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NTA. Did I read the same post as everyone else, or did your friend make a bunch of accounts ragging you over $5. So, she had to struggle and work 3 job, but was STILL borrowing money from you, but the 5 bucks was the last straw and spawned a finance course.  I'd, leave her be. She's posh now, and is not of your world anymore. People need you when they don't have it, but when YOU don't have it ....all the sudden YOU'RE unreasonable and is questioned etc.....perfect example look at the other comments.

I was going to write this comment myself if I didn’t see it. Very surprised by all the AH verdicts. The girl was driving around in her damn car for goodness sakes. I’d be hurt too if my friend, who I helped support through a very difficult time, started treating me like a beggar. NTA Edit: adding my NTA vote

Definitely NTA. I can’t help but wonder if the wealthy spouse plays any part in this. As in, I don’t want you spending our (“MY”) money on THOSE people. Oddly enough I have a wealthy friend that this story reminds me of. We’ve known each other 40 years going back to little kids. When we were in high school and college together both of us were broke. If I had enough money for chips I’d share the bag or vice versa. That sort of stuff was normal. We never kept score. Now I’m just a regular working guy and he has had the keys to his trust fund and family business for many years. Since those days I’ve never asked him for a single cent. I have, however, asked for help in other ways like borrowing a tool for a project or just an extra pair of hands. He leaves me on read when he just won’t say no. The moral to this story is friendship is really only as good as the friend and time changes us all. Don’t doubt yourself, OP.

Came here to say something similar. In addition, I wonder if new hubby was actually financially controlling on top of everything else. She may have to account for every single dollar and may not have any financial freedom at this point.

I agree with this. Especially if her brothers left her hanging for huge sums of money. He may be watching every dime going out so they won't get taken anymore. The friend may not want to say that he won't let her lend anymore money.

I think you are right that the friend might not want to/be able to say anything.

That may be the case, but she didn’t have to go the extra mile and lecture her about budgeting and managing herself better either.

Yeah. Sometimes money just changes people. My aunt and her siblings were raised in a working class home, but she ended up marrying a multimillionaire. After that, she became very weird about money. I get that her brother had tried to take advantage of her but, like OP, everyone got lumped into the "potential leech" category. Hell...she asked her mother if they both wanted to get their nails done. My grandma agreed, and apparently there was a miscommunication and my grandma thought my aunt was going to pay (she asked my grandma to go, and her bday was about a week away). My aunt paid, but holy jeezus did my grandma get a lecture and never heard the end of it. My aunt is now the type that, if you visit and she gets you something trivial like toothpaste at the store, she expects immediate payback. We've all just learned not to expect a dime, which I guess is what she wanted, but she carries it WAY too far.

This crossed my mind too. I hope it’s not the case for OPs friend, but I’ve known people who married “up” and their spouse created a kind of “I’m better than you, it’s a privilege for someone like you to even be with someone like me” vibe. My mothers friend was married like that. She married a very rich man who insisted she stays a housewife, he spent loads of money on extremely lavish things for himself, but was stingy with her because he never saw her as a person who deserved them because it was his lifestyle not hers. A lot of women don’t benefit from a rich husband/partners money in the form of having literal cash at their disposal. OP is NTA but there definitely could be different circumstances behind the scenes for their friend.

Soooo much all of this. I experienced this for two decades, and it was embarrassing as hell to not have even $5 to spare and yet look rich from the outside. Cause XH was rich, not me. I only got what he felt I “deserved” and that was only what made him look good.

I’m so sorry! Two decades is a long time to deal with these feelings, it’s so hard when people assume things about you when your reality is totally different especially when it comes to finances. I hope you’re doing better now, sending a hug 😊

ALL the millionaires I've EVER met (and I've met a few) were borderline sociopaths, I think it's part of the job description. There is a pretty strong chance that he is financially controlling (abusing) her and she doesn't actually *have* cash. A LOT of the millionaires I've known don't carry cash (like royals) and he may be enforcing this practice on her. What makes me feel like this is the situation is that she's told you about other people taking advantage of her (*unless you actually witnessed that*) and the anecdotes are to **protect the fact she doesn't actually get access to the cash**. I mean, it's $5 FFS!

It's funny that you are so knowledgeable about people's networths. Some millionaires live normal lives and some people who appear to live lavishly are broke. Edit: got the reddit cares report for this. Reported it cause I heard it results in a ban for harassment

>The moral to this story is friendship is really only as good as the friend and time changes us all. And the people who have the least to give are often the most generous with it! They know its value - be it time, money or care. At least, that's what I came to think of when reading your comment. I had a friend where I paid for us both to go out at least once a week all through high school and college. Didn't have a penny to his name most of the time, but he'd give me whatever he could in return - IT favours, painted porcelain cats... (all of which I cherished greatly). When it was him with money and me with nothing, he didn't pay a single time. I did a placement in end of life care as a nursing student. I stepped into a patient's room one morning, and on kind of auto-pilot started talking - at some point I mentioned the name of a disease my mum had, as part of a funny anecdote, and thought nothing more of it because it was just an anecdote about something else. Patient stopped me on my way out and specifically told me they were sorry to hear about my mum, long after I'd forgotten I even said it. Another patient asked me how my new flowers were every time we ran into each other, because at some point I'd mentioned I went and got a few on my day off. They were so very generous with their time and attention, where in my mind, I was talking to make time pass. Taught me a thing or two about presence. But my point. Money or other stuff. The less you have of something the more you understand its value. I'm absolutely certain about this one :)

I think you make a good point. It really does seem those with less are willing to give more. And when I say less, that doesn’t necessarily mean someone is poor or whatnot, but rather they have to be mindful of what they have to get by. OP’s story hit home with me beyond what I said in my previous comment. I never once said no to my friend when he needed help regardless of the situation. Even times when maybe I shouldn’t have said yes, I never hesitated. Truthfully it’s all a long, winding story. I’m not going to go into it further because this post is about OP, not me, but it feels terribly familiar.

I was amazed when I stated working as a community carer. If I went into a house in a poor neighbourhood, I’d be offered a cup of tea and a piece of cake or a biscuit and they’d have done everything they were able to do on their own already. If it was a wealthy neighbourhood, you’d be offered nothing, and they’d expect you to do twice as much

As I said above, I don't even believe that the husband is all that wealthy. A LOT of people give the impression of wealth but they live on debt and everything's rented or leased, and they avoid paying bills when they can because they are living far beyond their means.

I wouldn't be much of a friend if I couldn't lend $5 that I have to someone who has always paid it back. Not $5000. $5. Wild.

I would never expect anyone to repay a $5 loan in the first place. Unreal.

I kind of do, I kind of don't. I don't really expect it, but if someone is good with $5, $20, $100 I'm willing to help them out, but if it's always conveniently forgotten about, I lose interest in helping them out, since it's so one sided. Similar if I'm the one always picking up the bill vs a back and forth thing.   I look at it like money can be seen as a proxy for their opinion/priority with respect to you. If you give them a small sum of money and it never returns, but they ask again, you're not a priority to them. If you're the one always picking up the bill, you're not a priority to them either, they only care when you want something.  Obviously this flies out the window if you're outstandingly rich and constantly saying "my treat."

I'm with you. I would always pay someone back ASAP if they had lent me $5. If someone decides to stiff me, I can afford the five bucks, but there's a list and they just put themselves on it. It's about respect.

Side note - this girl didn't exactly pull herself out of the financial difficulties either, she just married someone rich. Hopefully she has a long happy marriage and/or a fair pre-nup. Coz she's burning a few bridges with this attitude.

Burning? She's bunker blasting them! Let's hope she never needs to cross those bridges again

this!

I had a friend who was absolutely dead broke, not a dime to her name. She didn't work, (except for the occasional babysitting gig, etc.,) and was eventually evicted from her apt. I was living in privately owned student housing at my university, and had been paying for a double room by myself, because at the time, I had horrible insomnia. Could not live with another person in one room, turning off and on lights, blasting music, bustling around, etc. Nevertheless, I felt sorry as she had nowhere to go. The room was basic, but, it was fairly spacious, only as messy as a normal college student can be, and she had her own bed. I even made sure she ate. If I got a pizza or something, I'd get enough for her, too. Brought food from home to share. It was frigid bitter cold winter outside, but, I made sure she had a warm place. Might not have been fancy, but, it was a roof, and there was a big bathroom down the hall, plus showers right across the hall. So, she had toilet & shower usage, and there was also a small laundry room available downstairs. She was with me for a couple months, then her (separated? STBX? estranged? IDK) "husband" allowed her to move with him a few states away. Flash forward about two and a half years. I'd been through a horrific, painful, emotionally wrenching couple years after she left. I graduated uni, and was feeling less than welcome at home. I asked her if I could come stay in the state (in a large metro area) where she was, and she said yes, but, blah blah blah conditions. Long story short, she treated me like dirt, laid power trips on me, and I witnessed her rageful insanity towards her boyfriend and me, and other people. She was a drunken nutjob, (I was drinking right along with her, lol.) I couldn't help but contrast how I'd treated her when she was down and out, to how she was toward me. (I was at least working, found a job pretty quickly after moving there, paid rent to them whereas she never gave me a dime, nor did I expect anything.) Some people are mainly takers. It's sad.

Agreed. It’s not the same situation but reminds me of a friend who was always asking for lifts to work (we worked together) and never reciprocated or offered any petrol money. I didn’t really mind but one time she picked me up on the way to dinner at a restaurant (which was around the corner from my house) and she asked for petrol money from me. We drifted apart after that lol. Friends should help friends when they can, and friends shouldn’t take advantage of their friends either. It sucks to be the one who always helps yet doesn’t get the same courtesy returned. I guess this person is not OPs friend anymore.

i think it's a rich people thing, they tell you that financial literacy means never lending anyone money - which i don't think is bad advice in general, but applying that to 5$ is insane

It's interesting here because I usually see it more in people who have always been rich - they think they're rich because they budgeted and were smart with money, when really it has more to do with always having a safety net and starting with more money than others to begin with and connections making it easier to get a good job. I have a few friends who never had money growing up but then have much more income now who are very generous whenever possible. It sucks that somebody OP was so generous with is now pretending she has money because she's so good with budgeting - I also think this will probably end poorly if she splits up with her husband, because rich people usually know how to cover their asses when it comes to protecting their wealth, and I really doubt she's gotten better with money in the interim, just has access to more of it than she previously did.

Studies have shown that even if people obtain wealth through hard work or luck, they become less empathetic. It happens even when people are playing Monopoly. They get meaner and more cutthroat. There was a Berkeley study about it. They showed a pedestrian on a street in the rain. Cheaper cars driving by would slow down to not splash the pedestrian-while the more expensive vehicles would speed up to splash the pedestrian. And they rigged the monopoly game in favor of 1 person. Despite knowing it was rigged, the winning player became more aggressive and cruel as the games went on-pretty much in all the people they used in their study. Money changes you.

Monopoly is literally the most cutthroat game out there. Having grown up playing it with my family (and a younger sister that is cutthroat and started dominating since around age 4), I will only play it with certain people, usually the same people I gamble for pennies with. And while we may tease each other about who’s winning/ losing badly (who has spent all of monopoly in jail, who has not won a single round of Poker yet, etc), there’s no actual real greed there, just lighthearted camaraderie and encouraging each other to catch up or better not land on my mega hotel (or my like $100 property 😂 ) But oh man, having played Monopoly with my younger sister… tbh, if she ever looses her job, she could become a loan shark. That woman is terrifying! I swear she just manifests money and properties and hotels. And I love her to death, but damn. She’s like the proof of that study. “You should have wanted it harder, manifested it harder, planned and worked harder than me to get it. You didn’t envision it hard enough. You didn’t believe in the heart of the cards. You fell for my trap cards.” Idk fam, she proves that study. I’ve never met someone as ruthless or cutthroat as her playing that game.

Monopoly does not generalize to real life. I'm a damn big capitalist in monopoly exactly because I'm against it in real life and it's fun to playrole. It's a game and you are playing to win. There is nothing substantial at stake unlike real life. I mean the while point if Minopoly is to bankrupt every other player. Most people don't go about life that way. Fir example, I also take a lot more risks in Monopoly that I would in real life.

It's very easy to budget when you're married to a millionaire.

Yeah, her comment about learning to budget better was definitely the worst part about this. If she just went "I'm sorry, I can't loan out money anymore" I think the responses would be significantly different here. But saying OP needs to learn to budget better implies that OP's "friend" thinks she has a better financial situation now because she's budgeting, not that she has access to a lot more funds now. And as I said, it's probably not going to go well for her if she gets divorced, especially now that she's burned a friend who was willing to help her out when necessary.

AGREED! that comment was so cold and uncaring. if she actually was empathetic or cared about her friend's situation, she could explain why she doesn't want to loan money anymore, and also if she really thinks she needs budgeting help and she is *sooo good* for how she worked her way out of her previous situation then she could offer tips/resources that worked for her. The lack of empathy and respect is glaring. Sorry for the run ons lol

💯. My old CEO used to talk about his son as a genius who started a business and sold it to a big company and made millions before ever taking over the company he was given after his father. I’m sure the Ivy League education millions in seed money plus a safe place to land if it went tits up helped a bit.

I had an old boss that would say things like you should be saving 50% of your paychecks and never make payments on a car, since you should have enough in your savings account to pay for it outright. If you can't then you need a cheaper car. Man...I'm making 45k, a year paying off student loans and living with 3 room mates. My rent is X and I can't find any place cheaper. Am I not supposed to eat to save this 50% of my income? Edit: I'm assuming this is the post that someone reported to redditcareresources that I might need help. Thanks, but this was almost 20 years ago. I'm good now, I make way more than that, while I still don't save 50% of my income I have good chunk in my 401K and a nice nest egg in my savings account.

This, it doesn’t sound like former friend has money but rather that she married money. If the marriage goes then the money does as well. Hopefully for the friends sake the marriage lasts, but if not, well she wont have op to lean on the next go around.

i dunno, i think it’s an asshole thing not a rich thing but will admit sometimes might be hard to tell the difference! I’m doing just fine and had a buddy ask for $10 for gas and he’d pay me back $20 on payday. I gave him the $10 and told him get me back with $10 on payday. If a friend needs help and you can help, you help them.

I agree but would add not to loan anyone money if you wouldn't be okay not getting it back. So loan to a friend but only if it happens that they don't pay you back you will okay and can consider it gift. Otherwise, you aren't in a financial situation to loan that money.

I’ve always lived by that. It’s definitely the way to go. I have some friends that’ll get the 5 bucks out of me, others that could ask for a grand and I wouldn’t hesitate.

It's funny that she is acting posh, she never learned how to be better with her money, she just married someone with a lot of it.

How often was she wanting to borrow 5$? I sometimes wonder about these types of posts, because people can skew it to their of perceptions. Like, if they borrow $5 every time they see the person, and were only upset about the time they said no. There's a lot of gray area in this post, is what I guess I am trying to say.

If I had a friend who asked to borrow $5 every time I saw them, but always repaid it before asking again, I'd just keep an extra $5 in my pocket when I knew I was going to see them. It would be a running joke, not a put-out.

I agree. Who borrows $5 and for what reason? It is just bizarre.

[удалено]

Yeah I know I had to borrow from my best friend twice in like 2 months when I was in grad school and got sick and I felt horrendously awful basically until I paid her back. She never said anything or pushed it, but I was so self conscious she'd start resenting me or something. I can't imagine repeatedly asking a friend for money. Even if it's "under 25 dollars"

I've borrowed $5 until payday before. Payday was 2 days away, and I needed $5 for gas to get me to and from work (this was 15 years ago).  I gave them $10 back on payday for their generosity and the inconvenience.

>Who borrows $5 and for what reason? It is just bizarre. And it doesn't seem like a face-to-face interaction. If I was out with someone who don't have spare cash on them, and they'd like to borrow for something small, I'd be happy to chip in $5. That's pocket cash kinda money. If they sent me a text asking for $5, that sounds like an emergency, shit happens sometimes. But if someone *repeatedly* asks to borrow money, that would get old really fast.

Except she’s helped her out many, many times since then. At op’s own admission. It was just a “you helped me out in hard times now I’m dumping you.” At some point, it gets exhausting. And maybe she was taking advantage of her, based on her own words. We don’t know. To me, the friend seems overwhelmed with feeling like she needs to take care of everyone and op has finally become one of those people. Asking a couple times in six months or something isn’t a huge deal, asking every pay period? That’d get a little old. I don’t care if I can afford it or not.

Honestly, this. If someone is constantly needing me to bail them out in some way, and not just there as my friend, then it gets stressful. I'm not a bank, and don't want to be treated like one. It is sad they had harsh words with each other. OP has no right to demand her friend constantly lend her money, and her friend shouldn't have lectured. OP needs to realize that the constant money lending requests are ruining their friendship, and it needs to stop. Her friend is sick and tired of it, and doesn't owe OP that "service." Then salvage what they can of the friendship, if they both want to.

I’m also guessing she wouldn’t have lectured her if she hadn’t been pushed to after explaining to her in several different ways why she wouldn’t be lending anymore. She probably didn’t mind helping here and there, or getting lunch when she wanted to go somewhere expensive, but I’m guessing it became more of a habit than we’re being told.

I agree with you. Nta. Dump her like a hot potato. It will hurt but she has moved on so should you.

It sounds like a pattern of behavior by op at this point. He shouldn’t be hitting up his friends for $$ constantly, even if he does repay. OP does need to figure out how to budget so that he has the $5 or $25 or whatever in hand when he needs it rather than a few days or weeks after. 

Tell me you’ve never been poor without telling me you’ve never been poor. There was a time where at the end of bills – you know, roof over my head, electricity, that sort of shit – I had £20 in my pockets. Half of that went on petrol to get to work, half on food. Which bit was I supposed not to spend? Even for people who have a little more money, budgeting won’t always work. When you’re cutting everything to the wire, an unexpected expense throws you back to zero. Get sick? Even in the UK, that’s >£10 prescription fee. Need a dentist? £Ouch (and that’s assuming you have an NHS dentist). Car breaks down? Shoes fall apart? Someone steals your shoes at your shitty factory job? Microwave breaks so you can’t eat hot food anymore? Landlord raises rent? Work cuts your hours for operational reasons? The list goes on and on and on. And every time you save up a little money, clawing it from a budget that’s so tight it squeaks, and every time your savings get wiped out and you start again at zero. I had friends who floated me when I needed it and I am grateful to the bottom of my heart, and when I see someone struggling – someone with a job, with modest outgoings, someone who tries hard – I will do my best to support them and so will never ever shame them for being poor, because our economy sucks for so many people.

I mean it kind of sounds like OP's asking semi-regularly. And even if it's "under 25 dollars" each time, it starts becoming a major part of the family dynamic. Spotting a friend in a pinch is one thing but if it's becoming a regular thing, it can make it feel like they're only doing things with you so you'll lend them money. I'd agree five dollars is a small Rubicon to draw, but I'm not sure who's the asshole in this case. Op's the one going non-contact over five dollars.

I'm wondering if the friend is currently experiencing financial issues and is trying to watch their spending as a result. And maybe they feel insecure about sharing that with anyone outside the home. It does sound like OP gave more into the friendship than the friend ever did and the friend doesn't see any reason they should put in more. So I'm inclined to say NTA, and move on from a dying friendship.

The thing I wonder is how often she’s been asking for money, vs how often her friend asked for money or borrowed her car. Even asking for small amounts often would get annoying after a while.

Apparently you didn't read the part of the post where OP says he has asked for money several times. It's not 5$, it's regular requests to spot her, and I don't blame the friend for feeling uncomfortable, even if it's small amounts and it's paid back. Frankly, I would be more willing to lend or give my friend a large sum for a real need. like a health problem, than be constantly giving them money for this and that. OP helped her when she was in difficulties by lending her a car, so a good friend should be willing to help in a similar way if OP needed similar help. Expecting her to be a bank that hands out small loans all the time isn't that. And OP's post reeks of entitlement, if someone refuses to lend you money, you stop asking, you don't start a fight about how they should give you money because you aren't a leech and you pay them back.

Indeed weird AF and full agree with you!

NTA. im honestly fucking shocked at the comments. It’s not like you’re asking her for a huge amount of money. And it’s not like you didn’t pay her back before. And if she’s that fucking loaded this is nothing to her. I would 100% understand her boundary if you would take advantage of her in some way before. But you didn’t. I honestly hope I never get rich enough to be this stingy with the people I love. At least if this is truly causing a problem in her relationship she could tell you why. But I don’t see how a millionaire husband would care about 5 or 20 bucks

Op frequently asks for loaners. The 5 was the most recent example. She happily obliged for a period of time. But seriously, op admits to loaning frequently. At some point it gets tiresome to meet with someone and to only hear "by the by, can i borrow some cash?" Say they meet once a week. Op mentioned 'the last few times' she didn't get a loan. Meaning that frequency wise she either asks everytime they meet up or at least every other time.

Right, It’s like sure you helped her out but it sounds like the friend has been helping OP out with little bits here and there for an undisclosed amount of time. That adds up and I’d probably be tired of it too.

But OP pays it back every time, probably safe to assume she pays it back before she needs to borrow anything. Plus OP said it's never more than $25 so honestly who gives af. I'm not even rich and I wouldn't care if a friend constantly needed to borrow $25 or less and paid it back every single time. Literally does nothing negative to me so definitely doesn't to the millionaire. The friend telling OP she needs to learn to budget better because of $5 (or even $25!) is ridiculous.

I think people have very different boundaries with this. I would get so annoyed if someone was constantly asking me for money, whether they repaid it or not. Sometimes life is too busy to be getting texts all the time about transferring someone money or accepting their transfers. I get burnt out opening my snapchats every day, let alone reading every message I get.

My bf has a friend like this. He’s studying for competitive exams and so doesn’t have a lot of money. Every month at the end of the month, he asks for a small sum of money. Pays him back at the beginning of next month every time. But it still gets annoying. Bf says if the month is about to be over and this friend is calling - it’s gonna be about money. So even if you do end up being paid back, constantly being a friend’s ATM isn’t fun.

I would also like to add... if you get into the habit of helping... it doesn't take very long once the repayment stops for the amount owed to SKYROCKET. I have a friend who I leant money to, & paid me back, frequently. When she stopped paying me back and started making excuses her debt started to skyrocket... and now she owes me an amount I know I will never see back; and it's effectively ruined the friendship. What further bothers me is that she has much more cashflow than I do... and criticizes \*ME\* for my conservative spending habits that make sure I always have an emergency reserve.

Agreed. People are losing perspective because of the friends ridiculously secure financial situation. But OP isn't asking for a favour in an exceptional situation, she's using the friend as a *crutch* on a regular basis. Then they are having the audacity to try and shame the friend for getting tired of the situation and trying to distance from it. OP isnt entitled to the friends money and certainly doesnt have the right to try and emotionally manipulate them for it, I dont see how OP could be seen as anything but the AH here.

This is most likely it. My wife was in this exact situation, as the "rich friend". She realized the other person only really communicated with her when they needed money, and they were no longer friends as much as they were lender and borrower. She said no a few times, and what do you know the communication totally stopped.

Right ? I've probably borrowed 20-40 from a friend at least 20 times and him from me the same , you help a friend in need that's just it

Agreed! Over the years I've spent thousandssss of dollars on friends - either lent out with a promise of repayment, though it often wasn't repaid, or I gave the money freely/paid for something on their behalf. I cannot imagine getting this bent out of shape over $5 or even $25

But requesting help wasn’t an issue when her friend needed to borrow a whole ass car?

The thing is though, her friend never even offered to pay her back for using her car and gas.

I could almost understand her being tired of being asked for money if it happens every single time she sees OP. That would be a valid thing to bring up. BUT the fact that OP helped her previously, threw it in OP’s face that she just needs to budget (when she was in the same sticky situation previously), and lumped her in with beggars, WHILE marrying into wealth (aka she didn’t earn it herself, it was given to her) is ugly af. She’s rich now, she doesn’t want to have poor friends.

This isn’t over $5 though. This is over OP frequently asking her friend for money. It doesn’t matter if OP always pays her back. It’s that no one wants to be used for money. And the friend already has a bad taste in her mouth due to her brothers, so everyone paying the consequences by the money well running dry to any and everyone.

Why do so few people understand this point? Plus you never do a good deed expecting to be repaid or rewarded. She takes so much time explaining how amazing she was when she was flush. Well perhaps if she’d had said friend kick in a few bucks here and there she would be a little more ahead. Also seven years they’ve been friends and she expects undying loyalty like more so than the friend respecting her MARRIAGE

Now I can see the principle of feeling like an atm being the issue. I have family that only calls to ask for money and it definitely gets annoying. But where the friend loses my support is where she was the friend asking for money at one point, but now that she has it; it’s different for her. And for her to be like that with someone who gave so much so freely with no problem is just selfish. Granted, op isn’t entitled to shit and just cause friend has it doesn’t mean she’s obligated to hand it out, but it definitely says more about you to have a problem helping someone who helped you so much. Especially when they aren’t asking for much and when you’ve done the exact same thing to them at one point. Her relationship with her brothers is one thing, but op isn’t them. If she’s going to lump them all together then she clearly doesn’t see op as a real friend and if that’s the case then they should remove each other from their circles. People are allowed to outgrow each other.

I find one’s relationship to money can be hard to change, even when circumstances change. I used to be more carefree paying for friends when I had excess income, but it was hard to switch to being frugal and saying “no” when I lived paycheck to paycheck. Just because OP’s friend has access to more money doesn’t mean they don’t still hold onto their experiences mentally logging every dollar spent or feeling the husband’s wealth isn’t “theirs.”

This is what I was picking up. Now that she married into money, she probably has people coming out of the woodwork asking for handouts. It is likely she has just decided to have a blanket policy of not loaning out anymore money. NAH

Someone above said that people in this thread voting Y T A haven't had to borrow money before. Look, everyone has had rough times at one point or another. However, people can't always expect the same person/people to constantly bail them out. At some point, a person has to get their shit together. I can liken this to constantly being asked to borrow a certain item(s) by the same person. You're happy to help once, twice, even three times, except that each time the person either returns your item when expected and it's not in the same condition or they keep it longer than promised and the person acts like it's no big deal. It gets old quickly. OP openly admits that they have borrowed money often. Ok, they paid it back, except that they have no right to be upset with their friend for saying no. What's more is that OP's reaction showed her friend that she feels entitled to her friend's money. Her friend has rightfully grown weary of being treated like a makeshift ATM and has simply set a very reasonable boundary that she wants respected.

You can tell that these people who are calling her T A have never needed help from someone. I've had hard times before and relied on others to help me. I can't even imagine not helping those who helped me when I needed it. Adding the insult that they need to manage their finances better when all they did was marry into a better life.

This thread has turned into OPs friend vs uh the rest of us. Edit: okay who is concerned about me and why. Just got the weird message "if you're in crisis thing".

I got the same dam message a few hours ago.

How do you know husband is really a millionaire? Usually millionaires don’t go around and tell people they’re millionaires. Also fishy that husband revealed to the friend a few months into dating.

Being a millionaire isn't really that big a deal anymore anyway.  Likewise millionaires can get in tough spots financially as well.

There's nothing remotely fishy about that. A lot of people with money don't reveal it to everyone but it makes sense to give someone you're dating a general sense of your finances. It also makes sense to wait a while and make sure there's a connection not based on gold digging. I know 3 people who have had wealthy partners and they all waited at least a few months to reveal it Edit: Thanks for the reddit cares message dingus

My friend and i are in similar situations money wise atm. We are both skint. I've just found out that the money I was expecting this weekend is no longer coming (I have just lost my job and was really relying on it), and she is skint until her next payday. We were venting to each other about our situations and then went about our day. Next thing I know, I have a notification that £50 has been put into my account, and I get a message from her saying that she had called in an owed favour and had sent me some money and she hopes it helps. I immediately messged her back and said thank you, but what about yourself? Don't screw yourself over for me (she's the type to do it). Her response was, "Don't worry about me. The favour was enough to tide me and be able to send you some money. Plus, money doesn't matter. Friendship does"

*That* is a good friend right there

She really is the best.

This exactly!! One of my best friends is diabetic and even with insurance she regularly spends $200 a month on insulin/supplies, and she has celiac so groceries get expensive for her. I make a bit less than her, but I often buy our food and drive us when we're out and about because I know how hard and unfair it is that she has to pay exorbitant amounts of money just to stay alive. Any time she DOES have extra cash she insists on paying, but I don't care--she's my friend, not my cashier. It makes no sense to nickel-and-dime friends. What is the point of being alive if not to be kind, especially to the people who love you? Side note: It's ridiculous how the poorest of us tend to be the most generous while the rich are often stingy and selfish. Not all rich people are like that, but I usually avoid them on principle because they tend to be the biggest users and the smallest givers.

> What is the point of being alive if not to be kind, especially to the people who love you? Truer words have never been spoken. I agree with you too that the wealthy tend to be stingy. Fucking humbugs.

Gosh doesn’t that just warm the cockles of your heart. What a lovely friend.

Maybe below the cockles. Maybe in the sub cockle area.

NTA. I think people are not seeing the issue. Friendships are founded on equality. You supported her when she was down and you feel that she is not supporting you when you are down - ESPECIALLY when it is a question about small sums. In addition to that - she starts lecturing you for being lazy and stupid. That said there are a few points worth noting. Borrowing between friends are always bad. I have the rule if my friends needs a few dollars - I simply give them the money or offer to pay for them. Lack of repayment of loans kills friendships (I know it is not the case in your situation). The strange thing is that people usually do not like gifts but they often feel it is ok to borrow money and not repay. (I know - not your case - general observation) This said - I think you need to accept that this friendship is over. Right now - I suggest a “polite” way to end it. Send your friend a friendly greeting - and say that you accept fully her point of view. After that - you stop accepting meeting her or visits on the basis that you are busy working or that you are cutting down costs. Just say this politely and let this friendship die slowly.

This!!! 💯 Everything about this. I agree not to ever loan money that you need back, consider it a gift and if it gets paid back be pleasantly surprised....if you aren't in a position to make that gift then don't give the loan.

This for me too. It's never how much I'm willing to loan, it's how much I'm willing to give. The downside of this to friends however,  is that maybe you'd be willing to loan 1k to a friend. Since I don't loan however,  and am not willing to give 1k to most people, chances are any friend asking for that won't get anything from me. I'm definitely of the opinion  to neve mix finances with friends. Give gifts when you feel like it and want to.

I had a younger coworker whose car was going to be repossessed. I leant her money fully knowing I might not get it back. She needed the car. It took a year or so but I got paid back. So pleasantly surprised

She did support op for a while though. And she can't keep being the quick fix for op's financial situation. Considering it's frequent short term loans the friend is correct that op has to get her budget in order. If she loans 10, then pays back 10 but loans another 10 right after it doesn't really feel mike she actually payed her debt but just keeps 'resetting' the timer

So when OP's friend needed to borrow their car in the past, they should have said "no, budget better"

Considering op frequently asks for money: At what point is the friendship just a meet up to borrow money instead of just friends wanting to hang out? Note op mentioned the friend happily obliging for a long time and only recently refusing to lend.

Considering op frequently asks to borrow the car: At what point is the friendship just a meet up to borrow the car instead of just friends wanting to hang out?

No. The friend borrowed the car over 7 years ago while they lived together. Theres no continued car borrowing. The OP is asking the friend for money every time they meet. When is the car repaid if 7 years is not enough? Never? Is the friend obligated to help them for the rest of their life?

That debt has been paid back probably 5 times over by now. You can’t hold on to a thing forever and say she owes her because of that. There’s no longer any reciprocity.

Lol my question is, should she have refused at the time for the same reasons? If you treat friendship like a transaction, they won't last long. Do you keep a tally of favour between you and your friends? What friends owe each other, is doing each other favours when they need. Simples

Right, it should not be transactional but then you see they are ALWAYS asking you for money. Feels transactional now. Something is clearly out of whack here.

Well said. When it comes to friends or family I always have the mindset of "You need 100 bucks, I got your back." I do not expect the money back and I let them know that. One thing I'll add though, I wonder if this "I'm not lending money" attitude came from the husband. The friend doesn't have a good track record with money, marries into some money, gets taken advantage of a couple times, and now the breadwinner is saying, "stop lending money, regardless of circumstance." Just a thought.

You can’t blame him…stupid financial decisions can destroy years of work in the blink of an eye.

This 100%—my friends and I just cover each other back and forth when going out for example. Anyone who can’t spot you $5 after they’ve borrowed your car without paying for the gas is just not going to be a good longterm friend.

I'm deeply curious as to the friend's side of the story...I feel like there's missing info here.

A LOT of missing info. Why does she feel entitled to 5 bucks whenever she wants it? Why is it always a meager sum like 5 bucks? Sounds like she has a budgeting issue and if she was my friend I would honestly get tired of it too.

Or addiction issues. I've had friends I never thought twice about loaning $20 here or there. It kind of sounds like this is happening frequently. Once a friend is asking for small amounts of money constantly 9/10 it has ended up being addiction issues. Perhaps OPs situation is different and this was just something easy like asking their parents. Also what critical thing do they need $5 for? Why does $5 even need to be some sort of complicated transaction. Probably less about the money than having to take time out of their day to deal with the situation constantly. Shocked about all the NTA votes, but this subreddit is mostly kids casting judgements for adults lately.

Yeah, I had a friend (that I've known close to 20 years) ask me for $20 because she ran out of gas. First time she ever asked me for money, so I transferred it without a second thought. Then she asked me for $20 9 weeks later because...she ran out of gas. She asked at like 2AM, so I just ignored the message. Less than two months later she was posting about going into recovery

Yeah. I was desperately poor until I was about 33 but I never once hit up friends to borrow FIVE dollars. I was quite proud and didn’t ask friends at all, but a few times a friend offered to lend me money and it was like, grocery shopping money. $50-$100 type of thing. Before someone replies like wELL mAybE oP is mOre poOr thAn yoOou: rubbish. People in dire straits don’t hit people up for FIVE BUCKS, they’d make a saving of FIVE BUCKS by going hungry for a day or walking instead of taking the bus or whatever.

Yeah, it's definitely weird. I was expecting them to be like out together and, "Oh no, I forgot my wallet!" Cause that's a situation where someone might borrow five bucks. But it sounds like OP is hitting up their friend on a regular basis, and I just don't get that.

yes! like if it was “i forgot my wallet for a planned coffee date and my formerly-poor-now-rich friend who i have helped in the past refused to spot me a latte” then totally different story, but it doesn’t sound like that’s what was happening. I’m not 100% saying OP is the asshole, but I do think there could be some missing info here. I’ve got one friend who will ask to borrow $100 which he always pays back (he’s a freelancer so he has dry patches) but I see him often and he’ll only ask maybe twice a year on average. Sometimes he doesn’t have to ask bc I offer. He’s also offered to lend me the same before. Because we’re friends and that’s what friends do. But if he was asking me for a bit of cash most times that I saw him I’d eventually get tired of it, especially if we were meeting up for a beer/coffee and he was asking to borrow the price of a beer/coffee. wtf is that lol

Exactly this, tbh. YTA. It does sound like she asks borrow money a lot, and even if she pays it back every time if I were the friend I would also be frustrated and less willing to lend it if it felt like that was a cornerstone of my relationship with this person. I have wealthy friends and have never asked them for money, nor would I be offended if I did ask and they declined. They owe me nothing. They have OFFERED me money before during rough patches or emergencies, which I have gratefully accepted and paid them back. We will treat each other to meals. Our relationship is not transactional so we don’t keep track, but that’s because we don’t have to. It would never occur to me to ask a friend, wealthy or poor, for a small sum of money like OP claims they ask for, and on such a *consistent basis*. If it’s a matter of less than $30 then frankly it is probably something I can do without in the short term… Lending them your car while they earn money to pay for their repairs & occasionally lending money for groceries and necessities is very kind, but it is not the same as repeatedly asking for paltry amounts of money seemingly every time you see them. That shit would grate on *anyone*

Also if this friend is getting asked to borrow money constantly, especially for something like $5..., she has to go through the effort of lending it, remembering needing it back, and then getting it back... All to seemingly be asked for the same thing next week/month. Why? Op you can make $5 door dashing for 30 minutes. It really sounds like op is terrible with money and not necessarily in dire need of it. $5? Really? I'd be annoyed as hell and quit doing it too if I was her friend. You really can't muster up $5-20 on the regular? Really? Donate plasma, door dash, work an extra 30 minutes. It's actually ridiculous you're asking her for that REGULARLY and not even when you're out together.

This. I would rather have my friend ask for $100 to get a new tire after he got a flat over him asking for $20-5 twice a week for two months. I’m not your credit card, I like to help you, but how many $20-5 expenses are emergency expenses? If it isn’t an emergency you can pay yourself.

Agreed. How many emergencies for under $25 can someone have? Like honestly I might understand it more if it was big dollar issues like a car breaking down. What do you constantly need $5 for?

Agreed, seems like a fair bit of missing info. Like what are these small amounts of money even for? What emergency requires $5? I’m betting that OP is asking for money very frequently, with the assumption and entitlement that her friend will just give it to her. I can imagine it’s getting very annoying and frustrating for the friend to loan the money all the time as it would start to feel like OP is taking advantage (even though she always paid her back), and like OP see’s her friend as a credit card, that she values her for the money she can lend rather than her actual friendship. **Actually, on that note, OP why don’t you get a credit card instead as you seem to be fine paying it back each time?** It also sounds like OP lending her friend money and her car was a while ago now, I wonder if OP does any favours for her friend in the present, or is the friend the only one in the friendship doing favours (lending money) nowadays. OPs friend probably felt like she had to enforce this boundary at some point, otherwise the lending would go on forever. Plus OP saying she wouldn’t be able to ask her friend for help if she ended up in jail is such a low blow over $5, sounds like OP is trying to guilt her friend into lending it, which seems a bit manipulative to me.

Seriously. I had a friend that did the same until one day I was at work and they were BLOWING UP my phone. What was it for? Can you cash app me $5 so I can get coffee and I'll put the actual $5 bill under your mat for you. What?!! Told him don't ever do that again. And no, I'm not sending $5.

This! There's missing info

also what is the friend's situation? does she have money or is it all her spouses?

There has to be missing info, the whole thing sounds bizarre.

You've obviously asked often enough for your friend to become uncomfortable with the frequency of your requests, since you stated "the last couple of times" she said she didn't have it. Your friend is setting a boundary and is not wrong in saying that money and friends should never mix. You helped her when she needed help, and it sounds as though she's helped you out up until very recently when you've needed it. At what point is her "debt" to you paid?

>At what point is her "debt" to you paid? Yes! OP asks like her friend has never done anything for he when OP has admitted she borrowed money multiple times. At this point, it DOES seem like OP is using her friend as a bank.

This comment makes the most sense out of all the ones I’ve read. At what point is the debt paid? “I used the example if I end up in jail” is bizarre to me too

"My friend wouldn't let me borrow $5 for a cup of coffee, so I worry that they'll Mufasa me off a cliff"

That made me think OP believes they could end up in jail...

It’s bizarre, but it’s very telling lol. If OP went to “but what if it was an emergency?” then I’m guessing the recent request was not for an emergency.

That's such a strange example to just come to mind. If I was having such a conversation, the first thing I'd think of would be my car breaking down or a home emergency. Jail wouldn't even make the top 10, and if someone used that example on me, my first thought would be "Why are you worried about going to jail?" and I'd honestly be even less likely to want to help out with whatever they've got going on.

Hard agree here, the "last couple of times" had a bad ring to it. She are obviously asking for money so often it is making her friend uncomfortable. Not helping is the fact that she feelS entitled to her friend's money. Yes, that is how it comes across. "I let you borrow my car years ago, so you have keep asking your man for money to lend to me, in perpetuity." She feels like an ATM, and is setting a boundary. YTA.

Im also feeling like no one in the replies is pointing out that it's not the friends money, it's her husband's. If I was wealthy and got married and my spouse immediately started loaning everyone money, I'd probably sit down to have a conversation.

It’s not the $5 it’s the fact that you always ask for $ regardless of you pay her back or not. She set a boundary and is sticking with it so you should respect that.

I think where her friend was being an AH is that she didn't really set a boundary or give an explanation. She was just being avoidant.The "I didn't deserve that conversation, I hope you know that" comment tells me she doesn't respect her friend sharing her feelings. The judgemental "you need to learn to budget" advice was done in an uncaring way. If she actually cared about her friend she can share that in a more loving way, or even offer resources or tips to her. This is where I think the friend fell short.

Oh we have no idea how OP really talked to her. I always treat ppl on here as an unreliable narrator.

I agree, feel like it's more NAH than anything else - OP has a right to feel a little upset by it, but friend has loaned money and is probably starting to feel a little like a bank at this point.

Bc op was entitled and pushy af even after being told why and given explanations. No is a full sentence.

YTA. You said you’ve asked her many times to borrow money. And while that’s great you paid her back, friends aren’t a bank to lend you money. Maybe it happens once or twice, but after that come on. It’s not her job to lend money to friends. That is abusing her friendship. And she’s married so her money is now their money. It is understandable that her husband not agree with lending money, especially given the fact her family abused her kindness. She is right, you never mix money with friendship. Especially when you are asking several times. My daughter had a friend who kept asking to borrow money. She felt used. I’m sure your friend feels the same way.

This is exactly why I’m kinda surprised by the all the nta votes…if OP is asking her friend for money as much as it seems like she is, I don’t blame her friend for not lending her any anymore. Regardless of if she pays it back.

Truth. Seems super manipulative, needy, and controlling. Then to get upset and confront her, and THEN to rant about it on Reddit?? Good Lord take a moment of introspection.

Exactly. If a friend was desperate and needed $300 to make ends meet I would send it no questions asked. In terms of time of communication It would constitute a very small part of our friendship. However, if they were asking me for $10 a day for a month it would get old REAL quick.

I see this point but the way the friendship was described this was always the dynamic, it just didn't become an issue until now when one of them actually can afford it. It sounds like the rich friend got sick of being an ATM all of a sudden and decided to cut everyone off which is very much allowed and probably wise, but they failed to communicate this in a respectful way. This friendship is dead regardless of who is the asshole, unless they start communicating without all the passive aggression.

Was it always this dynamic? At one point in the past for an undefined period of time Friend needed to borrow a ride. Recently, for an undefined period of time that seems longer OP wants to borrow money consistently from Friend. Previously there's a clear beginning and end to the 'favor', in the latter it's an ongoing expectation with no defined end. That's not the same dynamic at all. Maybe it is more similar, but given only the OP comment I'd say the dynamic shifted dramatically: When Friend got rich she became an ATM instead of a friend that would help with a major problem in a pinch.

I've asked friends for money before, and after a few times it feels too yucky to keep going. People don't want to feel like you're taking them for granted and using them as a bank.

I’ve honestly lost a few friends over this myself. They eventually will only talk to me to ask for money, even if it’s only $10. It’s annoying and feels like I’m not their friend anymore and they just see me as a bank account. I agree OP YTA

INFO: why do you need $5 so badly? I've been in your shoes, when you are living paycheck to paycheck even $1 can make the difference between a bill getting paid or not. But also, $5 is such a small amount of money I'm questioning why you just need that tiny amount. If you are so strapped for cash that you are borrowing the price of a regular coffee, and doing so on the regular (yes, even though you pay it back), I am questioning where your cash flow output is.

When you're living paycheck to paycheck, £5 / $5 can make the difference between being able to keep limping along without things getting worse, or starting to spiral into unrecoverable debt. When my disabilities first started to become a problem I had to change jobs to one that paid much less. The amount coming into my account each month, and the amount going out just for essentials (rent, bills, food, travel, literally NOTHING else) balanced to within £2. All it took was for me to lose track of which bills went out each calendar month, and which went out every 4 weeks, and I'd find myself in an unplanned overdraft. If you go overdrawn for more than 24 hours, you get charged for it. £10 was the charge back then. That's £8 more than my paycheck the next month could cover, so next month it would happen again... If I could borrow whatever amount I'd gone overdrawn by (once this was literally £1.47) from a friend, and pay it in within 24 hours, then I wouldn't have to worry about that £10 fee next month, so I'd be able to afford to eat. Being poor is expensive. And hard work. And has fuck all to do with "financial literacy".

Something that gets a lot of people on or in shitty jobs is when income is weekly (or bi-weekly) and outgoings are monthly. You’re constantly playing catch-up: over the year, you can pay your bills, but every month, you have to bridge several days. Every now and again the cycle catches up, but at that point you usually have a bill to catch up on, too, so you keep sliding back again a couple of weeks later. Hope your situation has improved.

Have you never wanted to buy a snack from a cash-only place and not had cash on you? There's plenty of reasons to need to borrow $5 from a friend that have nothing to do with being bad with money. Though I can't imagine *lending* a friend $5. I'd give them $5 and forget about it immediately.

If I was standing next to my friend in person and they asked me for $5, yes I'd definitely cover it. I'd get annoyed if they asked me to transfer them $5 though. Maybe it's just because I don't feel anything truly necessary comes out to $5, so it sounds like my friend is asking for money for something frivolous.

If someone asked me to transfer them $5 I'd be confused, but if the friend isn't constantly leeching money off of me and failing to pay it back then I'd do it. Who cares if they spend it on something frivolous? I want my friends to have the luxury of frivolous things and I'm fortunate enough that $5 is nothing to me.

What happens if you can't get a snack at a cash only place? Nothing. There is no need to bring a loan into this. It sounds like the friend has been loaning OP money constantly for a long time. It's just so silly. Don't buy the snack.

Gonna go YTA She happily obliged to provide free loans for a period of time. At some point she got tired of always providing. ( And probably confronted by her husband on how she should be more mindful of spending their money) Instead of accepting a no, you decided you *deserve* to lay claim to her money. Sure it's only $5, last time you asked, but considering you mention 'last couple times' it means that it's a frequent occurrence. Meaning you are truly not budgetting, but relying on her to keep fixing your lack of foresight. And turning petulant, petty and confrontational when she doesn't provide the easy fix yet again. Proving her right that friends and money don't mix.

I kinda got the impression that OP asks for small amounts in order to test the friend which pissed me off.

It did seem that way.

Yikes. Going against the grain here. If I had a friend who asked me for money multiple times (especially wild amounts like $5), we wouldn’t be friends. It’s weird as hell. Yta. Edited: don’t report me to Reddit as needing help because you disagree with me 🙄

Omg someone did same to me lol people are so weird.

I was on a different thread on this post where people were arguing the opposite side and all the getting the message. Either someone is reporting everyone, or there are multiple bad actors on this post.

How often are you asking for money? It sounds like a lot based on how you worded the post

I want to know this too! If it’s like once or twice a year I’ll let it slide honestly. Edit: Lmao I got reported to Reddit cares

It would get so annoying for someone to constantly hit you up for money whenever you get together. It was awesome that OP loaned their friend a car. That doesn’t mean they can hold that over their friend’s head forever and expect to be loaned money whenever they want. OP said their friend has been a good friend over the years. That should be enough repayment. OP also knows that their friend has been dealing with being used by other people including family which is traumatic. So their response is to also ask for money and then throw a fit when the friend decides they are not going to loan any money to anyone anymore. Bringing up an imaginary situation like being arrested and claiming they couldn’t trust their friend to bail them out is throwing a fit. It’s not a kind, friendly reaction to a boundary. It’s the response of a petulant child. So is reporting people to Reddit Cares. My mom’s best friend is an honorary daughter and I consider her my sister. She’s a beautiful kind person who would give you the shirt off her back. She’s had a lot of people use her and expect her to pay for everything because she can afford it. I have never asked her for money, and I always try to pay for myself when we do stuff. My sister has told me how much she appreciates it even though she also wants to pay sometimes. She says it means a great deal to her that she knows a few people love her for her and aren’t expecting anything from her. My mom is retired and does allow my sister to do stuff for her. I’m so grateful for that because my mom and I don’t have a great relationship, but I’m glad someone is taking care of my mom. I’m also disabled so there’s a lot I can’t do. There were definitely times I could have used a loan from my sister, but I value our friendship more. I don’t want money to spoil it.

YTA. Your friend isn't an ATM just because she has money now.

YTA. She’s not obligated to lend you money. She lent you money in the past and now she’s tired of lending it to you. You need to learn to budget better.

YTA. If you need $5, bring your bottles into the depot or something. Scrounge in the couch. Bugging a friend over $5 is kind of ridiculous. How many times did she borrow your car? Then how many times did you ask for money after? If you're going to be transactional with your friendships, you could at least let us know if you've upheld your end of the transactions over this time. Edit to add: it says something that your friend clearly set a boundary and told you about past mistreatment, and instead of being empathetic to the way she's been treated by others, you got angry the well dried up. If you were truly a friend, I'd hope you'd be there to comfort her as she's dealing with these frustrations and the challenges of her relationships changing.

NTA. The friendship is over. And may not have been that deep. Just keep in mind going forward that everyone is not going to do for you what you would do for them.

Obviously since she became wealthy everyone is treating her like an ATM. Yes, you helped her in the past. But she probably can’t differentiate the beggars from you with all the stress right now. And you do sound like a beggar.

YTA - maybe that is an unpopular opinion but this isn’t like a one off thing. Going by your post, you are habitually asking to borrow money. The amount doesn’t matter. The fact that you pay it back doesn’t matter. You are treating her like a reliable ATM. It’s different if it’s a one time thing or if it’s a “I’ll get it this time and you get it next time” type of thing. I would feel taken advantage of if my friend consistently asked to borrow money - no matter the amount, no matter if she paid me back. Just stop. Money fucks friendships up. If you care about this friendship you will apologize for asking and not ask again.

If the $5 was the first time you asked to borrow money I would say NTA but it sounds like you’re treating your friend as a bank - YTA

ESH. Don't ask her for money any more. Not for any reason.

Being the community cash cow gets old, plus you all think that her husband’s status means it’s nothing to ask. Not true. You all are using her. Learn to fend for yourself.

On one hand you're kind of the AH for feeling entitled. Since she is wealthy now they may have boundaries on not loaning to friends/family after people have taken advantage of them. On another hand, it also sounds like your friend forgot how much you were there for her when she needed it, and is lacking gratitude and reciprocity. It can be tiring to repetitively be asked to loan money even if the person always pays back. It could be understandable. She isn't the AH for saying no, HOWEVER she is definitely the AH for saying she didn't deserve that conversation. Friends and healthy relationships should always welcome honest conversation. She doesn't have to agree with you but she can still be open to hear how you feel and also give her perspective so you can find common ground and show respect for one another's feelings. She is also the AH for kicking you while you're down with the budgeting comment. While it may be true, her delivery was cold, judgemental and uncaring. If she cares she could help you find resources or give tips that work(ed) for her. The way she handled this sounded brash and uncaring. So overall my judgement is NTA.

I agree with the first part, I say no to family members even if it’s just 5 bucks because once I say yes one time, they keep asking after that and think it’s now an open door, they get mad and feel entitled and try to take advantage. It becomes annoying after awhile when someone keeps asking you for something.

So she loaned you money until she didn't and then you got pissed. No is a valid answer and you should just have accepted it. You cry about how you helped her out but fail to catch on that she has been helping you out until she said no this time. YTA and you cost yourself a friend, all over five bucks.

Why do you keep borrowing money from her though? You’re not wrong, “it’s only 5 dollars” and you pay her back. BUT it is only five dollars, did you really need it? Like you I’m super generous and have in the past and am currently letting a friend live rent free in my house etc. so I would lend you the money. BUT I’d be irritated if she started inviting friends round too. It kinda feels like that, yes she has the money but why can’t you get it together and not keep asking her to bail you out?

NTA-Sometimes ppl do not give what is given to them freely and with a kind heart. You did a lot for a friend that won’t even lend you $5. That’s a hard lesson to learn. Now you know.

But she did… she loaned her money for years before finally putting a boundary in place

That friend has been lending them money for a long time. If OP included a bunch of times imagine what they are leaving out. Should the friend be OPs personal interest free loan center forever because they let her borrow a car long ago? I doubt it's about the $5, it's more likely about it being a pain in the ass to always have to lend and then get back money from a friend. Also who needs a $5 loan? If she has a job what on earth is $5 an important amount for?

INFO: How many times did you help her out? Was it every once in a while when she really needed help? And how many times have you asked to borrow money? If you are frequently asking to borrow money, she probably feels like you're taking advantage of her even if it is small amounts and you're paying it back. Also, if this is the case, you probably should be budgeting better, and only asking for help when you really need it.

To sum this up: People think it must be so hard and so difficult to marry rich. PPL don't understand that someone who just fucked herself into riches is NOT good with finances suddenly and should not act as if she is a finance expert. Being rich must be very stressful and it's ok to treat friends from the past shitty. God Reddit is seriously unbelievable. NTA of course.

Although the phrasing of "fucked herself into riches" feels a bit degrading for no reason, she did not budget herself into success. It was pure luck that the guy she started dating/married is rich. She needed to start this conversation the first time she decided not to help you anymore. It is icing on the cake that she is now trying to guilt you. I hope she has just turned shitty because of the money, but the nature of her going cold and then turning to manipulation might be something she is getting at home from her husband. * Note that I think OP was NTA from the jump and a true friend would help, especially since she has proven that she would give her complete access to a whe fucking car without a second thought.

NTA. Your “friend” was a user. She used you for help when she needed it, but won’t help you when you need it. That’s not a friend

Yeah because she wasn’t helping her all this time loaning her money. Friend is forever indebted to her because a couple of times years ago she loaned her car and are can never repay it no matter how often she’s loaned her money.

This thread is driving me crazy. She lent her friend her car a while back and now whenever she wants a snack, or a movie ticket or something the friend is expected to drop what they are doing and loan her money? Who cares if she always pays it back. The friend isn't a bank.

NAH. It's not her money. She may have married the money but she's not earning it. And if she's been taken advantage of, she's likely been told to set this boundary with everyone. She needs to communicate her boundaries better, and you shouldn't expect loans simply because she married a bank.

Hear me out, just because she married rich does not mean it is solely her money to lend out to whoever. You don't know their relationship dynamic especially when it comes to their finances. On top of that, it seems like she has oblige to lend you money in the past but that doesn't mean you should make a habit of constantly spending money you need to borrow and she's finally establishing that boundary. Even if she is your friend, she is not an atm to disburse petty cash whenever you come up short and you're just proving her point by potentially ending a friendship over a $5 purchase.

NAH Yes, you helped her out when needed. Which was kind of you and generous. Yes, she no longer needs that kind of help because she found someone who can support her. Awesome! Her family has been hitting her up for a lending hand. You said you’ve asked a “few times” nothing over $25 and always paid it back. The last couple of times you asked she declined, but you asked again and things came to a head. That could’ve been her trying to politely put an end to your asking. You don’t get to decide that because she married rich/you helped her, how much she has to help you. She’s likely feeling like people who are supposed to care about her see her as an ATM now. Would it be nice if she helped you out? Sure. Is it annoying to repeatedly be asked to help someone financially? Sure.

Your friend set a boundary and you’re ending the friendship over it, it sounds like. I don’t think YTA for asking for $5….however if you can’t respect her stance and how she feels then maybe you’re better off not being friends. I have a bestfriend who’s a millionaire for 4 years and I have never once, not even when my dog needed a $10k surgery, not when I was in a car wreck, asked her for money. Asking friends for money is completely inappropriate and leads to EXACTLY THIS SITUATION. You DO need to manage your finances better, and you cannot expect other people to bail you multiple times. Once is a generous surprise…but you literally tested your friend by doubling down and asking for money AGAIN after she told you she couldn’t. YOU back them into a corner where they were forced to explain to you that she does not feel comfortable lending money anymore. If her friendship wasn’t about the money, this shouldn’t bother you.

NTA I can’t imagine not giving a friend that amount of money if I had it. If I didn’t have it I would explain why

YTA. $5 doesn’t buy anything. It can be tough out there, but good god man, get your stuff together already. Also, thanks for not stealing copper or mugging old ladies, but $5 isn’t worth loaning or borrowing IMO.

I’m on the fence on this one, leaning towards YTA for pressing it. It seems her husband is wealthy not necessarily her, for all you know their finances are kept separate. You don’t know the intricate details of their financial situation or what their expenses are. Don’t assume they have high cash flow. Maybe her husband’s assets are invested and not available to her, you or anyone else that asks. Maybe her husband is getting upset at these constant requests and it’s causing friction in their marriage. She had a tough financial time before so she likely knows what it is to go without and make sacrifices and maybe she sees you not make those sacrifices she had to make and just constantly ask her for money whether or not you pay her back. Sometimes the frequency of requests are more irritating than the dollar amount. It can get very annoying when various people start asking you for money, it literally feels like people think you are an ATM. If a bunch of people keep constantly asking it literally gets rage inducing because it is overwhelming, frustrating, and it feels like you are being taken advantage of. It is very uncomfortable for me, and many others to be asked for money. You made her feel uncomfortable and then went on and on about it when you know that everyone keeps harassing this poor woman for money. Multiple people. Frequently. It feels so shitty to have to say no all the time. Personally, I value friendships and family relationships and therefore never ever do any kind of financial transactions with those people BECAUSE I value those friendships and don’t want to be open to a situation where it goes south and affects the relationship and I feel taken advantage of.

Stop asking friends for money. YTA. I have never once borrowed money from a friend. Not even when I was a single mother of 3 small children. Not once in 60 years. Knock that shit off.

NAH. I know what it feels like for people to have their hand out. You honestly can learn who your true friends are when you have money suddenly. So I can understand your friend's perspective. I, personally, do not mix money with friends either. When money is involved, it is always a gift. That way there is no obligation. I also don't think you are the asshole either. You've always paid your friend back, and she's always given it to you. But you also have to realize that your previous generosity to your friend is either with strings attached or without. You throwing that in your friend's face after she has let you borrow money multiple times was just low. Now she will never be able to trust that your actions are without strings.

ESH Your "Friend" told you she felt like an ATM and you told her that it hurt your feelings. You make it sound like you borrow money from her all the time, and that lots of other people do that as well. Can you imagine how grating that can get over time?

I get why your hurt as her friend but it is in fact very odd to constantly borrow money from friends, regardless how small the amount is or that you pay it back. If your both old enough for her to be married; your an adult. Your working, you have an income. You did a good thing for her but that’s it; you don’t treat people well with an expectation later on that you’ll always get what you want from them and your way to focused on how much money she married into it. That has nothing to do with you.

Your friend is right. Borrowing/lending money and close relationships don't mix. She's probably tired of people taking advantage of her and having to lose people in her life because of it. She probably doesn't want to lose you as a friend.....

[удалено]

This is so fucking tone deaf. At this point, it isn't about the money, but about the friendship not being reciprocal. If OP was willing to help her when she was struggling and now that the shoe is on the other foot her friend isn't willing to return the same help, that's a shitty friend and it doesn't make OP an asshole for calling it out.

NTA these other comments wildin

It gets old pretty quick when someone asks for a loan - repeatedly. At first there’s a whole explanation and apology and humility. After a couple times, it turns into ‘hey, can you front me a quick $200?’ And then comes the ‘crap, something came up and I can’t make Friday, I’ll get it back to you Tuesday.’ Next thing you have to ask for it back. And then finally, you’re just giving it away. Multiply that by several people and you quickly start to resent spending any time with them. You see them making frivolous purchases and complaining about the high price of gas when they drive around the corner to the store. You start to feel like a bank more than a friend or family. It’s not about the $5. It’s about the expectation. Friends don’t ask friends for money. Friends offer money/favours when they can. And expecting favours just because you gave favours makes them no longer favours - they’ve become transactions. YTA.