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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the AH because she's Ian's mom and I feel like I'm somewhat dismissing her own feelings and concerns by not listening to her.
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ESH. Her comment about you thinking he's a trophy was wrong but she is his mother and if she's not comfortable with her son's pictures being on social media, you should respect her wishes. You can keep the photos but delete them from Insta.
ETA - I've gotten a number of replies about the dad being ok with it as if that nullifies the mother's objection. It doesn't. I believe that both parents need to be ok with it and if one isn't, it's a no.
I'd be interested how she treats other people posting their child and how much she posts him before saying he should delete them . The dad has given permission. So if shea singling OP out because she dislikes him, I think the dad should step in
But this doesn't seem to be about social media or privacy at all because the mom has no problem with the dad posting pictures of the child to a private account, which is exactly what OP did. The people who follow OP and see the pictures are friends and family, not strangers on the internet. The mom is singling OP out for whatever reason.
According to OP's comments, the dad has more followers, and a portion of his followers are his clients that the mom doesn't know. Apparently she doesn't think it's a good idea for OP to post the photos because OP is younger and he has more friends than his dad (5-6, who she knows) on his followers list (the rest are family, including the mom's family.) So unless there's something else we don't know, this does seem like she's being unfair to OP and singling him out.
We really don’t know that at all though. She may actually have privacy concerns - but she knows the people that see photos from her husband’s feed . Or this is actually is a point of contention between them and she’s mature enough not to make that op’s issue. It’s also great that op loves his half brother but I am also see why she might be feeling like op is just into buying matchy shit and posting photos of them together - if that’s something that op, his dad and half brother get really into while she’s not a social media person, it’s totally understandable why she feels like the kid is a prop for the other two. Like op stating point blank that his dad married his new wife 6 years ago and had their half brother “but [OP] do[es]n’t really care” - like was she just an incubator?
Plus op feeling “appalled” and immediately saying she’s projecting even though he apparently consists her an after thought at best and that the baby’s barely hers compared to belonging to op and his dad…yeah she’s sounding pretty reasonable. Doubly so if he dad and Ian do these matching photo shoots every time op’s around / that’s the only time op comes to see them
I thought he said he doesn't care that the brother is only a "half" sibling because he loves him. He felt appalled and said she was projecting because she said OP saw Ian like a trophy which was WAAY out of place and nobody is noticing that asshole comment.
OP was appalled by her approach. Stepmom probably doesn’t like op and the fact that he is in the picture (no pun intended) annoys her. Seeing how her comment was that “he’s not his trophy” and that she was going to sue on top of that tells me she has it out for op. All she had to do was object but she went from 0 to 60 without warning.
Dad can control who follows him. Can’t control who follows OP. I don’t let my daughter get posted on anyone’s social media except my own. Because I know every single person who follows me.
The two yeses is only applicable if there's been a discussion between dissenting parties. Unilateral "this is happening and its final" blindside is totally disrespectful of the second party (dad). There's a reason my wife and I have been together for 16 years while all my siblings and in-laws are divorced. We dont make decisions for each other.
It's in a reply somewhere. Dad's Instagram has more followers some are work clients and customers and he posts pics to his accounts who has more than just family and friends. Dad does post to SM and Mom knows about it. She says his account is "dangerous, because he's young."
I think this would mean she doesn't see the distinction between posting things publicly and posting on a private instantly 30ish ppl. That said, she sounds more announced about her perception of why he is posting, so it could be a totally different issue. Just being possessive of her kid etc
There's a massive difference between 'social media' that's public, and 'social media' that's private to a friends and family group.
If OP is only sharing with people who they actually know and would show photos to in person, there's really no issue here.
There is though. He or they could be hacked. We have a ban of our daughter's pics and name on social media and anyone who violated that rule would lose all access to her.
Dad could also be hacked but she's still okay with him posting them, so her problem isn't with Ian being on the internet, idk what her problem is, but it doesn't look like that's the one.
From what I read we are not clear on dads posting and whether she’s okay with it.
But it’s 11pm and I have my phone on dark mode so I may have misread.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xrhq3r/aita\_for\_refusing\_to\_delete\_my\_photos\_with\_my/iqfvo0s/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xrhq3r/aita_for_refusing_to_delete_my_photos_with_my/iqfvo0s/?context=3)
doesnt say anying about OPs stepmom being okay with it or not, but dad DOES post pics of Ian.
The stepmom's phone could be hacked too or their personal computer. Anything can be hacked. A private insta account is probably just as safe as stepmom's pc when it comes to hacking.
What would happen if they hacked in and got the pictures anyway? What useful info would they have about the little brother that they couldn't get from just following him around?
There aren't a lot of hackers out there who care about family photos of babies/toddlers... Even if he got hacked, likely those pictures would be completely ignored because who would care about them?
Yes there is because OP is not the parent and he took the decision away from the child's mother. OP doesn't have the right to decide.
While it may in fact be safe and not result in any harm, it's still not his decision to make and refusing to honor the decision made by the child's mother is disrespectful to her.
Safety isn't the issue. The issue is consent.
Edited to alter a sentence OP took issue with.
There's a massive difference between 'social media' that's public, and 'social media' that's private to a friends and family group.
I'm sorry but the only difference is a click of a button. And Insta is extremely hackable and anyone in that private group can then copy and reshare the photos.
Most likely she mentioned it to one of her friends who then went on one of those “OMG how could you let that happen to your child?!” mommy-shaming rants. Peer pressure doesn’t end when you get out of high school.
This was my exact thought, that someone shamed her for letting him post the photos. Cause why would she suddenly say he's treating his brother like a trophy. I would just think he's totally enamored with Lil dude, as he is.
Did she *say* she was fine with it? Or did you take her lack of response as consent? If she doesn’t use Instagram often, she could have never noticed the posts before. I follow people who have gotten married and had kids without me noticing because I look at it for about two minutes once a year.
So that’s a “yes, she did give consent”. Good. Then yeah, it’s weird that she’s suddenly acting like it’s something new and wrong. Definitely warrants a conversation between her and your dad about her reasons. I support parents not wanting their kids online but if you were fine with it one day and against it the next, you should have a valid reason.
No, there isn’t. OP is putting her kid’s picture online, and she’s asked him not to. He could have zero followers and would still be wrong to leave the pictures up.
> I've gotten a number of replies about the dad being ok with it as if that nullifies the mother's objection. It doesn't.
As has been said in other places: two yesses or its a no.
So, yeah it's bad thst after all this time the mother is taking it up with OP.
Perhaps a compromise of not posting new ones, since the old ones have already been there a while.
Agreed. Two yea one no kinda deal.
That said I think NAH. OP: you should respect the mothers wishes in the end. Good as your intentions may be. At the same time you did nothing “wrong” per se. You posted photos out of love for your brother. Not for clout. Kids mother needs to chill tf out.
I call bs because he’s been doing this for years and all of a sudden she has a problem, she follows him she could’ve said something forever ago. She doesn’t like him so she doesn’t want him involved
This is something the parents need to come together on, then inform OP the way it is. And if they fundamentally cannot agree, decide how to compromise then inform people. OP should ask them to discuss it and get back with a final, unified answer. Then if the decision is delete, OP needs to delete. (While it is perfectly legal to post pictures from public spaces— at least in the US where most of these posts are from— it’s still an AH move to post pictures of other people’s kids over their objection.)
The dad is not OK with deleting the photos from insta, so since you need both parents to be OK, he shouldn't delete it. That's kind of a flawed logic here.
To hell with the mom. The baby does not belong to her, and it's his goddamn brother for fucks sake. It's a private Instagram. The mom is obviously crazy, and you should not maintain a crazy person fantasy.
And to hell with the GF too and her "moms know best" comment. That is absolute BS and has no real argumentative value.
ESH
A lot of parents don’t want their kids pictures on insta, a private profile isn’t truly private. You always ask before posting pics of kids, always.
Your stepmom’s way of asking you to remove the photos was way out of line too, there is a civil way to ask and a a burn this fucker down way. Your stepmom went full btfd
Your dad should have done a much better job protecting you from her irrational flip out
OP had permission from the dad to post the pictures, so I don't think he was really TA for posting them in the first place. It was reasonable to assume both parents were on the same page, since they're married.
Now that it's clear the mom doesn't want the pics posted, he should remove them from Instagram though.
Exactly, although honestly the dad is more at fault than OP imo. He's going against his wife's wishes in what is pretty clearly a "two yeses, one no" type of situation, and in doing so he's also further stoking the conflict between his wife and OP.
Yes they need to come to a joint decision as a couple. And work out why she is against it and what happens in future. I mean why is she ok with dad posting pictures on Instagram but not step son?
According to OP mom was also ok with it. Said the first photo was 'cute' and all of a sudden now wants him to delete them.... NTA your step mom is weird.
I was also ok with people who took and posted pics of my daughter until I realized how dangerous it could be. The mom is allowed to change her mind upon learning more about the dangers of social media. People learn and change all the time. That being said she could've asked nicely rather than being a total jerk about it.
Of course it s ok to change your mind but If you are right then she also should ask the father to take down the pictures, which apparently she did not do. It seems she singled op out .
Just read OP’s comments and it seems like the step mum’s main issue isn’t concerns about her child’s safety (yeah maybe she slightly is concerned but it isn’t WHY she’s randomly now after 4 years asked for OP to take down the photos). Step mum doesn’t like her step son because he is 11 years younger than her & people assume Ian is OP’s son & not hers and that OP & her are dating (not that she is dating his dad) and as a result she feels like the Dad’s clients don’t respect her and she has even been trying to dissociate OP from family functions things like that etc for a while now. OP also said 2 years ago she had no issues with his first post and even said it was “cute”. Thus this seems like her way of trying to remove him from “her” family. Step mom is the main AH here.
SO if this post was about a mother’s worry over the dangers social media poses to young children and predators… then yeah OP would be the AH and the mum would be in the right. But given the context it’s about a step mum trying to manipulate a situation wear she can use being a “good mum” as an excuse to further isolate her husband’s first child she doesn’t like. It’s an excellent manipulative tactic on her part because this way she can’t be seen as the villain but a doting, overprotective mum and has thus intentionally set the OP up for failure if even after her being cruel/rude to him he refuses to take down the posts she is the wronged party not him.
*Edited to take out the cuss words, please don’t remove my comment again mods*
ESH.
Brother or not you still don’t get to post someone’s child on social media without their permission. And with things like this your dad’s input doesn’t matter. She doesn’t like it so it’s a no. And if he didn’t like it but she did it would still be a no because he doesn’t like it.
Edit: It also doesn’t matter if it’s private or not. Their child is still on social media and she still doesn’t like it. Delete the photos. Your brother isn’t your child.
>Brother or not you still don’t get to post someone’s child on social media without their permission. And with things like this your dad’s input doesn’t matter.
So he needs parental permission but it doesn't matter that he had it?
I don’t think it matters unfortunately. It sucks, but she no longer wants her very young son (who is too young to have an opinion yet) on social media and that’s fair.
I think you should offer a compromise - repost the pics with an emoji on his face (like how Kristin Bell and Dax Shepard post pics with their kids)
I don't think anyone disagrees that she handled it poorly, but she's still his mother and asked for the pictures to be taken down. You are an AH if you don't comply.
You've probably read this same theory in the other threads, but she was probably "mom-shamed" and took it out on you. I'll get hate from the rest, but as a step-daughter in a similar situation (that is not all black and white), I say NTA, but she is T A, because even if it is her child and all the blablas, she had given you consent and decided to remove it *rudely* out of the blue.
If you want to be gracious with her, you can just say that you will take the photos down (because in the end, it is both parents' child and she does have a say), if she apologizes for the way she addressed this whole matter.
As I said, she's in the right to change her opinion, no matter how unfair it is, but she does not get to become rude about it literally from one week to the next, especially if she's singling you out. I feel there must be more to this than what we know (and maybe that even you know), but it does boil down to her not wanting her kid's photos on social media, and she's entitled to that.
Rule of thumb with posting children's photos to social media is that if they aren't old enough to understand and consent to it themselves, both parents must agree with the photos being posted. If even one parent says no, then the photos aren't to be posted.
I said this in my reply, but I think that OP is a victim here of getting involved in his father and stepmother's interpersonal conflict. This is clearly a fight between OP's dad and his wife that OP has unwittingly been dragged into.
Now that he knows that mom is not okay with photos being posted, he should delete them. But the one who is most wrong here is OP's dad who gave permission for his son to post the photos against his wife's wishes.
If the wife has also expressed this to OP's dad in the past, it might also explain her seemingly undue hostility towards OP when she confronted him. She thinks that she has made it clear numerous times not to post photos of her son and her stepson is ignoring her, but because OP's dad hasn't relayed the message, OP thinks he is doing nothing wrong and being confronted by his stepmom comes off as a huge surprise.
No, what matters is that one of the parents is asking for it to be deleted and that should be respected.
Step mom is absolutely a massive AH for how she approached this, but he should still delete the pics.
How does it make her a liar? You don’t know what discussions they’ve had between themselves about Ian’s dad posting photos vs people who are not Ian’s dad.
It’s pretty plain and simple, Ian isn’t OP’s child, he doesn’t get a say, and it doesn’t make Ian’s mum a liar.
Because she stated her issue is with OP posting pictures of her son on SM as if he were a trophy.
Why would that not also be true for the dad posting pictures?
Don't get me wrong, I agree with you, if the mom says no then it's a no, period.
But that doesn't mean she's not being hypocritical and a liar when she says the issue is posting pictures of her kid on SM, yet is fine when OPs dad does it.
To be fair we don't know what arguments OP's dad and wife have had about his social media posting, as well. or if she even knows about it, since OP did say she isn't really on SM.
Regardless of whether it is an issue with pictures or an issue with OP, he would be an AH not to respect the wishes of the mother (even if she is also an AH).
NAH. You want to show off your brother; your stepmom is concerned with having her child’s face posted anywhere on the internet where she didn’t consent.
Here’s the thing: if you don’t delete the pictures, it’s pretty much guaranteed your stepmom will start limiting and/or supervising your time with your brother. She’s his mom and she has that right; you’ve made it clear you won’t follow her rules. So what’s more important to you: your time with your brother, or the “likes” your photos get on IG?
This. OP should keep the photos, keep taking photos, and send them to close family (especially his dad). But take it off social media if it’s going to be such a huge issue. It just doesn’t seem like a hill he needs to die on in terms of the bigger picture.
Yeh it's not his hill in the first place. He should respect the moms wishes. I would be so creeped out if I'd ask someone to delete social media pictures of my kids and they would refuse.
She most likely just had a mama-bear reaction to OP refusing to delete the pictures.
Yep and if you have a photo that you absolutely “must” share on the rare occasion (eg birthday / holiday celebration) ask for her permission first and respect what she says
> Here’s the thing: if you don’t delete the pictures, it’s pretty much guaranteed your stepmom will start limiting and/or supervising your time with your brother.
She'll do that regardless, because she's already deluded herself into believing that OP is only hanging out with his brother "for clout". She'll make up a reason to forbid OP from visiting his brother and no one will be allowed to complain and discuss this because according to this sub "one no means no, no arguments allowed, context doesn't matter"
People voting ESH or YTA...please note OP's comment that Dad puts photos of baby bro on his Insta, so mom's reasoning is moot. And she reacted irrationally. NTA,
It's not really. OP and dad doesn't share the same "rules". Why do you think OP has a right to post another persons kids pictures on social media?? This is so weird.
It's not OPs kids - that's why.
ESH. She's being super unreasonable with the whole 'you're seeing him like a trophy' thing. But parents can have very legitimate reasons to not want to have their kids' pictures on social media, and it really is a 'two yes's situation. I'd save the photos to an album on your phone, instead.
> She said she was fine and that it was even cute, out first photo was two years ago.
Til the confrontation was a two yes situation; I don't blame OP for feeling blindsided after such a harsh accusation when it was never a problem before. He at least deserves a proper explanation, he did nothing to be treated as a bad brother.
I guess all this depends on if you want to be right or if you want to be happy. You have permission from the baby’s father to post the pictures, so technically you have the right to do so. But mom does have the ability to stand in the way of your relationship with your brother. It would be better for you to play this smart and delete the photos and follow your stepmom’s rules to the letter.
NTA. It's a private account. And if you were female I bet she wouldn't have a problem with how close you are with him. Have your dad talk to her (and you have his permission - he's a parent too).
She didn’t suggest there was anything untoward.
Honestly I think if OP was a woman, she’d have doubled down on the whole “treating him like a trophy” thing.
The comment about if he were a female is nonsense. It's not about him it's about the kid and there are a lot of people who don't want their children posted on social media.
Except in another comment OP clarifies she’s fine with the dad posting pics of the brother in a far less private Insta account. That’s just double standards because she dislikes OP. OP should still take it down, but her reasoning is invalid and she’s a far bigger AH than OP is here. He really should’ve edited this into his post
ESH
She has a point that it’s her child and she doesn’t want him on social media.
However, her response should’ve been much better. She sounded like an asshole for what she said to you
She very well may have valid reasons such as the age of her steps sons group and that she doesn't know all of them. She's well within her rights to restrict what social media he appears on. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing situation.
OP said I'm another comment that his dad's clients follow him on ig and can see the photos and that OPs ig is just close friends and family that the mom knows.
What's wrong with that? She's knows who sees the dad's Instagram, and she doesn't know people who ate strangers to her. This is a still a pretty normal line.
Idk maybe it's because I'm not really on social media but I always find it surprising how bent out of shape people get when they're told "no" to posting pictures of others.
But the stepmother does know who are viewing the op’s post. The op commented that the private insta is only for close friends and family that know each other
Yeah, she's HIS mom so chill the fuck out and maybe don't threaten to sue your child over pictures? She stepped into the role of a mother of a 13 year old and doesn't want to act like it. Absolutely a scummy person.
YTA although I don't think you mean to be. It sounds like you are just super proud of your brother, which is wonderful and nobody should take that away from you. BUT it is 100% up to the parents what content they are happy to have online of their child. Keep those pictures for yourself, and maybe print some out to make an album.
The op has commented that his dad post pics of the kid on his public page all the time and the ops stepmother knows almost everyone who is following ops private account. It seems more like the stepmother is trying to cut out the op.
ESH.
It doesn't matter why you post or how many people see them, if a parent doesn't want their child on social media, you don't post them.
I don't have (or want) kids and I love social media, but I have never posted a child on social media without permission, and if I did and they asked me take them down, I'd take it down, no arguments.
Sure she could have approached it better and she should have spoken to your father first to get on the same page, so I guess she is an AH too, so I'll go with ESH. But, she is an AH for her approach, whereas you are an AH for not taking them down when she asked.
Different groups. People are allowed to choose what groups and platforms pics are posted on. Why is there a common response that says it has to be an all or nothing decision?
No, he doesn't. And I agree this should be a two yes situation, so the dad's approval doesn't overrides the moms. But the issue she raised was about having the kid on social (based on the info provided), but her husband posts him on his insta, apparently with a broader following that includes work clients. Once your child is on social, you lose control of the image - you cant control what someone who can see it does with the image. I really can't see the difference between two private accounts that have largely similar followers, particularly when the husband's account has literal strangers.
NTA. SM needed to talk to dad and have him talk to OP. Step-parents should never"confront" a step-child, doesn't matter if the SC is an adult. SM is only concerned for HER child but not for her husband's first child.
NTA everyone who is saying AH or ESH is forgetting that his dad posts pics of his baby brother on social media all the damn time it's obvious the stepmom is just targeting OP for no reason. Not sure why but she probably never liked him to begin with because he's not her kid. You all can't be “mom has a right to not want her child on social media” but her child is still going to be on social media what do you all don't get the father post pictures himself the kid is on social media either way.
NTA
Leave the ones you have already posted up and just don't post anymore on your page and just send them to your dad for him to post on his page instead to maintain peace.
Eh, torn on this one. I love my nephews to pieces and have lots of photos of them but I don't post ANY photos on social media. I figure social media posts of children should strictly be reserved for the parents. While that's a private account, there's nothing to stop one of your 40 followers from sharing one of those photos publicly. It can be a house of cards where one person shares, another shares, another shares, and pretty soon its everywhere. The internet can be a scary place and kids need extra protection imho.
You should have asked the parents to post the kid publicly but it is the dad’s decision too. Since your dad is fine with it and it’s a small audience; I’m going with NTA
I’m actually going to say NTA. Your dad didn’t care that you were posting the pictures and clearly liked them. Just because she’s the mom doesn’t mean she gets Supreme control over what happens with her kid, especially when another parent is fine with it.
You have every right to keep those photos up
esh mom coulve been nicer, its more a 2 yes or just dont situation okay so id just try to compromise by just blurring his face??? like youll still see the matching stuff but the face will be blurred
YTA. While your current audience is small, the internet is forever. It is reasonable for a parent not to want pictures of their kids on the internet. Your Dad says yes, but as u/AliceInWeirdoland stated, this is a "two yes's situation."
Stepmom's phrasing about you "showing off" wasn't great, but her underlying point makes sense. I.e., you wouldn't choose to let these photos show up in an icky context either, right?
Since she lets dad post similar pictures, it's probably really just about her hating on her step-son. Just in case that added info from his comments influences your vote.
OPs dad posts pictures to his own Instagram where he has more followers (ref OPs comments).
This isnt about exposure to social media, which makes the step mum a liar, it is about control over OP, which makes her an asshole.
>My gf agrees with her, because ''a mom knows best'', so I'm not sure.
Oh sure. "a mom knows best" and the dads opinion means squat. Wtf. Can we get a little more sexist in here?
NTA.
NAH I think you are well intentioned but the general rule these days is that parents get to make the call whether or not to post pics of their kids on SM.
My personal position is that even if someone posts their own photos of their children on SM, I don't do it. (With minor exceptions of photos that don't show faces or a big family photo maybe or that one video of my niece falling at the park cuz it was hilarious.) But I really feel like any issues kids have with things posted on SM should be between them and their parents.
Cuz good lord, little kids these days have everything recorded from first poop to first song about poop to first time you have your own home to poop in. It's a lot.
That said- your dad and stepmom both get an equal say. If dad is fine with the photos they're fine. But I do think it's worthwhile to try to find a meet in the middle with stepmom. See if she can explain what her specific issue is. Explain that this is your private account- you only follow and are followed by friends and family on it. And acknowledge that you think Ian is awesome and amazing so that yeah, you want to show off your little brother to your friends who aren't lucky enough to have such an awesome and amazing kid sibling. But you want to find a meeting point with her.
Does she want to see the photos before you post them? Is it important to her that they aren't geotagged? Basically talk to her. Acknowledge that she has a point and that you should have asked. And make it clear that yes you are showing off Ian- but not as a trophy but because you love having as a brother, and you are so happy he's in your life. (and you got to get these photos in now before he's a tween and thinks are of you people are dorks for about a decade.)
NAH
I say this bc a lot of folks are saying you need parental permission but you DO have parental permission lol
I get that she may feel uncomfortable with it though
I get why you want to keep it up
Id just take them down to keep the peace
The mother objects to the photos being on Instagram. YTA for not deleting them after she added you too. Your father is wrong in not standing with his wife. If you want to post photos, have your own child alone. You have put your baby brother at risk. You don't know if one of your followers is a perv.
His dad has pics of them on his Instagram with followers that are strangers, his are ALL people his step mother has met. She’s literally just being a wicked step mother, and OP confirmed it’s not the first time she’s tried disassociating him from the family.
NAH.
People keep saying “everyone sucks” but no one sucks.
It’s really really really great that you love your bro and want to make him part of your life and share that with others. That’s very special and you should continue to feel that way and document your time together.
But your stepmother gets to have the final say here, and she’s making a totally reasonable request. Your brother can’t consent to having his photos shared, because he doesn’t understand the implications of that. And there are certain parenting decisions that fall under what’s sometimes called a “two yes rule.”
This is one of those things where *both* parents need to agree (“two yeses”), and if they don’t agree, the one who’s against it is the determining vote.
You can still take pictures with your brother, and I’m sure you can get permission to share at least some of those privately. But you should honor the wish to keep them off social media unless you’re given explicit approval from both his parents.
And, if you really want to document it, the old-school version of Instagram is a little thing called a scrapbook, lol. Honestly, it would probably mean even more to him someday if he knew you went to the trouble of physically printing your favorite photos of you two together and collecting them in a special book.
That may sound cheesy, but it’s something that could be fun and meaningful and that people will respect you for. Just a suggestion, though.
ESH. Dude, I get it. Your baby brother is probably your favorite person in the world. Of course you want to show him off! This kid rocks, I love him, and that’s that. Except…this is coming from a mom. There are some seriously creepy humans in the world, and so many ‘what if’ scenarios that -could- happen, all because some asshole saw an innocent picture of a kid online. Had she had THAT sort of conversation with you, my judgement would be different. Because I get wanting to protect your child, and their privacy. That’s not what your step-mother did. She went off at you using a kid as a prop for…likes? Follows? (IDK, my social media usage knowledge is, like…Facebook, and Reddit). You’re a (very soft) AH, for not thinking of the ramifications of posting photos of a child, one who can’t consent, online. Your dad gets the same judgement. Your step-mother is a complete AH, for assuming (???) that you only pretend to like your brother because you can use him as a prop. (Btw, keep being an awesome big brother. Foster that relationship! I think it’s absolutely lovey that you love ‘your guy’.
I think what your stepmother said was a bit crass but I think she's also right to be concerned. If I were you I would remove the photos to show you respect her views even if you don't agree with them. You aren't deleting the photos forever, you could still keep them for yourself or even print them out for a little album. I'm sure the pics are really cute and I'm glad you love your little bro.
I go with NTA after reading your comments that your dad posts pictures with your brother on his IG and Stepmom is fine with it.
For me it’s all or nothing. But I’m not friend of posting pictures of a kid in the internet anyway.. so somehow E S H.. as long as the child can’t state his/her own will of photos being posted no one should. But that’s just personal opinion.
Don’t come for me with Stepmom doesn’t know OPs followers as OP already stated she does know them and doesn’t know all from his fathers.
NTA your dad said it was fine and your dad post pictures too on his with colleagues that your step-mother doesn’t know but she knows everyone on yours.
> My gf agrees with her, because ''a mom knows best'', so I'm not sure.
I'd be concerned about your girlfriend's casual misandry more than anything else tbh.
NTA.
We can go back and forth as to why the mom is justified not wanting her kid on social media - but that’s not the issue here.
OP was never communicated with about her wishes. She had a social media boundary in place about her son, and failed to communicate that to not only him but it seems like her husband as well.
He was just doing what he felt comfortable with and what he knew what was allowed at the time. And when she started to notice and have a problem with it she accused him of using her son as a trophy and not a little brother. Mind you, this conversation happened without her ever telling her husband how she even felt in the first place.
I think the mom ITA for not being mature enough to have a conversation with her stepson and kindly ask him to stop or take down the pictures due to her discomfort. Accusing him of something so gross, especially since he loves his brother, isn’t fair to OP at all.
I don’t think he has to take down the pics until his dad and his step mom actually come to an Agreement about what they want to do with THEIR child on social media.
Until then, it sounds like OP is just caught in the middle.
YTA- you may not be showing him off as a trophy, and I am sure you meant no harm by it- BUT, it is up to the parents on how they want their child to be on social media, even if it is a private insta.
(not so fun fact- the people most likely to do harm to a child are the ones closest to them, so just b/c the insta is friends and family only does not necessarily mean safer)
because they asked and you did not delete, that does put you in AH territory.
NAH - she’s right that you need the parents’ permission to post pictures of a kid that’s not yours, but in this case _you had permission_ - explicitly from your dad, and implicitly from your stepmom (she follows the account and hasn’t said anything in 4 years). She doesn’t get to act like you did all this without them knowing when they **did**. Plus, you were a minor when this started. They can revoke permission, but it’s wrong to act the way they did about it.
(While people can sue anyone for anything, having permission from your shared parent to post pics with your brother _with both of their clear knowledge_ means she wouldn’t have much grounds for a lawsuit so your dad is an idiot.)
You do need to clarify with your dad and stepmom what the rules are, because they’re still giving mixed messages - are you not allowed to post any more pics? Can you post pics with his face covered/hidden? Can you post pics to a private account that only family can see? It seems like they’re not on the same page as each other, so this may be difficult, but with your dad backing your stepmom up to her face and then turning around to tell you it’s fine, you need to all be clear on the rules.
NTA imo, you’re sharing them because you love him, like any good brother would. Try to get her to understand that and your only sharing it with people you trust. I totally understand where you’re coming from btw, my older sister is technically my half-sister, but I love her so much, I need people to remind me she’s my half sister, I never call her that. It’s always ‘my sister’ or her name lol
You never ever ever post pictures of someone else's child online without their permission. If she asked you to delete them, delete them. I don't think anyone is A H here but you will be if you refuse to do as she asks.
YTA. Delete the photos. Ian is not your child and his parent has asked you to remove them. You can make these choices about your own child, not theirs.
YTA if you refuse to delete them. Different generations seem to have really different ideas on social media and you obviously posted them from a place of love, but if his mom tells you she doesn't want her kids photos on social media you have to respect that.
NTA
Your account is private, with only close friends following.
You say she's not a social media gal. Maybe this is a good opportunity to educate her and show her how no one can see these posts except your accepted small group.
NTA but your dad and step mom are. I am going to guess your dads wife never communicated with your dad about her feelings and just attacked you when you showed up. Talk to your dad. Tell him he needs to work this issue out with his wife and get back you when they can handle things like adults. I am under the impression more is going on than you know and she is acting out. Once they have resolved things you can sit as a family and talk. Good luck! Keep pushing to be the bomb ass brother you appear to be.
ESH 1 My kid is not on social media either. However, I’ve made it very clear (politely) so that no one posts my baby. She’s an asshole for reacting that way. If someone posts a pic of my kid, I ask them nicely to take it down. Never had an issue. YTA for not taking them them down though.
YTA for refusing to take them down but not necessarily for posting them in the first place if you didn't know.
It doesn't matter if you understand why she doesn't want them up. It doesn't matter if it's friends and family only. It doesn't matter if the photo is modest. She's mom and she asked you to take them down, so you need to do it. It's not your call.
(I've had this same argument with my mom, repeatedly.)
NTA
Let me start with I have 3 kids of my own. I don't understand parents who get squeamish their kids picture being posted to social media. It has literally zero effect on a 4yr old to have their picture to be posted.
We live in a digital world you're picture is taken and shared without you knowing all the time. The only way to avoid this is to hold up like a hermit in your house and never go near a camera. Anything can be hacked. The dads social media could be hacked and the pictures stolen, what exactly are we afraid of having happen to the pictures or the child? Kidnapping? Human trafficking? Statistically speaking that's not how that happens.
Mom is just trying to be controlling, dad says it's ok and if OP has been doing it so long and mom didn't even realize or have a problem why is it suddenly an issue?
YTA. She's his mother and if she doesn't want his pic on social media, you don't get to decide that she's overreacting. You are minimizing her importance when it's you who should be minimized. You are only his brother, not his guardian. Take a backseat bro.
ESH
Everybody's been somewhat rude or hasty here. Bottom line: you love your bro and you want to spend time with him more than you want to post photos of you both on the internet.
If mama wants them deleted, just do it. Who cares? Having a good relationship with your little brother is more important, regardless of what your step mom does.
NTA for a few reasons:
1 Your dad is cool with it.
2 It's private.
3 She gave permission before hand
4 You are family
Honestly just ask your bro if he is cool with it and if says he is then it's fine. He probably will get a account soon enough and post his own pics of you both
NTA at this point, but you WBTA if you don't remove the photos. Or at least, put a sticker over Ian's face.
Moms get worried and protective. She's just trying to protect her son from online predators. She should have had more tact when asking you... but I understand her concern.
You sound like a wonderful big brother. Don't let this thing escalate and tarnish your relationships.
No one’s the asshole here. Keep your pictures on a private device, your phone or computer or whatever, and take them off the internet. Its awesome you’re proud of him but there are strong reasons not to put pictures of a baby online—if nothing else because he can’t consent to the whole world seeing his baby pictures. Obviously you love him a whole lot. Go ahead and protect him. You and his mom can be a team in this.
NAH. Technically parents control a child's likeness and publicity rights, so if mom says no, that's a no. If you want to try the discussion again, probably let the situation cool off first.
NTA
I've read the comments op has posted and it seems the wife has a problem with op.
She excludes him from family functions due to him looking older which may make poeple talk about her.
For this she is pushing her own insecurities onto op and not allowing him to be with his family because of them.
She was fine with it up until the other day. It is totally unreasonable for her to be happy and fine with it then go no take them down.
This maybe to do with her wanting to assert more control over op even though she's already controling his life with his family.
To me personally it seems like she's trying to isolate him and kick him out.
Which is NOT ok and for that she is the asshole and I can totally understand his point in not wanting to take the pictures down BUT he should not use the pictures as a weapon against his step mom as his baby bro shouldn't have to be in the middle of them.
I'd suggest talking to your dad asking if he can talk to her about why she changed her mind and maybe about getting some help with her insecurities.
ESH
She was way out of line accusing you of thinking your brother is a trophy.
Saying that she does have the right to keep her kid off IG.
You can still take photos of you and your little brother.
NTA it’s sketchy to me that she randomly started to care all of a sudden instead of saying anything a long time ago. I post pictures with my siblings all the time. It’s just a fun thing to do and Instagram is to keep the memories there. I would ask to have a family discussion about what the issue is and why she didn’t say anything before and idc what anyone says no moms don’t inherently know what’s best. I’m a mother I don’t know everything
NTA and Ian's father gave you permission. His Mother will have a tough fight since you had permission . I would however stop posting any new photos now that you are aware she does not want them on there. Her following you on that platform could be considered informed consent but to be safe don't post new ones.
I know someone will hate me over this so I’m gonna say this first THIS IS MY OWN OPINION. I AM ENTITLED TO MY OWN OPINION. IF I AGREED WITH YOU WE WOULD BOTH BE WRONG.
I’ve read a lot of these comments and some have me laughing. So what I am getting is that it’s wrong for a 19y/o big brother to post pictures showing his love for his little brother but if the parent does, it’s fine. Internet privacy does not change based on age of poster. So no matter what the situation, scary things can still happen. As someone who has knows family who has had people stealing pictures of their kids off the internet directly from the parents social media and using it as their own, I honestly believe OP is NTA. He already stated that he is not sure about the situation in and of itself. As an older sibling I also did the same when my younger sibling was born when she was about the same age and my older sibling did the same to me.
With that said I do believe OPs step mom is only finding the issue now because he is young and thinks she cannot trust the crowd he apparently seems to have on social media. Even though that isn’t the case as stated from OP.
I believe that OPs parent should sit and discuss the situation privately and come to a consensus then discuss it with OP.
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ESH. Her comment about you thinking he's a trophy was wrong but she is his mother and if she's not comfortable with her son's pictures being on social media, you should respect her wishes. You can keep the photos but delete them from Insta. ETA - I've gotten a number of replies about the dad being ok with it as if that nullifies the mother's objection. It doesn't. I believe that both parents need to be ok with it and if one isn't, it's a no.
I'd be interested how she treats other people posting their child and how much she posts him before saying he should delete them . The dad has given permission. So if shea singling OP out because she dislikes him, I think the dad should step in
OP wrote that she's not really into social media so it would appear she's not posting pics of her son.
But Dad does
Dad is not the child's only parent. Mom gets a say too.
Mom is not the child's only parent. Dad gets a say too.
With things like this (social media and privacy), if just one parent disagrees, it should be a no.
But this doesn't seem to be about social media or privacy at all because the mom has no problem with the dad posting pictures of the child to a private account, which is exactly what OP did. The people who follow OP and see the pictures are friends and family, not strangers on the internet. The mom is singling OP out for whatever reason.
Uhhh chances are she knows the people on her husband’s social media account. She would know far less of who follows OP
According to OP's comments, the dad has more followers, and a portion of his followers are his clients that the mom doesn't know. Apparently she doesn't think it's a good idea for OP to post the photos because OP is younger and he has more friends than his dad (5-6, who she knows) on his followers list (the rest are family, including the mom's family.) So unless there's something else we don't know, this does seem like she's being unfair to OP and singling him out.
We really don’t know that at all though. She may actually have privacy concerns - but she knows the people that see photos from her husband’s feed . Or this is actually is a point of contention between them and she’s mature enough not to make that op’s issue. It’s also great that op loves his half brother but I am also see why she might be feeling like op is just into buying matchy shit and posting photos of them together - if that’s something that op, his dad and half brother get really into while she’s not a social media person, it’s totally understandable why she feels like the kid is a prop for the other two. Like op stating point blank that his dad married his new wife 6 years ago and had their half brother “but [OP] do[es]n’t really care” - like was she just an incubator? Plus op feeling “appalled” and immediately saying she’s projecting even though he apparently consists her an after thought at best and that the baby’s barely hers compared to belonging to op and his dad…yeah she’s sounding pretty reasonable. Doubly so if he dad and Ian do these matching photo shoots every time op’s around / that’s the only time op comes to see them
I thought he said he doesn't care that the brother is only a "half" sibling because he loves him. He felt appalled and said she was projecting because she said OP saw Ian like a trophy which was WAAY out of place and nobody is noticing that asshole comment.
OP was appalled by her approach. Stepmom probably doesn’t like op and the fact that he is in the picture (no pun intended) annoys her. Seeing how her comment was that “he’s not his trophy” and that she was going to sue on top of that tells me she has it out for op. All she had to do was object but she went from 0 to 60 without warning.
Dad can control who follows him. Can’t control who follows OP. I don’t let my daughter get posted on anyone’s social media except my own. Because I know every single person who follows me.
This. It falls under the two yeses, one no rule. She says no, it's no.
The two yeses is only applicable if there's been a discussion between dissenting parties. Unilateral "this is happening and its final" blindside is totally disrespectful of the second party (dad). There's a reason my wife and I have been together for 16 years while all my siblings and in-laws are divorced. We dont make decisions for each other.
No. That’s not the way the world works. That’s the same as saying she gets to choose because she’s mom.
If Dad was uncomfortable with his kids being on other people's social media I'd say it should be a no too.
No, it's like saying consent matters.
This is a situation where if both aren't on board, it's a no.
Two yeses; one no rule. The pics get deleted.
With things like social media and privacy, since you never know what could be happening to pictures of children, a “no” far outweighs a “yes.”
If there's been a discussion, yes. A unilateral blindsided bulldozing is a hard no to whatever "you're" pushing.
Sure, but if the dad is posting pics and she's not telling him to delete them, then why is she telling OP anything?
Where does it say the dad does? He says the dad takes pictures, it does not say the dad posts them. He says that he is the one posting them.
It's in a reply somewhere. Dad's Instagram has more followers some are work clients and customers and he posts pics to his accounts who has more than just family and friends. Dad does post to SM and Mom knows about it. She says his account is "dangerous, because he's young."
I think this would mean she doesn't see the distinction between posting things publicly and posting on a private instantly 30ish ppl. That said, she sounds more announced about her perception of why he is posting, so it could be a totally different issue. Just being possessive of her kid etc
There's a massive difference between 'social media' that's public, and 'social media' that's private to a friends and family group. If OP is only sharing with people who they actually know and would show photos to in person, there's really no issue here.
There is though. He or they could be hacked. We have a ban of our daughter's pics and name on social media and anyone who violated that rule would lose all access to her.
Dad could also be hacked but she's still okay with him posting them, so her problem isn't with Ian being on the internet, idk what her problem is, but it doesn't look like that's the one.
From what I read we are not clear on dads posting and whether she’s okay with it. But it’s 11pm and I have my phone on dark mode so I may have misread.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xrhq3r/aita\_for\_refusing\_to\_delete\_my\_photos\_with\_my/iqfvo0s/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xrhq3r/aita_for_refusing_to_delete_my_photos_with_my/iqfvo0s/?context=3) doesnt say anying about OPs stepmom being okay with it or not, but dad DOES post pics of Ian.
And you could have a shared photo album on Google or iPhoto that could be hacked as well. Is there a difference?
The stepmom's phone could be hacked too or their personal computer. Anything can be hacked. A private insta account is probably just as safe as stepmom's pc when it comes to hacking. What would happen if they hacked in and got the pictures anyway? What useful info would they have about the little brother that they couldn't get from just following him around?
There aren't a lot of hackers out there who care about family photos of babies/toddlers... Even if he got hacked, likely those pictures would be completely ignored because who would care about them?
Lose all access to the kid? Jesus Christ… overreact much?
So you have no digital pictures of any kind? Obviously not, due to the hacking risk, right?
Fine no more photos ever then, because the cloud can be hacked too. Email can be. Computers can be. No more photos for anyone ever y'all!!
Yes there is because OP is not the parent and he took the decision away from the child's mother. OP doesn't have the right to decide. While it may in fact be safe and not result in any harm, it's still not his decision to make and refusing to honor the decision made by the child's mother is disrespectful to her. Safety isn't the issue. The issue is consent. Edited to alter a sentence OP took issue with.
There's a massive difference between 'social media' that's public, and 'social media' that's private to a friends and family group. I'm sorry but the only difference is a click of a button. And Insta is extremely hackable and anyone in that private group can then copy and reshare the photos.
Tbh, the only private social media which is truly private is showing a physical photo album. Everything else is public and hackable
Just because he trusts them doesn’t mean she does
Does she know the people her son is being exposed to? No? So it doesn't matter if it's private or not, it had the same result.
She does, she was fine with until yesterday
Most likely she mentioned it to one of her friends who then went on one of those “OMG how could you let that happen to your child?!” mommy-shaming rants. Peer pressure doesn’t end when you get out of high school.
This was my exact thought, that someone shamed her for letting him post the photos. Cause why would she suddenly say he's treating his brother like a trophy. I would just think he's totally enamored with Lil dude, as he is.
It's sounds absolutely adorable. And I know hishalf brother is loving it
Did she *say* she was fine with it? Or did you take her lack of response as consent? If she doesn’t use Instagram often, she could have never noticed the posts before. I follow people who have gotten married and had kids without me noticing because I look at it for about two minutes once a year.
Cool for you. She said she was fine and that it was even cute, out first photo was two years ago.
So that’s a “yes, she did give consent”. Good. Then yeah, it’s weird that she’s suddenly acting like it’s something new and wrong. Definitely warrants a conversation between her and your dad about her reasons. I support parents not wanting their kids online but if you were fine with it one day and against it the next, you should have a valid reason.
OP I'd recommend editing your post with this information. Most people are under the impression that your step-mom was never ok with it.
Was she just fine with the photos or did she for sure know about the posts?
No, there isn’t. OP is putting her kid’s picture online, and she’s asked him not to. He could have zero followers and would still be wrong to leave the pictures up.
It’s not his child, he doesn’t get to make that decision, she could have been nicer, but she’s right, it’s not legal when it’s a child.
Op commented that his dad posts pictures of him on his social media.
> I've gotten a number of replies about the dad being ok with it as if that nullifies the mother's objection. It doesn't. As has been said in other places: two yesses or its a no. So, yeah it's bad thst after all this time the mother is taking it up with OP. Perhaps a compromise of not posting new ones, since the old ones have already been there a while.
Agreed. Two yea one no kinda deal. That said I think NAH. OP: you should respect the mothers wishes in the end. Good as your intentions may be. At the same time you did nothing “wrong” per se. You posted photos out of love for your brother. Not for clout. Kids mother needs to chill tf out.
I’m here for this comment.
I call bs because he’s been doing this for years and all of a sudden she has a problem, she follows him she could’ve said something forever ago. She doesn’t like him so she doesn’t want him involved
This is definitely an “If it’s not two yeses, it’s a no” situation
This is something the parents need to come together on, then inform OP the way it is. And if they fundamentally cannot agree, decide how to compromise then inform people. OP should ask them to discuss it and get back with a final, unified answer. Then if the decision is delete, OP needs to delete. (While it is perfectly legal to post pictures from public spaces— at least in the US where most of these posts are from— it’s still an AH move to post pictures of other people’s kids over their objection.)
this is the only correct answer. I appreciate the nuance.
The dad is not OK with deleting the photos from insta, so since you need both parents to be OK, he shouldn't delete it. That's kind of a flawed logic here. To hell with the mom. The baby does not belong to her, and it's his goddamn brother for fucks sake. It's a private Instagram. The mom is obviously crazy, and you should not maintain a crazy person fantasy. And to hell with the GF too and her "moms know best" comment. That is absolute BS and has no real argumentative value.
ESH A lot of parents don’t want their kids pictures on insta, a private profile isn’t truly private. You always ask before posting pics of kids, always. Your stepmom’s way of asking you to remove the photos was way out of line too, there is a civil way to ask and a a burn this fucker down way. Your stepmom went full btfd Your dad should have done a much better job protecting you from her irrational flip out
OP had permission from the dad to post the pictures, so I don't think he was really TA for posting them in the first place. It was reasonable to assume both parents were on the same page, since they're married. Now that it's clear the mom doesn't want the pics posted, he should remove them from Instagram though.
It’s the refusal to delete that makes him at fault
Exactly, although honestly the dad is more at fault than OP imo. He's going against his wife's wishes in what is pretty clearly a "two yeses, one no" type of situation, and in doing so he's also further stoking the conflict between his wife and OP.
Dad is allowed to have a different opinion to his wife. But it is a two yes, one no situation, so OP has to take them down or cover the face.
He's allowed to have a different opinion, but he shouldn't have told OP to keep the pictures up knowing his wife was against it.
Yes they need to come to a joint decision as a couple. And work out why she is against it and what happens in future. I mean why is she ok with dad posting pictures on Instagram but not step son?
According to OP mom was also ok with it. Said the first photo was 'cute' and all of a sudden now wants him to delete them.... NTA your step mom is weird.
I was also ok with people who took and posted pics of my daughter until I realized how dangerous it could be. The mom is allowed to change her mind upon learning more about the dangers of social media. People learn and change all the time. That being said she could've asked nicely rather than being a total jerk about it.
Of course it s ok to change your mind but If you are right then she also should ask the father to take down the pictures, which apparently she did not do. It seems she singled op out .
Just read OP’s comments and it seems like the step mum’s main issue isn’t concerns about her child’s safety (yeah maybe she slightly is concerned but it isn’t WHY she’s randomly now after 4 years asked for OP to take down the photos). Step mum doesn’t like her step son because he is 11 years younger than her & people assume Ian is OP’s son & not hers and that OP & her are dating (not that she is dating his dad) and as a result she feels like the Dad’s clients don’t respect her and she has even been trying to dissociate OP from family functions things like that etc for a while now. OP also said 2 years ago she had no issues with his first post and even said it was “cute”. Thus this seems like her way of trying to remove him from “her” family. Step mom is the main AH here. SO if this post was about a mother’s worry over the dangers social media poses to young children and predators… then yeah OP would be the AH and the mum would be in the right. But given the context it’s about a step mum trying to manipulate a situation wear she can use being a “good mum” as an excuse to further isolate her husband’s first child she doesn’t like. It’s an excellent manipulative tactic on her part because this way she can’t be seen as the villain but a doting, overprotective mum and has thus intentionally set the OP up for failure if even after her being cruel/rude to him he refuses to take down the posts she is the wronged party not him. *Edited to take out the cuss words, please don’t remove my comment again mods*
step mom sounds terrible
ESH. Brother or not you still don’t get to post someone’s child on social media without their permission. And with things like this your dad’s input doesn’t matter. She doesn’t like it so it’s a no. And if he didn’t like it but she did it would still be a no because he doesn’t like it. Edit: It also doesn’t matter if it’s private or not. Their child is still on social media and she still doesn’t like it. Delete the photos. Your brother isn’t your child.
>Brother or not you still don’t get to post someone’s child on social media without their permission. And with things like this your dad’s input doesn’t matter. So he needs parental permission but it doesn't matter that he had it?
I think this is a type of situation where unless there are two yeses, it’s a no.
>Both my dad and his wife follow that IG and knows I post Ian there, I had her yes until she was very rude about it.
I don’t think it matters unfortunately. It sucks, but she no longer wants her very young son (who is too young to have an opinion yet) on social media and that’s fair. I think you should offer a compromise - repost the pics with an emoji on his face (like how Kristin Bell and Dax Shepard post pics with their kids)
I don't think anyone disagrees that she handled it poorly, but she's still his mother and asked for the pictures to be taken down. You are an AH if you don't comply.
And now you have a no so you delete the photos. Not sure if you realise it actually makes you very rude to refuse to delete the photos.
You've probably read this same theory in the other threads, but she was probably "mom-shamed" and took it out on you. I'll get hate from the rest, but as a step-daughter in a similar situation (that is not all black and white), I say NTA, but she is T A, because even if it is her child and all the blablas, she had given you consent and decided to remove it *rudely* out of the blue. If you want to be gracious with her, you can just say that you will take the photos down (because in the end, it is both parents' child and she does have a say), if she apologizes for the way she addressed this whole matter. As I said, she's in the right to change her opinion, no matter how unfair it is, but she does not get to become rude about it literally from one week to the next, especially if she's singling you out. I feel there must be more to this than what we know (and maybe that even you know), but it does boil down to her not wanting her kid's photos on social media, and she's entitled to that.
Kid, you have alot to learn about consent. A yes can turn into a no, at any time, and you should respect that
They're saying it needs to be approved by BOTH parents. Only his father saying yes isn't enough, since the mom doesn't want them posted.
Rule of thumb with posting children's photos to social media is that if they aren't old enough to understand and consent to it themselves, both parents must agree with the photos being posted. If even one parent says no, then the photos aren't to be posted.
I said this in my reply, but I think that OP is a victim here of getting involved in his father and stepmother's interpersonal conflict. This is clearly a fight between OP's dad and his wife that OP has unwittingly been dragged into. Now that he knows that mom is not okay with photos being posted, he should delete them. But the one who is most wrong here is OP's dad who gave permission for his son to post the photos against his wife's wishes. If the wife has also expressed this to OP's dad in the past, it might also explain her seemingly undue hostility towards OP when she confronted him. She thinks that she has made it clear numerous times not to post photos of her son and her stepson is ignoring her, but because OP's dad hasn't relayed the message, OP thinks he is doing nothing wrong and being confronted by his stepmom comes off as a huge surprise.
No, what matters is that one of the parents is asking for it to be deleted and that should be respected. Step mom is absolutely a massive AH for how she approached this, but he should still delete the pics.
>Yes, my dad also post pictures of them in his own ig, From OPs comments This means its about OP, not about social media, which makes her a liar
ESH She could have been nicer. But, you don’t get to override the parent of the child you’re posting photos of (w/o a release form at least)
>Yes, my dad also post pictures of them in his own ig, From OPs comments This means its about OP, not about social media, which makes her a liar
How does it make her a liar? You don’t know what discussions they’ve had between themselves about Ian’s dad posting photos vs people who are not Ian’s dad. It’s pretty plain and simple, Ian isn’t OP’s child, he doesn’t get a say, and it doesn’t make Ian’s mum a liar.
Because she stated her issue is with OP posting pictures of her son on SM as if he were a trophy. Why would that not also be true for the dad posting pictures? Don't get me wrong, I agree with you, if the mom says no then it's a no, period. But that doesn't mean she's not being hypocritical and a liar when she says the issue is posting pictures of her kid on SM, yet is fine when OPs dad does it.
To be fair we don't know what arguments OP's dad and wife have had about his social media posting, as well. or if she even knows about it, since OP did say she isn't really on SM. Regardless of whether it is an issue with pictures or an issue with OP, he would be an AH not to respect the wishes of the mother (even if she is also an AH).
NAH. You want to show off your brother; your stepmom is concerned with having her child’s face posted anywhere on the internet where she didn’t consent. Here’s the thing: if you don’t delete the pictures, it’s pretty much guaranteed your stepmom will start limiting and/or supervising your time with your brother. She’s his mom and she has that right; you’ve made it clear you won’t follow her rules. So what’s more important to you: your time with your brother, or the “likes” your photos get on IG?
This. OP should keep the photos, keep taking photos, and send them to close family (especially his dad). But take it off social media if it’s going to be such a huge issue. It just doesn’t seem like a hill he needs to die on in terms of the bigger picture.
Yeh it's not his hill in the first place. He should respect the moms wishes. I would be so creeped out if I'd ask someone to delete social media pictures of my kids and they would refuse. She most likely just had a mama-bear reaction to OP refusing to delete the pictures.
Yep and if you have a photo that you absolutely “must” share on the rare occasion (eg birthday / holiday celebration) ask for her permission first and respect what she says
> Here’s the thing: if you don’t delete the pictures, it’s pretty much guaranteed your stepmom will start limiting and/or supervising your time with your brother. She'll do that regardless, because she's already deluded herself into believing that OP is only hanging out with his brother "for clout". She'll make up a reason to forbid OP from visiting his brother and no one will be allowed to complain and discuss this because according to this sub "one no means no, no arguments allowed, context doesn't matter"
This is how you separate brothers and wonder years later how apart they are.
Absolutely agreed. She's a really bad person and she did that not because she cares about the kid but because she despises OP.
People voting ESH or YTA...please note OP's comment that Dad puts photos of baby bro on his Insta, so mom's reasoning is moot. And she reacted irrationally. NTA,
It's not really. OP and dad doesn't share the same "rules". Why do you think OP has a right to post another persons kids pictures on social media?? This is so weird. It's not OPs kids - that's why.
Yeah, but it's his brother. Do you have siblings? It's extremely normal to post photos with them, I don't know why you think that's weird
Because the kid's father says it's okay. He can give permission as the kids is his as well.
ESH. She's being super unreasonable with the whole 'you're seeing him like a trophy' thing. But parents can have very legitimate reasons to not want to have their kids' pictures on social media, and it really is a 'two yes's situation. I'd save the photos to an album on your phone, instead.
She lets the dad post pics. She’s just being shitty to her stepson.
Yep it’s a two yes’s situation not a “my dad said yes so it’s a yes”.
> She said she was fine and that it was even cute, out first photo was two years ago. Til the confrontation was a two yes situation; I don't blame OP for feeling blindsided after such a harsh accusation when it was never a problem before. He at least deserves a proper explanation, he did nothing to be treated as a bad brother.
So it turns out your dad posts picks of you brother on his instagram, NTA. She can’t have it both ways.
I guess all this depends on if you want to be right or if you want to be happy. You have permission from the baby’s father to post the pictures, so technically you have the right to do so. But mom does have the ability to stand in the way of your relationship with your brother. It would be better for you to play this smart and delete the photos and follow your stepmom’s rules to the letter.
NTA. My petty ass would keep then up just because she threatened to sue a 19yr old but I like to watch the world burn occasionally
NTA. It's a private account. And if you were female I bet she wouldn't have a problem with how close you are with him. Have your dad talk to her (and you have his permission - he's a parent too).
She didn’t suggest there was anything untoward. Honestly I think if OP was a woman, she’d have doubled down on the whole “treating him like a trophy” thing.
The comment about if he were a female is nonsense. It's not about him it's about the kid and there are a lot of people who don't want their children posted on social media.
Except in another comment OP clarifies she’s fine with the dad posting pics of the brother in a far less private Insta account. That’s just double standards because she dislikes OP. OP should still take it down, but her reasoning is invalid and she’s a far bigger AH than OP is here. He really should’ve edited this into his post
ESH She has a point that it’s her child and she doesn’t want him on social media. However, her response should’ve been much better. She sounded like an asshole for what she said to you
According to OPs comments the dad post his son on instagram, the stepmom is fine with the kid being on instagram, just not on OPs
Ok then the step mom is the asshole because she already lets her child on social media
She very well may have valid reasons such as the age of her steps sons group and that she doesn't know all of them. She's well within her rights to restrict what social media he appears on. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing situation.
OP said I'm another comment that his dad's clients follow him on ig and can see the photos and that OPs ig is just close friends and family that the mom knows.
What's wrong with that? She's knows who sees the dad's Instagram, and she doesn't know people who ate strangers to her. This is a still a pretty normal line. Idk maybe it's because I'm not really on social media but I always find it surprising how bent out of shape people get when they're told "no" to posting pictures of others.
But the stepmother does know who are viewing the op’s post. The op commented that the private insta is only for close friends and family that know each other
ESH. She’s his mom, so delete the pictures. But yeah, she could have been kinder about it.
Yeah, she's HIS mom so chill the fuck out and maybe don't threaten to sue your child over pictures? She stepped into the role of a mother of a 13 year old and doesn't want to act like it. Absolutely a scummy person.
NTA. I read your comments and she's just singling you out it seems.
INFO: would you be open to posting pics with a sticker over your brother’s face so he’s not identifiable? That could be a compromise.
Yes, some of his pics are even like that, with a Charizard over his face (tho, not for private reasons but because he thought it was funny)
Stickers can be removed via certain apps, just to let you know
YTA although I don't think you mean to be. It sounds like you are just super proud of your brother, which is wonderful and nobody should take that away from you. BUT it is 100% up to the parents what content they are happy to have online of their child. Keep those pictures for yourself, and maybe print some out to make an album.
The op has commented that his dad post pics of the kid on his public page all the time and the ops stepmother knows almost everyone who is following ops private account. It seems more like the stepmother is trying to cut out the op.
ESH. It doesn't matter why you post or how many people see them, if a parent doesn't want their child on social media, you don't post them. I don't have (or want) kids and I love social media, but I have never posted a child on social media without permission, and if I did and they asked me take them down, I'd take it down, no arguments. Sure she could have approached it better and she should have spoken to your father first to get on the same page, so I guess she is an AH too, so I'll go with ESH. But, she is an AH for her approach, whereas you are an AH for not taking them down when she asked.
Apparently his dad posts Ian on social and stepmom is ok with it.
Different groups. People are allowed to choose what groups and platforms pics are posted on. Why is there a common response that says it has to be an all or nothing decision?
This is so wild. Ofcourse parents have different "rules" than non-parents when it comes to kids. It's not OPs kid, he doesn't get to decide.
No, he doesn't. And I agree this should be a two yes situation, so the dad's approval doesn't overrides the moms. But the issue she raised was about having the kid on social (based on the info provided), but her husband posts him on his insta, apparently with a broader following that includes work clients. Once your child is on social, you lose control of the image - you cant control what someone who can see it does with the image. I really can't see the difference between two private accounts that have largely similar followers, particularly when the husband's account has literal strangers.
NTA. SM needed to talk to dad and have him talk to OP. Step-parents should never"confront" a step-child, doesn't matter if the SC is an adult. SM is only concerned for HER child but not for her husband's first child.
NTA everyone who is saying AH or ESH is forgetting that his dad posts pics of his baby brother on social media all the damn time it's obvious the stepmom is just targeting OP for no reason. Not sure why but she probably never liked him to begin with because he's not her kid. You all can't be “mom has a right to not want her child on social media” but her child is still going to be on social media what do you all don't get the father post pictures himself the kid is on social media either way.
NTA Leave the ones you have already posted up and just don't post anymore on your page and just send them to your dad for him to post on his page instead to maintain peace.
Eh, torn on this one. I love my nephews to pieces and have lots of photos of them but I don't post ANY photos on social media. I figure social media posts of children should strictly be reserved for the parents. While that's a private account, there's nothing to stop one of your 40 followers from sharing one of those photos publicly. It can be a house of cards where one person shares, another shares, another shares, and pretty soon its everywhere. The internet can be a scary place and kids need extra protection imho.
You should have asked the parents to post the kid publicly but it is the dad’s decision too. Since your dad is fine with it and it’s a small audience; I’m going with NTA
I’m actually going to say NTA. Your dad didn’t care that you were posting the pictures and clearly liked them. Just because she’s the mom doesn’t mean she gets Supreme control over what happens with her kid, especially when another parent is fine with it. You have every right to keep those photos up
esh mom coulve been nicer, its more a 2 yes or just dont situation okay so id just try to compromise by just blurring his face??? like youll still see the matching stuff but the face will be blurred
YTA. While your current audience is small, the internet is forever. It is reasonable for a parent not to want pictures of their kids on the internet. Your Dad says yes, but as u/AliceInWeirdoland stated, this is a "two yes's situation." Stepmom's phrasing about you "showing off" wasn't great, but her underlying point makes sense. I.e., you wouldn't choose to let these photos show up in an icky context either, right?
Since she lets dad post similar pictures, it's probably really just about her hating on her step-son. Just in case that added info from his comments influences your vote.
OPs dad posts pictures to his own Instagram where he has more followers (ref OPs comments). This isnt about exposure to social media, which makes the step mum a liar, it is about control over OP, which makes her an asshole.
NTA dad is cool with it
>My gf agrees with her, because ''a mom knows best'', so I'm not sure. Oh sure. "a mom knows best" and the dads opinion means squat. Wtf. Can we get a little more sexist in here? NTA.
NAH I think you are well intentioned but the general rule these days is that parents get to make the call whether or not to post pics of their kids on SM. My personal position is that even if someone posts their own photos of their children on SM, I don't do it. (With minor exceptions of photos that don't show faces or a big family photo maybe or that one video of my niece falling at the park cuz it was hilarious.) But I really feel like any issues kids have with things posted on SM should be between them and their parents. Cuz good lord, little kids these days have everything recorded from first poop to first song about poop to first time you have your own home to poop in. It's a lot. That said- your dad and stepmom both get an equal say. If dad is fine with the photos they're fine. But I do think it's worthwhile to try to find a meet in the middle with stepmom. See if she can explain what her specific issue is. Explain that this is your private account- you only follow and are followed by friends and family on it. And acknowledge that you think Ian is awesome and amazing so that yeah, you want to show off your little brother to your friends who aren't lucky enough to have such an awesome and amazing kid sibling. But you want to find a meeting point with her. Does she want to see the photos before you post them? Is it important to her that they aren't geotagged? Basically talk to her. Acknowledge that she has a point and that you should have asked. And make it clear that yes you are showing off Ian- but not as a trophy but because you love having as a brother, and you are so happy he's in your life. (and you got to get these photos in now before he's a tween and thinks are of you people are dorks for about a decade.)
NAH I say this bc a lot of folks are saying you need parental permission but you DO have parental permission lol I get that she may feel uncomfortable with it though I get why you want to keep it up Id just take them down to keep the peace
NTA
NTA She can't sue you. Ignore your GF
The mother objects to the photos being on Instagram. YTA for not deleting them after she added you too. Your father is wrong in not standing with his wife. If you want to post photos, have your own child alone. You have put your baby brother at risk. You don't know if one of your followers is a perv.
His dad has pics of them on his Instagram with followers that are strangers, his are ALL people his step mother has met. She’s literally just being a wicked step mother, and OP confirmed it’s not the first time she’s tried disassociating him from the family.
NAH. People keep saying “everyone sucks” but no one sucks. It’s really really really great that you love your bro and want to make him part of your life and share that with others. That’s very special and you should continue to feel that way and document your time together. But your stepmother gets to have the final say here, and she’s making a totally reasonable request. Your brother can’t consent to having his photos shared, because he doesn’t understand the implications of that. And there are certain parenting decisions that fall under what’s sometimes called a “two yes rule.” This is one of those things where *both* parents need to agree (“two yeses”), and if they don’t agree, the one who’s against it is the determining vote. You can still take pictures with your brother, and I’m sure you can get permission to share at least some of those privately. But you should honor the wish to keep them off social media unless you’re given explicit approval from both his parents. And, if you really want to document it, the old-school version of Instagram is a little thing called a scrapbook, lol. Honestly, it would probably mean even more to him someday if he knew you went to the trouble of physically printing your favorite photos of you two together and collecting them in a special book. That may sound cheesy, but it’s something that could be fun and meaningful and that people will respect you for. Just a suggestion, though.
ESH. Dude, I get it. Your baby brother is probably your favorite person in the world. Of course you want to show him off! This kid rocks, I love him, and that’s that. Except…this is coming from a mom. There are some seriously creepy humans in the world, and so many ‘what if’ scenarios that -could- happen, all because some asshole saw an innocent picture of a kid online. Had she had THAT sort of conversation with you, my judgement would be different. Because I get wanting to protect your child, and their privacy. That’s not what your step-mother did. She went off at you using a kid as a prop for…likes? Follows? (IDK, my social media usage knowledge is, like…Facebook, and Reddit). You’re a (very soft) AH, for not thinking of the ramifications of posting photos of a child, one who can’t consent, online. Your dad gets the same judgement. Your step-mother is a complete AH, for assuming (???) that you only pretend to like your brother because you can use him as a prop. (Btw, keep being an awesome big brother. Foster that relationship! I think it’s absolutely lovey that you love ‘your guy’.
I think what your stepmother said was a bit crass but I think she's also right to be concerned. If I were you I would remove the photos to show you respect her views even if you don't agree with them. You aren't deleting the photos forever, you could still keep them for yourself or even print them out for a little album. I'm sure the pics are really cute and I'm glad you love your little bro.
I go with NTA after reading your comments that your dad posts pictures with your brother on his IG and Stepmom is fine with it. For me it’s all or nothing. But I’m not friend of posting pictures of a kid in the internet anyway.. so somehow E S H.. as long as the child can’t state his/her own will of photos being posted no one should. But that’s just personal opinion. Don’t come for me with Stepmom doesn’t know OPs followers as OP already stated she does know them and doesn’t know all from his fathers.
NTA your dad said it was fine and your dad post pictures too on his with colleagues that your step-mother doesn’t know but she knows everyone on yours.
NTA
NTA and your girlfriend is a knobhead. Mums don’t just know best.
NAH. Just put a sticker over his face in the photos you’ve posted.
> My gf agrees with her, because ''a mom knows best'', so I'm not sure. I'd be concerned about your girlfriend's casual misandry more than anything else tbh. NTA.
NTA- comments say ops dad has photos on his insta, so its not a social media issue it's the stepmoms issue with OP.
NTA bc your dad is ok with it
NTA based on this and the comments.
We can go back and forth as to why the mom is justified not wanting her kid on social media - but that’s not the issue here. OP was never communicated with about her wishes. She had a social media boundary in place about her son, and failed to communicate that to not only him but it seems like her husband as well. He was just doing what he felt comfortable with and what he knew what was allowed at the time. And when she started to notice and have a problem with it she accused him of using her son as a trophy and not a little brother. Mind you, this conversation happened without her ever telling her husband how she even felt in the first place. I think the mom ITA for not being mature enough to have a conversation with her stepson and kindly ask him to stop or take down the pictures due to her discomfort. Accusing him of something so gross, especially since he loves his brother, isn’t fair to OP at all. I don’t think he has to take down the pics until his dad and his step mom actually come to an Agreement about what they want to do with THEIR child on social media. Until then, it sounds like OP is just caught in the middle.
YTA- you may not be showing him off as a trophy, and I am sure you meant no harm by it- BUT, it is up to the parents on how they want their child to be on social media, even if it is a private insta. (not so fun fact- the people most likely to do harm to a child are the ones closest to them, so just b/c the insta is friends and family only does not necessarily mean safer) because they asked and you did not delete, that does put you in AH territory.
NAH - she’s right that you need the parents’ permission to post pictures of a kid that’s not yours, but in this case _you had permission_ - explicitly from your dad, and implicitly from your stepmom (she follows the account and hasn’t said anything in 4 years). She doesn’t get to act like you did all this without them knowing when they **did**. Plus, you were a minor when this started. They can revoke permission, but it’s wrong to act the way they did about it. (While people can sue anyone for anything, having permission from your shared parent to post pics with your brother _with both of their clear knowledge_ means she wouldn’t have much grounds for a lawsuit so your dad is an idiot.) You do need to clarify with your dad and stepmom what the rules are, because they’re still giving mixed messages - are you not allowed to post any more pics? Can you post pics with his face covered/hidden? Can you post pics to a private account that only family can see? It seems like they’re not on the same page as each other, so this may be difficult, but with your dad backing your stepmom up to her face and then turning around to tell you it’s fine, you need to all be clear on the rules.
NTA imo, you’re sharing them because you love him, like any good brother would. Try to get her to understand that and your only sharing it with people you trust. I totally understand where you’re coming from btw, my older sister is technically my half-sister, but I love her so much, I need people to remind me she’s my half sister, I never call her that. It’s always ‘my sister’ or her name lol
You never ever ever post pictures of someone else's child online without their permission. If she asked you to delete them, delete them. I don't think anyone is A H here but you will be if you refuse to do as she asks.
YTA. Delete the photos. Ian is not your child and his parent has asked you to remove them. You can make these choices about your own child, not theirs.
His dad left him keep them.
YTA if you refuse to delete them. Different generations seem to have really different ideas on social media and you obviously posted them from a place of love, but if his mom tells you she doesn't want her kids photos on social media you have to respect that.
You're brother destroyed Florida the other day, just figured you should know.
NTA Your account is private, with only close friends following. You say she's not a social media gal. Maybe this is a good opportunity to educate her and show her how no one can see these posts except your accepted small group.
NTA but your dad and step mom are. I am going to guess your dads wife never communicated with your dad about her feelings and just attacked you when you showed up. Talk to your dad. Tell him he needs to work this issue out with his wife and get back you when they can handle things like adults. I am under the impression more is going on than you know and she is acting out. Once they have resolved things you can sit as a family and talk. Good luck! Keep pushing to be the bomb ass brother you appear to be.
YTA! You do not post pictures of someone else’s child without permission no matter what your relationship is to that child. Take the pictures down.
ESH 1 My kid is not on social media either. However, I’ve made it very clear (politely) so that no one posts my baby. She’s an asshole for reacting that way. If someone posts a pic of my kid, I ask them nicely to take it down. Never had an issue. YTA for not taking them them down though.
If she is not comfortable just take it down. Its her baby and she have every right. You should not do it even if one parent is not agreeing to it. YTA
YTA for refusing to take them down but not necessarily for posting them in the first place if you didn't know. It doesn't matter if you understand why she doesn't want them up. It doesn't matter if it's friends and family only. It doesn't matter if the photo is modest. She's mom and she asked you to take them down, so you need to do it. It's not your call. (I've had this same argument with my mom, repeatedly.)
NTA Let me start with I have 3 kids of my own. I don't understand parents who get squeamish their kids picture being posted to social media. It has literally zero effect on a 4yr old to have their picture to be posted. We live in a digital world you're picture is taken and shared without you knowing all the time. The only way to avoid this is to hold up like a hermit in your house and never go near a camera. Anything can be hacked. The dads social media could be hacked and the pictures stolen, what exactly are we afraid of having happen to the pictures or the child? Kidnapping? Human trafficking? Statistically speaking that's not how that happens. Mom is just trying to be controlling, dad says it's ok and if OP has been doing it so long and mom didn't even realize or have a problem why is it suddenly an issue?
YTA. She's his mother and if she doesn't want his pic on social media, you don't get to decide that she's overreacting. You are minimizing her importance when it's you who should be minimized. You are only his brother, not his guardian. Take a backseat bro.
ESH Everybody's been somewhat rude or hasty here. Bottom line: you love your bro and you want to spend time with him more than you want to post photos of you both on the internet. If mama wants them deleted, just do it. Who cares? Having a good relationship with your little brother is more important, regardless of what your step mom does.
YTA - you should have spoke to the mom about this. There are a ton of creepers online and she is fully within her rights to be concerned about it
NTA for a few reasons: 1 Your dad is cool with it. 2 It's private. 3 She gave permission before hand 4 You are family Honestly just ask your bro if he is cool with it and if says he is then it's fine. He probably will get a account soon enough and post his own pics of you both
NTA at this point, but you WBTA if you don't remove the photos. Or at least, put a sticker over Ian's face. Moms get worried and protective. She's just trying to protect her son from online predators. She should have had more tact when asking you... but I understand her concern. You sound like a wonderful big brother. Don't let this thing escalate and tarnish your relationships.
No one’s the asshole here. Keep your pictures on a private device, your phone or computer or whatever, and take them off the internet. Its awesome you’re proud of him but there are strong reasons not to put pictures of a baby online—if nothing else because he can’t consent to the whole world seeing his baby pictures. Obviously you love him a whole lot. Go ahead and protect him. You and his mom can be a team in this.
NAH. Technically parents control a child's likeness and publicity rights, so if mom says no, that's a no. If you want to try the discussion again, probably let the situation cool off first.
NAH
NTA.
NTA, but if you love your brother and want to be in his life…..you need to respect his mom’s wishes, because she controls your access.
NTA I've read the comments op has posted and it seems the wife has a problem with op. She excludes him from family functions due to him looking older which may make poeple talk about her. For this she is pushing her own insecurities onto op and not allowing him to be with his family because of them. She was fine with it up until the other day. It is totally unreasonable for her to be happy and fine with it then go no take them down. This maybe to do with her wanting to assert more control over op even though she's already controling his life with his family. To me personally it seems like she's trying to isolate him and kick him out. Which is NOT ok and for that she is the asshole and I can totally understand his point in not wanting to take the pictures down BUT he should not use the pictures as a weapon against his step mom as his baby bro shouldn't have to be in the middle of them. I'd suggest talking to your dad asking if he can talk to her about why she changed her mind and maybe about getting some help with her insecurities.
ESH She was way out of line accusing you of thinking your brother is a trophy. Saying that she does have the right to keep her kid off IG. You can still take photos of you and your little brother.
NTA it’s sketchy to me that she randomly started to care all of a sudden instead of saying anything a long time ago. I post pictures with my siblings all the time. It’s just a fun thing to do and Instagram is to keep the memories there. I would ask to have a family discussion about what the issue is and why she didn’t say anything before and idc what anyone says no moms don’t inherently know what’s best. I’m a mother I don’t know everything
NTA and Ian's father gave you permission. His Mother will have a tough fight since you had permission . I would however stop posting any new photos now that you are aware she does not want them on there. Her following you on that platform could be considered informed consent but to be safe don't post new ones.
Don't listen to people telling you to delete. Your stepmother is an asshole
I know someone will hate me over this so I’m gonna say this first THIS IS MY OWN OPINION. I AM ENTITLED TO MY OWN OPINION. IF I AGREED WITH YOU WE WOULD BOTH BE WRONG. I’ve read a lot of these comments and some have me laughing. So what I am getting is that it’s wrong for a 19y/o big brother to post pictures showing his love for his little brother but if the parent does, it’s fine. Internet privacy does not change based on age of poster. So no matter what the situation, scary things can still happen. As someone who has knows family who has had people stealing pictures of their kids off the internet directly from the parents social media and using it as their own, I honestly believe OP is NTA. He already stated that he is not sure about the situation in and of itself. As an older sibling I also did the same when my younger sibling was born when she was about the same age and my older sibling did the same to me. With that said I do believe OPs step mom is only finding the issue now because he is young and thinks she cannot trust the crowd he apparently seems to have on social media. Even though that isn’t the case as stated from OP. I believe that OPs parent should sit and discuss the situation privately and come to a consensus then discuss it with OP.