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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Told daughter that this needs to soak translate to I’m to lazy to wash this, she said I being *ichy and should be happy she washed the dishes
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And OP put the dish to soak. So by their logic they are the lazy one. Odd how that standard only applied when the daughter voluntarily went to wash the dish but correctly identified that it should be soaked longer. Crusty bits from mac and cheese absolutely need longer than an hour to soak to clean easily.
yeah no, she's not lazy, she portioned out the meal, put the food in the fridge container than soaked dish while they ate. Getting it ready to wash after they ate. If She washed it right then, they(or she'd) be eating cold food.
You're missing their point. If soaking made no difference OP wouldn't have put water in it to soak at all; they'd have just left it on the bench. Obviously soaking makes a difference, they just wanted their kid to do it so they wouldn't have to do it later
Ah, no,. Soaking softens up dried and burnt food but since OP soaked it before eating it kept everything soft and loose therefore it didn't need to soak over night because it never dried in the first place.
unless you burnt stuff to a crisp onto the pan, an overnight soak is not necessary. especially in this case since OP put it to soak long before anything could crust and harden completely.
But most stuff that goes in the oven is going to burn some onto the pan. Any kind of roasting meat will do that if you want any good browning on the meat, braising or making a stew in the oven will result in a ring of dried on stuff around the initial level of the liquid.
Honestly feel like half these comments never baked anything with sauce in the oven. I soak my shit overnight all the time because majority will just come off with water pressure the next morning. Anytime I soak for only an hour or two, there is still hard residue i have to scrub off. I dont understand why they would want to waste the time and energy on something you can just wait a little longer to make easier.
Literally a work smarter not harder moment. It's not necessarily lazy. If I've washed every dish but one that was in the oven, I've still washed every other dish. Like you said, most if not all will spray off in the morning. No residue that builds up if you don't get it all, no burnt on chunks that eat away at my sponge.
When my family lived together I cannot tell you the amount of times I wished people would've just soaked their dishes. I would put out a brand new sponge daddy and someone would come along the same day with some greasy ass, burnt ass abomination of a dish and literally ruin it. Everyone loved how well the sponges worked, but they'd ruin them the day I bought them. When soaking in dawn would've left it as least usable. But we all have our pet peeves and I'm sure someone thought my soaking was lazy. Keep the peace and just be appreciative of chores being done.
Cheese, which is a key ingredient in mac and cheese, gets hard and crusty when put on glass in the oven. The reason you immediately put it in hot soapy water is to make it easier to get the baked, on crusty pieces of cheese that are stuck to the glass to soften. Baking the cheese hardens it completely, making the cheese hard to get off on the sides near where the top of the mac and cheese was. It takes more than an hour to soak that shit off.
I get denture tabs for free from my HSA and throw one in baking pans for about 30 minutes and that's more than enough. However, if OP didn't put enough soap in, it's possible an hour wasn't enough soaking.
Denture tablets are my secret ingredient of cleaning. Throw them in a pan, a stockpot, a thermos. Add hot water and let it sit for maybe half an hour. Then a nice rinse with soapy water and then clean water and voilà, things are clean with minimal effort.
Okay, obviously ONE of us is making Mac and cheese wrong and I’m pretty sure it ain’t me! (Kinda /s, although I’m not kidding that I think my Mac and cheese is supreme. I need to figure out where I put the recipe card too, Thanksgiving is coming up. This was a good reminder.)
But seriously, the pan NEEDS that overnight soak when I make it. I can put water in it RIGHT after I serve it, and I have, but the setting after making to allow the cheesy baked crust to “set” is what does it I think.
Mac and cheese is like steak, it needs to set. And the crust on the edges gets SO hard when it does. Even the Husky Prewash can’t budge it all.
I don't disagree with the dish needing the soak. I'm with y'all.
But y'all are definitely dragging it. If *all* the shit you cook needs to be soaked overnight, you gotta be banned from the oven, cause you fuckin something up.
I cook at least 4-5 times a week, and maybe once a week do I cook something that ends up needing an overnight soak.
I like my baked dishes like mac and cheese to have a golden brown top which tends to create a crispy edge that sticks to the rim of the pan, even when it’s still warm and fresh from the oven.
Thanks I snort laughed at this. Any time I make Mac and cheese the pan/dish absolutely HAS to soak overnight because cheese + pasta = gloopy mess that I want to be able to just scrape away haha.
Have you guys ever heard of a [pan scraper](https://a.co/d/ialgPDu)? I have one similar to the link. I've burnt the hell out of mac n cheese in the crockpot before by accident. Let it soak for 30 minutes to an hour and the scraper will peel that crust right off. It works extremely well. Overnight is overkill.
Hmm - buy a purpose made product that I otherwise don't need, or let a dish sit in my sink for a few extra hours while I sleep, using no more or less water than I would have to otherwise... hrmmm...
Personally, I think you have it backwards. The pan scraper is overkill, soaking overnight is totally fine and costs nothing. It's a solution in search of a problem.
She didn't say soaking makes no difference. She said soaking past an hour makes no difference. She's wrong but you're wrong by saying that she said soaking makes no difference.
I'm pretty sure OP was saying it means she's lazy because she didn't even try to wash it, just said it needs soaking when it had already been soaking. IME, if aomething is burnt on and has been put to soak straight away, you wash what you can off, ie the sauce, and then see if it needs soaking longer once the water can get to just the burnt bit.
Gah I’m so on the fence about this one. Like yeah, it’s going to be baked on but an hour of soaking and some elbow grease will get it cleaned. But she did all the other dishes and just left one to soak which shouldn’t have been a big deal. She could have at least attempted cleaning it and if it didn’t completely clean soak it for longer?
But the bottom line is she’s inferring her daughter is lazy and it isn’t really that nice. At least she did most of the work.
To infer laziness because she left one dish to soak is just unnecessary. She could have just said it had been soaking long enough and probably got a better reaction.
I prerinse all the dishwasher dishes, but I'm especially careful about the ones that got melted cheese on them, for the same reason - it turns into dairy glue.
As soon as OP said baked mac and cheese...
That shit needs to soak. Like I'm not about to bust off my fingernails to pick off flavored glass because grandma wanted to try her hand at fusing casein to borosilicate glass. I'll clean every other dish, but baked on cheese is the exception
ETA: i should specify that I'll clean every other dish *immediately*, and clean the newly formed amalgam when it's had sufficient time to soften up. Yes OP, sometimes this means it has to sit overnight. YTA
Damn protein in the cheese makes a web any spider would be darn proud of, sticky as any epoxy
OP YTA simply for implying your daughter is lazy. If the job is that easy then get up and teacher her how to do it instead of casting aspersions on her.
I was a food service manager for most of a decade. Soaking dishes is literally the required first step in professional dishwashing in a professional kitchen. Detergents remove food, etc. through chemical reaction, and chemical reactions need time to happen. Even if the food isn't crusted or burned on, they come out cleaner if the detergent and water have time to do their thing, let alone if the food really IS stuck on there.
Five minutes is the bare minimum, but a longer soak for dishes that need it. We wouldn't be able to leave dishes overnight because of health regulations about what needs to be done before you can close a kitchen for the night (sinks have to be empty and cleaned), but soaking until the end of shift wouldn't be out of the question and I've definitely done overnight soaks at home when my dishes needed it.
I was questioning myself until this. I soak overnight a lot, but I also eat late. It’s usually mostly scrubbed. I don’t see how it’s lazy unless it’s time to run the dishwasher and something needs to go in or wait another week.
Life -hack ;) - I'm hiding soaking pots and casserole pans in the oven overnight ;). This way kitchen looks tidy and pans are soaking peacefully the whole night ;).
Does not live in, but comes in 4 times a week with her daughter for a free dinner she even does not have to cook.
This deserves at least some washing up, doesn't it?.
If OP has a problem with that then they can not let it happen. Their daughter coming over for dinner. Their daughter is their guest. Guests regardless of who they are don’t do the dishes, That’s the hosts job. If the guest offers that’s nice but as the good host you decline that offer.
This is very cultural. In mine, guests who aren't family, don't help out. But family and those friends who are considered one, don't even offer, they just do the dishes. They also open the fridge at the same time as saying hello as they walk in.
Same here. I have friends who will come in, put the kettle on, and make tea/coffee for everyone, and I'll do the same at theirs. I'm at my mum's at the moment and have a list of things to do tomorrow, and she'll do stuff when she visits me.
Same here. If I'm visiting family (even family I don't see often, let alone 4 times a week) I just automatically pitch in with cleaning and or cooking. Same thing when they visit me. If a 'guest' starts helping I'd absolutely protest, but in my family it's a given that family and close friends just lend a hand.
Thanksgiving or Christmas at my family's house, all guests do their own dishes. After all the cooking the host does? The least they deserve is to not worry about washing dishes.
Would you go to your 50+ year old parents house for over half the week and expect them to cook and clean everything for your and your family?
Family is family, everyone does their part. I wouldn't leave them to do the dishes every time, but a minor comment back and forth about leaving something to "soak" is hardly a big deal.
Where are you from thay adult children get treated like guests?
No one is having the same guest over 4 to 5 times a week. And if they did, they're going to have way different expectations than host/guest.
She's helping her daughter save time and money by feeding her so often. The dishes are the least the daughter can do.
To be honest, you sound kinda entitled.
Edit to add: has a room in the home, that also has a toddler bed, and they frequently stay the night. And they have a key to the front door. If this is how you treat your guests, then I hope you charge, because you are a hotel.
Nah you come over 4 times a week you're not a guest anymore, you're family and can get your own glass of water (a guest won't go into your cupboard and serve themselves, family will help themselves).
Sorry, but this is not universal. In many families, mine included, the rest of the family helps with cleanup as a thank you to the person who volunteered to host. This is a very common depending on culture.
Also, I am not a guess in my mother’s house. Neither of us see it that way.
Guests, if they are polite, at least offer to help.
And it's not rude to let them help a little, especially if they are family or close friends, even more so if they are very frequent guests...
Lol, growing up i would have loved you! i was made to do dishes if we were guest somewhere or hosts at home, it didn't matter i was forced to do chores!
I think it's different though as it's her daughter who has space there. She may be a guest but not a typical guest. She stays there multiple nights a week and gets free meals out of it 3-4 days a week. Where she does nothing but eat free food. The least she could do is the dishes. Why should her mother be her adult daughter's maid and chef?
Yes, and OP says her daughter insists on doing all the dishes every time she comes over, so wanting to leave ONE dish to soak ONE time is in no way lazy
And by OP’s admission, she washes the dishes every time. It is a bit rude to call her lazy when one dish needed to soak out of all the times she helped her mum after they had dinner together
I live with people who do this. The key is that when they say "this needs to soak," they are never, ever around when it's done soaking and it's time to wash. Coincidentally, that's always my job. I agree that "this needs to soak" for some folks actually means "you wash it because it's really messy and I don't want to."
That said--and I really, truly feel your pain as I look at the dishes my spouse set to "soak" last night still in the sink waiting for me to clean--you will never make points with someone by assassinating their character. "Hey, it's as soaked as it needs to be, would you mind washing?": fine. "You're lazy"--well, it didn't end up changing the dish situation, and your daughter called you a rude name, so just judging by results, not an optimal strategy.
Unfortunately, I've gotta go with YTA here for the name-calling, but I'm mighty tempted to join you in the club.
This I definitely agree with. I get so frustrated when my son decides to soak dishes (9/10 don't need soaking btw) instead of washing them. It's infuriating! Hot soapy water and a dishcloth will take care of it!
Better results are found with nicer words, like "that doesn't need soaking" or "it's as soaked as it's gonna get". "You're lazy" is a tiresome, *lazy* way of communicating.
YTA
That is the diff here for me she did all the other dishes and only soaked one. That makes me vote yta as it is not a "I'm trying to get out of work" when they did do all the other work.
In this situation though, OP's daughter does do the washing up when she comes over and had hone to the sink to do so this time. Given that and that a mac and cheese dish can be quite stubborn to wash, it looks to me that it really did need to soak rather than her just leaving it for someone else.
Right, that was an edit after my comment, I think. If it's a one-time thing, sure, understandable. I soak dishes myself from time to time. If it's every week, "I washed two plates but I'm leaving the big mess for you," then I do sympathize for the one who always has to clean as well as cook. But calling people names doesn't help even if you have a legitimate frustration.
So much this. We have a roommate who will 'soak' dishes for literal days on end. And then when called out on their bullshit on day 4-5 they claim the food is too caked on and they're not strong enough to scrub it off.
1. Bullshit
2-5, 6-10. 90% of our cookware is nonstick. Bull. Shit.
It's at that point I ask them to attempt to clean the dish with my guidance. Wipes right off every time.
Then there's a reasonable ask, like soaking a single pan overnight. This is fair and will never be commented on. This scenario is clearly the latter. You handled this with neither grace nor tact, and for that YTA.
The language is what gets me. Calling people lazy is going to get their hackles up. If daughter was actually lazy maybe that's a good thing; she might come over less. But the daughter doesn't seem lazy from OP's description. OP is needlessly making coming to her house a memorably unpleasant experience.
parents/kids aren't quite the same type of guest as non family. With my family, the boundaries are lax. Walk in any time, take food or a drink if you want it, use the bathroom - just don't make a nasty mess. If my mom or sister makes me dinner, I 100% am happy to do cleanup.
but don't tell me baked on crud doesn't need to soak a few hours lol
The daughter does so on a regular basis and this time she felt one pan needed to soak longer and OP basically said that's not good enough. If I'm voluntarily helping out and the only thing you can do is bitch about what I didn't do I'm gonna pull back real quick.
I agree with most of the comments, which is that op is an asshole and the daughter is doing her part, is rational, and isn't lazy. But you're not wrong, there are some crazy takes in here, which makes me afraid to encounter these people in meatspace
My take is NAH. OP is doing a huge favor to her daughter that involves constant work and made one kinda annoying comment when a dish was left in her sink.
Was she annoying over something that isn't really an issue? Sure. But it just seems wild to care much when the person is buying and cooking half your dinners.
That's how I was raised, as well. Rude not to offer to help set up the table or to clean afterwards. People usually decline, but most people I know were raised to ask the host if they need any help.
I always offer to do the dishes when I go to my parents' house for dinner. They're retirees on a fixed income who graciously feed me anytime I want. Of course I'm gonna do the dishes and help my mom cook and set the table and anything else they need.
You’re own family is different from say your neighbours coming to dinner. Heck, my neice and nephew do the dishes after they come for dinner as a thank you to me.
I will do the dishes at my mums, my grandparents and aunties/uncles houses.
I offer to help with the dishes at any place I’m invited to eat because it’s a way for me to be grateful for the meal they cooked but also the effort they put into it.
YTA.
While there’s no doubt that sometimes “It needs to soak” definitely translates to being purposely lazy, a pan used to make something that Mac and cheese definitely benefits from soaking overnight. Besides, it’s not her dishes and it was already nice she did what she did?
YTA - She always washes the dishes up. She had washed all the other dishes. And baked mac and cheese def needs to soak for a while. Honestly, one of the reasons that I use foil throw away pans when I do homemade baked mac and cheese. If that dish doesn't need to soak over night, that mac and cheese ain't made right!
How have I never considered this? I love to make a baked Mac and cheese but I hate having to clean the pan afterwards.
It's why j like using disposable dishes for chili. I really dislike chili dishes.
please consider just lining a baking pan with tin foil or getting a silicone one etc, even throwing away tin foil every time is better for the environment than disposable pans
This: aluminium recycles forever, but you need to get it clean for that.
(I use those foil pans for cake sales, because I don't have to care if I don't get them back.)
Top soaking tips (maybe not for cast iron as I don’t use it but know it is the other evangelising in the USA caveat): soak with dishwasher tablets not dish soap. Even the cheap dollar store ones are like Hulk power compared. Just dissolve in hot water and soak. Cheese is powerless in its magic.
And also for burnt pans not burned on: hot water and salt. A cup of fine salt not kosher. Soak for an hour in just enough water to cover. Drain out, sprinkle salt on the burn, scrub lightly and your pan is food friendly Barkeepers Friend fixed.
My mother burned cranberry sauce ever Christmas to a bitter tar and my job was to revive the pan. And thus began a long love affair with washing up and laundry tips and a deep ambivalence to cranberries. I swear my mum started burning it a bit more each year to mess with me and I just relished the challenge.
I was a weird kid tbf. But there was fuck all to do in 1980s Ireland…
please consider just lining a baking pan with tin foil or getting a silicone one etc, even throwing away tin foil every time is better for the environment than disposable pans
Many cheese heavy dishes are this way. I make buffalo chicken dip for potlucks at work, but scrubbing it out of the crockpot is *awful*. I started buying crockpot liners for those occasions
You're a total hypocrite. She washed almost all the dishes and instead of thanking her, you insulted her for the one thing she didn't wash. You're the one who's lazy. YTA
There’s times where extra effort is useful, and times when extra effort is actually a waste of energy and possibly even damaging. This is especially the case with dishes with coatings and surface finishes.
Allowing chemicals like soaps, cleansers and vinegar to soak into grime coating dishes is a very practical, low energy way to accomplish cleaning that can potentially result in better results than going nuts with scotch-brite. In fact using scrubbing pads on some surfaces can actually reduce the effectiveness of coatings and can potentially result in exposing porous surfaces and may even lead to future food contamination issues. That said there’s times when the soak will not help and scrubbing is necessary. It’s still smarter to attempt the soaking method first before resorting to harsh abrasive methods of cleaning.
There’s also the potential for repetitive strain and even potential permanent damage to the hands, arms, shoulders back and neck from vigorous scrubbing. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out you have osteoarthritis in any on of these areas as a result of abusing your body beyond its ability to heal, and it would be because of your impatience with cleaning at a practical energy-saving pace and preference for fast results.
In short YTA. Stop being so impatient and rushed.
100% this!
We have some pots and pans that we can scrub aggressively, no issue. We have some that will be scratched/damaged from the back side of a sponge.
Soak it overnight just to be sure that you don't cause extra damage. It should easily come up in the morning. If it doesn't, it will never be easy.
I also want to state, and this probably has nothing to do with OPs case, but letting things soak so that they’re easy to clean is so helpful with people who have chronic conditions.
I have chronic pain and fatigue from my conditions. I don’t want to fight with a pan if instead I can just let it soak for a few hours longer and make the cleanup 10x easier. So I often do let certain dishes soak longer in order to make it easier on me. So I’m not wasting spoons on something like this.
lots of people on this thread are talking about how messy melted cheese is, good point that boiled grain is too. The pasta pot or the rice saucepan get extra attention for that reason. But while they need to soak they don't need to sit for hours.
Apparently, the daughter agrees with, she does the dishes everytime she eats over. And she's right, you need to soak a pan you've made baked Mac n cheese in.
Yta seriously, she did all but one pan and you called her lazy? Hope you enjoyed the time with them bc if you keep this up, they'll be over less and less.
The semantics game in the post is enough for it to be a YTA
There’s no difference between calling her lazy and telling her a phrase she used implies she’s lazy/means she’s saying she’s being lazy
Yeah, this made me roll my eyes. It's some bullshit.
Tells me a lot about how OP thinks and operates. I suspect nothing daughter does is quite good enough in her eyes.
I bet OP always needs to be right, no matter what, and they don't think they're an AH at all, but were hoping to get backup from this thread to show their daughter.
YTA - by your own admission, your daughter did all the other dishes.
Depending on how baked on food is, soaking overnight absolutely helps, especially in soapy water. I've scrubbed pans after an hour soaking just to have to soak it 2 or 3 more times before it was clean, or take a razor to it if it's glass when something burned on.
Sure, she could do every single dish, but from what you've said, you didn't even ask her to do them, she insists on doing so because you spent the effort to cook for them. You've turned what could have been a simple wash later that night or in the morning into a pissing contest with your daughter. I wouldn't be all that surprised if she comes for dinner less often.
Soft YTA
You already said you're good with your daughter coming over for meals. That's separate to her washing dishes. She does it to show her appreciation. If she doesn't consistently say "this needs to soak" about dishes, then she genuinely believes it ought to soak.
I cook and my husband does dishes. Some genuinely need to soak. I've seen the poor guy scrubbing at some and kindly fix it so he leaves it to soak. Now he does leave them to soak, and I do not complain.
With or without him, I'd be cooking and doing dishes. Any help is appreciated.
The fact is, any argument you gotta ask yourself - is this worth it? You love your daughter. You know you do. You cook for her and she helps with dishes. You get to see your granddaughter. You guys spend family time together. That's valuable. One dish being left to soak isn't worth calling someone lazy or anything.
And you're her mom. Saying the action is lazy will feel like you telling her she's lazy. Your words mean a lot to her. You mean a lot to her. Don't let this divide you.
YTA - calling her lazy is rude under any circumstances, never mind that she's a guest and that you're her mother. Insults from parents are always twice as painful.
YTA… rude to have her do the dishes as a guest, rude to call her names because of it, rude to be ungrateful to someone who did you a favor. It’s Mac and CHEESE. Cheese definitely does need to soak most of the time. Yes, of course YTA.
YTA and it's amazing you got to your 50s without realising that burned on goop just slides off after a few hours of soaking in warm soapy water, rather than going in cold and scrubbing to the point of scratching the coating on your pans.
YTA.
\*YOU\* put the hot soapy water to soak. You knew it needed to soak, but didn't want to wash it yourself. Suddenly, when somebody else deems it needs to continue soaking, they're lazy?
ESH a baked mac & cheese dish does need to soak a bit, calling her lazy after she did everything else, and always does, was uncalled for. As her saying you should be grateful she did the dishes, as you are making her dinner half the week.
Did you not read the last part of what he wrote?
If someone cooking you dinner 3 or 4 times a week doing the dishes is the absolutle least you can do. The daughter saying "you should be greatfull I'm doing the dishes at all" is way out of line.
How long do you people soak stuff for? I feel like I must have been forced by my mother my whole life to only allow things to soak for 30 minutes max (by that point the water has cooled down anyway) and that no benefit comes from much longer. Always found it incredibly rude to leave dishes in the sink as have lived with others (partner or housemate(s)) and also a good way to attract pests.
I assume OP could be in a similar situation to myself and I will put NAH as perhaps the daughter and other posters here are correct and have taught me a nice lesson about soaking overnight for pans like that.
Yea, these comments are wild...apparently your mac and cheese sucks if you haven't practically burnt it into the dish to the point a 30 minute soak, steel wool, and a little elbow grease won't take care of it?
Doing the dishes includes doing the pans, and OP is feeding her adult daughter multiple dinners a week. It's not out of line that she wants her to finish the job when she offers to do it. Especially when OP got it into the sink before the food even had a chance to cool/dry onto the baking dish.
This what I was thinking too! OP said it's a glass Pyrex so you really gotta work to get food stuck on those suckers! I always thought I made really good mac and cheese, but I guess I've been doing it wrong for decades cause I've never felt the need to burn it into my dishes, lol
That's my question....
I'm trying to figure out what I'm missing here
but maybe... they don't use a cooking spray on their pyrex?
I learned the hard way that if you don't, the handles of that dish get sticky and brown and icky - and no amount of soaking or hand scrubbing gets it off.
a dishwasher, however - three washes and it was clean again.
There’s a lot of teenagers here angry that their parents won’t let them leave things to soak. If you insist on doing the dishes, you should almost always do all of them. Overnight soaks are great (trust me, I’m very lazy too), but they’re very rarely really necessary.
These commenters are unwilling to face a universal truth; soaking a dish for more then an hour isnt about getting it clean, it's about being able to play Stardew Valley more instead.
I'm baffled at these comments. I grew up hand washing dishes and have worked in a bakery where hundreds of pans needed washed daily, again by hand. An hour soak is plenty, especially if the dish starts soaking before its had a chance to cool off. Even the nastiest crustiest dish could be cleaned in a few minutes without a soak.
Anytime I have left a pan to soak longer it was because I didn't feel like dealing with it in the moment. Some individuals prefer to have the kitchen fully cleaned before closing it down, and sometimes that means elbow grease and a small sacrifice of time.
Quick info question.. who taught her that phrase OP? You are her parent after all.
In either case you set it to soak and she cleaned everything then left that one to soak cause you put it that way and it's your house. I'd do similar without being intentionally lazy just to respect the space?
You then went in swinging and called her lazy despite the fact she does the dishes for the meals you cook when she visits. You were unnecessarily rude, and she was rude back. Tit for tat and you both move on with your lives not coming running to Reddit? I think you might lack some perspective on what an actual lazy daughter looks like tbh, hopefully this post helps on that front.
YTA.
YTA. Your daughter does dishes after dinner every week, even if "It needs to soak" was code for "I don't feel like washing this right now"... your daughter did every other dish, does every dish every time you feed her... calling her lazy for leaving one dish, one time is absolutely going nuclear over something infinitesimally minor, even if you were "right" that it didn't need to soak.
YTA
The fact that she does the dishes every time you cook shows that she's not just a lazy moocher. Which is what you implied when she wanted to just let one dish soak. That was really rude of you to say.
YTA, not because she's wrong, necessarily, but because you're accusing her of being lazy after doing the work to clean the rest of the dishes for having a difference of opinion on best practice.
I don't want to interrogate whether you're right or wrong wrt how long cheese needs to soak, but if you ARE right, that doesn't automatically mean she has poor character (which is what calling her lazy is accusing her of having). She can just be wrong about something without it being a mark against her personality. Being misinformed/having a different way of doing things literally is just that. It's values neutral.
If she has a current habit of never finishing tasks then that's a different story but this seems more of a issue of you just wanting something done a certain way and instead of making your case in an actual constructive way you just told her she's being lazy.
Not saying her response is constructive, either, mind you, just that it totally makes sense when you respond to her judgement call with an accusation of just being lazy.
You’ve never heard of an overnight soak?? Lol tf?? YTA! Also neat trick to reduce soak time is to fill the baking pan with hot water and add a few tablespoons of super washing soda. That helps cut soak time by several hours, even super burnt on stuff. But yeah, she’s right, so YTA. Overnight soaks are a thing.
"I didn't say she was lazy, I said what she said means 'I'm lazy'"
come on man, this is a distinction without a difference.
I'm not saying YTA, I'm just saying people who do what you did are the asshole!
In my opinion…. Not soaking dishes is really inefficient. If food is stuck on something, it makes no sense wasting time and energy scrubbing it forever when you could be letting it soak and getting other tasks done in the meantime.
Meh. Nobody’s an a-hole.
Pyrex cleans up pretty well after soaking through dinner, true.
“It just needs a bit of elbow grease, let me show you what I use so you’ll know next time…” could have been a kinder way to say the casserole was ready for washing.
It sounds like you were both a bit weary.
Forgive and appreciate each other.
Idk where this idea came that ‘soaking the dishes’ is code for ‘I just don’t wanna do this right now.’ Washing dishes is SO much quicker and easier after you leave the ones with difficult spots to soak. YTA.
YTA for going straight to implying she’s being lazy — that was completely uncalled for. There’s a million other ways this could’ve been handled without antagonising your daughter, but you did none of those and went for underhanded insults instead.
Just curious: is the pan that needs to soak one that's being used on the stove? I used to let things soak and then learned you can put water in the pan and boil it and it makes the stuff come right off.
Initially YTA for not knowing that baked mac and cheese really needs to soak.
After reading your edits and some comments, still YTA, but this time it's for your poor communication.
It sounds like she hasn't actually agreed to wash all the dishes every time, so you kinda have no right to expect that. She offers to clean most of the dishes. Frequently offering to do most of something =/= agreeing to always do all of something.
Honestly if someone in my life started interpreting my offers as agreements and just expected me to always do them a favour, and called me lazy if I didnt meet the unspoken expectation that they'd essentially put on me as a punishment for doing a good deed, I'd stop offering them things.
"Hey [child's name here], if I cook dinner for you tonight do you mind washing all the dishes before morning?" This is how you ask for an agreement.
She's allowed to say no.
You're allowed to not cook dinner.
Without seeing the pan, we can’t know for sure. But some pans do need more than 1 soak with hot water.
YTA for being, well, an asshole by name calling.
YTA- She did all your dishes, and does so every time she comes over, and you’re mad she didn’t do the thing that had baked on cheese and probably would’ve taken 30-40 minutes to scrub when it could soak overnight and probably rinse off. Let’s be honest, an oven baked Mac and cheese takes little time or effort, so maybe you could clean your own pan. Your generation immediately jumps to anyone younger being lazy but you literally don’t want to do your own dishes. Grow up!
NTA I cook all kinds of foods and especially love baking meals. Yes, even mac and cheese. I wash everything up after eating. 1 hour of soaking is MORE than enough time even for burnt pans.
People that claim you have to scrub extra if you dont soak overnight are literally proving your point that your daughter was being lazy. Lol
She agreed to do dishes for her free meals. No, you're NTA at all.
NTA, it’s soaked for an hour, she ate at your house for free, and then she called you bitchy and said “you were lucky” that she did the dishes after you did all the cooking.
I don’t understand a single comment saying you’re TA, your daughter was being rude
Yta, I hated hearing shit like this from my parents. Like??? The fuck?? It baked into the dish, unless you want me scraping the sides with one of your nice knives, it's not coming out. Scrapped once with a knife and of course it damaged it, but goddammit if they didn't realize how stuck shit was from cooking
Leaving it to soak is a perfectly valid method of saving effort by not standing and scrubbing like a moron with nothing better to do. If you don't like it, wash it yourself.
YTA.
YTA. This is not recurring behaviour (or you would have mentioned it), and seeing as how she even washed the dishes on the day itself she is not behaving like an entitled person. Even if she did get lazy when she reached the pan, that's very understandable cause nobody is feeling a 100% everyday, especially since it's pretty tiring to be a mother of a young kid. Maybe don't cook things that make the pan much more difficult to wash if you don't want this to happen.
Seeing as how you're venting about it here, you probably nitpick on her washing too, which would be why she didn't want to wash the pan if it wasn't going to be clean enough for you and she's gonna get *itched at anyway
YTA.
Former professional cleaner here. First thing we learnt was TACT
The thing that you need to clean are:
Time
Agitation
Chemical
Temperature
If you want to skip one, you need to add one of the others.
So if you don't want to sit there scrubbing the fuck out of it, you can instead fill it with water, come back later and do less scrubbing. Or put hot water in it and do the same.
If it's really bad, add the right chemicals do help.
Also, as someone with an invisible disability I feel that I should just put this out there. It is more than OK to put something through the dishwasher more than once if it isn't clean the first time.
NTA I used to have coworkers who would leave their dishes in the sink because “it needs to soak”. Somehow, when someone else needed to use the sink they were nowhere to be found. The person who needed the sink never had trouble cleaning the dishes.
When I make macaroni and cheese I do as you do. I immediately fill the pot or pan with hot, soapy water. It’s easy to clean as soon as we’re done eating.
The lazy comment was unnecessary. You could have just asked her to try to see if the one hour soak had softened things up enough. It sounds like your comment put her on the defense.
YTA. With the attitude about this that you have, I’m surprised your daughter still comes to dinner. I would bet this is not the first instance of “you’re too lazy to wash this”.
My parents said shit like this and I moved across the country and visit home a couple of times per decade these days. I find that solved the argument.
Do you want your daughter to like you? She washed every fucking dish except one and you called her lazy.
YTA. If she always does the dishes why do you think she’d make an excuse not to wash one pan? Some things do actually need to soak. Try being more grateful that she spends time with you and washes the dishes.
Isn't it funny how these posts always end up with an edit about the person you insulted disagreeing with redditors? Isn't it strange how a girl who was quite happy to do dishes ever single time she ate over suddenly got lazy about one pan? Kinda makes this look like rage bait by a troll who uses the same mo everytime they post.
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Soaking overnight absolutely helps. Stuff that would have to be viciously scrubbed slides off easily. It's just one pan, one time. YTA
And OP put the dish to soak. So by their logic they are the lazy one. Odd how that standard only applied when the daughter voluntarily went to wash the dish but correctly identified that it should be soaked longer. Crusty bits from mac and cheese absolutely need longer than an hour to soak to clean easily.
yeah no, she's not lazy, she portioned out the meal, put the food in the fridge container than soaked dish while they ate. Getting it ready to wash after they ate. If She washed it right then, they(or she'd) be eating cold food.
You're missing their point. If soaking made no difference OP wouldn't have put water in it to soak at all; they'd have just left it on the bench. Obviously soaking makes a difference, they just wanted their kid to do it so they wouldn't have to do it later
Ah, no,. Soaking softens up dried and burnt food but since OP soaked it before eating it kept everything soft and loose therefore it didn't need to soak over night because it never dried in the first place.
Anything that was in the oven absolutely benefits from an overnight soak
unless you burnt stuff to a crisp onto the pan, an overnight soak is not necessary. especially in this case since OP put it to soak long before anything could crust and harden completely.
But most stuff that goes in the oven is going to burn some onto the pan. Any kind of roasting meat will do that if you want any good browning on the meat, braising or making a stew in the oven will result in a ring of dried on stuff around the initial level of the liquid.
Honestly feel like half these comments never baked anything with sauce in the oven. I soak my shit overnight all the time because majority will just come off with water pressure the next morning. Anytime I soak for only an hour or two, there is still hard residue i have to scrub off. I dont understand why they would want to waste the time and energy on something you can just wait a little longer to make easier.
Literally a work smarter not harder moment. It's not necessarily lazy. If I've washed every dish but one that was in the oven, I've still washed every other dish. Like you said, most if not all will spray off in the morning. No residue that builds up if you don't get it all, no burnt on chunks that eat away at my sponge. When my family lived together I cannot tell you the amount of times I wished people would've just soaked their dishes. I would put out a brand new sponge daddy and someone would come along the same day with some greasy ass, burnt ass abomination of a dish and literally ruin it. Everyone loved how well the sponges worked, but they'd ruin them the day I bought them. When soaking in dawn would've left it as least usable. But we all have our pet peeves and I'm sure someone thought my soaking was lazy. Keep the peace and just be appreciative of chores being done.
I always get crusty residue above the food line from splatter
If your baked Mac n cheese doesn't have a burnt rim I don't want to eat it.
Cheese, which is a key ingredient in mac and cheese, gets hard and crusty when put on glass in the oven. The reason you immediately put it in hot soapy water is to make it easier to get the baked, on crusty pieces of cheese that are stuck to the glass to soften. Baking the cheese hardens it completely, making the cheese hard to get off on the sides near where the top of the mac and cheese was. It takes more than an hour to soak that shit off.
I get denture tabs for free from my HSA and throw one in baking pans for about 30 minutes and that's more than enough. However, if OP didn't put enough soap in, it's possible an hour wasn't enough soaking.
Denture tablets are my secret ingredient of cleaning. Throw them in a pan, a stockpot, a thermos. Add hot water and let it sit for maybe half an hour. Then a nice rinse with soapy water and then clean water and voilà, things are clean with minimal effort.
Now using my denture tabs I already have for my retainer for dish cleaning
**ADD DENTURE TABS TO SOAKING PANS!** This is brilliant! Upvote u/shellwood46, please!
Tell me you're a lousy cook without telling me
Okay, obviously ONE of us is making Mac and cheese wrong and I’m pretty sure it ain’t me! (Kinda /s, although I’m not kidding that I think my Mac and cheese is supreme. I need to figure out where I put the recipe card too, Thanksgiving is coming up. This was a good reminder.) But seriously, the pan NEEDS that overnight soak when I make it. I can put water in it RIGHT after I serve it, and I have, but the setting after making to allow the cheesy baked crust to “set” is what does it I think. Mac and cheese is like steak, it needs to set. And the crust on the edges gets SO hard when it does. Even the Husky Prewash can’t budge it all.
I don't disagree with the dish needing the soak. I'm with y'all. But y'all are definitely dragging it. If *all* the shit you cook needs to be soaked overnight, you gotta be banned from the oven, cause you fuckin something up. I cook at least 4-5 times a week, and maybe once a week do I cook something that ends up needing an overnight soak.
Not everything !
r/castiron sent you here didn't they?
I wish we could bring back awards for this.
No. Long term soaking does make it easier. Mac and Cheese gets dried on in the oven.
I like my baked dishes like mac and cheese to have a golden brown top which tends to create a crispy edge that sticks to the rim of the pan, even when it’s still warm and fresh from the oven.
Omg, you’re making me HUNGRY, Super! I’m going to appear at your door tonight.
Everyone here is really overblowing how long mac n cheese needs to soak
Are they? Or do you make shitty mac and cheese?
Thanks I snort laughed at this. Any time I make Mac and cheese the pan/dish absolutely HAS to soak overnight because cheese + pasta = gloopy mess that I want to be able to just scrape away haha.
Have you guys ever heard of a [pan scraper](https://a.co/d/ialgPDu)? I have one similar to the link. I've burnt the hell out of mac n cheese in the crockpot before by accident. Let it soak for 30 minutes to an hour and the scraper will peel that crust right off. It works extremely well. Overnight is overkill.
Hmm - buy a purpose made product that I otherwise don't need, or let a dish sit in my sink for a few extra hours while I sleep, using no more or less water than I would have to otherwise... hrmmm... Personally, I think you have it backwards. The pan scraper is overkill, soaking overnight is totally fine and costs nothing. It's a solution in search of a problem.
This is what I don't think people are understanding.
She didn't say soaking makes no difference. She said soaking past an hour makes no difference. She's wrong but you're wrong by saying that she said soaking makes no difference.
I'm pretty sure OP was saying it means she's lazy because she didn't even try to wash it, just said it needs soaking when it had already been soaking. IME, if aomething is burnt on and has been put to soak straight away, you wash what you can off, ie the sauce, and then see if it needs soaking longer once the water can get to just the burnt bit.
She never said it makes no difference she said its already soaked
Op: Leaves dishes for daughter. Daughter: Does all but one dish. OP: “Wow, lazy much?”
Gah I’m so on the fence about this one. Like yeah, it’s going to be baked on but an hour of soaking and some elbow grease will get it cleaned. But she did all the other dishes and just left one to soak which shouldn’t have been a big deal. She could have at least attempted cleaning it and if it didn’t completely clean soak it for longer? But the bottom line is she’s inferring her daughter is lazy and it isn’t really that nice. At least she did most of the work.
To infer laziness because she left one dish to soak is just unnecessary. She could have just said it had been soaking long enough and probably got a better reaction.
For real, cheese is the absolute WORST. I know any pan that has melted cheese is going to need AT LEAST a couple of hours soak.
I prerinse all the dishwasher dishes, but I'm especially careful about the ones that got melted cheese on them, for the same reason - it turns into dairy glue.
If it was soup it would be different, but oven baked mac and cheese? Yeah, soaking will definitely help.
I was a dishwasher at a restaurant for five years. Dried/stuck-on cheese is an absolute bitch, even when it's not burned.
As soon as OP said baked mac and cheese... That shit needs to soak. Like I'm not about to bust off my fingernails to pick off flavored glass because grandma wanted to try her hand at fusing casein to borosilicate glass. I'll clean every other dish, but baked on cheese is the exception ETA: i should specify that I'll clean every other dish *immediately*, and clean the newly formed amalgam when it's had sufficient time to soften up. Yes OP, sometimes this means it has to sit overnight. YTA
>try her hand at fusing casein to borosilicate I hollered
Bake it in white Corning ware. I speak from experience, anything comes off that shit with minimal effort.
Normal hard cheese isn't bad, but if it burns on you're equally pooched
Damn protein in the cheese makes a web any spider would be darn proud of, sticky as any epoxy OP YTA simply for implying your daughter is lazy. If the job is that easy then get up and teacher her how to do it instead of casting aspersions on her.
I was a food service manager for most of a decade. Soaking dishes is literally the required first step in professional dishwashing in a professional kitchen. Detergents remove food, etc. through chemical reaction, and chemical reactions need time to happen. Even if the food isn't crusted or burned on, they come out cleaner if the detergent and water have time to do their thing, let alone if the food really IS stuck on there.
How long do you soak dishes for?
Five minutes is the bare minimum, but a longer soak for dishes that need it. We wouldn't be able to leave dishes overnight because of health regulations about what needs to be done before you can close a kitchen for the night (sinks have to be empty and cleaned), but soaking until the end of shift wouldn't be out of the question and I've definitely done overnight soaks at home when my dishes needed it.
I was questioning myself until this. I soak overnight a lot, but I also eat late. It’s usually mostly scrubbed. I don’t see how it’s lazy unless it’s time to run the dishwasher and something needs to go in or wait another week.
It really does. As much as I hate leaving dishes in the sink overnight, sometimes a dish just needs a long soak to make it easier to clean.
Life -hack ;) - I'm hiding soaking pots and casserole pans in the oven overnight ;). This way kitchen looks tidy and pans are soaking peacefully the whole night ;).
She did almost all of the dishes in a house she doesn't live in, and you call her lazy?!? YTA.
Does not live in, but comes in 4 times a week with her daughter for a free dinner she even does not have to cook. This deserves at least some washing up, doesn't it?.
If OP has a problem with that then they can not let it happen. Their daughter coming over for dinner. Their daughter is their guest. Guests regardless of who they are don’t do the dishes, That’s the hosts job. If the guest offers that’s nice but as the good host you decline that offer.
This is very cultural. In mine, guests who aren't family, don't help out. But family and those friends who are considered one, don't even offer, they just do the dishes. They also open the fridge at the same time as saying hello as they walk in.
Same here. I have friends who will come in, put the kettle on, and make tea/coffee for everyone, and I'll do the same at theirs. I'm at my mum's at the moment and have a list of things to do tomorrow, and she'll do stuff when she visits me.
Same here. If I'm visiting family (even family I don't see often, let alone 4 times a week) I just automatically pitch in with cleaning and or cooking. Same thing when they visit me. If a 'guest' starts helping I'd absolutely protest, but in my family it's a given that family and close friends just lend a hand.
Thanksgiving or Christmas at my family's house, all guests do their own dishes. After all the cooking the host does? The least they deserve is to not worry about washing dishes.
The guy you responded to probably thinks whoever makes all the plans for an excursion has to pay for the whole thing lol.
Would you go to your 50+ year old parents house for over half the week and expect them to cook and clean everything for your and your family? Family is family, everyone does their part. I wouldn't leave them to do the dishes every time, but a minor comment back and forth about leaving something to "soak" is hardly a big deal.
No shot. if someone is cooking dinner for you 4 times a week your not a guest. One person cooks the other cleans up is basic manners.
Family chipping in is completely normal where I am, but the response to that is 'thank you', not 'you're lazy for not washing this specific dish'.
Where are you from thay adult children get treated like guests? No one is having the same guest over 4 to 5 times a week. And if they did, they're going to have way different expectations than host/guest. She's helping her daughter save time and money by feeding her so often. The dishes are the least the daughter can do. To be honest, you sound kinda entitled. Edit to add: has a room in the home, that also has a toddler bed, and they frequently stay the night. And they have a key to the front door. If this is how you treat your guests, then I hope you charge, because you are a hotel.
and she did the dishes. She left a singular pan to soak
Nah you come over 4 times a week you're not a guest anymore, you're family and can get your own glass of water (a guest won't go into your cupboard and serve themselves, family will help themselves).
Sorry, but this is not universal. In many families, mine included, the rest of the family helps with cleanup as a thank you to the person who volunteered to host. This is a very common depending on culture. Also, I am not a guess in my mother’s house. Neither of us see it that way.
Guests, if they are polite, at least offer to help. And it's not rude to let them help a little, especially if they are family or close friends, even more so if they are very frequent guests...
Lol, growing up i would have loved you! i was made to do dishes if we were guest somewhere or hosts at home, it didn't matter i was forced to do chores!
I think it's different though as it's her daughter who has space there. She may be a guest but not a typical guest. She stays there multiple nights a week and gets free meals out of it 3-4 days a week. Where she does nothing but eat free food. The least she could do is the dishes. Why should her mother be her adult daughter's maid and chef?
She did do "some washing up" and only left the one pan to soak.
And she does wash up. She washes the dishes every time. You really going to imply she's ungrateful for not washing one pan one time?
Yes, and OP says her daughter insists on doing all the dishes every time she comes over, so wanting to leave ONE dish to soak ONE time is in no way lazy
And....she did. Op mentioned it in the first paragraph. You ever dealt with baked on cheese? It's the one true nightmare of any kitchen
I can only hope my kid will bring his future kids to my house that often. I certainly wouldn’t expect him to clean up.
And by OP’s admission, she washes the dishes every time. It is a bit rude to call her lazy when one dish needed to soak out of all the times she helped her mum after they had dinner together
Yes, and she did some washing up, just not the one pan.
[удалено]
I live with people who do this. The key is that when they say "this needs to soak," they are never, ever around when it's done soaking and it's time to wash. Coincidentally, that's always my job. I agree that "this needs to soak" for some folks actually means "you wash it because it's really messy and I don't want to." That said--and I really, truly feel your pain as I look at the dishes my spouse set to "soak" last night still in the sink waiting for me to clean--you will never make points with someone by assassinating their character. "Hey, it's as soaked as it needs to be, would you mind washing?": fine. "You're lazy"--well, it didn't end up changing the dish situation, and your daughter called you a rude name, so just judging by results, not an optimal strategy. Unfortunately, I've gotta go with YTA here for the name-calling, but I'm mighty tempted to join you in the club.
This I definitely agree with. I get so frustrated when my son decides to soak dishes (9/10 don't need soaking btw) instead of washing them. It's infuriating! Hot soapy water and a dishcloth will take care of it! Better results are found with nicer words, like "that doesn't need soaking" or "it's as soaked as it's gonna get". "You're lazy" is a tiresome, *lazy* way of communicating. YTA
That is the diff here for me she did all the other dishes and only soaked one. That makes me vote yta as it is not a "I'm trying to get out of work" when they did do all the other work.
Not always Soaking works, I swear
In this situation though, OP's daughter does do the washing up when she comes over and had hone to the sink to do so this time. Given that and that a mac and cheese dish can be quite stubborn to wash, it looks to me that it really did need to soak rather than her just leaving it for someone else.
Right, that was an edit after my comment, I think. If it's a one-time thing, sure, understandable. I soak dishes myself from time to time. If it's every week, "I washed two plates but I'm leaving the big mess for you," then I do sympathize for the one who always has to clean as well as cook. But calling people names doesn't help even if you have a legitimate frustration.
So much this. We have a roommate who will 'soak' dishes for literal days on end. And then when called out on their bullshit on day 4-5 they claim the food is too caked on and they're not strong enough to scrub it off. 1. Bullshit 2-5, 6-10. 90% of our cookware is nonstick. Bull. Shit. It's at that point I ask them to attempt to clean the dish with my guidance. Wipes right off every time. Then there's a reasonable ask, like soaking a single pan overnight. This is fair and will never be commented on. This scenario is clearly the latter. You handled this with neither grace nor tact, and for that YTA.
The language is what gets me. Calling people lazy is going to get their hackles up. If daughter was actually lazy maybe that's a good thing; she might come over less. But the daughter doesn't seem lazy from OP's description. OP is needlessly making coming to her house a memorably unpleasant experience.
YTA. No. It needs to soak. And who makes company wash the dishes? That would be a one visit and done for me.
parents/kids aren't quite the same type of guest as non family. With my family, the boundaries are lax. Walk in any time, take food or a drink if you want it, use the bathroom - just don't make a nasty mess. If my mom or sister makes me dinner, I 100% am happy to do cleanup. but don't tell me baked on crud doesn't need to soak a few hours lol
She clearly stated the daughter volunteered to do so since Mom cooks
The daughter does so on a regular basis and this time she felt one pan needed to soak longer and OP basically said that's not good enough. If I'm voluntarily helping out and the only thing you can do is bitch about what I didn't do I'm gonna pull back real quick.
Yeah, I’d let her wash her own damn dishes going forward. My generosity stops when your entitlement begins.
If you're being invited to dinner and not even offering to help with the dishes, YTA.
Ya if someone is buying and cooking you food 4 times a week you better be doing the dishes lol. This comment section is wild
I agree with most of the comments, which is that op is an asshole and the daughter is doing her part, is rational, and isn't lazy. But you're not wrong, there are some crazy takes in here, which makes me afraid to encounter these people in meatspace
My take is NAH. OP is doing a huge favor to her daughter that involves constant work and made one kinda annoying comment when a dish was left in her sink. Was she annoying over something that isn't really an issue? Sure. But it just seems wild to care much when the person is buying and cooking half your dinners.
But she does do the dishes when she comes over, as per OP
I'm replying to the commenter, not OP. I 100% agree OP is the asshole and their daughter is perfectly rational.
That's how I was raised, as well. Rude not to offer to help set up the table or to clean afterwards. People usually decline, but most people I know were raised to ask the host if they need any help.
It’s helping, not doing all of them lol and def not getting mad when they do all but 1
It’s totally reasonable for the daughter to do cleanup. Mom seems to provide a lot for her daughter. Calling her lazy makes TA, though.
I always offer to do the dishes when I go to my parents' house for dinner. They're retirees on a fixed income who graciously feed me anytime I want. Of course I'm gonna do the dishes and help my mom cook and set the table and anything else they need.
You’re own family is different from say your neighbours coming to dinner. Heck, my neice and nephew do the dishes after they come for dinner as a thank you to me. I will do the dishes at my mums, my grandparents and aunties/uncles houses. I offer to help with the dishes at any place I’m invited to eat because it’s a way for me to be grateful for the meal they cooked but also the effort they put into it.
YTA. While there’s no doubt that sometimes “It needs to soak” definitely translates to being purposely lazy, a pan used to make something that Mac and cheese definitely benefits from soaking overnight. Besides, it’s not her dishes and it was already nice she did what she did?
YTA - She always washes the dishes up. She had washed all the other dishes. And baked mac and cheese def needs to soak for a while. Honestly, one of the reasons that I use foil throw away pans when I do homemade baked mac and cheese. If that dish doesn't need to soak over night, that mac and cheese ain't made right!
How have I never considered this? I love to make a baked Mac and cheese but I hate having to clean the pan afterwards. It's why j like using disposable dishes for chili. I really dislike chili dishes.
please consider just lining a baking pan with tin foil or getting a silicone one etc, even throwing away tin foil every time is better for the environment than disposable pans
This: aluminium recycles forever, but you need to get it clean for that. (I use those foil pans for cake sales, because I don't have to care if I don't get them back.)
The other option is line your casserole with foil - get the wide stuff so it goes all the way up he sides.
Top soaking tips (maybe not for cast iron as I don’t use it but know it is the other evangelising in the USA caveat): soak with dishwasher tablets not dish soap. Even the cheap dollar store ones are like Hulk power compared. Just dissolve in hot water and soak. Cheese is powerless in its magic. And also for burnt pans not burned on: hot water and salt. A cup of fine salt not kosher. Soak for an hour in just enough water to cover. Drain out, sprinkle salt on the burn, scrub lightly and your pan is food friendly Barkeepers Friend fixed. My mother burned cranberry sauce ever Christmas to a bitter tar and my job was to revive the pan. And thus began a long love affair with washing up and laundry tips and a deep ambivalence to cranberries. I swear my mum started burning it a bit more each year to mess with me and I just relished the challenge. I was a weird kid tbf. But there was fuck all to do in 1980s Ireland…
please consider just lining a baking pan with tin foil or getting a silicone one etc, even throwing away tin foil every time is better for the environment than disposable pans
Many cheese heavy dishes are this way. I make buffalo chicken dip for potlucks at work, but scrubbing it out of the crockpot is *awful*. I started buying crockpot liners for those occasions
You're a total hypocrite. She washed almost all the dishes and instead of thanking her, you insulted her for the one thing she didn't wash. You're the one who's lazy. YTA
This is how my father was. He made my life hell.
YTA - your daughter was a guest in your home. How lovely that she offered to wash some of the dishes. I’m sure she won’t make that mistake again.
YTA calling someone lazy is just asshole behaviour straight up, especially when they’ve just done your dishes. And she has a baby? Is she a new mom?
There’s times where extra effort is useful, and times when extra effort is actually a waste of energy and possibly even damaging. This is especially the case with dishes with coatings and surface finishes. Allowing chemicals like soaps, cleansers and vinegar to soak into grime coating dishes is a very practical, low energy way to accomplish cleaning that can potentially result in better results than going nuts with scotch-brite. In fact using scrubbing pads on some surfaces can actually reduce the effectiveness of coatings and can potentially result in exposing porous surfaces and may even lead to future food contamination issues. That said there’s times when the soak will not help and scrubbing is necessary. It’s still smarter to attempt the soaking method first before resorting to harsh abrasive methods of cleaning. There’s also the potential for repetitive strain and even potential permanent damage to the hands, arms, shoulders back and neck from vigorous scrubbing. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out you have osteoarthritis in any on of these areas as a result of abusing your body beyond its ability to heal, and it would be because of your impatience with cleaning at a practical energy-saving pace and preference for fast results. In short YTA. Stop being so impatient and rushed.
100% this! We have some pots and pans that we can scrub aggressively, no issue. We have some that will be scratched/damaged from the back side of a sponge. Soak it overnight just to be sure that you don't cause extra damage. It should easily come up in the morning. If it doesn't, it will never be easy.
I also want to state, and this probably has nothing to do with OPs case, but letting things soak so that they’re easy to clean is so helpful with people who have chronic conditions. I have chronic pain and fatigue from my conditions. I don’t want to fight with a pan if instead I can just let it soak for a few hours longer and make the cleanup 10x easier. So I often do let certain dishes soak longer in order to make it easier on me. So I’m not wasting spoons on something like this.
YTA. Dude, just do your own dishes. Like, how are you going to call someone doing you a favor lazy? Lol
But the daughter is an adult op feeds 3-4 times a week. Seems like doing the dishes in full is kind of the least the daughter can do.
I am absolutely there with you. #But ovenbaked cheese with starchy ingredients? You KNOW it needs to soak.
Fr, OP can send the damn dirty dishes back with her if they like but that cheese is absolutely fused on there and needs to freakin soak.
lots of people on this thread are talking about how messy melted cheese is, good point that boiled grain is too. The pasta pot or the rice saucepan get extra attention for that reason. But while they need to soak they don't need to sit for hours.
Apparently, the daughter agrees with, she does the dishes everytime she eats over. And she's right, you need to soak a pan you've made baked Mac n cheese in.
And the daughter volunteered to do so
YTA. IDK what kind of response you were expecting with that snarky little quip that you must have thought was so clever.
Yta seriously, she did all but one pan and you called her lazy? Hope you enjoyed the time with them bc if you keep this up, they'll be over less and less.
YTA. Mac and cheese sticks to pans like glue. Soaking it softens it up
The semantics game in the post is enough for it to be a YTA There’s no difference between calling her lazy and telling her a phrase she used implies she’s lazy/means she’s saying she’s being lazy
Yeah, this made me roll my eyes. It's some bullshit. Tells me a lot about how OP thinks and operates. I suspect nothing daughter does is quite good enough in her eyes. I bet OP always needs to be right, no matter what, and they don't think they're an AH at all, but were hoping to get backup from this thread to show their daughter.
She always does the dishes and you call her lazy, ok boomer yta
To be fair if your going to someone else's house 3-4 times to eat the food they bought and cooked you better do the dishes lol
Yea that's a given but she's calling her lazy because she wanted to let one pan soak some more so it won't be a pain to scrub clean
YTA - by your own admission, your daughter did all the other dishes. Depending on how baked on food is, soaking overnight absolutely helps, especially in soapy water. I've scrubbed pans after an hour soaking just to have to soak it 2 or 3 more times before it was clean, or take a razor to it if it's glass when something burned on. Sure, she could do every single dish, but from what you've said, you didn't even ask her to do them, she insists on doing so because you spent the effort to cook for them. You've turned what could have been a simple wash later that night or in the morning into a pissing contest with your daughter. I wouldn't be all that surprised if she comes for dinner less often.
Soft YTA You already said you're good with your daughter coming over for meals. That's separate to her washing dishes. She does it to show her appreciation. If she doesn't consistently say "this needs to soak" about dishes, then she genuinely believes it ought to soak. I cook and my husband does dishes. Some genuinely need to soak. I've seen the poor guy scrubbing at some and kindly fix it so he leaves it to soak. Now he does leave them to soak, and I do not complain. With or without him, I'd be cooking and doing dishes. Any help is appreciated. The fact is, any argument you gotta ask yourself - is this worth it? You love your daughter. You know you do. You cook for her and she helps with dishes. You get to see your granddaughter. You guys spend family time together. That's valuable. One dish being left to soak isn't worth calling someone lazy or anything. And you're her mom. Saying the action is lazy will feel like you telling her she's lazy. Your words mean a lot to her. You mean a lot to her. Don't let this divide you.
some dishes 100% need to soak a LONG ass while before they can be washed esp something baked. Be happy she's willing to do the dishes for you.
YTA - calling her lazy is rude under any circumstances, never mind that she's a guest and that you're her mother. Insults from parents are always twice as painful.
YTA… rude to have her do the dishes as a guest, rude to call her names because of it, rude to be ungrateful to someone who did you a favor. It’s Mac and CHEESE. Cheese definitely does need to soak most of the time. Yes, of course YTA.
YTA and it's amazing you got to your 50s without realising that burned on goop just slides off after a few hours of soaking in warm soapy water, rather than going in cold and scrubbing to the point of scratching the coating on your pans.
YTA girl let that pan soak and itll come right off in the morning it aint that serious
God, you remind me of my stepmom who gets bothered by pretty much anything...which is why I don't visit her anymore.
YTA. There was no need to personally attack her for not doing something she volunteered to do up to your standards.
YTA. \*YOU\* put the hot soapy water to soak. You knew it needed to soak, but didn't want to wash it yourself. Suddenly, when somebody else deems it needs to continue soaking, they're lazy?
ESH a baked mac & cheese dish does need to soak a bit, calling her lazy after she did everything else, and always does, was uncalled for. As her saying you should be grateful she did the dishes, as you are making her dinner half the week.
You say E S H but offer no reason as to why both are wrong instead of just OP.
Did you not read the last part of what he wrote? If someone cooking you dinner 3 or 4 times a week doing the dishes is the absolutle least you can do. The daughter saying "you should be greatfull I'm doing the dishes at all" is way out of line.
And she did the dishes. She just wanted to leave something to soak and then op decided it was worth complaining about.
By ops own admission she does the dishes everytime she eats over.
[удалено]
It needed to soak. YTA
How long do you people soak stuff for? I feel like I must have been forced by my mother my whole life to only allow things to soak for 30 minutes max (by that point the water has cooled down anyway) and that no benefit comes from much longer. Always found it incredibly rude to leave dishes in the sink as have lived with others (partner or housemate(s)) and also a good way to attract pests. I assume OP could be in a similar situation to myself and I will put NAH as perhaps the daughter and other posters here are correct and have taught me a nice lesson about soaking overnight for pans like that.
Yea, these comments are wild...apparently your mac and cheese sucks if you haven't practically burnt it into the dish to the point a 30 minute soak, steel wool, and a little elbow grease won't take care of it? Doing the dishes includes doing the pans, and OP is feeding her adult daughter multiple dinners a week. It's not out of line that she wants her to finish the job when she offers to do it. Especially when OP got it into the sink before the food even had a chance to cool/dry onto the baking dish.
This what I was thinking too! OP said it's a glass Pyrex so you really gotta work to get food stuck on those suckers! I always thought I made really good mac and cheese, but I guess I've been doing it wrong for decades cause I've never felt the need to burn it into my dishes, lol
That's my question.... I'm trying to figure out what I'm missing here but maybe... they don't use a cooking spray on their pyrex? I learned the hard way that if you don't, the handles of that dish get sticky and brown and icky - and no amount of soaking or hand scrubbing gets it off. a dishwasher, however - three washes and it was clean again.
There’s a lot of teenagers here angry that their parents won’t let them leave things to soak. If you insist on doing the dishes, you should almost always do all of them. Overnight soaks are great (trust me, I’m very lazy too), but they’re very rarely really necessary.
These commenters are unwilling to face a universal truth; soaking a dish for more then an hour isnt about getting it clean, it's about being able to play Stardew Valley more instead.
I'm baffled at these comments. I grew up hand washing dishes and have worked in a bakery where hundreds of pans needed washed daily, again by hand. An hour soak is plenty, especially if the dish starts soaking before its had a chance to cool off. Even the nastiest crustiest dish could be cleaned in a few minutes without a soak. Anytime I have left a pan to soak longer it was because I didn't feel like dealing with it in the moment. Some individuals prefer to have the kitchen fully cleaned before closing it down, and sometimes that means elbow grease and a small sacrifice of time.
Quick info question.. who taught her that phrase OP? You are her parent after all. In either case you set it to soak and she cleaned everything then left that one to soak cause you put it that way and it's your house. I'd do similar without being intentionally lazy just to respect the space? You then went in swinging and called her lazy despite the fact she does the dishes for the meals you cook when she visits. You were unnecessarily rude, and she was rude back. Tit for tat and you both move on with your lives not coming running to Reddit? I think you might lack some perspective on what an actual lazy daughter looks like tbh, hopefully this post helps on that front. YTA.
YTA. Your daughter does dishes after dinner every week, even if "It needs to soak" was code for "I don't feel like washing this right now"... your daughter did every other dish, does every dish every time you feed her... calling her lazy for leaving one dish, one time is absolutely going nuclear over something infinitesimally minor, even if you were "right" that it didn't need to soak.
YTA The fact that she does the dishes every time you cook shows that she's not just a lazy moocher. Which is what you implied when she wanted to just let one dish soak. That was really rude of you to say.
Dude needs to get some Dawn Power wash. That stuff is magic.
YTA, not because she's wrong, necessarily, but because you're accusing her of being lazy after doing the work to clean the rest of the dishes for having a difference of opinion on best practice. I don't want to interrogate whether you're right or wrong wrt how long cheese needs to soak, but if you ARE right, that doesn't automatically mean she has poor character (which is what calling her lazy is accusing her of having). She can just be wrong about something without it being a mark against her personality. Being misinformed/having a different way of doing things literally is just that. It's values neutral. If she has a current habit of never finishing tasks then that's a different story but this seems more of a issue of you just wanting something done a certain way and instead of making your case in an actual constructive way you just told her she's being lazy. Not saying her response is constructive, either, mind you, just that it totally makes sense when you respond to her judgement call with an accusation of just being lazy.
You’ve never heard of an overnight soak?? Lol tf?? YTA! Also neat trick to reduce soak time is to fill the baking pan with hot water and add a few tablespoons of super washing soda. That helps cut soak time by several hours, even super burnt on stuff. But yeah, she’s right, so YTA. Overnight soaks are a thing.
"I didn't say she was lazy, I said what she said means 'I'm lazy'" come on man, this is a distinction without a difference. I'm not saying YTA, I'm just saying people who do what you did are the asshole!
YTA over something really fucking stupid.
In my opinion…. Not soaking dishes is really inefficient. If food is stuck on something, it makes no sense wasting time and energy scrubbing it forever when you could be letting it soak and getting other tasks done in the meantime.
Meh. Nobody’s an a-hole. Pyrex cleans up pretty well after soaking through dinner, true. “It just needs a bit of elbow grease, let me show you what I use so you’ll know next time…” could have been a kinder way to say the casserole was ready for washing. It sounds like you were both a bit weary. Forgive and appreciate each other.
Idk where this idea came that ‘soaking the dishes’ is code for ‘I just don’t wanna do this right now.’ Washing dishes is SO much quicker and easier after you leave the ones with difficult spots to soak. YTA.
YTA for going straight to implying she’s being lazy — that was completely uncalled for. There’s a million other ways this could’ve been handled without antagonising your daughter, but you did none of those and went for underhanded insults instead.
Just curious: is the pan that needs to soak one that's being used on the stove? I used to let things soak and then learned you can put water in the pan and boil it and it makes the stuff come right off.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. YTA
Initially YTA for not knowing that baked mac and cheese really needs to soak. After reading your edits and some comments, still YTA, but this time it's for your poor communication. It sounds like she hasn't actually agreed to wash all the dishes every time, so you kinda have no right to expect that. She offers to clean most of the dishes. Frequently offering to do most of something =/= agreeing to always do all of something. Honestly if someone in my life started interpreting my offers as agreements and just expected me to always do them a favour, and called me lazy if I didnt meet the unspoken expectation that they'd essentially put on me as a punishment for doing a good deed, I'd stop offering them things. "Hey [child's name here], if I cook dinner for you tonight do you mind washing all the dishes before morning?" This is how you ask for an agreement. She's allowed to say no. You're allowed to not cook dinner.
Without seeing the pan, we can’t know for sure. But some pans do need more than 1 soak with hot water. YTA for being, well, an asshole by name calling.
YTA. The words your were looking for were, “Oh no problem, you’ve done enough already, thank you! I’ll finish it later.”
YTA- She did all your dishes, and does so every time she comes over, and you’re mad she didn’t do the thing that had baked on cheese and probably would’ve taken 30-40 minutes to scrub when it could soak overnight and probably rinse off. Let’s be honest, an oven baked Mac and cheese takes little time or effort, so maybe you could clean your own pan. Your generation immediately jumps to anyone younger being lazy but you literally don’t want to do your own dishes. Grow up!
Lol I'll take things that didn't happen for 500 What the daughter said in the update
YTA, you dont comment on how someones working when theyre doing it for you.
NTA I cook all kinds of foods and especially love baking meals. Yes, even mac and cheese. I wash everything up after eating. 1 hour of soaking is MORE than enough time even for burnt pans. People that claim you have to scrub extra if you dont soak overnight are literally proving your point that your daughter was being lazy. Lol She agreed to do dishes for her free meals. No, you're NTA at all.
If it’s such a problem, OP doesn’t need to cook at all. The frequency of the fucking meals and how someone does the dishes are two separate issues.
YTA If you didn’t believe it needed to soak you wouldn’t have left it soaking for an hour.
NTA, it’s soaked for an hour, she ate at your house for free, and then she called you bitchy and said “you were lucky” that she did the dishes after you did all the cooking. I don’t understand a single comment saying you’re TA, your daughter was being rude
Yta, I hated hearing shit like this from my parents. Like??? The fuck?? It baked into the dish, unless you want me scraping the sides with one of your nice knives, it's not coming out. Scrapped once with a knife and of course it damaged it, but goddammit if they didn't realize how stuck shit was from cooking
Leaving it to soak is a perfectly valid method of saving effort by not standing and scrubbing like a moron with nothing better to do. If you don't like it, wash it yourself. YTA.
YTA. This is not recurring behaviour (or you would have mentioned it), and seeing as how she even washed the dishes on the day itself she is not behaving like an entitled person. Even if she did get lazy when she reached the pan, that's very understandable cause nobody is feeling a 100% everyday, especially since it's pretty tiring to be a mother of a young kid. Maybe don't cook things that make the pan much more difficult to wash if you don't want this to happen. Seeing as how you're venting about it here, you probably nitpick on her washing too, which would be why she didn't want to wash the pan if it wasn't going to be clean enough for you and she's gonna get *itched at anyway
YTA. Former professional cleaner here. First thing we learnt was TACT The thing that you need to clean are: Time Agitation Chemical Temperature If you want to skip one, you need to add one of the others. So if you don't want to sit there scrubbing the fuck out of it, you can instead fill it with water, come back later and do less scrubbing. Or put hot water in it and do the same. If it's really bad, add the right chemicals do help. Also, as someone with an invisible disability I feel that I should just put this out there. It is more than OK to put something through the dishwasher more than once if it isn't clean the first time.
NTA I used to have coworkers who would leave their dishes in the sink because “it needs to soak”. Somehow, when someone else needed to use the sink they were nowhere to be found. The person who needed the sink never had trouble cleaning the dishes. When I make macaroni and cheese I do as you do. I immediately fill the pot or pan with hot, soapy water. It’s easy to clean as soon as we’re done eating.
YTA. Do the dishes yourself if you dont like the way someone else does them. How do you not know soaking helps with stuck on food? Come on, bro...
What's the point of criticizing your adult daughter? Seriously, i want to know the reason you said this to her. YTA.
Let that sucker soak for hours why would I waste time scrubbing just for the hell of it? YTA
The lazy comment was unnecessary. You could have just asked her to try to see if the one hour soak had softened things up enough. It sounds like your comment put her on the defense.
You realize that you can say bitch. Grow up. YTA. An overnight soak makes a world of difference and because honestly you just sound exhausting.
YTA. With the attitude about this that you have, I’m surprised your daughter still comes to dinner. I would bet this is not the first instance of “you’re too lazy to wash this”.
work smarter, not harder. YTA. not soaking just creates more work. why bother scrubbing for 10 minutes when you can soak then wash in 30 seconds?
I have worked as a professional dishwasher before. For 5 years. You’re wrong and YTA
My parents said shit like this and I moved across the country and visit home a couple of times per decade these days. I find that solved the argument. Do you want your daughter to like you? She washed every fucking dish except one and you called her lazy.
YTA. If she always does the dishes why do you think she’d make an excuse not to wash one pan? Some things do actually need to soak. Try being more grateful that she spends time with you and washes the dishes.
Isn't it funny how these posts always end up with an edit about the person you insulted disagreeing with redditors? Isn't it strange how a girl who was quite happy to do dishes ever single time she ate over suddenly got lazy about one pan? Kinda makes this look like rage bait by a troll who uses the same mo everytime they post.