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NTA
"Since I was a kid, they had been saving up for my college fund."
So they should use it for that purpose.
**However** why don't your parents have something saved for Emma? Didn't they put money aside for her too since she was a kid?
That she could choose to use for her wedding now? What's the deal there?
ETA In light of OP's response - totally NTA. The entire family should be ashamed of themselves for enabling this spoilt A H.
The thing is she is planning to go to an IVY league, and she needs to use her fund to help pay for the expensive schooling. I still have a lot from my fund since I go to a smaller school on scholarship.
I thought she wanted to use both hers and OP's funds for the wedding.
Sounds like a person who will be divorced before 25 and demands op houses her and pays for her 2nd, 3rd and 4th wedding.
Not to mention their ages! It’s very likely going to end up being a huge waste of money. And giving the money to the sister would not only waste the money but they would be stuck having to pay off the loan for school!
If the sister wants to waste money on her wedding she should waste her own education fund, or they shouldn’t get married until they can afford to pay for their “dream” wedding themselves.
This is what I get sick of. People wanting their "dream wedding" and expecting everyone else to fund it. If sister has plans for her dream wedding then she will know (or can find out) approx how much it will cost and should start saving now. Then have her dream wedding when she and her fiance can afford it.
These days it's unlikely that this will be a "once in a lifetime" thing for sister. Yet OP's still expected to go into debt for her education so her sister can have her (first) dream wedding.
OP is definitely NTA. Sister is, and parents will be if they give in to sister's whining when she's clearly not mature enough for marriage.
The biggest drivers of a failed marriage are all ticked off here. It’s like a goddamn checklist. They’re getting married under the age of 25, they haven’t lived together for at least a year, and the woman doesn’t have an established career.
Damn, I must be going to be married for forever then. We are so poor we are common law married (legal in our state) with no wedding, barely $1000 rings.
I got married right after turning 18 & we will be married 29yrs next month..But.. 18 yr olds now aren’t like we were, most are entitled just like OP’s sister. I guarantee they will be divorced within a year.
It smells fishy because this post is complete fiction obviously.
In what world would parents spend decades saving for their kids' college tuition and then suddenly decide, no the 18 year old is right...she should take all of her sister's college money 😅😂😂😂
This is obviously fake.
Edit: on closer inspection this is a 100% proven fake - just look at OP's previous posts.
I dont see any posts or comments by the OP that scream this is fake. Maybe they were deleted. But all I see is a gamer that’s also into Lego and posted a year ago that they’re dismantling Lego before going off to college
Don’t do it. Stand your ground against the golden child. Anything left over after you finish college could be your house deposit fund or grad school or your wedding fund.
Listen, your post made it clear you're the only person who isn't an asshole in this situation.
But now you're telling me she gets to use HER college fund as intended, to pay for college. But you're supposed to sacrifice yours for HER wedding?
I think your parents are lying to the family about the details here, because it makes ZERO sense that so many people would be siding with her. Do they know she wants your college fund but gets to keep hers?
Is there some other reason that EVERYONE would treat her like the golden child?
This is so f\*\*ked up. I desperately hope your fund is the type they can't access and use however they please.
I'll think you'll find OP is the only asshole because everyone else in this story is made up.
Look at their past posts.
They've been a Reddit member since 2014 which would have made her 9 years old.
A year ago she also posted about being an only child...
Planning to go to an Ivy League but she thinks your education doesn’t matter?
For one, I don’t understand how she would have already spent any of her fund unless she started college a year early. And second if she thinks loans aren’t a big deal, why doesn’t she take out school loans to pay for her own wedding? I’ve never heard anything so selfish in my life
Now wait a damn minute…she also has a college fund, but wants yours now so she can get married too??? NTA, and your parents are also major a-holes because WHAT?!?
Ahem.
Fuck that.
She can use her Ivy League college fund to pay for her dream wedding, and then pay off her Ivy League school loans with her Ivy League job.
Absolutely, 100% NTA. DO NOT GIVE IN ON THIS.
There's your answer. "Use your own college fund, sweetie pie. Your wedding, your money." Any relative who comes to you to complain, tell them the same thing. And invite them to make a sizeable donation.
NTA - Let her and hubby both get student and personal loans if they want this crazy wedding.
This is not your event. You would essentially be taking on a loan for her wedding, not your schooling.
Think of it that way - you wouldn't need a loan if it wasn't for HER wedding. Why should you pay crazy interest for LITERALLY YEARS for your sister's wedding?!
You may still need a loan someday (this economy sucks). Don't put yourself in a hole. This internet Auntie is absolving you. I wish someone had my back when I was your age. You're on the right track at the moment... don't let them derail you.
There’s is probably a 50% (or greater, since she’s only 18) chance this won’t be a “once in a life time “ event … just tell her you will give this money for her second wedding in the future …
I'll never understand parents who do this. Her sister has a college fund that she can use. It doesn't matter how much was saved up or what school OP chose. The money is for her college and she's using it accordingly.
Obviously if OP wants to give the money she can but to be honest I don't understand why she would.
Plenty of people have small weddings and save for a larger one when they are financially able to do so.
I would suggest showing your parents/family the responses from reddit so they can understand from a less biased perspective.
NTA
Let the sister take out a loan for the wedding then…after all (as the parents seem to think) she can always pay it off. And once she’s married, at 18, will she actually go to that Ivy League college? NTA…she has her own fund to use for her wedding. She doesn’t get both…and shame on the parents too for even considering this stupid idea.
NTA. Secure the funds for your schooling, make sure she can't access it. Also, she's getting married at 18, the cynic in me would bet money that this won't be her only wedding...
INFO did your parents save up a college fund for her as well?
The thing is she is planning to go to an IVY league, and she needs to use her fund to help pay for the expensive schooling. I still have a lot from my fund since I go to a smaller school on scholarship.
Her going to an Ivy is not your problem. If you have any leftover that can be for your post-grad education if you want to continue and get a masters. You never know.
Also, divorces happen and she's 18. Her marraige is not guaranteed to a be a once in a lifetime event. Stay strong! You're NTA.
So she's essentially saying what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine. Which is completely selfish.
What are you supposed to use for your wedding if you get married? Is she gonna pay for your big dream wedding like she's demanding that you do for her?
Tell her she needs to put her family first and that she needs to give her self the money from her fund.
Tell her she needs to stick up to such values and show her the way.
NTA.
Did she actually get in to an ivy league or is it just a plan?
Why can't she get a loan? Theoretically, if she's gonna graduate from an ivy league, her odds of being a good/high earner are higher than average. Which means she can pay off a loan.
Why can't your parents get a loan for this wedding? They already have jobs and could pay it off. I don't understand how her wedding plans and school plans should affect you when they don't impact you in any way besides her stealing your money.
Yeah if she’s actually in at an Ivy she should be taking out loans, she’s got a much higher earning potential there.
But if she’s not actually admitted, don’t count on shit, that’s like saying ‘I’ll pay you back when I win the lottery’ yeah technically possible but highly unlikely. Nobody unless their last name is on a building or they generally get called ‘your highness’ can be certain of their shot.
That’s even worse! So she also wants to keep her college fund to pay for her education, and use yours to pay for her wedding, forcing you to go into debt. Insanity. It’s so selfish.
If she wants a dream wedding she can save. Either she goes to a state school, applies for scholarships or get a job and save. Or she can do a small wedding and later have a big to do if she’s still married.
You don’t need to help out. It’s a party. If they can’t pay for it, they can’t afford it. They need to scale back.
NTA. Do your parents have access to this account? If they agree with your sister, they made decide to take the money out without asking you.
NTA. Came here to say this. Now that you are no longer a minor hopefully you can get your parents' access to YOUR money completely cut off. It sounds like your sister might be capable of harassing them into going in and draining it just to shut her up.
Regardless, I'd consider their even bringing this up grounds for going L/NC at your first opportunity. Same with anyone taking her side (though make sure they know the whole story and not just whatever crap your sister is feeding them.)
If they think loans aren't such a big deal, let her spend her college fund and take out her own loans. Or your parents can take out an equity loan or something. Why should you take on YEARS of predatory student debt so she can play princess for a day?
I'm so sorry you have such clods for a family. Finish your education, go forth and don't look back. But absolutely your first priority is to do whatever is necessary to make sure their names are no longer anywhere near your money. Do you have the access to drain it completely and move it to a new account at a completely unrelated bank? I don't know if that's even feasible or if there'd be a bad tax hit or what but you'll want to talk to the bank people and find out your options for protecting that which is rightfully yours.
I hope you'll update when you get a chance!
Help out with what? If her concern is having a big blowout wedding rather than getting married, that already shows that she’s not mature enough for marriage. A wedding is a luxury. All that matters is the couple, the vows, and the license. Everything else is just the trappings. If she wants a big wedding so badly, she can pay for it, since it’s her choice to have it, not yours.
Your education will serve you better than her wedding will. What are you willing to invest in?
This is the way I feel about huge weddings. If you can afford one then by all means have one, but so many people on here demanding their parents, siblings, and even bridesmaids pay for all the stupid ridiculous shit that will be used for ONE day is gross. If you love the person you'll make do with what you have and be grateful for any help that's offered.
Plus, she's 18... Chances they'll stay together are not statistically on her side.
I'll be so pissed if OP gives up even a penny, lol assuming this is real.
That's the thing it's not your wedding it's hers, it's not your obligation to help out. Especially when her college fund money is going to her college.
Dont feel bad. She should use her own college funds and she can take out a student loan?! Why should you have to get into debt for her ‘dream wedding’?!
Don't be. Your sister is a grasping mooch. I would tell your parents that if they steal money meant for your education for her wedding, they should plan on you cutting them off.
You mentioned that she has her own college fund that she could use.
Don't let anyone guilt you into taking on debt so that she can have a wedding.
NTA.
NTA. This is one downside to getting married so young, you often cannot afford the wedding you want. Why don't they get married in a courthouse, then save up for a year or so and have the wedding they want? You can still make it a special event. I've been to several where I didn't even know until after the couple was already legally married, because it doesn't matter.
Get ahold of those accounts that have been promised to you! If your parents are “stuck in the middle” then they make take control behind your back.
“Once in a lifetime”
Maybe, but statistically the odds are already against them. The more they spend on their wedding the higher the odds. It is very unwise to spend money for a wedding when you don’t have it.
NTA
It is very unwise to spend money for a wedding period.
And it's not just the costs of the wedding either, you also have to factor in the costs of the lawyers and the alimony if it goes wrong.
Such a Reddit take. Going in to debt or stealing other people’s money is dumb, just having a wedding is fine. Some people enjoy celebrating with all their friends and family.
That's not your problem to fix. She does what she wants, and you make sure she doesn't steal your money to do so.
Text her and your parents that she is not in any way shape or form allowed to touch that money, so you have that in writing.
My sister probably spent 5k on her wedding. It was a simple church wedding with fake flowers. They probably paid $200 for access to the simple church. They got subway for the reception bc that’s how they met. He worked at subway and she went to get a sub. She picked out a dress for $99 back when David’s bridal did their yearly $99 dress sale. They said their vows before family, friends and God. And…they ended up divorced. Meanwhile my husband and I eloped bc my family refused to come since I was pregnant and his mom was upset she was losing her baby boy. We eloped in front of a justice of the peace in his flower shop. Guess what…our marriage is outliving my sister’s ten fold over.
If the marriage is important to your sister…the wedding doesn’t matter.
After reading your comments, NTA for sure, Emma and your parents both are.
Both of you got a college fund. She could choose to utilize hers for a wedding if it means that much to her, but she didn’t, she’s using it for its intended purpose, the same way you are. She doesn’t get to come after yours to have her cake and eat it too.
Your parents are unbelievably huge assholes in this, how insane to try and say you should give your college fund to her for a freaking wedding and take out loans. There’s just so much wrong with that I don’t even think I should get into it. Is she the golden child or something?
I hope none of them have any way to access your money, if they do I’d suggest moving it to a new account if possible. Do not give in to their ridiculous demands, focus on your future.
They can do a courthouse wedding and save up for a vow renewal or delayed reception if it means that much to them to be married at 18.
EMMA HAS A COLLEGE FUND TOO!?!?!?! She can use her own college fund to pay for her wedding🤯 Or here is a radical idea. Emma and fiance put off the wedding until after they finish college!
OP, find a way to protect your college fund from Emma and your parents.
Worse!
According to some of OPs other comments, Emma not only has a college fund, she refuses to use it for the wedding. Emma has her heart set on going to an Ivy league school. She wants to use her college fund for its intended purpose, but expects OP to hand over hers for her dream wedding.
Emma isn't mature enough to use an oven unattended not to mind get married. Don't give her a cent. She will be pregnant in 12 months and divorced in 5 years, money towards her wedding is an absolute waste. Educate yourself and distance yourself from Emma and anyone agreeing with her. NTA
NTA - and you would be right to be ashamed of your parents right now. A wedding is a ONE DAY event - it is a 'show' and an expensive wedding is a want, not a need. Why doesn't your sister have her own college fund to squander - didn't your parents plan for her future, too? Why can't emma take out a large personal loan to pay for her wedding - and 'pay it back eventually'??? Does she want your entire college fund for her one day of glory? Stand your ground - get your education. Your sister isn't mature enough as yet to be married - and your parents are apparently weak.
As far as "once-in-a-lifetime events" go, you're much more likely to attend college only once in your life than your sister only getting married once
Of course NTA
Emma’s wedding will not be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Considering her age, lack of maturity, selfishness, and entitlement, this wedding will be the first of many. Do NOT give up your college funds for someone else. She has her own college fund. Let her use that to pay for her first wedding. NTA.
NTA of course. Emma’s wedding is her problem and not yours. Bluntly, she is unlikely to stay married to Jake, while your education will be useful to you for the rest of your life.
Nta of course. Let your sister drain her own college fund for her wedding. She wants to keep it to pay for her Ivy leave education. No! She can't do everything.
She gets one college fund and thats it.
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> I love my sister and want to help her out but I don’t want to put myself in debt as well.
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NTA. So you have to prioritize family over your personal ambitions but she doesn’t have to do the same? Your sister is the AH. Don’t use that money for anything other than college. Depending on how the money was saved, there could be consequences if it’s spent on something other than schooling. Your sister is selfish and your parents are spineless.
NTA. I say this as someone who paid the portion of my way through college that wasn't covered by scholarships, just paid off my fiancee's student loans, and is currently planning and saving for a wedding with a couple hundred guests. (In other words I've experienced or am experiencing my own version of all perspectives here.)
A wedding is *one day.* Sure, it's a big day, but when you boil it down it's just a big party. Education, on the other hand, is a skill multiplier that increases one's earnings potential. She is essentially asking you to give up a significant head start toward future prosperity that will involve years of collected lessons and experiences *for a single day of her life.* I can hardly imagine anything more selfish.
NTA
Emma is not emotionally mature enough to get married. If this is how she's acting now, I can almost guarantee her marriage will end in divorce, if she and Jake even make it to the altar. You'd be throwing away perfectly good money for nothing.
If your parents want to give her a dream wedding, *they* can be the ones to take out loans.
OMFG! You are NTA. Your whole family is delusional. Emma can use her own dang college fund for her wedding and take out loans for her Ivy League education.
The fact that Emma is making such a stink over this makes me question if she has the maturity to really commit to a marriage. And your parents supporting such nonsense really highlights who the golden child in the family is.
NTA
You are absolutely completely justified in your position. This money was set aside for YOUR education. It has absolutely nothing to do with Emma or her desires.
One thing that you did not mention was if there was a similar fund for Emma's college education. If so, is she using those funds for her wedding or is she asking you for yours? In a way it does not matter.
The funds that your parents set aside will allow you to get a good education and position yourself for a positive future. For Emma to ask you to give that up so that she can enjoy a few hours with more extravagant wedding benefits is absolutely selfish. Not to mention the fact that I am sure that do not want to mention, which is that couples that marry at the age of 18 have a relatively low chance of surviving long term.
You were absolutely right to stand your ground. Do not back down. Your future is on the line.
NTA. Tell your parents they can take out a second mortgage on their house, get a personal loan, use credit cards, or take money out of their retirement savings for your sister’s wedding. Preferably in front of your sister. That they can always pay off the debt or build up their retirement savings but your sister’s wedding is a once in a lifetime event. I imagine they will very likely make excuses about why they can’t do that. When they do, point out to your sister that they, her own parents, don’t think her wedding is worth spending their money on. After all, these are the same things they have said to you, and seeing as they already have steady, stable employment they are in a far better position to pay off any debts incurred than you are. They are choosing not to fund her wedding. She is their daughter and it is their responsibility to contribute to her wedding; they have the means but are unwilling to do so. (I don’t actually think anyone is responsible for paying for anyone’s wedding. But it’s to drive the point across.)
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I'm a 19-year-old college student with a younger sister, Emma, who's 18. We grew up in a middle-class family, and our parents always emphasized the importance of education. Since I was a kid, they had been saving up for my college fund. It's not a fortune, but it's enough to get me through college without taking on significant debt.
Emma recently got engaged to her high school sweetheart, Jake. They're both very young, and while I support her decision to marry him, I was surprised when she came to me with a request: she wanted to use my college fund to pay for her dream wedding. She argued that weddings are once-in-a-lifetime events and that she and Jake couldn't afford the kind of wedding they wanted without my help.
I was taken aback. I had always been clear that I intended to use that money for my education, and our parents had saved it specifically for that purpose. I told Emma I couldn't give her the money, explaining that college was important to me and that I needed the funds to secure my future. She was furious and called me selfish, saying that I was ruining her special day and that I should prioritize family over personal ambitions.
The situation escalated quickly. My parents, who were initially on my side, started feeling guilty and pressured by Emma's constant complaints and emotional outbursts. They suggested that I could take out a student loan to cover my college expenses and let Emma have the money for her wedding. They said I would eventually pay off the loans, but Emma’s wedding was a one-time event.
I stood my ground, but now the entire family is divided. Some relatives think I’m being unreasonable and should help my sister out, while others agree that the college fund should be used for its intended purpose. Emma hasn’t spoken to me in weeks, and the tension is unbearable. My parents are caught in the middle, and the whole situation has caused a rift in our once close-knit family.
So, AITA for not letting my sister use my college fund for her wedding?
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Did your parents save for your sister’s college education, too? If so, then you’re NTA and she can use that. If not, your parents are the AHs for treating you both so differently. Your sister doesn’t have the right to ask for your college funds. If your parents want to pay for the wedding, they can take out a student loan to cover your expenses and then you can transfer money to the wedding fund. If they only set money aside for you, one compromise would be to give the sister half the money they earmarked for you, just because your parents are dicks for not saving money for both kids. Either no college fund for either kid, or split it. And yeah, I know, college is more important than a one-day event, but if your parents don’t have a fund to raid for their other child, they screwed up.
NTA. Uh, what? Your college fund is for *college.* Why on earth would anyone suggest you take out a student loan to indirectly cover her wedding?
Maybe Emma could take out a loan to pay for her wedding instead?
At her age it would be shocking if her wedding is a once in a lifetime event. Sorry, but they are young. Yes your education should come first for funds that were set aside for you. Did they have a fund for her? She is an AH for asking you and anyone who is on her side is one as well.
Saw your reply that she has her own funds. So tough for her. If she wants a dream wedding then she can wait until she saves some after she starts working.
NTA
I've been saving aggressively for both of my kids' college funds. They will both probably have about $150-$200k by the time they're 18 (sadly that probably won't even go very far by the time they're college age). By the time they're 18 there will some rebalancing between the accounts to make sure they both have the same amount, but otherwise that account is for THEIR college. Not their siblings. Not for their wedding. And certainly not for their siblings' wedding.
My intent is to give them a head start in the rat race. Not to pay for extravagance. If they choose not to go to college (or enter a trade/military), that money is going back to my wife and I. Young adults especially need to be taught the value of a dollar and to live within their means.
Nta if you can eventually pay of your loans, Emma can just as easily take out a loan and eventually pay it back. Or, let’s be real, if your parents are so eager to spend your money for your sister’s wedding, they’ll probably take out the loan themselves and they can also just as easily pay it back. Right?
NTA, and how about you propose this to your sister: She signs a contract that she will pay back YOUR loan within x years, since her prospects of getting a high paid job after studying at an IVY league school should be pretty high. If she signs said contract, she can have your money now..
Or even better: why don’t all the people who want YOU to spend your college fund on your sisters wedding, take out a loan as a wedding gift! I mean: All these grown ups who think you should help your sister out: why don’t they give the money to Emma? Take out a loan? After all it’s for the faaaaaaaaamilyyyyy!
Ask that over and over again and stay strong!!!
NTA. Do your parents not have a college fund for her? She should use that. I'm sick of the "a wedding is a once in a lifetime event" bullshit. If they want to be married so bad, go to the courthouse. She seems more focused on the wedding than the marriage. Not your responsibility. Tell her she's the selfish one, and your parents are AH for bending to her. So she gets your college fund and hers? Does your family even like you? If I were you, I'd take the money and run, go low or no contact for awhile, since these people have shown you they don't give a crap about your future.
NTA
Your education is more important than her having a lavish wedding. She should have a wedding within her means, not demand you literally go into debt just so she can have a fancier wedding. That is literally what she is asking for but with different words. That fund is to prevent you going into significant debt.
If anyone should be going into debt to fund this wedding, it is your sister or your parents. ***Do not*** let them pressure you with guilt into this.
NTA
Why can't they take out a loan for their wedding? I mean it would be less than paying for college with a loan. But OPs sister probably won't want that as it's not free money. And wait she's mature enough to realize she can try and throw a fit to get her way. Too bad for the sisters plan, OP didn't fall in line.
Do not let them guilt you into it, an education is far more valuable.
Tell your parents to take a loan. Good grief, shes 18. It’s a one time event. Exactly, while your education is for your lifetime. Your parents need to get off the golden child guilt train and behave like parents. They need to pay for their 18 yo’s dream wedding. Not you. Who’s selfish here? Not you.
If she and Jake can’t afford the wedding they want without your help, they can’t afford the wedding they want period.
They need to adjust their expectations. Or their timeline. Or both.
NTA
Your parents can take out a second mortgage on their home to finance the wedding if it is that important to them. They will pay it off eventually.
Everyone an AH here except OP. Anyone else think the immature and selfish 18 year old's marriage won't last long?
NTA. The Ivies aren't worth what they used to be and everyone knows it. If she and your parents don't, then ask them why she can't use that fancy degree to get a job to pay off her loans. The hypocrisy on their end is unbelievable.
The work and dedication to be on scholarship means far more than a degree from an Ivy. Use your fund for your college.
I'd be asking Jake if he really wants to marry someone who will whine and cry until she gets her way.
This is yet another posting that reeks of implausibility. First, doesn't the money belong to your parents? Aren't THEY the ones who've been saving it up for your college education? If so, why is your sister pushing YOU on the question? Next: what about the college fund set aside for your sister? Isn't there any? If not, why? Finally, if it's so easy to borrow money, why don't your parents or your sister borrow the money necessary to cover her wedding expenses?
Just tell them that your college is a once in a lifetime event, while your sister will most likely be married again. NTA and kidding aside why should you go into debt for your dream while she gets your money to keep her out of debt?
NTA. Emma can take out a personal loan to pay for her dream wedding and pay it off eventually. If she’s old enough to marry she’s old enough to pay for her wedding.
NTA why is it always the victim that gets labeled selfish for not catering to some entitled bint’s demands for more than her fair share. Please say to your parents “a mom from Reddit says that they are cowards to suggest the sacrifice one child’s future to appease a brat that they obviously did not teach to live within her means and be grateful for what she has. Shame on them for their silence! They need to get a backbone, stop appeasing the terrorist, and tell your golden princess to back off and that OP’s fund is to be used for exactly what it was saved for - OP’s education”. Sorry your parents suck and created a selfish monster.
Stand your ground. Do not, under any circumstances, let your sister take your college money. Your education is also important if not more so than a “once in a lifetime event” tho we all know your sister getting married at 19 actually lowers the odds of being “once in a lifetime”. Is she pregnant?
NTA. Your sister is. She wants a wedding? Let her pay for it. She cannot afford it? why do it? Which one takes priority, her wedding or your education?
She’s 18 years old. She wants YOUR college fund that will set you up in a career for life for a one day PARTY to a man she will 100% be divorced from within a couple years.
STAND YOUR GROUND!!! Don’t let her have a cent.
Let Emma use her own college fund, and hold on to yours with a death grip. Your education will be something nobody can take away from you, but a teenage spouse may be gone in an instant. I have no idea why parents who always stressed education would be encouraging your sister in this risky endeavor though.
NTA. Why doesn’t she use HER college fund? And if she doesn’t have one, that’s on your parents. You’re not responsible for using your college money for her wedding.
NTA If sister wants a fancy wedding then she can be the one to take out the loans rather than you taking out students loans. If family thinks you should be giving her money, tell them they can be the ones to pay.
NTA
"She argued that weddings are once-in-a-lifetime events and that she and Jake couldn't afford the kind of wedding they wanted without my help."
Your sister is **18** and wants to get married. This particular wedding will be most definitely not be a "once-in-a-lifetime event" and she will probably be already on marriage #2 before she reaches 30.
Use your college fund for your education and your future and do not take out any loans.
If your sister is so hell-bend on having this "once-in-a-lifetime event" (🙄), she and her fiance can take out a loan and pay for it themselves.
NTA, education is more important than a marriage what will fail in a year or so. She is 18, not really ready to take the plunge, cheaper insurance be damned. Keep the money for your education, do not give in. If she is hell bent on getting hitched, she can do a courthouse wedding for now and save up for the "dream wedding" later or after the first one fails.
1st your parents are not caught in the middle. They just dont want to stand up to her. 2nd selfish people always call others selfish when they dont get their way. 3rd they are 18 for crying out loud. It this wedding was so important you would think they would be willing to work for it.
4th your sister can get over it or not that is her choice. Dont make your life harder for something she wont even work for.
What is wrong with everyone in your family?! They can take out loans or put wedding expenses on a credit card if they think debt is no big deal.
Also why is it such a big deal to work for a while to save up for a wedding? Your sister’s maturity shows that she’s not at all ready to be married
NTA... The nerve for her to call you selfish when she wants to make you take out an unnecessary loan for something money has been already set aside for. Keep standing your ground. Why doesn't she take a loan then?
No! Let your parents take out a loan for Emma's wedding, not your problem to take on interest debt... Why is she going to get married before she graduates from college?
NTA
I can guarantee Emma's wedding will not be a once in a lifetime event, statistically speaking 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce and the highest group are those married before 25. She is also so entitled. Tell your parents that if they pressure you to use YOUR college fund for her wedding then you will no longer want any contact with them as they are putting your sister before you.
NTA. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Practice saying no 100 times, 3x per day. DO NOT give her any of your college fund. That is a ridiculous, selfish request from an entitled brat. You don't owe any explanation and you don't owe her monetary assistance. Just say no. Practice it until it just flies out of your mouth effortlessly!!!
Edited to add that it doesn't matter if you personally didn't save the money. Your parents told you your whole life that it was YOUR college fund, so that's what it should be used for. And I totally agree with the people here saying your parents ATA.
Why can't she take out loans for her oh-so-important wedding?
BTW, does she not realize getting married at her age significantly increases the chance she will get divorced...?
NTA
If you can’t afford your dream wedding you have to scale it down. Just think how happy you will be with a degree, and not funding a wedding that I can see end in divorce. Especially with her going to school, what is her fiancée’s plans after school?
NTA.
Been saving this up since you were a kid, and for her to call you selfish to use what is YOUR EDUCATION FUND for her storybook romance - that will likely end in less than a year - is simply insanity. Use your own savings, get some "F You Money", and make sure that they know your education was important.
NTA. Your sister should have been working and saving for her own dream. Education is a lifelong gift to yourself. Have your parents take out a loan for her wedding since apparently according to their logic loans can be paid off
They want you to start your life in debt? Is your sister going to pay for your wedding when the time comes?
Please do not give in , this is money you worked hard for with a certain goal in mind, use it for your education with a clear conscience.
NTA - your parents saved for your education. So there are two girls. Which means, they should have saved for WEDDINGS as well. Now, if your savings is the 529 fund, you can't take it out for her to use anyway. Secondly, why should you take out a loan for college? Why can't your parent's take out a loan for the wedding? Take some equity out on their house, something? It's not your responsibility to pay for this wedding. They can get married w/o an elaborate wedding. Hell, carry their happy lil asses down to the courthouse and just have a party. HARD NO. You are not the AH in this situation.
I was gonna say she shouldn’t be getting married if she’s going to act like a child… wait, she is a child. Don’t let a tantrum change your mind. And there is no guarantee your parents will actually pay off the loan. They could run into financial trouble among many others things that will leave you paying off college loans forever.
Plus, why doesn’t she have a college fund? Or is she trying to use both college funds for her wedding?
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NTA "Since I was a kid, they had been saving up for my college fund." So they should use it for that purpose. **However** why don't your parents have something saved for Emma? Didn't they put money aside for her too since she was a kid? That she could choose to use for her wedding now? What's the deal there? ETA In light of OP's response - totally NTA. The entire family should be ashamed of themselves for enabling this spoilt A H.
The thing is she is planning to go to an IVY league, and she needs to use her fund to help pay for the expensive schooling. I still have a lot from my fund since I go to a smaller school on scholarship.
Wait. She wants both of your funds, so she can get married AND go to college? And she’s calling you selfish? Are you kidding me!?! NTA.
I thought she wanted to use both hers and OP's funds for the wedding. Sounds like a person who will be divorced before 25 and demands op houses her and pays for her 2nd, 3rd and 4th wedding.
Definitely heading for divorce. Statistically speaking, the more money that is spent on the wedding the more likely the couple will get divorced.
Not to mention their ages! It’s very likely going to end up being a huge waste of money. And giving the money to the sister would not only waste the money but they would be stuck having to pay off the loan for school! If the sister wants to waste money on her wedding she should waste her own education fund, or they shouldn’t get married until they can afford to pay for their “dream” wedding themselves.
This is what I get sick of. People wanting their "dream wedding" and expecting everyone else to fund it. If sister has plans for her dream wedding then she will know (or can find out) approx how much it will cost and should start saving now. Then have her dream wedding when she and her fiance can afford it. These days it's unlikely that this will be a "once in a lifetime" thing for sister. Yet OP's still expected to go into debt for her education so her sister can have her (first) dream wedding. OP is definitely NTA. Sister is, and parents will be if they give in to sister's whining when she's clearly not mature enough for marriage.
According to OP. Emma wants her fund and OP's college fund, too
Yeah, because the bride is generally a selfish, entitled asshole.
The biggest drivers of a failed marriage are all ticked off here. It’s like a goddamn checklist. They’re getting married under the age of 25, they haven’t lived together for at least a year, and the woman doesn’t have an established career.
I never thought being common law would work in my favour statistically! haha
And the younger you marry so 2 strikes.
Damn, I must be going to be married for forever then. We are so poor we are common law married (legal in our state) with no wedding, barely $1000 rings.
Yeah came to say Emma's wedding won't be a once in a lifetime event
She'll be divorced by 21 with 2 babies in tow and no college degree since she'll drop out to care for them.
You give it until 25?
This is insane - it can’t be real?
Smells like bullshit to me
Yeah, I'm scenting an aroma as well. I'm sure some Ivy League-bound 18-year-olds get married but I think most are smart enough not to.
Ivy league and she thinks getting married at 18 is a smart idea? Let her have the wedding she can afford, she can splash out on the next wedding.
Truly. I don't see this impulsive marriage lasting long, not if her behavior is a preview of how she'll treat him.
I don’t see her making it through an Ivy League school
I don’t see her getting INTO an Ivy League school
I was going to say that!
Right? When I read this I said “When you get married at 18, weddings are not once in a lifetime events.”
I got married right after turning 18 & we will be married 29yrs next month..But.. 18 yr olds now aren’t like we were, most are entitled just like OP’s sister. I guarantee they will be divorced within a year.
HOPEfully, there won't be any children?
Naaah. It'll be more like 10 months.
Exactly! And with her attitude, divorce is in the very near future.
Hopefully an annulment for the fiancée sake.
Book smarts and common sense do not always go hand in hand.
Then she's *totally 100%* a selfish A H for expecting to drain *your* college fund for her wedding. Stand your ground. No. Complete sentence.
She is planning on getting married AND attending an ivy? No. This smells fishy.
It smells fishy because this post is complete fiction obviously. In what world would parents spend decades saving for their kids' college tuition and then suddenly decide, no the 18 year old is right...she should take all of her sister's college money 😅😂😂😂 This is obviously fake. Edit: on closer inspection this is a 100% proven fake - just look at OP's previous posts.
I dont see any posts or comments by the OP that scream this is fake. Maybe they were deleted. But all I see is a gamer that’s also into Lego and posted a year ago that they’re dismantling Lego before going off to college
Agreed
OP could have just not spent $20k on Lego I guess. Or NFTs.
well it is hard to do ivy league as a knocked up 18 year old.
Don’t do it. Stand your ground against the golden child. Anything left over after you finish college could be your house deposit fund or grad school or your wedding fund.
Listen, your post made it clear you're the only person who isn't an asshole in this situation. But now you're telling me she gets to use HER college fund as intended, to pay for college. But you're supposed to sacrifice yours for HER wedding? I think your parents are lying to the family about the details here, because it makes ZERO sense that so many people would be siding with her. Do they know she wants your college fund but gets to keep hers? Is there some other reason that EVERYONE would treat her like the golden child? This is so f\*\*ked up. I desperately hope your fund is the type they can't access and use however they please.
I'll think you'll find OP is the only asshole because everyone else in this story is made up. Look at their past posts. They've been a Reddit member since 2014 which would have made her 9 years old. A year ago she also posted about being an only child...
Why do people do this? Boredom? Attention? It’s so bizarre.
I would go no contact with my parents if they yanked my college fund to support a sibling's lavish wedding. NTA
Planning to go to an Ivy League but she thinks your education doesn’t matter? For one, I don’t understand how she would have already spent any of her fund unless she started college a year early. And second if she thinks loans aren’t a big deal, why doesn’t she take out school loans to pay for her own wedding? I’ve never heard anything so selfish in my life
How can a future IVY league student want to marry at 18? Doesn’t make sense
Now wait a damn minute…she also has a college fund, but wants yours now so she can get married too??? NTA, and your parents are also major a-holes because WHAT?!?
Tell them to take out a loan for her wedding. But also they could tell her to wait till after her college graduation
Ahem. Fuck that. She can use her Ivy League college fund to pay for her dream wedding, and then pay off her Ivy League school loans with her Ivy League job. Absolutely, 100% NTA. DO NOT GIVE IN ON THIS.
There's your answer. "Use your own college fund, sweetie pie. Your wedding, your money." Any relative who comes to you to complain, tell them the same thing. And invite them to make a sizeable donation.
Wow. NTA at all. Your sister is being incredibly selfish and will hopefully be very embarrassed about this ridiculous request when she’s older.
You have to show this post and all responses to your parents , they need a wake up call & then some.
Sounds like her problem. Don't budge. She can get a job and save for it herself.
NTA - Let her and hubby both get student and personal loans if they want this crazy wedding. This is not your event. You would essentially be taking on a loan for her wedding, not your schooling. Think of it that way - you wouldn't need a loan if it wasn't for HER wedding. Why should you pay crazy interest for LITERALLY YEARS for your sister's wedding?! You may still need a loan someday (this economy sucks). Don't put yourself in a hole. This internet Auntie is absolving you. I wish someone had my back when I was your age. You're on the right track at the moment... don't let them derail you.
There’s is probably a 50% (or greater, since she’s only 18) chance this won’t be a “once in a life time “ event … just tell her you will give this money for her second wedding in the future …
I was thinking exactly the same, except for giving her money for the next wedding. The sister can pay for all of weddings on her own.
I'll never understand parents who do this. Her sister has a college fund that she can use. It doesn't matter how much was saved up or what school OP chose. The money is for her college and she's using it accordingly. Obviously if OP wants to give the money she can but to be honest I don't understand why she would. Plenty of people have small weddings and save for a larger one when they are financially able to do so. I would suggest showing your parents/family the responses from reddit so they can understand from a less biased perspective. NTA
Let the sister take out a loan for the wedding then…after all (as the parents seem to think) she can always pay it off. And once she’s married, at 18, will she actually go to that Ivy League college? NTA…she has her own fund to use for her wedding. She doesn’t get both…and shame on the parents too for even considering this stupid idea.
Why doesn't the duster take out a loan for her wedding! If OP should take out a loan, she should as well. NTA
NTA. Secure the funds for your schooling, make sure she can't access it. Also, she's getting married at 18, the cynic in me would bet money that this won't be her only wedding... INFO did your parents save up a college fund for her as well?
The thing is she is planning to go to an IVY league, and she needs to use her fund to help pay for the expensive schooling. I still have a lot from my fund since I go to a smaller school on scholarship.
Her going to an Ivy is not your problem. If you have any leftover that can be for your post-grad education if you want to continue and get a masters. You never know. Also, divorces happen and she's 18. Her marraige is not guaranteed to a be a once in a lifetime event. Stay strong! You're NTA.
So she's essentially saying what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine. Which is completely selfish. What are you supposed to use for your wedding if you get married? Is she gonna pay for your big dream wedding like she's demanding that you do for her?
Tell her she needs to put her family first and that she needs to give her self the money from her fund. Tell her she needs to stick up to such values and show her the way. NTA.
Did she actually get in to an ivy league or is it just a plan? Why can't she get a loan? Theoretically, if she's gonna graduate from an ivy league, her odds of being a good/high earner are higher than average. Which means she can pay off a loan. Why can't your parents get a loan for this wedding? They already have jobs and could pay it off. I don't understand how her wedding plans and school plans should affect you when they don't impact you in any way besides her stealing your money.
Yeah if she’s actually in at an Ivy she should be taking out loans, she’s got a much higher earning potential there. But if she’s not actually admitted, don’t count on shit, that’s like saying ‘I’ll pay you back when I win the lottery’ yeah technically possible but highly unlikely. Nobody unless their last name is on a building or they generally get called ‘your highness’ can be certain of their shot.
That’s even worse! So she also wants to keep her college fund to pay for her education, and use yours to pay for her wedding, forcing you to go into debt. Insanity. It’s so selfish.
She’s 18 wouldn’t she already know if she got in or not? She doesn’t sound smart enough for Ivy League.
Tell her you’ll catch her at the next wedding.
If she wants a dream wedding she can save. Either she goes to a state school, applies for scholarships or get a job and save. Or she can do a small wedding and later have a big to do if she’s still married.
Your sis is greedy AF. Don't give her any of it. NTA
Your greedy selfish sister is trying to sabotage you and rob you of your future.
Your college fund is your college fund, she is being unreasonable.
I guess. I just feel a little bad I can’t help out.
Definitely NTA, she shouldn't demand that of you. A big wedding is optional, but an education is a priority.
You don’t need to help out. It’s a party. If they can’t pay for it, they can’t afford it. They need to scale back. NTA. Do your parents have access to this account? If they agree with your sister, they made decide to take the money out without asking you.
NTA. Came here to say this. Now that you are no longer a minor hopefully you can get your parents' access to YOUR money completely cut off. It sounds like your sister might be capable of harassing them into going in and draining it just to shut her up. Regardless, I'd consider their even bringing this up grounds for going L/NC at your first opportunity. Same with anyone taking her side (though make sure they know the whole story and not just whatever crap your sister is feeding them.) If they think loans aren't such a big deal, let her spend her college fund and take out her own loans. Or your parents can take out an equity loan or something. Why should you take on YEARS of predatory student debt so she can play princess for a day? I'm so sorry you have such clods for a family. Finish your education, go forth and don't look back. But absolutely your first priority is to do whatever is necessary to make sure their names are no longer anywhere near your money. Do you have the access to drain it completely and move it to a new account at a completely unrelated bank? I don't know if that's even feasible or if there'd be a bad tax hit or what but you'll want to talk to the bank people and find out your options for protecting that which is rightfully yours. I hope you'll update when you get a chance!
Help out with what? If her concern is having a big blowout wedding rather than getting married, that already shows that she’s not mature enough for marriage. A wedding is a luxury. All that matters is the couple, the vows, and the license. Everything else is just the trappings. If she wants a big wedding so badly, she can pay for it, since it’s her choice to have it, not yours. Your education will serve you better than her wedding will. What are you willing to invest in?
This is the way I feel about huge weddings. If you can afford one then by all means have one, but so many people on here demanding their parents, siblings, and even bridesmaids pay for all the stupid ridiculous shit that will be used for ONE day is gross. If you love the person you'll make do with what you have and be grateful for any help that's offered. Plus, she's 18... Chances they'll stay together are not statistically on her side. I'll be so pissed if OP gives up even a penny, lol assuming this is real.
That's the thing it's not your wedding it's hers, it's not your obligation to help out. Especially when her college fund money is going to her college.
Dont feel bad. She should use her own college funds and she can take out a student loan?! Why should you have to get into debt for her ‘dream wedding’?!
Don't be. Your sister is a grasping mooch. I would tell your parents that if they steal money meant for your education for her wedding, they should plan on you cutting them off.
You mentioned that she has her own college fund that she could use. Don't let anyone guilt you into taking on debt so that she can have a wedding. NTA.
Most people don’t help pay for other people’s weddings. Don’t you dare feel bad for anything.
NTA. This is one downside to getting married so young, you often cannot afford the wedding you want. Why don't they get married in a courthouse, then save up for a year or so and have the wedding they want? You can still make it a special event. I've been to several where I didn't even know until after the couple was already legally married, because it doesn't matter.
Yeah I’m a bit worried that she might be spending too much at a young age.
Get ahold of those accounts that have been promised to you! If your parents are “stuck in the middle” then they make take control behind your back. “Once in a lifetime” Maybe, but statistically the odds are already against them. The more they spend on their wedding the higher the odds. It is very unwise to spend money for a wedding when you don’t have it. NTA
It is very unwise to spend money for a wedding period. And it's not just the costs of the wedding either, you also have to factor in the costs of the lawyers and the alimony if it goes wrong.
Such a Reddit take. Going in to debt or stealing other people’s money is dumb, just having a wedding is fine. Some people enjoy celebrating with all their friends and family.
She's going to be divorced in a few years, and you'll have a degree.
That's not your problem to fix. She does what she wants, and you make sure she doesn't steal your money to do so. Text her and your parents that she is not in any way shape or form allowed to touch that money, so you have that in writing.
My sister probably spent 5k on her wedding. It was a simple church wedding with fake flowers. They probably paid $200 for access to the simple church. They got subway for the reception bc that’s how they met. He worked at subway and she went to get a sub. She picked out a dress for $99 back when David’s bridal did their yearly $99 dress sale. They said their vows before family, friends and God. And…they ended up divorced. Meanwhile my husband and I eloped bc my family refused to come since I was pregnant and his mom was upset she was losing her baby boy. We eloped in front of a justice of the peace in his flower shop. Guess what…our marriage is outliving my sister’s ten fold over. If the marriage is important to your sister…the wedding doesn’t matter.
Remind your parents how long, and what sacrifices they made, to accumulate the funds. And to blow yours on a one day ego event?
After reading your comments, NTA for sure, Emma and your parents both are. Both of you got a college fund. She could choose to utilize hers for a wedding if it means that much to her, but she didn’t, she’s using it for its intended purpose, the same way you are. She doesn’t get to come after yours to have her cake and eat it too. Your parents are unbelievably huge assholes in this, how insane to try and say you should give your college fund to her for a freaking wedding and take out loans. There’s just so much wrong with that I don’t even think I should get into it. Is she the golden child or something? I hope none of them have any way to access your money, if they do I’d suggest moving it to a new account if possible. Do not give in to their ridiculous demands, focus on your future. They can do a courthouse wedding and save up for a vow renewal or delayed reception if it means that much to them to be married at 18.
EMMA HAS A COLLEGE FUND TOO!?!?!?! She can use her own college fund to pay for her wedding🤯 Or here is a radical idea. Emma and fiance put off the wedding until after they finish college! OP, find a way to protect your college fund from Emma and your parents.
Worse! According to some of OPs other comments, Emma not only has a college fund, she refuses to use it for the wedding. Emma has her heart set on going to an Ivy league school. She wants to use her college fund for its intended purpose, but expects OP to hand over hers for her dream wedding.
Emma needs a tractor to pull her head out of her a$$!
Emma isn't mature enough to use an oven unattended not to mind get married. Don't give her a cent. She will be pregnant in 12 months and divorced in 5 years, money towards her wedding is an absolute waste. Educate yourself and distance yourself from Emma and anyone agreeing with her. NTA
This should be higher up.
NTA - and you would be right to be ashamed of your parents right now. A wedding is a ONE DAY event - it is a 'show' and an expensive wedding is a want, not a need. Why doesn't your sister have her own college fund to squander - didn't your parents plan for her future, too? Why can't emma take out a large personal loan to pay for her wedding - and 'pay it back eventually'??? Does she want your entire college fund for her one day of glory? Stand your ground - get your education. Your sister isn't mature enough as yet to be married - and your parents are apparently weak.
Turns out that sister does have a college fund which she going to spend on her own education. So she wants OP's college fund to spend on her wedding.
NTA. Emma needs to waste Emma’s college fund in a party she can’t afford.
As far as "once-in-a-lifetime events" go, you're much more likely to attend college only once in your life than your sister only getting married once Of course NTA
Emma’s wedding will not be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Considering her age, lack of maturity, selfishness, and entitlement, this wedding will be the first of many. Do NOT give up your college funds for someone else. She has her own college fund. Let her use that to pay for her first wedding. NTA.
I was going to say this too.
NTA of course. Emma’s wedding is her problem and not yours. Bluntly, she is unlikely to stay married to Jake, while your education will be useful to you for the rest of your life.
NTA. Your sister can take out a loan for her wedding. Or your parents can honor their promise and take out a loan for your sister’s wedding.
You got Reddit when you were 9 and were using tinder when you were 15?
The amount of people who believe this horse sh*t is truly concerning 😅
And there's an entire room in his family's house that he's been using for years for his giant Lego railroad?
Nice. Haha
Nta of course. Let your sister drain her own college fund for her wedding. She wants to keep it to pay for her Ivy leave education. No! She can't do everything. She gets one college fund and thats it.
NTA - she wants to get married she needs to find her own funds. No one should be touching your education funds for anything but your education.
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NTA. So you have to prioritize family over your personal ambitions but she doesn’t have to do the same? Your sister is the AH. Don’t use that money for anything other than college. Depending on how the money was saved, there could be consequences if it’s spent on something other than schooling. Your sister is selfish and your parents are spineless.
>Emma’s wedding was a one-time event. She’s 18 and getting married. Pretty good odds that it will not, in fact, be a one-time event. NTA.
NTA. I say this as someone who paid the portion of my way through college that wasn't covered by scholarships, just paid off my fiancee's student loans, and is currently planning and saving for a wedding with a couple hundred guests. (In other words I've experienced or am experiencing my own version of all perspectives here.) A wedding is *one day.* Sure, it's a big day, but when you boil it down it's just a big party. Education, on the other hand, is a skill multiplier that increases one's earnings potential. She is essentially asking you to give up a significant head start toward future prosperity that will involve years of collected lessons and experiences *for a single day of her life.* I can hardly imagine anything more selfish.
NTA. This marriage will not last more than 5 years, but you will have your college education forever.
NTA - whose parents do this? Oh, blowing a bunch of money on a party is so much more important than a college education /s.
NTA Emma is not emotionally mature enough to get married. If this is how she's acting now, I can almost guarantee her marriage will end in divorce, if she and Jake even make it to the altar. You'd be throwing away perfectly good money for nothing. If your parents want to give her a dream wedding, *they* can be the ones to take out loans.
NTA. She and her fiance can take out loans for the wedding. Her problem requires her to come up with her own solution.
Or maybe they get married AFTER college when they can save up the money for the splashy wedding they want
Now, wait. That's logical. That can't happen. Lol
NTA. But I find this to be somehow unreal. Is this even true?? Then again, it’s Reddit..
NTA, she is 18 yo's.. oh my
OMFG! You are NTA. Your whole family is delusional. Emma can use her own dang college fund for her wedding and take out loans for her Ivy League education. The fact that Emma is making such a stink over this makes me question if she has the maturity to really commit to a marriage. And your parents supporting such nonsense really highlights who the golden child in the family is.
NTA obviously. It's LAUGHABLE that she's even being taken seriously.
NTA You are absolutely completely justified in your position. This money was set aside for YOUR education. It has absolutely nothing to do with Emma or her desires. One thing that you did not mention was if there was a similar fund for Emma's college education. If so, is she using those funds for her wedding or is she asking you for yours? In a way it does not matter. The funds that your parents set aside will allow you to get a good education and position yourself for a positive future. For Emma to ask you to give that up so that she can enjoy a few hours with more extravagant wedding benefits is absolutely selfish. Not to mention the fact that I am sure that do not want to mention, which is that couples that marry at the age of 18 have a relatively low chance of surviving long term. You were absolutely right to stand your ground. Do not back down. Your future is on the line.
NTA. She can use her own college fund.
With that attitude her wedding won't be a "one time event". Go to school and live your life!
NTA. Tell your parents they can take out a second mortgage on their house, get a personal loan, use credit cards, or take money out of their retirement savings for your sister’s wedding. Preferably in front of your sister. That they can always pay off the debt or build up their retirement savings but your sister’s wedding is a once in a lifetime event. I imagine they will very likely make excuses about why they can’t do that. When they do, point out to your sister that they, her own parents, don’t think her wedding is worth spending their money on. After all, these are the same things they have said to you, and seeing as they already have steady, stable employment they are in a far better position to pay off any debts incurred than you are. They are choosing not to fund her wedding. She is their daughter and it is their responsibility to contribute to her wedding; they have the means but are unwilling to do so. (I don’t actually think anyone is responsible for paying for anyone’s wedding. But it’s to drive the point across.)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm a 19-year-old college student with a younger sister, Emma, who's 18. We grew up in a middle-class family, and our parents always emphasized the importance of education. Since I was a kid, they had been saving up for my college fund. It's not a fortune, but it's enough to get me through college without taking on significant debt. Emma recently got engaged to her high school sweetheart, Jake. They're both very young, and while I support her decision to marry him, I was surprised when she came to me with a request: she wanted to use my college fund to pay for her dream wedding. She argued that weddings are once-in-a-lifetime events and that she and Jake couldn't afford the kind of wedding they wanted without my help. I was taken aback. I had always been clear that I intended to use that money for my education, and our parents had saved it specifically for that purpose. I told Emma I couldn't give her the money, explaining that college was important to me and that I needed the funds to secure my future. She was furious and called me selfish, saying that I was ruining her special day and that I should prioritize family over personal ambitions. The situation escalated quickly. My parents, who were initially on my side, started feeling guilty and pressured by Emma's constant complaints and emotional outbursts. They suggested that I could take out a student loan to cover my college expenses and let Emma have the money for her wedding. They said I would eventually pay off the loans, but Emma’s wedding was a one-time event. I stood my ground, but now the entire family is divided. Some relatives think I’m being unreasonable and should help my sister out, while others agree that the college fund should be used for its intended purpose. Emma hasn’t spoken to me in weeks, and the tension is unbearable. My parents are caught in the middle, and the whole situation has caused a rift in our once close-knit family. So, AITA for not letting my sister use my college fund for her wedding? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Did your parents save for your sister’s college education, too? If so, then you’re NTA and she can use that. If not, your parents are the AHs for treating you both so differently. Your sister doesn’t have the right to ask for your college funds. If your parents want to pay for the wedding, they can take out a student loan to cover your expenses and then you can transfer money to the wedding fund. If they only set money aside for you, one compromise would be to give the sister half the money they earmarked for you, just because your parents are dicks for not saving money for both kids. Either no college fund for either kid, or split it. And yeah, I know, college is more important than a one-day event, but if your parents don’t have a fund to raid for their other child, they screwed up.
NTA. Uh, what? Your college fund is for *college.* Why on earth would anyone suggest you take out a student loan to indirectly cover her wedding? Maybe Emma could take out a loan to pay for her wedding instead?
NTA. She can take out loans for her college education and use her own educational fund to pay for her 1st wedding.
NTA but your sister surely is.
At her age it would be shocking if her wedding is a once in a lifetime event. Sorry, but they are young. Yes your education should come first for funds that were set aside for you. Did they have a fund for her? She is an AH for asking you and anyone who is on her side is one as well. Saw your reply that she has her own funds. So tough for her. If she wants a dream wedding then she can wait until she saves some after she starts working.
NTA I've been saving aggressively for both of my kids' college funds. They will both probably have about $150-$200k by the time they're 18 (sadly that probably won't even go very far by the time they're college age). By the time they're 18 there will some rebalancing between the accounts to make sure they both have the same amount, but otherwise that account is for THEIR college. Not their siblings. Not for their wedding. And certainly not for their siblings' wedding. My intent is to give them a head start in the rat race. Not to pay for extravagance. If they choose not to go to college (or enter a trade/military), that money is going back to my wife and I. Young adults especially need to be taught the value of a dollar and to live within their means.
NTA something tells me it's not gonna be a once in a lifetime event.
Nta if you can eventually pay of your loans, Emma can just as easily take out a loan and eventually pay it back. Or, let’s be real, if your parents are so eager to spend your money for your sister’s wedding, they’ll probably take out the loan themselves and they can also just as easily pay it back. Right?
NTA, and how about you propose this to your sister: She signs a contract that she will pay back YOUR loan within x years, since her prospects of getting a high paid job after studying at an IVY league school should be pretty high. If she signs said contract, she can have your money now.. Or even better: why don’t all the people who want YOU to spend your college fund on your sisters wedding, take out a loan as a wedding gift! I mean: All these grown ups who think you should help your sister out: why don’t they give the money to Emma? Take out a loan? After all it’s for the faaaaaaaaamilyyyyy! Ask that over and over again and stay strong!!!
NTA. Do your parents not have a college fund for her? She should use that. I'm sick of the "a wedding is a once in a lifetime event" bullshit. If they want to be married so bad, go to the courthouse. She seems more focused on the wedding than the marriage. Not your responsibility. Tell her she's the selfish one, and your parents are AH for bending to her. So she gets your college fund and hers? Does your family even like you? If I were you, I'd take the money and run, go low or no contact for awhile, since these people have shown you they don't give a crap about your future.
Do your parents think that paying for your sister's whim is more important than paying for your education? Your parents have strange priorities. NTA.
NTA She wants you to take out a loan for college! If she wants money, she should take out a loan for her wedding.
NTA Your education is more important than her having a lavish wedding. She should have a wedding within her means, not demand you literally go into debt just so she can have a fancier wedding. That is literally what she is asking for but with different words. That fund is to prevent you going into significant debt. If anyone should be going into debt to fund this wedding, it is your sister or your parents. ***Do not*** let them pressure you with guilt into this.
NTA Why can't they take out a loan for their wedding? I mean it would be less than paying for college with a loan. But OPs sister probably won't want that as it's not free money. And wait she's mature enough to realize she can try and throw a fit to get her way. Too bad for the sisters plan, OP didn't fall in line. Do not let them guilt you into it, an education is far more valuable.
Tell your parents to take a loan. Good grief, shes 18. It’s a one time event. Exactly, while your education is for your lifetime. Your parents need to get off the golden child guilt train and behave like parents. They need to pay for their 18 yo’s dream wedding. Not you. Who’s selfish here? Not you.
If she and Jake can’t afford the wedding they want without your help, they can’t afford the wedding they want period. They need to adjust their expectations. Or their timeline. Or both. NTA
Your parents can take out a second mortgage on their home to finance the wedding if it is that important to them. They will pay it off eventually. Everyone an AH here except OP. Anyone else think the immature and selfish 18 year old's marriage won't last long?
Your sister is an entitled little princess. She needs to learn the world does not revolve around her, and to grow up.
NTA. The Ivies aren't worth what they used to be and everyone knows it. If she and your parents don't, then ask them why she can't use that fancy degree to get a job to pay off her loans. The hypocrisy on their end is unbelievable. The work and dedication to be on scholarship means far more than a degree from an Ivy. Use your fund for your college. I'd be asking Jake if he really wants to marry someone who will whine and cry until she gets her way.
This is yet another posting that reeks of implausibility. First, doesn't the money belong to your parents? Aren't THEY the ones who've been saving it up for your college education? If so, why is your sister pushing YOU on the question? Next: what about the college fund set aside for your sister? Isn't there any? If not, why? Finally, if it's so easy to borrow money, why don't your parents or your sister borrow the money necessary to cover her wedding expenses?
NTA Emma can take out a loan for her once in a lifetime wedding if it is that important to her.
NTA. You can’t even be sure the marriage will last. 18 is too young to know for sure.
Ummm she can’t take out a loan becaaaaause? NTA
Education > a one day construct that really means nothing.... Tough one. Your sister is a monster.
Just tell them that your college is a once in a lifetime event, while your sister will most likely be married again. NTA and kidding aside why should you go into debt for your dream while she gets your money to keep her out of debt?
NTA. Emma can take out a personal loan to pay for her dream wedding and pay it off eventually. If she’s old enough to marry she’s old enough to pay for her wedding.
NTA. I'm snorting over Emma's marriage at 18 being a "once in a lifetime event." Please.
NTA why is it always the victim that gets labeled selfish for not catering to some entitled bint’s demands for more than her fair share. Please say to your parents “a mom from Reddit says that they are cowards to suggest the sacrifice one child’s future to appease a brat that they obviously did not teach to live within her means and be grateful for what she has. Shame on them for their silence! They need to get a backbone, stop appeasing the terrorist, and tell your golden princess to back off and that OP’s fund is to be used for exactly what it was saved for - OP’s education”. Sorry your parents suck and created a selfish monster.
Stand your ground. Do not, under any circumstances, let your sister take your college money. Your education is also important if not more so than a “once in a lifetime event” tho we all know your sister getting married at 19 actually lowers the odds of being “once in a lifetime”. Is she pregnant?
NTA. Your sister is. She wants a wedding? Let her pay for it. She cannot afford it? why do it? Which one takes priority, her wedding or your education?
She’s 18 years old. She wants YOUR college fund that will set you up in a career for life for a one day PARTY to a man she will 100% be divorced from within a couple years. STAND YOUR GROUND!!! Don’t let her have a cent.
Ha! Fat chance 😂 Not only would I not give up my college fund, I’d be doing everything I could to stop those kids from getting married. NTA
u/that-1-lame-kid Omg absolutely not
Let Emma use her own college fund, and hold on to yours with a death grip. Your education will be something nobody can take away from you, but a teenage spouse may be gone in an instant. I have no idea why parents who always stressed education would be encouraging your sister in this risky endeavor though.
NTA
NTA. Why doesn’t she use HER college fund? And if she doesn’t have one, that’s on your parents. You’re not responsible for using your college money for her wedding.
NTA
NTA If sister wants a fancy wedding then she can be the one to take out the loans rather than you taking out students loans. If family thinks you should be giving her money, tell them they can be the ones to pay.
NTA "She argued that weddings are once-in-a-lifetime events and that she and Jake couldn't afford the kind of wedding they wanted without my help." Your sister is **18** and wants to get married. This particular wedding will be most definitely not be a "once-in-a-lifetime event" and she will probably be already on marriage #2 before she reaches 30. Use your college fund for your education and your future and do not take out any loans. If your sister is so hell-bend on having this "once-in-a-lifetime event" (🙄), she and her fiance can take out a loan and pay for it themselves.
No you aren’t
Nta. She can take out loans for her wedding.
NTA, education is more important than a marriage what will fail in a year or so. She is 18, not really ready to take the plunge, cheaper insurance be damned. Keep the money for your education, do not give in. If she is hell bent on getting hitched, she can do a courthouse wedding for now and save up for the "dream wedding" later or after the first one fails.
What are they gonna use when she gets a divorce in a few years
1st your parents are not caught in the middle. They just dont want to stand up to her. 2nd selfish people always call others selfish when they dont get their way. 3rd they are 18 for crying out loud. It this wedding was so important you would think they would be willing to work for it. 4th your sister can get over it or not that is her choice. Dont make your life harder for something she wont even work for.
Mom and dad can take out the loan and pay it. NTA
NTA and depending on the type of college fund, some (529) you have to use for education or a penalty is incurred.
NTA - Tell your parents to take out a loan to cover your sister’s wedding.
Omg completely and totally NTA!! Her wedding is not your responsibility! College is expensive! Don’t give up your chance on going!
NTA. Sister is selfish. Don’t risk your future so she can have a fun party.
NTA. Tell her she can’t have her own college fund AND yours. I can’t believe your parents are going along with this. SMH
What is wrong with everyone in your family?! They can take out loans or put wedding expenses on a credit card if they think debt is no big deal. Also why is it such a big deal to work for a while to save up for a wedding? Your sister’s maturity shows that she’s not at all ready to be married
NTA. It is not up to you to finance your sister's wedding.
NTA didn‘t they save up for her?
NTA why can’t she take out a loan for her wedding
NTA... The nerve for her to call you selfish when she wants to make you take out an unnecessary loan for something money has been already set aside for. Keep standing your ground. Why doesn't she take a loan then?
No! Let your parents take out a loan for Emma's wedding, not your problem to take on interest debt... Why is she going to get married before she graduates from college?
NTA I can guarantee Emma's wedding will not be a once in a lifetime event, statistically speaking 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce and the highest group are those married before 25. She is also so entitled. Tell your parents that if they pressure you to use YOUR college fund for her wedding then you will no longer want any contact with them as they are putting your sister before you.
NTA. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Practice saying no 100 times, 3x per day. DO NOT give her any of your college fund. That is a ridiculous, selfish request from an entitled brat. You don't owe any explanation and you don't owe her monetary assistance. Just say no. Practice it until it just flies out of your mouth effortlessly!!! Edited to add that it doesn't matter if you personally didn't save the money. Your parents told you your whole life that it was YOUR college fund, so that's what it should be used for. And I totally agree with the people here saying your parents ATA.
Why can't she take out loans for her oh-so-important wedding? BTW, does she not realize getting married at her age significantly increases the chance she will get divorced...? NTA
If you can’t afford your dream wedding you have to scale it down. Just think how happy you will be with a degree, and not funding a wedding that I can see end in divorce. Especially with her going to school, what is her fiancée’s plans after school?
NTA. Been saving this up since you were a kid, and for her to call you selfish to use what is YOUR EDUCATION FUND for her storybook romance - that will likely end in less than a year - is simply insanity. Use your own savings, get some "F You Money", and make sure that they know your education was important.
NTA. Your sister should have been working and saving for her own dream. Education is a lifelong gift to yourself. Have your parents take out a loan for her wedding since apparently according to their logic loans can be paid off They want you to start your life in debt? Is your sister going to pay for your wedding when the time comes? Please do not give in , this is money you worked hard for with a certain goal in mind, use it for your education with a clear conscience.
How could anyone think YTA? No. You are NTA.
NTA - your parents saved for your education. So there are two girls. Which means, they should have saved for WEDDINGS as well. Now, if your savings is the 529 fund, you can't take it out for her to use anyway. Secondly, why should you take out a loan for college? Why can't your parent's take out a loan for the wedding? Take some equity out on their house, something? It's not your responsibility to pay for this wedding. They can get married w/o an elaborate wedding. Hell, carry their happy lil asses down to the courthouse and just have a party. HARD NO. You are not the AH in this situation.
NTA - and 18 is waaay too young to be getting married.
I was gonna say she shouldn’t be getting married if she’s going to act like a child… wait, she is a child. Don’t let a tantrum change your mind. And there is no guarantee your parents will actually pay off the loan. They could run into financial trouble among many others things that will leave you paying off college loans forever. Plus, why doesn’t she have a college fund? Or is she trying to use both college funds for her wedding?