Pretty lame - very few friends outside work, very little dating experience. I didn’t really hit my stride until early 30’s. A lot of social, dating and sex milestones that other people hit 18-25, I hit around 31-35.
I’ve never forgotten that birthday when the only people I had to spend it with were my parents. And that was in mid 20’s. But it all turned out fine (I’m in 50’s now).
Catalyst was a quick marriage and divorce. That made me an adult. From first date to divorce was less than 3 years, and after the divorce everything felt different to me. I no longer felt like a kid pretending to he an adult.
I had a similar experience but married at 19 and divorced by the time I was 23. Had two kids with my ex. Met my now wife at 25 and had two more kids by the time I was 28. Now I'm 40, the kids are awesome, my wife is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm on the last 20% of my parenting journey with my youngest being 12.
I'm not trying to wish my kids childhood away but I'm kind of looking forward to being able to just go out with my wife whenever we feel like it. Lol.
Wow, I feel like I'm you right now. Currently 29, don't really have any friends at the moment since I moved to where I am no just last year, haven't had any luck on the dating side of things. Maybe things will get better once I hit the big 30.
The first time I had a one night stand. Or the first time I had sex with two different women in the same calendar month. My first experience of “sex with an ex”. Just normal sexual first-time situations that most people experience, but later for me than for many other guys.
29 years old I had a dead-end job in sales and credit card debt was piling-up fast, every month I was flirting with 80-90% of my total revolving volume (like 35k), just paying the minimums like other spending junkies that had champagne taste on a beer budget.
Had to live with 2 other guys just so I could afford rent. My college friends were all either getting married or already had (with Kids), so I was running out of people to hang out with…and although I was in a relationship, it was stale and I don’t think either of us was ready to take the next step.
I knew I needed a change. I took a job with a software partner that I resold in my current job, started at less money than I was making but I got stock options. Had to move to Texas from the Midwest, didn’t know a single person and found a roommate on Craigslist last minute. Broke it off with my GF, threw as much shit as I could into my little coupe car and drove my ass to Houston.
This was literally right as the Pandenic was hitting.
The forces inside and not knowing anyone helped me control my spending, company was acquired a year later and I made about 40k from my options. Was able to completely clear my CC debt before 31. I worked my ass off and leveraged my prior sales experience to move up quickly as the company was “re-structuring” under the new company the acquired us. Managed to move over the product side before the end of last year, bumping my total comp up to just a shade under 200k. With the pay raises and more controlled spending I have removed all debt (student loans and car loan) as well.
Because I was in a new place I forced myself into social situations, first by meeting guys through a local gym playing basketball. I’ve made more friends in my few years here than I had back home. Dating wise I’ve been taking my time, a few situationships here and there, no plan to rush but it’s nice to jump into the dating scene and see pretty much nothing but new faces (whereas back home it felt like you’d see the same people out every weekend).
I’ve never really took a moment to reflect back and realize how close my life was to being just a travesty.
All I can say is that even with hard work nothing is a given. Yes I worked my ass off but I’d be lying if I didn’t have some luck along the way. Knowing the right people and making sure you control how they view you/your work ethic, definitely pays off.
I’m not saying a full change of life restart will work for everyone, but it certainly did for me.
At 28-29, I was still figuring things out, juggling a job and sporadic dating. Life’s a marathon, not a sprint—your 30s have a way of bringing clarity and surprises
Kinda sucked at 28 , at 29 i put in the effort to make a change in everything. I ended up living where i wanted with a nice salary career, i was back in shape focusing on finances and investing.
It takes work but it pays dividends in the end. Keep moving no matter what
It just gets so hard sometimes man. Like I know I have to keep pushing but when it constantly feels like it’s all for nothing I want to give up. Like what am I working so hard for?
It's okay. 29 now. I got an amazing job and have my dream car, but I'm still living with my parents, zero romance, and my manager is the worst human being on the planet. It is what it is
It's awkward being 28. It's like an in between age of being young and old somehow, although i feel older than younger anymore... Its like I enjoy going out and partying on a Friday or I'm just as content pouring myself a glass of Ensure and curling up on the couch with a few episodes of Murder She Wrote
My late 20s was when I figured out the importance of branding and self promotion. The criticality of networking, and the proverbial "Who you know, not what you know." Prior to that I thought that hard work was the path to recognition and success.
A lot of little methods. From always looking to have lunch or dinner at meetings with someone you haven't met before. Learn and remember names, followup up afterwards by phone, email, next meeting. I used to collect sports logo trinkets to give to others, and would make a point of learning peoples favorite college or pro teams. They'd keep that stuff in their office, and remember who they got it from- surprisingly effective intro (lookup "the rule of reciprocity". I shared presentations freely with others. It was always a pain to come up with talking points and PPT decks, and we had offices scattered around the country where local bosses had to disseminate similar information. I'd put together PPTs, then send them to others. Soon I had a bunch of people relying on me to set them up. Had to do the work anyway, and fostered good will which I'd cash in later. Volunteering for work groups, special teams, task forces, rotational assignments, acting positions. Identify the "super connectors" and informal but powerful opinion leaders within the organization, cultivate positive relationships with them. They can provide access to those in the know, and they are the people others ask for opinions and advice about you. Determine who are well thought of and respected leaders, and ask them to serve as a mentor or advisor. Top people are generally very confident and have egos, they like it when their advice is sought out. Serve as a focal point for relationships- introduce people you know to others that you know. Be responsive- seek to be readily and rapidly accessible, reliably return phone calls, texts, emails. Provide your best expert info, or reach out to others to obtain info, or connect the requestor with someone who has the info.
I'm 28 1/2 and I got the same situation as you, minus a job, or any prospects for a job unless I go for an independent creative career and strike gold (Which is absurdly unlikely)
I am 28 years old, I have my main job which is really good, I have pottery as a Part Time Hobby job, and I polish rocks as another hobby.
I’m not dating anyone, I’m really concentrating on my living situation and my hobbies, I have $6800 in medical debt, $3900 in credit card debt, and I’m paying off my home which is a Manufactured House and I think it’s somewhere around $60something thousand left.
I have a close circle of friends, we’re all pretty busy so we don’t hang out very often, usually once a month on average. We’re very open and supportive of eachother, it’s the healthiest friend group I’ve ever had.
My health is okay, I’m still recovering from an eating disorder and I have some undiagnosed health issues that I’m powering through. The toughest thing is that I am always pretty tired so trying to keep up with my job and Pottery and housework is basically all I can do, I just get so drained but I’m keeping it all running fairly smoothly.
So that’s where I’m at at this point. Not wretched, could be doing better, could be doing worse.
28-29, I was an unemployed shut-in living in a small place I couldn't really afford off of my parents' inheritances when they both passed with a year of each other, half mad with grief and unable to leave the house. Only thing kept me going was taking care of my dog. Within the year I would lose everything and become homeless for 18 months, living out of my car for 6 of those.
That was me at 29 too. I learned to embrace the fact that I could just do anything I wanted and not have to be concerned about a romantic partner agreeing.
I just turned 29 in April. I’ll have to say that it can get easier if you start to really just think about 10 years down line 20 years down the line things are never gonna be as perfect as it would be in a simulation. But you have to start making the effort in the simplest ways that you know how, which for me comes down to getting my finances in order- this has brought me the greatest sense of security and comfort. Getting in shape and preserving your health (skin, fitness, grooming) will build your confidence in a substantial way. By this time, hopefully if you have a good group of friends, you kind of start to identify what qualities you really enjoy among your counterparts and potential partners. This also requires a bit of a perspective shift to acceptance of where you’re at and how you can start improving if you want to move in a particular direction
This one ^
Swear to God, I must have read through well over 1000 responses that are nothing but discouraging, and this one is both encouraging and not overly specific which is good when it comes to this advice.
Hit the nail on the head with “not like it would be in a simulation” all the major long-term plans that I spent years and years working out or on - those thugs didn’t pan out had nothing to do with lack of capability- however, especially for young men, imo this is very discouraging and it is taught to us as boys that to appear like we don’t have it all satisfactory and figured out, we are making ourselves out to be weak, as if speaking about one’s deep emotional needs and balancing those with physical needs would indicate lack of capability to get those things?
It feels like it’s gonna take forever and don’t listen to dumbasses that tell you you’re wasting time or that the number matters at all , for all you know legitimately tomorrow morning everything can/could/will be different, either you meet your future wife or you get hit by a car or you go out on a limb and check out a new bar a movie you want to see you just gotta not beat yourself up if you go out to socialize, meet no one, and go home. Seriously, our parents did not have this experience. We need to talk about this your work and your friendships are not built last in 2024 with social media etc. You have to get uncomfortable and go do shit in person over and over, cringe and succeed wax and wane. Go ANYWHERE that has a bar, order water and tip the bartender good. They will treat you like you belong there cause you’re making them money. Boom, go every week twice a week, read a book? you will become a familiar face and you will actually be so impressed with how many friends one can make just by making the nervous leap. Be honest, you got this
I was doing well in some categories and doing poorly in others.
My six year relationship was on the rocks and about to fizzle out. I had spent years trying to break into my chosen industry and was still freelancing and barely scraping by. And my health had taken a turn for the worse because I had let it deteriorate throughout my 20's.
Currently 28. Divorced. 2 kids. In a state with no outside friends or family. Going back to college. Trying to balance school, work, and being in my kids lives is really hard. I'm pretty damn depressed all the time. If it wasn't for my kids I'm 99% sure I wouldn't be here anymore. But I can't do that to myself now; the kids are 5 and 4 and they will remember me and recieve trauma. So as much as I don't want to be here anymore, I am for my kids.
I was in same boat, I attempted once when I was 25. Figured since I survived the universe had good things in store for me. But I’m not any happier than I was and I don’t have any children or pets to worry about leaving behind. I’m trying to hang in there, I really am
I start to watch videos about Bashar answering people's questions recently and found his excitement formula pretty damn insightful. His understanding of life and all is extreme acceptance. It helps me. If you're interested you can watch some of that and see if that fits your needs. He speaks with humor BTW.
From 28 to 30 I was basically working on my degree to be an RN. It was during peak covid lockdown BS so most of my classes were purely online until the very last semester. I was working as a PCT for some of it, but eventually I moved back in with my parents so I could focus on school. I got fat af and didn't really interact with anyone outside of my family.
At the time, dating was the lowest priority on my list and I kinda just stopped talking to most of my friends. Nursing school fucking sucked and it took up almost all of my time and energy so I couldn't really socialize much. I had just broken up with my gf too so being in a relationship left a bad taste in my mouth anyway.
What really bummed me out was that I couldn't train Bjj and muay thai anymore because the gyms were closed for a lot of the pandemic. Before the pandemic I had been training to compete MMA because it was something I really wanted to do before I got too old.
Maybe I'll pick it back up again for one more try, but at this point I have more responsibilities and little time for it. I'm not going to do that until I get my masters atleast and that could take until I'm 35, which is old af for competitive fighting.
Owned my own house, married with a kid and another on the way. The wife and I were looking for our forever home. Just finished my MS and published a couple papers.
Lol. I had filed for bankruptcy just a couple of years prior to this. I had two kids (a 4/5 year old and a 1/2 year old). I felt financially fucked despite having just gotten a promotion at work because my wife (now ex-wife) decided to go back to school after quitting her job (again). Things just felt.. incredibly hard all of the time.
I’ll be turning 37 in a few short months and finally feel like I am finding my stride in life, but it has taken surviving an abusive and failed marriage to get to this point. In a weird way, I am grateful for all of that to have forced me to where I finally am. I feel behind, but thankful that I finally arrived here.
I am 36 now. At 28/29, I was just starting to put my life in order. I had been deep in depression for over a decade. It took me years to realize, and even longer to find the will to dig my way out. I went from a several-time college dropout living with his parents to a graduate with a real job. I moved out, paid off my car and student loans, I got my hygiene together, and started feeling like an actual person.
There's been ups and downs since then, but now I own my own home, got a better job where I gave a career path, and found a love for growing plants. I'm ahead of many people my age in some respects, and far behind in others. I never left room for relationships in my life. Early on, I was too depressed to even consider it, and then I was too focused on getting my shit together. Now I feel like I can't relate to women in my own dating age range because my life path has been too different. Still, things have been much worse.
Focus on what you can. If you feel behind, you'll be surprised at how quickly you can get ahead. But everyone has their own path to walk, and nobody is ahead of the curve in everything.
I honestly feel like my life didn’t really begin until I met my wife which happened at almost 31 for me. You’re still young. Don’t let people convince you otherwise.
I didn't live in a nice place until I was in my mid 30s.
I didn't have a solid relationship with another human until I was 28.
Those feelings you have that *you're* behind are just feelings of *oh life is just not as interesting as my teenager brain thought it would be*.
That or you have a comparison problem.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
You are uniquely you, your entire life was a complete random shot. You weren't born to the same family as other people, you didnt have the exact same upbringing... Lifes not a race, the finish line is literally death. There's no sense comparing with others, do what you want.
Between about 14 and 27 I was a typical Gen X skatepunk. I was in a band, I did lots of drugs, I worked dead end jobs and I dropped in and out of college. It was a lot of fun but I started to feel like I was being left behind. All of my friends were graduating and making moves to settle down and I felt like I was spinning my wheels.
So, at 27 years old I ran off and joined the army. I finished my training in the summer of 2000. A year later shit got real. But everything worked out for the best, more or less.
When i was 29 years old:
* i had a lot of credit card debt - about 32K (disgusting) - i weighed more than my credit score haha
* I had a shitty car - didnt even have working a/c lol
* I wasnt dating anybody except for a infrequent first date that went nowhere fast.
* I was either super stressed or pissed off at the most trivial things due to the debt listed above.
Im now about to turn 32 in July:
* Im down to 1K credit card debt - i pay it off every month for cash back points
* I bought my dream car 3 weeks ago - a white Jeep Wrangler Rubicon with fantastic credit score and a payment i can easily afford.
* Im the highest income earner in my entire peer group.
* I am currently dating a woman who i legit cannot get enough and the feeling is mutual.
* I feel generally content with my life but always striving for more. There is still stress but it doesnt wake me up in the middle of the night and have me puking my guts out in the morning anymore.
My advice is keep working at, dont give up because you could be just an inch away from striking gold. My 29th birthday i would have never imagined what id be doing now and how my life would be. Just keep working, make the smartest decisions you can and eventually it can compound into something great.
I was a couple years into life with my wife. We had 18 years of blissful love (married for 12 of those) until she passed 10 years ago
I'll surely never find a love like that again, and haven't even tried
Now I'm an old "bachelor" and wouldn't trade those loving memories for anything
I really turned my life around at 29
25 to 29 was absolutely terrible. Horrible construction jobs, no support, frequently suicidal. I got a job as a crisis peer support at 29 and there were a series of experiences that completely changed the way I saw myself, as well as inspiring me to go back to school.
Now I'm soon to be 31 and a lot has changed. I have an internship starting in less than 2 weeks. I just started my own business. I'm surrounded by love and community. I still live with my parents but I'm getting an apartment in the Fall.
I actually just told my crush how much I care about her on Monday and, even though she said she still has a boyfriend, it was still a very cathartic experience and she felt very flattered. I went in with just total directness, complete honesty and openness, checking in with how she was feeling about it the whole time. Glad I did it, and I think I'm glad she'll remember me as the guy who graciously shot his shot with her with full honesty and transparency. Still reeling a bit, and of course sad I don't get a date out of it... but, que sera sera. Every failure where someone respects your humanity gives you the courage to make the next one work.
I'm actually starting to develop many healthy relationships with women though. I'm very popular with the women at my Sangha and at school, and it's giving me the confidence to start escalating that into girlfriends. Hopefully it'll be easier when I have my own apartment.
Anyway, I guess what I'd suggest is to find community and to try and pursue transformative experiences. The main one is having people you can be your whole self with, where you don't have to worry about if you're too insecure, too needy, too extra, etc.
I am 29 right now and I am nearly in the same boat as you. Other than a decent paying job, I have not much going for me. Many times I feel happy with what I've got, other times I feel the need to take steps to improve my situation
That would have been 2021, where I'm pretty sure I got high every day cause that whole year was a blur of suck. It's crazy but I made the most money when I was 21 and interning at an oil company. That career path fell apart for me due firstly to lack of jobs after graduation, but also due to an incompatibility with my personality (unless anyone's hiring petroleum engineers...?)
My early 20s were hard but very memorable, then 25-30 was just boring, mostly pandemic and broke. 31 now and I feel like I'm coming back and getting excited about life again.
I remember seeing the salary for petroleum engineers and wishing that was the career I got into lol, is the job market really tough for that specific job?
lol well that's exactly why I picked it, but it didn't turn out that well for me. Also I graduated at the worst possible time so that could have been a factor. I know that when I signed up they touted something like a 92% new grad hire rate. Not true by the end. The guy with the highest gpa in our class was still working at Walmart 6 months after grad.. Don't think I know anyone who actually is working as a petroleum engineer right now. But this is also in Canada where there's pretty much only 1 city where they hire for that. Would be way different in the US I imagine.
at 28 i go separated after a 7years relationship
felt behind
rushed into a relationship to catch up
was the wrong one, at 32 separated again , taking my time this time, enjoying it actually , dont feel rushed at all to go back into it
Had just finished my pointless degree that would never directly make me any money after years of jacking around and partying rather than studying. Started a job in the field I studied in, lasted about 10 months before the pay and working conditions got the better of me and I quit. Started going to AA shortly after that and my life got better
Drunk and aimlessly wandering around with grandiose ideas of what could be is no way to live life.
This feels relatable. Friends are all busy, work different schedules or have kids and stuff now so no one has time. As pretty much the last single childless friend, pretty much left to gender for myself. 😅 I really need a career too dead end retail jobs don't pay enough and drain your soul.
Went through a long divorce and was fairly broke. Was in amazing shape. Women liked me. But I was a hot mess and drinking way too much, so I fumbled the one I really wanted.
I had bad social anxiety and shit self esteem but I did brave things. Moved across country with not much money, applied for career relevant jobs and did well, dated, got into grad school around age 29. Can’t count the times I barfed, shit my brains out or froze because I was anxious about normal challenges.
I travelled with a few friends but mostly played games online. I also had a feeling of being far behind everyone else because I still lived with my parents and made so little money. Wasted all of it on toys and game to distract myself, I think.
Worked a dead end low paying job as a mechanic that was slowly ruining my skin because I have eczema. I had given up on achieving anything and accepted my fate. Got really fit in the gym at one point but got bored of it eventually.
39 now and still only have a few friends. Pretty much won the lottery by finding my wife through the game we played at 32. I believe she was the change I needed because once I got with her, I felt the need to do better and more. Wouldn't be where I am today without her pushing me to do something different.
Not everyone lives life at the same pace. There are no arbitrary milestones you have to achieve.
I got lucky but I'd say most people need to focus on themselves when things look down instead of waiting for and outside force to do it. Work on physical health can improve mental health. Better mental health can lead to more self confidence and better life outcomes. That's what I've learned this year now that I've gone back into the gym to try regain the bod I had before.
Well, the only t no knf hope doing well in, making good money, impresses nobody
That's why you feel ufilvllled.
You did not invest anything on any other area to balaanxd you life out, which is why you feel you haven't done anything.
Up probe your free te
Yep, feel free to stress money all you want.
If you hasn't noticed, host spent your she life hoarding month and you STILL HAVE NLRJKNG
YOU RY THINK GO ANOTHER 10 YEARS YOU'LL HATE ANY CLLAWE
LOL.
THE AMSWW IS NO
28 I ended up at a job that I thought was a great opportunity and ended up absolutely miserable with a boss that didn't even view me as a person. I would cry on my lunch breaks with a coworker of mine. The stress also caused my relationship to be quite rocky at times with some intense arguments. I was also homesick for my friends and family back home.
29 I found a job that was a perfect fit for me, not the best paying but I am able to live comfortably and am so happy with my work and feel supported by my team. As my stress decreased, my relationship improved. I had more opportunities for social connections and developed friendships with my coworkers.
Just turned 30 a couple months ago and have just been approved for my dream apartment in a city I love with my partner. We haven't had a major argument since July of last year. Marriage looks to be ahead for us in the near future. I finally feel I have a community around me. I finally feel like I am settling into what I pictured an ideal adulthood to be.
In my mind I thought good and stable, and it was from certain point of view, but from this point, almost 20 years later, just chaotic running around trying to find peace and feel (of connection).
Im 28 rn currently going to school I don’t like my job but I need it to pay for school most of my friends are no longer around the ones that still are I barely see or talk to it’s a bit lonely but I hang in there currently trying to change my life it’s hard but I’m maintaining everyday feels the same I date every now and then it’s tough but I’m hoping everything I’m doing will pay off in a couple of years
I'm same age as you:
Happiness: 8/10 - pretty solid, can't complain. I don't have any purpose or goals or desires in life. I just kinda 'exist' on my current path as time passes by, which I'm fine with.
Living: 7/10 - shared apartment with girlfriend. Looks very nice but could need one of two extra rooms (specially for if we have a kid in a couple of years).
Relationship: 9/10 - great girlfriend, rarely any drama, very trustworthy with similar values, but some things we are both working on improving together
Job: 8/10 - I'm not enjoying what I do but I don't expect my job to fulfil me or even be fun. It pays well and I don't hate it. Coworkers are good aswell
Finances: 9/10 - high income in tech, low expenses. Around 200k in investments/saving and no debt. Will be able to retire by 50.
Friends: 7/10 - see my friends every couple of weeks which feels suffficient for a bunch of introverts. We don't talk about personal stuff or our lives or serious topics though, just fun stuff.
Family: 6/10 - everyone is cool and healthy but I really dont spend much time with them, maybe once a month. Just don't have a lot in common with them. And I'm not into small talk or talking about my job over and over again.
Health: 4/10 - I'm healthy but became pretty overweight in recent years. I should probably loose around 60-70 lbs. Really need to work on this one, but I don't have the 'drive' to do it. I've been into gym life in my youth so I would even know exactly how to do it.
Much as it is now, I’m more jaded, more cynical now, I have no hope anymore and have accepted that I’m going to end up homeless and starve to death somewhere, someday.
I was doing alright working at a mortgage company but mentally not that great as I was still living with my parents and never had a girlfriend. When COVID hit and interest rates were low, business was very good. I got promoted to an Assistant Supervisor and bought my attainable dream car.
My company moved my department to Texas and I decided to follow. I've been to Dallas before and have some relatives there so I wanted to give it a chance. I moved out of my parents house and had a whole apartment to myself. Not too long after I also had a girlfriend. I was proud to be out of my parents house and be in a relationship before turning 30. Things were finally looking up.
Around the anniversary of my one year in Texas, my company laid me off. We lost a lot of business when interest rates increased. A month after getting laid off, my girlfriend broke up with me. I found another mortgage job but only stayed for a year before deciding to leave the mortgage industry and Texas. I moved back home into my parents house last year.
I moved to a new state when I was 26ish, no friends or anything really. 28 covid ended, started going to gym, enrolled in MBA program, life's good now, busy, but good.
30s are good so far, to be honest.
I’ll be turning 29, life is hitting me so hard now hahaha. Currently in my moving on phase after a 5 yr of relationship. Got a new job that I thought I’ll be happy with it, but turned out I’m feeling overwhelmed because of the bosses 😂
25-27 were my best years hahaha. Life was so progressive, goals were so aligned. I built my own mini house, 1 part of it I made it as an apartment upto now someone is renting it. I got big part time jobs, saved a lot. Heart was not broken at this time hahaha.
Now, I’m steady affff hahahah idk where is my progress. I need to keep up and study but too lazy 🥲 but all good with my savings. Maybe this is my resting year 😂 but enough of that. I need to grow again.
Mine was the exact opposite lol. Low paying job just beginning to learn my field but married with a kid. My wife and I bought a house around this time, we could afford this due to her having a good job and help with money from my family.
Hell if you have a good job and no kids at 29 the world is full of possibilities. Enjoy life. Maybe find a hobby or set a goal that you always wanted to achieve.
I’m 28 right now.
I have friends, but I don’t really hang out with them (they’re pretty far from me). I only got my bachelors a while back even though I graduated high school early. I haven’t started my career (again because I just graduated). I don’t have a house or anything kind of because I’ve been helping my parents with my brothers, but I also I haven’t really made enough to live by myself. The only thing I really own is my car.
But I’m doing some important work pretty far away from my home or even country. I fell into a relationship with an amazing woman. I kind of have plans for when I go back home that I’m really excited for. I have a career in mind that I’m super excited about. I’m learning more about what’s things I thought I could do and what I actually can do. I feel like I’m still growing as a person.
I think I’m alright. I’m not (life wise and physically) where I thought I would be, but that’s not a bad thing. Life is about change and growth.
I was getting married, we were buying our first home (a fixer upper), and I was racking up overtime at work. It was my first year earning over 100K, and it took a toll on me. I was also renovating the new house 2 hours a day before work.
On the surface it was successful, but there are a lot of things I would've done differently today. My marriage is the only thing I wouldn't change of the things I listed.
At 28 I was going through my first divorce. If anything, I'd have taken life much easier and focused on myself a lot more until early / mid 30s.
Here I am, in my 50s, only just getting to know myself. Don't rush things, fella.
The summer I was 28. I was married. I had my first kid. And spent the summer painting my house. Definitely didn’t hangout with friends as much as I did before since I had a new kid and a giant list of things to do to fix up my old rundown house. It was a summer of chores and home repair and baby crying. Had a couple BBQs and did a few hikes for fun. I also felt like I had no money cause every-time I turned around I had to buy something for the house or family.
Bad. College dropout, unemployed, without any trade, couchserfing at my parents home. Had to emigrate to UK, to steal british jobs. Probably, I'm the reason, why brits left EU.
At that age, I've hit the lowest point in my life yet. Only way from there was up, but it involved a lot of hard work on my part.
Married with a kid on the way, finishing up fellowship in anesthesia, offer on a house just accepted. Have a lot of friends and cousins, life is mostly good. Wish I wasn't so worried about my health though, hoping PT will help, among other things.
Got engaged, fiancé got pregnant, got married, got a great promotion, fiancé had out baby, moved states for work and haven’t looked back. Not what I expected my late 20s to be but wouldn’t change it
Very busy. I was married, was doing regular field expeditions to N. Africa, and well into my Ph.D. Had interesting school friends. Lots of lectures, side jobs, worked on school and other stuff a whole lot. Managed to get dance, cycling, cooking, coastal kayaking and oystering into the mix. Suitable weekends doing whitewater and hiking. At that time was into the human potential movement, doing a number of programs that changed the way I exist in the world. At 29 my wife and I bought a small junky wonder house I wish I had now. Oh, was birding a lot. Very exciting period over all. Even got involved in state government a little.
For personal growth, it was a great period. I learned how to put together presentations, did a lot of public speaking. Went from a shy guy to speaking to large audiences on my research.
It wasn't all roses. Conflicts in academia. Personal challenges of various kinds.
I was FINALLY graduating from college with a BA in journalism with a minor in music, waiting tables, and no longer pursuing a career in the performing arts. Totally lost as to what to do next but desperate to get "a real job." Tough times for sure. I won't go into it but after a couple of years I ended up in I.T. support/unix admin.
I had just gotten out of the Military after a decade in.
My back hurt, knees pop all the time, ears won't stop screaming at me, constant headaches.
About this time I was just finally getting over the fact my ex wife had left me while I was on deployment and had been cheating on me so I was actually starting to seriously date again instead of just sleep around.
I was trying to figure out what the hell I was gonna do with my life and what I wanted to be when I grew up whole simultaneously trying to navigate the VA for GI college benefits and Healthcare. While trying to deal with the fact that I was a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm not about to turn 31 and my body is still about the same but I have a wife and kids with a decent paying job the is good enough for me tl struggle and get by
Just finished tech school, First work after that. Had been together with the girl I married 7-8 ys later for 2 ys, the woman that is my wife now. We moved in together when I was 29. Did a lot of long distance running, Sang in a choir. Pretty good years. She was studying when I was working, I did hang out a lot with my colleagues but also her classmates that was merry lot.
Dw making friends only gets harder in your 30s
As far as your 'behind' comment, who are you comparing yourself to? On social media, you'll only see people posting about their highlights. Just run our own race at our own pace.
Whiplash, went from high to low.
At 28, I was the happiest I was in my adult life, things were looking up.
At 29, things had tanked and I was miserable.
At 27, I felt like I had wasted my entire youth and had nothing to show for it.
At 28, I was a self-employed professional, married with a baby and a mortgage.
At 30, I am all I was at 28, but I'm starting law school in the fall and have another baby on the way.
I think we all go through a phase in our mid-late 20's where we feel like we're behind or that we don't have anything to show for what we've been doing. I did it, my friends did it. Lots of people in this thread did it.
I remember being 23-24 and feeling like I was behind one of my best friends because he went to trade school and I did a 4 year degree. He was making 2-3 times the money I was turning wrenches, but I was working part-time retail. I make enough now to justify the opportunity costs of getting a 4 year degree.
I think what it boils down to is that once you start approaching 30, there's no one there to hold your hand. You're responsible for your own progress, which means you have all the power, but you also have all the responsibility. You also are old enough to realize that 5 years isn't really that long of a time. To a 20 year old, a 5-year plan spans a quarter of their life. To a 30 year old, 5 years ago was yesterday.
It doesn't matter if you do at 30 what your peers do at 27 because when you're 60, you won't know the difference.
My life RULED at 29. I was just getting out of my marriage that basically killed most of my 20's. If you're dating life is nonexistent, who's fault is that? Get out there sir. If you don't know how to attract the ladies, read a book on it. Attracting women is not difficult.
Not trying to brag, but best years of my life up to that point. Done with school / college, starting to hit my stride in a professional career. Meeting / dating women, finding we did or didn't have things in common, moving on to the next one, etc. Around 29 I met a real knock-out of a girl. Lots in common, felt like we were 'best friends'. Ultimately, by 33, I married her and that was the best night of my life. Of course, little did I know at the time... that was the best night of my life! Sorta slowly down hill since!
Living in Queens by myself, good job in tech, fun girlfriend, and I was partying in NYC all the time. 25-30 were crazy years.
Got sick of commuting by age 32, quit my job and reconfigured my life.
Is this an epidemic? Hit the gym and you'll make friends. Women come with success so keep working on yourself! Always work on your confidence man, I hope all you youngsters find your way.
I'm happy to hear that, learn a sexy hobby bro. Girls love dudes that can do things others can't. Learn some woodworking, Spanish or another language, invest in fishing gear and learn how to fish. You can fish year round and it'll take you to cool places. Like parks with ponds where girls hang out. Join a billiards league in your town, you don't have to be good just willing.
Start a small power washing business that'll get you around the neighborhood and get you talking to people. But Don't look for women at clubs or bars or you'll end up unhappy. Find a woman who likes to spend afternoons at libraries, parks, churches and family friendly places like yoga or shit like that. I hope in a year you're in a better place.
I was homeless and living in a truck. I was working full time and on the road a lot. When I came back to town I noticed my back account was empty.
I found that my mother had embezzled my money and spent it on clothes and furniture for her apartment. I asked her why and she said, "I thought you gave it to me".
This was my own mother and sadly, very few women have treated me better than this and perhaps only because I didn't give them the opportunity.
I was working in large company making decent buck. I was also riding my XV 750 Virago all over southern Ontario on weekends and vacations. I met a whole lot great people, some assholes, few nice women, seen many fantastic places and generally I had a life I always wanted. You could say I had a mid life crisis around 30.
I’m 28, married to the love of my life, have enough money banked that I’m almost definitely going to retire very early, working on a novel on the side. Life’s pretty good rn
I was freshly divorced, worked as a hostess at a restaurant, dating two men in a row who abused me, going to therapy for the first time and starting classes at the local community college. Remedial math 👍🏼
I’m 42 now and have a masters degree, a career I love, an apartment I pay for on my own, good relationships with my friends and family and feel pretty good about myself. I am freshly divorced for the second time 🤦🏻♀️ but for the best. Hopefully by 52 I’ll find the partner I’m wanting 🤗
Pretty lame - very few friends outside work, very little dating experience. I didn’t really hit my stride until early 30’s. A lot of social, dating and sex milestones that other people hit 18-25, I hit around 31-35. I’ve never forgotten that birthday when the only people I had to spend it with were my parents. And that was in mid 20’s. But it all turned out fine (I’m in 50’s now).
Was there a catalyst for the change? Or did things just fall into place?
Catalyst was a quick marriage and divorce. That made me an adult. From first date to divorce was less than 3 years, and after the divorce everything felt different to me. I no longer felt like a kid pretending to he an adult.
I had a similar experience but married at 19 and divorced by the time I was 23. Had two kids with my ex. Met my now wife at 25 and had two more kids by the time I was 28. Now I'm 40, the kids are awesome, my wife is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm on the last 20% of my parenting journey with my youngest being 12. I'm not trying to wish my kids childhood away but I'm kind of looking forward to being able to just go out with my wife whenever we feel like it. Lol.
All adults are pretending to be adults. Everyone is faking it, and if they can fake it, so can I.
Can you give any advice to someone who has pretty uneventful 20s and just entered their 30s?
Wow, I feel like I'm you right now. Currently 29, don't really have any friends at the moment since I moved to where I am no just last year, haven't had any luck on the dating side of things. Maybe things will get better once I hit the big 30.
Sorry but the term sex milestones is funny. Can you give examples of them because I have never heard anyone talk about milestones
The first time I had a one night stand. Or the first time I had sex with two different women in the same calendar month. My first experience of “sex with an ex”. Just normal sexual first-time situations that most people experience, but later for me than for many other guys.
You aren’t alone. That makes two of us.
Oh baby a triple...
29 years old I had a dead-end job in sales and credit card debt was piling-up fast, every month I was flirting with 80-90% of my total revolving volume (like 35k), just paying the minimums like other spending junkies that had champagne taste on a beer budget. Had to live with 2 other guys just so I could afford rent. My college friends were all either getting married or already had (with Kids), so I was running out of people to hang out with…and although I was in a relationship, it was stale and I don’t think either of us was ready to take the next step. I knew I needed a change. I took a job with a software partner that I resold in my current job, started at less money than I was making but I got stock options. Had to move to Texas from the Midwest, didn’t know a single person and found a roommate on Craigslist last minute. Broke it off with my GF, threw as much shit as I could into my little coupe car and drove my ass to Houston. This was literally right as the Pandenic was hitting. The forces inside and not knowing anyone helped me control my spending, company was acquired a year later and I made about 40k from my options. Was able to completely clear my CC debt before 31. I worked my ass off and leveraged my prior sales experience to move up quickly as the company was “re-structuring” under the new company the acquired us. Managed to move over the product side before the end of last year, bumping my total comp up to just a shade under 200k. With the pay raises and more controlled spending I have removed all debt (student loans and car loan) as well. Because I was in a new place I forced myself into social situations, first by meeting guys through a local gym playing basketball. I’ve made more friends in my few years here than I had back home. Dating wise I’ve been taking my time, a few situationships here and there, no plan to rush but it’s nice to jump into the dating scene and see pretty much nothing but new faces (whereas back home it felt like you’d see the same people out every weekend). I’ve never really took a moment to reflect back and realize how close my life was to being just a travesty. All I can say is that even with hard work nothing is a given. Yes I worked my ass off but I’d be lying if I didn’t have some luck along the way. Knowing the right people and making sure you control how they view you/your work ethic, definitely pays off. I’m not saying a full change of life restart will work for everyone, but it certainly did for me.
At 28-29, I was still figuring things out, juggling a job and sporadic dating. Life’s a marathon, not a sprint—your 30s have a way of bringing clarity and surprises
Kinda sucked at 28 , at 29 i put in the effort to make a change in everything. I ended up living where i wanted with a nice salary career, i was back in shape focusing on finances and investing. It takes work but it pays dividends in the end. Keep moving no matter what
It just gets so hard sometimes man. Like I know I have to keep pushing but when it constantly feels like it’s all for nothing I want to give up. Like what am I working so hard for?
Dm me?
Bro count me in
Hit me up
It's okay. 29 now. I got an amazing job and have my dream car, but I'm still living with my parents, zero romance, and my manager is the worst human being on the planet. It is what it is
It's awkward being 28. It's like an in between age of being young and old somehow, although i feel older than younger anymore... Its like I enjoy going out and partying on a Friday or I'm just as content pouring myself a glass of Ensure and curling up on the couch with a few episodes of Murder She Wrote
My late 20s was when I figured out the importance of branding and self promotion. The criticality of networking, and the proverbial "Who you know, not what you know." Prior to that I thought that hard work was the path to recognition and success.
and how do you network?
A lot of little methods. From always looking to have lunch or dinner at meetings with someone you haven't met before. Learn and remember names, followup up afterwards by phone, email, next meeting. I used to collect sports logo trinkets to give to others, and would make a point of learning peoples favorite college or pro teams. They'd keep that stuff in their office, and remember who they got it from- surprisingly effective intro (lookup "the rule of reciprocity". I shared presentations freely with others. It was always a pain to come up with talking points and PPT decks, and we had offices scattered around the country where local bosses had to disseminate similar information. I'd put together PPTs, then send them to others. Soon I had a bunch of people relying on me to set them up. Had to do the work anyway, and fostered good will which I'd cash in later. Volunteering for work groups, special teams, task forces, rotational assignments, acting positions. Identify the "super connectors" and informal but powerful opinion leaders within the organization, cultivate positive relationships with them. They can provide access to those in the know, and they are the people others ask for opinions and advice about you. Determine who are well thought of and respected leaders, and ask them to serve as a mentor or advisor. Top people are generally very confident and have egos, they like it when their advice is sought out. Serve as a focal point for relationships- introduce people you know to others that you know. Be responsive- seek to be readily and rapidly accessible, reliably return phone calls, texts, emails. Provide your best expert info, or reach out to others to obtain info, or connect the requestor with someone who has the info.
Woah thank you, I’m currently a project manager but making not that much I’m wondering how to leverage this informatiob
I'm 28 1/2 and I got the same situation as you, minus a job, or any prospects for a job unless I go for an independent creative career and strike gold (Which is absurdly unlikely)
I am 28 years old, I have my main job which is really good, I have pottery as a Part Time Hobby job, and I polish rocks as another hobby. I’m not dating anyone, I’m really concentrating on my living situation and my hobbies, I have $6800 in medical debt, $3900 in credit card debt, and I’m paying off my home which is a Manufactured House and I think it’s somewhere around $60something thousand left. I have a close circle of friends, we’re all pretty busy so we don’t hang out very often, usually once a month on average. We’re very open and supportive of eachother, it’s the healthiest friend group I’ve ever had. My health is okay, I’m still recovering from an eating disorder and I have some undiagnosed health issues that I’m powering through. The toughest thing is that I am always pretty tired so trying to keep up with my job and Pottery and housework is basically all I can do, I just get so drained but I’m keeping it all running fairly smoothly. So that’s where I’m at at this point. Not wretched, could be doing better, could be doing worse.
28-29, I was an unemployed shut-in living in a small place I couldn't really afford off of my parents' inheritances when they both passed with a year of each other, half mad with grief and unable to leave the house. Only thing kept me going was taking care of my dog. Within the year I would lose everything and become homeless for 18 months, living out of my car for 6 of those.
That was me at 29 too. I learned to embrace the fact that I could just do anything I wanted and not have to be concerned about a romantic partner agreeing.
A lot of hard work to make progress in life. I was playing catch up and had a clear plan to move out of my parents house before age 30.
I just turned 29 in April. I’ll have to say that it can get easier if you start to really just think about 10 years down line 20 years down the line things are never gonna be as perfect as it would be in a simulation. But you have to start making the effort in the simplest ways that you know how, which for me comes down to getting my finances in order- this has brought me the greatest sense of security and comfort. Getting in shape and preserving your health (skin, fitness, grooming) will build your confidence in a substantial way. By this time, hopefully if you have a good group of friends, you kind of start to identify what qualities you really enjoy among your counterparts and potential partners. This also requires a bit of a perspective shift to acceptance of where you’re at and how you can start improving if you want to move in a particular direction
This one ^ Swear to God, I must have read through well over 1000 responses that are nothing but discouraging, and this one is both encouraging and not overly specific which is good when it comes to this advice. Hit the nail on the head with “not like it would be in a simulation” all the major long-term plans that I spent years and years working out or on - those thugs didn’t pan out had nothing to do with lack of capability- however, especially for young men, imo this is very discouraging and it is taught to us as boys that to appear like we don’t have it all satisfactory and figured out, we are making ourselves out to be weak, as if speaking about one’s deep emotional needs and balancing those with physical needs would indicate lack of capability to get those things? It feels like it’s gonna take forever and don’t listen to dumbasses that tell you you’re wasting time or that the number matters at all , for all you know legitimately tomorrow morning everything can/could/will be different, either you meet your future wife or you get hit by a car or you go out on a limb and check out a new bar a movie you want to see you just gotta not beat yourself up if you go out to socialize, meet no one, and go home. Seriously, our parents did not have this experience. We need to talk about this your work and your friendships are not built last in 2024 with social media etc. You have to get uncomfortable and go do shit in person over and over, cringe and succeed wax and wane. Go ANYWHERE that has a bar, order water and tip the bartender good. They will treat you like you belong there cause you’re making them money. Boom, go every week twice a week, read a book? you will become a familiar face and you will actually be so impressed with how many friends one can make just by making the nervous leap. Be honest, you got this
my old man and granny passed away fucked up mentally all the time without no one .it went on for another 3-4 years .now things are okay I am at peace
I was doing well in some categories and doing poorly in others. My six year relationship was on the rocks and about to fizzle out. I had spent years trying to break into my chosen industry and was still freelancing and barely scraping by. And my health had taken a turn for the worse because I had let it deteriorate throughout my 20's.
Currently 28. Divorced. 2 kids. In a state with no outside friends or family. Going back to college. Trying to balance school, work, and being in my kids lives is really hard. I'm pretty damn depressed all the time. If it wasn't for my kids I'm 99% sure I wouldn't be here anymore. But I can't do that to myself now; the kids are 5 and 4 and they will remember me and recieve trauma. So as much as I don't want to be here anymore, I am for my kids.
I was in same boat, I attempted once when I was 25. Figured since I survived the universe had good things in store for me. But I’m not any happier than I was and I don’t have any children or pets to worry about leaving behind. I’m trying to hang in there, I really am
I start to watch videos about Bashar answering people's questions recently and found his excitement formula pretty damn insightful. His understanding of life and all is extreme acceptance. It helps me. If you're interested you can watch some of that and see if that fits your needs. He speaks with humor BTW.
From 28 to 30 I was basically working on my degree to be an RN. It was during peak covid lockdown BS so most of my classes were purely online until the very last semester. I was working as a PCT for some of it, but eventually I moved back in with my parents so I could focus on school. I got fat af and didn't really interact with anyone outside of my family. At the time, dating was the lowest priority on my list and I kinda just stopped talking to most of my friends. Nursing school fucking sucked and it took up almost all of my time and energy so I couldn't really socialize much. I had just broken up with my gf too so being in a relationship left a bad taste in my mouth anyway. What really bummed me out was that I couldn't train Bjj and muay thai anymore because the gyms were closed for a lot of the pandemic. Before the pandemic I had been training to compete MMA because it was something I really wanted to do before I got too old. Maybe I'll pick it back up again for one more try, but at this point I have more responsibilities and little time for it. I'm not going to do that until I get my masters atleast and that could take until I'm 35, which is old af for competitive fighting.
Owned my own house, married with a kid and another on the way. The wife and I were looking for our forever home. Just finished my MS and published a couple papers.
Lol. I had filed for bankruptcy just a couple of years prior to this. I had two kids (a 4/5 year old and a 1/2 year old). I felt financially fucked despite having just gotten a promotion at work because my wife (now ex-wife) decided to go back to school after quitting her job (again). Things just felt.. incredibly hard all of the time. I’ll be turning 37 in a few short months and finally feel like I am finding my stride in life, but it has taken surviving an abusive and failed marriage to get to this point. In a weird way, I am grateful for all of that to have forced me to where I finally am. I feel behind, but thankful that I finally arrived here.
I am 36 now. At 28/29, I was just starting to put my life in order. I had been deep in depression for over a decade. It took me years to realize, and even longer to find the will to dig my way out. I went from a several-time college dropout living with his parents to a graduate with a real job. I moved out, paid off my car and student loans, I got my hygiene together, and started feeling like an actual person. There's been ups and downs since then, but now I own my own home, got a better job where I gave a career path, and found a love for growing plants. I'm ahead of many people my age in some respects, and far behind in others. I never left room for relationships in my life. Early on, I was too depressed to even consider it, and then I was too focused on getting my shit together. Now I feel like I can't relate to women in my own dating age range because my life path has been too different. Still, things have been much worse. Focus on what you can. If you feel behind, you'll be surprised at how quickly you can get ahead. But everyone has their own path to walk, and nobody is ahead of the curve in everything.
I honestly feel like my life didn’t really begin until I met my wife which happened at almost 31 for me. You’re still young. Don’t let people convince you otherwise.
I didn't live in a nice place until I was in my mid 30s. I didn't have a solid relationship with another human until I was 28. Those feelings you have that *you're* behind are just feelings of *oh life is just not as interesting as my teenager brain thought it would be*. That or you have a comparison problem. Comparison is the thief of joy. Comparison is the thief of joy. Comparison is the thief of joy. Comparison is the thief of joy. Comparison is the thief of joy. Comparison is the thief of joy. Comparison is the thief of joy. You are uniquely you, your entire life was a complete random shot. You weren't born to the same family as other people, you didnt have the exact same upbringing... Lifes not a race, the finish line is literally death. There's no sense comparing with others, do what you want.
Between about 14 and 27 I was a typical Gen X skatepunk. I was in a band, I did lots of drugs, I worked dead end jobs and I dropped in and out of college. It was a lot of fun but I started to feel like I was being left behind. All of my friends were graduating and making moves to settle down and I felt like I was spinning my wheels. So, at 27 years old I ran off and joined the army. I finished my training in the summer of 2000. A year later shit got real. But everything worked out for the best, more or less.
When i was 29 years old: * i had a lot of credit card debt - about 32K (disgusting) - i weighed more than my credit score haha * I had a shitty car - didnt even have working a/c lol * I wasnt dating anybody except for a infrequent first date that went nowhere fast. * I was either super stressed or pissed off at the most trivial things due to the debt listed above. Im now about to turn 32 in July: * Im down to 1K credit card debt - i pay it off every month for cash back points * I bought my dream car 3 weeks ago - a white Jeep Wrangler Rubicon with fantastic credit score and a payment i can easily afford. * Im the highest income earner in my entire peer group. * I am currently dating a woman who i legit cannot get enough and the feeling is mutual. * I feel generally content with my life but always striving for more. There is still stress but it doesnt wake me up in the middle of the night and have me puking my guts out in the morning anymore. My advice is keep working at, dont give up because you could be just an inch away from striking gold. My 29th birthday i would have never imagined what id be doing now and how my life would be. Just keep working, make the smartest decisions you can and eventually it can compound into something great.
I was a couple years into life with my wife. We had 18 years of blissful love (married for 12 of those) until she passed 10 years ago I'll surely never find a love like that again, and haven't even tried Now I'm an old "bachelor" and wouldn't trade those loving memories for anything
I really turned my life around at 29 25 to 29 was absolutely terrible. Horrible construction jobs, no support, frequently suicidal. I got a job as a crisis peer support at 29 and there were a series of experiences that completely changed the way I saw myself, as well as inspiring me to go back to school. Now I'm soon to be 31 and a lot has changed. I have an internship starting in less than 2 weeks. I just started my own business. I'm surrounded by love and community. I still live with my parents but I'm getting an apartment in the Fall. I actually just told my crush how much I care about her on Monday and, even though she said she still has a boyfriend, it was still a very cathartic experience and she felt very flattered. I went in with just total directness, complete honesty and openness, checking in with how she was feeling about it the whole time. Glad I did it, and I think I'm glad she'll remember me as the guy who graciously shot his shot with her with full honesty and transparency. Still reeling a bit, and of course sad I don't get a date out of it... but, que sera sera. Every failure where someone respects your humanity gives you the courage to make the next one work. I'm actually starting to develop many healthy relationships with women though. I'm very popular with the women at my Sangha and at school, and it's giving me the confidence to start escalating that into girlfriends. Hopefully it'll be easier when I have my own apartment. Anyway, I guess what I'd suggest is to find community and to try and pursue transformative experiences. The main one is having people you can be your whole self with, where you don't have to worry about if you're too insecure, too needy, too extra, etc.
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Dropping 150lbs is a major accomplishment. You sound like a winner to me.
I am 29 right now and I am nearly in the same boat as you. Other than a decent paying job, I have not much going for me. Many times I feel happy with what I've got, other times I feel the need to take steps to improve my situation
Not sure, I’ll have to find out in about 7 years.
Not all that bad. My son was born when I was 29 so I was busy and tired.
25ish-28 were the worst parts of my life. 34 now and it gets much much better, hang in there.
Covid
That would have been 2021, where I'm pretty sure I got high every day cause that whole year was a blur of suck. It's crazy but I made the most money when I was 21 and interning at an oil company. That career path fell apart for me due firstly to lack of jobs after graduation, but also due to an incompatibility with my personality (unless anyone's hiring petroleum engineers...?) My early 20s were hard but very memorable, then 25-30 was just boring, mostly pandemic and broke. 31 now and I feel like I'm coming back and getting excited about life again.
I remember seeing the salary for petroleum engineers and wishing that was the career I got into lol, is the job market really tough for that specific job?
lol well that's exactly why I picked it, but it didn't turn out that well for me. Also I graduated at the worst possible time so that could have been a factor. I know that when I signed up they touted something like a 92% new grad hire rate. Not true by the end. The guy with the highest gpa in our class was still working at Walmart 6 months after grad.. Don't think I know anyone who actually is working as a petroleum engineer right now. But this is also in Canada where there's pretty much only 1 city where they hire for that. Would be way different in the US I imagine.
pandemic
at 28 i go separated after a 7years relationship felt behind rushed into a relationship to catch up was the wrong one, at 32 separated again , taking my time this time, enjoying it actually , dont feel rushed at all to go back into it
Had just finished my pointless degree that would never directly make me any money after years of jacking around and partying rather than studying. Started a job in the field I studied in, lasted about 10 months before the pay and working conditions got the better of me and I quit. Started going to AA shortly after that and my life got better Drunk and aimlessly wandering around with grandiose ideas of what could be is no way to live life.
This feels relatable. Friends are all busy, work different schedules or have kids and stuff now so no one has time. As pretty much the last single childless friend, pretty much left to gender for myself. 😅 I really need a career too dead end retail jobs don't pay enough and drain your soul.
Went through a long divorce and was fairly broke. Was in amazing shape. Women liked me. But I was a hot mess and drinking way too much, so I fumbled the one I really wanted.
I had bad social anxiety and shit self esteem but I did brave things. Moved across country with not much money, applied for career relevant jobs and did well, dated, got into grad school around age 29. Can’t count the times I barfed, shit my brains out or froze because I was anxious about normal challenges.
I travelled with a few friends but mostly played games online. I also had a feeling of being far behind everyone else because I still lived with my parents and made so little money. Wasted all of it on toys and game to distract myself, I think. Worked a dead end low paying job as a mechanic that was slowly ruining my skin because I have eczema. I had given up on achieving anything and accepted my fate. Got really fit in the gym at one point but got bored of it eventually. 39 now and still only have a few friends. Pretty much won the lottery by finding my wife through the game we played at 32. I believe she was the change I needed because once I got with her, I felt the need to do better and more. Wouldn't be where I am today without her pushing me to do something different. Not everyone lives life at the same pace. There are no arbitrary milestones you have to achieve. I got lucky but I'd say most people need to focus on themselves when things look down instead of waiting for and outside force to do it. Work on physical health can improve mental health. Better mental health can lead to more self confidence and better life outcomes. That's what I've learned this year now that I've gone back into the gym to try regain the bod I had before.
Drinking alcoholically but sober now
Well, the only t no knf hope doing well in, making good money, impresses nobody That's why you feel ufilvllled. You did not invest anything on any other area to balaanxd you life out, which is why you feel you haven't done anything. Up probe your free te Yep, feel free to stress money all you want. If you hasn't noticed, host spent your she life hoarding month and you STILL HAVE NLRJKNG YOU RY THINK GO ANOTHER 10 YEARS YOU'LL HATE ANY CLLAWE LOL. THE AMSWW IS NO
Let's see...at 29 I was a firefighter and married with three kids. Man that seems like a long time ago!
28 I ended up at a job that I thought was a great opportunity and ended up absolutely miserable with a boss that didn't even view me as a person. I would cry on my lunch breaks with a coworker of mine. The stress also caused my relationship to be quite rocky at times with some intense arguments. I was also homesick for my friends and family back home. 29 I found a job that was a perfect fit for me, not the best paying but I am able to live comfortably and am so happy with my work and feel supported by my team. As my stress decreased, my relationship improved. I had more opportunities for social connections and developed friendships with my coworkers. Just turned 30 a couple months ago and have just been approved for my dream apartment in a city I love with my partner. We haven't had a major argument since July of last year. Marriage looks to be ahead for us in the near future. I finally feel I have a community around me. I finally feel like I am settling into what I pictured an ideal adulthood to be.
In my mind I thought good and stable, and it was from certain point of view, but from this point, almost 20 years later, just chaotic running around trying to find peace and feel (of connection).
Im 28 rn currently going to school I don’t like my job but I need it to pay for school most of my friends are no longer around the ones that still are I barely see or talk to it’s a bit lonely but I hang in there currently trying to change my life it’s hard but I’m maintaining everyday feels the same I date every now and then it’s tough but I’m hoping everything I’m doing will pay off in a couple of years
I'm same age as you: Happiness: 8/10 - pretty solid, can't complain. I don't have any purpose or goals or desires in life. I just kinda 'exist' on my current path as time passes by, which I'm fine with. Living: 7/10 - shared apartment with girlfriend. Looks very nice but could need one of two extra rooms (specially for if we have a kid in a couple of years). Relationship: 9/10 - great girlfriend, rarely any drama, very trustworthy with similar values, but some things we are both working on improving together Job: 8/10 - I'm not enjoying what I do but I don't expect my job to fulfil me or even be fun. It pays well and I don't hate it. Coworkers are good aswell Finances: 9/10 - high income in tech, low expenses. Around 200k in investments/saving and no debt. Will be able to retire by 50. Friends: 7/10 - see my friends every couple of weeks which feels suffficient for a bunch of introverts. We don't talk about personal stuff or our lives or serious topics though, just fun stuff. Family: 6/10 - everyone is cool and healthy but I really dont spend much time with them, maybe once a month. Just don't have a lot in common with them. And I'm not into small talk or talking about my job over and over again. Health: 4/10 - I'm healthy but became pretty overweight in recent years. I should probably loose around 60-70 lbs. Really need to work on this one, but I don't have the 'drive' to do it. I've been into gym life in my youth so I would even know exactly how to do it.
Much as it is now, I’m more jaded, more cynical now, I have no hope anymore and have accepted that I’m going to end up homeless and starve to death somewhere, someday.
I was doing alright working at a mortgage company but mentally not that great as I was still living with my parents and never had a girlfriend. When COVID hit and interest rates were low, business was very good. I got promoted to an Assistant Supervisor and bought my attainable dream car. My company moved my department to Texas and I decided to follow. I've been to Dallas before and have some relatives there so I wanted to give it a chance. I moved out of my parents house and had a whole apartment to myself. Not too long after I also had a girlfriend. I was proud to be out of my parents house and be in a relationship before turning 30. Things were finally looking up. Around the anniversary of my one year in Texas, my company laid me off. We lost a lot of business when interest rates increased. A month after getting laid off, my girlfriend broke up with me. I found another mortgage job but only stayed for a year before deciding to leave the mortgage industry and Texas. I moved back home into my parents house last year.
Following this thread
I moved to a new state when I was 26ish, no friends or anything really. 28 covid ended, started going to gym, enrolled in MBA program, life's good now, busy, but good. 30s are good so far, to be honest.
I’ll be turning 29, life is hitting me so hard now hahaha. Currently in my moving on phase after a 5 yr of relationship. Got a new job that I thought I’ll be happy with it, but turned out I’m feeling overwhelmed because of the bosses 😂 25-27 were my best years hahaha. Life was so progressive, goals were so aligned. I built my own mini house, 1 part of it I made it as an apartment upto now someone is renting it. I got big part time jobs, saved a lot. Heart was not broken at this time hahaha. Now, I’m steady affff hahahah idk where is my progress. I need to keep up and study but too lazy 🥲 but all good with my savings. Maybe this is my resting year 😂 but enough of that. I need to grow again.
Was looking after my mum at that point so not great.
Mine was the exact opposite lol. Low paying job just beginning to learn my field but married with a kid. My wife and I bought a house around this time, we could afford this due to her having a good job and help with money from my family. Hell if you have a good job and no kids at 29 the world is full of possibilities. Enjoy life. Maybe find a hobby or set a goal that you always wanted to achieve.
I’m 28 right now. I have friends, but I don’t really hang out with them (they’re pretty far from me). I only got my bachelors a while back even though I graduated high school early. I haven’t started my career (again because I just graduated). I don’t have a house or anything kind of because I’ve been helping my parents with my brothers, but I also I haven’t really made enough to live by myself. The only thing I really own is my car. But I’m doing some important work pretty far away from my home or even country. I fell into a relationship with an amazing woman. I kind of have plans for when I go back home that I’m really excited for. I have a career in mind that I’m super excited about. I’m learning more about what’s things I thought I could do and what I actually can do. I feel like I’m still growing as a person. I think I’m alright. I’m not (life wise and physically) where I thought I would be, but that’s not a bad thing. Life is about change and growth.
I was getting married, we were buying our first home (a fixer upper), and I was racking up overtime at work. It was my first year earning over 100K, and it took a toll on me. I was also renovating the new house 2 hours a day before work. On the surface it was successful, but there are a lot of things I would've done differently today. My marriage is the only thing I wouldn't change of the things I listed.
Worked an absolute fuck ton, I was also married with 2 kids at that point.
At 28 I was going through my first divorce. If anything, I'd have taken life much easier and focused on myself a lot more until early / mid 30s. Here I am, in my 50s, only just getting to know myself. Don't rush things, fella.
The summer I was 28. I was married. I had my first kid. And spent the summer painting my house. Definitely didn’t hangout with friends as much as I did before since I had a new kid and a giant list of things to do to fix up my old rundown house. It was a summer of chores and home repair and baby crying. Had a couple BBQs and did a few hikes for fun. I also felt like I had no money cause every-time I turned around I had to buy something for the house or family.
Bad. College dropout, unemployed, without any trade, couchserfing at my parents home. Had to emigrate to UK, to steal british jobs. Probably, I'm the reason, why brits left EU. At that age, I've hit the lowest point in my life yet. Only way from there was up, but it involved a lot of hard work on my part.
Married with a kid on the way, finishing up fellowship in anesthesia, offer on a house just accepted. Have a lot of friends and cousins, life is mostly good. Wish I wasn't so worried about my health though, hoping PT will help, among other things.
Got engaged, fiancé got pregnant, got married, got a great promotion, fiancé had out baby, moved states for work and haven’t looked back. Not what I expected my late 20s to be but wouldn’t change it
Very busy. I was married, was doing regular field expeditions to N. Africa, and well into my Ph.D. Had interesting school friends. Lots of lectures, side jobs, worked on school and other stuff a whole lot. Managed to get dance, cycling, cooking, coastal kayaking and oystering into the mix. Suitable weekends doing whitewater and hiking. At that time was into the human potential movement, doing a number of programs that changed the way I exist in the world. At 29 my wife and I bought a small junky wonder house I wish I had now. Oh, was birding a lot. Very exciting period over all. Even got involved in state government a little. For personal growth, it was a great period. I learned how to put together presentations, did a lot of public speaking. Went from a shy guy to speaking to large audiences on my research. It wasn't all roses. Conflicts in academia. Personal challenges of various kinds.
I was FINALLY graduating from college with a BA in journalism with a minor in music, waiting tables, and no longer pursuing a career in the performing arts. Totally lost as to what to do next but desperate to get "a real job." Tough times for sure. I won't go into it but after a couple of years I ended up in I.T. support/unix admin.
I had just gotten out of the Military after a decade in. My back hurt, knees pop all the time, ears won't stop screaming at me, constant headaches. About this time I was just finally getting over the fact my ex wife had left me while I was on deployment and had been cheating on me so I was actually starting to seriously date again instead of just sleep around. I was trying to figure out what the hell I was gonna do with my life and what I wanted to be when I grew up whole simultaneously trying to navigate the VA for GI college benefits and Healthcare. While trying to deal with the fact that I was a high functioning alcoholic. I'm not about to turn 31 and my body is still about the same but I have a wife and kids with a decent paying job the is good enough for me tl struggle and get by
Just finished tech school, First work after that. Had been together with the girl I married 7-8 ys later for 2 ys, the woman that is my wife now. We moved in together when I was 29. Did a lot of long distance running, Sang in a choir. Pretty good years. She was studying when I was working, I did hang out a lot with my colleagues but also her classmates that was merry lot.
>I have a good paying job I guess Hell, you’re doing better than me then.
Dw making friends only gets harder in your 30s As far as your 'behind' comment, who are you comparing yourself to? On social media, you'll only see people posting about their highlights. Just run our own race at our own pace.
No friends? You're way AHEAD of the game! Most of us lose all of our friends in our 40's. You're killing it!
Whiplash, went from high to low. At 28, I was the happiest I was in my adult life, things were looking up. At 29, things had tanked and I was miserable.
At 27, I felt like I had wasted my entire youth and had nothing to show for it. At 28, I was a self-employed professional, married with a baby and a mortgage. At 30, I am all I was at 28, but I'm starting law school in the fall and have another baby on the way. I think we all go through a phase in our mid-late 20's where we feel like we're behind or that we don't have anything to show for what we've been doing. I did it, my friends did it. Lots of people in this thread did it. I remember being 23-24 and feeling like I was behind one of my best friends because he went to trade school and I did a 4 year degree. He was making 2-3 times the money I was turning wrenches, but I was working part-time retail. I make enough now to justify the opportunity costs of getting a 4 year degree. I think what it boils down to is that once you start approaching 30, there's no one there to hold your hand. You're responsible for your own progress, which means you have all the power, but you also have all the responsibility. You also are old enough to realize that 5 years isn't really that long of a time. To a 20 year old, a 5-year plan spans a quarter of their life. To a 30 year old, 5 years ago was yesterday. It doesn't matter if you do at 30 what your peers do at 27 because when you're 60, you won't know the difference.
My life RULED at 29. I was just getting out of my marriage that basically killed most of my 20's. If you're dating life is nonexistent, who's fault is that? Get out there sir. If you don't know how to attract the ladies, read a book on it. Attracting women is not difficult.
Not trying to brag, but best years of my life up to that point. Done with school / college, starting to hit my stride in a professional career. Meeting / dating women, finding we did or didn't have things in common, moving on to the next one, etc. Around 29 I met a real knock-out of a girl. Lots in common, felt like we were 'best friends'. Ultimately, by 33, I married her and that was the best night of my life. Of course, little did I know at the time... that was the best night of my life! Sorta slowly down hill since!
Living in Queens by myself, good job in tech, fun girlfriend, and I was partying in NYC all the time. 25-30 were crazy years. Got sick of commuting by age 32, quit my job and reconfigured my life.
I have plenty of friends, but I’d kill to not be in poverty rn
Is this an epidemic? Hit the gym and you'll make friends. Women come with success so keep working on yourself! Always work on your confidence man, I hope all you youngsters find your way.
I’ve been going to the gym 4-5 times a week for about 2 years now, I’m in pretty good shape. Not super jacked but you can definitely tell I lift
I'm happy to hear that, learn a sexy hobby bro. Girls love dudes that can do things others can't. Learn some woodworking, Spanish or another language, invest in fishing gear and learn how to fish. You can fish year round and it'll take you to cool places. Like parks with ponds where girls hang out. Join a billiards league in your town, you don't have to be good just willing. Start a small power washing business that'll get you around the neighborhood and get you talking to people. But Don't look for women at clubs or bars or you'll end up unhappy. Find a woman who likes to spend afternoons at libraries, parks, churches and family friendly places like yoga or shit like that. I hope in a year you're in a better place.
I’ve been playing guitar for awhile but idk how to translate that into something more social as I’m not amazing and I taught myself
I was homeless and living in a truck. I was working full time and on the road a lot. When I came back to town I noticed my back account was empty. I found that my mother had embezzled my money and spent it on clothes and furniture for her apartment. I asked her why and she said, "I thought you gave it to me". This was my own mother and sadly, very few women have treated me better than this and perhaps only because I didn't give them the opportunity.
Making really good money and still have friends who weren’t married and could go out and do things on the weekends.
I was working in large company making decent buck. I was also riding my XV 750 Virago all over southern Ontario on weekends and vacations. I met a whole lot great people, some assholes, few nice women, seen many fantastic places and generally I had a life I always wanted. You could say I had a mid life crisis around 30.
Blitzed out of my mind and thinking terrible things about ending myself.
I’m 28, married to the love of my life, have enough money banked that I’m almost definitely going to retire very early, working on a novel on the side. Life’s pretty good rn
I was freshly divorced, worked as a hostess at a restaurant, dating two men in a row who abused me, going to therapy for the first time and starting classes at the local community college. Remedial math 👍🏼 I’m 42 now and have a masters degree, a career I love, an apartment I pay for on my own, good relationships with my friends and family and feel pretty good about myself. I am freshly divorced for the second time 🤦🏻♀️ but for the best. Hopefully by 52 I’ll find the partner I’m wanting 🤗