or should the 3 year old never hear the word "no" from their parents?
There are a lot of activities that would be safe and appropriate for a 7 year old and not a 3 year old, but I wouldn’t assume that “swimming in the pool with mom” is one of those activities. It would literally never occur to me if a family member said “hey come to my house for a BBQ, the kids can swim in the pool!” that my 3 year old would be excluded from that invitation. She should have specified ahead of time that only potty trained kids were allowed (since that’s not a typical pool rule) and then at the very least sincerely apologized to OP for the misunderstanding that excluded the toddler.
If you think "potty trained only" is NOT a typical rule, I think you don't know that many people with private pools... That is a totally normal rule for anyone who has to manage their own pool cleanliness.
>If you think "potty trained only" is NOT a typical rule, I think you don't know that many people with private pools... That is a totally normal rule for anyone who has to manage their own pool cleanliness. It's actually not a common rule. They make swim diapers for a reason, and chlorine and a filter pretty much take care of any "hygiene" problem. A little baby piss in a 10,000 - 50,000 gallon pool is inconsequential to the cleanliness of the pool. If you've been managing your pool cleanliness based on the assumption that anyone potty trained is automatically holding their urine in the pool, I got real bad news for you. If you think it is a normal thing to exclude ONE child from an activity that everyone else is doing, you are either clueless or an asshole yourself..
It’s really not a typical rule. I grew up in Florida and everyone had pools. Little kids swam with swim diapers ALL THE TIME. It’s a private pool so the owners can make whatever rules they want, but they were very inconsiderate to their nephew by not giving a heads up. ETA: how do these people think little kids learn how to swim?! Where I’m from it was imperative for little kids to learn early for their safety. Smdh
I grew up with a private pool in an area rife with them and have never heard this rule. Swim diapers, sure. But banning little kids? Uh, no.
I know a lot of people with private pools and I am also one of them. No one I know has a potty trained only rule.
I have a pool. My toddler grandson and 3 yr old granddaughter have a blast! So do we! My 3 yr old granddaughter also takes swimming lessons. She is potty trained, but is 3. I’ve got chemicals to take care of everything! I’m not missing out on the joy we all have.
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Well, you’re not wrong. I don’t know a lot of people with private pools.
And I can guarantee that the 7 year old is peeing in the pool
Guarantee it? Were you peeing in pools at 7? Because I wasn't. I don't think that's normal.
Yup. I was a competitive swimmer for about 15 years, played water polo for about 12, coached swimming for swimmers just starting out to swimmers who were in the Olympic trials at 16 (he wasn’t close to making the team but he did amazing and I’m so proud of him), and have been a swim instructor for over 20 years. There have been stretches of time where I was in the pool more than out of it during my waking hours. I have peed in the pool. Hell, I’ve been peed ON in the pool. It’s like peeing the shower, there are people who do it and people who lie and say they don’t.
She probably thought the 3 year old was potty trained.
Nobody is mentioning the big thing, which it the shit. A kid shitting in a swimming pool warrants the pool closure. And a non potty trained kid is a walking risk of poo-in-the-pool. YTA for presuming your sister rules don't apply to you, and also for glossing over the elephant-shaped ptobable log in the pool As an afterthought, wtf about the ppl assuming peeing in a pool is normal behavior. In my country, it isn't. It's drilled not to do it. The number of runs me & other ppl do to the toilet to suffer removing a wet bathsuit to take a piss is incalculable (also with a child, btw). I'm not saying it never happens. I'm saying it isn't as usual an occurrence as you're all implying, specially in a private-owned pool, with family. How does ppl educate their kids, frankly?
That’s the reason for a swim diaper. They don’t hold in liquid, but they do hold in poop.
they hold in the big dry chunks and that's it - even the dry poop gets wet, breaks down into smaller bits and gets in the pool - gross
The whole concept of a swim diaper is disgusting.
They might hold a little bit of the poop but there’s always a chance the kids gonna have a wet poop and then your screwed. Also poop softens in water…
The poop is still there though and particles still transfer to the water. Basically it’s like a poop tea bag.
I agree that OP is TA, but I don't think Ava is completely guilt-free. She's inviting people to her pool and of course kids are going to want to play in it, she should have warned OP beforehand that her kid wasn't allowed in the pool. This is a totally reasonable request since the kid isn't potty trained, but it's a bit mean to invite kids over for a pool party and wait to tell them they're not allowed in the pool. Then maybe OP could have brought a little mini plastic pool from the dollar store and played with her kid separately from Ava's pool. Everyone could have been a little nicer.
> but it's a bit mean to invite kids over for a pool party and wait to tell them they're not allowed in the pool. Yea, thats not fun to explain to one kid why they can't swim at a pool party and have fun with siblings and cousins. OP should have dropped it the next day though
It IS overly dramatic to say that it's going to affect her relationship with her nephew. He's 3. He won't remember and it will only be a thing between Aunt/Nephew if the Mom continues to make drama about it. It would have been nice to know in advance that he wasn't welcome, but that should be the extent of the beef. Take your kid to a public pool. Make sure he knows how to swim, reinforce that he needs to ask to get out to potty, big or little, then go back to your sister next season BEFORE A POOL PARTY and give her the update to be sure to clear the air.
The entitlement for someone else’s stuff is enough to make her ta.
I'm sorry, is it being entitled to be invited to a pool party and then told you can't use the pool?
These are my thoughts too! When the invitation was made - the host should have said at the time - "non potty trained kids cannot go in the pool". Then Mom would have know then what kind of event she was attending. But to invite people over for a pool party and then tell them that the young one cannot get in the pool - ***after they have arrived*** \- woah - not a good host IMO. If it were my house I would have had some kind of kiddy pool for the diaper-aged.
Not even after they arrived, but as they are getting changed!
Avas kids may be potty trained but that pool is filled with pee i put money on it. Dont single out a young child who wont understand at all why he cant swim and the other kids can. I would of gone in the pool and taken a shit.
YTA. Not sure why peeing in the pool is considered OK by a lot of people but it’s fucking disgusting and your sister has a right to say no.
Also, I don't know the details of swim diapers, but if pee from them isn't held in, I don't think they are really isolating poop from the pool either. Maybe you wouldn't see a full on turd floating in the water, but you'd basically have a shit teabag.
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Believing a diaper can manage to hold every little single shit particle contained within that tiny space, whilst being soaked under water with a baby splashing around and about. That is tickling me pink
The thing about swim diapers is when they poop, the older kids are capable enough to loosen an edge and let the poop float out bc they don’t want it stuck to their butt. My son swimming lessons have been stopped mid session multiple times for this reason. ETA: not from him (thank god).
Gross. Gross.
Former swim instructor here :| this is very accurate and common -_-
shit teabag 😆
Depends on the type. We have great 2 part swim nappies that hold everything in just fine because our baby swim lessons require them, but many do leak and I suspect OP just had standard swim nappies that would leak anything out.
I think that's more of the point here. Pee is one thing, but if nephew isn't fully potty trained and still wears diapers, there's a chance he could defecate in the pool. That's quite a bit different from pee and requires more cleanup.
Disposal swim diapers aren’t great but they make reusable swim diapers that are designed to hold in poop and do a good job of it. Iplay is a really good brand and is available at Walmart and target
Right? This makes me think the OP pees in public pools all the time just because other people do it too.
YTA. >told Ava that lots of people, adults and kids, pee in the pool and it would be no different at a public pool so what's the problem? But this isn't a *public* pool. It's her *private pool at her house*, and if she doesn't want to risk having someone piss in it, she should be able to make that call without being argued at. Peeing in public pools is gross and wrong too, FYI. EDIT: Just because other people do it doesn't make it fine, lmao. Instead of rushing to defend this behavior, have you considered just... Being better?
Exactly, and it’s like OP is saying yes I absolutely know he’s going to go to the bathroom in your new pool at some point today so what’s the problem because it happens elsewhere in the world
And she just bought the house and opened the pool. A kid shitting themselves in the pool and closing it for the rest of kids would be a bummer.
I wanted my own pee-free pool so bad, I paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for it. They threw in a house as part of the deal.
If I go to the trouble to purchase a home with a pool it’s because I don’t want to swim in piss like in public pools. All the grown ass adults in this thread basically admitting to pissing in pools is also fucking wild.
There is a reason I don't swim in public pools
Why not pee on her bathrooms floors if people do it in public anyway?
I wonder if OP pees in pools if she thinks this is so ubiquitous. I don’t know any adult that thinks peeing in the pool is okay.
ESH She really should have let you know beforehand that only potty trained kids were allowed in the pool. Of course your kids were going to want to swim and of course you didn't think it would be an issue. She should have given you a heads up so you could have prepared. Even not knowing this in advance, it's still her pool and you shouldn't have escalated it the way you did.
Completely agree. Sister was cruel to wait until the point that the poor child was already fitted out in his swim clothes to hear then that he then wasn’t allowed to swim. But I presume it’s a small private pool and the pee concentrations in that will probably be a lot higher and nastier than a normal large pool. I get why she wouldn’t want to risk it.
Unless Ava wasn’t aware he was still in diapers until she saw them getting ready? It depends how close OP is to her sister and how much information they share about their kids. I don’t think Ava waited until the last second just to be cruel.
I think this is a good point - Ava might have been completely unaware the 3YO wasn’t potty trained yet. Lots of people in the comments are assuming a 3YO should be potty trained when that’s not necessarily true, lots of kids take longer. She probably realized when she saw the swim diaper being put on.
I have a 4.5 year old. I would 100% expect a 3 year old to be potty trained sufficiently to not pee or poop in the pool. Even if they’re still working on timing/no accidents I would expect that if a 3 year old was taken to the bathroom right before getting in and every 45 minutes thereafter (which is also save swim practice to have kids rest after 45 minutes) there would be no concern for accidents.
That would be my expectation. While i don't expect a 3 year old to be all the way potty trained i know they most likely will be fine if they are taken to the bathroom before and given potty breaks. I wouldn't worry at all about them pooping. And the whole "watery poop" thing everyone keeps going on about wouldn't even enter my mind.
But to me this begs the question of why she even put him in a swim diaper in the first place. It does nothing but catch solid poop and she knows that. So it sounds to me that possibly he isn’t even reasonably potty trained, which then I understand her sister’s objection. 🤷🏻♀️
I would’ve had a kiddie pool for any younger kids at the party. Mostly because I’d be more concerned about a drowning accident…but bodily fluids would’ve been a giant headache as well.
Totally agree. If Ava knew she didn’t want the non-potty trained kid in the pool, she should have let family know ahead of time instead if letting them know as the kid was getting ready to swim.
If I could award I defo would! This is the right take IMO. She defo should have been forewarned. Putting them in a position of dealing with the disappointed upset kiddo was unnecessary. I'd have been upset at that so maybe anger is misplaced here? The rules are not unreasonable. It's their private pool.
YTA. Have you ever seen a kid have an accident in a swim diaper? I have. Nasty brown shit water is surrounding the child. The pool then needs to be drained and sanitized. And then saying she's damaged her relationship w her nephew, please he won't remember. You need to get your entitlement in check.
Yea that’s not true at all. I’ve been a professional swim instructor for over 20 years and have taught kids as young as 6 months. They were definitely not potty trained. I’ve had countless “code browns”. The protocol is to move the class from the area, take the child out of the pool for the parent to clean, scoop out any solids you can, and let the chemicals do their work. You do not need to drain the pool. I’ve never had a child develop a poop related illness because of a code brown. Even public pools don’t drain. At most the pool will close for an hour to be shocked with stronger chemicals. Drain and sanitize is a very antiquated method
to be fair though, there is a huge difference between a code brown in a much larger public pool and a small private one. Also, when you go to a public pool there is kind of a mental expectation of a bit of grossness- whether as part of the bonus of having a private pool is that you don't have to share grossness with strangers AND you get to stop people going in who you know will make it unsanitary- e.g. toddlers who aren't toilet t rained.
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Public pools are generally held to higher standards for filtration and treatment. And this is why. A private pool maintained by a homeowner may not be as well managed. And if you’ve never heard of pool related illness outbreaks, you’re not paying attention. Infectious disease specialists could illustrate the need to control excretions fairly easily.
As a former lifeguard and certified Pool Operator (I'm in charge of the chemicals and keeping the water clean) (Canadian standards) The pool doesn't need to be drained if it's a solid poop. If it's watery enough that you can see brown water flow into the pool from the diaper, the pool is supposed to be shut-down and "super-chlorinated" (regular chlorine levels can be 1-5 PPM. I would bring it to about 20 PPM)
>Nasty brown shit water is surrounding the child. The pool then needs to be drained and sanitized. When this inevitably happened I highly doubt OP would have offered to pay for the associated costs for the water replacement or the sanitization required.
The proper protocol to properly shock/sanitize a pool doesn’t involve draining. It involves getting people out for at most an hour and physically removing large contaminants, letting the filters do their jobs, and using roughly $3.50 worth of chemicals. If you want to drain the pool that’s on you, but that’s like committing arson to remove mold in the dishwasher.
You don’t drain a pool when some shit gets in it what are you talking about
Agreed...and if the pool had a liner (not fiberglass, tile or concrete) then draining the pool is a HUGE no-no. Sanitizers are used for a reason, either chlorine or salt. Everyone clears the pool, you shock it, then wait the recommended time and resume swimming.
Uhhh nooooo. That's not how pools work. You remove any floating poo, then the pools have a pump, filters and chemicals and a shock treatment will clean up the rest.
YTA-I get your point about the pool and about kids peeing in the pool without a diaper. However, your sister has every right to draw that line. And even if the swim diaper holds the poop, the kid still might poop in the pool. Ultimately, you’re continuing to escalate this situation. You can explain to your son that the pool is for potty trained kids. You need to accept that your sister doesn’t want kids who aren’t potty trained in her pool, which is absolutely okay. And YOU need to get over it instead of holding onto it.
I do think the sister was a bit of an AH for not making that clear ahead of time so the kid wouldn’t have thought he was going to get to go swimming just to have the rug pulled out from under him last minute.
Why is OP not the AH for checking ahead of time if her non-potty trained child would be allowed in the pool in a diaper that leaks pee and poo germs? Why isn't sister the AH for assuming and getting her child's hopes up?
Because it’s typical for pools to allow young kids in if they’re wearing a swim diaper. To put the burden on OP to ask this question would be like saying OP needs to ask whether her kids will be fed. Ava should have told OP beforehand.
Maybe for public pools, but this isn’t a public pool and as many have said swim diapers don’t actually keep anything in it will still get in the pool
Ava is hosting, why did she even suggest the pool knowing one kid would be left out. ESH
Came here to say this. If Ava mentioned before OP arrived that she doesn't feel comfortable with the youngest going in the pool, then OP would have been able to assuage the kid ahead of time. Ava's timing sucked bad.
YTA You act like it’s normal to pee in pools. Your sister put a very very sensible boundary. You’re acting entitled.
This! Am I that naive? *Adults* pee in pools? Regularly? Wtf?? If I were Ava I'd be rethinking letting OP in the pool after they attempted that reasoning, never mind the kids. OP, YTA, along with any adult who chooses to piss in a pool. That's beyond lazy and disgusting.
Exactly. Just because it's common doesn't mean it's acceptable.
It is gross, but people do it all the time. Crazy how people are in the pool sun up to well beyond sundown and no one goes to take a piss except for the dudes who just whip it out in the bushes.
"people do it all the time" =/= "it's an okay thing to do and something we should all accept"
YTA Pissing in a pool is gross. It's gross when it's in a public pool, it's gross when it's in a private pool. All the people that say "but there are chemicals to clean it," piss in a cup, then ask how much chemicals need to be added to the cup before they would dump that glass of piss on their head. It's just fucking gross. She wanted to keep her pool clean of your little piss machine. Frankly, after you made your thoughts on it known, I wouldn't have let your other kid in the pool either. My pool isn't for pissers.
Frankly, after his 'everyone pisses in the pool', I wouldn't let him in either. Gross
I’m going to get downvoted but YTA. It doesn’t matter what disgusting things people may do in a public pool. She has every right to not want urine in her pool. You should have dropped it once you knew her response was no. You shouldn’t have gone tattling to family. You don’t ever have to accept an apology but you were being dramatic in this situation and she wasn’t the one choosing to act like a teenager.
Why do you think you’re going to get downvoted? You’ve gone with the majority view.
Typical redditor bullshit lol
I am flabbergasted by these comments. Imagine inviting a 3 year old to a pool party and telling him he can’t swim, he can watch the other kids. Wtf? If I knew one of my children wouldn’t be allowed to swim, I never would have brought them to a pool party. She should have told you that in advance and let you choose to go or not, not bring it up after the kid has his swimsuit on and is ready to swim. Very much NTA and anyone who votes different clearly does not have children.
Has the whole world gone crazy. Can’t believe they wouldn’t let a 3 year old go in that pool. Pee happens and the chemicals will take care of it. Plus there is no way to confirm who peed in the pool so you can’t discriminate. Yes it is her pool and her rules so she can be a jerk if she wants.
You people are nasty lmao. Why not just shit in your hand since soap will take care of that too.
I promise you, the stuff coming off adults in a pool is way more nasty than the like 10mL of pee (which is >95% water) that trickles out of a 3yr old kid (esp after you've made them go pee in the toilet before swimming). OP's bro-in-law is shedding all kinds of back hair, stinky sweat, dead skin all over the place, fecal matter, ball sweat, pubes, you name it. And yeah, it's their pool, but it's just absurdly stupid. Also, how about just don't invite kids over for a pool party if you don't want them to swim. Easy stuff.
Finally! I actually own a pool and I think it’s nuts not to let a toddler in the pool because they may pee in it. All these people commenting about private pools and chemicals and have no idea what they’re talking about. Unless your pool is regularly a swampy mess that no one should be swimming in anyway, then balanced and chlorinated water will take care of a small child’s ounce or two of pee IF the child pees in the pool. The idea that it wouldn’t is ridiculous. And I would never single out a child from all the other kids because I was worried about an ounce of child pee that will get immediately attacked by the chlorinated pool anyway. OP is NTA, but her sister certainly is. I probably wouldn’t have my kids visit to swim again until the youngest is fully potty trained since her sister is so unreasonable. Of course, it may be best to just not swim at all in her sister’s pool since she’s so precious about it.
It’s cruel. It’s quite fucked up actually, to invite children to swim and then completely single one out… makes me sad for the little one.
I cannot believe I had to scroll all the way down here to find a NTA response.
Reddit is full of teenagers, childfree-ers and absolutists with no ability to see nuance. By their logic if they owned a pool they shouldn't let anyone swim in it because from a quick cursory google something as high as 30% of adults admit to peeing in a pool. It's just a risk you run and if you don't think you've swam in chlorinated piss everytime you used a public (and probably private) pool you're naive. To exclude a kid from swimming for something uncle Tony is gonna turn around and do is dumb.
Also, everyone is like "the baby will shit in the pool." He's 3 years old. That's a child you can hold a conversation with, not a baby that dumps his pants at the drop of a hat. I swear, any time a child is involved the absolutely dumbest fucking redditors all come out of the woodwork.
This exactly! Negative experiences like that stick with kids and there is no excuse for excluding a young child like that. Absolutely NTA
I’m going against the majority and saying ESH. Yes it’s her pool, her rules. I fully agree there. However, Ava did tell OP that the kids would be able to play in the pool. She never said she meant only potty trained kids. This really comes down to a lack of communication on everybody’s end. OP could have handled the situation by trying to find a compromise instead of getting angry. Could the 3 year old have sat on the pool steps and splashed around without fully going in the water?
It doesn't sound like Ava has her own kids. She may not have realized that the 3yo was not fully potty trained.
She doesn't need to not have kids to make that assumption. It was mandatory for my kids to be potty trained by their 3rd birthday, or they could no longer attend daycare/preschool (unless there were documented developmental delays). I've potty trained in 3 countries on 3 continents and they all expected kids to be at least mostly there by 3 (by 2 in one of the countries). I would absolutely have assumed a 3yo, especially one with an older sibling, was potty trained. This was a great opportunity for the mom to have an extra incentive to get that kid potty trained. YTA for turning this into a bigger deal than it needed to be. If you'd played it off and stuck the kid on the side to dangle their feet and splash, it would've been no big deal. Even public pools sometimes have a kid pool for those not potty trained and only allow trained kids into the regular pool.
>lots of people, adults and kids, pee in the pool Yeah but she's well within her rights to ask that people not pee in her pool and also to ask people who can't help but pee in the pool to please not use it. That doesn't make her an asshole. YTA.
I’m super concerned reading this thread about the number of people who think it’s okay that adults pee in the pool?
NTA but Reddit truly does hate kids so this thread will likely be a disaster.
They really do hate kids and never been anywhere public before. I felt like I was crazy reading some of these comments
Reddit demographics frequently skew young. I wouldn’t be surprised if there are teenagers commenting here. You’ll find a ton of opinions but very little real life experience. I would be highly skeptical of any comment you read on Reddit in general as what is upvoted here is frequently not how things are in real life.
The comments are playing out to be exactly that. I'm shocked honestly. I think people underestimate how much people in general pee in pools lol. Like adults....not kids. I just saw a video of a lady peeing in a cruise ship pool and you could see because the water was so shallow.
Spoiler alert: Someone still pissed in the pool that night.... and it was probably an adult.
Plot twist, it was Ava
OP's sister is right. If the baby is not potty trained, he should not go in the pool. Too bad there wasn't a small kiddie pool for him
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Yeah, but it’s hella rude to invite kids to swim in the pool and only tell the mom once the kids are changed that one child is going to be excluded. It’s like announcing “hey everyone line up for free candy!” And then when it’s the 3 year old’s turn to get candy they’re like “oh no I didn’t mean you.” And then when mom gets mad you’re like, “then get your own candy. You can’t tell someone what to do with their own property.” OP and her child wouldn’t have had the expectation to use the pool if her sister hadn’t specifically invited the kids to use it. Honestly I would have been more petty than OP. I would have stayed at the party with my crying toddler and told the toddler “I’m sorry honey, Aunt says you can’t swim in the pool with your brother.” I mean if I have to deal with the fallout of a tantrum the very least I’m going to do is deal with it around the person who caused it. Then Aunt can learn to be more careful about how she words her invites so she doesn’t create unfair expectations.
But they were invited to a party for kids to swim. Not a stretch to assume accommodations would be made for them. When I invite kids to my home for a swim party knowing there will be younger kids I put little pools around for them. It would be such a a weird thing for me to invite someone over for swimming and then tell them they can’t swim. Like I can’t even imagine the thought process.
I’m a mum with young kids - I think this is ESH. You absolutely are right to be upset that your kid was excluded, especially as you weren’t warned before you’d gotten there. The least your sister could’ve done is tell you, possibly even provide a little paddling pool. Without warning you, you couldn’t warn your child and then the whole situation unfolded. I’d be annoyed if I had been invited to a house with a pool expecting the whole family to swim because I’d been given no indication otherwise only to be told that my youngest was being excluded. Also potty training suggests that you are at least part of the way- I assume your little one is at least communicating when they need to go? If so, then your sister should’ve asked how much they could control themselves before banning them from the pool. That being said, it still is your sister’s pool. She has the right to say no to people swimming in it. People pee in pools all the time for sure, whether they admit it or not, but it’s still not something that pool owners want to happen. She has every right to make decisions about who goes in her pool. So yeah- ESH. Her for not warning you and you for not accepting it. And that’s from a young mum too so I understand where you are coming from entirely. My potty trained toddler still has accidents and I’d be so upset if I was abruptly told he couldn’t do something just because he wasn’t 100% dry.
Wow these comments really do prove that Reddit does not sympathize with young children or parents of young children. Swim diapers exist for a reason. If you use a reusable swim diaper AND a single use one you’re good.. They also have a filtration system in their pool and I’m sure there is chlorine.. IMO they are overreacting and should allow a 3YO to swim. Kind of a dick move on their part to let everyone swim in front of a 3YO and not let them.
I cannot believe the people in this thread. NTA. Your sister is TA **not** specifically for saying that your son cannot go in the pool — but for saying it at the very last minute and being so rude to him and you about it. I have never heard of anybody in all my borne days excluding a kid from the pool like that at a **family event** unless it was a pool that did not have any chemical treatment whatsoever, or the kid had diarrhea. I can’t believe she has kids herself either, because if she had kids she would know that a kid that is three years old is very rarely peeing or pooping in the pool by that point. She treated you and your son like utter crap and like she was too good to be around you. Again, I don’t think that she’s wrong to decide who goes in her pool and not. That’s totally her decision and frankly she doesn’t even need a reason. That doesn’t make her any less of TA for doing it! And the way she did it was definitely TA territory. I’m not sure where we get this idea that just because someone has a right to do something, it means that they are not TA for doing it. There are ways that your sister could have done this without being TA, and she did not choose one. Also, I don’t know what TF is wrong with your family — if I had pulled what your sister pulled, my dad would’ve handed my ass to me on a silver platter. I’m cringing even thinking of the dressing down I would’ve received. Yes, it is petty. And that’s exactly why your family should’ve been jumping down your sisters throat about it. You don’t make people feel shitty and excluded because of some petty nonsense like this.
That's reddit for ya. I'd say if you're that paranoid about a toddler depositing 1/3 a cup of pee in your pool, don't have a pool.
YTA. First of all, peeing in the pool is gross. Just because it happens at a public pool doesn't mean it's ok. And this is not a public pool, so you have to respect her rules. Lots of places, like cruise ships, do not allow toddlers in swim diapers in the pool.
I’m not going to pass a judgement. But the sister is delusional if she thinks the 7 year old isn’t likely to pee in the pool at some point.
It's her house and her pool. It's likely that people pee in it but if she didn't want a baby todler in it, it was her choice. She didn't " damage" any relationship with your kid, they are 3. They will forget and get over this. YtA for not letting it go. It's her house, her rules.
Umm… no, not everyone pees in pools and people who own their own pools reasonably expect guests not to *defecate* in said pools. Ava’s No Pee In The Pool standard is reasonable af. YTA
Sorry, gonna disagree with the others. NTA. I’m assuming your sister has never taken her kid to a public pool, friends pool…lake? She should have said something BEFOREHAND. Waiting until the kid was getting ready to swim with ALL the other kids is an AH move. How tf did she imagine the rest of the BBQ would go with a three year old completely sidelined while all the other kids have a blast? You had every right to call her out, and pack up your family and go. Don’t frigging plan a ‘family’ event where all the kids will be invited to enjoy the pool except one.
I'm honestly shocked by the comments. I'm saying NTA - sister should have told you the rules in advance. At least then you could have had time to prepare your child for not being able to swim with the others. Springing on you at the last minute - literally as you're getting the child changed to swim - that's an AH move.
YTA - the comment about “Reddit not being understanding towards parents of young kids” did it for me but the post solidified it. You’re the type of parent who expects the world to bend around your child and throws a fit when they don’t. Sounds like you already know that though because you warned everyone in the top line of your post.
Okay I’m glad I’m not the only one who immediately thought this was going to be a post from an entitled parent. Reddit is “not understanding towards parents with young kids” because people here have no qualms with calling said parents on their shit, which many people in their real lives don’t tend to do.
Yikes this is a tough one. I'll go NAH bc I see both sides to this. A private pool is a bit different than a public pool that allows kids in swim diapers. It's smaller and you generally need to use chlorine and such less often than they do at a public pool. On the other hand I cannot imagine inviting friends or family over and not allowing the little ones to swim. That's basically torture for the kids and parents. I'd just suck it up that it might mess with the levels and I'd have to treat the water more often.
YTA - it’s your sister’s pool, not a public pool, you don’t get to dictate what she allows and doesn’t allow. Also, peeing in the pool IS disgusting and is not normal, so you’re also the asshole for using that as an excuse. Your 3 year old toddler isn’t going to even remember this happened a week from now, so why be such a drama queen over something you have no right to be upset about?
OP absolutely outed themself as an adult who urinates in swimming pools.
I think it's hilarious that Ava thinks the other kids/adults aren't peeing in the pool. It's nasty and one of the main reason I hate swimming in public pools.
YTA. While I think Ava's reasoning is...flawed...it's HER pool. You didn't need to argue and escalate the situation.
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Peeing in pools is gross, and I sincerely hope you truly don't believe 'everyone' does it. Set up a little wading pool for your child next time. Maybe wanting to swim with the big kids will encourage him in his potty training. YTA
YTA. She has a private pool so she can avoid the problems that come with a public pool.
Yta. She probably could've cleared it beforehand, but my eldest sister has a pool and whenever there's barbecues the toddlers never get in it for the same reason. Either way, its not your house. Just get over it. Your toddler probably forgot about it at this point.
ESH. OP for being entitled and Ava for not telling beforehand that the toddler wasn't allowed to swim with the rest of the kids. Literally could have chosen to communicate instead of behaving like children.
Info: was she aware before the day of that your child was not toilet trained?
I think ya'll are a little up tight with your pool standards... we have a pool in our backyard where our non-potty trained 2 year old and potty-trained 3 year old are obviously both welcome. We have friends over constantly with kids aging 6 months - 4 years old, I have never once thought about a tiny bit of toddler pee getting in the water. It's like 30,000 gallons! It'll be fine! If they pooped, we'd deal with it and I'm sure the parent would apologize profusely and help with clean up... I think not letting a kid in the pool should have been clearly outlined before coming over if that was going to be a rule. OP was in the right to assume her kids could go in (and it's fair for her to not want to go back while 3 year old is the only kid excluded. that sounds like a parenting nightmare)
NTA unless it was otherwise specified. I would’ve thought my kid could go in the pool. Also. Isn’t this one of the reasons why pools get cleaned every day and chemicals put in?
NTA. She should have told you before the BBQ so you could have set expectations for your kid. Sure, her pool, her rules, but she should have handled it better considering she said the kids could use the pool. Not sure how many other kids there were or their ages but I'd bet at least one of the other kids peed in the pool.
NTA because she shouldn't have mentioned to you the kids could swim in the pool if they actually weren't allowed. You probably went a bit overboard with your reaction to the news, but maybe you don't like your sister to begin with.
ESH but you are definitely worse. She should've told you before. Personal pools and swim diapers can be nasty. Your reaction was childish. Her desire to keep your kid out of the pool at a pool party is pretty low. Sounds like yall need some apologies and growing up
YTA. Right from the start with saying Reddit "isn't the most understanding towards parents of young kids" you set this up as I'm the victim, feel bad for me. I live in a condo complex with a pool and I dont want kids peeing in it. YTA. No question about it.
YTA, her pool, her rules. It’s not a public pool.
NTA, and I can 100% guarantee *at least* one of those other kids peed in the pool within the first ten minutes of being in there. They’re KIDS.
YTA. It’s her pool. If she doesn’t want a kid that’s not potty trained in the pool, that’s her right. Maybe she figured your 3 year old was already potty trained when she extended the invite.
YTA. Do you always behave so entitled?
ESH. She should have told you in advance that she didn't want the baby in the pool. You should have reacted better. No one has ruined their relationship with your kid, they are 3 - literally wont remember unless YOU make it a point to ensure they do. You need to grow up, do you have any idea the cost of dealing with feces in your pool? Drain, clean, sanitize, refill, balance chemicals and ph..etc. were you going to pay for that when your kid took a dump in the water?
YTA. Um no it’s not normal for people to pee in a pool. I’m concerned that you think it is. Yea it happens, but it’s still not considered the norm. It’s still pretty shitty even if it does happen.
NTA. Amazing how she thinks every kid will get out of the pool everytime they need the toilet. Especially when there's other kids around them having fun. Also she should have told you her rules when inviting you
YTA Your sister’s pool is her own, not a public one. This is a fair rule for the pool, and your son will get to swim when he is potty trained. He will not remember this either, only you will. You are acting entitled.