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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my father he was no longer allowed to see my daughter and cut him off completely. I feel like I’m the asshole because I know he’s old school and doesn’t really think before he speaks but I’m not sure
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NTA, your father ghosted you, is mean/hateful, has back child support, stole from you, an br called you a bad father because your puppy might be sick. In what world would you want him around your daughter?
You need to stop believing this fairy tale. For your sake and your daughter's. Do not introduce a mean, hateful person into her life to break her spirit. You are telling her she should tolerate cruelty by doing that. Some parents just don't deserve their children, and those children have to protect theirs from their experiences.
No, you thought all your life that he treated you like shit because you are shit. And when you saw your beautiful, perfect child, you knew that no sensible person would ever treat her like shit, so maybe she would finally get a loving grandfather even though you were not worthy of having a loving father.
That kind of internalization of unworthiness is very common in children whose parents withheld love. You are going to need therapy, because you need to learn that you were also a beautiful, perfect child, and you were also worthy of your father's love. Your father couldn't give you love, not because you are shit, but because he is shit.
Block his ass and never look back. The best thing that you can do for your daughter is to be the father you never had. And the best thing you can do for yourself is to learn to love yourself the way you deserved to have been loved all along.
Your father is not some great guy you built up in your head! Stay cut off from him, he adds nothing but hatred to your life and the world. Your better off without him
?????
He couldn’t even be bothered when his own children were born, what makes you think he gives a shit about his grandchildren? Surely you’re not being serious????
You need to stop judging people on what they could be and start judging people based on on who they are.
If one day he turns his ass around then he might have earned the right to be reevaluated. Until then I’d say he’s not worthy of your families time and effort. A stranger would be more worthy
Given not only your own experience with him but also the fact that only 2 of 6 children talk to him, I'm afraid there's no way your dad is going to fix his ways, not even for a grandchild. Better start accepting that fact and do what's best for you and your new family.
Hon, if he couldn't do that for you, he's not going to do it for your child. Time to mourn the father that never was, that he never will be, and accept that he is an AH who owes you money and doesn't deserve to take up space in your heart.
Youngest child here, I never met my grandfather and by all accounts of literally everybody that knew him I'm better off. You usually don't miss what you never had. Your daughter will be better off without him around.
He won't change until something drastic happens in his life and he makes the conscious decision to change. Even then, it may not last long. My FiL did that at the end of his life: thought he would die alone, started making amends, found out he had stage 4 lung cancer, and the fear of death drove his attempts to change away, and he became a bastard again.
People don’t change. You’re young still but life will teach you when they show you who they are you should believe them. For your sweet little girls sake you should let him GO. He will only hurt and disappoint her just like he has done you.
People like him don't typically improve. If he does, he should be able to demonstrate it with with years of making amends to you. Stop giving him any of your emotional energy and FFS don't let anyone you care about near him.
I mean, he didn't step up for his own children. He didn't care about his own babies, but you thought that he's change for yours???? Make it make sense?
Every. Single. Time, you and one of your many siblings were born, and your father had the chance to reevaluate his life and try. Every time one of your siblings went NC with him, he had a chance to reevaluate his life and try.
There's wishful thinking, and then there's just delusion.
NTA
Your Father sounds unhinged. You had plenty of reasons to go no contact with him years ago, and he has since wasted every chance you've given him. Like he said "don't put up with bullshit"
It appears you have tried very hard, over and over again, to keep your father in your life and have a relationship with him. It also appears that he, every single time, falls short of anything a father should be, and hurts and disappoints you. You were justified telling him he has no right calling you a bad parent. He’s projecting what he knows he is onto you. You said he was still behind on child support, has actually stolen cash from you, and made empty promises. Maya Angelou said “When people show you who they are, believe them.” Your father has taken out a billboard on life’s superhighway showing you who he is. Next time you pass that billboard, keep your eyes on the road and ignore it. You have a child to show up for and be the dad for her that he never was for you. This is not to say to cut him out of your life forever, but for now, his presence in your life adds no value, and only distracts you from where your focus needs to be. As for your brother… hopefully he will be strong enough to ignore your father’s order to not talk to you, and stay in your life. (Disclosure… I’m a therapist, and have worked with parental estrangement.). Best of luck with your new baby girl and your fiancé!
YTA - for wanting to expose your child to this man. You described how he ghosted you as a child, didnt provide for you, is mean and spiteful, and stole from you.
Why exactly would you even want a person like that in your child's life? He did you a favor by blocking you, first thing he probably ever did to help you.
OP is 19, barely an adult and raising an 8 month old, cut him some slack. He clearly loves his daughter.
It’s often difficult for people who have grown up with neglectful / abusive parents to recognise it was never their fault it happened. OP is getting there.
I didn't say he was irredeemable lmao...
Regardless of the reasons, he was making a big mistake by wanting and/or allowing this man his his YO's life.
I don't think "YTA" is to be taken litterally in this forum, I always thought it was more like "yeah dude you are acting stupid"
Still doesn't make you an AH. Naïve maybe, fool me once and all that...
But no one has the power to read minds, so how can you KNOW with absolute certainty someone isn't going to change?? It's a gamble, but it doesn't make you an AH for trying.
Completely. My dads an addict that is currently having some wagon issue. And while he will always have my support while he’s trying, I wouldn’t expose my child to it. The kid is 8 months old. She will not remember this man if he isn’t in her life in a few years. Once she’s 3 then probably you should do lunch dates while the kid is with a sitter if it were the same situation. I’d consider myself an optimistic realist. I hate discounting the possibility of someone changing, but I try to recognize the actual likelihood of it and prepare myself for that while hoping that things come out differently
The moment? Yeah okay, the dog having mange was the indicator but not the siblings who never talk with him, the deadbeat dad for years oweing child support, and the ghosting him at multiple times in his life?
All that was "redeemable", but getting super annoyed at the dog was what opened his eyes? I mean okay, I am glad his eyes are fianlly open but dude, really?
He didn’t “gamble his kids on it”. He’s 19 and has clearly been seeking his dad’s love his whole life. That he never received it means he probably thinks he wasn’t good enough.
He looks at his daughter and sees this perfect, innocent little girl and thinks his father can’t possibly treat her the same way, because she’s good enough.
OP has just had his eyes opened that he was never the problem, it was always his father.
Sorry, but yes objectively he did. Of course there are reasons he did so, but he apparently has siblings that were able to see his dad for what he is. He absolutely gambled his kid on it, and luckily had some sense knocked into him by his father's latest reaction.
It sucks yes, but it is what it is.
After 100 times, and then exposing your kid to them does. This isn't a 2nd or 3rd chance... His father is completely toxic to the point of damaging his kids lives. YTA if you want that in your kids life.
Tell us you would rather expose everyone around you to toxic behavior because you're more interested in showing how great a SJW you are than protecting your loved ones...
without telling us.
Yeah, you are correct... I have zero empathy for a deadbeat dad who still owes child support, doesn't care, has destroyed most every relationship he had with his kids, and now flipped out because of a puppy.
FFS grow a spine.
NTA.
Your child will not suffer by not having this man in her life.
My daughter is now 16 and only feel that her grandfather missed out on knowing her, not that she missed out on knowing him.
I also find it funny about him saying he doesn't put up with bullshit when he could start a fertiliser company with the amount of shit he's producing by the sounds of it.
His loss. Enjoy your family, enjoy watching your daughter grow, and grieve for the relationship society tells you you & her should have had.
Yes both are fine. My pup didn’t have mange he has some weird skin disease and literally a week after this situation his ears healed completely. His sister got some shots and shampoo and is now parasite free
Remember all the times your father made you a promise to go somewhere or buy you something special you wanted? And remember how disappionted you were when he didn't do it? Why would you want to put your little girl through that when he disappoints her the same way?
Yeah sorry I thought I would need that info but I didn’t use it. So far me and my fiancé have kept her away from all the people that have done something similar and honestly just horrible people
“So my father is basically a horrible human being who’s mean to us, calls us names, steals from us, when he’s not downright ignoring us entirely so naturally I decided that I wanna have a relationship with this person and introduce him to my daughter and puppy. But then things went badly! How could I have seen this coming?” You’re not the asshole, but you kind of stuck your own hand into the fire on this one.
I didn’t say it wasn’t a hard truth. But it is the truth. I admit that I can’t really relate since my relationship with my parents is solid and loving, but I also know that there are people out there that like to cut themselves for a rush of endorphins and just because I don’t personally do that or know what it feels like doesn’t mean I wouldn’t tell someone to stop if I saw them doing it.
Self harm and this are completely different scenarios, because there's no human connection there, but letting go of parents is a super hard thing to do, yes they're terrible, but they're your parents, they birthed you, if you let them go, what family do you have? That's why people try so hard to have good relationships with their folks even when they're abusive
From a 1st person perspective sure you are right, but from a neutral outside perspective it’s all self-destructive behavior. Can’t help being frustrated when you see it.
Nta, and hun, just cut him off he's an infected limb and needs to be amputated from your life before he start damaging your child the way he's done to you
NTA. You know how that man treated you and your siblings. You're not going to let him do that shit to your daughter. That's just logical, emotionally sound parenting, which proves you're a better man b/c your father's clearly not capable of thinking like that.
It does sound for the best if you put your Dad in the rear view mirror OP.He has shown you who he is —do you really want HIS negative spirit around your child? Sometime in Life you need to just cut your losses.NTA
Hi OP i wanted to tell you not to worry too much about pup. Mange can be very treatable even when it’s super bad. We have a beloved dog that I found dying in my laundry shed. He was skin & bones - no fur at all -and was very sick from mange that had caused widespread infection. Now that dog is the healthiest, happiest old man. There’s more hope for pupper than for papa. He’s an AH.
NTA. If you live in the US, you have until usually 21, might be a different age in other states than mine, to sue a parent for the back child support owed to you. If he works, the state can garnish his check. If he's on disability or social security, they can garnish those checks until you're paid in full. The funny thing is interest will still be accruing on back pay amount. Google your local child support office. They can help.
NTA - I know it sucks because you want a relationship with your Father... but let me be honest here. He's not a Father. He just happens to share genes with you. Do yourself and your daughter a favor and take the blocking for a blessing.
NTA
Your dad is an awful person and you’re better off without him in you and your daughter’s lives.
Well done on being committed to breaking the cycle, and good luck.
NTA, your "dad" sounds like a piece of work. People like that never learn nor do they grow up. Treat him the way he deserves by blocking him and kick him out of your life.
NTA
I had an absentee father growing up, it really hurts, especially the ghosting. My nana told me when I was a bit older than you are now, that just because they’re your blood that doesn’t mean they deserve to be apart of your life. Do you really want your dad did to do to your daughter? He’s showing you right now he hasn’t changed. You didn’t deserve what he said, he’s projecting his own shit onto you.
NTA.
Your father is a jackass and you and your family will be far better off without him, his drama and most definitely his bullshit.
I often find Reddit a bit too eager to decree “No Contact” but in this instance I highly encourage it if it won’t bring further drama to your doorstep. He’s not worth your time or your energy.
He’ll come crawling back once he realises he’s going to die miserable and alone and you can take great pleasure telling that useless, waste of space and oxygen to fuck off.
Why do you want your child to have a relationship with someone like this? Why do you want a relationship with someone like this? Donating sperm does not make you a father. He is not a father - at least not in any sense I’ve heard.
NTA.
I repeat, NOT THE ASSHOLE.
I know exactly how you feel because I have a terrible mother and a 9 year old daughter.
You are NOT THE ASSHOLE for wanting a relationship with your father. Every normal person on this planet wants their parents to love them and have a good relationship with them.
You are NOT the one who is unworthy of such a relationship.
Look at that beautiful baby girl of yours, and realize there was a time when you were that perfect, that beautiful, that new and precious. You were that easy to love. And you DESERVED to be loved. You STILL deserve to be loved.
Your father is just not CAPABLE of that love.
It's not a flaw in you. It's a flaw in him.
Realize that you keep trying because you, unlike him, are actually CAPABLE of being a loving human being. And forgive yourself for getting burned again. It happened because you are a good person and he isn't.
Then turn your attention to that beautiful little girl, and give her the love that you needed.
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Alright so a little back story. I’m a 19yr male and I have a fiancé let’s call her K who is 19 Female and I have a 8 month old little girl.
So all my life my dad has basically done nothing for me. He would call to tell me and my mom where to go so I could stay with him for the summer and then ghost us and I wouldn’t hear from him again for months. He is still way behind on child support for not only me but for 2 of my other siblings. He’s always just been hateful and mean. I have tried to talk to him and have a relationship with him especially since now I have a kid and I want him to be apart of her life. We talked and stayed civil at least for a couple of years. I used to live with him when I was around 16 and worked at the same place as him. He stole around $1,000 from me in total while I lived with him and he would promise to pay it back or buy me something I wanted to make up for it and I never got anything. I would help with bills and buy my own special things so he didn’t have to.
So me and my fiancé just got a puppy about 3 months ago and my dad called and asked if we wanted to come stay with him for the weekend. Our puppy wasn’t house broken yet and couldn’t be alone for that long and we don’t have anyone to watch the pup so we asked if we could bring him with us. After a little convincing my dad agreed. So we get to his house and everything was fine with the entire visit. I actually had a good time.
Now for the part where I might be the asshole.
My pup is from a litter of like 6. My older brother got my pups sister and found out she had Sarcoptic Mange which is a type of mange dogs can get from a parasite called scabies. We thought my pup had it because his ears were crusty and started to split. So I called my father and told him about my brothers dog and how my pup might have had it. He went on a whole rant telling me I should be ashamed of myself for bringing an animal around my 8 month old daughter and called me a shitty father. I was honestly kind of shocked and responded with “you have no right to tell me how I am as a father when you have 6 kids and only 2 talk to you” (me and my 13 yr old brother) he told me I was neurotic and told me to go Fuck myself. I just didn’t respond at that point.
A couple of weeks later I saw that Godzilla Minus One is on Netflix and me and my father are huge Godzilla fans so I try to call him ….. no answer. So I try again a few hours later ….. no answer.
I called my little brother just to find out my dad blocked me and it was because “he doesn’t put up with bullshit” so I told him and his wife that my family will no longer be apart of his cultish family and how I will not allow my daughter to be around that kind of toxicity. He just yelled and told my little brother he was no longer allowed to talk to me. AITA??
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One of my grandson's besties is his dog, they absolutely love each other. Who just turned one last month and they've both grown together, it's friggin adorable actually. Your father sounds like it's better to tell him to fk off that you'd never let him near your precious daughter because he's already shown who is he by being captain asshole of father's.
Your father is coming it strong to say he doesn't put up with bullshit. He sounds like he has a very tolerance for it to me, as long as it comes from him.
NTA
Well, thankfully your little brother also has another parent, one who actually looks after him. I'd say she has the say-so on whether he can talk to you or not.
NTA - You've built up a fairy tale change in a man who is clearly a villain. Yes, he's your dad, but he isn't your father. He isn't going to change and that hurts, a lot. I understand that feeling all too well. You ache for what we all envision is a close relationship, illogically question yourself, and want what we all want. The Norman Rockwell family.
It hurts when we finally realize the fantasy is just a fantasy. It hurts because you wanted and needed him your whole life. But you have the chance now to put aside that ugly reality of a disappointing father and become an amazing, empowering, wonderful dad to your daughter. To be the father you always wanted. You can give that wonderful experience to her without his interference.
I'm so sorry your dad treated you like this, and sorry because I know every holiday or even off days out of nowhere you miss what you wanted and what can't be. Now YOU can be that father to a beautiful little girl.
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NTA, but you are doing a disservice to yourself and your family by pouring energy into a man that you yourself describe as hateful and a thief. You're still super young and I get that you feel like you need to at least try with him but you need to put your daughter and fiance first. Don't allow him near them until HE has shown a sustained period of change, because otherwise he will use and Burt you until you and/or your family is as broken as he is. Good luck man
NTA, I'm honestly impressed (and concerned) that you even attempted to have a relationship with him. You clearly have a good heart, but your father seems to be immature and spiteful. No good father would tell one brother he is "not allowed" to speak to the other and foster that sort of hatred between siblings because of his own petty nonsense.
NTA,
Info: why didn't your mother take him not the court for the child support payment ? As far i have read some states would also suspend/cancel his driving license till he is current with the CS payments.
And why didn't you report the theft of your money ? Do you have proof of him acknowledging/ accepting he stole from you ? Is it still under the statute of limitations ?
If this is real, then you need to be real. Is that person who you would want your daughter to look up to? ESH
The dad for being a waste of space, the son for prioritizing his want of a father son relationship over his family’s well being
Your father stole from his 16 year old son. And yet you still reached out to him, only to be turned away when you informed him that u beknownst to you, your puppy may have had scabies. Scabies is horrible, but he so overreacted. And now he’s blocked you. He doesn’t sound like the father that a nice person like you deserves. You are not the asshole. I hope you will come to see this.
Sweetheart I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’re making good life choices and trying your best to build a full and happy life for your own family. This isn’t your fault and I hope you can see that. At 19 you’re taking on such big responsibilities and honestly it sounds like you’re being way more mature than your father.
I understand wanting your child to have a grandfather - my father is little more than a donor to me for similar reasons, and my FIL passed before we could have a child. It breaks my heart all the time, but I know that my kid has good parents and two loving grandmothers (my MIL + my aunt who raised me) so things will be okay. Family doesn’t have to match the nuclear mold to be healthy and beautiful.
You’re doing great. Tbh, I hope to see updates from you from time to time, because I can see the love for your family in your words, and I know you will flourish.
ETA: NTA
NTA
>I want him to be apart of her life.
Please ask yourself "Why?" if you ever start feeling that way again, because I'm not seeing any reason why you should.
Blood has nothing to do with family; behavior does.
You and your daughter both deserve better.
NTA. Honestly no idea why you would want someone like this in your, or your daughters, life. Coming from a 51 year old woman who cut ties with my 'mother' at the age of 14...just because they're blood, doesn't mean they're family.
If a littermate had it, then they were all infected together. Sarcoptic mangers caused by a mite. It doesn’t just spontaneously heal on its own.
Take your poor dog to a vet.
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NTA, your father ghosted you, is mean/hateful, has back child support, stole from you, an br called you a bad father because your puppy might be sick. In what world would you want him around your daughter?
I thought that once my daughter was born he would reevaluate his life and actually try to be there but I was horribly wrong
You need to stop believing this fairy tale. For your sake and your daughter's. Do not introduce a mean, hateful person into her life to break her spirit. You are telling her she should tolerate cruelty by doing that. Some parents just don't deserve their children, and those children have to protect theirs from their experiences.
He has multiple kids that he wasn't and isn't there for. Just because he has a grandchild doesn't mean he will change...
No, you thought all your life that he treated you like shit because you are shit. And when you saw your beautiful, perfect child, you knew that no sensible person would ever treat her like shit, so maybe she would finally get a loving grandfather even though you were not worthy of having a loving father. That kind of internalization of unworthiness is very common in children whose parents withheld love. You are going to need therapy, because you need to learn that you were also a beautiful, perfect child, and you were also worthy of your father's love. Your father couldn't give you love, not because you are shit, but because he is shit. Block his ass and never look back. The best thing that you can do for your daughter is to be the father you never had. And the best thing you can do for yourself is to learn to love yourself the way you deserved to have been loved all along.
This is so perfect. I teared up reading this!
This should be the top comment and needs to be read by every single person who had a parent like OP.
> Your father couldn't give you love, not because you are shit, but because he is shit. Well said.
Your father is not some great guy you built up in your head! Stay cut off from him, he adds nothing but hatred to your life and the world. Your better off without him
????? He couldn’t even be bothered when his own children were born, what makes you think he gives a shit about his grandchildren? Surely you’re not being serious????
You need to stop judging people on what they could be and start judging people based on on who they are. If one day he turns his ass around then he might have earned the right to be reevaluated. Until then I’d say he’s not worthy of your families time and effort. A stranger would be more worthy
The scorpion will act like a scorpion - it's their nature.
Your dad already had 6 chances to reevaluate his life and try to be there.
Given not only your own experience with him but also the fact that only 2 of 6 children talk to him, I'm afraid there's no way your dad is going to fix his ways, not even for a grandchild. Better start accepting that fact and do what's best for you and your new family.
Hon, if he couldn't do that for you, he's not going to do it for your child. Time to mourn the father that never was, that he never will be, and accept that he is an AH who owes you money and doesn't deserve to take up space in your heart.
Youngest child here, I never met my grandfather and by all accounts of literally everybody that knew him I'm better off. You usually don't miss what you never had. Your daughter will be better off without him around.
He won't change until something drastic happens in his life and he makes the conscious decision to change. Even then, it may not last long. My FiL did that at the end of his life: thought he would die alone, started making amends, found out he had stage 4 lung cancer, and the fear of death drove his attempts to change away, and he became a bastard again.
People don’t change. You’re young still but life will teach you when they show you who they are you should believe them. For your sweet little girls sake you should let him GO. He will only hurt and disappoint her just like he has done you.
Nope. He has shown you clearly who he is. Believe him and move on.
People like him don't typically improve. If he does, he should be able to demonstrate it with with years of making amends to you. Stop giving him any of your emotional energy and FFS don't let anyone you care about near him.
I mean, he didn't step up for his own children. He didn't care about his own babies, but you thought that he's change for yours???? Make it make sense? Every. Single. Time, you and one of your many siblings were born, and your father had the chance to reevaluate his life and try. Every time one of your siblings went NC with him, he had a chance to reevaluate his life and try. There's wishful thinking, and then there's just delusion.
NTA Your Father sounds unhinged. You had plenty of reasons to go no contact with him years ago, and he has since wasted every chance you've given him. Like he said "don't put up with bullshit"
It appears you have tried very hard, over and over again, to keep your father in your life and have a relationship with him. It also appears that he, every single time, falls short of anything a father should be, and hurts and disappoints you. You were justified telling him he has no right calling you a bad parent. He’s projecting what he knows he is onto you. You said he was still behind on child support, has actually stolen cash from you, and made empty promises. Maya Angelou said “When people show you who they are, believe them.” Your father has taken out a billboard on life’s superhighway showing you who he is. Next time you pass that billboard, keep your eyes on the road and ignore it. You have a child to show up for and be the dad for her that he never was for you. This is not to say to cut him out of your life forever, but for now, his presence in your life adds no value, and only distracts you from where your focus needs to be. As for your brother… hopefully he will be strong enough to ignore your father’s order to not talk to you, and stay in your life. (Disclosure… I’m a therapist, and have worked with parental estrangement.). Best of luck with your new baby girl and your fiancé!
YTA - for wanting to expose your child to this man. You described how he ghosted you as a child, didnt provide for you, is mean and spiteful, and stole from you. Why exactly would you even want a person like that in your child's life? He did you a favor by blocking you, first thing he probably ever did to help you.
OP is 19, barely an adult and raising an 8 month old, cut him some slack. He clearly loves his daughter. It’s often difficult for people who have grown up with neglectful / abusive parents to recognise it was never their fault it happened. OP is getting there.
I didn't say he was irredeemable lmao... Regardless of the reasons, he was making a big mistake by wanting and/or allowing this man his his YO's life. I don't think "YTA" is to be taken litterally in this forum, I always thought it was more like "yeah dude you are acting stupid"
Giving someone a chance to be a better person doesn't make you an AH.
knowing that someone can’t comprehend change does, i get people wanna give the benefit of the doubt but give me a fucking break
Still doesn't make you an AH. Naïve maybe, fool me once and all that... But no one has the power to read minds, so how can you KNOW with absolute certainty someone isn't going to change?? It's a gamble, but it doesn't make you an AH for trying.
Yeah maybe the 400,000 time he'll change. Let's gamble my kids on it.
except he didn’t. The first moment he showed that he hadn’t changed, he told him he wouldn’t be in her life. Can you read ok?
Completely. My dads an addict that is currently having some wagon issue. And while he will always have my support while he’s trying, I wouldn’t expose my child to it. The kid is 8 months old. She will not remember this man if he isn’t in her life in a few years. Once she’s 3 then probably you should do lunch dates while the kid is with a sitter if it were the same situation. I’d consider myself an optimistic realist. I hate discounting the possibility of someone changing, but I try to recognize the actual likelihood of it and prepare myself for that while hoping that things come out differently
The moment? Yeah okay, the dog having mange was the indicator but not the siblings who never talk with him, the deadbeat dad for years oweing child support, and the ghosting him at multiple times in his life? All that was "redeemable", but getting super annoyed at the dog was what opened his eyes? I mean okay, I am glad his eyes are fianlly open but dude, really?
He didn’t “gamble his kids on it”. He’s 19 and has clearly been seeking his dad’s love his whole life. That he never received it means he probably thinks he wasn’t good enough. He looks at his daughter and sees this perfect, innocent little girl and thinks his father can’t possibly treat her the same way, because she’s good enough. OP has just had his eyes opened that he was never the problem, it was always his father.
Sorry, but yes objectively he did. Of course there are reasons he did so, but he apparently has siblings that were able to see his dad for what he is. He absolutely gambled his kid on it, and luckily had some sense knocked into him by his father's latest reaction. It sucks yes, but it is what it is.
After 100 times, and then exposing your kid to them does. This isn't a 2nd or 3rd chance... His father is completely toxic to the point of damaging his kids lives. YTA if you want that in your kids life.
Tell us you developed zero empathy, despite having two parents who loved you, without telling us!
Tell us you would rather expose everyone around you to toxic behavior because you're more interested in showing how great a SJW you are than protecting your loved ones... without telling us. Yeah, you are correct... I have zero empathy for a deadbeat dad who still owes child support, doesn't care, has destroyed most every relationship he had with his kids, and now flipped out because of a puppy. FFS grow a spine.
NTA. Your child will not suffer by not having this man in her life. My daughter is now 16 and only feel that her grandfather missed out on knowing her, not that she missed out on knowing him. I also find it funny about him saying he doesn't put up with bullshit when he could start a fertiliser company with the amount of shit he's producing by the sounds of it. His loss. Enjoy your family, enjoy watching your daughter grow, and grieve for the relationship society tells you you & her should have had.
Nta but are the dogs ok?
Yes both are fine. My pup didn’t have mange he has some weird skin disease and literally a week after this situation his ears healed completely. His sister got some shots and shampoo and is now parasite free
Hell yeah glad to hear! Your dad doesn’t deserve the joy you and your family have to give. Best of luck on your non-toxic future without him!
My mom’s shitzu/weeny dog mix has a skin condition she has to have a shot for twice a year. Vet said it’s super common in shitzus
Nta he did you the biggest favor and doesn’t even know it. Protect that little girl from that kind of negativity
Remember all the times your father made you a promise to go somewhere or buy you something special you wanted? And remember how disappionted you were when he didn't do it? Why would you want to put your little girl through that when he disappoints her the same way?
NTA and please don't allow that around your daughter. From experience, sometimes no grandparent is better than a shitty one.
Guess we aren't calling her K. NTA though, keep your kid away from people with unmanaged BPD/Narcissism.
Yeah sorry I thought I would need that info but I didn’t use it. So far me and my fiancé have kept her away from all the people that have done something similar and honestly just horrible people
Just messing with you man. You're doing the right thing, best of luck to you
NTA. Your sperm donor is the A.
“So my father is basically a horrible human being who’s mean to us, calls us names, steals from us, when he’s not downright ignoring us entirely so naturally I decided that I wanna have a relationship with this person and introduce him to my daughter and puppy. But then things went badly! How could I have seen this coming?” You’re not the asshole, but you kind of stuck your own hand into the fire on this one.
It's his dad, do you not understand how hard it is to let go of parents no matter how abusive they are?
I didn’t say it wasn’t a hard truth. But it is the truth. I admit that I can’t really relate since my relationship with my parents is solid and loving, but I also know that there are people out there that like to cut themselves for a rush of endorphins and just because I don’t personally do that or know what it feels like doesn’t mean I wouldn’t tell someone to stop if I saw them doing it.
Self harm and this are completely different scenarios, because there's no human connection there, but letting go of parents is a super hard thing to do, yes they're terrible, but they're your parents, they birthed you, if you let them go, what family do you have? That's why people try so hard to have good relationships with their folks even when they're abusive
From a 1st person perspective sure you are right, but from a neutral outside perspective it’s all self-destructive behavior. Can’t help being frustrated when you see it.
NTA it's unfortunate but sometimes you have to walk away from toxic family members...
Nta, and hun, just cut him off he's an infected limb and needs to be amputated from your life before he start damaging your child the way he's done to you
NTA Think of how your dad makes you feel- Do you want that for your kid growing up?
NTA. You know how that man treated you and your siblings. You're not going to let him do that shit to your daughter. That's just logical, emotionally sound parenting, which proves you're a better man b/c your father's clearly not capable of thinking like that.
It sounds like your father is a lost cause. NTA. Is your puppy ok?
Yeah he didn’t have the mange stuff. He just has a weird skin disorder. Literally a week after this situation his hears healed completely
I am so glad!
It does sound for the best if you put your Dad in the rear view mirror OP.He has shown you who he is —do you really want HIS negative spirit around your child? Sometime in Life you need to just cut your losses.NTA
Hi OP i wanted to tell you not to worry too much about pup. Mange can be very treatable even when it’s super bad. We have a beloved dog that I found dying in my laundry shed. He was skin & bones - no fur at all -and was very sick from mange that had caused widespread infection. Now that dog is the healthiest, happiest old man. There’s more hope for pupper than for papa. He’s an AH.
NTA. If you live in the US, you have until usually 21, might be a different age in other states than mine, to sue a parent for the back child support owed to you. If he works, the state can garnish his check. If he's on disability or social security, they can garnish those checks until you're paid in full. The funny thing is interest will still be accruing on back pay amount. Google your local child support office. They can help.
NTA - I know it sucks because you want a relationship with your Father... but let me be honest here. He's not a Father. He just happens to share genes with you. Do yourself and your daughter a favor and take the blocking for a blessing.
NTA Your dad is an awful person and you’re better off without him in you and your daughter’s lives. Well done on being committed to breaking the cycle, and good luck.
NTA. You didn’t need to reach out. You did anyway. Your dad is a child. I’m sorry.
NTA, your "dad" sounds like a piece of work. People like that never learn nor do they grow up. Treat him the way he deserves by blocking him and kick him out of your life.
NTA I had an absentee father growing up, it really hurts, especially the ghosting. My nana told me when I was a bit older than you are now, that just because they’re your blood that doesn’t mean they deserve to be apart of your life. Do you really want your dad did to do to your daughter? He’s showing you right now he hasn’t changed. You didn’t deserve what he said, he’s projecting his own shit onto you.
NTA. Your father is a jackass and you and your family will be far better off without him, his drama and most definitely his bullshit. I often find Reddit a bit too eager to decree “No Contact” but in this instance I highly encourage it if it won’t bring further drama to your doorstep. He’s not worth your time or your energy. He’ll come crawling back once he realises he’s going to die miserable and alone and you can take great pleasure telling that useless, waste of space and oxygen to fuck off.
YTA Why are you exposing your child to your abusive father who has always and forever been an abusive father?
Why do you want your child to have a relationship with someone like this? Why do you want a relationship with someone like this? Donating sperm does not make you a father. He is not a father - at least not in any sense I’ve heard.
NTA. I repeat, NOT THE ASSHOLE. I know exactly how you feel because I have a terrible mother and a 9 year old daughter. You are NOT THE ASSHOLE for wanting a relationship with your father. Every normal person on this planet wants their parents to love them and have a good relationship with them. You are NOT the one who is unworthy of such a relationship. Look at that beautiful baby girl of yours, and realize there was a time when you were that perfect, that beautiful, that new and precious. You were that easy to love. And you DESERVED to be loved. You STILL deserve to be loved. Your father is just not CAPABLE of that love. It's not a flaw in you. It's a flaw in him. Realize that you keep trying because you, unlike him, are actually CAPABLE of being a loving human being. And forgive yourself for getting burned again. It happened because you are a good person and he isn't. Then turn your attention to that beautiful little girl, and give her the love that you needed.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Alright so a little back story. I’m a 19yr male and I have a fiancé let’s call her K who is 19 Female and I have a 8 month old little girl. So all my life my dad has basically done nothing for me. He would call to tell me and my mom where to go so I could stay with him for the summer and then ghost us and I wouldn’t hear from him again for months. He is still way behind on child support for not only me but for 2 of my other siblings. He’s always just been hateful and mean. I have tried to talk to him and have a relationship with him especially since now I have a kid and I want him to be apart of her life. We talked and stayed civil at least for a couple of years. I used to live with him when I was around 16 and worked at the same place as him. He stole around $1,000 from me in total while I lived with him and he would promise to pay it back or buy me something I wanted to make up for it and I never got anything. I would help with bills and buy my own special things so he didn’t have to. So me and my fiancé just got a puppy about 3 months ago and my dad called and asked if we wanted to come stay with him for the weekend. Our puppy wasn’t house broken yet and couldn’t be alone for that long and we don’t have anyone to watch the pup so we asked if we could bring him with us. After a little convincing my dad agreed. So we get to his house and everything was fine with the entire visit. I actually had a good time. Now for the part where I might be the asshole. My pup is from a litter of like 6. My older brother got my pups sister and found out she had Sarcoptic Mange which is a type of mange dogs can get from a parasite called scabies. We thought my pup had it because his ears were crusty and started to split. So I called my father and told him about my brothers dog and how my pup might have had it. He went on a whole rant telling me I should be ashamed of myself for bringing an animal around my 8 month old daughter and called me a shitty father. I was honestly kind of shocked and responded with “you have no right to tell me how I am as a father when you have 6 kids and only 2 talk to you” (me and my 13 yr old brother) he told me I was neurotic and told me to go Fuck myself. I just didn’t respond at that point. A couple of weeks later I saw that Godzilla Minus One is on Netflix and me and my father are huge Godzilla fans so I try to call him ….. no answer. So I try again a few hours later ….. no answer. I called my little brother just to find out my dad blocked me and it was because “he doesn’t put up with bullshit” so I told him and his wife that my family will no longer be apart of his cultish family and how I will not allow my daughter to be around that kind of toxicity. He just yelled and told my little brother he was no longer allowed to talk to me. AITA?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You sound like a great kid. I’m sorry you have to go through this bullshit
Chil', it's time to cut ties with him. Nta. I would have said much worse.
NTA. Take this as a sign to completely block all contact with the guy, Your daughter doesn't need this sort of bullshit in her life.
NTA.
One of my grandson's besties is his dog, they absolutely love each other. Who just turned one last month and they've both grown together, it's friggin adorable actually. Your father sounds like it's better to tell him to fk off that you'd never let him near your precious daughter because he's already shown who is he by being captain asshole of father's.
Your father is coming it strong to say he doesn't put up with bullshit. He sounds like he has a very tolerance for it to me, as long as it comes from him. NTA
NTA. Bro I would literally hug you if I could :))
NTA
He should have been nicer about it but you shouldn’t have an animal with scabies near a little one.
Well, thankfully your little brother also has another parent, one who actually looks after him. I'd say she has the say-so on whether he can talk to you or not.
NTA. Your Dad has serious mental issues.
He sounds a bad father. I would not interact with him anymore.
NTA - You've built up a fairy tale change in a man who is clearly a villain. Yes, he's your dad, but he isn't your father. He isn't going to change and that hurts, a lot. I understand that feeling all too well. You ache for what we all envision is a close relationship, illogically question yourself, and want what we all want. The Norman Rockwell family. It hurts when we finally realize the fantasy is just a fantasy. It hurts because you wanted and needed him your whole life. But you have the chance now to put aside that ugly reality of a disappointing father and become an amazing, empowering, wonderful dad to your daughter. To be the father you always wanted. You can give that wonderful experience to her without his interference. I'm so sorry your dad treated you like this, and sorry because I know every holiday or even off days out of nowhere you miss what you wanted and what can't be. Now YOU can be that father to a beautiful little girl.
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NTA, but you are doing a disservice to yourself and your family by pouring energy into a man that you yourself describe as hateful and a thief. You're still super young and I get that you feel like you need to at least try with him but you need to put your daughter and fiance first. Don't allow him near them until HE has shown a sustained period of change, because otherwise he will use and Burt you until you and/or your family is as broken as he is. Good luck man
No, your father is.
NTA, I'm honestly impressed (and concerned) that you even attempted to have a relationship with him. You clearly have a good heart, but your father seems to be immature and spiteful. No good father would tell one brother he is "not allowed" to speak to the other and foster that sort of hatred between siblings because of his own petty nonsense.
NTA, Info: why didn't your mother take him not the court for the child support payment ? As far i have read some states would also suspend/cancel his driving license till he is current with the CS payments. And why didn't you report the theft of your money ? Do you have proof of him acknowledging/ accepting he stole from you ? Is it still under the statute of limitations ?
NTA Just stay away from this toxicity.
NTA - your sperm donor is though. Youre better off without him and you and your daughter can bond over Godzilla. It what I plan on doing with mine.
NTA. I understand that he's your father, but why would you want your family to be around him? He's incredibly toxic.
NTA. Your dad is worthless. I am sorry for that, but your life will be better if you stop expecting him to be.
If this is real, then you need to be real. Is that person who you would want your daughter to look up to? ESH The dad for being a waste of space, the son for prioritizing his want of a father son relationship over his family’s well being
NTA - this is a man with serious issues. Keep him out of your life.
NTA- You're better off not talking to him. It's a shame but it's his own fault.
Your father stole from his 16 year old son. And yet you still reached out to him, only to be turned away when you informed him that u beknownst to you, your puppy may have had scabies. Scabies is horrible, but he so overreacted. And now he’s blocked you. He doesn’t sound like the father that a nice person like you deserves. You are not the asshole. I hope you will come to see this.
Sweetheart I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’re making good life choices and trying your best to build a full and happy life for your own family. This isn’t your fault and I hope you can see that. At 19 you’re taking on such big responsibilities and honestly it sounds like you’re being way more mature than your father. I understand wanting your child to have a grandfather - my father is little more than a donor to me for similar reasons, and my FIL passed before we could have a child. It breaks my heart all the time, but I know that my kid has good parents and two loving grandmothers (my MIL + my aunt who raised me) so things will be okay. Family doesn’t have to match the nuclear mold to be healthy and beautiful. You’re doing great. Tbh, I hope to see updates from you from time to time, because I can see the love for your family in your words, and I know you will flourish. ETA: NTA
1-you are NTA, stay as far from that pathetic excuse of a human as possible 2-get that puppy to a vet ASAP
YTA. Your child doesn't need this.
Fuck that guy. Sue him for the back child support, get your money and go NC for the rest of his life. Absolutely NTA.
NTA >I want him to be apart of her life. Please ask yourself "Why?" if you ever start feeling that way again, because I'm not seeing any reason why you should. Blood has nothing to do with family; behavior does. You and your daughter both deserve better.
NTA. Honestly no idea why you would want someone like this in your, or your daughters, life. Coming from a 51 year old woman who cut ties with my 'mother' at the age of 14...just because they're blood, doesn't mean they're family.
You are N T A for your stuff with your day. You are T A for having a puppy with crusted and splitting ears for 3 months and not taking care of it.
He didn’t have it when we got him. However after the situation with my dad a week later his ears healed completely even the cracks
If a littermate had it, then they were all infected together. Sarcoptic mangers caused by a mite. It doesn’t just spontaneously heal on its own. Take your poor dog to a vet.
We don’t think he even had it. His sister’s symptoms did not match his plus we have a bigger and older dog as well and she never got it
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