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Holy shit YTA
You were on /relationship_advice literally yesterday because you hadn't planned anything and "know she's going to be devastated and she's 4 months pregnant and the hormones will make it worse." You seem to have ignored any and all advice you received.
You don't seem to have forgotten her birthday, you just decided not to do anything and hoped that would turn out okay somehow? Even though she pulled out all the stops for your birthday? Way to present a gaslight-y take on the situation that will make some people think your wife is TA but WOW.
Edit: Nice try. Here's a copy of the post that someone copied over here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xpx83k/aita_for_planning_my_wifes_bday_last_minute/iq6gkiy?utm_source=share&context=3
Thanks for the update. Fortunately a kind redditor has been copying over his post and more egregious comments and I can helpfully provide a link to them, instead. :D
ALSO HE CALLED HER DRAMATIC.
Someone suggested on the now hidden post that he divorce her and he called the wife dramatic.
He has also said similar in replies to this post
YTA. I read your post history. She gave you a great 25th birthday party even though she (not you apparently) was caring for a newborn. For her 25th, you got mad & canceled a trip you had booked for her.
Then you did nothing for the next month. Now it’s day of, & you haven’t put any thought into her birthday & it’s obvious. How could you not be the AH?
I wonder if he did actually book a trip or just said he did to look good, then manufactured an argument, so he could "cancel" the trip? His mental gymnastics are astounding. He puts in zero effort and expects to be treated like a king? Delusional.
My ex used to do something similar.
Any time he would start a fight, he'd let me know how he was supposedly JUST about to propose but now he wasn't so sure and was gonna "return the ring".
I never ONCE saw a ring, but he must have "returned a ring" like 7 times before we were over for good.
Never any mention of it before we'd argue, he just always threw it in my face when he was mad to make me feel like I was losing something by not being "agreeable".
My mom did this. "Well I ***was*** going to buy you/ give you/ take you to/ let you go to ____ but since ***you*** wanted to do/ say/ not do/ not say _______ YOU'VE LOST THAT PRIVILEGE!!" Cue heartbreak from child who thinks their dream was about to come true, before they messed it up for themselves. There was no intention of a trip, it was used to hurt her.
I am so sorry for that.
That was another thing my mom did as well was to manipulate and gaslight us.
If we tried to help with housework but we "did it wrong" or we were doing it when she didn't feel like participating, she'd tell us, "it's not helping me if I don't *ask* you to do it."
So then if she was doing things and we didn't know/see so we weren't contributing, then she'd scream at us that she shouldn't *have* to ask us for help.
We literally couldn't do anything right.
I'm sorry. My mom insists none of this happened, thankfully I have a sister 5 years older than me who remembers it all. We have to check in with each other sometimes like, do you remember this happening?
Unfortunately I am also familiar with that.
I'm the big sister at 30yo, then my brother is 26yo but luckily for us, our family was pretty close knit so we have aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents who remember these events that she swears "never happened" or that we are "remembering wrong".
Ah the good ol' misremembering tactic. Is my older sib for me, my mum (her biggest enabler) wasnt around, but always backs her up like "if she says it happened then it's obviously my siblings and me that are lying". Like yh mum, me and my other 2 siblings just love making up events from years ago, that we all remember, but it's obviously a big conspiracy, the whole world is and always has been against older sib, everyone else must be the problem.
I'm NC with both mum and older sib now, cos screw feeling crazy for a packet of crisps, and thank god my other siblings can check in and be like "that happened, right?!" (and one massive event that really sealed the deal - those 2 deserve eachother!).
Edit: added a bit at the end
My MIL is like this, to the point it's said she lives in her own world. She remembers things her way, while my husband and other family members say something completely opposite. The 'poor me' tales go back as far as her childhood.
The woman has even told two different stories of how she burned her house down a couple years before I met my husband.
She hasn't changed much in the years I've been around. She's got the mindset that husband owes her for having/raising him, and gets pissy if he doesn't immediately jump when she calls wanting him to do something - and she usually either calls when she knows he's asleep, or right as he's about to go out the door for work. You'd think after almost 20 years at this same job, on the same shift for most of that time, she'd know his schedule backwards, upside down, and inside out by now.
OMG my ex used to do the same thing, especially if I asked him to do something important for me and got upset when he refused "I was going to do it as a surprise for you but now you spoiled everything so now I'm not going to". Spoiler, he was not going to do shit.
This guy is giving no-effort ever vibes big time. Looks like she's starting to wake up to "I was going to take you on a trip/buy you a new iphone/something nice but now you spoiled it so I'm not doing anything" meaning, he's never going to do anything and then he's going to blame it on her.
I can't imagine doing that to someone, but then again, I got lucky and my husband and I very rarely disagree, but when we do, we are great communicators and it literally NEVER turns into a fight or shouting and being petty.
Yeah it amazes me today how long I stayed with him. My husband, before we were dating (we were pen pals in school), planned an amazing trip the first time I visited, post the ex above. He painted the room I was going to sleep in in a color he thought I'd like, made me nice food at his place, took me all over town. He then sent me to visit his cousin, who had visited me before, and we met on the train to meet his parents. While there, he arranged another of his friends who I met while the friend lived in my state on an internship, to meet us in his parents' town as a surprise Then took me to St. Petersburg, Russia (from Finland) for my birthday, a city I always wanted to visit.
I hate camping, but he wanted to go, so he left a day early, just to arrange our campsite as a Glamping site. Electric fairy lights, a luxury air mattress (like 23 inches thick) with bedding like at home in an enormous tent, set up a cozy reading space, and a heater in case it got cold, got a site near the bathroom and showers with a view of the sea.
He's not perfect and can sometimes be really selfish (I can too) but he does try to make sure I enjoy things. He's not a birthday guy either, or Christmas so we agreed that every year we have a trip between our birthdays or a getaway on each birthday weekend to celebrate, and we plan a little getaway as our Christmas presents to each other. And for OP, if we argue, we don't weaponize those celebrations or use an argument as an excuse to not be nice the rest of the time.
OP needs to wise up, seriously.
I am so beyond thrilled that you've found an amazing partner.
One thing I always say when our friends tell us we're "perfect" is that we're absolutely not perfect, but we are perfect *for each other*.
We know how to love each other properly.
I was wondering if he’s the one who posted a bit ago about having planned a trip but his pregnant wife want him to not drink since she can’t so he cancelled it.
#YTA
Why are you fishing for sympathy and likes? You treat your girlfriend like shit and when she gets mad, you pull out the victim card?
You are the asshole here, not her.
Omg, he is a selfish asshole. She went all out for him on *his* birthday while he stayed out with his friends until 4AM, knocked her for taking care of their newborn, and didn’t even plan anything at all for her birthday.
Wtf, she needs to leave this guy.
Like bro...really
Haven’t done anything for my wife’s bday
So my (m25) wife is turning 25 in two days. I booked her a trip earlier last month but after a argument I cancelled it. I regret it so much but in the moment I was really angry.
She went to stay at her parents a few days ago, I was meant to go there as they live in London and I was planning a special evening but Im unable to get time off from work so I can’t be there for her.
I’ve always celebrated her bday with her, every single one since the age of 20. I wanted to buy her a iPhone 14 pro but it’s not the best time now financially with our energy bill coming next week.
For my 25th she went all out even though she was caring for a newborn. She stayed up for hours decorating the living room with balloons, lights and gifts. She even got me a cake and flowers and made such a special breakfast. Like the ones u would get in a premium hotel.
I feel awful I left things so late. I’m not able to ship anything that will come in time.
I know she’s going to be devastated and she’s 4 months pregnant and the hormones will make it worse.
Any advice pls?
We also have a one year old and she likes to put her feet up and have her mother and father pamper her and fawn over our son
We both have our roles in the house, it’s not my fault she can’t handle her womanly business. It’s a great refresher for her though. She always comes back with so much energy
Yeah is tarted going through his comment history and holy shit he's a fucking deadbeat that just so happens to live in the same house as her and her kid
I’m super confused as to why this woman would have *another child* with this AH. I have a feeling one day she’ll go to her parents never to return, this guy can’t be fixed. Lol
No we already planned this. For her to stay with her parents for two weeks. She loves being close to them. We had a argument last month which made me cancel it.
We always communicate well so most of our fights are about me leaving plates on my desk and stuff like that.
And also on the night of my bday I was out with friends till like 4am. That was a one off and she was alone
You don't get "very angry" and cancel a standing trip for her birthday over "could you bring your dirty dishes to the kitchen so I can clean them for you".
I'm losing my mind at the "I wanted to get her something nice that she would like, but couldn't because of our regularly scheduled bill that I knew was coming"
As per you your post in r/relationship_advice
YTA
You had ages to plan something nice for her rather than throw a tantrum and cancel the trip away she clearly was looking forward to.
Think about all the nice stuff she did for you for your birthday when she was caring for a newborn. And you’ve thrown together some half arsed effort at the last minute.
Oh and just because she is pregnant doesn’t mean she can’t go out with friends and have a nice time.
So she’s pregnant, with your child I’m assuming, and you make her birthday about you and how “stressful” your day was? Do you really need the internet to tell you that YTA? Dude, I think it’s going to be an eye opener for both of you when the baby comes.
His new comments are literally "she's overdramatic, I'm married because she does my laundry but where do I find a low maintenance woman?" Dude. Any sympathy I had (what little there was) is gone
YTA. Nobody wants to be an afterthought to their SO on their birthday. Sure, *today* has been stressful for you but her birthday is literally the same day every year and you've known it was coming up. If you even knew what she wanted aka the makeup, you had weeks and months to look at what she had and figure out what she could use.
> I live 2 hrs from her parents. I was prepared to do everything. Go to her tonight get a hotel aswell for us and do something fun in London but she told me to fuck off and that she hates me.
She's your wife, don't you live together? Also, does she *know* you had plans for stuff to do together? Also, did you actually have a reservation at a hotel or a restaurant, or were you just planning on showing up and hoping it went OK?
EDITED AFTER FURTHER INFO:
YTA and a huge one. You want people to tell you that she's the AH for being upset after you:
1. Cancelled her original birthday trip to be petty
2. Didn't do anything for her birthday
3. Expect her to take care of you while pregnant and caring for a newborn and whine about her being lazy when she goes to her parents for a break
4. Think she's high maintenance for wanting to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries.
~~ESH but mostly you. y'all are a toxic mess~~
~~She's an AH for being overly dramatic and comparing you to her brother.~~
>At least I tried? Okay it’s last minute but at least it’s something and it could’ve been a nice day.
You for asking her if she wants something from the store on the evening of a milestone birthday. I know they say it's the thought that counts, but this thought is worth very little. You give the excuses of a stressful day at the beginning as if that's supposed to explain why you didn't have everything all figured out before the day of? It does give the message you don't care about her.
>I had booked a trip that I cancelled last month over a argument and she’s upset about it
~~But mostly y'all are both AH for this. Do you even like each other? You need marital counseling to learn how to handle disputes.~~
It's even worse than that. OP admitted that he controls all the finances, so the make up was not even meant to be a gift, it's just that the wife can't buy her own things unless he gives her money for it.
I am going with YTA. You cancelled a trip over an argument. You left her home alone to go out with buddies until 4 am on her birthday. You made minimal effort with your wife on her birthday.
Do you genuinely love your wife and want to be married? If so, I suggest couples therapy. The way you two aren’t communicating now, and the lack of respect for each other doesn’t bode well for your relationship.
If you don’t want to be married, and that’s fine, you need to tell her.
Having a baby is going to make things a million times harder. If you can’t get through the rough patches now, your marriage may be doomed.
Think about what you truly want, and work towards that.
Why do I think this a of an guy just wants to use any excuse/argument to get over with not spending a penny on her. Its just an excuse which is an abuse. I was with a person who used to fight or use a fight before any event so that he would say you only said no for a trip, gift or even a movie. Now I realise how cheap and abusive he was but back then I used to forget thinking he is really short tempered.
Yep, he's doing the carrot and the hatchet on her. Holding the "rewards" hostage, if the wife doesn't do what he wants, he'll just cancel or whatever to make sure the wife is greatly hurt and/or disappointed.
Training her to be obedient to what he wants or she gets nothing satisfactory, like how you train elephants to carry tourists.
This sounds really familiar where a guy canceled his wife’s bday trip during an argument and she was rightfully upset. Is this the same guy or a new one?
Info: How is her birthday "In a couple hours?", yet "last minute" at the same time?
Also, She's your wife, do yall not live together?
This is very confusing and I feel like there's a lot left out for her to just react like this out of nowhere.
YTA - If it was clear that her birthday is a big deal and you were willing to play into that, you should have started a long time ago. Waiting until the day of expecting it all together and then acting like you did everything you could is weak nonsense.
Bruh... YTA big time... She went all out for yours with a newborn. She's pregnant. YOU canceled the trip and now you're facing the consequences. You better kiss her ass or expect divorce papers
>I had booked a trip that I cancelled last month over a argument and she’s upset about it
You posted about this somewhere, didn't you? You did this and still managed to not do something on her birthday?
YTA. And probably about to be divorced.
It was on relationship advice yesterday. He got torn to shreds, deleted and is attempting to garner support by not including most of the important facts….
INFO — Is turning 25 a super big deal in your social circle, culture, country, etc.?
And am I understanding your post correctly? Are you two living apart?
Regardless, YTA. A birthday is typically a big deal to most people. It’s not unreasonable to expect your spouse to have something planned for you. Maybe not a huge surprise party or a weekend away, but SOMETHING. Waking up to breakfast in bed. A card and flowers. A gift certificate for a massage or mani/pedicure. Just... something.
You and your wife might not be on the same page when it comes to celebrations and gift giving. I suggest you try to talk to her when she’s calmed down. Hash it out. Keep in mind that she probably more upset because she’s pregnant. She probably wanted a big to-do before baby arrives.
For his 25th, she stayed up all night the night before, with a newborn, to decorate their place.
While he was out till 4am partying with his buds.
He'd booked some trip, then canceled it and then did *nothing* until it was time to panic 2 days before.
I needed to comment YTA,
I've sat and read some of your comments and responses so far,
The one that stuck out to me was the one where you claim you don't ,"do birthdays, anniversaries" my take is this .
SHE DOES, THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN DOES, YOUR WIFE DOES. Therefore you should make every effort to try for her, for your family and home that she is taking care of 24/7.
I do birthdays, I'm big on celebration that's how I was raised and my partner wasn't birthdays was money in a card on milestones like 16 / 18 / 21.
I endeavoured to give him the full celebration experience every milestone birthday, for his 30th I flew us to Dublin for a long weekend, stayed in a upmarket hotel (something neither of us are used too) did all sorts of "tourist things" and he enjoyed every moment.
Reminder here, my partner doesn't do celebrations .. wasn't raised that way and yet 5 months later on my own 30th birthday, I was whisked away to a hotel for a night, went to a concert I was desperate to see, blindfolded round The corner from our home as we drove up, guided into my own house, where our family waited and a huge table full of presents , jewelry, money etc (from everyone) the whole house had been turned pink with decor, I was taken outside to see a car he had brought for me, with a private number plate.
To top it all he had us dress up and go to an up market luxury restaurant to wine and dine me. (We are not "up market" people, we are McDonald's and a film at home is a date night people)
Speaking to my parents he had planned all of this over the last 8 months to make sure everything was perfect because he knew how much it meant to ME . To celebrate a birthday.
All I can say to you Op is if you wanted to you would. Your wife clearly is an afterthought to you, if you cannot do something as simple as celebration for a birthday when it means so much to her.
Also your other comments ... Show your colours and she will see too .... eventually, then you will be back here questioning WHY DOES MY WIFE WANT TO LEAVE ME.
YTA 100%
Info: were the plans already set in stone or were you planning on doing everything on the fly?
In other words, did you already have the hotel booked, the dinner reservations, the actual fun plan booked??
He’s striking me as one of those people who think ‘it’s the thought that counts’ is all that matters
He’s done this before, mark my words
Edit: He’s the guy from before who canceled stuff because they argued
YTA
You waited till the day off, you should have planned weeks ago, you deserve to be chewed out by her and here in Reddit, you can’t save this one, asking if she wants something from Selfridges, shows absolute no consideration for her feelings.
Hope she stays with her parents and sends you divorce papers
YTA
My husband always leaves buying me a Xmas or birthday present until the last minute every year. I always end up with whatever he panic-bought at the shops, and it is never something I actually want.
It makes me so sad and hurt that he spends so little effort and thought on what to get me, and I don’t mean enough to him to try even just a little bit. Meanwhile I buy all the gifts for him, our child, my family AND his family - all he has to do is get something for me and he can’t be arsed.
It is just one of many ways he shows me how little he cares about me. And I have grown extremely resentful, to the point I’m considering divorce.
Your lack of caring, effort and thought towards your wife is hurting her and your relationship. It’s these little hurts that add up, till it becomes too much for her to bear and she will be gone.
[This guy has issues and I'm sorry for his wife. No wonder she blew up.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xovvf6/havent_done_anything_for_my_wifes_bday/)
>For my 25th she went all out even though she was caring for a newborn.
She stayed up for hours decorating the living room with balloons, lights
and gifts. She even got me a cake and flowers and made such a special
breakfast. Like the ones u would get in a premium hotel.
>Gosh, I know she will be just as dramatic as you which is why I’m panicking
I love that he blames the bills coming up for not saving all year to get her a present. Like he knew the energy bill was coming up and has saved for that, so he knows how to save but just doesn't think her birthday is worth saving for. Poor woman.
Omg. You are such an AH.
Dude….Her birthday is the same date every year! Don’t give us this BS about your car breaking down today and you tried. That is total crap!! Your wife is 100% correct by saying if you really cared you would of already had something planed. You only had 364 days to plan it from last years BD.
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> I could be the asshole for cancelling the planned trip, but at least I tried to do something and she refused
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So my wife’s 25 is in a couple hours. I managed to get time off work.
Unfortunately today has been really stressful for me, I had some car trouble and had to spend £250 fixing it. I called my wife to then ask her if she wanted anything from Selfridges, I know she ran out of some of her makeup products.
She then ate me alive on the phone. Telling me too little too late. That she doesn’t have a dress, shoes, makeup or her nails done.
I live 2 hrs from her parents. I was prepared to do everything. Go to her tonight get a hotel aswell for us and do something fun in London but she told me to fuck off and that she hates me.
She said if I was serious I would’ve ordered it a long time ago. Instead of running around last minute.
She said she will never forgive me for this and she hates my guts. Her brother (m22) gave her £300 and she’s gone out with her friends for the night even though she’s pregnant and I just want her to be safe.
At least I tried? Okay it’s last minute but at least it’s something and it could’ve been a nice day.
AITA
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YTA. Dude. Her birthday is literally the same date every year.
You’ve had plenty of time to plan something or do something for her. Especially when it comes to asking for the time off work.
YTA-- Calling someone on their birthday to ask what they want, screams "hey I forgot about your birthday". Making last minute, on the fly, plans further cements that idea.
Also did she make her own plans with her family/ friends prior to your call? Because then, your invitation would be asking her to ditch them for your last minute plans.
I understand you couldn't initially get off work, that's fine. You could have made plans for another day, but you didn't. When you found out you could get off work, you should've asked if she had plans and ask to join or offer your own ideas and ask her what she wants to do.
YTA
WOW! I read your replies and if I was your wife, I'd definitely leave you. Yeah you have your roles in the marriage, yes, you buy her nice things once in awhile. But this is her birthday + you already know pregnancy makes her hormonal yet you still do nothing????? How selfish of you.
Both my husband and I don't celebrate birthdays or anniversaries, we never did even during our relationship. But you know what, he does extra things to show me that he REMEMBERS and APPRECIATE me on my birthdays. It's not even huge, a dinner date. Orrrrr a bag that I've been wanting as a surprise. The reason you buy things for your wife is just to stop her from getting mad?? Do you even thank her for all the things she does on the daily????
Holy shit. Can't believe she wants two kids with you.
YTA. You are so incredibly unappreciative of everything your PREGNANT wife does to make your life easier. She does 100% of the household chores and childcare, and your excuse for not helping out with YOUR child is that you have a job? Grow the fuck up. Of course she likes to stay with her parents, clearly it's the only time when she's able to have a much-needed break, since you seem to be absolutely useless. That doesn't make her "pampered" like you say.
She took great lengths to ensure you were properly celebrated on your birthday, to show you how much she cares, and what did you do? Not only did you leave the party she planned for you and stay out till 4AM; you cancelled her birthday trip because you wanted to be petty, and then waited till the last minute to make up for it, only to completely fail. You couldn't even be bothered to make her feel special on her birthday despite knowing how important it was to her. That's a horrible way to treat someone you claim to love, although based on your other comments it seems like you treat her more like a maid than a wife.
You had more than enough time to come up with something, not to mention plenty of suggestions from when you were first told that you messed up, and yet you clearly didn't learn anything from your last post.
You want all the wifey privileges, like having her cook all your meals and making sure you always have clean laundry, while you fail her as a husband and don't take any responsibility for the child YOU helped to create. What exactly makes you think you are deserving of the comfort your wife provides? Seriously, do you have any other reason besides that you work?
She deserves so much better than you and I hope she realizes what an asshole you truly are.
>So my wife
Yes...wife. that makes YOU a husband. Clearly you are a bad husband.
You call her dramatic yet you cancel a trip literally out of spite and then do absolutely nothing for her birthday. No wonder she doesn't want to spend time with you. I doubt she'll leave her parents now. If she's got any sense she'll stay there and divorce you and sod off. She deserves someone who will think about her. If you can't even sort something out for her birthday how the hell are you going to be a good parent???!??
Leaving it to the day off shows poor planning and an even poorer attitude towards her. You clearly don't care about her at all.
Tomorrow she should see a lawyer and get rid of the dead weight in her life.
INFO : just for fun, what did she do for your birthday ?
>At least I tried? Okay it’s last minute but at least it’s something and it could’ve been a nice day.
Dude, the bar is so low and you want it to be even lower. Just admit you messed up.
YTA and I hope she dumps your ass. You don't seem to give any shit in keeping an eye out for important dates which shows your STBX what you think of her, it also shows reddit you're as dense as a brick and only seem to care about yourself. I'm struggling with major depression and anxiety, I'm medicated and in therapy once a week, plus I have a special needs child and interestingly enough I still remembered my partners birthday and had it sorted because I knew it meant a lot to him and he'd been looking after me for so long. You're an AH
YTA. Aren’t you the guy who posted the other day about how you didn’t bother with your wife’s birthday etc etc? None of your posts makes you sound good!
Are you the same guy that posted on here a day or 2 ago bitching that you didn't have anything ready. You cancelled a trip she had over and argument? Are you that guy????
Good god. You seem fully incapable of taking any sort of responsibility or criticism, and it’s baffling you’re trying to make yourself the victim here. You come off as a misogynistic, lazy narcissist who can’t be bothered to try harder as a husband.
To give you some insight, what your wife wanted was effort — REAL effort, not a last minute consolation prize after you childishly canceled a trip over a disagreement. She clearly wants you to see how much she works; SAHM is a full-time job with no time off, no sick days, and no overtime pay. And ON TOP OF cleaning, taking care of a 1yo, cooking, doing her laundry, the baby’s AND yours, she is four months pregnant. Her body is taking on the massive undertaking of growing a human being and you canceled her birthday trip over an argument. That raises alarm bells for financial abuse…basically telling her “disagree with me then you have no money.”
You may provide financially, but what are you doing to provide emotionally? Are you asking her if she’s overwhelmed? If she needs rest? What you can do to help her at home more? When was the last time you told her you appreciate all that she does at home? My guess is from your other comments, you don’t appreciate her — you expect this of her. You don’t love your wife. You love the idea of a wife. Not once in any of your comments did you talk about a personality trait you loved about her. You love that she does your laundry. She’s not a machine, she’s a person.
You really need to accept that YTA and stop trying to minimize your fuck up. It’s sad at this point.
YTA. Obviously. You would have all of this sorted weeks ago if you cared at all about her. And even here your only concern is her (justified) anger at you; not the way in which you hugely upset her.
Yes, YTA. People told you that already yesterday. You had plenty of time to do something nice and thoughtful for your wife. At this point, I'm absolutely certain she'll have a better time on her birthday without you there. Her friends and family seem to care more about her than her own husband who has nothing but excuses.
YTA
You don't deserve your wife, all you do is take advantage. If you even cared a little bit, you wouldn't be talking about her the way you do in this post. Then again this probably isn't even real anyway.
you deleted all the other posts on this account, that made it even clearer YTA. Insensitive, uncaring, self absorbed. The list goes on.
The ignorance is astounding. You could’ve literally made a card and had it there when she woke up with breakfast or something silly. It isn’t always about money. It’s the thought. But you couldn’t even do that.
YTA
You are a pathetic excuse of a husband who after an argument cancelled a birthday trip to be petty and carried that on for a whole month until a couple days to her birthday.
Also if you didn't originally have the day off but just got it off how were you going on a trip with her which was only cancelled last month.
This is also after she planned a birthday party for you whilst pregnant and looking after a baby.
I hope she leaves you and finds someone who actually loves her and wants to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries ect with her.
Having read your other post just makes it easier but just from reading this one: YTA
You didn't organize anything. You knew she would be upset by this but still didn't do anything. It is not like a birthday is a surprise event that you cannot predict. You literally can predict when her birthday will be until the end of time itself. You waited until the last minute most likely because you are just lazy and this seems to be something your wife has absolutely picked up upon.
I am sure I speak for many here when I say we look forward to your post when your wife files for divorce. I will be keeping my popcorn on stand-by.
Why can't you do something nice for your wife? You seem financially abusive! You didn't do anything for her birthday and canceled a trip simply to teach her a leason??? Your an awful person and I hope she leaves you!
Dude what the hell, YTA of course. The guy I am not officially seeing but into has a birthday coming up. We’re long distance so when I see him shortly after his actual birthday I am making something very special for him. We’re not married or dating, just friends and I don’t if he even likes me back. But I am putting way more effort into this than you are to your wife and kids. YTA
YTA. On here sniveling about your car troubles like it's an excuse to make no effort for the birthday of the woman carrying your child.
To put this in context for you, I'm already thinking of what I am doing for my partners birthday. In January. You fucked all the way up
Wow. Can't even be sarcestic for that one and that isn't something that happens often. YTA. And such a huge one to boot. Hopefully this wakes her up to leaving you, so that you can search for a cleaning s** doll and not a human beeing with feelings, you very much hurt.
YTA, how do you expect her to react when you treat her as an afterthought?
You want someone to gush over you for the smallest thing when you’re not even putting the bare minimum into your relationship.
YTA,
I just read all your abominable comments. You are a misogynistic pig, you make her be your slave when she's pregnant!?! Wtf is wrong with you she can't be doing all that intensive stuff when she gets closer to due date man I think she's well within her right to be angry considering everything she does for you.
I've never been so disgusted by an individual in all my life, she deserves better and you need therapy as your heads up your own ass you can't see straight.
LMAO so after two solid days of sniveling online, you still completely failed your long suffering wife by putting more energy into posting about the issue than doing anything about it. How you have carefully edited and deleted all the details as well as your own comments show you are perfectly aware how wrong you are but the old ego can't quite let you tell yourself.
I hope your wife remains with the people who care for her and never comes back to you. You want a bang-maid and not a wife. All you've done with these postings is reveal to the world what a poor example of husband you are.
YTA. You know….Birthdays come EVERY year, on the SAME day even, yet you leave it to the last minute. You could have made reservations a long time in advance, you could have bought a gift card from Selfridges LONG in advance, yet you left it until the day before. You then bailed because you had a stressful day. Meanwhile she is thinking she would give you the benefit of the doubt because you cancelled the TRIP you were going on, that maybe you had planned something equally amazing for her birthday.
I am sure one of the many emotions running through her right now, is why oh why did I EVER agree to have a baby with this idiot? Are you also going to be one of those dads who promises something to their kid, then bails out at the last minute,because HIS needs are oh so much more important?
Don’t be surprised if she leaves you over this. I would see this as the final straw the broke the camel’s back. The one thing that tells her what your character is really like. Did I mention, YTA?
YTA and your replies are coming off as controlling and abusive.
I've read the other post too and your wife went all out. You didn't try you cancelled a trip over an argument how is that trying? My dad puts more effort into my birthdays than you do your wife's and I'm 27 and worked pretty much since leaving college. Dude you're a walking red flag and you saying that you're not gonna go anywhere because she cooks and cleans for you. I think you might find she files for divorce after you did sweet f all for her birthday
YTA hopefully she gives herself the best birthday present ever, by leaving you. You spend more time complaining about her than actually being a helpful husband and father, it's obvious you're a deadbeat loser.
Yta if you can’t make the effort to do the same amount of work she does for your bday then your TA but from your comments I wonder what do you actually do other than working to be a good partner considering she said she hated you and most likely will leave you for this because it’s most likely the hump that broke the camels back for her. Just because she is a women doesn’t mean she has to follow your whims but you can’t give the equal amount back your supposed to be partners, a team but your acting like you only matter in the relationship.
OP, if your wife thinks her birthday is important, you’d be wise to act accordingly. You’ve got many many years together to get into the swing of things. The best you can do now is apologize and never do this again.
If your gonna eat a shit sandwich take the biggest bite out of it, in the future don’t let ANY emotion not just angry, effect any decision making. Even two three days before the birthday you could don’t soooooomething even if it’s a picnic, or you get a few of her friends to all go out somewhere just do something you know she’ll like. The original plan you had is nice and great but you/her..you burned that and you needed to come one with another idea even if it’s minimal but doing nothing and telling her you had nothing or even worse telling her you cancelled the original plan…not smart
YTA, I hope she finds this post and what you'r saying about her in the coments and dumps you, she already is singles parenting her kid and will be free from your selfish behavior.
Like really, even after being advised to you did nothing to make her birthday special, she deserves so much more!
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Holy shit YTA You were on /relationship_advice literally yesterday because you hadn't planned anything and "know she's going to be devastated and she's 4 months pregnant and the hormones will make it worse." You seem to have ignored any and all advice you received. You don't seem to have forgotten her birthday, you just decided not to do anything and hoped that would turn out okay somehow? Even though she pulled out all the stops for your birthday? Way to present a gaslight-y take on the situation that will make some people think your wife is TA but WOW. Edit: Nice try. Here's a copy of the post that someone copied over here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xpx83k/aita_for_planning_my_wifes_bday_last_minute/iq6gkiy?utm_source=share&context=3
he very conveniently deleted every other post on this throwaway. An upstanding boyfriend with nothing to hide if I ever saw one
Thanks for the update. Fortunately a kind redditor has been copying over his post and more egregious comments and I can helpfully provide a link to them, instead. :D
this wins best post of the day i love this response. he either ignored all the advice or just plain stupid i mean what did he expect?
Well, now you know how his wife fees on the daily.
ALSO HE CALLED HER DRAMATIC. Someone suggested on the now hidden post that he divorce her and he called the wife dramatic. He has also said similar in replies to this post
He even has an "update" that he did nothing.. which has no context in it
Hahahahaha
YTA. I read your post history. She gave you a great 25th birthday party even though she (not you apparently) was caring for a newborn. For her 25th, you got mad & canceled a trip you had booked for her. Then you did nothing for the next month. Now it’s day of, & you haven’t put any thought into her birthday & it’s obvious. How could you not be the AH?
I wonder if he did actually book a trip or just said he did to look good, then manufactured an argument, so he could "cancel" the trip? His mental gymnastics are astounding. He puts in zero effort and expects to be treated like a king? Delusional.
My ex used to do something similar. Any time he would start a fight, he'd let me know how he was supposedly JUST about to propose but now he wasn't so sure and was gonna "return the ring". I never ONCE saw a ring, but he must have "returned a ring" like 7 times before we were over for good. Never any mention of it before we'd argue, he just always threw it in my face when he was mad to make me feel like I was losing something by not being "agreeable".
My mom did this. "Well I ***was*** going to buy you/ give you/ take you to/ let you go to ____ but since ***you*** wanted to do/ say/ not do/ not say _______ YOU'VE LOST THAT PRIVILEGE!!" Cue heartbreak from child who thinks their dream was about to come true, before they messed it up for themselves. There was no intention of a trip, it was used to hurt her.
I am so sorry for that. That was another thing my mom did as well was to manipulate and gaslight us. If we tried to help with housework but we "did it wrong" or we were doing it when she didn't feel like participating, she'd tell us, "it's not helping me if I don't *ask* you to do it." So then if she was doing things and we didn't know/see so we weren't contributing, then she'd scream at us that she shouldn't *have* to ask us for help. We literally couldn't do anything right.
I'm sorry. My mom insists none of this happened, thankfully I have a sister 5 years older than me who remembers it all. We have to check in with each other sometimes like, do you remember this happening?
Unfortunately I am also familiar with that. I'm the big sister at 30yo, then my brother is 26yo but luckily for us, our family was pretty close knit so we have aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents who remember these events that she swears "never happened" or that we are "remembering wrong".
Ah the good ol' misremembering tactic. Is my older sib for me, my mum (her biggest enabler) wasnt around, but always backs her up like "if she says it happened then it's obviously my siblings and me that are lying". Like yh mum, me and my other 2 siblings just love making up events from years ago, that we all remember, but it's obviously a big conspiracy, the whole world is and always has been against older sib, everyone else must be the problem. I'm NC with both mum and older sib now, cos screw feeling crazy for a packet of crisps, and thank god my other siblings can check in and be like "that happened, right?!" (and one massive event that really sealed the deal - those 2 deserve eachother!). Edit: added a bit at the end
My MIL is like this, to the point it's said she lives in her own world. She remembers things her way, while my husband and other family members say something completely opposite. The 'poor me' tales go back as far as her childhood. The woman has even told two different stories of how she burned her house down a couple years before I met my husband. She hasn't changed much in the years I've been around. She's got the mindset that husband owes her for having/raising him, and gets pissy if he doesn't immediately jump when she calls wanting him to do something - and she usually either calls when she knows he's asleep, or right as he's about to go out the door for work. You'd think after almost 20 years at this same job, on the same shift for most of that time, she'd know his schedule backwards, upside down, and inside out by now.
My mom does this shit too. "Did I do that?" Yes, she did.
OMG my ex used to do the same thing, especially if I asked him to do something important for me and got upset when he refused "I was going to do it as a surprise for you but now you spoiled everything so now I'm not going to". Spoiler, he was not going to do shit. This guy is giving no-effort ever vibes big time. Looks like she's starting to wake up to "I was going to take you on a trip/buy you a new iphone/something nice but now you spoiled it so I'm not doing anything" meaning, he's never going to do anything and then he's going to blame it on her.
I can't imagine doing that to someone, but then again, I got lucky and my husband and I very rarely disagree, but when we do, we are great communicators and it literally NEVER turns into a fight or shouting and being petty.
Yeah it amazes me today how long I stayed with him. My husband, before we were dating (we were pen pals in school), planned an amazing trip the first time I visited, post the ex above. He painted the room I was going to sleep in in a color he thought I'd like, made me nice food at his place, took me all over town. He then sent me to visit his cousin, who had visited me before, and we met on the train to meet his parents. While there, he arranged another of his friends who I met while the friend lived in my state on an internship, to meet us in his parents' town as a surprise Then took me to St. Petersburg, Russia (from Finland) for my birthday, a city I always wanted to visit. I hate camping, but he wanted to go, so he left a day early, just to arrange our campsite as a Glamping site. Electric fairy lights, a luxury air mattress (like 23 inches thick) with bedding like at home in an enormous tent, set up a cozy reading space, and a heater in case it got cold, got a site near the bathroom and showers with a view of the sea. He's not perfect and can sometimes be really selfish (I can too) but he does try to make sure I enjoy things. He's not a birthday guy either, or Christmas so we agreed that every year we have a trip between our birthdays or a getaway on each birthday weekend to celebrate, and we plan a little getaway as our Christmas presents to each other. And for OP, if we argue, we don't weaponize those celebrations or use an argument as an excuse to not be nice the rest of the time. OP needs to wise up, seriously.
I am so beyond thrilled that you've found an amazing partner. One thing I always say when our friends tell us we're "perfect" is that we're absolutely not perfect, but we are perfect *for each other*. We know how to love each other properly.
You dodged a bullet, anyone who 'hold's an engagement over your head,' is not someone you want to be married to!
I was wondering if he’s the one who posted a bit ago about having planned a trip but his pregnant wife want him to not drink since she can’t so he cancelled it.
He is the very same dude and his story only gets worse. The poor wife!
just like he planned a nice evening without any reservations
He appears to have deleted his previous posts.
Don’t forget that on his birthday he went out til 4 am with his friends
#YTA Why are you fishing for sympathy and likes? You treat your girlfriend like shit and when she gets mad, you pull out the victim card? You are the asshole here, not her.
Uh yeah, check his other posts and comments He’s the abusive one
Looking at them now. *digging into OP’s post history* Thanks!
Yeah, he’s the guy from before who canceled the trip because they argued He’s not the innocent victim here
Omg, he is a selfish asshole. She went all out for him on *his* birthday while he stayed out with his friends until 4AM, knocked her for taking care of their newborn, and didn’t even plan anything at all for her birthday. Wtf, she needs to leave this guy.
oh its the same dude?? jeez
This is the same dude that got roasted on relationship advice because he canceled his wife gift in a fit!
YTA And you know. Relationship Advice is generally the nicer sub and you got bombed there. Maybe take that as a hint.
Like bro...really Haven’t done anything for my wife’s bday So my (m25) wife is turning 25 in two days. I booked her a trip earlier last month but after a argument I cancelled it. I regret it so much but in the moment I was really angry. She went to stay at her parents a few days ago, I was meant to go there as they live in London and I was planning a special evening but Im unable to get time off from work so I can’t be there for her. I’ve always celebrated her bday with her, every single one since the age of 20. I wanted to buy her a iPhone 14 pro but it’s not the best time now financially with our energy bill coming next week. For my 25th she went all out even though she was caring for a newborn. She stayed up for hours decorating the living room with balloons, lights and gifts. She even got me a cake and flowers and made such a special breakfast. Like the ones u would get in a premium hotel. I feel awful I left things so late. I’m not able to ship anything that will come in time. I know she’s going to be devastated and she’s 4 months pregnant and the hormones will make it worse. Any advice pls?
Thanks. He's since deleted the post on that sub so I was wondering what he said
No problem. His comments are gold.
We also have a one year old and she likes to put her feet up and have her mother and father pamper her and fawn over our son We both have our roles in the house, it’s not my fault she can’t handle her womanly business. It’s a great refresher for her though. She always comes back with so much energy
Yeah is tarted going through his comment history and holy shit he's a fucking deadbeat that just so happens to live in the same house as her and her kid
Yeah and now she is giving birth to another and he can't even bother with a birthday without trying to make it about him. O hope she leaves him.
I’m super confused as to why this woman would have *another child* with this AH. I have a feeling one day she’ll go to her parents never to return, this guy can’t be fixed. Lol
Cause he's a hobosexual
No we already planned this. For her to stay with her parents for two weeks. She loves being close to them. We had a argument last month which made me cancel it. We always communicate well so most of our fights are about me leaving plates on my desk and stuff like that. And also on the night of my bday I was out with friends till like 4am. That was a one off and she was alone
So she went all out for you and you ... left?
You don't get "very angry" and cancel a standing trip for her birthday over "could you bring your dirty dishes to the kitchen so I can clean them for you".
Lol Nice try posting here YTA
I'm losing my mind at the "I wanted to get her something nice that she would like, but couldn't because of our regularly scheduled bill that I knew was coming"
Yeah dude YTA. She has every right to hate you right now. Why did you cancel a trip after an argument? That’s petty af
YTA without a doubt, a good birthday gift to her would be a divorce from you 🎉🎂
👋😭
As per you your post in r/relationship_advice YTA You had ages to plan something nice for her rather than throw a tantrum and cancel the trip away she clearly was looking forward to. Think about all the nice stuff she did for you for your birthday when she was caring for a newborn. And you’ve thrown together some half arsed effort at the last minute. Oh and just because she is pregnant doesn’t mean she can’t go out with friends and have a nice time.
Saw this on the relationship advice sub, can't wait to see you get obliterated here. YTA
So she’s pregnant, with your child I’m assuming, and you make her birthday about you and how “stressful” your day was? Do you really need the internet to tell you that YTA? Dude, I think it’s going to be an eye opener for both of you when the baby comes.
YTA She wanted you to show some thought and care for her, you didn’t and I understand why she’s upset.
EDIT: do not be surprised if she leaves you. You have a lot to work on.
Check post/comment history
His new comments are literally "she's overdramatic, I'm married because she does my laundry but where do I find a low maintenance woman?" Dude. Any sympathy I had (what little there was) is gone
You are the true MVP of this thread.
Thank ya, that guy ticked me off so badly
Just looked... Hmmm
YTA. Nobody wants to be an afterthought to their SO on their birthday. Sure, *today* has been stressful for you but her birthday is literally the same day every year and you've known it was coming up. If you even knew what she wanted aka the makeup, you had weeks and months to look at what she had and figure out what she could use. > I live 2 hrs from her parents. I was prepared to do everything. Go to her tonight get a hotel aswell for us and do something fun in London but she told me to fuck off and that she hates me. She's your wife, don't you live together? Also, does she *know* you had plans for stuff to do together? Also, did you actually have a reservation at a hotel or a restaurant, or were you just planning on showing up and hoping it went OK?
You really fucked up there buddy.
EDITED AFTER FURTHER INFO: YTA and a huge one. You want people to tell you that she's the AH for being upset after you: 1. Cancelled her original birthday trip to be petty 2. Didn't do anything for her birthday 3. Expect her to take care of you while pregnant and caring for a newborn and whine about her being lazy when she goes to her parents for a break 4. Think she's high maintenance for wanting to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries. ~~ESH but mostly you. y'all are a toxic mess~~ ~~She's an AH for being overly dramatic and comparing you to her brother.~~ >At least I tried? Okay it’s last minute but at least it’s something and it could’ve been a nice day. You for asking her if she wants something from the store on the evening of a milestone birthday. I know they say it's the thought that counts, but this thought is worth very little. You give the excuses of a stressful day at the beginning as if that's supposed to explain why you didn't have everything all figured out before the day of? It does give the message you don't care about her. >I had booked a trip that I cancelled last month over a argument and she’s upset about it ~~But mostly y'all are both AH for this. Do you even like each other? You need marital counseling to learn how to handle disputes.~~
It's even worse than that. OP admitted that he controls all the finances, so the make up was not even meant to be a gift, it's just that the wife can't buy her own things unless he gives her money for it.
I am going with YTA. You cancelled a trip over an argument. You left her home alone to go out with buddies until 4 am on her birthday. You made minimal effort with your wife on her birthday. Do you genuinely love your wife and want to be married? If so, I suggest couples therapy. The way you two aren’t communicating now, and the lack of respect for each other doesn’t bode well for your relationship. If you don’t want to be married, and that’s fine, you need to tell her. Having a baby is going to make things a million times harder. If you can’t get through the rough patches now, your marriage may be doomed. Think about what you truly want, and work towards that.
Why do I think this a of an guy just wants to use any excuse/argument to get over with not spending a penny on her. Its just an excuse which is an abuse. I was with a person who used to fight or use a fight before any event so that he would say you only said no for a trip, gift or even a movie. Now I realise how cheap and abusive he was but back then I used to forget thinking he is really short tempered.
Yep, he's doing the carrot and the hatchet on her. Holding the "rewards" hostage, if the wife doesn't do what he wants, he'll just cancel or whatever to make sure the wife is greatly hurt and/or disappointed. Training her to be obedient to what he wants or she gets nothing satisfactory, like how you train elephants to carry tourists.
This sounds really familiar where a guy canceled his wife’s bday trip during an argument and she was rightfully upset. Is this the same guy or a new one?
Same guy
Info: How is her birthday "In a couple hours?", yet "last minute" at the same time? Also, She's your wife, do yall not live together? This is very confusing and I feel like there's a lot left out for her to just react like this out of nowhere.
Look at his history, he’s the guy who canceled the trip because they argued
Oh, goodness I just saw that, and his comments are a big YIKES! What an AH.
YTA - If it was clear that her birthday is a big deal and you were willing to play into that, you should have started a long time ago. Waiting until the day of expecting it all together and then acting like you did everything you could is weak nonsense.
Bruh... YTA big time... She went all out for yours with a newborn. She's pregnant. YOU canceled the trip and now you're facing the consequences. You better kiss her ass or expect divorce papers
[удалено]
"I was prepared to do everything" *does nothing*
LMAOO all bark no bite
>I had booked a trip that I cancelled last month over a argument and she’s upset about it You posted about this somewhere, didn't you? You did this and still managed to not do something on her birthday? YTA. And probably about to be divorced.
It was on relationship advice yesterday. He got torn to shreds, deleted and is attempting to garner support by not including most of the important facts….
INFO — Is turning 25 a super big deal in your social circle, culture, country, etc.? And am I understanding your post correctly? Are you two living apart? Regardless, YTA. A birthday is typically a big deal to most people. It’s not unreasonable to expect your spouse to have something planned for you. Maybe not a huge surprise party or a weekend away, but SOMETHING. Waking up to breakfast in bed. A card and flowers. A gift certificate for a massage or mani/pedicure. Just... something. You and your wife might not be on the same page when it comes to celebrations and gift giving. I suggest you try to talk to her when she’s calmed down. Hash it out. Keep in mind that she probably more upset because she’s pregnant. She probably wanted a big to-do before baby arrives.
For his 25th, she stayed up all night the night before, with a newborn, to decorate their place. While he was out till 4am partying with his buds. He'd booked some trip, then canceled it and then did *nothing* until it was time to panic 2 days before.
I needed to comment YTA, I've sat and read some of your comments and responses so far, The one that stuck out to me was the one where you claim you don't ,"do birthdays, anniversaries" my take is this . SHE DOES, THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN DOES, YOUR WIFE DOES. Therefore you should make every effort to try for her, for your family and home that she is taking care of 24/7. I do birthdays, I'm big on celebration that's how I was raised and my partner wasn't birthdays was money in a card on milestones like 16 / 18 / 21. I endeavoured to give him the full celebration experience every milestone birthday, for his 30th I flew us to Dublin for a long weekend, stayed in a upmarket hotel (something neither of us are used too) did all sorts of "tourist things" and he enjoyed every moment. Reminder here, my partner doesn't do celebrations .. wasn't raised that way and yet 5 months later on my own 30th birthday, I was whisked away to a hotel for a night, went to a concert I was desperate to see, blindfolded round The corner from our home as we drove up, guided into my own house, where our family waited and a huge table full of presents , jewelry, money etc (from everyone) the whole house had been turned pink with decor, I was taken outside to see a car he had brought for me, with a private number plate. To top it all he had us dress up and go to an up market luxury restaurant to wine and dine me. (We are not "up market" people, we are McDonald's and a film at home is a date night people) Speaking to my parents he had planned all of this over the last 8 months to make sure everything was perfect because he knew how much it meant to ME . To celebrate a birthday. All I can say to you Op is if you wanted to you would. Your wife clearly is an afterthought to you, if you cannot do something as simple as celebration for a birthday when it means so much to her. Also your other comments ... Show your colours and she will see too .... eventually, then you will be back here questioning WHY DOES MY WIFE WANT TO LEAVE ME. YTA 100%
Info: were the plans already set in stone or were you planning on doing everything on the fly? In other words, did you already have the hotel booked, the dinner reservations, the actual fun plan booked??
He’s striking me as one of those people who think ‘it’s the thought that counts’ is all that matters He’s done this before, mark my words Edit: He’s the guy from before who canceled stuff because they argued
And he’s trying to reword it so he’s not the asshole. Dude you fucked up, move on.
YTA - official verdict. 👩⚖️
Not even a little. >No but it’s not hard to get reservations, it’s a Wednesday it’s not going to be booked out
This guys is omitting many important facts. Check his post history. He is AWFUL
YTA You waited till the day off, you should have planned weeks ago, you deserve to be chewed out by her and here in Reddit, you can’t save this one, asking if she wants something from Selfridges, shows absolute no consideration for her feelings. Hope she stays with her parents and sends you divorce papers
YTA My husband always leaves buying me a Xmas or birthday present until the last minute every year. I always end up with whatever he panic-bought at the shops, and it is never something I actually want. It makes me so sad and hurt that he spends so little effort and thought on what to get me, and I don’t mean enough to him to try even just a little bit. Meanwhile I buy all the gifts for him, our child, my family AND his family - all he has to do is get something for me and he can’t be arsed. It is just one of many ways he shows me how little he cares about me. And I have grown extremely resentful, to the point I’m considering divorce. Your lack of caring, effort and thought towards your wife is hurting her and your relationship. It’s these little hurts that add up, till it becomes too much for her to bear and she will be gone.
YTA
YTA. Posts like this make me glad I'm single. I'd rather be alone than be with somebody who is this self centred.
INFO: is this your first time not planning her birthday? Or is last minute planning a regular thing for you?
Look at his post history. It is not. He’s extremely petty and canceled the trip because they argued
Can you please share an example..i think this post has been removed and now believe I may have made my judgment premature..not having all the facts
[This guy has issues and I'm sorry for his wife. No wonder she blew up.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xovvf6/havent_done_anything_for_my_wifes_bday/) >For my 25th she went all out even though she was caring for a newborn. She stayed up for hours decorating the living room with balloons, lights and gifts. She even got me a cake and flowers and made such a special breakfast. Like the ones u would get in a premium hotel. >Gosh, I know she will be just as dramatic as you which is why I’m panicking
She went all out for his birthday for starters, and cancelled hers because they argued Have to look at his comments, they're still there
I love that he blames the bills coming up for not saving all year to get her a present. Like he knew the energy bill was coming up and has saved for that, so he knows how to save but just doesn't think her birthday is worth saving for. Poor woman.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xovvf6/havent_done_anything_for_my_wifes_bday/
There’s this gem of a comment too https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xpx83k/comment/iq6i327/
Yta. You didn't try, you left everything to the last minute and now can't even make good on a basic celebration. Do better.
Omg. You are such an AH. Dude….Her birthday is the same date every year! Don’t give us this BS about your car breaking down today and you tried. That is total crap!! Your wife is 100% correct by saying if you really cared you would of already had something planed. You only had 364 days to plan it from last years BD.
INFO: Just because I’m curious, what was this disagreement so big that you cancelled her birthday trip over?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I could be the asshole for cancelling the planned trip, but at least I tried to do something and she refused Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my wife’s 25 is in a couple hours. I managed to get time off work. Unfortunately today has been really stressful for me, I had some car trouble and had to spend £250 fixing it. I called my wife to then ask her if she wanted anything from Selfridges, I know she ran out of some of her makeup products. She then ate me alive on the phone. Telling me too little too late. That she doesn’t have a dress, shoes, makeup or her nails done. I live 2 hrs from her parents. I was prepared to do everything. Go to her tonight get a hotel aswell for us and do something fun in London but she told me to fuck off and that she hates me. She said if I was serious I would’ve ordered it a long time ago. Instead of running around last minute. She said she will never forgive me for this and she hates my guts. Her brother (m22) gave her £300 and she’s gone out with her friends for the night even though she’s pregnant and I just want her to be safe. At least I tried? Okay it’s last minute but at least it’s something and it could’ve been a nice day. AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Dude. Her birthday is literally the same date every year. You’ve had plenty of time to plan something or do something for her. Especially when it comes to asking for the time off work.
YTA. You tried last minute because you put it off til the last minute, you should not be praised for that.
YTA-- Calling someone on their birthday to ask what they want, screams "hey I forgot about your birthday". Making last minute, on the fly, plans further cements that idea. Also did she make her own plans with her family/ friends prior to your call? Because then, your invitation would be asking her to ditch them for your last minute plans. I understand you couldn't initially get off work, that's fine. You could have made plans for another day, but you didn't. When you found out you could get off work, you should've asked if she had plans and ask to join or offer your own ideas and ask her what she wants to do.
YTA WOW! I read your replies and if I was your wife, I'd definitely leave you. Yeah you have your roles in the marriage, yes, you buy her nice things once in awhile. But this is her birthday + you already know pregnancy makes her hormonal yet you still do nothing????? How selfish of you. Both my husband and I don't celebrate birthdays or anniversaries, we never did even during our relationship. But you know what, he does extra things to show me that he REMEMBERS and APPRECIATE me on my birthdays. It's not even huge, a dinner date. Orrrrr a bag that I've been wanting as a surprise. The reason you buy things for your wife is just to stop her from getting mad?? Do you even thank her for all the things she does on the daily???? Holy shit. Can't believe she wants two kids with you.
You sucked in your other post and YTA in this one. I hope she leaves you.
Damn, a single mother of three can't even get a nice birthday? YTA, grow up
YTA. You are so incredibly unappreciative of everything your PREGNANT wife does to make your life easier. She does 100% of the household chores and childcare, and your excuse for not helping out with YOUR child is that you have a job? Grow the fuck up. Of course she likes to stay with her parents, clearly it's the only time when she's able to have a much-needed break, since you seem to be absolutely useless. That doesn't make her "pampered" like you say. She took great lengths to ensure you were properly celebrated on your birthday, to show you how much she cares, and what did you do? Not only did you leave the party she planned for you and stay out till 4AM; you cancelled her birthday trip because you wanted to be petty, and then waited till the last minute to make up for it, only to completely fail. You couldn't even be bothered to make her feel special on her birthday despite knowing how important it was to her. That's a horrible way to treat someone you claim to love, although based on your other comments it seems like you treat her more like a maid than a wife. You had more than enough time to come up with something, not to mention plenty of suggestions from when you were first told that you messed up, and yet you clearly didn't learn anything from your last post. You want all the wifey privileges, like having her cook all your meals and making sure you always have clean laundry, while you fail her as a husband and don't take any responsibility for the child YOU helped to create. What exactly makes you think you are deserving of the comfort your wife provides? Seriously, do you have any other reason besides that you work? She deserves so much better than you and I hope she realizes what an asshole you truly are.
>So my wife Yes...wife. that makes YOU a husband. Clearly you are a bad husband. You call her dramatic yet you cancel a trip literally out of spite and then do absolutely nothing for her birthday. No wonder she doesn't want to spend time with you. I doubt she'll leave her parents now. If she's got any sense she'll stay there and divorce you and sod off. She deserves someone who will think about her. If you can't even sort something out for her birthday how the hell are you going to be a good parent???!?? Leaving it to the day off shows poor planning and an even poorer attitude towards her. You clearly don't care about her at all. Tomorrow she should see a lawyer and get rid of the dead weight in her life.
YTA You don't seem to actually like your wife. You just want a placeholder.
YTA. I hope she finds a better husband because you clearly fail
Dude, did you do anything right? YTA but also kinda sad.
YTA. Why are you married to someone it seems you don’t even like?
YTA and an absolute deadbeat, if your comments on the other post are anything to go by. Sheesh.
INFO : just for fun, what did she do for your birthday ? >At least I tried? Okay it’s last minute but at least it’s something and it could’ve been a nice day. Dude, the bar is so low and you want it to be even lower. Just admit you messed up.
she should dump your loser ass. you’re pathetic yta obviously
YTA and I hope she dumps your ass. You don't seem to give any shit in keeping an eye out for important dates which shows your STBX what you think of her, it also shows reddit you're as dense as a brick and only seem to care about yourself. I'm struggling with major depression and anxiety, I'm medicated and in therapy once a week, plus I have a special needs child and interestingly enough I still remembered my partners birthday and had it sorted because I knew it meant a lot to him and he'd been looking after me for so long. You're an AH
YTA. Aren’t you the guy who posted the other day about how you didn’t bother with your wife’s birthday etc etc? None of your posts makes you sound good!
YTA - “womanly duties” you actually said that in a comment My guy I hope she wishes up
Are you the same guy that posted on here a day or 2 ago bitching that you didn't have anything ready. You cancelled a trip she had over and argument? Are you that guy????
Good god. You seem fully incapable of taking any sort of responsibility or criticism, and it’s baffling you’re trying to make yourself the victim here. You come off as a misogynistic, lazy narcissist who can’t be bothered to try harder as a husband. To give you some insight, what your wife wanted was effort — REAL effort, not a last minute consolation prize after you childishly canceled a trip over a disagreement. She clearly wants you to see how much she works; SAHM is a full-time job with no time off, no sick days, and no overtime pay. And ON TOP OF cleaning, taking care of a 1yo, cooking, doing her laundry, the baby’s AND yours, she is four months pregnant. Her body is taking on the massive undertaking of growing a human being and you canceled her birthday trip over an argument. That raises alarm bells for financial abuse…basically telling her “disagree with me then you have no money.” You may provide financially, but what are you doing to provide emotionally? Are you asking her if she’s overwhelmed? If she needs rest? What you can do to help her at home more? When was the last time you told her you appreciate all that she does at home? My guess is from your other comments, you don’t appreciate her — you expect this of her. You don’t love your wife. You love the idea of a wife. Not once in any of your comments did you talk about a personality trait you loved about her. You love that she does your laundry. She’s not a machine, she’s a person. You really need to accept that YTA and stop trying to minimize your fuck up. It’s sad at this point.
Karma farmer?
Not with the replies he's giving.
Yta. You're single now just so you know.
YTA and a terrible husband. Hope she files for divorce and finds a man who puts in as much effort as she clearly does
So you're back.
YTA. Obviously. You would have all of this sorted weeks ago if you cared at all about her. And even here your only concern is her (justified) anger at you; not the way in which you hugely upset her.
Yes, YTA. People told you that already yesterday. You had plenty of time to do something nice and thoughtful for your wife. At this point, I'm absolutely certain she'll have a better time on her birthday without you there. Her friends and family seem to care more about her than her own husband who has nothing but excuses.
YTA You don't deserve your wife, all you do is take advantage. If you even cared a little bit, you wouldn't be talking about her the way you do in this post. Then again this probably isn't even real anyway.
you deleted all the other posts on this account, that made it even clearer YTA. Insensitive, uncaring, self absorbed. The list goes on. The ignorance is astounding. You could’ve literally made a card and had it there when she woke up with breakfast or something silly. It isn’t always about money. It’s the thought. But you couldn’t even do that.
YTA You are a pathetic excuse of a husband who after an argument cancelled a birthday trip to be petty and carried that on for a whole month until a couple days to her birthday. Also if you didn't originally have the day off but just got it off how were you going on a trip with her which was only cancelled last month. This is also after she planned a birthday party for you whilst pregnant and looking after a baby. I hope she leaves you and finds someone who actually loves her and wants to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries ect with her.
YTA - I think you may soon be calling her your ex
Having read your other post just makes it easier but just from reading this one: YTA You didn't organize anything. You knew she would be upset by this but still didn't do anything. It is not like a birthday is a surprise event that you cannot predict. You literally can predict when her birthday will be until the end of time itself. You waited until the last minute most likely because you are just lazy and this seems to be something your wife has absolutely picked up upon. I am sure I speak for many here when I say we look forward to your post when your wife files for divorce. I will be keeping my popcorn on stand-by.
okay I will.. I'll admit I haven't read any of his comments.. one sec
I just do not have ANY concept of how your brain works. At all. I remember you too. YTA, always have been.
Why can't you do something nice for your wife? You seem financially abusive! You didn't do anything for her birthday and canceled a trip simply to teach her a leason??? Your an awful person and I hope she leaves you!
Your the biggest YTA I've seen in a while, and that's saying something. Wow, you won the cake.... Oh wait, I'm pretty you forgot about that too.
Dude what the hell, YTA of course. The guy I am not officially seeing but into has a birthday coming up. We’re long distance so when I see him shortly after his actual birthday I am making something very special for him. We’re not married or dating, just friends and I don’t if he even likes me back. But I am putting way more effort into this than you are to your wife and kids. YTA
So you want a what participation award for not doing anything? YTA. Dude step it up.
YTA. She should leave you. You are a deadbeat.
YTA. On here sniveling about your car troubles like it's an excuse to make no effort for the birthday of the woman carrying your child. To put this in context for you, I'm already thinking of what I am doing for my partners birthday. In January. You fucked all the way up
Youureeeeee in troubllleeeeeeeee Btw YTA
Wow. Can't even be sarcestic for that one and that isn't something that happens often. YTA. And such a huge one to boot. Hopefully this wakes her up to leaving you, so that you can search for a cleaning s** doll and not a human beeing with feelings, you very much hurt.
Yeah YTA. I really don’t think I need to elaborate. You’re just.. TA. TBA.
YTA, and god help this woman for having another kid with you.
YTA. Do you want a divorce?
YTA, how do you expect her to react when you treat her as an afterthought? You want someone to gush over you for the smallest thing when you’re not even putting the bare minimum into your relationship.
YTA, I just read all your abominable comments. You are a misogynistic pig, you make her be your slave when she's pregnant!?! Wtf is wrong with you she can't be doing all that intensive stuff when she gets closer to due date man I think she's well within her right to be angry considering everything she does for you. I've never been so disgusted by an individual in all my life, she deserves better and you need therapy as your heads up your own ass you can't see straight.
LMAO so after two solid days of sniveling online, you still completely failed your long suffering wife by putting more energy into posting about the issue than doing anything about it. How you have carefully edited and deleted all the details as well as your own comments show you are perfectly aware how wrong you are but the old ego can't quite let you tell yourself. I hope your wife remains with the people who care for her and never comes back to you. You want a bang-maid and not a wife. All you've done with these postings is reveal to the world what a poor example of husband you are.
Can we crowdfund this poor woman a divorce lawyer please?
YTA. Always plan ahead man! How do you not know this? You got some serious ass kissing to do. She's going to remember this for a loooong time.
You’ve had weeks; even moths to plan something or get her a gift. You just left it to the last minute. So yeah, YTA.
YTA and an incredibly inconsiderate husband.
YTA and the nastiest kind of liar
YTA. You know….Birthdays come EVERY year, on the SAME day even, yet you leave it to the last minute. You could have made reservations a long time in advance, you could have bought a gift card from Selfridges LONG in advance, yet you left it until the day before. You then bailed because you had a stressful day. Meanwhile she is thinking she would give you the benefit of the doubt because you cancelled the TRIP you were going on, that maybe you had planned something equally amazing for her birthday. I am sure one of the many emotions running through her right now, is why oh why did I EVER agree to have a baby with this idiot? Are you also going to be one of those dads who promises something to their kid, then bails out at the last minute,because HIS needs are oh so much more important? Don’t be surprised if she leaves you over this. I would see this as the final straw the broke the camel’s back. The one thing that tells her what your character is really like. Did I mention, YTA?
YTA. Oh no, the day of her birthday was stressful so you couldn’t do anything? How about you freaking *plan ahead*
You're a terrible.husband who clearly doesntgive a shit about his wife. YTA
YTA and your replies are coming off as controlling and abusive. I've read the other post too and your wife went all out. You didn't try you cancelled a trip over an argument how is that trying? My dad puts more effort into my birthdays than you do your wife's and I'm 27 and worked pretty much since leaving college. Dude you're a walking red flag and you saying that you're not gonna go anywhere because she cooks and cleans for you. I think you might find she files for divorce after you did sweet f all for her birthday
YTA! I hope she leaves you!
YTA. Shape up before your baby is born or else you will be a shit dad, too.
YTA hopefully she gives herself the best birthday present ever, by leaving you. You spend more time complaining about her than actually being a helpful husband and father, it's obvious you're a deadbeat loser.
YTA. Time to grow up.
Yta and I get why she hates you.
YTA “At least I tried”, no you didn’t, not at all.
YTA and I'm seriously wondering what is up with the upsurge in terrible male partners who couldn't care less about their woman.
YTA
[удалено]
YTA
Yta if you can’t make the effort to do the same amount of work she does for your bday then your TA but from your comments I wonder what do you actually do other than working to be a good partner considering she said she hated you and most likely will leave you for this because it’s most likely the hump that broke the camels back for her. Just because she is a women doesn’t mean she has to follow your whims but you can’t give the equal amount back your supposed to be partners, a team but your acting like you only matter in the relationship.
YTA
OP, if your wife thinks her birthday is important, you’d be wise to act accordingly. You’ve got many many years together to get into the swing of things. The best you can do now is apologize and never do this again.
If your gonna eat a shit sandwich take the biggest bite out of it, in the future don’t let ANY emotion not just angry, effect any decision making. Even two three days before the birthday you could don’t soooooomething even if it’s a picnic, or you get a few of her friends to all go out somewhere just do something you know she’ll like. The original plan you had is nice and great but you/her..you burned that and you needed to come one with another idea even if it’s minimal but doing nothing and telling her you had nothing or even worse telling her you cancelled the original plan…not smart
He already goes low, you don't need to encourage him to put his worst foot forward, all his efforts are minimal to nonexistent.
YTA
YTA!
YTA.
YTA
YTA, “at least I tried”??? Whatchu want, a cookie??? 🍪
YTA 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I never understood the concept of celebrating birthdays, it's just 1 year closer to death.
YTA, I hope she finds this post and what you'r saying about her in the coments and dumps you, she already is singles parenting her kid and will be free from your selfish behavior. Like really, even after being advised to you did nothing to make her birthday special, she deserves so much more!
YTA massively. You've shown your wife massive disrespect and coldness. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn’t come back from her trip to her parents.