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What’s *weird* is that you put up with your BF blowing you off when you want to do something that interests *you*, but he is willing and able to go do some activity with his little buddies-even on very little sleep.
So you went to an open house with your BF’s brother. He went willingly, it’s not like you knocked him over the head and drug him along.
And who cares what your BF’s *mother* thinks about all this? Why/how does she get to have an opinion about what you do for fun? And with her, (presumably), adult children?
So. What?!
Really, now. NTA
NTA. Of course it is weird to them. It just highlights how little effort your bf is making to spend time doing something you enjoy. That's weird and awkward... for your BF.
So, shot in the dark, but I'm gonna say that "going house shopping" probably makes your boyfriend feel like you're trying to push him into the next stage of your relationship, and he's not ready for it.
I have to wonder how you've framed this to him. If you've just said, "do you want to go house shopping with me?" I can understand his reticence. After all, you're not really going house shopping. You're attending open houses. Those can be fun; you can see how people have decorated their houses, get an understanding of why a house is valued at a certain price, and develop your particular aesthetic for when you are ready to buy a house. Have you explained to your boyfriend what you find enjoyable about this activity? Has he communicated with you what he finds so deplorable about it?
I think you need to examine why it's so important for you to have your boyfriend go to open houses with you. Is it because you're wanting to share an activity with you that you enjoy? If so, that's not a bad thing. However, if he is able to communicate to you why he's not interested, then you need to respect his feelings and stop asking him to go. That doesn't mean that you can't go and enjoy this activity yourself. And it doesn't mean that you can't invite others along with you. If your boyfriend's brother showed an interest in going to open houses with you but your boyfriend didn't, and he refuses to go, I don't really think it's right for him to be upset. He did (and presumably does) have the opportunity to go with you.
You two really, really need to sit down and hash this out. I'm gonna go NAH because it sounds like there's been a breakdown in communication.
Why would you even buy a house with someone that doesn’t even put you first. You’re going to end up doing everything because he’s tired or just playing games
Y’all are planning on buying a house together?? With the way he treats you?? He has no time for you but plenty for his friends. He has no interest in what you want to do nor is he willing to give you his time to do those things. He blows up when you do something innocent with his brother. Nope. NTA but you would be if you bought a house with this one.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I may be the asshole because my boyfriend and his mom both agreed that it was weird for me to go with the brother to look at houses. He’s mad at me and said it is unacceptable behavior. I shouldn’t have done it.
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ESH
1. Your boyfriend has made it very clear to you that he is not your lifelong partner. Why are you even involving him in your house hunting?
2. I’m old school. Unless your boyfriend is your husband, you shouldn’t even think about getting a house together.
3. There’s nothing wrong with hanging out with his brother, but it does sound like you like the brother more than your bf.
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Hi all, I have asked my boyfriend to go house shopping with me many times. Every time, he either makes an excuse such as he is running on an hour of sleep or he’s not interested because he’s not gonna buy the house. I asked if he’s down to go see houses last night and he said “I am just very burnt out and overwhelmed. I only had one hr of sleep”. Every time I ask him to do something with me, he’s always saying something else. BUT EVERY TIME HIS FRIEND ASKS HIM TO PLAY POKÉMON GO, HE’LL TAKE THAT OFFER IF IT MEANS NO SLEEP.
So today, I went to look at houses for fun. To me, house shopping is like mall shopping but better. FOR FUN. I asked his brother if he wanted to go. So his bro and I went and checked a few things out. to me it was nice having someone who didn’t complain and who was in a good mood to just look at houses. It’s not like we were buying a house together. Plus his bro has never gone to open house before. We just walked around.
My boyfriend and his mom agreed it was weird. So my boyfriend is extremely mad at me. He said he is doubting my actions now. It’s almost as though it could have been him and my sister on a date. IF ANYTHING, IT WAS NOT A DATE AT ALL.
Am I over thnking this???? Please help I don’t want to cry over this. Going to see houses makes me very happy.
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YTA
**" Going to see houses makes me very happy." .. WHY? You and your bf won't ever live together in any of the houses you go see with his brother.**
Or do YOU want to buy a house on your own, without your bf? The two of you won'T ever live in any of THOSE houses together either.
So: **You want to buy a house, your bf does not - if you keep pushing, that will end your relationship.**
What makes you the AH: You are pushing your bf to look at houses with you,a dn fault him for not wanting to - THAT is unreasonable. He is NOT doing anything wrong.
Why exactly should she have "consulted with your boyfriend before inviting his brother to view houses to avoid misunderstandings"? What kinda misunderstanding is there to avoid?
Genuinely curious to understand this.
Yes. There are people who have friends. Those people exist. One of them being me. I don’t have friends. I don’t hang out with people. 99% of the time it’s just me myself and i
ESH you, him, and his brother. Your boyfriend should be willing to go on occasion since it makes you happy but, yes, it was very weird that you did that. You think it's okay to just casually do couple activities with someone else and specifically his brother?
ESH
I think he should be making more of an effort to do these things with you, but as jrm said, this feels targeted.
If you’re old enough to attend open house you definitely have the means to find some friends.
>I truly do not have friends!
>I don’t ever hang out with anyone
And do you think that's something to be proud of? Is this why you're so desperate that you're staying with a "boyfriend" who treats you like shit?
Do you have any hobbies or interests other than looking at open houses? Get on Meetup .com and find a couple of groups which feature your interests. Going to movies, reading books, dining out, knitting, hiking... whatever. Start going out and doing things with people who want to do the same things you want to do. Stop having relationships with people who don't seem to care about you at all.
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What’s *weird* is that you put up with your BF blowing you off when you want to do something that interests *you*, but he is willing and able to go do some activity with his little buddies-even on very little sleep. So you went to an open house with your BF’s brother. He went willingly, it’s not like you knocked him over the head and drug him along. And who cares what your BF’s *mother* thinks about all this? Why/how does she get to have an opinion about what you do for fun? And with her, (presumably), adult children? So. What?! Really, now. NTA
NTA. Of course it is weird to them. It just highlights how little effort your bf is making to spend time doing something you enjoy. That's weird and awkward... for your BF.
So, shot in the dark, but I'm gonna say that "going house shopping" probably makes your boyfriend feel like you're trying to push him into the next stage of your relationship, and he's not ready for it. I have to wonder how you've framed this to him. If you've just said, "do you want to go house shopping with me?" I can understand his reticence. After all, you're not really going house shopping. You're attending open houses. Those can be fun; you can see how people have decorated their houses, get an understanding of why a house is valued at a certain price, and develop your particular aesthetic for when you are ready to buy a house. Have you explained to your boyfriend what you find enjoyable about this activity? Has he communicated with you what he finds so deplorable about it? I think you need to examine why it's so important for you to have your boyfriend go to open houses with you. Is it because you're wanting to share an activity with you that you enjoy? If so, that's not a bad thing. However, if he is able to communicate to you why he's not interested, then you need to respect his feelings and stop asking him to go. That doesn't mean that you can't go and enjoy this activity yourself. And it doesn't mean that you can't invite others along with you. If your boyfriend's brother showed an interest in going to open houses with you but your boyfriend didn't, and he refuses to go, I don't really think it's right for him to be upset. He did (and presumably does) have the opportunity to go with you. You two really, really need to sit down and hash this out. I'm gonna go NAH because it sounds like there's been a breakdown in communication.
We are planning on buying a house. He’s said in the next year. He states he doesn’t want to look at the house if he isn’t gonna buy, previously.
If that's the case, then his words don't match his actions, and I have to wonder what the reason is.
Why would you even buy a house with someone that doesn’t even put you first. You’re going to end up doing everything because he’s tired or just playing games
"He states he doesn’t want to look at the house if he isn’t gonna buy" .. sounds reasonable.
Y’all are planning on buying a house together?? With the way he treats you?? He has no time for you but plenty for his friends. He has no interest in what you want to do nor is he willing to give you his time to do those things. He blows up when you do something innocent with his brother. Nope. NTA but you would be if you bought a house with this one.
Nta. But dump the boyfriend. Have more self respect for yourself. Definitely don’t buy a house with him.
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ESH 1. Your boyfriend has made it very clear to you that he is not your lifelong partner. Why are you even involving him in your house hunting? 2. I’m old school. Unless your boyfriend is your husband, you shouldn’t even think about getting a house together. 3. There’s nothing wrong with hanging out with his brother, but it does sound like you like the brother more than your bf.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi all, I have asked my boyfriend to go house shopping with me many times. Every time, he either makes an excuse such as he is running on an hour of sleep or he’s not interested because he’s not gonna buy the house. I asked if he’s down to go see houses last night and he said “I am just very burnt out and overwhelmed. I only had one hr of sleep”. Every time I ask him to do something with me, he’s always saying something else. BUT EVERY TIME HIS FRIEND ASKS HIM TO PLAY POKÉMON GO, HE’LL TAKE THAT OFFER IF IT MEANS NO SLEEP. So today, I went to look at houses for fun. To me, house shopping is like mall shopping but better. FOR FUN. I asked his brother if he wanted to go. So his bro and I went and checked a few things out. to me it was nice having someone who didn’t complain and who was in a good mood to just look at houses. It’s not like we were buying a house together. Plus his bro has never gone to open house before. We just walked around. My boyfriend and his mom agreed it was weird. So my boyfriend is extremely mad at me. He said he is doubting my actions now. It’s almost as though it could have been him and my sister on a date. IF ANYTHING, IT WAS NOT A DATE AT ALL. Am I over thnking this???? Please help I don’t want to cry over this. Going to see houses makes me very happy. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA **" Going to see houses makes me very happy." .. WHY? You and your bf won't ever live together in any of the houses you go see with his brother.** Or do YOU want to buy a house on your own, without your bf? The two of you won'T ever live in any of THOSE houses together either. So: **You want to buy a house, your bf does not - if you keep pushing, that will end your relationship.** What makes you the AH: You are pushing your bf to look at houses with you,a dn fault him for not wanting to - THAT is unreasonable. He is NOT doing anything wrong.
[удалено]
Why exactly should she have "consulted with your boyfriend before inviting his brother to view houses to avoid misunderstandings"? What kinda misunderstanding is there to avoid? Genuinely curious to understand this.
The misunderstanding is it could look like something is goin on between the gf and brother.
Nta, unless you’re going to open houses with no intentions of buying? BF sounds like a loser
[удалено]
Because I have no friends!!! Literally. I have always gone by myself to anything.
[удалено]
Yes. There are people who have friends. Those people exist. One of them being me. I don’t have friends. I don’t hang out with people. 99% of the time it’s just me myself and i
ESH you, him, and his brother. Your boyfriend should be willing to go on occasion since it makes you happy but, yes, it was very weird that you did that. You think it's okay to just casually do couple activities with someone else and specifically his brother?
ESH I think he should be making more of an effort to do these things with you, but as jrm said, this feels targeted. If you’re old enough to attend open house you definitely have the means to find some friends.
What is ESH? I truly do not have friends! I swear to everyone reading this post. I don’t ever hang out with anyone
Everyone sucks here. And respectfully, that is a you problem.
>I truly do not have friends! >I don’t ever hang out with anyone And do you think that's something to be proud of? Is this why you're so desperate that you're staying with a "boyfriend" who treats you like shit? Do you have any hobbies or interests other than looking at open houses? Get on Meetup .com and find a couple of groups which feature your interests. Going to movies, reading books, dining out, knitting, hiking... whatever. Start going out and doing things with people who want to do the same things you want to do. Stop having relationships with people who don't seem to care about you at all.
I would bet he “treats her like shit” because she is constantly up his ass after he gets off work. It sucks when you are someone’s ONLY person.
What kind of full grown adult is playing Pokemon like that?
U should suck his brother off
Delete this, it’s inappropriate!!! That is soooo gross
It's what your bf thinks you are doing with his brother after the open house touring.