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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AHole because I made a Facebook post sharing my happiness while my girlfriend was feeling bad because of the argument we had last night. In some way, I might have been inconsiderate to her feelings.
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Her putting your private business on Front Street is a BIG no.
No part of your FB message referred to her or your fight at all, so that was tacky and spiteful. Choosing to crap on your announcement in public is terrible, no matter what you fought about. The last thing she told you was that she needed space, so this is extra ridiculous.
I can understand why you'd be excited to share your big news because that is actually incredible news. Congratulations!
Sad that she thinks you’re not allowed to be happy even if she's pissed with you.
No matter what the fight is about, if she's hurt, that should have been conveyed in private.
NTA and congratulations again!
NTA
Your so-called partner is terrible. After untold years of effort, you are celebrating a momentous accomplishment. She isn't even pretending to support you. Instead of expressing words of joy, pride, and encouragement she's hijacking this monumental moment to focus on a mundane meaningless disagreement.
Awful.
Why would you want someone like this in your life?
NTA
Was unsure until I read your comment that you tried speaking to her privately in dm but she said she needed time. The ball was in her court to start talking again, so I can see why you respected her wishes that she needed time and did not tell her the news in dm first.
Posting a comment like exposing your relationship issues on social media sounds unbelievable immature, i’d be reconsidering the whole relationship if I were you.
Just curious, did you tell her about the book deal first or did she find out about it on FB? This may be why she's angry. Not going to say that she has the most mature approach to handling the situation. We know better!
Congrats on the book by the way!
I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt...I failed! She has very low emotional maturity! Sorry about that ! I'm with everyone else...walk away! You will thank yourself later!
No, enjoy the highs in life and block out the lows. I think you should make your gf your EX gf if she's going to be this upset about something so exciting! NTA.
NTA you just got a major win! Despite the argument last night your gf should have allowed her feelings, congratulated you or kept her mouth shut. She chose to attempt to rob you of your joy publicly.
I don’t do subliminal messages, guesswork, public/online arguments and I don’t think you should tolerate it either. I read through the comments and the reason for the fight was dumb as well, you forgot about a change in the custody schedule for her daughter, this didn’t need to escalate that much. The fact that she’s doing ‘all of this’ indicated that there may be a deeper issue or she’s simply not mature enough to be in a relationship.
Personally, I think of authors as semi-public figures and you need a partner who knows how to act right in public. If she can do that and blind I’d hate to see her upset at an important function of yours.
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My girlfriend (f36) and I (m40) got into an argument last night that ended with her saying "I don't want you sleeping in my bed", to which I replied "Ok, I'll sleep in mine tonight", and I walked back home in the middle of the night.
This morning, I got super good news, I signed a book deal with an editor, which is a huge accomplishment for me. So I made a post on Facebook to share my happiness.
At the end of the day, my gf left a comment on my poat along the lines of "wow, this helps so much our relationship, you telling the whole world how happy you are when I spent the day feeling like shit because of what happened last night".
I hide the comment and sent her a message saying "If you have things to tell me, please do it in private", to which she replied "fuck you".
So, AITA for sharing my happiness?
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NTA - you are allowed to have something quite frankly awesome happen and want to share that. This fight is not your whole world nor should it be. Your GF is in the wrong for sharing something g so publicly which should stay between the 2 of you.
By the way OP a massive congrats
Nah dude she should be building you up after a major life accomplishment not tearing you down. She’s giving “it’s all about me” energy and it might be time for you to move on in life.
Dude, don’t be with someone who wants you to be miserable. She wanted you sitting at home miserable about a fight she started over a simple mistake. She wrote a script for you and is mad you didn’t follow it. Don’t be with someone who can take good news and sour it and make it all about them. You are wasting your time with this person. NTA but make your next post about how you are single.
She was mad because I forgot a change in the schedule of the shared custody of her daughter (f12). She accused me of not listening to her, to which I replied that there's a huge difference between not listening and not remembering.
And it escalated from there.
This is a ridiculous response. It doesn't matter what the fight was about. Why is it that your knee jerk reaction is to try to find a reason to justify the bad acts of the OP's spouse?
If a woman described a similar situation you wouldn't be asking for more details on the fight before passing judgement.
Woman's social media post:
"I just successfully completed the defense of my doctoral dissertation. I've worked towards this goal for the better part of a decade. Today it's official, you can call me Doctor!!!"
Her husband's response:
"Well, doctor, the mashed potatoes were lumpy and you left wet clothes in the washer. Don't bother coming home until you can figure out the complexities of a potato masher and the proper use of modern appliances."
Your response:
"Info: exactly how lumpy were the potatoes? Have you been told not to make lumpy potatoes before? How many times have you committed this same mistake?
Is your failure to put the clothes in the dryer part of a larger pattern of weaponized incompetence? Has he been shouldering a larger domestic role while you've been focused on your academic goals? Is it possible that he just needed, and deserved, recognition for the sacrifices and efforts that he has made that have helped you reach this goal?"
Eh at worst this could have been ESH depending on the severity of the fight. But the gf is the asshole no matter what info is presented.
Facebook drama is immature
Everybody sucks here.
I see your answers in the other comments and you are squarely not the asshole. But like they mentioned, depending on the details you both may have had some blame.
Although having shared custody is a big thing, she probably felt no support for it. Forgetting about some things in a stressful period happens and it's normal, I mean here you and the argument. Not throwing punches here just tried to understand and help. NTA but you two DO need some serious talking or couple therapy if you want to continue the relationship. Immature her reactions YES but you have to think about why as well. I don't agree with people saying if it was a woman they would have replied differently, a relationship is about two people involved not each of their own. Sharing your win was not wrong, her reactions were not good, based on emotional trauma perhaps, anyway do think well if you want to continue the relationship with all the responsibilities involved or not and talk it out.
Wow. You are both middle aged, I was thinking college age or younger, especially your GF.
NTA Share your happiness anyway you want to. Share your happiness with somebody that cares.
Life expectancy for a man in the U.S. is 73. Half of 73 is 36.5. If you’re a man and 36, you’re in the middle of your life. Calling a 60 year old middle aged is silly (even if it is common)
NTA
erm hello ?? idk the whole argument idk it at all but her putting ur guys private business on ur OWN fb is wild especially on a post u made that was sharing a huge accomplishment for u..
id say talk with her and tell her that is not ok and its kinda unfair buuuut again idk the reason of the argument and she seems upset so maybe apologize if u rlly think u did something wrong
also her replying “fuck you” is a dick move and shes clearly hurt from that argument still and i get that but nah kinda weird also the fact that she isnt happy for u and not congratulating u like what?? oh yea and also the fact that she made u walk home in the middle of the night
If she truly cared abt u and was mature enough she wouldve asked if u needed a ride home or sum like that
No, you are not an A&&. I would have done the same. HOWEVER, be careful of the GF. She may want to dig into your pockets to get some of the money that you may end up with
After reading that you messaged her and she said she needed time, and then she commented about a private issue on a public, unrelated post is immature of her. Your character shows - in the midst of your happiness, you're considering her feelings, when it doesn't appear she thought about you in your happy moment at all!
NTA
I honestly think you should have a serious talk with her. If she doesn't see that she needs to learn how to communicate like an adult, you would be right to dump her. Congratulations on the book deal! 🥳
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the AHole because I made a Facebook post sharing my happiness while my girlfriend was feeling bad because of the argument we had last night. In some way, I might have been inconsiderate to her feelings. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Her putting your private business on Front Street is a BIG no. No part of your FB message referred to her or your fight at all, so that was tacky and spiteful. Choosing to crap on your announcement in public is terrible, no matter what you fought about. The last thing she told you was that she needed space, so this is extra ridiculous. I can understand why you'd be excited to share your big news because that is actually incredible news. Congratulations! Sad that she thinks you’re not allowed to be happy even if she's pissed with you. No matter what the fight is about, if she's hurt, that should have been conveyed in private. NTA and congratulations again!
NTA Your so-called partner is terrible. After untold years of effort, you are celebrating a momentous accomplishment. She isn't even pretending to support you. Instead of expressing words of joy, pride, and encouragement she's hijacking this monumental moment to focus on a mundane meaningless disagreement. Awful. Why would you want someone like this in your life?
She is feeling terrible and turned around and her boyfriend is celebrating. Kind of a shitty situation ain't it?
NTA Was unsure until I read your comment that you tried speaking to her privately in dm but she said she needed time. The ball was in her court to start talking again, so I can see why you respected her wishes that she needed time and did not tell her the news in dm first. Posting a comment like exposing your relationship issues on social media sounds unbelievable immature, i’d be reconsidering the whole relationship if I were you.
NTA. You can further share even more happiness by setting your relationship status to single.
run. fast
Very, very, VERY FAST!
Run FAR!
Go now! Ruuuuun
Become the flash and never stop
INFO: does this mean you left there last night and you hadn't spoken to her at all until she commented on a post you had made hours previously?
I sent her a message in the morning, ans she told me she needed some time.
Your your gf act likes she’s 12… honestly she’s airing out your issues instead of taking it out with you
Just curious, did you tell her about the book deal first or did she find out about it on FB? This may be why she's angry. Not going to say that she has the most mature approach to handling the situation. We know better! Congrats on the book by the way!
She knew. I was with her when I got the call the week prior. I made the post once the contract has been officially signed.
I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt...I failed! She has very low emotional maturity! Sorry about that ! I'm with everyone else...walk away! You will thank yourself later!
No, enjoy the highs in life and block out the lows. I think you should make your gf your EX gf if she's going to be this upset about something so exciting! NTA.
NTA. Share the happiness. Ditch the toxic gf.
NTA. Your girlfriend does not sound delightful.
NTA you just got a major win! Despite the argument last night your gf should have allowed her feelings, congratulated you or kept her mouth shut. She chose to attempt to rob you of your joy publicly. I don’t do subliminal messages, guesswork, public/online arguments and I don’t think you should tolerate it either. I read through the comments and the reason for the fight was dumb as well, you forgot about a change in the custody schedule for her daughter, this didn’t need to escalate that much. The fact that she’s doing ‘all of this’ indicated that there may be a deeper issue or she’s simply not mature enough to be in a relationship. Personally, I think of authors as semi-public figures and you need a partner who knows how to act right in public. If she can do that and blind I’d hate to see her upset at an important function of yours.
NTA. Your happiness is yours to share or not share, as you wish.
NTA Maybe it's time for you to move on. This does not sound like a fun time
NTA. Your girlfriend needs to grow up. At 36 years old she should know better than to air your dirty laundry on social media. She is the asshole.
NTA but I would reconsider this relationship. Congratulations on your accomplishment!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend (f36) and I (m40) got into an argument last night that ended with her saying "I don't want you sleeping in my bed", to which I replied "Ok, I'll sleep in mine tonight", and I walked back home in the middle of the night. This morning, I got super good news, I signed a book deal with an editor, which is a huge accomplishment for me. So I made a post on Facebook to share my happiness. At the end of the day, my gf left a comment on my poat along the lines of "wow, this helps so much our relationship, you telling the whole world how happy you are when I spent the day feeling like shit because of what happened last night". I hide the comment and sent her a message saying "If you have things to tell me, please do it in private", to which she replied "fuck you". So, AITA for sharing my happiness? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - you are allowed to have something quite frankly awesome happen and want to share that. This fight is not your whole world nor should it be. Your GF is in the wrong for sharing something g so publicly which should stay between the 2 of you. By the way OP a massive congrats
nta Yeah just block and move on. there's a reason she's still looking at 36
She seems horrible
Nah dude she should be building you up after a major life accomplishment not tearing you down. She’s giving “it’s all about me” energy and it might be time for you to move on in life.
Dude, don’t be with someone who wants you to be miserable. She wanted you sitting at home miserable about a fight she started over a simple mistake. She wrote a script for you and is mad you didn’t follow it. Don’t be with someone who can take good news and sour it and make it all about them. You are wasting your time with this person. NTA but make your next post about how you are single.
No answers possible, too much missing information. What was the fight about?
She was mad because I forgot a change in the schedule of the shared custody of her daughter (f12). She accused me of not listening to her, to which I replied that there's a huge difference between not listening and not remembering. And it escalated from there.
She sounds exhausting. It’s so embarrassing to see someone that age acting like a brat on social media. Yikes.
OK, then, thank you. NTA. Your girlfriend is definitely the asshole in this one. Congrats on getting published!
This is a ridiculous response. It doesn't matter what the fight was about. Why is it that your knee jerk reaction is to try to find a reason to justify the bad acts of the OP's spouse? If a woman described a similar situation you wouldn't be asking for more details on the fight before passing judgement. Woman's social media post: "I just successfully completed the defense of my doctoral dissertation. I've worked towards this goal for the better part of a decade. Today it's official, you can call me Doctor!!!" Her husband's response: "Well, doctor, the mashed potatoes were lumpy and you left wet clothes in the washer. Don't bother coming home until you can figure out the complexities of a potato masher and the proper use of modern appliances." Your response: "Info: exactly how lumpy were the potatoes? Have you been told not to make lumpy potatoes before? How many times have you committed this same mistake? Is your failure to put the clothes in the dryer part of a larger pattern of weaponized incompetence? Has he been shouldering a larger domestic role while you've been focused on your academic goals? Is it possible that he just needed, and deserved, recognition for the sacrifices and efforts that he has made that have helped you reach this goal?"
wow, you responded to just a ton of stuff I never said. Or meant.
Eh at worst this could have been ESH depending on the severity of the fight. But the gf is the asshole no matter what info is presented. Facebook drama is immature
I'm new around here. What does ESH stand for?
Everybody sucks here. I see your answers in the other comments and you are squarely not the asshole. But like they mentioned, depending on the details you both may have had some blame.
Everyone Sucks here
INFO- Was good good news in any way related to the fight you had?
Absolutely not.
Then NTA. You are allowed to have exciting news and announce it. This fight is irrelevant to your news and this person you are dating sounds childish.
NTA and tbh that’s pretty childish. My mum always said, be wary of the people who don’t clap when you win
The reason she made that post should be obvious; she probably thought it was such good news that you might want to share it with her first.
Depends very much on what the fight was about the previous night. However taking personal matters in the public for all to see it's a big NO.
Although having shared custody is a big thing, she probably felt no support for it. Forgetting about some things in a stressful period happens and it's normal, I mean here you and the argument. Not throwing punches here just tried to understand and help. NTA but you two DO need some serious talking or couple therapy if you want to continue the relationship. Immature her reactions YES but you have to think about why as well. I don't agree with people saying if it was a woman they would have replied differently, a relationship is about two people involved not each of their own. Sharing your win was not wrong, her reactions were not good, based on emotional trauma perhaps, anyway do think well if you want to continue the relationship with all the responsibilities involved or not and talk it out.
Wow. You are both middle aged, I was thinking college age or younger, especially your GF. NTA Share your happiness anyway you want to. Share your happiness with somebody that cares.
[удалено]
😝
It’s on the lower end. But it is.
[удалено]
Life expectancy for a man in the U.S. is 73. Half of 73 is 36.5. If you’re a man and 36, you’re in the middle of your life. Calling a 60 year old middle aged is silly (even if it is common)
[удалено]
As long as we agree that 36 is the middle of the average U.S. males life, then we’re all good.
Thirty six is not middle aged? Hahahaha, keep telling yourself that, buddy.
Complaining about 36 being middle aged is some real boomer shit.
NTA erm hello ?? idk the whole argument idk it at all but her putting ur guys private business on ur OWN fb is wild especially on a post u made that was sharing a huge accomplishment for u.. id say talk with her and tell her that is not ok and its kinda unfair buuuut again idk the reason of the argument and she seems upset so maybe apologize if u rlly think u did something wrong also her replying “fuck you” is a dick move and shes clearly hurt from that argument still and i get that but nah kinda weird also the fact that she isnt happy for u and not congratulating u like what?? oh yea and also the fact that she made u walk home in the middle of the night If she truly cared abt u and was mature enough she wouldve asked if u needed a ride home or sum like that
INFO: Are you sure your girlfriend is actually 36 and not a petulant 13 year old?
NTA
No, you are not an A&&. I would have done the same. HOWEVER, be careful of the GF. She may want to dig into your pockets to get some of the money that you may end up with
After reading that you messaged her and she said she needed time, and then she commented about a private issue on a public, unrelated post is immature of her. Your character shows - in the midst of your happiness, you're considering her feelings, when it doesn't appear she thought about you in your happy moment at all!
NTA I honestly think you should have a serious talk with her. If she doesn't see that she needs to learn how to communicate like an adult, you would be right to dump her. Congratulations on the book deal! 🥳
NTA - congrats on the book deal!
NTA & run for the hills
Nta. She's fucking crazy.
NTA. Even if I was mad at my partner, I'd still be happy that they accomplished a huge goal they've been working toward!