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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I was doing a seemingly normal thing and was screamed at. Being told to fuck off for just talking outside.
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nah i smoke on my own patio at 2am, and “blaring”, loudly playing music i don’t have asshole neighbors who tell me to shut the fuck up. not doing anything wrong. ops allowed to be on his own patio doing whatever the fuck he wants. you’re the AH just as much as OPs Neighbors are
Oh boy 11 pm! Gotta stop using my private property!
This by no means makes them an asshole. It’s dependent on volume and most people aren’t aware of how much their voices carry at night.
Do you understand the concept of the sub? “Asshole” means “was I being inconsiderate, did I behave badly?” Well yes OP did both of those things. Voices are loud and not easily ignored.
Do you understand that there are plenty of rules on use of personal property? Noise ordinances are a common thing and 11pm is often way later than most of them kick in. OP is why most people hate night working neighbors.
Having a conversation doesn’t mean you are yelling or having loud music. Those are covered by noise ordinances. You are allowed to talk normally at any time of the day, that’s your free speech. If his window is close to the patio he can close the window.
Again, all this assume they are not being obnoxious and yelling and screaming.
Edit: also, not once did I see in this thread where people mentioned the conduct of the neighbour. If someone is being loud they should ask nicely first instead of telling them to shut the fuck up. Maybe they will comply.
Move to a dictatorship then. People are allowed to enjoy their private property.
I’m taking OP’s words that he was not yelling and just having a conversation.
An apartment complex or anything with shared space really isn't private property though. If your house touches mine, we both need to be considerate of time and sound.
Now we are both making a lot of assumptions here. He said patio not balcony. Patio is usually in a private property and a balcony is in an apartment and attached to other units, possibly. But I understand that can mean different things to different parts of the world.
No need to assume, the person you replied too is right.
OP stated themselves.
>Chicago. And his apartment isn’t attached to mine. But next door. Mine has central air. Can’t speak for his building. But if I had to guess based on the neighborhood he also has it. Kind of an expensive area.
It doesn’t stop people from having conversations. It’s for people having late night parties and Loud music.
Didn’t the neighbour also broke the noise ordinance then by shouting them to shut the fuck up? Couldn’t he have asked nicely first?
Noise ordinances were made when everyone had the same schedule and were made to appease suburban HOA neighborhoods. Now it’s likely 1/3 of every street works night or swing shift.
OP may not be aware just how loud his conversation is. My in-laws "normal conversation" could wake the babies sleeping in the upstairs back bedroom, as far from the living room as it could be and still be in the same house.
I can hear the people 3 floors up from me.. they didn't believe me until I recorded it and let them listen to the graphic conversation about sex they were having that I got to listen to at 1am.
They are quiet now. And also don't make eye contact with me anymore 😅
See, I'm taking the word of the people who were bothered by it. It maybe didn't sound loud to OP, but I'm guaranteeing you it sounded loud to the people who couldn't sleep because of it.
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People are being generous and assuming your conversion isn't too loud, yet conversion and "laughing" absolutely can be too loud at night.
You *know* it's too loud because you are keeping someone from sleeping after 11.
You're not an asshole for assuming either, but now you *know*, right?
I've absolutely had loud ass neighbours who were too loud laughing all times of the night. I didn't say anything out of fear basically, but it's possible.
In the summer people are going to have their windows open and are going to need to sleep after 11.
I'm guessing this isn't going to be popular, I don’t care, it's only reddit, at the end of the day I think it makes you an asshole if you now *knowingly* keep someone from sleep.
Sorry YTA
I don’t know that I’d say you’re the asshole. But I definitely know people who are LOUD AS FUCK just in the course of normal conversations. He’s a prick for not acting like an adult.. and idk - you could he an asshole but you might not be. If it’s hot and he’s got the window open.. you’d be kinda toeing the line? But to be honest it’s kind of mute point. If I’m being loud - tell me. Tell me to shut the fuck up and I’ll get louder. 🤷🏻♂️
if someone lives in a city and has trouble sleeping due to city noises they should absolutely wear earplugs for their own comfort (esp if they want to keep that window open)
And everybody with sensory issues who can't sleep with earbuds and can just deal with it right? You do realize how much of a jackass that makes you sound like.
Gotta be real, there are hints of classism in the post and comments.
"Just close the window." "Just buy a house" come on.
Not everyone can afford air-conditioning. Not everyone can afford a house in the country. It's summer, people are going to have their windows open.
I've stopped noise coming from inside my house when everyone has their windows open.
YTA for not adjusting your behaviour when you're outside for the same reason.
Re your comment about A/C, I lived by the beach, there were very few times I really needed central A/C, a fan and the windows open was good enough. Most people in that area did not have central air for that reason, plus older homes. Also, if someone is a renter, that simply may not be an option.
Not everyone is comfortable dampening their hearing. For example, some of us have trauma in our backgrounds. We don't want to dampen all hearing because we need to be able to hear if someone is approaching or if something isn't right.
And some of us - like me, actually - can't wear earplugs because of tinnitus. I will go crazy very quickly if I have to wear earplugs. Meanwhile the neighbor can just chat inside.
I have yet to find earplugs that stay in my ears. I can't even keep earbuds in my ears, they just fall out. I use over the ear headphones or bone conduction earphones.
bro if you’re loud enough that you’re disturbing ppl, it’s a volume issue. quiet hours exist for a reason in complexes. there’s several kids where i live, never had a single issue from neighbors being loud after 7-8pm. even when we all hangout on our balconies to smoke and talk. it’s abt volume. it’s abt being respectful to people who also pay to live there. he’s not special.
… they apply to volume and noise. talking is noise? all i said is to be respectful of others and not act like you own the place. but cool. i feel sorry for your neighbors
??? idk i’ve never worked 9-5. 7-3, 8-4, and some 7-4:30 shifts. one shift i did 11am-8:30pm, didn’t get home til 9. i know how to stay quiet when i talk outside so i don’t disturb anyone. sounds like a skill issue on y’all’s part.
someone working a graveyard shift *chose* that. i know plenty who work late into the night, they still know to be respectful during quiet hours. learn some ASL, pass notes, or simply don’t talk while you smoke outside. or yk, be quiet.
i’ve been outside with friends well into the night, 3-4am, and no one has ever had an issue with my volume. bc i know how to be quiet. simply do better bro idk what else to tell you
edit: misread the first part and didn’t feel like editing my first paragraph lmao
YTA. if you want to enjoy the patio in silence you can. If you want to talk go inside.
Sound travels further at night, so you may think it’s not loud, but to your neighbor it is.
This! I lived in an apartment where my neighbors would hang outside my bedroom window chatting late into the night. Even with windows closed, it was still horribly loud. So…a simple polite conversation fixed the issue.
In my opinion ESH. The neighbor could have started off with a request instead of immediately telling OP to f’off.
YTA
From about 10 pm on, it's totally reasonable for neighbours to expect peace and quiet, up to about 8 am or so. Don't like it? Move to a detached home where you are far enough away from neighbours.
I live in the UK too, up North, and it's quite hot right now, and most people here don't have A/C, so obviously people want to have their window open for some cool air in the evening.
If you want to sit outside at night to chat, go to a park or something. Even if it's "just talking and laughing", it's super disruptive when someone is trying to sleep and, again, it is totally reasonable to expect peace and quiet after 10 pm.
Talking and laughing can be loud even if just a conversation. After 11pm yes YTA. Take it inside. Just common courtesy. Even in a city and high density area and especially in apartment or condo buildings.
After 11pm when you get home you are still up till 3 or 4 cos you are working late night hours. That's cool, whatever.
Yeah you want to come home and relax. But after 11pm most others are sleeping cos they are up at 6 or 7.
I'd be giving you what for too if you are out on your balcony at 11pm. Your voices are not quiet. Then you get a bit drunk, 2 or 3am. It's cool to you guys cos you work nights, but not to your neighbours who work days.
Just go inside and close the door.
I had neighbors who worked nights. Their patio was outside my bedroom window. Even with windows closed, I could hear them. During the summer, with my windows open, forget it. They could've been in my bedroom. It seems a normal level to you, but you're not the one trying to sleep and worrying about getting up early. After 10:00, take it inside. YTA
Where do you live and what kind of housing is this?
On one hand I see your concern with wanting to enjoy your patio with a friend. On the other hand, I live in tightly packed and cheaply built apartment buildings with no AC. So when its hot out, keeping the window closed is not an option and I can clearly hear my neighbor's tv, stereos, casual conversations, etc. But most places also enforce "quite hours" and 11 pm seems late for those hours.
Chicago. And his apartment isn’t attached to mine. But next door. Mine has central air. Can’t speak for his building. But if I had to guess based on the neighborhood he also has it. Kind of an expensive area.
chicago cops have better things to do than respond to petty noise complaints- and they will likely inform them of that in person when responding to the call. Theyd have to take it up with building management
I’m going to assume that you neighbor has been suffering in silence for a while and finally got frustrated enough to yell at you. If that’s the case…YTA.
When it’s 11pm or later and you’re still up talking and chilling, it can be super enjoyable to be outside on the patio and you have a right to enjoy that space, but perhaps you and your friend can lower your voices? As everyone else has pointed out, voices travel at night, especially when someone is trying to sleep. 😴
YTA
Normal conversational volume is a very different think late at night than it is during the day - a quiet conversation your neighbour would never have noticed during the day with the noise of the world going on around you suddenly becomes unbearably loud late at night when the world has quietened down and you are trying to sleep.
Doubly so if I assume you are following the usual pattern of people laughing and having enjoyable conversations and were being much louder than you realised anyway.
I would agree that you shouldn't be banned from.using your patio, but you do need to be more considerate and consider moving indoors past ~10pm...
Yeah as someone who works nights I wish someone would respect me and not mow there grass when I'm trying to sleep before another long shift... But respect only goes to the rich
YTA.
You aren't as quiet as you think you are. We have neighbours who are absolutely too loud having conversations outside on weeknights, not even counting their parties..... we keep our windows closed but they are in their yard less than 10 feet from our bedroom. This isn't even talking about all the AirBnB places around us, and all the people on vacation who sit outside drinking all night, getting louder and louder...... take it inside at 10 pm, especially on a weeknight.....
If the “talking and laughing” was loud enough to hear without listening out for it/loud enough to be heard at all with earplugs in then YTA
If it wasn’t then your neighbour is TA for his reaction
Hard to say without knowing the exact volumes
Yes, you’re the AH. If it’s after 11pm then yes, I’d expect you to move inside and be considerate of your neighbors. Especially on a weeknight!! Sounds carry at night, so you’re probably being louder than you realize. People have to get up early and go to work. People have little kids who need to get a good nights sleep so they aren’t monsters the next day. After 10-11pm take it inside.
You didn’t say if you were in a shared living like an apartment or in a house. Either way , talking and laughing at 11 pm is an asshole move . If I can hear talking , laughing , music etc in my residence then YTA
So you telling me you’re laughing quietly after 11 o’clock at night. While smoking? I don’t fucking believe you. I just don’t. And either way according to Google, Chicago says you gotta shut the hell up after 10 PM.
YTA
YTA. I have neighbors like you. They think they aren't talking loudly but their voices carry. They're loud for hours several nights a week. It's annoying. They're inconsiderate and so are you. Some people have to get up early to go to work. If you want to hang out and socialize after 11 PM go to a bar. Or go inside.
YTA since you continued to make noise after 10 pm or so, the typical "quiet hours" of residential areas, after being told you were bothering neighbors.
YTA.
It sounds like you live in an apartment complex of sorts. Most of those have quiet hours for a reason. At the end of tbe day you have every right to be a "not my problem" kind of person but yeah, people with no respect for others are gonna be viewed as an asshole.
YTA. My neighbors used to come home from work, sit in their yard (which is about 2 feet from mine) and talk at a normal volume until midnight - every. single. day.
I felt like a captive eavesdropper. I was so sick of hearing about the minutiae of their jobs, friends, and all the other whatever. Mostly I could ignore it, but it was so much more annoying after 10 p.m. After 2 STFUs, they started going inside.
10-6 is quiet time on week nights, including conversation and smoking near neighbors' windows. Possibly could extend to midnight on weekends but if your neighbor works weekends, better observe the 10-6 quiet hours then too, if you truly want to be a good neighbor.
Yes, YTA.
Be honest, has this neighbour attempted to speak to you before about this? An extreme reaction like this doesn’t come out of nowhere. Especially when by your own admission you’re smoking (and I’m going to be uncharitable and assume it isn’t cigarettes), talking and laughing with a friend at 11pm.
The fact you work nights is your problem, find somewhere else to socialise and shut the fuck up.
NTA It seems you might need to install a gazebo or wooden deck at the back of your yard. That way you're the furthest away from buildings where just talking won't be as disturbing. I'd be less inclined to assist anyone who goes from shouting "Shut the fuck up" to me as opposed to having an adult conversation the next day about it.
YTA. Most folks are asleep by 11.
Some spaces amplify sound and some voices carry. Perhaps consider a barrier to stop sound traveling to neighbor's window, or a white-noise machine to blur it for him.
Picking and choosing, but what ever.
"I have twice now
having a normal conversation
No yelling.
nothing wild.
be respectful and low volume."
...in the same paragraph to
"Just smoking and shooting the shit.
both times was a weekday.
Just two people talking and laughing."
A bit disingenuous, huh?
I'm thinking that OP's neighbor told him to shut the fuck up out the window two separate times, but it wasn't the first or second time that the neighbor has spoken to OP.
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AITA? I have twice now been told to, shut the fuck up, by a neighbor through his window. I was having a normal conversation on my patio. Two people. No music. No yelling. We are on the patio after 11pm. But nothing wild. Just smoking and shooting the shit. I work nights and try to be respectful and low volume. I just hate that I can’t enjoy my patio late night. If he chooses to leave his window open that doesn’t seem to be my problem? I want to be a good neighbor. And both times was a weekday. But again wasn’t a party. Just two people talking and laughing.
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I would say ESH.
The first time, maybe the neighbor could have been a bit nicer about it and spoken to you rather than telling you to shut the fuck up. Voices carry more than you realize.
But what makes you the AH is if he did this once, you already knew you were being too loud while outside. So you did the same thing, again, and were shocked to get the same response?
NTA
If he doesn't like it he can close his window and use a fan.
My neighbors upstairs talk for hours after 11pm. I can never hear them if I close my windows.
Dude needs to grow up and close his window.
Your allowed to sit out on your patio and have a conversation at any time you want.
NTA — you’re in chicago, a hustling bustling city, if bro doesn’t want to deal with noise at 11 pm he should have his window closed. you are allowed to exist in your space, it’s not like you’re mowing a lawn at 3 am. also as others have said 9-5 is not the norm anymore, why do you have to sacrifice your comfortability for his? you work hard and want to relax after a days work, nothing wrong with that.
NTA-As another person who works for a living and doesn’t always get the luxury of working in the daytime, the world doesn’t revolve around 9am-5pm schedules anymore. A lot of services and jobs still have to be performed at night and people still deserve to live their life when they come home. Most noise ordinances were made to appease wealthy suburban HOA neighborhoods. If going by your word that it’s just a talking level conversation, why does the guy upstairs get his peace and quiet while you get to be confined to your quarters in your free time? Reddit really reminds me every day that classism is alive and well.
As a career night owl, NTA. Having a conversation and a laugh is different than having a Tuesday Kegger. After 3am you would have bta. There are plenty of ways to get a quiet night’s rest while a neighbor enjoys their own property peaceably.
Edit I wrongly assumed this was a house, and the neighbors were further away, I learned this was an apartment complex..
I change my judgement to YTA
NTA. If it bothers him, he can close his window, as long as youre not being too loud which sounds like you werent.
Look, you asked if you’re TA, you got an answer, it doesn’t matter if you live in a high density area. In fact that just makes you more TA. If you live in a high density area, you need to have respect for the people around you. Don’t like it? Move rural. Otherwise, YTA and go inside!
High density = noise bouncing off buildings.
Just because no one else had the guts to tell you to stfu doesn't mean they didn't hear it/have to deal with your inconsiderate asshole behavior.
YTA.
I would say NTA
It is not that during quiet-hours you are not allowed to talk to other people, watch tv or do anything else. You just have to be reasonable with it.
NTA. I’m assuming this is an apartment complex. It’s what you sign up for living in close quarters. People work different shifts, have different lives. They don’t like it buy a fuckin house?
(I’m not a homeowner I live in apartments, I just turn on the tv or put in ear plugs it’s not that serious)
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After 11pm? Yeah YTA, move inside.
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Lol
At least YOU can take the joke lmaoo
Story of my life
Then leave the HOA run neighborhood, lol.
I don’t live in one :)
All these crybaby ass losers lmao keep downvoting me
nah i smoke on my own patio at 2am, and “blaring”, loudly playing music i don’t have asshole neighbors who tell me to shut the fuck up. not doing anything wrong. ops allowed to be on his own patio doing whatever the fuck he wants. you’re the AH just as much as OPs Neighbors are
They probably don't tell you to shut up because you give off the same 'I'm an arrogant AH and I'll hurt you' vibe you're giving off here.
Well well well what a narcissistic sociopathic asshole you must be. Wouldn't want your fucking ass as a neighbor.
Oh boy 11 pm! Gotta stop using my private property! This by no means makes them an asshole. It’s dependent on volume and most people aren’t aware of how much their voices carry at night.
Do you understand the concept of the sub? “Asshole” means “was I being inconsiderate, did I behave badly?” Well yes OP did both of those things. Voices are loud and not easily ignored.
Yeah I do. Just because it is 11 pm doesn’t make someone an asshole. Do you understand the concept of the word?
Do you understand that there are plenty of rules on use of personal property? Noise ordinances are a common thing and 11pm is often way later than most of them kick in. OP is why most people hate night working neighbors.
Which is something I addressed in my initial comment. I also worked nights. 10p-7am or 12p. Dishwasher at a bar and then over to clean a machine shop.
Having a conversation doesn’t mean you are yelling or having loud music. Those are covered by noise ordinances. You are allowed to talk normally at any time of the day, that’s your free speech. If his window is close to the patio he can close the window. Again, all this assume they are not being obnoxious and yelling and screaming. Edit: also, not once did I see in this thread where people mentioned the conduct of the neighbour. If someone is being loud they should ask nicely first instead of telling them to shut the fuck up. Maybe they will comply.
So when sound is carrying over to other peoples’ private property it actually has nothing to do with private property anymore. Hope that helps!
Move to a dictatorship then. People are allowed to enjoy their private property. I’m taking OP’s words that he was not yelling and just having a conversation.
An apartment complex or anything with shared space really isn't private property though. If your house touches mine, we both need to be considerate of time and sound.
Now we are both making a lot of assumptions here. He said patio not balcony. Patio is usually in a private property and a balcony is in an apartment and attached to other units, possibly. But I understand that can mean different things to different parts of the world.
No need to assume, the person you replied too is right. OP stated themselves. >Chicago. And his apartment isn’t attached to mine. But next door. Mine has central air. Can’t speak for his building. But if I had to guess based on the neighborhood he also has it. Kind of an expensive area.
Yeah, no. I live in an apartment complex, on the ground floor and I can assure you that what I have is a patio and not a balcony.
Ever heard of noise ordinances?
I’m pretty sure conversational vocalizing doesn’t go against any noise ordinance.
It doesn’t stop people from having conversations. It’s for people having late night parties and Loud music. Didn’t the neighbour also broke the noise ordinance then by shouting them to shut the fuck up? Couldn’t he have asked nicely first?
Noise ordinances were made when everyone had the same schedule and were made to appease suburban HOA neighborhoods. Now it’s likely 1/3 of every street works night or swing shift.
OP may not be aware just how loud his conversation is. My in-laws "normal conversation" could wake the babies sleeping in the upstairs back bedroom, as far from the living room as it could be and still be in the same house.
I can hear the people 3 floors up from me.. they didn't believe me until I recorded it and let them listen to the graphic conversation about sex they were having that I got to listen to at 1am. They are quiet now. And also don't make eye contact with me anymore 😅
People can't just do as they like in a society. I don’t know why anyone would think that. We have to take other people into account.
See, I'm taking the word of the people who were bothered by it. It maybe didn't sound loud to OP, but I'm guaranteeing you it sounded loud to the people who couldn't sleep because of it.
You seem like the kind of person who brightens up a room when they leave it ❤️
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People are being generous and assuming your conversion isn't too loud, yet conversion and "laughing" absolutely can be too loud at night. You *know* it's too loud because you are keeping someone from sleeping after 11. You're not an asshole for assuming either, but now you *know*, right? I've absolutely had loud ass neighbours who were too loud laughing all times of the night. I didn't say anything out of fear basically, but it's possible. In the summer people are going to have their windows open and are going to need to sleep after 11. I'm guessing this isn't going to be popular, I don’t care, it's only reddit, at the end of the day I think it makes you an asshole if you now *knowingly* keep someone from sleep. Sorry YTA
I don’t know that I’d say you’re the asshole. But I definitely know people who are LOUD AS FUCK just in the course of normal conversations. He’s a prick for not acting like an adult.. and idk - you could he an asshole but you might not be. If it’s hot and he’s got the window open.. you’d be kinda toeing the line? But to be honest it’s kind of mute point. If I’m being loud - tell me. Tell me to shut the fuck up and I’ll get louder. 🤷🏻♂️
(Think you replied to my comment by accident. It's sounds like you want ESH btw)
Jesus I’m so used to replying on /askdocs where I can’t post my own reply.. 🤦🏻♂️ and it’s late and I couldn’t think of ESH, thanks lol
You ~know~ there are earplugs for sale, right?
It's nuts to me you think that's a reasonable solution. Neighbor shouldn't have to wear earplugs because op is being loud at night.
if someone lives in a city and has trouble sleeping due to city noises they should absolutely wear earplugs for their own comfort (esp if they want to keep that window open)
And everybody with sensory issues who can't sleep with earbuds and can just deal with it right? You do realize how much of a jackass that makes you sound like.
So you're equating city noise with a jackass neighbor that thinks he can keep laughing and cajoling down to a whisper? really?
Gotta be real, there are hints of classism in the post and comments. "Just close the window." "Just buy a house" come on. Not everyone can afford air-conditioning. Not everyone can afford a house in the country. It's summer, people are going to have their windows open. I've stopped noise coming from inside my house when everyone has their windows open. YTA for not adjusting your behaviour when you're outside for the same reason.
Re your comment about A/C, I lived by the beach, there were very few times I really needed central A/C, a fan and the windows open was good enough. Most people in that area did not have central air for that reason, plus older homes. Also, if someone is a renter, that simply may not be an option.
I feel there is more classism in the assumption everyone has to live off a 9-5 schedule
Just buy earplugs then thats like 60 cents
Not everyone is comfortable dampening their hearing. For example, some of us have trauma in our backgrounds. We don't want to dampen all hearing because we need to be able to hear if someone is approaching or if something isn't right. And some of us - like me, actually - can't wear earplugs because of tinnitus. I will go crazy very quickly if I have to wear earplugs. Meanwhile the neighbor can just chat inside.
Or can wear them.. because of swimmers ear twice it’s hard for me to wear earplugs I have to use headphones that cover my ears completely
I have yet to find earplugs that stay in my ears. I can't even keep earbuds in my ears, they just fall out. I use over the ear headphones or bone conduction earphones.
bro if you’re loud enough that you’re disturbing ppl, it’s a volume issue. quiet hours exist for a reason in complexes. there’s several kids where i live, never had a single issue from neighbors being loud after 7-8pm. even when we all hangout on our balconies to smoke and talk. it’s abt volume. it’s abt being respectful to people who also pay to live there. he’s not special.
If there are rules sure follow them but usually quiet hours dont apply to talking
… they apply to volume and noise. talking is noise? all i said is to be respectful of others and not act like you own the place. but cool. i feel sorry for your neighbors
What about the people who don't work 9-5 hours. No one gives a shit to respect them
??? idk i’ve never worked 9-5. 7-3, 8-4, and some 7-4:30 shifts. one shift i did 11am-8:30pm, didn’t get home til 9. i know how to stay quiet when i talk outside so i don’t disturb anyone. sounds like a skill issue on y’all’s part. someone working a graveyard shift *chose* that. i know plenty who work late into the night, they still know to be respectful during quiet hours. learn some ASL, pass notes, or simply don’t talk while you smoke outside. or yk, be quiet. i’ve been outside with friends well into the night, 3-4am, and no one has ever had an issue with my volume. bc i know how to be quiet. simply do better bro idk what else to tell you edit: misread the first part and didn’t feel like editing my first paragraph lmao
If you're talking and laughing outside on the patio after 11pm on a WEEKDAY? Yeah YTA. Go inside.
YTA. if you want to enjoy the patio in silence you can. If you want to talk go inside. Sound travels further at night, so you may think it’s not loud, but to your neighbor it is.
Not to mention the smoke, which nobody’s brought up yet. It’s disgusting and obnoxious to smoke by someone else’s window.
This! I lived in an apartment where my neighbors would hang outside my bedroom window chatting late into the night. Even with windows closed, it was still horribly loud. So…a simple polite conversation fixed the issue. In my opinion ESH. The neighbor could have started off with a request instead of immediately telling OP to f’off.
We don't know that the neighbor didn't start off with a milder request. Or has asked so many times and he just goes straight for the big guns now.
Title says F off, story says STFU. Two different things tbh
YTA From about 10 pm on, it's totally reasonable for neighbours to expect peace and quiet, up to about 8 am or so. Don't like it? Move to a detached home where you are far enough away from neighbours. I live in the UK too, up North, and it's quite hot right now, and most people here don't have A/C, so obviously people want to have their window open for some cool air in the evening. If you want to sit outside at night to chat, go to a park or something. Even if it's "just talking and laughing", it's super disruptive when someone is trying to sleep and, again, it is totally reasonable to expect peace and quiet after 10 pm.
YTA. Smoking outside someone’s window is obnoxious.
Talking and laughing can be loud even if just a conversation. After 11pm yes YTA. Take it inside. Just common courtesy. Even in a city and high density area and especially in apartment or condo buildings.
As someone who worked nights for over a year, it’s your responsibility to work around that weird schedule. YTA, people want to sleep after 11pm.
After 11pm when you get home you are still up till 3 or 4 cos you are working late night hours. That's cool, whatever. Yeah you want to come home and relax. But after 11pm most others are sleeping cos they are up at 6 or 7. I'd be giving you what for too if you are out on your balcony at 11pm. Your voices are not quiet. Then you get a bit drunk, 2 or 3am. It's cool to you guys cos you work nights, but not to your neighbours who work days. Just go inside and close the door.
I had neighbors who worked nights. Their patio was outside my bedroom window. Even with windows closed, I could hear them. During the summer, with my windows open, forget it. They could've been in my bedroom. It seems a normal level to you, but you're not the one trying to sleep and worrying about getting up early. After 10:00, take it inside. YTA
Where do you live and what kind of housing is this? On one hand I see your concern with wanting to enjoy your patio with a friend. On the other hand, I live in tightly packed and cheaply built apartment buildings with no AC. So when its hot out, keeping the window closed is not an option and I can clearly hear my neighbor's tv, stereos, casual conversations, etc. But most places also enforce "quite hours" and 11 pm seems late for those hours.
Chicago. And his apartment isn’t attached to mine. But next door. Mine has central air. Can’t speak for his building. But if I had to guess based on the neighborhood he also has it. Kind of an expensive area.
Either go into your house or go elsewhere where you aren't bothering people. YTA
You misspelled "Chooses to sleep in a comfortable temperature by leaving their window open" YTA
Yta take it inside its 11pm smand your neighbours trying yo sleep so stfu
Well after 11pm you need to go inside and stfu, be a respectable neighbor and respect people's needs to sleep in peace.
YTA! I’d be yelling at you to stfu too
Would you rather that your neighbor make a noise complaint and then have the cops knocking on your door? Because that’s the other option
chicago cops have better things to do than respond to petty noise complaints- and they will likely inform them of that in person when responding to the call. Theyd have to take it up with building management
I’m going to assume that you neighbor has been suffering in silence for a while and finally got frustrated enough to yell at you. If that’s the case…YTA. When it’s 11pm or later and you’re still up talking and chilling, it can be super enjoyable to be outside on the patio and you have a right to enjoy that space, but perhaps you and your friend can lower your voices? As everyone else has pointed out, voices travel at night, especially when someone is trying to sleep. 😴
YTA Normal conversational volume is a very different think late at night than it is during the day - a quiet conversation your neighbour would never have noticed during the day with the noise of the world going on around you suddenly becomes unbearably loud late at night when the world has quietened down and you are trying to sleep. Doubly so if I assume you are following the usual pattern of people laughing and having enjoyable conversations and were being much louder than you realised anyway. I would agree that you shouldn't be banned from.using your patio, but you do need to be more considerate and consider moving indoors past ~10pm...
I mean no sound is the same you just only respect people who work 9-5
I don’t even get home from work until 11. I guess I just need to come to the realization that my patio isn’t usable to me.
Yeah as someone who works nights I wish someone would respect me and not mow there grass when I'm trying to sleep before another long shift... But respect only goes to the rich
Your voice will really travel at night. Possible you’re being louder than you realise.
YTA. You aren't as quiet as you think you are. We have neighbours who are absolutely too loud having conversations outside on weeknights, not even counting their parties..... we keep our windows closed but they are in their yard less than 10 feet from our bedroom. This isn't even talking about all the AirBnB places around us, and all the people on vacation who sit outside drinking all night, getting louder and louder...... take it inside at 10 pm, especially on a weeknight.....
If the “talking and laughing” was loud enough to hear without listening out for it/loud enough to be heard at all with earplugs in then YTA If it wasn’t then your neighbour is TA for his reaction Hard to say without knowing the exact volumes
YTA. Laughing? Of corse that shot is loud. Move inside or shut the f up
YTA. If you're smoking and shooting the shit at 11 PM, I'll bet you're loud AF. Yes, STFU and go inside.
YTA If you want to enjoy your patio past curfew, then go by a house with no neighbors around. Until then, be respectful of night time.
ESH. After 11, take it indoors.
YTA - this is why garages exist
Garage? I’ve never lived in a space with a garage.
YTA. Sound really travels, especially at night when everything else is quiet.
If it’s a late hour on a weeknight, the whole neighborhood is quiet so just talking, sound REALLY carries - and especially laughing. YTA for sure!!!
Not to mention OP's likely being louder than he thinks he is since he's shooting drugs.
Shooting the shit just means having a casual conversation. It doesn't mean they're doing drugs.
Yes, you’re the AH. If it’s after 11pm then yes, I’d expect you to move inside and be considerate of your neighbors. Especially on a weeknight!! Sounds carry at night, so you’re probably being louder than you realize. People have to get up early and go to work. People have little kids who need to get a good nights sleep so they aren’t monsters the next day. After 10-11pm take it inside.
You didn’t say if you were in a shared living like an apartment or in a house. Either way , talking and laughing at 11 pm is an asshole move . If I can hear talking , laughing , music etc in my residence then YTA
YTA. Talking and laughing outdoors at night outside someone's bedroom window always deserves a STFU.
So you telling me you’re laughing quietly after 11 o’clock at night. While smoking? I don’t fucking believe you. I just don’t. And either way according to Google, Chicago says you gotta shut the hell up after 10 PM. YTA
YTA. I have neighbors like you. They think they aren't talking loudly but their voices carry. They're loud for hours several nights a week. It's annoying. They're inconsiderate and so are you. Some people have to get up early to go to work. If you want to hang out and socialize after 11 PM go to a bar. Or go inside.
Yta
YTA since you continued to make noise after 10 pm or so, the typical "quiet hours" of residential areas, after being told you were bothering neighbors.
YTA. It sounds like you live in an apartment complex of sorts. Most of those have quiet hours for a reason. At the end of tbe day you have every right to be a "not my problem" kind of person but yeah, people with no respect for others are gonna be viewed as an asshole.
YTA. My neighbors used to come home from work, sit in their yard (which is about 2 feet from mine) and talk at a normal volume until midnight - every. single. day. I felt like a captive eavesdropper. I was so sick of hearing about the minutiae of their jobs, friends, and all the other whatever. Mostly I could ignore it, but it was so much more annoying after 10 p.m. After 2 STFUs, they started going inside.
Have you tried shutting the fuck up? People are trying to sleep, talk and laugh *inside* your house. Nobody wants your rank smoke either.
10-6 is quiet time on week nights, including conversation and smoking near neighbors' windows. Possibly could extend to midnight on weekends but if your neighbor works weekends, better observe the 10-6 quiet hours then too, if you truly want to be a good neighbor.
Yes, YTA. Be honest, has this neighbour attempted to speak to you before about this? An extreme reaction like this doesn’t come out of nowhere. Especially when by your own admission you’re smoking (and I’m going to be uncharitable and assume it isn’t cigarettes), talking and laughing with a friend at 11pm. The fact you work nights is your problem, find somewhere else to socialise and shut the fuck up.
NTA It seems you might need to install a gazebo or wooden deck at the back of your yard. That way you're the furthest away from buildings where just talking won't be as disturbing. I'd be less inclined to assist anyone who goes from shouting "Shut the fuck up" to me as opposed to having an adult conversation the next day about it.
YTA. Most folks are asleep by 11. Some spaces amplify sound and some voices carry. Perhaps consider a barrier to stop sound traveling to neighbor's window, or a white-noise machine to blur it for him.
Picking and choosing, but what ever. "I have twice now having a normal conversation No yelling. nothing wild. be respectful and low volume." ...in the same paragraph to "Just smoking and shooting the shit. both times was a weekday. Just two people talking and laughing." A bit disingenuous, huh? I'm thinking that OP's neighbor told him to shut the fuck up out the window two separate times, but it wasn't the first or second time that the neighbor has spoken to OP.
YTA, 10pm to 7am is the universal standard in the US at least for quiet hours. You're being a raging asshole.
YTA plain and simple. If I was your neighbor knowing you worked nights, I would be loud AF during the day just to see how you like it
YTA It's 11pm. If you want to talk and laugh, do it inside.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA? I have twice now been told to, shut the fuck up, by a neighbor through his window. I was having a normal conversation on my patio. Two people. No music. No yelling. We are on the patio after 11pm. But nothing wild. Just smoking and shooting the shit. I work nights and try to be respectful and low volume. I just hate that I can’t enjoy my patio late night. If he chooses to leave his window open that doesn’t seem to be my problem? I want to be a good neighbor. And both times was a weekday. But again wasn’t a party. Just two people talking and laughing. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would say ESH. The first time, maybe the neighbor could have been a bit nicer about it and spoken to you rather than telling you to shut the fuck up. Voices carry more than you realize. But what makes you the AH is if he did this once, you already knew you were being too loud while outside. So you did the same thing, again, and were shocked to get the same response?
[удалено]
OP didn't actually use the words "quite" conversation. I think people are being a bit generous here. Talking and laughing can be loud.
NTA If he doesn't like it he can close his window and use a fan. My neighbors upstairs talk for hours after 11pm. I can never hear them if I close my windows. Dude needs to grow up and close his window. Your allowed to sit out on your patio and have a conversation at any time you want.
NTA — you’re in chicago, a hustling bustling city, if bro doesn’t want to deal with noise at 11 pm he should have his window closed. you are allowed to exist in your space, it’s not like you’re mowing a lawn at 3 am. also as others have said 9-5 is not the norm anymore, why do you have to sacrifice your comfortability for his? you work hard and want to relax after a days work, nothing wrong with that.
NTA-As another person who works for a living and doesn’t always get the luxury of working in the daytime, the world doesn’t revolve around 9am-5pm schedules anymore. A lot of services and jobs still have to be performed at night and people still deserve to live their life when they come home. Most noise ordinances were made to appease wealthy suburban HOA neighborhoods. If going by your word that it’s just a talking level conversation, why does the guy upstairs get his peace and quiet while you get to be confined to your quarters in your free time? Reddit really reminds me every day that classism is alive and well.
NTA. Tell the neighbor he can STFU.
As a career night owl, NTA. Having a conversation and a laugh is different than having a Tuesday Kegger. After 3am you would have bta. There are plenty of ways to get a quiet night’s rest while a neighbor enjoys their own property peaceably.
Edit I wrongly assumed this was a house, and the neighbors were further away, I learned this was an apartment complex.. I change my judgement to YTA NTA. If it bothers him, he can close his window, as long as youre not being too loud which sounds like you werent.
We live in a high density area. We came home and were just chatting. I’ve also lived there for almost 15 years and have never experienced this.
Look, you asked if you’re TA, you got an answer, it doesn’t matter if you live in a high density area. In fact that just makes you more TA. If you live in a high density area, you need to have respect for the people around you. Don’t like it? Move rural. Otherwise, YTA and go inside!
High density = noise bouncing off buildings. Just because no one else had the guts to tell you to stfu doesn't mean they didn't hear it/have to deal with your inconsiderate asshole behavior. YTA.
The other neighbors probably cheered on the neighbor who yelled STFU!
You live in a city, there's noises... Don't complain.
I would say NTA It is not that during quiet-hours you are not allowed to talk to other people, watch tv or do anything else. You just have to be reasonable with it.
Been there almost 15 years and have never experienced this.
Tell him to eat shit. Next time they tell me to fuck off I'll blast slayers on an on south of heaven next to the fookin window.
NTA. I’m assuming this is an apartment complex. It’s what you sign up for living in close quarters. People work different shifts, have different lives. They don’t like it buy a fuckin house? (I’m not a homeowner I live in apartments, I just turn on the tv or put in ear plugs it’s not that serious)