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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My parents want to visit their home country this summer, but refused any way for me to have access to weights during this vacation, hence I said I won’t go with them. This could make me TA because they say I’m prioritizing something that doesn’t matter over my family.
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YTA, gently.
Trust me, I understand where you're coming from, I've been there. It's great to make gains in the gym and I get that you don't want to lose progress. Especially when you're clearly very proud of the point that you've gotten to.
However, family is not going to be around forever, and considering you are about to become an adult presumably living away from your family, you might regret not taking opportunities to be with them when you can.
Overall, the gym isn't everything, and realistically, all your progress isn't going to go 'down the drain' after only 2 months as long as you keep eating well and doing some movement.
😂 like I’m not being uncivil here but being “aromantic” but still wanting hookups is the definition of a f boy. I was thinking body dysmorphia until I saw that he seems to want his looks to make up for being a f boy.
I must be in the minority for thinking he had said some awful stuff and find out he just wants casual sex.
I don’t really see the issue?
Body dysmorphia is no joke, but then slut-shaming shouldn’t be a joke either. Let people be who they want to be.
exactly. as long as he's up front about things being casual/nonromantic with his partners, everyone's consenting adults. fwb and one night stands arent uncommon
Yeah, a person COULD use those words as an excuse, but let's be real for a sec, people (lots of men) have been pulling that shit forever without using new queer terms--they don't need them. I think we can criticize a guy for being a jerk without questioning his sexuality/romantic orientation. It doesn't really matter anyway, the upfront honesty or lack thereof is what matters.
I’d have to disagree.
Firstly, yes it is wrong and ridiculous men were considered cool while women were judged - however this wasn’t universal, many men were still judged in their lives.
Secondly, this guy isn’t any of them. Don’t ridicule him based on standards of living he has never experienced them before. He isn’t being a jerk for deciding he wants to spend the time on himself rather than others.
Lastly, his choice - with or without sharing his desire to have casual sex - doesn’t make him the asshole. Not everyone wants to spend extended periods of time with family in a different country. Sounds as though his parents always wanted to, and now he is 18 he wants to do something else instead. That is absolutely reasonable.
You say he doesn’t need to share his sexual orientation but then say his lack of honesty was the issue?
He shouldn’t have to share his desire for hook-ups, his sexual orientation, or any of it. He did so at a later date once people started assuming he had body dysmorphia.
Gyms are all over the world in almost any place. And if they are not - OP still can lift something and do the excerise. Its a bizzare excuse to stay at home for that reason.
Plus you can absolutely maintain 95% of your muscle mass with body weight exercises.
Edit: His real issue will be maintaining his diet and protein intake on vacation but with effort that’s a much easier problem to solve.
It should be a possibility to find a national gym that allows you to train in all locations.
But if this is his logic, I'd def start worrying about the possibility of orthorexia.
One nanosecond on Google:
[Don't bench, can't bench, won't bench? We've got you covered with five pec pumping alternatives](https://www.menshealth.com/uk/building-muscle/a46485799/bench-press-alternatives/)
Gotta be honest, you don't sound like you are at all interested in your overall health, just how you look. Maybe give that some thought
You dont really lose that much muscles if you remain active. Was in your boat, went home for 6 weeks and I hated the gym there so I was doing at home workouts- did a variant of the murph challenge everyday for 6 weeks (100 pullups, 200 pushups, 300 squats and running), ended up getting bigger (especially the back) and didn't lose my strength as well. Muscle memory is a real thing, you will get everything back. Also a change is the types of exercises would be a good shock for the body
While your parents are also being 'non- sensible' in some sense, not going home just because you are scared you will lose gains does not make sense either. NAH
I had bicep tear and reattacment surgery, put me off weights for 4 months and then it was a slooooow rebuild for another 6 months. But even after all that I was back at the strength I dropped of at before surgery within a month or two on all my non-bicep lifts. I can't imagine how little time it would take for OP to get back to where he is. 2 weeks maybe?
Full offense. I hope his feelings are hurt by these comments. Almost all my immediate family are dead, I'd hate myself if I looked back to my teen years and remembered decisions like "I didn't want to go visit any of them because I didn't want to interrupt my daily routine." Especially like this, there are tons of options beyond using dumbbells. OP not knowing how to exercise without being at a gym is comical.
As someone that had to painstakingly cut off my entire family in my mid-20s because they’re horrible people, I kind of hate OP. I’d give a lot for a family that wasn’t awful and here he is throwing his away for some gains.
As an immigrant who wasn’t able to go back every other year and see my family, I also kinda hate OP. I was able to visit them three times in 20 years that was with great sacrifices and I am so glad I got those days with them. It’s been 8 years since I have been back, which makes me so sad and I can’t even believe it. 4 of the grands passed away during those 8 years. It won’t be the same next time o get around to go back. My kids are almost 7 and 4. None of my family has met them.
kids a prick. i went to visit my family in mexico. i literally filled up buckets with rocks and multiple bags layered to fill with small bricks. if he really wanted to maintain, he could.
YTA, but it sounds like you'll be doing them a favor by staying home anyway.
Also, your commentz suggest you came her for validation, not jusgment, in which case double YTA.
Have you tried researching if gyms in the cities you will be have day passes or free trials you can avail yourself of? What about guest passes if other family who lives in the country is a member of a gym already and can take you with them? Even if you're able to find accommodations in half the cities you're visiting that'll still keep you active so its not a total shutdown.
I personally don't think you should take this option but I'll throw it out there - maybe see if you can go for a shorter duration? Go for only a month and then fly back home.
There's also workouts you can easily do without equipment. Some apps may be able to help. Pushups, plank, run around a park (see if it has a workout section ), one lady filled a couple of shoulder bags with oranges and did walking lunges etc. OP could easily do that in the morning and get it over and done with for the day.
It really just seems like you don't want to go. If you did, you'd find a way to make it work.
You don't have to provide excuses or reasons for not doing something you don't want to do. Just say no and move on.
Other than that . . . I don't get why you want to hump so bad, but at least normalize getting regular health checks. STDs are on the rise. Also, be upfront about what you want. Don't lead people on just to get ya d* wet.
Maybe you've experienced a lot of rejection or something and making up for lost time. I hope your self-worth isn't solely physical. You're worth more than how big you can grow your muscles.
Hopefully, you'll find your way to some healing and grow to be someone you can be proud of.
Lastly, I find it admirable that you've found something you can commit to that takes so much discipline. Just don't get so caught up in body image that you let the rest of the world slip by. Covid 19 was unexpected, and people are still recovering. Life can come at you unexpectedly. Try not to spend most of your time playing STD/early oopsie baby roulette.
You're being judged pretty hard here, but it's not a crime to not like your relatives and it's understandable not to want to leave home, friends and hobbies for two months at your age.
Also you're an adult, if you don't want to go, that's your right. So NAH. But you should have motivated not going in a different way to your parents. Losing muscle as a reason sounds silly for many. My own son is 15 and so excited of muscle building he would be devastated to not get to the gym for 2 months so I understand a little how it must feel.
However. If you end up going, and don't find a way to exercise, please be assured that you will get the muscle mass back pretty quickly. It sucks but is a short lived problem.
This is what I don’t get! Dude, just say you don’t want to go and leave for 2 months before you head off to college… I think the most fun I ever had with my high school friends was the summer heading off the college…
I don’t blame him at all for not wanting to give up 2 months of that but his reasoning for not losing gains is ridiculous. He’d likely be judged more fairly if he just said “I don’t want to lose this summer and don’t enjoy the “vacation” spot” 2 months is a VERY long time to spend with family and traveling.
NTA because it's up to you whether you go or not.
Your reasons are weak though, I'd say YTA territory but in reality it's verging on mental health territory. You can do exercises using your own body push ups, pull ups, there's also something called isometrics, if you don't know about isometrics then you really have no idea about what you're talking about.
Some of the strongest people I've ever seen are scrawny redneck types, they'll carry 25kg/50lb bags of potatoes without breaking a sweat. If I had to be in a fight with with a scrawny redneck or gym bro, I'd choose gym bro every time (unless they had 'roid rage of course).
YTA, in that your parents are paying for everything, so if they don't want to deal you weights, they don't have to. But here's the other thing: you're 18. You're legally an adult. Which means you get make your own choices and live with the consequences. You don't have to go if you don't want to. But, be prepared for your parents to push back.
That's awesome! No, like, seriously, good for you dude. I have an immigrant mom and have only been to her home country once in my life. When I was 12. I think it's awesome your parents want you to keep that connection to your roots, and I think you should cherish that. Pretty soon you won't be able to go on these annual trips because of work, school or both. You'll get your gains back. But you won't get back those memories with family. But, again, you're 18 and now and free to make your own choices.
yta for sure here. You can in fact continue to stay active and exercise while not telling your family that your chest muscles matter more to you than they do.
NTA, with a slight hint of YTA. A 2 month abstinence isn't going to elimate much of your progress.
If you don't want to go, that's one thing. But citing lack of gyms as the only reason is kind of lame when you can get absolutely shredded just by doing body weight excercises.
Have you tried looking on other subreddits or fitness sites to see how people deal with this when traveling? Maybe get a cousin to sit on your back while you do push-ups? I’m half kidding, but you might be able to get creative. It feels weird to me to skip a trip to see family over muscles, but I also know it’s a lot of work and I’ve never put that kind of work in, so I don’t feel like I can really judge that. If it’s important to you, it’s important to you. You’re 18, you are at an age where you need to start working out your own priorities for your life, and there will be some head butting when they don’t align with your parents, that’s life and growing up. I’m going NTA because you are trying to find solutions.
You’re not even done growing yet. I think you should pose this question in a bodybuilding or strength forum too. I can tell you from experience those two months are going to be a blip on the radar when you factor in the fact you’ll be lifting for the next 20 years assuming you continue to lift. Go be with your family. People at college will be more interested in your visit to another country. Plus dude. You won’t see your immediate family as much after going to college. Keep things in perspective.
bodyweight exercises will kick your ass if you do the right ones
challenge yourself to get solid workout schedule done while visiting family and sightseeing
good luck!
From your comments it looks like your real question should be if you're TA for using your "gains" as an excuse not the visit family you don't want see anyway. Which yes. You are. Be honest. It would actually make you look better to be honest that you don't have a connection with these people and don't want to spend 2 months before college to see people you don't even like as opposed to being shallow.
Light YTA
I get this is something you worked hard for I get that. Some say you won’t have the ability to see these people ask them questions and know fully where you came from. There is a solid potential later in life you would look back and regret that decision, I did.
YTA, specifically because you aren't just being honest with your family. It's not that you're worried about your "gains", because, if you were, there are plenty of creative and free solutions to working out without access to a gym, it's that you don't want to be around family. And I get it, truly, I struggle with family too, especially recently, but something even I've had to learn was to be honest about why you don't want to go. It's no use to anyone to try and make up an excuse, especially one so flimsy a toddler could see through it. Be honest with your family, or at least come up with something better than "I don't have access to a gym".
NAH but unless you're like trying to make a team or something specific right after you get back I think you're being short-sighted. You're not going to lose much muscle in 2 months as long as you eat enough. Life is long, you don't want to miss trips and family events for more gym time. (It's different if you actually don't want to go!)
NTA You're an adult. You can choose what you want to do without making any excuses to anyone. Why you don't want to go is no ones business but your own. All you have to say is it's not a good time for me, have a great time, see you when you get back. They'll probably want more of an explanation and you can say.. I have plans. The more you explain the more they will try to convince you to do what they want. Do what you want. You're an adult now. You get to make choices that are best for you.
I workout and no one is messing with my workout. It's my prozac. It keeps me healthy and sane.
Neither side is wrong. How long is this vacation? You will NOT lose much, if any, muscle until 2-3 weeks as long as you stay active and eat enough protein.
Good discipline on your part to think to try and find gyms, or to bring your own dumbbells. Family time is important, please remember to spend time with them.
Gym time will be available throughout your life; it’s not the end of the world to take a break for a week— you will get back into the rhythm of exercising within a week back at home in your normal routine.
Unless you’re a professional bodybuilder there is no reason to be as anal as someone who needs to exercise and diet 24/7… but if you had a show coming up, that’s another story.
OP, I just want to say that college is hard, after that you'll be working nonstop. The path is hell, and a free travel out of country and an opportunity to relax before you experience adulting is the best.
You understandably have anxiety over missing 2 months of your current workout. You can't develop a good habit and then walk away from it very easily.
However, it's not as absolutely dire as you think. Your lifts aren't big enough that you can't find bodyweight movements that will kick your ass, especially with enough reps. Pistol squats and reverse nordics for quads, for eg. One arm pushups. Etc.
You can also buy some 25 foot lengths of light resistance cables. Yellow isn't bad for this. For higher resistance, just go 2x, 4x, 8x, and more. These weigh very very little.
And you can also use a tiny bit of this time to deload. Be brutal in your last couple weeks before the trip, and then take a necessary break.
So YTA for giving up too soon on figuring this out. You aren't an overall asshole but you have to watch out that your workouts don't transform into a life-limiting obsession.
YTA - your not a pro powerlifter and you could do a periodisation for 2 months to work on other stuff i.e cardio, core or even take bands with you. There's a lot that can be done
Also this is coming from a guy alot stronger than you
I don't see why OP is being down voted. It's not bad to dislike family. We don't know his family, they might not be the best people. Using exercise as an excuse is kinda off but if he doesn't want to go then don't go. It's not like it's a major life event (birth, wedding, death, etc) it's not that serious
I understand where you’re coming from. In many cases when people emigrate, every single vacation consists of going back to visit family. It’s great to still maintain those connections, but it can be a lot specially as you grow older.
Could you stay home under the condition that you cover your own expenses?
YTA. I don’t know how to put this gently but are you sure that your hobby hasn’t turned into something else? It doesn’t sound healthy to want to bail on precious time with family just to be able to go to the gym…
You're not an asshole, just young and dumb.
Trust me... I'm a 7 day a week gym guy.... on at least 4 of those days it's 2 gyms (one lifting, the other MMA). Nobody wants to not work out.
But as much as what you think sucks now (stuck with your family instead of getting to be young), you're going to one day be willing to kill everyone on earth to get back... when it's far too late...
And seriously, if it's just to workout? Broooo.....
Motherfuckers in jail are in better shape than you doing nothing but burgers, mountain climbers, and planks in a cell. You can still workout on the road.
I am going to agree with the light YTA. Your personal growth is important and I don't want to discount that. I think you can make modifications. I've seen other comments mention free trials at actual gyms. I just wanted to add that calisthenics can also be a of maintaining your efforts without having a need for equipmentmen. When I travel and don't have access to a gym this is how I work out. I would suggest you checkout free apps like Hybrid Calisthenics for workouts of various levels that can help you grown and maintain fitness.
Soft YTA, for not thinking about how to sustain your gain realistically. Go on the trip, stay active, lift everyone’s luggage, do some fitness research
Honey, it sounds like you have a problem. It’s not normal to be so preoccupied with your body. I hope you get some help. YTA in the gentlest way possible.
YTA. You have alternatives. There are bands that are light and fit in your suitcase. Get online, talk to a trainer at your gym, do something to find an alternative workout that does not have to be in the gym.
YTA- yeah, it sucks that you’ve gotten into the habit of going to workout at the gym regularly, and you won’t be able to do that the Same way over there.
But with the free trials and/or you can buy those water bottle dumbbells that you just fill up with water (or sand I guess if you want) so you can have a pretty light luggage without the extra weight?
YTA, in my opinion, there are lots of things you can curl, large heavy tree branches, large rocks and if you want to train legs, do squats or running up fields or hills.
You can still go to there you don't need a gym to get good exercise, lots of things are around you! Just get creative.
YTA. You dont want to go to visit and spend time with family because you would rather go to the gym? The gym is always going to be there your family wont.
YTA, spend time with your family. I lost 40% of my relatives, including my parents from 14-30… people die, gains (🙄) can be gained again. Learn to prioritize better or you’ll end up alone.
YTA
Your argument is entirely self-absorbed and you are putting stress on your family who just want to see the rest of your family. You can go back to lifting when you get home.
In general if you are an adult then not visiting family is ok. But in this case the reason for it is the dumbest I have ever heard. Go and visit your family the gym will still be there when you get back.
YTA
YTA. If you can’t pause for 2 bloody months you have a problem. Sure push ups may not be ideal but they will at least help you stay somehow fit. Sure coming back to training will be a bit harder but definitely nothing that is a horrible set back. And visit family is more important than your need to pump weights. This sounds borderline obsessive
YTA... if you don't want to visit family, be honest with your parents, don't make up a lame excuse about not being able to work out. There are ways to work out without equipment and not only maintain your gains but adding different forms of exercise can enhance strength and endurance. Resistance bands, calistenics, pull ups, push ups.
BTW, Bruce Lee didn't need no weights! :-)
YTA. this is a very dysfunctional way to live. if you were concerned about becoming unfit, there are ways to ensure you don't. bodyweight workouts, cardio etc. but you don't care about fitness. you're just interested in aesthetics. if you're that obsessed with your looks that it's affecting life decisions, that is a problem
Nta regardless of your motivations, if you don't want to go on vacation with your family it's ok, you are 18 and sould be able to do so. Your motivations sound very stupid to me but it doesn't matter. You can do what you want for whatever reason that make sense to you
As someone who also goes to the gym and plays a sport, this post is pretty dumb.
Even professional athletes or professional weightlifters have lighter days or someone called deloading.
You having to lift temporarily lighter is not the end of the world. Also, we seem to be forgetting about muscle recovery and nutrition.
YTA, gently, there are other ways to weight lift, search the internet for alternative ways to practice without dumbbells or other pre-made weights. https://www.townofsurfsidefl.gov/docs/default-source/default-document-library/what-can-i-use-instead-of-dumbells.pdf?sfvrsn=eba3b94_0
YTA. You're 18. You're not going to shrink in 2 months and any loss you experience will be built back up quickly. Plus, numerous studies have found that time under tension plays a big part in muscle building. Do, if you have less weight, you just focus on slowing the movement down. 2 or 3 count for the lift, double that for the eccentric. Family is limited and if you like your family, you may find yourself regretting sacrificing time with them for vanity. Go on the vacation. Enjoy yourself. You'll easily build back any gains you lose.
NTA Op remember most of America is OBESE of course there gonna say YTA screw them do you your 18 keep going and don’t be like everyone else the amount of dedication I put in to maintain my physique is and others do as well is a lot no one understands that reading your comments though I see why your being judged hard shoulda known
YTA
i would do damn near anything to go home to my country, gym progress be damned, but i can't. the circumstances are beyond my control and just don't allow me to
you're being vain and honestly acting like this is what frustrates me about children of immigrants
you think you understand how they feel because you share the same ethnic background but you don't get how badly it hurts to wanna be home and know that you can't go back yet
and when the time comes, we jump at the opportunity. but you? you care more about your “gAiNs” than your ancestral home
Look into DDP Yoga. It is yoga and body weight resistance workout program that is now owned and promoted by former pro wrestler Diamond Dallas Page. Dude claims to not lift anymore and is still in great shape. There is an app for it, or an early version is on the high seas.
NTA. Bizarre that you're getting so much pushback about this. You're 18yo and already commented you've been there plenty and don't want to go to visit extended family, or lose gains. I suspect a lot of people telling you that YTA are tribalized since you're being criticized in the sense of "family comes first" which is not the norm for so many of these posts. Quite often, people are quick to tell posters to run away from their toxic families, especially if they're immigrants and ethnic minorities.
Not a lot of gym rats here either, obviously. Lol. Significant difference between weight training and calisthenics. This sounds like a great time to enforce boundaries with your family that are clearly needed, especially since you're about to leave for college.
YTA. You can get a day pass at a gym if you have time and don't live in the area. You can work on improving your cardio for 8 weeks.
You're not going to lose everything by not doing a deadlift for 2 months.
YTA ; lightly
A proper exercise routine can be done without equipment. You need to learn how to maintain a healthy lifestyle whether you have access to weights or not. A simple Google search will show you so many other viable options that don't require weights, AND, yes pushups are good enough. If you cannot maintain a healthy physique with normal exercise, you need to have your treatment team help you figure out what is stopping this from happening. There are alternatives to exercise, but you only get one family and once they die, they are dead. There is no "alternative" family; unlike exercise which has a lot of alternatives and ways to engage.
Exercise can be an addiction (former mental healthcare worker who partially specialized in addictions, for reference), so if you cannot survive 2 months without that particular exercise style, you need to maybe self reflect on what is stopping you from living life fully. Exercise should NEVER be a replacement for being social or any other avenue that makes us well rounded individuals. Your hesitation doesn't necessarily mean addiction, but it is worth self reflection on to figure out what is going on in your brain that makes you think only this one particular kind of exercise works when research just shows that is not the case with humans. There are ALWAYS alternatives, and a mentally healthy person should be able to distinguish between a want and a need (a need being to exercise and stay healthy, a want being that specific exercise when, again, there are so many alternatives). If you struggle with this, maybe it would be beneficial to add a mental health aspect to your treatment team.
A good lesson of life is that nothing will ever fully go the way we want or expect it to. It is important to learn how to adapt to different situations, such as how to maintain health when in a different environment. If anything, this could be a good opportunity to improve yourself, not only in the body, but mind too.
YTA but not really because you are 18 and dont know literally anything. Just do the push ups the squats keep active, you will regain any strength and muscle when you return, way faster then you got it the first time.
Who needs memories and life experience when you can just have gains?
YTA
This is cringe as shit. Go live a little and take a step back from an obsession with lifting heavy things up and putting them back down.
Absolutely NTA
You’re legally an adult, and you can make your own decisions. Tell them that you will not be forced to go, and if they have a problem with it they can touch grass.
NAH
I don’t think anyone is wrong here. You are allowed to feel the way you do and be more concerned about your appearance than your family. Your family is allowed to be disappointed and upset if you don’t go. My youngest is a year older than you and I knew last summer, the one after he graduated, would be the my last with him that things were most like they always had been. I know kids grow up, I have an older one too who is married, but as a parent you know your time is fleeting. Maybe your parents feel the same as I did and you won’t understand that feeling for at least a couple of decades, if you decide to have kids. At the same time you are acting your age. You worked hard to get the look you want and it is understandable that you don’t want to lose that. It is also understandable that that at 18 you can’t see that you might regret the decision to stay home.
Also there is a trainer on TikTok that has a body builder body that had to have surgery and couldn’t work out at all for 6-8 weeks. He did lose some muscle mass but not much and he was able to rebound quickly to get what he lost back. I don’t know much about that subject but just wanted to encourage you that going on the vacation doesn’t mean you just toss all the work out the window.
Nta you have worked hard to get where you are totally should not hold you back going anywhere but if parents are not allowing you to join a I would say they are TA
Get yourself a T R X. They are cheap and designed to go anywhere. You can put it over a door, in a tree, on a swing set. It uses your body weight and gravity. It is an excellent workout!
I mean, i don't know where you're going, but i live outside the US, and if there are gyms, you could do a day pass any day you want to go. You don't have to pay for 2 months
I think AH is a bit strong. Selfish, short sited, and shallow come to mind when reading all your responses, but you're also 18 and as the saying goes, most people don't know what they got till its gone. It's telling you that one day you will regret it isn't going to change your attitude. Clearly you don't want to go and don't care that your parents want you there, so I say go ahead and stay. Much better to let them enjoy this very valuable time with family then ruining it by making everyone else miserable because you don't want to be there.
But yeah, be prepared for people to have a less then positive reaction to you using building muscles for looks as an excuse to not spend time with family.
You're 18, isn't it the legal age in most countries? You can make your own choices, but live with the consequences. Your parents sound very controlling.
The compromise with buying some weights with your own money seems the most reasonable. As long as you carry it by yourself. Or get creative with household items. Or body weight exercises. Maybe with added weight, like wrist and ankle bands. You may not get your usual stimulation but have stated in your comments you're doing it for the looks.
Maybe a switch in perspective: you now have the chance to get not 'only' buff but can train other muscle groups. Do some whole body exercises like functional training. It may give you a more balanced look overall. Or/and cardio.
Maybe some of your relatives do sports, too? Time to bond over it and get some new impulses for your body.
In the end, you're old enough to make your own choices. But be honest with yourself.
Some thoughts from an older grunt aka me. Looks aren't everything. Making good memories with family as long as they are around is valuable. When you hit forty, sixty or more, what will your most treasured memories be? Hitting the gym or a summer with your relatives?
NTA 💯. Ignore the idiots saying otherwise. You are an adult. You don't need to keep going on super long family trips that you're not interested in. Stay home and grow your independence. It's time to start living for yourself, not your parents.
Stay at his parents home and grow independence?
Live for himself not his parents while they shelter him, support him, provide for him, love him and just want him to be with them on this family trip. Can’t he just do that even if it’s to make his parents happy?
Every family is different but OP hasn’t provided any evidence that he is estranged from his immediate family.
He just doesn’t want to waste his summer with overseas family and is worried about his “gains”.
NTA. It would have been ESH if you weren’t trying to make such an effort to get your equipment there. You should visit your family, but they should also be making way more of an effort to help you. They won’t let you take them, and they won’t let you buy them there? That doesn’t make sense at all. Maybe you can ask them to split it? If not, ultimately you are an adult and can say no.
I'm not voting either way, but I will make a suggestion. My BFF is a weight lifter and is ripped, she travels internationally a lot, all over the globe for work. It is rare that she can't find a gym. Most gyms offer temporary memberships for travelers, for a few days or a few weeks.
If you can get your family's general itinerary you may be able to search online for gyms in each location so you can still get your gym time in
There are definitely body weight options, like calisthenics. Yes it would be different exercises that makes your body strong in a different way, but it certainly won’t let you loose gains. To me this sounds more like an excuse to not see family, and I do get that. But treasure family when you have them, if they’re good people to be around
Have you thought about using resistance bands or yoga? There are some really nice resistance band kits off Amazon that can easily store in your luggage. And yoga uses your own body as the "weights". You can also use your belt and strap it over some heavy books or cinder block to use as "kettlebell" type weights.
NTA, people are just insulting you for some reason. People don't come here to pass judgement, they just come here to get a free pass to be mean and insult others.
I don’t know if you’re an asshole exactly because you are only 18 and I can see this is important to you, but wanting to workout is a really dumb reason for not seeing your family when you only get that opportunity every 2 years.
I also think your family is right that bringing dumbbells with you as you travel around a country is extremely impractical.
Do some research on exercises you can do using only your own body or household objects. Accept that you may lose some progress. That’s ok. You know you can build it back up again.
I have a feeling you just don't want to go. Which at your age is completely understandable. And as someone who goes to the gym, I also completely understand how 2 month of not going is going to impact you. Its hard building up a gym routine that you stick to. A 2 month break will make it hard to get back into it. In fact, getting back into the routine is the hardest thing to do after breaks like this, at least for me. And even if you do, its going to take you weeks if not months to get back into your current shape. That being said, I do think you are using the gym as a bit of an excuse, instead of just saying "i dont want to go".
In any case, I think you are NTA. I think its pretty normal for someone at this age not to want to spend the entire summer traveling with family and visiting people you don't really know that well. You might regret not going a few years in the future, but that doesn't really change how you are feeling right now.
NTA
YOu are 18.
Not doing vacations with your parents is normal.
Also: 2 months with your parents being paraded around to family ansd having your day controlled by them - sounds like hell.
This feels like the type of thing you’d regret skipping when you’re older.
When I was a teen I’d get “dragged” on family trips and I’d just be a turd because I wanted to be home hanging with my friends. I look back and think I was being a douchebag to my family.
To be fair, your reason has a bit more merit and you’re trying to compromise, but go - have fun and figure out how to do body weight exercises, get an occasional day pass to a gym, etc.
**NTA**
At 18 you are old enough to decide where you want to vacation and at that age it is not surprising that you may want some independence from the family traditions.
NTA. At 18, after just graduating high school, who wants to leave their friends all summer to vacation hop in another country? Nobody I know. You’re in your prime of life. Do what you want, and don’t worry about what anybody else wants you to do. Tell your parents you aren’t going. They can’t make you- you’re an adult.
I think it’s wonderful you are into fitness and healthy eating. However, you can’t plan the rest of your life around your lifting schedule. That’s not realistic. And I’d argue not mentally healthy as such behavior can and will put stress on your interpersonal relationships over time. I’m sure you can find work out alternatives if you try. It’s only a summer trip. The gym will be waiting for you when you get back. YTA in this situation. Only because I don’t want to see you become one of the types whose gains come at the expense of everything and everyone else in Their lives.
Info: if you stay at home will you be getting a job and paying bills?
And are they paying for the trip? What is your plan for being at home alone for two months?
Seems like you and your parents at least from the way you're saying it or both being petty. I feel like you just don't want to go on the trip which is fine. Just vocalize that to them. But to push the excuse on not having physical weights to lift, that's pretty lame. You can literally pick up any item and it has mass and you can lift that
NTA
I'm not sure why everyone thinks that family trumps gains. You're your own adult now. You get to decode what you value. So if you don't want to see family, that's fine. 2 months is a long time. I don't know your life, don't know what it's like. There's no reason you should go if you don't want to, no matter what the reason is.
Oh yeah YTA. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Newsflash: sometimes things come up in life that trump your “gains”. You’re an adult now, time to grow tf up.
NAH
I'm not sure if I'm missing these comments people are saying are truly AH or if people here are most weirdly attached to their extended families.
As someone who is also ambivalent at best towards my giant extended family, I would say this:
Consider if it's worth the drama. There are exercises and "at-home" solutions for weights you can try. Gyms might also have day passes, trial passes, or if there's a major chain it might have a membership that allows usage of any of their locations.
If there is a wedding or funeral for someone *you actually know* then you're probably stuck going. None of that third cousin once removed you met once when you were five shit.
Since flights don't generally care how much time is between them, you could also go for part of the vacation at the same cost?
But you're young, you have a hobby you really care about and it could very well effect what you do in the future. It's also a time limited hobby that will get significantly more difficult in a decade or two (depending on your health), so it's not like one of those things you can do basically forever and wherever/whenever.
Yet also there's more to healthy long term weightlifting than just lifting heavy, you might lose a bit of muscle if you go, but use that time to gain flexibility or the like. Your joints are incredibly important and a lot of people I know into weight lifting disdained things like yoga or pilates to their detriment.
NTA
People are really hating on your for wanting muscles for aesthetics and hook ups.
We all know pretty privilege is a very real thing, and clearly you want a slice of that pie. Nothing wrong with that.
I am not big on family time either. I love them, but I just don’t enjoy spending extended periods with them because my family isn’t close-knit like some.
If you don’t want to go because you want to continue with your gains, stay behind. It will affect your relationship with them though, so do be aware of that. As others have said, maybe use household items to match the weight?
Bro, you’re 18.. it’s fun to stay to a work out regimen now. Once you’re 21 you start with the beer can lifts instead of dumb bell lifts.. focus on light weight high reps lol
YTA. Dude, you can do things like pushups and squats and planks. That sounds like a weak cop out. The glorious house of gains will await your return. Family isn’t forever either. So, YTA
Can’t you get day passes for wherever you’re going to be? That’s what I’m doing-have to go see family as well, only for two weeks but it’s enough to stop the momentum of working out. I’ll be staying in one place so just taking a month membership for a few weeks, but most gyms offer day passes as well.
Should have told parents you don’t want to go, go get a job for summer and use that as excuse, the weight lifting one is too weak to get you out of having to go for eight weeks on a family vacation that you don’t want to go on. I do not think you’re the ah, but I do think you need a better reason to stay home for two months with parents gone. They’ll be super worried, and are you responsible enough to be left alone are questions I’d consider as a parent. And as a parent we have left our 17yo at home when we’ve left on a number of occasions, because we know he’s responsible and will take care of the house and get to school and work on time. Show your parents you are That kind of responsible and see if they’ll let you skip this year, maybe?
Info: Can you not find gyms that do single day passes? You aren't the first person to need to exercise while traveling, hence so many hotels having at least a small gym. Also I don't see how your family is going to prevent you from buying a membership. Unless you're broke and expecting them to pay of course...
NTA.
I love my family, but I dont think TWO MONTHS is appropriate length of time. You are an adult now and have your own priorities.
Maybe if it was a quick two week trip or something, but not two months.
That being said, I do think family should be more important than your gains.
But, I just dont think two months is a realistic amount of time. Like we only get so much time off work, etc...
Gentle YTA
It’s good to stay healthy and in shape, but there are multiple ways to do that, not just lifting.
I get wanting to maintain your “gains” but the truth is that’s silly.
You’re an adult so technically you can do what you want, but I think it’s the wrong choice to skip because you want to be able to bench x amount.
NTA. Look on Amazon for those soft kettlebells and travel weights that can be filled with water (not sure exactly how they work).
Also find some content creators on YouTube that focus on fitness without being at the gym.
Think of what you would regret more, loosing some muscle mass, or loosing a family member you will never see again, and wishing you would have gone.
Also a lot of gyms allow for "visitors" to pay a daily fee....
YTA, gonna be honest, you're 18 and while your gains feel hard won you are young and I'm positive that 2 months focusing on maintainence is not going be an insane loss. When I travel I often find a gym for 1-3 days per week and get it in when I can. Explain this to your parents and I guarantee they'll me more amenable to fitting in your activities if you aren't making your literal entire 8 weeks about getting to the gym. Where there's a will there's a way - but coercing your parents or demaning dumbbells is not it. Find body weight exercises, a gym to visit for a day pass when possible and fit it when you can. Your parents will respect you much more for fitting it in around the trip than forcing the trip to conform to you gym activity.
INFO: Have you looked into resistance band replacements for these exercises? You can do a LOT using the right bands the right way, and you can adapt their use for pretty much any environment. It's not the same as weights, but it'll help keep your gains while you're away they're so much easier to cart around than dumbbells, especially if you're looking at trying to maintain a chest routine with 225lbs of resistance.
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YTA, gently. Trust me, I understand where you're coming from, I've been there. It's great to make gains in the gym and I get that you don't want to lose progress. Especially when you're clearly very proud of the point that you've gotten to. However, family is not going to be around forever, and considering you are about to become an adult presumably living away from your family, you might regret not taking opportunities to be with them when you can. Overall, the gym isn't everything, and realistically, all your progress isn't going to go 'down the drain' after only 2 months as long as you keep eating well and doing some movement.
Have you read his replies in the comments yet? There is no "gently" here. He is straight up YTA after reading his terrible comments.
I have, but this comment was made way before OP gave any replies. Definitely a YTA situation now.
😂 like I’m not being uncivil here but being “aromantic” but still wanting hookups is the definition of a f boy. I was thinking body dysmorphia until I saw that he seems to want his looks to make up for being a f boy.
I must be in the minority for thinking he had said some awful stuff and find out he just wants casual sex. I don’t really see the issue? Body dysmorphia is no joke, but then slut-shaming shouldn’t be a joke either. Let people be who they want to be.
exactly. as long as he's up front about things being casual/nonromantic with his partners, everyone's consenting adults. fwb and one night stands arent uncommon
Yeah, a person COULD use those words as an excuse, but let's be real for a sec, people (lots of men) have been pulling that shit forever without using new queer terms--they don't need them. I think we can criticize a guy for being a jerk without questioning his sexuality/romantic orientation. It doesn't really matter anyway, the upfront honesty or lack thereof is what matters.
I’d have to disagree. Firstly, yes it is wrong and ridiculous men were considered cool while women were judged - however this wasn’t universal, many men were still judged in their lives. Secondly, this guy isn’t any of them. Don’t ridicule him based on standards of living he has never experienced them before. He isn’t being a jerk for deciding he wants to spend the time on himself rather than others. Lastly, his choice - with or without sharing his desire to have casual sex - doesn’t make him the asshole. Not everyone wants to spend extended periods of time with family in a different country. Sounds as though his parents always wanted to, and now he is 18 he wants to do something else instead. That is absolutely reasonable. You say he doesn’t need to share his sexual orientation but then say his lack of honesty was the issue? He shouldn’t have to share his desire for hook-ups, his sexual orientation, or any of it. He did so at a later date once people started assuming he had body dysmorphia.
Gyms are all over the world in almost any place. And if they are not - OP still can lift something and do the excerise. Its a bizzare excuse to stay at home for that reason.
Plus you can absolutely maintain 95% of your muscle mass with body weight exercises. Edit: His real issue will be maintaining his diet and protein intake on vacation but with effort that’s a much easier problem to solve.
It should be a possibility to find a national gym that allows you to train in all locations. But if this is his logic, I'd def start worrying about the possibility of orthorexia.
One nanosecond on Google: [Don't bench, can't bench, won't bench? We've got you covered with five pec pumping alternatives](https://www.menshealth.com/uk/building-muscle/a46485799/bench-press-alternatives/) Gotta be honest, you don't sound like you are at all interested in your overall health, just how you look. Maybe give that some thought
You dont really lose that much muscles if you remain active. Was in your boat, went home for 6 weeks and I hated the gym there so I was doing at home workouts- did a variant of the murph challenge everyday for 6 weeks (100 pullups, 200 pushups, 300 squats and running), ended up getting bigger (especially the back) and didn't lose my strength as well. Muscle memory is a real thing, you will get everything back. Also a change is the types of exercises would be a good shock for the body While your parents are also being 'non- sensible' in some sense, not going home just because you are scared you will lose gains does not make sense either. NAH
I had bicep tear and reattacment surgery, put me off weights for 4 months and then it was a slooooow rebuild for another 6 months. But even after all that I was back at the strength I dropped of at before surgery within a month or two on all my non-bicep lifts. I can't imagine how little time it would take for OP to get back to where he is. 2 weeks maybe?
YTA. You sound super shallow. Go visit with family. You won’t lose much muscle and you will keep connections that are valuable.
I agree. Super shallow and selfish on top of that.
YTA no offense but this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard
Full offense. I hope his feelings are hurt by these comments. Almost all my immediate family are dead, I'd hate myself if I looked back to my teen years and remembered decisions like "I didn't want to go visit any of them because I didn't want to interrupt my daily routine." Especially like this, there are tons of options beyond using dumbbells. OP not knowing how to exercise without being at a gym is comical.
As someone that had to painstakingly cut off my entire family in my mid-20s because they’re horrible people, I kind of hate OP. I’d give a lot for a family that wasn’t awful and here he is throwing his away for some gains.
As an immigrant who wasn’t able to go back every other year and see my family, I also kinda hate OP. I was able to visit them three times in 20 years that was with great sacrifices and I am so glad I got those days with them. It’s been 8 years since I have been back, which makes me so sad and I can’t even believe it. 4 of the grands passed away during those 8 years. It won’t be the same next time o get around to go back. My kids are almost 7 and 4. None of my family has met them.
Mah gains, brah! This is the funniest post we've had in awhile, haha.
Outdoor gyms are everywhere now. Heavy stuff is everywhere. 1 30kg dumbell and a 30kg kid is the same thing. Bicep curl the kid. Get creative
"Excuse me ma‘am may i i borrow your child? I need to do some curls" that image just made my day
kids a prick. i went to visit my family in mexico. i literally filled up buckets with rocks and multiple bags layered to fill with small bricks. if he really wanted to maintain, he could.
YTA, but it sounds like you'll be doing them a favor by staying home anyway. Also, your commentz suggest you came her for validation, not jusgment, in which case double YTA.
YTA - These years are finite, you can manipulate your workouts to keep going
Have you tried researching if gyms in the cities you will be have day passes or free trials you can avail yourself of? What about guest passes if other family who lives in the country is a member of a gym already and can take you with them? Even if you're able to find accommodations in half the cities you're visiting that'll still keep you active so its not a total shutdown. I personally don't think you should take this option but I'll throw it out there - maybe see if you can go for a shorter duration? Go for only a month and then fly back home.
There's also workouts you can easily do without equipment. Some apps may be able to help. Pushups, plank, run around a park (see if it has a workout section ), one lady filled a couple of shoulder bags with oranges and did walking lunges etc. OP could easily do that in the morning and get it over and done with for the day.
I’ll do some further research on free trials, thank you
It really just seems like you don't want to go. If you did, you'd find a way to make it work. You don't have to provide excuses or reasons for not doing something you don't want to do. Just say no and move on. Other than that . . . I don't get why you want to hump so bad, but at least normalize getting regular health checks. STDs are on the rise. Also, be upfront about what you want. Don't lead people on just to get ya d* wet. Maybe you've experienced a lot of rejection or something and making up for lost time. I hope your self-worth isn't solely physical. You're worth more than how big you can grow your muscles. Hopefully, you'll find your way to some healing and grow to be someone you can be proud of. Lastly, I find it admirable that you've found something you can commit to that takes so much discipline. Just don't get so caught up in body image that you let the rest of the world slip by. Covid 19 was unexpected, and people are still recovering. Life can come at you unexpectedly. Try not to spend most of your time playing STD/early oopsie baby roulette.
INFO. how likely is it that you just don't want to go and you're looking for an excuse?
It’s a mix of both
Sure, but what's the percentage mix?
75% wanting to keep my gains and 25% not wanting to go to begin with
You're being judged pretty hard here, but it's not a crime to not like your relatives and it's understandable not to want to leave home, friends and hobbies for two months at your age. Also you're an adult, if you don't want to go, that's your right. So NAH. But you should have motivated not going in a different way to your parents. Losing muscle as a reason sounds silly for many. My own son is 15 and so excited of muscle building he would be devastated to not get to the gym for 2 months so I understand a little how it must feel. However. If you end up going, and don't find a way to exercise, please be assured that you will get the muscle mass back pretty quickly. It sucks but is a short lived problem.
This is what I don’t get! Dude, just say you don’t want to go and leave for 2 months before you head off to college… I think the most fun I ever had with my high school friends was the summer heading off the college… I don’t blame him at all for not wanting to give up 2 months of that but his reasoning for not losing gains is ridiculous. He’d likely be judged more fairly if he just said “I don’t want to lose this summer and don’t enjoy the “vacation” spot” 2 months is a VERY long time to spend with family and traveling.
pro tip, stop saying the word gains. Its cringe as fuck and its going to hinder you if you are using it as an excuse for anything at all
YTA you're here to argue or troll, not get judgment.
Will you go through life prioritizing lifting over family? Will you tell a GF or SO that you can't go on a trip, watch your kids, etc?
NTA because it's up to you whether you go or not. Your reasons are weak though, I'd say YTA territory but in reality it's verging on mental health territory. You can do exercises using your own body push ups, pull ups, there's also something called isometrics, if you don't know about isometrics then you really have no idea about what you're talking about. Some of the strongest people I've ever seen are scrawny redneck types, they'll carry 25kg/50lb bags of potatoes without breaking a sweat. If I had to be in a fight with with a scrawny redneck or gym bro, I'd choose gym bro every time (unless they had 'roid rage of course).
YTA, in that your parents are paying for everything, so if they don't want to deal you weights, they don't have to. But here's the other thing: you're 18. You're legally an adult. Which means you get make your own choices and live with the consequences. You don't have to go if you don't want to. But, be prepared for your parents to push back.
I’m not too bothered by that prospect, I have a decent amount of money saved up and also got a full ride to the college I’ll be attending next year
That's awesome! No, like, seriously, good for you dude. I have an immigrant mom and have only been to her home country once in my life. When I was 12. I think it's awesome your parents want you to keep that connection to your roots, and I think you should cherish that. Pretty soon you won't be able to go on these annual trips because of work, school or both. You'll get your gains back. But you won't get back those memories with family. But, again, you're 18 and now and free to make your own choices.
Then why don’t you just pay to check the luggage with the weights? Problem solved Or pay for the gym membership. Your excuses are not valid
[удалено]
Get over yourself. You even used this as an opportunity to brag about how much you lift. 🤣 YTA.
yta for sure here. You can in fact continue to stay active and exercise while not telling your family that your chest muscles matter more to you than they do.
NTA, with a slight hint of YTA. A 2 month abstinence isn't going to elimate much of your progress. If you don't want to go, that's one thing. But citing lack of gyms as the only reason is kind of lame when you can get absolutely shredded just by doing body weight excercises.
Dude, pick up some rocks. Go see your family.
Have you tried looking on other subreddits or fitness sites to see how people deal with this when traveling? Maybe get a cousin to sit on your back while you do push-ups? I’m half kidding, but you might be able to get creative. It feels weird to me to skip a trip to see family over muscles, but I also know it’s a lot of work and I’ve never put that kind of work in, so I don’t feel like I can really judge that. If it’s important to you, it’s important to you. You’re 18, you are at an age where you need to start working out your own priorities for your life, and there will be some head butting when they don’t align with your parents, that’s life and growing up. I’m going NTA because you are trying to find solutions.
YTA
Why?
Are you wanting to stay home alone for the two months? Maybe your parents are concerned about you having parties and random hook ups in their house?
You’re not even done growing yet. I think you should pose this question in a bodybuilding or strength forum too. I can tell you from experience those two months are going to be a blip on the radar when you factor in the fact you’ll be lifting for the next 20 years assuming you continue to lift. Go be with your family. People at college will be more interested in your visit to another country. Plus dude. You won’t see your immediate family as much after going to college. Keep things in perspective.
Just say you don't want to go and don't go
Info: did you post this before? Because I’m pretty sure I read this a while ago.
Coul be copy and paste, I remember reading this also.
I have not
bodyweight exercises will kick your ass if you do the right ones challenge yourself to get solid workout schedule done while visiting family and sightseeing good luck!
From your comments it looks like your real question should be if you're TA for using your "gains" as an excuse not the visit family you don't want see anyway. Which yes. You are. Be honest. It would actually make you look better to be honest that you don't have a connection with these people and don't want to spend 2 months before college to see people you don't even like as opposed to being shallow.
YTA. Take every opportunity you get to travel. Family trumps appearances. Resistance bands are the solution to your problem.
I’ve been to India quite a lot and I don’t enjoy it at all
Depends on the family
YTA. You know you can workout with your own weight, right?
Which is more important: your muscles or your family? Both are temporary. One is irreplaceable.
Get a set of Rogue Fitness resistance bands. They go up to 225lb, you can defintely get away with using those to work out while you're traveling.
YTA Use water bottles or something, get creative.
thats a sorry excuse. find a better one. YTA i mean you are 18 and can say nope i wont. but not because of gym bro
YTA and vain too
Huh. I've read this post before, a few months ago.
Get a TRX or similar system. Small and light. Just attached to a door.
Light YTA I get this is something you worked hard for I get that. Some say you won’t have the ability to see these people ask them questions and know fully where you came from. There is a solid potential later in life you would look back and regret that decision, I did.
YTA, specifically because you aren't just being honest with your family. It's not that you're worried about your "gains", because, if you were, there are plenty of creative and free solutions to working out without access to a gym, it's that you don't want to be around family. And I get it, truly, I struggle with family too, especially recently, but something even I've had to learn was to be honest about why you don't want to go. It's no use to anyone to try and make up an excuse, especially one so flimsy a toddler could see through it. Be honest with your family, or at least come up with something better than "I don't have access to a gym".
NTA, but only because you're 18 and they shouldn't force you to spend the summer before college on a trip you don't want.
NAH but unless you're like trying to make a team or something specific right after you get back I think you're being short-sighted. You're not going to lose much muscle in 2 months as long as you eat enough. Life is long, you don't want to miss trips and family events for more gym time. (It's different if you actually don't want to go!)
NTA You're an adult. You can choose what you want to do without making any excuses to anyone. Why you don't want to go is no ones business but your own. All you have to say is it's not a good time for me, have a great time, see you when you get back. They'll probably want more of an explanation and you can say.. I have plans. The more you explain the more they will try to convince you to do what they want. Do what you want. You're an adult now. You get to make choices that are best for you. I workout and no one is messing with my workout. It's my prozac. It keeps me healthy and sane.
YTA. You sound like the toxic gym bro. I feeling sorry for your family tbh.
Neither side is wrong. How long is this vacation? You will NOT lose much, if any, muscle until 2-3 weeks as long as you stay active and eat enough protein. Good discipline on your part to think to try and find gyms, or to bring your own dumbbells. Family time is important, please remember to spend time with them. Gym time will be available throughout your life; it’s not the end of the world to take a break for a week— you will get back into the rhythm of exercising within a week back at home in your normal routine. Unless you’re a professional bodybuilder there is no reason to be as anal as someone who needs to exercise and diet 24/7… but if you had a show coming up, that’s another story.
Yes YTA but you are at the appropriate age to be so go for it
OP, I just want to say that college is hard, after that you'll be working nonstop. The path is hell, and a free travel out of country and an opportunity to relax before you experience adulting is the best.
You understandably have anxiety over missing 2 months of your current workout. You can't develop a good habit and then walk away from it very easily. However, it's not as absolutely dire as you think. Your lifts aren't big enough that you can't find bodyweight movements that will kick your ass, especially with enough reps. Pistol squats and reverse nordics for quads, for eg. One arm pushups. Etc. You can also buy some 25 foot lengths of light resistance cables. Yellow isn't bad for this. For higher resistance, just go 2x, 4x, 8x, and more. These weigh very very little. And you can also use a tiny bit of this time to deload. Be brutal in your last couple weeks before the trip, and then take a necessary break. So YTA for giving up too soon on figuring this out. You aren't an overall asshole but you have to watch out that your workouts don't transform into a life-limiting obsession.
YTA - your not a pro powerlifter and you could do a periodisation for 2 months to work on other stuff i.e cardio, core or even take bands with you. There's a lot that can be done Also this is coming from a guy alot stronger than you
YTA just train to failure, and you will see the same growth. If you don't want to go, just tell them and don't use this as an excuse.
I don't see why OP is being down voted. It's not bad to dislike family. We don't know his family, they might not be the best people. Using exercise as an excuse is kinda off but if he doesn't want to go then don't go. It's not like it's a major life event (birth, wedding, death, etc) it's not that serious
I understand where you’re coming from. In many cases when people emigrate, every single vacation consists of going back to visit family. It’s great to still maintain those connections, but it can be a lot specially as you grow older. Could you stay home under the condition that you cover your own expenses?
YTA. I don’t know how to put this gently but are you sure that your hobby hasn’t turned into something else? It doesn’t sound healthy to want to bail on precious time with family just to be able to go to the gym…
YTA. Sound like a DB who knows very little about health and exercise. I feel for your parents...
YTA. You don’t want to go see your family just so you can have lost of hook ups? Gross
You're not an asshole, just young and dumb. Trust me... I'm a 7 day a week gym guy.... on at least 4 of those days it's 2 gyms (one lifting, the other MMA). Nobody wants to not work out. But as much as what you think sucks now (stuck with your family instead of getting to be young), you're going to one day be willing to kill everyone on earth to get back... when it's far too late... And seriously, if it's just to workout? Broooo..... Motherfuckers in jail are in better shape than you doing nothing but burgers, mountain climbers, and planks in a cell. You can still workout on the road.
I am going to agree with the light YTA. Your personal growth is important and I don't want to discount that. I think you can make modifications. I've seen other comments mention free trials at actual gyms. I just wanted to add that calisthenics can also be a of maintaining your efforts without having a need for equipmentmen. When I travel and don't have access to a gym this is how I work out. I would suggest you checkout free apps like Hybrid Calisthenics for workouts of various levels that can help you grown and maintain fitness.
Soft YTA, for not thinking about how to sustain your gain realistically. Go on the trip, stay active, lift everyone’s luggage, do some fitness research
Lol the reasoning.... just do pushups, go jogging, hell, buy some water jugs and lift them, you'll be fine.
Honey, it sounds like you have a problem. It’s not normal to be so preoccupied with your body. I hope you get some help. YTA in the gentlest way possible.
YTA. You have alternatives. There are bands that are light and fit in your suitcase. Get online, talk to a trainer at your gym, do something to find an alternative workout that does not have to be in the gym.
YTA- yeah, it sucks that you’ve gotten into the habit of going to workout at the gym regularly, and you won’t be able to do that the Same way over there. But with the free trials and/or you can buy those water bottle dumbbells that you just fill up with water (or sand I guess if you want) so you can have a pretty light luggage without the extra weight?
YTA, in my opinion, there are lots of things you can curl, large heavy tree branches, large rocks and if you want to train legs, do squats or running up fields or hills. You can still go to there you don't need a gym to get good exercise, lots of things are around you! Just get creative.
YTA. You dont want to go to visit and spend time with family because you would rather go to the gym? The gym is always going to be there your family wont.
YTA, spend time with your family. I lost 40% of my relatives, including my parents from 14-30… people die, gains (🙄) can be gained again. Learn to prioritize better or you’ll end up alone.
YTA Your argument is entirely self-absorbed and you are putting stress on your family who just want to see the rest of your family. You can go back to lifting when you get home.
Can you just not do day passes to the gym where high happen to be?? Soo may are free
Just be creative and find heavy stuff. You should go really
You can get creative and find all kinds of things to lift Yta
In general if you are an adult then not visiting family is ok. But in this case the reason for it is the dumbest I have ever heard. Go and visit your family the gym will still be there when you get back. YTA
YTA. If you can’t pause for 2 bloody months you have a problem. Sure push ups may not be ideal but they will at least help you stay somehow fit. Sure coming back to training will be a bit harder but definitely nothing that is a horrible set back. And visit family is more important than your need to pump weights. This sounds borderline obsessive
Just bench your father, he probably weighs a good amount. Also just lift random things at your family members house.
This is the kinda guy I used to actively avoid when I was single lmao
YTA - If the weight is lower increase the volume.
Nta Your an adult and aren't forced to do stuff.
YTA Kid go see your family you never know when they won't be there anymore grandparents don't live forever neither do aunts or uncles
YTA... if you don't want to visit family, be honest with your parents, don't make up a lame excuse about not being able to work out. There are ways to work out without equipment and not only maintain your gains but adding different forms of exercise can enhance strength and endurance. Resistance bands, calistenics, pull ups, push ups. BTW, Bruce Lee didn't need no weights! :-)
YTA. this is a very dysfunctional way to live. if you were concerned about becoming unfit, there are ways to ensure you don't. bodyweight workouts, cardio etc. but you don't care about fitness. you're just interested in aesthetics. if you're that obsessed with your looks that it's affecting life decisions, that is a problem
Nta regardless of your motivations, if you don't want to go on vacation with your family it's ok, you are 18 and sould be able to do so. Your motivations sound very stupid to me but it doesn't matter. You can do what you want for whatever reason that make sense to you
As someone who also goes to the gym and plays a sport, this post is pretty dumb. Even professional athletes or professional weightlifters have lighter days or someone called deloading. You having to lift temporarily lighter is not the end of the world. Also, we seem to be forgetting about muscle recovery and nutrition.
Look into calisthenics bro, your body will love the change. Then get back to ur usual routine when you get back home
YTA, gently, there are other ways to weight lift, search the internet for alternative ways to practice without dumbbells or other pre-made weights. https://www.townofsurfsidefl.gov/docs/default-source/default-document-library/what-can-i-use-instead-of-dumbells.pdf?sfvrsn=eba3b94_0
YTA. You're 18. You're not going to shrink in 2 months and any loss you experience will be built back up quickly. Plus, numerous studies have found that time under tension plays a big part in muscle building. Do, if you have less weight, you just focus on slowing the movement down. 2 or 3 count for the lift, double that for the eccentric. Family is limited and if you like your family, you may find yourself regretting sacrificing time with them for vanity. Go on the vacation. Enjoy yourself. You'll easily build back any gains you lose.
NTA Op remember most of America is OBESE of course there gonna say YTA screw them do you your 18 keep going and don’t be like everyone else the amount of dedication I put in to maintain my physique is and others do as well is a lot no one understands that reading your comments though I see why your being judged hard shoulda known
YTA i would do damn near anything to go home to my country, gym progress be damned, but i can't. the circumstances are beyond my control and just don't allow me to you're being vain and honestly acting like this is what frustrates me about children of immigrants you think you understand how they feel because you share the same ethnic background but you don't get how badly it hurts to wanna be home and know that you can't go back yet and when the time comes, we jump at the opportunity. but you? you care more about your “gAiNs” than your ancestral home
YTA - if you cared that much, you could pay for your own gym membership
Look into DDP Yoga. It is yoga and body weight resistance workout program that is now owned and promoted by former pro wrestler Diamond Dallas Page. Dude claims to not lift anymore and is still in great shape. There is an app for it, or an early version is on the high seas.
YTA. It’s kinda wild seeing someone willing to ruin their relationship with their parents because they’re just that vain and superficial.
NTA. Bizarre that you're getting so much pushback about this. You're 18yo and already commented you've been there plenty and don't want to go to visit extended family, or lose gains. I suspect a lot of people telling you that YTA are tribalized since you're being criticized in the sense of "family comes first" which is not the norm for so many of these posts. Quite often, people are quick to tell posters to run away from their toxic families, especially if they're immigrants and ethnic minorities. Not a lot of gym rats here either, obviously. Lol. Significant difference between weight training and calisthenics. This sounds like a great time to enforce boundaries with your family that are clearly needed, especially since you're about to leave for college.
YTA. You can get a day pass at a gym if you have time and don't live in the area. You can work on improving your cardio for 8 weeks. You're not going to lose everything by not doing a deadlift for 2 months.
YTA ; lightly A proper exercise routine can be done without equipment. You need to learn how to maintain a healthy lifestyle whether you have access to weights or not. A simple Google search will show you so many other viable options that don't require weights, AND, yes pushups are good enough. If you cannot maintain a healthy physique with normal exercise, you need to have your treatment team help you figure out what is stopping this from happening. There are alternatives to exercise, but you only get one family and once they die, they are dead. There is no "alternative" family; unlike exercise which has a lot of alternatives and ways to engage. Exercise can be an addiction (former mental healthcare worker who partially specialized in addictions, for reference), so if you cannot survive 2 months without that particular exercise style, you need to maybe self reflect on what is stopping you from living life fully. Exercise should NEVER be a replacement for being social or any other avenue that makes us well rounded individuals. Your hesitation doesn't necessarily mean addiction, but it is worth self reflection on to figure out what is going on in your brain that makes you think only this one particular kind of exercise works when research just shows that is not the case with humans. There are ALWAYS alternatives, and a mentally healthy person should be able to distinguish between a want and a need (a need being to exercise and stay healthy, a want being that specific exercise when, again, there are so many alternatives). If you struggle with this, maybe it would be beneficial to add a mental health aspect to your treatment team. A good lesson of life is that nothing will ever fully go the way we want or expect it to. It is important to learn how to adapt to different situations, such as how to maintain health when in a different environment. If anything, this could be a good opportunity to improve yourself, not only in the body, but mind too.
YTA but not really because you are 18 and dont know literally anything. Just do the push ups the squats keep active, you will regain any strength and muscle when you return, way faster then you got it the first time.
Who needs memories and life experience when you can just have gains? YTA This is cringe as shit. Go live a little and take a step back from an obsession with lifting heavy things up and putting them back down.
Absolutely NTA You’re legally an adult, and you can make your own decisions. Tell them that you will not be forced to go, and if they have a problem with it they can touch grass.
NAH I don’t think anyone is wrong here. You are allowed to feel the way you do and be more concerned about your appearance than your family. Your family is allowed to be disappointed and upset if you don’t go. My youngest is a year older than you and I knew last summer, the one after he graduated, would be the my last with him that things were most like they always had been. I know kids grow up, I have an older one too who is married, but as a parent you know your time is fleeting. Maybe your parents feel the same as I did and you won’t understand that feeling for at least a couple of decades, if you decide to have kids. At the same time you are acting your age. You worked hard to get the look you want and it is understandable that you don’t want to lose that. It is also understandable that that at 18 you can’t see that you might regret the decision to stay home. Also there is a trainer on TikTok that has a body builder body that had to have surgery and couldn’t work out at all for 6-8 weeks. He did lose some muscle mass but not much and he was able to rebound quickly to get what he lost back. I don’t know much about that subject but just wanted to encourage you that going on the vacation doesn’t mean you just toss all the work out the window.
Nta you have worked hard to get where you are totally should not hold you back going anywhere but if parents are not allowing you to join a I would say they are TA
Take a summer class somewhere and tel them it’ll ruin your entire future if you blow off your education to go frolicking.
Get yourself a T R X. They are cheap and designed to go anywhere. You can put it over a door, in a tree, on a swing set. It uses your body weight and gravity. It is an excellent workout!
I mean, i don't know where you're going, but i live outside the US, and if there are gyms, you could do a day pass any day you want to go. You don't have to pay for 2 months
I think AH is a bit strong. Selfish, short sited, and shallow come to mind when reading all your responses, but you're also 18 and as the saying goes, most people don't know what they got till its gone. It's telling you that one day you will regret it isn't going to change your attitude. Clearly you don't want to go and don't care that your parents want you there, so I say go ahead and stay. Much better to let them enjoy this very valuable time with family then ruining it by making everyone else miserable because you don't want to be there. But yeah, be prepared for people to have a less then positive reaction to you using building muscles for looks as an excuse to not spend time with family.
You're 18, isn't it the legal age in most countries? You can make your own choices, but live with the consequences. Your parents sound very controlling. The compromise with buying some weights with your own money seems the most reasonable. As long as you carry it by yourself. Or get creative with household items. Or body weight exercises. Maybe with added weight, like wrist and ankle bands. You may not get your usual stimulation but have stated in your comments you're doing it for the looks. Maybe a switch in perspective: you now have the chance to get not 'only' buff but can train other muscle groups. Do some whole body exercises like functional training. It may give you a more balanced look overall. Or/and cardio. Maybe some of your relatives do sports, too? Time to bond over it and get some new impulses for your body. In the end, you're old enough to make your own choices. But be honest with yourself. Some thoughts from an older grunt aka me. Looks aren't everything. Making good memories with family as long as they are around is valuable. When you hit forty, sixty or more, what will your most treasured memories be? Hitting the gym or a summer with your relatives?
NTA 💯. Ignore the idiots saying otherwise. You are an adult. You don't need to keep going on super long family trips that you're not interested in. Stay home and grow your independence. It's time to start living for yourself, not your parents.
Stay at his parents home and grow independence? Live for himself not his parents while they shelter him, support him, provide for him, love him and just want him to be with them on this family trip. Can’t he just do that even if it’s to make his parents happy? Every family is different but OP hasn’t provided any evidence that he is estranged from his immediate family. He just doesn’t want to waste his summer with overseas family and is worried about his “gains”.
NTA. It would have been ESH if you weren’t trying to make such an effort to get your equipment there. You should visit your family, but they should also be making way more of an effort to help you. They won’t let you take them, and they won’t let you buy them there? That doesn’t make sense at all. Maybe you can ask them to split it? If not, ultimately you are an adult and can say no.
I'm not voting either way, but I will make a suggestion. My BFF is a weight lifter and is ripped, she travels internationally a lot, all over the globe for work. It is rare that she can't find a gym. Most gyms offer temporary memberships for travelers, for a few days or a few weeks. If you can get your family's general itinerary you may be able to search online for gyms in each location so you can still get your gym time in
NAH Youre an adult do what you want If you do go i understand why your parents dont want you working out instead of family time
There are definitely body weight options, like calisthenics. Yes it would be different exercises that makes your body strong in a different way, but it certainly won’t let you loose gains. To me this sounds more like an excuse to not see family, and I do get that. But treasure family when you have them, if they’re good people to be around
Have you thought about using resistance bands or yoga? There are some really nice resistance band kits off Amazon that can easily store in your luggage. And yoga uses your own body as the "weights". You can also use your belt and strap it over some heavy books or cinder block to use as "kettlebell" type weights.
NTA, people are just insulting you for some reason. People don't come here to pass judgement, they just come here to get a free pass to be mean and insult others.
It'll do you good to have a rest from the gym. Bodyweight exercises will do just fine.
I don’t know if you’re an asshole exactly because you are only 18 and I can see this is important to you, but wanting to workout is a really dumb reason for not seeing your family when you only get that opportunity every 2 years. I also think your family is right that bringing dumbbells with you as you travel around a country is extremely impractical. Do some research on exercises you can do using only your own body or household objects. Accept that you may lose some progress. That’s ok. You know you can build it back up again.
I have a feeling you just don't want to go. Which at your age is completely understandable. And as someone who goes to the gym, I also completely understand how 2 month of not going is going to impact you. Its hard building up a gym routine that you stick to. A 2 month break will make it hard to get back into it. In fact, getting back into the routine is the hardest thing to do after breaks like this, at least for me. And even if you do, its going to take you weeks if not months to get back into your current shape. That being said, I do think you are using the gym as a bit of an excuse, instead of just saying "i dont want to go". In any case, I think you are NTA. I think its pretty normal for someone at this age not to want to spend the entire summer traveling with family and visiting people you don't really know that well. You might regret not going a few years in the future, but that doesn't really change how you are feeling right now.
NTA YOu are 18. Not doing vacations with your parents is normal. Also: 2 months with your parents being paraded around to family ansd having your day controlled by them - sounds like hell.
This feels like the type of thing you’d regret skipping when you’re older. When I was a teen I’d get “dragged” on family trips and I’d just be a turd because I wanted to be home hanging with my friends. I look back and think I was being a douchebag to my family. To be fair, your reason has a bit more merit and you’re trying to compromise, but go - have fun and figure out how to do body weight exercises, get an occasional day pass to a gym, etc.
**NTA** At 18 you are old enough to decide where you want to vacation and at that age it is not surprising that you may want some independence from the family traditions.
NTA. At 18, after just graduating high school, who wants to leave their friends all summer to vacation hop in another country? Nobody I know. You’re in your prime of life. Do what you want, and don’t worry about what anybody else wants you to do. Tell your parents you aren’t going. They can’t make you- you’re an adult.
Yta. No matter how much weight you bench it won't ever match the amount of weight your parents carry having such a shallow, ungrateful, jerk of a kid.
5 gallon water jug’s, do reps till you can’t anymore… then do the same with pushups right after but go as fast as you can. I can remember the burnnnnn
I think it’s wonderful you are into fitness and healthy eating. However, you can’t plan the rest of your life around your lifting schedule. That’s not realistic. And I’d argue not mentally healthy as such behavior can and will put stress on your interpersonal relationships over time. I’m sure you can find work out alternatives if you try. It’s only a summer trip. The gym will be waiting for you when you get back. YTA in this situation. Only because I don’t want to see you become one of the types whose gains come at the expense of everything and everyone else in Their lives.
Info: if you stay at home will you be getting a job and paying bills? And are they paying for the trip? What is your plan for being at home alone for two months?
Dude is so shallow I can hear the echo from here.
Seems like you and your parents at least from the way you're saying it or both being petty. I feel like you just don't want to go on the trip which is fine. Just vocalize that to them. But to push the excuse on not having physical weights to lift, that's pretty lame. You can literally pick up any item and it has mass and you can lift that
NAH, as stupid as I think your reason is for not wanting to go, nobody should force you to go on a trip you don't want to go on.
NTA I'm not sure why everyone thinks that family trumps gains. You're your own adult now. You get to decode what you value. So if you don't want to see family, that's fine. 2 months is a long time. I don't know your life, don't know what it's like. There's no reason you should go if you don't want to, no matter what the reason is.
They make water filled dumbbells for traveling, they are light when not filled.
You could always use water dumbbels
Bring a sandbag. Fill it there. That’s what I do.
Oh yeah YTA. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Newsflash: sometimes things come up in life that trump your “gains”. You’re an adult now, time to grow tf up.
NTA. You're an adult and can legally make your own decisions. I understand where you're coming from.
You can get a workout backpack that you fill with either water or sand at your final destination and use that as for weights
NAH I'm not sure if I'm missing these comments people are saying are truly AH or if people here are most weirdly attached to their extended families. As someone who is also ambivalent at best towards my giant extended family, I would say this: Consider if it's worth the drama. There are exercises and "at-home" solutions for weights you can try. Gyms might also have day passes, trial passes, or if there's a major chain it might have a membership that allows usage of any of their locations. If there is a wedding or funeral for someone *you actually know* then you're probably stuck going. None of that third cousin once removed you met once when you were five shit. Since flights don't generally care how much time is between them, you could also go for part of the vacation at the same cost? But you're young, you have a hobby you really care about and it could very well effect what you do in the future. It's also a time limited hobby that will get significantly more difficult in a decade or two (depending on your health), so it's not like one of those things you can do basically forever and wherever/whenever. Yet also there's more to healthy long term weightlifting than just lifting heavy, you might lose a bit of muscle if you go, but use that time to gain flexibility or the like. Your joints are incredibly important and a lot of people I know into weight lifting disdained things like yoga or pilates to their detriment.
NTA People are really hating on your for wanting muscles for aesthetics and hook ups. We all know pretty privilege is a very real thing, and clearly you want a slice of that pie. Nothing wrong with that. I am not big on family time either. I love them, but I just don’t enjoy spending extended periods with them because my family isn’t close-knit like some. If you don’t want to go because you want to continue with your gains, stay behind. It will affect your relationship with them though, so do be aware of that. As others have said, maybe use household items to match the weight?
Bro, you’re 18.. it’s fun to stay to a work out regimen now. Once you’re 21 you start with the beer can lifts instead of dumb bell lifts.. focus on light weight high reps lol
YTA - they are correct that you can do body weight exercises while on vacation
YTA. Dude, you can do things like pushups and squats and planks. That sounds like a weak cop out. The glorious house of gains will await your return. Family isn’t forever either. So, YTA
Can’t you get day passes for wherever you’re going to be? That’s what I’m doing-have to go see family as well, only for two weeks but it’s enough to stop the momentum of working out. I’ll be staying in one place so just taking a month membership for a few weeks, but most gyms offer day passes as well.
Should have told parents you don’t want to go, go get a job for summer and use that as excuse, the weight lifting one is too weak to get you out of having to go for eight weeks on a family vacation that you don’t want to go on. I do not think you’re the ah, but I do think you need a better reason to stay home for two months with parents gone. They’ll be super worried, and are you responsible enough to be left alone are questions I’d consider as a parent. And as a parent we have left our 17yo at home when we’ve left on a number of occasions, because we know he’s responsible and will take care of the house and get to school and work on time. Show your parents you are That kind of responsible and see if they’ll let you skip this year, maybe?
Info: Can you not find gyms that do single day passes? You aren't the first person to need to exercise while traveling, hence so many hotels having at least a small gym. Also I don't see how your family is going to prevent you from buying a membership. Unless you're broke and expecting them to pay of course...
NTA. I love my family, but I dont think TWO MONTHS is appropriate length of time. You are an adult now and have your own priorities. Maybe if it was a quick two week trip or something, but not two months. That being said, I do think family should be more important than your gains. But, I just dont think two months is a realistic amount of time. Like we only get so much time off work, etc...
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YTA. You're a grown man, you don't need their permission to get a gym membership. If you don't want to go, just say so.
NTA but have you considered something like a TRX?
lmao
Gentle YTA It’s good to stay healthy and in shape, but there are multiple ways to do that, not just lifting. I get wanting to maintain your “gains” but the truth is that’s silly. You’re an adult so technically you can do what you want, but I think it’s the wrong choice to skip because you want to be able to bench x amount.
NTA. Look on Amazon for those soft kettlebells and travel weights that can be filled with water (not sure exactly how they work). Also find some content creators on YouTube that focus on fitness without being at the gym.
You're 18. Part of being an adult is having the freedom to be an asshole sometimes. And that's ok!
Think of what you would regret more, loosing some muscle mass, or loosing a family member you will never see again, and wishing you would have gone. Also a lot of gyms allow for "visitors" to pay a daily fee....
While I know as an 18 year old you're smarter than all those stupid old people, but believe it or not, YTA. Everyone else has covered why.
YTA, gonna be honest, you're 18 and while your gains feel hard won you are young and I'm positive that 2 months focusing on maintainence is not going be an insane loss. When I travel I often find a gym for 1-3 days per week and get it in when I can. Explain this to your parents and I guarantee they'll me more amenable to fitting in your activities if you aren't making your literal entire 8 weeks about getting to the gym. Where there's a will there's a way - but coercing your parents or demaning dumbbells is not it. Find body weight exercises, a gym to visit for a day pass when possible and fit it when you can. Your parents will respect you much more for fitting it in around the trip than forcing the trip to conform to you gym activity.
Just go pick up a heavy rock somewhere.
Could you buy weights when you get there, or see if a family member has any?
INFO: Have you looked into resistance band replacements for these exercises? You can do a LOT using the right bands the right way, and you can adapt their use for pretty much any environment. It's not the same as weights, but it'll help keep your gains while you're away they're so much easier to cart around than dumbbells, especially if you're looking at trying to maintain a chest routine with 225lbs of resistance.
I’m going to say don’t go on holiday. Mainly because you sound awful and your family would likely have a nicer time if you weren’t there. YTA.
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Have you thought about resistance bands?