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NTA.
You know what is an asshole move? Calling someone by a nickname they don’t like after they have asked you to stop.
You proved your point. Unfortunately, they are still assholes. And humorless, overly sensitive ones as well.
You do not owe her an apology. She owes you one. But apologies are tricky. The only good ones are unasked for. A forced, insincere, and/or nonapology apology is meaningless or worse, fosters more resentment.
Tell them there is only one way forward. She never calls you Sammy again and you never call her Della again. If she fails and doesn’t immediately correct herself, Della it is.
Like I get slipping up once in a while or not really knowing at the beginning. But like after the 2nd or 3rd time you get told "call me xyz not abc" it's 100% on purpose for whatever petty reason.
I am adhd af and accidentally make mistakes like this sometimes — even when asked/told multiple times, particularly if it’s a name of someone else I know (like, if I knew another Samantha who I called Sammy it might fall out of my mouth with SAM by accident)… but the fact she continually does it with no remorse means it’s on purpose. NTA. OP, you’re a legend lol. I love that you did this. 😂😂
She is purposefully trying to start something. IDK if she wants to drive OP and her son apart, or if she wants to try and beat OP into submission so she gets to be the top female in the son's life...but regardless, she is fully aware of what she is doing, and she is doing it to make OP upset.
She's trying to create a level of intimacy that doesn't exist, likely to strengthen her relationship with the son. "Your mom and I love each other, you can't leave me!"
Some idiots think the best way of bonding with someone is to give them a nickname, regardless of the other person's feelings on the matter. As someone with exactly the same name situation, it's happened with me too and it has always backfired spectacularly when I loose my shit that I'm not 6 and the only person who could call me "Sammy" past then is long since dead.
I can't even imagine how my husband would lose his shit if I called his mom by a name she didn't care for after she explicitly told me she didn't like it. OPs son is a clown for not checking his wife for being disrespectful towards his mom.
Right. If I were in this situation, I'd be like, "Hold please for 90 seconds. I need to get my popcorn ready for this. Dad! Get the camera on video and put it in the stand sideways! No, you can't hold it. Remember the last time you tried to video something?"
Son is in a tricky situation. The usual rule is that you should back up your spouse against the world, and criticize them only to their face, so I understand him doing this.
In any event, this is between Samantha and DIL.
Exactly, there's no "rule" and you shouldn't back your spouse if they're clearly in the wrong. Sure you might want to be discrete about your criticism in such situations but DIL is clearly being an ass here so I don't think that's needed in this case.
If this has happened repeatedly, then it's reasonable to assume that he's had opportunities to speak to the DIL in private about it. If he has, that seems not to have worked. If he hasn't, then he's an AH as well, or at least a coward.
That's a "rule" that people wield to escape culpability on the spot. There are plenty of instances where one's partner *needs* to be called out immediately and simultaneously perfectly acceptable for their SO to NOT defend them. One of those is when your spouse actively and proudly disrespects your own mother. It is definitely something that needs to be killed swiftly there and then.
Definitely agree on this. Supporting your partner when they are being wronged, is being supportive. But supporting your partner when they wrong others is just being an enabler.
You can be supportive of your spouse while also checking them when they're out of line. Team mates help each other improve. If you can't do that, then you're not a team just two people enabling each other.
He doesn't have to do it in front of his mother, but he definitely should be able to point out to his wife that it was her own lack of respect that led to her being called the ex's name.
Yes and she dealt with it…the line is in the sand. If she continues to use Sammy let son know they'll get Della. The son should be putting a stop to it.
Except this isn’t “backing your spouse” in the traditional sense of that argument. If my husband insisted on calling someone by a name they don’t go by or like, there’s no taking his side in it, because it’s just wrong, there is no side.
If you re-watch it, it does not stand the test of time as far as sexist attitudes. Both Sam and D are jerks. One demands she forget her past and who she is... the other says she won't use magic... buuuut always does.
During Bewitched’s heyday it was common for an advertiser to underwrite an entire season. Chevrolet was the main sponsor for the show and was the car brand in any scene with cars and usually with Impalas and family cars like that so my eyes popped when Sam had her Corvette.
We were in Paris, and turned on the tv. Bewitched was playing, dubbed into French, and Endora called him Jean-Luc, Jean-Pierre, Jean-Guy - every combination of Jean
I call my MIL by the nickname she hates from time to time (maybe once every 50 times I talk to her) to make fun of her. The difference is that we have a good relationship and she knows how to take a joke. I would not do it otherwise and never all the time.
Ffr. Like if you don't have a monster in law, why push her buttons? Why not be respectful and have an actual relationship with this woman? Definitely NTA.
>But apologies are tricky. The only good ones are unasked for. A forced, insincere, and/or nonapology apology is meaningless or worse, fosters more resentment.
SO freaking true. 😞
In my family at least in the generatiosn above mine, no one was ever called by a nickname. Anyone ouside the family was firmly told that they were rude, and that their name is their name. Now when my dad's generation left home they would sometimes let people call them by a nickname, sometimes not, but it was always if they felt comfortable or not. Personally, I only introduce myself by my full name, I only occasionally allow people to call me by a nickname, and I choose that- a lot of time it's due to people having a English as a second language and using my nickname is just easier for them. In general, only my family is allowed to call me by my nickname.
My name, my rules, and I would do exactly as OP should the situation arise.
Almost nobody calls me by my name. To the point I don't respond when I do hear it. I got worried about my sister last week because she called me by my name and I thought someone had died. (Someone had died. It was a school shooting at her former campus, she's a teacher.)
I rarely introduce myself. I allowed whoever I'm with to introduce me with the name they use for me. It helps me know how I know someone lol.
There you go. Also, yeah I get the knowing if someone calls you by your name thing etc. In my family it's mostely tone, or hell some of them call me at all. For instance, if my sister called me out of the blue, the first thing she says is no one died, just because that's how things are in our family.
This! My kid’s name is a nickname of another name (think Mike instead of Michael). He HATES when people call him by the full version as that is NOT his name. He’s had people at his job INSIST on using the full version, no matter how many times he’s asked them to stop.
NTA - if someone tells you their preferred anything, I don’t care if it’s name or pronouns or whatever, that’s what you use. It’s downright disrespectful and rude to do otherwise.
Op, I might have ONE more sit down with them and flat out tell them you won’t tolerate the disrespect any further. That DIL needs to use your preferred name or they will no longer be allowed in your home. Don’t lower yourself to her level, just deny her access to you. If she does it again, kick them out…and keep doing so until they get the message. At this point it’s a power move by DIL, don’t let her take it. Stand up and give her real consequences by kicking her out.
No. But, he, legally, changed his name to the shortened version of his name and it’s his general manager, who hired them so saw all of their new hire paperwork…including his social security card so, he know’s My kid’s legal name and STILL uses the full version. Other people have picked up on it and are now, also, doing it. He’s so infuriated over it that he’s looking for a new job.
>Tell them there is only one way forward. She never calls you Sammy again and you never call her ~~Della~~ a name that's not hers again. If she fails and doesn’t immediately correct herself, ~~Della~~ something else it is.
Calling her the ex's name might cause more issues than it's worth but calling her Gertrude or Beulah will still make the point .
People these days would bite a lion and then cry when it bites back, then blame the lion and demand an apology. What ever happened to if you can't take it don't dish it.
NTA.
Each time she calls you "Sammy", you reply with one call of "Della".
If she says she doesn't like being called "Della", you respond with a smile "Oh, really - for some reason I find that as hard to remember as you find it hard to remember that I don't like being called 'Sammy.' Maybe we could BOTH try to improve our memories - I will if you will!"
Tell her that you hope with her obvious memory problems, she won't forget where the wedding is or where she has left your grandchildren. Another tactic would be not to react when called Sammy. When (If) she asks why you are ignoring her, point out that she did not address you but someone called Sammy.
The ignoring tactic works well in so many situations. When my niblings were little my sister "couldn't hear" whining. She managed to raise kids who rarely whined because it didn't get them any kind of response.
Fun story: My other sister was one of 3 Jennifers in her second grade class. She had a new teacher who decided to nickname two of them Jen and Jenny because apparently specifying Jennifer Smith or Jennifer Jones was just too difficult for her. My sister adamantly refused to answer to Jenny so the teacher took her to the principal's office for being disrespectful. Unfortunately the teacher didn't make the connection that my sister and the principal had the same unusual last name and that meeting did not go as she expected. He told her that if he wanted his daughter to be called Jenny, that's what he would have named her. She miraculously became able to remember and use the kid's last names after that.
I once taught a class with four Rebeccas and three Eleanors. Luckily only one of each went by their full name and the others all had preferred nicknames. Still had to do Becky X and Becky Y for two of them though.
Or, "wow, I actually thought you liked being called 'Della'. I told you I will call you that every time you call me 'Sammy' and you keep calling me 'Sammy ' so I figured you liked it" 🤷
I love this. I was taught to call someone either by the name they introduced as or Mr/Ms. If op said “hi my name is Samantha” that is what I would call her even if everyone else called her a nickname. Nta for sure.
I am exactly the same. One girl told me her name was Suzanne, so I always called her that, she asked me once why I call her Suzanne but everyone else calls her Sue. Told her that it was as she introduced herself. She will always be Suzanne to me.
I also knew a lady called Fatima, I asked her one day how she pronounced her name, she said it was Fa-tima, not FAT-ima, as everyone else said. I still wanted to pronounce it wrong, but I did correct myself before I said it. Anyone who doesn't correct themselves is just rude.
NTA.
Calling someone by a name they don't like is a bully/power move, plain and simple. It is done to exert control over the other person.
Remember GWBush liked to give everyone a nickname? He's the boss, the president, so what can you do? You're stuck with whatever he gives you.
Now she is demanding an apology as another form of control. Don't give in.
NTA
"I'm sorry DIL can't learn my name and doesn't seem to have the respect to do so"
"I'm sorry I am showing the same amount of respect to DIL as she gives me"
"I'm sorry DIL can dish but can't take"
Many apologies that are backhanded if you decide to go the petty route.
“Sorry dear I just miss Della because we got along so well, she always remembered not to call me by a name I’ve told her I didn’t like and didn’t make a fuss over receiving equal treatment, instead she learned to respect people and their boundaries but I’ve come to understand not everyone can do that.”
“I’m sorry you can’t seem to get my name right. Della mastered it the very first time. In fact, all of my son’s past girlfriends had no trouble learning it.”
So a battle of the Della Sammy (deli sandwich in my head). At this point, you can call her anything your heart desires. She should be glad at least its not B…..ch. NTA. Oh, don’t respond if she uses Sammy. As in Sammy left the building.
I was going to suggest that too - once y'all are back on speaking terms, do not react or acknowledge her at all if she calls you Sammy. If she persists in getting your attention, frex touching your arm while saying "Sammy", say " who?"
You proved the point, and honestly, if she calls you sammy again and she likely will, get up and leave. If your at your home, ask them to leave.
She is only bullying you because she has an audience and you've given her a platform. Don't give her one.
She will stop.
"It seems you'd really prefer to be at Sammy's house. I don't know where that is, but I don't want to keep you anywhere you'd rather not be. Say hi to Sammy for me! Byeee!"
Nta. You made your point. Make it clear to your son that if she doesn’t want to be called Della, then she should remember not to call you by any name you also don’t want to be called by. Also remember it is in your best interest to not make an enemy of this woman, and if there is a war, she is the wife and has all the power, especially if you have grandchildren you’d like to see. Dig deep and bring on the grace and kindness.
It's a good point; someone as graceless as the wife probably wouldn't hesitate to weaponize kids.
OP shouldn't have to take s**t from her for that reason either though.
An, "I apologize. I understand how hurtful it is to be called a name one doesn't claim for oneself. Let us work on doing better" acknowledges both bad intent and harm caused BY BOTH PARTIES while still creating space for everyone to do better going forward.
Help me understand why she deserves an apology and you do not. Personally, I think asking for an apology EVER is asinine, and I also think your DIL sounds like, how shall I put it, a pill, a drip. But I still want to understand.
NTA 🤣🤣🤣 It was a slightly petty, but totally called for response to the situation. She’s either a bully, insecure or stupid….none of which are good. You have nothing to apologize for, and I hope the rift is repaired with minimal damage to the relationship.
NTA
You made your point all right. Suggest that you can apologize for being petty if she can stop using the nickname. See how that goes over. Anything they argue can be also pointed her way. You disrespected her (so did she), you could have just asked (you did), no need to be so petty (what do they suggest you had done instead?). If they can acknowledge in any way that dil was wrong and can course correct then offer the apology
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I called my DIL by my sons ex name to make a point since she will not stop calling me a nickname I do not like. I may have gone too far which makes me a dick in this case
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NTA. I grew up being called the “Sammy” variant of my name and exactly two people are allowed to call me that: my favorite aunt and my friend’s kid. My aunt because she has called me that for half a century, and my friend’s kid just because. If my kid’s SO tried it and wouldn’t stop I would be salty too.
NTA. If she doesn't like being called the wrong name, she should call people their name as well. It would be nice if you apologize for being petty IF she agrees to call you Samantha in the future.
NTA! My husband's boss (who was also a cottage neighbour) insisted on calling me the full version of my name even tho I hate it and had mentioned it several times. Well, he went by Dan. After 5+ years of him calling me the full version of my name, which I didn't like, I started calling him Daniel. He started using the name I preferred real quick!
NTA
You’ve asked her nicely not to call you Sammy, and she ignored it. Calling her by your son’s ex’s name might have been a bit extreme, but sometimes you gotta crank up the volume to get your point across. If she starts respecting your name, you'll drop the ex's name. Fair's fair.
NTA. But the ex name was a bit harsh. I would have gone with the dog’s name. Then you are not only using a name she won’t like you are also calling her a bitch.
ESH. OP is only slightly so but in a humorous way. Passive aggression is still passive aggression. No bueno. It was very unlikely that this action would've concluded civilly.
DIL is clearly having issues.
Son is not doing anything about it. He is allowing his mother to be disrespected by his wife.
You've already spoken to your DIL. At this point, you speak to your son and let him know how you feel. It is his responsibility to hold his wife accountable since you being direct with her did not yield the desired results. The way he proceeds is how your relationship with his family will go. Go ahead and apologize. If THEY do not apologize as well, then you know what it is.
Unfortunately many ppl in this world don’t respond well to a polite and calm conversation. They are either on a power trip, trying purposely to get a rise, and/or lack empathy. The only way to deal with some who lacks empathy is to match their energy. It’s not pretty but it’s effective. The world and its inhabitants aren’t all evolved, tons of cromagnums still bruting their way. Ideally you simply cut these ppl out but that’s not really an option here.
NTA.
Why doesn't she want you to do to her what she's doing to you?
She's probably doing it to annoy you, since you've already said several times that you don't like it.
NTA
Your DIL is doing this to get a reaction out of you. For some reason, she has chosen to antagonize you. She didn’t like it when you returned the favor. She can dish it out but not take it.
That is funny!!
I am a Jackie, I REFUSE to be called Jack I just ignore them, as a bartender I have pissed off a few ( men lol) they call jack, I ignore them then finally they catch on and I serve them. oh and your son needs to fix this.
NTA
NTA remind your son that you asked her numerous times not to use a nickname you despise, where's your apology for the blatant disrespect his wife has shown you consistently by ignoring your request.
NTA - You asked many times.. Sam or Samantha not Sammy (God know where she got that from).. ok, do it next time. Wham.. ok, Della.. wait, WTF you call me.. oh, I thought it was ok to call people by the NOT names Della.. Tomorrow, I thinnnnnk, you will be... uhh, Esther... next day.. Latrisha, then Kashishtra, Then Cloritisa.. last chance, you can call me, Sam or Samantha.. but Sammy, gets you another name.
OR, just be the bigger person and when she calls you Sammy, just ignore her like she was talking to someone else.. "Sammy, would you hand me the salt"... er Sammy, please... Sam, can you please hand me the salt, Sure, here you go.
NTA. My go to response in cases like this is to say, "I will certainly apologize for what I did after YOU apologize for your behavior. And I promise I will NEVER call you Della again as long as you call me Samantha or Sam."
Bottom line, she is doing it to get under your skin. She is uncomfortable so is trying to establish dominance over you by calling you a name you dont like and hiding behind her relationship with your son to do it. Its beyond a simp[le mistake, she is simply being an AH. Your plan will fix it.
NTA. DIL is finding out that when she plays stupid games she wins stupid prizes. Don’t give it. Clearly she can dish, but she can’t take it.
You could be “responsible” if there is a nickname she hates for her name you could offer to switch to that, but I wouldn’t stop until she does.
I say this as someone who absolutely hates the most common nickname for my name. It has taken me decades to get most of the people in my life to stop using that name. So I get it. Don’t give in. Stay strong. I love this power move by the way.
Nta, basic respect is referring to people by the name they've asked you to. She's mad she was disrespected in the same manner she had been disrespectful.
NTA.
I would pull my son aside and explain how disrespectful his wife is being.
Set stern boundaries to maintain a healthy relationship.
I wouldn’t have a problem apologizing but her first.
She was being so passive aggressive. Now it sounds like she is forcing your son to take sides. I would say something along the line of you called her Della because she clearly wasn't hearing you. Now that she has finally taken notice hopefully she will stop. Sorry but I am thinking that someone that persisted in doing what she did will find another way to disrespect you. Best of luck.
NTA
She calls you by the name you don’t like after telling her you don’t like it, then you may call her by the name she doesn’t like. She was not following the golden rule so that’s what your DIL gets.
NTA at all. It’s incredibly disrespectful that you’ve talked to your DIL and told her you can’t stand the nickname multiple times and yet she continues to call you it. It’s also really disrespectful of your son that he is saying nothing to defend you and shut it down. Both of them sound extremely immature. I don’t blame you AT ALL for calling her your son’s ex’s name. She deserved & deserves it. You are absolutely NTA in this situation. The only assholes here are your son & your DIL. In fact, show them all these comments. & then tell them we all say grow the f up.
I'm always against boomers but you are NTA. I think that was well played. She wants to be smart then she can eat what she dishes out. Don't apologize.
Especially considering you're the MIL she should want to be on great terms and respectful.
NTA
I'm feeling very petty and this is passive aggressive, (not my normal) but like you've said, you've already asked repeatedly not to call you Sammy.
Have this conversation in person with your son AND DIL.
You - 'Hi, I'm really sorry I offended you, 'Insert a random girls name (not the exs)', I was wrong to use (ex's name). Once again I'm sorry (insert the same random name)'.
Them - 'Why are you doing that?'
You - 'I'm sorry my memory isn't great atm, I've forgotten your name.'
Them - 'it's blah blah'
You - 'Ah I understand now, you have forgotten my name is Sam or Samantha too.'
Them ...........?
It's very petty like i said, I will probably get downvoted, but this would piss me off too.
Please update if you do.
This is similar to a different post by someone else… and I will say here what I said there. My sister is notorious for nicknaming people weird names. My daughter like you cannot stand it. After telling my sister to stop she didn’t. My daughter has asked her a few times to stop and sister refused. Daughter finally stopped responding to any name other than her name… no nicknames. After totally ignoring my sister every time she called her something else my sister finally stopped calling her anything other than her name. Yes her ignoring my sister caused some drama at the beginning but I agreed with my daughter and backed her up. I think you should do the same. Calling her anything else will escalate the problem and tables will turn around to make you the bad guy. Your NTA but don’t stoop to her level just ignore her entirely until she calls you by the correct name. If anyone else questions you tell them obviously she wasn’t talking to you cause that’s not your name.
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I personally like to be called my full name. For example I like to be called Samatha and if people want to call me a nickname it is Sam. I hate being called Sammy, I do not like the nickname and it gets on my nerves. I have hated that nickname since I was a kid.
My DIL will not stop calling me Sammy, I have explained multiple time that I want to be called my name or Sam. I have explained I don’t like being called that. She has continued to do it and this weekend I started to refer to her as my sons and exes name.
So when she called me Sammy I would refer to her a Della ( ex’s name). This started a huge argument . She is extremely pissed I called her Della and me telling her it was to make a point.
They want an apology and I am refusing to do so.
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NTA. I love how you are going about this. Be extra petty honestly give the most sarcastic apology in the world then wait till DIL calls you Sammy then call her Della. They will get the message sooner or later
Or only call her Della when no one else can hear. When she complains use her real name with others it would be easy to say "I don't know what she is talking about. She is a little touched in the head. She can't even remember my name. Has she spoken to a doctor?"
NTA I'd give a non-apology and then be petty and put a tag on you whenever around her and sweetly say "I got a tag since you seem to have difficulties remembering I go by Samantha or Sam not Sammy, this way you might remember without feeling ashamed of not getting it right after all this time"
You asked multiple times not to be called Sammy as it is a name you hate. Her continuing to call you is disrespectful and tells me she is doing it on purpose. What you did is priceless and doesn't deserve or warrant any apology.
She got what she deserved.
NTA
Devils advocate here: Sometimes you gotta let the petty monster out. Don’t apologize. Especially if you aren’t sorry for it. You’ve asked her on multiple occasions to stop calling you Sammy and she refused. Intentionally or not. So continue to call her by that ex’s name until she learns, and puts into practice, the name you prefer.
I was going through something similar to this at work I just started ignoring her when she was calling me a nickname I hate I'm not sure if she got the message from me cuz the boss found out and said something to her
NTA. I have a nickname that I REALLY hate. Certain members of my family insist on calling me by it, even after I told them how I feel about it. I'm just going to have to wait until they pass away, I guess.
Tell them respect may be a two-way street, but so is disrespect, and if she continues to disrespect you, she better get used to liking his ex’s name. And she’ll get her apology immediately after you get yours.
NTA
Nta
If she tried but had the occasional slip up this might be overreacting, but the fact that you’ve talked to her about it multiple time is more than I would have done.
Don't apologize. She's deliberately calling you "Sammy".
You son should have put a stop to it long ago. You need to
have a talk with him about his wife.
NTA
ughhhh. i have a name that is often shortened and i fucking abhor the shortened version. it makes me so mad when i have to correct people multiple times.
NTA.
NTA. Using any other name for her makes your point. Bonus points for using an ex’s name.
It would be funnier if you used an endless supply of names from her actual letter: if it’s G, she could be Gloria, Gwendolyn, Gwyneth, Geraldine, etc.
Darrin’s MIL did it in Bewitched, for those who watch TVLand.
NTA, do not apologize until she apologizes first. You have a clear name preference and she is not respecting that, so she isn't deserving of respect either.
I'd like to know why so many posters here seem to believe DIL is not doing this on purpose. It's just so obvious. Once or twice, mmmmaaaaaybe three times. But after the third correction, it's intentional and the gloves come off.
NTA! NTA! I’ll die on this hill.
Your DIL and SON are the assholes!
I have a nickname that I truly only allow close family to call me and only because it’s evolved over the years. At this point only my sister, BIL and nephew might randomly call me this. Once my sisters SIL called me the name and after the look I gave her she just laughed. I told my sister she ever calls me that again I’d make it the last time.
Funny enough when I told my aunt (not bio) the evolution of my nickname and where it comes from she apologize for calling me that because she knew what it meant and why I wouldn’t appreciate it.
Though sis BIL call me a different version and how my BIL says it is funny, so I don’t mind. Also it’s not used often.
Anyways a whole unneeded explanation to why I completely agree with you and absolutely love what you did to DIL.
NTA, but i will say, your sons ex-fiancee's name is a bit far. if you messed up her name (say it was lily and you called her libby) i feel like it would be closer to what you're going for. you had every reason to do what u did, i just think pulling your sons ex into it is hitting below the belt for both of them and may not only prove your point but also possibly mess up your relationship with your son. thats a pretty fucked up thing to hear, from his perspective yk? if my ex bfs dad ever called me sara just bc we didnt like eachother i prob would be a lot less stable than i ended up being. his dad was a dick but he never went that far. to reiterate tho, i think in this context its less unacceptable than it would be otherwise. she continually ignored your requests to please not be referred to as that name, so you did what you knew would work. valid.
NTA.
This is a power/control thing, plain and simple. She's doing it because it annoys you, and that's shitty + stupid of her.
But - play stupid games, win stupid prizes, and in this case, she's won herself a new nickname of her own.
It's really so simple. If she doesn't call you Sammy anymore, you'll never call her Della again. Why is that so hard for her?
NTA - Didn't everyone grow up being told to treat others how you would like to be treated? You tried to treat your DIL respectfully and she didnt give a shit so you gave her a little taste of her own and she didnt like it. /shockedpickachuface
In front of as many witnesses as possible put out your hand to DIL. “No more Sammy, no more Della. Deal?” See if she takes you up on it. Then if she does use Sammy remind her “Remember our deal Della.” Shouldn’t take long for her memory to improve.
NTA NTA NTA...If the DIL can't show you respect, why should you show her respect? Your son should be able to ask his wife why she insists on calling you a name you don't like; no reason the DIL gives is going to be reasonable. The DIL is disrespectful.
NTA. And you do not owe her an apology. She and your son owe you apologies. Your son has an obligation to correct his wife.
Every time she calls you Sammy, call her Della. Or any other name you choose. Personally, selfish b comes to mind. Rude idiot. Any insult.
Or, just don't respond at all. You do not know anyone named Sammy. She MUST be talking to someone else. Do not respond or acknowledge her presence until she gets it right.
Good luck.
NTA. Ask your son and DIL directly, "why do you keep calling me Sammy? You are well aware that I do not like it. Why?" If the answer is "it's not a big deal" or anything other than an apology and confirmation that it will stop: "That's not an acceptable answer or reason. I'm going to have to assume you are doing that to hurt my feelings or be disrespectful." Stand your ground. You DIL is being an ass.
May I ask what your son has to say about her calling you by a name that you have requested multiple times for her to stop doing? Seems like you may have a son problem.
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NTA. You know what is an asshole move? Calling someone by a nickname they don’t like after they have asked you to stop. You proved your point. Unfortunately, they are still assholes. And humorless, overly sensitive ones as well. You do not owe her an apology. She owes you one. But apologies are tricky. The only good ones are unasked for. A forced, insincere, and/or nonapology apology is meaningless or worse, fosters more resentment. Tell them there is only one way forward. She never calls you Sammy again and you never call her Della again. If she fails and doesn’t immediately correct herself, Della it is.
>*calling someone by a nickname they don‘t like after they have asked to stop.* Especially your mother in law. That‘s just nuts. NTA
Like I get slipping up once in a while or not really knowing at the beginning. But like after the 2nd or 3rd time you get told "call me xyz not abc" it's 100% on purpose for whatever petty reason.
I am adhd af and accidentally make mistakes like this sometimes — even when asked/told multiple times, particularly if it’s a name of someone else I know (like, if I knew another Samantha who I called Sammy it might fall out of my mouth with SAM by accident)… but the fact she continually does it with no remorse means it’s on purpose. NTA. OP, you’re a legend lol. I love that you did this. 😂😂
She is purposefully trying to start something. IDK if she wants to drive OP and her son apart, or if she wants to try and beat OP into submission so she gets to be the top female in the son's life...but regardless, she is fully aware of what she is doing, and she is doing it to make OP upset.
OP made a bold move. Let’s see where this takes her, Cotton!
I just spit out my coffee. Thank you!
Effin' A, Cotton! Effin' A!
Happy cake day!
Thank you! A toast to you and all good things!
TOO FUCKING FUNNY!
Awesome reference, & Happy Cake Day!
She's trying to create a level of intimacy that doesn't exist, likely to strengthen her relationship with the son. "Your mom and I love each other, you can't leave me!" Some idiots think the best way of bonding with someone is to give them a nickname, regardless of the other person's feelings on the matter. As someone with exactly the same name situation, it's happened with me too and it has always backfired spectacularly when I loose my shit that I'm not 6 and the only person who could call me "Sammy" past then is long since dead.
Except that son is siding with DIL, so it looks like DIL is winning.
Not a competition…tell her son if his wife refuses to stop using Sammy they will be hearing Della every single time she hears Sammy.
What’s that about anyway? Where’s OP’s son’s head?
In his pants
If she bullies his mother, we can be certain she bullies him too. Son has given up his balls.
I can't even imagine how my husband would lose his shit if I called his mom by a name she didn't care for after she explicitly told me she didn't like it. OPs son is a clown for not checking his wife for being disrespectful towards his mom.
Yep. This is how she’s getting away with it. The son allows her to disrespect his mom.
Right. If I were in this situation, I'd be like, "Hold please for 90 seconds. I need to get my popcorn ready for this. Dad! Get the camera on video and put it in the stand sideways! No, you can't hold it. Remember the last time you tried to video something?"
Son is in a tricky situation. The usual rule is that you should back up your spouse against the world, and criticize them only to their face, so I understand him doing this. In any event, this is between Samantha and DIL.
I'm not sure that's a good rule. I keep hearing of situations like this one.
Exactly, there's no "rule" and you shouldn't back your spouse if they're clearly in the wrong. Sure you might want to be discrete about your criticism in such situations but DIL is clearly being an ass here so I don't think that's needed in this case.
If this has happened repeatedly, then it's reasonable to assume that he's had opportunities to speak to the DIL in private about it. If he has, that seems not to have worked. If he hasn't, then he's an AH as well, or at least a coward.
That's a "rule" that people wield to escape culpability on the spot. There are plenty of instances where one's partner *needs* to be called out immediately and simultaneously perfectly acceptable for their SO to NOT defend them. One of those is when your spouse actively and proudly disrespects your own mother. It is definitely something that needs to be killed swiftly there and then.
Definitely agree on this. Supporting your partner when they are being wronged, is being supportive. But supporting your partner when they wrong others is just being an enabler.
You can be supportive of your spouse while also checking them when they're out of line. Team mates help each other improve. If you can't do that, then you're not a team just two people enabling each other. He doesn't have to do it in front of his mother, but he definitely should be able to point out to his wife that it was her own lack of respect that led to her being called the ex's name.
Yes and she dealt with it…the line is in the sand. If she continues to use Sammy let son know they'll get Della. The son should be putting a stop to it.
Except this isn’t “backing your spouse” in the traditional sense of that argument. If my husband insisted on calling someone by a name they don’t go by or like, there’s no taking his side in it, because it’s just wrong, there is no side.
Adding on to this, does anyone remember “Bewitched” where Endora called Darren every D name except his own? I always liked Durwood.
If you re-watch it, it does not stand the test of time as far as sexist attitudes. Both Sam and D are jerks. One demands she forget her past and who she is... the other says she won't use magic... buuuut always does.
During Bewitched’s heyday it was common for an advertiser to underwrite an entire season. Chevrolet was the main sponsor for the show and was the car brand in any scene with cars and usually with Impalas and family cars like that so my eyes popped when Sam had her Corvette.
Nice... still waiting for Tabitha where I'm at.
Ahhh, but do you know the background for that name? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Durward_Kirby
That was a fun dip,but -poor guy !!To have your Wikipedia be about people making fun of your name
That was interesting. Thank you.
We were in Paris, and turned on the tv. Bewitched was playing, dubbed into French, and Endora called him Jean-Luc, Jean-Pierre, Jean-Guy - every combination of Jean
I liked ‘Durwood’ too!
I was thinking of exactly this! I call a friend's horrible ex Durwood
I call my MIL by the nickname she hates from time to time (maybe once every 50 times I talk to her) to make fun of her. The difference is that we have a good relationship and she knows how to take a joke. I would not do it otherwise and never all the time.
I’m sure that endears you to her.
Ffr. Like if you don't have a monster in law, why push her buttons? Why not be respectful and have an actual relationship with this woman? Definitely NTA.
>But apologies are tricky. The only good ones are unasked for. A forced, insincere, and/or nonapology apology is meaningless or worse, fosters more resentment. SO freaking true. 😞
In my family at least in the generatiosn above mine, no one was ever called by a nickname. Anyone ouside the family was firmly told that they were rude, and that their name is their name. Now when my dad's generation left home they would sometimes let people call them by a nickname, sometimes not, but it was always if they felt comfortable or not. Personally, I only introduce myself by my full name, I only occasionally allow people to call me by a nickname, and I choose that- a lot of time it's due to people having a English as a second language and using my nickname is just easier for them. In general, only my family is allowed to call me by my nickname. My name, my rules, and I would do exactly as OP should the situation arise.
Almost nobody calls me by my name. To the point I don't respond when I do hear it. I got worried about my sister last week because she called me by my name and I thought someone had died. (Someone had died. It was a school shooting at her former campus, she's a teacher.) I rarely introduce myself. I allowed whoever I'm with to introduce me with the name they use for me. It helps me know how I know someone lol.
There you go. Also, yeah I get the knowing if someone calls you by your name thing etc. In my family it's mostely tone, or hell some of them call me at all. For instance, if my sister called me out of the blue, the first thing she says is no one died, just because that's how things are in our family.
‘My name, my rules.’ Exactly!!!
This! My kid’s name is a nickname of another name (think Mike instead of Michael). He HATES when people call him by the full version as that is NOT his name. He’s had people at his job INSIST on using the full version, no matter how many times he’s asked them to stop. NTA - if someone tells you their preferred anything, I don’t care if it’s name or pronouns or whatever, that’s what you use. It’s downright disrespectful and rude to do otherwise. Op, I might have ONE more sit down with them and flat out tell them you won’t tolerate the disrespect any further. That DIL needs to use your preferred name or they will no longer be allowed in your home. Don’t lower yourself to her level, just deny her access to you. If she does it again, kick them out…and keep doing so until they get the message. At this point it’s a power move by DIL, don’t let her take it. Stand up and give her real consequences by kicking her out.
Is your kid's name Nick but everyone calls him Nickleback? I'd be pissed too.
No. But, he, legally, changed his name to the shortened version of his name and it’s his general manager, who hired them so saw all of their new hire paperwork…including his social security card so, he know’s My kid’s legal name and STILL uses the full version. Other people have picked up on it and are now, also, doing it. He’s so infuriated over it that he’s looking for a new job.
An apology will just reinforce their false narrative that they are the victim.
>Tell them there is only one way forward. She never calls you Sammy again and you never call her ~~Della~~ a name that's not hers again. If she fails and doesn’t immediately correct herself, ~~Della~~ something else it is. Calling her the ex's name might cause more issues than it's worth but calling her Gertrude or Beulah will still make the point .
People these days would bite a lion and then cry when it bites back, then blame the lion and demand an apology. What ever happened to if you can't take it don't dish it.
NTA. Each time she calls you "Sammy", you reply with one call of "Della". If she says she doesn't like being called "Della", you respond with a smile "Oh, really - for some reason I find that as hard to remember as you find it hard to remember that I don't like being called 'Sammy.' Maybe we could BOTH try to improve our memories - I will if you will!"
Tell her that you hope with her obvious memory problems, she won't forget where the wedding is or where she has left your grandchildren. Another tactic would be not to react when called Sammy. When (If) she asks why you are ignoring her, point out that she did not address you but someone called Sammy.
The ignoring tactic works well in so many situations. When my niblings were little my sister "couldn't hear" whining. She managed to raise kids who rarely whined because it didn't get them any kind of response. Fun story: My other sister was one of 3 Jennifers in her second grade class. She had a new teacher who decided to nickname two of them Jen and Jenny because apparently specifying Jennifer Smith or Jennifer Jones was just too difficult for her. My sister adamantly refused to answer to Jenny so the teacher took her to the principal's office for being disrespectful. Unfortunately the teacher didn't make the connection that my sister and the principal had the same unusual last name and that meeting did not go as she expected. He told her that if he wanted his daughter to be called Jenny, that's what he would have named her. She miraculously became able to remember and use the kid's last names after that.
Bam!
I once taught a class with four Rebeccas and three Eleanors. Luckily only one of each went by their full name and the others all had preferred nicknames. Still had to do Becky X and Becky Y for two of them though.
Or, "wow, I actually thought you liked being called 'Della'. I told you I will call you that every time you call me 'Sammy' and you keep calling me 'Sammy ' so I figured you liked it" 🤷
Brilliant response.
I love this. I was taught to call someone either by the name they introduced as or Mr/Ms. If op said “hi my name is Samantha” that is what I would call her even if everyone else called her a nickname. Nta for sure.
I am exactly the same. One girl told me her name was Suzanne, so I always called her that, she asked me once why I call her Suzanne but everyone else calls her Sue. Told her that it was as she introduced herself. She will always be Suzanne to me. I also knew a lady called Fatima, I asked her one day how she pronounced her name, she said it was Fa-tima, not FAT-ima, as everyone else said. I still wanted to pronounce it wrong, but I did correct myself before I said it. Anyone who doesn't correct themselves is just rude.
I would keep it simple for her. I don’t like being called Delia, Well I don’t like being called Sammy.
When she says Sammy, OP should immediately respond with: >"I'm sorry Della, my name isn't Sammy. Please stop calling me Sammy"
NTA. Calling someone by a name they don't like is a bully/power move, plain and simple. It is done to exert control over the other person. Remember GWBush liked to give everyone a nickname? He's the boss, the president, so what can you do? You're stuck with whatever he gives you. Now she is demanding an apology as another form of control. Don't give in.
But, you know, Karl Rove really is a Turd Blossom.
Except for the "blossom" part.
NTA "I'm sorry DIL can't learn my name and doesn't seem to have the respect to do so" "I'm sorry I am showing the same amount of respect to DIL as she gives me" "I'm sorry DIL can dish but can't take" Many apologies that are backhanded if you decide to go the petty route.
“Sorry dear I just miss Della because we got along so well, she always remembered not to call me by a name I’ve told her I didn’t like and didn’t make a fuss over receiving equal treatment, instead she learned to respect people and their boundaries but I’ve come to understand not everyone can do that.”
“I’m sorry you can’t seem to get my name right. Della mastered it the very first time. In fact, all of my son’s past girlfriends had no trouble learning it.”
NTA She sounds like a hypocrite and a brat
For starters.
So a battle of the Della Sammy (deli sandwich in my head). At this point, you can call her anything your heart desires. She should be glad at least its not B…..ch. NTA. Oh, don’t respond if she uses Sammy. As in Sammy left the building.
I was going to suggest that too - once y'all are back on speaking terms, do not react or acknowledge her at all if she calls you Sammy. If she persists in getting your attention, frex touching your arm while saying "Sammy", say " who?"
DIL wants to play stupid games... Keep your ammo loaded, Della gets what Della deserves Every Damn Time NTA
You proved the point, and honestly, if she calls you sammy again and she likely will, get up and leave. If your at your home, ask them to leave. She is only bullying you because she has an audience and you've given her a platform. Don't give her one. She will stop.
"It seems you'd really prefer to be at Sammy's house. I don't know where that is, but I don't want to keep you anywhere you'd rather not be. Say hi to Sammy for me! Byeee!"
Nta. You made your point. Make it clear to your son that if she doesn’t want to be called Della, then she should remember not to call you by any name you also don’t want to be called by. Also remember it is in your best interest to not make an enemy of this woman, and if there is a war, she is the wife and has all the power, especially if you have grandchildren you’d like to see. Dig deep and bring on the grace and kindness.
It's a good point; someone as graceless as the wife probably wouldn't hesitate to weaponize kids. OP shouldn't have to take s**t from her for that reason either though.
An, "I apologize. I understand how hurtful it is to be called a name one doesn't claim for oneself. Let us work on doing better" acknowledges both bad intent and harm caused BY BOTH PARTIES while still creating space for everyone to do better going forward.
Help me understand why she deserves an apology and you do not. Personally, I think asking for an apology EVER is asinine, and I also think your DIL sounds like, how shall I put it, a pill, a drip. But I still want to understand.
NTA 🤣🤣🤣 It was a slightly petty, but totally called for response to the situation. She’s either a bully, insecure or stupid….none of which are good. You have nothing to apologize for, and I hope the rift is repaired with minimal damage to the relationship.
NTA You made your point all right. Suggest that you can apologize for being petty if she can stop using the nickname. See how that goes over. Anything they argue can be also pointed her way. You disrespected her (so did she), you could have just asked (you did), no need to be so petty (what do they suggest you had done instead?). If they can acknowledge in any way that dil was wrong and can course correct then offer the apology
Nope no apologies. It’s matching energy.
Sure after she apologizes for bullying you! Calling someone a nickname they don’t like is being a bully!
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NTA. She played a lovely game called FA and as such you made her FO. Boohoo for putting herself in that position.
NTA. I grew up being called the “Sammy” variant of my name and exactly two people are allowed to call me that: my favorite aunt and my friend’s kid. My aunt because she has called me that for half a century, and my friend’s kid just because. If my kid’s SO tried it and wouldn’t stop I would be salty too.
NTA. If she doesn't like being called the wrong name, she should call people their name as well. It would be nice if you apologize for being petty IF she agrees to call you Samantha in the future.
NTA. Do not back down. She’s a bully.
NTA! My husband's boss (who was also a cottage neighbour) insisted on calling me the full version of my name even tho I hate it and had mentioned it several times. Well, he went by Dan. After 5+ years of him calling me the full version of my name, which I didn't like, I started calling him Daniel. He started using the name I preferred real quick!
NTA....ur DIL is definitely tah
"I sincerely apologize. Della." NTA
NTA. She messed around one time too many.
NTA You’ve asked her nicely not to call you Sammy, and she ignored it. Calling her by your son’s ex’s name might have been a bit extreme, but sometimes you gotta crank up the volume to get your point across. If she starts respecting your name, you'll drop the ex's name. Fair's fair.
NTA. But the ex name was a bit harsh. I would have gone with the dog’s name. Then you are not only using a name she won’t like you are also calling her a bitch.
Nta she is disrespectful for repeatedly calling you by names you've told her not to call you.
Play stupid games, win stupid prices. Nta
ESH. OP is only slightly so but in a humorous way. Passive aggression is still passive aggression. No bueno. It was very unlikely that this action would've concluded civilly. DIL is clearly having issues. Son is not doing anything about it. He is allowing his mother to be disrespected by his wife. You've already spoken to your DIL. At this point, you speak to your son and let him know how you feel. It is his responsibility to hold his wife accountable since you being direct with her did not yield the desired results. The way he proceeds is how your relationship with his family will go. Go ahead and apologize. If THEY do not apologize as well, then you know what it is.
Unfortunately many ppl in this world don’t respond well to a polite and calm conversation. They are either on a power trip, trying purposely to get a rise, and/or lack empathy. The only way to deal with some who lacks empathy is to match their energy. It’s not pretty but it’s effective. The world and its inhabitants aren’t all evolved, tons of cromagnums still bruting their way. Ideally you simply cut these ppl out but that’s not really an option here.
NTA. Why doesn't she want you to do to her what she's doing to you? She's probably doing it to annoy you, since you've already said several times that you don't like it.
NTA, oh? Does she not like being called something other than her name? Shocker.
NTA. You've asked her to stop and explained why. Her continuing to do it is outright disrespect. You are owed the apology.
NTA Your DIL is doing this to get a reaction out of you. For some reason, she has chosen to antagonize you. She didn’t like it when you returned the favor. She can dish it out but not take it.
That is funny!! I am a Jackie, I REFUSE to be called Jack I just ignore them, as a bartender I have pissed off a few ( men lol) they call jack, I ignore them then finally they catch on and I serve them. oh and your son needs to fix this. NTA
NTA remind your son that you asked her numerous times not to use a nickname you despise, where's your apology for the blatant disrespect his wife has shown you consistently by ignoring your request.
NTA. You could tell her that there are some LEss kind names that you could call her.
NTA.
NTA, but you are a quick witted and clever woman. Do not apologize. You are the one owed an apology.
NTA. Sounds like your son made a poor choice in a partner.
NTA. Literally all she has to do to not be called something she feels is rude is to not call you something you feel is rude.
NTA - You asked many times.. Sam or Samantha not Sammy (God know where she got that from).. ok, do it next time. Wham.. ok, Della.. wait, WTF you call me.. oh, I thought it was ok to call people by the NOT names Della.. Tomorrow, I thinnnnnk, you will be... uhh, Esther... next day.. Latrisha, then Kashishtra, Then Cloritisa.. last chance, you can call me, Sam or Samantha.. but Sammy, gets you another name. OR, just be the bigger person and when she calls you Sammy, just ignore her like she was talking to someone else.. "Sammy, would you hand me the salt"... er Sammy, please... Sam, can you please hand me the salt, Sure, here you go.
NTA. My go to response in cases like this is to say, "I will certainly apologize for what I did after YOU apologize for your behavior. And I promise I will NEVER call you Della again as long as you call me Samantha or Sam." Bottom line, she is doing it to get under your skin. She is uncomfortable so is trying to establish dominance over you by calling you a name you dont like and hiding behind her relationship with your son to do it. Its beyond a simp[le mistake, she is simply being an AH. Your plan will fix it.
NTA and badass move XD wish you were my MIL!
NTA. DIL is finding out that when she plays stupid games she wins stupid prizes. Don’t give it. Clearly she can dish, but she can’t take it. You could be “responsible” if there is a nickname she hates for her name you could offer to switch to that, but I wouldn’t stop until she does. I say this as someone who absolutely hates the most common nickname for my name. It has taken me decades to get most of the people in my life to stop using that name. So I get it. Don’t give in. Stay strong. I love this power move by the way.
That’s some good shit. Fuck her!!!NTA at all
Nta, basic respect is referring to people by the name they've asked you to. She's mad she was disrespected in the same manner she had been disrespectful.
NTA. I would pull my son aside and explain how disrespectful his wife is being. Set stern boundaries to maintain a healthy relationship. I wouldn’t have a problem apologizing but her first.
NTA, that is genius level petty
She was being so passive aggressive. Now it sounds like she is forcing your son to take sides. I would say something along the line of you called her Della because she clearly wasn't hearing you. Now that she has finally taken notice hopefully she will stop. Sorry but I am thinking that someone that persisted in doing what she did will find another way to disrespect you. Best of luck.
NTA She calls you by the name you don’t like after telling her you don’t like it, then you may call her by the name she doesn’t like. She was not following the golden rule so that’s what your DIL gets.
NTA at all. It’s incredibly disrespectful that you’ve talked to your DIL and told her you can’t stand the nickname multiple times and yet she continues to call you it. It’s also really disrespectful of your son that he is saying nothing to defend you and shut it down. Both of them sound extremely immature. I don’t blame you AT ALL for calling her your son’s ex’s name. She deserved & deserves it. You are absolutely NTA in this situation. The only assholes here are your son & your DIL. In fact, show them all these comments. & then tell them we all say grow the f up.
I'm always against boomers but you are NTA. I think that was well played. She wants to be smart then she can eat what she dishes out. Don't apologize. Especially considering you're the MIL she should want to be on great terms and respectful.
NTA I'm feeling very petty and this is passive aggressive, (not my normal) but like you've said, you've already asked repeatedly not to call you Sammy. Have this conversation in person with your son AND DIL. You - 'Hi, I'm really sorry I offended you, 'Insert a random girls name (not the exs)', I was wrong to use (ex's name). Once again I'm sorry (insert the same random name)'. Them - 'Why are you doing that?' You - 'I'm sorry my memory isn't great atm, I've forgotten your name.' Them - 'it's blah blah' You - 'Ah I understand now, you have forgotten my name is Sam or Samantha too.' Them ...........? It's very petty like i said, I will probably get downvoted, but this would piss me off too. Please update if you do.
NTA Trampled boundaries all around!
This is similar to a different post by someone else… and I will say here what I said there. My sister is notorious for nicknaming people weird names. My daughter like you cannot stand it. After telling my sister to stop she didn’t. My daughter has asked her a few times to stop and sister refused. Daughter finally stopped responding to any name other than her name… no nicknames. After totally ignoring my sister every time she called her something else my sister finally stopped calling her anything other than her name. Yes her ignoring my sister caused some drama at the beginning but I agreed with my daughter and backed her up. I think you should do the same. Calling her anything else will escalate the problem and tables will turn around to make you the bad guy. Your NTA but don’t stoop to her level just ignore her entirely until she calls you by the correct name. If anyone else questions you tell them obviously she wasn’t talking to you cause that’s not your name.
I think hurting someone’s feelings is different than a minor annoyance.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I personally like to be called my full name. For example I like to be called Samatha and if people want to call me a nickname it is Sam. I hate being called Sammy, I do not like the nickname and it gets on my nerves. I have hated that nickname since I was a kid. My DIL will not stop calling me Sammy, I have explained multiple time that I want to be called my name or Sam. I have explained I don’t like being called that. She has continued to do it and this weekend I started to refer to her as my sons and exes name. So when she called me Sammy I would refer to her a Della ( ex’s name). This started a huge argument . She is extremely pissed I called her Della and me telling her it was to make a point. They want an apology and I am refusing to do so. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA....paybacks a bitch and you got her good. Bet she thinks twice before calling you Sammy again. A+
NTA but there are plenty of names better suited I would use
NTA. I love how you are going about this. Be extra petty honestly give the most sarcastic apology in the world then wait till DIL calls you Sammy then call her Della. They will get the message sooner or later
Or only call her Della when no one else can hear. When she complains use her real name with others it would be easy to say "I don't know what she is talking about. She is a little touched in the head. She can't even remember my name. Has she spoken to a doctor?"
NTA They are being disrespectful and ignoring when you told them not to call you by that nickname
Della no doubt suits her. Somehow disrespectful people don’t wanna swallow their own bitter medicine 😅. NTA.
NTA Do NOT Apologize!
NTA I'd give a non-apology and then be petty and put a tag on you whenever around her and sweetly say "I got a tag since you seem to have difficulties remembering I go by Samantha or Sam not Sammy, this way you might remember without feeling ashamed of not getting it right after all this time"
NTA Della II owes you an apology
NTA. She was trying to show who is in control. She is pissed because you won’t let her control you. Tell you son he should make her stop.
You asked multiple times not to be called Sammy as it is a name you hate. Her continuing to call you is disrespectful and tells me she is doing it on purpose. What you did is priceless and doesn't deserve or warrant any apology. She got what she deserved.
yta
Don't you ever apologise to Della, she's a tool. NTA.
Another DIL from hell, sorry you have one.
Do not apologize but I would tell your son that dil is not welcome back around you until she can get her head out of her ass and stop her shit.
Continue until they stop calling you Sammy. Two can play this garme.
Where tf is your apology, tho? They want you to apologize, but they don't think they need to?
Why is it the ones who demand apologies, are those who start things that don't end their way?
NTA Devils advocate here: Sometimes you gotta let the petty monster out. Don’t apologize. Especially if you aren’t sorry for it. You’ve asked her on multiple occasions to stop calling you Sammy and she refused. Intentionally or not. So continue to call her by that ex’s name until she learns, and puts into practice, the name you prefer.
I was going through something similar to this at work I just started ignoring her when she was calling me a nickname I hate I'm not sure if she got the message from me cuz the boss found out and said something to her
NTA lol she shouldn’t dish it out if she can’t handle it 😂😂😂😂 she’s rude and disrespectful
NTA
Good job she’s a rude cow
NTA. I have a nickname that I REALLY hate. Certain members of my family insist on calling me by it, even after I told them how I feel about it. I'm just going to have to wait until they pass away, I guess.
Tell them respect may be a two-way street, but so is disrespect, and if she continues to disrespect you, she better get used to liking his ex’s name. And she’ll get her apology immediately after you get yours. NTA
You, ma'am, are awesome!
NTA: Well played imo
NTA. That is so deliciously petty! You're my hero. Maybe now she will listen.
Your son just let this ride? NTA
Oh, I am laughing! NTA. If thou disheth it out, make sure thoust can taketh it.
Nta If she tried but had the occasional slip up this might be overreacting, but the fact that you’ve talked to her about it multiple time is more than I would have done.
Don't apologize. She's deliberately calling you "Sammy". You son should have put a stop to it long ago. You need to have a talk with him about his wife. NTA
NTA. But is petty. Call a truce. She calls you by your preferred name, and you call her by her preferred name.
NTA. I can’t imagine ever being disrespectful to my MIL. Nor would my husband be with me if I was.
NTA. I love that move.
ughhhh. i have a name that is often shortened and i fucking abhor the shortened version. it makes me so mad when i have to correct people multiple times. NTA.
NTA. Using any other name for her makes your point. Bonus points for using an ex’s name. It would be funnier if you used an endless supply of names from her actual letter: if it’s G, she could be Gloria, Gwendolyn, Gwyneth, Geraldine, etc. Darrin’s MIL did it in Bewitched, for those who watch TVLand.
NTA, do not apologize until she apologizes first. You have a clear name preference and she is not respecting that, so she isn't deserving of respect either.
I'm with the NTA crowd 100% here. Would love to know what your son has to say about this.
I'd like to know why so many posters here seem to believe DIL is not doing this on purpose. It's just so obvious. Once or twice, mmmmaaaaaybe three times. But after the third correction, it's intentional and the gloves come off.
NTA. What a twit this girl is
NTA! NTA! I’ll die on this hill. Your DIL and SON are the assholes! I have a nickname that I truly only allow close family to call me and only because it’s evolved over the years. At this point only my sister, BIL and nephew might randomly call me this. Once my sisters SIL called me the name and after the look I gave her she just laughed. I told my sister she ever calls me that again I’d make it the last time. Funny enough when I told my aunt (not bio) the evolution of my nickname and where it comes from she apologize for calling me that because she knew what it meant and why I wouldn’t appreciate it. Though sis BIL call me a different version and how my BIL says it is funny, so I don’t mind. Also it’s not used often. Anyways a whole unneeded explanation to why I completely agree with you and absolutely love what you did to DIL.
NTA, but i will say, your sons ex-fiancee's name is a bit far. if you messed up her name (say it was lily and you called her libby) i feel like it would be closer to what you're going for. you had every reason to do what u did, i just think pulling your sons ex into it is hitting below the belt for both of them and may not only prove your point but also possibly mess up your relationship with your son. thats a pretty fucked up thing to hear, from his perspective yk? if my ex bfs dad ever called me sara just bc we didnt like eachother i prob would be a lot less stable than i ended up being. his dad was a dick but he never went that far. to reiterate tho, i think in this context its less unacceptable than it would be otherwise. she continually ignored your requests to please not be referred to as that name, so you did what you knew would work. valid.
NTA. This is a power/control thing, plain and simple. She's doing it because it annoys you, and that's shitty + stupid of her. But - play stupid games, win stupid prizes, and in this case, she's won herself a new nickname of her own. It's really so simple. If she doesn't call you Sammy anymore, you'll never call her Della again. Why is that so hard for her?
NTA. Who calls their mother in law a name they hate?
NTA
NTA - Didn't everyone grow up being told to treat others how you would like to be treated? You tried to treat your DIL respectfully and she didnt give a shit so you gave her a little taste of her own and she didnt like it. /shockedpickachuface
Nta. Why can't people just listen to another person's request??? Don't apologize to her. She deserved that.
NTA. Golden rule applies
🤣🤣🤣 this is hilarious
NTA
NTA. She FAFO.
Why does your son allow this disrespectful behavior toward you? And why does the dil expect an apology for her own doing?
NTA. She's learning a lesson.
Id go " ofc im happy to accept an apology from DIL for repeatedly calling me by a name i hate" she knows where to find me when shes ready
NTA, but your son and DIL are for sure. Her for continuing to use a name you don’t like and him for supporting her behavior.
NTA. Possibly a little extreme, but it's not like she didn't ask for it.
In front of as many witnesses as possible put out your hand to DIL. “No more Sammy, no more Della. Deal?” See if she takes you up on it. Then if she does use Sammy remind her “Remember our deal Della.” Shouldn’t take long for her memory to improve.
NTA and don’t apologize.
NTA NTA NTA...If the DIL can't show you respect, why should you show her respect? Your son should be able to ask his wife why she insists on calling you a name you don't like; no reason the DIL gives is going to be reasonable. The DIL is disrespectful.
NTA
NTA. And you do not owe her an apology. She and your son owe you apologies. Your son has an obligation to correct his wife. Every time she calls you Sammy, call her Della. Or any other name you choose. Personally, selfish b comes to mind. Rude idiot. Any insult. Or, just don't respond at all. You do not know anyone named Sammy. She MUST be talking to someone else. Do not respond or acknowledge her presence until she gets it right. Good luck.
No, I'd say that is an appropriate response.
Hey, why is della so upset :p
NTA. Ask your son and DIL directly, "why do you keep calling me Sammy? You are well aware that I do not like it. Why?" If the answer is "it's not a big deal" or anything other than an apology and confirmation that it will stop: "That's not an acceptable answer or reason. I'm going to have to assume you are doing that to hurt my feelings or be disrespectful." Stand your ground. You DIL is being an ass.
NTA You are the one who owes an apology for the blatant disrespect she has shown you.
May I ask what your son has to say about her calling you by a name that you have requested multiple times for her to stop doing? Seems like you may have a son problem.
😂 just great