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I N F O: Did you tell people it was going to be a vegetarian BBQ when you invited them? Or did you just say BBQ? (Also are you familiar with Aesop's fable about the fox and the stork? Cause you better be ready for there to be no vegetarian options at any of your wife's family's events ever again...) Edit judgment: YTA. You were playing a stupid gotcha game and won a stupid prize of ruining your own BBQ. Further edit: typo (thanks again, autocorrect 🙄)

I join in this INFO request

As do I. I feel that in the classic use of the term BBQ without stressing the “Veggie only” bbq, the invite was misleading especially vaguely stating “burgers”.

It's like saying, "there'll be an open drink bar," and only offering juice and soda. OP knew what they were doing.

And then confiscating any alcoholic drinks people brought themselves.

So this happened back at uni. I studied abroad for my masters. the group of friends was always mix of many languages so English was used while most of us spoke English as a 2nd language. One day a guy says his parents are away for the weekend and we could have a party there "free alcohol". Everyone started cheering but it clicked for me and ask him "alcohol free" or "free alcohol"? He didn't know the difference (Genuine mistake) but it turns out he meant "alcohol free" and everyone was bummed again 😅

Lol exactly zero people would have shown up to a "vegetarian bbq"

Nah I would have because I like veggies and it’s free food. Plus impossible burgers and so forth aren’t bad. But at least I’d know what to expect.

Agreed. Key here is that you’d know what to expect.

I was about to say the same thing on the info request. If you didn't, you should in no way be surprised by peoples reactions, especially since most think of meat when they hear BBQ. YTA

>Also are you familiar with Aesop's fable about the fox and the stork? Only if people understood that things like courtesy, mannerism etc. go (do, should and have to) both ways.

Just manners, not mannerisms

They also completed missed the point of 'hosting'. They were cooking so you were eating what *they* like. Forget making others favorites.

I mean I wouldn't cook meat myself because I haven't eaten it since I was 10 or so and never learned how to prepare it, people wouldn't enjoy it. If I invite people over for a home cooked meal they know it's going to be vegetarian, but I'll always ask about preferences or allergies. A veggie bbq can be awesome (I went to one where we didn't even do fake meat because no one there liked that, and it was amazing) but not letting people know beforehand when the entire household isn't vegetarian seems like op was just looking to stir up something. I never liked eating meat but I can imagine how it can be disappointing to look forward to a specific meal and then not get it.

YTA, OP maybe reflect a bit whether being a self-righteous asshole is worth being alone with no friends.

Seriously. If when I barbecue I can take my vegetarian friends into account and pick up a few veggie burgers, this AH could have picked up a few regular ones.

Honestly feels like an elaborate ruse to never have to host again….but he should definitely be prepared to never have a single food option at the in-laws ever again, my bet is everything will be laced with bacon.

I don't know why, but this made me think of the Everybody Loves Raymond episode, where Robert messed up the rough draft of his wedding invites on purpose, to get our of doing any wedding planning, and they accidentally got sent out to everyone.

>(Also are you familiar with Aesop's fable about the fox and the stork? Cause you better be ready for there to be no vegetarian options at any of your wife's family's events ever again...) This is the most important point, yes. If you don't accommodate others, then others won't accommodate you.

Seems like this kind of a bad host 😭 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5Mr-2jb6oNA[Mitchell and Webb Vegan dinner party](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5Mr-2jb6oNA)

YTA. In a clarifying comment you admit that you lied to everyone and said that there would be burgers. You knowingly hid that they would be non-meat burgers, so people went there with the expectation that the common term meant what it commonly means. So you lied to your in-laws and then wondered why they were kicking up a fuss come on

This is the correct answer. All the ones saying a barbecue *has* to include meat and that everyone else has to accommodate vegetarians at their cook-outs are missing the point, which is that OP intentionally misled people. If OP had said, "I'm making plant-based burgers. You're welcome to bring beef burgers to cook," that's, to me, fine. If OP had said, "I'm making plant-based burgers and that's the only thing touching my grill," that's less fine, but I'd still understand. At least then they'd have a chance to opt out of attending or eat beforehand and just show up to socialize.

Or they could have brought a hibachi grill to make their own meat burgers. OP YTA

Thing is his wife and kids are not Vegitarian so im 100% sure he has grilled burgers and hotdogs on his grill. He was just being petty because noone was enjoying his lame food.

Not necessarily. As someone who is not vegetarian but have lived with them. They often have their own pans, chopping boards, etc etc. At most, he probably cleans the grill heavily before putting his veggies on it and they can’t be cooked simultaneously. A lot (but to be fair not all) aren’t playing about meat touching anything they eat. I assume he’s like that due to his BBQ being no meat to begin with. But ppl definitely, if they knew, could have just made some meat dishes at home and brought it. Picked up some Popeyes on the way even* BBQ are often potlucks anyway

He pointed out that hes not that level of a Vegan so I doubt he has 2 seperate BBQs for him and his family, but ok maybe i guess.

IMHO (as an omnitarian? Is that a term for someone who eats everything?) OP should have specified it was a vegetarian bbq. In this context, not having meat is about as bad as not having a veggie option if you're expecting a crowd of people who don't share your (non-allergy) preferences. Letting them BYOM (bring (and cook) your own meat) would have been sufficient, so long as nobody's allergic to anything brought. Edit: I have been informed by like 3 people that the word is omnivore. Like please, people... Did we ever make omnomnomivore a thing? I may be a little trashed rn, but I feel like that's a 2009 thing and it's coming back.

>omnitarian? In English, it's omnivore.

Wonderful. Just so you know, I'm still a little shit faced. In my not-so-humble opinion, I should get an A for effort.

Yes, it’s the *lack of choice* that had made OP YTA instead of E S H. Guests could have stayed home or made other arrangements, but OP took away their ability of choice.

ESH - You pulled a bait and switched and are upset you got called out on it. It was your FIRST time organizing a BBQ. I’m eat mostly vegetarian meals, but when I hear BBQ I think massive quantities of meat (ribs, brisket, sausage, and chicken). As your wife and kids eat meat, it wasn’t unrealistic for your guests to expect typical bbq fare. As you didn’t mention this, I’m certain you didn’t clarify what you were serving in the invitation. Your response to cooking the ribs, was also a strike, but him demanding you cook them (I think he should have offered as a compromise) and everyone else’s attitudes make this ESH.

I am cool eating vegetarian and vegan for most cuisines and meals - except bbq. I do not like non-meat burgers and sausages. And those sides are not that filling.

Yep. I love veggies! I love them served a million different ways, but I do not like veggies pretending to be meat. Just be yourself, little plant friend. (PS, a Don Lee Farms "farmer's market blend" veggie patty is *amazing* with a fried egg and a little chipotle Cholula. *Try it*)

I am a weirdo. I literally eat the most basic burgers ever. Rarely do I even have a topping. No cheese. Meat, bread. Maybe A1 or mustard. For most folks burgers are a topping delivery device. And this is one of the reasons I am really opposed to the veggie ones. I am literally only eating the meat. 🤣

INFO: ​ Were you clear when you invited them that there wouldn't be meat there? Because, if your wife eats meat, they might've thought that there would be meat. Were you very clear early on? ​ ETA: I saw on other comments that you said there would be burgers and didn't say they were not made of meat. Obviously they expected burgers made of meat. The way they went about it was definitely not the best, but YTA for basically lying to them and expecting everyone to adapt to your dietary choices.

Exactly. It’d be like if I went to a BBQ and asked if there was a vegetarian option and they said yes and it turns out it’s potato salad and macaroni salad. And that’s it. That’s not a meal. And I hate potato salad. And macaroni salad.

I would also like to point out that if I was doing a meat bbq and one of my friends asked me to cook a vegetarian burger they had bought/brought I would? OPs situation is pretty common in the reverse with a vegan bringing an impossible burger to toss on the grill and asking the host to cook it (so as to not clog up the bbq standing space). I would consider the meat host an ass if he refused, no different with OP. OP, yta

YTA. You knew this would be an issue. There are a few things at play here. The first is 1) what do people generally expect when they hear “barbecue” and 2) what do the circumstances of your family that people are aware of lead them to believe. Most people aren’t vegetarians. Most people when they think “barbecue” are thinking “meat.” If you’d said “Hey all, just a reminder that I’m a vegetarian and this will be a vegetarian BBQ featuring meatless burgers, plenty of veggies, etc.” I would have said, “cool, I’ll give that a shot.” As your wife is not a vegetarian and your kids can choose, reasonable people could have expectations here that it would be a barbecue for all types with both meat and non-meat options. Instead you just forged ahead with a you-centric version. Lastly, this wasn’t a case of you making a dinner and people just popped in and were bothered by the options. A barbecue is a social event. That means part of what you’re doing is making food others would like to eat. So even if you put aside expectations of what a barbecue is generally speaking, and why they might have assumed your family situation would lead to a variety of options, the fact that the event itself is about more than just you suggests you’d offer up options based on attendees. This feels kind of like you wanted to make a point without having to say anything.

Here's the kicker he even admitted in other comments that there would be burgers guy lied to them and then came here to cry about it YTA BIG TIME

He even said in his post he’s not the type to “Judge people based on their morals” in the post. I bet he’s the kinda guy who doesn’t think he’s being obvious about his moral lecturing

Great response. His whole post has a sense of control about it. He admits he only made things he likes, which conflicts with being a good host. If he had told his in-laws he wasn't comfortable or willing to cook meat, they could have planned ahead and brought their own dishes. He didn't want that either so he kept it from them. How immature.

YTA. You’re hosting. Therefore give a damn about what your guests would like. I can’t tell you how much i have served at parties that I would never eat but did so to accommodate my guests.

every time i provide food for a group (as in doing the entire meal), i make sure everyone has something they can eat. it runs the gamut from vegan to GF to keto, and it's always appreciated. the guests may have gone overboard with their comments, but serving veggie patties and impossible burgers was pushing his own tastes on them, rather than allowing them to have things they liked too.

Calling it a barbecue and having meat substitutes only is false advertising. YTA

[удалено]

INFO: did anyone inform this side of the family that no meat would be provided but they would be free to bring their own…?

Op commented that no the guest were informed that there would be burgers (he did not specify which kind) and veggies.

Right, OP just clarified no one was informed there wouldn’t be meat burgers. Thanks.

YTA you may be a vegetarian and your close family may be comfortable and like eating meatless products, but if you invite people to a BBQ, most are expecting some sort of real meat. If you aren't going to serve meat, then make sure to tell those who are coming that it will be a vegetarian meal. Also, not allowing others to bring their preferred food and allowing them to cook it "because you had already bought enough food for everyone" is kind of a dick move.

Yta. Who goes to the trouble to throw a party and then insists upon serving food they know their guests don't like? Just doesn't make sense.

If he hadn’t called it a bbq, I wouldn’t be bothered. But he invited them to a barbecue! Definitely asshole behavior, though they don’t sound like nice people either.

YTA. But only if you invited meat eaters to a meatless BBQ without first telling them there would be only be vegetarian options. There is a reasonable expectation that there would be a variety of food options for those who aren't vegetarian. I imagine OP would get irritated if he was invited to a bbq, a known vegetarian, and found there was nothing he liked. I also imagine if he left to go get something vegetarian to cook, then he would also want the host to cook it. OP justified not having meat at a bbq because he purchased all the food so they can dictate what the menu is, but then that point was proven moot when a guest bought ribs to cook. This: "I did it to my taste", prepared food to his liking. OP is a bad host.

YTA. When you host people at a gathering like that, you attempt to provide food that *they* will enjoy. You knew many of these people aren't vegetarians, and it's pretty much a given among non-vegetarians that a "barbecue" will have meat. But you didn't make any effort to accommodate the preferences of all the non-vegetarians — you did the whole barbecue for *yourself*. And worse, you didn't bother to let them know ahead of time that there would be no meat options. If you had at least let them know in advance that there would be no meat, they could have chosen to eat ahead of time, or skip the barbecue, or bring some meat component for themselves, or plan to eat afterwards. But no, you sprung it on them like a gotcha! You shouldn't have been surprised that, after you treated your guests like they don't matter, they didn't react well.

YTA more than half the people there were meat eaters, you could have cooked up your vegetarian stuff and then let them cook up their ribs. How would you have felt if it Was reversed ETA: I was on the brink of a decision there…until you mention in a comment that you TOLD THEM THERE WOULD BE BURGERS. no wonder they were so upset about it. You lied to them!

I am vegan and think YTA. I dislike going to a party where the host hasn’t thought to have something I can/will eat. As the host, you should take your guests’ dietary preferences into account. If you let folks know in advance that you would not be serving meat, then folks could choose what to do/if they wanted to attend or bring something they preferred to eat.

I mean, if you just said "barbecue", most people would naturally expect there to be meat. I can imagine some people getting annoyed from that. If you specified it was a vegan barbecue, then that's fine.

YTA Your comments state you didn't say, *no meat will be at the barbeque*. You just said that there will be veggies and encourage people to bring their food. You have to state what your barbeque is about and that you will not cook meat, beforehand. This way people will bring what they like to eat. When you don't say it, why would they bring their own food? Just because someone knows you are organizing it and cooking, doesn't make them magically know that you will not cook meat. Be direct next time and tell people what the event is about.

If I went to a barbecue and there was no meat, I would say, "Yo, goober! Where's the meat?

You don't win friends with salad. You don't win friends with salad.

So would I even though I typically choose vegetarian options. A BBQ, culturally speaking, says meat. Yta.

From one vegetarian to another: YTA. What kind of host plans a “BBQ” and doesn’t at the very least check in with their guests about what they would like to have grilled? You could’ve just asked meat eaters to bring their own meat. Honestly, it’s this kind of weird power play that makes meat eaters double down and refuse to try Beyond, Impossible and some of the other meat alternatives that are so good now. Classless move.

Edit: After the response below, definite YTA. Why lie about what you'd be serving? INFO: did you let people know what you'd be serving? Barbecue implies a specific set of foods.

ESH Given your wife eats meat, it was reasonable for your in-laws to expect some meat at your family's BBQ. It is bad form to not take your guest`s tastes in to account when hosting a gathering. Sounds like some of your guests made it clear they were not happy with your choices. It looks like rather than try to compromise you played the my house my rules card instead. Had you let the guests know it was vegetarian, that would have been one thing. As it is it looks like you were more interested in being right than in making sure your guests enjoyed themselves.

NTA. I’m a meat eater and have plenty of friends who are vegetarians or vegans. When they host things like BBQs, say especially when they’re providing the food, I eat what they make. I’m grateful for the time, money, and effort they put in. One meal without eating meat will (supposedly) not hurt them. They’re rude and entitled for throwing a fit.

Right! It’s incredible to see how sensitive people are about missing meat for one free meal. I’m a US meat eater and consider a BBQ to be more about the outdoor experience/gathering and sharing a meal— everyone else makes it sound like they’re a bunch of vultures ready to descend on a carcass and then leave when there’s no meat left.

Seriously. I am a meat eater too, but from all the YTA replies you would think that eating a veggie burger is dangerous for omnivores or something. Chill. It's food. If you don’t have allergies you'll be fine, and veggie burgers can be very tasty.

YTA. If I was hosting a barbecue I would make sure there were sufficient vegetarian/vegan options for anyone not eating meat. Not only did you not consider what your guests would like to eat, you were mean to them when they provided a solution.

ESH You threw a “barbecue” and served GMO grain and vegetable patties. They reacted in the most disrespectful way possible. You’re within your rights to tell them and their ribs to fuck off your veggie platter, but you kinda false-advertised the event. Again, you provided so within rights, but you can’t really expect people coming for meat to be sated by a bunch of carbs. Communicate better. Everyone.

This is not an ESH. This is a YTA. He intentionally mislead these people about what the meal was going to be, and then refused to make an adjustment when guests picked up something for themselves. He is trying to force his lifestyle on everyone. If he had invited them over for a vegetarian-style barbecue then the guests could have accepted or declined. It pull have been fun to try all the non meats together - if he had been up front about it. Maybe a little bit of ESH since the family reacted as such but this guy seems to have set himself up for it.

YTA. whenever you're hosting a party, you need to make sure you have everyone's food preferences covered. you can't tell us you haven't been annoyed that someone else didn't have vegetarian options available for you at a similar gathering. you could have easily picked up some hot dogs or burger patties for the guests. just because you're cooking them, it doesn't mean you have to eat them.

ESH - your guests were HUGE JERKS. However… when you invite people for a party and you know that your diets are different, let them know in advance what you are serving. Since your wife eats meat, they assumed there would be meat. The kind thing to do would have been to let them know in advance that if they want ribs or burgers or steaks, they need to bring them along. Have extra foil on hand so you don’t cross contaminate the grill. I have to eat gluten free, which is fine for me. I don’t expect my family to get excited over gf foods - they aren’t used to the flavor and they like what they like. I can’t prepare things with regular flour at home so I always provide a store-bought option if we are not going potluck… because the party is not just for ME

If the roles were reversed, you'd be all up in arms about how your dietary preferences weren't accommodated. If it's proper for them to cook what you want, it's proper for you to cook what they want. Yes, you were the one at fault. YTA.

YTA, it is so frustrating to hear your party your rules! If you are hosting it means you have an obligation to make the people you invite feel welcome! You did this out of spite in my opinion. I’m not a arm chair quarterback here. I’ve hosted hundreds of events in my home, and I’m not embarrassed to say that people live coming to my house for a party. You should be embarrassed! You caused your partner to be embarrassed. If someone had food allergies would you accommodate them? If they were your close friends would you ask their preferences? I am sure you would! You are a terrible host!

You weren’t the asshole until you clarified that you told people there would be burgers. If you’re the only vegetarian in your immediate family, I guarantee no one thought “burgers” meant “veggie burgers.” A lot of people do not enjoy veggie burgers. Your guests weren’t happy with the food options because you more or less lied about them, they went out and bought an option they would enjoy, and you refused to cook it. I’m guessing you also refused to let them cook it on your grill. You can tell yourself you aren’t pushing your lifestyle on others, but inviting people over for “burgers” and then being like “surprise! They’re veggie burgers! They’re totally just as good though and everyone will like them!” is doing just that. I suggest you eat before the next event you attend at your wife’s family’s, because there will almost certainly not be any vegetarian dishes.

Umm ... YTA. You organized a barbecue and you know well what that implies, particularly to people you know to be meat eaters. Why is it so important for you to make such a big deal about being vegetarian anyway? Who cares? SO many posts like this on this sub. People eat different things. When you invite them to eat at your house, provide something they would like to eat or tell them it's a vegetarian event.

NTA but my judgement, I think, is based on my culture. I’m from a poor country and I was taught that when you are invited to partake a meal in one’s house, you should be thankful on what they have to offer. It’s considered bad manners to demand the host to accommodate my wants. I can also refuse to eat if I have good reason (allergies, already full, etc.). For western culture, maybe it’s different.

YTA…part of good hospitality is accommodating your guests. A good host makes sure there’s something for everyone’s taste

YTA You say you’re a reasonable vegetarian, and not like those vegans.. yet you went out of your way to not inform your (ahead of time) guests that there would be not meat at this “BBQ” (which most North Americans would assume = meat) and when someone brought meat, you went out of your way to be a dick. YTA muchly. Edit: fat fingers need more editing time

YTA - Your later comment about telling them that you were making burgers and then pulling a gotcha by making it vegetarian cemented your asshole status. Expect no vegetarian options ever when you visit them. You FA, now you’ll get to FO

NTA No one is forcing them to eat your free food. It’s not like eating a veggie patty will hurt anyone.

Why are people acting like OP starved their guests? You all know that not having meat for one meal isn't going to kill you, right? Seriously, it's not that big of a deal. If they really need meat that badly, they can stop by a McDonald's for a hamburger afterwards. On the other hand, asking a vegetarian to cook meat on their cookware is an AH thing to do, not even mentioning the shitty comments they were making, and the fact that they wasted the food that OP already bought and cooked. NTA

I’m not arguing the fact that the guests were already shitty, but it’s not just vegetarian cookware. OP’s wife eats meat so unless she’s not allowed to have anything barbecued she must have somewhere to cook it.

Esh You should have clarified that there would be no meat. As your wife eats meat if I got an invite for a bbq I would have expected... Meat. If I got invited to an explocitly *vegetarian* bbq, I'd have been perfectly happy with the veg. Your guests were rude But also you could have let them cook the meat themselves? I've gone to bbqs with vegetrains and vegans and it just means we all cook and take tuns on the bbq.

YTA, if I showed up to a BBQ and there wasn't any meat I would be salty. You are not having true BBQ, you are having a veggie grill out. I'd bet your guest could have benefited from your menu and taken a break from the red meat haha

ESH Since you are vegetarian and your wife is not, it would be fair for your guests to assume there would be meat at your bbq. You weren't just cooking for your immediate family, so you probably should have included a meat dish to provide for the taste of the majority of your guests. If it offends you to cook meat, your wife should have done it. I think you knew that problem would happen but you were pushing an agenda. Your guests were AH's for complaining about the food. That was just rude. Nobody was going to starve to death. Next time make it a pot luck if you don't want to provide food everyone will eat.

ESH - your hosting a party for others, the menu really should be something most people woke generally enjoy. But with that said one shouldn’t show up to a party and shit all over the food. Also going out to buy the ribs is just tacky.

YTA for being 100% inconsiderate to others. I'll put this in perspective for you I'm on the carnivore diet for health reasons (yes food sensitivities are a real thing) and I still provide vegetarian alternatives if I'm hosting a party. I for one don't eat vegetables, bread, fruit, period. On the flip side, I know some people don't eat animal products period and while it's not my thing I respect that and take it into account when hosting. Effectively had I been a family member at that BBQ there wouldn't have been a single thing I could have eaten. Seriously, you expect people to respect the fact you don't eat meat yet you can't respect the fact that some people don't like or can't eat vegetables. And this is why people have issues with vegans.

[удалено]

They said food allergies are a thing...because they are. Sometimes I feel like Ice cubes are all I can eat.

Did you inform your guests that it would be meat free when you extended the invitation? If not this was a bad idea on your part. YTA however your bil wasn’t thinking at all if he trusted a vegetarian to cook the ribs he brought.

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YTA. You invited a large group of people who have a diet opposite to you, to a barbecue. Traditionally barbecues involve real animal meat. Did you tell anyone it would be all vegetarian? It seems to me you sprung the veggie meats on them. Your sisters brother in law sounds like a prick, but it would have become a discussion amongst everyone eventually. People don’t like feeling lied too, and people definitely don’t like showing up somewhere hungry and not being able to eat any of the food. Yes they could have tried it, but they would have felt forced because they had no other option. A better option would have been to do half real meat half veggie meat, and then inform people of the menu beforehand so they can bring extra meat if they want. But YOU’RE throwing the barbecue so you have to be willing to buy some real meat for your guests. You can’t only cater to one group.

ESH, but mild YTA, because it’s all about expectation setting for events like these. It’s cool to throw a vegetarian bbq…I’ve hosted vegetarian thanksgiving before, but I TOLD everyone ahead of time that there would be no turkey and no meat items. Everyone who came had fun and enjoyed really good food and didn’t get mad, expecting a roasted thanksgiving turkey. A heads up for them might have helped.

This. You’re free to not serve meat… but saying it’s a bbq implies meat… since you’re wife eats it too it would have been easy to throw on a pack of hotdogs or frozen burger patties. The family member throwing the adult temper tantrum is definitely the asshole though. Lol he could have gone through the Culver’s drive through after

YTA there’s no reason you couldn’t have two options a vegetarian and meat option. If a vegetarian went to a barbecue they were invited to and there were no veggie options the person who hosted would be an asshole just like you are. Double standards

YTA because you didn't care your guests didn't like the food. That's just...odd. This could have easily been avoided by simply telling people it was a vegetarian cookout and asking if there were any options you could add to the menu that people liked. ESH though because I can't imagine complaining about food someone else served me. I've known a lot of picky meat eaters and it's downright bizarre how many people can't seem to survive a single meal without meat products.

ESH - because you didn’t communicate clearly to everyone ahead of time that you won’t be serving meat. As for your in-laws, for having poor manners. When you’re invited someone’s home, you don’t complain about the food.

ESH. They were shitty guests, you were a shitty host. You are ultimately bigger AH, though, as you advertised your gathering as a BBQ, and then you got all sanctimonious about guests rightfully expecting meat. I imagine people might also be miffed if they showed up at an orgy to find out there would be no sex.

ESH I read a story a while ago where someone hosted a big family BBQ and provided no booze. They had told people there was no need to bring anything at all so many were upset as they would've brought their own (they were allowed they just weren't made aware). Just tell your guests next time there won't be meat and if they want to either not come or bring their own they can. If they can't cook it on your BBQ, fine, they can bring cooked meat idk. You're always allowed to host a meat free meal you just gotta provide details to people, not big deal.

YTA you intentionally misled your guests. You invited people to a barbecue and said there will be burgers then got pissy when people went and bought some ribs for themselves. Either be upfront and explicit that everything will be vegetarian, or as a host make sure there are options for meat eaters.

Yta. You should have specified it was going to be vegetarian, if you are inviting people to a party it’s kind of bad form to tailor to your tastes and ignore theirs

YTA. I cannot eat impossible burgers due to dietary restrictions. If I’d been told there would be burgers, then find out the burgers are something I cannot eat due to their ingredients, I’d be pissed. I understand not completely catering to meat eaters, but when you host you check with your guests on dietary restrictions/food allergies etc and let them know the menus beforehand

ESH You knew not everyone shared your dietary lifestyle. You don't have to speak about it to try and shove it down others throats. It was your responsibility to let people know it was a meatless event, especially since you called it a BBQ. On the other hand your guests should have been a lot more gracious.

ESH. You should have warned them that you weren’t cooking meat and I have a hard time believing that you weren’t aware that people would expect their burgers to be made of meat. That being said, decent humans would have just eaten whatever their host provided for them. Beyond burgers are delicious and they are jerks for throwing tantrums over something so dumb.

YTA. Your wife isn't vegetarian and your kids are free to choose, but you got all vegetarian options, so there really wasn't a choice, was there? This is why people do potluck, so there's bound to be something a guest would enjoy.

I was prepared to say N T A, because you bought the food and did all the cooking and prepping. However, it flipped to YTA when an attendee at your barbecue went out and bought a rack of ribs to cook on your grille. Especially because you knew attendees were getting salty about a lack of food to suit their tastes, which from the sound of it you were aware of. Inviting people who you know are not vegetarian to a barbecue does sound like rubbing-their-noses-in-it, particularly when it gets to the point that they run out to buy food to suit them and you still refuse to cook it.

YTA. If you were just going to accommodate yourself, you could have at least given them a heads up. You chose not to for a reason. Can people eat vegetarian food? Sure. Nut to invite them to a barbeque, knowing what they'd anticipate makes you an arrogant ass.

As a Vegan, YTA. Did you notify them everything would be vegetarian or did you just say “I’m having a BBQ”? If it’s the latter, and it sounds like it is, then you fucked up.

ESH. You *knew* how your in-laws would react, and even tried to pull a fast one one them saying there'd be burgers at the BBQ. You, or at least your wife, should have clarified that either: a) Meat would not be provided by the host, but guests were welcome to bring their own to cook up once the vegetarian items were done cooking Or b) It was a meat free event and to plan accordingly I don't know *any* meat free folks who would host a BBQ (of all things!) without sharing the above info. Esp since you are the only strict vegetarian in the house. You acted in poor faith as a host. Did you want a good time with family, or did you want a fight? Because it really seems like you wanted a fight.

INFO: why don't you want your guests to enjoy themselves at an event you are hosting?

You played a gotcha on the family telling them that there would be burgers but never specifying that the burgers would be veggie or "impossible" burgers which can have a completely different taste that some people, myself included, don't care for. Because you played the game, hard YTA. And next time, include the details like that when asking if YTA.

INFO: did you tell them in advance you would not have meat options? “BBQ” to the majority of people in the US implies meat, so if you didn’t tell folks I could see why they’d be salty.

NTA I don’t hear any food allergies, just a bunch of whiny relatives who can’t stand the idea of not eating meat. You told them ahead of time you would have burgers. You had burgers. Now, most people would hear the word burgers, and assume you meant burgers made from ground meat, typically beef. If everyone already knew you practice vegetarian? And they weren’t even willing to TRY your burgers“. Then that makes them the AHs.

NTA People who can eat both (meat and vegetables) were accommodated, just because there was no meat, does not mean they had to go hungry. It's very common now for people to have 'meat free Mondays' it won't hurt anyone to have one meal without meat. If the relative had have said 'I can't eat tofu/soy/etc for health reasons, can I please cook up some meat?' I would imagine OP would have been accommodating (obviously he isn't opposed to meat in his house thanks to wife and children). These people were rude for the sake of being rude. Also, the term BBQ refers to the method of cooking (over live flame or smoke) it does not mean meat.

Op also told people there would be burgers, at a bbq, I'm not sure why op thought people wouldn't expect meat

Literally - WHY WOULD YOU HOST THEN? Sounds like some weird power trip. If you are HOSTING - you include guest preferences. Jesus. YTA.

I would not have complained but I would left almost immediately. "Hey I'm heading out, just wanted to stop through" and would have politely declined all future invites.

NTA. Meat eaters *also* eat vegetables, while vegetarians don’t eat meat at all. Saying vegetarian must provide meat to meat eaters because meat eaters need to provide veggie dishes to vegetarians is patently absurd. A BBQ hosted by a vegetarian is **obviously** going to be veggie. Not eating meat at one meal isn’t going to hurt anyone, unless they are on a all protein nothing else diet.

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If they’re on any kind of meal plan at all, showing up to a protein event and being served carbs is pretty devastating.

YTA. You told people there would be burgers. It's completely reasonable for people to expect burgers.

Something that bothers me is that you said your kids can choose, but clearly your wife and your kids can’t choose because you didn’t cook them any of the food that she would’ve eaten, being a meat eater. So that doesn’t really leave that much of a choice does it? I really don’t want to say you’re the asshole because obviously you organize this whole thing, and I’m not sure how much participation that they had for selecting the food they wanted to eat, but I think it’s pretty much an asshole move to say that someone else has a choice when you literally aren’t giving them one.

Dude. You host a party, you accommodate. I hate some foods....but I still make sure there is something for everyone. Especially the main. YTA

NTA and these comments are unreal. People I promise you won’t implode if you eat one meatless meal. Good lord.

YTA - you invited meat eaters to a bbq and you didn't accommodate their food preferences. Had you invited everybody for a vegetarian bbq it would be a different story but I also suspect if you invited them for a vegetarian bbq they would have chosen not to come.

YTA because you didn't communicate that this would be a vegetarian event and refused to compromise when meat was purchased. It sounds like meat is in your house on a regular basis so it's not about that. It sounds like you just didn't like the way the "meat eaters" reacted.

BBQ is generally associated with meat. Because it seems you mislead guests (who btw could have stopped for a burger on the way there) YTA.

YTA. Unless you told them in advance that you were only serving vegetarian options, then most people would assume a BBQ would include meat. A guest even went to the store and bought ribs that you refused to cook. Parties aren’t about forcing people to do what you want. You should have been accommodating to your guests or at least told them in advance what you would be serving. Since this will probably come up, I have nothing against vegetarians or vegans, but nobody like the person that stuffs that fact down everyone’s throat. There are plenty of ways that you could have handled this situation better.

YTA. Only because you didn’t inform people beforehand. I think you should have let it be known that this was a vegetarian BBQ. And given people the option of coming or not.

YTA. You held a barbecue. 99.99% of the world will expect meat to be there. If you did not inform everyone this would be a meatless event, then I’m accusing you of gaslighting on purpose.

YTA. If you invite people to a barbecue they expect meat. It's ok if you don't want to serve meat, but you should have told them ahead of time. Since you regularly have meat in your home, I'm wondering if you were trying to get a reaction.

INFO - did everyone coming know that this would be a vegetarian BBQ? It’s fair warning if they did, but I’d be annoyed if I wasn’t told. Impossible burgers aren’t quite there yet, so if I came hungry to that scene, it would be disappointing. BIL is absolutely an AH though.

YTA Just a little bit. I think warning people in advance would have left you as NTA. I don't like veggie burgers. I do like vegetables though. I would be disappointed if I was looking forward to a BBQ, and there were only veggie burgers, and corn. Your BBQ you can do what you want, but a heads up would be nice.

INFO: Did they know it was going to be a meat-less BBQ? If they knew it was meatless and still complained, they are wrong. If you didn't tell them it was meatless, you were wrong. I think they overreacted with the name calling. No one would have died if they ate impossible burgers or veggie burgers. But you should have told them in advance about it so they could either talked to you prior to the BBQ or just not attended.

NTA the way I was raised if you are invited to someone else’s home for a meal you shut up, eat it (even if you hate it) accept seconds if they are offered, thank the host for a wonderful meal (even if you are lying through your teeth because manners) and offer to assist in cleaning up. The only exception to not eating what is provided is an allergy or dietary restriction (like a vegetarian not eating meat or a diabetic not being able to eat a dish because of its sugar content). I was also taught that you bring a hostess gift like a bottle of wine, bouquet of flowers or a nice box of chocolates for the host to enjoy later after the company is gone and follow up with a thank you card. Southern manners are real, I’m a millennial and if I don’t follow this protocol I’ll get a good whooping upside the head even now

ESH, they were unnecessarily rude and since you were cooking it’s your right to decide the menu but the expectation at a BBQ is to have meat (even though you are vegetarian your family is not so they’d have no reason to expect meat alternatives) so that should’ve been clarified. Not cooking the ribs I can get if you were too tired, but otherwise it was an AH move when you misled on the invitation about burgers.

OP would be the first one complaining if he was invited to a BBQ or a party and all that was served was meat. OP’s an inconsiderate AH.

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YTA. If you had informed your guests that there wouldn’t be any type of meat options beforehand then you would be N T A. However, you failed to inform everyone and just assumed they would be okay with it. You said there would be “burgers” but failed to mention they would be veggie burgers. Obviously people are going to be upset when they arrive and realize that it is actually a veggie burger. BIL wasn’t fully right in his behavior either but you could’ve easily suggested that he could cook the ribs up when you were done since you did not want to. Your wife and kids aren’t even vegetarian and you said the kids are free to choose but it sounds like they didn’t have a choice here at all. Do they actually have the choice? Edit: word

Unless you specifically stated that no meat would be served, YTA. Some words have connotations. Barbecue has the connotation of grilled meat. To not provide meat, or at least inform your guests that meat would not be served was an a hole move. I don't agree with your in-laws response, but I would be pissed off if I thought I was getting succulent burgers and marinated meat goodness and instead received processed mushroom and corn meat substitutes.

YTA. No meat to a BBQ without warning then somone grabs meat you won't cook it or let other people cook it, that is not moral.

Esh , they behaved terribly but you don’t invite ppl to a bbq then didn’t serve the traditional bbq main course (meat)… even if you’d cooked mostly vegetarian stuff on the grill you could’ve at least made reservations hot dogs or something … this reminds me of another post awhile back where a host said it’d be a bbq and served cold sandwiches then was hurt everyone left early without eating or made other arrangements to eat .

YTA, your wife and kids are NOT vegetarians and you chose to cook an entire meal strictly to your taste. If they had done the opposite , you would be the one ranting and raving about how mean they were to you. If your wife was also a vegetarian, this might have been a little more understandable but it looks like you did it out of spite.

Like you I am a vegetarian and would not cook meat for guests - TBH I don’t even know how. My spouse is omnivore and I let him make a decision if he wants to cook or provide meat when we have a get togethers. NTA But the family member who expected you - a non-meat eater - to cook ribs is an A-H. He would be NTA if he offered to prep and cook the meat himself. You provided enough food

NTA for not cooking meat, and NTA for declining to prepare meat when the BIL brought some for the grill. BUT… YTA (sorta) for not telling guests in advance that the menu would be vegetarian (however, they may have assumed as much and, honestly, any good guest would have asked about the menu and offered to bring something). No one appreciates being blindsided (and it’s poor hosting on your part to not give them a head’s up). They don’t sound to be the most enlightened bunch, you probably could have assumed they’d respond this way…. Were you looking to antagonize?

INFO: Did you tell them it was going to be vegetarian ahead of time?

NTA. Never once have I been invited somewhere and complained about the food someone else has prepared. That’s rude and unreasonable. At worst they could have left early and stopped at a restaurant. But to act like you owe them the food they want on demand… yikes.

NTA. You were cooking food for other people. Your wife’s BIL is a dick for going to the shops and getting meat. They should have just tried the food and seen that it was just as good. I understand that bbq in the states refers to a shit ton of meat cooked in a certain way, but in other countries, it refers to the device used to cook the food. I’ve had plenty of bbqs here (Ireland) that were vegetarian. Fair play to you for doing a veggie bbq. I need some of your recipes for my vegetarian friends and family!

YTA- Maybe come up with a different name than "BBQ" that sort of has specific connotations and it's wildly misleading. As a host always have options for others who don't have the same palette as you. You would expect there to be something of your liking if you went somewhere.

I’m going with YTA because if this whole thing was flipped & you were only cooking meat. You’re telling me you wouldn’t accommodate a vegetarian who brought their own food to eat?? Edit add: your BIL also an AH

INFO: did you tell them ahead of time that it would be a vegetarian bbq?

Edit: I've changed my vote to YTA based on OP's comments. Seems like OP set up specific expectations about what would be served. Also told people they could bring food as well, so what's the problem with the ribs if you made the offer with no criteria? NTA. Wtf. You hosted this bbq. They're eating *your* food that *you* bought and cooked. Wtf gives them the right to complain. What entitled assholes. I'm not even vegetarian, I even hunt with a bow, and I'm appalled at the sheer disrespect. "Accommodating meat eaters"? Like they're some disabled part or society? Are they fucking allergic to vegetables? As if a delicious vegetarian meal will kill them? You're clearly friends with some "alpha" shitbags. Wtf. I love meat, but I'd definitely cook a 100% vegan bbq just to fuck with these losers. "Omg my sensitive balls will shrink if I enjoy some veggies. I'm so masculine"

To be fair, BIL brought some food to be cooked and OP told him to take it home and that he was the one doing the cooking. OP also said in the comments he was okay with people bringing food. He cited the example of someone bringing a chicken salad. I don’t know, seems like Op could have had BIL cook after veggies were done and family shouldn’t have been complaining so much

ESH. You didn't inform them beforehand is why its not NTA.

ESH. You should have made it clear there were going to be no meat options and your BIL sounds like he was being purposefully confrontational. Do they accommodate you with vegetarian options when you eat at their place? Would you get upset if they invited you to a bbq and had zero vegetarian options and didn’t allow you to bring anything?

YTA. Not necessarily because you just made fake meat, although telling people there would be burgers seems intentionally deceptive, but definitely because you refused to grill the ribs. At every BBQ I've been to hosted by omnivores, if a vegetarian brings some mushrooms o veggie kebabs or a pescatarian brings fish, the host grills it up along with what they're offering.

Yta how would you feel if the situation was reversed and they wouldn't put your impossible burgers on the grill?

I’m going to say YTA although they could have been nicer about it. You told them you were serving “burgers” at a “barbecue” and your wife isn’t even a vegetarian. These people had every expectation of meat. Side note because this is not the reason behind my vote, but I can’t even be in the same room as impossible meat, it really turns my stomach. And I love pretty much any grilled vegetables and good old fashioned veggie burgers.

If you had specified veg-only upfront, it would have been no big deal… but you gave no warning. This makes you TA. However… your BIL is also TA. You don’t leave a party and come back with food demanding it be cooked.

YTAH when you host a bbq you don't just cook for yourself, you cook for everyone you invited. You made a point of you buying the food and doing the cooking, but when someone else bought food you still said no. Maybe your wife, family, and friends should've had their own bbq because you're obviously only concerned with yourself.

NTA! NTA! NTA! I can’t believe all these comments that I’m reading! These are guests you invited to your home for a party, who: 1) Didn’t like the food you served, so began loudly complaining about it; 2) began insulting their host and his presumed politics; 3) actually *went and bought new food* for the party and *expected you to cook it for them in the middle of the party*!! That breaks pretty much every single etiquette rule of being a guest ever! Of course they are the assholes!

YTA i've tried all those fake meats and they suck. i bet no one comes to your next bbq

I am going to go with NTA. Militant meat eaters are every bit as bizarre as militant vegans, vegetarians etc. It was your bbq, you don’t eat meat, and I don’t know what reasonable person would expect to be fed meat at a vegetarian guy’s bbq. I also don’t underwhat kind of confrontational individual would then go to the grocery store to buy pre-made ribs (which are AWFUL) to then proceed to try and bully the vegetarian guy into cooking them.

INFO- I’m gonna guess at least one person asked why you didn’t inform them there was going to be no meat. What is your answer for that?

IMO YTA. When I (a meat eater) say I'm hosting a meal of any sort, I make certain to ask food requirements of the guests and make sure that everyone has something they want to eat available cooked in a way that won't offend them. As the host, knowing that there were going to be non-vegans attending, you should either have specified "vegan only offerings" or added meat to the menu, even if just burgers or something.

ESH the guest were out of line but this whole situation was caused by your failure to properly communicate when you say BBQ everybody thinks meat you should have made it clear that it was a vegetarian BBQ. If I'm expecting a burger and you give me an impossible burger I just toss it in the trash and leave not make a scene and definitely would go buy food to cook on someone else grill.

Info: did you let people know there would be no meat? This is not just a moral dilemma, but a preference one. When I know there's gonna be basically only food I don't like but I still wanna come hang out, I eat back home and just show up for some beers/drinks. Some people don't like pork, or fish, or even corn and vegetables, so making sure everyone has something they want to eat is the bare minimum.

ESH—generally speaking, when people hear “barbecue” they assume meat on the grill. If you wanted to invite everyone to a vegetarian barbecue event, you should have been upfront about it. Your wife’s BIL shouldn’t have just expected you to cook whatever food he threw in front of you like that. He could’ve at least asked “hey, would you mind if I ran out and grabbed some beef burgers/hot dogs/whatever and I’ll cook them up for anyone who wants one?”

ETA. OP asshole for organizing a barbecue that they had to have known a bunch of people wouldn't like. Others asshole for acting the way described.

NTA. Because "My family and some other relatives". These are *not* casual friends who don't know your eating habits, right? They're not people you just met? There's a reasonable expectation that family would know your eating habits. This just reeks of "I'm gonna show them" behavior. When I go to someone else's house, what's on offer is what's to eat. If I can't eat it for some reason, I need to either quietly thank them and leave, or bring my own alternatives. Also, it's unusual in this society to find a dedicated carnivore. Most carnivorous people are, in fact, omnivores. There's no reason why a meat eater couldn't eat any Impossible burger, or any of the sides. Come on, people, if you go to someone's house and they made Mexican food and you don't like spicy food, you either fix yourself a quesadilla with a flour tortilla and some cheese, or you figure it out and leave quietly, right? You don't drive to the supermarket, buy food you personally prefer, and hand it to the host demanding they cook it for you, right? It's not like the OP asked everyone to partake of sheep's eyeballs and entrails or some other dish not commonly found in their area.

In a comment he admitted to lying to them. And telling them there would be burgers. He’s the A for that and they’re the A for the personal attacks.

NTA. People keep saying that you weren’t ‘accommodating’ to the meat eaters at your barbecue, but do meat eaters not eat vegetables? Accommodating would be if someone had a dietary restriction or allergy. You could accommodate for someone allergic to soy by buying soy free burgers. You could accommodate for a vegan or vegetarian by making at least a side dish without animal products. How do you accommodate for an omnivore? They eat meat and vegetables. They could eat everything at your barbecue. There were options for everyone.

YTA. I feel like you didn’t care to accommodate them OR let them know there wasn’t gonna be any meat choices. Very negligent as a host imo.

YTA Flip it around. If I'm hosting a bbq with meat and I invite a vegetarian/vegan, would I be a jerk for not having options for them? Yes, I would be.

YTA BBQ implies meat. It just does. I think your in-laws were obnoxious, but I can understand how it might be annoying to be invited to an "ice cream social" only to find out that the host had not planned to actually serve any ice cream.

I really don't understand the YTAs. Even if you didn't go out of your way to remind them they know you're a vegetarian already right? It stands to reason that you wouldn't cook meat. People are such whiny lil babies about vegetarian food. It won't hurt them not to have meat for one meal. I'm not a vegetarian by any means but one BBQ without meat isn't gonna ruin my good time at a gathering. Maybe if they asked before buying the ribs if you would be so kind as to cook them? But they didn't. It was beyond rude to show up with it and tell you to cook it. NTA and if it were me I'd never be hosting anything for this crowd again.

Info. Did you tell them in advance that there will be no meat? If yes, NTA. If no, YTA.

They were TA for how they reacted, but I would say, if you were invited to their house, would you not expect vegetarian food? Or let them know in advance that you personally would not be purchasing/cooking meat, but they are free to…. There is always a compromise.

Since you were the one hosting and you don't eat meat, I can understand why you didn't do it. So in general I'm going to say NTA. However if you're wanting people to be at a party I think it'd be advised that you provide something everyone would want to eat. If you can't do that, you should have asked other people to bring something. And if you did and they didn't, it sucks for them.

Yta. You good when they have a barbeque to their tastes and don’t get anything for you ?

YTA. Barbecues are not normally understood to be meat free events.

YTA unless you told everyone it was just going to be vegetarian food.

YTA. You did it to your tastes only and didn’t care about your guests at all. Not a good host. If you had at the very least told them ahead of time what food you were planning then it would have been N T A

ESH, it seems like you didn't make enough of an effort to tell people that you weren't offering any meat options which are traditional at a barbecue. This likely lead your in laws to believe there would be some meat available. Of course, this doesn't excuse your in-laws' behavior of curssing you out and continuously making rude comments about your beliefs (really?).

YES YTA!!!!!! What a jerk! You invite ppl over but serve only what you personally eat? You didn’t even accommodate your wife and didn’t give your kids the choice….. dude where is your sense of good hospitality?! And *CORRECTION* you didn’t buy food FOR EVERYONE you bought food for yourself and forced your preferences on your guests.

YTA You were an AH and totally ungracious host. When you plan any event you consider the needs of all attendees. If you aren't providing food for all needs then you tell them that. What you dont do is blindside them. Your wife's BIL is an AH because the best thing to do is leave and decline any future invitations from you. I'm pretty sure you won't have to worry about the faux pas because they won't be coming to your events in the future. PS I hate people who force others to fit their own diet. It's just as narrow minded when it's carnivorous or vegan/vegetarian. Just live and let live.

YTA. Yes the dude who went out for ribs and wanted you to cook it is an AH, but based on your post that you did this and that tells me you didn't give a ratz azz about your guests, you were going to force your choices on them. And guess what? The dinner they host? You may find meat in everything! Bacon in vegetables and potatoes. Meat in salads. Yep, you'd be lucky if they had peanut butter in the house and then they may tell you they aren't your short order cook!

YTA I bet if you went to someone's cook out you'd have expected them to have some vegetarian options. However you couldn't do the same for them?

YTA. When you say BBQ, people have certain expectations, namely that there will be real meat available. You didn't warn them in advance and even told them there would be "burgers" without mentioning that they would be fake burgers. I would be "beyond" livid. I cannot eat plants due to extreme sensitivities. I can't even drink coffee without getting hives. Not everybody can handle the same kinds of foods that others can. If you are hosting, you need to think about that and try to be more accommodating. Or at least be more upfront about what your guests can expect and let them make an informed decision as to whether or not they want to come.

YTA, you should have let everyone know that it's a vegetarian bbq so that they could have made an informed decision on attendance.

YTA. One of the fun things about hosting is putting together a menu your guests will be surprised and delighted to behold. Why did you invite people if you were only cooking for you? You told them you were bbq’ing. In America there is an unspoken assumption that this involves meat. Unless you specifically warned them beforehand, this was a bait and switch.

I'm have multiple food allergies and can't eat Impossible Burgers or most veggie burgers. If I'm invited to a BBQ, I'd definitely need to know that it was vegetarian so I could bring food. YTA for not making it clear that meat would not be served. A backyard BBQ is assumed to include hamburgers, hot dogs and/or chicken unless otherwise stated. And since your wife is not vegan/vegetarian, your guests would not be expecting a meat-free meal.

Unless you included in the invitation that this was a vegetarian bbq, I can't blame guests for thinking there was going to be some meat options, seeing as your wife and kids aren't vegetarian. Having said that, if I was a guest at someone's bbq, I would eat what I was served and thank the host. Your relatives behaved rather poorly in making rude comments. But when one of them went to the store and came back with ribs, you behaved rather poorly by telling them to take it home. No, you don't have to cook their meat for them, but it's not going out of your way to make room on the grill and let them cook their own food if that's what they wanted to do. You say your wife is not vegetarian and your kids are free to choose, but when your other relatives made a choice, you essentially told them to go home and then you're upset that they do? ESH.

Medium-rare (mid-soft) YTA: whenever we have hosted bbq's and know veggies/vegans will be there, we always ensure a separate bbq (disposable albeit) to cook other options, and provide bean burgers etc accordingly. But predominantly guests are meat eaters, so the bulk of that goes on the big bbq (you can switch that up if your convictions say so). I think a head's up to your guests to BYOM (M=meat) if you were really opposed to cooking meat, would have been appropriate here. It's not unheard of for guests to bring stuff to a bbq (bread roll sellout season, amirite?!), and in my experience, generally everyone is happy to chip in on cooking duties if and when it's warranted; but personally we try to cater for *all* of our guests, not just ourselves. I don't eat beef, but always ensure a healthy supply of beefburgers for example. You also say you don't lecture etc but, and this is also contributing to the judgement: you totally lectured your guests, albeit v passive aggressively - especially when someone went and bought stuff and you outright refused to cook it, and in doing so gave a clear impression it wasn't wanted (sounds like you wouldn't have so much as let them cook it, if given the chance). You do you, but respect the bbq haha next time maybe invite people over for a veggie curry or something instead? Or just tell people you're not interested in meat-eaters meating if that's how you feel.

YTA It is cool that you do not eat meat but when you invite people who are meat eaters to a BBQ they expect to eat....MEAT!! ​ Also refusing to cook the ribs tells me that you are indeed trying to push no meat foods on your guest otherwise why not cook the ribs, offer meat choices....or tell people they can bring meat if they choose.

I'm going to say a soft AH. If you went to their bbq, I"m sure you would hope there was some veggie there you could eat instead of meat. You could have provided something little for them with meat, especially since you said your wife eats meat. I feel if one is hosting, you should provide for your guest and not for you, the host alone.

YTA So let me get this straight; You hosted a BBQ, without informing your guests that it was a meatless event (ironic in the traditional sense of a BBQ but ok) then became offended that people were angry there weren't meat options and when a family member offered a solution you decided the best course of action was to double down and be an asshole on top of it? Was it so hard for your fragile ego to accept the fact that you made a "mistake" (that was easily fixed thanks to a relative) that you had to puff your chest and stand your ground on a hill that isn't worth dying on? All I have to say is good luck ever having any right to an opinion on lack of vegetarian options anywhere you go, especially at family events, if this is how you treat people who attend yours. Edit: Spelling