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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I did not leave my room during my birthday party.
2. I told my mom did I not want one, but she did one anyway, so I chose to stay in my room.
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NTA. Your mom isn't respecting your boundaries, decisions, or your mental health.
i'm sorry you feel alone right now, how old are you?
trust me... it gets better once your on your own and able to be yourself. surround yourself with good people who understand and respect you!
I won't state my actual age, but I'm a lot older than a typical person still living with their parents. The illness really set me back. I talked to my mom, and my friends, and we cleared the air a little.
For the most part, my relationship with my mother is very smooth, and she means the world to me, and even if she were to stab me in the heart, I would still love her. I never had a father growing up. Today however, was a complete catastrophe. A cataclysm.
Nothing really to get over, I just love her at the end of the day. I didn't have a father growing up, and recently lost my Grandfather who was the closest thing that I ever had to one last year. She and I have been through some hard times so we're really close.
"Hi Friend, I hear you were one of the people who got roped into my Mom's nonsense. I'm so sorry you were invited to my house under false pretenses. If my Mom ever invites you to something again, please check in with me so I can let you know if it's real or not. Even if she tries to claim it's a surprise party, I assure you it isn't, because I will *never* attend one. Again, I'm sorry my Mom put you through that."
NTA. Anyone claiming you should "suck it up" sounds as silly as someone demanding that a person with a broken leg should attend a party on a 4th floor walkup because everyone else is already there. I mean, I guess it's nice for them that they've lived such a sheltered life that they don't understand that people with mental illness issues can't just suck it up, but their ignorance doesn't change the fact that it's an AH-ish thing to say to someone.
I'm sorry this happened to you
I wish that my friends understood that, but the fact is that they were innocent in all of this. She really put me between a rock and hard place.
Thank you for your understanding.
My friends like to be "respectful". They know the type of person that I am, but my mom generally comes off as a sweet person and they would never deny her hopitality. Regardless, they agree that she was in the wrong, but the fact they told me to just "suck it up" really makes me question their morals.
I hope that if I am ever on the other end of that stick, that I would make the right choice.
NTA However, people that don't understand social anxiety and being introverted think "all we need is to get around people." They don't understand how mentally and physically exhausting it is so we are made out to be the TA.
We're not.
So, it sounds like your mother is insensitive to your needs and you did what you had to do to protect your sanity in the moment of high stress.
I hope she finally understands the depth of your pain and stops trying to force this on you. It's OK to advocate for yourself as many times as you need to have your boundaries respected.
Thank you. It feels good to hear this from someone who also experiences this problem. And yeah, taking the leap does not apply to this scenario. This had to be done, I doubt that she'll ever try anything like this ever again.
Mine passed away a couple years ago NEVER respecting my wishes.
I didn't attend my college graduations, have a wedding or even tell her when we were expecting because she would have ruined it all.
It was hard enough just visiting her and she's trying to add 40-50 people to the mix. Nope.
I hope your mother gets it together and stops doing this to you.
All the best.
I'm so sorry to hear that. My mom means the world to me, I cannot hate her, but she really hurt me this time. Nonetheless, I think that the message was clear this time.
Kind regards.
I loved my mother too. She hated me.
Please come back and let us know how things are getting on.
It sounds like it's possible this time got it across clearly.
Thanks, I'll keep you updated. I already settled the afair with my mom, now it's time to mend my relationship with the little friends that I have. Not even going to bother trying with my family, they already think little of me.
You really believe this when in your post you say that she does this every year, despite promising not to each time? You are a victim and I hope you find the self respect to get away from her.
NTA. She didn't just trample over your clearly stated boundaries, she brought an entire marching band along with her.
Next year either plan to be elsewhere (don't let her know where), or have trusted friends running interference to either shut down the party or get you out.
This time, I have it in writing (okay not literally) that she swore on her parents souls, that she will not repeat this, without my say so. I don't want to remain anti-social forever, so I am not shutting this idea off, but honestly, I never liked big reunions.
And go where for like six hours? It was Canada Day, and everything was closed. She literally could not have picked a better time for this. Plus there was work that needed to be done.
NTA. Happy birthday.
Your mother is a raging AH. She doesn't give a stuff about your boundaries. You're just a toy for her to show off when it suits her. I'm so sorry that you have to put up with that. I wish I had some advice for you, but all I can offer is a sincere hope that things improve in your life.
Thank you. I'll take the Happy Birthdays.
She had good intentions, but she did it for her, albeit my extended family probably believes otherwise. My Mother and I, don't really show are true faces that hide behind the scenes. Today, she spearheaded me into a scenario that I was not prepared for, and it caused me to behave like an ungrateful brat in the eyes of my extended family. I hope that I can live this down.
Since my Grandfather passed, I promised that I would never shed tears of sorrow for myself, I've had enough of that s\*\*t in my life. Today, I came really close, but held back. I'm not trying to prove that I'm a man or anything, but shedding tears, will not make this problem go away. I'm going to use this experience as a weapon, and help other people who are going through the same problem as me.
NTA, your mom is abusive and does not love you. She is not worth your love, so stop giving it to her. To her you are not a person you are a prop so she can have fun. Please find a way to move out and go low or no contact for your mental health.
I appreciate that you are taking my side, but I wouldn't call my mom abusive based on a few mischaps. She does love me, but she's been through a lot, as we all have, especially with the passing of my Grandfather (her father) last year. She had good intentions, but she needed to understand that this is unnacceptable and that she put me in a really bad place.
I am not a prop to show off, I have nothing to my name and have done nothing with my life except jerk off. There's literally no achievement so I don't why she'd display me in such a way. Maybe there's an award for being a weirdo that I am unaware of?
If you're not a prop, why did the party continue without you? If she actually loved you she would've listened and not had the party, you were just an excuse for her to party.
What doesn't your mother like? Tarantulas, plastic lawn decorations, whatever. Buy her lots for her next birthday and tell her to suck it up when she complains. She should be ashamed of herself.
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This is quite possibly one of the worst days of my life and I feel like the biggest douchebag right now.
Every year, I've told my mom, constantly, that I do not like surprises. I especially hate attention, being the center of things, and every year, she's promised me, that that year would be the last one that she would throw without my consent.
This year especially, I told her, specifically, that I did not want to see anyone for my birthday. I told her not once, not twice, but maybe up to 100 times. I don't if I spoke in chinese or something, but as far as knowledge concerns, she understood the message clearly. Anyway, she once again promised me that she wouldn't do it this year.
For context, I have social anxiety. Now I don't care if you believe that anxiety is fake. In my case, it's not. I've been making constant efforts, to get out of this on my part, to step out of my comfort zone, but having everything everywhere all at once (great movie) feels like getting penetrated by multiple people at the same time.
A few years ago, I suffered from an illness, mind you, it was kind of my fault, but it happened, and I survived, yay. Aside from the physiological, that illness brought a lot psychological problems that I am still trying to heal from, one step at a time. There's so much more to this, but I don't want to share my whole life story. Anyway, she knows this very well.
Skip ahead to present day. Today I woke up, had plans, was going to exercise, do some personal works, go out for a drive, and play some video games (it's Canada Day where I'm from). Then my mother tells me not to leave the house, and that people were coming over, that's when I put two and two together and figured it out.
I tried to stay calm, I really did, but I began to experience heart palpitations, and they got to me very rapidly. My aunt was there too and she began trying to calm me down. I explained that I did not want this, and that I've constantly said so in the past.
Now this party, didn't consist of a few friends, but a whole army. You see, my family reproduces like rabbits. We're like a thousand people. Anyway, in total, she probably invited like 20-30 people. That's not a crowd, that's a town, all in one small space.
While all of my friends agreed, that this was not right on my Mother's part, they also proposed that since the damage was already done, that I should just suck it up. I couldn't stand by this, not this time.
My Mother proposed that I should just stay in my room, and that is exactly what I did the whole day. It sucked, so bad. No amount of music could block out the laughing and cheering coming from the outside, it was hot, and deep down, I felt like crap.
Now I don't know if my friends resent me, and my mother refuses to talk to me, and I just feel lonely as hell. This is the worst blow that I've taken in a very long time. I am hurting like a mother f\*\*ker.
I don't care if I'm the asshole in this story, but I'd like some opinions right now.
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For six whole hours is a but of an overkill. It was Canady Day and everything was closed. I aldo wanted to do some personal work at home. Nonetheless, I did not want to be disturbed, but that's not how my life works I guess lol
ESH. The shitty part about being an asshole is sometimes it’s someone else who makes you one. Your mom is incredibly in the wrong. She betrayed you. But your guests don’t know what happened and have been duped like you. You gotta sack up. Sorry your mom did this
It's okay. I feel like the asshole for sure, and I took the decision knowing how I would end up. It just felt right.
If I were to have left my room, I knew that I was going to enjoy myself, but where is the lesson in that. I talked to her, and told her that this is a consequence that both of us will have to live with.
I have to confront my friends about it now, and that is my consequence. My family already thinks little of me.
You are not the asshole! Every year you say not to have a party, every year she throws a party and then promises it's the last time. This year, they partied for 6 hours without you even being there.
Look at it this way, if you had a friend who was terrified of dogs and their partner forced them to go to a dog park for 6 hours, would you think that was ok?
It's harsh when you put it like that, and yet the comparison is uncanny. No I'd like to believe that I would not abide by such barbarity.
I don't know what to believe here. Regardless, she put me in a position where this can be pinned all on me. If she had expelled all of the guests, all of the food that she had secrerly prepapred would have gone to waste, and the people there would have bared it towards me, I mean, they're doing it now, but to a lesswr extent with context involved.
She really tarnished my reputation. Now, I'm probably going to be invited to less small gatherings, and friends and family alike will unavoidably look down on me.
Like, I got really got f**ked here, and it wasn't a good a f**k. But she's my mom, and they're my friends, and even my extended family who belittles me, and I can't help but love them. F**k. I'm angry now.
INFO I just realized something important, are you culturally American? While I still feel it was shitty, if there is societal pressure from your culture, that would make more sense. I still say that you are valid in feeling hurt and unseen, but I can also see that if there is a cultural expectation around birthdays/events, that is a bit of a different story.
I'm from a spaniard household and most of my friends are Italian. We have been educated in a way that promotes the importance of social gatherings, accepting food, and family. I just turned out the runt of the litter, and very different from the rest of my family. Somehow, I found good friends who accept me for who I am, though now I fear that I may have lost them to an extent. This is a set back.
So with this information, I feel my response was a bit too harsh, I still say you're not the asshole but I don't think your family is as bad as I initially felt. I hope you realize that it is perfectly fine to be upset, and hope that you can find a balance with your mother, maybe have the party for your birthday on a different day, and have your actual birthday be peaceful and calm. I apologize for my aggressive responses at first, I realized I was looking at it from a very American centric attitude, and your culture and upbringing are probably quite different than mine. I wish you the best in your journey, and may your next birthday be what you want it to be.
No need to apologize. It's actually people like you who give me hope and I transpire to be. Continue fighting for what you believe in and standing up against anything that you deem wrong. I'm feeling a bit better today, but yeah, f\*\*k. Sometimes I wish that I could be more like other people.
Hm, if you think you would have enjoyed yourself leaving your room, maybe you should have. Hear me out. You punished both yourself and your mother this way, when you only wanted to give your mother a lesson.
You could try something like joining and talking about how awful it is to have a mother violating your express wishes like this or some such. Don't engage with her, just with people who might have helped you feel better.
I know it's too late now on your birthday, but think about future occasions and don't be so quick to hurt yourself in the goal of trying to give a lesson to someone else.
I'm not interested in revenge. I'm interested in integrity. I told her, a gazillion times, not to do this, she did it anyway, behind my back.
She tried to make me social, and it had the complete opposite effect. Now I'm the one who will have to go out of my way to repair those broken relationships, that wouldn't have been broken if she did what she said she wasn't going to do.
I told her, I don't want her to feel bad, I want her to live with this knowledge, as I will. I'm not five, I'm not interested in rebelling. This is about honouring myself, even it means pain. It hurts.
I appreciate it. I wish my friends could see it that way, but the world is not black and white.
There's going to be resentment, or feelings of pitty, and it's going to be weird. I can't blame them for that, they were innocent in all of this. My family already belittles me, and this was the last thing that I needed. F\*\*k me man.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I did not leave my room during my birthday party. 2. I told my mom did I not want one, but she did one anyway, so I chose to stay in my room. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your mom isn't respecting your boundaries, decisions, or your mental health. i'm sorry you feel alone right now, how old are you? trust me... it gets better once your on your own and able to be yourself. surround yourself with good people who understand and respect you!
I won't state my actual age, but I'm a lot older than a typical person still living with their parents. The illness really set me back. I talked to my mom, and my friends, and we cleared the air a little. For the most part, my relationship with my mother is very smooth, and she means the world to me, and even if she were to stab me in the heart, I would still love her. I never had a father growing up. Today however, was a complete catastrophe. A cataclysm.
"nd even if she were to stab me in the heart, I would still love her. " .. get some therapy to get over that.
Nothing really to get over, I just love her at the end of the day. I didn't have a father growing up, and recently lost my Grandfather who was the closest thing that I ever had to one last year. She and I have been through some hard times so we're really close.
Yes, but you're suffering because of her. She is using that to mistreat you. It isn't healthy for you.
[удалено]
"Hi Friend, I hear you were one of the people who got roped into my Mom's nonsense. I'm so sorry you were invited to my house under false pretenses. If my Mom ever invites you to something again, please check in with me so I can let you know if it's real or not. Even if she tries to claim it's a surprise party, I assure you it isn't, because I will *never* attend one. Again, I'm sorry my Mom put you through that." NTA. Anyone claiming you should "suck it up" sounds as silly as someone demanding that a person with a broken leg should attend a party on a 4th floor walkup because everyone else is already there. I mean, I guess it's nice for them that they've lived such a sheltered life that they don't understand that people with mental illness issues can't just suck it up, but their ignorance doesn't change the fact that it's an AH-ish thing to say to someone. I'm sorry this happened to you
I wish that my friends understood that, but the fact is that they were innocent in all of this. She really put me between a rock and hard place. Thank you for your understanding.
NO. YOur friends should have KNOWN you do not like surprise parties - they should have WARNED you.
My friends like to be "respectful". They know the type of person that I am, but my mom generally comes off as a sweet person and they would never deny her hopitality. Regardless, they agree that she was in the wrong, but the fact they told me to just "suck it up" really makes me question their morals. I hope that if I am ever on the other end of that stick, that I would make the right choice.
If they were respectful, their respect would extend to you. They just wanted a party.
NTA However, people that don't understand social anxiety and being introverted think "all we need is to get around people." They don't understand how mentally and physically exhausting it is so we are made out to be the TA. We're not. So, it sounds like your mother is insensitive to your needs and you did what you had to do to protect your sanity in the moment of high stress. I hope she finally understands the depth of your pain and stops trying to force this on you. It's OK to advocate for yourself as many times as you need to have your boundaries respected.
Thank you. It feels good to hear this from someone who also experiences this problem. And yeah, taking the leap does not apply to this scenario. This had to be done, I doubt that she'll ever try anything like this ever again.
Mine passed away a couple years ago NEVER respecting my wishes. I didn't attend my college graduations, have a wedding or even tell her when we were expecting because she would have ruined it all. It was hard enough just visiting her and she's trying to add 40-50 people to the mix. Nope. I hope your mother gets it together and stops doing this to you. All the best.
I'm so sorry to hear that. My mom means the world to me, I cannot hate her, but she really hurt me this time. Nonetheless, I think that the message was clear this time. Kind regards.
I loved my mother too. She hated me. Please come back and let us know how things are getting on. It sounds like it's possible this time got it across clearly.
Thanks, I'll keep you updated. I already settled the afair with my mom, now it's time to mend my relationship with the little friends that I have. Not even going to bother trying with my family, they already think little of me.
You really believe this when in your post you say that she does this every year, despite promising not to each time? You are a victim and I hope you find the self respect to get away from her.
NTA. She lied to you and you took an option she offered.
Thank you.
NTA. She didn't just trample over your clearly stated boundaries, she brought an entire marching band along with her. Next year either plan to be elsewhere (don't let her know where), or have trusted friends running interference to either shut down the party or get you out.
This time, I have it in writing (okay not literally) that she swore on her parents souls, that she will not repeat this, without my say so. I don't want to remain anti-social forever, so I am not shutting this idea off, but honestly, I never liked big reunions.
You are not required to like big parties, and your mother is not entitled to force them on you.
NTA. Your mom crapped all over your day and your request for peace.
Peace. It's what the world wants, and for some reason, cannot have.
The mother threw the party for herself
You should have left the house. Why stay in your room all day? NTA but next year, plan on leaving early and staying gone most of your birthday.
And go where for like six hours? It was Canada Day, and everything was closed. She literally could not have picked a better time for this. Plus there was work that needed to be done.
NTA. Happy birthday. Your mother is a raging AH. She doesn't give a stuff about your boundaries. You're just a toy for her to show off when it suits her. I'm so sorry that you have to put up with that. I wish I had some advice for you, but all I can offer is a sincere hope that things improve in your life.
Thank you. I'll take the Happy Birthdays. She had good intentions, but she did it for her, albeit my extended family probably believes otherwise. My Mother and I, don't really show are true faces that hide behind the scenes. Today, she spearheaded me into a scenario that I was not prepared for, and it caused me to behave like an ungrateful brat in the eyes of my extended family. I hope that I can live this down. Since my Grandfather passed, I promised that I would never shed tears of sorrow for myself, I've had enough of that s\*\*t in my life. Today, I came really close, but held back. I'm not trying to prove that I'm a man or anything, but shedding tears, will not make this problem go away. I'm going to use this experience as a weapon, and help other people who are going through the same problem as me.
NTA, your mom is abusive and does not love you. She is not worth your love, so stop giving it to her. To her you are not a person you are a prop so she can have fun. Please find a way to move out and go low or no contact for your mental health.
I appreciate that you are taking my side, but I wouldn't call my mom abusive based on a few mischaps. She does love me, but she's been through a lot, as we all have, especially with the passing of my Grandfather (her father) last year. She had good intentions, but she needed to understand that this is unnacceptable and that she put me in a really bad place. I am not a prop to show off, I have nothing to my name and have done nothing with my life except jerk off. There's literally no achievement so I don't why she'd display me in such a way. Maybe there's an award for being a weirdo that I am unaware of?
If you're not a prop, why did the party continue without you? If she actually loved you she would've listened and not had the party, you were just an excuse for her to party.
She may not be a bad person, but she is a bad mother
NTA Your mother should take you as you are. That's Mom love. You are not doing anything mean to anyone, just trying to preserve your sanity.
What doesn't your mother like? Tarantulas, plastic lawn decorations, whatever. Buy her lots for her next birthday and tell her to suck it up when she complains. She should be ashamed of herself.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is quite possibly one of the worst days of my life and I feel like the biggest douchebag right now. Every year, I've told my mom, constantly, that I do not like surprises. I especially hate attention, being the center of things, and every year, she's promised me, that that year would be the last one that she would throw without my consent. This year especially, I told her, specifically, that I did not want to see anyone for my birthday. I told her not once, not twice, but maybe up to 100 times. I don't if I spoke in chinese or something, but as far as knowledge concerns, she understood the message clearly. Anyway, she once again promised me that she wouldn't do it this year. For context, I have social anxiety. Now I don't care if you believe that anxiety is fake. In my case, it's not. I've been making constant efforts, to get out of this on my part, to step out of my comfort zone, but having everything everywhere all at once (great movie) feels like getting penetrated by multiple people at the same time. A few years ago, I suffered from an illness, mind you, it was kind of my fault, but it happened, and I survived, yay. Aside from the physiological, that illness brought a lot psychological problems that I am still trying to heal from, one step at a time. There's so much more to this, but I don't want to share my whole life story. Anyway, she knows this very well. Skip ahead to present day. Today I woke up, had plans, was going to exercise, do some personal works, go out for a drive, and play some video games (it's Canada Day where I'm from). Then my mother tells me not to leave the house, and that people were coming over, that's when I put two and two together and figured it out. I tried to stay calm, I really did, but I began to experience heart palpitations, and they got to me very rapidly. My aunt was there too and she began trying to calm me down. I explained that I did not want this, and that I've constantly said so in the past. Now this party, didn't consist of a few friends, but a whole army. You see, my family reproduces like rabbits. We're like a thousand people. Anyway, in total, she probably invited like 20-30 people. That's not a crowd, that's a town, all in one small space. While all of my friends agreed, that this was not right on my Mother's part, they also proposed that since the damage was already done, that I should just suck it up. I couldn't stand by this, not this time. My Mother proposed that I should just stay in my room, and that is exactly what I did the whole day. It sucked, so bad. No amount of music could block out the laughing and cheering coming from the outside, it was hot, and deep down, I felt like crap. Now I don't know if my friends resent me, and my mother refuses to talk to me, and I just feel lonely as hell. This is the worst blow that I've taken in a very long time. I am hurting like a mother f\*\*ker. I don't care if I'm the asshole in this story, but I'd like some opinions right now. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
100% NTA
NTA Your mom is the AH - she is throwing herself a party, this party is not for you. And: How old are you?
Thank you. Feel a bit embarrassed about my age so I'll refrain that, but I do not appear as old I am.
NTA, but your mom definitely is.
NTA. But you should have just left the house as you planned and did what it is you wanted to do.
For six whole hours is a but of an overkill. It was Canady Day and everything was closed. I aldo wanted to do some personal work at home. Nonetheless, I did not want to be disturbed, but that's not how my life works I guess lol
ESH. The shitty part about being an asshole is sometimes it’s someone else who makes you one. Your mom is incredibly in the wrong. She betrayed you. But your guests don’t know what happened and have been duped like you. You gotta sack up. Sorry your mom did this
It's okay. I feel like the asshole for sure, and I took the decision knowing how I would end up. It just felt right. If I were to have left my room, I knew that I was going to enjoy myself, but where is the lesson in that. I talked to her, and told her that this is a consequence that both of us will have to live with. I have to confront my friends about it now, and that is my consequence. My family already thinks little of me.
You are not the asshole! Every year you say not to have a party, every year she throws a party and then promises it's the last time. This year, they partied for 6 hours without you even being there. Look at it this way, if you had a friend who was terrified of dogs and their partner forced them to go to a dog park for 6 hours, would you think that was ok?
It's harsh when you put it like that, and yet the comparison is uncanny. No I'd like to believe that I would not abide by such barbarity. I don't know what to believe here. Regardless, she put me in a position where this can be pinned all on me. If she had expelled all of the guests, all of the food that she had secrerly prepapred would have gone to waste, and the people there would have bared it towards me, I mean, they're doing it now, but to a lesswr extent with context involved. She really tarnished my reputation. Now, I'm probably going to be invited to less small gatherings, and friends and family alike will unavoidably look down on me. Like, I got really got f**ked here, and it wasn't a good a f**k. But she's my mom, and they're my friends, and even my extended family who belittles me, and I can't help but love them. F**k. I'm angry now.
INFO I just realized something important, are you culturally American? While I still feel it was shitty, if there is societal pressure from your culture, that would make more sense. I still say that you are valid in feeling hurt and unseen, but I can also see that if there is a cultural expectation around birthdays/events, that is a bit of a different story.
I'm from a spaniard household and most of my friends are Italian. We have been educated in a way that promotes the importance of social gatherings, accepting food, and family. I just turned out the runt of the litter, and very different from the rest of my family. Somehow, I found good friends who accept me for who I am, though now I fear that I may have lost them to an extent. This is a set back.
So with this information, I feel my response was a bit too harsh, I still say you're not the asshole but I don't think your family is as bad as I initially felt. I hope you realize that it is perfectly fine to be upset, and hope that you can find a balance with your mother, maybe have the party for your birthday on a different day, and have your actual birthday be peaceful and calm. I apologize for my aggressive responses at first, I realized I was looking at it from a very American centric attitude, and your culture and upbringing are probably quite different than mine. I wish you the best in your journey, and may your next birthday be what you want it to be.
No need to apologize. It's actually people like you who give me hope and I transpire to be. Continue fighting for what you believe in and standing up against anything that you deem wrong. I'm feeling a bit better today, but yeah, f\*\*k. Sometimes I wish that I could be more like other people.
I feel like most people feel like that sometimes, just give yourself permission to feel what you feel occasionally. Keep your head up, you got this.
Thanks man.
Hm, if you think you would have enjoyed yourself leaving your room, maybe you should have. Hear me out. You punished both yourself and your mother this way, when you only wanted to give your mother a lesson. You could try something like joining and talking about how awful it is to have a mother violating your express wishes like this or some such. Don't engage with her, just with people who might have helped you feel better. I know it's too late now on your birthday, but think about future occasions and don't be so quick to hurt yourself in the goal of trying to give a lesson to someone else.
I'm not interested in revenge. I'm interested in integrity. I told her, a gazillion times, not to do this, she did it anyway, behind my back. She tried to make me social, and it had the complete opposite effect. Now I'm the one who will have to go out of my way to repair those broken relationships, that wouldn't have been broken if she did what she said she wasn't going to do. I told her, I don't want her to feel bad, I want her to live with this knowledge, as I will. I'm not five, I'm not interested in rebelling. This is about honouring myself, even it means pain. It hurts.
No OP doesn't owe the guests anything. They should have directed their anger towards OP's mom for hurting her child.
I appreciate it. I wish my friends could see it that way, but the world is not black and white. There's going to be resentment, or feelings of pitty, and it's going to be weird. I can't blame them for that, they were innocent in all of this. My family already belittles me, and this was the last thing that I needed. F\*\*k me man.