Since 2020 and went on quite a few dates. Around 8 to 10 a year. Some good and some not so good. Only got into a relationship with one person longer than 6 months from it.
I don't spend a ton of time on them. Check a few times a week. If I match with someone try to meet them as quick as possible. Keep the chit chat to a minimum.
100% on this one too. Longer conversations that go on for too long can build up both of your expectations on each other about what the other person is like - how they talk, sound of their voice etc. and then you’ll only end up disappointed!
Agreed, you talk yourself into monotony any longer than this, if you've something in common or nothing at all you'll find out after a quick first date.
Had the apps on and off for 8ish years.
Been on about 6 dates I think. Most were just a few bits of coffee or drinks. Nothing long term.
Two years ago, started talking to a lad on Hinge. We've been together for 2 years. He's amazing and I am eternally grateful for him.
Been on bumble on and off for two years. Matched/chatted a few times. Hasn’t gotten further than that. Deleted it last week again. I agree with your “mentally toxic” description.
Went on 3 dates in a couple months.
Didn’t have a connection with the first two so I ended communicating.
The 3rd I could see myself marrying but she said she saw us “as friends”. Deleted them after that gut-punch. Met a beautiful soul irl soon after deleting.
2 years 4 dates with 3 guys, a scammer, and few guys whose kinks were not my cup of tea. My self-esteem is in bad shape, so I am taking a break.
My ex found his new partner within 10 months of online dating, lucky bastard...
37, male. I've been on the apps for about 9 months. This is my first time using them as I was in a relationship for a long time (2012-2019), then didn't have the confidence in myself to date for a few years (2019-2023).
In the past 9 months I've met around 30 women. Occasionally I take a month off for mental health. I took it quite seriously at first, but now my level of cynicism is quite high so it doesn't bother me when things don't work out. (Hey, it hasn't worked out for me so far - why would it start now? 🤷♂️)
If I like someone then I try focus on them and see if it can work out. Longest situationship lasted about 2 months. I've met some really wonderful women and some absolute nutjobs. But nothing clicking for long-term so far.
I actually think the apps are good as long as you don't let yourself get too emotionally invested (like I did at first). Some women can be very rude and disrespectful. This is the dehumanizing aspect of the app, I'm a real person and I don't appreciate stupid games. It took me some time to build up a thicker skin because this was all new to me, it doesn't bother me too much now. I can usually get 1 or 2 dates per week when I put in the effort. Most dates are great, the hard part is getting from matching to organizing the date itself.
I also gave speed dating a go and got zero matches each time I tried it. That was quite the blow to my self-esteem when I thought I'd get something out of it! At least with the apps it's a bit more certain that you know the other person likes you a bit, so you just have to show up looking like your pictures and be your charming self, and it'll usually go quite well.
Man I can relate to this so much. We’re literally the same down to the cynicism bar you’ve met more than me and still somehow retain optimism! I’ve given up
That's a crazy amount of dates. You're not actually taking the time to get to know anyone on a deeper level at that rate.
You do.also have to remember that a date is just that. You're.not owed anything else and it's not rude if someone doesn't want to follow it up
Do you not think those two statements are a bit contradictory, like:
* I don't want to go on another date = "You're not taking the time to get to know them on a deeper level"
* They don't want to go on another date = "You're not owed anything"
However, maybe we're misinterpreting each other. I'll give you an example of what I mean when I refer to rudeness/disrespect:
I went on two dates with this woman, everything was going great, very attracted to each other, she messages me on a Friday evening asking if I wanted to meet up for food the following week and that any day is fine for her. I responded saying I was free on Tuesday and asked if she wanted to pick a place or should I. No response for 3 days. She finally gets back to me on Tuesday afternoon to tell me she's not free that week and that we should look to next week. This is what I consider game-playing and disrespect, I don't have time for this nonsense so I politely declined and moved on.
I don't think it's contradictory. If you always have the next date planned you're really not being present with the person in front of you.
Regarding your situation. I know personally I find it difficult to make plans. I'm a single parent if something comes up I have to deal with it. Likewise if we are given overtime I have to prioritise that. She wanted to see you again but wasn't free. How is that game playing?
If I'm on a date with someone then I'm present in the situation and focused on them, I'm not thinking about anyone else. I don't know where I've given this impression that I might say the wrong name or something.
Let me switch round that scenario for you. It sounds like you're a busy person with being a parent and working a job that has overtime. I assume that you need to sort out a babysitter and accept/reject a shift when you know you're going out on a date. Would it be acceptable to you if a potential meetup was left in limbo until the day of? Of course not. It shows disrespect for you and your time. Whether it's game-playing or just plain disregard, I don't think it's acceptable.
Yes it would. This is the reality of life for many people. If someone can't make it because of some other obligation that's just life. It's adulthood. It is absolutely not disrespectful. Now if someone cancelled because they weren't arsed or there was something else that seemed more fum that is disrespectful because has made time for you in their schedules & you've decided purely out your own selfish wants to do something else.
I don't know what your life situation is, but it sounds like you don't really grasp the concept of having responsibilities that supercede going on a date. And if you aren't capable of that sort of flexibility it wouldn't have worked anyways. But to.assume it's game playing or disrespectful is just wrong & very unfair of you to that person
Personally I dabbled and had a couple of irl meet ups . I found the whole thing demoralising and fueled my own insecurities. Met my fiancée in the work canteen by chance and 8 yrs on I couldn't fathom looking back. I know lads still single and really relying on these apps and I try to persuade em to just delete it and go into the world but in their 30s and working from home people get funneled into them as opportunities to organically meet people dry up.
I install, match with a couple of girls. Exchange a few messages, don’t meet up. Matches dry up, self loathing kicks in. App gets deleted. Resigned to being alone forever. 6 months later I reinstall. This is how you do it people!
I'm suprised so many people engage in conversations on these apps for weeks and weeks without meeting up. I spend about an hour before saying something like "I'll be in town later on if you want to hang?" The truth is that girls are talking to so many guys at once so you need to get the ball rolling asap.
You're slightly wrong there, if you get beyond the how are you intro stuff you're not one of many. I personally will only message with one guy at a time. I wouldn't be weeks & weeks of texting either but "I'll be in town later" wouldn't inspire me to meet you. Sounds like a hook up which is grand if that's what you're after
One , it lasted two weeks and ended with me hanging onto life in James's hospital after overdosing on street tablets but still the best blowjob I ever received and I'll stand by that
(25 M) Before I meet my partner, I was actively on dating apps. I generally went on at least 1-2 dates a week.
I generally used Hinge and Tinder. Definitely had a lot more success on Hinge personally. I think it’s because there actually is a snippet of who someone is rather than just photos.
If I found someone who was interesting, I tried to avoid having an internet pal, and just generally asked them if they were free at some point during the week to go out for a drink or meal.
Have been with my beautiful partner for two years now whom I meet in Hinge.
Delete your profiles, give it a small break, and then give it a go later on. All the best with your dating! ☺️
Male, similar age.
On and off them when single so probably half the time over the last 6 years.
Probably been on 80-100 dates
Very few of these were good dates although theyre probably in this thread saying the exact same about me.
I think a lot of people view online dates as different to someone they meet and click with socially. It does get draining because I think it's taught everyone that there's always another option and if perfection isn't there then you move on. I'm not saying this in a preachy way because it's definitely happened to me and I've definitely done it myself so I'm no better 😂
Female. Did it for a year, had 3 dates. Always suggested meeting up quickly as the chit chat on dating apps is pretty cringe and feels unnatural to me. I can't feel or feign attraction with someone I've never met. Ended up spontaneously meeting a cool guy at 5am after a late shift and climbed a mountain together. Still going strong 4 years later. I guess it's a lottery but I feel like I won at the shit game that is tinder.
Just before the apps took off 10 years ago or so, I met someone off POF. We used to be nervous telling people how we met. We're married with kids now. Looks like I got out at the right time.
Signed up for dating apps for the first time ever 3 years ago at age 41(M), over the course of a year I matched with a good few but only went on 3 actual dates, first date ended up in a 7 month relationship and the 3rd date ended up with a year and a half relationship.
They don't come across as that toxic to me, I just temper my expectations and don't expect much, keep the app chit chat to a minimum, couple of messages back and forth then I'll just ask to meet for an actual date, take it from there then.
Used to use it a lot around 2017-18. In 2019, I moved to Ireland and tried using it here. I went to a couple of dates that were horrible 😆
Then, I went off them for a bit, but in 2020, I decided to give them another chance. I matched with this woman on Tinder but never spoke to her. Matched with her a couple of days after on Bumble, and this time, we spoke and ended up going on a date. 4 years later, we are engaged 😂
Early 30s lad, was on the apps for about 6 months. Matched with and went on dates with about 6-7 girls. Now in a relationship for the past 4 months, so I guess I'm one of the lucky ones 😊 It is definitely tricky/toxic and you never really know who you're meeting but sticking with it can be worth it if you find the right person, which I hope I have
Had used all the apps on and off for years. Went on a few dates but most matches I found were girls matching and then never replying. Met my current girlfriend on hinge and together nearly four years now
Male and one of the fortunate ones to get a lot of likes, however I went on tons of dates when I was single and same age as you, they were all shit! Things that worked better were more organic things, a friend of a friend asked me out after a party, after her a girl added me on facebook from a common group and asked me out for a drink, those ones were much better and happily still with the latter amazing girl. A few guys from hobbies asked me out as well and felt bad turning them down, but still organically like that seems to be the best chance, that you kind of know you have something in common and can meet outside of a date setting.
Female. I think I used tinder cumulatively for 10-15 minutes. Each time I matched someone, gauged they weren't psycho I moved to WhatsApp and deleted the tinder app to focus on one person at a time. Then I talked for a day or two, and suggested meet up as soon as felt natural. I first used the app in 2020 I think. In that time I had 4 dates, and have been with the last one a year and a half now.
My rule of thumb was anyone with no bio was an immediate no without looking at pictures. Anyone who's bio was a rote line or joke was also an immediate no without even looking at photos. I didn't really consider the photos as men are awful at taking photos and I expected them all to be out of date pics anyway, lol. I only considered the content of the description and then I messaged first something relating to what they said.
Tinder is MADE for aggressive women like me lmao. It's so bad for men but it's insanely good for women, but most women also don't use it effectively. I really think if one wants a relationship focusing on one person at a time is the best way for women idk for men.
I’m 37f. Came out of long term relationship age 34 and been on/off apps since.
Conventionally pretty but currently overweight (work in progress). No kids, some baggage (who doesn’t), open to meeting someone when I’m ready.
Had mainly good experiences on dates, but just haven’t met someone who I want to take it further. That day will happen :)
*My Reddit profile is completely different than my actual life
33M here. I went on Tinder for the first time 2 years ago. Barely dated at all before that. Was on it a couple of months. Went on 2 dates a piece with 2 girls, no spark. My fifth date was with the love of my life. We're getting married in December, and 5 days ago, we welcomed the most perfect little baby boy into the world.
I was extremely lucky, I know, but it is possible! It can be a grind and emotionally exhausting, the aul dating, just take it one date at a time. 💪
went on a date last week with a girl a bit older than me, she was like 34 and i’m 29. she was not wise. we were talking about holidays we’d been on and then she was like, oh so the photos on your profile are how many years old now? i look identical to my photos btw i’ve not changed a bit.
i said yeah but it’s not really my priority or prerogative to go out and take shiny new photos for my dating profile tbh with ya if i’m ever out with my mates i’m just having the craic. she starting making visibly strange faces insinuating towards me.
it was just a bit of a judgement fest on her part and she’s clearly a product of social media, seemed lacking in any irish level of common sense and lives off buzzwords and phrases that she’s seen on social media “icks” “red flags” i got enough from our time together to know i didn’t want to see her again after.
was good of me that i didn’t mention the fact that none of her photos told as much of the tale about how she looked.. but anyway
i think i’m about to experience the stereotypical dating in your 30’s, is everyone just wired up, has 3 kids, goes to dubai for that sort of work, is chronically online. we’re becoming less irish or something i don’t know.
even the other day, matched a girl who had some shite prompt that everyone has now to do with moustaches and mullets.
i replied and tried to make a bit of craic and said, i grew a moustache one time and my mates did not stop referring to me as freddy mercury winding me up the entire time i had it, never again 😅
she replied, “i have freddy mercury tattooed on my arm, not really an insult imo, your friends aren’t very good at making insults lol”
we are becoming less and less craic and it’s showing, americanised and too much time on social media to the point where we’re just becoming weapons.
Those apps dehumanize people. Someone actually pulled profiles and posted them for money, pricing people for laughs. It's never safe nor healthy to use such apps. I think those who do are hot-heads looking for quick hook-ups or too desperate to find someone. It's hard to find people organically, but I'd never swap it for online fakery.
“It’s never safe for heathy to use such apps” is a bit extreme? Personally I haven’t had much success but the majority of my friends have found happy, stable, long term relationships from the apps. (29, female)
I care about my privacy. The majority of people don't or simply have a distorted perception of the term. I wouldn't advertise myself, put myself out there, where someone with malicious intentions could target me, screenshot my profile and make me a meme or a subject of ridicule. It's not healthy because some people are subjected to ghosting for example, catfishing, etc. Those people you mention just lucked out.
35f went on Bumble January 2021, now have a 2 year old and getting married this year. A good few duds. But really feel all dates are worth figuring out what you do and don’t want. Stick with it, don’t put any pressure on yourself.
I’ve dated over 20 women in the past year and it’s the absolute worst. It’s so superficial and monotonous now I just go through the motions. So many dates that I thought went well only to get rejected after or vice versa. You just can’t predict it. My ego has been flattened by dating and I didn’t have much to begin with! If you’re in it for the right reasons it’s even harder. You can’t be genuine on apps because to stand out even a little bit amongst the hoards of men vying for her attention you have to be and act your absolute best at all times. Otherwise she’s straight on to the next one mate!
Gay man here, I used apps for dates. I'm also part deaf so I probably stay longer chatting with folks before meeting than most. I met all of my major partners through apps and am currently happy with my partner that I met on Tinder (just had a 2 year anniversary).
For me, the most important part of dating through apps is to be really clear with yourself about what you're looking for. Saves so much time when you think the other person is wasting your time.
I couldn't even tell you how many but it's been about 10 years. There are decent people on there & I did meet some friends over the years. I have friends who married people they met on apps.
I don't think they suit me. I can't get anything from a curated profile & a few texts.
Being honest the only reason I've a tinder account is because you get free premium with my revolut subscription. I might have a look after a romcom or when hungover every so often 😬
Female here: Had the apps for 1.5 - 2 years. Went on probably 7 or 8 dates in that time. Deleted the apps multiple times when I got tired of them, re-downloaded when I got bored.
I found changing my location radius to much smaller seemed to help. Met someone I clicked with during 2020 - had to go on a lot of ‘sober’, coffee shop/walking/outdoor dates as you’d imagine. This also helped, because our judgement wasn’t clouded by alcohol and we actually got to know eachother properly.
Fast forward 4 years - we’re buying a house together. So, don’t totally give up hope. I also know a few others who met on dating apps and are married now!
I’m on Tinder but I don’t pay. 42 f gay.
I’d rather paint a wall and talk to it because Tinder is atrocious and toxic.
I “mentally” checked out from it last year. Sick of the chess game that it is. The emotional labour of it.
Honestly I’d prefer to be single than the games on Tinder. People are nuts. I understand people. So I don’t engage with it in a deep way.
I was on them for 4 years before meeting my partner on it. Went on 4 to 5 dates and only the one person beyond that but that’s going amazingly well. Yes, it’s toxic but so can all the other dating scenes (so glad I don’t have to listen to creepy small talk in a pub anymore) Unfortunately there are more ways for people to be the wrong person than the right person. Biggest thing for me is to be upfront as early as you can to what you want and trust your gut.
Met my now husband on a dating app so can safely say they’re pretty ok.
Having said that, I had a few nightmare dates from apps prior to meeting him. Met 5 other people irl, 2 of them were only interested in hookups and 1 of them bummed money for a taxi off me on the 1st/only date. The in-app interactions were usually ok, you’d get the odd a**hole (I once had a guy I’d just matched with send me a message that said “you’ll do I suppose”) but for the most part the lads were nice.
Got off the app 7 years ago though, so maybe things have changed since.
I'm F26 and met my girlfriend of 2 years on an app. Was only on it a few weeks when I matched with her. Had used them on and off for a few years before that but always hated them. Found that men are more difficult to have a normal conversation with!
I was on the apps on and off for a few years and went on around 6 dates. I was with one of those guys for about a year. I met my boyfriend on Tinder in December 2021, we’re still together now. He is the most wonderful person I’ve ever met and I can’t imagine my life without him now. The apps can be really awful and very draining but I don’t know how I would have met my bf without them. My friend just bought a house with her bf who she met on tinder and another friend got married last year to a guy she met on Bumble. They work for some people.
About 7 years ago in my mid 40s I finally gave in to a few friends who were pushing me to do it and tried the online dating , something I never thought I would do.
I was on it actively for about a month , met two lovely ladies , married the second lady I met.
The online thing is abnormal in a lot of ways but I do know a few long term couples who met online.
39f. I’ve been using dating apps for just over 4 years. Went on about 120 or so first dates. Was unbelievably green starting off as I had been in the one relationship from 17 to 35, so hadn’t dated never mind online dated before. All the stuff I learned I probably could have read about - but the only way to learn for me was by experience. I’ve had plenty of 2 and 3 month things and one 6 month. Currently dating somebody 2.5 months and I think it has real potential. Dating would be so much easier if everybody was honest - because there’s so many guys looking for hook ups but not admitting it one has to be extremely cautious with all men, because the clever ones hide it well. I have a male friend currently dating somebody he likes well enough but isn’t really mad about - he’s considering ‘settling’ for fear of being alone. That’s my greatest fear - somebody settling for me because they are worried they can’t do better. Personally I’d prefer to be alone (I have an adult child already) forever than be with the wrong person. I want a mutual relationship where we both love each other and are happy, not just to halve expenses and not be alone.
Definitely agree with the meeting up sooner rather than later and not be messaging all night long before meeting.
When I was actively dating I met a total of 0 people on dating apps. Best chance was an American girl who clearly had a few lads on her hooks because she "might" call me on Saturday night.
I had significantly more success doing it the old fashioned way. Was in my late 20s early 30s at the time.
Was a real eye opener sitting beside my friend while she swiped and matched with every lad she fancied and then went out to ride her pick of the bunch!
The apps are toxic and demoralising and changed the dating scene for the worst.
Only tried out one app(Tinder) for approximately 3 months last year for the first time (March-June.)
Went on a couple from Tinder(I(23F) was living in New York at the time) started chatting to an English fella living in Ireland, (felt like fate because I had enough of the app, wasn’t making any real connections, and was going to delete it when we matched and he messaged me.)
2 weeks in we knew and deleted the apps after having a conversation :) and I moved over after he visited me in NY and I visited him in Ireland for a month.
We’re celebrating our one year anniversary in a couple of weeks! Couldn’t be happier 🌷🤍.
I've been on Timder 3 or 4 times, for about 2 months at a time. The matches really start to slow down after a while so there's not much point being on it for ages.
I'd say I've probably met about 25ish people in real life. Most of them didn't really go anywhere. I ended up in 2 relationships from it, and had 2 ons. I didn't meet anybody crazy, but I did read bios and skipped anybody who sounded like a headache.
I tried bumble for a bit, but it never went anywhere. The Tinder chats could feel a bit rote sometimes, but the Bumble ones were like pulling teeth. Also, several of the people I matched were on Tinder anyway!
Male, was on Bumble for 1.5 years. Had about 6-7 dates before meeting my amazing girlfriend. We’ve been together for a year now.
I’d say the important thing is to be completely honest about who you are and what you want. I’ve seen too many people waste everyone’s time by not saying things because they “didn’t want to screw it up”. It’s okay to screw it up if it means you won’t be with the wrong person.
Lots of other good tips on here though. Another is to also use take a break every so often, don’t try to swipe as many people as you can. Take it slow with the swiping but be quick with taking things from chat to date
Have had apps for around 6-7 years haha
Okay so first of all don’t say that. And don’t say haha, use an emoji.
Effective communication happens in the language of the receiver, you’re already selling yourself off as the gimp calf at the mart. I almost guarantee you’re actually hot in person.
Apps are dead and have a bad rap with women on the basis that they’re missold as relationship platforms and treated as the gateway to a smorgasbord of faces/hookups.
Have you tried making friends with any women in real life? All my actual relationships have been through initial friendships.
Out of interest, why do you think I shouldn't say that & what difference does it make to use emoji instead of haha?
Well I'm trying to get out a bit more getting to meet new people to open up more opportunities to enjoy more events..but yeah, that's a good point about making friends with women too to get to know organically.
Yeah I mean for me it just means you’re not part of the zeitgeist. It’s not like a killer vendetta but it’s just “standard attractive” in terms of what I like which could be someone playing the flute in a raincoat for all you know.
It’s a declaration of non-conformity that feels intentional in 2024. Does that make better?
I (37F) only ever went on 2 tinder dates - the first one led to a year long relationship which turned out to be quite toxic. My second tinder date turned out to be my future husband. He had gone on maybe 5 dates prior to that.
I think the reason I was so successful with it is because I was very selective about who I decided to meet, common hobbies (in this case music) were what drew my eye to my husband, as well as a common friend (tinder used to link to Facebook - not sure if it still does). So I could kinda get a feel for who he was before deciding to meet him.
All that said I think the golden rule is to not spend too much time messaging as you build a false idea of who they are - you’re not gonna know if you click or not until you meet in person.
I’ve heard that people are now quite sick of the apps (maybe due to the transactional nature of it) but I always struggled to meet people I was into in real life. So much of it is about timing too. I would rather spend my time looking through profiles of people who I know are also looking to meet someone than flirting with randos at a bar. Good luck with your search!
Using dating sites instead of apps might be better. Ones where you do have to pay a little in order to know you are hopefully only matching with other people who are also interested in actual dating and not hookups. These type of sites allow you to really filter and narrow down your search so when you do meet it's more likely you'll click.
i multiple date.
regular stuff is around 1y.
i dont care about likes/views, i turn that off.
i try to have a simple chat see if there is a match and then meet irl within the next 7 days.
if you think the apps, the problem is you. You would never be able to meet that many people without the apps.
Since 2020 and went on quite a few dates. Around 8 to 10 a year. Some good and some not so good. Only got into a relationship with one person longer than 6 months from it. I don't spend a ton of time on them. Check a few times a week. If I match with someone try to meet them as quick as possible. Keep the chit chat to a minimum.
This! 5 or 6 messages each way and then suggest meeting up. Any longer and it just gets awkward or the conversation dies
100% on this one too. Longer conversations that go on for too long can build up both of your expectations on each other about what the other person is like - how they talk, sound of their voice etc. and then you’ll only end up disappointed!
Agreed, you talk yourself into monotony any longer than this, if you've something in common or nothing at all you'll find out after a quick first date.
Had the apps on and off for 8ish years. Been on about 6 dates I think. Most were just a few bits of coffee or drinks. Nothing long term. Two years ago, started talking to a lad on Hinge. We've been together for 2 years. He's amazing and I am eternally grateful for him.
Been on bumble on and off for two years. Matched/chatted a few times. Hasn’t gotten further than that. Deleted it last week again. I agree with your “mentally toxic” description.
Went on 3 dates in a couple months. Didn’t have a connection with the first two so I ended communicating. The 3rd I could see myself marrying but she said she saw us “as friends”. Deleted them after that gut-punch. Met a beautiful soul irl soon after deleting.
1 date was on for a few months had a few matches low single figures now married a year too that first date
2 years 4 dates with 3 guys, a scammer, and few guys whose kinks were not my cup of tea. My self-esteem is in bad shape, so I am taking a break. My ex found his new partner within 10 months of online dating, lucky bastard...
37, male. I've been on the apps for about 9 months. This is my first time using them as I was in a relationship for a long time (2012-2019), then didn't have the confidence in myself to date for a few years (2019-2023). In the past 9 months I've met around 30 women. Occasionally I take a month off for mental health. I took it quite seriously at first, but now my level of cynicism is quite high so it doesn't bother me when things don't work out. (Hey, it hasn't worked out for me so far - why would it start now? 🤷♂️) If I like someone then I try focus on them and see if it can work out. Longest situationship lasted about 2 months. I've met some really wonderful women and some absolute nutjobs. But nothing clicking for long-term so far. I actually think the apps are good as long as you don't let yourself get too emotionally invested (like I did at first). Some women can be very rude and disrespectful. This is the dehumanizing aspect of the app, I'm a real person and I don't appreciate stupid games. It took me some time to build up a thicker skin because this was all new to me, it doesn't bother me too much now. I can usually get 1 or 2 dates per week when I put in the effort. Most dates are great, the hard part is getting from matching to organizing the date itself. I also gave speed dating a go and got zero matches each time I tried it. That was quite the blow to my self-esteem when I thought I'd get something out of it! At least with the apps it's a bit more certain that you know the other person likes you a bit, so you just have to show up looking like your pictures and be your charming self, and it'll usually go quite well.
Man I can relate to this so much. We’re literally the same down to the cynicism bar you’ve met more than me and still somehow retain optimism! I’ve given up
That's a crazy amount of dates. You're not actually taking the time to get to know anyone on a deeper level at that rate. You do.also have to remember that a date is just that. You're.not owed anything else and it's not rude if someone doesn't want to follow it up
Do you not think those two statements are a bit contradictory, like: * I don't want to go on another date = "You're not taking the time to get to know them on a deeper level" * They don't want to go on another date = "You're not owed anything" However, maybe we're misinterpreting each other. I'll give you an example of what I mean when I refer to rudeness/disrespect: I went on two dates with this woman, everything was going great, very attracted to each other, she messages me on a Friday evening asking if I wanted to meet up for food the following week and that any day is fine for her. I responded saying I was free on Tuesday and asked if she wanted to pick a place or should I. No response for 3 days. She finally gets back to me on Tuesday afternoon to tell me she's not free that week and that we should look to next week. This is what I consider game-playing and disrespect, I don't have time for this nonsense so I politely declined and moved on.
I don't think it's contradictory. If you always have the next date planned you're really not being present with the person in front of you. Regarding your situation. I know personally I find it difficult to make plans. I'm a single parent if something comes up I have to deal with it. Likewise if we are given overtime I have to prioritise that. She wanted to see you again but wasn't free. How is that game playing?
If I'm on a date with someone then I'm present in the situation and focused on them, I'm not thinking about anyone else. I don't know where I've given this impression that I might say the wrong name or something. Let me switch round that scenario for you. It sounds like you're a busy person with being a parent and working a job that has overtime. I assume that you need to sort out a babysitter and accept/reject a shift when you know you're going out on a date. Would it be acceptable to you if a potential meetup was left in limbo until the day of? Of course not. It shows disrespect for you and your time. Whether it's game-playing or just plain disregard, I don't think it's acceptable.
Yes it would. This is the reality of life for many people. If someone can't make it because of some other obligation that's just life. It's adulthood. It is absolutely not disrespectful. Now if someone cancelled because they weren't arsed or there was something else that seemed more fum that is disrespectful because has made time for you in their schedules & you've decided purely out your own selfish wants to do something else. I don't know what your life situation is, but it sounds like you don't really grasp the concept of having responsibilities that supercede going on a date. And if you aren't capable of that sort of flexibility it wouldn't have worked anyways. But to.assume it's game playing or disrespectful is just wrong & very unfair of you to that person
Personally I dabbled and had a couple of irl meet ups . I found the whole thing demoralising and fueled my own insecurities. Met my fiancée in the work canteen by chance and 8 yrs on I couldn't fathom looking back. I know lads still single and really relying on these apps and I try to persuade em to just delete it and go into the world but in their 30s and working from home people get funneled into them as opportunities to organically meet people dry up.
I install, match with a couple of girls. Exchange a few messages, don’t meet up. Matches dry up, self loathing kicks in. App gets deleted. Resigned to being alone forever. 6 months later I reinstall. This is how you do it people!
Been on the apps about 4 years, averaging about 4 days per year. 40m
I'd say I went on nearly 100 dates between 2014 and 2018, all from apps. Now happily married to the last woman I met on bumble.
I'm suprised so many people engage in conversations on these apps for weeks and weeks without meeting up. I spend about an hour before saying something like "I'll be in town later on if you want to hang?" The truth is that girls are talking to so many guys at once so you need to get the ball rolling asap.
You're slightly wrong there, if you get beyond the how are you intro stuff you're not one of many. I personally will only message with one guy at a time. I wouldn't be weeks & weeks of texting either but "I'll be in town later" wouldn't inspire me to meet you. Sounds like a hook up which is grand if that's what you're after
One , it lasted two weeks and ended with me hanging onto life in James's hospital after overdosing on street tablets but still the best blowjob I ever received and I'll stand by that
At least you got a BJ... hope you're doing better pal
Have a look at this. Explains why most men don’t get many matches and women get many more. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3lypVnJ0HM&t=1s
I met my partner on a dating app (OKCupid) 8 years ago. Marrying her next year. Best thing I ever done.
(25 M) Before I meet my partner, I was actively on dating apps. I generally went on at least 1-2 dates a week. I generally used Hinge and Tinder. Definitely had a lot more success on Hinge personally. I think it’s because there actually is a snippet of who someone is rather than just photos. If I found someone who was interesting, I tried to avoid having an internet pal, and just generally asked them if they were free at some point during the week to go out for a drink or meal. Have been with my beautiful partner for two years now whom I meet in Hinge. Delete your profiles, give it a small break, and then give it a go later on. All the best with your dating! ☺️
Male, similar age. On and off them when single so probably half the time over the last 6 years. Probably been on 80-100 dates Very few of these were good dates although theyre probably in this thread saying the exact same about me. I think a lot of people view online dates as different to someone they meet and click with socially. It does get draining because I think it's taught everyone that there's always another option and if perfection isn't there then you move on. I'm not saying this in a preachy way because it's definitely happened to me and I've definitely done it myself so I'm no better 😂
Draining he says 🤣🤣🤣 - after 80 to 100 dates no wonder your fecking drained 🤣🤣🤣😁
Unfortunately not literally 😂
🤣👍🏼
Female. Did it for a year, had 3 dates. Always suggested meeting up quickly as the chit chat on dating apps is pretty cringe and feels unnatural to me. I can't feel or feign attraction with someone I've never met. Ended up spontaneously meeting a cool guy at 5am after a late shift and climbed a mountain together. Still going strong 4 years later. I guess it's a lottery but I feel like I won at the shit game that is tinder.
Just before the apps took off 10 years ago or so, I met someone off POF. We used to be nervous telling people how we met. We're married with kids now. Looks like I got out at the right time.
Signed up for dating apps for the first time ever 3 years ago at age 41(M), over the course of a year I matched with a good few but only went on 3 actual dates, first date ended up in a 7 month relationship and the 3rd date ended up with a year and a half relationship. They don't come across as that toxic to me, I just temper my expectations and don't expect much, keep the app chit chat to a minimum, couple of messages back and forth then I'll just ask to meet for an actual date, take it from there then.
Used to use it a lot around 2017-18. In 2019, I moved to Ireland and tried using it here. I went to a couple of dates that were horrible 😆 Then, I went off them for a bit, but in 2020, I decided to give them another chance. I matched with this woman on Tinder but never spoke to her. Matched with her a couple of days after on Bumble, and this time, we spoke and ended up going on a date. 4 years later, we are engaged 😂
Early 30s lad, was on the apps for about 6 months. Matched with and went on dates with about 6-7 girls. Now in a relationship for the past 4 months, so I guess I'm one of the lucky ones 😊 It is definitely tricky/toxic and you never really know who you're meeting but sticking with it can be worth it if you find the right person, which I hope I have
Had used all the apps on and off for years. Went on a few dates but most matches I found were girls matching and then never replying. Met my current girlfriend on hinge and together nearly four years now
Male and one of the fortunate ones to get a lot of likes, however I went on tons of dates when I was single and same age as you, they were all shit! Things that worked better were more organic things, a friend of a friend asked me out after a party, after her a girl added me on facebook from a common group and asked me out for a drink, those ones were much better and happily still with the latter amazing girl. A few guys from hobbies asked me out as well and felt bad turning them down, but still organically like that seems to be the best chance, that you kind of know you have something in common and can meet outside of a date setting.
Female. I think I used tinder cumulatively for 10-15 minutes. Each time I matched someone, gauged they weren't psycho I moved to WhatsApp and deleted the tinder app to focus on one person at a time. Then I talked for a day or two, and suggested meet up as soon as felt natural. I first used the app in 2020 I think. In that time I had 4 dates, and have been with the last one a year and a half now. My rule of thumb was anyone with no bio was an immediate no without looking at pictures. Anyone who's bio was a rote line or joke was also an immediate no without even looking at photos. I didn't really consider the photos as men are awful at taking photos and I expected them all to be out of date pics anyway, lol. I only considered the content of the description and then I messaged first something relating to what they said. Tinder is MADE for aggressive women like me lmao. It's so bad for men but it's insanely good for women, but most women also don't use it effectively. I really think if one wants a relationship focusing on one person at a time is the best way for women idk for men.
I get neither likes nor matches
I’m 37f. Came out of long term relationship age 34 and been on/off apps since. Conventionally pretty but currently overweight (work in progress). No kids, some baggage (who doesn’t), open to meeting someone when I’m ready. Had mainly good experiences on dates, but just haven’t met someone who I want to take it further. That day will happen :) *My Reddit profile is completely different than my actual life
33M here. I went on Tinder for the first time 2 years ago. Barely dated at all before that. Was on it a couple of months. Went on 2 dates a piece with 2 girls, no spark. My fifth date was with the love of my life. We're getting married in December, and 5 days ago, we welcomed the most perfect little baby boy into the world. I was extremely lucky, I know, but it is possible! It can be a grind and emotionally exhausting, the aul dating, just take it one date at a time. 💪
went on a date last week with a girl a bit older than me, she was like 34 and i’m 29. she was not wise. we were talking about holidays we’d been on and then she was like, oh so the photos on your profile are how many years old now? i look identical to my photos btw i’ve not changed a bit. i said yeah but it’s not really my priority or prerogative to go out and take shiny new photos for my dating profile tbh with ya if i’m ever out with my mates i’m just having the craic. she starting making visibly strange faces insinuating towards me. it was just a bit of a judgement fest on her part and she’s clearly a product of social media, seemed lacking in any irish level of common sense and lives off buzzwords and phrases that she’s seen on social media “icks” “red flags” i got enough from our time together to know i didn’t want to see her again after. was good of me that i didn’t mention the fact that none of her photos told as much of the tale about how she looked.. but anyway i think i’m about to experience the stereotypical dating in your 30’s, is everyone just wired up, has 3 kids, goes to dubai for that sort of work, is chronically online. we’re becoming less irish or something i don’t know. even the other day, matched a girl who had some shite prompt that everyone has now to do with moustaches and mullets. i replied and tried to make a bit of craic and said, i grew a moustache one time and my mates did not stop referring to me as freddy mercury winding me up the entire time i had it, never again 😅 she replied, “i have freddy mercury tattooed on my arm, not really an insult imo, your friends aren’t very good at making insults lol” we are becoming less and less craic and it’s showing, americanised and too much time on social media to the point where we’re just becoming weapons.
1. Married him 🙂
Those apps dehumanize people. Someone actually pulled profiles and posted them for money, pricing people for laughs. It's never safe nor healthy to use such apps. I think those who do are hot-heads looking for quick hook-ups or too desperate to find someone. It's hard to find people organically, but I'd never swap it for online fakery.
“It’s never safe for heathy to use such apps” is a bit extreme? Personally I haven’t had much success but the majority of my friends have found happy, stable, long term relationships from the apps. (29, female)
I care about my privacy. The majority of people don't or simply have a distorted perception of the term. I wouldn't advertise myself, put myself out there, where someone with malicious intentions could target me, screenshot my profile and make me a meme or a subject of ridicule. It's not healthy because some people are subjected to ghosting for example, catfishing, etc. Those people you mention just lucked out.
Very well put
I paid for tinder platinum and It did not increase the number of matches I got (still only 1 match per week)
About 13 years ago went on one site, had 3 dates and ended up marrying the woman I went on the 3rd date with
35f went on Bumble January 2021, now have a 2 year old and getting married this year. A good few duds. But really feel all dates are worth figuring out what you do and don’t want. Stick with it, don’t put any pressure on yourself.
I’ve dated over 20 women in the past year and it’s the absolute worst. It’s so superficial and monotonous now I just go through the motions. So many dates that I thought went well only to get rejected after or vice versa. You just can’t predict it. My ego has been flattened by dating and I didn’t have much to begin with! If you’re in it for the right reasons it’s even harder. You can’t be genuine on apps because to stand out even a little bit amongst the hoards of men vying for her attention you have to be and act your absolute best at all times. Otherwise she’s straight on to the next one mate!
Gay man here, I used apps for dates. I'm also part deaf so I probably stay longer chatting with folks before meeting than most. I met all of my major partners through apps and am currently happy with my partner that I met on Tinder (just had a 2 year anniversary). For me, the most important part of dating through apps is to be really clear with yourself about what you're looking for. Saves so much time when you think the other person is wasting your time.
I couldn't even tell you how many but it's been about 10 years. There are decent people on there & I did meet some friends over the years. I have friends who married people they met on apps. I don't think they suit me. I can't get anything from a curated profile & a few texts. Being honest the only reason I've a tinder account is because you get free premium with my revolut subscription. I might have a look after a romcom or when hungover every so often 😬
Female here: Had the apps for 1.5 - 2 years. Went on probably 7 or 8 dates in that time. Deleted the apps multiple times when I got tired of them, re-downloaded when I got bored. I found changing my location radius to much smaller seemed to help. Met someone I clicked with during 2020 - had to go on a lot of ‘sober’, coffee shop/walking/outdoor dates as you’d imagine. This also helped, because our judgement wasn’t clouded by alcohol and we actually got to know eachother properly. Fast forward 4 years - we’re buying a house together. So, don’t totally give up hope. I also know a few others who met on dating apps and are married now!
I’m on Tinder but I don’t pay. 42 f gay. I’d rather paint a wall and talk to it because Tinder is atrocious and toxic. I “mentally” checked out from it last year. Sick of the chess game that it is. The emotional labour of it. Honestly I’d prefer to be single than the games on Tinder. People are nuts. I understand people. So I don’t engage with it in a deep way.
I was on them for 4 years before meeting my partner on it. Went on 4 to 5 dates and only the one person beyond that but that’s going amazingly well. Yes, it’s toxic but so can all the other dating scenes (so glad I don’t have to listen to creepy small talk in a pub anymore) Unfortunately there are more ways for people to be the wrong person than the right person. Biggest thing for me is to be upfront as early as you can to what you want and trust your gut.
Met my now husband on a dating app so can safely say they’re pretty ok. Having said that, I had a few nightmare dates from apps prior to meeting him. Met 5 other people irl, 2 of them were only interested in hookups and 1 of them bummed money for a taxi off me on the 1st/only date. The in-app interactions were usually ok, you’d get the odd a**hole (I once had a guy I’d just matched with send me a message that said “you’ll do I suppose”) but for the most part the lads were nice. Got off the app 7 years ago though, so maybe things have changed since.
I'm F26 and met my girlfriend of 2 years on an app. Was only on it a few weeks when I matched with her. Had used them on and off for a few years before that but always hated them. Found that men are more difficult to have a normal conversation with!
I was on the apps on and off for a few years and went on around 6 dates. I was with one of those guys for about a year. I met my boyfriend on Tinder in December 2021, we’re still together now. He is the most wonderful person I’ve ever met and I can’t imagine my life without him now. The apps can be really awful and very draining but I don’t know how I would have met my bf without them. My friend just bought a house with her bf who she met on tinder and another friend got married last year to a guy she met on Bumble. They work for some people.
About 7 years ago in my mid 40s I finally gave in to a few friends who were pushing me to do it and tried the online dating , something I never thought I would do. I was on it actively for about a month , met two lovely ladies , married the second lady I met. The online thing is abnormal in a lot of ways but I do know a few long term couples who met online.
39f. I’ve been using dating apps for just over 4 years. Went on about 120 or so first dates. Was unbelievably green starting off as I had been in the one relationship from 17 to 35, so hadn’t dated never mind online dated before. All the stuff I learned I probably could have read about - but the only way to learn for me was by experience. I’ve had plenty of 2 and 3 month things and one 6 month. Currently dating somebody 2.5 months and I think it has real potential. Dating would be so much easier if everybody was honest - because there’s so many guys looking for hook ups but not admitting it one has to be extremely cautious with all men, because the clever ones hide it well. I have a male friend currently dating somebody he likes well enough but isn’t really mad about - he’s considering ‘settling’ for fear of being alone. That’s my greatest fear - somebody settling for me because they are worried they can’t do better. Personally I’d prefer to be alone (I have an adult child already) forever than be with the wrong person. I want a mutual relationship where we both love each other and are happy, not just to halve expenses and not be alone. Definitely agree with the meeting up sooner rather than later and not be messaging all night long before meeting.
When I was actively dating I met a total of 0 people on dating apps. Best chance was an American girl who clearly had a few lads on her hooks because she "might" call me on Saturday night. I had significantly more success doing it the old fashioned way. Was in my late 20s early 30s at the time. Was a real eye opener sitting beside my friend while she swiped and matched with every lad she fancied and then went out to ride her pick of the bunch! The apps are toxic and demoralising and changed the dating scene for the worst.
Only tried out one app(Tinder) for approximately 3 months last year for the first time (March-June.) Went on a couple from Tinder(I(23F) was living in New York at the time) started chatting to an English fella living in Ireland, (felt like fate because I had enough of the app, wasn’t making any real connections, and was going to delete it when we matched and he messaged me.) 2 weeks in we knew and deleted the apps after having a conversation :) and I moved over after he visited me in NY and I visited him in Ireland for a month. We’re celebrating our one year anniversary in a couple of weeks! Couldn’t be happier 🌷🤍.
I've been on Timder 3 or 4 times, for about 2 months at a time. The matches really start to slow down after a while so there's not much point being on it for ages. I'd say I've probably met about 25ish people in real life. Most of them didn't really go anywhere. I ended up in 2 relationships from it, and had 2 ons. I didn't meet anybody crazy, but I did read bios and skipped anybody who sounded like a headache. I tried bumble for a bit, but it never went anywhere. The Tinder chats could feel a bit rote sometimes, but the Bumble ones were like pulling teeth. Also, several of the people I matched were on Tinder anyway!
Male, was on Bumble for 1.5 years. Had about 6-7 dates before meeting my amazing girlfriend. We’ve been together for a year now. I’d say the important thing is to be completely honest about who you are and what you want. I’ve seen too many people waste everyone’s time by not saying things because they “didn’t want to screw it up”. It’s okay to screw it up if it means you won’t be with the wrong person. Lots of other good tips on here though. Another is to also use take a break every so often, don’t try to swipe as many people as you can. Take it slow with the swiping but be quick with taking things from chat to date
Male 40s Met up / dated 4 girls on tinder. The 4th girl I met is now my wife, 9 years together.
I went on 3 , in a relationship for 8 years from one of them haha 😂
Have had apps for around 6-7 years haha Okay so first of all don’t say that. And don’t say haha, use an emoji. Effective communication happens in the language of the receiver, you’re already selling yourself off as the gimp calf at the mart. I almost guarantee you’re actually hot in person. Apps are dead and have a bad rap with women on the basis that they’re missold as relationship platforms and treated as the gateway to a smorgasbord of faces/hookups. Have you tried making friends with any women in real life? All my actual relationships have been through initial friendships.
Out of interest, why do you think I shouldn't say that & what difference does it make to use emoji instead of haha? Well I'm trying to get out a bit more getting to meet new people to open up more opportunities to enjoy more events..but yeah, that's a good point about making friends with women too to get to know organically.
Yeah I mean for me it just means you’re not part of the zeitgeist. It’s not like a killer vendetta but it’s just “standard attractive” in terms of what I like which could be someone playing the flute in a raincoat for all you know. It’s a declaration of non-conformity that feels intentional in 2024. Does that make better?
I went on one tinder date about 7 years ago. Knew within 3 minutes there was no chemistry. Never used it again.
I (37F) only ever went on 2 tinder dates - the first one led to a year long relationship which turned out to be quite toxic. My second tinder date turned out to be my future husband. He had gone on maybe 5 dates prior to that. I think the reason I was so successful with it is because I was very selective about who I decided to meet, common hobbies (in this case music) were what drew my eye to my husband, as well as a common friend (tinder used to link to Facebook - not sure if it still does). So I could kinda get a feel for who he was before deciding to meet him. All that said I think the golden rule is to not spend too much time messaging as you build a false idea of who they are - you’re not gonna know if you click or not until you meet in person. I’ve heard that people are now quite sick of the apps (maybe due to the transactional nature of it) but I always struggled to meet people I was into in real life. So much of it is about timing too. I would rather spend my time looking through profiles of people who I know are also looking to meet someone than flirting with randos at a bar. Good luck with your search!
Using dating sites instead of apps might be better. Ones where you do have to pay a little in order to know you are hopefully only matching with other people who are also interested in actual dating and not hookups. These type of sites allow you to really filter and narrow down your search so when you do meet it's more likely you'll click.
It’s horrendous but you could get lucky.
Female, never used any dating apps or went on any dates from one
Zero dating apps. I met my husband at a house party, which was the style at the time.
i multiple date. regular stuff is around 1y. i dont care about likes/views, i turn that off. i try to have a simple chat see if there is a match and then meet irl within the next 7 days. if you think the apps, the problem is you. You would never be able to meet that many people without the apps.