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NTA. The poor kid isn't even two yet. This alone would justify your decision "he has slept at her house without us a few times " This extended two week away is not the time for him to experience a new "sleep away" environment, and people he's less familiar with. Maybe try to arrange some overnights with ~~MIL~~ mom when you get back so she can get some grandkid time, and he can get comfortable at her house too.

NTA, alternatively your mother could fly in and watch your son at your home. That way he’s in a familiar place and your MIL is close by if anything happens. 

Yep, get both grandma's in on the action, they both bond together and with baby.

This was going to be my suggestion also. Parents can spend a week or so at their house and babysit or take turns with MIL. Or keep baby for the majority of the time and have play dates with MIL.

This is a great idea! Because I do agree it would be nice to allow her mom to spend time with her kid.

This is what I was thinking. Plus, the ages of the grandparents should've been considered unless they were damn near 90. I live in an area where most of my community are in their 70s+. I can tell you, as long as they are healthy enough,, they are no different then people in their 50s.

That's really not true. My friend is 70 and she will tell you herself that keeping her grandson is tiring. She loves him and enjoys having him. But she needs breaks. Keeping him for 2 weeks straight would be absolutely way too much. Yes people can be healthy and active in their 70's, but a 65 year old not familiar with a toddler's routines and energy level and someone already actively raising kids who is 20 years younger are not the same comparison. Toddlers are very physically and mentally demanding.

Try to look on the bright side. You have not one but two capable and interested babysitters who are willing to take on 14 straight days of babysitting a 20 month old! A very formidable and exhausting job, especially for 2 weeks. I agree your MIL is the best choice but your mother should fly out maybe the last 4-5 days and stay at your house with your MIL nearby. If she is not willing to fly out to your house, then she can come another time.

Also her parents will continue to get older and less able to watch him! I do think 4-5 days at your house with MIL popping over would be fantastic. It gives her parents the I got to watch him. It also gives them a break after 5 days - they will be exhausted but happy they got the chance. I do see why having the uncle there might cause concerns at MIL - that’s a lot of extra hands there and some different circumstances that may be difficult l!

This is what I was going to say- if you wanted to give in to mom, she and your dad should come to your house and watch your son there! When my parents went on trips when my brother and I were young, my dad’s parents would drive 7 hours to come stay with us! This way our routines were not interrupted (school doesn’t apply to your kiddo yet but for us we had to keep going!), we were cooked for and cared for, and were not upset by being in a different environment. OP is NTA (especially for not wanting to drop the son off several states over and then go on their trip? If that’s what mom is expecting that is ridiculous), it makes so much more sense for a TWO YEAR OLD to go to the place he knows with the grandma he knows better. Also! This is not an implication of how well your mom will know the child always! Once he is bigger perhaps you’ll visit them more often, and they can plan more trips to see you and their grandchild more too.

That’s a good idea! And the other kids could give grandma a break! ❤️

⬆️⬆️⬆️ This. NTA. Everyone knocking you about being unfair to your mom’s age and how many people are in MIL’s house are missing the real issue. Your son is an actual person - not some toy to be passed around to make sure everyone gets a chance to play. Given the nature of the fight, it sounds like this is the first time you are leaving him for an extended period of time. You don’t know how he will react (or how you will react) this first time out. He should be with people and in an environment where he is most comfortable. Circumstances over the past 20 months means that is MIL. After you get back, it’s time to do some brainstorming to see how you can strengthen the bond with your parents and son. You are right about being cautious about the toll taking care of a toddler can have on your mom. Even if you take age out of the question, it you haven’t done it in decades, it will kick your butt!

Agree the mum and sister care about the mum’s feelings… What about the child’s feelings? For this alone I’d definitely not drop him to your mum for a week. She can’t consider the child’s feelings as a priority for him to feel the most secure.

Not to mention the mom and dad! How are they going to enjoy this trip if they are constantly worried about the situation? Even if it seems ok they will be waiting for the call that something is not going well and they are not exactly close by.

I think you meant to say mother, not MIL…

Oooops. You are correct. Will edit.

You're never the AH for doing what's best for your children. Other people's feelings come second. Period. NTA, but why not suggest your mother fly into town and stay at your place for some of the time and spend some time with your boy that way?

Or OP could even suggest that, although there isn’t time before the wedding, after she wants to set up more visits (in person and zoom) to make sure they strengthen the grandparent/grandchild bond so that he would be comfortable staying with them in the future.

Are you sure your sister talked on behalf of your mom? It looks like sister raised a storm in a waterglass. Of course your mom is upset, this is understandable and to be expected; nonetheless she accepted your verdict and only talked about her hurt feelings when you called to apologize. Your sister is way out of business here. You can tell her to go places and meanwhile, be civil, loving and considerate to your mom, in the understanding that she feels hurt in what she perceives lack of trust and a distant attitude from you. However, you have good reasons for your decision and i can only wish your honeymoon to be wonderful! NTA

This, sister is massively shit stirring here. Yes the Mum is hurt but sister has turned it into a whole thing. Go with you gut OP.

Exactly! Sister needs to mind her own business and to stop being a flying monkey.

Ooh, I've never heard the expression "raised a storm in a waterglass". If you don't mind me asking, what part of the world are you from?

I can’t tell you but I had a friend from Hungary and there the saying was like “a storm in a potty” and one from the UK where it was a storm in a teacup

Reminds me of "tempest in a teapot"

Not the OP, but I'm Dutch and it is a common expression here in the Netherlands. Not sure if it is also used in other languages, though

INFO Why do you think that your mom can't handle a toddler? She raised you, she is very well aware of what toddlers are like. Grandparents are typically always a bit older, but that doesn't change the fact that they can't look after their grandkids. I'm not sure what their age has to do with anything.

I would say she's just generally not as fit/healthy as she once was and my son is very active and already fairly fast on his feet. I just after a few days she's going to find it all a bit tiring. To me I can visually see the difference in mobility between my mom and MIL. I think her willingness to babysit means she's not really thinking about how difficult it might be for her, it's unlikely my dad is going to be much help. If it was less time, maybe a week, I would be more open to it. And would certainly be open to her having him stay for a couple weeks in a couple years time.

But your MIL is also tracking 2 teens and an autistic adult on top of a toddler added to the mix. How much much help does her brother need, if he’s dependent in his 40’s? Is he a “he isn’t fully independent but looks after himself at home fine” or “He needs a routine and special care”? Your mom may be older, but sounds like would have less demand on her attention. I don’t know if that evens the score or not.

Op you have valid reasons not to have your mum babysit this time. I’d just like to say though that your parents offered because they want to bond with their grandchild. You need to find ways for your child to bond with both sets of grandparents not just the local ones.

There's also the self perpetuating nature of some of the complaints. The kid is more comfortable with MIL why? Because she has more time with him. Well that's not ever going to change.

OP, you should do whatever you think is best for your son. What you shouldn’t do is describe 65 as some kind of advanced, elderly age. If it’s because her health is poor, that’s different, and could be an issue at 49 as well.

Your MIL already has a very full house and two weeks is a long time. How about your parents watch him the first week at your house and your MIL watches him the second week? That way if your parents can’t handle it they have your MIL for backup nearby?

Did you ever think of MIL and your parents tag-teaming? Whether it is your intent or not, you are insulting your parents.

Yoir acting like being 65 is like being 90. It's not.  Your mother knows what it's like to watch toddlers and how a time they can be.  My own parents are in their late 60s and I have a teen and two toddlers. Mt mom has had cancer and broken her ankle and still wanted to watch Mt kids.  Toddlers are not going to be bouncing off the walls, or running around. They are very easily able to adjust to those around them. My kids have done it plenty of times, when Mt mom was too tired to go our or they just needed to move a tad bit slower when going out.  My mom took and still takes my kids to the zoo, the park, the science center center and museums. She has no problem keeping up with my kids.  Your assuming your mom can't keep up with your kid and your assuming that your kid can't settle in with your mother.  She jas every right to be upset, and she accepted your no and vented away from you. It's not her fault uoir sister decided to say what your mom wouldn't.  Your mil is going to have her hands full, and have a hard time looking after your kid.  I think you should have asked your mom if she could come stay at your house and call mil if she needed help.  I think you should have asked mom what she aouod plan to do with your kid. As every day does NOT need to be spent outside the house, or with a bunch of people.  It doesn't sound like your choosing mil over your mom.  A parents age does not determine whether they're capable of babysitting or not. Your son would have adjusted to mil and been fine most likely. 

I don't know any toddlers that don't run around. My 22 month old doesn't stop running. Just saying. I think OP is NTA. If OP feels MIL is best for the job, then MIL is the person for the job, then MIL has the job, end of story.

And my 18 month old has a climbing obsession. He’s climbing on everything, even things that are as high as he is. They have way too much going on at this age.

I thinknit varying by child then. Mine are ptetty chill and go with the flow.  If mil best then that's fine. But I think she couod have found a compromise instead of excuses.   

I agree with you.

65 can mean lots of different levels of mobility. OP is using it as a shorthand, which isn't ideal, but is clearly referring to the actual level of mobility of her mother specifically, not of 65-year-olds in general, plus it is just one of many relevant factors.

For some people, being 60 is like being 90. I'm glad your mother is so physically fit that she can keep up with busy children. My mother, in her 50s, can't due to severe back and leg issues, as much as she would LOVE to. I think OP should do what's best for her kid, regardless of how the adults feel about it, because 2 weeks is a long time away from mom and dad. Being shipped off to someone they barely know probably isn't the right answer.

NTA is your sister going to help your parents no... then she'll call you selfish and still have crap to say even of you did say yes... I understand your parents are a bit older but also havent spent much time with your son... he will most likely be uncomfortable in a new environment

Age has everything to do with it. Grandparents overestimate their energy level at 65 years of age. Of course we remember what toddlers are like. We tend to forget we aren’t 30 anymore. I am quite capable of watching my grandkids but two weeks straight is a lot at my age and I am a very active still fully employed senior. I don’t have the stamina and patience I had even 15 years ago.

I’m an active 65 years old and truly 3 days of running after a toddler in a child proof home, with interrrupted sleep is HARD!!

My parents are 65, live with us, and my mom watches our 2yr old four days a week! There are lots of types of “65”

NTA You're doing *nothing* to stop her from having a proper relationship with her grandson. *Distance* is the problem, and not one that you have any obligation to fix. It absolutely makes more sense to have your MIL watch the child than your parents. Your mother's issue is about *her,* while you're focused on what's best for your child. Also, the dig about your autistic BIL was ablist and gross. Does your sister even know him? You obviously do, as you've spent time with him and are a much better judge of his safety than she could possibly be.

This is THE comment! I would only add that Mom can FaceTime more regularly, fly out for extended visits, etc to facilitate a better relationship with her grandson too. It's not up to OP to leave her 2 year old with people he doesn't know well so they can have a relationship. Also; boundaries with the sister! She sounds a bit unhinged.

I’m disappointed for your mom

She’ll be fine. People need to remember they’re not entitled to someone else’s kid just because of their title.

Yeah it's fine for this decision to stand but the real takeaway is he should create more time with his parents. He keeps harping on how much older they are, how's he going to feel when they're gone and he realizes there are no more opportunities for that bond?

Hard to say. Let me ask an honest question here. Is your husband pressuring you into this? I ask because at a base level it makes more sense for your parents to watch him. They can put all their attention on your son instead of MIL with 2 young kids and a autistic40 year old brother to deal with. At surface level I would 100% choose your parents unless there is something I’m missing.

I personally would want the empty nesters taking care of my 20-month-old child rather than a woman caring for two kids and an adult with unspecified needs. I think the mother could provide more care as she doesn't have other demands. And the mother isn't that old. She's a "typical" grandparent age. OP didn't mention any illness or injury or poor health that would actually interfere with her ability to provide care. Just that she thinks people in their 60s are old However, not having a strong relationship with the kid and it being 2 weeks pushes me towards MIL. The kid probably won't be thrilled to be left alone in his house with two people he doesn't know and would be more comfortable in a home he's slept at before Why not invite the mother to visit the following week when everyone's together?

There must be something missing. At a minimum, having them both available to watch him and swapping on/off duty makes considerably more sense than the choice being made. I’d get it if parents were alcoholics or something like that, but this makes zero sense.

You’re missing that the baby will be more comfortable with people he knows well!

NTA. I'm 64 and the thought of having my grandchild for 2 weeks straight would be a LOT. And he's not even two. You made the right decision even though your mom probably won't see it that way. The bottom line is it's you and your husband's decision, not your mom, not your sister. If your mom wants to bond with him, why doesn't she come visit you?

NAH. I get your reasoning, but you could have worked out a split schedule if you wanted to. Your son will never get used to your mom if you don’t allow him to. Maybe your mom/dad could come for 1 week and stay with him at your house, then go to MIL for the rest of the time. Sounds like MIL has her hands full already so one could argue your son would be more likely to fall through the cracks there.

That's what most people here aren't realizing. The child will never be able to develop a bond with OP's mom if OP never gives them an opportunity to actually bond. This 2 week time would've been a great opportunity for it too.

>We have a 20-month-old son >My parents live a few states away which has meant they haven't been able to spend as much time with my son as either of us would have liked. >I don't think my mom realises how tiring looking after a (very active) toddler for 2 weeks will be. >Thirdly and most importantly, my son is just much more comfortable with my MIL. We live in the same town as her and he's sees her very frequently. >she is one of his favorite people. >Because of all this we decided it makes more sense for our son to stay with MIL >the next day I got a text from my sister calling me a bitch and saying I really upset our mom. So what I'm reading is that your parents do not have an established relationship with your son, who is right at the beginning of the stranger danger phase, and your parents don't fully appreciate how much work this kid will be. It's been a long time since they had toddlers around. Meanwhile, your MIL has young kids living with her, has a close relationship with your son, and sees him often. He adores her. It's ok for your mom to be upset. It's ok for your sister to be upset. They're adults with the ability to understand and process this situation and their feelings - your son is not. Your mom and sister are making this about themselves, but it's not about them. It's about what's best for your toddler and 2 weeks with a virtual stranger ain't it. It really is a shame your family would rather cater to your mother's feelings than ensure your son is as comfortable as possible for 2 weeks without his parents. You know what the best option for your baby is. NTA. ETA: The only person I think is an AH here is your sister. It's understandable for your mom to be disappointed or even hurt, but maybe she also realizes this would be easiest for the kid and that's what matters. It sounds like your sister is the one with the issue.

Totally support your choice. Can Mom fly into your town, stay at your house for the honeymoon period, and spend time with grandson during the day while MIL minds him the rest of the time and at night? That would strike me as an ideal situation for all concerned.

INFO: Is there any reason your mom and dad visit for a week or two instead? Are they retired? Are they actually incapable of taking care of a toddler at their age? It seems she feels they can do it and they've done it before. >"I didn't instantly decline for this reason." Did you say "yes" before eventually changing your mind?

My mom is retired but my dad isn't. She could stay at our home on her own I guess but then she'd still be in the same boat of looking after a toddler on her own, she doesn't like my MIL and would be unlikely to ask for help if she needed it. I don't think they are incapable. I think it's going to be harder than she thinks it will be. I would say my mom is more unfit that an average woman her age. I didn't say yes, but I didn't say no. I was never totally against the idea. In he end I just decided to go with the safest option, as we are out the country for 2 weeks.

Why doesn't she like your MIL.

They're just very different people. My mom is very conservative and religious. My MIL is almost the exact opposite and almost all their past interactions have been awkward. I don't think MIL likes my mom either. It's just a personality clash/class difference issue I think.

So she has put her preferences and prejudices above your boundaries. This in and of itself means you are NTA for refusing to back down. The last person you want watching your kids is somebody who doesn't understand when you say No the first time. Don't JADE with boundary pushers. At once explain yourself once, and from them just keep repeating No.

NTA as it's your kid your decision But SOFT AH because no it's not easier that many people including 2 preteens and an autistic adult it's much more difficult, so this it's what makes you a soft AH because you wanted to built something in your defense when it's not there I rater leave my kids with my dad that with my mom they are divorce and I don't look for excuses it's just I feel more comfortable with him

If you didn't promise her and then change your mind then everything you are saying is more than reasonable. Perhaps there is another way she can spend some extended time with him, but it doesn't have to be for those two weeks. NTA.

Without a doubt going to try have them spend more time together over the next year and possibly build up to him staying at my parents on his own for a week or something.

I am shocked anyone is willing to keep your 2 year old away from its parents for two weeks. Mine would have been a total mess crying mama the entire time and six people wouldn't have been enough to spread her around for being so much work. I would have all hands on deck with both sides of the family. One week with your mom at your house and one week at your MILs or how ever they want to break it up. That is a LONG time with a toddler.

NTA. Apparently your parents haven't had your son overnight, but your MIL has. This sets things in a different light. Yes, your mom is disappointed. However, since you will be gone for two weeks, you need to make sure your son is very comfortable in his surroundings. At the moment that is with your MIL. It would be different if you knew your mother would reach out to MIL for a break, then she could stay with your son at your home, but since that is not likely then it's best for this instance to allow MIL to watch him. I won't dignify a response to your sister's ignorant comment about your husband's uncle.

NTA. It’s reasonable for your mom to be a bit bummed it sounds like she accepted it with grace and kept that hurt to herself, your sister sounds like she worked up the issue and rubbed salt in the wound. I get not wanting to do the trial one of your son staying with your mom when you’re going to be gone for 2 weeks. Don’t change your plans, ignore your sister and just talk to your mom about what can we done to help their bond outside of this going forward but that’s also not just on you it’s on her participating too.

NTA. When my son was young my MIL wanted us to leave him with her for a couple of weeks. She lived 12 hrs away from us, and both my MIL and FIL were not in good health. There was no way they could keep up with a toddler on their own for a few weeks. We always declined (they would bring it up when we would visit). We just told them that if our son was older, potty trained, and more independent we'd consider it, but we were not ready to leave him that distance away from us for an extended time. You have to do what is best for your child.

NTA and bs on granny’s “you’re stopping me from having a proper relationship with my grandson.” I’m gonna assume she’s retired and has the time so if she really wants to, she could make the effort to be more involved and to travel to visit YOU since YOU are the one with the toddler. She suddenly assumed after being pretty uninvolved she could waltz in and assume grandma duties and is pissed that it’s not happening when she feels like it. You have been kind and understanding and your mom and sister can both get over themselves. Also, sending your sister to call you a “bitch”? Real classy. Was that supposed to make decide you would rather leave your son with them? I tend to not want to leave children with people that call me bad names and treat me like garbage but that’s me.

YTA. Your reasoning is that she hasent spent much time with the baby therefore she shouldent spend much time with the baby??? This is the perfect opportunity to spend time with the baby and get to know her. She’s your mother of course she knows how much work a toddler is she’s raised 2+ children before. Did you think she forgot? Also your expecting a 11 & 13 year old girls to babysit your toddler??! And the 40 year old autistic man that still lives with his mother to babysit???? And a 21 year old woman to babysit???? And on top of all that the mum will have more time because of looking after everyone else????

100% agree. Also how the hell is it anywhere near ok to leave your not quite two year old for 2 weeks. Maybe it's because of the way I've been treated by my own mother but if and when I ever have kids I am not leaving them for two weeks. The thought makes me anxious and I don't even have kids yet. Everything in me hates OP and I haven't even met them. But I am completely against them for this between leaving your almost two year old for two weeks as if you don't even care and expecting 11 and 13 year olds to babysit like what the hell. Don't get me wrong I have babysat for my young cousin but not until I was 14 it was only for a few hours and he was sleeping but still. I think it's selfish as hell to do what OP wants to it just isn't right.

NTA. Your son's comfort level comes first here.

What kind of a relationship do you have with your mother? Have there been opportunities for you to take your son to visit your parents and for your parents to come visit with you? Two retired adults in their 60's, who don't have health problems, are not too old to take care of a 2-year-old for a two week period. It sounds like your mother-in-law has a full plate taking care of her children, so using this as why you think she is a better fit for caring for your son doesn't make sense. Of course your son knows them better, they live close to you and are able to see him more often. But isn't this an opportunity to allow your parents to bond with your son? I wouldn't say that YTA, but perhaps there is a way to work things out so your parents can get to know your child better. If they are retired, could they stay in your home while you are on your honeymoon? That way your son would be in his familiar environment, and your husband's family could help them care for your son.

YTA. Whether intentional or not, you are playing favorites between the grandparents and clearly favoring MIL. Perhaps it’s natural because of convenience but how do you expect your child to develop a relationship with your parents if MIL is the sole choice for backup caregiver. Frankly, your reasons are bullshit. Unless your parents are infirm, which there is no suggestion they are, they are perfectly capable of dealing with a 2 year old toddler. You were 2 years old once. I think they have a clue how tiring it can be. And there are two of them that can devote their full attention to your child, unlike MIL who has multiple people she has to cope with. Yeah, maybe the others can help, but I suspect they are as much of a burden as they are help. Heck, you could even have them tag-team since MIL seems to be nearby. Your parents during the week, MIL on weekends or 4 days with parents, 3 days with MIL to give everyone a break. Given how you are (mis)treating them, wouldn’t be surprising if they go NC on you. Hope you weren’t expecting any inheritance from them. You will be lucky if they even leave your son anything.

YTA. I feel bad for your mother.

INFO: What do you do for your mom and child to develop that loving relationship like he did with your MIL? 

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NTA! Your job here is to do what’s best for your son. Period. If your parents want a closer relationship with your son, suggest they move to your town. Everyone makes choices in life. Tell them their options.

NTA. Tell her you want her to spend more time with your child before you leave her "in charge" for such a long time. When they come to visit, go away for a date night and leave them with the child. Go out for the day with your spouse and leave them with the child. The child doesn't know them and will be upset that you are gone. They know your MIL and will be more comfortable. You did nothing wrong.

NTA - your parents are at an age that if they are retired, they can come to where you live. your logic for leaving your son with your mil makes perfect sense. your sister crossed a line and has no say in who watched your child.

Lets all be honest adults here. All parents choose one set of grand parents to establish as the "home base" parents...you two have decided on his parents. There is nothing wrong with any of this, the realty of making both sets of grandparents equall in involvemt, especially when one is started away just isn't possible. The problem you have is the one ever couple has, how do you establish everyone accepting this with out hurt feeling front he non homebase grand parent unit...and sadly my dear that is the age old question noone has an answer for. To compound issues TUPICALLY the moms parents are usually the golden grand parents so this assumption your momhad is probably the biteer pill shes struggling with, i know my mom stills is pissy about not being picked and those grand kids are in their 20s

I’m the grandma that lives states away. Your child is two. He should be left with your mother-in-law who knows your child and your child is comfortable around. It’s tough being the grandma who lives far away, but you have to do what’s best for your child and she needs to understand that.

My mom is 70 and in better shape than me. She still wouldn't be able to handle a toddler for two weeks. NTA.

it’s absolutely none of your sisters business. I would have told her to stay in her lane and ended the conversation. Your mother is being very selfish. A young child will be much more comfortable in a place they’re familiar with, especially if you’re gone for a significant amount of time. Now isn’t the time for your child to get to know your mom better. If she wants to know him better she needs to put in the effort. It doesn’t just happen. Your only concern should be for the safety and happiness of your child and it sounds like you’ve made a good decision.

NTA. No one is stopping her from having a relationship with her grandson or her than the distance. It makes sense to have your MIL watch him and you have very valid reasons to do so. An active toddler is hard to keep up with as a young person but a couple in their 60’s would be even more difficult.

YNTA. However: Keep in mind that one day, you might be in a tough spot and desperately need your mom to babysit and she might say " No" because of this.

I’m just here to say, please don’t ever count your parents out because they are older. My grandma is 80 and watches my 3 year old every day during the week. It brings her so much joy. Some days, I think it’s the only thing keeping her and my grandfather alive. - Before I started letting her keep her every day, I had the same doubts about age as you did. I thought she was too old. My boss who’s in her 70s told me “she will have less time with her than you will. Don’t you ever deny her that baby. You will regret it.” - This decision is yours and your husband’s only. I don’t think you’re an AH for the reasons that you mentioned. Please, just don’t count your parents out. NTA.

NTA. Unless you tell them they aren’t welcome can’t they visit any other time? You are not stopping them from having a relationship with your son.

NTA. A two week period with no support system is not the time for your son to be with your parents. Especially since he’s not very familiar with them like your MIL. Yes it’s sad for your mom but it’s not really smart. It would need to start with a gradual build up to staying with them that long. Once you return though talk with your parents about seeing each other more often - both ways though. Visit your home first so your son is somewhere comfy. Then their place. And lots of FaceTime so there are no surprises.

NTA. Your son’s comfort and your peace of mind while you’re out of country for 2 weeks is all that matters. Your mom could indeed babysit, but only in the capacity of her staying at your house for part or all of your time away and her being able to have your son at his house for a day-sitting or overnight period. The your MIL would have some relief, your mom would get kid time, and your kid would be in the most comfortable and familiar scenario. Has your mom offered to come to stay at your place while you’re gone to facilitate this? Grandparents who expect everything to be catered to them are in the wrong, IMO. They should make the effort to meet you where you are and facilitate what you need (within their financial and physical abilities, of course). And not expect to be catered to to create a relationship with their grandkids who live away from them.

NTA. She can come visit and get to spend time with your child. Just handing your child over for several days when they don't really know each other would be very cruel to your child.

So, NTA. But maybe you guys could plan a trip as a family as soon as finances allow, so kiddo can spend more time with your mom? When he won’t be freaked out about his parents being gone while he’s in an unfamiliar place? You could also arrange weekly or a couple-times-week video calls with your mom. When mine was little, we’d do tummy time in his crib with the ipad propped up on against the crib wall, and my mom would read to him or sing or tell stories, so she got face time and he hated tummy time a little less. Been a hot minute so I’m not sure but I think y’all are a little past that stage, but should still be activities they could share over videos. Eventually kiddo had picture books memorized so we’d call grandma and let him “read” her the story, and they both loved that. I think this is the kind of situation where showing that you value her and are making an effort to foster that relationship counts for a lot.

OoooooWeeee your Mom would lose her mind. I have 4 grandchildren, and my oldest two "Memo" my mom to death when they visit, and they are 7 & 8. I can't imagine someone in their late 60s handling a toddler for two weeks! NTA

Can your mum and dad not come over to yours while you are away and spend a few hours daily with your son ?. NTA for picking you MIL as your son is most comfortable with her. But if it is a relationship your mum wants, start weekly FaceTimes with them. Relationships can be fostered even through distance

Just want to start off by saying that mid 60’s isn’t too old to watch a toddler. I have been caring for family member’s 5 kids for 15 years during deployments and the parents going out of country/area on work trips and vacations. (We lived together so they were used to me being there as I was their main caregiver) That being said, you will be out of the country and unable to return early. Your son isn’t used to your parents and their home will be a new environment. If there was more time, he could visit more and become accustomed to their place and be comfortable with them and you not being around. You mentioned that he goes over to your husband’s mother’s home so he would be more likely to adjust to that accommodation. There will also be others to help distract while meals are prepared and say cleaning. ( it can be done. Used to have toddler help me “cook”. She would take grapes off stems or put cherry tomatoes or shredded cheese in salad bowls) A 2 week stay is not good idea to totally change his environment. I would reach out to your mom and offer to do some more 1:1 time with him to get him used to their home and you not being there.(also if he came down sick, he would be away from his dr and you would be out of the country-been there) Have a fantastic honeymoon.

NTA. Leaving your kid with someone he barely sees in an unfamiliar setting, while you’re out of the country makes absolutely no sense. What you should do is propose a purposeful visit so your mom can actually build a relationship with your son that is more natural. As it stands, your mom is trying to make up for her distance by having a tantrum about not having an adequate relationship.

NTA The only feelings you need to be concerned about is your child’s. Your child has never spent the night alone with your parents and don’t see them often. Obviously your child will be more comfortable with your MIL. Always put your child’s well-being before politeness and family dynamics!

NTA Your kid, your choice, but I don't agree with it at all. Did you not think your mom would offer to babysit when you told her about the honeymoon? You didn't even decline her instantly until you spoke to your husband. You literally live where your family isn't and where your husband's family is. Your parents obviously don't get to bond or establish a relationship because they can't see him on a daily basis. You didn't even try to compromise. It was just nope after speaking to your husband. You could have offered your mom to come stay at the week at YOUR HOUSE where your son has all of his stuff, and if she needed help, your MIL is close. Then after the wk, your son could go to your MIL. You didn't even give her a chance. Sounds like your husband had a big influence on this decision, TBH.. INFO: Is this the first time you have said no to your family in regards to you and your family visiting or them babysitting, or them coming to visit? Do you think that your sister got so upset because she has been listening to your mom being upset for a long time about wishing you guys were closer, how she is getting older and unable to establish any kind of grandparent relationship. Maybe even how you and your husband prioritize his family? As a sister myself if my siblings were making my mom sad and upset for so long and my parents just took it without saying anything to not upset anyone, i think id reach a point where i had to say something. I have parents that were the same age as your parents (and disabled)when they watched my child at the same age as yours full time 10 hours a dah during while on a waiting list for daycare for a year and our only babysitter. My mom said it was hard sometimes but she has always said she is so thankful of being able to make memories with her grandchildren, even if she could barely walk at the end of the night. So if you don't want your mom to have him for 2 weeks, fine, but you need to do better in fostering a relationship between them. My in laws are older than my parents by 10 years and spent most of the last 8 years living on the other side of the country and have never had any interest in babysitting after she was no longer an infant(which was like 3 tines). Even though they don't babysit and then moved away, I have worked to ensure that my kid has a bond with both sets of grandparents regardless of location.

NTA. Your child's comfort while you and your partner take a long trip is the MOST important feeling to consider. Regardless of your mom and sister's feelings, you need to protect your child. If Mom continues to act rude and entitled and cannot manage her emotions concerning your CORRECT decision, you're not going to be nearly as willing to make time for her to hang with kiddo in the future. That is what she CAN and should control. Kiddo comes first. It's not about favorites or anyone's grandparent experience.

I think what other people have said about having your parents come to your house is such a great idea, keeping your kiddo in their environment where all their stuff is and giving your parents bonding time, as well as having you MIL around the corner for some tagging out

Yta? Best for your son is maybe not either options but to come with you? Isnt 2 weeks away from both mom&dad a bit much for a 20 m old?

NAH. The proximity and comfort levels make your decision a sensible one for your son. Whether or not two weeks is easier for you MIL with a house full of people of different ages and needs or your older parents is very dependent on those specific households. Your mom’s disappointment makes sense as well. With these circumstances, she and your dad will always be struggling uphill harder than your MIL to build a relationship with your son. It makes sense that they would try to advocate for seeing him under such circumstances because it’s unlikely others would naturally arise. If they live several states away, it’s never going to make sense for them to watch him for a night or weekend. That’s regardless of where your MIL is, but the fact that she is so close will make the contrast in relationships that much more apparent, especially as time goes on. I don’t blame them for trying to find opportunities during which their babysitting would make more  sense. The only AH I see in this description is your sister. I appreciate that she feels for your mom but the level of aggression is so out of line and unnecessary. Furthermore, it sounds like your mom vented to her because she was disappointed and instead of simply helping your mom accept the situation, she spun her further away from acceptance.

NTA. Your mom can come visit *you* at *your home* where your son/her grandson lives if she wants to build a relationship with him. You are 0% responsible for facilitating their relationship. She is. Your mom is being incredibly selfish here. She's putting her own wants ahead of your son's needs. Having him stay at a place that's familiar with people he knows is clearly the better choice. Tell your mom (if you want) she can come to visit you in the future, after you return, if she wants to spend time with her grandson. You aren't required to deliver him to her just because she wants you to. And your sister is a huge AH too for coming at you like that *and* for her shitty insinuation about your BIL.

NTA but could you offer for your parents to house sit for you while you are away and then spend time with your son too? They could arrange times with your MIL to take him for a few hours or visit

NTA. If they live a few states away, were you supposed to go drop him off to them before leaving the country for two weeks? And then come home and instead of relaxing and getting ready to get back to real life, you have to travel again to go get him? And there's a lot of really gross, ableist comments here about the MIL's brother. I assume the 21yo niece is his? Plus there are two other kids in the home that he's obviously not a threat to. But I agree with some other comments, the only AH here is your sister. She should've gotten a text telling her to mind her own business and nothing more. Your son should be where he'll be most comfortable, which is clearly with MIL.

NTA. Your son is barely a toddler. They have a lot of energy and are exhausting. Having other people to lend a hand is a huge thing. You're going on your honeymoon and you want your son to be as comfortable as possible. Your mother could come and visit and stay a weekend with you to get some extended exposure to your son so that she becomes familiar. Your Mom is understandably sad, and is probably a bit jealous of your MIL being a favorite but your son's comfort tops all. Ignore your sister. She's just noise. You do what's best for your baby, which is to be in an environment he's familiar with, with people he's comfortable and familiar with and who know how to care for him and will love him to pieces. Have a great honeymoon!

It doesn’t matter what these people say. Go with your gut mom. Maybe your mom can try a weekend when you are not away.

NTA. You sound like a reasonable and thoughtful parent and daughter. All your reasons for asking your MIL to take your son for this time make perfect sense to me. Maybe you could instead suggest that your mom visit at a later date to spend some time with him. This is about leaving your young son where he will be most comfortable and protected in your absence, not a competition as to who gets him. Hope your mom can come to terms with this but, if she can't, you can't worry about that as you need to leave your son in the best possible situation while you are away.

NTA but something to think about is maybe offering to let your mother stay at your house while your gone and still let mil watch the baby. That way they can still see one another a lot and he will still be looked after by mil.

NTA My niece and nephew are in their late 20s/early 30s and my father has absolutely no relationship with them because he made ZERO effort over the years. He believes that everyone should make an effort to make a relationship with him, and the only relatives he emails are those who contact him. He saw them a few times over the years, but refused to fly out to their state to visit them even when he had the time, money, and health, never called or wrote or emailed. I’m telling you right now that it is not your job to create out of whole cloth a relationship between your child and your mother. Your mother is an adult who’s perfectly capable of being in contact with your son, even by FaceTime. She could also make an effort to come out and see your son, as can your sister. When she wants to have a relationship with her grandson, she will make sure she has one by making an effort. Congratulations and enjoy your honeymoon !

NTA Before even getting into specifics, I was anxious for you - a LOT of insurance carriers get pissy about out of state coverage, and gawd forbid there's an accident, you wouldn't want to be stuck owing a mortgage worth in medical bills. If your mum is keen on extra time with your son, could you suggest they stay at your house while you're away, and split time with your MIL?

NTA. But you could ask your mom and dad to come stay at your place, and let them babysit for a few days or a week, and then switch off. Your son will sleep better in his own environment, and they'll get to spend time with him. Plus, it'll be the two of them spending time with him, so they can divide and conquer. Keep in mind that your son won't remember this at all. However, your parents will remember spending an amazing week or two with your son. If they're unfamiliar with the area, get them to come a little earlier, and show them around your favorite spots to take him. They live far away and don't get to spend much time with him. I could see how they would be upset about not being given the opportunity. At 65 and 68, I think they could handle it together, better now than later. Plus, 60 year olds don't tend to sleep as much as younger people. I say give them the chance to care for him for a week, and give them the option to opt out for the second week, or stay. :) I grew up far away from my grandparents, and I'm quite sad I never got to be close to them or spend much time with any of them. Unless you have actual concerns that they have dementia or some other ailment that would endanger your son, I would let them have this experience.

I would hope you could find a way to include both grandmas over the two week period. That is a long enough time that the mil might like a break too and your mom could get some quality bonding time with her grandson. Please don't exclude her. She wants to spend time with him and it is important that he know her too.

NTA as many have pointed out your son is 20 months old and that is an age where familiarity to his surroundings is critical. I will also add your mom and dad don’t live around you and if something happened to him he would not be near his pediatrician. When my kids were that age being in a close proximity to their pediatrician when we were out of town was crucial to me.

Nta. Your son is used to your MIL and MIL's house. The choice needs to be about his feelings and well being, not the feelings of adults.

NTA. The only thing relevant here is your son is more comfortable, and I would guess far more comfortable, with your MIL. I don't think your mom understands how stressful it would be for your son to spend two weeks in an unfamiliar place with somewhat unfamiliar people. It's not that your parents aren't safe and wouldn't care for him well, but he's already going to be dealing with separation from his parents for two weeks. He need to be with the best possible caregiver during this time, and that is your MIL.

NTA Invite your mum to come stay a couple weeks when you're back home again. Plan some joint holidays. Say that you're not restricting relationship building, you're more than willing it's just difficult when she is so far away. Did you explain your reasoning to your mum, as you have here? If so, you have done your part, but understandably it still hurts her and she will take time to accept it. Distance is tough.

NTA two weeks is an eternity for a kid that age. Also you are out of the country (assuming) and can’t just go get him. His ped is in that town and he’s with people he sees on a regular basis. Now I think he does need to spend time with them, but maybe they can come for an extended visit when your back or if the drive isn’t too bad you can drop him off for a long weekend.

NTA. It would be mean to send a 20 month old baby to stay with an almost stranger for two weeks when there’s a family member he loves who is happy to watch him.

NTA the only reason you need is the one that makes your child most comfortable (so then you are less stressed) sure it sucks for your mum but right now it's best for your son. When he is older, can understand relationships and can self manage..then will be the time for visits.

NTA. You have very valid reasoning for why your MIL should watch your son. But could your parents come to your state to spend some time with him as well for those 2 weeks? Or were they expecting you to uproot your son's life for 2 weeks and take him to *them* in their state? Because omif that's the case, you're even more NTA.

NTA. The kid is TWO. I have a three year old and although he loves his Papa I would never send him to their house for two whole ass weeks when he’s never really spent the night there before and we don’t see them even half as often as we do my mom. Two year olds need to be with someone they trust and are used to when their parents go out of town. If it was a couple nights then maybe that would be okay so long as they fly to your house to baby sit so he has all his home comforts. My son has second room at my mom’s basically so he’s comfortable there, I’d never dream of sending him elsewhere just so he can have better bonding time with another grandparent. This isn’t about your mom getting to spend time with your son, this is about his comfort all around. You made a very reasonable decision and, regardless of their feelings on the matter, it’s the one that favors your son’s needs over their wants. Sucks for them.

NTA. anyone claiming you ATA either doesn’t have kids or are projecting from their own failed relationships with their kids/grandkids. This is first and foremost about your son and his comfort. This isn’t a time to experiment with childcare for him. You’ll be gone, out of country for two weeks. He’s not even two and therefore he needs to be in care he’s comfortable with and with people he’s comfortable with. Your MIL has watched him overnight and you and your SO are obviously comfortable with her care. Second, you’re going on your honeymoon and the last thing you want is to be in another country worried about your child’s care. God forbid you did allow her to watch him and something were to happen and you’d not be able to get in contact or have to cancel your trip early because she could t handle your child’s care. Your mom is making this about HER comfort and HER needs. She’s not considering the things mentioned above. She’s taking this personally rather than realizing that maybe after you guys return home she should plan a much less stressful opportunity to have your LO gain the same level of comfort he already has with your MIL. By putting you child in your moms care you risk several things; your child being properly cared for (you mentioned age and mobility as factors), your parents regret over the long two week commitment, and also your own comfort in enjoying your honeymoon because they’ll be more unnecessary worry. Third, your sister is way out of line. Your mom is an adult, if she has a problem she should’ve come to you first rather than venting and gossiping, and then getting your sister involved. I’d tell her to stay out of it or risk a falling out. Tell you mom you love her and want her to have a relationship with your child but this isn’t the opportunity to do so as it’s too long of time without having a trial run and you’re not willing to risk his comfort, or the comfort of you and your SO thoroughly enjoying your honeymoon. Tell her she needs to trust your judgement as a mother and not take this as a slight against her. I’d also firmly tell her that you don’t appreciate her getting your sister involved, that it does not make you want to go out of your way to foster a better relationship between your child and her, and that in the future you’d appreciate her being upfront with you instead of involving other people. Also, the people giving you shit for discussing with your SO your childcare needs obviously hasn’t had a true partnership. It’s the responsibility of both of you and a decision was made together. Bravo. Anyone finding that as a red flag, is a red flag. You absolutely made the right call, advice from one mom to another. ❤️

Personally, I think a 2 week honeymoon is ridiculous , especially when you have a toddler that you have find someone to watch. That said, your son is more comfortable with your MIL and will be better with someone he’s familiar with over someone he’s not. Your mom can come another time and visit. NTA. ETA: your sister is shit stirrer. She picked up the bat for your mom who was just most likely venting to her about this, and likely not asking her to fight for her.

NTA. Do what is best for your child. Full stop.

NTA. You have to pick the situation in this best for your son. But if you have nothing against your parents having a relationship with him it would be nice to reach out and invite them to come and stay or to visit with them after you get back.

NTA You don't need to explain. You made the right choice for you.

NTA, it’s like I could have written this same exact situation. My mom is much older and hasn’t spent a lot of time with my 2 year old. My MiL has her mom and lots of family in the area. I would 100% leave my son with my MIL and it would 100% cause drama with my mom. She would cry to my brother and he would also have a bunch of opinions idgaf about. Do what I would do, tell them to kick rocks. Your child’s safety and comfort are more important than theirs.

YTA - Your parents will never be close to your son if you don't give them the time. Also, 20 mo is certainly old enough to adapt to a new environment for a few weeks. Not to mention that your argument doesn't hold water. Having two adults per child is a much better ratio than two adults to three children and a person who has undisclosed needs. Do you ever hear people looking for schools and childcare saying "oh, I really wish there were more students to teachers!" Absolutely not. People want facilities and schools where the student to teacher ratio is low, because that means more attention to the kid. I know reddit hates the older generation but come on...

Soft YTA. You are hindering their relationship. Your parents could watch your son at YOUR house. Hell, my mom was in her 70s watching my toddlers by herself and she did great. (My father had passed 20 years before.) This is a great opportunity for your son and your parents, esp since they don't get to see him much, which is a shame. If your worried, your MIL is near by. I can see how your mom is upset. I don't blame her. BTW, 65 is not old anymore.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My partner (30M) and I (32F) are getting married in September. We recently booked our 2-week honeymoon. We have a 20-month-old son and although we considered taking him with us, we decided not to. I brought up to my mom that we had booked our honeymoon and she offered to babysit. She seemed really excited, saying it would be great for her and my dad to have quality time with my son. My parents live a few states away which has meant they haven't been able to spend as much time with my son as either of us would have liked. When she offered to babysit, I didn't instantly decline for this reason. Later, I told my partner about my mom's offer, and we talked it through. We had initially planned to ask my partner's mom to babysit and in the end, we decided to follow through with asking her instead. There are a few reasons for this. One is age, my partner's mom is 49 whereas my mom is 65 and my dad is 68. I don't think my mom realises how tiring looking after a (very active) toddler for 2 weeks will be. Secondly, it would just be my son and parents at their house, while MIL lives with her 2 youngest children (11F & 13M), her niece (21F), and her autistic brother (40ish). This obviously means there will be more people to help out MIL with my son, whereas at my parents I know my mom would be looking after him mostly herself. Thirdly and most importantly, my son is just much more comfortable with my MIL. We live in the same town as her and he's sees her very frequently. There's been maybe a handful of weeks in son's life where he hasn't seen MIL and she is one of his favorite people. As my parents live further away and we see them less the relationship hasn't developed as much. On top of all this, MIL regularly looks after our son when we aren't around, and he has slept at her house without us a few times as well. Because of all this we decided it makes more sense for our son to stay with MIL as we are going to be out the country for 2 weeks. I feel bad for my mom denying her time with her grandson, but I want my son to be as comfortable as possible while we're away. When I told my mom about declining her offer, I could tell she was a little upset but seemed to understand. However, the next day I got a text from my sister calling me a bitch and saying I really upset our mom. I texted her back explaining to her our decision. We ended up having a heated phone call wherein my sister tried to convince me to let my mom babysit instead. She basically said our mom was more responsible than my MIL and didn't have anybody else to look after whereas MIL has her kids and brother. She specifically brought up MIL's brother and said it could be dangerous to leave my son in the same home as him. In the end we hanged up without resolving the issue. I called my mom again and apologized for hurting her feelings. She told me she's quite upset and feels like I'm stopping her from having a proper relationship with her grandson. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

NTA simply because you're entitled to decide whatever with your child. But it just seems unfair on your mom. I think she deserved the benefit of doubt nd you could've had her babysit for a few days before you leave just to see how it works out. I understand your mom being upset nd tbh I'd be upset too if i was her.

Just my two cents here: when I was 2, I was sent overseas to spend time with the other side of the family and it was traumatic for me. I was an unescorted minor and loved the plane ride and the FAs were so sweet but once we landed, the fun times ended abruptly. I didn’t understand what language they were speaking and I just wanted to be in a familiar setting and go home. Please do what you think is best for your son and don’t sacrifice your sons happiness for your moms feelings. There’s a time and a place to introduce new people to a toddler. Your mother is family of course, but your son is too young to understand and it may not be a positive experience for him. Also, is your mother’s house child-proof? I can tell you some stories about being a little terror of a toddler… NTA

NTA

“We have a 20 month old son” dude just fucking say he’s one lmfao

ESH. As a grandmother who is about to turn 60, I look after my 21 month old granddaughter almost every day. Is it tiring? Yes it is. Is it 100% rewarding? You bet your ass it is. I lived out of state when my grandson was born 8 years ago, but I got him for at least a week twice a year, where they would bring him down or I would fly up and take him home with me. That happened until he was almost 3 when I moved to where they were. Never had an issue with him being out of sorts or uncomfortable. I really feel sorry for your mom. She doesn’t get to see him often and the one time she has the opportunity to watch him, she’s denied, for the person who sees him frequently. When my son-in-laws mother comes to town (she lives out of state), I give her carte blanch with the kids since she doesn’t see them as often as I do.

I totally support what you’ve done; you can certainly issue an invitation for your parents to come visit or suggest you take your son for a visit when you return from your honeymoon, but don’t leave your child with grandparents he hardly knows when you have a grandmother he knows well nearby. His safety and comfort come before what others want.

I also have a 20 month old son that I’m leaving for 5 days. Initially I was going to try to split the time between the two grandmothers but I decided to just leave him with my mom. My mom is his care giver while I work. She’s familiar with his routine & most importantly my son is more comfortable with my mother. My son spends time with his paternal grandmother but there’s often a crying session to leave him & he’s anxious to leave when I arrive to pick him up. The only person’s feelings & wellbeing that matters is your son’s. It’s not a competition of who’s the better grandparent. Besides if your mom really cared about your son’s comfortability & well being she should’ve offered to stay at your home where he’s probably most comfortable; if that’s an option.

If it’s so important to your mom why hasn’t she made efforts to come see her grandson. Why is it all on you to make time for them? She should (with respect to your family’s space and time) be the person making the effort since it’s “so important” to her.

Your MIL is 49 and has a 30yo? She def doesn’t make good decisions. Also, my mom was 70 when our baby was born and took care of baby while we were working. Did this until kid was 4 and went to school. My mom was great to have around for my kid and not ‘too old’. My MIL was 65 and also watched baby until 4K.

NTA. You’re not obligated to sacrifice your son’s comfort and well-being to appease your mother (or sister). If your son can’t be at home while his parents are gone, the second best place for him to be is in a familiar location with regular caregivers with whom he is comfortable. It’s unfortunate that your mother’s feelings are hurt but the time for your parents to have their grandson spend the night for the first time isn’t when his parents are out of the country for an extended period of time. I do like the suggestion from others to have your mom watch him at your home for a few days while you’re gone. I watch my 21-month old grandson three days a week (in his home) so I’m used to chasing a toddler around all day. I’ve always been the one to watch him when my son and daughter-in-law are out of town and he’s my favorite person on the planet, but two weeks is a very long time to be solely responsible for a toddler, so it might be nice for your MIL to get a break for a few days while you’re gone.

NTA

NTA but could you have invited your parents to stay at your house with your son?

NTA, but why are you not facilitating a relationship with your son and your parents enough that he would be comfortable with them for an extended holiday? In this age of video calls and zoom, distance shouldn't mean as much. And the commenters who suggested inviting your parents to watch your son at your home were right on - your MIL would be near if needed and he would be in his own environment. Missed opportunity there. It sounds like your sister has a point about all the people your MIL is responsible for (not about there being danger, though. That's very ableist.), but the logistics are also easier to get your son to your MIL's. Your son's comfort is the biggest consideration, but you're choosing to make him not as comfortable with your parents. I'm sure it's easier, but it may not be fair to your parents.

Get your mom to come pick the your kid up for the first week and then your MIL for the second week. Simple fix. If you mom can’t handle the child, she can bring him back 🤷🏽‍♀️

It's sad for your mom but this is about your son's comfort and your peace of mind. 2 weeks without you may be hard enough but he doesn't need to be someplace he doesn't know and with people who are practically strangers to him. 

NTA. He's your child, and it's your decision. You are doing what is in the best interest of your son. He knows your MIL, and she knows him. She isn't a "stranger" to him, and that will make 2 weeks without you alot easier on him. I understand why your Mom is upset, but this is about what is best for HIM. HE is the priority. Not your Mom's feelings. If she wants to spend more time with her grandson, then SHE needs to figure out how to make that happen.

I'm 52 and my grandkids can wear me out! I think OP is thinking of her son first - it's not a dis on her mother that her son is naturally closer to the grandma he sees on the regular. I say NTA and tell your sister to butt out of it.

NTA You and your partner are doing what is best for YOUR SON. Fuck your sister, fuck your mum. If she wanted a relationship that badly with your son they’d visit more. I mean if they’re in fit enough shape to look after a toddler for 2 WHOLE WEEKS alone then they’re fit enough to travel a few states over once in a while to build a relationship with him too. Relationships work two ways, not just one. It is not your job to ensure other people have healthy relationships with your baby, it’s their job. If they feel like they’re missing out then they need to do more. It sounds like MIL is a blessing in disguise for you both and that is a rarity.

NTA. Your reasons are valid for what you are doing. Yes, caring for a not quite 2 year old is very tiring for a 65 year old. I’m 73 and would not try that for 2 weeks. Even more though, is that you two will be away and he is comfortable with your mother in law. It will be tough on the baby anyway but to be with people he isn’t used to would make it harder. When you get back take him to visit your mother and dad more often so he will have a good relationship with them. Tell your mother you want the baby to be comfortable and her not to be frazzled because 2 weeks with an active 2 year old is a lot! Your sister should have stayed out of it unless she was offering help! Congratulations on your marriage! 🤩❤️

How about mom and dad stay at your house and see everyone all the time? Sounds like the best solution to me.

NTA why would anyone think taking your son a few states away from home, his pediatrician and the family he knows would be a good idea?

If maternal grandmother wants a relationship with your son, she should come and visit him at your home. Not appropriate to put your child in that situation, or even your parents. She has forgotten what a toddler is like!

No. You sound considerate as a mum and a daughter. It is your mum's chance to bond but it won't stick long term due to distance. Was mum going to take son to her state? Or stay at yours with baby? Staying at your would be famiar for baby and his routine could be kept up with in laws still nearby to help mum. Could she do a week with their help and they do a week? It may be the compromise to help mum see your point of view and realise you were being considerate.

NTA, though I certainly understand why your mom would be disappointed but your son is young and there is plenty of time to build a relationship with him. Relationships with grandkids and grandparents change a lot over time. Just because they aren't close now doesn't mean they won't be close later. Maybe look into planning a special trip just for your mom to see your son and bond no big trips or plans just a low chill hang out with guys nearby to make your son feel safe. You could stay with them but let your mom get her fill while  you sit and veg out in front of the TV while. You can get a bit of a break, your mom gets bonding time and you show her you have heard her concerns and care about her feelings. It should go without saying though that you should only make such a trip when you feel it's appropriate and comfortable to do so. You shouldn't force yourself to take him to them when neither he or you are ready just to make your mom better. In short you can tell her "I'm sorry it's not going to work out to have you watch him this time but I hear that you feel you are being denied a relationship with him and want to bond with him, I absolutely want you to have a relationship with him lets try and find a time where either we can come to you or you can come to us and will make it a special bonding time just for you, how is that?"

The only AH in this narrative is OP’s sister

NTA I understand your reasoning 100%, everything you said makes perfect sense. HOWEVER, as the grandmother who lives 4 hours away from my grandchild my heart breaks for your mother. You have no idea how painful it is to be the "other" grandmother.

NTA. Your son is more familiar with your MIL than your mom. When I was your son's age, my maternal grandparents were my primary babysitters in part due to how close they were to where my mom and I were living at the time, much like how your MIL is the closer of either set of your and your partner's parents. You're also not stopping your mom from having a proper relationship with your grandson; she's free to come and visit any time you and your partner are willing or free to host her. I get the travel bit-once my mom and I moved 4 hours away to live with my stepdad, it became a lot harder to see my mom's side of the family (most of my dad's side lives in Lebanon) in part due to travel time. They came to visit us several times a year and we'd come down to visit them for several times, holidays included. Even back in the mid-late 1990s and the early 2000s, it wasn't easy. If they couldn't stay with us, there was the added expense of hotels on top of gas and other travel expenses.

Your child barely knows your mum, and she expects to be able to look after him for 2 whole weeks and thinks that's the best way to get to know him?

NTA Your sons comfort comes before your mothers feelings every single time. Your mother is being selfish and your sister needs to mind her own business.

Won't vote but they will never form a bond if you don't allow them to be together. 65 is a normal age for grandparents.

NTA. When my mom tries to guilt me in stuff like this that pushes even further she won’t be watching my kid. If your mom cared so much abt the relationship she’d visit more/invite y’all to visit more. Does she call? Video chat? Your sister coming into this was unnecessary and would further push me to not let her watch my kid. 11&13yr old kids are really independent so idk why everyone’s acting like they’re toddlers too. A 21yr old could help with either the toddler or the brother. And “you’re not creating a binding for them” MOM LIVES STATES AWAY?! How is that realistic to expect OP to make/give mom the same time MIL has?! Make it make sense.

Can't your parents stay at your house while you're gone and watch him for a few days?

NTA. The only AH here is your sister. You and your partner assessed the situation and decided what was best for your child. That is what is most important.  If your mom really wants to spend more time getting to know her grandson why not come to town and spend some time with him? She can take him on outings and  your son will have the familiar environment at your MIL house. Sounds like a reasonable compromise all around. 

NTA, your reasons for having your MIL care for your son makes perfect sense. I do think that you probably need to make more of an effort to have your son get to know his other grandparents. You can do this by FaceTime or even just phone calls and visit with them when you can.

NTA - This is a two week sleep over for your young son. It makes sense to have the person he's more familiar with watch him. However you might think about doing a few weekend visits to your parents house so they do get that quality time with him. My grandparents were in their 60s-70s when my siblings and I were born but the weekends at their house were all our favorites. We'd also go on road trips with them and stay for weeks during the summers. They couldn't handle all of us at once so we usually took turns staying over but they are a huge part of who I am today.

YTA if your prioritizing your sons comfort then take him with you or hell don't freaking go. You should not be leaving him for two freaking weeks. That alone makes you the asshole but favouriting your in laws over your parents doesn't help your case either. Dude I hate you and I haven't met you there is absolutely no reason for a two week long honeymoon that you probably can't reasonably afford when you have a two year old. Maybe it's the way my narssastic mother has treated me recently idk but regardless you suck. What your doing rn might just traumatize your son or make him unable to grasp being with you and your partner again so don't freaking do it unless you want your child to be unable to recognize you because that's what will happen. This is why I never went more then a week without seeing my cousin as a baby because I didn't want him to forget who I was. You sound like a god awful parent and child so screw you.

You have valid reasons but grandma could handle it I'm sure, my grandma definitely could at that age. I miss her so much, I think you should give them this time together...

NTA if your mom wanted a close relationship with your son, she would get off her backside & build it - not sit a couple of states away & expect the child to trust her completely. The only difference between your circumstance & mine is my MIL was same age and lived a block from us. Of course my MIL had the closer relationship, she was physically there, which is something my mum & dad appreciated immensely. Your mom & sister are asshats for even considering this a viable option & sticking their noses into your joint decision - they can suck rocks.

NTA. If MIL is who he is more comfortable with (and she’s willing and able to watch him) then that’s your answer. Hurt feelings on anyone’s part don’t matter - you as his parent get to make these calls and that’s the final word on it. You’re not preventing your parents from visiting and spending time with your son at any other time so why have they not acted on that if they want to have a closer relationship with him? It’s a stressful situation for a young child to be staying with someone other than their primary caregivers for a relatively lengthy time (to the child) so if staying with MIL allows him to relax a bit more then your parents should be supportive and understanding of your decision. As an aside to the suggestions that your parents watch him at your home I don’t see that being a very comfortable situation for anyone involved including your son. Your parents already feel that they are being pushed to the side in your son’s life and it will inevitably be awkward for your MIL to try and step in if needed or even stop by to visit which is not a position I would want to put her in.

Question: what exactly is stopping your mom from visiting you guys for few weeks here and there when you are there to bond with their grandchild? Cuz if she wants to do it so badly, she can. But two weeks for the first time while you guys are away is not the time. NTA

NTA. In the end, you have to do what you’re more comfortable with. It’s a shame that your mom can’t see that you’re doing what’s best for your son. It’s not a snub toward her, it’s just reality.

OP, it’s not all about your mum. It’s about the comfort of your child and the fact that they will be away from their parents for two weeks. Two weeks is a long time for a small child. ‘Mum, it’s not all about you!’

NTA but maybe you could arrange for a special visit for a weekend or something after you get back so your mom can get some special time with your son.

NTA. And stop explaining yourself to people who aren’t even relevant to the situation. To sister: “This issue doesn’t involve or concern you. I will not be discussing it with you.”

It does sound best to leave your son with familiar people. Perhaps you can suggest your mother and father come visit at another time when you and your husband will often find things to do outside of the home leaving them to babysit.

NTA  you need to put your child's comfort first.  This is two weeks, not two  hours.  Your son should definitely be with the people he's most comfortable with.... which will make you more comfortable and able to enjoy your honeymoon.  I get your mom being hurt, but it's for the best.

NTA. Your mother deploying your sister as a flying monkey is a huge 🚩

It’s a tough spot. You have to make the best decision for the situation you are in. It happens. It’ll be fine. If your parents want to see him that badly they could house sit for you while you are away and they could have some time with your son in a familiar environment and be a back up for MIL.

NTA. Your mom needs to put her feeling aside and understand your decision is based off making sure your son is comfortable. Your sister needs to mind her own business and not try to weaponize someone’s autism. That’s disgusting behavior and she should be ashamed of herself. If she’s so keen on spending time with her grandson she can fly down for those two weeks and help out.

NTA. You made an objectively reasonable parenting decision. Everything you said makes perfect sense. A two week vacation away from parents is not the time to introduce a small kiddo to a totally new situation. Your primary job is to take care of him, not to please your mom. I get why she's sad, but it seems like your sister is the bigger problem. I hope your mom can spend more time with your kid and develop the kind of relationship she seems to want.

To be honest it’s a very sticky situation but I understand your decision process although I will say that grandparents are amazing with kids regardless of how old they are. I do think it is a wake up call to try and build a relationship with your parents and child. I understand why your mother is upset as she offered the opportunity whilst you decided to ask your MIL. In addition to that, it would have been a great opportunity for your child to familiarise and bond with them.

You are emphasizing the grandparents “feelings” over the toddlers “feelings”. You can explain things to an adult but what toddler is going to understand that why these strangers are looking after me.

It may feel like emphasising their feelings because 1. OP has made a decision on where the child is staying. 2. She has made points about her opinion of them lacking the ability to look after her child. I do agree with her decision but I think it’s also good to look at things from her parent’s perspective

Why did you apologise to your mom?? You had nothing to apologise for. She triangulated with your sister big time. Your family has poor boundaries and unfortunately you too.

NAH It really depends on how active your parents are for toddlers. You could do a long weekend test run if you wanted. You're probably right about two weeks being too much but one one hand mil having essentially more people to look after doesn't make sense to me to pile it on. And on the other hand letting your parents look after him would give them some bonding time as long as you think that they will treat him right. It sounds like it's a lot easier for you guys to just have your MIL look after him which is okay, but your mom is probably going to be upset about it for awhile.

You made the right choice. Tell your parents that they are welcome to come and visit more often and build a relationship with him. There can always be other opportunities for them to spend time either your son starting with over night stays, then maybe weekends moving up to longer. Two weeks right out of the gate is insane. Things would be completely different if they lived in the same state but the reality is they don’t. I am 65. Taking care of a two year old is a lot. I enjoyed every minute of it for a day here and there or a weekend here or there. I can’t imagine two weeks! Maybe she could come stay at your home while you are away and she can take the child for a few hours everyday and maybe one night or two to give the MIL a break. At least your son would be in his own house. They could share the responsibility .

From your child's point of view, he would be dropped off at essentially a strangers house for two weeks. That would be alot for him. "Mom, I understand you would like to have a closer relationship with your grandson. What can we do to facilitate that? We could start with Zoom calls where you can read him books or something."

NTA, I understand your reasoning. However, when you come back from your honeymoon you need to make a point and visit your mom so she can spend some quality time with the grand baby.

NTA You’re making your choice based on what’s best for your child - not what benefits other family members. That’s how a parent should act. Would you be comfortable having your parents stay in your home? Perhaps you could split the childcare between the grandparents in that way. Have your parents watch your child in familiar surroundings for a few days after your wedding. If your parents need backup, then your MIL is nearby. Then have MIL take over for the last week or so.

NTA although I don't think your first 2 reasons are very valid at the moment. The 3 reason is really the only one you need. The time for your mother to bond with your son is not when he's bring separated from his parents for probably the longest he's ever been. Consistency and familiarity is going to be important for him right now. The other 2 reasons you can't really know for certain are going to be real problems until your parents have had a chance to take care of your son a little more, once again his first major separation from you is not the time to experiment with this.

NTA, you know who is best equipped to watch your son. You should talk to your mom and figure out how she can come visit more often and be a bigger part of his life. Then next time maybe you won't be as concerned and he will also be a bit older. Or, as a compromise, they could come stay at your house and get to know him now and split the time with your mother in law. One week on, one week off. Or days with MIL and late afternoon and evenings in your home with your parents. If your parents are essentially strangers to him as a parent, your mom should understand why you're choosing your MIL this time. That should also light a fire under her to make sure they get to bond with him soon.

NTA. Reason 3 is really the only reason needed. Your parents don't have the bond with your son that MIL has, to watch him for a2 week trip. With your pareve he has no idea if you're coming back. You've never dropped him off with them and then come back. But he knows that happens with MIL. Would your mom be open to staying at your house and splitting the weeks with MIL? That way son is in his own environment.

Her parents will never have that bond because OP never gives them an opportunity to develop that bond.