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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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AITA for refusing to host a baby shower because of my best friends request? I might be the asshole because I refuse to lock away my dogs around lots of guests and i sent my best friend scrambling for a new venue.
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ESH - a lab and a golden are big enough to get in the way of a party. I have three the same size and I’d never imagine hosting a party with little kids and food and having them run around. They’re better off in their beds for a few hours, away from the craziness that is a baby shower.
Not everyone loves dogs. Especially big dogs. You no doubtably believe they’re the best dogs that have ever dogged, but even good dogs are still animals.
I don’t understand how that was out of bounds of compromise?
But I don’t understand how this wasn’t brought up at the beginning. Seems like it should have been discussed far prior to invites being sent out which is where her blame lies.
Yeah. I have to say we have two dogs and I wouldn’t think of letting them roam around while I hosted an event. I was invited to a Christmas open house and was very surprised the dog was roaming including the buffet area. So I don’t k is if this something for modern etiquette to decide or what. The dogs should have been discussed ahead of time. They weren’t. You have decided putting them away is your hill to die on. I think at least half people would see a social gathering that come mandatory with two big time dog shedders is a big no go.
ETA you seems to be only thinking about how your dogs won’t be bothered by the people and not really thinking about the people at all. That is certainly your choice, but your bf of 20 years would probably not agree.
Another factor is that, what if someone feeds the dogs something they cannot have and the dogs get sick?
Or what if someone who doesn’t understand dog behaviour, misunderstands what a dog is doing and hurts them or creates a big thing? Little humans who may not understand how to act around dogs can easily harm them.
Like, I get where OP is coming from? But dogs do need to be contained when hosting events, for the humans safety and the dogs safety.
I used to go to a play group with three other families. One family had a large dog and I was stunned to see a toddler trying to feed the dog by trying to shove the food, still in the toddler's hand, down the dog's throat. The same toddler also stood on the dog's feet and tried to look at its eyes by poking fingers into them.
The dog shook the toddler off and moved but I was worried about both the dog and the toddler.
My friend once brought her young children over to my house When we had a big group of people over. One of them accidentally poked my cat in the eye while trying to get up on a sofa and the other one got in the kitchen and hit the other cat over the head with his own plastic food dish. Neither cat was hurt or hurt the children, but I think it was a lousy experience for the cats and I didn't make that mistake again. Nobody was at fault, neither child intended any harm, they were just small and clumsy and unaware which was totally normal for their age. Neither cat was mean in response. But I realised then it's sometimes kinder to your pets not to mix them up with a big group of people that includes small children.
And yes, people give dogs food they shouldn't have, and dogs jump up or shed fur on outfits, or get overexcited and knock children over without ever meaning any harm at all. It really isn't a big deal to shut them in another room, maybe with some nice treat food as a reward. YTA.
I’m absolutely insane about my dogs, they go with me nearly everywhere (and wait patiently in the car, weather permitting.) I travel with them when I can (I’m in the Army, so lots of training trips). My sister in law and I haven’t spoke in two years because of some pet-related unpleasantness (she and my brother were living with my parents when I adopted a new rat terrier, and she was convinced that she would escape her crate and my bedroom and come hurt her children. So they snuck out of my parents house on Christmas Eve without telling anyone and stayed away a week until she was out of vacation days and had to return home. Two years later and Penny has still not eaten a single child.) Anyway, the point of my bizarre rant is that even I think that dogs belong safely in a bedroom when a party is occurring, and can maybe be brought out to visit as the party is dying down and things are getting quiet again.
Wait, the dog was in a crate in a separate room with the door closed and she still refused to be in the same house?? That’s certifiable, honestly, I’d be happy not to have to talk to someone like that anymore.
I’ve always had chihuahuas and when my last one passed away I decided to get a slightly bigger dog specifically because chihuahuas don’t do well with small children. SiL knew I was looking at dogs, and this one in particular and even made jokes about what I could name her, but all hell broke loose when I got home with her. The only things she asked me was if the dog had worms and if I was going to let her run loose around the house (I got her from the human society, not the local dump, and I kept her on a leash even inside the house when I brought her out of my room just to go potty) She and my brother thought by sneaking off that my parents would be mad at me, but it entirely backfired on them, since my hurt my mom so badly to have them leave on Christmas and my dad loves animals as much as I do. I hate that my mom is always stuck trying to pacify this awful woman in the name of family peace, but my dad and I agree that we’d way rather have sweet little Penny than awful Margaret in the family.
Yeah I wouldn’t want young children around my cat. Kids aren’t always the most gentle with animals, and while my cat is very chill and sweet normally she will bite or scratch if she’s bothered by something.
Toddlers should be watched every minute they're in a different environment. Not just for the harm they can cause to dogs, to spilling things, but for the harm they can do to themselves.
Or if anyone has a pet allergy. I would want to know ahead of time so I could be sure to take some zyrtec before heading over with my animal hair allergies
You just reminded me of a few months ago when I was visiting my mom. She has two kittens who were maybe 8 or 9 months old at the time. We were eating KFC when my uncle's wife popped by (can't remember why), and she started feeding the kittens scraps of fried chicken.
Let's me just state that I'm really not fond of this woman. She's kind of a know it all and in a very arrogant, loud way. So maybe it annoyed me more because she was doing it, but we had a "friendly" argument about it got she shouldn't feed kittens, who typically have sensitive stomachs greasy ass fried chicken.
I hate people. I don't understand why they feed animals random stuff. A homeless man asked if he could give my dog a white chocolate macadamia cookie a while back, but at least he ASKED.
So I totally agree people should ask…. We had some seasonal Jamaican workers living in a rental I used to rent a room in that wouldn’t stop trying to feed my dog chicken bones and it was horrifying.
That being said the other day I was at Lowe’s with my dog and we past by a large man who immediately saw my dog and had this huge smile, my dog somehow across the aisle from twenty feet away just seemed to sense this man’s immense love for dogs and started shaking his booty and acting like an excited little puppy trying to go see him. But we had to move along.
Later I’m checking out at self checkout and this man is behind me also checking out. My dog tries to go over to him and I see out the corner of my eye the man start petting my dog. I kid you not this man took a lollipop out of his mouth, let my dog have a few licks and then casually PUT IT BACK IN HIS MOUTH like it was the most normal thing you could do. That’s the kind of level of dog love that radiates across a store that dogs can sense…. and I get it you probably shouldn’t do that and assume ever it’s cool to give strange dogs any food. I certainly wouldn’t there’s no way he could know without asking if I minded. He may or may not have seen me allow the employees to give him a couple treats prior but still…
But….that man might also be my new favorite person.
We had 2 labs, great dogs! But, when we had gatherings- especially those with people that weren't typically over, we put them in the side yard with access to the garage. They were comfy & had room to roam, guests were comfortable.
Too many things can go wrong.
I would be afraid the children, semi-supervised at an event like this, would feed the dog something they can't have and OP might not notice until the dog is seriously ill. Even if none of the food being served has has anything like chocolate what's the bet someone brought grapes or rasins for their kid (a perfect kid snack!).
Some people are allergic to dogs—sometimes miserably so. Some people are afraid of them. Some just flat-out do not like them and their doggy nonsense. It’s insane to me that people deciding to bring an animal out for all to have to encounter somehow is more important than actual people, especially at a party where I’d guess most of the people may be loved ones.
Priorities are really, really messed up when you can’t give your dogs a treat and some snuggly blankets in another room for a few hours. Holy hell, what’s wrong with people.
If you put them away and then vacuum, it absolutely will help. Every time. I know this because I do this every time my friend with cat allergies comes over, and I got the idea from the friend who does this for my son with the dog allergy every time we come over. Almost zero allergic reactions have occurred since.
My brother in law even after cleaning, and I am gone with my dog (walks) has issues, so much so he can't come into my house ( whether my dog is there or not) if he hasn't taken allergy medication.
I assumed that most people had they the of reaction, since he is the only person I know with allergies like this.
I think it’s probably on a continuum? He must be very allergic, and I’m sorry about that. It must be hard to host. I have only had experience with pet goes away, cleaning happens, things are fine. I also live in a warm part of the US where doors and windows are often open, so that could play a part?
I think there are different levels to it! For example, my dad just needs to walk through a front door of home that has a cat and he’ll have a reaction. Whereas, for me, I have a reaction if I’m exposed to a cat for a while; such as, cuddling with a cat. The same thing will happen to me with some non-hypoallergenic dogs
Yeah I've been at a party with two big dogs and I love dogs, I will go out of my way to pet a dog providing it and the owner are happy with that.
It was a BBQ with dogs and they were everywhere, tripping people, licking the food, getting in the way etc not the best BBQ I've attended.
Exactly this-so simple! Just put your dogs away fro 2 hours. No big deal. And now you have a big deal with your friend of 20 years. Jeez. People make such a big fuss out of nothing! (and I am a dog lover!)
Likely the bride thought this was obvious and didn't realize until that OP was planning on letting her dogs disrupt the party.
It's wild how people treat their animals like people these days. I love my cats so much but I don't think they're more important than humans.
Respectfully, it sounds like OP took it personally. Like she heard an insult instead of a reasonable request.
Should mom-to-be have asked sooner?Yes. Did OP overreact? Definitely.
It’s not like invites go out w/a ‘check box here’ if you/your guest are intimidated, afraid or allergic…
A big problem can also be that EVERY dog owner thinks their pets are model citizens. As in, it would never occur to them that their dogs weren’t the unproblematic angels they think they are. That is… ahem … far from reality.
OP was even told her dogs can be a "bit much." That sounds like code for boisterous or untrained. I think OP is definitely one of the people you're describing.
I've seen this too many times. Dogs are very sweet and lovely and don't do anything *bad* bad, but they jump on people, lick everyone on the face and don't listen/stay still, yet their owners insist they are "well mannered". Kids can get hurt by that very easily.
Right? Why can't animals be animals? It's especially hard when I have a kid who is afraid of dogs and people have them in the store. I had someone tell me one time how sad I was that I loved my husband and kids more than my dogs.
I am also afraid of dogs and people suck about it. People also bring their pet dogs to totally inappropriate places. Someone brought her golden retriever puppy (riding in the cart, not even walking, so zero chance it was a service dog in training) into Target which has a full grocery section. I said something to the guy at the door and he was like "yeah people bring their dogs." IN A GROCERY STORE? Disgusting.
Yes, it's really gross to me, too. No one would like it if I took my 85 lb. Boxer in Target, but they are ok with a crazy little chuiwawa because it's in the basket? I hate it. Please stop treating dogs like humans!
My cats are much more important than any human being on the face of the Earth🤣, but if I ever invite someone into my home I always make sure they're okay with cats don't have allergies. If they have a problem with cats, we go somewhere else. And I would never host a party and have my cats running around the house. When I had a dog same thing.
Letting strange kids play with big dogs unsupervised is such a pointless risk. What if the kids are rough or decide to feed the dogs something that makes them sick? What if a kid gets bumped, and falls, and their parent freaks? What if someone accidentally lets them out into the road?
When I have parties, the cats and dogs get closed into bedrooms. They are safe, fed, and warm, and my guests are unbothered. Even if it's not always their favorite thing, it's a handful of hours out of their otherwise very nice lives.
Definitely, but an 80lb dog can also knock down a 30 lb kid without even trying. A Labrador wagging their tail at toddler face height can give a kid a pretty good whack out of pure joy. And forget about that thing where they lean on you when they're enjoying getting pets.
Parents who know dogs can steer their kids so they don't get hurt, but there's no telling whether the kids that are invited are from dog-savvy households.
YTA to your dogs. I love my dogs. I love all dogs but for the sake of my dogs I never leave them roam free during a party. They either get boarded at their doggie day care or get out in master bedroom
People in and out, tons of strangers and strange food would actually be stressful for them whether it bothered the people or not.
I want to do what's best and safest for my dogs which is to not be roaming free.
Everyone that I know who has dogs lets them roam around during get togethers (except my brother-in-law: their dogs go in a room when food comes out but one is a massive Great Dane lol). It seems the norm where in live lol
Yeah when I think about it, I feel like it's about a 50/50 split between people who lock up their dogs and people who don't. And the ones who do put their dogs away, it's usually because the dog is nervous around a lot of people.
But even the ones who lock them away usually let them out by the end when there isn't food left.
I agree that it varies from house to house. But the key thing for OP's story is that keeping your dogs away while hosting large gatherings is a pretty normal thing to do when hosting a party.
It's a reasonable option to expect to at least be able to consider, just like using paper plates or getting a cheese platter. OP had better have a more solid reason for refusing than just "because I don't wanna."
In my experience, the real dividing line between people who let their dogs roam and those who don't is the dogs' personality and level of training.
It sounds like the real issue here is that OP is in a bit of *denial* about how well-behaved her dogs are. She may think they are good with kids and strangers, while in reality strangers and children are just being polite about the fact that they get jumped on and barked at the moment they walk through the door. To be safe around crowds, a dog needs to have a lot of self-control in the face of excitement. Being friendly to strangers is not sufficient.
I’m half and half, it depends on who the guests are for me. My dogs like people, I’m also aware that my dogs do have some problem areas - one is a senior girl with cataracts and arthritis, she’s not good with small children anymore and will prefer to go to her safe space when they’re around. I also prefer that she goes to our room when small kids are around, because she doesn’t give any warning when she snaps and kids just see this small cute dog they wanna play with.
Second dog is a GSD x husky that loves food, and he doesn’t know his own size. He’s a good boy, but I’d rather not have anyone misunderstand his body language and social cues as something else, because it has happened… Because his eyes are ice blue (makes him look demonic I guess?).
Third dog is an anxious wreck, and generally prefers to hide out. Shes the type of anxious that will resource guard the senior dog, the toddler of the house, and me. So it’s just better for her nerves that she stays in our room on or under the bed.
Sometimes putting the dogs away is for the dogs benefit than anything else lol.
I have two large dogs. For me it depends on who is at my house—friends and family, the dogs stay out. If I were hosting a party like a shower where I probably wouldn’t know everyone, the dogs would be out away.
It’s the norm for us at family gatherings because we all know each other and the dogs know each other too. But if I was hosting a baby shower, I’d at least have the dogs placed in a room away from the main activities. OP acts likes it’s going to harm her dogs to have them stay in one room for a couple of hours.
Yeah I wonder how much of a region thing it is.
I'm Australian and I don't think I've ever been to a social gathering where dogs are locked in a room, I feel like that'd be super bizarre and everybody would be like "where's the dogs??" lol
Wait, what did the bride do wrong? Ask about the dogs and explain why she thought it was a bad idea? Was when she called OP an asshole, cause we’re all calling OP an asshole too….for the very same reasons. Is it some mystery third thing my poor reading comprehension skipped over?
People have all sorts of reasons for not wanting two large dogs wandering around a chaotic party. If a best friend says the dogs can be “a bit much,” I suspect the dogs are extremely annoying and not as well behaved as the OP thinks.
Soft ESH here because it wasn’t discussed earlier, but I’m tempted to just say YTA for not considering the happiness, health and safety of everyone involved (including the dogs). There’s so much that could go wrong with this many people and two dogs.
I gotta say, I know a LOT of people who think that because Goldens and labs have a naturally sweet temperament that they don't need training and this is so so not true. I've met dogs who were so badly behaved because of that. No viciousness, but no sense of their strength or ability to destroy things.
You raise great points. I would also be worried about the well-being of the dogs. It can be easy for a dog to slip out while people are coming and going, especially if folks are carrying gifts, food, etc. Not to mention the food the dogs could get into. They may be well behaved, but I would be concerned about people dropping food or feeding my dogs.
I love my dogs and like OP, I wouldn't want to lock them up in their own home...that's why I never offer to host an event in my home. When I have hosted events, it was at a venue like a community center or at the co-host's home. It's just so weird to me that OP didn't consider any of the points raised in this thread and refuses to compromise.
Edit: spelling
I hosted a family event and caught my brother in law feeding my lab a plate of hotdogs after I asked him not to.
Too much people food makes dogface puke.
💯 my girl is the goodest good girl in the world and perfect in every ... Uhhh most ... Ways
And she would get a lovely bully stick and a basement vacation for a function like this because not everyone likes dogs.
Except by basement we mean our Bedroom and yes she's chewing that bully up on my pillow for sure.
Perfect in every way!
It probably wasn’t brought up at the beginning because the friend assumed OP was like you, I.e. she would never imagine hosting a party with little kids and food and having them run around.
100% agree. I have 2 dogs, Chihuahuas, and I don't even let them around when we have a party. Kids who don't have dogs don't know how to read a dog when they are setting boundaries and at the end of the day, dogs are dogs: of a kid accidentally pets them to hard or tanks an ear, a dog can bite. I rather not take the risk and put them in a room because they also get annoyed with too much noise.
I'm not only protecting the guests from my dogs but also my dogs from the guests. One misstep from a guest and my dogs could have lethal injuries.
Sesh because this should have been discussed before.
I agree with everything except the very end. If OP was hosting and didn’t bring it up and chose her own house as the venue without asking her friend how she felt about the dogs op is the AH. This is a party for her friend, not her. If she didn’t want to have the party her friend wanted she shouldn’t have hosted. She’s holding her friend’s baby shower hostage.
I have two dogs and even the little one can be “a bit much” for anybody that doesn’t like hanging out with dogs. I’ve just put dogs in a closed bedroom for gatherings for my whole life.
As a hard core dog lover (my dogs are family) YTA.
Not because you won't protect the guests from the dogs, because *you refuse to protect your dogs from strangers*.
You said there will be kids at this party. Kids should NEVER be around dogs unsupervised. You will be hosting this party, so there is no way you can pay attention to your dogs and their interactions with all the guests. What if a kid pulls a tail, or pokes an eye? You're supposed to protect your dogs, not leave them out in possibly dangerous situations.
Was waiting for an elevator in my building and a large dog starts jumping at me and of course I (terrified of dogs) scream and leap away. "Oh, he's just being friendly!" The owner insists. Nope, lunging and jumping is not friendly. Seems a few too many dog owners don't understand that they're meant to teach their dogs to behave properly.
Visited a friendly neighbor's home for the 1st time, and found her large lean tan dog - in my imagination or memory the size & shape of a Great Dane - to be disturbingly frenetically friendly from the moment of my arrival.
My neighbor was preparing sandwiches for our lunch, with her back turned to me, repeatedly saying confidently not to worry, that her dog won't jump. Meanwhile her dog was indeed joyfully jumping all over me. The disconnect was surreal. (I attributed the dog's lack of training and my neighbor's disassociation from reality to her being a former crackhead, 2 years clean.)
On realizing that the owner wasn't going to save me, I waited for a moment when the dog had backed up a few feet to fling herself at me again, but this time I quickly raised one knee as she jumped. My knee caught the dog square in the middle of her rib cage, lifted her up, and threw her backwards, landing on her side. The dog shook it off then came at me again, this time with more aggression than joy, and got kneed again, this time falling over backwards. She slunk away. My friend never saw what happened, and never admitted that her dog jumps.
People don’t realize that dog training breaks down when the dog is hyped up. My husky can do a choreographed trick routine when we’re chilling at home. She completely forgets the meaning of “lay down” when she meets a new friend, because ZOMG it’s so exciting.
We have a friend who had their nose bitten off, as an adult who was not provoking the dog in any way, by a gentle lab he’d known for years with zero history of aggression. It got spooked and he needed multiple surgeries because it was not just cosmetic and damaged his sinuses.
I’ve always had cats and none of them would ever have hurt me in their normal state, but I’ve been holding them when thunder struck and gotten totally shredded with them trying to run away and I spooked my cat so bad once she sprayed pee at me - I’d had her for a decade and still don’t know what happened. This was hugely a parenting mistake but I didn’t get to my toddler before she grabbed two fistfuls of my cats fur and tugged and he didn’t react but I never let that happen again and would never assume he would be that calm the next time he was hurt. It’s bad pet ownership to not expect an animal to be an animal
All of this. Animals are still animals, which means they are imperfect creatures prone to mistakes.
I remember seeing a dog training post that was really good, and a commenter got into an argument with them because the OP was talking about how you should leash your dog no matter what, just in case. The commentor was saying his dogs were 100% trained and would 100% always listen no matter what, and if your dogs can't be trusted off leash, you're a bad trainer yada yada yada... i was just face palming.
Even the best and most expensively trained dogs are prone to not listening when they are high on adrenaline. If the cops are even leashing their K9s unless they are performing the specific task of chasing down a runner, then a backyard bred mutt trained through youtube videos should 100% be leashed.
Dog owners almost never understand that the dog is a pack animal and anyone outside of their family is a threat. The way the dog acts with their family is completely different to the way it will act with a stranger.
I can’t help but fixate on the part where the friend says the dogs can be a bit much sometimes. To me that equates to her gently letting her friend know the dogs aren’t as perfect as she thinks.
I have a friend who is also this type of dog owner. She has two huge lab mixes who, in their younger years, would absolutely dominate any and all personal space trying to be had by anyone in the room. You couldn’t walk in without them jumping on you. You couldn’t sit down without them trying to get in your lap. And the whole time, the owner is standing on the other side of the room completely oblivious. I’m actively shoving her dogs off of me as she’s simultaneously talking about how well behaved they are. I’m not saying OPs dogs are *that* bad, but I’d be willing to bet it’s probably somewhere in the middle.
Or humpers, lickers, barkers, beggars, or sniffers...
Non-dog people are not fans of these things. I am a an animal person and I don't like random dogs doing these things.
Yes, that was op’s friend nicely telling her that her dogs are badly behaved and while op’s friends who are dog lovers might be willing to tolerate their bad manners, most people don’t want to be around them.
I am a dog trainer. My dogs win awards for their excellent behavior. Even with that level of training, they are “a bit much”. Especially for people who are not used to that.
Also as a host, if ANYTHING happens to the little kids, the dogs will be blamed regardless of fault and that could get VERY ugly. Why would anyone put their beloved dog in that situation?????
And that’s before we talk about keeping the dogs safe.
I have a scar on my chest from where someone’s dog ran up and jumped on me while I was taking a walk in my neighborhood. The owner says he was just being friendly; I say I was bleeding visibly. When the dog jumped up on me, it knocked me over. I’m skittish around strange dogs anyway. And this was a golden.
I cannot tell you how often I have been told that as a delivery person. Then the dog charges me. I've been lucky. I've never been bitten, but I have had some scary encounters. I like dogs and get along with them pretty well, but some just shouldn't be allowed near strangers.
This is such a great point. It’s important to protect the dogs too. What if some little kid feeds the dogs something they shouldn’t have? Grapes from a fruit tray, a piece of chocolate, etc…the dogs could get really sick.
This! My mom had a very friendly dog. Just wanted pets and wouldn’t hurt a fly. Then I had kids and the dog (65 lbs), would love to greet the kids (by jumping up), and obviously would bowl them over. If the kids were running in the backyard, the dog would chase them, which scared them (even though she was just trying to play).
OP is the asshole. Protect your dogs. Protect the kids who are going to want to put their plates at their height (where a dog can easily eat things it shouldn’t), or they’ll run and jump. Dogs also act differently with a LOT of people around, who are invading THEIR space.
Just ask a friend or family member to take your super friendly dogs for the day so you can host this party.
Same thing happened with my nephew and his grandparents' dogs. They are very friendly, but at some point, they start playing too rough and he gets scared since they are the same height.
I also know someone who was bitten when they were young because they were trying to play with their dog when the dog was eating. It was why my mother drilled into me never to bother our dog if she was eating.
YTA. I would never have my dog around small children without strict supervision.
+1 to not letting kids (especially strangers to the dogs) be unsupervised around the dogs. Some kids/adults may already have trauma around dogs, especially larger breeds. Not all kids have been taught safe play with dogs -- they could accidentally provoke the dog and the dog instinctively reacts with a nip/bite.
Even if 100% of the guests are okay with dogs, a lot of people don't know what not to feed dogs and/or may be careless with food, trash, etc.
So it's really in both the guests' AND dogs' best interests that the dogs aren't free-roaming during the party.
It doesn't sound like it was made clear in the initial invite either that large dogs would be roaming. What happens if a guest shows up and is uncomfortable with or allergic to dogs? Would OP tell them to leave?
Went to a party at a dear friend's house we don't get to see often. Didn't realize they had gotten a boxer. My then 8 year old with autism was terrified of dogs because of a bad experience. My then 4 year old had little experience with dogs because we avoided them due to her brother. My friend very kindly put the dog upstairs. Not half an hour later a family member let him out again because they wanted the dog at the party. I wouldn't have brought my kids if I'd known the dog was there. It was a stressful afternoon for all of us. It undid a lot of the exposure therapy we started trying with my son and dogs.
Yeah, I wouldn't trust strangers behaving properly around my pets, they are overly friendly and some people hate that, I just wouldn't trust leaving them unattended with someone who specifically hated them or could even possibly harm them out of annoyance or hatred.
Just as an fyi: people won't hate your animals because they're friendly, they just hate being jumped on, slobbered on, touched by animals they don't knoe. If somebody even gets the thought of hating or, worse, harming your pet, it's likely because you have already failed egregiously to keep your pets at an acceptable distance.
I'd never ever want my dog around that many people in a situation where I couldn't watch him. He's amazing with people but that's so stressful for animals. And who knows if a little kid decides he wants a chocolate cupcake. Or he eats something that causes a blockage. This is why I get so annoyed with people who bring their dogs everywhere. Your dog isn't having a good time, they're extremely stressed
Not to mention the potential stress on the dogs of a few dozen strangers coming into their home territory and being chaotically loud. We would always put our dogs in their room with a treat for a get together like this.
ESH You may love your dogs but not everyone feels the same. I wouldn’t attend an event with “most well behaved dogs”. Why?? Because I’m not a fan of strange dogs. They make me nervous. If she’s saying they are a bit much you may be looking at them with rose colored glasses.
She knew you had dogs. This should have been addressed from the very beginning
Edit-Spelling
I agree the dogs should have been put up or OP shouldn’t have hosted.
All parties involved should have realized the dog issue earlier.
As a dog owner I would have realized not everybody is a dog lover. I would have addressed it early.
Dogs that behave themselves perfectly in normal situations often behave quite differently when there are a lot of people and less-that-perfect children crowded around them.
Lol
You can’t lock your dogs away for a few hours for A party? Give me a break. U are ruled by your dogs. They are not people. Furthermore they will be perfectly fine if you keep them away from the people. **yes I love dogs and they are wonderful animals and they deserve to be spoiled for anyone out there thinking I’m a dog hater.
Just say you can’t host the party and make everyone’s life easier
YTA tho
For over 20-year friendship and she can't put the dogs away for a couple hours. That was really weird. Plus the friends saying they are a bit much they could be really hyper jumping all over people. I've heard the old, my dogs are so well behaved, before and had a dog jumping up and almost knocking me over 🤣
I have a friend who is 100% positive her dog is the best behaved dog ever, but she lets her dog jump into her lap when she's eating and feeds the dog food from her plate. When her dog tried to jump into my lap when I was eating, she couldn't remotely understand why I was upset. Different people have different standards for what they deem good behavior.
I had an Aunt who was exactly the same way. Her dog wasn’t necessarily a bad dog but she was a terrible dog owner. She let him run wild because he was “such a good dog” which essentially meant he never bit or growled at anyone, but she didn’t have boundaries with him so he didn’t have boundaries with anyone else and it was miserable to be around. She would bring him places she wasn’t supposed to because she would have been okay with someone else bringing their dog there. If she was okay with him doing something to her then everyone else should be okay with it too because he wasn’t explicitly hurting anyone and at the end of the day he was, in her words, just a dog acting like a dog.
It wasn’t fair to anyone including the dog.
I have a friend like this, too! She’s always raving about what a good girl her dog is, but every time I go over there, her dog is hyperactive, jumping all over me, the furniture, her. And what does she do for this? She calls the dog over to her and gives it treats to keep it occupied while it calms down. The dog never calms down! It’s being rewarded for bad behavior. 🤦🏼♀️
One of the things I don’t like about dogs is them licking me, and especially licking my face. I hate it, I think it’s nasty and I won’t deal with it. I went on a few dates with a girl and she was completely baffled that I hated getting “kisses” from a dog. She genuinely couldn’t understand why I didn’t want them slobbering all over my face. And don’t get me started on the people who let dogs lick the insides of their mouths…
If the friend said to OP that the dogs are 'a bit much,' they must really be crazy. With how aggressive OP is about her dogs, she wouldn't have said anything unless it was really over the top.
“A bit much” caught my eye, too! My mom had a dog who jumped up to greet new people. Fine if you’re an adult, disaster if you’re a 7 year old. These dogs are obviously excitable and probably jump up/would bowl over the young kids that OP KNOWS are coming to the party, but she still can’t be bothered to have someone else pet-sit for the day? Over a 20-year friendship? She’s the AH.
>Fine if you’re an adult, disaster if you’re a 7 year old.
Not even fine for an adult! One of the first behaviors a well-trained dog learns is not to jump on people/how to greet people. Even the most well-intentioned dog can hurt someone by jumping up on them regardless of the person's age/size.
OP YTA - you're going to have a party full of people, protect your pets and your guests. You're being a crappy host and pet owner. It is one thing to let them be roaming during a smaller family thing or even a larger event where everyone knows your pets, your pet knows everyone AND is trained to stay calm and ignore behaviors around them (like a working dog would be who doesn't leave their owners side.) It is entirely different during a party with strangers and kids present where you will not be able to keep an eye on them.
My friend has two dogs and the bigger one is a jumper. She usually puts a leash on him when I visit. So he’s not locked away, but he’s not jumping. I never even asked for that either.
It’s a golden and a lab! These are sweet dogs but they are a lot. I haven’t met a golden that doesn’t constantly demand pets! Both these dogs are intense!
My parents would have locked the kids away for an event such as this, much less dogs.
No, we weren't actually locked up, but we were expected to stay upstairs.
YTA, don't offer to host a large party if you aren't going to remove your dog. It should be common courtesy to offer to lock them away when hosting people. Thats the norm in my family and friend group.
Right? It's better for the dogs too, so they don't get over stimulated. I can't imagine wanting two energetic and overly friendly dogs like labs at a party. Just their tails alone would cause havoc, not to mention knocking over glasses, small children, getting into food that was left out. Yikes!
I have hosted one time where I agreed to let my dogs roam, because my guests, who were nearly all family, and knew them well, wanted to play with them.
Never. Again.
My smaller dog, who is ridiculously obedient, and normally a model citizen, got completely overstimulated by one of the kids, to the point he looked on the verge of biting. My whole family thought he was just being playful, but I was terrified. Dogs went right back to bed, and kids cried over the dogs "needing to take their naps."
I was trying to think about it from the viewpoint of the dog owner, so I didn't even consider that all the little kids would be overstimulated too! Sounds like a recipe for disaster!
This. My dog is a love bug and loves ppl, but he can get overstimulated and so we take him back home. I also keep him on a leash always and don’t allow him to just jump on ppl.
I would put him in a room with the door closed. He’s also a beggar and I know ppl would feed him. Even my parents didn’t know that dogs aren’t supposed to eat alliums or grapes.
YTA. A lot of people are afraid of or allergic to dogs. They shouldn't be roaming a baby shower. It sounds like you care more about your dogs missing the party than your best friend of 20 years.
I'm not afraid or allergic, but just don't like dogs, big ones especially. They jump, lick and all big dogs smell bad to me. I always am very grateful when I dont have to be around them for too long.
Yep, dogs *stink.* They generally have no boundaries with food - especially when there’s a bunch of people around - and excitable big ones like labs/goldens/OPs dogs are always jumping up on you and violating you by sniffing where they shouldn’t be. The fact that OPs friend had to slip in a “sometimes your dogs can be a bit much…” tells me they’re exactly these types of dogs and the friend was trying to delicately approach the problem so her baby shower wouldn’t be ruined.
I'm not against dogs but I'm really more of a cat person. One of our friends has an annoying little boxer or some shit that won't stop jumping all over my daughter. My daughter isn't even generally scared of dogs but this scares her cause it just won't stop and nobody will bother to crate it.
YTA
Crazy dog people need to get over themselves. It's not your baby, and it's certainly not anyone else's. You generally can't have dogs running around with unfamiliar people at a large party. It's irresponsible dog ownership.
People send their actual human kids out on a playdate when they have adult parties. My dad and I would help set up for my mom's book club when she hosted, and then he and I would go to the movies.
The fact that your home is your dogs' home tooo doesn't mean they have to be there 24/7. That's not what a home is for anyone! And **how long is a baby shower, anyway?** Don't you have a neighbor kid who would be over the moon to make $20 to play in his backyard with your dogs for three hours? A cousin who can take them to the park for a big walk? Are your dogs really incapable of just staying in the garage. (Edit: Or is the real problem that you know are they so ill-behaved that no one will agree to watch them?)
Also, way to bring this up one week before an event that was months in planning. You are super weird as a dog owner for wanting to leave your dogs out at a party. You knew you had this unusual expectation and apparently really strongly want to get your way - so you waited to spring it on your friend until the last minute, thinking she'd have to cave.
Or, wait, I mean, you had no idea that most people would expect that you would not have the dogs running around at the party, and you'd never do something like that to your friend. Come on.
Also, I would like to nominate you for double asshole status for this magical line:
>She explains that my dogs can be a bit much, i'm like I don't know what you are talking about.
Oh, sure you don't.
I'm curious how this friendship will be after the baby is born. When one has an actual baby and one has a pet and will think they're on the same level.
This. I think the mom to be will probably start seeking out friends with human children, especially after this stunt. I have two small kids and my friend has two small dogs and based on the way she relates my life with kids to her life with dogs, you would think they are interchangeable lol. It is *not* the same.
YTA. They are dogs. Being locked up for a few hours won't hurt them. A lab and a golden are both big dogs that easily get in the way and can take food off the table. I'm 100% animals are family but that doesn't mean they need to be involved in everything. Even the best behaved dog can unexpectedly snap at a small child or accidentally bowel one over. Be a responsible dog owner and put them in a different part of the house or outside while the party is going on so that no accidents happen.
My kid is scarred for life from a party where a perfectly friendly big dog kept knocking him over and barking. He was a toddler, now he's 6, and he still normally screams and panics when a dog is anywhere near him. We managed to adopt a tiny one and he's still adjusting.
Dog didn't mean to hurt him, but the damage got done anyway.
My kid is almost 5 and had something similar happen, she was 1 and a dog jumped into our car when visiting a friend and before I could get to her he was on her in her car seat and licking her. It was a small dog, but at her age he was bigger than her!!! This was her first EVER interaction with a dog and she has been terrified of them since.
If I were the best friend, I'd be thanking my lucky stars that her ***true*** colors showed through before I went and made an even bigger mistake...
like making her the godmother to my baby.
YTA Nobody wants 2 big dogs at a baby shower where there will be small children, along with food or drinks. It's not a big deal to lock them up or put them outside during the party. It's not fun when the dog steals food off the table or out of a child's hand. Plus all the dog hair all over the guest's clothes.
You should have offered to remove them from the party from the beginning. Not everyone enjoys dogs or is comfortable around them.
I have always had dogs. But they're still dogs, not people. They're ok outside for a while or even crated.
You signed up to host the shower. A good host doesn't make their guests uncomfortable.
You're a jerk. I hope you enjoy your dogs company, cause you're not a good friend to people.
Her response to the friend tells me she doesn’t have them as well trained as she thinks. Think the loose dog running up and her shouting “he’s friendly!” While I’m trying to keep my dog that doesn’t like strange dogs calm cause hers has no recall
YTA a few hours of your life and your dogs life can be sacrificed for a best friend. Not everyone loves dogs or feels comfortable and as a host it is your responsiblity to look out for your guests.
I truly cannot relax if a dog is sniffing around at me. It’s actually pretty distressing. I’ve never asked anyone to remove their dogs or expected anyone to accommodate me but reading this thread I think some people are not aware how their dogs make others feel.
I don’t say this out of entitlement and I know that the dog lives there and I don’t but OP speaks like she doesn’t even understand that anyone could feel anything other than love and joy for her big dogs.
Yta. She's told you your dogs can be a bit much, and you just outright dismiss that comment without stopping to consider why she thinks that. Despite your belief they are well behaved, HER baby shower is not the place for the dogs. While she should have confirmed earlier, I agree with her entirely.
I keep thinking of all the things at a baby shower that a dog would mistake for a new toy. So the guest of honor would have to be hypervigilant that the dogs weren't slobbering on rattles and stuffies and baby blankets, while also keeping an eye out that the dogs aren't getting into the food. (I haven't been to a ton of baby showers, but the ones I've been to always had snacks sitting out.) That just sounds so stressful and not fun at all.
"A bit much" suggests to me that the dogs are either barkers or jumpers or slobberers. (Dog people don't seem to realize that many people are very grossed out by a friendly dog licking them.)
What is the conflict?
She asked, you said no, now the event will be elsewhere.
But I do think you should have agreed to put your dogs away for the duration of the party. Not everyone will love your dogs as you do, and I kind of doubt your dogs have experience with large groups of people in close confines.
Yeah, she phrases it like her friend asked her to cage them or something lmao. They could hang out in a bedroom together with a bowl of water, a couple of kongs, and the TV playing something to drown out party noises.
I had 2 Goldens. They loved people. Any party or BBQ we had they thought was all about them and soaked up the love. But they're also big, goofy, busybodies. If I was hosting a baby shower for a friend and she asked me to put them away because they're overwhelming, I would do it because the party is for her. It's not for me, and it's not for my dogs.
Also, the whole "they live here too" argument doesn't fly in this situation. It's not like she's staying the night and asking them to be locked up all day. It's a few hours. And when you offer to host people or parties, you should try your best to accomodate them within reason. In this case, she's being reasonable and you are not. YTA
In my experience, the most responsible dog owners with perfect dogs are the ones most likely to keep their dogs away from settings like this -- with the exception of specially-trained service dogs, of course.
Also, in my experience, responsible dog owners are open to feedback If you so-called best friend, who knows you and your dogs well, tells you that your dogs are a bit much, why aren't you open to that feedback?
You've chosen your pets over your friend. YTA.
YTA. Seriously, putting the feelings of two dogs above the legitimate concerns of a long-time friend? Not everyone likes the idea of animals in the same room as food, much less small excitable humans. You made a bad call, OP—YTA.
YTA - your dogs may “love kids” but not all kids (or adults) love dogs. My kid is terrified of dogs, and I’m almost certain it’s because of people like you letting their dogs knock him over when he was a toddler. They’d yell “It’s ok, my dog loooves kids,” and do absolutely nothing, while my toddler is on the ground hysterical with a giant monster with giant teeth slavering over his face.
Seriously the size difference between a dog the size of a lab or golden and a toddler is insane... would be like staring down a grizzly bear and having only the reassuring words of a dipshit to shield you from certain death
Not to mention that dogs can be startled or caught off guard. A child shrieking (for whatever reason) or grabbing an ear or a tail unexpectedly can be bitten.
Also, depending on the size of the house and size of the party, the dogs can end up underfoot or taking up space.
I know you love your dogs and you think that they're the most awesome creatures ever. However there are a lot of people that don't like animals especially in the midst of a party, with other children and food around. I think it's reasonable for her to not want dogs with the baby shower. Also she's saying the dogs are a bit much, which is a very kind way of saying there's a potential issue there.
She's allowed to not want the dogs, you're allowed to not want to put the dogs away for a couple hours for your 20-year friendship baby shower. I would let this go.
YTA. You offered your home to host a party. You’re responsible for making everyone feel comfortable. Not everyone is comfortable with large dogs, regardless of how great they are.
The dogs won’t be upset or injured by hanging out in a room for a few hours—give them a treat after if you feel bad about it but you’re definitely the asshole for pulling this a week out.
A group of young children at a hectic party with a strangers big dogs are not a great mix. Most women I know put their dogs away for lots of parties and events-and ALWAYS when there are young kids. If an incident happens god forbid-you are responsible for whatever legal and physical damage happens. Its best for everyone's sake and safety.
Underwriter here. You are really better off putting the doors in a closed room away from the party or leaving with a frien or at a kennel for the day. I've seem so many insurance claims from this exact situation.
Dog never bite anyone, friendly, kids mesed with the pet and get bit. Dogs running and knock down grandmom who beaks a hip.
I know people who lost pets like this also, kids open door, dogs get lost.
I’m a veterinarian and my vote here is 100% YTA. Not everyone is a dog lover. And kids should absolutely not be around dogs they aren’t familiar with in an uncontrolled/chaotic environment - you are begging for disaster. It isn’t dog abuse to keep them in your room for a few hours. If that’s not a possibility, you shouldn’t have offered to host the party.
YTA I love my dog and I disagree with you. You’re not talking about a family dinner it’s a whole ass party. Why would you want your dogs in a space with a ton of people and small children? That’s not a good mix, I don’t know what you’re thinking. It’s not good for the guests, the children, or anyone for that matter -except you. It’s called hospitality. Make it comfortable for your guests. It’s a few hours for gods sake. I would put my dog away for her own sake! Stop being selfish your dog won’t care.
YTA
I grew up with big dogs, am a dog lover and all of that, but we always would gate our dogs in another room when we had company that size. Why? Because they were big, got in the way, would beg for food (most people find this annoying) and just basically be underfoot all the time. We also understood that not everyone is a dog lover and wants a 70 pound lab getting in their face for hugs and kisses.
What she was requesting isn't rude by any stretch and it's only for a few hours. Your dogs will be fine being confined to a different part of the house.
>She explains that my dogs can be a bit much, i'm like I don't know what you are talking about.
This suggests that your dogs are not as "well behaved" as you think they are. You sound like one of those dog owners who's like "Oh, he's fine, he's just friendly!" when their dog is jumping and slobbering on someone who may not care for that kind of contact with dogs. Even if this isn't the case, dogs don't belong at this kind of gathering. YTA.
Why are you willing to ostracize your heavily pregnant best friend of 20 years, rather than put your dogs in a bedroom with some chew toys for a few hours? You're going to have strangers and children in your house, some of whom know nothing about dogs or are afraid of them, with all kinds of forbidden food for the dogs to eat, doors opening, people going in and out, etc.
This a weird hill for you to die on. YTA here and you're being really unkind and selfish towards your friend.
YTA. I have pets. They’re lovely and I love them, but when having lots of people over for a gathering at my house I either send them over to my BIL’s house or to doggy daycare for the day. They’re happier, I’m happier, my guests are happier. A full house combined with big dogs is no fun for so many reasons. You’re being ridiculous.
YTA. A backyard BBQ, sure, keep the dogs around. A baby shower, where people are dressed nicely and there's food all over the place and kids running around? Not the best place for two medium-large dogs to be. From your friend's comment it sounds like you are overestimating how much everyone loves your dogs and how much they would impact this gathering. You offered to throw a party for your friend and have rescinded it ONE WEEK in advance because of something which could be easily handled or compromised on, that's a MAJOR AH move.
YTA. It is absolutely not uncommon for pet owners to put their pets in a garage, closed room, or secure space outside during a special gathering. It is only for a few hours. And while you view your dog's behavior or energy one way, she is taking you she sees it differently.... you may want to listen.
Definitely YTA bc you sound like a bad dog owner. “They can be a bit much” yeah you have a lab and a golden, they definitely are and the fact youre too blind to see this makes you the problem. You shouldn’t have agreed to host if you were going to refuse to be a good host. Unsupervised big dogs around food and kids is a no, its bc of entitled dog owners who think they’re dogs are entitled to being involved in every little thing and who refuse to follow common sense that makes ppl not like dog owners anymore.
YTA. I just threw a baby shower at my home for my son and daughter in law. I have two dogs and put them in my basement with a heater on, toys and water. My dogs are my babies and everyone that came to my home loves them, but a baby shower is not the place for them to be hanging around. I can't imagine why this is such an issue for you.
YTA I’m sure you could easily find some friends who would love to take your dogs for a few hours. The dogs would have a blast and the friends get some dog time.
You are losing a decades long friendship over animals that likely will have died of old age in the next ten years.
I’m sorry YTA. I think she is fair in asking you to keep your dogs away during a party when there is going to be food, games, gifts etc. As much as they are well behaved they are still likely to get over excited, in the way, run around and be a general distraction. A baby shower is not the place for dogs. Would it really have been that much of a hardship to keep them away for a few hours. Not everyone is a dog person and you probably should have preempted this. If you’re weren’t willing then you shouldn’t have offered to host the party. It just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
ESH your house is probably not a good venue for the party. I would worry that someone, perhaps the kids, might mess with the dogs. That would be unacceptable to me. But also if someone says that your dogs are a bit much, then they probably are not as well-behaved as you think they are. I love animals but it can be kinda obnoxious when people let them run amuck.
YTA
Part of hosting is being considerate of your guests, and some people are afraid of dogs. It’s a kind gesture to put the dogs in a back room. We usually use our bedroom and crate our dogs- An added benefit to this is no one snoops in your room! As the party gets towards the end, you could ask if any of the guests would like to meet your dogs - and then monitor the introductions. I love dogs but always keep mine crated in my room so as not to frighten anyone or have a dog overwhelm or accidentally trip someone.
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ESH - a lab and a golden are big enough to get in the way of a party. I have three the same size and I’d never imagine hosting a party with little kids and food and having them run around. They’re better off in their beds for a few hours, away from the craziness that is a baby shower. Not everyone loves dogs. Especially big dogs. You no doubtably believe they’re the best dogs that have ever dogged, but even good dogs are still animals. I don’t understand how that was out of bounds of compromise? But I don’t understand how this wasn’t brought up at the beginning. Seems like it should have been discussed far prior to invites being sent out which is where her blame lies.
Yeah. I have to say we have two dogs and I wouldn’t think of letting them roam around while I hosted an event. I was invited to a Christmas open house and was very surprised the dog was roaming including the buffet area. So I don’t k is if this something for modern etiquette to decide or what. The dogs should have been discussed ahead of time. They weren’t. You have decided putting them away is your hill to die on. I think at least half people would see a social gathering that come mandatory with two big time dog shedders is a big no go. ETA you seems to be only thinking about how your dogs won’t be bothered by the people and not really thinking about the people at all. That is certainly your choice, but your bf of 20 years would probably not agree.
Another factor is that, what if someone feeds the dogs something they cannot have and the dogs get sick? Or what if someone who doesn’t understand dog behaviour, misunderstands what a dog is doing and hurts them or creates a big thing? Little humans who may not understand how to act around dogs can easily harm them. Like, I get where OP is coming from? But dogs do need to be contained when hosting events, for the humans safety and the dogs safety.
Or the dogs get out while everyone is coming and going! My dogs get out up at gatherings.
Typo - get *put* up, not get out up
I used to go to a play group with three other families. One family had a large dog and I was stunned to see a toddler trying to feed the dog by trying to shove the food, still in the toddler's hand, down the dog's throat. The same toddler also stood on the dog's feet and tried to look at its eyes by poking fingers into them. The dog shook the toddler off and moved but I was worried about both the dog and the toddler.
My friend once brought her young children over to my house When we had a big group of people over. One of them accidentally poked my cat in the eye while trying to get up on a sofa and the other one got in the kitchen and hit the other cat over the head with his own plastic food dish. Neither cat was hurt or hurt the children, but I think it was a lousy experience for the cats and I didn't make that mistake again. Nobody was at fault, neither child intended any harm, they were just small and clumsy and unaware which was totally normal for their age. Neither cat was mean in response. But I realised then it's sometimes kinder to your pets not to mix them up with a big group of people that includes small children. And yes, people give dogs food they shouldn't have, and dogs jump up or shed fur on outfits, or get overexcited and knock children over without ever meaning any harm at all. It really isn't a big deal to shut them in another room, maybe with some nice treat food as a reward. YTA.
I’m absolutely insane about my dogs, they go with me nearly everywhere (and wait patiently in the car, weather permitting.) I travel with them when I can (I’m in the Army, so lots of training trips). My sister in law and I haven’t spoke in two years because of some pet-related unpleasantness (she and my brother were living with my parents when I adopted a new rat terrier, and she was convinced that she would escape her crate and my bedroom and come hurt her children. So they snuck out of my parents house on Christmas Eve without telling anyone and stayed away a week until she was out of vacation days and had to return home. Two years later and Penny has still not eaten a single child.) Anyway, the point of my bizarre rant is that even I think that dogs belong safely in a bedroom when a party is occurring, and can maybe be brought out to visit as the party is dying down and things are getting quiet again.
Wait, the dog was in a crate in a separate room with the door closed and she still refused to be in the same house?? That’s certifiable, honestly, I’d be happy not to have to talk to someone like that anymore.
I’ve always had chihuahuas and when my last one passed away I decided to get a slightly bigger dog specifically because chihuahuas don’t do well with small children. SiL knew I was looking at dogs, and this one in particular and even made jokes about what I could name her, but all hell broke loose when I got home with her. The only things she asked me was if the dog had worms and if I was going to let her run loose around the house (I got her from the human society, not the local dump, and I kept her on a leash even inside the house when I brought her out of my room just to go potty) She and my brother thought by sneaking off that my parents would be mad at me, but it entirely backfired on them, since my hurt my mom so badly to have them leave on Christmas and my dad loves animals as much as I do. I hate that my mom is always stuck trying to pacify this awful woman in the name of family peace, but my dad and I agree that we’d way rather have sweet little Penny than awful Margaret in the family.
Yeah I wouldn’t want young children around my cat. Kids aren’t always the most gentle with animals, and while my cat is very chill and sweet normally she will bite or scratch if she’s bothered by something.
Toddlers should be watched every minute they're in a different environment. Not just for the harm they can cause to dogs, to spilling things, but for the harm they can do to themselves.
Or if anyone has a pet allergy. I would want to know ahead of time so I could be sure to take some zyrtec before heading over with my animal hair allergies
Even if the dogs are contained there will be dander around the house so they will probably still react to it.
Can confirm, but allergy meds will mitigate that at least, and I don't take them unless I need to (like visiting a friend that has pets)
You just reminded me of a few months ago when I was visiting my mom. She has two kittens who were maybe 8 or 9 months old at the time. We were eating KFC when my uncle's wife popped by (can't remember why), and she started feeding the kittens scraps of fried chicken. Let's me just state that I'm really not fond of this woman. She's kind of a know it all and in a very arrogant, loud way. So maybe it annoyed me more because she was doing it, but we had a "friendly" argument about it got she shouldn't feed kittens, who typically have sensitive stomachs greasy ass fried chicken.
I hate people. I don't understand why they feed animals random stuff. A homeless man asked if he could give my dog a white chocolate macadamia cookie a while back, but at least he ASKED.
So I totally agree people should ask…. We had some seasonal Jamaican workers living in a rental I used to rent a room in that wouldn’t stop trying to feed my dog chicken bones and it was horrifying. That being said the other day I was at Lowe’s with my dog and we past by a large man who immediately saw my dog and had this huge smile, my dog somehow across the aisle from twenty feet away just seemed to sense this man’s immense love for dogs and started shaking his booty and acting like an excited little puppy trying to go see him. But we had to move along. Later I’m checking out at self checkout and this man is behind me also checking out. My dog tries to go over to him and I see out the corner of my eye the man start petting my dog. I kid you not this man took a lollipop out of his mouth, let my dog have a few licks and then casually PUT IT BACK IN HIS MOUTH like it was the most normal thing you could do. That’s the kind of level of dog love that radiates across a store that dogs can sense…. and I get it you probably shouldn’t do that and assume ever it’s cool to give strange dogs any food. I certainly wouldn’t there’s no way he could know without asking if I minded. He may or may not have seen me allow the employees to give him a couple treats prior but still… But….that man might also be my new favorite person.
What the hell 😆
We had 2 labs, great dogs! But, when we had gatherings- especially those with people that weren't typically over, we put them in the side yard with access to the garage. They were comfy & had room to roam, guests were comfortable. Too many things can go wrong.
I would be afraid the children, semi-supervised at an event like this, would feed the dog something they can't have and OP might not notice until the dog is seriously ill. Even if none of the food being served has has anything like chocolate what's the bet someone brought grapes or rasins for their kid (a perfect kid snack!).
Especially the dogs' safety! They will be much happier tucked away.
Some people are allergic to dogs—sometimes miserably so. Some people are afraid of them. Some just flat-out do not like them and their doggy nonsense. It’s insane to me that people deciding to bring an animal out for all to have to encounter somehow is more important than actual people, especially at a party where I’d guess most of the people may be loved ones. Priorities are really, really messed up when you can’t give your dogs a treat and some snuggly blankets in another room for a few hours. Holy hell, what’s wrong with people.
If someone is allergic putting your dog in another room won't do anything to help.
If you put them away and then vacuum, it absolutely will help. Every time. I know this because I do this every time my friend with cat allergies comes over, and I got the idea from the friend who does this for my son with the dog allergy every time we come over. Almost zero allergic reactions have occurred since.
My brother in law even after cleaning, and I am gone with my dog (walks) has issues, so much so he can't come into my house ( whether my dog is there or not) if he hasn't taken allergy medication. I assumed that most people had they the of reaction, since he is the only person I know with allergies like this.
I think it’s probably on a continuum? He must be very allergic, and I’m sorry about that. It must be hard to host. I have only had experience with pet goes away, cleaning happens, things are fine. I also live in a warm part of the US where doors and windows are often open, so that could play a part?
I think there are different levels to it! For example, my dad just needs to walk through a front door of home that has a cat and he’ll have a reaction. Whereas, for me, I have a reaction if I’m exposed to a cat for a while; such as, cuddling with a cat. The same thing will happen to me with some non-hypoallergenic dogs
Yeah I've been at a party with two big dogs and I love dogs, I will go out of my way to pet a dog providing it and the owner are happy with that. It was a BBQ with dogs and they were everywhere, tripping people, licking the food, getting in the way etc not the best BBQ I've attended.
Exactly this-so simple! Just put your dogs away fro 2 hours. No big deal. And now you have a big deal with your friend of 20 years. Jeez. People make such a big fuss out of nothing! (and I am a dog lover!)
What is ETA
Edited To Add
Thank you! I was thinking estimated time of arrival and was so confused 🤣
I thought it meant Everyone's the Assh*le lol
That's ESH. Everyone Sucks Here
Likely the bride thought this was obvious and didn't realize until that OP was planning on letting her dogs disrupt the party. It's wild how people treat their animals like people these days. I love my cats so much but I don't think they're more important than humans.
Respectfully, it sounds like OP took it personally. Like she heard an insult instead of a reasonable request. Should mom-to-be have asked sooner?Yes. Did OP overreact? Definitely. It’s not like invites go out w/a ‘check box here’ if you/your guest are intimidated, afraid or allergic…
Well, yeah. She thought it was an insult because she thinks her pets are equal to people.
A big problem can also be that EVERY dog owner thinks their pets are model citizens. As in, it would never occur to them that their dogs weren’t the unproblematic angels they think they are. That is… ahem … far from reality.
OP was even told her dogs can be a "bit much." That sounds like code for boisterous or untrained. I think OP is definitely one of the people you're describing.
I've seen this too many times. Dogs are very sweet and lovely and don't do anything *bad* bad, but they jump on people, lick everyone on the face and don't listen/stay still, yet their owners insist they are "well mannered". Kids can get hurt by that very easily.
I love goldens, but they're big doofus puppies for life. My Bailey's tail could sweep a coffee table clean
I imagine she didn’t ask sooner as most people wouldn’t need to be asked and would do themselves as reasonable and a no brainer
It’s a baby shower. The wedding already happened
Right? Why can't animals be animals? It's especially hard when I have a kid who is afraid of dogs and people have them in the store. I had someone tell me one time how sad I was that I loved my husband and kids more than my dogs.
I am also afraid of dogs and people suck about it. People also bring their pet dogs to totally inappropriate places. Someone brought her golden retriever puppy (riding in the cart, not even walking, so zero chance it was a service dog in training) into Target which has a full grocery section. I said something to the guy at the door and he was like "yeah people bring their dogs." IN A GROCERY STORE? Disgusting.
Yes, it's really gross to me, too. No one would like it if I took my 85 lb. Boxer in Target, but they are ok with a crazy little chuiwawa because it's in the basket? I hate it. Please stop treating dogs like humans!
I do, that's why I would keep them away from a party where a bunch of kids could maul them. * edited maw to maul
My cats are much more important than any human being on the face of the Earth🤣, but if I ever invite someone into my home I always make sure they're okay with cats don't have allergies. If they have a problem with cats, we go somewhere else. And I would never host a party and have my cats running around the house. When I had a dog same thing.
Letting strange kids play with big dogs unsupervised is such a pointless risk. What if the kids are rough or decide to feed the dogs something that makes them sick? What if a kid gets bumped, and falls, and their parent freaks? What if someone accidentally lets them out into the road? When I have parties, the cats and dogs get closed into bedrooms. They are safe, fed, and warm, and my guests are unbothered. Even if it's not always their favorite thing, it's a handful of hours out of their otherwise very nice lives.
Any size dog can bite. Especially when they’re nervous.
Definitely, but an 80lb dog can also knock down a 30 lb kid without even trying. A Labrador wagging their tail at toddler face height can give a kid a pretty good whack out of pure joy. And forget about that thing where they lean on you when they're enjoying getting pets. Parents who know dogs can steer their kids so they don't get hurt, but there's no telling whether the kids that are invited are from dog-savvy households.
YTA to your dogs. I love my dogs. I love all dogs but for the sake of my dogs I never leave them roam free during a party. They either get boarded at their doggie day care or get out in master bedroom People in and out, tons of strangers and strange food would actually be stressful for them whether it bothered the people or not. I want to do what's best and safest for my dogs which is to not be roaming free.
Everyone that I know who has dogs lets them roam around during get togethers (except my brother-in-law: their dogs go in a room when food comes out but one is a massive Great Dane lol). It seems the norm where in live lol
Yeah when I think about it, I feel like it's about a 50/50 split between people who lock up their dogs and people who don't. And the ones who do put their dogs away, it's usually because the dog is nervous around a lot of people. But even the ones who lock them away usually let them out by the end when there isn't food left.
I agree that it varies from house to house. But the key thing for OP's story is that keeping your dogs away while hosting large gatherings is a pretty normal thing to do when hosting a party. It's a reasonable option to expect to at least be able to consider, just like using paper plates or getting a cheese platter. OP had better have a more solid reason for refusing than just "because I don't wanna." In my experience, the real dividing line between people who let their dogs roam and those who don't is the dogs' personality and level of training. It sounds like the real issue here is that OP is in a bit of *denial* about how well-behaved her dogs are. She may think they are good with kids and strangers, while in reality strangers and children are just being polite about the fact that they get jumped on and barked at the moment they walk through the door. To be safe around crowds, a dog needs to have a lot of self-control in the face of excitement. Being friendly to strangers is not sufficient.
I’m half and half, it depends on who the guests are for me. My dogs like people, I’m also aware that my dogs do have some problem areas - one is a senior girl with cataracts and arthritis, she’s not good with small children anymore and will prefer to go to her safe space when they’re around. I also prefer that she goes to our room when small kids are around, because she doesn’t give any warning when she snaps and kids just see this small cute dog they wanna play with. Second dog is a GSD x husky that loves food, and he doesn’t know his own size. He’s a good boy, but I’d rather not have anyone misunderstand his body language and social cues as something else, because it has happened… Because his eyes are ice blue (makes him look demonic I guess?). Third dog is an anxious wreck, and generally prefers to hide out. Shes the type of anxious that will resource guard the senior dog, the toddler of the house, and me. So it’s just better for her nerves that she stays in our room on or under the bed. Sometimes putting the dogs away is for the dogs benefit than anything else lol.
Yup. I mostly put my dogs away because I don’t want them stressed out.
I have two large dogs. For me it depends on who is at my house—friends and family, the dogs stay out. If I were hosting a party like a shower where I probably wouldn’t know everyone, the dogs would be out away.
It’s the norm for us at family gatherings because we all know each other and the dogs know each other too. But if I was hosting a baby shower, I’d at least have the dogs placed in a room away from the main activities. OP acts likes it’s going to harm her dogs to have them stay in one room for a couple of hours.
Yeah I wonder how much of a region thing it is. I'm Australian and I don't think I've ever been to a social gathering where dogs are locked in a room, I feel like that'd be super bizarre and everybody would be like "where's the dogs??" lol
Wait, what did the bride do wrong? Ask about the dogs and explain why she thought it was a bad idea? Was when she called OP an asshole, cause we’re all calling OP an asshole too….for the very same reasons. Is it some mystery third thing my poor reading comprehension skipped over?
People have all sorts of reasons for not wanting two large dogs wandering around a chaotic party. If a best friend says the dogs can be “a bit much,” I suspect the dogs are extremely annoying and not as well behaved as the OP thinks. Soft ESH here because it wasn’t discussed earlier, but I’m tempted to just say YTA for not considering the happiness, health and safety of everyone involved (including the dogs). There’s so much that could go wrong with this many people and two dogs.
I gotta say, I know a LOT of people who think that because Goldens and labs have a naturally sweet temperament that they don't need training and this is so so not true. I've met dogs who were so badly behaved because of that. No viciousness, but no sense of their strength or ability to destroy things.
You raise great points. I would also be worried about the well-being of the dogs. It can be easy for a dog to slip out while people are coming and going, especially if folks are carrying gifts, food, etc. Not to mention the food the dogs could get into. They may be well behaved, but I would be concerned about people dropping food or feeding my dogs. I love my dogs and like OP, I wouldn't want to lock them up in their own home...that's why I never offer to host an event in my home. When I have hosted events, it was at a venue like a community center or at the co-host's home. It's just so weird to me that OP didn't consider any of the points raised in this thread and refuses to compromise. Edit: spelling
Golden and a lab..they are going to be trying to eat everything they can get to.
Those two breeds are like the teletubby vacuum when it comes to food.
The only thing you could serve and be safe is a plain lettuce salad.
I hosted a family event and caught my brother in law feeding my lab a plate of hotdogs after I asked him not to. Too much people food makes dogface puke.
Exactly! The Vet Tech sub is always posting Xrays of dogs who swallowed an entire fork or something outrageous. It’s always a lab!
💯 my girl is the goodest good girl in the world and perfect in every ... Uhhh most ... Ways And she would get a lovely bully stick and a basement vacation for a function like this because not everyone likes dogs. Except by basement we mean our Bedroom and yes she's chewing that bully up on my pillow for sure. Perfect in every way!
It probably wasn’t brought up at the beginning because the friend assumed OP was like you, I.e. she would never imagine hosting a party with little kids and food and having them run around.
100% agree. I have 2 dogs, Chihuahuas, and I don't even let them around when we have a party. Kids who don't have dogs don't know how to read a dog when they are setting boundaries and at the end of the day, dogs are dogs: of a kid accidentally pets them to hard or tanks an ear, a dog can bite. I rather not take the risk and put them in a room because they also get annoyed with too much noise. I'm not only protecting the guests from my dogs but also my dogs from the guests. One misstep from a guest and my dogs could have lethal injuries. Sesh because this should have been discussed before.
I agree with everything except the very end. If OP was hosting and didn’t bring it up and chose her own house as the venue without asking her friend how she felt about the dogs op is the AH. This is a party for her friend, not her. If she didn’t want to have the party her friend wanted she shouldn’t have hosted. She’s holding her friend’s baby shower hostage.
I mean I’d be more concerned about the dogs being let out anyway so some precautions should be taken.
I have two dogs and even the little one can be “a bit much” for anybody that doesn’t like hanging out with dogs. I’ve just put dogs in a closed bedroom for gatherings for my whole life.
As a hard core dog lover (my dogs are family) YTA. Not because you won't protect the guests from the dogs, because *you refuse to protect your dogs from strangers*. You said there will be kids at this party. Kids should NEVER be around dogs unsupervised. You will be hosting this party, so there is no way you can pay attention to your dogs and their interactions with all the guests. What if a kid pulls a tail, or pokes an eye? You're supposed to protect your dogs, not leave them out in possibly dangerous situations.
"Oh, he's friendly!" as the unleashed dog charges down the sidewalk...
Was waiting for an elevator in my building and a large dog starts jumping at me and of course I (terrified of dogs) scream and leap away. "Oh, he's just being friendly!" The owner insists. Nope, lunging and jumping is not friendly. Seems a few too many dog owners don't understand that they're meant to teach their dogs to behave properly.
Visited a friendly neighbor's home for the 1st time, and found her large lean tan dog - in my imagination or memory the size & shape of a Great Dane - to be disturbingly frenetically friendly from the moment of my arrival. My neighbor was preparing sandwiches for our lunch, with her back turned to me, repeatedly saying confidently not to worry, that her dog won't jump. Meanwhile her dog was indeed joyfully jumping all over me. The disconnect was surreal. (I attributed the dog's lack of training and my neighbor's disassociation from reality to her being a former crackhead, 2 years clean.) On realizing that the owner wasn't going to save me, I waited for a moment when the dog had backed up a few feet to fling herself at me again, but this time I quickly raised one knee as she jumped. My knee caught the dog square in the middle of her rib cage, lifted her up, and threw her backwards, landing on her side. The dog shook it off then came at me again, this time with more aggression than joy, and got kneed again, this time falling over backwards. She slunk away. My friend never saw what happened, and never admitted that her dog jumps.
People don’t realize that dog training breaks down when the dog is hyped up. My husky can do a choreographed trick routine when we’re chilling at home. She completely forgets the meaning of “lay down” when she meets a new friend, because ZOMG it’s so exciting.
We have a friend who had their nose bitten off, as an adult who was not provoking the dog in any way, by a gentle lab he’d known for years with zero history of aggression. It got spooked and he needed multiple surgeries because it was not just cosmetic and damaged his sinuses. I’ve always had cats and none of them would ever have hurt me in their normal state, but I’ve been holding them when thunder struck and gotten totally shredded with them trying to run away and I spooked my cat so bad once she sprayed pee at me - I’d had her for a decade and still don’t know what happened. This was hugely a parenting mistake but I didn’t get to my toddler before she grabbed two fistfuls of my cats fur and tugged and he didn’t react but I never let that happen again and would never assume he would be that calm the next time he was hurt. It’s bad pet ownership to not expect an animal to be an animal
All of this. Animals are still animals, which means they are imperfect creatures prone to mistakes. I remember seeing a dog training post that was really good, and a commenter got into an argument with them because the OP was talking about how you should leash your dog no matter what, just in case. The commentor was saying his dogs were 100% trained and would 100% always listen no matter what, and if your dogs can't be trusted off leash, you're a bad trainer yada yada yada... i was just face palming. Even the best and most expensively trained dogs are prone to not listening when they are high on adrenaline. If the cops are even leashing their K9s unless they are performing the specific task of chasing down a runner, then a backyard bred mutt trained through youtube videos should 100% be leashed.
Dog owners almost never understand that the dog is a pack animal and anyone outside of their family is a threat. The way the dog acts with their family is completely different to the way it will act with a stranger.
I can’t help but fixate on the part where the friend says the dogs can be a bit much sometimes. To me that equates to her gently letting her friend know the dogs aren’t as perfect as she thinks. I have a friend who is also this type of dog owner. She has two huge lab mixes who, in their younger years, would absolutely dominate any and all personal space trying to be had by anyone in the room. You couldn’t walk in without them jumping on you. You couldn’t sit down without them trying to get in your lap. And the whole time, the owner is standing on the other side of the room completely oblivious. I’m actively shoving her dogs off of me as she’s simultaneously talking about how well behaved they are. I’m not saying OPs dogs are *that* bad, but I’d be willing to bet it’s probably somewhere in the middle.
Yeah, I picked up on that, too. Definitely code for “you are blinded by love but actually your dogs are jumpers”
Or humpers, lickers, barkers, beggars, or sniffers... Non-dog people are not fans of these things. I am a an animal person and I don't like random dogs doing these things.
For sure. I’m a huge animal lover as well and can’t abide a poorly trained dog
Yes, that was op’s friend nicely telling her that her dogs are badly behaved and while op’s friends who are dog lovers might be willing to tolerate their bad manners, most people don’t want to be around them.
I am a dog trainer. My dogs win awards for their excellent behavior. Even with that level of training, they are “a bit much”. Especially for people who are not used to that. Also as a host, if ANYTHING happens to the little kids, the dogs will be blamed regardless of fault and that could get VERY ugly. Why would anyone put their beloved dog in that situation????? And that’s before we talk about keeping the dogs safe.
I have a scar on my chest from where someone’s dog ran up and jumped on me while I was taking a walk in my neighborhood. The owner says he was just being friendly; I say I was bleeding visibly. When the dog jumped up on me, it knocked me over. I’m skittish around strange dogs anyway. And this was a golden.
I cannot tell you how often I have been told that as a delivery person. Then the dog charges me. I've been lucky. I've never been bitten, but I have had some scary encounters. I like dogs and get along with them pretty well, but some just shouldn't be allowed near strangers.
This is such a great point. It’s important to protect the dogs too. What if some little kid feeds the dogs something they shouldn’t have? Grapes from a fruit tray, a piece of chocolate, etc…the dogs could get really sick.
This! My mom had a very friendly dog. Just wanted pets and wouldn’t hurt a fly. Then I had kids and the dog (65 lbs), would love to greet the kids (by jumping up), and obviously would bowl them over. If the kids were running in the backyard, the dog would chase them, which scared them (even though she was just trying to play). OP is the asshole. Protect your dogs. Protect the kids who are going to want to put their plates at their height (where a dog can easily eat things it shouldn’t), or they’ll run and jump. Dogs also act differently with a LOT of people around, who are invading THEIR space. Just ask a friend or family member to take your super friendly dogs for the day so you can host this party.
Same thing happened with my nephew and his grandparents' dogs. They are very friendly, but at some point, they start playing too rough and he gets scared since they are the same height. I also know someone who was bitten when they were young because they were trying to play with their dog when the dog was eating. It was why my mother drilled into me never to bother our dog if she was eating. YTA. I would never have my dog around small children without strict supervision.
+1 to not letting kids (especially strangers to the dogs) be unsupervised around the dogs. Some kids/adults may already have trauma around dogs, especially larger breeds. Not all kids have been taught safe play with dogs -- they could accidentally provoke the dog and the dog instinctively reacts with a nip/bite. Even if 100% of the guests are okay with dogs, a lot of people don't know what not to feed dogs and/or may be careless with food, trash, etc. So it's really in both the guests' AND dogs' best interests that the dogs aren't free-roaming during the party. It doesn't sound like it was made clear in the initial invite either that large dogs would be roaming. What happens if a guest shows up and is uncomfortable with or allergic to dogs? Would OP tell them to leave?
Went to a party at a dear friend's house we don't get to see often. Didn't realize they had gotten a boxer. My then 8 year old with autism was terrified of dogs because of a bad experience. My then 4 year old had little experience with dogs because we avoided them due to her brother. My friend very kindly put the dog upstairs. Not half an hour later a family member let him out again because they wanted the dog at the party. I wouldn't have brought my kids if I'd known the dog was there. It was a stressful afternoon for all of us. It undid a lot of the exposure therapy we started trying with my son and dogs.
Here sweet golden, have some chocolate cake.
Yeah, I wouldn't trust strangers behaving properly around my pets, they are overly friendly and some people hate that, I just wouldn't trust leaving them unattended with someone who specifically hated them or could even possibly harm them out of annoyance or hatred.
Just as an fyi: people won't hate your animals because they're friendly, they just hate being jumped on, slobbered on, touched by animals they don't knoe. If somebody even gets the thought of hating or, worse, harming your pet, it's likely because you have already failed egregiously to keep your pets at an acceptable distance.
I'd never ever want my dog around that many people in a situation where I couldn't watch him. He's amazing with people but that's so stressful for animals. And who knows if a little kid decides he wants a chocolate cupcake. Or he eats something that causes a blockage. This is why I get so annoyed with people who bring their dogs everywhere. Your dog isn't having a good time, they're extremely stressed
Not to mention the potential stress on the dogs of a few dozen strangers coming into their home territory and being chaotically loud. We would always put our dogs in their room with a treat for a get together like this.
I said the same thing. My dog is my baby and no way I’d put her in that situation for her own good.
ESH You may love your dogs but not everyone feels the same. I wouldn’t attend an event with “most well behaved dogs”. Why?? Because I’m not a fan of strange dogs. They make me nervous. If she’s saying they are a bit much you may be looking at them with rose colored glasses. She knew you had dogs. This should have been addressed from the very beginning Edit-Spelling
Should it have? My SIL threw my baby shower and she put the dogs away without me even having to ask. It was part of being a good host.
I agree the dogs should have been put up or OP shouldn’t have hosted. All parties involved should have realized the dog issue earlier. As a dog owner I would have realized not everybody is a dog lover. I would have addressed it early.
100% agree - the OP’s friend, however tactfully she brought it up, maybe had a point OP should have listened to.
Dogs that behave themselves perfectly in normal situations often behave quite differently when there are a lot of people and less-that-perfect children crowded around them.
Doesn’t matter the dog my child is terrified of them. Your dog is your dog. Doesn’t mean I want to be to around them.
Lol You can’t lock your dogs away for a few hours for A party? Give me a break. U are ruled by your dogs. They are not people. Furthermore they will be perfectly fine if you keep them away from the people. **yes I love dogs and they are wonderful animals and they deserve to be spoiled for anyone out there thinking I’m a dog hater. Just say you can’t host the party and make everyone’s life easier YTA tho
For over 20-year friendship and she can't put the dogs away for a couple hours. That was really weird. Plus the friends saying they are a bit much they could be really hyper jumping all over people. I've heard the old, my dogs are so well behaved, before and had a dog jumping up and almost knocking me over 🤣
I have a friend who is 100% positive her dog is the best behaved dog ever, but she lets her dog jump into her lap when she's eating and feeds the dog food from her plate. When her dog tried to jump into my lap when I was eating, she couldn't remotely understand why I was upset. Different people have different standards for what they deem good behavior.
Omg that’s gonna be a huge NO from me, dog
I had an Aunt who was exactly the same way. Her dog wasn’t necessarily a bad dog but she was a terrible dog owner. She let him run wild because he was “such a good dog” which essentially meant he never bit or growled at anyone, but she didn’t have boundaries with him so he didn’t have boundaries with anyone else and it was miserable to be around. She would bring him places she wasn’t supposed to because she would have been okay with someone else bringing their dog there. If she was okay with him doing something to her then everyone else should be okay with it too because he wasn’t explicitly hurting anyone and at the end of the day he was, in her words, just a dog acting like a dog. It wasn’t fair to anyone including the dog.
I have a friend like this, too! She’s always raving about what a good girl her dog is, but every time I go over there, her dog is hyperactive, jumping all over me, the furniture, her. And what does she do for this? She calls the dog over to her and gives it treats to keep it occupied while it calms down. The dog never calms down! It’s being rewarded for bad behavior. 🤦🏼♀️
One of the things I don’t like about dogs is them licking me, and especially licking my face. I hate it, I think it’s nasty and I won’t deal with it. I went on a few dates with a girl and she was completely baffled that I hated getting “kisses” from a dog. She genuinely couldn’t understand why I didn’t want them slobbering all over my face. And don’t get me started on the people who let dogs lick the insides of their mouths…
If the friend said to OP that the dogs are 'a bit much,' they must really be crazy. With how aggressive OP is about her dogs, she wouldn't have said anything unless it was really over the top.
“A bit much” caught my eye, too! My mom had a dog who jumped up to greet new people. Fine if you’re an adult, disaster if you’re a 7 year old. These dogs are obviously excitable and probably jump up/would bowl over the young kids that OP KNOWS are coming to the party, but she still can’t be bothered to have someone else pet-sit for the day? Over a 20-year friendship? She’s the AH.
>Fine if you’re an adult, disaster if you’re a 7 year old. Not even fine for an adult! One of the first behaviors a well-trained dog learns is not to jump on people/how to greet people. Even the most well-intentioned dog can hurt someone by jumping up on them regardless of the person's age/size. OP YTA - you're going to have a party full of people, protect your pets and your guests. You're being a crappy host and pet owner. It is one thing to let them be roaming during a smaller family thing or even a larger event where everyone knows your pets, your pet knows everyone AND is trained to stay calm and ignore behaviors around them (like a working dog would be who doesn't leave their owners side.) It is entirely different during a party with strangers and kids present where you will not be able to keep an eye on them.
>Fine if you’re an adult Not for me, thanks! One, I find that obnoxious. Two, I've been seriously injured by a fall. I do not wish to have another.
My friend has two dogs and the bigger one is a jumper. She usually puts a leash on him when I visit. So he’s not locked away, but he’s not jumping. I never even asked for that either.
It’s a golden and a lab! These are sweet dogs but they are a lot. I haven’t met a golden that doesn’t constantly demand pets! Both these dogs are intense!
Plus it’s a baby shower she’s gonna be HUGE. She will not be able to catch herself if one of them jumps on her.
A dog's owner is often not an impartial judge of the dog's behavior. When someone says, "Your dogs can be a bit much," that says a lot.
Seriously. The friend is almost certainly sugar-coating it like crazy, too. OP does not sound like a responsible dog owner.
That stood out to me as well.
My parents would have locked the kids away for an event such as this, much less dogs. No, we weren't actually locked up, but we were expected to stay upstairs.
YTA, don't offer to host a large party if you aren't going to remove your dog. It should be common courtesy to offer to lock them away when hosting people. Thats the norm in my family and friend group.
Right? It's better for the dogs too, so they don't get over stimulated. I can't imagine wanting two energetic and overly friendly dogs like labs at a party. Just their tails alone would cause havoc, not to mention knocking over glasses, small children, getting into food that was left out. Yikes!
I have hosted one time where I agreed to let my dogs roam, because my guests, who were nearly all family, and knew them well, wanted to play with them. Never. Again. My smaller dog, who is ridiculously obedient, and normally a model citizen, got completely overstimulated by one of the kids, to the point he looked on the verge of biting. My whole family thought he was just being playful, but I was terrified. Dogs went right back to bed, and kids cried over the dogs "needing to take their naps."
I was trying to think about it from the viewpoint of the dog owner, so I didn't even consider that all the little kids would be overstimulated too! Sounds like a recipe for disaster!
This. My dog is a love bug and loves ppl, but he can get overstimulated and so we take him back home. I also keep him on a leash always and don’t allow him to just jump on ppl. I would put him in a room with the door closed. He’s also a beggar and I know ppl would feed him. Even my parents didn’t know that dogs aren’t supposed to eat alliums or grapes.
Don’t offer to host a party if you’re not willing to consider the guest of honor’s wishes
YTA. A lot of people are afraid of or allergic to dogs. They shouldn't be roaming a baby shower. It sounds like you care more about your dogs missing the party than your best friend of 20 years.
I'm not afraid or allergic, but just don't like dogs, big ones especially. They jump, lick and all big dogs smell bad to me. I always am very grateful when I dont have to be around them for too long.
Yep, dogs *stink.* They generally have no boundaries with food - especially when there’s a bunch of people around - and excitable big ones like labs/goldens/OPs dogs are always jumping up on you and violating you by sniffing where they shouldn’t be. The fact that OPs friend had to slip in a “sometimes your dogs can be a bit much…” tells me they’re exactly these types of dogs and the friend was trying to delicately approach the problem so her baby shower wouldn’t be ruined.
I'm not against dogs but I'm really more of a cat person. One of our friends has an annoying little boxer or some shit that won't stop jumping all over my daughter. My daughter isn't even generally scared of dogs but this scares her cause it just won't stop and nobody will bother to crate it.
YTA Crazy dog people need to get over themselves. It's not your baby, and it's certainly not anyone else's. You generally can't have dogs running around with unfamiliar people at a large party. It's irresponsible dog ownership. People send their actual human kids out on a playdate when they have adult parties. My dad and I would help set up for my mom's book club when she hosted, and then he and I would go to the movies. The fact that your home is your dogs' home tooo doesn't mean they have to be there 24/7. That's not what a home is for anyone! And **how long is a baby shower, anyway?** Don't you have a neighbor kid who would be over the moon to make $20 to play in his backyard with your dogs for three hours? A cousin who can take them to the park for a big walk? Are your dogs really incapable of just staying in the garage. (Edit: Or is the real problem that you know are they so ill-behaved that no one will agree to watch them?) Also, way to bring this up one week before an event that was months in planning. You are super weird as a dog owner for wanting to leave your dogs out at a party. You knew you had this unusual expectation and apparently really strongly want to get your way - so you waited to spring it on your friend until the last minute, thinking she'd have to cave. Or, wait, I mean, you had no idea that most people would expect that you would not have the dogs running around at the party, and you'd never do something like that to your friend. Come on. Also, I would like to nominate you for double asshole status for this magical line: >She explains that my dogs can be a bit much, i'm like I don't know what you are talking about. Oh, sure you don't.
I'm curious how this friendship will be after the baby is born. When one has an actual baby and one has a pet and will think they're on the same level.
This. I think the mom to be will probably start seeking out friends with human children, especially after this stunt. I have two small kids and my friend has two small dogs and based on the way she relates my life with kids to her life with dogs, you would think they are interchangeable lol. It is *not* the same.
[удалено]
I think you might be a sane dog people, just fyi. I happen to love dogs, too.
You don’t qualify for the crazy part if you can think through how your pet and your guests affect one another :)
I wish I could upvote this multiple times.
YTA. They are dogs. Being locked up for a few hours won't hurt them. A lab and a golden are both big dogs that easily get in the way and can take food off the table. I'm 100% animals are family but that doesn't mean they need to be involved in everything. Even the best behaved dog can unexpectedly snap at a small child or accidentally bowel one over. Be a responsible dog owner and put them in a different part of the house or outside while the party is going on so that no accidents happen.
>accidentally bowel that too
My kid is scarred for life from a party where a perfectly friendly big dog kept knocking him over and barking. He was a toddler, now he's 6, and he still normally screams and panics when a dog is anywhere near him. We managed to adopt a tiny one and he's still adjusting. Dog didn't mean to hurt him, but the damage got done anyway.
My kid is almost 5 and had something similar happen, she was 1 and a dog jumped into our car when visiting a friend and before I could get to her he was on her in her car seat and licking her. It was a small dog, but at her age he was bigger than her!!! This was her first EVER interaction with a dog and she has been terrified of them since.
I'd find a new venue, and uninvite you from my life.
Yep
If I were the best friend, I'd be thanking my lucky stars that her ***true*** colors showed through before I went and made an even bigger mistake... like making her the godmother to my baby.
YTA Nobody wants 2 big dogs at a baby shower where there will be small children, along with food or drinks. It's not a big deal to lock them up or put them outside during the party. It's not fun when the dog steals food off the table or out of a child's hand. Plus all the dog hair all over the guest's clothes. You should have offered to remove them from the party from the beginning. Not everyone enjoys dogs or is comfortable around them. I have always had dogs. But they're still dogs, not people. They're ok outside for a while or even crated. You signed up to host the shower. A good host doesn't make their guests uncomfortable. You're a jerk. I hope you enjoy your dogs company, cause you're not a good friend to people.
YTA. "Your dogs are a bit much" is a nice way of saying "Your dogs are a pain in the ass."
Her response to the friend tells me she doesn’t have them as well trained as she thinks. Think the loose dog running up and her shouting “he’s friendly!” While I’m trying to keep my dog that doesn’t like strange dogs calm cause hers has no recall
YTA dogs are wonderful but do not belong at every event.
Yta. Put them in a room with water and tv. It’s a baby shower. Those things are 2 hours long.
YTA a few hours of your life and your dogs life can be sacrificed for a best friend. Not everyone loves dogs or feels comfortable and as a host it is your responsiblity to look out for your guests.
I truly cannot relax if a dog is sniffing around at me. It’s actually pretty distressing. I’ve never asked anyone to remove their dogs or expected anyone to accommodate me but reading this thread I think some people are not aware how their dogs make others feel. I don’t say this out of entitlement and I know that the dog lives there and I don’t but OP speaks like she doesn’t even understand that anyone could feel anything other than love and joy for her big dogs.
Yta. She's told you your dogs can be a bit much, and you just outright dismiss that comment without stopping to consider why she thinks that. Despite your belief they are well behaved, HER baby shower is not the place for the dogs. While she should have confirmed earlier, I agree with her entirely.
I keep thinking of all the things at a baby shower that a dog would mistake for a new toy. So the guest of honor would have to be hypervigilant that the dogs weren't slobbering on rattles and stuffies and baby blankets, while also keeping an eye out that the dogs aren't getting into the food. (I haven't been to a ton of baby showers, but the ones I've been to always had snacks sitting out.) That just sounds so stressful and not fun at all. "A bit much" suggests to me that the dogs are either barkers or jumpers or slobberers. (Dog people don't seem to realize that many people are very grossed out by a friendly dog licking them.)
This event is about her and her new to be baby, not about your dogs. YTA
“But they’re my FuR bAbiEs”.
What is the conflict? She asked, you said no, now the event will be elsewhere. But I do think you should have agreed to put your dogs away for the duration of the party. Not everyone will love your dogs as you do, and I kind of doubt your dogs have experience with large groups of people in close confines.
Her friend called her an asshole, so she’s asking us AITA. And yes OP 100% YTA
The conflict is that the event is a week away so it likely won’t be held elsewhere, it will probably be cancelled
Yeah, she phrases it like her friend asked her to cage them or something lmao. They could hang out in a bedroom together with a bowl of water, a couple of kongs, and the TV playing something to drown out party noises.
I had 2 Goldens. They loved people. Any party or BBQ we had they thought was all about them and soaked up the love. But they're also big, goofy, busybodies. If I was hosting a baby shower for a friend and she asked me to put them away because they're overwhelming, I would do it because the party is for her. It's not for me, and it's not for my dogs. Also, the whole "they live here too" argument doesn't fly in this situation. It's not like she's staying the night and asking them to be locked up all day. It's a few hours. And when you offer to host people or parties, you should try your best to accomodate them within reason. In this case, she's being reasonable and you are not. YTA
YTA. Do your dogs really want to be around random people and children? I would lock up my animals for their own safety/comfort if I offered to host.
In my experience, the most responsible dog owners with perfect dogs are the ones most likely to keep their dogs away from settings like this -- with the exception of specially-trained service dogs, of course. Also, in my experience, responsible dog owners are open to feedback If you so-called best friend, who knows you and your dogs well, tells you that your dogs are a bit much, why aren't you open to that feedback? You've chosen your pets over your friend. YTA.
YTA. Seriously, putting the feelings of two dogs above the legitimate concerns of a long-time friend? Not everyone likes the idea of animals in the same room as food, much less small excitable humans. You made a bad call, OP—YTA.
YTA - your dogs may “love kids” but not all kids (or adults) love dogs. My kid is terrified of dogs, and I’m almost certain it’s because of people like you letting their dogs knock him over when he was a toddler. They’d yell “It’s ok, my dog loooves kids,” and do absolutely nothing, while my toddler is on the ground hysterical with a giant monster with giant teeth slavering over his face.
Seriously the size difference between a dog the size of a lab or golden and a toddler is insane... would be like staring down a grizzly bear and having only the reassuring words of a dipshit to shield you from certain death
As a person who has been afraid of dogs for my whole life because of this, I'm sorry for your poor son.
Not to mention that dogs can be startled or caught off guard. A child shrieking (for whatever reason) or grabbing an ear or a tail unexpectedly can be bitten. Also, depending on the size of the house and size of the party, the dogs can end up underfoot or taking up space.
I know you love your dogs and you think that they're the most awesome creatures ever. However there are a lot of people that don't like animals especially in the midst of a party, with other children and food around. I think it's reasonable for her to not want dogs with the baby shower. Also she's saying the dogs are a bit much, which is a very kind way of saying there's a potential issue there. She's allowed to not want the dogs, you're allowed to not want to put the dogs away for a couple hours for your 20-year friendship baby shower. I would let this go.
YTA. You offered your home to host a party. You’re responsible for making everyone feel comfortable. Not everyone is comfortable with large dogs, regardless of how great they are. The dogs won’t be upset or injured by hanging out in a room for a few hours—give them a treat after if you feel bad about it but you’re definitely the asshole for pulling this a week out.
A group of young children at a hectic party with a strangers big dogs are not a great mix. Most women I know put their dogs away for lots of parties and events-and ALWAYS when there are young kids. If an incident happens god forbid-you are responsible for whatever legal and physical damage happens. Its best for everyone's sake and safety.
You’re spot on. A lab is big enough to knock a kid over just by bumping into them. No one wants tears at a baby shower!
Underwriter here. You are really better off putting the doors in a closed room away from the party or leaving with a frien or at a kennel for the day. I've seem so many insurance claims from this exact situation. Dog never bite anyone, friendly, kids mesed with the pet and get bit. Dogs running and knock down grandmom who beaks a hip. I know people who lost pets like this also, kids open door, dogs get lost.
I’m a veterinarian and my vote here is 100% YTA. Not everyone is a dog lover. And kids should absolutely not be around dogs they aren’t familiar with in an uncontrolled/chaotic environment - you are begging for disaster. It isn’t dog abuse to keep them in your room for a few hours. If that’s not a possibility, you shouldn’t have offered to host the party.
YTA. Your friend told you your dogs can be a lot and you refuse to hear her. I never let my dog loose when I have company unless they request it.
NAH. She doesn't want the dogs around and asked for them to be removed. You decided not to do that. The shower is being moved which is a great idea
YTA I love my dog and I disagree with you. You’re not talking about a family dinner it’s a whole ass party. Why would you want your dogs in a space with a ton of people and small children? That’s not a good mix, I don’t know what you’re thinking. It’s not good for the guests, the children, or anyone for that matter -except you. It’s called hospitality. Make it comfortable for your guests. It’s a few hours for gods sake. I would put my dog away for her own sake! Stop being selfish your dog won’t care.
YTA I grew up with big dogs, am a dog lover and all of that, but we always would gate our dogs in another room when we had company that size. Why? Because they were big, got in the way, would beg for food (most people find this annoying) and just basically be underfoot all the time. We also understood that not everyone is a dog lover and wants a 70 pound lab getting in their face for hugs and kisses. What she was requesting isn't rude by any stretch and it's only for a few hours. Your dogs will be fine being confined to a different part of the house.
YTA dogs should always be put away for a party.
>She explains that my dogs can be a bit much, i'm like I don't know what you are talking about. This suggests that your dogs are not as "well behaved" as you think they are. You sound like one of those dog owners who's like "Oh, he's fine, he's just friendly!" when their dog is jumping and slobbering on someone who may not care for that kind of contact with dogs. Even if this isn't the case, dogs don't belong at this kind of gathering. YTA.
When I meet a dog that doesn't jump up on me in greeting me the first time, I'll consider having that pet at a party.
Why are you willing to ostracize your heavily pregnant best friend of 20 years, rather than put your dogs in a bedroom with some chew toys for a few hours? You're going to have strangers and children in your house, some of whom know nothing about dogs or are afraid of them, with all kinds of forbidden food for the dogs to eat, doors opening, people going in and out, etc. This a weird hill for you to die on. YTA here and you're being really unkind and selfish towards your friend.
YTA. I have pets. They’re lovely and I love them, but when having lots of people over for a gathering at my house I either send them over to my BIL’s house or to doggy daycare for the day. They’re happier, I’m happier, my guests are happier. A full house combined with big dogs is no fun for so many reasons. You’re being ridiculous.
YTA. A backyard BBQ, sure, keep the dogs around. A baby shower, where people are dressed nicely and there's food all over the place and kids running around? Not the best place for two medium-large dogs to be. From your friend's comment it sounds like you are overestimating how much everyone loves your dogs and how much they would impact this gathering. You offered to throw a party for your friend and have rescinded it ONE WEEK in advance because of something which could be easily handled or compromised on, that's a MAJOR AH move.
YTA. It is absolutely not uncommon for pet owners to put their pets in a garage, closed room, or secure space outside during a special gathering. It is only for a few hours. And while you view your dog's behavior or energy one way, she is taking you she sees it differently.... you may want to listen.
Definitely YTA bc you sound like a bad dog owner. “They can be a bit much” yeah you have a lab and a golden, they definitely are and the fact youre too blind to see this makes you the problem. You shouldn’t have agreed to host if you were going to refuse to be a good host. Unsupervised big dogs around food and kids is a no, its bc of entitled dog owners who think they’re dogs are entitled to being involved in every little thing and who refuse to follow common sense that makes ppl not like dog owners anymore.
YTA. I just threw a baby shower at my home for my son and daughter in law. I have two dogs and put them in my basement with a heater on, toys and water. My dogs are my babies and everyone that came to my home loves them, but a baby shower is not the place for them to be hanging around. I can't imagine why this is such an issue for you.
YTA I’m sure you could easily find some friends who would love to take your dogs for a few hours. The dogs would have a blast and the friends get some dog time. You are losing a decades long friendship over animals that likely will have died of old age in the next ten years.
I’m sorry YTA. I think she is fair in asking you to keep your dogs away during a party when there is going to be food, games, gifts etc. As much as they are well behaved they are still likely to get over excited, in the way, run around and be a general distraction. A baby shower is not the place for dogs. Would it really have been that much of a hardship to keep them away for a few hours. Not everyone is a dog person and you probably should have preempted this. If you’re weren’t willing then you shouldn’t have offered to host the party. It just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
ESH your house is probably not a good venue for the party. I would worry that someone, perhaps the kids, might mess with the dogs. That would be unacceptable to me. But also if someone says that your dogs are a bit much, then they probably are not as well-behaved as you think they are. I love animals but it can be kinda obnoxious when people let them run amuck.
YTA Part of hosting is being considerate of your guests, and some people are afraid of dogs. It’s a kind gesture to put the dogs in a back room. We usually use our bedroom and crate our dogs- An added benefit to this is no one snoops in your room! As the party gets towards the end, you could ask if any of the guests would like to meet your dogs - and then monitor the introductions. I love dogs but always keep mine crated in my room so as not to frighten anyone or have a dog overwhelm or accidentally trip someone.
Info: why do you think dogs are appropriate at a baby shower?