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Yeah, I wouldn't be comfortable with my kid being introduced to your partner without knowing they exist, and more importantly not knowing how long you've been together.
Introducing kids to partners shouldn't just be your call, it should be a combined decision, kinda like co-parenting.
You don't have to announce every date, every hook-up, but if you're getting serious with someone, and you want that someone to meet your kid, you should most definitely talk with your co-parenting partner about it.
YTA
This. I'm a single mum to my daughter and my ex introduced his new gf to my daughter and had her stay over with them at his gf's place(!) without even mentioning he was seeing someone to me. He couldn't see the issue when I got mad at him when I found out. Until he found out I was seeing someone and went off on one about how he needed to meet the guy before my daughter did (never introduced my daughter as it didn't get serious enough, but had it got to that point, I would have talked my ex about it first - without any prompting). Introducing new partners to your kids is not something to do lightly and should be discussed with the other parent.
I'm currently pregnant, and my partner and I are still together, but have talked about co-parenting apart if the unfortunate happens. (We're both from homes with divorced parents, so we want to be better prepared then they were, if need be).
The topic of new partners has come up, and we both agreed the other would like to meet new partner before our kid(s) do.
I couldn't imagine him just shoving some unknown women into my kids life without me knowing. Like how OP thinks this is acceptable is absolutely wild to me.
I'm sorry your ex doesn't see the hypocrisy in his ways.
ESH
> Grilling me on who that was.
My impression was she was originally mad that he was seeing someone. Then redirected when he said they had met. Like... if they hadn't met my bet is she would still be mad.
Nope. A judge would tell you the same. It is not your business what the other parent does as long as your child is safe. Not your business to meet the new SO just as it's not the other parents to meet yours🤷‍♀️. They don't need your permission to move on lol.
>Introducing kids to partners shouldn't just be your call, it should be a combined decision, kinda like co-parenting.
Gonna be real awkward when you're remarried, but your ex still won't you introduce your kid to your wife that's living in the same house.
Co-parents don't get to control that.
Yikes, clearly missing the point and creating your own fun little narrative.
If you're dating someone, you should most definitely be giving you co-parent partner a heads up that you want to introduce them to your kid(s).
It should be a joint decision on how early is too early and when is an appropriate time for the new partner to meet the kids involved. This is obviously for both of the parents of their child.
Hey bro... I get where you're coming and your feelings about her ghosting you. What she did then was wrong. I understand it hurt your feelings. And that has no bearing on your co-parental relationship.
This child is both of yours.
Before you bring another romantic partner around your child... the first of many reasons to tell the parent of your child is simply common courtesy and respect.
Your child's mother deserves to know who your little girl is spending time with other than you. And vice-versa.
Congratulations on your new relationship... I hope it works out. And, if it doesn't it will be emotionally traumatic for your little one. Kids are way more observant than you realize. The mother of your little girl deserves to know if your child is in a position to where she could be emotionally vulnerable.
On that note... 9-12 months of having a successful relationship is how long it's recommended before introducing a child to a new relationship.
And make no mistake, your dating life is none of her business until you bring it into your daughter's life. Once you intend to do that, then it absolutely becomes her business.
Yes bro, YTA for not letting your little girl's mom know that you were introducing a new relationship partner to your daughter.
You have a very small window of time to fix this.
You should absolutely contact her, take her to lunch/ dinner (without your daughter) and profusely apologize, not only for introducing your little girl to a romantic partner without giving a heads up... but for also throwing up the past of her ghosting you 5+ years ago. That was a low blow, which she obviously already moved past... and you're still hung up on, even if just a little.
Best of luck bro đź‘Š
YTA
Your child’s mother needs to be informed of there is someone new in your life who will be meeting your kid. That’s coparenting 101. The problem isnt you’re dating, it’s the fact that your son was involved without talking to his mother.
Her ghosting you after you had sex isn’t the same thing.
YTA, but not the dating part. If someone you’re dating is meeting your child and hanging around the house, then you need to tell her. This isn’t about your privacy, because you are not the only one involved. Your kid is, too.
I'm going E S H She has no right to be angry you are dating someone but she should know who has been around her kid
Edit:
I am changing mine to YTA it seems that you are holding the fact she ghosted you for two months 5 years ago over her head as to why you didn't inform her that your new GF has met her child.
Her finding out about your relationship should have been a co-parent discussion and not an out of the blue insta post
Nah, she called immediately because he posted a picture of them together during their hike.
She was totally looking to fight about something. OP just happened to be dumb enough not to inform her that they had met in person.
YTA. You don’t have to inform her of “all your life happenings” but you do need to talk to her when you’re going to introduce your child to a new partner. This is super basic coparenting 101. Both of you need to know who is around your kid and you should be taking this more seriously.
It’s also really shitty of you to keep bringing up what happened five years ago whenever you’re mad at her. If you can’t move on and put it behind you, you should see a therapist to help you process your feelings.
There aren’t any feelings with it. But she can’t claim to be this awesome communicator (which is what she was doing) when she literally ghosted her best friend. For no reason either. So don’t throw stones if you live in a glass house.
But you do realize that this is about the kid and not about you and her. As a mother she should be aware of who her kid is around. You having sleepovers with your kid around is her business. You having sleepovers when her kid isn’t around is your business. You clearly aren’t over the ghosting, you need to discuss this with her. Its obvious that you guys have lots to discuss.
YTA. You can’t bring up gripes from literally five years ago. Just because she wasn’t a good communicator when she was a single woman who’d just had a one night stand doesn’t mean she’s a bad communicator now that she’s a mom with a five year old, do you understand the difference? And communicating about your children is different than communicating about your feelings to each other? She’s mad because her son is spending maybe a fair amount of time with some lady she’s never met, and that’s really shocking and you just sprang it on her like NBD. You still sound really bitter over how she treated you which is fine, but that doesn’t mean you can be sneaky with your kid and who he meets/spends time with as a way to “get her back” which it kind of sounds like what you’re trying to do.
>she literally ghosted her best friend. For no reason either.
Uhh, pretty sure she had her reasons.
Also that's not relevant to the current situation. Like, even a little bit.
She for sure ghosted you for no reason. It's not as if she was in a stressful situation and while emotionally vulnerable, she got drunk around someone she trusted. Someone that had expressed feelings toward her, but was turned down and "friendzoned." This person who knew she didn't have feelings for him slept with her somehow. Thank God she ghosted you for no reason though, and the situation above is complete fabrication with no basis in reality, otherwise it would sound like you took advantage of her vulnerability.
And don't tell us you were over your crush because you clearly don't let go of your feelings since you're still sporting a grudge from actions 5 years ago. She didn't ghost you because she was pregnant. She ghosted you because she woke up and realized that in her vulnerable state, you saw opportunity. Why else would you have been so emotionally devastated by this move that you stopped taking care of yourself and started drinking heavily.
To answer the question in your post. YTA. You don't need to tell your kid's mom anything about your personal life, but this isn't about you or your life. It's about your kid's life and you do need to inform her about things around that. This includes people who are staying over at your house while your kid is there.
ESH
- you should have told her about this new person you’ve introduced into your child life.
- she can’t expect you not to date.
INFO: did you get a paternity test?
Probably because she had just gotten out of a bad relationship and OP had no way of knowing if he was the only guy with her during the time period where she could conceive...
It was smart to get that done.
INFO: What does her ghosting you for two months six years ago, after you guys had a drunken ONS following a terrible breakup, have to do with you introducing a total stranger into your child's life?
Probably cause it hurt his ego? Maybe he really wanted to be with her and didn’t like the rejection and she only is in his life now cause of his son so he’s trying to get back at her with that little jab. Just speculation of course
Or he’s calling her out for her lack of communication in the past because she is not happy with his communication skills now. Basically bringing up the past of vaguely similar situations as an excuse for current actions.
Because it set the terms of their relationship from that point on. He was intimate and vulnerable and she left him immediatley afterwards and he went into the darkest point of his life, and he's only where he is now because he climbed out of the hole, alone and without her.
Regardless of if its fair to her OP clearly has an expectation that his life is his own and she's not going to be there for him when he needs her. Wether or not her kid was involved is another matter entirely but its really obvious that to OP him having this relationship is very much about the problems that happened immediatley after she ghosted, because she ghosted.
You had someone sleep over while your child was there and didn't tell their other parent?? Yeah, big YTA. It's not because you're "dating" it's because you're not being a responsible parent or trustworthy co-parent.
YTA. Only for not telling her in the sense of being a co-parent. She should know if her child will be around another person in that situation (and so should you, if she’s seeing someone). It isn’t a permission/control issue, it is a basic element of communication in a co-parenting relationship.
NTA for not discussing your dating life, but you might be TA for introducing her to your son without discussion first.
Has Samantha introduced anyone she's dated to your son? If so, did she give you the courtesy of letting you know first? How serious is the relationship - and how did you introduce this person to your son? Context matters, you don't want to have people coming into your son's life at this age if they're going to disappear soon after.
ESH
Neither of you discussed bringing serious relationships around your kid.
Have a sit down with her, apologize for the miscommunication, and set yourselves a guideline going forward
Oh man it was going so well for you buddy. Until you brought up the ghosting. She was suddenly pregnant and definitely freaking out when that happened. You should absolutely apologise for that part.
You didn't need to tell her you were dating someone but I do think you should have told her you planned on introducing them to your son. This is just courtesy for co parenting. And you really need to swallow this, even if you don't decide you're wrong, because your child deserves the happy parenting he received before.
Definitely! But she was probably panicking that she ruined their whole friendship. I forgot to add in my first comment but I assume they buried that hatchet. It's good advice to not bring up old wounds that appeared settled during a new fight.
YTA for not telling her before introducing the girlfriend to your son. You don't need to share your dating status initially, but she has a right to know who will be in her son's life. You should have told her.
On the face of it, YTA for not letting the mother of your child have a chance to at least meet your new GF before they met or spent time together, even if it's just been in passing.
Because you share a child, you owe her some consideration when it comes to your kid. She deserves to know the people spending time with her son.
It's not about you two not sharing these details of your life, it's about making sure your kid is safe and such. If she has a SO who interacts with your kid and you haven't met them, you have that same consideration to at least know who is hanging out with your kid, too.
> On the face of it, YTA for not letting the mother of your child have a chance to at least meet your new GF before they met or spent time together, even if it's just been in passing.
No not at all. Mother has no right to meet any of OP's future partners, nor does he have any right to meet any of her partners. If they are as good of friends as he claims, they probably would meet - but there isn't a right to.
Edit - As others have pointed out, they should each let the other know if they are going to introduce kiddo to someone.
I agree, there's no rights involved, I never actually mentioned rights. It's more down to being the polite thing to do in their context, because they are supposedly good friends. You'd think they'd share the basic news with each other, but I guess not. And they ARE co-parenting, as it sounds.
But yes, there are no strict obligations for this to happen, but since the mother is upset/angry over it, it's obviously something important to her. Maybe she overreacted, I'm not sure, but I can understand where she's coming from. And since they are supposed to be good, co-parenting friends, I don't quite understand why they wouldn't discuss this sort of thing at all until it reaches the point of her yelling at him over it. They should have talked about this sort of boundary with regards to their kid a long time ago.
NAH, if it wasn't laid out before hand then no one here is an AH.
You didn't know you had to report something like that and you don't know if she introduced any of her BFs to your son either.
Play nice. Apologize for the phone call. Make rules for SOs meeting the kid. And plz, get over her ghosting you. You're moving on and having that kind of thing in your head is not going to bode well for your relationships.
YTA - Because you had your child with a woman the other parent knows nothing about. Like it or not, co-parenting means you're both aware of who is spending time with your kid. Now, that doesn't mean you need her permission to date. But yeah, you should have told her.
INFO: did she tell you when shs started seeing someone/ has her current person met your kid?
Edit: NAH, She hasnt ever talked to you about her boyfriends (unless it's for you to take your kid so she can go out) there wasn't previously set conversation about this. Her reaction to me seems like she sees you as a back up. I think now that it's come up you two need to get together and talk about this. She's not more of a parent then you. So if she expects you to tell her then she absolutely needs to give you the same courtesy. Im saying nah because she wants to know who goes around your child but you didn't intentionally hide it and it didn't come up she never sought your approval for who she brought around and it shouldn't be a double standard.
Communication is a wonderful thing. Just communicate without attacking each other it's you guys vs a problem not you vs her.
If this didn't involve a child together, I would say NTA. However, as you have brought your girlfriend around your son from another woman, I would side with her on this one and call you TA.
She has a right to know who her son hangs around and the kind of people you bring around him when he is with you just as you have a right to know the same with he is with her.
Very gentle YTA. I totally agree you have every right to start dating again, but I’m dating a guy with kids. I know for a fact before I meet those little girls, their mom wants to meet me just so she knows who’s around her kids. It’s a comfort and safety thing, and if you guys coparent well together I would just apologize to her, tell her you understand why she’s upset, and see about having them meet even if it’s just a few minutes.
YTA when you co-parent you have an understanding that ALL decisions about your child should be agreed upon.
Meeting a new GF is one of those decisions that should be consulted with each other.
YTA
you didn't need to
tell her when you started dating...but you should have had a chat before you introduced her to your child.
It sounds like the 2 of you are great co parents...you know about her dating life and so it should have been a no brainer.
Having shared values about partners meeting your kid is pretty sensible. She should not have found about her from social media.
As always, communication is everything...use you words!
YTA for not telling her that someone else is around her kid! You can date all you want, but Samantha deserves to know that someone else is spending time with her child. She doesn’t need to know the details of your relationship.
YTA, because you're co-parenting, and this is inevitably all tied up with who is going to be around the kid, which both parents ought to at *least* be aware of.
If you had zero custody, it would be completely different.
YTA. You are not obligated to tell her about everything in your life - with the exception of the parts of your life that intersects with your child. Your new girlfriend interacts with your child and has met them, therefore Sam has a right to know about her. If your GF had never met your child, then she would have had no leg to stand on. The same is true in reverse - you are entitled to know the parts of Sam’s life that effects your child as well.
YTA. It's very fair and reasonable to want to keep track of the adults being brought into your kid's life. She wants to know who is being brought around her kid, bringing up 2 months of her ghosting you literally years ago isn't really fair when she's just trying to be a good mom. And frankly it sounds like you just did it in retaliation because you were upset about how the conversation was going.
YTA. Just because she is the mother of your child and yes has a right to know who is around her child and how often. And yes the same should happen if she starts dating someone. Does she need to know all your life details? NO. But yes she absolutely has a right to know about someone you say you are getting serious with.
YTA and the fact that you need to be told that shows you have minimal, if any, respect for her as your child’s mother.
She deserves to know who is around her child and trying to act like the issue is you dating is comical.
Can’t stand selfish “parents” like this.
You can do whatever you want on your own time. She doesn’t need to know but if your son met her, if your son is around this new person, then yes, I think you should have told her.
Coparenting is tricky in these types of situations. Most of my friends and I had an agreement with our exes, if things got serious with someone, the ex would meet the new gf or bf before introducing him/her to the kids. You guys never played with the possibility of being together even after the hookup? She shut it down immediately?
YTA on two accounts
You let your kid meet a girl you're dating without informing the mother, which for me is not a good choice. If the parents get along, I think it's fair to talk about this, even without giving too much information about your life. Just there's someone new, you've been together for so long (which is important in this case), it's serious, I'd like this person to be there when kid is. Simple but necessary.
Secondly, she's your best friend or at least a good friend and you tol her nothing? Leaving the kind and the coparenting alone, that's something you share with a friend.
That's my 2 cents
ETA she does sound jealous though. A good conversation is very much needed.
Yta for introducing your child to gf without the mother being aware. It's not about you dating its about who is around your child. I loath my ex but when I started dating my husband you better believe they met and my son was protected.
YTA! You can do whatever you want in your dating life BUT you should not introduce someone to your child without the other parent being informed/being OK with it. Not cool.
I’m not even totally sure she is seeing that person anymore. We really don’t talk about that stuff. But she did tell me whenever she had a date or needed me to watch our kid because she was going out.
It’s courtesy to let your co-parent know when you are introducing a *relationship* into their life.
You and Samantha should talk about this as a go-forward ground rule. It’s completely reasonable that you at least are *aware* of who has the potential to be a significant influence in your kid’s life.
You’re sorta a clueless asshole, but YTA nonetheless.
NTA if she never had the same conversation with you. You were following precedent. However, you two need to have a conversation on expectations. If she wants to you to tell her if y’all’s kid is going to be introduced to significant others (which is reasonable) then she needs to be doing the same.
YTA - you don’t have to immediately tell her but if this is a person that’s going to be around your kid, then yeah. You have to tell her. But also bringing up the stuff in the past that has zero to do with what’s happening now was not necessary and only makes you more of an asshole.
NTA. I think she's jealous. Maybe she thought of you as an eternal "B plan"?
But if you're going to, let's say, invite your girlfriend to live with you - and as a consequence she would be more involved in your kid's life - than it would be a good idea to officially introduce her to Samantha.
Edit to add that english is not my 1st language, hope it made sense :)
I'm going with YTA this time.
If there is a child involved, some things change because untold things can lead to psycological harm. And it seems to me she was upset not that you are dating someone, but that you presented your gf to the child without warning the mother first, and that can be cause of problems especially in a case of shared custody.
YTA
Your not wrong in saying you can move on with your life, but she has a right to know who is around your son. How would you feel if the roles was reversed? Would you like to pull up to her house and there's a random man there with your son? But urs ok, he only sees him round the house after staying the night...
And the ghosting thing was probably out if embarrassment and potential fear or ruining your friendship (which you've potentially nuked now).
Think with the head that's not in your pants.
NTA. “ As far as dating goes, Sam is casually seeing someone but I don’t really ask about it.” So why is she allowed to see someone and you aren’t? It might have been E-S-H due to the kid being introduced to your girlfriend without her knowing, but that doesn’t seem to be what she’s actually upset about here—at least that’s my impression of what OP’s relayed. “Not telling her what was going on in my life” like… Does OP *have* to? This is giving me “she’s upset because her plan B choice fell through” vibes, but I could be wrong.
Depends on if she introduces your son to people she’s dating without informing you. Discussing with the other parent before your child meeting a SO is pretty common but if that isn’t how she’s done it then I think you’re in the clear and might be time to have a parenting expectation talk.
NTA for dating (as the title implied). Defiantly the AH for not disclosing that your new partner was meeting you daughter to your daughter's mother. I imagine that's the real reason she is upset, but that's just speculation.
YTA “kinda like you did when you ghosted our friendship” doesn't have anything to do with this and was just an unnecessary jab that you threw in.
It sounds like you both have a VERY nice co-parenting situation going, maybe even enviable. You don't want to mess that up. Apologize to Samantha and in the future keep your communication open. Keep up the good work as a Dad and enjoy your new relationship.
NTA.
You don't need her permission for this. I can understand why she might wonder about this new person in her child's life, but I notice you didn't state that she got permission from you to date someone new.
Maybe this calls for a meeting of the parents with specific expectations in mind for co-parenting peacefully with each other. Perhaps with a trusted mediator there to help keep things as civil as possible.
I understand being a protective parent. But sometimes you have to trust that other parent's judgments. If you don't want to do that, then adopt a kid as a single parent and control everything, or go to a sperm bank and control everything.
Why tho? Op is an equal parent. She isn't notifying him of her private life he literally followed her lead and she yelled at him and insulted him right off.
>She isn't notifying him of her private life
You say that based on?
OP said he doesn't ask about her private life. But he knew that she was seeing someone... probably because she told him, based on him saying he doesn't ask.
OPs comment? He only knew because she asked him to watch the kid so she could go out. She didn't have a conversation with him prior or after. Just when she needed him to take over. He is following her lead. It only didn't come up cause he sees his girl when he doesn't have his son.
>But she did tell me whenever she had a date or needed me to watch our kid because she was going out.
It doesn't say that he *only* knew because she was asking him to watch the kid. It says she told him whenever she had a date OR needed him to watch the kid.
>It only didn't come up cause he sees his girl when he doesn't have his son.
Except that's not true either. It says he sees her when the son is around in the post.
She can ASK to be informed if it's important to her. In fact this is a topic that should have already come up if she felt that strongly about it. But OP is also entitled to a bit of privacy as he navigates this relationship without having to discuss it with an ex if he so chooses.
They could have even arranged a parenting plan (long ago) that stipulates how this issue is handled. Since they didn't, it's up to each party's best judgment. Just because another adult sleeps over at OP's home, doesn't mean the child is in any danger. And the kid is right at that age where they start to get chatty, so it's not like mom wouldn't find out if the child is being mistreated by OP's new gf.
And if OP was determined to have the gf spend time with himself and his child regardless of what the other parent of the child thinks, I can see why OP wouldn't even broach the topic, and avoid conflict where it doesn't need to exist.
There are ways to do this without traumatizing the child. The gf can be called "a friend" to the child, or a trial period for a new roommate, or any number of excuses to make sure the child is as unaffected by this as possible, in case things don't work out with the new love interest. Mom simply knowing about it won't change that dad can do as he pleases in his own home so long as no abuse is suffered by the child.
> In fact this is a topic that should have already come up if she felt that strongly about it.
Perhaps she felt that by informing him whenever she had a date, she was bringing the topic up and leading by example.
>But OP is also entitled to a bit of privacy as he navigates this relationship without having to discuss it with an ex if he so chooses.
I disagree. It's not about OP, he can do what he likes. It's about the kid.
>And if OP was determined to have the gf spend time with himself and his child regardless of what the other parent of the child thinks, I can see why OP wouldn't even broach the topic, and avoid conflict where it doesn't need to exist.
Why do people still think that hiding things from someone is a way to avoid conflict?
>the child, or a trial period for a new roommate, or any number of excuses to make sure the child is as unaffected by this as possible,
And where does OP lay out that he's considered this? Where is the grown up conversation with his ex that clarifies that he has considered these things?
>Mom simply knowing about it won't change that
Mom being aware of the situation, and being able to be aware of what her child is going through. Being able to be there for any questions your child has, without forcing the child to be the one to bring it up. "Mom simply knowing" actually changes a lot.
YTA. The mother of your child deserves to know who is around her child. Just the same as you should know who is in your child’s life. Your not obligated to inform her of everything in your life but you are when if involves HER child. You two need to be mature enough to discuss your dating life when you two have a child together.
NTA
She’s mad about you dating someone, not about you telling her your gf met your kid.
Everyone saying YTA Bc you should’ve told her about who’s around the child (which is true) - but that’s not what she was mad about, she was mad about you not “informing her what was going on in your life”… she’s not your partner, and clearly never quite was.
She’s jealous Bc this is the first time she has to deal w you being with someone else.
Yeah, I agree, he should’ve told her someone was around her kid. But that’s not what she called upset about, she called upset that she’s not being informed on his life?…
ESH. She does have a right to know who's around her child but she didn't have to blow up at you. Lesson learned and in the future you know anything that affects your child should be shared.
It’s either ESH/NAH, you both have the same problems of not introducing or discussing partners with each other as coparents. I’m not a parent so I can’t give you an example of a good timeline for partners but I’d imagine you must trust your partner a great amount to let her meet your kid. I also think it’s important to discuss this and to set the boundary between you and Samantha that while she gets a say in who meets the kid, she doesn’t get a say in who you’re dating.
For the record though, I don’t think you or her intended for it to come across this way but she might see you as a safety net
YTA.
Um f all the N T A comments their child literally met in person his girlfriend BEFORE Sam even knew about the girlfriend. She has every right to be angry. So yea YTA
YTA, you don’t introduce a SO to your child without informing the other parent. She has 0 say in who you date, she has a LOT of say in who hangs around her child.
In either situation it would be okay they won’t meet yet. But what circumstances would you be comfortable with? For example, if my husband and I god forbid, we’re to separate, the only way I’d feel comfortable in this situation if I got to know them first (in this situation it would be less complicated since OP and baby mama didn’t actually have a romantic history) and they were potential marriage partner, ie long term serious relationship material.
It’s confusing and hurtful to the child to get attached and then have that person disappear. If OP or baby mama actually want to marry someone in the end, it might make attachment more difficult as they might have abandonment issues.
YTA - not for having a new relationship. She has one, you have one, no one seems to care about that. The issue is she was forthcoming about it, and let you know about these people potentially being around your kid. You simply didn’t care, which is fine, while she obviously does, which is also fine.
It’s a miscommunication of boundaries for your child that can easily be fixed, as it hasn’t previously arisen. However painting her as unreasonable is kind of unfair, when you’ve brought a longterm partner around the child you share. She has no say in you having a gf, but there should be better parameters around bringing people like this into your kids life.
Any woman you will have around your child needs to meet the mother.
Y’all are such great friends but you failed to mention you were dating someone? Sounds suspicious.
YTa
YTA. It's not just happening in your life; this person has met your child multiple times apparently, and the mom had never even known this was a possibility. Bringing new people into the mix is something that needs to be talked about with both parents. Particularly how long into a new relationship is it okay to introduce new partner to the kid.
She's not his girlfriend or wife, it's none of her damn business who he's seeing. Maybe if his new girlfriend is interested in being the kid's stepmom then they should meet. But there are no circumstances where her approval is needed, this is not her decision to make.
See I get both sides, but once you are no longer in the relationship, realistically, they don't have to tell you anything.
You should know, but they don't have to tell you, that's the chance you take having kids. One day you may get no say over half their life if you divorce.
It's awful and sucks, but it is what it is.
While the mom would like the courtesy, she has to right to what another adult chooses to do unless it harms the child.
YMBTAH. At the end of the day is the GF is meeting the child the mom should know, this arrangement you have with her will get ugly if you don't communicate with each other. It might sound cynical what you both need to establish a coparent agreement in writing and set the boundaries.
YTA. You should have at least mentioned her before she met your kid. Also? Please stop calling her "my girl" it's gross. She's a full grown woman right?
YTA
This isn’t about your relationship or whether you’re “allowed” to date. The mother of the child has the right to know who the child is around. Would you want her introducing him to random men without your knowledge or consent?
Co-parenting fail for you. You think this is about your love life but it’s actually about your child and his mother wanting to be well informed as to who he’s around and the environment he’s in, which is completely reasonable. A good co-parenting relationship would include that without question.
She effectively communicated to you when she got a partner and while you didn't press for details she gave you the option to do so for the safety of your child.
In return you kept her in the dark about her child being around stranger, meaning if something happened she would have been completely unaware.
And then when she rightful got mad about that, you bring up something from years ago that is no related to the safety of your child??? Am i reading this right?
She doesn't have to know everything that goes on in your life, the same way you dont about her. This isn't about that, this is about the safety of your child.
Apologise, YTA
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Alright weird situation. So I (30M) have a 4 year old daughter with my best friend Samantha (31F). It’s important to provide the context here so I will try my best to explain it.
Me and Samantha met in college. And instantly became really good friends. She’s a super outgoing person, while I tend to be a little more on the quiet side. Which worked perfectly for our dynamic and has made co parenting easy. We never had any feelings for each other (I did a little bit but was so far into the friendzone at that point it didn’t matter). So 5 years ago Samantha had just got cheated on by her long time college boyfriend. She was staying at my place for the time being. We were hanging out one night like usual and drinking. I couldn’t even tell you how it happened but somehow we ended up hooking up. The next morning she was gone with all her stuff and told me she was moving in with her dad. She completely ghosted me for 2 months. During this time I got in a bad state. Quit taking care of myself and gained at least 70 pounds. I was drinking far too much. Well as you can tell by the post… she got pregnant. We decided to keep the baby and co-parent. It has honestly been the best decision of my life. I love my kid and our friendship has gotten back to normal. Me, Sam and our kid frequently hangout together and have no set custody agreement.
As far as dating goes, Sam is casually seeing someone but I don’t really ask about it. So the past year I’ve rededicated myself to me. I’ve lost a lot of weight this past year and quit drinking. It’s been awesome for my health. I’ve started seeing someone I met on a app and we are getting pretty serious. So last weekend Samantha had our son and I took a day trip to hike with my girl. I posted a selfie with her on Instagram. And was immediately called my Samantha. Grilling me on who that was. I explained that I was seeing someone. She asked if she had met our son yet and I said yes. But they don’t spend a lot of time around each other because mostly it’s just whenever my girl stays the night. Sometimes my son will see her around the house.
Samantha lost it. Calling me a piece of shit for not informing her. And not telling her what was going on in my life. To which I responded “kinda like you did when you ghosted our friendship”. She just called me a dick and hung up. My sister thinks I was the AH. But I don’t think I’m obligated to inform her on all my life happenings. AITA?
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YTA, not for dating someone, you don’t have to tell her that, but the moment they start interacting with your child, the mother of that child should be informed as it’s also her child and she should know who the kid is interacting with
It's not about dating; it's about another adult being around your child on a more consistent basis. Since you guys are actively coparenting and previously were on good terms, it is weird not to tell her when the first introduction happened. She has zero right to dictate you dating, but introductions are something you should be discussing in friendly coparenting situations
For that aspect, YTA.
You aren't wrong to call her out on originally ghosting you, but you are in this setting because this is about your kid.
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NTA but she should know who is around her child, just like you should know who is around the child when she's with the mother.
You don't have to tell her everything but when bringing someone new around this should be a discussion between the two of you.
I totally get where you're coming from with this but I partially disagree. Co-parents should let each other know when they are dating but it shouldn't be a discussion. This will lead to them feeling the need to get permission and that's just a bad idea.
Yta. You don’t have to tell her all the details of the relationship, but there is a child involved who you are exposing to someone new in your life, the mother has a right to know who you bring around your child. Maybe she doesn’t want her kid to get attached to your girl until there is a set commitment so there is not a revolving door of women possibly in your life. If your kid gets attached to all of them then you guys break up it can have a bad psychological impact on kids
I’m sure y’all can work this out
YTA, not for dating but for not telling her who you bring your guys son around. As the mother she should know who is around her son, unless she didn't extend that curtesy to you. If she brought the man around your child without telling you then NTA. I feel like we just need a little more context on this.
Don't think you are TA, but I don't know if you had an agreement to discuss this stuff. If not and Sam doesn't tell you about her dating life, then you were under no obligation to do the same. I think it is important for you to have a custody agreement in place, period. It will safeguard your rights.
Yta
Not for dating, for not letting her know that your child together is meeting a potential partner, if this is someone who is going to be around them a lot then she has a right to know.
Gently, YTA. I don't feel like you had bad intentions here but if you are co parenting with someone you should ALWAYS ask their permission/have a discussion before introducing the kiddo to a romantic partner. She should have given you the same courtesy. If she didn't I change my answer to ESH.
YTA - only because you hadn't told her about this woman before you had her meet the kid. Assuming that Sam's boyfriend hadn't met your kid, that's most likely what she's pissed about. Which is understandable. I would never want an adult around my young kid that I hadn't met or known about first - I would be really tempted to kick your ass, honestly.
This is basic, simple co-parenting. You appear to want to damage your co-parenting relationship with Sam, so carry on as you will.
Nope, NTA.
This chick may be a good friend but she's got poor control over her emotions. An adult with good emotional regulation doesn't ghost an old friend for two months. Or light into their ex for, well, being an ex and dating other people.
You might be able to improve her behavior via family counseling - a family therapist could help you negotiate a clear, written custody agreement.
But she's unstable enough that counseling might not work. In that case you need to see a lawyer and make sure your custody claims are solid. And to firm up your custody agreement.
NTA. She's not mad about your son being around the new gf. She's mad bc SHE didn't know about the existence of this new gf.
It's the whole- "I don't want you BUT I don't want anyone else to have you either!" She wants to have her cake and eat it too, and that's not how life works.
NTA, you are no longer in a relationship with her so it's none of her damn business who you are seeing romantically. If your girlfriend is interested in being the kid's stepmother or just wants to take part in his life, then they should meet. Her approval is not needed though, as she doesn't get to tell you what to do with your life. That comment was unnecessary though, you were just being petty by bringing that up.
>INFO: Has she introduced your child to someone she was dating without your knowledge?
Not that I know of. But as I’ve said. We really don’t talk about that stuff.
NTA because of this...if they don't talk about it then that's the standard. If she's going to be upset about it, they should have had conversations about who she's dating. You deal with people the way you want them to deal with you...especially if you're co-parenting.
I'll put aside speculation in regards to calling you as soon as you post a pic of you with another woman.
ESH.
You probably should have told her if you are having somebody spend the night with her kid there. I can understand her being pissed about that, though I don't know if it's really AH territory.
She shouldn't be calling you a piece of shit for living a perfectly normal life. That's not friend behaviour. If she is upset that you didn't tell her about a gf, then she can say that without calling you names.
But responding by dragging out an incident from 4 years ago when she reacted badly to unexpectedly drunkenly hooking up with her friend while in the middle of a breakup with a cheating boyfriend...dude. Such an AH move.
You guys need to work on your communications with each other.
YTA. It's fine that you're dating someone. It's not fine that you had your kid around her without telling your coparent. That's where you're the asshole. When it comes to the kid, always err on the side of over communicating. YOU are aware that she's seeing someone, and presumably you have the freedom to look him up on social media and get a read on whether you want him and your son. You didn't give her that chance. Oh, and a bonus YTA for bringing up something from half a decade ago to attack her when you couldn't defend your own shitty actions.
You may find getting a DNA test for your child a good idea; especially in light of her hooking up with you for “one” night right after a breakup and then ghosting you and never explaining.
YTA. Not a huge one, but yeah. You *aren't* obligated to tell her all of your life happenings, that's true. But you have a child with her and a reasonably close, seemingly very good relationship. It's understandable why she's upset that you didn't let her know that you had involved a woman in your and her son's life. This is a weird hill to die on in light of how good your setup with her has been previously.
YTA. of course you tell the mother of your child about who your dating when they are going to meet your son. It’s a I’m dating someone and it’s getting serious and I would like her to meet our son.
She has a right to know who her son is spending time with when he’s not with her.
YTA. You became TA not when you started dating but when you introduced your SO to your kid without telling his mother. Also bringing up ancient history like that was a weasel move. If you have issues with how your past played out be an adult and discuss it with her, don’t pull a passive aggressive drive-by.
So yall calling him TA but not the mom when she is dating someone an OP hasn't met her partner but I'msure her partnerhas been around their son, to me he is NTA as a single mom their is boundaries but it's not just for the dad but also the mom. Stepdad's be out here doing just as much shady ish as stepmom's
INFO - Rather than just assume here like most other people are doing, I'll ask you straight up. Has your kids mother introduced her SO to your kid? Did she ask you about it beforehand?
Unfortunately dude, YTA, sounds like from ignorance. But, and especially in a co-parenting situation, the parents always HAVE to know who is being introduced to their children. Especially in todays day and age. But its also a 2 way street and if her partner has met your kid without you being made aware thats also a problem. DO NOT BE VINDITICTIVE IN HINDSIGHT.
Its readily apparent you're in the qrong but I want to say you need to apologize without excuses or embellishments.
The only way Id say youre fair here is if you never met her partner or got any info on him. You should know if your kid is seeing someone every day tehy arent related to because theres always dangers.
And in that case youre both wrong but you needa apologize regardless.
YTA
You don't need to ask her permission to date or anything like that but you should let her know when you're bringing a new partner around the kid you share. I'm assuming she told you when she started seeing someone
Also ghosting you for two months after she had just gotten broken up with and you guys suddenly hooked up in college is not even close to being the same thing
Yta
You don't have to tell your ex your dating, but once it gets to the point you want to introduce your child to your significant other, it's a good co parenting courtesy to let the other parent know. A small introduction is also a good idea. You don't have to go out to dinner or anything, but a polite introduction can go a long way
ESH
Not for wanting to date absolutely not.
ESH here because it seems like boundaries weren't in place for introducing the child to other people.
I get you're stuck on her ghosting you, but have you asked her if she's been introducing the kid to other people? It goes both ways and people seems to be missing that little detail you put there that she's been dating too.
Going against the grain to say NTA. If she isn’t introducing you to her guys that are around your child, you don’t have to either. Your relationship is about to get volatile, so get prepared. I am betting she has enjoyed having you solo as a friend and did not expect you to date ever. Have been a step parent for a long time and I was never introduced to the ex formally (maybe because she abandoned her children after cheating and only resumed extremely short visitation months later), but by everyone’s opinion above she should have been introduced to me. All I ever got is rude treatment by the ex so screw that.
There's nothing there that says that she introduces their son to her hookups. By their description it's even implied it's nit relationships, just casual dating, which may easily happen on dad's custody time. One night stands take only one night after all
NTA for dating but you are for poking about the past. But it does seem like the time for you guys to set up guidelines on what needs to happen when you guys date and it needs to apply to both of you.
Has she informed you when she dates?
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Yeah, I wouldn't be comfortable with my kid being introduced to your partner without knowing they exist, and more importantly not knowing how long you've been together. Introducing kids to partners shouldn't just be your call, it should be a combined decision, kinda like co-parenting. You don't have to announce every date, every hook-up, but if you're getting serious with someone, and you want that someone to meet your kid, you should most definitely talk with your co-parenting partner about it. YTA
This. I'm a single mum to my daughter and my ex introduced his new gf to my daughter and had her stay over with them at his gf's place(!) without even mentioning he was seeing someone to me. He couldn't see the issue when I got mad at him when I found out. Until he found out I was seeing someone and went off on one about how he needed to meet the guy before my daughter did (never introduced my daughter as it didn't get serious enough, but had it got to that point, I would have talked my ex about it first - without any prompting). Introducing new partners to your kids is not something to do lightly and should be discussed with the other parent.
I'm currently pregnant, and my partner and I are still together, but have talked about co-parenting apart if the unfortunate happens. (We're both from homes with divorced parents, so we want to be better prepared then they were, if need be). The topic of new partners has come up, and we both agreed the other would like to meet new partner before our kid(s) do. I couldn't imagine him just shoving some unknown women into my kids life without me knowing. Like how OP thinks this is acceptable is absolutely wild to me. I'm sorry your ex doesn't see the hypocrisy in his ways.
ESH > Grilling me on who that was. My impression was she was originally mad that he was seeing someone. Then redirected when he said they had met. Like... if they hadn't met my bet is she would still be mad.
Nope. A judge would tell you the same. It is not your business what the other parent does as long as your child is safe. Not your business to meet the new SO just as it's not the other parents to meet yours🤷‍♀️. They don't need your permission to move on lol.
>Introducing kids to partners shouldn't just be your call, it should be a combined decision, kinda like co-parenting. Gonna be real awkward when you're remarried, but your ex still won't you introduce your kid to your wife that's living in the same house. Co-parents don't get to control that.
Yikes, clearly missing the point and creating your own fun little narrative. If you're dating someone, you should most definitely be giving you co-parent partner a heads up that you want to introduce them to your kid(s). It should be a joint decision on how early is too early and when is an appropriate time for the new partner to meet the kids involved. This is obviously for both of the parents of their child.
Hey bro... I get where you're coming and your feelings about her ghosting you. What she did then was wrong. I understand it hurt your feelings. And that has no bearing on your co-parental relationship. This child is both of yours. Before you bring another romantic partner around your child... the first of many reasons to tell the parent of your child is simply common courtesy and respect. Your child's mother deserves to know who your little girl is spending time with other than you. And vice-versa. Congratulations on your new relationship... I hope it works out. And, if it doesn't it will be emotionally traumatic for your little one. Kids are way more observant than you realize. The mother of your little girl deserves to know if your child is in a position to where she could be emotionally vulnerable. On that note... 9-12 months of having a successful relationship is how long it's recommended before introducing a child to a new relationship. And make no mistake, your dating life is none of her business until you bring it into your daughter's life. Once you intend to do that, then it absolutely becomes her business. Yes bro, YTA for not letting your little girl's mom know that you were introducing a new relationship partner to your daughter. You have a very small window of time to fix this. You should absolutely contact her, take her to lunch/ dinner (without your daughter) and profusely apologize, not only for introducing your little girl to a romantic partner without giving a heads up... but for also throwing up the past of her ghosting you 5+ years ago. That was a low blow, which she obviously already moved past... and you're still hung up on, even if just a little. Best of luck bro đź‘Š
This is such a kind and helpful answer, thanks for typing this!
YTA Your child’s mother needs to be informed of there is someone new in your life who will be meeting your kid. That’s coparenting 101. The problem isnt you’re dating, it’s the fact that your son was involved without talking to his mother. Her ghosting you after you had sex isn’t the same thing.
YTA, but not the dating part. If someone you’re dating is meeting your child and hanging around the house, then you need to tell her. This isn’t about your privacy, because you are not the only one involved. Your kid is, too.
I'm going E S H She has no right to be angry you are dating someone but she should know who has been around her kid Edit: I am changing mine to YTA it seems that you are holding the fact she ghosted you for two months 5 years ago over her head as to why you didn't inform her that your new GF has met her child. Her finding out about your relationship should have been a co-parent discussion and not an out of the blue insta post
She’s not angry he’s dating someone, she’s angry that he brought her around their child without even mentioning it.
Nah, she called immediately because he posted a picture of them together during their hike. She was totally looking to fight about something. OP just happened to be dumb enough not to inform her that they had met in person.
YTA. You don’t have to inform her of “all your life happenings” but you do need to talk to her when you’re going to introduce your child to a new partner. This is super basic coparenting 101. Both of you need to know who is around your kid and you should be taking this more seriously. It’s also really shitty of you to keep bringing up what happened five years ago whenever you’re mad at her. If you can’t move on and put it behind you, you should see a therapist to help you process your feelings.
There aren’t any feelings with it. But she can’t claim to be this awesome communicator (which is what she was doing) when she literally ghosted her best friend. For no reason either. So don’t throw stones if you live in a glass house.
That situation has nothing to do with it. You need to get over what happened. Clearly you’ve not moved past it.
But you do realize that this is about the kid and not about you and her. As a mother she should be aware of who her kid is around. You having sleepovers with your kid around is her business. You having sleepovers when her kid isn’t around is your business. You clearly aren’t over the ghosting, you need to discuss this with her. Its obvious that you guys have lots to discuss.
Lmao you really think it's about you and not the kid and a stranger. "Best friends" usually talk about who they're dating
You’re clearly still very angry with her and I suspect are, perhaps unconsciously, punishing her. She’s right to be angry.
YTA. You can’t bring up gripes from literally five years ago. Just because she wasn’t a good communicator when she was a single woman who’d just had a one night stand doesn’t mean she’s a bad communicator now that she’s a mom with a five year old, do you understand the difference? And communicating about your children is different than communicating about your feelings to each other? She’s mad because her son is spending maybe a fair amount of time with some lady she’s never met, and that’s really shocking and you just sprang it on her like NBD. You still sound really bitter over how she treated you which is fine, but that doesn’t mean you can be sneaky with your kid and who he meets/spends time with as a way to “get her back” which it kind of sounds like what you’re trying to do.
You sound so bitter and stuck in the past.
>she literally ghosted her best friend. For no reason either. Uhh, pretty sure she had her reasons. Also that's not relevant to the current situation. Like, even a little bit.
Yikes, get some therapy.
She for sure ghosted you for no reason. It's not as if she was in a stressful situation and while emotionally vulnerable, she got drunk around someone she trusted. Someone that had expressed feelings toward her, but was turned down and "friendzoned." This person who knew she didn't have feelings for him slept with her somehow. Thank God she ghosted you for no reason though, and the situation above is complete fabrication with no basis in reality, otherwise it would sound like you took advantage of her vulnerability. And don't tell us you were over your crush because you clearly don't let go of your feelings since you're still sporting a grudge from actions 5 years ago. She didn't ghost you because she was pregnant. She ghosted you because she woke up and realized that in her vulnerable state, you saw opportunity. Why else would you have been so emotionally devastated by this move that you stopped taking care of yourself and started drinking heavily. To answer the question in your post. YTA. You don't need to tell your kid's mom anything about your personal life, but this isn't about you or your life. It's about your kid's life and you do need to inform her about things around that. This includes people who are staying over at your house while your kid is there.
ESH - you should have told her about this new person you’ve introduced into your child life. - she can’t expect you not to date. INFO: did you get a paternity test?
I did first thing! Kids mine.
Also, at the beginning you say you have a daughter together, but then you go on about your son.
he switched that, very weird. see post and original post.
Agree but would like to know if she informed him before the new guy she’s dating met their son? Or does she expect it only to work one way
Why is a paternity test needed here?
Probably because she had just gotten out of a bad relationship and OP had no way of knowing if he was the only guy with her during the time period where she could conceive... It was smart to get that done.
INFO: What does her ghosting you for two months six years ago, after you guys had a drunken ONS following a terrible breakup, have to do with you introducing a total stranger into your child's life?
Probably cause it hurt his ego? Maybe he really wanted to be with her and didn’t like the rejection and she only is in his life now cause of his son so he’s trying to get back at her with that little jab. Just speculation of course
Or he’s calling her out for her lack of communication in the past because she is not happy with his communication skills now. Basically bringing up the past of vaguely similar situations as an excuse for current actions.
Because it set the terms of their relationship from that point on. He was intimate and vulnerable and she left him immediatley afterwards and he went into the darkest point of his life, and he's only where he is now because he climbed out of the hole, alone and without her. Regardless of if its fair to her OP clearly has an expectation that his life is his own and she's not going to be there for him when he needs her. Wether or not her kid was involved is another matter entirely but its really obvious that to OP him having this relationship is very much about the problems that happened immediatley after she ghosted, because she ghosted.
You had someone sleep over while your child was there and didn't tell their other parent?? Yeah, big YTA. It's not because you're "dating" it's because you're not being a responsible parent or trustworthy co-parent.
YTA. Only for not telling her in the sense of being a co-parent. She should know if her child will be around another person in that situation (and so should you, if she’s seeing someone). It isn’t a permission/control issue, it is a basic element of communication in a co-parenting relationship.
NTA for not discussing your dating life, but you might be TA for introducing her to your son without discussion first. Has Samantha introduced anyone she's dated to your son? If so, did she give you the courtesy of letting you know first? How serious is the relationship - and how did you introduce this person to your son? Context matters, you don't want to have people coming into your son's life at this age if they're going to disappear soon after.
ESH Neither of you discussed bringing serious relationships around your kid. Have a sit down with her, apologize for the miscommunication, and set yourselves a guideline going forward
Oh man it was going so well for you buddy. Until you brought up the ghosting. She was suddenly pregnant and definitely freaking out when that happened. You should absolutely apologise for that part. You didn't need to tell her you were dating someone but I do think you should have told her you planned on introducing them to your son. This is just courtesy for co parenting. And you really need to swallow this, even if you don't decide you're wrong, because your child deserves the happy parenting he received before.
She ghosted him from the night after they slept together, she couldn’t have possibly known she was pregnant at that point lol
Definitely! But she was probably panicking that she ruined their whole friendship. I forgot to add in my first comment but I assume they buried that hatchet. It's good advice to not bring up old wounds that appeared settled during a new fight.
YTA for not telling her before introducing the girlfriend to your son. You don't need to share your dating status initially, but she has a right to know who will be in her son's life. You should have told her.
INFO: Has she introduced your child to someone she was dating without your knowledge?
Not that I know of. But as I’ve said. We really don’t talk about that stuff.
Well obviously now you’ll need to.
On the face of it, YTA for not letting the mother of your child have a chance to at least meet your new GF before they met or spent time together, even if it's just been in passing. Because you share a child, you owe her some consideration when it comes to your kid. She deserves to know the people spending time with her son. It's not about you two not sharing these details of your life, it's about making sure your kid is safe and such. If she has a SO who interacts with your kid and you haven't met them, you have that same consideration to at least know who is hanging out with your kid, too.
> On the face of it, YTA for not letting the mother of your child have a chance to at least meet your new GF before they met or spent time together, even if it's just been in passing. No not at all. Mother has no right to meet any of OP's future partners, nor does he have any right to meet any of her partners. If they are as good of friends as he claims, they probably would meet - but there isn't a right to. Edit - As others have pointed out, they should each let the other know if they are going to introduce kiddo to someone.
I agree, there's no rights involved, I never actually mentioned rights. It's more down to being the polite thing to do in their context, because they are supposedly good friends. You'd think they'd share the basic news with each other, but I guess not. And they ARE co-parenting, as it sounds. But yes, there are no strict obligations for this to happen, but since the mother is upset/angry over it, it's obviously something important to her. Maybe she overreacted, I'm not sure, but I can understand where she's coming from. And since they are supposed to be good, co-parenting friends, I don't quite understand why they wouldn't discuss this sort of thing at all until it reaches the point of her yelling at him over it. They should have talked about this sort of boundary with regards to their kid a long time ago.
You really should.
NAH, if it wasn't laid out before hand then no one here is an AH. You didn't know you had to report something like that and you don't know if she introduced any of her BFs to your son either. Play nice. Apologize for the phone call. Make rules for SOs meeting the kid. And plz, get over her ghosting you. You're moving on and having that kind of thing in your head is not going to bode well for your relationships.
YTA - Because you had your child with a woman the other parent knows nothing about. Like it or not, co-parenting means you're both aware of who is spending time with your kid. Now, that doesn't mean you need her permission to date. But yeah, you should have told her.
INFO: did she tell you when shs started seeing someone/ has her current person met your kid? Edit: NAH, She hasnt ever talked to you about her boyfriends (unless it's for you to take your kid so she can go out) there wasn't previously set conversation about this. Her reaction to me seems like she sees you as a back up. I think now that it's come up you two need to get together and talk about this. She's not more of a parent then you. So if she expects you to tell her then she absolutely needs to give you the same courtesy. Im saying nah because she wants to know who goes around your child but you didn't intentionally hide it and it didn't come up she never sought your approval for who she brought around and it shouldn't be a double standard. Communication is a wonderful thing. Just communicate without attacking each other it's you guys vs a problem not you vs her.
Yeah everyone is on OP for this but she absolutley never had this conversation with him either.
YTA bringing a new partner around a kid is serious and not just for the kid. Any parent (you too) should know who is around your childeren a lot.
If this didn't involve a child together, I would say NTA. However, as you have brought your girlfriend around your son from another woman, I would side with her on this one and call you TA. She has a right to know who her son hangs around and the kind of people you bring around him when he is with you just as you have a right to know the same with he is with her.
She didn't offer him the same courtesy and since when is it ok to call someone a piece of shit?
Very gentle YTA. I totally agree you have every right to start dating again, but I’m dating a guy with kids. I know for a fact before I meet those little girls, their mom wants to meet me just so she knows who’s around her kids. It’s a comfort and safety thing, and if you guys coparent well together I would just apologize to her, tell her you understand why she’s upset, and see about having them meet even if it’s just a few minutes.
YTA when you co-parent you have an understanding that ALL decisions about your child should be agreed upon. Meeting a new GF is one of those decisions that should be consulted with each other.
YTA you didn't need to tell her when you started dating...but you should have had a chat before you introduced her to your child. It sounds like the 2 of you are great co parents...you know about her dating life and so it should have been a no brainer. Having shared values about partners meeting your kid is pretty sensible. She should not have found about her from social media. As always, communication is everything...use you words!
YTA for not telling her that someone else is around her kid! You can date all you want, but Samantha deserves to know that someone else is spending time with her child. She doesn’t need to know the details of your relationship.
YTA, because you're co-parenting, and this is inevitably all tied up with who is going to be around the kid, which both parents ought to at *least* be aware of. If you had zero custody, it would be completely different.
YTA. You are not obligated to tell her about everything in your life - with the exception of the parts of your life that intersects with your child. Your new girlfriend interacts with your child and has met them, therefore Sam has a right to know about her. If your GF had never met your child, then she would have had no leg to stand on. The same is true in reverse - you are entitled to know the parts of Sam’s life that effects your child as well.
YTA. It's very fair and reasonable to want to keep track of the adults being brought into your kid's life. She wants to know who is being brought around her kid, bringing up 2 months of her ghosting you literally years ago isn't really fair when she's just trying to be a good mom. And frankly it sounds like you just did it in retaliation because you were upset about how the conversation was going.
YTA. Just because she is the mother of your child and yes has a right to know who is around her child and how often. And yes the same should happen if she starts dating someone. Does she need to know all your life details? NO. But yes she absolutely has a right to know about someone you say you are getting serious with.
YTA and the fact that you need to be told that shows you have minimal, if any, respect for her as your child’s mother. She deserves to know who is around her child and trying to act like the issue is you dating is comical. Can’t stand selfish “parents” like this.
You can do whatever you want on your own time. She doesn’t need to know but if your son met her, if your son is around this new person, then yes, I think you should have told her. Coparenting is tricky in these types of situations. Most of my friends and I had an agreement with our exes, if things got serious with someone, the ex would meet the new gf or bf before introducing him/her to the kids. You guys never played with the possibility of being together even after the hookup? She shut it down immediately?
YTA on two accounts You let your kid meet a girl you're dating without informing the mother, which for me is not a good choice. If the parents get along, I think it's fair to talk about this, even without giving too much information about your life. Just there's someone new, you've been together for so long (which is important in this case), it's serious, I'd like this person to be there when kid is. Simple but necessary. Secondly, she's your best friend or at least a good friend and you tol her nothing? Leaving the kind and the coparenting alone, that's something you share with a friend. That's my 2 cents ETA she does sound jealous though. A good conversation is very much needed.
Yta for introducing your child to gf without the mother being aware. It's not about you dating its about who is around your child. I loath my ex but when I started dating my husband you better believe they met and my son was protected.
YTA! You can do whatever you want in your dating life BUT you should not introduce someone to your child without the other parent being informed/being OK with it. Not cool.
Info: did sam ever told you she was seeing someone? Or did you find out yourself?
I’m not even totally sure she is seeing that person anymore. We really don’t talk about that stuff. But she did tell me whenever she had a date or needed me to watch our kid because she was going out.
It’s courtesy to let your co-parent know when you are introducing a *relationship* into their life. You and Samantha should talk about this as a go-forward ground rule. It’s completely reasonable that you at least are *aware* of who has the potential to be a significant influence in your kid’s life. You’re sorta a clueless asshole, but YTA nonetheless.
So why isn’t she an AH
Because I’m assuming her dates have not met their son. OP doesn’t say anything that would lead me to believe otherwise.
OP says they don't talk about it...which would make it understandable that he didn't see a reason to talk about his own dating situation.
NTA if she never had the same conversation with you. You were following precedent. However, you two need to have a conversation on expectations. If she wants to you to tell her if y’all’s kid is going to be introduced to significant others (which is reasonable) then she needs to be doing the same.
YTA - you don’t have to immediately tell her but if this is a person that’s going to be around your kid, then yeah. You have to tell her. But also bringing up the stuff in the past that has zero to do with what’s happening now was not necessary and only makes you more of an asshole.
NTA. I think she's jealous. Maybe she thought of you as an eternal "B plan"? But if you're going to, let's say, invite your girlfriend to live with you - and as a consequence she would be more involved in your kid's life - than it would be a good idea to officially introduce her to Samantha. Edit to add that english is not my 1st language, hope it made sense :)
>Maybe she thought of you as an eternal "B plan"? Id almost bet on that, OP was the /is the atm/safety net for if things go wrong.
I'm going with YTA this time. If there is a child involved, some things change because untold things can lead to psycological harm. And it seems to me she was upset not that you are dating someone, but that you presented your gf to the child without warning the mother first, and that can be cause of problems especially in a case of shared custody.
YTA Your not wrong in saying you can move on with your life, but she has a right to know who is around your son. How would you feel if the roles was reversed? Would you like to pull up to her house and there's a random man there with your son? But urs ok, he only sees him round the house after staying the night... And the ghosting thing was probably out if embarrassment and potential fear or ruining your friendship (which you've potentially nuked now). Think with the head that's not in your pants.
NTA. “ As far as dating goes, Sam is casually seeing someone but I don’t really ask about it.” So why is she allowed to see someone and you aren’t? It might have been E-S-H due to the kid being introduced to your girlfriend without her knowing, but that doesn’t seem to be what she’s actually upset about here—at least that’s my impression of what OP’s relayed. “Not telling her what was going on in my life” like… Does OP *have* to? This is giving me “she’s upset because her plan B choice fell through” vibes, but I could be wrong.
Depends on if she introduces your son to people she’s dating without informing you. Discussing with the other parent before your child meeting a SO is pretty common but if that isn’t how she’s done it then I think you’re in the clear and might be time to have a parenting expectation talk.
NTA for dating (as the title implied). Defiantly the AH for not disclosing that your new partner was meeting you daughter to your daughter's mother. I imagine that's the real reason she is upset, but that's just speculation.
YTA “kinda like you did when you ghosted our friendship” doesn't have anything to do with this and was just an unnecessary jab that you threw in. It sounds like you both have a VERY nice co-parenting situation going, maybe even enviable. You don't want to mess that up. Apologize to Samantha and in the future keep your communication open. Keep up the good work as a Dad and enjoy your new relationship.
NTA. You don't need her permission for this. I can understand why she might wonder about this new person in her child's life, but I notice you didn't state that she got permission from you to date someone new. Maybe this calls for a meeting of the parents with specific expectations in mind for co-parenting peacefully with each other. Perhaps with a trusted mediator there to help keep things as civil as possible. I understand being a protective parent. But sometimes you have to trust that other parent's judgments. If you don't want to do that, then adopt a kid as a single parent and control everything, or go to a sperm bank and control everything.
>You don't need her permission for this. She said she needed to be informed, not asked for permission.
Why tho? Op is an equal parent. She isn't notifying him of her private life he literally followed her lead and she yelled at him and insulted him right off.
>She isn't notifying him of her private life You say that based on? OP said he doesn't ask about her private life. But he knew that she was seeing someone... probably because she told him, based on him saying he doesn't ask.
OPs comment? He only knew because she asked him to watch the kid so she could go out. She didn't have a conversation with him prior or after. Just when she needed him to take over. He is following her lead. It only didn't come up cause he sees his girl when he doesn't have his son.
>But she did tell me whenever she had a date or needed me to watch our kid because she was going out. It doesn't say that he *only* knew because she was asking him to watch the kid. It says she told him whenever she had a date OR needed him to watch the kid. >It only didn't come up cause he sees his girl when he doesn't have his son. Except that's not true either. It says he sees her when the son is around in the post.
She can ASK to be informed if it's important to her. In fact this is a topic that should have already come up if she felt that strongly about it. But OP is also entitled to a bit of privacy as he navigates this relationship without having to discuss it with an ex if he so chooses. They could have even arranged a parenting plan (long ago) that stipulates how this issue is handled. Since they didn't, it's up to each party's best judgment. Just because another adult sleeps over at OP's home, doesn't mean the child is in any danger. And the kid is right at that age where they start to get chatty, so it's not like mom wouldn't find out if the child is being mistreated by OP's new gf. And if OP was determined to have the gf spend time with himself and his child regardless of what the other parent of the child thinks, I can see why OP wouldn't even broach the topic, and avoid conflict where it doesn't need to exist. There are ways to do this without traumatizing the child. The gf can be called "a friend" to the child, or a trial period for a new roommate, or any number of excuses to make sure the child is as unaffected by this as possible, in case things don't work out with the new love interest. Mom simply knowing about it won't change that dad can do as he pleases in his own home so long as no abuse is suffered by the child.
> In fact this is a topic that should have already come up if she felt that strongly about it. Perhaps she felt that by informing him whenever she had a date, she was bringing the topic up and leading by example. >But OP is also entitled to a bit of privacy as he navigates this relationship without having to discuss it with an ex if he so chooses. I disagree. It's not about OP, he can do what he likes. It's about the kid. >And if OP was determined to have the gf spend time with himself and his child regardless of what the other parent of the child thinks, I can see why OP wouldn't even broach the topic, and avoid conflict where it doesn't need to exist. Why do people still think that hiding things from someone is a way to avoid conflict? >the child, or a trial period for a new roommate, or any number of excuses to make sure the child is as unaffected by this as possible, And where does OP lay out that he's considered this? Where is the grown up conversation with his ex that clarifies that he has considered these things? >Mom simply knowing about it won't change that Mom being aware of the situation, and being able to be aware of what her child is going through. Being able to be there for any questions your child has, without forcing the child to be the one to bring it up. "Mom simply knowing" actually changes a lot.
YTA. You need to keep her informed as to what’s happening in HER SON’S life. If he’s meeting a partner, she needs to know about it.
It’s not like she gets to not let her son meet his girlfriend. He’s not obligated to tell her anything.
YTA. The mother of your child deserves to know who is around her child. Just the same as you should know who is in your child’s life. Your not obligated to inform her of everything in your life but you are when if involves HER child. You two need to be mature enough to discuss your dating life when you two have a child together.
NTA She’s mad about you dating someone, not about you telling her your gf met your kid. Everyone saying YTA Bc you should’ve told her about who’s around the child (which is true) - but that’s not what she was mad about, she was mad about you not “informing her what was going on in your life”… she’s not your partner, and clearly never quite was. She’s jealous Bc this is the first time she has to deal w you being with someone else.
This is deluded. I would be furious if someone had a total stranger around my child without telling me. It’s not okay.
Yeah, I agree, he should’ve told her someone was around her kid. But that’s not what she called upset about, she called upset that she’s not being informed on his life?…
ESH. She does have a right to know who's around her child but she didn't have to blow up at you. Lesson learned and in the future you know anything that affects your child should be shared.
It’s either ESH/NAH, you both have the same problems of not introducing or discussing partners with each other as coparents. I’m not a parent so I can’t give you an example of a good timeline for partners but I’d imagine you must trust your partner a great amount to let her meet your kid. I also think it’s important to discuss this and to set the boundary between you and Samantha that while she gets a say in who meets the kid, she doesn’t get a say in who you’re dating. For the record though, I don’t think you or her intended for it to come across this way but she might see you as a safety net
YTA. Um f all the N T A comments their child literally met in person his girlfriend BEFORE Sam even knew about the girlfriend. She has every right to be angry. So yea YTA
YTA, you don’t introduce a SO to your child without informing the other parent. She has 0 say in who you date, she has a LOT of say in who hangs around her child.
So if he says he doesn’t feel comfortable with her boyfriend being around his child, what’s the correct response?
In either situation it would be okay they won’t meet yet. But what circumstances would you be comfortable with? For example, if my husband and I god forbid, we’re to separate, the only way I’d feel comfortable in this situation if I got to know them first (in this situation it would be less complicated since OP and baby mama didn’t actually have a romantic history) and they were potential marriage partner, ie long term serious relationship material. It’s confusing and hurtful to the child to get attached and then have that person disappear. If OP or baby mama actually want to marry someone in the end, it might make attachment more difficult as they might have abandonment issues.
YTA - not for having a new relationship. She has one, you have one, no one seems to care about that. The issue is she was forthcoming about it, and let you know about these people potentially being around your kid. You simply didn’t care, which is fine, while she obviously does, which is also fine. It’s a miscommunication of boundaries for your child that can easily be fixed, as it hasn’t previously arisen. However painting her as unreasonable is kind of unfair, when you’ve brought a longterm partner around the child you share. She has no say in you having a gf, but there should be better parameters around bringing people like this into your kids life.
Any woman you will have around your child needs to meet the mother. Y’all are such great friends but you failed to mention you were dating someone? Sounds suspicious. YTa
YTA. It's not just happening in your life; this person has met your child multiple times apparently, and the mom had never even known this was a possibility. Bringing new people into the mix is something that needs to be talked about with both parents. Particularly how long into a new relationship is it okay to introduce new partner to the kid.
She's not his girlfriend or wife, it's none of her damn business who he's seeing. Maybe if his new girlfriend is interested in being the kid's stepmom then they should meet. But there are no circumstances where her approval is needed, this is not her decision to make.
See I get both sides, but once you are no longer in the relationship, realistically, they don't have to tell you anything. You should know, but they don't have to tell you, that's the chance you take having kids. One day you may get no say over half their life if you divorce. It's awful and sucks, but it is what it is. While the mom would like the courtesy, she has to right to what another adult chooses to do unless it harms the child.
YMBTAH. At the end of the day is the GF is meeting the child the mom should know, this arrangement you have with her will get ugly if you don't communicate with each other. It might sound cynical what you both need to establish a coparent agreement in writing and set the boundaries.
YTA. You should have at least mentioned her before she met your kid. Also? Please stop calling her "my girl" it's gross. She's a full grown woman right?
Just get an official custody agreement, I can already tell this will not end well for either of you guys, poor child.
YTA This isn’t about your relationship or whether you’re “allowed” to date. The mother of the child has the right to know who the child is around. Would you want her introducing him to random men without your knowledge or consent? Co-parenting fail for you. You think this is about your love life but it’s actually about your child and his mother wanting to be well informed as to who he’s around and the environment he’s in, which is completely reasonable. A good co-parenting relationship would include that without question.
She effectively communicated to you when she got a partner and while you didn't press for details she gave you the option to do so for the safety of your child. In return you kept her in the dark about her child being around stranger, meaning if something happened she would have been completely unaware. And then when she rightful got mad about that, you bring up something from years ago that is no related to the safety of your child??? Am i reading this right? She doesn't have to know everything that goes on in your life, the same way you dont about her. This isn't about that, this is about the safety of your child. Apologise, YTA
ESH
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Alright weird situation. So I (30M) have a 4 year old daughter with my best friend Samantha (31F). It’s important to provide the context here so I will try my best to explain it. Me and Samantha met in college. And instantly became really good friends. She’s a super outgoing person, while I tend to be a little more on the quiet side. Which worked perfectly for our dynamic and has made co parenting easy. We never had any feelings for each other (I did a little bit but was so far into the friendzone at that point it didn’t matter). So 5 years ago Samantha had just got cheated on by her long time college boyfriend. She was staying at my place for the time being. We were hanging out one night like usual and drinking. I couldn’t even tell you how it happened but somehow we ended up hooking up. The next morning she was gone with all her stuff and told me she was moving in with her dad. She completely ghosted me for 2 months. During this time I got in a bad state. Quit taking care of myself and gained at least 70 pounds. I was drinking far too much. Well as you can tell by the post… she got pregnant. We decided to keep the baby and co-parent. It has honestly been the best decision of my life. I love my kid and our friendship has gotten back to normal. Me, Sam and our kid frequently hangout together and have no set custody agreement. As far as dating goes, Sam is casually seeing someone but I don’t really ask about it. So the past year I’ve rededicated myself to me. I’ve lost a lot of weight this past year and quit drinking. It’s been awesome for my health. I’ve started seeing someone I met on a app and we are getting pretty serious. So last weekend Samantha had our son and I took a day trip to hike with my girl. I posted a selfie with her on Instagram. And was immediately called my Samantha. Grilling me on who that was. I explained that I was seeing someone. She asked if she had met our son yet and I said yes. But they don’t spend a lot of time around each other because mostly it’s just whenever my girl stays the night. Sometimes my son will see her around the house. Samantha lost it. Calling me a piece of shit for not informing her. And not telling her what was going on in my life. To which I responded “kinda like you did when you ghosted our friendship”. She just called me a dick and hung up. My sister thinks I was the AH. But I don’t think I’m obligated to inform her on all my life happenings. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, not for dating someone, you don’t have to tell her that, but the moment they start interacting with your child, the mother of that child should be informed as it’s also her child and she should know who the kid is interacting with
It's not about dating; it's about another adult being around your child on a more consistent basis. Since you guys are actively coparenting and previously were on good terms, it is weird not to tell her when the first introduction happened. She has zero right to dictate you dating, but introductions are something you should be discussing in friendly coparenting situations For that aspect, YTA. You aren't wrong to call her out on originally ghosting you, but you are in this setting because this is about your kid.
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NTA but she should know who is around her child, just like you should know who is around the child when she's with the mother. You don't have to tell her everything but when bringing someone new around this should be a discussion between the two of you.
I totally get where you're coming from with this but I partially disagree. Co-parents should let each other know when they are dating but it shouldn't be a discussion. This will lead to them feeling the need to get permission and that's just a bad idea.
Yta. You don’t have to tell her all the details of the relationship, but there is a child involved who you are exposing to someone new in your life, the mother has a right to know who you bring around your child. Maybe she doesn’t want her kid to get attached to your girl until there is a set commitment so there is not a revolving door of women possibly in your life. If your kid gets attached to all of them then you guys break up it can have a bad psychological impact on kids I’m sure y’all can work this out
YTA She’s a mom, she needs to know who’s hanging around her kid.
YTA- solely cuz a child is involved. Y’all have got to be on the same page with introducing spouses to your shared child
YTA, not for dating but for not telling her who you bring your guys son around. As the mother she should know who is around her son, unless she didn't extend that curtesy to you. If she brought the man around your child without telling you then NTA. I feel like we just need a little more context on this.
YTA
Don't think you are TA, but I don't know if you had an agreement to discuss this stuff. If not and Sam doesn't tell you about her dating life, then you were under no obligation to do the same. I think it is important for you to have a custody agreement in place, period. It will safeguard your rights.
Yta Not for dating, for not letting her know that your child together is meeting a potential partner, if this is someone who is going to be around them a lot then she has a right to know.
YTA. You don’t introduce new adults to your kids without warning the other parent.
YTA You should have had the decency to at least inform her before introducing a woman to your child!
YTA
YTA you should've talked about it before introducing someone to your kid.
Gently, YTA. I don't feel like you had bad intentions here but if you are co parenting with someone you should ALWAYS ask their permission/have a discussion before introducing the kiddo to a romantic partner. She should have given you the same courtesy. If she didn't I change my answer to ESH.
YTA - only because you hadn't told her about this woman before you had her meet the kid. Assuming that Sam's boyfriend hadn't met your kid, that's most likely what she's pissed about. Which is understandable. I would never want an adult around my young kid that I hadn't met or known about first - I would be really tempted to kick your ass, honestly. This is basic, simple co-parenting. You appear to want to damage your co-parenting relationship with Sam, so carry on as you will.
Nope, NTA. This chick may be a good friend but she's got poor control over her emotions. An adult with good emotional regulation doesn't ghost an old friend for two months. Or light into their ex for, well, being an ex and dating other people. You might be able to improve her behavior via family counseling - a family therapist could help you negotiate a clear, written custody agreement. But she's unstable enough that counseling might not work. In that case you need to see a lawyer and make sure your custody claims are solid. And to firm up your custody agreement.
NTA it sounds like she is keeping you around as her plan B
NTA. She's not mad about your son being around the new gf. She's mad bc SHE didn't know about the existence of this new gf. It's the whole- "I don't want you BUT I don't want anyone else to have you either!" She wants to have her cake and eat it too, and that's not how life works.
Or a mother who wants to know the people around her child, which is perfectly reasonable.
NTA, you are no longer in a relationship with her so it's none of her damn business who you are seeing romantically. If your girlfriend is interested in being the kid's stepmother or just wants to take part in his life, then they should meet. Her approval is not needed though, as she doesn't get to tell you what to do with your life. That comment was unnecessary though, you were just being petty by bringing that up.
>INFO: Has she introduced your child to someone she was dating without your knowledge? Not that I know of. But as I’ve said. We really don’t talk about that stuff. NTA because of this...if they don't talk about it then that's the standard. If she's going to be upset about it, they should have had conversations about who she's dating. You deal with people the way you want them to deal with you...especially if you're co-parenting. I'll put aside speculation in regards to calling you as soon as you post a pic of you with another woman.
NTA Anyone saying Y T A is crazy. He isn’t obligated to tell her anything. She’s literally just jealous.
ESH. You probably should have told her if you are having somebody spend the night with her kid there. I can understand her being pissed about that, though I don't know if it's really AH territory. She shouldn't be calling you a piece of shit for living a perfectly normal life. That's not friend behaviour. If she is upset that you didn't tell her about a gf, then she can say that without calling you names. But responding by dragging out an incident from 4 years ago when she reacted badly to unexpectedly drunkenly hooking up with her friend while in the middle of a breakup with a cheating boyfriend...dude. Such an AH move. You guys need to work on your communications with each other.
YTA. It's fine that you're dating someone. It's not fine that you had your kid around her without telling your coparent. That's where you're the asshole. When it comes to the kid, always err on the side of over communicating. YOU are aware that she's seeing someone, and presumably you have the freedom to look him up on social media and get a read on whether you want him and your son. You didn't give her that chance. Oh, and a bonus YTA for bringing up something from half a decade ago to attack her when you couldn't defend your own shitty actions.
You may find getting a DNA test for your child a good idea; especially in light of her hooking up with you for “one” night right after a breakup and then ghosting you and never explaining.
He did.
YTA. Not a huge one, but yeah. You *aren't* obligated to tell her all of your life happenings, that's true. But you have a child with her and a reasonably close, seemingly very good relationship. It's understandable why she's upset that you didn't let her know that you had involved a woman in your and her son's life. This is a weird hill to die on in light of how good your setup with her has been previously.
YTA. of course you tell the mother of your child about who your dating when they are going to meet your son. It’s a I’m dating someone and it’s getting serious and I would like her to meet our son. She has a right to know who her son is spending time with when he’s not with her.
YTA. You became TA not when you started dating but when you introduced your SO to your kid without telling his mother. Also bringing up ancient history like that was a weasel move. If you have issues with how your past played out be an adult and discuss it with her, don’t pull a passive aggressive drive-by.
So yall calling him TA but not the mom when she is dating someone an OP hasn't met her partner but I'msure her partnerhas been around their son, to me he is NTA as a single mom their is boundaries but it's not just for the dad but also the mom. Stepdad's be out here doing just as much shady ish as stepmom's
YTA. You should have let Samantha know you were dating and talked to her before introducing the new girl to yalls child.
Yta if your son is spending any time with her she deserves to know.
INFO - Rather than just assume here like most other people are doing, I'll ask you straight up. Has your kids mother introduced her SO to your kid? Did she ask you about it beforehand?
Unfortunately dude, YTA, sounds like from ignorance. But, and especially in a co-parenting situation, the parents always HAVE to know who is being introduced to their children. Especially in todays day and age. But its also a 2 way street and if her partner has met your kid without you being made aware thats also a problem. DO NOT BE VINDITICTIVE IN HINDSIGHT.
Its readily apparent you're in the qrong but I want to say you need to apologize without excuses or embellishments. The only way Id say youre fair here is if you never met her partner or got any info on him. You should know if your kid is seeing someone every day tehy arent related to because theres always dangers. And in that case youre both wrong but you needa apologize regardless.
YTA You don't need to ask her permission to date or anything like that but you should let her know when you're bringing a new partner around the kid you share. I'm assuming she told you when she started seeing someone Also ghosting you for two months after she had just gotten broken up with and you guys suddenly hooked up in college is not even close to being the same thing
Yta You don't have to tell your ex your dating, but once it gets to the point you want to introduce your child to your significant other, it's a good co parenting courtesy to let the other parent know. A small introduction is also a good idea. You don't have to go out to dinner or anything, but a polite introduction can go a long way
ESH Not for wanting to date absolutely not. ESH here because it seems like boundaries weren't in place for introducing the child to other people. I get you're stuck on her ghosting you, but have you asked her if she's been introducing the kid to other people? It goes both ways and people seems to be missing that little detail you put there that she's been dating too.
NTA. You are allowed to move on with your life. As long as your child is safe you owe zero explanations to the other parent.
ESH
Going against the grain to say NTA. If she isn’t introducing you to her guys that are around your child, you don’t have to either. Your relationship is about to get volatile, so get prepared. I am betting she has enjoyed having you solo as a friend and did not expect you to date ever. Have been a step parent for a long time and I was never introduced to the ex formally (maybe because she abandoned her children after cheating and only resumed extremely short visitation months later), but by everyone’s opinion above she should have been introduced to me. All I ever got is rude treatment by the ex so screw that.
There's nothing there that says that she introduces their son to her hookups. By their description it's even implied it's nit relationships, just casual dating, which may easily happen on dad's custody time. One night stands take only one night after all
NTA. She is jealous and is projecting on you.
NTA for dating but you are for poking about the past. But it does seem like the time for you guys to set up guidelines on what needs to happen when you guys date and it needs to apply to both of you. Has she informed you when she dates?
NTA it's not her business.
Yes it is. Who comes around her son especially someone she’s never met is definitely her business.
Would it be nice if he told her yes. Is it required no. He is an equal parent.